IN THIS ISSUE
Tennis team hosts championship Women prepare to take on local rivals in the only tournament of the fall season. page 7
Instant play festival
The injustice of capital punishment
The product of student participants’ three-week workshops hits the Alexander Stage this weekend. page 4
Columnist Allison Bolgiano questions the legitimacy of the death penalty. page 6
WHITMAN COLLEGE Walla Walla, WA Volume CXXVII Issue 2 whitmanpioneer.com S ,
Policy ends unaccompanied international student travel A lack of resources to properly screen programs means that any Whitman-funded international travel must now include a faculty or staff advisor by HADLEY JOLLEY Staff Reporter
BOWMAN The new Inland Octopus toy store mural, completed Sept. 7, breaks tradition by veering away from the typical exterior style of mainstream storefronts.
New mural differs from downtown color palette by MOLLY JOHANSON Staff Reporter
If you’re walking down Main Street, you may notice that the predominant palette of Walla Walla’s buildings appears to be muted wine colors—that is, until you reach the storefront of the Inland Octopus toy shop. A big, bright new mural covers the 650-square foot front of the building, depicting a whimsical scene of a large purple octopus scaling a blue and green castle with a rainbow illuminating the background. “It could have been brighter,” Bob Catsiff, the store owner, said with a smile. “I wanted the outside to show how cool the inside of the store is.” Catsiff has been planning the mural ever since the store moved to its new location at 7 East Main at the end of March. The mural, a collaboration between Catsiff and local artist Aaron Randall, was completed on Tuesday, Sept. 7, and took 37 hours for Randall to paint while Catsiff mixed the colors. “Most people who look at it smile, when they otherwise wouldn’t have,” said Catsiff. The store’s location next to Bright’s Candies in the heart of downtown makes
the mural a prominent focal point in the city. But the bright colors may also pose a problem. The City of Walla Walla’s design standards discourage downtown buildings from being painted “bright, heavily saturated and/or reflective shades of red, blue, green, orange, yellow, or black.” However, these recommendations are for building colors alone. According to Elio Agostini, executive director of the Walla Walla Downtown Foundation, there is no actual code in regard to murals. If the painting was to be declared a sign, however, it would be classified as too big. “I’ve talked to building and business owners alike and found about a 70 to 30 percent split on the positive side regarding who likes the mural,” Agostini said. “The decision of the mural lies in the hands of the city, though.” Many citizens, including the store’s target demographic—children—enjoy the mural, especially compared to the blank white wall that was there before. Jim McGuinn of Hot Poop thinks that the mural is “a breath of fresh air.” Rachel Kline, co-owner of the Walla Walla Bread Company, agrees. “Bob did exactly the right thing,” she said. “The way it’s painted gives it depth. It couldn’t have been more tastefully done.”
A new Whitman College policy suspending unaccompanied international travel has sophomore Maggie Appleton, co-president of Whitman Direct Action (WDA), worried about the future of the group. This policy suspends Whitman funding of unaccompanied international travel by students, which means that WDA will not receive financial assistance from the school to go abroad and volunteer. Last year, WDA traveled to Guatemala on a service trip to encourage sustainable agriculture. Members have previously participated in clean water projects in Mexico and India, a biodiesel project in Central America as well as other international service trips. “The new rule change undermines the club entirely,” said Appleton. “We’re not quite sure how we’re going to function this year under these rules, because our whole premise is that students independently plan their own trips and are able to travel, and under these rules, we’d need a professor to accompany us. So first we’d need to get a professor to agree to give up the research they were going to do that
summer.” Last year marked the first attempt of Whitman to routinely fund international programs. Since then, the administration has discovered that they do not have the resources to properly ensure the safety of the students going abroad. Prior to last year, ASWC funded WDA’s projects. “We had a lot more interest than anticipated, and it became pretty quickly apparent that in order to properly look at the various trips that students wanted to engage in we had to do a lot of research to screen them and make sure they were safe,” said Susan Brick, director of offcampus studies. A total of 13 groups applied for funding last year, with all but two being funded, according to Dean of Students Chuck Cleveland. Besides Whitman Direct Action, other applicants included the International Students and Friends Club and individual students who wanted funding for international internships or research. “The two that didn’t get funded were the ones at the very end, because by this point we’re going, ‘Oh my God.’ There’s just so many things we don’t know, and retroactively we were concerned with some of the TR AVEL , page 3
Alumni share stories at Visiting Writers Series by MCCAULAY SINGERMILNES Staff Reporter
This evening Whitman College alumni Bonnie Rough and Janna Cawrse Esarey return to their alma mater to participate in the Visiting Writers Reading Series, an event designed to expose students and the community to various types of literature and to inspire them through intimate gatherings with published writers. When organizing such events Schwabacher Professor of English and Creative Writing Katrina Roberts and the rest of the English department try to find upand-coming authors of various genres and styles who are also willing to share their wisdom with students. “We think about bringing a diversity of voices to the college,” said Scott Elliott, associate professor of English. “We also think about people who will interact well with students and who will do well in smaller more intimate question and answer sessions.” These events have proved to be valuable experiences for Whitman students,
especially to English majors looking to pursue careers in writing. “It is inspirational to hear actual people speak about their stories and listen to them reading their own work,” said senior English major Paloma SuttonBarnes. “[The authors] never hesitate to answer questions we may have about form, technique, inspiration or what have you. It is an invaluable opportunity.” As authors of nonfiction memoirs, Esarey and Rough are sure to bring unique perspectives to the series. Rough’s book “Carrier: Untangling the Danger in My DNA ” is an account of her life after the discovery that she is a carrier for the gene that causes hypohidrotic ectodermal dysplasia, or HED. Given this knowledge, Rough and her husband must make the difficult decision of whether or not to have children. Rough must also confront the intimate details regarding her family’s genealogy, including devastating effects of HED upon the men in her family who have suffered from the disease. The novel is also interesting in terms of genre conventions. VISITING WRITERS, page 4
Men’s soccer goes to England
by PAMELA LONDON
“Stepping into [Old Trafford] pretty much brought me to tears.” These are the words of Whitman College senior John Fleming who, along with 13 of his teammates, traveled over 4,000 miles this past August to England, the homeland of Whitman men’s soccer coach Mike Washington. The trip has become somewhat of a tradition for the Whitman men’s soccer program. Every four years, Washington takes a group of returning players to England for two weeks to experience the English soccer lifestyle, bask in the glory of Manchester United’s Old Trafford stadium and play some soccer along the way. This was the third year that Washington brought his group on the trip and, suffice it to say, every player had a oncein-a-lifetime experience. While the team did get the chance to experience the culture that is English futbol, the team’s main intention for going was, of course, to play soccer. The players that went on the trip were all returning students, giving them a chance to come together as a team before preseason began at the end of August. “We were able to take two weeks out of our summer where all we had to focus on was soccer,” said sophomore Devin Kuh. “This let us begin to form a bond off the field to play better on the field. A lot of the time you get caught up in playing, and you can’t really be together off the field.” “The day-to-day living was probably what brought us together even more than just playing soccer together over there,” said Fleming. “Soccer is a common pursuit. The fact that we lived together, had all of our meals together, we had to endure the monotony of the day [as a team].” Both Fleming and Kuh believe that being together and playing together for two weeks has already translated to greater continuity on the field just eight games into the season. In addition to coming together as a core, the players were able to experience a totally unique style of play in England, completely different from what is typically found in the United States. According to senior Tim Shu, the playing style in England is much less physical and “based more on skill than just booting SOCCER , page 7
Professors battle for spot on ‘Life Boat’ ‘Zeitoun’ author Eggers to speak at Whitman by KARAH KEMMERLY Staff Reporter
Author Dave Eggers and Kathy and Abdulrahmen Zeitoun, subjects of “Zeitoun,” the summer reading selection for the class of 2014, are coming to Whitman College on Tuesday, Sept. 28. This book of nonfiction entails one family’s struggle that begins in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and expands to detail events in both Spain and Syria. Eggers and the Zeitouns will be speaking about the book and the couple’s experiences during a public event in Cordiner Hall. Instead of a standard author lecture, this year’s presentation will be format-
BOWMAN Michelle Jenkins argues that she, as a philosophy professor, should be chosen for the one spot in a life boat. Students selected Keith Farrington, from the sociology department, as the event’s winner.
by JOE VOLPERT Staff Reporter
There has been a catastrophic disaster and there is one life boat with only one space left. Five professors, from the departments of studio art, mathematics, philosophy,
sociology and theater, are debating to win that spot. This was the premise of Life Boat, a WEB event on Wednesday, Sept. 22 dubbed as a battle of the disciplines. “The goal is for the professors to argue why their discipline and their knowledge is essential to the survival, well-being or
happiness of the people on the life boat,” said Kelley Hall, the WEB special events director. WEB came up with this idea after hearing about it on NPR’s program “This American Life.” The original life boat LIFE BOAT, page 2
ted as a moderated discussion. Jocelyn Hendrickson, assistant professor of religion, will be asking questions to facilitate discussion between Eggers and the Zeitouns. “I think this style is more appealing to the audience than a standard author talk. Because it allows me to direct questions to the Zeitouns, we can hear more of their comments and get a better backand-forth between the author and the subjects,” she said. Juli Dunn, director of academic resources, has been working with Eggers’s agent to organize the event. She feels that this format will give insight on more than EGGERS, page 2
ASWC announces First Year Senators Kayvon Behroozian
62% of the first year’s voted with 262 votes total
September 23, 2010S
EGGERS: Students look Alumni to return for LIFE BOAT: Fall Reunion Weekend Audience forward to lecture page 1 what strictly occurs in the book. “Because it is not a lecture, I suspect that it will take on a life of its own depending on what directions Professor Henrickson’s questions take the conversation. My guess is while the focus will be on the events of the novel, the discussion will likely take us elsewhere,” she said. Hendrickson also pointed out that Eggers will be more comfortable with this format. “The agent suggested that Eggers will be much more animated and accessible in a conversational setting,” she said. Hendrickson also feels that the discussion will provide students with a much deeper understanding of what they have read. “A lot of students I’ve talked to have asked questions about why Eggers chose to focus on certain aspects of the story. This format will be great for those students because now they have the chance to ask him directly,” she said. To make sure students’ questions are answered, Hendrickson plans to approach students in her Encounters and Introduction to Islam courses in order to find out what they want to know before composing her list of questions. Dunn feels, however, that the most powerful part of the lecture will be having Kathy and Abdulrahmen Zeitoun present. “I think when the book is based on the real-life story and experiences of persons from our society, it is easy to fall into the trap of reading their life stories as stories of characters, rather than real people. I think to recognize that they are flesh and blood people and be able to interact with them in person will be a very meaningful experience for all who attend,” she said. Dunn’s perspective is also reflected in how “Zeitoun” is rather unique with its pragmatic, philanthropic intentions. All proceeds from “Zeitoun” go to The Zeitoun Foundation, an organization founded by Eggers and the Zeitouns that works to rebuild New Orleans and promote human rights. Sophomore Osta Davis, a student academic adviser in Jewett Hall, is glad that this year’s book has such a philanthropic impulse. “It’s exciting to see Eggers bridging the gap between literature and action. This book and The Zeitoun Foundation show that writing a book can have a big real-life impact,” Davis said. First-year Shelley Stephan is
on the networking committee. “I’m looking forward to just catching up with old friends in a familiar setting--seeing them in person.” Reunions include an important fundraising aspect, as well, since alumni donate to fund a special project each year. “It‘s an opportunity for people to celebrate their reunion time and give back to the college,” said Arp. “Most of the classes had an interest in moving towards raising money for scholarships,” said Brian Dohe, the director of annual giving of this year’s alumni projects. In previous years, alumni have donated money to fund rooms for the Fouts Center for Visual Arts, the Baker Ferguson Fitness Center and Penrose Library. At the time of publication, the 10-year reunion has raised $48,000 and had a 43 percent class participation rate, while the 25-year reunion has raised $195,000 with a 48 percent class participation rate. These funds go toward providing need-based scholarships for Whitman students. According to Dohe, this is a relatively high rate of philanthropic support from the alumni. “Whitman College’s alumni participation rate was 46 percent for the ‘09-’10 fiscal year, and among our peers, we’re at the higher end, though there are outliers such as Carleton at 53 percent the previous year and Colorado College at 22 percent,” said Dohe. “Whitman alumni are very loyal, very generous and passionate about their Whitman experience, and I think that translates into pretty significant philanthropic support for the college.” Arp recommends that students get to know the alumni. There are various events that students can attend to network with alumni, including a networking reception that will be held in Reid Campus Center from 4-5 p.m. on Friday, Sept. 24. “[The alumni] love to chat with students, so I would encourage any student to introduce themselves,” said Arp.
