April 1, 2011
Walnut Hills High School
Vol. CV, No. 4
From the Editors
November 2, 2020
The Chatterbox Editoral Staff
Shiwani Kamath, Co-Editor-in-Chief
Marshalla Eves, Co-Editor-in-Chief
Mia Manavalan, Senior Managing Co-Editor
Mac Calvert, Photo Editor Serena Dugan, View Points Editor Simon Lazarus, Copy Editor JP Schmitz, Cartoon Editor Adam Wolf, Sports Editor
Letter From the Editor
Dear Readers, I don’t really understand why you even bother reading this. Mr.Brokamp can rave about how much we’re improving, but jbro - forreal? Who cares what Serena Says? Going Backstage With Clayton? Gross! And Just Nuts is pretty self-explanatory.... To alleviate you from the guilt of having to promptly recycle this piece of garbage, I’ve decided to do something meaningful. For those who have noticed, we have a Chatterbox email (the purpose of which has yet to be determined). However, I deduced from the many maudlin emails that many of you mistakenly use it as some sort of therapy session. Rather than “Dear Editor” complaints or suggestions, “Dearest Edi” advice questions are ricocheting off my inbox and into my heart. Before you refrain from seeking advice from moi, please take note of my worthy mentoring skills. One time, my sister asked me if she should buy Crocs and ShapeUps. Of course, I told her to go for it! Now, without further ado, I present you with The Chatterbox’s newest section, the advice column. 1
Clayton Castle, Fine Arts Editor Emily Friedman, Style & Culture Editor Jonah Roth, News & Features Editor Riley Theurer, Visual Editor Advisors: Samantha Gerwe-Perkins & Dawn Wolfe
Letters to the Editor Dearst Edi, My ex-boyfriend just dumped me! I didn’t like him too much, but still. It’s so frustrating and I really needed someone to talk to! I already bought my dress for his prom. What do I do?? Sincerely, Got Dumped Quick
The New& (Totally Improved!) Policy Statement
The Chatterbox denies the rights of any person attempting to write for this less-than-worthy instuition. We grant ourselves this right and don’t need no Constitution to tell us what we want. Administration might not like us anymore, but as half of the editorial staff is graduating, they don’t really care (as per the majority vote). That’s Dear Dumped, actually probably the only “right” we Don’t feel down in the dumps - he’s administer. We vote on a bunch of probably found someone better. And, I’m likely to bet, he’s having more fun things. Its like Survivor. Watch out, y’all! Next time, YOU might be voted without you! Your loss is probably because you grew on him like you were off this hardy island. Just kidding. Basically we try to tell you the a colony of E. coli and he was roomnews straight up, but we might resort temperature Canadian beef. to tomfoolery occasionally. Or a lot. None of us actually do any research or Dear E, conduct interviews. They say invasion My softball team sucks. They never of privacy as a means of news gatherdo anything right, and if it wasn’t for ing is prohibited. Who are they kidme, we would be the FAVC losers. Now ding? We do creep 24/7. If you’re being they’re messing up again and not makskep, we will find out about it. Our ing me Captain. I do SO much for this web browser history here at The Chatteam and I don’t get any recognition. terbox office compromises of detailed Ever. Facebook inventories and Youtube Unrecognized star videos. The most important thing y’all Dear “star”, should know is that we distinguish Get real. Stop complaining and catch ourselves over all other publications. the ball. You’re like that kid who I mean think about. People actually sucked at painting but had a mother read this thing! Mr.Brokamp frequently refers to us on the telephone. And who called him the next Picasso. Maybe if you worked harder you would there are a bunch of other things I am forgetting. get somewhere in life. If you got any criticism, then let us know. If we feel like it, we’ll take your Letters to the Editor are continued on advice, but probably not. page 9.
Walnut Hills High School
Vol. CV, No. 5
Walnut Hills High School
After weeks of inner turmoil, it has come to this. Mythical creatures, my long-time fascination, do not exist. Rachel Chung, ‘11 Chatterbox Staff Writer
A Field Guide to Mythical Creatures: Another Inconvenient Truth Serena Says: Shall We Go To The Theatre? Serena Dugan, ‘11 Viewpoints Editor
It seems that academic aptitude is by no means a measure of an individual’s theatre etiquette. In a school that prides itself on ever-rising test scores and an unbounded capacity for brute intellect, it is shocking that students are not more privy to common theatre decorum. A recent exodus of English class SENIORS to view the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company’s performance of Hamlet proved an incredibly embarrassing theatrical faux pa. Waiting for the curtain to rise, students sat chatting loudly with friends, yelling across the theatre, and treating the experience like that of an animated 7th bell pep rally. This boisterous behavior, supplemented by a few crowd waves and some other general guffawing, further confirmed the naivety of the audience at hand. Surely there is a place for ‘the wave’, but an esteemed production of Hamlet decidedly is not among them. After the show began, students continued to disrupt the production, displaying little respect for the actors on stage or for their fellow theatre-going peers. Granted, this lack of theatre decorum can hardly be heaped on SENIORS alone, but some degree of etiquette is to be expected during any out-of school activity. When we go off campus for any reason, we not only represent ourselves, but our entire student body. This recent display, while a disastrous disappointment of Walnut’s expectations for
Vol. CV, No. 5 decorum, is also a grave confirmation of negative high school stereotypes: many people pre-judge high school students as too immature to handle the responsibility of viewing a serious production. Moreover, it is unfortunate that Walnut students take for granted the many opportunities available to them, and in the process jeopardize the future privileges of underclassmen. Perhaps the fault lies not only with the students, but also with the school. “I incorrectly assumed more of my SENIORS had experienced live theatre performances. I suppose that was due to the very vocal contingent of students who do love theatre. In class, I only covered basic differences between a touring production of Hamlet versus a full stage production, not basic theatre etiquette. As a department, we should do more to educate students on how live theatre works by encouraging them see more of the live theatre happening right here on campus. I left the experience inspired to make attending live theatre more prominent in Walnut’s English curriculum” (Mrs. GP). How can we expect students to behave a certain way if we have not set clear standards for such decorum? Theatre etiquette requires not only silencing your cell phone and throwing out your gum, but also interacting with the actors on stage. “The audience is equally as important to a play as the actors. There is nothing more exciting than hearing the audience respond positively to the action on stage; but likewise, there is nothing more discouraging than hearing an audience be disrespectful” (Rachel Chung, SENIOR). More than anything, the Hamlet field trip is a learning experience in future conduct. It is Walnut’s responsibility to establish clear standards of etiquette for the theatre, but it is also our responsibility as students to behave respectfully in any audience.
