real local moms
since 2005
Salem | August / September 2021
COVER MOM
PARENTING COACHES
CHOOSING A
SIERRA LANGFORD
DO YOU NEED ONE?
FAMILY PET
mother-approved • Personalized pre-natal care
• Birthing rooms offering numerous amenities, including private in-room labor tubs • Delivery by your OB Team in Santiam Hospital’s state-of-the-art birthing center
embrace HEALTH 503.769.2175
1401 N 10th Ave., Stayton SantiamHospital.org
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Santiam Hospital & Clinics accept all insurance including all Medicare Plans, OHP, Kaiser Permanente & Blue Cross
It’s what‘s
Dip, Dip Hooray
20
Meet the MOM experts .....4
inside that counts
Parenting Coaches
Choosing a Family Pet
24
28
Parenting coaches..........24
They know what they're
Cover MOM: Sierra Langford................10
talking about.
This mom gets real
need one?
Because I said so .............. 5
Dip, dip hooray ...............20
A message from MOM
Snack plates & dips
Choosing a family pet..........................28
What are they, and do you
Healthy MOM .................... 8 Healthy school lunches
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More ways to love your MOM mommag.com facebook.com/ lovemommag info@mommag.com We love hearing from you. Email us with feedback, story ideas or nominations.
Cover MOM Photos by Joni Lorraine
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CONGRATULATIONS to the Salvation Army Ray & Joan Kroc Corps Community Center, winner of the 2021 MOM Magazine Community Impact Award. For more information about the Salvation Army Ray & Joan Kroc Corps Community Center, see their ad on page 17.
Advertise today Want to get the word out about your business? Contact Kim Leighty at kim.leighty@mommag.com mommag.com 3
meet the
experts
[They know what they’re talking about] Pets Pets are Family with Dr. Emily Kalenius, Page 6
Money MOM
Health
Your finances with Caitlin Davis, CFP®, AAMS®, Page 18
Healthy MOM with Santiam Hospital, page 8
Drive On the road with Laura Augustine, page 26
“
Sometimes I question my parenting, and other times I question my child’s childing.
“
— Just about every mom
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Say Cheese Say cheese with Dr. Ana Castilla, page 30
EDITOR'S NOTE
Because I said so! Published by GO Creative, LLC 263 29th Avenue SW Albany, OR 97322 Editor-in-Chief Managing Director Audrey Meier DeKam audrey@mommag.com Salem Advertising Representative Kim Leighty kim.leighty@mommag.com 503-510-9036 Mid-Valley & Lane County Business Development Manager Linda Blair linda@mommag.com 541-231-7250 Designer Sean Carver
MOM MagazineTM is produced by GO Creative, LLC. © 2021 All rights reserved. Any reproduction, in whole or part, without written permission of the publisher, is prohibited. Information in the magazine is provided for general information purposes only with the understanding that none of the content constitutes professional advice. Opinions expressed by the writers or advertisers are not necessarily the opinions of the magazine or the publisher. Inclusion in the magazine does not constitute endorsement of information, products or services.
My favorite child A MOTHER SHOULDN’T PLAY FAVORITES, BUT... Meet Murphy, my beloved four-year-old golden retriever. He’s my favorite child* mostly because he doesn’t talk back, is always happy to see me and loves every meal I’ve ever served him. He sleeps through the night, is completely pottytrained and jumps immediately into my car when we need to go somewhere. Before you judge, you should know that my children also much prefer Murphy over me or any other humans. As is usually the case, our beloved family pet has the best relationship with everyone in the house. It wasn’t necessarily always this way. When the kids were babies it seemed like our dog at the time was always underfoot in an attempt to trip me. In that chaotic swirl of caring for small children, a pet was one more being that needed something from me. But then those babies became toddlers who shrieked in delight when the dog ate food dropped from a high chair. The cat was just so funny when it climbed a tree. As my boys grew into adolescence they discovered a true friend in our big shaggy dog, curling up with her on the floor and fashioning her hair into faux hawks. Now into the teen years, the kids want less of my attention. In fact, they probably share more of their inner thoughts with the non-human beings in the house. As the writer Nora Ephron said, “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” Indeed. The reality is that with my dog, the stakes are low. I’m not worried about the fourlegged boy wearing a helmet or playing with fireworks; it’s not on my radar to
MURPHY, THE GOLDEN BOY
remind him about stranger danger (though he would listen and likely wag his tail). I’m not fretting about saving for my dog’s future education, discussing consent or what not to post online. The beauty of being a pet parent is the simplicity. At a high point recently, our household contained a dog, cat, chameleon, two tadpoles and two foster kittens. My kids disagree with me on many things, but we all agree on a love for creatures. I’ve run the numbers, and if all goes well, Murphy will be around for some years after the boys launch. He and I can then look out the window together and wonder when they will come home. Audrey Meier DeKam Editor-in-Chief * Necessary disclaimer about how I love my human children to my core and would throw myself in front of a speeding train for them.
