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The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


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INTRODUCTION

Sir William Somerset Bigwood published his Uncyclopedia of unfamiliar words and phrases in 2014, with the intention of classifying and organising his own constructed Language. His Topic enveloped a great spread of peculiar slang throughout the land. William S Bigwood’s initial aim was to highlight the development of colloquial slang and broken dialect within the world’s major cities. He wanted his teachings to provide a simpler more secretive means of communication for any one with a keen interest. William lives mostly in Lambeth, south London which is where the majority of this wonderful book was conceived. Mr W.S.Bigwood wasn’t alone in doing this. Help from the Manalaticus prophets and disciples during the years 2009-2014 rapidly pushed forward this project. These lingual assistants went about the repetition and spreading of the unfamiliar sounding terms and phrases. The list was increasingly growing but it wasn’t being noted down or saved for generations to come. This is what this Uncyclopedia Attempts to do. Preserve a wacky yet wonderful way of communicating. In life there are thousands of everyday experiences, feelings and situations which we are all familiar with but many of these occurrences don’t have accurate words of phrases to describe them. The world is polluted with hilarious sounding words, languages and accents. We have attempted to accumulate some of these into this book. Some of the regional dialects that are brought up in this book are: Deep Scottish, German, Northern and Southern Merican, French, Russian and many more. The Manalaticus is also packed full of make believe words that are guaranteed to wipe you off your feet with laughter. This Uncyclopedia remains a vital helper for every type of writer or linguist. All in all it is a comprehensive phrasebook. Unlike any normal encyclopaedia or dictionary which provides genuine facts and grammar. The Manalaticus delves heavily into the accent, sound and overall pronunciation of its words. The dynamic range of slang and multinational language amassed in this Uncyclopedia is peculiarly deranged. The book also touches on themes of satire and utter ridiculousness so be warned because I do worry about it. Manalaticus appeals to a wide range of audiences, from scholars to investment bankers as well as all those many people who love to delve into such collections of words and phrases.


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia

First published in 2014 by Bigwood Books The hardback edition is limited to a series of 4. Due to expenses problems But also significantly the number 4 is Ubiquotous Throughout the Uncyclopedia So It Seemed only right to do so. Bigwood Books Publishers Ltd 44 wellfield road, London SW16 2DC Lambeth, England All rights reserved. No part of this publication should be Duplicated or copied without the writers permission In signature form. With graceful thanks to anyone involved in the production and documentation Of this distinctively strange means of communication. And Another BIG thank you To PBF (mentioned in the book) for being so fearless when conjuring words.


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The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia An Uncyclopedia of unfamiliar words and phrases.

Written and Orchestrated by

W I L L I A M S O M E R S E T B I G WO O D In the year 2014 AD


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia

ABBREVIATIONS Aus Austrailian Brit British Chi Chinese Exp Explicit Expr Expression Fre French Ger Germany Grk Greek Lat Manalaticus N.Ldn North London N.Merican Northern Merican Num Numerical Patw Patwa Pexp Particularly explicit Pol Polish Ques Question Rus Russian S.Ldn South London S.Merican Southern Merican (Texan) Scot Scottish Verb Verb

These abbreviations are provided to aid you in understanding the geographical context of the words and phrases. They are not official abbreviations by any means, they are simply a reference point for confused readers. The main idea behind giving you these referances was to highlight what accent is to be used when exclaiming any of the proceeding information. If this system doesn’t work for you then you are probably reading the wrong book. If however you are intrugued then continue and enjoy the disfuctional world of Manalaticus....


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CONTENTS


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia


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The Manalaticus Uncyclope dia


The Manalaticus Uncyclopedia

A 20 People In My Dog. Phrase (Lat)

From the hit single, this turn of phrase encapsulates the ethos of the Manalaticus movement. Originally a misinterpretation of “20 people and a dog” it sparked fury in the outskirts of London. To this day we are still unsure of its true meaning…

2DC Noun (Lat)

2DC can be used to measure most common household appliances. What is abnormal about this word is that it works for both metric and imperial measuring systems. “ The reports stated that at least half a 2DC of calcium had been stolen from a local supermarché” (see calcium)

Aint Nuttin But A Peanut Phrase (S.Merican)

This phrase is used when a task or chore seems overwhelming. For example “ could you just lift that grand piano up that flight of stairs for me?” “Ain’t nothing but a peanut Baybee” (see Baybee)

(Aint Nuttin But A Peanut)

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Aint Nuttin But A Thang Baby Phrase (S.Merican)

Similar to “Ain’t nuttin’ but a peanut”, signifying a lack of worry in any given situation (It really doesn’t matter) For example: “Oh fuck! I’ve broken my ribs!” ”Ain’t nuttin’ but a thang baybee”

Avid Phrase (Aus)

Having or showing a keen interest in, or enthusiasm for something. For example: “Sebastian is a very avid ping pong player.”

Ayeee Ayeeee Eeeyyy Noun (N.Merican)

This phrase is exacerbated when a person irritated or crotchety. Sub context – Can be used to gain ones attention in the middle of a party. For example: “Ayee ayeee, Silvia AYEEE.”

B

Bacon Is Good For Me Phrase. (S.Merican)

The famous quote from the honoured Lord of Merica, King Curtis, after his death from heart disease proved by nutritionists to be the undeniable truth.

Barjahn, Sharkhan, Chatila, Saljah, Fhhhkhhee Noun’s (Lat) These are 5 of the prophets of Manalaticus. Ubiquitous to the Uncyclopedia these 5 prophets are responsible for the overall usage and dissemination of the Manalaticus vocabulary. For example: “Chatila has a lovely pair of onion bhaji’s.” Bayyybeeey Noun. (S.Merican)

Can be excreted to a lover, companion or member of the public. Bayyybeey translates affection through the power of words. Caution this must not be pronounced: ‘Baby’.

Bày Trien Phrase. (Aus)

The literal Australian translation from the French “Très bien”. Used to emit a feeling of relief or pleasure. Báy Trien is a lovely little bay just south of Melbourne populated mainly by the French colonised Aborigines. 2


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Ben Lochrie Phrase (Scot.)

Ben Lochrie, is a phrase that has most probably tainted the vocal chords of many a South Londoner. Hailed down through the Highlands and upper Heberdies for centuries. (see Heberdies) The surname Lochrie is the 6911th most common name in Great Britain.

Benighne Noun. (Ger)

Used to exclaim the tranquillity of a situation, rooting from the word ‘Benign’ signifying a non malignant tumour. For example: “It’ll all be Benighne in a short space of time.”

Bucky Scatty Noun

(Lat) A certain state of mind. The feeling of instability and hyperactivity combined in one. Bucky scatty allows the user to emit feelings of joy or disapproval whichever one, you can choose the context.

Bunti Chenti Noun (Lat)

From the chart flopper hit single Now 44. Bunti Chenti is a classic. These two words are with out a doubt partners in crime. They allow the user to portray inner feelings and get any emotional phlegm off your chest without disclosing any actual information or feelings. It’s brilliant. For example: “Simon, are you alright? You don’t look too good” “ BUUNTI CHENTI mayte but the wife and kids are fine.”

Bus A Yog Phrase (Scot.) Exp.

A term used to depict the state of one’s bowels when turbulent. With no real relation to the word Yoghurt, Bus a yog allows you to announce to those around you that you plan to converse un-verbally with the lavatory. Subtle yet sweet this term puts a lighter note on a not so subtle or sweet topic. For example: “ I literally think I need to Bus A YOG”

(Bus A Yog)

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Busty Gutty Noun (Lat)

It’s most common use is to illustrate the metaphysical state of any living beings stomach/ gut area. For instance ones stomach or gut may be heavily sedated after last nights drinking, therefore granting that gut in particular to have a Busty Gutty status.

But The Point Is… Phrase (N.Merican)

This phrase stands alone. It’s a term used to reiterate any point made in conversation. It also has the ability to hurry up any unwanted, longwinded conversations you might find yourself in. For example: “I cant come out tonight, because it was my dad’s birthday in the week, and now it’s a few days after but I still might have to like… do some family stuff and like go and buy catfood for him and then rent some dvd’s from the local library…But there’s still a possibility that I may still come out later.” “But the point is… you’re not actually going to come out are you.”

