Moments of Our Nights and Days sample

Moments of our nights and days Liturgies and resources for baptisms, weddings, partnerships, friendships and the journey of life

Ruth Burgess

www.ionabooks.com

Contents of book © individual contributors Compilation © 2014 Ruth Burgess First published 2014 by Wild Goose Publications, Fourth Floor, Savoy House, 140 Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow G2 3DH, UK, the publishing division of the Iona Community.

Scottish Charity No. SC003794. Limited Company Reg. No. SC096243.

ISBN 978-1-84952-309-7 Cover photograph © Ruth Burgess The publishers gratefully acknowledge the support of the Drummond Trust, 3 Pitt Terrace, Stirling FK8 2EY in producing this book.

All rights reserved. Apart from the circumstances described below relating to non-commercial use, no part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including photocopying or any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

Non-commercial use: The material in this book may be used non-commercially for worship and group work without written permission from the publisher. If photocopies of small sections are made, please make full acknowledgement of the source, and report usage to CCLI or other copyright organisation.

Ruth Burgess has asserted her right in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this compilation and the individual contributors have asserted their right to be identified as authors of their contributions.

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Moments of our nights and days

Contents Approaching birth

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Birth and birth blessings Adoption

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Baptism and naming ceremonies for young children

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Sentences and blessings for baptisms, naming ceremonies and dedications

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Bits and pieces for baptisms, dedications, blessings and naming ceremonies Liturgies of baptism for older children and adults Parenthood and grandparenthood School and growing up Teens

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Celebrating friendship

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Liturgies for celebrating relationships, marriages and partnerships

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Sentences and blessings for marriage and partnership ceremonies

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Bits and pieces for celebrating relationships, marriages and partnerships Breakdown of relationships Home

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Work and unemployment Health and caring

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Moments of our days Being who I am Growing older

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Prayers for travelling

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Sources and acknowledgements

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Moments of our nights and days

Contents in detail Introduction

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Approaching birth ¢ Z Z

Key to symbols

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Annunciation 20 Pregnancy 20 A question of a name

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Reflective prayer Reflection Poem Story Reading Practical

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Blessing at the placement of a child for adoption Blessing for an adoptive family 32 Service of thanksgiving after adoption 33

Baptism and naming ceremonies for young children “ “ V “ V “ “ “ “

Prayer Responsive prayer

Rounded walls 24 Tom 25 For Kira 26 A blessing on Henry, my first grandchild A nontraditional blessing 27 Open your heart 28 Three days born 28 So, here you are, born 29

Adoption V V “

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The blessing of a child (without baptism) 40 Celebration of baptism (where one parent is a Christian and the other is not) Naming ceremonies 47 Naming grandchildren 49 Blessing of a child at a family gathering 51 Baptism in church 52 A service for the anointing of a child 54 An order of service for the baptism/naming/dedication of a child 59 A welcoming blessing for children already baptised 61

Sentences and blessings for baptisms, naming ceremonies and dedications

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Bits and pieces for baptisms, dedications, blessings and naming ceremonies ¢ V V V

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Baptism is all about community 72 Blessing the water for baptism 73 Prayer over water 73 Oceans and puddles: a water litany 74 A drop of water from the sea 75 Involving children at baptisms 76 A naming and blessing story 76 Practices from Friends 76 Promises, from The Salvation Army 77 Baptism of a young boy and his baby sister Some very important questions 78 Baptism hymn 79 A blessing for a baby born in spring 79 A blessing for a baby born in autumn 80 A blessing for a baby born in winter 80 A dandling blessing 81 For the gift of this child 82 A baptismal moment (for Juan Diego) 82 Give us a swing, Jesus 83 I long to dance 84 An invitation to baptism 85 Baptism blues (for my god-daughter) 86 Baptism bells (for Rebecca) 88 A prayer at baptism 89 John the Baptist 90 Heard about? 91 Cwtch up, Cariad (a Welsh blessing) 93 Cradle roll service 94

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Liturgies of baptism for older children and adults “ “

Baptism of older children Liturgy of baptism 102

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Parenthood and grandparenthood V V V

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Prayer for parents and for those who wish to be parents Praise God for a granddaughter 111 Thanksgiving for a child 111

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Raising kids 112 Matthew’s hug 113 How am I supposed to pray?

