HOT CHARLIE FURY SYLVESTER FRANCIS DUFFY KEYSTONE CRESCENT SIX PANEL HATS MUSHROOMS IN LA AMERICAN SMILE LAUREN BERRY BEACH GALLERY SCUBA JACKET VERY LONG BANDANA PLINTH
NOT RAT HOUSE THOSE ART TOURS H BELTS TAKING OFFENCE STREET PYJAMAS RENTED DOGS LONG BLACK BREATH THE TIN MAN PLASTIC CORPSE SHABBY OLD FASHIONEDS PALM SPRINGS WHITEOUT
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1 Front Cover 2 Russell Mount, Aloha of Death 3 Brook Power 4 We Are Shadows 5 We Are Shadows, Josh Jones 6 Rodney Henchcliffe 7 Jamie Hewlett 8 Josh Jones 9 Mr Bingo 10 Jim Matthews 11 GILF 12 Esme Puke 13 Gwion Christmas 14 Ray Kane 15 Anonymous 16 Tom Medwell 17 H.Y.T. Studio 18 Anonymous 19 Andreas Laszlo Konrath 20 Dan Wilton 21 Marco Bevilacqua 22 Paul Camo 23 Aloha of Death 24 Glyn Duffy 25 James-Lee Duffy 26/27 Simon Davies & Josh Jones 28 H.Y.T. Studio 29 Tom Medwell, tattoos by Calypso Saga Moore, model Lisa Reynolds 30 Aldo Lugo 31 Shepard Fairey 32 Chrysa Koukoura 33 James-Lee Duffy 34 Anthony Lister 35 Daniel David Freeman 36 Kenn Goodall 37 Marco Bevilacqua 38 Rugman 39 James-Lee Duffy 40 Charlotte Jansen 41 Mr. Fiend & Stklbck 42 Lexie Smith 43 Sam Cox 44 Josh Jones 45 Andrew Rae 46 We Are Shadows 47 Kelsey Brookes 48 The Real Dill 49 Shepard Fairey 50 Dan Wilton 51 We Are Shadows 52 James-Lee Duffy
© PAVEMENT LICKER 2016
QUEEN I saw the queen on the night bus sitting there, looking surreptitious staring straight ahead the trouble with the queen is we all know what she looks like from the side but it was the queen, it definitely was the queen because her cheek is famous I’ve seen it a lot Hey queen, I said, queen.
She just carried on staring straight ahead as we carried on to Catford.
TROUBLESLAND Ideas For Profiteering From Death: No 2 – ‘Troublesland’ Right? Everyone settled? Okay? Stick with me on this one… Big numbers. Silly dollars. The name can change but I think – we – we think it’s edgy, to the point, something to hook in the tourists and… ‘Troublesland’: Disney without the mice. Bombs, guns and murder but no one gets hurt. ‘Troubles…’ Okay, so we’re milking the salty teats of the Titanic disaster dry but this thing… Like, seriously, 10 times the amount of dead bodies! We’ll get the exact numbers… And we’ve photos and videos and personal stories and – this is the best bit – I’m just so excited. Best bit is… you get to pick sides! Good guy or bad guy! But oh! Oh! Wait! There’s more… Who are the bad guys? Blue team? Green team? Cops? Army? It’s too perfect. They’re all to blame. We can merch this ‘til it bleeds. Pardon the pun! Imagine all the outfits we can gift shop. ‘IRA, by Nike.’ ‘UVF, by Hugo Boss.’ Oh! Oh! We can even stock those fancy little face hats. What are they called? Huh? Baa-laa-claa-vaas. I love it. It’s too much… Right, okay, so still with me? Picture Crystal Maze meets Grand Theft Auto. I’ve got you now. You can see what I see... Buy your ticket, choose your costume, your weapon – and we’re talking limitless possibilities. Sure, you’ve got your run of the mill bumpf like guns – YAWN - but we’re talking petrol bombs, IEDs, bricks, flame throwers… These guys just went at it both barrels – Pun! So, battle ready, you enter a perfect recreation of some Belfasty place, but – wait for it – you choose the decade! We’re talking music deals and clothing deals and car deals and merch, merch, merch! It’s lazer tag but BETTER! The 60s! 70s! The 80s! The 90s! Run around, blowing up adults and shooting kids and laugh and laugh as you get to experience the rush of devastating an entire country, family-by-family, person-by-person, one punishment beating and bigoted exchange at a time, leaving a legacy of hatred and mistrust that permeates so deep down into the soil of the fractured foundations of the divided little island that it’ll never, ever go out of fashion! ‘Troublesland’. This is big. This is here to stay…
The internet ate my wife Evening. Every evening. The back of a head. Shoulders hunched. Neck bent. The inhuman glow of Ebay, Facebook, Hotmail. Occasional flurries of finger tapping. Words typed, erased, typed again. Click. Click. Minutes pass, then hours. A shift in the chair. A movement. She turns, says, “So do you want to watch something?�
DEAD GUY ON MY FLOOR Why was he lying there on the floor? She reached for the knife, a veritable professional one, Japanese, barely used. It must have been a moment of blind insanity. Pools of blood were shyly creeping over the lino. Without thinking she swiftly kicked tea towels over the body, and they responded, slowly soaking it up. Darker the stains grew as the cloth stuck to the skin beneath. Then the smell: a stench, abhorrent and compelling in equal measure, the curious odour of murder. He was most certainly, incontrovertibly, dead. There on the kitchen floor. The knife stuck up from his chest like a ridiculous erection. Yes, that had been the start of it all, in fact - he had put his penis on her in a derisive way. He had made her watch a documentary series about feminism and he would always bring her a cup of lukewarm orange squash. She felt repulsed. She always begged him to let the tap run cold first but he hadn’t listened. Just like the small shaved hairs in the bathroom sink and the thick crust of toothpaste around his toothbrush. And the pictures of his ex-girlfriend that were hidden in the bottom drawer, below the socks and bus tickets. She never looked in there but she knew they were there. How fervent the first throes of romance had been, projected adventures and dramatic vows, naming unborn children, reading their star sign compatibility. And now it had all come to this, a wretched corpse on the kitchen floor, half-expected to resurrect like some cheap horror film script. There was nothing gracious or probable about this death. Quietly, as if the corpse could hear, she began to take food from the fridge. She began to cook everything there was, preparing a feast. Those Lidl frozen sausages he loved so much. She had cried in the supermarket when he forced her to buy them. The last supper! It was so quiet without his thudding footsteps. There was so much food without his greed. She began to chew, cautiously. Without his mess and his loud music. So much space. So much air for her to breath all to herself. She paused mid-bite, glancing nostalgically at the motionless form that lay at her feet. She missed him already.
salt Wolfy Loves You Wars have been fought over salt... And won using salt :D P-O ! oh yeah :) (black_hat) can someone else finish the job for me ? got to go only creatcha, manda and kanga left Harasment I like mixing sweet and salt Harasment I want a job on Darewall! TheManxMadman hi to you too :D whoever you are m3nt4t sarah, stop knit picking! Harasment never :P Saucy (Moderator) bbl! :) TheManxMadman wolfy must be a slug killer D: m3nt4t run saucy run m3nt4t wolfy prefers to call them escargot...Harasment Bye Sexy Saucy minx xxx TheManxMadman i am quite the minx at times m3nt4t its boring being an immortal overlord sometimes.... Harasment I thought you were a Manx? ;) TheManxMadman mentat you must relate to so many people toasti eek! m3nt4t !kca Em001 (Moderator) hi toast Harasment I’m only 487 so far, so I will have to hold off on knowing ifs boring for a while toasti hi em I’m still not over you running away earlier Ribeye74 (Moderator) lol Em001 (Moderator) When I was in comet chat the room was empty! I didn’t run away lol Ribeye74 (Moderator) he was totally there. toasti when I joined you were there :( m3nt4t toasti did you produce some chat clearing flatulence earlier? Em001 (Moderator) weird toasti m3nt I always clear the chat Ribeye74 (Moderator) lies! m3nt4t *crickets* Ribeye74 (Moderator) 1/2 the day I’m in there with no, no matter what toasti toasti with no? Ribeye74 (Moderator) *you toasti you’re not talking about dr. no, are you Ribeye74 (Moderator) no... no doctors... hmm.. just a slight word switcharoo needed there. No. Dr. TheManxMadman i’m from the uk, does anybody have the time ? toasti 20:30 is my guess m3nt4t 830PM TheManxMadman ni thats the time here, i want the time in china Harasment 20.30 I mean 04.31 Em001 (Moderator) 8:31 :p toasti wait when did you ask for the time in china TehIndiaDino Google it? o.O Harasment its 04.31 in China TheManxMadman when did i ask for the time in the uk :p TehIndiaDino When you said i’m from the UK what’s the time..toasti the moment oyu said you were from the UK you didnt mention china until everyone gave you UK time Ribeye74 (Moderator) also, china is rather large.. there’s 5 or 6 timezones. TehIndiaDino woah, really?! TheManxMadman nope toasti i still didn’t ask for the time here :D Em001 (Moderator) It has over a billion ppl in it... It is pretty big Ribeye74 (Moderator)3rd largest country in the world. behind russia and canada... so yeah, multiple time zones. Harasment I know that its 7 hours ahead in Vietnam, my parents are there at the moment TheManxMadman was a joke harasment sorry lol Harasment Actually China has only ONE time zone. toasti technically there are 5 time zones in china, officially china is using only one Ribeye74 (Moderator) yup. and there are places that vary still like tibet. TheManxMadman i wish i didn’t say anything now haha Harasment BWAHAHAHAHAHA m3nt4t eeek! sarah is going all crazy again.... m3nt4t last time she got into the sheep pen and drew smiley faces on their bums.... Harasment That was great fun I feel sorry for anyone that didn’t grow up with Ray harryhausen films
SO CINDERELLA WENT TO THE PALACE AND MARRIED THE PRINCE. AND they LIVED HAPPILY ever AFTER.