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pets are family
Doggie day care: Fun to frolic, but keep safety in mind
Just like our human children, our family dogs benefit from socialization and playtime with peers. Doggie daycare is a great option for busy pet parents with sociable dogs. While the benefits of exercise, attention and socialization outweigh the risks, there are important steps to take to make sure your canine companion is safe for their first day at doggie daycare. In addition to core vaccines such as rabies and DAP (distemper, adenovirus and parvovirus), immunizations for contagious upper respiratory pathogens are key to keeping your dog healthy. Bordetella, the causative agent of “kennel cough” is a bacteria that can be protected against with a simple intranasal or oral vaccine. Canine
Wilvet Salem 120 Ramsgate Square S wilvetsalem.com (503) 741-8858 Open 24/7
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influenza has also been on the rise in recent years. A two-series immunization is available and highly protective. Typically, immunity sets in two weeks after the final vaccine. Protecting your canine companion also includes monthly parasite prevention. Heartworm disease, fleas, ticks and intestinal parasites can also be shared among friends in a daycare setting. The Companion Animal Parasite Council and the American Heartworm Association recommend that all dogs are on year-round, monthly deworming, ectoparasite control and heartworm prevention. Talk with your vet to be sure that your pet is fully protected before taking him to doggie daycare. Then, let the zoomies begin!
Brought to you by: Emily Kalenius, DVM
[
Momism #172: Brush the teeth you want to keep.
]
Healthy sleep, Beautiful smiles, Happy kids Dr. Lindquist uses non-invasive removable appliances to help your child grow to his full potential! Contact us today for a free consultation.
Delayed Bedwetting? It could be a sleep disorder
(503) 585-4282 • pearlywhitesfamilydentistry.com •
@pearlywhitesfamilydentistry
CRUISIN’ THE FOSSIL COASTLINE Join us for an all-ages exhibition features life-size sculptures, models, and images of prehistoric creatures and authentic fossils. Exhibit Organized by Anchorage Museum Art by Ray Troll
Get tickets today at AQUARIUM.ORG mommag.com 7
“
If they are participants, children will have a new appreciation for their meals and are more likely to eat the good stuff.
“
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HEALTHY SCHOOL LUNCHES Just because school is returning to normal doesn't mean lunches have to be boring. If there’s anything we’ve learned from 2020, it’s that we can’t take even the little things for granted, including daily experiences like meals. FALL, to keep your children’s T HIS school lunches healthy — and
interesting — involve your kids in the process. Children are more likely to eat things that they pick out themselves, and the local growers in Oregon put out a great spread. The most healthful eating is when foods are close to the ground, meaning fresh, not processed and when available, local. Make the farmers market in your area a weekly destination, and set aside some of the regular grocery budget to spend there or with a CSA box (community supported agriculture).
Think outside the traditional sandwich expectations for lunches. Consider tapas-style tiny bites with a do-it-yourself component such as deconstructed caprese salad. Add crackers to mozzarella and tomato slices, topped with a basil leaf.
participants, children will have a new appreciation for their meals and are more likely to eat the good stuff. If you forget to make lunches the night before, have a small stock of healthy components to grab and go such as fruit, cheese sticks, or prepared tuna fish in packets that can be spread on crackers. Everyone is looking forward to the promise of school as normal in the fall. Making meals together, or just being thoughtful about the meals prepared for your family, connects us in a way that we are now re-discovering. Here’s to the simple joys of a new school year!
Go international. If you have a child with an interest in another culture (or you want to explore your own) older kids can research ingredients and recipes for lunch ideas outside the usual repertoire. California rolls are relatively easy to make, and with ingredients you can find in any grocery store. Pick a theme. Little ones love a theme, from backpacks to birthday parties. Think of clever ways to incorporate healthy snacks and lunch items into their favorite character or video game. It could be as simple as using a cookie cutter to shape their sandwiches. Make it yourself. Whenever possible, involve children in the preparation of their meals. There are many great recipes online that are perfect for tiny hands. If they are
Brought to you by: www.santiamhospital.org
mommag.com 9
Sierra Langford
Profession: Administrative Assistant Community: South Central Salem Husband: Shonee Langford, attorney Children: Montana, age 22; Alena, age 19; Emma, age 17; Joey, age 14
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Photos by Joni Lorraine
Family comes first. All families are unique. Tell us about yours. My husband and I grew up in the same town, about an hour north of here. We were just far enough apart in school that we never attended at the same time. We dated after he’d been away from home for a few years and came back for a summer. Our oldest child, Montana, lives about 45 minutes away in an apartment my sister owns. Montana and I worked together last spring getting it fixed up for him to move in. This involved moving doors, adding windows, tons of painting and plumbing. My parents are retired and came many times to help with everything. We all drove to Portland one afternoon to pick up a little fridge we found on Craigslist. We also found an entire kitchen cabinet set at a Habitat for Humanity store for $200. It fit amazingly well in the space! That was pretty fun. Our second oldest, Alena, lives with us and is attending Willamette. She’ll be a junior this fall, majoring in environmental science. She’d like to move out eventually, but she’s also really focused on her studies during the year and doesn’t quite have the income to swing an apartment yet. She loves learning about the environment, critters, plants and pretty much everything. Emma is so ready to be an adult at this point. She’ll be 18 in a few months and has had plans to travel since she was 13 years old. She’s most excited about a trip to France that she’s been planning for months. She was originally scheduled to go on a school-sponsored exchange last summer and had earned all the money for it. That trip was cancelled due to COVID, but she kept earning and saving and will soon be venturing out.