School and growing up ¢ ¢ V

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Blessing for those beginning school 116 New school 116 Blessing for a new school term 117 The school playground: memoir of a postwar London-Irish childhood 118 Bullies 120 Sports day 120 I wish 121 A prayer for primary-school leavers 122 A prayer for a test 122 Prayer at a Sunday School prize-giving service 123 Key to symbols Telling people about my religion 124 V Prayer Laces 124 “ Liturgy Prayer for school leavers 125

Responsive prayer Song/Music

Teens

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Something more 128 When Jesus was a teenager 131 Prayer for those going to university 132 Michael 133 A search for wisdom (a prayer of confession) Blessing for students leaving home to study A journey of learning 135 Coming of age 136

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May God befriend us (opening responses) 138 Haikus for friendship 138 The hidden gift 139 A celebration of friendship 139 God, offer the hand of friendship (prayers of intercession) Thank you for my friends 141 A closing blessing 142

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Reflective prayer Reflection Poem Story Reading Practical

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Moments of our nights and days

Liturgies for celebrating relationships, marriages and partnerships “ “ “ “ “ “

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Blessing for a civil partnership 144 Knitting lives together: a liturgy for the blessing of an interfaith partnership (Jewish and Christian traditions) 147 The blessing of a civil partnership in church 153 A service of blessing 156 Celebrating a relationship 160 A wedding service/blessing of a partnership 162

Sentences and blessings for marriage and partnership ceremonies

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A family wedding blessing 170 An opening statement for a partnership ceremony or wedding Three wedding/civil partnership memories and ideas 171 Including the guests 171 A wedding prayer 172 The perfect couple 174 This is your day 174 Blessings and vows 175 Love poems for a wedding (to Lindy and Bill) 177 Love has brought you here 180 You came here to make it sacred 181 How I became a fundamentalist 181 Blessing of a marriage (at a family gathering) 183 Do you realise what you’ve just said? 184 No one is given away 184 Love is the circle 185 We meet at one point (a blessing) 186 Life comes to us strangely 186 On their way 187 Prayer for a wedding anniversary 187 She who shares life with me 188 Dreams take flesh 188 A prayer for understanding 189 Love grows 190

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Breakdown of relationships ¢ V

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Divorce 192 Prayer for spouses who are separated 193 War hangs heavy between us 194 It does not take much (a poem at breaking point) 195 My petition for divorce 196 After the Decree Absolute 197 A liturgy for laying down and letting go 199 Who will cast the first stone? 202 Bring light out of darkness 203 Grandpa’s lament 203 A liturgy of assurance following an abortion 204 Parting 205 For the future 208 God of our desire 208

Home 209 b Prayers and symbolic actions for moving into a new home V V V R

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Blessing at the dinner table 212 A garden blessing 213 Wanaki 213 A last look back 214 The last return of the prodigal 215 Blackstone’s journey 216 Blackstone’s love 217 Toby 217 Emptiness 220 All this stuff 220 Amazing 220

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Work and unemployment V V

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Starting a new job 222 A blessing on a new workplace Night shift 223 You see their worth 226 Collective dust 226 Wet and dry 227 Not working 229

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In the days 229 Day in 230 Prayers of intercession at a time of economic crisis

Health and caring V

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After a heart attack 234 As I bathe your body 234 No words necessary 235 Frequency 235 A carer’s prayer 236 God of the night-time 236 On living with times of illness and times of remission

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The gift of this day 240 Jesus, my companion 240 Reflections on a train journey 240 The Golden Arches 241 Signs of God 242 The journey 242 Cleveland Way haiku 243 From Caedmon’s song 244 Beloved God 244 I need a new address book 245 A wee prayer for good times 245 The dangers and grace of routine 246 For self-examination 247 Blessed are … 248 We sleep into mystery 249