Vampires are imaginary, velociraptors are extinct, and reanimation of dead human tissue is impossible. Before you condemn my blasphemous statement, let me tell you the story of how I came to change my mind. A few weeks ago, as I was napping on the cot in my zombie apocalypse shelter, I had a dream. Bruce Lee visited me and said to me (in Chinese— that’s how I knew it was a dream), “Rachel.....Rachel......mythical creatures...... are a myth......” And then he vanished, rapid as a velociraptor. I was crushed. My life was a lie. Everything I had ever worked toward, all my hopes and dreams of becoming the world’s leading zombie hunter, were thrown into the dust and stomped out by the wrathful foot of the god of martial arts. At first, I was in disbelief (some would call it denial). I performed extensive research, consulting reliable and detailed sources such as Wikipedia and my mother. According to both sources, everything that Bruce had said was true. I spent the following weeks holed up in my room, weeping over my Zombie Survival Guide as Niobe wept for her children. After several consecutive weeks of intense depression and use of all seven Freudian defense mechanisms, here I stand, a transformed human being. I no longer fear the onset of the zombie apocalypse or the end of the world, overrun by giant velociraptors. No more do I lay awake at night trying to remote-view the Loch Ness Monster. Over the past few weeks, I have undergone a spiritual journey. I have crossed the River Styx and seen what lies beyond, and, I must say, there are no mythical creatures to be seen. Quite frankly, there wasn’t much of anything that I haven’t already read about in Latin. But that is a story for another time—our present story is concluded. April 7, 2011
Muggles Aren’t Exactly Used to Flying Cars, but Flying Brooms? No Problem! Ruby Tuesday,’11 Chatterbox Staff Writer
The Walnut Hills science whizzes are at it again! This week, with a little help from the physics department, the WHHS Quidditch Team will take flight for the first time this spring, literally! Since the Quidditch team began its hiatus last fall, the physics department has been laborously working to create flying brooms, and last week their hard work finally came full circle. While working in the lab, an anonymous physics student was finally able to get a broom off the ground. With a little help from NASA and Mr. Chugthai, the WHHS physics department has made world- wide news. Madam Hooch, a flying instructor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which is known for its excellent Quidditch teams says, “Merlin’s Beard! I knew you bloody American Muggles had it in you. Congrats!”. The new gravity defying broom has been named the Nimbus 10,000, and The Daily Prophet has dubbed it a “Best Buy” of 2011. Jacob Kraus, a representative of the Walnut Hills Quidditch Team, is quite thrilled about the new development, “I feel like the Slytherin team after the Malfoys bought them brand new Nimbus 2001s, our potential as an amazing quidditch team can now fully be realized!” Practice will continue to be held at Ault Park every Thursday in preparation for next year’s Quidditch World Cup Except this time the students will actually be reaching new heights! Interested in for real flying? Then don’t be shy! Grab your 3
April 7, 2011
The Chatterbox helmet, catch a ride to Ault Park, and get ready to tumble out of the sky! For more information contact Jacob Kraus via owl, and be sure to send him 10,000 Galleons to secure your new Nimbus 10,000.
watch him in the upcoming years on ESPN2, who is rumored to be adding Quidditch to its already rich array of sport programming.
