Weird Magazine - March 2010 - RGV

The Organics Interview

The Organics INTERVIEW

TK: Couple dozen ‘n change

TouchPro, a capless blue to the area. I’m expecting Office Depot roller ball pen, about double the turn‘n a party pack. out we had last year.

Spring Break at South W: Best part of being a Padre has been on the bartender at Mooncussers? decline since 2005. When Mooncussers came on TK:The staff, clientele, to the scene in 2009, we strived to rejuvenate the location, location, location. area with a renewed sense Definitely meeting the laundry list of characters of commitment to the patrons, community, and that peruse these streets, industry. We’re ready to getting stalked by drifters, ‘n kickin’ it with the island’s facilitate every one of your spring break desires. finest.

W: Years bar tending?

W: Any tattoos?

TK: Seems like a decade already.

TK: My words are worth 1000 pictures.

W: Favorite night to work?

W: Favorite local band?

TK: Outside on the deck bar, sun missing for a few hours, LMFAO jammin’ mainstage, and a couple thousand degenerates experiencing what we have to offer.

TK: Los Loco Locals

MOONCUSSERS South Padre Island Bartender Name: Travis Kayser W: Age?

W: Contents of pocket?

TK: Wallet, Lighter, IPhone,

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W: Are you single?

W: Any tips for spring breakers this year?

TK: Although we greatly appreciate your patronage and money, remember you’re a guest in a town we’ve all come to love and appreciate.

W: Are you ready for spring break?

W: What’s your specialty shot or drink?

TK: I thrive off the energy the spring breakers bring

TK:The Padre Triangle

TK: Depends who’s asking.

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Louisiana Cops Plan for “End of the World” Scenario unteers were trained in hand-tohand combat techniques.

“I think every public safety agency should be prepared for disaster response,” said Sandy Davis, director of the Caddo-Bossier Office of Homeland Security and Emergency Preparedness.

Police in Louisiana’s Bossier Parish are training for an “end of the world” scenario, according to the Shreveport Times. The program is dubbed “Operation Exodus,” inspired in part from the Book of Exodus in the Bible.

Parish Sheriff Larry Deen told the newspaper the “buck stops” with him. “The liability stops with Larry Deen. I am the chief law enforcement officer in this parish, and it is incumbent upon me [to] protect all of the people in it,” the officer said, referring to himself in the third person.

Deen’s plan is to protect Bossier Parish’s vital resources, like food and gasoline, in the event of a catastrophic event, such as war or a terrorist attack. Deen said he had been thinking of the plan since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, reports Drew Pierson.

Under Deen’s plan, the police will use volunteers, supplemented with active public safety personnel, that will be dispatched to vital areas in Bossier to protect them from looters and rioters.

Deen listed as examples grocery stores, gas stations, hospitals and other public meeting places.

Instead of normal riot equipment such as shields and batons, the volunteers will be armed with shotguns and have access to a .50-caliber machine gun mounted on a vehicle dubbed “the war wagon.” On February 20, the vol-

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In 2008, respected trends forecaster Gerald Celente predicted food riots, squatter rebellions, tax revolts and job marches by 2012.

“America’s going to go through a transition the likes of which no one is prepared for,” said Celente.

“It’s going to be very bleak. Very sad. And there is going to be a lot of homeless, the likes of which we have never seen before. Tent cities are already sprouting up around the country and we’re going to see many more.”

IMF boss Dominique StraussKahn has also warned there will be food riots and unrest in response to what Celente calls The Greatest Depression. “StraussKahn argued that government efforts to tackle the economic downturn so far have been uncertain and largely insufficient, which could lead to severe consequences,” The Guardian reported.

Warfare training drills “are taking place across the country as numerous public figures, including Senator Christopher Dodd, leading economist Nouriel Roubini, top trend researcher Gerald Celente, the head of the International Monetary Fund, the head of the World Trade Organization, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, former national security director Zbigniew Brzezinski, and Director of National Intelligence Dennis C. Blair have all warned of coming civil unrest and global instability,” Paul Joseph Watson wrote on March 2, 2009.

“Widespread civil violence inside the United States would force the defense establishment to reorient priorities in extremis to defend basic domestic order and human security,” a study produced by the U.S. Army War College’s Strategic Institute predicted in late 2008. Economic collapse, terrorism and disruption of legal order could require deployment of forces within the U.S., it said.