Calcium-Ca (Scot)

C

Calcium is the chemical element with symbol Ca and atomic number 20. Calcium is essential for living organisims, without it some say the earth would be populated by toothless creatures and homosapiens. Calcium is applied in the cheese making process where Calcium ions influence the activity of rennin in bringing about the coagulation of milk.

Croosty Noun (Lat.)

Croosty is a descriptive word that portrays utter ugliness with just two syllables. Everyone’s abode has it’s own Croosty spot; some abodes have more than one. Most common destinations where Croosty croost is produced are … behind the toilet, down the back of the sink, in a locked room, under the stairs, and many more. Croosty can also be used to describe the state of ones current health. For example: “ Oh my days I feel fucking Crooosty”

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(Chair Made Of Nature)

Chair Made Of Nature

Phrase (Ger) This isn’t just any chair, this is a Chair Made Of Nature. Crafted by a German carpenter and Mother Nature herself.

Chimpandoonst ! Expr (Lat)

Chimpandoonst is an expression of disbelief. It was also the title of a very niche dance movement way back in (1984). Chimpandoonst went on to innovate much of the underground dance scene until the late 80’s where the movement sadly dispersed after an argument about shares and stock prices.

Chimpantee Expr (lat)

Chimpantee is that feeling you get when you feel you have accomplished something. It should be expressed at a high frequency to emphasize that feeling of joy and relief. For example: “Got the all clear, I don’t have deep vain thrombosis. CHIMPANTEEEE!”

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Crack Thomais Noun (Scot)

Urban legend has it, that Crack Thomais is a non- fictional character. In fact he exists throughout many towns and counties throughout Great Britain (predominantly Scotland). He is a street fiend that will most probably do just about anything for a fix. For example: The putting together of a garden wall using just chewing gum, breeze blocks and his own saliva in under an hour. Phenominal!

Crouuiisant Expr (Fre)

Not to be confused for the French Croissant, Crouuiisant It’s a very theatrical expression used to disturb the tension in the air. For example: There’s an exam. Taking place in a silent hall full of students. Suddenly Phillipé comes gallivanting into the hall…. “Crouuiisant!!”

D Deadekskated Verb ( S.Ldn)

When a person, or being is Deadekskated they are very dedicated and motivated to accomplishing their goals. For example: “ I am totally Deadekskated to finishing this Chinese takeaway”

Deadexited Verb (S.Ldn)

Deadexited falls in the same genre as Deadekskated. Deadexited by no means has the same implication as Deadekskated. Deadexcited allows the user to express freely and openly their excitement for something. When someone is Deadexited they aren’t just simply excited they are DEAD-EXCITED.

Devil Pig Rat Doughk Phrase (Lat)

This is a hybrid phrase, originally discovered in the deep dark pits of the internet. Devil pig rat doughk is a combination of part Devil, part pig, part rat and of course part Doughk. The sight of such a creature may burn your retinas, so if you think you see one seek shelter and wait at least 12 hours before evacuating your quarantine. 6


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(Do Hundred And Denty Doo)

Do Hundred And Denty Doo Num (Lat)

Upon first glance this set may just look like another bunch of words that probably don’t make sense to you. However, this phrase in particular is quite a lot easier to self translate. Numerically it is spelt 222, but we don’t use it like that. An example: “ How comes you only gave me Do hundred and Denty doo when I just gave you a tenner to buy me a pack of carrots?”

Don’t Chat SHAAAT Phrase (Lat) Exp.

First and foremost don’t do it. Don’t chat SHAAAT! Second of all don’t chat shaaat proclaims to the person involved in the conversation to stop lying, to stop telling fibs and to stop chatting highly potent levels of SHAAT.

Doostoievsky Noun (Russ)

Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky, sometimes translated Doostoivesky was a Russian novelist, short story writer and a philosopher. In 1849 he was arrested for his involvement in the Manalaticus Circle a secret society of liberal multilingual Utopians that also functioned as a literary discussion group. Doostoievsky should be pronounced with force and authority over all.

Doughk Phrase (Lat)

Doughk has been very influential to the ideals and ethos of the Manalaticus Uncyclopedia movement. The use of Doughk is ubiquitous throughout the dialect and can be used in multiple contexts, either to express appreciation or disapproval. It works for anything in any given situation. For example: “ Do you want a cup of tea?” “ NO, Doughk!” 7


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Duel Ley Lo Mo – Duel Ley Lo Dow Noun (Can) Exp.

These two words phonetically translated from early Cantonese Manalaticus scriptures are rather rude indeed.They should only be used during heated discussion to express anger towards the opposing party. For example: “I’ve had it up to here with your negligence Martin.” “Well you know what Sheila, Duel ley lo dow!”

Dungsted Raffica Noun (Lat)

A name given to any existing entity that encompasses large amounts of croost and overall despicable levels of hygiene. For instance, “That Taxidermist shop across the road is probably full to the brim of little Dungsted Raffica’s.” ( Note: this noun my be pronounced with the rolling of the tongue.)

Durst Noun (Scot)

From the English term ‘Croosty’, Durst also portrays a state of pure ugliness. The user must be fully disgusted before attempting to use such a word. Por Examplé: “ Did you see that? That bloke had a snot stain running from his nose to the bottom of his jumper it was utterly Durst.”

Echol Neb Noun (Scot)

E

Close relative of Sir Ben Lochrie, Echol Neb is fascinating. Only few true Scotsmen have claimed to have seen the ferocious yet delicate being. According to our sources he likes to dwell in and around the many lochs of Scotland. His favourite is said to be Loch Laomainn, purely because of its reference to the song…(The Bonnie Banks Of Loch Laomainn) “Oh Echol Neb’ll tak’ the high road, And I’ll tak’ the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland before Neb, But me and my true love will never meet again

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Egg Mc Lochrie Noun (Scot)

The name given to the exquisite and rare Scottish delicacy. Egg Mc Lochrie consists of one free range Scottish egg, 4 kilograms of margarine, 2 tablespoons of Scottish sea salt and a freshly made batter mixture. You will need at least 4 deep fat fryers to carefully assemble the infamous Egg Mc Lochrie. (Caution this dish may leave your mouth area with a salty & oily rim).

F

Face Like A Flung Chicken Expr (Aus)

You’ll know what it is when you see it in the flesh. For someone to have a face like a flung chicken they must first have a very elasticated, preferably wrinkly facial structure. If you can picture what that face may look like, then imagine it being hurtled 60 mph down the M4 strapped to the front of 1994 Ford Fiesta. That is what having a Face Like A Flung Chicken looks like.

Fidadeench Noun (Lat)

Fidadeench is a term used to depict the overwhelming scale of something. Using this word in a sentence really emphasises the size and scale of any object or being. For example: “Does this dress look nice on me babez ?” “I dunno love, but if one thing’s certain it makes your bottom look fidadeench.”

Fubunky Noun (Lat)

Fubunky illuminates that something somewhere in close vicinity has a very ferocious, eyelash burning smell about it. For example: “That bit of Danish Blue you are using as a draft excluder has an absolutely Fubunky smell about it”.

Fuck Bastard Noun (Lat) Exp.

When somebody is a Fuck Bastard, they are normally a bit of an arse. However someone who isn’t normally a Fuck Bastard can still be acting like one. For instance: “That Peter André bloke, he’s a bit of a Fuck Bastard isn’t he!”. 9


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(Fidadeench)

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Fuck Charsted Noun (Lat) Exp.

Originally inspired by the K town street name Sharsted street, this term is the love child of Fuck bastard and Sharsted street. Fuck Charsted usually refers to the disapproval of an area or street that one might not want to visit. For example: “I’m not going down there that place is certified Fuck Charsted”

Fuck Cyunt Noun (Lat) Pexp.

A term used to excrete utter hatred towards a person or object. If someone, or something thoroughly dishreshpects you and you’ve simply had enough; just label that person, or object as a Fuck Cyunt from now on.

