TICKLES WHAKATĀNE PARENTS CENTRE MAGAZINE
June / July
INSIDE THIS ISSUE... THE CURE FOR WHINING TIPS TO HELP KIDS CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS
WHAKATĀNE
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O A STLAND S
SCH O L PSRpaE O ce to play
a n d learn
“Building a sense of self worth and optimism”
Quality care for children aged 2 to 5
20 hours ECE for 3 to 5 year olds
Visit any time, any day
Whakatane’s most spacious preschool
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f
f
9 Fishermans Drive, Coastlands • 07 3089302 www.coastlandspreschool.co.nz admin@coastlandspreschool.co.nz
FROM THE EDITOR CONTENTS CHILDBIRTH EDUCATION CLASSES............4 WHAT’S ON................................................5 WHAT’S ONLINE........................................ 7 THE CURE FOR WHINING ......................... 9 EXPLORING EMOTIONS ......................... 12 7 TIPS TO HELP KIDS LEARN TO CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS ...................14 COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TERRIFIC TODDLER .................................18 MEMBER OFFERS.....................................25 COMMUNITY DIRECTORY........................26 HIRE EQUIPMENT....................................27
Hi all. We are pleased to say we have some new committee members on board! Welcome to Juniper and Andee! Juniper will be helping out with Tickles so you may see some changes from now on. This issue we are talking about emotions tricky things that they are! Check out our social media spotlight to discover a new app to help Mum’s on their parenting journey. Or help your kids navigate their emotions on pg 14. Hope your year is going well. Hard to believe its halfway already. What is time? KIM Temporary Editor - Whakatāne Parents Centre
The news, views and articles published in this newsletter are not necessarily those of Whakatāne Parents Centre or Parents Centre New Zealand. The information is for you to agree to disagree with, we leave you to draw your own conclusions. We do not endorse any particular product or service in this newsletter, over any other.
CONTACT US Whakatāne Parents Centre
Thanks to...
027 977 9951 whakatāne@parentscentre.org.nz parentscentre.org.nz/Whakatāne
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CHILDBIRTH EDUCATION CLASSES
FREE CBE CLASSES - GET A HEAD START! Childbirth education (aka antenatal) classes are not just for first time parents. They are a great way to meet other expectant parents and prepare for the big day. The classes are suitable for couples and singles alike, with support people welcome. We have friendly, qualified childbirth educators to take you through all the things you need.
Did you know? Childbirth education classes are the number one way to set up a coffee group. There might not always be coffee involved, but there will be a support network of parents who you can laugh, cry and share the ups and downs with. Some coffee groups around here are celebrating their kids’ 21st birthdays together. Friends for life can start with a course! CBE Classes are free. Please contact our CBE Coordinator, Kat Cox, on 027 828 0996 to enroll or email whakatÄ ne@parentscentre.org.nz.
COURSE 5 - 2019 Dues dates until end of August 2019. Saturday 8th and 15th June.
COURSE 6 - 2019 Dues dates until mid October 2019. Saturday 27th July & Saturday 3rd August.
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COURSE 7 - 2019 Dues dates until mid December 2019. Saturday 14th & 21st September.
WHAT’S ON TE TEKO RACES WHAKATANE MID-WINTER RACE DAY Wednesday 12 June - Gates open 11am FREE ENTRY KAWERAU MINI HUNT 12 - 14 July Open to 5 - 15yrs $5 entry
KIWI NIGHT WALKS Every Friday in June 7pm
AN EVENING WITH RAISING ZIGGY Saturday 8 June - 8pm Awakeri Events Centre $40 - a fundraiser for Awakeri Playcentre
RIVER EDGE MINATURE RAILWAY ‘GLOWS IN THE DARK’ 13 - 14 July $2
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Parents & Babies Mainly for first time
Space for you and your baby is offered around New Zealand. New parents and their babies meet weekly giving them the opportunity to make real connections during their baby’s first year. Parents consider different perspectives about parenting and child development, explore music, rhymes, books and a variety of play experiences in a safe, facilitated environment Topics discussed may include:
Sleeping
Becoming a parent Establishing attachment The beauty of the brain Expressing myself Treasure ba skets and heuristic play
Contact EBOP Playcentres (Whakatane region) (07) 576 5403 or bop.programmes@playcentre.org.nz Visit www.space.org.nz to find out about Space for you and your baby near you!