In response to the report, state and local police in Arizona told the Phoenix Business Journal they have broad plans to deal with social unrest, including trouble resulting from economic distress. “The Phoenix Police Department is not expecting any civil unrest at this time, but we always train to prepare for any civil unrest issue. We have a Tactical Response Unit that trains continually and has deployed on many occasions for any potential civil unrest issue,” Phoenix Police spokesman Andy Hill told the newspaper on December 17, 2008.

Prior to the Super Bowl in December, 2008, Arizona police coordinated training with the Department o f Homeland Security and the Pentagon’s Northern Command.

Northern Command is specifically tasked with implementing martial law under Continuity of Government. The Military Commissions Act of 2006 voided restrictions placed on the military to support civilian administration by the Posse Comitatus Act, the latter restricting the military from working with local law enforcement. In addition to the Military Commissions Act of 2006,

a 1994 U.S. Defense Department Directive (DODD 3025) allows military commanders to take emergency actions in domestic situations.

The exercise held in Louisiana’s Bossier Parish is but another example that police departments and officials around the country are taking seriously the inevitability of civil unrest as the economy continues to unravel.

Unemployment in the United States is currently over 20% and a record number of people are on food stamps. The share of the unemployed who lost their jobs permanently is at its highest level since at least 1967, the first year for which the Labor Department has these numbers available, according to The New York Times.

Meanwhile, the establishment tells us the worst is over. “The mainstream economics profession is guilty of dereliction of duty. They should be telling people that this ‘recovery’ is a scam.

They should be warning investors that the markets could fall apart any day,” writes Bill Bonner for The Christian Science Monitor.

“I see growing signs of desperation and anger as the wealth of this nation continues to get transferred to the elite of this na-

t i o n , ” notes Seeking Alpha. “People are starting to ‘lose’ it as a result. This past week’s airplane event in Austin was a disturbing development.

I must admit

that I really am not surprised.

The government shouldn’t be either.”

The government is directly responsible for the unfolding economic catastrophe. Instead of throwing out the banksters and providing sound money, they are preparing for food riots and martial law.

The “debt based monetary system, controlled and operated by the global central banking system, of which the apex is the Bank for International Settlements, is unsustainable,” writes Andrew Gavin Marshall. “This is the real bubble, the debt bubble. When it bursts, and it will burst, the world will enter into the Greatest Depression in world history.”

Even Goldman Sachs, responsible for ransacking the economy, predicts doom. “I see nothing but large increases in the deficit,” Goldman Sachs chairman John Whitehead told Reuters way back in 2008. “I just want to get people thinking about this, and to realize this is a road to disaster.

I’ve always been a positive person and optimistic, but I don’t see a solution here.”

Short of dismantling the Federal Reserve and arresting and prosecuting the bankers, there is no solution short of training police to shoot starving food rioters and declaring martial law.

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E D N LIA

O G N E MO

TH

M R O W ATH Today, it is Ivan Mackerle,

had

a very strange creature.’”

character) in

a self-made cryptozoologist who travels

his book On the Trail

the world in search of scientific evidence

So Does the Mongolian Death Worm

of Ancient Man, in 1926 but he didn’t

that proves creatures like the Loch Ness

really exist, and what if it does? This

across

appear to be entirely convinced about

monster and Mongolian Death Worm

insistence by locals that worm is a reality

the arid sands of the Gobi desert,

the whole idea. Even though locals were

exist. As a boy he read the stories of the

will continue to fuel inquisitive minds

Czech explorer Ivan Mackerle is careful

desperate to relay events of when the

Russian paleontologist Yefremov, who

and as long as open-mindedness remains

not to put a foot wrong, for he knows it

dreaded worm struck, Andrews writes:

wrote about a worm, which resembled a

a fair virtue, we’re prepared to wait a little

may be his last. He scours the land and

“None of those present ever had seen the

bloody intestine, that could grow to the

longer for empirical proof of its existence.

shifting valleys for tell-tale signs of

creature, but they all firmly believed in

length of a small man and mysteriously

disturbance in the sands below, always

its existence and described it minutely.”

kill people at great distance, possibly with

Just remember, if you do decide to go

ready for the unexpected lurch of an alien

But it wasn’t to stop other inquisitive

poison or electricity.