by JOE VOLPERT Staff Reporter
Dave Eggers, author of “Zeitoun.” Photo courtesy of Amazon.com
most interested in hearing from the Zeitouns’ perspective. “The story was just so unreal and shocking. To actually see the Zeitouns will be amazing. I’m excited to hear them in person instead of through the text,” Stephan said. First-year Luke Rodriguez also wants to hear about the Zeitouns’ experiences in-person. “As a middle-class northwesterner, I don’t have a personal connection with the story. I want to hear from Kathy and Abdulrahmen so that I can relate to it better. They can give more insight and help me to understand,” he said. Rodriguez nevertheless expressed doubt about the main focus of the lecture. “I am afraid that the talk will be focused on Eggers and why he chose certain details for the book. I don’t really want that. I’m interested in the story more than the book,” he said. Hendrickson supplements this perspective with her interest in life postbook. “I don’t want to spend too much time on small book details. I would like to know what made Eggers choose the Zeitouns’ story out of all the Katrina stories. And I would like to know what has happened to Kathy and Abdulrahmen after the book. I wonder if the book has changed their lives or changed their view of New Orleans,” she said. To continue the dialogue, Eggers and the Zeitouns will also visit classes. Kathy and Abdulrahmen will speak with Hendrickson’s Introduction to Islam class, while Eggers will visit Adjunct Assistant Professor of Sociology Noah Leavitt’s Social Problems class.
This coming weekend, over 350 alumni will return to Whitman College for Fall Reunion Weekend. The reunion includes three different groups: 10-year, 15-year and 25-year. Each year there are three reunions in the fall, two in the spring and then the 50-year reunion during commencement. Reunions are offered for alumni approximately every five years after graduation. “We do reunions to connect alumni to each other and also to the college,” said Jason Arp, assistant director of alumni relations. There are a wide variety of activities scheduled for alumni this weekend, including a game of Frisbee golf, a bike ride with the cycling team and meals with their reunion classes. According to Arp, there are certain challenges inherent in organizing such large reunions. One such challenge is finding enough space to host all of the alumni as it is difficult to find places of boarding in Walla Walla as well as places to host the events on campus. “Walla Walla has gotten a lot better, but it used to be that we didn’t have enough hotels,” said Arp. While the Whitman campus is a good size to accommodate all of the students, it is hard to find enough space for 350 additional people. “There is still a space issue on campus,” noted Arp. Another challenge is contacting all of the alumni. Arp sends out mailings to all the alumni and forms a networking committee with 2 to 3 alumni representatives from each class. These representatives help with networking, contacting alumni and fund-raising. “Whitman is, I think, fairly unique in that so many alumni remain connected to the college,” said Bettina Hosler, a member of the class of 1985 and a representative
Matanovic visits campus, town
Milenko Matanovic presented “Art, Creativity, and Social Change,” in Olin 130 on Thursday, Sept. 16. Originally upset that his artwork ended up in museums rather than public spaces, Matanovic founded the Pomegranate Center to promote public, community-oriented artwork. In Walla Walla, Matanovic and the Pomegranate Center worked on The Dig Fund at Washington Park. The fund put up a stage with a triangle grid top and was financed by several donors including the Sherwood Trust, Blue Mountain Community Foundation and City of Walla Walla Parks Department.
whitman news, delivered.
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page 1 debate occurred at Montevallo University located in Montevallo, Ala. The debate was structured so that each professor had five minutes to argue why his or her discipline was more important, followed by five minutes of questions from the other professors and then five minutes of audience questions. The participating professors were Mare Blocker (studio art), Albert Schueller (mathematics), Michelle Jenkins (philosophy), Keith Farrington (sociology) and Nancy Simon (theatre). Each presented passionate arguments why his or her discipline was most important. “Studio arts is all about the whole entirety of liberal arts in one body,” said Blocker. “All of the quantitative things we have in our world come from the foundation of mathematics,” said Schueller. “As hunger, thirst, and desperation set in, we are going to need a firm set of ethical and political commitments to bind members of our society to a community,” said Jenkins. “The experiences of my long and wonderful life in the theater make me uniquely qualified to assist in an adventure dedicated not only to preserving our lives, but our humanity,” said Simon. “I can’t swim,” Simon added jokingly. “We truly are a mix of the scientific perspective . . . and the philosophical, or humanistic or relativistic approach,” said Farrington. “Sociology looks at the systematic whole. It looks at large groups of people, or small groups of people, as groups, as collectives, as organizations. It does not look at idiosyncratic individuals,” he adds. Besides bringing their disciplines with them, the professors offered individual talents as added incentives. Jenkins claimed to bake excellent chocolate chip cookies; Blocker was once a swim and lifeguard coach; Schueller could offer his services as an electrician. Students cheered for different disciplines. “I cheered for the mathematician, because I think it’s the most practical,” said sophomore Steven Klutho. When put to a vote of the students, the discipline of sociology prevailed. WEB presented Farrington with a paddle to help him on the life boat.
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0September 23, 2010
Nurses, students less worried about this yearâ€™s flu by KARAH KEMMERLY Staff Reporter
Compared to all the swine flu-driven coverage of 2009, this year the flu may have lost its hype. Though the Welty Student Health Center is always putting forth an effort to prevent and treat this illness, the extreme campaigning against H1N1 appears to be over. According to a September 2010 report in the Journal of the American Medical Association, H1N1 is not anymore dangerous than a typical seasonal flu. Whitman College students on campus last year, however, may not be convinced by this news. According to an article in the â€œLos Angeles Timesâ€? on Nov. 4, 2009, there were 65,000 cases of flu out of 3 million surveyed students. Whitman confirmed 177 cases of influenza-like illnesses on campus. Sophomore Lindy Jacobs said she was â€œpretty freaked outâ€? about last yearâ€™s pandemic. â€œI started wearing a bandanna over my nose and mouth every day,â€? she said. â€œI didnâ€™t want to get infected.â€? Sophomore Katie Lien felt similarly troubled by last yearâ€™s flu season. â€œThe summer reading â€˜The Last Town on Earthâ€™ was about the Spanish influenza outbreak and how it wiped out lots of people. We had compared it to the swine flu. It just added to the anxiety,â€? she said. Despite the scare at the beginning of the year, Lienâ€™s worries soon began to fade. â€œAt first there were posters and hand sanitizers everywhere--the dining halls, the bathrooms. People with basic symptoms wore masks, and some sick students stayed in their rooms. But eventually it wasnâ€™t a big thing.
KLAG Rex Rolle â€˜13 models a mask used to prevent the spread of the flu virus. Though thereâ€™s less hype about the flu this year compared to last yearâ€™s H1N1, the Health Center is preparing by offering vaccinations and prevention suggestions.
People got the flu and had fevers and then got over it.â€? Both Lien and Jacobs anticipate a more relaxed flu season this year.
â€œThe flu wonâ€™t be so big this year. Iâ€™ve had the flu shot. Iâ€™m not worried,â€? Jacobs said. Claudia Ness, director of the Welty
Health Center, is braced for this yearâ€™s flu season. â€œI strongly feel that we were prepared for the flu last year, and I strongly feel we will be prepared for it this year. This year, there might not be such a widespread campaign against it, but I think people have a heightened sense of awareness because of last year,â€? she said. Like Jacobs, Ness believes that getting a flu vaccine is a great way to prevent worrying too much about the flu. â€œMedical staff have been encouraged to receive vaccinations for years. H1N1 brought an awareness to the non-medical community about the importance of a flu vaccine. Itâ€™s quite advantageous to minimize the risk of becoming severely ill,â€? Ness said. Last year, the health center gave a total of 763 flu vaccinations: 152 for seasonal flu and 611 for H1N1. The health center will begin offering flu vaccinations during the first week of October. Whitman students, staff and faculty can get vaccinated between noon and 8 p.m. The shot costs $25. Furthermore, this year one shot does the work of two. â€œLast year you needed two different shots to protect against the flu and H1N1, but this year, one shot covers both,â€? Ness said. In addition to getting vaccinated, Ness said that students can avoid getting the illness by using a few simple preventative techniques. â€œTry and cough or sneeze into your sleeves instead of your hands. Stay away from those who are ill. And wash your hands constantly.â€? She also believes that the tight com-
munity at Whitman is a good barrier against the flu. â€œThe flu is communicable--we give it to each other. Stopping the flu is a campus-wide community effort. If everyone makes the choice to look out for one another, we can minimize the amount of germs coughed into open spaces and faces,â€? said Ness. Ness believes that last yearâ€™s campaign has made a lasting impact on the campus culture. â€œI would guess that nearly every work station, whether an office or a desk, has a bottle of hand sanitizer somewhere nearby,â€? she said. Junior Sofia Infante, president of the Student Health Advisory Council, believes that last yearâ€™s campaign instilled some important ideas in the student population. â€œThey will remember the preventative things--covering your cough, washing your hands and generally taking care of yourself,â€? she said. So far there have been no confirmed cases of influenza on the Whitman campus, although a few students have come to the health center with sore throats and cold symptoms. Ness attributes this to the fact that flu season hasnâ€™t officially started. â€œA person can catch the flu anytime, but itâ€™s most common during the colder months. You see a lot of cases in November, December, January and February,â€? Ness said. Ness is confident that the health center staff is prepared for any flu season, no matter how much media attention one season receives over another. Senior Clara Van Eck agrees. â€œIâ€™m never worried about getting sick. The health center takes cares of us,â€? she said.