SENIOR Jacob C. Kraus: Scouted by National Quidditch Team
Eli Wilhelm II, ‘12 Chatterbox Staff Writer
Microchips in Sports
With the most recent release of Watson, IBM’s Jeopardy winning Kibret “The Frog” Alem, ‘15 robot gaining buzz around the counChatterbox Staff Writer try, Walnut Hills Science Department Walnut Hills SENIOR Jacob Kraus decided it was finally time to release is being scouted by the National Quid- some technology of its own. In the ditch Team. This is a big deal and exit- days after Watson was announced, Mr. Chugthai, with the assistance of other ing news for Jacob as he is fascinated members in the Department have by the sport and being part of the team. As team captain and co-founder, finally developed a microchip easily injected into your brain, allowing you Jacob makes for a good spokesperson to see up to 45 chess moves into the fufor the team. “Quidditch is unique in ture. The chip has been recently introthat it tests so many athletic skills at duced in the chess clubs after school once. I like to think of it as a combimeetings, but they soon plan to use it nation of rugby, dodgeball, and tag.” in the World Wide Competition next Kraus is excited to represent his month at ESPN3.com during halftime national pride during the 2011 World Cup held in New York, NY at Madison of South American International Pig Square Gardens from November 12th Wrestling Championships, so tune in. -13th. Of course, Jacob considers him- With the addition of their Chugthai self a huge Harry Potter fan. “Well… super-coach, the Chess club is being made into a Varsity sport, entering in Harry seems to have made quite a name for himself. If I get picked up by competitions all around the region. In addition to its use in extreme the American team and he gets picked chess domination, the Chip is being inup by the British team, I’d certainly troduced into Quiz Team use. The chip look forward to seeing him at the is being used in a robot shell which World Cup.” Jacob’s respect toward can play and answer questions with his opponents and willingness to meet as much ease as Watson himself. The and compete in the Quidditch World Robot, dubbed Scot 2.0 by members Cup is already evident, a rare trait for of the quiz team, is quickly becoming a rookie. an aspect to the team. When asked Kraus has always been used to the for comment, head coach of the Quiz the Muggle version of the sport and team, Mr.Grunder said “He failed thinks the Wizard version will take to make the Varsity squad, but we some getting used to, especially bebelieve in a few more years he could cause the team is getting real brooms maybe be a member of interest on our this year. “I’m a little bit nervous JV team.” Scot 2.0 is shocking critics, about having to fly... you know being and cannot wait to take on Watson that high with only a broom supporting me. But, I think I’ll like the magic over summer break in the auditorium. part of it, unless it is used against me...” Jacob is excited to play, and all can
Walnut Hills High School
Vol. CV, No. 5
Backstage with Clayton: Bobby Rankin Clayton Castle, ‘11 Fine Arts Page Editor
Very few Walnut alumni can say, “I won a Grammy Award”. However, SENIOR Bobby Rankin has claimed those bragging rights. In January, Rankin won the Grammy Award for Best Album for his Christmas Jazz Album, titled You Better Kiss Me, I’m Bobby Rankin. I had the great honor of sitting down with this new Grammy-Award winning artist for this month’s edition of Backstage. C: How did you react when you found out that you won the Grammy Award for Best Album? B: I was not surprised. C: Did you meet anyone special at the Grammys that you might have an interest in? B: Wow, where to start? Rihanna looked stunning and is truly an enchanting young woman; bruise free this year, might I add. Beyonce looked amazing in her ensemble, walking the carpet with her pet turtle, Jay, I think she said was his name. And of course the hostess, Anne Hathaway, who is just...just awful... C: Why did you choose Jazz as the genre for your album? B: Well you see jazz, with its proclivities for improvisation, creativity and loose women is the very essence of the BASED movement. As a Based Master Chef I felt like I had accomplished every thing the Basedgod had planned for me in the hip-hop genre, so I decided to branch out and return to the roots of the music. Swagg
Vol. CV, No. 5
The Chatterbox C: What will be the title of your next album be and why? B: My next project is a mash-up with my good friend and gold-medal champion superstar rapper Grillie Dagner Sharpton. It’s called “Grillie Dag vs. Grillie Dagner Sharpton vs. B.Swagger vs. Youngin Bravo III: Off and Runnin’” C: Any last words for the aspiring Jazz musicians? B: Live Fast, Stay Young, Cook Harder, Stay BASED, all thanks and praise be to the Basedgod, woo woo swagg RARE ART we saved the village.
High School Musical coming to Walnut Stage Rachel Chung, ‘11 Chatterbox Staff Writer
Oklahoma. Rent. The Sound of Music. These names are just a few in the extensive list of impressive and challenging musicals performed by the Walnut Hills theater department. Every Spring, the theater department writhes with speculation regarding the next Fall musical. Will director Mr. Peters choose a classic, such as The Sound of Music, or will he choose something more avant garde, like Rent? It seems as though next year’s musical will be somewhere in between. With the family-friendly themes of The Sound of Music and the upbeat camaraderie of Rent, High School Musical meets all the criteria of a true Walnut Hills hit. In the early stages of the selection process, Mr. Peters considered shows such as Little Shop of Horrors, Les Miserables, and West Side Story alongside High School Musical. However, none of these illustrious shows could stand up to the raw emotion and deep intensity of High School Musical. From its beginning, High School Musical has wowed audiences and captured the hearts of viewers young and old. Now, as Mr. Peters prepares to set the project in motion, theater
Walnut Hills High School
April 7, 2011
participants and alumni begin to wonder if the young thespians of Walnut Hills are ready to tackle the mature content and emotional complexity of the production. Most believe that our school is more than prepared to take on such a daunting task, hopefully filling the gaps where shows such as Rent and The Sound of Music may have fallen flat. In addition to its theatrical sophistication, High School Musical may also be the answer to social problems at Walnut Hills. Mr. Peters said of the show, “I believe that the musical is powerful enough to bring the factions of our school together and close the gap between the arts and athletics. After we’re through, athletes and artists will be skipping through the halls humming the catchy and powerful tunes of one of Disney’s most brilliant creations, High School Musical.” Judging by the widespread approval of the show, High School Musical is likely to be one of the best productions ever staged at Walnut Hills. Between its brilliant musical compositions and its inspiring message, the show is destined for greatness. Walnut Student to Re-paint Sistine Chapel Ye ole King of the Castle, ‘11 Ye ole Editor of the Arts, which are Fine Pope Benedict XVI recently announced that there will be a new painting on the ceiling of the famous Sistine Chapel in Vatican City. The current painting, known as “The Creation of Adam”, was painted by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo between 1508 and 1512. This past March, a worldwide contest was held and a Walnut student was selected to be the new artist of the Sistine Chapel. The rest of the article will be available online at: www.walnuthillseagles.com
Swell Looks & Savoir-Faire
Suspenders: 2011’s Fashion Phenomenon
Bertha Hoguash, ‘27 Valedictorian of ITT Tech’s Design School Have you noticed the phenomenon sweeping the school? The awe-inspiring trend that has changed the way people look and feel about fashion? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Well let me cue you in. SUSPENDERS. That’s right- they’re not just for Steve Urkel anymore! Cute and stylish, these adaptable bands come in a wide variety of colors, patterns, and sizes. In addition, suspenders are unisex, so girls and guys both can work this swanky style. Not only are they versatile in design, but suspenders can be worn in many different ways to suit your own specific style: the traditional- double shoulder approach, the single shoulder, or just hanging loose- swinging from the waist. They’re applicable to any style: preppy, punk, or artsy. It’s a fact. Suspenders go with everything. In some windier cities, people have started to use suspenders to keep their hats in place. All you have to do is clip one end to the back of your hat and the other end to your pants. By doing so you’ll never loose your hat- even in a tornado! In the case of a school bully, suspenders can also be used to
Photo Credit: Emily Friedman
The Chatterbox prevent the most dreaded of all bullying tools, wedgies. In order to avoid this gross discomfort, wrap them around your pants and pull them over your shoulders as you normally would. This will thwart the bully’s plan and spare you of the humiliation. 2005 celebrity graduate Ke$ha said, “I absolutely love suspenders! They’re so cute. My favorites are the ones with zebra stripes or the ones that say ‘I Love Mom!’ on them.” Ke$ha is just one of many that has fallen in love with this trend. Suspenders are now being made to appeal to an even broader audience. You can find them braided, criss-cross, and even glow in the dark. Some are even created to serve as charm bracelets. Now people can collect, buy, and trade their favorite charms! So if you’re slow on the up-take, hurry up and get a pair before they’re all gone! They can be found at any Kroger or Walmart [restrictions may apply, see store for details].