Death Worm hunting in the Gobi desert,

being said to kill in one strike with a

adventurers taking up the investigative

sharp spout of acidic venom to the face. A

mantle when Andrews was no longer

Mackerle says: “I thought it was only

color that sends our wrinkly friend into

creature so secretive that no photographic

interested, or able to pursue the matter.

science fiction. But when I was in

one its trademark electrifying, spitting

university, we had a Mongolian student

freak outs. Don’t say we didn’t warm you.

Trudging

gingerly

evidence yet exists, but the locals know

don’t wear yellow, seemingly that’s the

it’s there, always waiting in silence for its

Only a few years ago, in 2005, a group

in our class. I asked him, ‘Do you know

prey, waiting to strike – the Mongolian

of English scientists and cryptozoologists

what this is, the Allghoi khorkhoi?’ I was

Death Worm.

spent a month in the hostile Gobi desert

waiting for him to start laughing, to say

searching for the fabled creature, and

that’s nothing. But he leaned in, like he

Reported to be between two and five feet

although they spoke to a number of

long, the deep-red colored worm is said

Mongolians in the area, all of whom

to resemble the intestines of a cow and

regaled wondrous stories of the worm, no

sprays a yellow acidic saliva substance at

one could verify they had seen the creature

its victims, who if they’re unlucky enough

first-hand. Even still, after four weeks

to be within touching distance also receive

the team had gathered enough verbal

an electric shock powerful enough to kill a

evidence to be convinced that the worm

camel… or them.

really does exist. Lead researcher, Richard Freeman, said: “Every eyewitness account

Given the latin name Allghoi khorkhoi, the

and story we have heard describes exactly

Mongolian Death Worm was first referred

the same thing: a red-brown worm-like

to by American paleontologist Professor

snake, approximately two feet long and

Roy

two inches thick with no discernable head

Chapman Andrews

(apparently

the inspiration for the Indiana Jones

or back (tail).”

An interpretation of the Mongolian Death Worm by Belgian painter Pieter Dirkx

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a

secret, and said, ‘I know it. It is

11

Top Theories for the Mystery of the Bermuda Triangle

By Stephen Wagner In an area that stretches from the Florida coast to Bermuda to Puerto Rico, the infamous Bermuda Triangle - also known as the Deadly Triangle or Devil’s Triangle - has been blamed for hundreds of shipwrecks, plane crashes, mysterious disappearances, craft instrument malfunctions and other unexplained phenomena. Author Vincent Gaddis is credited for coining the term “Bermuda Triangle” back in 1964 in an article he wrote for Argosy magazine, in which he catalogued many of the anomalous events in the area, and several other authors, including Charles Berlitz and Ivan Sanderson, have added to their number.

the only place on earth where this occurred. Sanderson drew out elaborate charts on which he identified 10 such locations precisely distributed around the globe, five above, and five below at equal distances from the equator.

MAGNETIC VARIATION This theory, proposed by the Coast Guard over 30 years ago, states: “The majority of disap-

es by as much as 20 degrees as one circumnavigates the earth.

If this compass variation or error is not compensated for, a navigator could find himself far off course and in deep trouble.”

More information.

SPACE-TIME WARP It’s been suggested that from time to time a rift in spacetime opens up in the Bermuda Triangle, and that planes and

However, consider the following related idea for “electronic fog.”

ELECTRONIC FOG Is an “electronic fog” responsible for many of the unexplained incidents and disappearances in the infamous Bermuda Triangle? That is the assertion made by Rob MacGregor and Bruce Gernon in their book The Fog. Gernon himself is a first-

UFOS

Whether or not phenomena of a paranormal nature are taking place there has been a matter of debate. Those who are convinced something odd is happening, as well as researchers who take a scientific view, have offered a number of explanations for the mystery.

MAGNETIC VORTICES Fortean researcher Ivan Sanderson suspected that the strange sea and sky phenomena, mechanical and instrument malfunctions, and mysterious disappearances were the result of what he called “vile vortices” where, he said, “tremendous hot and cold currents crossing the most active zones might create the electromagnetic gymnastics affecting instruments and vehicles.” And the Bermuda Triangle wasn’t

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magnetic navigational instruments malfunctioned and the magnetic compass spun inexplicably. As they neared the end of the tunnel, they expected to see clear blue sky. Instead, they saw only a dull grayish white for miles - no ocean, sky or horizon. After flying for 34 minutes, a time corroborated by every clock on board, they found themselves over Miami Beach - a flight that normally would have taken 75 minutes.