Fuckcrease Pure Fuckcrease Phrase (Lat) Exp.

This versatile phrase is all about laughter. Fuckcrease or Pure Fuckcrease allows the user to announce to all, how funny they might have found something. For example: When your friend steps in an abnormally large dog turd that’s Fuckcrease. But if your friend steps in an abnormally large dog turd then pukes all over his shoes that’s Pure Fuckrease. Pure unadulterated fuckcrease. You literally couldn’t write this stuff down.

G

(Garçon)

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Garçon Noun (Fre)

The out dated way of grabbing the attention of a waiter at a restaurant. It is to be noted that many waiters do not appreciate being yelled at in this manner. For example: “GARRÇÇOONN!! Cameya and get me some a dem breadsticks with fucking cheese in the middle”

Gary Fursted Noun (Lat)

Gary Fursted is quite peculiar. Founder of the Rrat Doughk school for Under Qualified Veterinarians, Gary Fursted has pioneered and dominated in his field of work for the last few decades. The phrase Gary Fursted should be exhaled with might, and with the roll of the tongue.

Germannny Noun (Ger)

Germanny! Officially named the Federal Republic of Germanny, consists of 13 states (Shrivvelhouse, Squibadiche, Hobadiche, Iche-Liber-Diche, Chairmadeofnature, Shaudenfreude, Salpch, Konienstriek, Kruggelstriek, Nacht Der Untotten, Striiikeee and it largest and capital city Start-the-lazer. (see Start-the-lazer) Germanny historically has also been called Das Land der Dichter, (the land of poets and thinkers) but we all know that’s not really the truth. The word itself embodies dangerous amounts of energy and authority to whomever hears it out loud. For optimum use this word must be pronounced at full velocity, preferably.

Get Me In The Mirror Phrase (Scot)

This phrase was conceived in the dark valleys of Cymru (aka Wales). It depicts a certain state of inner vanity. When ‘Get me in the mirror’ is pronounced repeatedly in front of a mirror you have probably got something to worry about, (see worry about it.) Your vanity levels are certainly running too high, take a break and attempt not looking in a mirror for a minimum of 4 hours.

Get Off That Bridge Phrase (Scot)

When someone around you is up on their high horse about something, calmly tell them to “Get off that bridge.” For example: “ It takes the piss, I haven’t been able to take a hot shower in a week “ “Get of that bridge son, it’ll be summer time soon”

P.T.O For geographic map of Germannny. 12


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(Germannny)

Grayyyk Noun (Grk)

Grayyyk is a rare dialect spoken on one specific island somewhere in the Mediterranean. The name Grayyyk must be yelled with flamboyancy and with as Europian an accent as possible. For example: “ That falafel looks mighty delicious” “ Thankyou, it’s GRAYYYK !” 13


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H Have You Got Any Id ? Ques (Lat)

If your under 21 and you look it, then you may hear this phrase a lot. If you fit this description and are in search of alcohol or nicotine products this simple phrase may be able to help you. When approaching the shop counter and you’re asked by the cashier whether you have any id or not, simply flip the same phrase “HAVE YOU GOT ANY ID” unto the cashier. Statistics tell us that this phrase worked for 75% of its users in confusing shop keepers nation wide into the distributing of alcohol and nicotine products to those of you who look underage, but are actually of the correct age, simply without any Id.

Have You Got Knives In Your Sock? Ques (Lat)

If someone is near you, say at a bus stop late at night, and they are giving you the eye, but not the good kind of eye, they have probably got knives in their socks. Approach them with caution and ask them politely… “ ‘scuse me young sire, have you got knives in your sock?” if they answer ‘yes’ then skedaddle. If they answer ‘no’ then act like you never asked them a question in the first place, and you will probably be fine.

Heberdes Noun (Scot)

Heberdes comprise a widespread and diverse series of archipelagos off the west coast of mainland Scotland. There are four main types of Heberdes these are: (The Inner Heberdes, the Outer Heberdes, the Northern Heberdes and last, but not least, the Southern Heberdes) A variety of the Manalaticus prophets have most certainly been inspired by their Heberdean experiences. Although the Heberdes lack biodiversity and calcium, these islands have much to offer the naturalist. These Heberdes still contain the largest concentration of true Scottish Gaelic speakers in the world, and I do worry about it, I worry about it a lot.

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Hobadiche Noun (Ger)

This noun transcribed by generations of German and English speaking slang entrepreneurs, describes food like never before. This term shortens both the English “ I am hungry” and the German “ Ich bin hungrig” to one manageable bite size word. Hobadiche! For example: “ If you’re going to the shop, grab me some Hobadiche please.”

Horticultural Phrase (Lat)

If you want to be grammatically correct, then this phrase depicts the science, technology and business involved in plant cultivation. But to the Manalaticus, it can be used as a code word for much more. For example: “ You see that bloke Capleton? Well I’ve heard that not only does he cultivate his horticulture but he also appears to ingest the horticulture through a large glass pipe”. Does that make him Horticultural? we just don’t know.

(Horticultural)

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I

(I Got My Yoghurt)

I Got My Yoghurt Phrase (S.Merican)

Hidden deep within the archives of the Manilaticus manuscript, this phrase has been lost through centuries of slang and miss spoken dialect. ‘I got my yoghurt’ indicates to those around you that you are in possession of fresh calcium. Pronounced with a southern Merican twang.

I Got To Get It Up Phrase (Ger) Exp.

Despite initial assumptions, this phrase in fact has no sexual reference what so ever. Originating from the smash hit Chimpantee Workout Video of 2011, it describes the action of lifting an object to a higher place. For example, if you find yourself in a sexual situation and you spot a book that has been removed from its shelf, you would utter ‘I got to get it up’. 16


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I Know My Rights

Phrase (S.Merican) To know your own rights you must first revise and recite the Bill of Rights at least 10 times over. If you do in fact know your own rights, you prove to all your general lack of ignorance. If you insist you actually do know your own rights but in fact don’t, then that’s just a god damn paradox.

I Must Strike Phrase (Ger)

If you feel the need to strike, then you must. This phrase has a variety of uses. For instance, you may be 10 pin bowling and achieve a strike, and to beat the opposing player you must strike. Or you may be a bit fed up of your mundane city job and plan to strike for your rights, then of course you must strike.

I Whet Your Whey .co.uk Phrase (Scot)

An incredibly dull whebsite founded by Scottish entrepreneur Angus Clatch; a witty yet utterly boring specimen of the Clatch Clan, situated just past the Heberdes, south of Inverness. Also a well-known Scottish chant performed in kilts, with a whistle.

(I Whet Your Whey.co.uk/Scotland)

Iche-Liber Diche Phrase (Ger)

Translated literally as… “I love you”, however to the Manalaticus it means a bit more. Iche-liber diche translates as a quick drink wether juice or booze. Linguistic cousins with Hobadiche and Squibadiche, Iche-liber diche allows the user to shorten the British phrase “I need to whet my whistle” For example: “Iche-liber diche me some of that goats milk.” 17


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Im Not A Dickhead You Dickhead Expr (S.Ldn) Exp.

This term is used to emphasise the ignorance of certain man on road. Cleverly, this phrase is actually a rhetorical and sarcastic expression all in one. If a member of public labels you a “dickhead”, then simply raise your voice and reply “ You what? I’m not a dickhead you dickhead!”

Its Good For You Phrase (lat)

If something is truly good for you, then you will probably know it. None of that five a day malarkey. This phrase elaborates the general health level of any fine cuisine. For example: “That deep fried Mars bar looks like it would block arteries” “ Nah blud, IT’S GOOD FOR YOU.”

J Jack Tee Noun (S.Ldn)

Well, how do I start? Jack Tee really is a true legend of his time. Despite his adolescent appearance and his aspirations to become the world’s first human turned basking shark, Jack Tee really is an intelligent little juvenile. Commonly pronounced “Jack-a-Tee” at a high pitch. This noun honestly has the power to make you feel pubescent again. Jack-a-Tee’s shark like appearance allows him the title of South London’s fourth most buoyant mammal.

