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VOLUME 42 ISSUE 7 MAY 25, 2011

it matters to us

[news 3-4]

money matters, and the WSS examines the impacts of the state’s budget cuts.

the fame game [profiles 6]

tony phinney ’13 basks in his moment in the spotlight.

security check [feature 10]

thought your travels were tough? check out these stories from west high students’ troublesome trips.

the abc’s of whs [in-depth 14-15]

from arganbright to catchin’ some zzz’s, re-discover the treasures of west high, alphabet-style.

pasta perfection [A&E 17]

craving some spaghetti? in the mood for some garlic bread? here’s your guide to iowa city’s best italian eats.

trojan triumphs [sports 20]

take a jog down memory lane with this year’s sports highlights. wss staff members lilli oetting editor-in-chief anna hippee design editor, in-depth editor emily kreiter managing editor garrett anstreicher managing editor david huang copy editor eleanor marshall copy editor lauren parsons business editor alissa rothman news editor madhu srikantha opinion editor becky sweeney feature editor anna egeland feature editor olivia lofgren profiles editor caroline van voorhis profiles editor evan smith a&e editor caroline found sports editor daniel rothman sports editor elizabeth dagle backpage editor saranya subramanian beats editor bridget novak artist jojo silverman photo editor lindsay best photographer katherine yang photographer elizabeth lin ad designer, staff designer audrey evans staff designer laura stamnes staff designer leah murray staff designer ashton duncan staff writer ansel landini staff writer juliann skarda staff writer pombie silverman staff writer katie mucci staff writer adam canady webmaster sara jane whittaker advisor

equity statement It is the policy of the Iowa City Community School District not to discriminate on the basis of race, creed, color, religion, national origin, gender, age, marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity, veteran status, disability, or socioeconomic status in its educational programs, activities, or employment practices. If you believe you have (or your child has) been discriminated against or treated unjustly at school, please contact the Equity Director, Ross Wilburn, at 509 Dubuque Street, 319-688-1000.


Leah Dematta ’12 digs into the West High Slow Foods garden during its debut season. The club has already planted vegetables like lettuce and swiss chard in a plot behind the band wing, and it’s plotting some major sustainable success this summer.

editorial policy The West Side Story reflects the views of the staff and does not represent the school administration, faculty or student body. Guest articles may be accepted to represent an additional point of view or as a part of a collection or reader contributions. The staff will carefully scrutinize all reader submissions. All ads are subject to approval by the business staff. Those that are libelous, obscene or plainly offensive may be rejected. The West Side Story attempts to publish all letters, which must be signed, to the Editors, but may reject submissions due to space limitations, inaccuracy or poor quality. It is the responsibility of the opinion editor to verify authorship. Editors can make minor edits for the sake of clarity, length and grammatical correctness. Staff responses to letters are not allowed. A full copy of the Editorial Policy is available in Room 111.



03 news

Former West principal donates $270,000 to new soccer field


West’s new field is showcased by this three-dimensional rendering of the complex complete with additions.

Ed Barker discusses his donation in this West Side Story exclusive

Over thirty years after retiring, West High’s first principal, Ed Barker, is giving his salary back. Barker is donating $270,000, the total amount he earned in his 11 years as principal at West, to the new soccer field being constructed on school grounds in the fall. Barker got the idea to donate the amount he earned from an article in the Des Moines Register 15 years ago, and has been thinking about it ever since. “I lot of people thought I didn’t deserve [the money], so I thought I’d give it back,” Barker joked. “[My wife and I] wanted to do it before we get Alzheimer’s and can’t remember what we did,” he said. Oddly enough, Barker doesn’t really follow soccer. In fact, he claims he’s never been to a soccer game in his life. He was just determined to give back to his school, and after sitting down with current principal Jerry Arganbright, he thought the timing was right for his donation to go to the field, which will be constructed next fall in time to see its first game

in the 2012 spring season. has grown and changed. Over the years, Barker has regularly The construction of the actual field Believe it or not, soccer wasn’t given smaller donations to programs will not be paid for by Barker, the even recognized as a sport by the like journalism, debate, orchestra money for that is being fundraised by Iowa Athletics Association when West and band. This is by far his largest the Go for the Goal Campaign run opened in 1968. It is the most re- contribution. by West High soccer players and par- cently added sport, only making the “I was shocked by his generous supents. Instead, Barker’s gift will be put list 15 years ago. And Barker is proud port for our school.You just don’t see towards additions like lights, bleach- to contribute to the ever-increasing that happen. I am extremely proud ers and all the “trinkets and bells,” as diversity of opportunities available at … that Ed would think so highly of Barker puts it, that the school and West. our high school that he would give the team couldn’t originally fund. such a large donation,” Arganbright The additions would have been imsaid. plemented later as the money was raised, but with the donation, they will be installed along with the field. Barker has given the school full discretion to spend the money as they see fit. He says he never even considered attaching conditions to the Former principal Ed funds. Barker shakes hands “I’m not requiring a press box for with current principal the Barker extended family with Jerry Arganbright heating and airconditioning,” he said with a grin. Barker has a long history of supporting West, and he and his wife keep up with the school mostly through their grandchildren, going to tennis meets for their grandson Nicholas Barker ’11. They are always surprised by how much the school Test your knowledge with these common misconceptions! 03 PHOTO BY // ADAM CANADY


04 news

Behind the budget Teachers react to the cuts & controversies BY ELEANOR MARSHALL

Although the 2011 session of the Iowa State legislature officially ended April 29, lawmakers are still in negotiation with each other and Governor Terry Branstad over a sticky budget situation. As of the West Side Story’s final deadline, a state budget had not been passed and it’s possible that the budget debate could extend until the 2010-2011 fiscal year ends on July 1. And chief among the controversies is Branstad’s proposed 0% allowable growth in funding for public education. Imminent cuts sent the Iowa City Community School District scrambling for places to reduce costs, with threats of eliminating four teacher positions at each high school. The local deliberations culminated in the school board’s unanimous decision on April 26 to

use money from the district’s rainy day fund, an emergency reserve, to cover the salaries of the teachers that would have been cut. But the fund will only cover one year of salaries, and the reforms and deliberations are far from resolved. “I understand the impact of the loss of staff throughout the district. I also understand the desire to forestall those reductions when funding sources appear to be available. However, the reality is not one of ‘if,’ but one of ‘when.’ The budget reductions will have to be made for the 201213 school year in order for the district to comply with [ICCSD school] board policy. My hope at this time is that there are untapped opportunities to reduce our operational costs that will help reduce the budget reductions that will be necessary for the 2012-13 school year,” said