Ormsby Wins Clooney’s Heart
July 13, 1986
cousin in high school, so George and I would see each other at family gettogethers. A few months ago he friended me on Facebook and we got back in touch. He mentioned he was coming to Cinci, so we planned to meet up on one of his days off. When Marisa Tomei [previously cast in Ormsby’s role] had to fly back to LA last-minute and drop the role, he called me. He knows I have always dreamed of acting and that my passion and knowledge of US Government is a great benefit to the movie (about a politician). How is the chemistry between you two? I was surprised how easy it was to act with him. He’s so down-to-earth and sweet as always which really helped to break up the tension during the more intense scenes. Is it possible that you and George will soon become an item? Maybe the press will nickname you two “Cloonby”... [no comment]
Louis Lane, ‘43 [Excerpt from The Daily Planet]
Are there more films in your future? Ides has definitely inspired me to pursue my dreams of acting. George and I are As we all know, George Clooney came still in touch, and he has another film to downtown Cincinnati and the Greater in pre-production which he’s considerCincinnati area to film his newest movie, ing me for a role in. I can’t reveal much The Ides of March, last month. But what because it’s still in-development, but I’m you don’t know is that one of the teachflying to Spain this summer to meet up ers at the local Walnut Hills High School with the director and get screen-tested. has kept her association with this movie a secret- until now. But who is it? And How has Ides of March changed your why has Clooney chosen someone to life? play his love-interest who is unknown It’s changed it so many ways, I can hardto the public instead of a famous redly give just one answer. I’ve definitely carpet icon? After searching the area grown to appreciate the filmmaking and prying information from the heads industry much more and I’ve discovered of Dare to Dream Casting, I finally got my gift of acting! Who knew this would an answer. Elizabeth Ormsby, the 8th happen? grade honors and US History teacher at Walnut Hills has landed the most Is there anything else you would like to coveted role in Hollywood. I sat down tell your Walnut students? with her during one of her free bells and Never stop believing in your dreams. got her to confess all the secrets of this Who knows...maybe one day, James upcoming film, shooting with George, Franco will call you up to host the Osand her plans for projects in the future. cars with him! How did you get the part? I was actually friends with George’s
Walnut Hills High School
Cover Photo: Harry Kran Annexstein Vol. CV, No. 5
Walnut Hills High School New graduation requirements for class of ‘14 and later Ron Burgundy, 1887 Anchorman
Students who are still confused by the new graduation requirements may be in for another shock. The most recent Instructional Leadership Team meeting confirmed the requirement of additional courses for the class of 2014 and later, according to ILT member Jeff Lazar. In addition to the Economics requirements, current sophomores and younger will now be required to take a minimum of five academic credits in Math, Science, and Social Studies between freshman and senior year; one semester of meditation; and an additional three years of Latin. “Hey, you out there - I’m on your side,” said Mr. Lazar when questioned about this. “You OWE me. Colleges will see you took all those classes and one of those better be Chemistry, by the way - and then you can go to Harvard. Of course,” Lazar added, “you don’t have to take all those classes, if you don’t mind not graduating. That’s when the red pen comes out.” Most controversial of all the new requirements is the daily Meditation and OGT Practice session, requiring students to sit at desks, remain silent, and do absolutely nothing for a fiftyminute bell, which students have so far evaluated as “boring. We’re just sitting there and doing nothing,” says freshman Peter Huang. Eighth-grader Emma Raider-Roth takes a different view of it. “It’s more useful than our Latin classes,” she says, “Oh—sorry, Mrs. Donnett! I don’t mean that!” she shouted as she ran away from her Latin classroom, Chatterbox reporters chasing after her. The requirement of six years of Latin (up from three) may also set some students’ teeth on edge. “In keeping with our motto sursum ad
Vol. CV, No. 5 summum - rise to the highest,” explains Latin teacher Christine Lynn, “Walnut Hills is now deeper exploring its classical roots by making new students more fluent in Latin. Hopefully they will remember that Latin rocks!” The new additional requirements give students the ability to take regular Latin IV regular, Poetry AA, and finally Vergil in SENIOR year, with an option of AP and AA. All Latin AA and AP classes will additionally be taught in Pig Latin, which for the purpose of consistency has been re-termed “Pig English”. “I thought I was almost done with Latin,” says freshman Garret Oester. “Now you’re telling me I have to take three more years?” The rest of Oester’s interview consisted of expletives in a variety of languages and is not appropriate in the context of a school newspaper. On the other hand, some students like these new requirements. “Golly jee! Six whole years of Latin? My heart is soaring like an eagle!” says one Latin lover, who wishes to remain anonymous for the sake of his/her reputation. To make up for all the additional classes, all English classes will be dropped as of the end of this year. That’s right. No more F. Scott Fitzgerald, no more Mark Twain, and best of all, no more Shakespeare. That way, students can spend less time deciphering Old English Literature and focus on what’s really important! “Who needs English classes, anyway?” wonders Mr. Lazar. “We all speak English, you can read the books yourselves, and it’s distracting from what should be the next big thing in everyone’s life - AP Chemistry!”