Just A Little Bit Phrase (Lat)

“Just a little bit”, allows you to measure absolutely anything. When I say anything, I mean ANYTHING! It verbally measures what ever you want it to. It works for the measuring of time in seconds, length in metres, mass in kilograms, temperature in oC, speed in mph and many more. For example: “Graham. Would you like any egg nog on your pork scratchings dear?” “O go on then love, just a little bit”.

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(Just A Little Bit)

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K Kadeem Noun (S.Ldn)

Kadeem is an underdeveloped infantile. Commonly spotted in busy public spaces Kadeems are also known for their ability to loiter. It is also common for a Kadeem to be dressed in matching colour, co-ordinated attire. So keep your eyes pealed, as you will never know…(see you will never know) … when a Kadeem might be lurking round the corner. .

Knivvees Noun (Ger) Exp.

A Knife (plural Knivvees) is an implement used to cut, slice, rip, chop, shank and tear. The word Knivvees probably descends from an Old Norse word Knifr for blade. Although its German routes, the Knife or Knivvees also have spiritual relevance to Scotland. The Sgian-dubh is a small, single edged knife, worn as part of traditional Scottish Highland dress along with a full kilt. An example: “could you lay the table dear, and don’t forget about the Knivves.”

Konienstriek Noun (Ger)

Konienstriek is a small German town situated in the central region of Deutschland (aka GERMANNY!). Its elevation is roughly about 410 m above sea level. The location where Konienstriek now stands, was once a crossroads in Prehistoric, Manalatican and Roman times. Konienstriek is also the headquarters of our trusty German Manalaticus correspondence who have aided us in this linguistical study.

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(Krisser)

Krisser (Kрыса) Noun (Russ) Exp.

Genius of rodents the Rrat (Lat. Rattus), includes at least 64 different species of verminous Rrat, 4-44cm body length, tail length equal to the length of its body or more. Neanderthal Rrats are said to have been spotted in very desolate locations, mainly in the Mountains of Australia. Also, if you are displeased with the way you are being treated by someone, mutter under your breath, “Krisser” and they probably won’t have a bloody clue what you’re on about. For example: “ ….yeah not bad thanks, how’s tha spouse and tha kids? yeah that’s good news, nice to speak to ya then. Say ‘ello to the family for me yeah…. Alright see you then ta’ra John ……………. Fucking Krisser” 21


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Kruggelstriek Noun (Ger)

Kruggelstriek is a small concrete jungle in the south east of Germany. Kruggelstriek is renowned for its less than savoury relationship with its neighbouring city Striiike. Rumour has it that negotiations have begun between two archrivals to try and figure out a compromise over who gets the freshest Calcium. This will hopefully speed up the reparations process between the two neighbours.

Ktown To Streatham To Brixton Ya knaa Noun’s (S.Ldn)

These three London based locations are home to the purest of the pure, grime mc trio PBF (see PBF). Without Ktown, Streatham or Brixton there would be no PBF, there would probably not even be a Manalaticus Uncyclopedium. Famous for their unique untranslatable slang, Streatham, Ktown and Brixton have encouraged the production and manipulation of our own slightly disturbed slang. Without them we would be nowhere, so hold tight Ktown to Streatham to Brixton Ya Knaa

Kurwa Noun (Pol) Pexp.

Kurwa is a highly offensive term, with several derogatory translations that may not be fit for young readers ears. Literally translates as; whore, bitch or slut which are some of the three most un-sanitary vile words in any worldwide language. Silent W should be pronounced like a V for accurate verbal representation. For example: “Kurwa, Fuck, Kurwa KURWA, I just dropped a bakers dozen worth of free range eggs. KURWA! .

L

Lick it Phrase (Lat)

Rooting from the like of Pivot, Drivv it, Skip it and of course Bidget. “Lick it” is often used as a command, ordering somebody to lick something, from lemon sorbet to human excrement. For example “ Lick it, lick it, lick the poo!” from the well known cultural awareness video about the dangers of cannabis to a youth’s self esteem.

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M Ma Hullet Noun (Patw)

Ma Hullet is a noun used to describe the dated, but still highly popular hairstyle, the Mullet. Ma Hullet was created in the year 2012, within the lyrics of an underground hip-hop song “Get high PBF Slutrat”. In the later years, this marvel of a song had to be removed from the interweb due to its controversial, yet poignant lyrics. An example of how to use Ma Hullet: “ You see that bloke that just put on Duran Duran, he’s got a giant Ma Hullet”

Make Your Limbs Lice and Loose Phrase (Lat)

This phrase is used by exercise professionals nation wide. It describes the act of warming up and loosening the body’s muscles. Making your limbs lice and loose is fundamental for a solid warm up. A Period of stretching, a more strenuous period, increasing the heart rate, then a cool down period. If you are an exercise fanatic you should most certainly get to grips with this phrase, and should be practicing the act at least 4 times a day. For Example: “ Make ya, make em , make ya limbs lice and loose”

Manss A Don ( Mans A, Manssss A DON!) Expr (S.Ldn)

If my man is a don then my manz a Don! Ya get me? Mans a don is a term used to decipher the hierarchy of your companions. Not everyone can achieve Don status in your circle of friends, so I suggest you pick one or two of them that will have your back in many dodgy a situation, and label Manz as Donz! For example: “ You see that boy Kadeem ? I heard he smuggles counterfeit Gucci belts over the boarder. That’s soun- ethical” “Shut up BLAD ! My man Kadeem’s a DON FAM!

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(Martin)

Martin Proper Noun (Aus)

‘Martin’ is renowned throughout the world as the saviour and a mighty warrior of the east. He’s a really bloody great guy. Once heralded “ a fucking leg (legend) mayte”. He is rarer than an orange moon, born in Camberra, Australia he is the essence and spirit of the mountains themselves. People all over rejoice when they hear the name “Martin, Martin, Ohh Martin”. He has been known to give cubes of light to weary travellers, nobody knows the significance of this, however it is foretold that on the day of judgement Martin will rise and give birth to the Mountainous Light Cubes, forming a New Age across the land. 24


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Mirror it Phrase (Lat)

Mirror it is a term that emphasises the lack of personal style and originality. If someone is “mirroring” it, they are pretty much replicating someone else’s persona and fashion sense. If you mirror it, then I suggest you repent. Stop “mirroring” it and focus on the more important things in life, like Calcium or even better, the Number Four. Mirror it, was officially inspired by the Scottish phrase Get me in the mirror however this phrase must not be pronounced with a Scottish accent, so don’t do it. For example: “ Why are you going to identically reflect a ‘my name is Essex’s style haircut, what are you trying to do? Mirror it! Mirror it! MIRROR IT!”

Merican Noun (Merican)

Merican reworded from the original noun ‘American’ describes any homo-sapien from the continent entitled ‘The United States of Merica’. Merican is also a one of a kind accent that only true professionals have the ability of reproducing. Merican some how encapsulates the entire culture of Merica with 7 simple letters. For example: “ I am a proud Merican citizen. And I personally think that Merica is probably the greatest western civilization this side of China. Merica is great and I looooove being Merican”.