MacGregor and Gernon believe that this electronic fog that Gernon experienced may have also been responsible for the famous disappearance of Flight 19, and other vanishing aircraft and ships.

pearances can be attributed to the area’s unique environmental features. First, the “Devil’s Triangle” is one of the two places on earth that a magnetic compass does point towards true north. Normally it points toward magnetic north. The difference between the two is known as compass variation.

The amount of variation chang-

ships that are unlucky enough to be traveling the area at this time are lost in it. That is why, it is said, that often utterly no trace of the craft - not even wreckage - are ever found. But where do they disappear to?

Another time and place? Another dimension? The physics for how this would actually take place are fuzzy at best.

hand witness and survivor of this strange phenomenon. On December 4, 1970, he and his dad were flying their Bonanza A36 over the Bahamas. On route to Bimini they encountered strange cloud phenomena - a tunnel-shaped vortex - the sides of which the plane’s wings scraped as they flew. All of the plane’s electronic and

When in doubt, blame aliens in their flying saucers. Although their motives are unclear, it has been suggested that aliens have chosen the Bermuda Triangle as a point at which to capture and abduct for unknown purposes. Aside from the lack of evidence for this theory, we have to wonder why the aliens would take whole aircraft and ships - some of considerable size.

Why not just abduct the occupants in the same way they are said to take people from their homes in the dead of night?

ATLANTIS And when the UFO theory doesn’t work, try Atlantis. One of the postulated locations for the legendary island of Atlantis

is in the area of the Bermuda Triangle. Some believe that the Atlantians were a civilization that had developed amazing advanced technology, and that somehow remnants of it might still be active somewhere on the ocean floor. This technology, they say, might interfere with the instrumentation on modern ships and planes, causing them to sink and crash. Proponents of this idea cite the so-called “Bimini Road” rock formations in the area as evidence. Yet there seems to be no evidence for the advanced technology - except, perhaps, for the incredible claim of a discovery made

by Dr. Ray Brown in 1970 while scuba diving near the Bari Islands in the Bahamas.

Brown says that he came upon a pyramid-like structure with a smooth, mirror-like stone finish. Swimming inside, he found the interior to be completely free of coral and algae, and was illuminated by some unknown light source. In the center was a sculpture of human hands holding a four-inch

crystal sphere, above which was suspended a red gem at the end of a brass rod.

SOULS OF BLACK SLAVES The Bermuda Triangle’s deaths and disappearances are the consequences of a curse, theorized psychiatrist, Dr. Kenneth McAll of Brook Lyndhurst in England. He believed the area may be haunted by the spirits of the many African slaves who had been thrown overboard on their voyage to America. In this book, Healing the Haunted, he wrote of his strange experiences while sailing in these waters. “As we drifted gentle in the now warm and steamy atmosphere, I became aware of a continuous sound like mournful singing,” he wrote. “I thought it must be a record player in the crew’s quarters and as it continued through a second night, I finally, in exasperation, went below to ask if it could be stopped.

However, the sound down there was the same as it was

everywhere else and the crew were equally mystified.” He later learned how in the 18th century, British sea captains defrauded insurance companies by tossing slaves into the ocean to drown, then cashing in on a claim for them.

METHANE GAS HYDRADES One of the most interesting scientific theories for the disappearance of ships in the Triangle was proposed by Dr. Richard McIver, an American geochemist, and further espoused by Dr. Ben Clennell of Leeds University, England.

Methane hydrates bubbling up from sea sediments on the ocean floor might cause ships to disappear, they say. Landslides on the ocean floor can release vast amounts of the gas, which would be disastrous because it would significantly reduce the density of the water. “This would make any ship floating above sink like a rock,” Clennell says. The highly combustible gas also could also ig-

nite aircraft engines, causing them to explode.