Joey just finished eighth grade. They are still trying to decide where their interests lie. They currently love anime, drawing, listening to music, watching Survivor seasons and recently picked up a used skateboard to try that out. Every family has their own traditions, rituals or inside jokes. What’s one of yours? Every Christmas Eve, we go to my in-law’s home to sing carols around their beautiful baby grand piano, have goodies and spend the night. We celebrate Christmas morning with them and then drive home. This year will be different, as they recently sold their home (owned for over 40 years!) and moved down to Salem to be closer to us. We’re excited to see how our tradition will continue and adapt. When did you know you wanted to be a mom? I’ve known I wanted kids since I can remember. It’s all I ever wanted to be and I was so lucky to find a man who supported me in that, became my partner and made it a reality. I was also lucky to be at home full-time with the kids until all of them were in school. Do you think that parenting is easier or more challenging than when you were growing up? I think the challenges are different for our kids than they were for me and my generation. I think parents have more access to resources than they did before, but kids are exposed to so many things now that just weren’t accessible 20 years ago. The internet is a blessing and curse all in one. Tell us about one of your proudest mom moments. Just one? When a child is talking to me about something, and they express a really well-thought out opinion that is fair, kind and open-minded.
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QA '
MOM s Favorite... …family game: Telestrations. It’s like telephone, but you draw pictures and write out guesses as it goes around the circle. …place to hide and find some peace & quiet: In warm weather, I love to sit outside under a tree with a good book, a tall glass of cold water and get lost for a while. …binge-worthy TV or podcast: We’ve been binging Manifest the past few weeks. …inspirational quote: “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” – Coco Chanel …parenting philosophy: Listen more than you talk.
Now tell us about one of your most humbling mom moments. The day I realized I couldn’t make everything better, just by being mom. As my kids get older, their needs have grown beyond my abilities. I can be there for them and listen, and maybe advise, but I can’t solve the problems they face anymore. It’s so much more than skinned knees and lost toys now. In what way are your children like you? How are they different? Emma has my looks and mannerisms. Tons of people over the years have mentioned it to us as we were in stores or out and about. They all love to read. We all memorize movie/show quotes
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and then use them all the time in regular conversation. We sing in harmony at the top of our lungs. Some of them are tidy like I am, but not all of them. My son’s senior quote was “Happiness is living in a neat mess.” You know you’re a mom when you hear yourself say, “______________.” “Drink water” as a solution to almost every physical problem. Your biggest wish for your kids is… I wish them to be happy, healthy, peaceful and kind.
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No one works harder than mom. We know that being a mom is a full-time job. How do you balance (or not) motherhood, activities, work, volunteering, household responsibilities, and life in general? What sometimes falls through the cracks? Once I started working, things like mopping with a rag went out the window. We are lucky if the floor gets mopped more than once a month. Since the kids are mostly self-sufficient, there isn’t that typical struggle of getting them all to different activities all the time. I’m actually not that great at keeping things balanced. I try to keep all the plates spinning, but every once in a while they crash, and I have to re-evaluate what’s truly important in the moment and leave the other things for a later time when I am better equipped. What have you learned professionally that has helped you as a mom? I worked at Gilbert House Children’s Museum for four years and learned so much about child development, nature play and parental interactions. Tell us about a recent achievement you’re proud of, or a personal passion or talent. I just earned my associate’s degree last December. I had taken a year of classes before getting married, and then postponed it for work and then children. I’m really happy to have finished it finally. I’d like to go on and get a bachelor’s degree, but I’m going to wait a few more years so I can enjoy the time I have left with kids at home. I realize how fast these next few years will go, and then my youngest will be an adult, and there’s no turning back the clock. I know I won’t regret waiting just a little longer in order to make the most of what I’ve got right now. When was the last time you failed? What did you learn? I attempted a job at a call center last fall. I failed miserably! Just not my strong-suit at all.