With all the cuts and close calls, it’s hard to keep track of what’s really been eliminated for next year. Students with cut classes should be sure to adjust their schedules before next year, because there will be limited Superintendent Steve Murley of the flexibility in the fall. Dropped classes for the board’s decision. 2011-2012 school year include: Murley’s concerns about the inevitability of making cuts are echoed Advanced Creative Writing by several West High teachers whose Advanced Public Speaking positions and programs were on the Advanced Online Media line this time around. Contemporary Issues “I’m kind of worried that we’ll be Costume Design fighting the same battle again next Culinary Arts Academy year. … Teachers and students have Digital Electronics to keep up the pressure on the state Electricity 2 level. It has kind of died down be- Manufacturing 3 cause it’s no longer an immediate Playwriting concern locally. I don’t want to be Seminar in Acting and Directing overly critical, but it was kind of a Seminar in International Affairs last minute decision this year and Technical Theatre hopefully next year we can be more World Religions Seminar prepared and find ourselves in a different position,” said social studies The following classes are no longer approved teacher Megan Johnson. by the NCAA Eligibility Center. Any junior Johnson suggests interested citi- who will be participating in NCAA Division zens write letters and make phone I or Division II athletics and is registered for calls to state legislators. She said she one of these classes should see their coun-


Where would you make changes? COMPILED BY // ELEANOR MARSHALL

selor. Classes include:

Contemporary Literature Communication Studies Introduction to Theatre

Staff salaries make up 80% of the iccsd budget, so it’s natural that they’re the first place we look for cuts when we get in a bind. But people are the last thing we want to eliminate from a system that’s full of inefficiencies. In a search for ways to cut money without cutting jobs, West High social studies teacher Brady Shutt emailed West High staff members for some ideas on how to streamline the system. He plans to take the results of the brainstorm to the district. Here are some of the responses he recieved: The board needs to be more transparent in terms of the budget for starters, the information should be more accessible and written in a more understandable way for the public. The Governance Committee (responsible for making the rules constraining the Board of Education) consists only of three members of the Board of Education and one member of the CAO. In fact, all committees are only made up of Board of Education members. There should be more public involvement in the oversight process. Reevaluate the necessity of some support positions and positions at the CAO (Central Administrative Office) level. For example, we should look for overlap in positions like Community Relations Coordinator and the Director of Information Services and the five network specialists the district employs in addition to tech people. Additionally, if trainers only work for athletic teams, they could be paid by Boosters. Roosevelt could be repurposed for the CAO, instead of purchasing a new building as planned.

Cyndy Woodhouse English Teacher 04

Work on saving energy by spending a lot of money upfront on renovations like replacing all windows on the north side of the building, installing energy efficient heating and cooling, etc. It might be unpopular, but reduce the building budget. Require double-sided printing. Get rid of the early release schedule on Thursdays. Stop hiring outside people to come in and do personal development. Reduce the number of hired consultants. Make sure the technology is functional and runs well, and that we are getting competitive pricing for programs like powerschool. Look at the lawnservice. It hasn’t been bid out in 23 years and there might be someone cheaper. Use Linux, which is free, instead of Microsoft. Stagger school starting times and busing scheduling so that the same buses can service junior high and high school. It will be unpopular, but we could close small elementary schools and have bigger and more efficient elementary schools. Claussen’s personal favorite: Build community partnerships by offering programs like internships to replace course work.

Require students who park a car to pay for a $30 annual pass. Add 90 minutes to the high school day and have students attend school Monday – Thursday to reduce bus and utilities costs. Mow the lawn less frequently. Start the school day later, so the same buses can be used for elementary and high school. Encourage teachers to use daylight instead of lights to reduce energy costs. Discourage excessive paper use; ask teachers to cut theirs in half. Encourage use of “class copies” that remain in the classroom. Combine sections of AP classes and have them meet in the Little Theater. It’s also more like a college class. Use income from vending machines and get the state to rescind its order about when vending machines can operate.

J.P. Claussen Social Studies Teacher

Mammal blood can be light red (when oxygenated) or dark red (when deoxygenated), but is never blue.

Ginny Ordman Yearbook Advisor, with Yearbook staff

What in the WORLD? RUMOR 05 news

Uddingston, UK

Detectives investigated a break-in at the city’s police stations. The burglars stole police uniforms and dissabled radio communication systems. Officials declined to state how the burglers managed to get it.


A wild bear was found guilty for damage done to beekeeper Zolan Kiseloski. Kiseloski stated that he was forced to blare thumping folk music and buy a light generator to keep it away. But it returned once the generator died. The bear was fined 3,450 dollars, all of which the state paid.

Starkville, Mississippi Brent Vowell, a Mississippi student, plead guilty to striking a fellow student with a cowbell. The incident allegedly started in an argument at a local Egg Noodle shop. Vowell was sentenced to 45 days in prison and a $500 fine. The victim suffered a 4 inch laceration to his head.


Noorsyaidah, a 40 year old school teacher has a rare and peculiar disease. Wires grow out from her body. Supposedly the wires just appeared, but have continued to grow and move for 17 years leaving doctors clueless to an explaination.

West Scores 36 on ACT

Ben West ’12 has got a lot going on and he likes it that way. He’s a devoted bass clarinetist, avid birdwatchBen West ‘12 er, active Slow Foods member, co-founder of the West High Garden, member of the math team on which he qualified for state, set builder for the theatre department, Eagle Scout, singer in his church choir and was a player in the pit band for Guys and Dolls. Not to mention, he’s pretty good with standardized tests. With the help of a couple unusual strategies, West scored a

The administration was considering splitting the large study hall room in the ninth grade center into two separate rooms. However, as for now, the room will remain its full size. “We’re not going there, maybe in the future. ... It’s a second space for students,” said Assistant Principal Francisco Pepin.





Room 132 turning into 2 rooms?

36. “I know Spanish grammar better than I know English grammar, so I translated about half the English section to Spanish. As for the reading section, scan the questions first, read the whole passage, then answer the questions. I learned that strategy for AP Spanish and it works really well,” West said. Though his family and friends were proud, most were not surprised. “My family was quite proud. My mother said she was elated; she got the score first. My great grandma said ... I knew he could do it.’ My friends were pretty proud too. Numerous high fives, fist pounds, and hugs occurred,” West said. However, his numerous hobbies are the main focus of his time. “I’m one of the youngest members of the Iowa City Bird Club. I’ve done a Christmas Bird Count, which is when numbers of different species of birds are counted around Christmas time for research purposes. I ended up be-

ing the first to spot a Tropical Parula, which is quite the gorgeous little bird,” West said. Despite a jam-packed schedule and a challenging class load, West still has time to explore further hobbies. “Somehow he still comes to a class every couple of weeks bearing cookies or some other baked good he made the night before just because he felt like doing it,” said Bennett Thompson ’12. “I like cooking and baking a lot, as anyone in my [classes] can attest to.You haven’t experienced life until you’ve made a gallon of homemade applesauce,” West said. As for those hoping to achieve West’s score, or simply a better score on future tests, he can offer some pretest advice. “Sleep well, eat well and have a good attitude.Whatever you do, do not study the day of the test or stay up studying the night before. An hour of sleep is better than an hour of groggy drilling,” said West.

Sugar does not cause hyperactivity in children.

Smart boards & surround sound for English classes? There was a discussion as to whether English classrooms would have the privledge of smart boards and surround sound next year. As it turns out, it’s a no to the first, but a glorified yes to the second. “We’re pushing for one pilot classroom in American Humanities,” Pepin said. English teacher Cyndy Woodhouse’s classroom was selected to receive the trial surround sound system.