TRAGIC BUT NOT UNUSUAL Perhaps all of the disappearances, malfunctions and accidents are no mystery at all, according to The”Mystery” of the Bermuda Triangle. “A check of Lloyd’s of London’s accident records by the editor of FATE in 1975 showed that the Triangle was no more dangerous than any other part of the ocean,” the article states.

“U.S. Coast Guard records confirmed this, and since that

time no good arguments have ever been made to refute those statistics. Even though the Bermuda Triangle isn’t a true mystery, this region of the sea certainly has had its share of marine tragedy. This region is one of the heaviest traveled areas of ocean in the world.

With this much activity in a relatively small region, it isn’t surprising that a large number of accidents occur.”

Source:Paranormal.about.com http://paranormal.about.com/od/ bermudatriangle/a/bermuda-triangle-theories.htm

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W: Welcome to Weird Magazine guys!

KK: Hello! Happy to be here.

W: So, tell us what’s new with the Kats?

KK: A few things actually. I’m currently recovering from a wild weekend in which Tommy did his final two shows with us. He’s leaving due to some things going on in his personal life and we now have our buddy EZ Ian joining the band to fill Tommy’s stinky shoes haha. We’re also gearing up to leave for a US and Canada tour in March and that will lead us into Our European tour in May.

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W: We caught you guys in McAllen a year or so ago. Any plans to be in Austin or Texas soon?

KK: Well at this point in time I’m still waiting for a few more dates to come in. We certainly will be making some stops in Texas. We always have a blast in Texas and touring through there has been a staple of our tours since the beginning.

W: We saw your performance and interview in Psychobilly Sickness.

That was a cool documentary.

Were you guys happy about the way it came out?

KK: With us being such a young band at the time it was really cool to

get that kind of promotion. I always enjoy music documentaries and I hope that the Sickness one helped open up a few more eyes to this genre.

W: Tell us about the Music a bit.

Who are some of your influences?

KK: My music writing is a product of what I grew up listening to and my ever expanding interest in learning about other styles and their history. I’ve always been a huge Bad Religion fan. Started out listening to punk and discovered the Stray Cats and Reverend Horton Heat which then I found out that there were all kinds of “psychobilly” bands out

there and I was able to order a lot of hard-to-get cds at the time because I worked at an indie record shop in high school. I can honestly say I was the only kid who had Demented are Go and Asmodeaus cds in his backpack haha.

W: How do you think the genre of music Psychobilly is moving forward?

KK: Honestly I have seen some really awesome bands bringing there own style to the scene Goddamn Gallows and The Sawyer Family to name a few. My only complaint is that I see the emo style

showing up here and there in newer bands. I really loathe the way it’s becoming more and more common place to wear your emotions on your sleeve and cry about everything wrong in your life. There have always been songs about hard times and heartbreak but the delivery of them was way less pussified back in the day. I just really hate emo bands hahah.

W: Drunk in the Daylight and Chaos are great tracks off the album. Do you guys have any favorites of your own music?

KK: Well thanks! I always like our weird stuff... the ones that ya don’t necessarily expect to come off the album. Meltdown, Blue Eyed Drug, Heading off to Battle are a few.

W: What is in your CD player in the car now?

W: How is the new tour going in 2010?

KK: Well I guess ill have an answer for ya if we meet up in Texas! At this time we haven’t left yet. I can say it’s projected to be a kickass time haha.

W: I see there are shows in Texas in Dallas and Amarillo on May 3rd and 1st. Wish we could get you guys here in Austin on May 2nd.

KK: We’ll go to any city that has a club or promoter that will book us.

We have had many good times in Austin and it certainly would be great to get there on this run. We’ll be back eventually. We always come back at least once a year.

W: How many years has the band been together now?

KK: This June will be the 7th year.

KK: Ill tell ya the 5 cds i currently have in my truck: Bad Religion, The Quakes, Morrissey, Django Reinhardt, & Waylon Jennings.

W: Why the name Koffin Kats?

How did the story of the name come about?

KK: My friend and main tattoo artist, Sam Wolf, thought of the name. We were hanging out and joking about what’s the most cliche band names real or made up. He said Koffin Kats. I thought it was funny... then about a month later I started playing with Tommy and we needed a band name. So, when people ask me the meaning of the name... I really don’t know what to say other than “it’s catchy?”

W: Weirdest thing to ever happen to you on stage?

