STUDENT LOVE February 11 2021 Valentine's Edition/Student Life at Washington University in St. Louis

STUDENT STUDENT LOVE LOVE Sex Issue 2021

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EM MCPHIE & TED MOSKAL | SENIOR NEWS EDITORS | NEWS@STUDLIFE.COM

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021

NUDES

First years embrace dating apps to compensate for loss of in-person socialization during pandemic RIDA QURESHI CONTRIBUTING REPORTER As the weather worsens and more classes embrace virtual formats, the chances of finding one’s soulmate this semester seem slim to many—but several dating apps have helped Washington University freshmen find love.

Apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Grindr offer students an opportunity to mingle with people in their area by asking them to approve or deny potential matches. Although the features vary by platform, most apps allow users to pick a preferred age range, set a maximum distance and filter by gender. The more a user interacts with the app, the more information its algorithm can use to curate better matches.

“Dating has definitely entered the digital age this

semester,” freshman Abigail Matthews, whose experience spans Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, said.

Though all three apps hit the market over five years ago, online dating has seen a noticeable uptick since the onset of the pandemic in March of 2020.

In fact, prior to the pandemic, freshman Rosalinda Núñez-Enriquez had a very different expectation for what the dating scene might look like on a college campus.

“I really thought I was going to have a meet-cute,” Núñez-Enriquez said. “I’m walking on campus with some books in hand. Oops!

I bump into somebody. My books fall. We both reach down at the same time. Zap! Love at first sight, right?”

While many Washington University students might share Núñez-Enriquez’s idea of the perfect

‘meet-cute,’ as COVID-19 cases on campus rise, social distancing guidelines have rendered in-person interactions like these unsafe.

Moreover, for those coming from smaller hometowns such as freshman Tanner Smith, they report that quarantine restrictions on a large college campus can feel just as limiting as a small high school.

“I’m from a tiny-ass town,” Smith said. “It was exciting to think I’d be around so many people and have options. But with the pandemic, nothing’s changed. I stick to my pod—there’s no blank slate.”

Smith further explained that dating apps have skyrocketed in popularity among his social circle this semester due to the opportunity they present to meet students outside of one’s friend group.

When it comes to which dating app freshmen prefer, the answer will vary, but most began their online dating experience on the one app that seems to dominate the University’s dating scene.

“When students think online dating, they think Tinder,” Smith said. “If you want the most results in our age range, you go to Tinder.”

In terms of filters and features, Tinder’s offerings are simple: name, age, a collection of pictures and a 500-character bio with unlimited creative freedom.

Though its simplicity certainly prevents boredom while swiping, some freshmen say they have found fault with its heavy reliance on physical appearance.

In fact, Smith, NúñezEnriquez and Matthews all described Tinder using the same phrase: “hookup

culture.”

“Tinder is like being in a bar, where you’re just going off looks,” Matthews said. While casual relationships are certainly common in a normal academic year, COVID-fears have pushed many away from hookups and more toward long-term commitments. For Matthews, this meant deleting Tinder and transitioning to Hinge, an application with prompts such as, “A shower thought I had recently had was…” and “Can you name where this picture was taken?”

“Everybody that I’ve talked to with Hinge has ended up deleting it because they met somebody on the app. That’s not the case with Tinder,” Matthews said.

Núñez-Enriquez, too, left Tinder in search of a more serious connection.

After receiving multiple

explicit photos and a particularly racist pick-up line, she turned her attention to Bumble, where women message their matches first.

“It empowers me to choose who I interact with,” Núñez-Enriquez said.

She commended Bumble’s thought-provoking prompts and holistic profiles.

Nonetheless, Núñez-Enriquez said how Bumble’s heteronormative practice of women messaging men caused her to see Tinder’s as more inclusive to the LGBTQIA* community.

Ultimately, dating apps vary widely in the types of relationships they attract, the complexity of their profiles and the diversity of their users. However, their popularity on campus this semester results from one uniting factor: a chance at connection in a time of isolation and separation.

2021 sex survey reveals WU students’ sex habits TED MOSKAL SENIOR NEWS EDITOR The results of Student Life’s 2021 sex survey show that 71% of respondents have had sex, the same result as the 2020 survey and a decrease from the 2019 and 2018 surveys, which yielded respective rates of 74% and 75%.

On average, survey respondents estimated that 64% of Washington University students have had sex.