Being who I am

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Being who I am 252 Songs of praise 252 Some people look at me 253 Some people say 253 I found God in Bangladesh 254 Andrew the runner 255 Who am I? 257

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Bodhrán 258 Just as I am 260 Down’s Syndrome 260 Inconsistency 261 Gracious friend 262 Ordination 263 On becoming a church elder

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Growing older 266 Second life (prayer for a 50th birthday) 267 Retirement 267 I’m new to this volunteering lark 269 And shall we play bingo? 269 Future shock 271 Thank you God that nobody minds 271 The woodland retreat 272 Saying grace 273 On becoming seventy: a personal liturgy 274 Growing old 278 Travelling on 280 Day by day (for Nellie) 281 For Pat 281 The very best party 282 I’ve got to this length 282

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What are you like, God 284 I promise 285 Today and tomorrow 285 Winter travelling 286 Summertime 286 Will you? 287 All your nights, all your days 288 Time to go 289 Carpe diem 290

Sources and acknowledgements

Key to symbols

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For Sarah with love

Moments of our nights and days

Introduction Moments of Our Nights and Days is a resource book for anyone who is planning a baptism, naming ceremony, wedding or civil partnership. It also contains resources to mark many of the other significant moments of our nights and days.

It is likely that not everyone present at these moments will have a conventional religious faith: there are resources here that do not assume a faith commitment, as well as resources that reflect Christian belief.

Although a number of complete liturgies are included, most of the material consists of the stuff that liturgies are made of: responses, readings, rituals, actions, biblical reflections, poems, songs and prayers.

Whilst this book was being edited the celebration of partnerships has broadened in Britain and some of the pieces might today have been given less specific titles.

Moments of Our Nights and Days is a companion book to Saying Goodbye, a resource book for funerals which was published by Wild Goose Publications in 2013.

I am grateful to all the contributors to this book for their skill, sensitivity and imagination and for the rich and varied material that they have created; also for their patience: this book has been a long time coming.

Thanks are due to the Wild Goose Publications team: Sandra Kramer, Jane Darroch Riley, Alex O’Neill and Susie Hay. Particular thanks to Neil Paynter for his encouragement and legendary attention to detail.

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Moments of our nights and days

Keep us alert on our journeying, God: full of wonder strong in your strength cherished in our weakness.

Summon us to live in your loving justice with friend and with stranger and with those we find hard to love.

In bad times and good times you are always with us, Gifter of the moments of our nights and days.

Ruth Burgess, summer 2014

Approaching birth

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Moments of our nights and days

Annunciation Annunciation.

Stunned and awful silence.

The angel paused, expectant, awaiting the reply.

Heaven held its breath.

And Mary ‌ Mary felt it slowly take over every fibre of her being.

At first it seemed like fear and she felt herself instinctively resist.

But as it seeped deeper into her flesh and bones, she knew herself finally at home: at one with joy.

Her Yes sparkled in her eyes, dancing its assent, long before it reached her lips.

And Gabriel laughed aloud, winging homeward, herald of such wondrous news.

Mary Hanrahan

Pregnancy Little one, you have taken part of me and yet belong only to yourself.

We are linked mysteriously, intimately, yet we are separate beings.

I feel your strangeness in my body; a differentness that is not me.

I feed you, enclose you and welcome you until you become whole and ready to make your journey.

Mary Hanrahan

Approaching birth

A question of a name We need to think about a name.

Do we go for remembering a family member?

And, if we do, which family member do we choose?

Do we go Celtic, Gothic, ancient Egyptian?

Do we consult this year’s Favourite Names List?

Do we go for a character we like in a film or book?

Do we say names out loud? Listen to how they sound?

Do we make up a name?

Or do we wait till the child is born and then decide which name fits?

Do we look at a dictionary of names?