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explore
contribute
belong for you and your baby
WHAT’S ONLINE
the kite program
ABOUT THE KITE PROGRAM
www.facebook.com/thekiteprogram
The Kite Program is an app with simple, practical tools to help navigate raising small humans. Creator, Hannah who works in HR, describes it as professional development for Mum’s. Apart from the app, the website and social media channels all aim to a supportive community for this sometimes tricky journey.
@thekiteprogram www.thekiteprogram.com
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THE CURE FOR
whining
Should children get what they want by whining? Absolutely not.
2. WHINING BECAUSE SHE NEEDS MORE CONNECTION:
Should they learn that they can get their way by marshaling good arguments and making them in a reasonable, humorous, charming way that meets your needs as well as theirs? Absolutely, if you want them to get anywhere in life.
Be pre-emptive. Make sure that your child gets enough of your positive attention, unprovoked. Pre-empt whining by giving attention BEFORE she gets demanding. Anyone who’s had to ask a romantic partner “Do you love me?” knows that attention given after you ask can never really fill the need. The secret is to take the initiative and give attention the child hasn’t asked for, often, so she feels your support and connection.
But how to help them make that transition? Whining is common with toddlers and preschoolers. Parents are usually advised to tell their kids to ask in a “nice” voice, because they can’t hear the whiny voice. But whining is a symptom of a deeper issue. So if you want to eliminate whining, you have to address what’s underneath. If your child’s whining is driving you crazy, here are six parent-proven secrets to stop the whining. Which secret you use depends on why he’s whining. 1. WHINING BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE THE INTERNAL RESOURCES TO COPE WITH WHAT’S BEING ASKED OF HIM: When humans feel overwhelmed, they get whiny. (As a toddler, he would have thrown himself howling to the ground, but by three or four he can often whine instead.) Meet his basic needs for food, rest, down time, runaround time, and connection with you, or you can count on whining. He may not tantrum as much as he used to, but he will certainly whine if you force him to endure that shopping trip while he’s hungry and tired. Why create a negative situation that stresses both of you and contributes to the habit of whining?
And of course it’s particularly important to connect when she shows the first sign of needing your emotional support, before that quick downhill slide. (No, you’re not rewarding “bad” behavior by giving her attention when she’s whining. If she were whining from hunger, would you think you were rewarding that by feeding her? It’s our job to meet kids’ needs so they have the internal resources to cope. Connection is a basic human need, and children can’t function well without it.) 3. WHINING BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LIKE WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT FEELS POWERLESS TO GET HER WAY: Lawrence Cohen, author of the wonderful book Playful Parenting, says: “When children whine they are feeling powerless. If we scold them for whining or refuse to listen to them we increase their feelings of powerlessness. If we give in so they will stop whining, we reward that
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powerlessness. But if we relaxedly, playfully, invite them to use a strong voice, we increase their sense of confidence and competence. And we find a bridge back to close connection.” Remember, you’re not out to manipulate her, but to connect. Start by letting her know that you hear what she wants, and you see her point of view: “You really want to go to the playground, and you keep telling me that, and here I keep stopping at all these stores that you aren’t expecting, and you’re disappointed, right?” Sometimes just feeling heard is enough to stop whining in its tracks. Then, if she keeps whining, you can say playfully “You don’t sound like yourself. I wonder where your usual strong voice went?” Express confidence that your child can use her “strong” voice and offer your assistance to help her find it, by making it into a game: “Hey, where did your strong voice go? It was here a minute ago. I LOVE your strong voice! I’ll help you find it. Help me look. Is it under the chair? No...behind the door? No.... HEY! You found it!! That was your strong voice!! Yay! I
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love your strong voice! Now, tell me again what you need, in your strong voice.” Finally, give her alternate tools by teaching her how to ask appropriately for something and negotiate with you. Since whining is so often a function of powerlessness, helping your child to feel that she can get what she wants through reasonable measures will carry over into the rest of her life. In other words, you don’t want her to learn that she gets her way in life by whining or tantrumming, but you do want her to learn that she can get what she wants through managing her emotions, seeing things from the other person’s point of view and setting up win/win situations. (And of course, that’s what you always try to model.) So if you simply don’t have time to go to the playground today, then don’t. Be empathic about his desire, and nurture him through the meltdown, as described in #4 below. But if your objection is to his whining, rather than his request, and he manages to pull himself together and ask in a reasonable way for what he wants, then you’ll be able to engage in the kind of conflict resolution that finds a win/win solution.