Between Jan. 14 and Feb. 10, 781 Washington

University students completed the survey.

35% of respondents said that they were in a relationship and 56% said they were not, while the remaining 9% chose to avoid labels, saying “It’s complicated.” 62% of respondents reported having been in one relationship in college, while 22% reported two relationships, 10% reported three relationships, 3% reported four relationships and only 2% reported not being in a relationship during college.

Respondents were also

conflicted about what exactly constitutes a relationship, with 76% agreeing that a relationship involved establishing girlfriend/boyfriend/partner titles, 62% saying exclusivity (agreeing not to date other people), 34% saying going on dates, 15% saying moving in together, 9% saying hooking up and 8% saying making it “Facebook official.” Other responses included “commitment with the intention of marriage,” “just vibing with someone,” and “anytime a man looks at

me longer than 5 minutes, we’re dating.”

The survey included responses from people representing a variety of sexualities and gender identities. 65% of respondents reported that they were heterosexual, 19% were bisexual, 6% were questioning, 6% were homosexual, 5% were queer, 3% were asexual and 2% were pansexual.

54% of respondents identified as cisgender women, 40% as cisgender men, 3% as nonbinary, 1% as gender nonconforming, 1% as genderqueer, 0.52% as trans female/trans women and 0.39% as trans male/trans men.

Respondents also had differing opinions on the exact nature of sex. 97% of

respondents said that they considered vaginal penetration as sex, 76% considered anal penetration, 49% considered oral sex and 26% considered manual stimulation as sex. Of the respondents who reported having sex, the frequency of sexual activity ranged from multiple times a day to less than one time a year.

The most common answer, however, was two to three times a week, which 25% of respondents said was accurate.

38% of respondents reported having been tested for an STI, while 5% reported having had an STI. During sex, Washington University students generally prefer to use some type of protection, with

STUDENT STUDENT LOVE LOVE Sex Issue 2021

76% “always” using protection that prevents pregnancy and 42% using protection that prevents STIs. Nine percent of students said that they never use protection that prevents pregnancy, 5% said that they never use protection that prevents STIs and 19% said that they have been tested for STIs and are in a committed relationship, and therefore have chosen not to use protection for STIs. The exact type of protection used by students and their sexual partners varied, with 79% of respondents using male condoms, 52% using hormonal birth control, 28% using the “pull-out method,” 25% using an IUD and 12% using a morning after pill.

Front cover by HN Hoffmann 2021

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BENJAMIN SIMON | SENIOR SCENE EDITOR | SCENE@STUDLIFE.COM

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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021

SQUIRTS From psychology major to pornstar: The most famous WU alum you don’t know BENJAMIN SIMON SENIOR SCENE EDITOR When Larkin Love applied to Washington University, she didn’t know a single soul in the state of Missouri. She just knew Wash. U. was a highly ranked school that might help her get a job in academia or medicine.

“I had such high hopes for what I would get out of the Wash. U. experience,” Love said. “And the whole thing left me rinsed and pretty used up.”

These days, Love earns over a million dollars a year as one of porn’s biggest stars. She’s also one of Wash. U.’s most famous graduates. Search up Wash. U. alums on Google and it’s Larkin Love who appears.

But more than a decade later, Love has tried to put her Wash. U. experience behind her. When she thinks back to her time at the school, she remembers fighting to stay afloat financially day after day. She went to Wash. U. on scholarship, but that didn’t cover the books, the medical bills, the social events––all of the piled on costs. She worked in the school library––one of her favorite experiences at the University––but could only clock in 20 hours a week and made just $7.20 an hour.

“Slave labor,” she called it.

The expenses kept adding up and adding up. She took a job at a restaurant and volunteered in experiments, but no matter how much she worked, she

felt like she could never catch up. At one point, Love even resorted to dumpster diving. “[Wash. U.] would build some new building or throw some pointless party and I’m like, ‘Wow, how am I going to eat this week?’” she said. “I don’t know. It was just kinda shitty.”

When Love graduated from Wash. U., she walked into the 2008 recession. There weren’t many jobs for someone with an undergraduate psychology degree. Plus, college had left her in a “financial pit,” she said.

“It was either go back to more of the absolute mind blowingly difficult grind of being a full-time student working two and a half jobs,” Love said, “or start stripping and try to chip away at my debt.”

So that’s what she did. For a while, Love thought she’d pay off her debt and go back to school. But once she saw the money rolling in, she saw no reason to stop.