15 Minutes of Fame: Tony Phinney

06 profiles

From the hallways to the main stage, Tony Phinney ’13 is always performing


PHOTO BY//ADAM CANADY WEST SIDE STORY: What got you to start playing the guitar? TONY PHINNEY:Well, one of the things was Tenacious D. They just wrote songs that were fun and I had fun playing them. Also, I loved the idea of playing guitar, impressing girls and looking cool like some of my musical idols. WSS: How long have you been playing? TP: About two years. WSS: Where do you hope your guitar skills will take you? TP: Hopefully to a level that I have the opportunity to play professionally and be able to play music for a living. WSS: What is your favorite guitar style and why? TP: It’s hard to pick a genre since I play everything from Mozart to metal. I like to play acoustic, which is about learning chords and focusing on them. I also like electric since that focuses on a lot of power chords, riffs and tapping.There’s also classical that focuses on messing around with arpeggios and finger picking. WSS: What is your favorite song to play? TP: I love playing “Pinball Wizard” by The Who, since it is one of the most challenging songs I’ve learned, most if not all by ear, as well as being one of the hardest songs to play overall because if you aren’t tuned right or you’re doing something wrong it sounds terrible. But


when you get it right it sounds amazing. I also enjoy playing “Blackbird” by The Beatles, since I get to use alternating finger-strums patterns. Plus,it sounds cool, and some girls like it. “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by Cage the Elephant is also another one of my favorites because, I mean, come on, it’s awesome. WSS: Many people saw you in The Princess Bride. What got you interested in theatre? TP: To be honest, the only reason I actually tried out was that Andrea Mason [’12] dragged me there since she didn’t want to go alone. I really only wanted to be a giant, otherwise I wouldn’t have tried out. [What I like about acting] is that I can make people laugh and [imitate] different accents. WSS:Were you surprised by all the compliments? TP: You have no idea, so many people loved my character and thought I did a good job. To be honest, a lot of people asked how I could lift people so easily and wanted to know what I actually sounded like. WSS: Do you plan on participating in future West High Theatre productions? TP: Yes, for every show I can. My hopes are to be like all the seniors who helped me and got me into the feel of how a theater family is. I hope I can help others who get involved with theater later as much as they helped me. compiled by ansel landini

Daddy longleg spiders aren’t very poisonous, and their fangs are, in fact, large enough to bite humans.

BUDGET CONTINUED FROM P. 4 was particularly worried about the cuts because there is “no one lower on the totem pole” than her considering she was hired partway through the year and works part-time, and staff cuts are based largely on seniority. She said the administration, the social studies department and the student body were all very supportive of her and other at–risk teachers, singling out social studies teachers Brady Shutt and Mitch Gross as strong teacher advocates. “I knew that if I were to end up being cut it would be because there was no other option. Student involvement like the [“It Matters to Us”] documentary really helped because they provided a focal point and delivered a strong and coherent message to the people that mattered,” Johnson said. Murley also took notice, saying the student documentary helped to bring home the implications of the budget cuts in a

literal sense. “I currently have two students in the district and that makes the issue the district faces both professional and personal for me. The video served to reinforce the impact of budget reductions on programs throughout the district for me,” he said. Art teacher Christian Aanestad said that although his job in the district was not at stake, loss of art programming at West was. He said that the student documentary was important for grabbing the attention of the press and the public, people who don’t have a direct stake in education. Aanestad said that he has changed jobs before because his position was threatened due to budget cuts in a previous district, and it was a budget crisis that originally led him to West. “Any time you talk about making teacher cuts, I always consider [art] an option because it’s not state mandated. … [but art programs are important because] they

develop creative, outside-the-box thinking. I had a conversation with a friend who went to Colgate University] and was married to someone with an Ivy League education, and both schools were looking for well-rounded, problem-solving people. The more diverse [in skills] you can be, the better off you’ll be in society. Creative problem solving is the shortfall of a lot of kids,” he said. Academic Dean Brian Sauser said he was similarly disappointed that a dean position could potentially have been cut. “No one ever wants their programs to be cut. If it’s me in my dean position, that hurts, or if it’s art or vocal music, that hurts, too. I think it would be hard on teachers if there wasn’t a dean to support them. … It’s hard when you hear things like ‘You’re cut. Oh, you’re back. Oh, now we’re not sure.’ It’s hard to have your emotions pulled in so many different directions in a two week span,” he said.

07 news

With teacher jobs in jeopardy, many staff and students expressed frustration that the Central Administrative Office was hiring new employees. “The new faces at the Central Administrative Office level are replacements for retired staff. The district currently operates with a central office administrative team that is significantly smaller than many of our other large district counterparts. With this said, the district will continue to pursue opportunities to reduce the number of administrators in the district,” Murley said, adding that the most recent full-time retiree was replaced with a halftime administrator. Sauser is understanding of the difficulties the district faces. “Everyone wants to provide the best opportunities for students, but the reality is that it’s expensive to do that. It’s an extremely tough decision, it’s hard to be a superintendent right now,” he said.

Come celebrate the graduation of the West High class of 2011 Thursday, May 26th at Carver Hawkeye Arena at 6:30 pm Go to to check out pictures of graduation

08 profiles

Leaving but never forgotten Steward off to China BY JULIANN SKARDA

PHOTO BY//JULIANN SKARDA English teacher Jake Steward, never without a smile, has an open discussion with his students about a novel read in class.

English teacher Jake Steward will be digging to China this summer. Well actually, he’ll be flying. Steward, along with his wife Morgan and son Finn will be moving to Xiamen, China, this July. He will be teaching sixth, seventh, and eighth grade English in addition to a yearbook class at Xiamen International School. World travel is nothing new to the family, as both Steward and Morgan have served in the Peace Corps in the Republic of Georgia. They will be staying for a minimum of two years before deciding whether to return to West or extend their stay. Though he will be teaching in an English speaking school, Steward is trying to pick up some Mandarin Chinese before he arrives. “I can say hello and thank you. Also, a

few other basic phrases,” Steward said. In addition to learning a new language, Steward may have a few other struggles with the new culture including the lack of cheese, Mexican food and American sized clothing. However, he says that the nearby coastline and the opportunity to raise his son with so many different experiences far outweighs any downfalls. Steward will be missed at West. “We don't get to see him until after graduation. It’s sad because he probably won't get to have most of our little siblings,” student Rachel Ruback ‘13 said. However, he plans to make the most of his experience. “I love being culturally thrown off. It forces me to try something different,” said Steward.