“Ok, you want to go to the playground, and I need to stop at the hardware store. Let’s do this: If we’re really quick at the hardware store, we’ll have time to stop at the playground on the way home. Think you can help me be quick? And if you are really fast about getting in and out of your car seat, we can stay a bit longer at the playground.” Are you “rewarding” whining? No, you’re empowering him by demonstrating that finding solutions that work for both of you is the way to get what he wants in life. I often hear from parents that this “empowering with the strong voice game” strategy works like a charm the first time or two, but that after that the child refuses to play. If that’s the case, it’s because he actually needs something else -- to cry. Which brings us to: 4. WHINING BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO CRY: He has a lot of pent-up emotions about things that are stressing him -- the new babysitter you left him with on Friday night, that kid who grabbed the truck away in the sandbox, potty training, the new baby -- there’s no end of stressful developmental challenges! Toddlers let off stress by simply having a meltdown, but as they get older they gain more self-control, and begin to whine instead. Be kind in response to his whining until you get home and have a few minutes to spend with him. Then draw him onto your lap, look him in the eye and say “I notice you were feeling so whiny and sad, Sweetie. Do you just need to cuddle and maybe cry a bit? Everybody needs to cry sometimes. I’m right here to hold you.”
5. WHINING BECAUSE IT WORKS: Don’t reward whining, meaning don’t give in and buy the candy. But there is never a reason to be less than kind about it. Responding to his desire with empathy (“You are so disappointed that I said no; you really wish you could have that candy...”) helps him feel less alone with his disappointment. And there’s nothing wrong with finding something else that will make him happy, like a shiny red apple or a trip to the playground. That teaches him to look for and propose win/win solutions. If, by contrast, he feels like he only gets what he wants by whining, he’ll become an expert whiner. 6. WHINING BECAUSE ANYTHING TO STOP IT:
YOU’LL
DO
Why do parents hate whining so much? Because whining is your little one’s more mature form of crying. She’s letting you know she needs your attention. And human grownups are programmed to react to whining much as we do to crying, so the needs of tiny humans get met. So the minute you hear that whine, you react with anxiety. You’ll do anything to stop it. But if you can take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s no emergency, you’ll feel a lot better, and you’ll parent better. Don’t let your automatic crisis mode of fight or flight kick in. Don’t feel like you have to solve the problem, or do anything at all except love your child. Just smile at your child and give her a big hug. Most of the time, the whining will stop. Courtesy of ahaparenting.com
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EXPLORING EMOTIONS
Learning to understand and cope with emotions is an important part of early childhood learning (and, arguably, adult learning). Many, many children’s books touch on this subject and there are some great ones available at the Whakatāne Library.
THE BIG LITTLE BOOK OF HAPPY SADNESS BY COLIN THOMPSON.
LLAMA, LLAMA MAD AT MAMA BY ANNA DEWDNEY There are plenty of children’s books around about managing those angry feelings, but the story of Llama Llama on a shopping trip with mum must rate fairly high on the list. This author is great at describing the world from a kid’s (or little llama’s) point of view – very funny illustrations and a plot that every kid and parent will relate to.
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Don’t be put off by the beginning of this book. In the best tradition of all good stories, it starts sad (in an animal shelter) and ends happily. Outside of that journey, though, this is not your usual book, with fun pictures and brilliant solutions to problems that may be encountered by a three-legged dog. WHEN SADNESS COMES TO CALL BY EVA ELAND Sometimes, whether you are a kid or an adult, it can feel like there is something wrong with you if you are not constantly happy. This somewhat complex idea is beautifully explored in When Sadness Comes to Call. The character, Sadness, turns up unexpectedly on the doorstep – a bit like a slightly eccentric aunt who you love but were not entirely prepared for. The story
COURTESY OF WHAKATĀNE DISTRICT LIBRARIES
describes how to spend time with Sadness and explains that your time together need not be worrying or frightening, and that Sadness is a guest who may well be gone in the morning. Simple, evocative illustrations reinforce the messages in this wonderful little book.
GRUMPY DUCK BY JOYCE DUNBAR AND PETER HORACEK.
