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My very best friend: talking about friendship
July 30th is the United Nations’ International Day of Friendship, so this post is all about words and phrases for talking about friends and friendship. A friend can be anyone you like and spend time with, so we use adjectives to say how much we like or love someone. A good friend or a close friend is someone you spend a lot of time with and care very much about, and your best friend is the person you love most of all: I’d like you to meet my good friend Mateo. He doesn’t have many close friends. Sarah is my very best friend. Now, let’s look at some informal words that mean ‘friend’. Mate (UK) is a word used more by and about male friends, while chum and pal are old-fashioned or slightly humorous. The word buddy is often used for a friend that you do a specific type of activity with. Although buddy when used alone usually means a male, if you specify the kind of buddy it is, it can be a male or female: He went out for a meal with his mates/pals. Rory is one of his college chums. Maria is my gym buddy. The word crony is very negative, and implies that people help one another in a dishonest way: He gives all the best jobs to his cronies. We often use the word circle to talk about groups of friends. For instance, if someone has a large circle of friends, they have a lot of friends. A person’s social circle is the friends they have or the type of people they are friends with: Martina has a large circle of friends. Reece wasn’t part of her social circle.
If you say that two people move in different circles, you mean that they do not have the same friends, often because they come from a different social class: Sofia’s mother is a diplomat, so she moves in very different circles from me. People who like each other because they have very similar views are sometimes called kindred spirits, while we might describe two people who are such good friends that they spend a lot of time together as inseparable: When she started talking about cooking, he knew he had found a kindred spirit. The boys met when they were seven and have been inseparable ever since. There are some nice idioms connected with friendship. For example, birds of a feather flock together means that people usually like to spend time with other people who are similar to them. Kyle’s friends seem as geeky as him. Birds of a feather flock together, I guess. If two people meet and quickly start to enjoy talking and being together, we say they get on like a house on fire: I was worried about introducing Mia to my mum, but they got on like a house on fire. Let’s end with some words and phrases to describe why our friends are so important. Good friends usually share our values (have similar views about what is important in life) and are good listeners (listen carefully to what we say). They respect us (treat us with kindness and care), and they are there for us (support us) when we have problems.
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Driven or bone idle? P1 Describing character, P 1 ..
We often describe the characters of people that we know. Sometimes we say something complimentary (= positive) about a person and at other times, we’re more critical (= negative). Very often, we mention a particular aspect of someone’s character, perhaps in relation to something that has happened. As this topic has so much useful vocabulary, this is the first post of a thread on this blog. This week, we’ll focus on character adjectives and nouns that are often mentioned in a work or study context, but first, we’ll look at phrases that we use to talk about characteristics, (also referred to as traits). Instead of saying that someone is caring / impatient, etc., we sometimes say that someone can be quite caring / impatient, etc.: She can be very sweet and loving. / He can be a bit selfish. When we’re describing a negative trait, we might say that someone tends to be a bit impatient / stubborn, etc., or that they tend to do something: She tends to be a bit irritable in the morning. / He tends to talk about himself rather a lot. We also say that someone has a tendency to do something: He has a tendency to speak too much. Another way of talking about a negative trait is to say that we find someone rather annoying / rude / difficult to talk to, etc. Personally, I find her a bit unfriendly. We also use negative phrases when making critical statements as it sounds slightly softer and kinder. For example, we say that someone isn’t very adventurous / confident, etc. or someone isn’t the most adventurous / confident, etc. of people: She has lots of good qualities, but she isn’t the most patient of people. Focusing on those work-related adjectives and nouns, you probably already know the adjective hard-working for someone who works hard. The adjectives conscientious and diligent also mean ‘hard-working’ and suggest that a person takes a lot of care over their work: a conscientious / diligent student. Someone who works too much and hates not working is sometimes
called a workaholic: A self-confessed workaholic, Jones can’t remember when he last took a day off. Meanwhile, in UK English, someone who is lazy can be described as idle or, more emphatically, bone idle: At school, he was fairly bright but bone idle. UK English also has the adjective work-shy: Ryan works hard, unlike his workshy brother. An ambitious person is determined to achieve a lot: an ambitious young lawyer. Single-minded means ‘determined to achieve a particular thing and giving all your attention to it’: You have to be pretty single-minded if you want to be an actor. The adjective driven is very similar and emphasizes that someone keeps working hard to achieve things: Emily is very driven. Her work definitely comes first. If you can trust someone to do what they have agreed to do, you can describe them as reliable (the opposite is unreliable.): a reliable plumber. A synonym for ‘reliable’ is trustworthy: She was a highly valued and trustworthy member of staff. We’ll end this post with a nice compound. Someone who is good at working closely with other people is sometimes described as a team player: He has other skills but he’s not a team player. The next post in this thread will cover near-synonyms for ‘kind’.