Windows 7, Pink party to raise funds Office 2010 for breast cancer patients among new tech offerings by DEREK THURBER Contributing Reporter
Over this past summer, several campus computer labs and Penrose Library received new technology to bring their services up-to-date with the most current software and hardware available. According to IT Support Service Consultant Robert Fricke, the Maxey Hall and Hall of Science general purpose computer labs received the most noticeable change with all the PCs getting upgraded to Windows 7 and Office 2010, the latest operating system and word processing software available from the Microsoft Corporation. In order to support this transition to Windows 7 and Office 2010, WCTS has created informational materials that can be found on its website. Documentation includes instructions for using GoPrint on Windows 7 machines. WCTS will hold informational workshops on Windows 7 and Office 2010 throughout the academic year. The workshops are open to all faculty, staff and students, and the complete list of workshop times and locations can be found on the WCTS website as well. The library has also improved its technology services available to the Whitman community with the addition of a new walk-up scanner. The scanner, which is located by the copier on the second floor, takes an image of) the documents that are placed on its surface which can range in size from something as small as a Post-it note to a 17 x 24 inch piece of paperâ€”the same size as four standard 8.5 x 11 sheets of paper. â€œWe are really excited about it since it is a green machine,â€? said Julie Carter, instructional and access services librarian. â€œIt uses no paper or toner and it is a great step towards being able to collaborate and communicate entirely digitally.â€? Scanned documents can be sent to any e-mail address or retrieved with a thumb drive using the touch screen interface. â€œWe are lucky to be one of the very few libraries of this size to have this type of machine. It is pretty special that we are able to provide this type of technology to our students and faculty,â€? said Carter. The scanner is also a valuable resource for students with learning disabilities as it has the ability to do searches of PDFs that have been scanned or to convert the text of a document into an audio file automatically.
by MOLLY JOHANSON Staff Reporter
On Friday, Sept. 24 from noon to 6 p.m., the streets of First and Main will turn pink. There will be pink hair extensions, pink cotton candy, pink fingernail painting, a pink pony ride and a girl band called Lady Jugs and the Push-ups. Itâ€™s not quite a pink invasion; itâ€™s an event called Paint the Town Pink. All the activities featured at the party play into the theme of J.U.G.S. (Just Us Girls Sharing), which is raising money for the Cancer Special Needs Fund, a breast cancer fund at St. Maryâ€™s Medical Center. According to the St. Maryâ€™s website, this fund â€œhelps cancer patients and their families through random acts of kindness.â€? â€œItâ€™s a diverse fund for diverse needs,â€? said Amy Voires, founder and president of J.U.G.S. â€œAnd the money stays local so you can really see the difference it makes.â€? J.U.G.S. was originally created by Voires when she noticed that many of her salon clients had breast cancer. In the beginning she offered pink hair extensions as a way to raise awareness. â€œEveryone in the community is affected by cancer one way or the other,â€? added Traci Jansen, vice president and treasurer of J.U.G.S. and a cancer survivor herself. In fact, according to the National Cancer Institute, 13 percent of women born in the U.S. will be diagnosed with breast cancer.
The community group has been raising money unofficially for about five years, but in November 2009 they gained 501c3 nonprofit status. Previously they raised funds for other organizations, but now they can control where the money goes--which for J.U.G.S. is 100 percent back into the community. As a result of this new status, 2010 will mark the first year that the Paint the Town Pink Party will be celebrated on the streets of Walla Walla. The event isnâ€™t put on by members J.U.G.S. alone. The organization is receiving substantial support from individual and corporate donors, including businesses such as Walla Walla Cruisers, Restoration Specialists, L.L.C. and Voiresâ€™ salon, Four Feathered Sparrow. To help the cause, A Stoneâ€™s Throw CafĂŠ will be selling specialty drinks through the month of October, starting Friday, Sept. 24. 100 percent of the proceeds from drinks such as the Busty Latte will go directly to J.U.G.S. â€œI like to be able to help,â€? said owner Aaron Leen. â€œItâ€™s a great cause.â€? Voires and Jansen expressed a desire for Whitman students to get involved in the organization as well. â€œThe Paint the Town Pink Party is about celebrating women,â€? Voires said. â€œAnd,â€? added Jensen, â€œsurvivorship.â€? For more information about the event or J.U.G.S., visit www.just-usgirls-sharing.org.
TRAVEL: New staff costly ď?Śď?˛ď?Żď? page 1 ones we had funded,â€? said Cleveland. According to Cleveland, Whitman College is selecting a committee to look for a way to reinstate the program. It has not started yet; Cleveland said that it will likely include Treasurer Peter Harvey, Brick, Provost and Dean of Faculty Timothy Kaufman-Osborn and representatives from ASWC. While he believes it is necessary to hire another staff member for safety purposes, Cleveland believes the college may be able to identify lower-risk trips. â€œAnother issue is to identify the kinds of trips that maybe we should be less concerned about. So for example, maybe an internship, where a student is traveling internationally but going
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to an organization of some sort. Maybe conference trips,â€? said Cleveland. Hiring a staff member, however, would be costly. â€œYou canâ€™t hire an entry level person to do a risk management job,â€? said Brick. Hiring another staff member will also delay the reinstatement of funding. Both Cleveland and senior John Loranger, ASWC vice president and student affairs chair, who is also involved in WDA, agree that the suspension will persist for the year. â€œOne of the reasons itâ€™s really imperative we get this fixed is that the college maintains that more and more learning is taking place outside of the classroom, and that it is an increasingly important area that needs to be given precedenceâ€? said Loranger.
The Pioneer ISSUE 2 SEP 23, 2010 Page 4
Instant play festival provides lasting source of inspiration to students by MCCAULAY SINGERMILNES Staff Reporter
Harper Joy Theater’s Instant Play Festival, a showcase of the collaborative creative efforts of the Whitman community, commences Saturday, Sept 25. For three weeks, students have participated in writing workshops under professional playwrights Jason Grote, Dan Lefranc and Kristen Kosmas. During these workshops, students are taught how to write creatively in a short time span. They are also exposed to texts designed to challenge their previous notions about the depiction of theater on stage. Each playwright has the opportunity to work individually with students. Junior Ami Tian, for one, thought the hands-on approach of Jason Grote was very beneficial. “As a non-writer, I have spent more time analyzing plays rather than writing them,” said Tian. These interactions with the professional playwrights have been a source of inspiration for student writers. By providing students with practical techniques, the visiting playwrights have encouraged students to pursue their creative abilities despite the competitiveness of the theater world. “[The workshops have] personally helped me to combat the sense that one is behind in artistic development,” said senior Trevor Cushman. At the conclusion of these workshops, seven students are randomly assigned a production team consisting of a director and sev-
eral actors. Students, faculty and staff volunteers all work in different capacities. The evening before production night, writers are given a theme and the number of actors on their team. Their assignment is to turn in a ten-minute play incorporating those thematic elements by the next morning. Then, production teams are assigned and rehearsal and stage preparation begins. The following night, the process occurs again with the remaining writers, as well as with a new theme and set of production teams.
Alumni share memoirs at Visiting Writers Series page 1 “Carrier’ is a provoking novel that plays with the definition of what it means to write nonfiction. Rough takes certain creative liberties, particularly in the parts of the character Earl, that might be considered fiction, but she sews all of these narratives and research in so seamlessly the pages fly by and your heart breaks,” said Sutton-Barnes. Esarey’s book “The Motion of the Ocean: 1 Small Boat, 2 Average Lovers, and a Woman’s Search for the Meaning of Wife” addresses another side of marriage and family. After wedding her husband, Graeme, the two decide to sail around the Pacific Ocean for two years--making for a hilarious account of the ups and downs of marriage. While probing questions of
commitment, selfhood and love, the book explores the delicate negotiations which take place when two people join together as one. “Esarey’s book is written more like a screenplay with lots of word play and humor,” added Sutton-Barnes. Furthermore, Rough and Esarey will also provide students with a distinctive perspective on what it means to be a published writer who graduated from Whitman College. “I think it’s useful to see how people who’ve graduated from Whitman have gone on to find their way into print and how a Whitman education might lend itself to good writing and publishing,” said Elliott. The Visiting Writers Reading Series takes place at 7 p.m. in Kimball Theatre.
Each Thursday, The Pioneer highlights several events happening on campus or in Walla Walla during the weekend. Here are this week’s picks:
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Adventure The Little Theatre of Walla Walla presents the comedic adventure and homage to the well-known mystery sleuth. The show runs Sept. 24 and 25 and Oct. 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $12 for adults and $9 for children. The Little Theatre is located at 1130 Sumach Ave. Call to reserve tickets at (509) 529-3683. Whitman College Fridays at Four Presents The Inland Northwest Trombone Quintet, featuring Dave Glenn Come hear the smooth sounds of
this regional brass quintet featuring music professor Dave Glenn. Occurs Friday, Oct. 1 at 4 p.m. at Kimball Theatre. Mid-Columbia Mastersingers Concert Hailing from the Tri-Cities, the choral group Mid-Columbia Mastersingers features renowned guest vocalist Julianne Baird and harpsichordist Kraig Scott, and will perform pieces by Bach and Vivaldi. The concert will occur at 3 p.m., Sept. 26 at St. Patrick’s Church in Walla Walla. Whitman student tickets are on discount at $10.