6 LIKE Walnut24 on FACEBOOK to receive updated information and check out the website at www.walnut24.com As we all know, Walnut is everything but a cliché: students, classes, and now fundraisers. The Parent Board skipped right over bake sales and car washes and headed straight for the non-cliché choice: a 24-hour Walkathon. This event will take place on April 9th and 10th and will be headed up by Doug Newberry, who encourages everyone to stop by and walk for a few hours—not just students, but family and friends as well. In addition, students are encouraged to suggest ideas for prizes (for the walkers) and ideas for activities over the 24-hour walk at the Student Committee meetings. Students can also stay connected and input ideas on the event’s Facebook page. The student walkers sign up with a team and walk for a few hours with their friends and family. Of course, students don’t have to walk the entire 24 hours. To substitute walking, there will be dancing, music, and possibly even a moon bounce and a Velcro wall. Mr. Stocker, an art teacher at Walnut and the Junior High Cross Country coach, does plan to walk the entire 24 hours. The Junior High Track Team will be running the entire 24 hours as a relay team. He says, “the job of a teacher is to inspire. That is what I am trying to do, to inspire by example along with focusing the spotlight on just how good the track and cross country programs are becoming.” This event is held in order to raise money for clubs, sports, and music activities. By raising money and participating, students can have fun, get stuck to a Velcro wall, and look out for Mr. Stocker walking for 24 hours straight! Sophie DeRosa, ‘13 Chatterbox Contributer
Walnut Walk 24
April 7, 2011
Walnut Hills High School
April 7, 2011
Garret Oester, ‘14 Chatterbox Staff Writer
The new Walnut Hills handbook has come out, and what’s the next big change (besides the added semester of Meditation)? The dress code. Currently, many of the Walnut students do not follow the current dress code. However, Mr. Brokamp has created a way to enforce the code, which will be active during the next school year. “You know how we have random drug searches? The police knock on your classroom door, make all the students sit with their hands on their desks, and rummage through your backpack, looking for drugs. I’ve added a new job for them: making sure that all are following the dress code.” So what is this new dress code? Skirts now have to reach the ankles, and shorts have to fall below the knees. Sweatshirts and sweatpants are no longer accepted because “they’re seen as sluggish and not suitable for the educational world.” Shoes have become another major controversial issue. First of all, flip flops, Sperrys, and UGGS have all been banned because of their casual determinism. Instead, only Ekin shoes (the offbrand of Nike shoes) are allowed to be worn. They also must be fluorescent yellow and contain the emblem of an eagle, which according to Ekin CEO, Barry Schmelly, “is a very popular product. We sell about one a month, so obviously, we’re running out of them very quickly!” Not allowing bared shoulders is another rule that has been mandated because of their supposed “distracting quality”. Now, naked elbows has also been banned because of their engrossing char-
acteristics. “I kind of understand why they’ve been banned. Some people do have very attractive elbows…” says one anonymous student. In addition, painted nails are no longer allowed and only one piercing on each ear is acceptable. “We Are Not a Catholic School” appears on the signs of students protesting outside of Mr. Brokamp’s office. Makeup is also not allowed, as well as PowerBands, “tribal- looking” jewelry, and rings. Clothing that have sports teams’ names have also been banned because of the recent fights regarding “which team is better” that have ensued from sports- loving students. While many complain that these new rules will take away personal liberties, Principal Brokamp and the rest of the faculty agree that they will “enhance the learning education and make Walnut Hills a better place, free of exposed elbows and lip piercings.” Also, don’t forget that clothing stains result in an automatic expulsion.
Another area that is already lost is the practice field behind the gym. It has not been determined what will happen with this area after the modulars leave because there are pipes and electrical conduits beneath the area now. One of the most missed areas is the Commons, the large, leaky, yellow jacket infested, concrete slab that sat above the music wing. This is not returning to its original place, but will be moved to an area between the football field and the hallway to the other new additions. The current pools will be replaced by one large multi-purpose space where large groups, guest speakers, and testing can occur.
Fashion Police, ‘11 From the Office of the Managing Editor
The next article will be the SENIORS’ reflections on the building. Questions can be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org.
