thegazette Friday March 21th, 2014
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5
2
12
?
what is your
KILL COUNT?
Some pursue as many sexual partners as possible. Some lament their number. What about you?
by Mary Ann Ciosk
A
little bit of “how’s your father?” the horizontal mambo, parking your car in the garage, putting the snake in the cave, getting your passport stamped, making the beast with two backs, coitus, intercourse, making love, fucking — sex. The sheer magnitude of euphemisms and synonyms denote the significance of this taboo topic, this primary drive, lesser only than eating and sleeping — and sometimes not even these. While this basic pleasure principle may compel us to try and fuck everything that moves, societal conventions surrounding the act cause us to regulate our behaviour. Consequently, individuals fall on a continuum between full hedonism and abstinence. So, how many people have you slept with? The question timidly yet inevitably asked by new partners. Even among casual partners and friends the question of one’s “number” often comes up, implying that this information indicates something significant about a person’s identity. Having many partners, you may be labeled a slut and lacking values. Conversely, for some, a high number may portray you as cool and sexually adept. On the other end of the spectrum, having few or no partners stigmatizes an individual as prudish and inexperienced, or perhaps depicts them as moralistic and virtuous. Professor Calin-Andrei Mihailescu currently instructs the courses Sex and Culture and Fundamentals of Comparative Literature. He has taught an astounding total of 39 undergraduate and 46 graduate courses and is at least mostly fluent in eight languages. Meeting this Renaissance man in his office brimming with an eclectic assortment of books, Mihailescu is lively and animated, his thick Romanian accent lending credit to his European sensibilities. “The idea of promiscuity — I refuse it. The term promiscuity qualifies more the person who says you’re promiscuous than the person told that he or she is promiscuous. This comes from a vocabulary of judgment — the judgment of the courts, the judgment of the church, the judgment of authority. The idea that we’re living in a liberal world means sexual liberty as well,” Mihailescu says.
“If I tell you you’re promiscuous you’ll probably start fuming, no? Because at the same time this means that you are dirty — morally dirty, maybe bodily dirty — both of them are related.” Although individuals with a high number of sexual partners are often stigmatized, William Fisher, distinguished psychology professor in the department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at Western, contests that there is no greater risk of sexually transmitted infections with an increased number of partners, only with improper protection. In terms of psychological health, Fisher believes this depends on the individual. “It would be the nature of the partner experience — were they consensual? Abusive? — And the motivation for the partner experience — was a depressed person seeking to escape their depressed mood? Or simply someone who wanted a great deal of sexual experience? — That would seem to matter most,” Fisher says. Another sexual stigma to overcome is the tendency for women to be viewed more negatively than men for engaging in sexual relations with multiple partners. Is there truth to the adage that a slut is a woman with the morals of a man? According to the National Centre for Health Statistics, women have an average of four sexual partners in their lifetime, whereas men have seven. If one is to believe proverbial wisdom and suspect some social desirability bias in these results, the numbers for women may be downplayed, while men may exaggerate them. As much as we’d like to believe that there is equality between the sexes this, at least, is one domain in which men tend to be allowed more liberty. “There is still a double standard for men and women, although it is decreasing. I think there is stigma toward someone with very many partners, but I think the gender of the person doing it, and considering it, come in to play. [There is] more stigma against women, and somewhat more by women,” says Chris Roney, a Human Sexuality professor at King’s University College. This discrepancy may be due to the fact that men are generally seen as “pursuers” while women are the “pursued,” making a man with many partners appear skilled whereas a woman appears easy.
“While the stereotype is that men with lots of sexual experience gain a positive reputation, ask women whether they would prefer a partner that has had many past partners,” Fisher says. The stereotype that women’s reputations may suffer if they are known to have had many past partners is probably weakening over time but is probably still a factor.” While these professors acknowledge this double standard, it appears that a very high number of partners is less desirable to both sexes. Although it may be easier for a woman to have sex if she chooses, men must also make the choice to pursue sex. Unfortunately, however, the majority of people do not necessarily hold this egalitarian perspective. Stacy,* a fourth-year female student who has had sexual relations with between 25 and 30 men, no longer feels comfortable sharing her true number of sexual partners. “I was really head over heels for this guy and everything was going great — then we got on the topic of previous partners. He said something outrageous like 45. I lied before and said mine was lower than what it was, so this time I decided to come clean and told him my actual number. He said he was really upset and couldn’t be with someone who had that many partners,” Stacy says. “I never heard from him again, at least not nicely. Because of my experience, I would not be honest about my number again.” Taylor* a male fourth-year student, admits that a woman with many sexual partners is less attractive to him. “There was once this young lady who showed an interest in me, and though I was unsure of whether I was interested in her, we were talking and getting to know each other a bit and the question did come up of how many people we’d each slept with,” he says. “This was a few years ago and I said three. She approved. Then I asked her the same question and she said 12. I thought she was joking, but mike laine she wasn’t, which was a little graphics: awkward. That pretty much settled it in my mind and I lost interest.” “I felt the difference would impact our >> see SEX pg.6
Graphics: Mike Laine GAZETTE