Moist Noun (Lat)

Moist depicts the wettest possible precipitation humanly possible. It is not necessarily always a good thing to be moist, but to be dryer than the sole of Ghandi’s flip flops sounds like a distinctively worse feeling. Moist is associated with feelings of claminess, overactive sweat glands, anxiety issues, humidity levels and overall wetness of something. For example: “ That Scottsman in the distance looks particularly wet doesn’t he?” “Nope not at all; he is just especially Moist”

Mountain Noun (Aus)

Mountian, not to be confused with mounds, hills, cliffs or valleys. Mountains in particular are a little bit more unique, especially Australian ones. Mountains often come hand in hand with our National icon ‘Martin’, who is a particularly avid mountain climber, naturalistic explorer and overall provider of knowledge. Mountains often cover vast areas of outback dominating many an Australian Horizon. For example: “I bloody love it up here in the mountains, its so peaceful, its soo beautiful and its just such a great location, O and look up a yonder there’s our national hero Martin, what a bloody great guy he is” 25


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N

Nacht Der Untoten Phrase (Ger)

The literal translation of Nacht Der Untoten is … …“ Night of the un-dead”. During the years leading up to 2012, (Supposed Mayan Apocalypse) this phrase was used frequently. Its main purpose was to place fear in the people and to keep them on their toes, ready for the inevitable judgement day. For example: “ You’d better keep your eyes pealed, because NACHT DER UNTOTEN could happen any minute now”

Nastarovia (На здоровье) Phrase (Rus)

The traditional meaning of the Russian phrase nastarovia has been somewhat subverted by the Laticus regime. Used usually to toast in celebration of good health much like the British ‘cheers’ or the Scottish ‘cheers laddie’. In the sense of Laticus, nastarovia announces that you are probably unable to speak the native language (Russian), and are merely using the word to fit in, or feel smarter. For example: “ oi safe for that kiwi fruit “ “Nastarovia” (“ I hope the seed of that kiwi rots your soul in half ” )

Nervous Wreck Phrase (Lat)

Nervous wreck is a phrase that should be used while you attempt to thoroughly irritate somebody. Implying that the victim is a nervous wreck inseminates the seed of perpetual anxiety upon that person. If the phrase is correctly repeated your opponent should bow down to defeat and be curled up in a nervous human shaped puddle. For Example: “ nervous wreck , nervous wreeeccck!, oh cyam on Nervouss wreck”.

Nice On! Phrase (N.Merican)

If you are involved in a sporting event, and you’re correctly taking part then ‘Nice on!’ Nice on is a metaphor for life. It has the ability to encourage absolutely anyone and really give them that shove off that cliff that they have been looking for. For example: “It’s a hole in one! , Nice On!” 26


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(Nervous Wreck)

Nitty Noun (S.Ldn)

A nitty is someone that is most probably willing to suck a dying man’s orange. Nitties sometimes act alone, or in groups, salvaging any available calcium they can get their hands on. For example: Eating four times your own weight in chocolate makes you a bit of a Nitty.

Nooo Man! Phrase (S.Ldn)

This phrase should be used when the person antagonising you won’t give up. Nooo man! Really means “no.” 27


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(Number 4)

Number Four Num (Lat)

Number four is most probably the best number to ever exist. Four starters, Four is the only number in English that is equal to the letters in its name. Also the word four ‘Four’ in Chinese sounds like the word four ‘death’, which is why many hospitals in China have no fourth floor. In more pre-historic times, the ancient Greeks associated the number four with earthly balance, believing that everything was made of four elements: earth, air, fire and water. Really and truly this number has too many deeper implications and meanings four just one book. All I can tell you is that the number four encapsulates such high levels of numeric energy that even the world’s smartest maths geniuses couldn’t calculate the sum of Number Four. Four example: “What bus do I need to catch to get to Waterloo from here?” “Well you’re best bet is probably to catch the number four bus from Chancery Lane, take it four stops to Waterloo Bridge, walk four minutes past the Imax, and look four the fourth turning on your right, and you should make it to Waterloo” 28


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O Oh Cyamb On Phrase (N.Merican)

“Oh Cyamb on, really? Is it that difficult to understand?” This phrase often exclaims exceedingly high levels of impatience, but can be used as a form of sarcasm. It should be pronounced with a slightly blocked nasal region, for full effect. For example: “Jimmy, do you want full fat goat’s milk on your cornflakes?” “ Oh Cyamb on! Mother you know I’m lactose intolerant”

Oi Moi Goid, Loik At Moi, Oim A Houise Expr (N.Merican)

Translated from the Victorian British ‘O lord Jesus Christ, ponder at myself, thou is a modern day marvel’. This catchphrase has also been adopted as the unofficial moto of self obsession. For example: “ Take a photoi oif us” *Glances at photo “Oi Moi Goid, Loik At Moi, Oim A Houise”

Only You Can Hear Me Phrase (Brit)

Originally hailed from the burning bush, north of Scotland’s hottest desert, now known as Partick Thistle. If heard by anyone you love or know, consider getting them looked at by a physician or psychiatrist. You will probably never come in to contact with the person who may utter these words because they may in fact be a figment of the subject’s imagination. Approach with CAUTION!! For Example: *A man stands alone at a suburban bus stop at 4am “Only You Can Hear Me!”

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(Ova Deya)

Ova Deya Slang (N.Ldn)

Ealing common Ova Deya, Ealing Broadway over yayer, And Acton Retro Ova heya and Lidl n’ Netto ova Deya. Ova Deya describes a direction in which a place or object may or may not reside. If you find yourself asking a vagabond in North London directions, prepare for inaccuracy. Ova deya probably isn’t where you think it is. For Example: “Where is your local falafel mongers?” “Fam it’s just down deya, ova deya” “Where?” “Just ova Deya, not over heya.” 30


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P PBF Underground Profits (Lat)

Three deranged juveniles are straight out of some of South London’s scariest crime zones. Although deranged these three possess un-godly powers, undeniable knowledge and the fire making abilities of Ray Mears and Bear Grylls put together. PBF are rumoured to be masters of alchemy and the amuse bouche. For Example: “Who are those infamous young geniuses again?” “O yer yer yer of course….. it’s a PBF!!!!!”

Phaaaareeeal Noun ( S.Ldn)

Not to be confused with the popular pop singer Phaaaareeeal Williams. He in fact was named in honour of this word. Phaaaareeeal exclaims whether or not something is real or not. It can also be used to express agreement and surprise. For Example: “ These air max 1’s are legitomatoe mayte” “Phaaaareeeal caus they look kinda fake to me.”

Pivot Verb (N.Merican)

This verb probably inspired the erratic mentality of many of the Manaliaticus disciples. Inspired by the act of fitting large objects through narrow spaces. Words in common (Driv it, skip it , bidget etc) Pivot is brilliant as it allows you to swear with all your might without actually using any foul words.

Pundit Shastry Verb (Lat) Exp.

Also known as the North Korean Karma Sutra. Rather than the familiar relaxing techniques that take place in the Indian tradition, they prefer much more harsh practices like 24 hour karaoke and naked celery regurgitation rituals. Pundit Shastry is said to not only possess healing qualities, but also know all the lyrics to the Gang War medley. Note: Pundit Shastry is too holistic for use in everyday conversation, but disbelievers can often be heard using his name in vain. 31


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R Ratty Hine Noun (Lat) Pexp.

A despicable hound/ rat like creature with severe oral mouthfunctions . Common ailments include: Prominent dark yellow front teeth, sewage soft skin, voluptuous hip bones, oozing despicable tones of human excrement and mild Red Leicester. You don’t want to meet a ratty hine on their terms; believe you and me they are fucking feisty. For Example: “ I don’t believe my eyes, I think I just spotted my first ever ratty hine it was orrible; all greasy and foul like Pat Butchers arsehole with a 99p flake hanging out the side of it.”

Rectal Rick Noun (lat) Exp.

He’s a bloke who seems to know an awful lot of answers to the questions he likes to ask. Nice fella, never really was the same after they brought out 3g pornography. Oh well.

Regretamin Noun (S.Ldn) Exp.

If you see a companion struggling with a large pile of suspicious powder, do not feel inclined to help him out. Don’t do a regretamin, because if you do you’re bladder might start breathing and that’s not normal.

Rrrat Doughk Phrase (Lat)

Is he a Rrrat? Is he a dougghk ? could he be both? Or a mixture of the two? We just don’t know and we may never know. Rrrat Doughk is an expression of sever discontent and repulsion towards beings or objects.

Rrrat Kyunt Phrase (Lat) Pexp.