Hodges cares for su bebé


After bonding with nearly 150 youth over the course of three trimesters, Spanish teacher Jessica Hodges will be dealing with only one next year. Hodges will be taking a break from teaching this coming school year in order to raise her son, who is due in late June. Before moving to Iowa, Hodges and her husband lived in Olathe, Kansas, where she taught Spanish for three years. Though this was only her second year at West, she will still miss certain aspects of her job. “I’m going to miss seeing students every day. And also the faculty I work with and the routine things that teaching allows me to do each day,” Hodges said. She won’t be the only one with something to miss. “I will miss her kindness. She is a very kind person, and her dedica-

16 08

tion is obvious. Also, she is a very fashionable person and I think that she has excellent taste,” one of her students, Dan Kauble ’13 said. She plans to keep Spanish in her life with the help of foreign movies and novels, and possibly returning to volunteer work translating at a free clinic. As for possible future free time, she is unsure what she will use it for. “Once he is born, I don’t know how much time I will have. However, I’d like to be able to travel more and catch up with friends during the day,” Hodges said. So far, Hodges does not know how her future will look in the long term. She may return to West or seek other career opportunities. “I have really enjoyed working here and I may start subbing someday, but I don’t know what my plans will be for returning to West,” Hodges said.

PHOTO BY//JULIANN SKARDA Spanish teacher Jessica Hodges practices Spanish vocabulary with her Spanish two class.

You can’t unlock a safe just by listening to its clicks.

09 profiles

Mullinix departs to Chicago BY ALISSA ROTHMAN

PHOTO BY//OLIVIA LOFGREN English teacher Jennifer Mullinix helps students work during second hour. She said she has become a better teacher through helping her students. She tells them to “never settle.”

From Iowa City to the Windy City, Jennifer Mullinx is heading off for possibly another teaching experience. Mullinix has been teaching at West for six years. Prior to her teaching experiences at West High she graduated from The University of Northern Illinois. After graduating she taught special education for three years in Illinois. After that she taught secondary reading for eight years in Fairfield, finally from Fairfield she got a job here at West High teaching reading strategy, practical American literature and practical American studies. “West High is a phenomenal place. It makes me appreciate [my job]. There is always something going on which

makes me want to be a better teacher,” she said. Although, she will be gone she will not be forgotten, and she has definitely made an impact on students. “I expect a lot out of my students, I expect them to reach and reach and reach and to never settle,” she said. Mullinix leaves West with no regrets. The students here at West make Mullinix the teacher she is today, “I am a better teacher for being here, I expect more out of myself now,” she said. Not only does Mullinix expect more of herself, but her students and past students are better learners because of her teaching ability.

Munsterman heads to Sudan BY OLIVIA LOFGREN

They speak a different language. They don’t even write in the same alphabet, and punctuation is unrecognizable. But West High science teacher Nate Munsterman will travel halfway across the globe to Sudan this January to find common ground teaching ELL to Sudanese students. Musterman has been at West for three years total, teaching physics, chemistry and foundations of science, but next year he will get the chance of a lifetime: moving to Sudan for possibly four years. His first year will consist of learning Arabic so he can get around and communicate with others who are living in Sudan. After that year, Munsterman will teach at Nile Valley Academy in Khartoum, Sudan. He will be teaching at a private academy for upper middle class ELL students. These students will compare to West High in the fact that both schools are very diverse. Munsterman will get to work with a variety of students. The students will

speak both Arabic and English, making Munstermans job a little easier. “These students, just like at West, will be highly motivated and their parents will have high expectations for them,” Munsterman said. West has helped Munsterman prepare for his next teaching career through meeting student’s needs and helping with lesson plans. “He is obviously passionate about kids and teaching, which makes for much more efficient learning” said Maddie Bushnell’11. “Both the staff and students have been awesome and very willing to help me here at West,” he said. The students have taught him a lot in his first few years of teaching. “He always wants us to do things individually and he doesnt want us to ask questions immediately which kids have a tendency to do. It is clear that he wants us to really think” said Bushnell’11. Munsterman doesn’t know yet if he will be back at West after his time spent in Sudan.

PHOTO BY//OLIVIA LOFGREN Physics teacher Nate Munsterman draws a diagram to help explain a physics concept for students. Meteorites are cold, not hot, when they first hit the earth. 09

10 feature

Tales from



1 2


These stories are just plane silly COMPILED BY//POMBIE SILVERMAN

I was at the Orlando airport heading home from a vacation. I had bought a coconut souvenir at the hotel to bring home. I didn’t want to put the coconut in checked baggage in fear that it would break, so I brought it on board with me. At security, the security guard saw the coconut and thought it was a bomb! He freaked out and asked me if I had a bomb on me. I freaked out a little too, and promised it was only a coconut. He didn’t believe me so he and about fifteen other security guards had to tap on it to see if it was a coconut or a bomb disguised as a coconut. I had to wait fifteen minutes before he finally gave it back to me. The whole time my family was laughing at me and I felt humiliated.


Ashley Weinschenk ’11 and I were in the Cedar Rapids airport security getting our bags. Just at the end of the security line the security officer told us it was mandatory that he had to ask all passengers to declare any arms. I was totally out of it and tired, so I answered yes. Right as I said it, I was like “Oh Shoot!” I pleaded with him that I didn’t have a gun. He finally let me go-but with suspicion.

Patrick Tierney ’12

[I think I have the same name as a terrorist because] out of the last ten times I’ve flown on an airplane, I’ve been “randomly” selected for an extra security check. The thing about having the same name as a terrorist is a complete guess though, there’s no actual proof to support it. All three of my names are from Irish background [Patrick Neil Tierney], and I’m the only one in my family who ever gets “randomly” selected for an extra security check, so we all assumed that there’s an IRA member out there named Patrick Tierney. It’s not really a big deal though; they take you out of the line to a separate area and do a more thorough security check of your baggage. I’ve kind of started to get used to it when I fly anywhere.


Blair Puetsch ’12

Eliza Reinhardt ’13



PHOTOS BY//ADAM CANADY AND POMBIE SILVERMAN ART BY//ASHTON DUNCAN Bumblebees actually should be able to fly according to aerodynamics.

resh & ocal

11 feature

There aren’t a lot of things that are worth getting up early on a Saturday morning for. The farmers market is one of them. Starting in May and stretching out across Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings through October, you won’t even recognize the ground level of Chauncey Swan parking ramp on 410 E. Washington Street, but you’ll feel right at home among fellow Iowa City residents and mountains of fresh and local produce. From flowers in bloom to seedlings in sprout to ripened produce to baked delights, this is what Iowa City tastes like. BY ELEANOR MARSHALL



Pancheros may be the go-to spot for a burrito fix, but La Reyna is the last word in tamales. Carmen Legaspi and her family own La Reyna, the Mexican restaurant and supermarket across town at 1937 Keokuk Street, but the most popular menu items, including three types of frozen tamales along with chips, salsas of assorted spiciness and guacamole, are available in take-away form at the farmer’s market. This is Legaspi’s third year at the farmer’s market, but her sixth in Iowa City and her 20th in the restaurant business. Before that, she lived in Mexico, learning the family recipes she uses in her restaurant. And her experience shows. The tamales are just a microwaving (or a steaming, if you want to get fancy) away from smooth perfection. Peeling back the cornhusks, the insides are exposed as a perfect blend of creamy cheese and flavorful veggies and meat. And the salsa – ay caramba. La Reyna’s fresh pico de gallo and soft guacamole will keep the chips dipping. But Legaspi’s favorite thing about the farmer’s market is you. “Oh, the people. Everyone comes to the farmer’s market and makes everything nice and friendly,” she said with a big smile. PHOTOS BY//ELEANOR MARSHALL AND ADAM CANADY

