Why Nothing is Ever Accomplished at Meetings Parker Ornes
Somewhere deep in the mountains, a dark castle perched atop the cliff and overlooked a sprawling city of blocky towers and twisted roads. A film of algae floated upon the moat, occasionally disturbed by ripples as some enormous creature brushed the surface, revealing jagged spines running down a scaly back. Cracked flagstones that had once been white had long since faded to grey from years of neglect. Cobwebs that draped from the ceiling and hung from the walls shone in the silver-blue torchlight. Dust coated the chandelier made of demon bones. Normally this castle rested in dismal silence, but not tonight. Tonight a meeting took place in the great hall. An ensemble of monsters sat at the table in the great hall, devouring the banquet set before them. All kinds of food imaginable, and some that defied imagination, graced the table. Steaks marinated in ear wax, graveyard sausages, flying mushrooms, fried emus, frog legs dipped in batter, beetle kabobs, and glowing, green cheese piled high upon platters. Pots of malodorous soup bubbled on the table. There were other dishes, dishes so mysterious and complex that no description did them justice. The monsters ranged from as small as a broken fingernail to the size of a giraffe standing on an elephant’s shoulders. Some were green, some were violet, some were all colors and some kept changing colors. Some had horns, others had fins, and a few had more appendages than they quite knew what to do with. There were ghouls, goblins, wyverns, werewolves, yetis, swamp monsters, and a small platoon of hyper-intelligent rats. There were many hybrids and even monsters that had no inkling of their lineage. Seven monsters, larger and more fearsome than the rest, had seats at the high end of the table. A slouching beast by name of Grath, a mix between a gorilla and a boar, occupied the third seat from the right. Grandfather, an antediluvian creature resembling a very large hermit crab, made his home in an upside-down shipwreck he carried on his back and was so old that his brain could be replaced by a plate of scrambled eggs and no one would notice, including him. Sebastian von Pech III, who sat next to Grandfather, was king of the rats and had three heads; the middle head spoke elo-
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