W: Beer, Babes, Bongs. What motavates the Koffin Kats?

KK: I think you just said the answer in the question! I do actually care about the fact that some people are interested in the music we write.

Seeing the crowds getting larger the more we tour and the cds and merch sales getting better helps too haha.

It’s just nice to see proof that people actually enjoy the product of what I enjoy the most. Making music and having a good time.

W: Thanks Guys! Rock On.

KK: Besides an occasional black out and coming to only wearing boots and underwear and still playing the set? I’d have to say it completely tripped me out to see people singing along to our songs while we played on our first trip to Europe. Really never saw that coming let alone anybody really knowing who we were. Gotta love the way the internet has opened up the doors to being able to access any band or style of music anywhere in the world.

KK: Thank you for having us and a big ole’ Thank Ya! To anyone who took the time to read about us!!

The Koffin Kats PO Box 815 Garden City MI, 48135 My Space-Myspace.com/Koffinkats Website-www.Koffinkatsrock.com

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HOW WEED WON THE WEST A FILM BY KEVIN BOOTH

In

the follow-up to his ground-breaking documentary ‘American Drug War,’ filmmaker Kevin Booth traces the fight against Federal drug regulation in the State of California. A public majority has spoken and said yes to states rights, allowing for the use of medicinal marijuana and opening up a new front in controversial medicinal ‘dispensaries.’

While users herald the freedom of legally-licensed “weed,” powerful forces at the DEA and law enforcement haven’t given up their federal enforcement power yet. Many dispensaries have been raided, targeting their distribution of marijuana and challenging their authority to rise into legitimate business.

In the backdrop of this public dispute is the Dark Alliance– where governments handle the volume of drug trafficking and work with cartels and drug dealers to manage the drug flow. Just like the prohibition of alcohol, drugs have thrived on their illicit appeal, and doomed millions of non-violent offenders to incarceration and prosecution. Now, those swearing by the healing power of medicinal marijuana as well as those who simply refuse to be outlawed by a hypocritical rogue government 16

are daring to stand up and declare that the violence, corruption and uncontrolled flow of drugs is due to the prohibition of the substance, not the substance itself.

Big Pharma has put millions of non-”drug” users on hallucinogenic prescription drugs and instituted new forms of addiction and dependency, challenging our

outdated notions that is only “illegal” drugs doing harm to our people.

The State of California, in a key position to assert its 10th Amendment rights under the Constitution, has pushed the issue to a tipping point. The bankrupt government hopes to capitalize on taxation of a legal and prosperous marijuana trade that could, ironically, fight off big government and offer free humanity new hope.

Whether or not you love or loathe marijuana or the drug culture, everyone needs to fight for a more peaceful solution to the drug dilemma. How can we best manage the reality of drug use and minimize the harm to individuals and society at large? Clearly seventy years plus has proven that the drug war has the wrong approach.

In How Weed Won the West, filmmaker Kevin Booth dares to tackle these difficult questions. He infiltrates psuedo-legal California growers, investigates DEA raids on licensed dispensaries and even undertakes to sample the disputed ‘medicine’ for himself. He interviews radio host Alex Jones, former drug dealers, real-life gang members, legal-weed pitch men, activists and advocates to find the truth. www.howweedwonthewest.com

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Interview by Leo Krayola W: Welcome to Weird Magazine!!! Why “The Audio Hallucinogen?”

AH: If I had an ordinary name... people would expect ordinary things. The name to me is like visual music or music you can see or vice versa. A sight you can hear. Like synesthesia, sort of.

W: What is it like working solo on music opposed to working with a band?

AH: It’s much more liberating. You can chase all your wild ideas and trap them on paper or in a song.

There’s no one to tell you to hurry up or slow down. You don’t have to worry about bandmates making it to studio time or rehearsals.

Any and everything you do is not compromised in any way. I could do whatever I want so it’s fun. When you’re creating music and pouring your guts out the last thing you want to hear from a bandmate is “eh...I’m not feeling it.”

W: Tell us the source/inspiration behind your music?

AH: I think if I spend too much time thinking of how to answer this question, I never will. So I’ll say this: the source/inspiration behind my music comes from everything around me as well as everything from within inside me. It comes from sleeping on mountains. It comes from really moving music. It comes from the light post outside my parents house.