New Dress Code
Walnut Hills has already undergone dramatic changes that affect nearly every student. Whether it’s a locker, a class, or a club, the whole North Wing of the building was removed over the course of spring break. Every part of the building will be renovated over the next four years. Many historical elements of the building will be lost, or changed forever. The auditorium lobby, with its tiles that don’t tie into any other part of the building, will be replaced, and the pink and green trim will sadly leave us. Also the bathrooms, covered in graffiti, without mirrors, and possessing gaudy, modern paper towel dispensers will also be removed. The exposed pipes and electrical conduits will not be missed. The aesthetics of the landscape will also change dramatically. Goodbye to the softball field, and in its place, a massive music and athletics building will reside. The new buildings will all match the brick of the current buildings, keeping with Walnut’s aesthetically pleasing campus. One area that will never reappear is the music hallway, with its lockers, vending machines, and secret stairwells. The library will also experience many changes. One of the most prominent alterations will be the loss of shelving. The computers will also be moved to room 322, which will be added to the library complex. The color scheme will consist of greens to reflect the Rookwood tiles. The fluorescent lights, which detract from the classical feel of the building will become more classical. Also, the music and athletic wings will soon connect to the forum
Vol. CV, No. 5
Buried Treasure Discovered at Walnut Charmander Datson, ‘13 Chatterbox Detractor
Recently it has been rumored that workers on the sight of the newly-built modulars dug up a large quantity of buried treasure. However, the loot has most likely been reburied, and freshman Garret Oester, Walnut’s current expert on the renovation process, would not corroborate this story. “The administration swore me to secrecy,” claims Oester, looking somewhat distraught. “And they had earth movers…” But this reporter, who was a bit more willing to risk death by earth movers, paired up with an intrepid team of treasure hunters, SOPHOMORES Monica Diller, Jackson Luken, and Jonah Roth, to investigate this mystery (and possibly become very, very rich…). The team set out from its tin headquarters (room 142) one morning to scope out the site of the possibly-existing treasure, only to discover a nasty surprise waiting for them upon your arrival. “It says here,” said a gruff member of the renovation team, pulling out a Walnut Hills Student Handbook, “that all treasure hunts must dress in the appropriate garb, including a suitable pirate hat. Sorry, but it says it right here.” Not giving up even after their grievous disregard for the Student Handbook, the team headed off to the Physics lab, carrying previous editions of the Chatterbox with them. “It was our intention,” remembered Roth, “to fold our hats out of old, worthless newspapers. I mean, who reads them anyway?” But when they got to the lab, the team faced another obstacle: Vol. CV, No. 5
April 7, 2011
the Chatterbox was no longer a newspaper! Designing hats out of the new magazine format proved an arduous process, until Luken’s eyes lit up with a brilliant idea: staples! “It’s so wonderful,” proclaimed Luken, almost teary-eyed as he stapled together his new buccaneer headwear, “that all of my math and science education has finally been put to good use.” For those wishing to copy the designs of the treasure hunters, the author has posed with the three final hat designs: the “slacker hat” (fig. 1) which could easily pass as a bandana, the traditional “admiral” design (fig. 2) which means parting with a few staples, and the top/cowboy design for more modern (Somali?) pirates.
But when the team finally returned to the renovation site with their new hats, the same worker pulled them aside to tell them that they had broken yet another treasure-hunting rule: refusing to answer “Arrgh, matey!” to his greeting. Thus the team abandoned their hunt dejected. However, all of the pirates-for-a-day agree that they learned from the experience: to think creatively, learn from their mistakes, and, most importantly, read the Student Handbook VERY CAREFULLY. No one knows as of press time what the treasure holds, but it is rumored to contain over ten million dollars in Cotton Cash.
Fig. 1. Slacker hats are the simplest solution if the Chatterbox is not up to your standards.
Fig. 3. Although the top hat design lacks a hole, the new Medidation classes should teach you the concentration to keep it balanced.
Fig. 2. The “admiral” design is the “green” option, with enough paper for eight hats.
Fig. 4. The top hat, when worn upside down, doubles as a stylish graduation cap.
Walnut Hills High School
Walnut Hills High School pation in athletic programs. While the use of cell phones was the target focus of this particular article, there are so many opportunities provided by the afterschool program, whose focus extends beyond this limitation. Rashida Savage-Gentry Administrator Walnut Hills High School Dear Ms.Savage-Gentry, The Chatterbox staff appreciates your support and kind comments. Thank you for clarifying the information presented in the March issue’s article “The Afterschool Dilemna.” The Chatterbox Staff Dear Editor, “One in twelve students stay home from school because of bullying” says the Chatterbox, regarding the article on page 6 of issue number 3. If these numbers begin to rise, what will happen to schools all over the United States? Bullying is a problem that is spreading like wildfire in the United States, and we need to stop it. This article in the Chatterbox addresses bullying very well, and I hope it puts an end to most bullying at Walnut Hills. Most people might say bullying is no big deal but I disagree. I have been through bullying and know what it is like. We need to end it and form a better school and nation. Ben Blacklidge 8 Honors Mr.Blacklidge, We at The Chatterbox feel the same way. Thank you for your thoughts! The Chatterbox Staff Letters to the editor are encouraged. Letters may be edited for length, style and grammar. Letters should be addressed to Letters to the Editor and placed in the Chatterbox mailbox in the Main Office or sent via email to email@example.com