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If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy. What do you think is the most important life skill or value your parents taught you? My mom taught me to cook, shop, budget, clean, work hard and value relationships. My dad taught me to dream, experiment, study, build and think critically. Which good habit do you wish you started earlier? Flossing daily. What are three words your best friend would use to describe you? My sister is my best friend and here are her words: “patient, industrious and very, very strong.” What is the quality you like most about yourself? I’ve worked hard to become a better listener. What’s your superpower? I have radar for when people don’t feel well. What’s in your mom purse right now? Wallet, pen and paper tablet, chapstick, lactase enzyme pills, nail clippers, Kleenex, Dramamine, checkbook, sanitizer. My kids are way too old for me to still be carrying Cheerios and Handi-wipes. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, in which event would you win a gold medal? Grocery shopping – I’m a pro. I have my list on the fridge organized by aisle according to the store layout. My greatest accomplishment in the grocery store is not having to backtrack to an aisle I’ve already passed. What’s your guilty pleasure? We’re big dark chocolate fans here, but there’s no safe hiding place. I don’t even try to hide it anymore. We get the good stuff too, the $5 bars. Who is your favorite fictional hero? Anne Elliot from Jane Austen’s Persuasion. She is steadfast, wise, kind and quiet. She doesn’t fly off the handle or make a spectacle of herself, she does what needs to be done, stays calm in a crisis, and loves deeply.
They say that everyone has a book in them. What’s the title of your book? The Important Words Everyone Needs to Hear. And here’s the text: I see you. I hear you. I’m sorry. It’s okay. I love you.
Listen to mom. Is motherhood what you expected? What surprised you the most? Yes, and so much more! I am always surprised at just how much I learn from my kids every. single. day. Who and what has influenced the mother you are today? My mom and sister are great examples to me of how to be a mother. My husband has such confidence in me, it inspires me to try my hardest each
MOMs Love Local We love locally owned businesses, restaurants, places and organizations. Share your favorite…
…coffee spot: French Press …view or scenic lookout: Baskett Slough National Wildlife Refuge …spot to get a good workout: Bush’s Park is my go-to running spot. …restaurants for a date night: Gambaretti’s or DaVinci’s for a really fancy meal, and Venti’s for something relaxed. …take-out, food truck or quick bite: Beehive Station food pods …any other local places you love: We love hiking in Santiam Canyon. Shellberg Falls was one of our favorite places to visit, along with Opal Creek. Sadly, both areas are closed due to the wildfires last year, but hopefully in the future we can go back again and see the beauty of our little corner of the state.
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day. The countless books I’ve read that convey positive parent-child relationships encourage me. Most importantly, my kids have had the greatest influence on the mother I am today. They show me how to be open to change, how to love unconditionally, how to forgive, and how to have fun. What message would you like to share with other moms? Remember to tell it like it is. Don’t wish away the everyday moments in an effort to create dazzling perfection. Enjoy that cuddle until they wiggle out to go play again. Enjoy the giggling pile of
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kids on your lap as you read just one more bedtime story. Go out and play with them instead of trying to get all the laundry folded while they are busy. When they have grown bigger, don’t wish they were little again. It’s hard when they were so sweet before and might be growing into their independence and testing their strength. Kids become young adults and remarkable human beings that you are privileged to know. Pay attention to their statements and opinions. Engage them in real conversations. Respect them. Eat dinner together as much as possible from
the first time they try a jar of puree to the last meal they have with you before moving out to their first apartment. Kids will never stop needing the love and encouragement of their parents, no matter their age. It still gives me a great feeling to have my parents say they are proud of me.
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Momism #44: You’re perfect just the way you were made.
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Money MOM
THE KEY INGREDIENT OF YOUR FINANCIAL STRATEGY IS YOU
W
HAT is the biggest financial
mistake you can make? Most people think it’s waiting too long to save or not saving enough for retirement, or choosing the wrong investments. While those are reasonable answers, the biggest mistake you might make is not looking at your whole financial picture and how it works together. The core of your financial planning is your own unique priorities, beliefs, purpose and health. Your family and loved ones Your decisions about helping your family are clearly going to be a major part of your financial strategy. When your children are young, you’ll likely be considering saving for their college educations, and, if so, how much, and in what investment vehicles. When they’re young adults, you might think about financial support for things such as the down payment on a new home. And when you’re drawing up your estate plans, you’ll want to consider how to distribute assets to your children, grandchildren, other family members or loved ones.