This sort of fella is pretty horrendous. Unlike common folk, Rrrat Kyunts aren’t very nice to be around. Disturbers of the peace and social circles, they really do know how to piss off just about anyone. Only the bravest of men can really withstand a Rrrat Kyunts filthy behavioural patterns. For example: “’Old on a minute, that Rrrat Kyunt has just jumped the queue. What a tosser.” 32


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(Rectal Rick)

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Runtoon Noun (Lat)

Relative of the native Scuttler, Runtoons are shifty little buggers. Quick, like speedy Gonzales with the mental capacity of 4 cashew nuts, the Runtoons feet and legs travel approximately 8x faster than it’s brain. This leads to lots of confusion for the poor little Runtoons as they often arrive at their destinations without a clue why they are there, or what day it is. Given about 4 minutes, the Runtoons brain should catch up so don’t hesitate to leave one struggling with what it is doing.

Rusty Dingbat Noun (S.merican)

With no relation what so ever to the typesetters’ ornaments, these creatures are extremely rare, and many native historians are sceptical to believe that they are not extinct. However, our Manalaticus arthropologists think otherwise. With bodily characteristics similar to the regular dingbat, Rusty dingbats give off a much more putrid odour. They also own long and straggly rat-like tails which apparently work underwater as a snorkelling agent.

S Salphch Noun (Ger)

Is the name given to suspicious looking suburban factories. Although quite rare, our researchers quote they spotted a humungous Salpch 6 stops east of London Bridge Overground. Salpch is also a German town where 95% of Germany’s calcium is imported.

Scottish Power Phrase (Scot)

Is actually the Scottish equivalent of Salpch, with factories dotted around the United Kingdom. They have contractors distributed nationwide, who graze the lands, enforcing their patriotism towards the public. Other places you may spot Scottish power in the flesh are as follows: Purchasing large amounts of Iron Brew behind the counter at Iceland, attempting to pick up super-glued coins that are stuck to the pavement, or dragging a collar and a leash, but no Doughhk.

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Shark Boy Noun (Lat)

Shark Boy is the name given to male children who are born with more shark characteristics than human. Common features include: Extremely large cheekbones, Ginormous Grin, gills tucked behind the armpit and, believe it or not, eyes either side of their head. These hybrid beings are more like land sharks, as they tend to have quite sour relationships with large quantities of water.

Shaudenfreude

Phrase (Ger) Is pleasure derived from others misfortune. In fact we all love a bit of Shaudenfreude every now and then. Everyone ingests a daily dosage, and it appears in many differents formats. For instance, the internet is a haven for Shaudenfreude, but also newspapers, radio, advertising and real life are really and truly full of the stuff. For example: “ A 64 stone man is blocking a hole in a dam in Costa Rica preventing 1000’s of lives and households from ruin” “Now that’s a juicy bit of shaudenfreude for ya.”

Shieeeeeeeet Verb (S.Merican) Exp.

Used in many different ways but always pronounced the same. Use a false cleft pallet or lisp and extend the second half of the word for as long as you can. Often this word is used in times of forgetfulness, or utter shock. For example: “Mate, I think you have lost your suitcase” “Shhhhiiiieeeeeeeeeeettttttttt”

Shit On It Phrase (S.Ldn) Exp.

Really is pretty similar to the English terminology “Bollocks”, just 15% less offensive. If you have been working on something for a few hours. And it all goes tits up, then exhale Shit On It; and you will probably feel considerably better. For example: “I just burnt the volauvents to a crisp!” “Shit on it! Lets just order a Domino’s “

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Shlup Shlup Ditto Phrase (N.Merican)

Like wise. This is a term of agreement. It means you feel the same about something with a companion, or person you happen to be with. It could be to do with anything, from choice of ice cream, holiday destination, mode of transport, anything; you name it I’ll just shlup shlup ditto. For example: “Can I get the full English set 4 with extra hash browns please love” “Of course sir, it will be about 10 minutes. Take a seat.” “And what would you like sir ?” “I’ll just have a shlup shlup ditto please…… Babe.”

Skenti Noun (Lat)

Skenti is used to describe the metaphysical state and sound of every mode of transport known to man. If you stand next to any vehicle and listen closely, a high pitch sound should be being emitted. This is the vehicle’s Skenti. The Skenti varies in pitch in correlation to the size and scale of the vehicle. So, a double decker bus has quite a deep Skenti, where as a single file Dutch tram has a much higher pitch Skenti, and even more so a pushbike, which has such a high pitch Skenti that only Doughhks can truly hear.

Skuttle Verb (Lat)

Skuttle is an erratic action. The sound of several legs and feet urgently travelling about, from one location to another, is often associated with the term Skuttle. Insects and small furry mammals frequently Skuttle, whereas any human you see Skuttling may have had 4 double shot machiato’s, and 2 packets of Pro Plus energy pills. You most certainly need a skatty frame of mind in order to skuttle. Skuttling is caused by your legs making decisions for you. If you feel in any way apprehensive, nervous, hyper energetic or indecisive, then watch out because your legs might start to Skuttle, or may already be scuttling without your knowledge. For Example: “Holt! Who goes there? “ *skuttle skuttle skuttle “Well, it was either a Rrat or a vagabond with too much Lucozade in his system.”

Snaigon Noun (Lat)

Familiar associates of the English terms ‘Snake’ and ‘Pagan’. Snaigon brings the two together like peas in a pod. If someone earns the title of Snaigon, they have probably been acting like a non- religious king cobra. Snaigons are often savage, highly uncivilised, and most certainly morally deficient. So try your best not to befriend one. For example: The Pop musician Drake is without a doubt a professional Snaigon. 36


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(Snaigon)

Snerpant (Snerpant Child) Noun (Lat)

Cousins with the term Snaigon, Snerpants are not too dissimilar; Cunning, thieving, sneaky bastards. Snerpants’ in comparison are a little sharper, and most certainly more deceptive. Crossed between a snake (reptile), and a serpent (reptile), they carry a nasty venomous bite indeed. If someone owns the title of being a Snerpant then they are definitely untrustworthy, slippery characters, who you should 100% avoid.For example: “That guy looks overly suspicious, I bet you he’s some Snerpant child, look at the way he’s slipping about the place he’s a certified Snerpant.

Snook Verb/Noun (Lat)

To enter a stealthy or furtive manner. To snook about the place unseen by the naked eye. A Snook has the ability to narrate any sneaking body movement, ever. He Snooked round the corner, She Snooked up the ladder, he Snooked up the high street, She Snooked round the bend, he Snook into de pantiliner. It can also be used to address young children, as they often Skuttle and Snook around the place. “I Snook down to Elephant and Castle to get some peanuts.” 37


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Spin Around Verb (Lat)

An exercise position supposedly assumed by such B list celebrities as: Mel B, Mr Motivator, Jordan, Kerry Katona, Tim Westwood, and many more. It does what it says on the tin, except many are actually incapable of doing so. In fact many of the celebs listed above actually hired Alaskan stunt doubles to perform the move in their get fit videos. It is quite challenging I must say. When pronouncing, be assertive and strong as its quite clearly an instruction. For example: “Freeze! Put your hands on your head! Spin around Spin around SPIN AROUND!”

Squibadiche Noun (Ger)

This describes the act of smoking, in german. Commonly Squibadiche refers to smoking of things made by nature.It is frowned upon, however, there are many worse things you could be doing to your body, like crystal pixie doost or methylated organite poppers. For example: “I haven’t had a bit of Squibadiche since the 1960’s.”

(Start The Lazer)

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Start The Lazer Phrase (Ger)

Initiates the lazer ( or the task in hand ). Originally founded by Dr Evil’s German female counterpart. It really has caught on quite a bit since its creation back in late 1997. It is quite an aggressive and threatening phrase, but it can also be passed off as a much more menial instruction/order. For Example: “Do me a favour son, Start the lazer……. 2 sugars as well please” (The lazer referring to an everyday kettle)

Striiikeee Verb (Ger)

If you must strike, then Striikeee!!! For goodness sake. Take industrial action if need be. Striiikeee for your rights and for yourself in general. Striiikeee to innovate and to be the best person you can. Striiikeee to improve, build and refurbish. Or just simply Striiikeee for strikings sake, its probably easier. For example: “The World sits at bay, weary of imminent nuclear STRIIIKEEE’s”

Stylll Verb (S.Ldn)

If you are not moving, then you should be completely still Stylll. Linguistic relatives with the term Pharreeel, Stylll stands alone at the end of many juveniles’ sentences, for reasons unknown Stylll. We were never too sure why sentences ever ended in such a way, yet this too has caught on, and is violently spreading Stylll. For example: “ These road works have been here for timeeeee fam Stylll.”