The time constraint on the creative process produces an incentive for students to create and produce workable material. Tian, who is a first-time participant of the Instant Play Festival, revealed the anxiety surrounding this experience. “If you fail in front of the audience, you feel like you are wasting their time,” she said. In order to deal with this pressure, students often employ the techniques learned in the workshops. Last year, Cushman utilized advice given by Casmos, who mentioned the importance
of doing nothing in order to let what is observed or produced properly sink in. “It’s tempting in this kind of process, searching for inspiration,” said Cushman. ”The brain, being so active, prevents you from internal springs of inspiration.” Students not only found inspiration from the playwrights, but also from other participating students. “Hearing about other people’s plays and seeing how they approach the assignment in different ways and hearing them talk about their writing process has been helpful,” said Tian. For Tian, this project has helped to provide insight into the creative process of others in order to gain confidence in showing her own. Chris Petit, assistant professor of theater, is excited about the collaborative effort made by the Whitman community during the Instant Play Festival. “I love this event,” he said. “Students, faculty and staff working together to create and perform 14 new plays in 48 hours, producing a theatrical event that involves all aspects of our community.” In this way, the Instant Play Festival is a breeding ground for creativity, inspiration and courage for Whitman student writers. The performances are scheduled for Saturday, Sept. 25 and Sunday, Sept. 26--both at 8 p.m.
Experimental “Our Tragic Universe” ambitious but flawed by ELLIE GOLD Staff Reporter
“What on earth would I do with all that heaven? Living forever would be like marrying yourself, with no possibility of a divorce.” This is the conundrum facing Meg Carpenter, the narrator of Scarlett Thomas’s new novel, “Our Tragic Universe.” The reason this is a conundrum, the reason Meg describes immortality like a failed marriage with no escape, is because, like most of Thomas’s narrators, she is a deeply unhappy person. Her personal life is in shambles, largely due to her own actions, she’s in an emotionally abusive relationship, she may be falling in love with a local museum director, her writing career has never taken off the way she wants it to, and she’s flat broke. The only good thing in her life, it seems, is her dog Bess, who appears in almost as many scenes as Meg herself. The novel is not, however, a tale of one woman’s journey in search of happiness--although it is, a little, in the sense that all humans are in search of happiness through one medium or another. Rather, the novel acts as a vehicle for Thomas’s exploration of narrative itself. As the novel begins, Meg is in the middle of reviewing a book called “The Science of Living Forever,” by (fictional) author Kelsey Newman, for her local newspaper. This book-within-a-book--a usual trope for Thomas--posits that not only are we all going to be living forever after the universe ends (called the Omega Point by the author), but also that we are actually all already living forever, we just don’t realize it yet. When she submits the review, her editor asks her to review the second book by Newman, beginning a
series of life changes that may have some connection to her ironic self-help-guideinspired attempt to “order the universe.”
“Our Tragic Universe” by Scarlett Thomas, 425 pages Through the course of the novel, Thomas discusses narrative theory, Jungian psychology, Aristotle and simulacra. This is usual for Thomas, whose narratives often operate more like thought experiments (a topic in her earlier book “The End of Mr. Y”) than like regularly structured novels. Narrative theory, for instance, being the dominant concern of “Our Tragic Universe,” becomes irrevocably tied up in the structure of the novel itself. Vi, Meg’s anthropologist friend, is extremely interested in the concept of the “storyless story.” She discusses the struc-
ture of Zen koans, trickster stories and thought experiments, none of which have traditional narrative structures. Vi believes in freeing narrative from plot, an imposed structure she sees as intrinsically connected with colonialism. This is an idea Meg brushes off since she is a serious novelist. And while she’s trying to create something “literary”--that is, not “genre fiction,” which is her day job as a ghostwriter of young adult sci-fi novels-she knows that literature requires a real narrative. Except not too plot-based since that’s genre fiction’s territory. In the end, it is Meg’s own preoccupation with plot that prevents her from ever finishing her own “literary” novel. Thus, “Our Tragic Universe” becomes an exploration of the idea of the “storyless story.” There is no real plot structure, no climax, exposition, denouement the way Aristotle would probably like it (see “Poetics,” discussed frequently in “Our Tragic Universe”). While this may be wearisome for certain readers, realizing that structure mimics the concerns can take the frustration out of the depressing bits. Unfortunately, this structure simultaneously exposes some of Thomas’s weak points. Most of the characters sit around talking about philosophy, narrative theory, anthropology and science fiction, which means that a fair bit of the dialogue sounds contrived and texturally analogous. For instance, characters pop in to mention some philosophical theory or argument, only to fade away as soon as their usefulness has passed. There are multiple loose ends that are never tied up and problems that are never resolved. But then again, that’s rather like real life, actually.
September 23, 2010
“The Room”: eye-searing but enjoyable by NICK MICHAL Staff Reporter
KLAG From left: Cory Rand ‘13, Devin Petersen ‘11, Sam Alden ‘12. Varsity Nordic, Whitman’s premiere improv group, will change its show schedule from biweekly to weekly.
Varsity Nordic changes show schedule by SEAN MNULTY Staff Reporter
Popular on-campus improv group Varsity Nordic will be changing their schedule of shows to mark the new year. Previously, one hour shows were held every other Tuesday. Now, there will comedy offerings every week. “On the off weeks,” explained senior Kevin Klein. “We’re going to have hopefully one show where there will be. . . anywhere between two and five members of the team.” These newer, smaller shows will supplement Varsity Nordic’s already busy schedule. The group practices three nights a week--Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Practice is key to creating a good group dynamic. “[There are] so many elements to good improv,” said senior Devin Petersen, “that we usually choose two or three specific goals to work on . . . We take those into the show with us.” “Our team . . . [is] large in comparison to other improv teams, and because of this we found that our bimonthly shows could not showcase the talent that we have worked hard to get on the team,” said team member junior Justis James Phillips. With more shows, she hopes, Varsity Nordic will be able to “showcase what we can do without having to depend upon the size of our team.” Future shows will offer the chance for team members to refine their skills and become better performers. Varsity Nordic has guidelines for what can and cannot be done on stage. With practice, they can learn to work better inside the framework while maintaining a natural, flowing performance. Although improv is random, unpredictable and seemingly unstructured, it isn’t chaos. “There are some unspoken rules,” said sophomore Cory Rand. “You’re never supposed to say no to a partner’s request . . . If
they’re like, we’re on a boat, and I’d be like, no we’re not, we’re on a rollercoaster, that wouldn’t be good form.” “Doing more shows . . . serves as practice . . . an opportunity to learn how to be on stage in a comfortable manner. By being comfortable on stage, we are able to be a lot more genuine,” Phillips described. The sense of authentic, comfortable play-which Phillips called being “organic with our scenes”—is one hallmark of a successful show. What else makes good improv? “It’s never a good idea to ask a ton of questions,” stated Rand. “That puts the other person on the spot.” Although the characters seen on stage are spontaneous, the team has a specific understanding of what works for each team member and what doesn’t. “We try and go out with new characters every time,” explained Phillips, “but we definitely have our crutch roles.” “We have certain roles that we are better at, and we try to play to our strengths,” Petersen added. The improv practiced by the group is called longform. This type is focused on character development and creating a situation that the audience can invest in. Longform is described as tough, subtle and slightly theatrical. It naturally stands in opposition to shortform improv. “Short form . . . is much more concerned with the wittiness of improv and being immediately funny on stage,” explained Rand. Working in smaller groups, however, makes longform all the more challenging. “We depend less on others and more upon ourselves to get out and make a scene come to life,” said Phillips. “I found it hard last year to just go on stage without something in mind beforehand. With more shows, we hope that we will just think of something once we get out there and do it.”
Quick, tasty marinara sauce by OLIVIA JONES Columnist
Maybe you have a dinner date coming up, a chance to impress upon your lady or gent of choice that you are fabulously dateable; maybe you want to feed 20 people for about 20 dollars; or maybe you just want to cook some pasta. Whatever your reason, my Italian family recipe is cheap, quick and oh-so-simple. This recipe is easy to be creative with, so feel free to substitute and experiment as you wish. It feeds approximately four people of average appetite. Ingredients: 1 lb. of pasta (whichever type you prefer), 1 28-oz. can of whole stewed tomatoes, A few cloves of garlic, Half an onion, Olive oil, Salt and pepper. Recommended Ingredients: Fresh herb of your choice, such as basil or oregano, Red pepper flakes are my preferred addition, as they liven up even a plain sauce, Fresh vegetables, such as carrots and zucchini, Fresh greens, such as Swiss chard, spinach or kale Directions: Fill one medium-sized pot with salted water and put it on the stove on high heat. While your water is boiling, prepare the rest of your ingredients: dice the garlic and add it to a smaller pot with some olive oil; chop half of your onion (use the whole one if you like onions) and chop up whatever other veggies or greens
you might want to add; open the can of stewed tomatoes and pour the contents into a large bowl. Make sure you have washed your hands. Now for the fun part: stick your hands in the bowl, grab the tomatoes and squish them. Once you have thoroughly squished all of the tomatoes, remove any remaining large chunks of tomato fiber. Now you can start cooking. In a smaller pot, heat enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan. Add the diced garlic. Sauté, stirring for a few seconds until it becomes fragrant, and then add the onions. Now is a good time to add the carrots or any hard veggies you like. Cook the onions until they become translucent, and then add the tomato mixture. You can take it easy on the stirring now. Add the red pepper flakes to taste if you want a little spice, or whatever fresh herbs you fancy. Finish up with salt and pepper to taste, and leave the pan on a medium-low heat. By now your water is probably boiling, so add the pasta and stir. If you are cooking spaghetti with Swiss chard or another green, add it to the boiling water with the pasta. Once the pasta is cooked (check the box for the appropriate cooking time), strain it and add it to a serving bowl or back into the pot. Pour over the marinara sauce, stir and serve.