Do we look not only at names, but at their origins and meanings?

Or do we really want to know that the name we have chosen for our child is probably derived from an ancient word for camel-keeper, or that we are naming our child after a god of fire and destruction?

Probably not!

As our child grows will he or she appreciate our choice?

Is the name we have chosen pronounceable, easy to learn, to speak, to spell?

Is it familiar, or will it be a name that no one has ever heard of?

Does this name invite a nickname – and is the nickname nice?

Will this name work for a teenager, an adult, as well as for a child? …

Child, you are coming into the world soon.

We pray that we will give you a name in which you, and all who meet you, can delight.

Ruth Burgess

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Birth and birth blessings

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Moments of our nights and days

Rounded walls Inside, you built me.

You pushed back walls, made more room for your own growing.

You demanded foundations, tested them with your concentrating feet.

You stretched up, making rafters of my ribs, pushing into the tenderness under my heart.

For you, I became a space, a home with rounded walls, taut as a bowl, a full sail, holding us both in our growing season.

There is a northern church with rounded walls, a curved sunlit craft with no corners, no places where one might hide.

But you, hidden in me, rounded me.

You gave me limits and lived within them.

You tumbled in me like a rock in the ocean, curled into me like a fossil fish, a growing bone.

Heavy in turmoil, heavy in rest.

And sometimes together we danced.

I wrapped my arms around my solid self and held on to you.

Days passed, weeks and our dance grew slower.

So did we.

We counted, climbed stairs, counted each one, slowly.

Then, the day came at bright noon when the rhythm grew insistent, bringing us together suddenly turning.

And into that night, that long night, that started with insistent joy we learned this new rhythm, calling rhythm, working with arms wrapped around me, walls around to support me, in a room set aside, a dwelling place, working place.

Beneath me a solid floor, and women’s words whispered fathoms deep, as you quaked inside me, I called out and together we grew; uncertain, unstable, unsettled, rocked and raw.

Hands gripping, grabbing, fingers clenched as we tried hard to open, me to you and you through me, opening into what dawn?

But dawn came, quietly, and you turned once more and slipped through into warm hands, touch and new cloth.

Birth and birth blessings And then the sounds of the world seeped through the curtains, the open window, slow rain stopping and the sound of birds on branches, the sun not yet, but we are.

I find you in my arms and outside these walls, the world begins.

But no.

The world begins here.

In my arms, you look in my eyes, tying us two together.

The cord cut; there are cords newly there, knitting us together as we need each other now, weaving us to the world, those around, those outside.

I will need others now, more than before, and you will welcome them, trust them, my love.

They too will love you.

This is how we make the world a home.

Katie Munnik

Tom Surprising as the snow you exploded into the world trailing fire and passion and pain, yet smelling of stars, of the clean, crisp air and earthy newness.

Welcome to this wide, white world: to robins and red berries, to elephants, giraffes and sunsets and big aeroplanes.

May you be safe yet curious as you watch the world change and grow, every day, as you do, forever wrapped in a shawl of amazement.

Mary Hanrahan

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Moments of our nights and days

For Kira The sun was setting.

As a July day drew to a close you were drawing near to taking your first breath.

Labour pains signalled the life soon to transform our lives – so long prayed for, so much hoped for, so long awaited.

Outside the hospital the darkness of night deepened; inside worried glances, staff filling the room, concern that all was not well.

But then our fear gave way to tears as you quietly entered the world: tears of relief, tears of an overwhelming happiness, tears of the deepest love that I have ever known.

In silence you rested in your mother’s arms.

I left you both to sleep and made my way home.

The sun was rising.

Simon Taylor

Birth and birth blessings

A blessing on Henry, my first grandchild May you give and receive love.

May you trust and be trusted.

May you dare and be daring.

May you believe and be believed.

And may you live in God’s sunlight all your days.

Amen Jean Williams

A nontraditional blessing May God bless you with discontent at easy answers, half-truths, superficial relationships, so that you will live from deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, abuse and exploitation of people, so that you will work for justice, equality and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you will reach out your hand to comfort them and to change their pain to joy.