Vol. CV, No. 5 Dear Editor, I would like to commend the writers, editors, and advisers of the Chatterbox, whose hard work and commitment to journalism is certainly prevalent in the new design of the newspaper. Your collaborative efforts are duly recognized. After reading the article,”The Afterschool Dilemma,” I wanted to clarify the mission and vision of the after school program and any misconceptions surrounding the use of cell phones in the cafeteria after school. The program’s mission is to provide students with the opportunity to continue to pursue the goals of the schools mission after hours. Through participation in this program we try to create a democratic atmosphere of mutual respect, social equality and personal responsibility. While the use of cell phones can be disruptive to that atmosphere, students may use cell phones on a limited basis. The cafeteria is a multifaceted location that is utilized by students for various reasons. Students are permitted to work collaboratively, eat, and utilize other electronic devices, as long as they share in the collective responsibility of not disrupting the environment. If students abuse the policy and their cell phones are collected by the facilitator, they are returned at dismissal. These phones are not confiscated and held to the standard 3 day policy, which is stated in the article. The cafeteria is often a location that student athletes utilize as they wait for practices or games. The administrative team works collaboratively with the athletic department; therefore some stipulations may vary depending upon sport. These stipulations, relating to cell phone use and collaboration are at the discretion of athletic coaches for each program. The goal in this case is often to provide students with the opportunity to improve or maintain their academic standing while pursuing their partici-
9 Skepwani Yeah....I think I’m done now. G-man, First off, I feel perfectly fine, thanks. And second, just a little weird. But then, I just got a sonogram for my gallbladder. We’re cool. Dearest Edi, Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong body? I think I’m supposed to be a giraffe. I have a thin, graceful neck and long legs. Sometimes I pretend I really am a giraffe! Is that weird? Giraffe at Heart Dear Dress-less, If you can’t pull off a simple dress, I have a clean-ish plastic bag that you could borrow... Dear Edi, I can’t decide what to wear for Prom! I have for real gone to every store in the city. Nordstrom, BCBG Maxazria, you name it. Either the dress makes me look fat or they don’t match my date’s hair. What do I do? Dress-less in Cincinnati Dear Nerd, You know you secretly crave all the juicy details from his past marriages. Get over yourself and start asking questions! Dearest Edi, One of my teachers won’t stop talking about himself. He’s an egotistical narcissist. I know more about his personal life than about course material. Should I say something? Devout Learner The Letter from the Editors is continued from page 1. Letters to the Editor
April 7, 2011
Gangsta Gleam Rap Embrasizzle Gleam Editor, Class of ‘11
Yo This ain’t meant to be satirical I’m just whippin’ out my lyrical Skillz of great virtuosity Don’t you be tryin’ to come on to me With your “what the heck’s a Gleam?” Well listen up you philistine I’m just tellin’ ya’ll the truth I don’t wanna be uncouth We’re a dum freaky gang We get together and hang You can find us with Dr.Bard, the G In our trippin’ crib room 215 Every Thursday it goes down We be the flyest G’s around We got our pens and our pencils Only the sickest writing utensils We be rhymin’ up our gangsta rap We be so hott it’s like Oh Snap! Who be those fine flippin’ hella Dum daring dictorial fellas? That’s Right Ya’ll We be Gleam
Valentine’s Poem Walt Whitman, ‘1837 Semi-Famous Author
Red, Pink, White Definiteley not the color of poo You just make me want to say Woo-hoo! Friendship, Love, Generosity All the things that drive me closer to you Our dinner comes from a cow which goes Moo Vol. CV, No. 5
The Chatterbox Yum that dinner was great Now go warm up the hot tub And put some candles out, too I’ll be back in a minute I have to go poo. Unfortunately, this poem did not win the Valentine’s Day Poetry Contest, but came in a close last place.
Love Poem to a Teacher Anonymous Gleam Contributor
Her name runs wildly through my mind, ringing like a bell My god, her face, her skin, her voice, her laugh, her smile, her smell I can’t control my raging need to tell her my true feelings To scream her name and let it sound from the carpet to the ceiling! I can list the things that make her perfect, and tell you why she’s mine I’ll recite the facts that make me love her in my secret, hidden rhyme: She’s always giving me advice to better my endeavors. She’s always wearing stylish shoes and quirky but cute sweaters. She listens to me when I speak, and loves to hear my thoughts; She smiles at me from across the room-oh, goodness- what a fox! She’s all I think about in class, and when seventh bell comes near I stare at her from my lowly desk, and her voice is all I hear. I love her hair, I love her lips, I love her everything She makes me jump, she makes me dance, she makes me croon and sing Oh, why god, why, is she not mine? To hold her is all I need There’s just on thing that hinders me
Walnut Hills High School
April 7, 2011
from telling her everything. I must admit, it’s rather odd (you’d love her too, if you’d just see her!) The problem is-there’s just one thingI’m in love with my English teacher. She loves me, too, I know she does! It’s obvious to see She’s always giving me straight A’s and gazing at my seat. There’s no doubt in my loving mind that she thinks I’m really great She always calls on me in class, and lets me turn in stuff late. She loves to write such sexy comments on all my papers, tooLast week I got a “See me after class!”I’m telling you the truth! I know one day, we’ll be together, and cherish all our years For now, I’ll sit in English class, and try to hold back my tears. The Descent of Darkness Simon Lazarus Definitely a Poet Abomination here abounds; A deadly silence here resounds. You look and cannot find a friend; The known domain is at an end. A screech emits from just nearby; If this keeps up, you’ll surely die. The darkness rises overhead, And now you feel as though you’re dead. This time you start to get the chills. Now run away into the hills. Drink deeply of your fears anew: The physics test has come for you! All Gleam poems can be submitted to Dr. Bard’s room or whhsgleam@gmail. com.