Have you ever seen a movie so bad, so wretched, so misguided that it actually loops around the enjoyment scale and becomes good? Sure, the television show “Mystery Science Theater 3000” has helped make cinematic abominations such as “Manos: The Hands of Fate” and “The Skydivers” watchable, but think of a movie without a commentary track that attains this dubious position. It’s hard, huh? But there is one movie that does this. One movie wrapped in legend and surrounded in mystery. That movie is “The Room”. The movie is written, produced, executive-produced, directed and starring the same man. If that sounds like about four jobs too many, that’s because it is. With a voice like a half-drunk Croatian robot and a body that looks like it came from a Botero painting, Tommy Wiseau certainly has a distinctive screen presence. So pervasive, in fact, that nightly he haunts my nightmares. The film is ostensibly about a man, Johnny, played by Wiseau, and how his relationship with his girlfriend Lisa fails because of her infidelity. This manifests itself in her seducing the clueless Mark, who is supposedly Johnny’s best friend. We know this because he repeat-
edly tells us. The dialogue here is so bad that it’s a wonder Wiseau can even speak English. One particularly engrossing scene has him talking to a woman at a flower shop. Though she responds to his hello, she later says that she “didn’t recognize him” and ends her part of the conversation by saying, “You’re my favorite customer.” For his part, Johnny says “hi” about seven times, including to a dog. Only his English is so bad that instead of “hi”, it comes out as “hai”, and becomes an instant catch phrase to adopt when greeting one’s friends. “The Room” is an exercise in recognizing all that can go wrong with a movie. It has continuity errors, meaningless motifs, terribly stiff dialogue and atrocious acting. Story lines are brought up and then never resolved, as in when Denny, the young neighbor Johnny and Lisa look after, gets into trouble with a drug dealer. The scene that is perhaps most iconic of the film isn’t
even its own. Johnny’s epic outcry, “You are tearing me apart, Lisa!” is lifted from the iconic James Dean movie “Rebel Without a Cause”, though the lack of any discernible cadence in Wiseau’s voice takes a tragic moment and makes it hilarious. This movie so bad that Kyle Vogt, the actor who plays Johnny’s friend Peter, quit the film during production, and his lines had to be given to another actor. The most shocking thing, however, is that all of these terrible and poorly thought-out decisions coalesce to create a wholly engrossing movie-going experience. Such an enjoyable experience, indeed, that the film is regularly shown in theaters as the premiere “midnight movie”. Fans have made an event of the showings, dressing up as Johnny, throwing footballs around the theater and yelling “Go! Go! Go!” as the camera does one of its many panning shots of San Francisco. It creates an atmosphere similar to live viewings of “Rocky Horror Picture Show,” only less sexually depraved and way more awkward. The reason this movie is so enjoyable is because it is so cringe-worthy that there comes a point where the horribleness of it numbs the mind, and the only response left is to laugh. It is an ordeal best experienced with friends, one that will undoubtedly test the limits of your friendship, but one that may, with some luck and a lot of laughs, make it even stronger.
“The Town: Affleck proves himself as director by NATE LESSLER Staff Reporter
There wasn’t a moment in “The Town” when I was not completely enthralled. That’s not to say that the film is perfect. In fact, it’s far from it. But it is a riveting crime drama, full of compelling characters and interesting themes. Set in Charlestown, MA, “The Town” opens with four long-time friends robbing a bank. The leader of this crew is Doug MacRay (played by Ben Affleck, who also directed the film). After the robbery, MacRay falls in love with the bank manager named Claire that the crew held hostage during the heist (Rebecca Hall), and starts looking to escape the life of crime he was born into. Problem is, his longtime friend and partner Jem (The Hurt Locker’s Jeremy Renner), won’t let him. Meanwhile, the FBI desperately attempts to track MacRay down for his countless crimes. But “The Town” isn’t about bank robberies- it’s a story about social class, trying to escape the mistakes of ones past, and a culture of crime that is passed down from generation to generation. Subtlety is not “The Town’s” expertise; the themes are made very obvious to the audience. This is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it leads to a number of powerful and very well-executed moments throughout the film. Take for example a moment which occurs right before the team carries out their second bank robbery. The team, all disguised with nun masks, drives a van down the bank they intend to rob. Then for a split second MacRay, sitting in the back seat of the van with an automatic rifle in his hand, makes eye contact with a kid standing
on the sidewalk wearing a backpack a kid who will likely end up living a life similar to MacRay is in less than twenty years. Affleck’s follow up to his strong directoral debut (Gone Baby Gone) ultimately proves that his true talent lies in directing - not acting. That’s not to say that Affleck’s performance is bad, he is just unable to be on par with the many outstanding performances provided by
“The Town” directed by Ben Affleck the ensemble cast. The strongest performance in the film comes from Renner who plays Jem, MacRay’s violent friend who has come to accept the life of crime he leads. However, the most surprising performance in the film is that of Blake Lively (Gossip Girl), who demonstrates that her acting abilities go far beyond the weak characters she has been limited to on film and TV so far in her career. Lively plays a character
by the name of Krista, Jem’s sister and MacRay’s ex-girlfriend with a drug addiction as well as a very young child. While Lively’s screen-time is very limited, her strong performance driven by her unrequited love for MacRay is one of the driving forces in the film. While there are occasional action scenes, “The Town,” like most Boston crime dramas, does not rely on action sequences to carry the story. When the action scenes do arrive, however, they hit fast and hard and are excellently executed. The outstanding acting by the film’s well-assembled ensemble makes the action sequences even more thrilling because the audience actually cares about the fate of the characters. However, the film is not without flaws. A few characters such as Claire and and FBI Agent Frawley (Jon Hamm of “Mad Men”) are extremely underdeveloped - they never surprise the audience nor do they make any interesting choices that reveal character. Rather, they just play along with what the plot requires them to do. Additionally, the film at time falls into the trap of crime film cliches. But it is important to remember from time to time why these cliches exist - it’s because they work. The screenplay (which was adapted from the novel “Prince of Theives” by Chuck Hogan) is fairly strong. But unfortunately the screenplay is also what is ultimately holding “The Town” back from being an absolutely phenomenal film. The story of “The Town” is set up in such a manner that it has the ability to be as powerful and tragically beautiful as Eastwood’s “Mystic River.” However, the screenplay unfortunately falls short and thus the film never reaches its full potential.
KWCW SHOW OF THE WEEK contributed by KWCW
The Witching Hour
Every Christmas, the Weasley family gathers in their living room to listen to the latest hits on the Witching Hour. However, since the mysterious disappearance of the hosts of the Witching Hour from the Wizarding Wireless Network Studios in Diagon Alley in 1998, Christmas has not been the same. Yet recent reports of wizard rock on the radio suggest the two hosts are alive and rockin’. They appear to have relocated to Walla Walla, Washington and have taken the aliases of Mehera “This Guitar is a Horcrux” Nori and Sara “We R Wizards” Rasmussen. Neither Mehera nor Sara are entirely certain how they ended up among Muggles, but they continue to celebrate the tales of their good friend Harry Potter and his triumph over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. In January of 2010, Sara and Mehera revived their wizard rock radio program for the sake of maintaining wizard culture, and for the musical enjoyment of muggles. Wizard rock is an all-encompassing genre of rock, folk, techno, rap, and lyrics written to the tune of J.K. Rowling. Though Sara and Mehera are far from their home, the Weasleys are pleased to have the show back on the air (and on iTunes) once again. Wizard Favorites: “I am a Wizard” by Harry and the Potters “Teenage Werewolf ” by the Remus Lupins “My Dad is Rich” by Draco and the Malfoys “Ginny Gets Around” by Gred and Forge “Voldemort, Peace Off!” by the Basilisk in Your Pasta 3Catch The Witching Hour on Tuesdays from 3-4 p.m. on 90.5 FM Walla Walla, streaming online at KWCW.net, or as a podcast on iTunes. Visit our Facebook page or thewitchinghourkwcw.blogspot.com for more information!
The Pioneer ISSUE 2 SEP 23, 2010 Page 6
Apple releases new app rules
Apple officially said it doesn’t need any more fart apps in the App Store; well, that and a lot of other things. They recently released a new set of guidelines for iPBLAIR FRANK hone and iPad apps which net out a Columnist major win for consumers. Clearer development guidelines mean more and better apps from a wider variety of developers. That’s unequivocally a good thing. On Sept. 9, Apple announced several changes to the rules governing development for iOS, the operating system that is present on the iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad. In addition, they also released a new document detailing the guidelines for accepting an application for iOS and announced a review board for app rejections. For those who haven’t been studying the evolution of applications on iOS since Apple allowed third-party app development (not that I blame you), here’s a short history: the first iPhone was announced by Steve Jobs in January of 2007 at the Macworld Conference and Expo. It cost many hundreds of dollars and ran a small handful of applications provided by Apple-nothing more. Originally, Apple said that its support for third-party development would be based upon applications running in the phone’s web browser. But that all changed when Jobs announced the iPhone Software Developer Kit, or SDK, in the fall of 2007. With the release of iOS 2.0 in June of 2008, third-party applications were officially allowed on the iPhone. Of course, the system was not without its problems. Apple has come under fire for reviewing every application that goes up for sale on the App Store and rejecting ones it deems inappropriate. Not everyone
agrees with Apple’s policies, and Apple seems okay with that. Of course, there have been several highly-contested rejections that have led to massive outcries on the Internet. With the new rule changes and documents released on the Sept. 9, Apple has made some important changes that will have a profound effect on people who use the iPhone. In my opinion, the most important change Apple has made is the release of the App Store Review Guidelines, a laundry list of things that may cause a given app to be rejected. In the past, Apple has been criticized for not having a list like this available for application developers, thereby making it more difficult for developers to know what will and will not be accepted. This is a major breakthrough for people who want to develop for iOS because it removes much of the mystery surrounding the App Store approval process. In addition to releasing the review guidelines, Apple has also created the App Review Board, which is designed to give developers a chance to appeal a rejection they think is wrong. In essence, if a developer thinks his or her app follows the rules set out in the iOS developer agreement and the App Store Review Guidelines, and the app is still rejected by Apple, he or she has a place to go to appeal that decision. Why are those two changes so important? First of all, it’s clearer and easier now to develop for iOS. That means more people are likely to develop for it. More developers means more variety on the platform, and more variety means better apps. After all, as an iOS user, that’s what I want most. Also, with the new guidelines, Apple has codified a lot of important changes like an exception to the rule prohibiting defamatory content for professional cartoonists and satirists. Also, Apple has made it quite clear that they don’t need another app that simulates human flatulence in the App Store. There are already way more than enough of those.