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Your personal beliefs You want to positively affect the world around you, and that’s why you may feel compelled to make charitable gifts throughout your life. You might also consider philanthropy as part of your legacy. To accomplish this, you’ll want to include gifting techniques in your financial strategy today and your future estate plans. For estate planning, you’ll want to work with your tax and legal advisors. Your purpose in life When you retire, you’re entering a world of possibilities. How will you define your new sense of purpose? For some it might be traveling around the world, and for others it’s volunteering or pursuing hobbies. Each of these choices carries different financial implications for how much you’ll need to accumulate for retirement, as well as how much you’ll need to withdraw each year from your retirement accounts such as your IRA and 401(k). Your health Health is wealth, as the saying goes, and your physical and mental health play big roles in your financial planning. On the
most basic level, the healthier you are, and the better you take care of yourself, the lower your health care bills will likely be during retirement, which will affect the amount you need to put away for health care. You also may need to prepare for the costs of long-term care, which can be enormous: a private room in a nursing home can easily cost $100,000 per year, according to the insurance company Genworth. When putting together a lifetime financial strategy, every part of your life matters. It can be challenging to weave all these elements into a unified vision, so advice from a financial professional can be helpful in guiding you.
Brought to you by:
Caitlin Davis, CFP®, AAMS® Financial Advisor, Edward Jones
515 Taggart Dr. NW, Ste #130 Salem, Oregon (503) 585-1464 edwardjones.com
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Momism #198: Take your phone — and make sure it’s charged!
]
Salem Health Cancer Institute
As you end cancer treatment, you may wonder – what’s next?
Get support from other cancer survivors through in-person yoga and exercise classes, virtual support groups and more. Whatever your interests, we’re here to help with your recovery. Learn more: salemhealth.org/cancer-survivors
expand your reach with print 541.926.3000 oregonwebpress.com
magazines • inserts • newspapers postcards • catalogs • maps • calendars
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D I P, DI P HOOR AY ! Snack plates can double as meals in our book, especially when it’s too hot to cook.
MOM's Black Bean Dip
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What to dip Vegetables Snap peas
Celery sticks
Sliced cucumbers
Asparagus sticks
Cherry tomatoes
Sliced mushrooms
Carrots, julienned
Green beans
Red, yellow and green peppers
Sliced radishes
Broccoli, cauliflower “mini trees”
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What to dip Crackers & chips Mixed crackers
Pretzels
Tortilla, bagel and pita chips
Focaccia, sourdough, French bread
Breadsticks
Garden Veggie Straws
MOM’S BLACK BEAN DIP INGREDIENTS
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 tablespoons sliced jalapenos or pickled jalapenos (might serve on the side for grown-ups only)
2 cloves fresh garlic, chopped 1 teaspoon cumin 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped Kosher salt and black pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS Put all ingredients into a food processor or blender. Note that sometimes with blenders, a little water is needed. Pulse until smooth. When serving, sprinkle with a pinch of oregano for presentation.
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CLASSIC HUMMUS
DIRECTIONS
INGREDIENTS
1 - 2 cloves of fresh garlic, chopped 1 cup drained, cooked garbanzo beans 4 tablespoons lemon juice
Blend all ingredients in a blender or food processor. Transfer into a serving bowl, and drizzle with olive oil and garnish with fresh chopped parsley and paprika, if desired.
2 tablespoons tahini 1 teaspoon salt Black pepper to taste
You saucy thing If you don’t feel like making your own, these store-bought sauces double as delicious dips.
Café Yumm!
Bitchin’ Sauce
PNW favorite Café Yumm! sells its special Yumm! Sauce in grocery stores, and its rich nutty-tangy flavor is addictive. Available in original, roasted garlic and chipotle flavors.
No, it’s not a euphemism for a mom rant, it’s a bold, smoky sauce made from almonds. Younger children might be averse to its hint of cayenne and declare it “too spicy,” which is fine because it means you won’t have to share.
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PARENTING COACHES W HAT A R E T H E Y, A N D D O YO U N E E D O N E ? IT SEEMED STRAIGHTFORWARD: have a child and raise it using the vast knowledge of parenting you gained before having said child. Then along comes this kid with her own mind and ideas. This marvelous, smart, sentient being with...demands, love, hostility, kindness and that mouth. Those pre-child notions of parenting are yeeted out the window. Now what? Entering the chat: parenting coaches. 24 mommag.com
What are parenting coaches? A parenting coach is someone who serves as a consultant to you in how to navigate the challenges of raising children. They provide tools, training and advice that is specific to your needs. Parenting coaches do not act as therapists or diagnose mental health conditions; what they do provide is practical ways to make parenting less frustrating and more joyful. For instance, imagine you and your daughter have locked horns about brushing her teeth. You know she needs to keep her teeth healthy, and physically forcing such a thing is ridiculous. How do you move beyond the impasse? That’s where a parenting coach comes in. They might suggest a new way for you to approach the conversation, such as asking your child, “What do you need to do to get ready for bed?” Or, “Talk to me about what you know about keeping our teeth healthy.” We interviewed two local parenting coaches: Sophie Grow of ProSocial Parent Coaching in Philomath, and Tami Meyers of Passionate Parent Coaching in Salem. Tami Meyers worked in mental health and education before becoming a certified parenting coach. “I came to realize that counseling kids was more of a bandaid. It didn’t get to the root issues, which is usually the pain and struggle of parents that is passed on to kids,” said Meyers. Meyers said parents who reach out to her are often “Overwhelmed and struggling with isolation. Parenting can feel lonely,” she said. Meyers specializes in working with parents who have children who might be considered neurodivergent, including parents who have a child with ADHD or who have the condition themselves. Parenting coach Sophie Grow has a background as a birth doula and parent educator, and she is currently in a graduate program studying infant-toddler mental health. “Coaching isn’t therapy, but it’s an excellent complement,” she said. “Parenting is both hard and beautiful,” said Grow. “If a child is acting out — what many parents call ‘mischievous’ behavior — almost always what that child really wants is connection.” In her work with parents she focuses on active, compassionate listening and skill building.