I DON’T LIKE SNAKES BY NICOLA DAVIES. There aren’t too many opportunities to run into a snake in NZ but this book is a lovely introduction to facing fears. Each time the key character in the story exclaims her dislike of snakes the family lovingly ask why and then provides some great fun facts that, over the course of the book, help her change her mind.
Grumpy is definitely a feeling we are all familiar with and in this title Duck is really feeling it, as his favourite swimming pond has disappeared. All of Duck’s friends try to help but things don’t quite go to plan. However, a twisty conclusion has a bright ending. There are too many great titles to mention but these made the highly recommended list: •
Sad Book by Michael Rosens
•
Say Hello by Jack and Michael Foreman
•
Hester and Lester by Kyle Mewburn Illustrated by Harriet Bailey
•
Sad, the Dog by Sandy Fussell illustrated by Tull Suwannakit
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7 TIPS TO HELP KIDS LEARN TO
control their emotions
“I love your posts, but my husband is afraid that if we allow our kids to get upset as you suggest, they’ll never learn to control their emotions. Don’t we need to just say No sometimes?” Rachel All of us worry about our kids learning to control their emotions. After all, it’s emotions that so often get us off track and into trouble. And of course we need to just say No sometimes. Kids can’t run into the street, throw their food at each other, or pee on their baby brother. But setting limits on children’s behavior doesn’t mean we need to set limits on what they feel. In fact, when we don’t “allow” our child to get upset, we’re unwittingly making it harder for our child to learn to manage his emotions. That’s because you can’t actually keep your child from getting upset, whether you “allow” it or not. Telling your child not to cry won’t keep him from being upset; it will just give him the message that there’s something scary or shameful about his emotions, so he’d better try to hide them. Unfortunately, when humans repress emotion, those emotions are no longer under conscious control. So they pop out unregulated, causing the child to lash out or act out. It’s that dysregulation that scares parents, when our child seems completely out of control. But kids don’t get dysregulated because we “allow” their emotions. They get dysregulated when they need to express an emotion but feel they “can’t.” So, instead, they “act (it) out.”
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So denying emotion or making ourselves wrong for having emotions doesn’t help us control them. Here’s how a child actually learns to regulate his emotions. Notice that all the action items start with what “WE” -- the parents -- do.
1. WE MODEL SELF-REGULATION. That means we resist our own little “tantrums” such as yelling. Instead, we take a parent time-out to calm ourselves down. If our child is too young for us to leave the room, we do as much processing at other times as we can, so we can stay more calm while we’re with our kids. Then, in the moment, we slow things down and take responsibility for how we express our emotions. After all, children learn from us. When we yell, they learn to yell. When we speak respectfully, they learn to speak respectfully. Every time you model in front of your child how to stop yourself from acting when you’re angry, your child is learning emotional regulation. Please note I’m not suggesting that you should “stuff” or repress your emotions. That would just make them harder to control! I’m suggesting that you handle the emotions responsibly, by noticing the feeling and tolerating it -- but NOT taking action. Every time you do that, you’re strengthening your neural networks to manage your emotions. That’s exactly what we’re trying to teach our children to do. And of course, we need to be the role models. (Not perfect yet? Don’t worry. Most of us are
still working on this. In fact, it’s the work of a lifetime. Just keep taking steps in the right direction.)
2. WE MAKE IT EASY TO TALK ABOUT EMOTIONS. Research shows that children grow in emotional intelligence when we talk about our own feelings, acknowledge theirs, and wonder aloud about those of other people: “That little boy in the stroller is crying .... I wonder what’s wrong? What do you think he needs?” Is it important to teach kids words for their emotions? Yes, it validates their experience and helps them understand others. But labeling emotions when tempers rage just makes the child feel analyzed, and talking of any kind takes the child out of her heart and into her head, which makes it harder to work through the feelings. Instead, in those tough moments, focus on simply accepting your child’s emotions and offering compassion, even if you need to limit your child’s actions. After everyone is calm, it always helps to talk with your child about what happened -- not to criticize or lecture, but to apologize, empathize and restore connection: “We were all so upset that we started yelling. But that’s no way to work things out with someone you love. I’m sorry I lost my temper. I know you must have been so upset, too, to say/do those things. I’m ready to listen now to what you were upset about.”