Rights are not negotiable Compromise is the backbone of American democracy. Only by bargaining, trading votes and at least pretending to listen to the opposing party’s complaints can HEATHER politicians manage NICHOLS- to garner enough HAINING support to stay in Opinion Editor office. The bigger the region they are representing, the more varied and diverse the opinions they must address. We treasure compromise dearly as the end product of a perfectly-run democracy. After challenging current policies, debating heartily with people across the political spectrum and listening to experts in the field give their professional opinion, compromise is the next logical step. We treasure compromise as the obvious solution to the many varied voices that populate our nation. President Obama even went so far as to say, “A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody can recognize it. They say, ‘Huh. It works. It makes sense.’” A good representative is someone who can cross the aisle and see other points of views, and less effective representatives are scoffed at for being too partisan. Though compromise seems good at first glance, everyone can think of issues that should not be settled via compromise. When human rights and dignity are at stake, compromising simply to appeal to more people should not be the only way to garner support. The famous Compromise of 1787, which temporarily preserved both slavery and the union, is
not an achievement of democracy, but a reminder of the frightening consequences of compromise. Frederick Douglass went so far as to claim, “The opposite of compromise is character.” In the midst of the health care debate, our nation bemoaned the constant compromises which chopped away the legislation and turned it into something unrecognizable and arguably quite ineffective. Among the pieces of Obamacare that were compromised out of the legislation, abortion coverage for low income women was removed so that certain Democratic congressmen and women would support the bill. Of course, if you are an anti-choice representative, this was an excellent deal, and of course Obama had to win their votes somehow. But the fact remains that we are asked as citizens to compromise on issues affecting our lives, our health, our well-being and our rights all the time. Whether we are being asked to compromise our conception of who counts as a person as in the Three-fifths Compromise of 1787, or how far slavery should be allowed to continue, or who should be granted protection under our laws in current immigration reform debates, or which class of women should have access to abortions in the health care debate, or which corporations should be exempt from safety regulations, these are not compromises that are morally acceptable. It may be politically savvy to make these compromises, and it may bring more votes to certain politicians, and it may even be the right thing to do in a society founded upon democracy. But if our system is based on the idea that we must compromise our morality to a point where it is almost irrelevant what is right and wrong, then maybe we need to reexamine the validity of our political system.
POLI T IC AL C ARTOON
Incentives can increase volunteering Whitman needs to live up to its reputation by increasing the volunteer rates of its students Lina Menard, the community service coordinator at Whitman College, has her work cut out for her as she recruits this year’s batch of ZACH volunteers. AcDUFFY cording to newlyColumnist released statistics from the Community Service Office, just 467 students, or 32.3 percent of the student body, participated in a community service event last year. The actual number of students volunteering at Whitman is likely to be significantly higher, given that the Community Service Office can only track the community service hours of students who are in contact with the office beforehand. Fraternity and sorority philanthropic events, individually coordinated community service projects and volunteer projects organized through residence hall sections were not included in the statistics. But even if counting such additional community service projects would raise Whitman’s volunteer rates to near 50 percent or beyond, one has to wonder: why are the remaining Whitman students choosing not to get involved in community service activities? It’s not for lack of opportunity that many Whitman students do not volunteer. The Community Service Office organizes four well-run and well-advertised volunteer programs on campus. The Whitman Mentor Program pairs Whitman students with elementary and middle school students in the Walla Walla area. The Story Time Project sends volunteers to read stories to young children in classrooms, libraries and day cares. The Adopt-aGrandparent Program matches students with seniors at the nearby Odd Fellows Home. And the Youth Adventure Program brings low-income and at-risk youth on outdoor trips led by Whitman students. I asked some of my less community service-oriented friends why they didn’t volunteer last year, and their
responses were unanimous: Whitman provides no incentive for getting involved in the community. With nothing more to gain from volunteering than a sense of charity, why not just stay on campus and take a nap? Some might argue that the very purpose of community service is for it to be a selfless act without material or tangible reward, but I think that my friends’ comments deserve further attention. Whitman professes on its website to prepare students “for lives of leadership and service,” and I would argue that, as part of this mission, Whitman has a responsibility not only to develop students into capable academic thinkers, but also to foster their civic engagement. Service-minded leaders, after all, are neither born dedicated to giving back to their communities nor created in the classroom; they become service-minded after volunteering for nonprofits, attending community meetings and getting involved in social, religious and environmental organizations. By conceiving volunteerism as a purely selfless act, Whitman undermines its ability to develop these kinds of graduates. What about students who are too busy in a given year to volunteer? What about students who don’t care about volunteering right now? What about students who are just plain lazy? If Whitman offered some sort of incentive for community service involvement to its students, it might boost volunteer rates among the student body and cultivate more serviceminded leaders.
In fact, a quick glance at Campuscompact.org—a website that catalogs college community service policies—shows that many of Whitman’s peer colleges do provide some sort of incentive for volunteering. Whitworth requires its freshmen to organize and participate in a community service project as part of its core curriculum, laying a foundation for students to volunteer in the future. The University of Redlands includes three hours of community service among its distribution requirements for graduation. Psychology students at Bates College can complete a comprehensive community service project in the place of a senior thesis. There are dozens of means by which Whitman’s administration could implement similar community service incentives. Here are some ideas: create a one-credit community service course similar to the SSRA courses here at Whitman. Students would be allowed to register for one community service course each semester; in order to earn credit, they would have to volunteer for at least two hours a week. Or Whitman could follow the University of Redlands’s lead and institute a graduation service requirement. Under both circumstances, students who already perform community service would get a jump start on their graduation requirements while students who don’t yet volunteer would now have an incentive to do so. Here at Whitman, everyone likes to emphasize the spirit of public service: William O. Douglas’s service as Supreme Court Justice, Ryan Crocker’s service as an ambassador many times over and the dedicated service of many Whitman students through its clubs. We have a proud and storied history of graduating great leaders who give back to their communities. But the truth is that, at present, Whitman is no different from a lot of other colleges that have some students dedicated to volunteering and many others who are not. If we really want Whitman to be a place where public service is celebrated, then it’s time to think about rewarding or requiring community service involvement.
Capital punishment deprives condemned of human dignity Early on Friday, Sept. 10, as most Whitman students slept or put in their final hours on homework, a few miles away, Washington State murdered a ALLISON man. BOLGIANO In its first exeColumnist cution since 2001, the state of Washington ended the life of Cal Coburn, a man convicted of raping, torturing and then murdering Holly Washa in a Seattle-area motel in May 1991. This execution also marks the state as the second in the nation, after Ohio, to use a one-drug instead of a three-drug cocktail to perform the execution. Whether the new method is considered “painless” has yet to be determined. According to the Washington Department of Corrections, Coburn’s execution was carried out “humanely, professionally, and was dignified.” While the new drug may have worked smoothly, the state-sanctioned murder of a human being is anything but humane, professional, or dignified. The essence of the death penalty is its frightening ability to dehumanize the condemned. Knowing that on a specific, ordained day unnatural forces will transform one from a functioning, very much alive human to a dead body amounts to torture. Amnesty International defines torture as “an extreme mental or physical assault on someone who’s been rendered defenseless.” While execution methods themselves are arguably painless, imagine the walk to the
chamber. Imagine being strapped to a chair knowing that you will soon receive a lethal injection or electric shock. I imagine the act as a clear mental assault on the psyche of a person who has had years to contemplate and dread this very moment. “Professionally” is a jarring way to describe carrying out murder. It makes it sound rather like Washington is in the business of murder. As far as I am concerned, our government is engaged in the expensive business of murder. A monumental amount of resources go into executing a convict. The process of executing a person is several times more expensive than sentencing someone to life without parole and keeping them in prison for life. A death penalty case alone costs 70 percent more than a comparable non-death penalty case, according to a 2003 Kansas legislative audit. In Maryland, death penalty cases cost three million dollars, or three times more than non-death penalty cases. These statistics hold true in Washington. In fact, Okanagan County, Wash. was forced to lay off half of its public health nurses and could not replace aging police equipment after footing the pre-trial costs of a death penalty case. For this, among other reasons, Washington should abandon the practice of capital punishment because it is not a desirable business to be in. Executions are murder. Murder is never, ever dignified. In the words of death penalty abolitionist Sister Helen Prejean: “Any kind of punishment that degrades a defenseless human being and takes away his or her dignity is immoral.” Prejean’s words speak to me. Some death penalty supporters argue that the
condemned deserve to be stripped of all dignity since they killed a person. However, Prejean is clear that robbing someone of their dignity is immoral since it violates everything that makes them human. I see no dignity or morality in a government which promises justice for all free of cruel and unusual punishments to strap a citizen to a chair and inject lethal poison into his veins. No matter what the circumstances or how gruesome the act, taking the life of another human being is appalling. When a person commits murder, it is fair to be disgusted and outraged at this crime against the infinitely valuable soul of a human being. However, our outrage must be for the act. The moment we wish for retribution, we are hoping for the very thing that initially brought us to a state of outrage. To execute a convict is to try to remedy a great loss with anger and violence. Washington should end this grueling and painful cycle of violent retribution. The first step towards accomplishing that is to free ourselves from a mentality in which state-sanctioned murder is considered humane, professional and dignified. On every level—legal, moral, spiritual, economic and judicial—the death penalty is fundamentally flawed. As much as I hope another execution does not happen while I am at Whitman, it is probable that one will. Next time, I plan to give the person about to be killed by Washington State a shred of the dignity that is robbed from him by protesting the execution at the penitentiary. As long as the state destroys the humanity of others, we can utilize ours to show that retribution is never professional, humane or dignified.
The Pioneer ISSUE 2 SEP 23, 2010 Page 7
English voyage: men’s soccer travels and trains abroad SCOREBOARD
page 1 the ball.” “We got to see a whole new style of playing,” said Shu. “It was great to see all the passion [the English] have for the sport, which you don’t see nearly as much in the United States.” By going international, the Whitman men’s soccer team was able to experience firsthand the culture that is known
worldwide as being tremendously passionate for soccer. “Americans who have not played soccer in England can’t really understand what soccer is all about and how soccer is a religion, not just a sport,” said Fleming. When the team went to watch Bristol City play Millwall, they witnessed the devotion that fans have to their hometown
ALFORD team; the M i l l w a l l fans who came to Bristol, England had their own stands surrounded by police escorts to protect them from the Bristol City fans and cheered like crazy when their team scored. “It wasn’t even the highest pro league [in England], but people traveled two, three hours to see the game,” said Kuh.
“They’re still really devoted to it.” The players also were able to go into a pub attached to the stadium typically reserved for Bristol City fans during games. “It was awesome to see how into it [all the Bristol City fans] were,” said Fleming. “Babies that were six weeks old were already becoming part of the Bristol City fan base.” Eight games into the 2010 season, the Whitman men’s soccer team is hoping to build a committed fan base of its own. Although the team is off to a slow start at 3-4-1, there is a strong belief that the bonding experiences from England will soon begin to translate into wins on the field. And at Old Trafford, also known as the Field of Dreams, Fleming was able to experience the home of his favorite club team of over a decade—Manchester United. “Being able to visit the stadium even when not watching a game . . . was more than sick,” said Fleming. “[It] was a pilgrimage to my soccer Mecca.”