May God bless you with the foolishness to think you can make a difference in this world, so that you will do the things which others tell you cannot be done.

Ruth Fox, OSB (Sacred Heart Monastery, Richardton, ND, USA)

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Open your heart Open your heart, O God, and pour out your gifts upon this baby.

Open your mouth, Lord Jesus, that your words sing in his/her soul.

Open your hands, Holy Spirit, and cradle him/her in your love, that he/she might reach out to receive every joy you have in store, and be a blessing to all for evermore.

Thom M. Shuman

Three days born Outside in the city streets it was misty and cold.

But here, in the warm, in a hospital cradle, tiny thumbs and fingers clutch at the air and ruffle soft white cloth.

Three days born, new life, crying in the night.

God bless you, little one, little miracle of life.

Now, and all the journey of your nights and days.

Ruth Burgess

Birth and birth blessings

So, here you are, born What are you like?

With your shiny face, wee red legs and wrinkled feet.

In this warm hospital, with its filtered air, peaceful environment and calm nurses, lying in the arms of your contented mum; your dad, grannie and grandpa sitting round you reaching out trying to pour health, love, safety, into such a small vulnerable receptacle.

And when I held you, trying to communicate my stuck feelings, I fancied for a moment we met, touching at a sigh beyond my clumsy intellect.

And I wished for you a future in which no thoughtless human act will harm you, so that I never fear for you, so that I’m not crucified by my love, so that your life will know days of laughter and enchantment and that a higher power will always watch over you.

Actually, considering how small you are, pound for pound you’re more dangerous than Goliath, reaching deep inside, touching parts that have lay hidden for years.

Seven pounds two ounces of nothing skipping adeptly over my stout defences, flooding me with tears and love.

Listen! very few big folk can do that to me, never mind a wee blade like you.

Did you think my heart did not thrill?

So welcome to the world, Natasha, it’s full of dirt and pain and fear, but every now and then you’ll meet an individual

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Moments of our nights and days who’ll give you such a surge of loving respect that (for a change) it makes you proud to be human.

Every now and then you’ll get what I got when I met you, Natasha: a quiet rush of love and joy.

Stuart Barrie

Adoption

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Moments of our nights and days

Blessing at the placement of a child for adoption* The blessing of God be on these parents who brought this child into life giving him/her love and talents.

The blessing of God be on these parents who receive him/her into their lives promising him/her love and nurture.

The blessing of God be on this child: surrendered in love and pain, received in love and joy.

The blessing of God be on us all, the blessing of love unending.

The blessing of hope and life.

Pat Welburn * Where appropriate, the names of the parents and child can be used.

Blessing for an adoptive family God bless the family who adopted my son, for giving him what I never could have done.

Bless his new mother and father, his new brother and sister too.

I wish all God’s blessings to follow you.

Linda Fraser

Adoption

Service of thanksgiving after adoption Before the service the children and parents gather signs and symbols of their love for each other and the life they share (e.g. flowers, a cooking pot, photos, a painting ‌) A and B: the names of the adopted children C and D: the names of the adoptive parents Opening responses: When we are happy, when we are full of fun and laughter, GOD WELCOMES US When we are searching, when we are full of ideas and questions, GOD WELCOMES US When we are tired, when we need to stop and rest and wonder, GOD WELCOMES US Alone, together, with friends, with family GOD WELCOMES US WITH LOVE. Song Prayer of approach and confession: You welcome us here God, Star-maker, Dreamer.

You love us and we are grateful.

You warm us in the sunlight.

You delight us with snowflakes and steam engines and stones.

You call us by name and create us in your image.

You hold us strong in mystery and grace.

You call us here Jesus, Carpenter, Immanuel.

You have walked on earth.

You grew up in a family.

You know what life is like for us and we are grateful.

You challenge us and nourish us.

You make us smile with your stories.

You draw us deep into healing and justice.