It comes from feeling love. It comes from stormy weather. It comes from watching a really good movie.

It comes from feeling anxious. It comes from your friends and family.

It’s all around us.

W: What’s the worst gig you’ve ever had?

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AH: And I could only list one?

(Laughing) W: What’s the new music sound like?

AH: It pops! It’s got allot of melody and drama to it. I’m real into upbeat stuff that makes you move and that’s how I want my music to provoke you. I want my energy to transcend. I think it’s the complete opposite of what people expect me to be writing, recording and performing.

W: How’s the process of recording an album going (any future release dates)?

AH: I am currently in the recording process. I have released 2 or 3 new songs on MYSPACE for now, but there’s so much more to come. I have a lot of recordings done that just need tweaking and a little love.

So by the summer you should be jammin’’ the new music.

W: Tell us where people can go and listen to your music, find booking, and tour schedule?

AH: They can call my personal phone number and I’ll sing to them. or come by my house and camp out on the front lawn. No I’m kidding don’t do that. You can find The Audio Hallucinogen on FACEBOOK, MYSPACE & YOUTUBE for all the latest updates, photos, shows,

music. You can also find me on Craigslist under Misc. Romance & Casual Encounters.

W: What kind of music do you listen to these days? What bands or artists do you enjoy listening to? What are some of your favorite local bands?

AH: I listen to Copeland, Circa Survive and Plastic Operator. I really dig the depth. But I also enjoy artists like Kanye West and Drake. (laughing) My dad and sister with individual reasons probably think I’m a dork. Locally my favorite bands are Ray Perez, They Mean Us, Keytar Dreams and Ambellina.

W: Any final words to our readers?

AH: I’d really like to thank a few people if I may. In one way or another (or even in many ways) these people impacted my life in the last few years: My family, Jams Puente, Synth Flowers, Jimmy V, Ray Perez, Amua Bell Tron, Tony Z, Raen One, Adriana de Las Lunas, Gabby St. Rose, Sasha Jones, K Boogie, Lady Mariposa & last but not least Leo Krayola. I love all my fans and those who’ve supported me. I won’t let you down.

Interested in knowing more about Audio Hallucinogen? Check out his MySpace page: myspace.com/theaudiohallucinogenmusic

19

H

ere are a few tips to help you survive the Spring Break 2010 experience.

Make sure you have plenty of Water if you’re drinking Beer on the beach. Nobody wants to get dehydrated while trying to make out with a girl from Kansas City.

Imagine what her Daddy’s Credit Cards could buy you.

Stay Hydrated!

Do NOT mouth off to the cops; they will surely arrest your ass as fast as they will for lighting up a big ass bowl of Uncle Bob’s Jamaican Gold cannabis weed. There is only one way to talk to them Po Po’s. Be very polite and courteous! Johnny Law is on the lookout for partiers who get out of control! FYI THIS IS SOUTH TEXAS. COPS know what WEED smells like. It’s everywhere here!

Bikini dos and don’ts: LADIES. If YO shit don’t Fit. Don’t bring it to the beach!

Girlfriends, please don’t try to fit all that Junk into a small ass swimsuit! If your cargo package is rolling over your waste, leave the bikini at home and hit the treadmill!

Protect your skin with sun block and your life with condoms. We’ve all seen KNOCKED UP and know what happens after a fine ass chick ends up making a Troll with an ugly STONER.

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Mix your alcohols wisely.

Liquor before Beer Never Fear! Beer before Liquor never sicker!

Another tip for party goers on the Island is to remember to take a cab. FYI it’s only a few bucks to take a cab to pretty much anywhere you need to go on South Padre Island. So, don’t risk a DWI or getting you or someone else killed!

Create a bail fund. Have money stashed away in case you or a friend gets busted. Weird Magazine recommends Speedy Bail

Bonds. (insert grandpa voice here) Why… if I had a nickel for every time . . . never mind.

Use the buddy system. You don’t have to run faster than the cops… just faster than your buddy.

Block yo ass from the sun. Being cooked and hung-over is the worst. Use the recommended SPF for your skin type.

Problems with aggressive jocks? Don’t let frat dicks get in the way of your vacation. Put them in their place with a swift kick to the “off button.”