On Saturday, Sept. 26, the first and only fall women’s tennis tournament will take place at the outdoor tennis courts on Ankeny Field at Whitman College. The ITA Pacific Northwest Championships are held in a different location each year, and this year the Whitman women are excited to host it. All of the teams from the Pacific Northwest Conference will be attending, offering the women an opportunity to assess their rank in the conference. Head coach John Hein points out that though all players are expected to “give their full effort like they have in practice,” his expectations “differ from player to player” depending on experience and training. But this tournament has something to offer for every player.
This year I’m just excited. I’m ready in terms of fitness, and now I have the experience. -Alyssa Roberg ‘13
Feeling more confident after a year in the college tennis arena, sophomore Kate Kunkel-Patterson said that she has “more definite goals this year, as opposed to last year,” when it was her first collegiate tournament. “This year I’m just excited. I’m ready in terms of fitness, and now I have the experience,” said Alyssa Roberg, a sophomore and last season’s top singles player. A first college tournament can be
nerve-racking, too. Leah Siegel, one of three freshmen on the team, said she is “excited, but slightly nervous. I don’t know the standard of collegelevel tennis.” To prepare for the tournament, the team of 11 women has been training every day both on and off the courts. Their workouts include running, swimming and doing cardiovascular work, accompanied by playing mock matches to pair up doubles partners and determine the rank of each player on the team. Practice times are more varied in the fall as the women work around their academic schedules, but in the spring they are more strictly enforced as spring is their main season. Hein, coaching his third year at Whitman, said he is thrilled to host the tournament. He is particularly excited to see top doubles team of Roberg and lone senior Elise Otto build on their successes of last season, when they were the first alternate team for nationals. Last year, Whitman, Whitworth and Linfield were the top three teams competing in the tournament. The women are looking forward to taking on their rivals again this year. “It’s a real bonding experience,” said Kunkel-Patterson of the tournament. “[The tournament] is one of the most fun weekends of the whole year,” added Roberg. The ITA Pacific Northwest Championships is a tournament in which first-years can get a taste of college tennis, older players can challenge themselves against rivals and everyone can get excited for another year of tennis. “Lots of energy, lots of excitement, and lots of fun,” asserted Roberg, are in-store for participants and spectators alike.
ADVERT ISEMEN T
Men’s Soccer George Fox 9/17 W, 2-0 Pacific 9/19 L, 4-0 Walla Walla University 9/21 W, 5-0 Women’s Golf Pacific Women’s Golf Invitational 9/18 1 Whitworth +100 2 Linfield +105 3 Whitman +122 4 Pacific +144 5 Willamette +231
Women’s Cross Country Sundodger Invitational (UW) 9/18 1 Whitworth - 47 2 British Columbia - 56 3 Lewis & Clark - 101 4 Simon Fraser - 112 5 St. Martin - 186 6 Whitman - 192 6 Southern Oregon - 192 8 Everett CC - 200 ...
High hopes for host Whitman at women’s ITA Pacific Northwest Championships
Women’s Soccer George Fox 9/17 W, 1-0 Pacific 9/19 L, 2-1
Men’s Golf North Idaho College 9/18 L, 301-295
Whitman women’s tennis hosts fall tournament by LIBBY ARNOSTI
Volleyball UPS 9/17 L, 3-0 PLU 9/18 L, 3-2 Whitworth 9/22 L, 3-0
FENNELL Tate Head ‘13 and Caitlin Holland ‘13 practice at the Walla Walla Country Club before the Sept. 18-19 Pacific Women’s Golf Invitational.
Women’s golf team looks ahead to promising season by LINDSAY FAIRCHILD Staff Reporter
This year’s women’s golf team is off to an early, strong start. The team recently placed second in the George Fox Fall Invitational on Sept. 12—the first tournament of the season. The home team, who is ranked in the top ten in the nation, placed first. These strong results reinforced the team’s opening attitudes for the season. “[It] was pretty exciting for us,” said sophomore Tate Head, “especially when we all know that we can play much better than we did that day.” The second tournament of the season, the Pacific Invitational in Forest Grove, Ore. was held on Sept. 19 and 20. Upon Saturday’s conclusion, the Missionaries were slotted in fourth place, behind Linfield, Whitworth, and Pacific, respectively, and ahead of Willamette and Corban, who took fifth and sixth. “Our scores were not as great as we would have liked,” remarked Head on the heels of the second day of the tournament. “But we are going to go out tomorrow [to] make up some ground.” Monday they did just that. First-years Elaine Whaley and Katie Zajicek both shot a score of 81 for the day, helping give the Missionaries a team score of 341 for third place. This was just four shots off from the second place score of Whitworth Univer-
sity, and even after losing fifteen strokes when Head miscounted her scorecard, disqualifying her personal best score of 79 from the total. The women’s golf team is a young team consisting of five first-years, two sophomores and two juniors. Nevertheless, all of the players are very dedicated and want to see the program succeed. “The team dynamics have definitely changed this year,” said Head. “We have gone from not even having a full team two years ago to having a team this year of players who all came to Whitman with the intention of playing college golf. It is great to see Whitman’s golf team grow and improve and I am so glad that I can be a part of it.” This season, with all of the new talent like Whaley and Zajicek, who matched each other’s score of 91 at the George Fox Fall Invitational, shows promise for success. Head is also optimistic about what is to come. “I expect this season to get better and better,” she said. “We have great players and an incredible team atmosphere that I am so lucky to be a part of. It is neat how we have come from not having enough players to play as a team, to being a team that could potentially win the conference title and earn a trip to nationals in the next couple years.”
Men’s Cross Country Sundodger Invitational (UW) 9/18 1 Simon Fraser - 35 2 Lewis & Clark - 88 3 Whitworth - 95 4 Southern Oregon - 116 5 British Columbia - 126 6 Everett CC - 180 7 Whitman - 200 8 Seattle Pacific - 219 ...
UPCOMING EVENTS Volleyball 9/24 George Fox University (Home) Women’s Tennis 9/25-9/26 ITA Pacific NW Championships (Home) Men’s Tennis 9/25-9/26 ITA Pacific NW Championships (Salem) Women’s Soccer 9/25 Pacific Lutheran University (Home) 9/26 University of Puget Sound (Home) Men’s Soccer 9/25 Pacific Lutheran University (Home) 9/26 University of Puget Sound (Home) Men’s Golf 9/24 Linfield Men’s Golf Invitational
Whitman women’s soccer alive and kicking by BAILEY ARANGO Staff Reporter
The Whitman women’s soccer team went 1-1 on their weekend road trip, defeating George Fox University in a 1-0 shutout on Saturday, Sept. 18 in Newberg, Ore. before falling to Pacific University in a 2-1 heartbreaker on Sunday, Sept. 19 in Forest Grove, Ore. The Missionaries are 1-2 in Northwest Conference play and an even 3-3 overall. While the weekend may have brought mixed results, hopes are still high for a breakthrough season believes junior Libby Watkins. “I think this is going to be a really good season for us,” she said. “We’re slated to finish fifth in the league, but we all think that’s bogus.” Watkins, a permanent fixture on Whitman’s defensive front, attributes the team’s potential to exceed preseason expectations to a team-wide dedication to playing intelligent soccer. “We’re taking a back-to-basics approach where we’re really fine-tuning
the fundamentals of our soccer, and with that we’re looking to succeed and achieve at a higher level. We’ve also bumped up the intensity quite a bit; we’re training harder, competing within practice. All of those things are going to transfer to success on the pitch.” Junior Lauren Brougham, who started in goal for the Missionaries’ season opener, cites a surge of new talent as a key factor in the team’s success this season. “We have 11 new players on the team, eight of them freshmen—that’s almost half the team. They all work hard and are all good additions. It’s a really different dynamic, but it’s good because it pushes the returners to work harder, it pushes the new players to work harder and everyone’s working harder for a starting spot. Everyone’s in it together.” Junior Amy Hasson, who teammates and fans have dubbed “The Assassin,” doesn’t think the youth of her squad will hurt Whitman’s chances. “Our goal is to win conference. That’s the plan. I’m thinking top three finish,
almost for sure.” Hasson, one of the team’s captains, let her intensity shine through in the team’s 3-2 overtime loss to Northwest University in which Hasson notched both Missionary goals and a red card. While Whitman’s 3-3 record may look like an early indicator of a difficult season, all three of Whitman’s losses came by just a single goal, including one overtime finish. Whitman has outscored its opponents 11-8 thus far. Watkins sees the Missionaries’ dominant preseason and competitive first six games as proof that there are great things yet to come for Whitman women’s soccer. “We’re fitter, we’re competing harder, we’re working on our skills; there is no reason why we can’t win conference this year,” said Hasson. The Whitman women’s soccer team hopes to begin to realize that potential this weekend in a crucial home stand, as they face Pacific Lutheran University on Saturday, Sept. 24 and 12th-ranked University of Puget Sound on Sunday, Sept. 25.
The Pioneer ISSUE 2 SEP 23, 2010 Page 8
This page is full of jokes!
Backpage 2 sexy 4 saturday morning
Top 5 Off Campus Houses You Really Don't Want to Get Drunk At 5. The Slant: It’s just dangerous to walk on a slant when intoxicated. 4. The Mine Field: One misplaced drunk stumble, and your night will be a far more serious trip to the health center. 3. The Unmarked Van: Yes, they have candy, and yes, they lost their puppy, but no, you shouldn’t help them. 2. The Washington State Penitentiary: That cell-made moonshine has more of a kick than your average drank, so if it’s at all possible, drink responsibly. 1. That One Alley Around the Corner from that 7-Eleven where Your Friend Threw Up in that Bush and then Found a Syringe: Seriously?
to: email@example.com from: firstname.lastname@example.org cc: email@example.com Hey Dave! Really excited to start brainstorming our fall lineup. I know our first meeting isn’t till Tuesday, but I think I’ve already come up with some winners! Shoot me an email if you’re interested! Looking forward to hearing back! ~ Kirk ------------------------------------to: firstname.lastname@example.org from: email@example.com Hi Kirk. I’m glad you’re enthused about our next season; I think we’ve got a opportunity to take last year’s success and run with it. Send me your ideas, I’d like to hear about them.