You offer us friendship and joy.

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Moments of our nights and days You are among us here, Holy Spirit, Comforter, Disturber.

You are alive in us and we are grateful.

You nudge us and question us.

You call us your children.

You quicken us in the wildness of your dancing.

You wrap us round securely in the shawl of your love.

In this place and this moment we are here, God, caught up in the song and stories, caught up with the stars and the angels and saints, rejoicing in the warmth of your welcome, grateful that you are here with us.

You know us, God, all our lives you have known us: you know our fears and our questions, you know the dark and light in us, you know our hunger and our love.

Here in the silence of your loving and in the company of your people we bring you the things that trouble us, that hurt and harm us and others, that make us less than the people you want us to be …

God have mercy on us.

Christ have mercy on us.

Listen to the words of Jesus, words that we can trust: ‘Don’t be afraid.

I love you.

I forgive you.

You are my friends.

Come and follow me.’

Thanks be to God. AMEN Song/psalm Readings: Ephesians 3:14–21, and a story of belonging (e.g. Ivor the Engine: The First Story)*

Adoption A creed Prayers of thanksgiving: We thank God for bringing A and B into this family.

God our Maker, we thank you for the wonder and joy of creation.

We thank you for the lives of A and B, made in your image blessed with your love.

The adoptive parents say together: God our Father, thank you for these children.

Help us to be good parents.

Make us patient and understanding.

May our children be sure of our love.

May we grow together as a family, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen Reading: Mark 10:13–16 A and B are given a book of Bible stories: We give you these books which tell the story of God’s love and goodness.

We pray that your family life may be rooted in justice and love.

The Lord’s Prayer The placing of signs and symbols: We invite A, B, C and D to place on the central table signs and symbols of their love for each other and the life they share.

(Symbols are placed.)

And we invite them to light a candle to give thanks for the light of God in their lives.

(A candle is lit.)

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Moments of our nights and days Prayers: God, look on this family.

Be amongst them.

May they grow together in hope and love.

A prayer to be said by the wider members of A and B’s new family: We receive these children into our family with joy.

Through God’s love we will care for them, we will be there for them, we will guide them in God’s way.

Amen A prayer to be said by all: GOD BLESS THIS FAMILY AND ITS NEWEST MEMBERS. HELP US TO SUPPORT THEM IN PRAYER AND ACTION. HELP THEM TO LIVE TOGETHER IN LOVE AND JUSTICE AND TO SHARE THEIR LOVE WITH THOSE IN NEED. AMEN Song Prayers of intercession: Let us pray for our needs and the needs of God’s world …

We pray for our own families, for parents, children, grandparents, sisters, brothers, grandchildren, aunts and uncles and cousins …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for A and B’s natural family, that God may bless them and give them love and peace …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for families where there is sickness or need or hunger …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for families and close relationships where there is breakdown and pain …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER.

Adoption We pray for families where life is good and love is celebrated and shared …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for parents who have lost a child and couples unable to have children …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for friends who know what we care about and who share our smiles and tears …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for those who live in community, and those who live alone …

God in your mercy …

HEAR OUR PRAYER. We pray for ourselves, that we may live in God’s peace and justice.

May we enjoy the love of friends and family.

May we get to know strangers.

May we delight in the friendship and glory of God. AMEN Closing responses: (To be said alternately by 2 parts/sides of the congregation) A: God bless us and our families: B: GIVE US COURAGE AND KEEP US LOVING. A: God help us to live in truth: B: TO STAND BY THOSE WHO NEED OUR HELP. A: God give us friends who love us: B: PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT HELP US GROW. A: God send us on our way rejoicing.

B: MAY WE ALWAYS WALK IN THE LIGHT OF YOUR LOVE. Blessing A lively song to leave Ruth Burgess, with thanks to Andrew, Amanda, David and Billy, who are into steam engines and stones * Ivor the Engine: The First Story, by Oliver Postgate, Severnside Wholesalers Limited, 2006

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