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APR

8

28 2011

CHORAL CONTEST PREDICTIONS GgG¾9i¾iPG¾9BWe9NG¾\wwQBGœ¾qG¾D\Z¼i¾Vkhi¾hQi¾9g\kZD¾q9iBPQZN¾¹i¼h¾ æXq9sh¾+kZZs¾QZ¾(PQX9DGXePQ9º¾9ZD¾9hW¾eG\eXG¾i\¾ekXX¾\kg¾wQZNGgh§¾qG¾ XQWG¾ i\¾ hi9s¾ ke²i\²D9iG¾ \Z¾ iPG¾ hikwM¾ P9eeGZQZN¾ QZhQDG¾ iPG¾ 4PQiY9Z¾ Bubble. We have been informed that the 85th Annual Whitman Cho² g9X¾ \ZiGhi¾Qh¾P9eeGZQZN¾iPQh¾gQD9s¾ZQNPi¾QZ¾ \gDQZGg¡¾QpGZ¾\kg¾gGe² ki9iQ\Z¾M\g¾gG9XZGhh¾9ZD¾QZi\XGg9ZBG¾\M¾ekhhs¾A\kgNG\Qh¾QDG9Xhœ¾qG¾DG² BQDGD¾i\¾AgG9W¾iPQh¾D\qZ¾M\g¾s¼9XX›

BETA

Why They’ll Win: They can smoke cigarettes and sing at the same time. Why They’ll Lose: They’re Beta.

KAPPA

Why They’ll Win: They’re hot. Why They’ll Lose: Hotness doesn’t always equate with sounding good.

PHI

Why They’ll Win: They’re tall. Why They’ll Lose: Pot brownies beforehand might not be the best pre-contest warm-up.

SCHWA

Why They’ll Win: They’re Schwa. Why They’ll Lose: They won’t.

DG

Why They’ll Win: They do not accept defeat. Why They’ll Lose: Too many people rollin’.

TKE

Why They’ll Win: They’ve been practicing while pole dancing. Why They’ll Lose: Not enough contestants.

SIRENS

Why They’ll Win: Azns r cute. Why They’ll Lose: Their song choice will be off a “Now That’s What I Call Music!” album.

THETA

Why They’ll Win: Their Queen medley last year rocked. Why They’ll Lose: They’re singing “Friday”. FUN FUN FUN NO.

SIG T-TONES INDY WOMEN

Why They’ll Win: They actually practiced. Why They’ll Lose: Too many goons. Why They’ll Win: Matching outfits. Why They’ll Lose: No one a-capella group should have so much power. Why They’ll Win: They can actually sing. Why They’ll Lose: What’s with those robes?

INDY MEN

Why They’ll Win: They intend to kick ass and take names. Why They’ll Lose: They run the chance of literally kicking ass.

WINNERS

Indy women, Indy men, Schwa

ILLUSTRATION BY JOHNSON

Pornographers Mix-up LETTER FROM WEB

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kanye tweet of the week

To the students of Whitman College,

In a scheduling snafu which could otherwise be described as a giant fuck-up by one of the members of the Whitman Events Board, the upcoming New Pornographers concert will not be going exactly as planned. Instead of booking the indie rock musical group of that title, a certain member of our staff accidentally booked actual pornographers. Due to contractual obligations, the fact that we’ve already invested time and effort into advertising, and the fact that the guy who booked this already paid the wrong “Pornographers”, we’re gonna have a show anyway. Same time, same place.

kanyewest  

This will still be a stage performance, as the pornography production company we hired specializes in real time, exhibitionist pornography. For that reason, your presence is greatly appreciated! The biggest changes we expect from our shift in acts is that onstage performance can be variable, and the music is going to likely suck balls. The actors and actresses are also likely to do just that. Nonetheless, it’s going to be a huge spectacle! Hope to see you there, ,PG¾4PQiY9Z¾ pGZih¾\9gD¾+i9wM

Real Talk:

Women shave them

Kanye  West

Cherry and apple, to name a few

I  could  never  do  stand-­up  ‘cause  I  tell   jokes  better  when  I’m  sitting.

COMIC

THE TRIATHLON

Papal name

,PQh¾qGGWGZDœ¾iPG¾4PQiY9Z¾ \XXGNG¾+egQZN¾,gQ9iPX\Z¾Qh¾P9e² Relieve oneself in a vulgar manner eGZQZNž¾GgG¾9gG¾h\YG¾iPQZNh¾s\k¾Y9s¾Z\i¾WZ\q¾9A\ki¾iPG¾AQ² Decline 9ZZk9X¾igQ9iPX\Z¾9i¾4PQiY9Z› ѦPre-present The men are actually judged on

how well they pull off shirtlessness. Spectators vote online Having muchcan celerity polling via SurveyMonkey. clenched hand ѦA There is a strong correlation be-

Ѧ The swim team doesn’t harbor

judgments for those people who aren’t very good at swimming, but try anyway. This is unless, of course, those people really suck.

tween the money raised through this event andpoint how sexy the swim The main team will look in the following season. They swear it’s not inTop 10, for example versely correlated.

Ѧ It’s funny if the people manning

that’s code for that it’s not flat. Will-o'-the-_____ Ever. You go uphill both ways.

o-n. Did anyone else think it was "triathalon" up until just now?

the course point you in the wrong direction. So loosen up a bit and have a laugh.

ѦThe arrows are a lie. ѦCharacteristic When they say thatofthe por- accent a bike Spanish tion of the triathlon is a false flat, ѦTriathlon is spelled t-r-i-a-t-h-lILLUSTRATION BY ALDEN

Sagacious

WORD LADDER

Women shave them

Sun action

Hey all,

Cherry and apple, to name a few

Ceremonial act

Papal name

Plentiful

Relieve oneself in a vulgar manner

Whitewater vessel

Decline

Float gently, as a smell

Pre-present

Whitman or Disney

Having much celerity

Die, as a flower

A clenched hand

William Wallace's garb

The main point

Rotate slightly

Top 10, for example

Scrabble piece

Characteristic of a Spanish accent

Beer _____

Will-o'-the-_____

Tick relative

Sagacious

South American tea-like drink

I’m finding myself with a lack of time necessary to make a crossword yet again, so I thought I’d try something new: a word ladder! Each consecutive answer varies by one letter from the previous answer. For example, if the clue were alluding to what I am, the answer would be slut. The next clue might ask what you do with a baseball bat, and the answer would be slug. Get it? Hope you enjoy it! Adam

ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK’S JUMBLE OSPREY MUSKET PLAINS MARTEN FLAUNT Q: What is life without geometry? A: POINTLESS

Sun action


Spring 2011 Issue 12 Backpage