how to connect with your
TWEEN & TEEN by Dr. Erin Watson, The Expert Talk
As a doctor in Family Relations and Human Development and chief expert at The Expert Talk, I hear all the time how parents struggle to connect with their kids. While the best approaches to parenting are often counterintuitive to our instincts as protectors, building joyful and meaningful connections with the teens and tweens in our lives is possible. Here are 10 strategies to help you connect with your tween/teen from The Expert Talk you can try right now:
1. REMAIN CURIOUS.
Too often, we focus on regulating our teens (in an effort to protect and guide them), at the expense of truly understanding what they are going through. One of the best ways that we can connect with them is by taking an interest in their journey of self-discovery. Instead of saying, “Here’s what to do”, start by asking “What do you think/feel about that?” or “What was that like for you?”
2. BE THEIR STUDENT.
Have you noticed that your tweens and teens act like an expert on a lot of things? Use this to your advantage. Not only is this a way to get your child talking and to understand more about them and their world, it offers them a chance to feel heard, competent and confident. Instead of saying, “You need to reduce your screen time,” try, “Teach me about your favourite influencer! What do you love about following them?” www.WestCoastFamilies.com
3. STEP BACK AND GIVE THEM SPACE.
Tweens and teens benefit immensely from being given space to explore how their world (and their choices) affect them and others. Taking a step back as their parent will not only shape their resilience, it will make your presence feel less overwhelming and therefore, make them more likely to come to you for guidance. Instead of saying, “Tell me what’s wrong,” try, “It seems you’re really frustrated right now. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to share.”
4. SHARE A (SIMPLE) SECRET.
One of the key psychological tricks to creating a bond with someone is to reveal something vulnerable about yourself. Showing vulnerability through minor embarrassing stories or relatable struggles makes people immediately feel at ease with you and more likely to open up to you in return. Try sharing a secret with your tween. This will help them see you as a person (not just a parent) and as a bonus, may help them feel understood emotionally.