or video call. You might sign up for a six-week plan of individual coaching which would involve an hour per week, along with some supplemental articles or videos. Parenting groups or circles offer a way to gain insight from peers, with a coach as the facilitator. Costs for individual coaching can range from $60 - $150 per session. You might pay around $400 for an eight-week session, and less to join a small parenting group. If cost is a concern, ask about sliding scales. Grow gives thoughtful prompts to her clients, such as “What do you want out of parenting?” Or, “What’s the suitcase you need to pack for your child as they go into life?” She might also draw visuals and share diagrams and analogies.
“
If a child is acting out — what many parents call ‘mischievous’ behavior — almost always what that child really wants is connection.
”
She said that many parents are driven by the desire to be more present with their kids. Sometimes the conflicts that people are scared of having is the opportunity to show up as their best selves. They’ve felt so isolated and have pent up shame around these issues. Meyers guides parents in exploring conscious parenting. “The focus is on connecting rather than punishing,” she said. “We talk about the struggles that came up over the week, and we work through them. I’ll often ask parents to look at the stories they tell themselves. For instance, I’ll hear a parent say ‘I never made friends and now my child isn’t either.’” Meyers invites them to share that pain, validate it and then challenge the conditions. “Maybe it’s not for you to judge or fix; your child is a different human.”
development and education, and their careers have typically been focused on children. There are certification programs, such as Parent Coach Certification, the Jai Institute for Parenting, and many others. If you seek a certified coach, explore the program they trained in to see if it aligns with your core beliefs and values. Perhaps you watched that Supernanny show and thought, I’d sure like that British lady to come to my house and tame this wild bunch. It made for good reality TV, but it’s not what you’ll get with a parenting coach. Be prepared to look in the mirror because it’s more about you than it is about your kids. In fact, your children very likely won’t be interviewed or coached at all. Grow said, “It’s all about the parents. Kids are not interviewed or involved in parenting coach sessions.” Meyers said parents should understand that “Parent coaching is about healing the parent, not fixing the child. It is an opportunity to understand what our triggers are, and why they impact us the way they do…and recognize that when our children exhibit difficult behaviors, they are struggling and need our support the most.” Most parenting coaches offer a free consultation, to see if you fit. Meyers advised that there is a style of parenting coach out there for everyone, so shop around until you find the one that feels right for you. Choose someone you feel comfortable with in sharing details of yourself and your family’s inner workings. Finding a parenting coach also depends on if you want someone local or not. Plenty of coaches offer services via phone and video calls, which means you could work with someone from virtually anywhere in the world. If you’re seeking a local coach, ask your friends, your child’s pediatrician or teachers, or hit the internet. We found a few this way, and there’s something to be said for engaging with a coach who knows about local culture and resources.
She also likes to bring in tools to inspire meaningful changes. “It’s not a quick fix, it’s a gradual shift of awareness.”
So how does it work, exactly?
How do you find one, and what should you look for?
Many parenting coaches offer individual sessions as well as group sessions, which can be in person, but more likely by phone
Parenting coaches come from a variety of experience and training. Many have backgrounds in counseling, childhood
Sophie Grow
Tami Meyers
ProSocial Parent Coaching in Philomath
Passionate Parent Coaching in Salem
mommag.com 25
on the road
Making decisions at the pump E
VERYTHING ABOUT CARS has
changed over the years, including the gasoline most of them run on. There are several types of gas for cars, so it's important to have the right information for your vehicle and budget.
Types of gasoline Chances are that your vehicle is just fine with the cheapest option at the gas pump. However, it’s worth checking to be sure. With modern engines having higher compression ratios and turbochargers, the recommendation for premium fuel is more common than it once was. Check your owner’s manual to confirm what type of gas should be used in your specific vehicle.
The octane rating In Oregon and most other places that aren’t at high elevations, you’ll recognize the octane rating as those various numbers at the pump. A minimum octane rating of 87 is the most affordable, with 91 representing the midgrade and premium fuel at a minimum of 93. So what’s the real difference between them? If you drive one of the millions of vehicles recommended to run on regular fuel, the only difference for you is the price. There is no measurable benefit to “treating” your car to a tank of premium fuel. However, if you drive a car that requires premium, that's what should be used. The higher compression ratio of
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these engines could knock and run into other trouble with gas that has a lower octane rating.