“By the point I had that kind of financial cushion I was, like, why? I’m so happy, I’m so comfortable,” Love said. “Everything is going right. I’m stable, I can take care of my medical issues, I have food on the table, a roof over my head, I’m out of debt.

Why would I go back to that?”

Love started webcamming, then she started filming mainstream porn. But she didn’t last long in either. “There really isn’t a lot of money shooting mainstream porn. There

COURTESY OF RUB PR

After the cost of her college degree forced her into a “financial pit,” Larkin Love decided to pursue a career as an independent porn star and producer. Years later, she is now one of Washington University’s most famous alumni.

isn’t. If anyone thinks there is, they’re crazy. They don’t know,” she said.

Love lived in Los Angeles at the time and needed to make some extra money. So she bought a video camera and began making her own porn scenes, selling them on sites like “Clips4Sale.”

“From there, it just took off,” she said. “It took off like a rocket.”

That’s how Love started working for herself as an independent porn star and producer. Since then she has won a range of awards like Best Clip Artist and Favorite Fetish Model. She estimates that she has shot over 700 scenes for

Crucial connections: WU’s professor of happiness talks relationships, COVID-19 OLIVIA POOLOS STAFF WRITER I sat down with Timothy Bono, a professor in Psychological and Brain Sciences, to talk about relationships, loneliness and the pandemic. Bono, who has instructed at Washington University for the last ten years, teaches a popular course titled “Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness.” The class covers positive mindsets, self-esteem and gratitude, among other things. In a year that has brought extreme social and romantic isolation, Bono was just the person I wanted to chat with about the effects of COVID on mental health and how to best adapt. After a few formalities, I jumped straight into the questions I really wanted to know about—ones about socialization, skin hunger and romance.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

able to experience the same kind of closeness, because we’re not able to even offer a handshake or a hug.

SL: In terms of catching COVID and mental wellbeing, is choosing to have a physical relationship with one person or a couple of close friends a risk we should be evaluating?

TB: I do believe that it’s important to heed the precautions that have been outlined by our public health experts, not going to parties with 100 people.

But yeah, if you’ve got a group of friends who don’t live together but you agree ‘Okay we are going to be responsible, and we are going to see each other and have minimal contact with other people,’ I do believe that that in the interest of our mental health, we have to have balance, and that it’s appropriate to engage with others, as long as we are doing that responsibly.

SL: Do you think that the STUDENT LIFE: Do you know if physical touch, or lack thereof, affects our mood or health?

psychological effects of loneliness cause people to be more proactive in searching for romantic relationships?

TIMOTHY BONO: When we are near somebody who we really care about, one way to strengthen the bond that we feel with another person is by embracing them. That’s associated with the release of a hormone called oxytocin that’s very important for forming a bond that is both biological and psychological. That very likely is one of the contributors to the challenges with mental health that many people are experiencing right now. On a biological level we’re not

TB: That’s one of the things that loneliness can do. It motivates us to get out there and meet people and get to know them. And again, I think that it’s worthwhile to do that, but again to do it as safely and as responsibly as possible.

SL: Will we become more introverted as socialization continues to be at a lower level?

TB: Well you’re sort of conflating personality with the

need for social connection.

Introverts and extroverts need social connection equally. They just are different in terms of how they seek it out. If anything, this period of time is amplifying how important and worthwhile it is to prioritize opportunities for connection. And my hope is that once we’re on the other side of this thing that we will savor those opportunities to connect with other people and not take them for granted, and when, you know, a friend calls us to go see a movie or get dinner, that we jump at the chance because we are now being reminded of how precious that is.

SL: Anything else?

TB: Everybody’s been talking about ‘Oh I can’t wait until this is over and then I’ll be happy.’ I think that what’s more important is that we develop the resources, psychologically, to cope with challenges, versus waiting until the current challenges are over, because there’s always going to be challenges. The pursuit of happiness is not about waiting until challenges are gone. There’s always going to be challenges. That’s the thing that I’m really trying to emphasize right now--to use this as an opportunity to figure out how to live life carrying some really difficult things but not to allow that to consume us 100%.

Yeah, it’s hard right now.

But there are still silver linings, and the ability to direct attention to those good things and still derive some happiness even amid the challenges is a really important part of psychological health and psychological

her own production company, and just 45 for mainstream porn (although she has garnered over 64 million views on PornHub). She manages a team of 10 or so people, and compares her day-to-day life to that of a YouTuber or social media influencer. “It’s basically like that, but my tits probably get out at some point,” she added.