By the time I got there Barb Pethoud was sold out of apple cider doughnuts. A famous farmer’s market classic, if you haven’t heard of them it’s because anyone who’s ever tried them knows they’re the kind of good that has to be kept secret or it’ll disappear into everyone else’s bellies. The doughnuts, with apple cider mixed right into the batter, are just one of many recipes Barb made up herself, elaborating from a base recipe. Luckily for me, she wasn’t sold out of her favorite good to bake: buttermilk brownies with nuts. “They’re delicious and they work up fast – which gets important when you bake as much as I do,” she said. I can definitely second the delicious part (speaking of seconds…), and with a home kitchen turned commercial and certified that cranks out enough bakery items to stock five farmer’s markets every Saturday, I’ll say she has quite a bit of practice. And although it’s too early for much in the way of fresh fruit and veggies, Barb stocks 30 varieties of preserves, often made from fruit her family grew, and processed by her husband, Steve Pethoud, a firefighter turned jam maker. The jams are also stocked in the health market section of HyVee. Barb says briar patch is the most popular flavor.


When Hannah Neel ’11 comes home from school she isn’t greeted by her mom and a plate full of cookies – she’s greeted by her dad, Todd Neel, and a house full of assorted baked goods – in preparation for their stand at the farmer’s market. According to Hannah, their professional bakery had humble beginnings. “My dad’s been baking since he was six, not to make him sound old. . . . [How we got to the farmer’s market is] kind of a long story. My mom’s in sales and every time she got a sale she would bring in baked stuff [made by my dad] to celebrate and everyone kept complimenting her and telling her it was so good my dad should start selling professionally,” she said. And one day, after selling his construction company, he did. The Neels made their first appearance at the farmer’s market nine years ago and have been expanding ever since – so much so that their garage had to be converted into a bakery, including four additional ovens. “We have no place to park our cars now, but we have a lot of kitchens,” Hannah said. And it pays off. A collection of cakes, seasonal fruit tarts and all kinds of cookies tempt passersby – with several customers attempting to make purchases even after the final whistle blows. Hannah recommends the apple muffins.


Bulls are not excited by the color red – it is a matador’s cape’s movement not its color that provokes them.


12 A & E

THE MONTHLY CD REVIEW by pombie silverman

1996 Saturn

of the month

“The handle on the doors stay up so the doors don’t close unless you’re careful to push them down.”

Ryan Courtney ’11

“The top light kept falling, so after a couple of hits to the head, I finally ripped it out.”

Fleet Foxes Helplessness Blues

Robin Pecknold and Co.’s latest LP, a 50 minute mix of classic, magical Fleet Foxes melodies; has each song comforted with mystic aura and awing instrumentals. Fleet Foxes continue their rich folk-rock sound that made us fall in love with them from the start with tracks with like “Montezuma” and “Lorelai,” bringing back much missed vocal harmonies and peaceful acoustic guitars present in their self-titled debut. Helplessness Blues is an extraordinary, serene, uplifting thing of beauty that honestly, is an album anyone and everyone will enjoy. After 2008’s Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes return to the spotlight with a delightful, stronger sophomore album sure to please everyone’s ear.

“The car doesn’t start unless you rev it six, times so that’s a plus.”

Jennifer Lopez Love?

“Paul McKinley [’11] tried to pull a Dukes of Hazard and slide across the hood so now there are dents where his booty hit.”

“The back wind shield leaked, so I covered it with strips of tape. It still leaks though...”





WSS: There’s a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it’s_________.... MURLEY: “tearing me apart” WSS: Today I don’t feel like doing anything, I just want to_________.... MURLEY: “hang out in the sun with you” WSS: Boy I think about you every night and day, I’m addicted want to_________.... MURLEY: “take you away” WSS: If I ain’t wrong we’ll probably die on the floor Brazil Morocco London to Ibiza, Straight to LA, New York, Vegas to _________.... MURLEY: “Zsa Zsa Gabor” Twinkies only have a shelf life of about 25 days, not forever.

It’s reassuring to know that someone isn’t trying to imitate Lady Gaga for once, eminent in JLo’s seventh studio album, Love?, but it’s disappointing to know that it can only be replaced with a typical, thoughtless dance album. This is the theme throughout Love?, full of cookie-cutter party starters. “On the Floor,” the most popular track of the album, is cliché with its bouncing beats and Pitbull interlude. This trend continues in “I’m Into You,” featuring Lil Wayne and including bland, cheesy lyrics like “I feel lucky like a four-leaf clover.” This average club pop album does not stand out amongst others hitting the airwaves, and is ultimately a waste of time.


Dictionary word of the month...


The state of being so astounded that one cannot type; writing equivalent of speechless

Dad, that story in your email message left me typeless! 12

No school next Monday!




is for Dr. Arganbright, our jolly principal He’s rumored to have appeared in the Battle of Guadalcanal, Met mathematician Blaise Pascal, And dined in the Cafe Royale. He’ll boost your morale Without yelling in your auditory canal.

is for Biology, featuring Mr. Herman Though he doesn’t know animal psychology He’s known to give a mighty fine sermon!

is for Colors, but also LGBT They expose issues, showing understanding is key And use Day of Silence to help West see How being silenced can affect you and me.

is for D lunch, rest in peace Though the lunch population Didn’t decrease.

is for euphonium, Played in the West High band, That heavy brass bell Makes football games grand.

is for F-cubed, The math club at West, When it comes to arithmetic They outsmart all the rest.

is for Guidance, If you’ve got a bad case of ignorance We’ve got DeLeon and Schollmeier When it’s counseling you desire. There’s also DiLeo, and Brietbach All you have to do is knock. And if you’re stuck in an abyss, Maybe you’ll get help from Kanellis. is for Hallways, Or an overcrowded maze, If you want us to rephrase.

is for ICCSD It matters to us Having all of our teachers is key Because they are each one of us.

is for Jodee Blanco, She came to our school To teach us about bullies And not to be cruel.

is for Kirpes, with a mathematical purpose Who never gets nervous when giving a service He’ll tell you q therefore p is worthless, ‘Cause he knows that’s absurdness And no he’s not perfect, But give him a geometrical shape And he’ll calculate the surface.

is for language diversity. Culture? We have plenty. Our variety shows that we’re the best there is When it comes to our kids.

is for making it to state, Which is pretty great Their hard work and dedication All paid off in the end.

is for Ryson Stuart ’11, He’s so smart, I think he created Bing A 36 is very tough, Unless you’re Jeffery Ding ’12.

is for Mr. Shutt He leads Student Senate If you take his gov class, You certainly won’t regret it. is for National Merit finalists They all learned so much for West, Because you know, West is the best.

is for Special Olympics, And the athletes that compete From track to field to bicycling Their sportsmanship can’t be beat.