T

Taaach Babylon A Scortch Verb/Phrase (Patw)

It’s the Rastafarian equivalent to the Commonwealth torch relay except it has nothing to do with dem a filthy Babylon commonwealth and it isn’t really a relay. “Taaach babylon a Scortch” is an expression of relief and energy. Its almost like saying ‘thank god for that’ but not really. Capleton, a true Manalaticus Legend, is the masterdon behind this phrase so please feel free to query him about it at any point. For example: “Taaach Babylon a Scortch, I thought it was never going to end”.

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Tea Bayyge Noun (N.merican)

Its not what goes with hot water, milk and sugar that’s for sure. It’s not even the slang for the dipping of testicles like rich tea biscuits into an opponent’s mouth. Its actually just a nickname, that’s all. For example: “Oi Tea Bayyge cyaaaam eeeeere!”

Terra Ma Kettle On Ques (Lat)

This phrase has direct references to the Tragic Electronic Kettle Sacrifice of the year 2010. In this instance a Manalaticus disciple confused a hob-based kettle for a brand new top of the range electro quick boil model. It was horrifying, sparks were flying, plastic was melting, smoke alarms going off, the lot. Somehow making a cup of tea could had ended up looking like a modern day re-enactment of The Wicker Man. (The kettle being the burning effigy of course) From that day onwards this phrase was used to offer a cuppa to anyone in dyer need. For example : “Steven mayte I’m bursting for a cuppa Terra ma kettle on, Cheers your a diamond!”

Terra Magenti Noun (Lat)

Not too dissimilar to the Latin, Terra Firma, or earth except is doesn’t actually really honestly truthfully have anything to do with it. I suppose you could translate it literally into Pink Earth, but that might send you on an even further tangent. Ill tell you what, for this one why don’t you just come up with your own meaning for it. All I know is that if it sounds delightful, then its worth listening to, you know what I mean? For example: “I really enjoyed Matisse’s use of colour in this series of painting, and my golly, did he have a skill with his terra magenti”

Too Much Heavy Phrase (Lat)

If something beholds an overpowering amount of weight, then it may be just a little bit too much heavy. This phrase also works as a brilliant metaphor for ‘I cant be bothered’ or ‘I have so much homework its so overwhelmingly too much heavy.’ If you find your self stuck with something that is too much heavy, don’t get bogged down, simply cry for help, or beg on hands and knees for some assistance, because we all know that its probably too much heavy and you may not be capable of doing it on your own.

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(Too Much Heavy)

V

Very Hebbed Phrase (N.Merican)

Is pretty much the North Merican equivalent of Too much Heavy. It is to be pronounced with a mild blocked nose, for full impact. If something is Very Hebbed then its mass in Newtons is comparably heavier than the person lifting that object. It has the ability to describe the weight of any physical and mental heaviness. For example: “That 50 stone dumbbell looks very hebbed, or I have just come out the back end of a very hebbed cold, but I’m on the mend.” 41


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W What Is It ? What Is It ? What Issss It ? Ques (Lat)

Like a child opening presents at Christmas. What is it? What is it? What is it? These three questions are proposed by some of your senses. These are your sense of touch, sense of sight and your sense of smell. If these three senses are highly active all at once then you are probably thinking what is it? What is it? What is it? This question is all about human curiosity. For example: “Muuumm! Whats for dinner?” “I’m not telling you it’s a surprise.” “Oh cyamb on mum what is it? What is it? What is it?”

Whyyaat? Ques (N.Merican)

This question is the result of a love word triangle formulated in the late 1990’s. What? Why? And where? Were all involved in serious relationships during this period however literary experts still are unable to define the true verbal parents of this question. Whyyaat? Proclaims that you Possess confusion or ill knowledge or even in some cases shock. For example: “Whyyaat? I didn’t order any egg nog with this clam chowder! Whyyaat the foiiiikkkk ?”

Will Involve More Jumping Phrase (Lat)

Cousins with the exercise move Spin Around, this move actually involves a lot more cardiovascular struggle. Its basically the action of repeatedly jumping up and down to warm up and get the blood running. Trampolinists worldwide take part in this action frequently. Not only trampolinists, but other sporting figures such as: Skateboarders, footballers, golfers, acrobats, ballerinas, professional chess players, 400m hurdlers, boxers and many more (also use this technique avidly.) An example of how to use this phrase: “ I have got a long, too much heavy workout today and it’s going to involve more jumping” 42


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Y You Could Get Your Bacon Phrase (S.Merican)

Inspired by Oscar nominated King Kurtis, this phrase is without a doubt award winning. It simply implies that one could get their hands on some artery blocking pork heaven. Behave your self and you too could get your bacon. It’s like being at a vegan restaurant and the waiter asks… “Can I take your order sir?” “Yes. Do you have any bacon on the menu?” “No sir, we are a vegan restaurant. Go down the road to Johns Bacon Shack, I’m sure you could get your bacon down there.”

You Could Say That Again Phrase (Scot)

You could, but I wouldn’t advise you to. Sarcasm is supposed to be the lowest form of wit, but in this case you could probably say that again. Stop repeating yourself. The phrase politely disguises your sarcasm, not only that, but it also gives the victim of your verbal abuse a sense of false consolation. This is because the phrase isn’t really offensive in any shape or form. It even disguises itself, pretending to pose as a question. But it is not! Clever little phrase. For example: “Wasn’t it great when we played monopoly for a whole 24 hours last Christmas, wasn’t it, just wasn’t it?” “You could say that again, Sunshine.”

You Haven’t Even Been To The Shrivel House Ques (Ger)

Trust me you most certainly probably maybe haven’t been to the Shrivel House. Not many have even lived to tell the tale after their visit to the Shrivel House. If you’d been there I’m sure you’ll know it. The fact I know you haven’t been is besides the point, do not seek any sort of refuge in a Shrivel House, do not pass go collect 200 pounds and enter the Shrivel House, and do not book a long weekend away at any of the Shrivel House destinations. They are not safe; dark things happen in those Shrivelhouses. For example: “Excuse me kind sir do you know the directions to Streatham Hill?” “You haven’t even been to the shrivel house” 43


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(You See Me Yerr)

You See Me Yerr Phrase (S.Ldn)

Its basically an expression of boastfulness. When someone is very self aware and large skulled, then they could well be using this phrase somewhere right now to attain attention. 99.8% of the time the things they are boasting about are make-believe, so my advice is don’t take their word for it. For Example: “You see me yerr, I got like 4 Lambagini’s, 20 rolexes, bare Gukky clothes. You see me Yerr mans got nuff Prada shoes and bare gyaldem dinging off my line.”

You Think Your Bad But Your Not Phrase (S.Ldn)

This phrase is almost like a response to the previous ‘You see me yerr’. Basically if you’re walking around like your some badman, lipzin off bare joonges an dat, stealing peoples phones and bikes, likkin off random gunshots and mugging old laddies, You aint bad! Infact you think you’re bad but your not. YOU THINK YOU’RE BAD BUT YOUR NOT! For example: “ I’m bwad, I roll up on any shop and suck it!” “Blud you think you’re bad but you’re not”. 44


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Youuuuuuuu! Noun (Lat)

If you hear this phrase being bellowed from the Heavens Above, then Youuuuuuuu have been selected!!! We are unsure of what you have been selected for yet, but rest assured Youuuuuuu have been selected for something. This noun is also used to rudely address people you don’t know. In this context, use it with caution, unless you want an unexpected bunch of fives. For example: “Youuuuuuuuu have been selected to take this Manalaticus wisdom that you have ingested and Youuuuuu shall spread the knowledge in cities across the world”.