On occasion, she’ll travel for a shoot, but for the most part, she works from her home in Amsterdam. She interacts with fans on social media, goes live on Instagram, takes some nudes, updates her OnlyFans, posts to her website and shoots her videos.

“There’s no huge secret to porn,” she said. “It’s creating pretty images of pretty people doing pretty things.”

“I don’t have to be industry to tell you that it’s complete bullshit, right? Now that I’m in the industry, I know that 100% more. Like, oh Jesus, you guys have no idea how fake everything is,” Love said, comparing porn to a martial arts fight and real sex to a bar fight.

In the end, Love has no regrets about her career path and she doesn’t miss the academic world.

“I’ve got to say––stripping and doing porn and shooting my own porn and owning my

own websites and being an entrepreneur has been a billion times more fulfilling than anything that I got out of the college experience,” she said.

Love hasn’t been back to Wash. U. or St. Louis since graduating. And she has no plans of returning.

“There’s nothing there for me,” she said. “There’s literally nothing there. I mean, Forest Park is cool. I would consider someday going back to the Botanical Gardens. My life is overseas now. I travel the world. I honestly have no nostalgia about the place. I don’t really have any friends left in the area, so for me, personally, no, it’s a wasteland.”

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2021 Sex Survey Resul

trash

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ABOUT this surveY - Stud browser ADDRESS

studsearch.com

WHO’S FOOLIN’ AROUND?

The statistics in this survey are based on the answers of 781 Wash. U. students who took our online sex survey from Jan. 19 - Feb 10. The group included:

267 freshmen 131 sophomores 190 juniors 119 seniors 9 fifth-year seniors or older 65 graduate students

based on 161 respondents

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

ADDRESS

www.whosfeelinsexy.studlife.com/sex

311 men 419 women 43 students not within the gender binary (gender nonconforming, genderqueer or listed another identity)

What percent of students...

Do you think have had sex?

64 .00 %

Have actually had sex?

71.49 %

based on 733 responses

STUDMAPS - where are students doing the dirty?

South 40 study rooms - 34.16% South 40 common rooms - 26.09% Olin Library study rooms - 13.04% South 40 hammocks- 12.42% DUC showers - 11.80% Olin Library stacks- 11.18% The orchestra pit on Brookings Quad - 11.18% DUC - 10.56% Athletic Complex - 9.94%

Any academic building 31.06% Any laundry room on campus 18.01% Any elevator on campus15.53% The roof of any building 12.42%

Honorable mentions Supply room of frat Piano practice rooms in village Mudd Field South 40 music room Ibby’s The Wallace Parking Garage and the Snow Way Parking Garage The Village basement bathroom

STUDBROWSER

Spotify

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Sexy time playlist made

by Wash. U. students

based on 588 responses

www.datamatch.com/wustl

HOW MANY STUDENTS USE DATING APPS? Snapchat

27.04%

Bumble have used a dating app or website to find a partner 34 + 35 - Ariana Grande Borderline with My Atoms - Hiatus Kaiyote Class of 2013 - Mitski Do U Wrong (feat. Syd) - Leven Kali, Syd Down (feat. Fauxe) - Sam Rui, Fauxe Fantasy - Black Atlass Feels Like - Nao Flower - Johnny Stimson Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins Hold On - The Internet If the World Was Ending (feat. Julia Michaels) - JP Saxe, Julia Micheals I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys Juno - Choker Kiss It Better - Rihanna L$D - A$AP Rocky LIKE I WANT YOU - Giveon Make It Rain - The-Dream Miami - Tommy Genesis

Mood Swings (feat. Lil Tjay) - Pop Smoke, Lil Tjay Motivation - Kelly Rowland, Lil Wayne Not True - Emoney, Tylersemicolon Passionfruit - Drake Prisoner - The Weeknd, Lana Del Ray Ride - SoMo Self Control - Frank Ocean SICKO MODE - Travis Scott SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK - Joji Stargirl Interlude - The Weeknd, Lana Del Rey Stay - Mac Miller Streetcar - Daniel Caesar Talk is Cheap - Chet Faker This World (feat. Gallant) - The Main Squeeze, Gallant Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles Whore National Anthem - Rob Apollo World Wide Web - Danger Incorporated

START

ADDRESS

22.28%

35.37%

71% of students Grindr

DataMatch

4.25%

4.25%

Facebook

Hinge

20.07% Tinder

58.33%

www.studhub.com/whowatches

Stud hub

College roommates

90.60% of men 52.65% of women 69.23% of people not within the gender binary How many Wash. U. students watch porn?