P is for peppers Growing on school ground Between rows of beets and spinach sprouts Soon there will be produce by the pound Just ask Slow Foods’ gardeners About the veggies around.

is for yoga on Wednesdays With Jenny and Shutt The best of the best. You better be in tip-top shape Or they’ll put you to the test.

is for the Trojan, He symbolizes West, Yes, we’re named after a condom, That’s why we are the best.

is for ultimate frisbee, West High’s very own league, It meets every week Try it sometime, It’s really quite a treat!

is for volleyball Placing first at State With hard work and determination This year’s results were great.

is for West Wing With office staff so great They’ll write a pass when you’re tardy That’s school jargon for “late.”

is for Xavier Oh that boy, Xavier May ‘13 Six feet tall plus that ‘fro Always a luscious hair day.

is for quiet in the library Don’t disturb Hofmockel If you are too loud There could be quite the debacle.

is for zzz’s And for those who sleep Through class Get the recommended eight Or you likely will not pass.

16 A&E

s t n e v E g n i Upcom *FRIDAY NIGHT CONCERT SERIES




Come to the Friday Night Concert Series, starting May 20 located downtown Iowa City. Check out local bands, including West High’s very own jazz band (on May 20), perform every weekend.

*whs orchestra@ commencement THURSDAY, MAY 26 The West High Symphonic Strings will perform their graduation piece at the Carver Hawkeye Arena during the graduation ceremony.

TUESDAY, JUNE 21 Come listen to Yo La Tengo’s wide variety of musical stylings at the Englert Theatre Tuesday, June 21, at 8:00 p.m.Tickets are $25.


*LAST DAY OF SCHOOL THURSDAY, JUNE 2 Finally...the moment you’ve all been waiting for (excluding seniors, that is)! The end of the third trimester is June 2.

*IOWA SUMMER OF THE ARTS FESTIVAL JUNE 3-JUNE 5 For one summer weekend, experience the joy of this award-winning festival featuring works of local artists, the tastes of reigonal and ethnic foods and live music.


The Great Wall of China isn’t actually visible from space.

Touring in support of his number one selling release, “Crazy Love,” Michael Buble will perform hits such as ““Home” and “Haven’t Met You Yet.” The concert begins at 8:00 p.m. Tickets range from $52.00 to $87.50.


Ciao down!

Givanni’s From the neon lights lining its walls to its slightly unusual dishes, Givanni’s offers a slightly unorthodox take on Italian food. However, even some of the most unusual options were delicious. For example, the electric goat appetizer, garlic bread served with a sauce combining zesty marinara sauce and goat cheese, was very tasty. The more typical Italian dishes were also quite good. The spinach ravioli featured monstrous ravioli and perfectly cooked shrimp, and the Mediterranean chicken was also very well done.

Zio Johno’s

Zio Johno’s offers fast-food style Italian, and its food is exactly like one would expect from such a restaurant: thoroughly mediocre. The spaghetti and meat sauce was passable, but the ravioli were bland and unappealing. The garlic bread that came with the meal was decent, but the bread itself had a very strange taste. In the end, convenience and quick service is the main thing that Zio Johno’s has going for it, as the food failed to be anything more than average.

Brown Bottle With a nostalgically attractive atmosphere, The Brown Bottle served as a middle ground for local Italian restaurants. Our favorite dish was the Penne with Mushrooms, which was contained in a light beef sauce. This dish contained a good ratio of noodles to mushrooms to sauce and it left the average Italian connoisseur satisfied. Overall, this restaurant keeps up with the rest even though it’s not the absolute best.


The excellent cuisine and decor that greeted us when we walked into Monica’s was a pleasant surprise. The Black Fetuccini with Lobster was a great dish that included soft noodles and bits of lobster cooked to perfection. To extend the trend, the Baked Ziti was also excellently prepared. This place is an attractive spot for anyone to visit for a great meal without killing funds.



Chameleons don’t camouflage to their environments, they change color based on physical and psychological condition.

18 sports

Swinging for first

The Lady Trojans aim to bounce back BY CAROLINE VAN VOORHIS


ith underclassmen making up half of the West girls’ golf lineup, this is a season of rebuilding and improving. Their main goal is to “keep improving at every meet. We have a really young and new team this year, so we’re just working on rebuilding,” said Madi Goodfellow ’11, one of two seniors on the golf team. According to Sarah Hellem ’12, the team is trying to get better scores than the week before and to continue to improve every practice. So far this season, they have had several successful showings in meets, and are now focusing on the regional meet. From the team standpoint, they placed third at CRANDIC and fourth at the

Super meet, a meet with every team in the Mississippi Valley Conference. To prepare for their meets, the team practices every day after school for a couple hours. They either play holes at the golf course or head to the driving range and practice green to chip and putt. “We had our last nine-hole meet today [May 17], so now we’re just focusing on the regional meet,” Goodfellow said. Before the regional meet, the team will be traveling to Davenport to play the course before the actual competition. Their outcome at the regionals will determine if they get to attend state on May 31 and July 1. According to Goodfellow, there are three good teams at the meet (Xavier, Pleasant Valley and West), but only two teams get to ad-

vance. Goodfellow, daughter of coach Mary Goodfellow, is also hoping for a successful end to the season from an individual standpoint. She is the number one golfer on varsity, and is finishing up her fourth and final year on the West varsity team. Two of her highlights this year include placing second at the CRANDIC (Cedar Rapids and Iowa City schools) meet and making the top ten individually at the Super Meet. Goodfellow’s achievements have come from playing golf her whole life. “I have been playing golf ever since I can remember. I feel like I had a golf club in my hand the minute I learned to stand up,” Goodfellow said.

Girls back for more PHOTO BY//ADAM CANADY

Highly ranked girls’ soccer shoots for title BY CAROLINE FOUND


etting second place in the 2009 season is nowhere close to where the Women of Troy soccer team plans to be this year.This year, the team is starting out strong with a #1 state ranking and hopes exceeding the results of the past few years. Last year, the Women of Troy fell short of their expectations, losing in the quarterfinals to West Des Moines Valley 2-1. But that only motivated the girls to work harder. With 12 returning varsity players and eight new varsity players, five of them freshman, success seems likely.

“Our new players have already made an immediate impact,” said Coach Dave Rosenthal. “Our newest additions have had an influence on the scoring side of the ledger as well as the defensive success of our team so far this year.” So far the team is off to a good start by completing many set goals, and have a 15-1 record. “Our goals this year are beating Valley and winning state. These goals can definitely be accomplished because our team gets along really well and it helps our team chemistry on the field,” said midfielder Quinn Stegleider ‘13.

Not only is their chemistry clicking on and off the field, but the girls have an IQ that seems to be aiding to their success. “This year’s team has an incredible soccer IQ,” Rosenthal said. ““They are very knowledgeable about the game and understand what is happening on the pitch very well. Our strength is that we have both exceptional ability and team chemistry and if we can keep developing both to their fullest potential, we have a shot at achieving our goals.”



Humans didn’t actually descend from monkeys, they just share a relatively recent common ancestor.