3. WE PRIORITIZE A DEEP NURTURING CONNECTION. Babies grow the neural wiring to soothe themselves by being soothed by their
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parents. But even older children need to feel connected to us or they can’t regulate themselves emotionally. When we notice our child getting dysregulated, the most important thing we can do (after calming ourselves) is to try to reconnect. When kids feel that we’re on their side, even when we need to say no to them, they WANT to cooperate -- so that warm, delighted connection eliminates a lot of “misbehavior.”
“misbehave” are bad. So kids try to repress those emotions, and their emotional backpack gets stuffed even more full of bad feelings. That’s one of the reasons that punishment actually leads to more misbehavior -- those feelings keep bubbling up out of the emotional backpack looking for healing, and your child lashes out because the emotions feel so scary. Instead of punishing, help your child stay on track with loving guidance and emotion
setting limits on children’s behavior doesn’t mean we need to set limits on what they feel 4. WE ACCEPT OUR CHILD’S FEELINGS, EVEN WHEN THEY’RE INCONVENIENT (AS FEELINGS OFTEN ARE). “Oh, Sweetie, I know that’s disappointing....I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted.” When empathy becomes our “go to” response, our child learns that emotions may not feel good, but they’re not dangerous, so she accepts and processes them as they come up, instead of stuffing them, where they just get uglier. She knows someone understands, so she doesn’t have to yell to be heard. And when our support helps her learn that she can live through bad feelings and the sun will come out the next day, she begins to develop resilience.
5. WE GUIDE BEHAVIOR BUT RESIST THE URGE TO PUNISH. Spankings, time outs, consequences, and shaming don’t give kids the help they need with their emotions. In fact, the message kids get is that the emotions that drove them to
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coaching to help them process emotions.
6. WE LIMIT OUR CHILD’S ACTIONS AS NECESSARY, EVEN WHILE WE HELP THE CHILD FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO FEEL THE EMOTIONS. Of course your child isn’t yet capable of making all his own decisions in life, even when he’s thinking well. When he’s angry, it’s not surprising that he does and says things he’ll be sorry for later. (Don’t you?) Your angry child is not a bad person, but a hurting, very young human. When kids aren’t controlling their emotions, it’s because they can’t, at that moment. This is not the time to teach him not to be rude. If you can stay compassionate, your child will feel safe enough to surface, feel and express the tears and fears that are driving his anger and acting out. If you can help him feel safe enough to actually feel those tears and fears, they’ll evaporate -- and the anger and acting out will vanish, too.
7. WE ACT LIKE THE GROWN-UP. When we aren’t able to take charge in our home, setting appropriate limits and creating a positive tone, kids don’t feel safe. They worry that we aren’t able to meet their emotional needs, so they start working hard to take charge themselves. That’s one reason children get bossy and demanding. Even worse for their development, they stop coming to us with their tears and fears. They don’t trust us with their vulnerability. They have to keep their defenses up, so they develop a chip on their shoulder. And that means they can’t relax and tackle things that scare them (otherwise known as age-appropriate developmental tasks), like learning to work out conflicts with peers and taking the risk of trying new things. The solution is to this “attitude” is to help the child feel safe, by committing to being a calm, emotionally generous parent who sets empathic limits and models emotional intelligence.
been told not to feel, or punished or shamed for their feelings. They learn that: Emotions aren’t bad, they’re just part of the richness of being human.When you allow yourself to feel, the emotions begin to fade away. We don’t usually have a choice about what we feel, but we always have a choice about how we choose to act. Does this demand a lot of the parent? Absolutely! But what better motivation to grow than your love for your child? And if you’re still working on regulating yourself, you’ll be glad to hear that your kids will almost certainly be better at managing their emotions than you are. Why? You’re doing the hard work now to help them learn how. And most of the work -- surprise! -- is on yourself. Courtesy of ahaparenting.com
Kids who are parented this way learn to “control” their emotions because they have a healthy emotional life, not because they’ve
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Communicating With Your Terrific Toddler Those sweet months of snuggling your tiny helpless baby in your arms went by in a flash, didn’t they? Now you have a spirited little person who is moving faster than you can keep up as he explores and discovers how his body works – as he climbs and jumps off whatever he has climbed on – and how things work – from how the dog reacts when its tail is pulled to what happens when I press this switch or throw this object. One minute your terrific toddler will seem like a confident little person on his way to work out the big wide world and the next he will be back in your lap or at your breast to refill his love tank ready for his next adventure. It can be confusing being the parent of a toddler. Until now, your dear baby’s needs and wants were the same and you found your groove and began to trust yourself as you responded to his cues. Your baby was happy. He thrived and you enjoyed each other and if things went a bit ‘pear shaped’, you simply nursed him and the world became calm. But now, you start to wonder, how do we gently guide his behavior? Are we ‘giving in’ if we respond to his every request, especially as he starts to become much more persistent about what he wants, even when it isn’t in his best interests? And, what about all those comments about how he is ‘too big for that’ when he slides his chubby hand inside your shirt, groping for the comfort of his ‘boobies.’