DUC showers live feed

Professor roleplay

watch porn.

Published Feb. 11

1:32:05

Based on 622 responses

STL Milfs

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BY CHRISTINE CHRISTINE WATRIDGE WATRIDGE BY

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WUSTL AREA MISSED CONNECTIONS

www.wrightonslist.com/missedconnections/wustl

missed connections

we touched cursors in class!

“My boyfriend and I were having sex in his room when, through the walls, his roommate began to belt out ‘Guns and Ships’ from Hamilton - he didn't know we were there initially but definitely were aware once we joined in singing at the top of our lungs.”

“My freshman year, I hooked up with the guy I had had a crush on the entire year when we were both drunk. I was literally naked on top of him, and he starts telling me how he felt about me or whatever. And at one point, he goes “Yeah, you’re a very valued member of the Wash. U. community.” Which for some unknown reason did not kill the mood. To this day, this is the most cringe thing that’s ever happened to me. Yes we did hook up again after this. Yes we are still friends.”

“Once in the middle of hooking up someone told me I was ‘full of surprises in a neutral way.’”

“I had a girl who wanted to come over for a post finals hookup. I told her she can come through.

She got here, and when we started the act, I realized I had jerked off like three times earlier that day. So I pretended to not have a condom. My piece was on life support from its long day, so she had to perform CPR on it for a while just to bring him back to consciousness. We haven’t talked since.”

“When I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time, when he finished he high fived me and said ‘missionary accomplished.’”

Sticky Note

“Penis stuck in washing machine, don’t ask.”

“My sexual partner did voice impressions.”

“My partner started having a full blown conversation with my penis (by speaking for herself and the penis).”

By year:

“Embarrassing but I used to work somewhere where I handled a lot of different duct tapes. One day a roll accidentally got into my bag so it came home with me by mistake. That night, my partner found it and joked that I was going to use it to tie him up with. This then became a running gag in our relationship that I (the vanilla one in the relationship) secretly wanted to duct tape his hands together to restrain him at all hours of the day to the point where we couldn’t see a roll of tape without dying laughing. The real kicker of the story is that this experience was how I learned that if you joke about a kink for long enough, you will, in fact, develop it…”

Freshmen 59.27% Sophomores 72.58% Juniors 7 7.72% Seniors 75.45%

By school:

“My boyfriend's roommate started singing Disney songs very loudly in the shower while we were in bed, including ‘I'll Make a Man Out of You’ from Mulan. My boyfriend starting talking about his relationship with his mother while removing his condom afterward.”

Who has the most sex?

based on 675 responses

B-School 71.43% ArtSci 69.70% Sam Fox 75.68% Engineering 66.39%

“I get to his apartment and ‘The Proud Family’ is playing. He doesn't turn it off and as I'm cumming, I hear the TV go ‘proud, proud family.’”

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Honorable mentions Comfortable, committed relationships Squashing, smothering, face sitting, etc.

3.7+ Science GPA Aprons

WASH. U. STUDENTS’ MOST POPULAR SEX POSITIONS Missionary

Doggy

How many people have been tested for an STI??

38.33%

Cowgirl based on 647 responses

Legs-on-shoulders

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BY HN HN HOFFMANN HOFFMANN BY

ERROR

69:69 PM FEBRUARY 14

2021

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ISABELLA NEUBAUER & SABRINA SPENCE | SENIOR CADENZA EDITORS | CADENZA@STUDLIFE.COM

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021

CREAMPIE

Elude V-Day horrors with the sexiest moments in period pieces LYDIA MCKELVIE STAFF WRITER Well, your favorite repressed history major is back with another round of period piece hot takes! This time, they are fresh off of 10 months of quarantine in a studio apartment, so there are extra fun notes of isolation and pandemic fatigue. Today, I’d like to tell you my top five sexiest moments in period pieces, because people in the olden days got down and dirty too. Spoiler alert: There is literally not a single sex scene in this entire list, because sexy is what I say it is and not what society does. Also, what’s sexier than repression, right? Yes I did go to Catholic school, why do you ask?

helps Lizzie Bennet (Kiera Knightly) into her carriage by gently holding her hand with the barest of butterflykiss grips. Afterwards, so overcome by the sensation of their momentary contact, he stretches and clenches his hand in a move that has made many an Austen-ite sigh over the romance of it all. What makes this scene so, so sexy is how you know just from that little gesture Mr. Darcy is filled with such overwhelming yearning for Lizzie that he might just burst into flames. If that’s not sexy, I don’t know what is.