Tearing up the diamonds

19 sports

Baseball and softball teams are back in action SOFTBALL BY LEAH MURRAY


Immature, inexperienced, inept. These words describe previous West High softball teams, which have been known for being young and full of underclassmen But this year will be different due to the large junior class, official upperclassmen, who are going through the program. “I think this year will be different because it’s another year of experience and we’ve matured as players,” said Mackenzie Haight ’12, one of the team’s main pitchers. The team’s lone senior, Alise Miller, agreed with Haight that the expeience will pay off. Both valuable team players have the same general goal in mind: state. After losing 1-0 to Xavier in the regional finals, the Women of Troy are willing to do just about anything to make it to the state tournament this year. “We’d like to make another run for conference champions [and be the] first team to go to West to make the state tournament],” said Jeff Kelley, the team’s coach. Another title the Women of Troy will have to

work hard to claim is to be conference champions. “The biggest thing we face is that the conference was realigned and five of the top six teams in the Mississippi Valley are in our division,” Kelley said. Along with a difficult conference, West High’s first two games are against Cedar Rapids Jefferson and Xavier, who, along with West, have top division rankings. Luckily, the team has a few outstanding pitchers who will help get the job done. “Our pitching is one of our biggest strengths. We returned Shelly [Stumpff ‘12], Mackenzie [Haight] and had a second all-state transfer [Mackenzie Laux ‘12],” Kelley said. With plenty of talented returning players, the team has a great shot at success and the state tournament. “[Our] goals for the season are performing to the best of our abilities; which hopefully will translate into a trip to the state tournament,” Miller said. While qualifying for the state tournament is not guaranteed, one thing is for sure: by the end of this year’s softball season, people will be describing the team as skillful, seasoned, sophisticated players and ultimately a sensational team. Throwing pitches at practice, senior Ryan Rumpff (below, left) and junior Mackenzie PHOTOS BY//ADAM CANADY Haight (above, right) practice for upcoming games



ome teams would get discouraged after losing in the state finals in back-to-back seasons. The West High boys’ baseball team is not one of them. Indeed, after two straight runner-up finishes, the boys’ baseball team is back and ready to make another run. “You begin with the premise that you need talent, and we’ve definitely got that,” said head coach Charlie Stumpff. “After that most of it comes down to getting lucky. It’s all about who gets the breaks.” This year’s team will be lead by a veteran pitching staff that includes ace Ryan Rumpf ’11, who made first team All State last year and holds many of the school’s pitching records, along with returning starters Lucas Crimmins ’12, Conner Shreck ’11 and Will Ross ’11. “Right there we have four exceptional pitchers.

It’s no guarantee, but it’s a good place to start,” Stumpff said. Whether or not that will be enough to break through and win a title remains to be seen. “There’s no magic formula,” Stumpff said. “ It all comes down to who is playing the best on that given day. We just need to execute, and then everything else will come.” Pitching will hardly be the Trojan’s only strength, though. The offense, lead by Rumpf, Spence Bonner ’11 and Nate Ewing ’11, could also be potent, especially if Ewing is able to recover from a recent shoulder injury. In the end, there is only one result that will please Trojan fans: a state title. “Making the title game two years in a row is a great accomplishment, but we definitely have the potential to win it this time. It’s all up to our guys now. If we can get some great pitching, we’ve got a shot,” Stumpff said.

Napoleon Bonaparte wasn’t actually that short, he was measured post mortem at about 5 feet 6½ inches.


Thehighlightof my 20 sports

season was...

Athletes share favorite memories from their seasons

FOOTBALL: “we had players

from the sophomore, junior and senior classes all playing together and everyone got along like brothers. There was no difference between the classes. But the best moment probably was when we beat (Cedar Rapids Washington) 14-13 at Kingston Stadium because it was our first win against a ranked opponent.” -Ian



“representing West High in a sport that not many people pay attention too. Swimming isn’t like football or basketball or the other sports where everyone goes to watch. It really is about the team building and support that we give to each other.” -

highlight of my bowling season occurred in a close match against several other equally matched opponents, their prodigious technique mastered almost to the extent that it might rival my own.”

-Adam Millers ‘12



-Grant Linden ‘12


McBrearty ‘12

compiled by caroline van voorhis

”that we had 12 girls go to state, “winning considering that we only took 9 in the finals of state made the swimmers last year. This year everyseason worth going through. Also, one got along and we all had a ton of winning state duals with the team fun at duals and invitational meets!” and shutting out Bettendorf in the finals. Tackling Mark and getting -Kathleen Bowman ‘12 in a dogpile was special as well.”

BOYS XC: ”every meet because we get to cheer on everyone else on our team, and when we are running, we know that the others are cheering us on, too. It is a great feeling to have

”I was pretty excited about getting second team all-conference. My favorite part of the season was the van rides up to meets, and messing with Brendon Cullen because he tries to pull of colored shorts.”

-Dominic Muzzin

your team there pushing you.” -Rob

Grady ‘12

-Jack Hathaway ‘12


GIRLS XC: the first week

of practice when we have to do two-a-days. And of course it was the hottest week of the summer being at least 90 degrees every day. All of the news stations told us to stay inside, but we were out there running. We got really close as a team and even made t-shirts to remember that wonderful week. After that I knew I could get through anything, and we ended up having a fun and successful season.”

-Molly Levielle ‘13


GIRLS BASKETBALL: POMS:going to nationals. It was

the first time West has ever gone and it is a very hard competition. Most teams go for multiple years before they even make finals. We were less than 1 point away from making finals in both dances which was huge for us. We placed 17th in the nation which is impressive for it being our first year going.

-Maddie Vernon ‘12

BOYS BASKETBALL: “going to state.

”coming together as a team and making it to the State Tournament. Taking that first step onto the court at Wells Fargo during warm ups of the Cedar Rapids Washington game was an amazing feeling. The feeling was crazy as we felt the rush of adrenaline before the game even started! After winning that first game, beating Kiah Stokes, and playing in the Championship, we proved that we belonged. And kudos to the West High student section for showing outstanding support.”

It was an awesome experience and I can’t wait to go back next year. I can’t leave out the bus rides all season long-everyone rapping and singing and making Bergman mad was the best.” -Jeremy Morgan ‘13

-Jessica Shull ‘12

Goldfish have memories of several months, not 3 seconds.


”winning the state tournament…Beating Ankeny in three games was an awesome feeling. No one believed it. Then we just went insane. It felt so great finally capturing the state title. After we won the 2nd game I knew we had won. When we won the last point in the 3rd game, it didn’t seem real. No one believed it.”

-Olivia Fairfield ‘12


“when I bowled over 100 at colonial lanes. We had fun going on the way to away meets.” -Brooke Hand ‘14

WSS Editorial Board Sounds off 32 21 opinion

It is appropriate to celebrate Bin Laden’s death?

“No, it’s not. Yes, this is a great accomplishment, but that does not give us the right to go around and celebrate a death-that just seems so barbaric.” -POMBIE SILVERMAN ’13

“I don’t think it’s appropriate to celebrate anyone’s death. The U.S. should brace itself for retaliation.”

“Yes, it is, but only if we look at it as more of a victory for the U.S. instead of as the death of a human being.”