Gas quality It’s true that most gasoline in a given region likely came from the same refinery. However, that’s before a vast network of vendors and suppliers get ahold of the gas, which is eventually stored in a wide range of conditions. Gas stations and other storage facilities that have not been adequately maintained put the gasoline at risk of water contamination and other potential problems.
Symptoms of bad gasoline It’s rare to get bad gas today, but it does still happen. Bad gas is most likely gas that has been contaminated with water. Depending on the level of contamination, you may notice a drop in fuel economy or something more serious like an engine that won’t start or run reliably. There are fuel additives with isopropyl alcohol that can help the engine deal with the water in the fuel. If that doesn’t solve the issue, your best bet is to let the pros take care of it. There’s a chance that the entire fuel system will need to be completely cleaned out.
Additives There are a variety of fuel additives you can buy anywhere from an auto parts store to the big box store just down the road. But did you know that much of the gas you get from reputable gas stations already has additives for keeping your engine and its exhaust clean? This is often referred to as Top Tier Gas, and that’s what you should use in your vehicle. It’s the type of gas you can expect to get at most name brand gas stations. Some places might try to up-sell additives in their gas, but newer and low-mileage engines probably don’t need the additional additives.
Brought to you by:
MEET LAURA AUGUSTINE Laura Augustine has worked as a finance assistant at Capitol Auto Group for 7 years. She is the proud mom of three kids (four, if you count her husband Chad): Ariel, age 23; Claudia, age 22; and Bryson, age 18. As a family, they love to go fishing and boating at Detroit Lake, and they also have four Saint Bernard Dogs: Grace, Ted, Jerry and Stuart.
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Bring your own picnic and games to enjoy before the movie. Food and beverage concessions will be limited to pre-packaged snacks and non-alcoholic beverages. Please leave your pets at home. Bike valet available.
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Choosing a family pet KIDS AND PETS GO TOGETHER LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY: THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER IN THE BEST WAYS.
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EFORE YOU COMMIT TO A PET, consider your family’s lifestyle and budget. Are you a go-go-go group, or a chill-at-home type of family? Do you have the budget for veterinary care, food, pet sitting, toys and supplies? How much effort do you want to put into the care and feeding of a pet? It’s a lot to take in. When making your choice, consider the annual needs, said veterinarian Dr. Josiah Moses of Eastgate Veterinary Clinic in Corvallis. “General annual recommendations include an exam, about two to four vaccines (depending on the year and age of animal), annual lab testing to check for parasites and other early disease monitoring, and monthly flea and heartworm prevention,” said Dr. Moses. You also need to factor your own experience level, and how much you and your family will need to learn (which can be quite fun for all of you). “For children, taking care of a pet develops compassion, caring and responsibility,” said veterinarian Emily Kalenius of WilVet Salem. But once you choose your pet, you get to enjoy the beauty of the human-animal bond.
such as fur on your clothes and the 4 a.m. zoomies are all forgiven when you look at their adorable feline faces. This phenomenon has been described as kitty mind control, or being owned by a cat.
Cats and why they win the internet Is it their beseeching eyes, sweet purrs and general allaround adorableness that made cats the keepers of our hearts? Their antics in play and affection certainly make them wonderful family pets. Cats are also easy to leave at home for stretches of time, as long as food, water and litter boxes are available. The minor drawbacks 28 mommag.com
While kittens are undeniably adorable, they grow up quickly. Consider adopting an older cat, as they often have much love to give. Want some short-term kitty goodness? Try fostering through a local humane society. It gives your family a chance to learn what it’s like to have a pet in the house...and whether you want to commit to scooping litter regularly.
When are children old enough to help with pet care? Dogs: An ongoing love story with humans What started with cave humans tossing a few scraps of leftover meat to wolves turned into dressing your dog in a tutu and having a professional photoshoot. Our years together have evolved, to say the least, into a beautiful and enduring friendship. In terms of effort, dogs require a solid investment of time: they need to be exercised,
Notice we say help with and not take on 100 percent of pet care duties. If you’re looking to put all the responsibility of pet care on your child, rethink your decision. Consider your child’s age and maturity before you commit to a pet, and make peace with yourself that at the end of the day, you are the overall responsible party for both pets and children in your household.
so daily walks or trips to the dog park are key. They are incredibly bonded to us and need love and attention, which can be an issue if you and your family don’t spend a lot of time at home. The joy dogs bring us is undeniable: these loyal friends are just happy to be with us. Consider size: is a small dog right for your household, or a bigger dog better? How much fur you want to deal with is another question: short-haired dogs like boxers, greyhounds, Boston terriers and many mixed breeds have minimal grooming needs with little shedding. Doodle dogs — poodles mixed with another breed or more — are having a moment, but know that the poodle lineage can often mean higher grooming needs. Training is a must, as you want a doggo who knows some basic commands and doesn’t jump up on visitors. Adolescents and teens do great in structured dog training classes.