The Wally Hill
The School Year is Too Short Wally Hill, ‘11 Chatterbox Staff Writer
Recently, I have come to a realization: the school year is too short. Now, before you exclaim, “Gee, Wally, that’s crazy! You’re bonkers!” just consider the reasoning behind my opinion. Reason 1: AP Exams. Were the school year extended, AP exams would be likely held later. Too often do I see miserable AP students bemoaning the fast pace and arduous workload of their AP courses. This problem could be completely eliminated by an extension of the school year. Given an extra month of instruction time, the pressure to finish the course would be off. The workloads, difficulty, and stress of all AP courses would abate, as students and teachers alike would be given more time to ruminate on the complex material. Reason 2: Seniors. We just don’t want to say goodbye. As graduation approaches, a state of panic appears among the class of 2011. We have not yet gotten our fill of the hall traffic, the nightly homework, the strange smells wafting from the radiators, the strange smells wafting from the non-existent air conditioners, or the restrooms in which only one toilet is available for use. Who wouldn’t want just one more chance to slip on mysterious fluids in the lunchroom or ask a parent to sign just one more form? I feel that, with more days in the school year, graduation day will be less traumatic for all of us. Reason 3: Taxes. With a longer school year, the cost of maintaining public school will increase dramatically. I strongly believe that by raising the demands for tax money, the citizens of Ohio would 11
April 7, 2011
The Chatterbox be more willing to pay large sums of their salaries. It makes perfect sense. The new demands for more funding would undoubtedly foster a sense of philanthropy and camaraderie in our home state. Reason 4: Latina Lingua. Students love Latin. There are just not enough days in a school year to conjugate nouns or decline verbs (...wait a second...). Latin classes move too quickly for students to savor the beauty of the Third Declension (with i-stems, no less). Clearly, if teachers had more time to teach their complicated subject, Latin scores and general morale would improve. The possibilities are endless, the justifications bountiful. With yearround school, all the strife associated with high school could be washed away in the blink of an eye. Think of all the information we could absorb in just two more months of school. Education is precious, as is time. Why not flatter both by extending our time of education? The combination is harmonious; the choice is obvious.
Alex Shoemaker, ‘12
Jessica Fan, ‘12
Michelle Baverman, ‘12 Walnut Hills High School
Signe Schloss, ‘12 Vol. CV, No. 5
January x, 2011
Do your own activity. Cut out the cartoon from the last issue and paste it here with your own caption. Now you’re all winners! Last Issue’s Winning Caption: Type Caption Here Type Winner’s Name Here
This Issue’s Caption Contest:
Place caption suggestions in The Chatterbox mail in the main office, or email to firstname.lastname@example.org
“We’re happy to announce the new renovation plans...” By: JP Schmitz
Vol. CV, No. X
Walnut Hills High School
Walnut Mysteriously Turns into a Wizardry School Jessica Fan, ‘12
Chatterbox Staff Writer
Walnut, I’m beginning to see a trend. It started during the week of optioning when my wandering eyes caught a glimpse of my peer’s schedule for next year. What I saw required a dramatic double take— “Transfiguration” was written on her paper. I calmed myself… obviously this person’s goo brain had succumbed to the furies of AP testing and was in desperate need for medical attention. Obviously, Walnut did not have such a class. But then, later during the day, I saw “Muggle Studies” written on another schedule, and then “Care of Magical Creatures”, “Divination”, and even “AP Destroying Edward Cullen and His Ugly Sparkles”. I walked by Mr. Brokamp’s office and overheard him
April 7, 2011
complaining of how AP Calculus was no longer pertinent to life. Now we have to worry about being confronted by Dementors (who disguise themselves as telemarketers). As shouting the derivative of 5x will not cast them away, the class should be replaced with Defense Against the Dark Arts. As I proceeded to AP Chemistry, I saw that Mr. Lazar had somehow grown his hair shoulder length overnight, dyed it black, and proceeded to wipe canola oil all over it. I decided not to comment on his new fashion taste and ask about the homework. He decided to rip this up furiously while shouting “TEN POINTS FROM 11th GRADE-CLAW!” and then released a dragon from his cabinet to rampage the room. I was not aware that America had dragons, much less Walnut. While I was walking to French, I was approached by a man whose nose, I think, was bitten off by a hamster, and whose teeth was gravely in need of whitening strips and braces. He pulled out a tree branch and said
something like “Avada kedwhoozy whoo” and I almost died. I don’t think I have ever been more offended in my life. What frightens me the most is that I was expecting an A on this Economics test, but just received an O… I am unsure of how Yale will feel about that.
You just found out that you never took Time to Speak and won’t be graduating.
You just found out that recording artist Justin Beiber is performing at Graduation.
Hugh Smith Biography Hugh Smith is a terrible person. He does not treat his superiors with respect and is lucky to have not failed out of Walnut. In addition, he is opposed to the word doughty. Word on the Evanston streets is that he really likes rabbits, particularly brown spotted ones. If Hugh has any friends, they are recommended to ditch him immediately to find comfort in McDonald’s Southern Fried Chicken, not KFC because KFC is gross. His favorite class is AP Ethnic Studies as he really likes arguing with Mr. Yoshimura. Tada! Here are a few face expressions by the infamous Hugh Curry Smith.
In Character: Hugh Smith Photos by Mac Calvert, ‘11
You just found out that Charlie Sheen will become Walnut Hills’ new principal
Walnut Hills High School
Vol. CV, No. 5
Fine Arts Calendar Senior High Musical High School Musical November 12-19, 2011 Thespian Production Equus February 9-11, 2012 Junior High Musical Hair March 3-5, 2012 Spring Musical Spring Awakening April 7-9, 2012 Junior High Play Ten Little Indians April 27-29, 2012 For a complete list of Fine Arts events at Walnut, visit www.walnuthillseagles.com .
Athletics Calendar Space Jam Tournament (Featuring Michael Jordan) April 13, 2011 TBA (Most likely on Mars) Quidditch World Cup May 4, 2011 Somewhere in England... Tricycle Race May 5, 2011 Dana Avenue The Most Efficient Soccer Mom Tournament May 13, 2011 Held in multiple locations in the tri- state area Water Balloon Fight May 19, 2011 Ault Park For a complete list of sporting events at Walnut, visit www.walnuthillseagles.com.
April 1, 2011
Walnut Hills High School
Vol. CV, No. 4
April, 2011 (April Fools Issue)