Holy Balls! FTLOG Don’t jump off of buildings into swimming pools. It’s retarded. The ladies would prefer a smooth talker to a retard jumper.

Know your bathrooms!

Find out where you’re emergency stop will be. It sucks to have a tummy full of blargh and nowhere to put it.

Dudes dig awesome. So show off those fancy moves on the dance floor ladies. And don’t give it away to fast. It’s all about the chase.

Chicks dig blossoms. Bring ‘em a flower and a drink. And don’t get too gropey. At least, not at first.

Know the beach Flag System.

Blue flag means it’s cool to swim. Yellow flag means CAUTION. Watch out for undertow and riptides. Red flag means DANGER. Stay the balls out of the water! You will get sucked out to and under the sea where sharks and other toothy monsters will rip your shit.

Sharks prefer blondes. Seek protection at the WeirD Magazine Headquarters in Mooncussers.

OK, you didn’t listen and you drank enough to drown all the fishes in the sea and you’re head is hurtin’. So, now what do you do? Go on over to Psychodeli on SPI Blvd. and visit Josh and Amy. The WeirD cure for a hangover is The Big Ass Club and Grandma Alva’s One Handed Sweet Tea. If this elixir of life doesn’t get you cured by noon, then find the dog that bit ya!

Alien People?

Copyright 2010 by Heidi Hollis

Dear Kristy:

Dear Heidi: Thank you for creating your site. I have a question, if you have the time.

Briefly: I came to realize almost 14 years ago that at least some of the ‘people’ I know are actually alien life forms in human form.

An acquaintance hugged me, and her belly was very cold. Other individuals began what seemed to be a wearing down process, whereby they either revealed their grotesque face to me, or they spoke in threatening tones. I became petrified and for most of the past 14 years have had low self esteem issues. This resulted in me being quite socially disabled most of the time, because I have not known who might be alien and who is human. These aliens seem to read minds, as well; considering their behavioral responses to me.

My question is: Do you know how many unpleasant aliens in human form there might be on Earth? That is, how likely is it that there are a lot of them and how many of us are human? I might like to be able to tell who is alien, and who is human; particularly now that I might like to make some new friendships.

I am moving away from the fear these alien contacts have created, but I am, overall, still very afraid at times. I want to get on with a happy life, and probably move out into the world again. I used to be friendly and happy, but have often been almost crippled by anxiety during the past 14 or so years.

First off, hello over there in Australia! I lived there for a bit in Melbourne and miss it tons—but back to your dilemma: Alien People Living Among Us! Believe it or not Kristy, yes, there are indeed reported incidences of these strange sorts living among us. Some have been so unsuspecting as actually being an alien that I’ve heard of stories of people chatting it up with some at a bar while sipping on some brew. It was only when the ‘alien people’ walked out of the bar and revealed their spaceship, did the onlookers have any clue!

Had that happened to me, I’d think someone slipped me some painkillers from reality into my drink! I mean, I’ve seen some wild things in my life, but being waved back at from a drunken bar patron as he flutters off in a UFO isn’t one of them!

Either way, alien people are indeed around us—cold bellies and all—though I’d never heard of that one before.

Sometimes there exist freaky people, too, so no need to go around blaming aliens for being the only oddballs out there!

Thank you for your time in reading this, Heidi.

Best wishes, Kristy

is a concern. For anyone to change who they or how they live their life due to fear of the mere possibility of someone being an alien is disabling indeed. The questions you might want to ask yourself to help get over these issues are: Have any of these ‘people’ hurt me? Will they hurt me? Does my worrying about it help anything?

I think it’s key to know that our worries are sometimes bigger than they actually are. Many have actually seen some big, old nasty aliens but I haven’t heard of any of them hiding in hopes the aliens don’t spot them out. Sometimes taking that step where you put all of what you are and suspect to exist in the world on the table really helps chill out our fears and build up our strength—even getting other’s perspectives.

Aliens exist, Bigfoot stomps around in the woods and vampires are making a comeback (uh—only on film—that is)— but none of it means any of us have to take it lying down!

Got a question about anything weird?

Send your questions on the paranormal— from aliens to angels—to: alienadvice@gmail.com . For more info about Heidi Hollis’ books, videos and events visit: www.HeidiHollis.com

What you describe as being near paranoia of those around you not being real people, 21

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