Prepare for the unexpected
Two is better In Switzerland, it’s illegal to own only one guinea pig. These social creatures need company and do best when they have a pal of the same species.
The fascinating world of reptiles Got allergies to furry creatures? A reptile such as a bearded dragon, chameleon or gecko can be an engaging pet. There’s a learning curve to the habitat you’ll need for them, but a reputable reptile business or organization can offer guidance on enclosures, lighting, water misting, etc. For your kids, learning about reptiles and the care they need can be a fun project. Note that some reptiles will need live food, like crickets and mealworms. It’s not for the faint of heart. If a tortoise or turtle is more your family’s style, remember that they live a long time — like 50 years for a well-cared for tortoise and 30 for a turtle.
A little birdy told us Bird lovers enjoy the companionship of feathered friends for good reason: pet birds can be social, smart and affectionate. Birds work well in small spaces, and the cost of feeding them is low, making them a budget-friendly pick. They can be quite loud though, as bird noise in the wild is meant to travel over distances, so be mindful if you share walls with neighbors. Also be prepared that birds can live a very long time, as in decades or even over 100 years for some parrots.
You can find goldfish that do not require bubblers or temperature regulation. Once you launch into more exotic fish, however, you enter the land of freshwater vs. saltwater, temperature regulators, algae control, etc. It can get complicated, so best left to an adolescent or teen who is motivated to learn the details and put in the effort.
Pocket pets: small size, big personalities The term pocket pets encompasses small animals such as guinea pigs, gerbils, hamsters, etc. They are often school classroom favorites, as they are easy to care for and fun to interact with. Nutritional needs are specific and varied; chewing blocks or other supplies are often called for to keep teeth from growing too long. Chinchillas, hedgehogs and sugar gliders are nocturnal, so they’ll be more active at night. Habitats for pocket pets are quite specific, so have your setup ready before bringing one home.
How to train your goldfish An ode to the humble goldfish: give them a roomy bowl full of water and some fish flakes, and these guys can live happily ever after. Believe it or not, you can train a goldfish to do tricks, like swimming through a hoop.
Emily Kalenius, DVM
Josiah Moses, DVM
Wilvet Salem
Eastgate Veterinary Clinic
As with many things in life, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so it makes sense to keep your pets up on regular veterinary care. But sometimes the unexpected happens — the dog eats a superball and needs surgery, the cat develops a weird lump — these events can come as a shock emotionally and financially. “Depending on the severity, the diagnostics, treatments and hospitalization situations can have a very wide price range. It can be very simple and inexpensive, to upwards of a few thousand dollars,” said Dr. Moses. Dr. Kalenius sees emergent cases only at Wilvet Salem, such as pets hit by cars, or those suffering from vomiting, diarrhea, or infections. Dogs and cats can be curious eaters, and on the list of oddities pulled out of stomachs via endoscope include: 7 L.O.L dolls, socks, foam bullets, ear plugs, ribbon and hair ties. No one likes those surprise bills of thousands of dollars, so pet insurance or a savings account just for your pet needs might be worth looking into.
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Mind the gap! Some teeth gaps are a signature look while others need orthodontic attention.
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hink of the celebs out there with trademark teeth gaps: Michael Strahan, Lauren Hutton, Elton John...the list goes on. Sometimes it's perfectly fine to rock a tooth gap as a unique and adorable feature, but other times gaps can create real health issues. The formal name for teeth gaps is diastema, and the underlying causes can include gum disease, improper bite, jawbone and/or tooth size, missing teeth and a history of thumb-sucking or tongue thrusting.
Castilla Orthodontics 503-399-0721 justsmile@castillaortho.com 434 Lancaster Drive NE, Salem
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A board-certified orthodontist can give you a definitive answer on the cause of your tooth gap and whether or not it will cause future dental problems. You may want a gap fixed for aesthetic reasons, or to avoid getting food stuck in the gaps — this latter reason is important for avoiding gum disease and cavities. Conventional braces, aligners, dental bonding, veneers or crowns might be suggested for you, depending on your unique situation.
Ana Castilla, DDS, MS is a board-certified, Oregon-based orthodontist. She is passionate about helping patients attain their perfect smile, so they can live their lives to the fullest!
call your doctor. she misses you.
OBSTETRICS & GYNECOLOGY FAMILY MEDICINE URGENT CARE 503.399.2424 mommag.com 31
263 29th Avenue SW | Albany, OR 97322 541-926-0353 | 541-926-1515 fax
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