(You Could Get Your Bacon)

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The End Of Part One


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INDEX 20 people in my dog 1 2DC 1 Aint nuttin but a peanut 1 Aint nuttin but a thang baby 2 Avid 2 Ayeee Ayeeee eeeyyy 2 Bacon Is Good For Me 2 Barjahn, Sharkhan, Chatila, Saljah, Fhhhkhhee 2 Bayyybeeey 2 Bày trien 2 Ben Lochrie 3 Benighne 3 Bucky Scatty 3 Bunti Chenti 3 Bus a Yog 3 Busty Gutty 4 But The Point Is 4 Calcium 4 Croosty 4 Chair Made Of Nature 5 Chimpandoonst 5 Chimpantee 5 Crack Thomais 6 Crouuiisant 6 Deadekskated 6 Deadexited 6 Devil Pig Rat Dougk 6 Do Hundred And Denty Doo 7 Don’t Chat Shaat 7 Doostioievsky 7 Doughk 7 Duel Ley Lo Mo- Deul Ley Lo Dow 8

Dungsted Raffica Durst Echol Neb

8 8 8


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Egg Mc Lochrie 9 Face Like A Flung Chicken 9 Fidadeench 9 Fubunky 9 Fuck Bastard 9 Fuck Charsted 11 Fuck Cyunt 11 Fuckcrease Pure Fuckcrease 11 Garcon 12 Gary Fursted 12 Germannny 12 Get Me In The Mirror 12 Get Off That Bridge 12 Grayyyk 13 Have You Got Any Id 14 Have You Got Knives In Your Sock 14 Heberdes 14 Hobadiche 15 Horticultural 15 I Got My Yoghurt 16 I Got To Get It Up 16 I Know My Rights 17 I Must Strike 17 I Whet Your Whey.co.uk 17 Iche-Liber Diche 17 Im Not A Dickhead You Dickhead 18 Its Good For You 18 Jack Tee 18 Just A Little Bit 18 Kadeem Knivvees Konienstriek

20 20 20


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Krisser Kruggelstriek Ktown To Streatham To Brixton Ya Kna Kurwa Lick It Ma Hullet Make Your Limbs Lice And Loose Mans A Don Martin Mirror It Merican Moist Mountain Nacht Der Untoten Nastarovia Nervous Wreck Nice On Nitty Nooo Man Number Four Oh Cyamb On Oi Moi Goid, Loik At Moi, Oim A Houise Only You Can Hear Me Ova Deya PBF Phaaaareeeal Pivot Pundit Shastry Ratty Hine Rectal Rick Rrrat Doughk Rrrat Kyunt Runtoon Rusty Dingbat

21 22 22 22 22 23 23 23 24 25 25 25 25 26 26 26 26 27 27 28 29 29 29 30 31 31 31 31 32 32 32 32 34 34


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Salphch 34 Scottish Power 34 Shark Boy 35 Shaudenfreude 35 Shieeeeeeeet 35 Shit On It 35 Shlup Shlup Ditto 36 Skenti 36 Skuttle 36 Snaigon 36 Snerpant 37 Snook 37 Spin Around 38 Squibadiche 38 Start The Lazer 39 Striiikeee 39 Stylll 39 Taaach Babylon A Scortch 39 Tea Bayyge 40 Terra Ma Kettle On 40 Terra Magenti 40 Too Much Heavy 40 Very Hebbed 41 What Is It? What Is It? What Issss It? 42 Whyyaat? 42 Will Involve More Jumping 42 You Could Get Your Bacon 43 You Could Say That Again 43 You Haven’t Even Been To The Shrivel house 43 You See Me Yerr 44 You Think Your Bad But Your Not 44 Youuuuuuuu 45


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aidepolcycnU sucitalanaM eTh

Thankyou for observing that moments silence. Here lay a few words that were unfortunately lost on their way to the book. Our experts were not quite sure how this happened but an internal inquiry is underway as we go to press. As it stands, some Manalaticus classics were tragically left behind. Interpol have informed us that the likelyhood of recovering their remains is minimal, so we have decided to pay homage with a short appendix.

Chicken Chaat Noun (Lat)

Is a noun used to describe savoury chicken based snacks. It has also become immensely popular as a replacement word for any food based goods. It doesn’t sound very appetising but ill assure you it is. Chicken Chaat is highly sort after and only very few are actually able to pronounce the term correctly. The word Chaat must not be confused with the putrid English for ‘Shit’ or ‘Shaat.” For example: “ Have you tasted the goulash? It’s positively divine.” “ Really? I rather thought it tasted quite a lot like Chicken Chaat.”

Driv it – Skip it – Bidget Phrase (Lat)

Originally derived from the word ‘Bidget’, these words describe actions and peculiar movements. Each word only contains two syllables allowing the words to be said in quick succession. For example: If a branch of a tree is erratically moving about in the wind, that branch is Bidgeting.


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I gotta try it Phrase (Ger)

This phrase is strained at the back of the throat with the upmost Gunter dialect, used to express sheer will to achieve something, also it can also be used in the ordinary context of homosapien curiosity i.e (What is that new Lithuanian Bovril? I gotta try it.)

Moving Packages (Moving dem packs) Phrase (S.Ldn)

If you’re really into moving packages then you’re probably Moving dem packs. Very decisive people are incredibly good at moving dem packages, Indecisives on the other hand are terrible at doing so. If you are hesitant to leave you may also refer to the term Moving packs. It is quite similar to ‘I’m outa here’ except way more suburban when used in this context. Moving packages has one other use, which is used to describe somebodies relationship status. If one is Moving them packs in this sense then they are on a road to relationship victory. Moving them packs isn’t for everyone. For example: “ I heard Tyrieece was cheatin on Chaneeya” “ Nah, never dat Tyrieece has been moving dem packs since day dot.”

Murdi hurdu Phrase (Lat)

This ferocious combination of vowels and consonants almost makes me want to puke just reading it. The phrase created in late 2010, directly after the summoning of the gurkin pot, describes a state of pure repulsion. If something is Murdi Hurdu, then it should be insulting at least 4 of your 5 senses. Murdi hurdu most commonly affects your sense of smell, touch, sight and taste but in some cases it can affect your hearing too. Especially when one of the Manalaticuns is hurling it out of their vocal chords at a high velocity. For example: “ That quorn sausage has been sitting in the fridge for over 6 months, it has even begun starting it own miniature civilization it’s so mouldy. That’s Fucking Murdi Hurdu!”

Period Punctuation (N.Merica) .

That’s Cajsh then Phrase (S.Ldn)

Refers to the British phrase ‘that’s fine with me’, That’s Cajsh then simply shortens the syllables. It is pronounced with lots more attitude and frustration. For Example: “I’m going to the shop and you are indefinitely following me there.” “Well I guess it seems that… that’s Cajsh Then you bakewell”


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They will never know. Phrase (Lat)

Verbally, on common grounds with the delightful phrase ‘Only you can hear me’ with a pinch more added mystery. Using this phrase will automatically trigger a persons’ curiosity sensors in their brain. It some how manages to impact instantly, and in many cases they might not leave you alone until they find out what they don’t know about. Do not in any circumstance crush under the pressure. Continue repeating ‘they will never know’ and I’m positive they may eventually leave you alone. For example: “ They will never know I just replaced the last giant choc chip cookie with a 4 year old stale rice cake I found slotted behind the cooker, They will never know”

Toned Heng Noun (S.ldn)

Originally interpreted from a misunderstood picture message. The message contained a news article informing one that some sun worshipers were taking stand at Stone Henge, taking part in an all day plant inhalation protest to save starving otters in Kuala Lumpa. The preview of the picture when it came through was unclear but it read in big newspaper letters …… TONED HENG (referring to the headline…..STONED HENGE) this misunderstanding lead to the creation of a more beautiful phrase, so in future don’t hesitate to experiment with your vocabulary. And last but not least... ...Dishreshpect Noun (S.Ldn) Must be pronounced with a false lisp or preferably cleft pallet. If someone appears to be Dishreshpecting you, let them know by ending each and every sentence with the word Dishreshpect. For instance: “ Your trainers are looking croosty fam” “ Whyyyy you tryna Dishreshpect me for?”



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