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As well as your own uncertainty about this new stage, the pressure around children’s behavior increases as your toddler grows into a walking talking tot with a strong and cheeky spirit. Your family and complete strangers all seem to have an opinion about how to ‘train’ your child – and the dire consequences if you don’t teach him to obey. The thing is, your toddler isn’t hardwired to create trouble or to ignore you, even though it may seem like this a lot of the time. He doesn’t wake up each day thinking, how can I keep my mother on her toes today? Your little one’s urge to explore is innate, his brain wiring that enables impulse control isn’t on board yet, he is starting to have big emotions but his capacity to manage these big feelings depends on the development of his prefrontal cortex and this will take a few years yet. This means a new style of communication is beginning but it doesn’t mean you need to be harsh or punitive. And you don’t need to dampen the spirit of your little explorer. You can gently guide your terrific toddler with respect and love. And in turn, through your own modeling, he will learn how to communicate his needs with respect and consideration for others.
SEE ALL BEHAVIOR AS A COMMUNICATION So often when small children’s behavior becomes ‘inconvenient’ , onlookers will tell you ‘it’s behavioural’ , as though your little one is motivated by some sort of malicious intent. Or, ‘he is just seeking attention.’ Attention is a legitimate need – we have been used to meeting a younger baby’s needs promptly because they are right there, they can’t get their own food or drink, they need intensive care to simply survive and they need our close supervision to keep them safe. However, as our little ones begin to walk and move away from us more independently, we aren’t as focused on them as they get on with things. They don’t yet have the communication skills to ask us for what they need whether this is food or drink or an emotional top- up. So, they may express their feelings through emotional outbursts or they may hit or grab or bite. If we can see what to us may even look like a violent reaction to frustration, as communication, rather than manipulation
or ‘bad’ behavior, we can stay calm and help toddlers work things out. Instead of reacting with anger or embarrassment, it can help to try and see the child’s perspective – ‘my child is having a problem, rather than being a problem.’ When we look at the meaning behind the behavior and try to understand what is happening for the child, it is much easier to support little ones to manage their big feelings. By being present and aware of your toddler’s ‘triggers’ and capacity to cope with different situations, you will begin to notice the signals that a meltdown is on the way, just as you learned your tiny baby’s early cues. This way, you can move in early and you may be able to avert challenging behavior that really just means, I want to connect to you right now or, I am finding this place really overwhelming, please help me take a break. Or, if you need to say ‘no’ to an adventure you will be gently teaching your toddler to cope
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with disappointment as you guide him safely, with love and show him an alternative way to express himself. For instance, “we don’t hurt kitty, use your gentle hands (as you take his hand and show him how to gently stroke the cat). “
FILLING YOUR TODDLER’S LOVE TANK Just as your little person has physical needs for food, sleep and a gentle rhythm to his day, he has emotional needs for connection with you. He needs touch, eye contact and moments of focused attention to help him balance his calming chemistry at a physiological level and to meet his emotional needs for connection too. When you fill his little ‘love tank’ by tuning in to your terrific toddler, he will find it easier to express himself calmly and you will find it easier to communicate with less frustration for both of you. If your toddler is still breastfeeding, he will be filling his tiny tank with all the elements of connection and communication as well as nutrition and immunity, but it can help to be aware of meeting his needs in other ways as he grows beyond this special relationship: Touch – give little hugs, a backrub, a kiss on the back of his silky neck. Try making a pizza on his back, letting him choose the imaginary ingredients as you use strokes that match, such as spreading, chopping, stroking, sprinkling, then rubbing as you cook the pizza then ‘slice’ it and gobble it all up!