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Kind-hearted or ruthless? P 2
Describing character P 2
With this post, we continue the ‘describing people’ thread, looking at adjectives that we use to describe people’s characters. Today, we focus on a set of near-synonyms for the adjective ‘kind’. A caring person is kind and always tries to make sure that other people are well and happy: She had a lovely, caring mother. Someone who is generous shows kindness by giving a lot of their money or time to others: It was very generous of her to donate so much money. / He was always very generous with his time. If you are considerate, you think about other people’s wishes, and not just your own, when you are making decisions: It was very considerate of you to let me know. The adjective compassionate describes someone who cares about others who are suffering and feels sympathy for them: I believe that most people are fundamentally compassionate and hate to inflict pain on animals. The suffix -hearted appears in three adjectives that describe kind people who show sympathy to others. We may say that someone is kind-hearted, tenderhearted or soft-hearted: My younger son can’t bear to see anyone suffer – he’s so tender-hearted. Finally for ‘kind’ words, the adjective thoughtful describes a kind person who is always thinking about how they can help or please other people. The adjective sweet is sometimes used in the same way: Rebecca’s so thoughtful. When my mother was ill, she went round with flowers. / It was very sweet of Karl to ask after my father. Now let’s think about the opposite. The informal adjective mean is sometimes used for ‘unkind’: She can be quite mean to her younger brother. / Don’t be mean, Freddy! In UK English, mean also means ‘not willing to spend money,
especially on others.’ The US equivalent is cheap: When it came to buying presents, she could be quite mean. / He was too cheap to buy her a drink. A person who often says or does unkind things might be described as nasty or unpleasant: He certainly wasn’t a good man. In fact, he was quite nasty. / She was a pretty unpleasant character by all accounts. Even stronger, the adjective cruel suggests that someone enjoys causing pain to others: a cruel dictator / Children can be very cruel to each other. Someone who is ruthless is determined to achieve something and doesn’t care about the pain that it will cause others: He was ruthless in his rise to the top. Finally, hard-hearted describes a person who is not kind and doesn’t feel sympathy for others: Imagine treating a person like that! How could anyone be so hard-hearted? The next post in this thread will include words for people who are generally happy and relaxed.
Laid-back and sunny P 3
Today’s post is the latest in a thread devoted to describing people’s characters. In the previous two posts, we looked at ways of talking about people who are hard-working, ambitious, and lazy, among other traits. As usual, we start on a positive note, looking at words and phrases that describe people who are relaxed. A common, informal adjective for someone who has a relaxed manner and doesn’t tend to worry about things is laid-back: I can’t imagine Tom getting stressed about anything. He’s so laid-back. Someone who rarely gets angry or upset with other people may be described admiringly as easy-going: Alice is great to work with – she’s very easy-going. If someone doesn’t get stressed or upset in stressful and difficult circumstances, you might say they are unflappable: Susannah is great when things get tricky. She’s completely unflappable. And what about the opposite words that describe a person who is often stressed? We sometimes use the informal adjective stressy for this: My boss, unfortunately, is super stressy. Another useful adjective is uptight, which describes someone who is easily annoyed by other people because they are stressed: I didn’t find her easy to work with. She was a bit uptight. Thinking now about happy people, two adjectives that describe both a happy mood and the characteristic of generally being happy are cheerful or cheery: Lucy was her usual cheerful self. / He gave us a cheery wave from the bus. Someone who is usually cheerful and positive may be also said to be sunny: She was a very sunny child. / He has a sunny disposition (= a happy character). To emphasize that a happy person never seems worried about problems or responsibilities, you might use the adjective carefree: For a father of five, he always seems remarkably carefree. The sort of happy person who enjoys the present and doesn’t worry about the future is sometimes described as happy-
go-lucky: In the film, she plays a happy-go-lucky character who always sees the best in everyone. An informal adjective meaning ‘happy’ but with the additional sense of ‘full of energy’ is bubbly: She’s a very bubbly character – she’s fun to be around. A slightly old-fashioned synonym that you sometimes hear British speakers of English use is jolly: He’s a very jolly sort of a person. Someone who usually expects good things to happen is optimistic: I’m generally fairly optimistic, I’d say. (The opposite is pessimistic.) In the next of these ‘character’ posts, we’ll look at words around being sociable and shy.
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Extrovert or introvert? P 4
Today’s post is the latest in a thread dedicated to describing people’s personalities. We’ve previously looked at adjectives and phrases for people who are relaxed and happy (Part 3), kind and mean (Part 2), and hard-working and lazy (Part 1). Today we focus on words and phrases meaning ‘sociable’ and ‘shy’. Starting with ‘sociable’, a commonly used adjective for someone who is friendly and enjoys being with other people is outgoing: Tom is much more outgoing than her last boyfriend. A synonym of ‘outgoing’ is gregarious: Sara was always very gregarious, with a wide circle of friends. A noun for a person who is confident in social situations and enjoys them is extrovert. (The opposite is introvert): One of my brothers is a real extrovert and the other is quite shy. Both words are also used as adjectives: extrovert / introvert personalities An extrovert who loves social occasions is sometimes called, informally, a party animal: He was a real party animal when we were at college – he was out every night. And what about near-synonyms for ‘shy’? Someone who is slightly embarrassed or nervous when speaking to new people may be described as awkward: Anna can be slightly awkward in company. A slightly formal synonym for ‘shy’ is diffident: Unlike her sister, she was quiet and diffident. A person, especially a child, who is shy and nervous around other people may be described as timid: I remember her as a rather timid child. A rather negative adjective for a quiet, shy person who doesn’t attract attention is mousy: Parker plays the part of her mousy housemate. The slightly formal adjective retiring, (usually heard in the phrase ‘shy and retiring’) describes someone who prefers not to socialize because they are
shy: The lifestyle wouldn’t have suited him. He wasn’t the shy and retiring type. In UK English, people who prefer not to mix with others may be said to keep themselves to themselves: They were quite private people. They kept themselves to themselves. A loner is someone who is usually alone and has few friends: People who knew him at school described him as a loner. More extreme, a recluse lives alone and avoids contact with other people generally: The actress became a recluse in later life. There is also the adjective reclusive: Reclusive by nature, he lived alone for the last twenty years of his life. Next month, in the last of these ‘Describing character’ posts, we’ll look at words for a variety of negative characteristics, ranging from the tendency to criticize others, to the belief that you are better than other people.
