COMMENT//7
Fat Rich Kid Goes Overboard
EVELYN LAZANAS
JOHN Travolta builds a runway outside his mansion, so he can play pilot with his five private jets. Oil baron William Koch constructs a complete Wild West town, so he can play cowboy. Michael Jackson’s “Neverland Ranch” serves as a home, an amusement park and a private zoo. And portly old mining mogul Clive Palmer’s pet project is the Titanic II. Girls, hold the Kleenex, I didn’t say James Cameron is producing a sequel to his epic romantic tragedy. It’s just a fat rich kid building a big boat. It’s nothing to get soppy over. In a recent interview, Palmer, when asked why he is building the Titanic II, simply replied “why not.” Palmer wants to ensure that “the tone is right” as the ship will ultimately serve as a tribute to the 1502 people that died in 1912 aboard the original cruise liner. But let’s not get catty just because he’s filthy rich. He may own a massive mining empire and be the former owner of the Gold Coast United A-League team, but deep down old Clive is just made of marshmallow. Palmer’s a romantic, a traditionalist. “Titanic,” he says, “represents…the spirit of love. The hope that all men have for peace on earth in our time and goodwill to all men ... The Titanic carries the hopes and dreams of people everywhere”. I thought it was about ferrying the rich over the Atlantic in consummate style, while the plebs rotted in the bilges? Silly me. Palmer is also one for authenticity. Passengers
MARK FABIAN
WHEN you arrive at university you’d be forgiven for expecting the next 3–5 years to be filled with sexy escapades, loose nights and many hours spent making out behind Mooseheads. Movies like American Pie and Superbad, TV shows like Gossip girl and Skins, and songs by KE$HA and Katy Perry, among others things, all give the impression that college kids just want to get down and boogie. And yet the ANU is a fairly tame place sexually. Even in cess-pits of vice like John XXIII and B&G, hook ups are the norm far more than sex. Rarely are you regaled after a big Thursday night with stories of how X and Y were covertly getting busy in the spare bathroom at ICBM. Games of ‘I have
air conditioning will also feature on the new ship. There’s been talk about improved safety features – maybe 2 or 3 more lifeboats this time. With an estimated net worth of $4 billion last year, it’s unlikely that the Titanic II will sink Palmer’s bank account, nor does he appear worried about those who might be a tad leery about boarding such a dubiously named vessel. Already offers of up to US$1 million for passage on the ship’s maiden voyage have been put forward and more than 40,000 people have expressed interest in retracing the fateful voyage from Southampton to New York when work is finished in 2016. Palmer is also confident in dealing with the consequences of the current climate change crisis. Palmer, an expert on the subject, tells us that climate change may in fact be a positive for the new ship’s fate as “there hasn’t been as many icebergs in the North Atlantic these days” as a result. Top stuff, Clive. I’m sure plenty of people will disapprove, claim that Palmer’s plans are in bad taste and whine about how extreme wealth today has become an Thankfully, that ornate staircase Rose strides opportunity for self-gratification. Yeah, so what? down in the movie will also be replicated, along Clive’s idea is a little childish, but I’d rather the fat cats spent their money on ridiculously ambiwith the Turkish baths and smoking rooms. There are a few substantial differences this tious things that capture the imagination rather time round though. The Titanic II will be built in than on grandiose yet ultimately conventional Chinese dockyards rather than Irish ones and it’s purchases. Thinking of hiring Beyonce for the also going to be diesel powered. Improved pro- kids’ birthday party? Now that’s what I call selfpulsion, an extra deck and the modern miracle of gratification. onboard the replica will dress in the fashion of the period and eat dishes from the original menu, in dining rooms copied from the ill-fated predecessor. Internet access, TV and phones will also be prohibited onboard. As with the original the first, second and third class passengers will not be able to mingle with each other. Mr Palmer has insisted that he will be travelling third class, dressed in a wig and 1912 garb. (Too far Clive?)
. There’s been talk about improved safety features – maybe 2 or 3 more lifeboats this time
The DIY Culture Factory
DAN ROSE
THE popular YouTube meme that is the Harlem Shake is a cultural abomination. It possessess no cultural meaning, it lacks creativity in its reproduction, and it fails to fulfill the basic purposes of art. The production of a Harlem Shake video has all the qualities of a mass-produced consumer product, relying on a simple formula and requiring only the most basic of film-making skills. All you need are a cast, one camera angle, two scenes and a specific song. A Harlem Shake video contains no autonomous value. There is no deeper meaning, political antithesis or criticism inherent in this product, it only appeals to idiotic notions of “lolrandom” Internet humor. We can compare this, for example, with PSY’s “Gangnam Style”, which also contains elements that are simple and easy to mimic. The dance moves are shorthand for, “We share a like for this product”. These cultural signals are easily transmitted and understood. The Harlem Shake’s popularity indicates a deeper sickness in our system of mass culture, a sickness that is pockmarked by cheap laughs, a lack of originality and the herd mentality of culture consumers. It represents a style of culture that is predictable. When we see another Harlem Shake video, we know exactly how it will play out and end. What we’re interested in is the twist, the small deviation from the standard that the manufacturer of the video places in their art. Of course, this phenomenon is not recent or unique. 4chan Internet memes possess the same qualities of mass culture, and before that, we can view Hollywood Spaghetti Westerns, soap operas and dime novels as all doing their bit to homogenise culture. This is not at all to suggest that the original Harlem Shake is devoid of merit, but there should be greater general criticism of the phenomenon that exists in mass culture that favours this form of bacterial cultural reproduction. Great cultural works throughout history appealed to ideas like patriotism, alienation, revolution or victory. The copy of a copy of a copy that is the Harlem Shake genre appeals to nothing like these ideas. Instead, it’s a cheap laugh that placates us, a cultural opiate that costs little to produce and only seconds to consume. Death to the Harlem Shake genre, and death to those who serve up this cultural gruel. There’s an old retort to unfunny morons who endlessly parrot phrases that were once funny – “If you keep saying it, it won’t make it funnier.”
Sex AN(d) U never’, even with third years and members of college social committees (the most uninhibited residents) rarely see stories of elevator quickies or even hook ups with strangers. What accounts for this? Are we actually just not interested in sex? Then why is popular culture featuring risky business so popular with our demographic? Do we find risky sex distasteful? Perhaps, but it still floods shows like Entourage, Sex and the City and Californication. Obviously these shows feature older protagonists, but they are popular with us nonetheless. My suspicion is it’s because 18-21 year olds are a pack of gutless wimps. But more than that, it’s because before we are inclined to go large and
throw caution to the wind we want to confirm our fundamental sexual attractiveness in the secure confines of a long monogamous relationship. Once we know we’re hot shit we’re more inclined to go scampering about town because there is no longer potential to be considered ‘easy’ or ‘cheap’. But by then we’re 23 and have finished uni. I think this is a shame, principally because the successful relationships I am familiar with all started randomly. Neither party declared their affection from a distance. People partied, started shagging, and eventually discovered they liked each other. Second, adventure is the spice of life and, when
you’re young, the stuff memories are made of. The funniest next morning stories are invariably erotic and the most magical events are where you click with someone over a few beverages at a 21st. Those things don’t happen if you don’t take risks. And sure sometimes things blow up in your face, but that’s memorable in itself and with a few years you’ll come to laugh at and appreciate those moments. The essence of youth is the feeling of invincibility, and that time will heal all wounds and wash away all mistakes. So go and make some! The author blogs at markfabian.blogspot.com