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Eye contact: stop, drop to your child’s level and make eye contact as you listen and respond to his chatter, extending his language as you reflect back to him what he is trying to tell you. Focussed attention: Notice the good things your little one is doing, rather than ignoring him until something goes wrong. Rather than setting up a pattern of praising that can backfire in the longer term as he seeks constant praise for the smallest thing, try using a technique called ‘mirroring’: reflect back what your little one is doing,”thankyou for shutting the car door.” Then add a quality, “that’s really helpful.” This way you are filling your little one’s tank so he starts to see himself as kind, strong, responsible, funny (whatever). This is far more nourishing to his self-esteem than ‘empty praise’ such as ‘clever girl’ or ‘good boy’ and can be used at any age. For instance, later on you may say, “wow! You read five pages all by yourself!” This is far more believable to a child than telling them, “what a good reader!” You can give your child tangible evidence that they are capable and it all began with tuning in and filling his tiny love tank. Courtesy of pinkymckay.com
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WHAKATĀNE CAR SEAT CLINIC ON THE SECOND TUESDAY OF EACH MONTH 10AM-1PM
Did you know? It’s 70% safer to rearward face. Plunket recommend rear-facing until at least 2 years of age. Come along and let us check that your car seat is correctly fitted and work safely. Appointments not necessary. Donations to help cover our time are appreciated.
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10 Victoria Avenue, Whakatāne
HOME BASED CHILD CARE AVAILABLE • • • • • •
Quality, affordable childcare available in your area 20 ECE FREE hours for 3-4 year olds WINZ subsidies available for those who qualify FREE toy, equipment & resource library Registered ECE Teachers supporting your childs learning & development Your child will receive one on one care & attention
BABY & YOU Are you a new parent?
‘Baby & You’ explores the first three months of your baby’s life and gives practical information about stimulation for babies, age-appropriate toys and the key milestones of your baby’s growth. Contact us about doing a one off class. You get freebies from Huggies and Johnsons and some valuable information. To book phone 027 977 9951 and leave a message, email whakatāne@parentscentre.org.nz or find us on Facebook.
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DO YOU KNOW OF A LOCAL BUSINESS THAT WOULD LIKE TO BE PART OF OUR MEMBER OFFER PROGRAM? GET IN TOUCH VIA OUR FACEBOOK PAGE.
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COMMUNITY DIRECTORY Whakatāne Parents Centre Plunketline Plunket Clinic
027 977 9951 0800 933 922 (07) 308 8454
National Poisons Centre Healthline IRD Child Support
0800 764766 0800 611 116 0800 221 221
SUPPORT SERVICES
GROUPS & ACTIVITIES
LA LECHE LEAGUE Breastfeeding Café, for advice, support and to meet other mums. Phone Bronwyn ph. 307 7440
MUSIC AND MOVEMENT , WHAKATĀNE Salvation Army Hall, corner King St and Goulstone Rd, Wednesdays at 10am. $1-$2.
WHAKATĀNE COMMUNITY TOY LIBRARY Located at James Street School. Open Tuesdays 10.30-11.30am, Wednesdays and Thursdays 3-4pm and Saturdays 10-11am. Discount for Parents Centre members on new memberships.
MAINLY MUSIC, WHAKATĀNE Baptist Centre, Keepa Rd, Coastlands. Thursdays at 9.30am. $4.
GYMTOTS At EBOP Gymnastics Club, 11 Lovelock St. Phone 07 308 0122 or 022 326 7496 (022 ebopgym)
ST NICHOLAS MUSIC, ŌHOPE St Nicholas Church, by the Four Square in Ōhope. Fridays at 9.30am. Gold coin entry.
SPACE - SUPPORTING PARENTS ALONGSIDE CHILDREN’S EDUCATION Ph 07 308 0273 and leave a message or email ebopspace@gmail.com
BOTTLE FED BABIES (BFBS) Information on sterilisation, feeding and support for parents email bottlefedbabies@hotmail.com. GASTRIC REFLUX ASSOCIATION For the Support of Parents (GRASP) www.cryingoverspiltmilk.co.nz or 0800 380 517 (leave a message with your contact details). STILLBIRTH AND NEONATAL DEATH SUPPORT GROUP (SANDS) A local group supporting families who have experienced stillbirth or the death of a baby. Message their Facebook page. MISCARRIAGE SUPPORT Information for families who need support following a miscarriage. Ph (09) 378 4060. JIGSAW (FORMERLY CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION SERVICES) Helping families put together what’s best for their children. Phone 0800 228 737 or see www.jigsaw.org.nz.