Duck Diary Dear Diary, Today was my FIRST DAY OF LAKUM DUCKUM JUNIOR HIGH! I was pretty nervous, but there were so many cool kids. This one kid, Chet, is definitely the coolest kid. He is the captain of the diving team and he has the shiniest mallard head out of all the other drakes. Too bad I’m not a mallard. I can’t ever look like Chet, but that’s okay because we are going to be buds. He hangs out with all the other mallard drakes—they are called “the Flock”; so cool—and they do cool things like talk to hen mallards and ditch class. Oh boy, I can’t wait to get to know everyone, they all seem just great. Well, I am exhausted from a day filled with the potential for new friends! Your Friend, Rodney Dear Diary, Today was the second day at Lakum Duckum Junior High, and it was still great. Chet, that cool drake I told you about yesterday, he was talking about diving team tryouts with his friends and I heard him because I was pretty much standing with them. So cool. I think I might go out for the team. Cross your fingers for me, Diary! After school I asked Chet and the Flock if they wanted to come over to my nest and play video games (Mom and Dad said I could have more than two people over at a time while I’m still getting to know my peers); they all said they had a lot of homework, then they all started laughing. I didn’t get the joke, but I was laughing anyway because I don’t have ANY homework tonight. It’s weird because Chet and I have the same schedule. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow they can come over! Nighty Noodles, Rodney Dear Diary, Today was a good day. I was pretty much hanging out with the gang! At lunch all the cool ducks hang out on this one rock in the middle of the pond. It was full today at lunch, like it is everyday, because everyone wants to eat lunch with Chet and the rest of the Flock—that’s what everyone calls them, the Flock, so cool. Anyway, so since I couldn’t fit
on the rock I just swam around it. I’m sure if there was room up there I could have sat and hung out with them. But it was still cool to hear the conversation. Man, they are so funny. Stan, the second coolest drake in the Flock, was talking about how he is going to hook up with this hen in the spring; she is “so bomb”, as he said. I hope by spring I’ll find a hen as “bomb” as Stan’s! Man, lunch with “the Flock” was great today. Still waiting for tryouts; maybe I can talk to some Flock bros to get some tips. I’m sure Chet will help me out. Sincerely, Rodney Dear Diary, I think Chet has a hearing problem; I’m pretty concerned so I should probably talk to him about it. You see, I think he has a hearing problem because most of the time, when I try to talk to him, he just doesn’t hear me. Like today we were waddling to class and the Flock was up ahead, and I was like, “Wait up drakes!” but they just kept waddling. I know if they had heard me they totally would have waited. Even if it made them late to class they would have waited because those guys are so cool they “don’t give a duck!” about tardiness. That is what they always say: “We don’t give a DUCK,” so cool. Man, they are AWESOME. If Chet does have a hearing problem, I would totally learn sign language so we could still be good buds. I think I should talk to him about it tomorrow. DIVING TEAM TRYOUTS TOMORROW! I’m so nervous I could lose the rest of my prepubescent down! Chet already lost all his down, so cool. Night night, don’t let the feather bugs bite! Rodney Dear Diary, I didn’t make the diving team. Chet is a douche. And he has perfectly good hearing. I hate this pond. Shut up, Rodney
Last year, tragedy struck the United States Navy, a tragedy which the U.S. military is still coping with. In June, the U.S.S. Vengaboys, the first American party submarine, or “Party Sub”, went missing off the Alaskan coast somewhere in the Bering Sea. This mystery went unsolved until two months ago when a small Norwegian fishing vessel discovered the floating remains of the sub floating in the South Pacific. However, the mystery of the Vengaboys’ location soon gave way to a second, even more haunting mystery: military personnel did not find a single member of the crew onboard. The Backpage had its staff of trained researchers comb over reports and recordings from the sub’s short time at sea, and eventually compiled a transcript of the crew’s final moments on board.
Let me know what you think! ------------------------------------to: firstname.lastname@example.org from: email@example.com
David Sheen Production Director, FunToon Inc. (502) 555-1343 ext. 234 -------------------------------------to: firstname.lastname@example.org from: email@example.com cc: firstname.lastname@example.org Sounds awesome! Here’s what I’ve got so far: Number one: Shirtless Adventures! Four best friends and their “surfer dude” cheetah pal are taking a vacation, Hawaii-style...but when a spooky ghost starts haunting the hotel, the gang takes a no-top pit stop to solve the case—shirtless! (I attached some quick concept art up top!) Number two: Bikini Heroes! Becky and her friends never thought they’d spend their days saving lives in swimsuits...until they became Bikini Heroes! Now Becky, Ann and Mary-Jane have to beat the baddies bikini style...and still make it in time for class at their all-girls school! And finally, numero tres: Hot Dog Squad! When upstart rival Donna Dogs beats four-time prom queen Bella at the school hot-dog eating competition, she gets to the join the elite Hot Dog Squad! (The big selling point would be the hot dog eating scenes—I’m thinking that “300” effect where things slow down and then go really fast! I’m thinking Zach Synder to direct, maybe we could give him a call?) Attachments: turespromo.jpg
The mystery of their disappearances remains unsolved, but we present this transcript to you now with the hopes that one of you may uncover the final clue which will allow us to mourn their passing with certainty. [Loud music that experts identify as Andrew W.K.’s “Party Hard”. Shouting, sounds of frivolity and enjoyment] Captain: Okay guys, I’ve got the Jello shots! Lieutenant: WOOOO! [Shouting, general sounds of agreement and happiness] Second Lieutenant: Bryan drinks first! Lieutenant: Fuck you guys! [Sounds of drinking] Captain: You men enjoy those. I used the last of our water supply to make them, so try and make sure everyone gets at least one. Unidentified Crewman: Uh, I don’t want to be a buzz-kill or anything, but shouldn’t we try and save some of that? I mean, it looks like we might not be able to get back to the surface for a while, and— Lieutenant: Keg stand! Keg stand! Keg stand! Keg stand! [More shouting. Andrew W.K. song in background cranked up to maximum volume. Conversation lost for some
CANEPA -----------------------------------to: email@example.com from: firstname.lastname@example.org Kirk– There are some good ideas here— there have definitely been shows in the past that use the “crime-solving” format. I’m not sure if they need to be shirtless, unless I’m missing something? Bring it up in the pitch meeting Tuesday and we’ll discuss it then. David Sheen Production Director, FunToon Inc. (502)-555-1343 ext. 234 -------------------------------------to: email@example.com from: firstname.lastname@example.org cc: email@example.com Cool—glad you liked the shows! Hey, I’ve got a couple more I want to bounce off ya—tell me what you think! Wet ‘n Wild! Seven teens (thinking two guys, five girls); seven days; one chance to win a night at the grotto in America’s sexiest waterpark! Not a reality show fan? Then grab your spooky bone and get ready for Milfbumps! One not-so-lucky teen spends a night at the abandoned Cougar Mansion on a dare...but he’s about to get a lot more than he bargained for! When sexy milfs crawl out of the walls—literally!—he’s forced to choose between the sultry Vanessa Vampire or the wild Tina Tigress! (Maybe in season two have him get both, but a third spooky milf appears? Could be a running joke!) And finally, five words: Jackie Chan Adventures—in bed!!! Every week Jackie finds himself in a new crazy sexventure! (You know Jackie would be down for this—he’s a funny guy!) Possible villains he faces could include Furball, the insatiable Puma seductress, and Ming-Lao, the beautiful and mysterious kung-fu temptress.
Kirk– I appreciate your enthusiasm for the fall lineup, but some of these pitches seem a little questionable. I’m not entirely certain what a “milf ” is, but I do like the haunted house angle—nobody’s done a “spooky” show lately. Unfortunately the copyright for Jackie Chan Adventures is still held by the WB Kids’ Network, and we don’t want to risk infringement. Again, the pitch meeting for new shows will be this Tuesday, so I encourage you to present your new ideas there. David Sheen Production Director, FunToon Inc. (502)-555-1343 ext. 234 -------------------------------------to: firstname.lastname@example.org from: email@example.com cc: firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey—no problemo! I’ve got some more piping-hot show ideas cookin’ in the Kirkster’s brain-oven, so lemme throw a few more ‘atcha! Tugrats! This fall, it looks like the Rugrats crew is more “all growed up” than we thought! Tommy and Phil “go wild” and Chuckie earns his new nickname! (I’m thinking leave the girls out of this one!) Next up—Courage the Fuckable Dog! You know what I’m talking about! And last—but definitely not least!—Splooge McFuck in: FuckTales!!! I’m dying to get the boys in animation started up on this! –K-Man -------------------------------------to: email@example.com from: firstname.lastname@example.org
FunToon Incorporated regretfully announces the termination of Kirk Hunter in the Research and Development department. Although we will sorely miss Kirk’s contributions to the Funtoon family, we are excited for the upcoming fall lineup and wish Kirk the best in his future endeavors. David Sheen Production Director, FunToon Inc. (502)-555-1343 ext. 234
New Eminem music video just footage of Eminem masturbating and crying
I can link any conversation to my senior art thesis, by Sonja Moondragon
Michael Bay laid to rest in spectacular, special effects-laden funeral procession
Yeah, see, just play it smart and no one gets hurt, see, by Charlie “Babyface” Mortimer, local Tough Guy
Idaho strangler announces move to beating, stabbing
time] Second Lieutenant: Oh man, I’m wasted. I think I’m gonna vomm… Ensign: Dude, no problem, just lean out the window! Unidentified Crewman: Whoa! We’re at least a thousand feet down, the pressure of opening one of those portholes would— Ensign: Relax, fresh meat! Hey guys, I just figured out that we have like, a ton of layers of metal on the walls here that we like, never use. I’ll bet if we take some off we could make a totally awesome Beer Pong table. Second Lieutenant: Aw hell yeah! Titanium Beer Pong! That’s like . . . extra cool. Unidentified Crewman: Whoa . . . guys. We should really be careful, the pressure out there is absolutely— [Loud noises as the men attempt to pry off part of the hull. Andrew W.K. once again turned up to deafening volume. Conversation lost again for some time] Lieutenant: —No, no, you know the up and down thingy? Like the big binoculars? Unidentified Crewman: You mean the periscope? Lieutenant: Whatever! I’ll bet that we could use that to make a totally awesome bong. Captain: Sick. As. Hell.
I’ll bet I can find more potato bugs than you!, by Your Little Cousin
Unidentified Crewman: Uh . . . we pretty much have to have that if we want to resurface. Also we should probably take a break from partying for a second, I think Jeff just spilled his Sobe-Gin drink onto some of our navigation controls . . . Second Lieutenant: PARTY FOUL!!! JEFF DOES A TRIPLE KEG STAND! Lieutenant: Man, if only we had some more water for the bong . . . Ensign: Hey man, there’s water all around us, why do you think they call it a sub marine? Lieutenant: Oh yeah, I guess I never thought of that! Second Lieutenant: Jeff! Get over here for your keg stand! Unidentified Crewman: Guys, we really have to— [Andrew W.K. turned up loud for the last time. The rest of the conversation is entirely unintelligible.]