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The life and soul of the party How we behave at social events How do your friends behave at social events? Is one of them the life and soul of the party, chatting, laughing and dancing with everyone? Or perhaps you know a party pooper, someone who spoils other people’s enjoyment by refusing to join in and have fun. This week we’re looking at language that relates to spending time with other people socially. Starting with a useful adjective, someone who is sociable likes to meet and spend time with other people. Oliver’s very sociable – he loves parties. I’m going to make an effort to be a bit more sociable. Someone who is extremely sociable, going to as many parties as possible, may be called informally a party animal: He used to be a real party animal before he had kids. Someone who is confident in social situations and enjoys them may be called an extrovert: People who work in sales tend to be extroverts. An extrovert often has a wide circle of friends (= a lot of friends) and tends to be good company (=enjoyable to spend time with): Emma’s really fun to hang out with. She’s such good company. A number of adjectives are used for people who are extroverts. They may be described as outgoing, meaning that they are friendly and like being with other people. An adjective with a similar meaning is gregarious: Both girls are quite outgoing. Sam is certainly more gregarious than his brother. If a person is affable, they are friendly and easy to talk to: He’s very pleasant and affable. Someone who is chatty likes to talk a lot in a friendly, informal way: Jamie was his usual chatty self.
There are verbs in this area too. If you socialize, you spend your free time enjoying yourself with other people: He needs to socialize a bit less and study a bit more. To mix is to spend time with people at social events and talk to them: I feel I should be mixing more with my colleagues. If you mingle at a social event, you talk to several people, one after another, by moving around a room: She seemed to be mingling with the other guests. Of course, parties and social events are not for everyone. Shy people can find gatherings difficult. They may be introverted, (=shy and preferring to spend time alone): At school, she was quiet and introverted. They may feel slightly embarrassed or nervous speaking to people they don’t know. An adjective for this is awkward: I chatted to him briefly – he seemed a little awkward. She’s socially quite awkward. They may be rather reserved, not giving opinions or showing their feelings: I found her slightly reserved. Activities such as dancing make some people uncomfortable because they worry about what other people think of them. The word selfconscious describes this feeling: I’m far too self-conscious to dance in front of my colleagues. Do you recognize any of your friends in these descriptions?
What’s she like? Idioms to describe personality
Students of English are usually introduced to personality words such as friendly, shy, confident or lazy fairly early on in their studies. This blog offers a selection of colourful yet common idioms that can offer a more interesting response to the question ‘What’s s/he like?’. For instance, we often say that shy people wouldn’t say boo to a goose (British)/wouldn’t say boo (US), while lazy people don’t lift a finger and tend to think that the world owes them a living. Someone who is always confident enough to give their opinion is not backward in coming forward. (This phrase usually implies that the person is a little bit more assertive than the speaker would like!) A useful way of describing the sort of person who frequently manages to cause offence or annoyance is to say that they tend to rub people up the wrong way, while someone who boasts a lot about what they are going to do but never actually does is all mouth and no trousers (British)/all mouth (US). Someone who doesn’t suffer fools gladly doesn’t hide their impatience if someone says or does something silly. This phrase is often used to imply that the person is rather scary, but it can also sound slightly admiring. We also say that a frightening and aggressive person will eat you for breakfast, while if someone’s bark is worse than their bite, they are not really as scary as they seem. A person who keeps himself to himself (or herself to herself) leads a very private and unsociable life, while someone who is always lively and cheerful is the life and soul of the party and someone who shows their emotions a lot wears his/her heart on his/her sleeve. Many of the best phrases seem to be connected with negative descriptions, and even seemingly positive ones sometimes have an edge of disapproval.
For instance to say that someone could charm the birds out of the trees usually implies that their charm may not always be sincere, and if we describe an extrovert and energetic person as a force of nature, we are probably mocking them at least a little. However, there are a few unashamedly positive phrases for personality. For instance someone who’s got their head screwed on can be relied on to act in a sensible manner, while someone who is the salt of the earth is a very good and honest person. If we really want to emphasize someone’s admirable character, we can say they don’t have a nasty/mean/jealous, etc. bone in their body.
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