“It’s okay to celebrate the end of his Reign of Terror (AP Euro reference anyone?) but it’s difficult to celebrate his death for the loss of a life.” -ADAM CANADY ’12

Osama: not a photo-op


picture is worth a thousand words. No, let’s make it millions. Millions of words forming hate speech, dehumanizing the enemy, pretending violence is an American value, or an Afghani one, or any kind of value at all. Perhaps President Obama said it best when he said that Osama bin Laden is not a trophy. And bipartisan support across Congress and the U.S. for Obama’s discretion said the same thing: don’t release post mortem photos of bin Laden. It’s a matter of respect. Maybe you forgot because it’s so easy to nowadays, but bin Laden is human. And he, individually, is no longer a threat, and whatever justice there was to do to him has been done. And all there is left to feel towards him is sadness at the horrible, horrible life that could make a person value life so little they could take it from another person. Maybe there is celebration in the weakening of al Qaeda, in the lessening of the hate that threatens us, but there is no joy in the photograph of a disfigured dead man. Nothing but sorrow that is not ours to see. This isn’t about freedom. It has nothing to do with a free press or people – it’s so easy to hide from compassion behind abstract things like liberty. And yeah, maybe the American people or the American press or the world of foreign policy can claim some sort of “right” to see the photos, but that does not 21 make it any less wrong.

This isn’t even about proof. Bin Laden is dead. The American government is not a single entity and it isn’t plotting to kill its own citizens. If you don’t believe us, a picture will not change your mind because there are a million loopholes. A million ways that photoshop and whoever is really running the show could have made it all up. Releasing the photos is more than unproductive, it’s counterproductive. Imagine how you would feel if al Qaeda turned photos of 9-11 victims into an internet sensation. Sick to your stomach. Remember when the twin towers fell and the split screen showed people halfway across the world celebrating in the streets? We cannot become them. We cannot put a red, white and blue background behind a man who was shot in the face and call that patriotism. Not just because that is incendiary in the political climate of today, but more fundamentally because it is wrong. There will never be a time or a way that it will be

Should the United States goverment should release photos of Osama Bin Laden’s corpse?


The WSS editorial board voted against the relsease of the photos

okay to provide a recruitment tool for people that hate us or to do our part to make a martyr of a fallen man that hurt us beyond repair. Anyone who has ever known someone who was killed during 9-11 and anyone who has ever known someone who was recruited into terrorism and anyone who has ever lived in a world where those things can happen is a part of us. There will never be a time when it is okay to incite hate, or a way to make releasing the photos any more than that. Maybe they’ll get leaked. If you look hard enough you’ll probably find fakes or be able to imagine them or maybe even stumble upon the real ones. On second thought, if you’re looking at all, go ahead and look inward instead for a moment and ask yourself why on earth that would ever be okay.

2011-2012 EDITORIAL BOARD juliann skarda ashton duncan anna egeland eleanor marshall pombie silverman ansel landini adam canady caroline van voorhis olivia lofgren caroline found daniel rothman 31

22 radish



Note: All Radish content is satirical and is not meant to be perceived as factual

The Arizona suspends student for speaking “3nglish” BY ASHTON DUNCAN

“I try not to focus on them naysayers and haters, I mean, my album is called Fame. Forget all my enemies fo’ a reason,” said Brown. Unfortunately, Brown’s performance didn’t go smoothly, unbeknownst to him, putting on a live show requires showmanship. “I’m like movin’ around and singing, and this guys like press keys on his computer, I mean, we’re trying to reach these fans and get ‘em movin’. My music’s all about the fans,” said Brown. On top of that, Brown completely forgot that many of his songs featured other rap artists. This turned fiasco during the performance of “Look at Me Now” when he attempted to sing Busta

Rhymes’ part. The crowd, as a result, became very confused and stopped dancing. “It looks a lot easier than it is. I mean, they’s just syllables right? WRONG. They’s raw talent, it was foolish a me to try it,” Brown said. Despite the difficulties, Brown’s concert was a huge success among the crowd, blinded by his intense showmanship and musical ability. “I was just lucky I had the auto tune on... wait.. am I supposed to say that? Whatever, will I do it again? No doubt, I mean, I promoted my album, reached my fans and, I mean, did I mention my album?” Brown said.

Chris Brown DJs Prom


May 24, 2011: As students suited themselves up in tuxedos and overly expensive dresses, rap artist Christ Brown took the stage in a first ever live performance for high school students. “I mean, I mean, it’s not really a big deal, I mean errybody listens to my new album and I mean, fans are my everything,” Brown said. The prom attendees were ecstatic to see him take the stage, except for the handful who had never heard of him. Brown was very clear that he wanted people, especially those who didn’t know him, to learn how much they meant to him.




Amount of stress

ashamed of his actions. “At least I can articulate my thoughts now. I’m going to go to a new school where we have classes in English, and I’ve heard you can even read Huckleberry Finn there,” Youtuben said. He will be attending a revolutionary new school on the East coast, called the New English Academy, which is funded by the government as a school for the linguistically independent. He plans to finish high school there. “Speaking in American English in Arizona, America doesn’t make me and the others who did the same unpatriotic,” saidYoutuben, “it makes me intelligent. Imagine Arizona’s reaction if I had started speaking Spanish. TTYLN, Arizona!” Updates to follow as Arizona institutes legislation on the subject.

Days until the end of school

Amount of work done

son Youtuben, pendin furth3r investagation of teh issue.” Some people, including the American Chatspeak Community, cite a need for attention as the reason children and teenagers across the country have been failing out of Chatspeak classes. However, many parents at the Lolcatz school district believe parents haven’t been doing a good enough job instilling American and Arizonian morals in their children. “W3 wer3 preparing 4 a kwiz b4 [Youtuben]’s Interupshon,” Youtuben’s teacher, Mr. Qwerty said. “We’d had probl3ms wit him b4 but thes was teh final draw!!111 i sent him 2 teh principals ofice imediately LOL!11!1! If h3 cudnt sp3ak liek an AM3erican in mah classrom h3 didnt ned 2 b in mah classrom!11!one!11” Youtuben, for his part, remains un-

Time spent watching the clock


Mounted police Alex Trebek

Level of awesome

Protests broke out in Interwebz, Arizona, this week demanding that all English-speaking students be segregated from the community school district. Student Jason Youtuben, 16, sparked this outbreak by refusing to speak ‘Chatspeak’ during his Chatspeak class. “Thes si a Ch4tsp34k Comunity !11!eleven!! OMG we wont stand 4 th3s3 3nglesh b3asts corupting R own childr3ns hard drievs,” said one parent, Rofl Copter, in an outraged phone call to the administrators of the Lolcatz school district, where Youtuben attended high school. “We been /banning and /upgraden mod and admin privlegez as much as possble,” one member of the school board said. “But its not enuff 2 kep these kidz at bay. Weve contacted legisl8rs n there doing all thay can 2 rectify teh problem. 4 nao, we’ve /banned Ja-



Canadian Bacon colorful money



Justin Bieber Things produced in Canada

compiled by ashton duncan

May 25, 2011  

WSS issue released May 25