POST-NATAL DEPLETION GROUP Local support for Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. Search Whakatāne Post Natal Depletion Support Group on Facebook to join.
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DANCE FFUN STUDIO, WHAKATĀNE Pre-school dance and ballet for 3 to 5 yrs. Call Helen on 021 210 5119. Caledonian Hall, 60 King St. WHAKATĀNE COMMUNITY PLAYGROUP Learning fun for children under 5 at Eastbay REAP Monday to Thursday 9am-1pm. MULTIPLE BIRTH PLAYGROUP For families with twins, triplets and more. Meets first and third Wednesday of the month at St Nicholas Church, Ōhope. For more information call Jules on 308 2586 BOOKABOO STORIES AND SONGS At Whakatāne Library and Exhibition Centre. Tuesdays at 10am. Free. EDUBASE PLAYGROUP Fridays from 9:30-11:30am, Plunket Rooms. Suitable for ages 0-5.
PARENT INC. TOOLBOX Six week courses run for parents. A choice of courses available: 0-6 years, 6-12 years and teenagers. Courses run for 2 hours per week usually in the evenings. Phone Pam 312 4444. HIYOKO JAPANESE PLAYGROUP Tuesdays as a regular session at Mananui Playcentre. WHAKATĀNE BABYWEARERS Hire of slings/carriers available. Contact us on Facebook. PLAYCENTRE BABES Awakeri Playcentre on Mondays from 12.30-3pm. For children Under 2. A supportive place to bring your baby. Contact: awakeri@playcentre. org.nz, Sian on 0274 083 083 or find us on Facebook
NEW
MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH Maternal and Infant Mental Health support. Self-referrals accepted. Ph 306 0470.
MAINLY MUSIC, ŌPŌTIKI St Johns Church, St John St, Ōpōtiki Thursdays at 10am. $2.
EDGECUMBE PLAYGROUP Each Thursday during term time 12:30pm - 2:30pm. 51 College Rd, Edgecumbe (next to the church). FREE! Contact Lisa 022 023 9526
HIRE EQUIPMENT TO HIRE THESE ITEMS, CONTACT WHAKATÄ€NE PARENTS CENTRE ON 027 977 9951
MEDELA SYMPHONY HOSPITAL GRADE BREAST PUMPS Top of the line, hospital grade electric breast pump for home and personal use. Ideal for boosting supply, assisting with feeding a sick or premature baby, for long-term pumping, separation situations (sick or working mum) and other scenarios. BOND $50. MEMBERS PRICE $30 PER MONTH* DOUBLE PUMP KIT $10. *Only available to Parents Centre members
MEDELA LACTINA BREAST PUMPS Hospital grade electric breast pumps ideal for long term, regular use. Can be used for long-term pumping, boosting supply, assisting with feeding a sick or premature baby, separation situations (sick or working mum) and other scenarios. BOND $30. MEMBERS PRICE $20 PER MONTH. NON MEMBERS $50 PER MONTH. DOUBLE PUMP KIT $10.
AVENT ISIS BREAST PUMP AND STERILISER KITS Our Avent kit includes an Isis manual breast pump with storage bottles and a microwave steriliser. Simple to use and very cost effective. Great for occasional use. BOND $25. MEMBERS $10 PER MONTH. NON MEMBERS $20 PER MONTH.
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JOIN PARENTS CENTRE DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO JOIN WHAKATĀNE PARENTS CENTRE? We offer… Quality childbirth education classes • Taught by qualified educators with skills in adult teaching Comprehensive parent education courses • Basic First Aid • Baby and You • Toilet Training • Moving and Munching Networks for parents to support and learn • Friendship and support through coffee groups, playgroups • Social events
Services • Library - parenting and children’s books • Local newsletter “Tickles’ and national magazine, KiwiParent, every two months • Breast pumps for hire at very competitive rates Discounts • Local retail discounts • Members discount or free entry to Centre courses and activities • Members discounts on hire equipment
BECOME A PARENTS CENTRE MEMBER TODAY! Join now for only $60 per year or $90 for 2 years (Valid Community Services Card holder = $20/yr). Contact us on 027 977 9951 or email whakatāne@parentscentre.org.nz
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