Black Sails (20142017): Anne and Max’s

Pride and Prejudice

first kiss

(2005): carriage-

If you thought you were going to finish this article without reading about historical WLW, you don’t know anything about me.

I’d say history, women and swords are my top three interests, so it should be no surprise that Black Sails has made the list. Now, obviously every grizzly thing Anne Bonny (Clara Padget) does in this show is unbelievably sexy, but

hand-touch-clench moment Oh baby. We’re coming out hot with one of the biggest and baddest moments of period piece history. With a swoon-worthy display of tenderness and repression, Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfayden)

this heartfelt moment has a particular place in the hall of historical-horniness fame. This moment happens in season two after these ladies have spent a whole season pining for each other among the grime and gore of the golden age of piracy. Max (Jessica Parker Kennedy) knows that Anne’s been acting out lately because she’s filled with gay panic she won’t acknowledge, and when she finally figures out what’s up, they become a pirate power couple for the ages. Also, Clara Padget can hold a knife to my throat literally any time.

sexiness of period dramas comes not from the banging but from the yearning.

So, this scene makes the list because the whole point is that Daphne is trying to impress the German prince on the surface level, but really she and the Duke are mutually pining for one another to an unbearable degree. You can literally see the tension in the air around them as they take off all of each other’s 400 stuffy regency layers with their eyes. As a viewer you can’t help but think, “If these two don’t throw down soon, I genuinely fear for their safety.” That’s sexy, my friends.

Bridgerton (2020-):

Emma (2020): The

Daphne descending

ballroom scene

the staircase with that giant fan As I’m sure you and everyone’s wine aunts know, Bridgerton is a rather raunchy take on the regency romance, where they took the sexiness of the Jane Austen-style pining and said “But what if these people also did the ole hokey pokey?” and boy do they! Now, as I am a period piece connoisseur, I understand that the true

So, this movie was basically 90% sexual tension and I think that’s beautiful. Director Autumn de Wilde knew exactly what period piece audiences wanted, which is for two beautiful people dressed in the most lavish costumes known to man to stare longingly at each other for two hours and 12 minutes. In this scene, Emma (Anya Taylor-Joy) and Mr. Knightly (Johnny Flynn) are dancing together at a ball, which is a classic but

still so juicy period-piece motif. All the other dancers seem to fade away so the audience can appreciate the delicious tension as their hands linger just a bit too long and they lose a bit too much time staring into the other’s eyes.

They are so into each other without realizing the other person is into them that I just want to spray them both with water like cats until they get it together.

Overall, it is an incredibly sexy scene in an incredibly sexy movie that does not have one actual sex scene in it, which I find very impressive so I felt it deserved a place on the list.

The Queen’s Gambit (2020): the Fever scene Once again, an Anya Taylor-Joy period piece is making the list, but she’s so breathtakingly beautiful she deserves it. This miniseries is about an orphan girl, Beth Harmon (Anya Taylor-Joy), who is a chess prodigy and grows up to win championships all over the world, which is just unbelievably sexy of her to begin with. What really won me over about this

series and made me feel it merited an inclusion on this list is the way every single male chess player Beth meets is just head-overheels in love with her and it’s honestly some of the best television that’s ever been made. It’s like Leslie Knope once said, there’s nothing men like more than when you’re better than them at the things they love! In this scene, Harry (Harry Melling), a boy who’s butt Beth thoroughly kicked in a tournament years ago, is trying to help Beth prepare for a national competition while also pretending he isn’t super into her. However, Beth doesn’t make this easy at all when she starts dancing to “Fever” by Peggy Lee, one of the sexiest songs known to man, and he looks like he’s about to pass out.

Overall, 10/10. Beth can definitely do better but the fact that she has this little man wrapped around her finger without even realizing it is so hilariously sexy I had to include it.

Well, that’s the list! I hope you all enjoy your Valentine’s Day, and know that if you are tired of living in this time period, you can always pop into another one for a few sexy, sexy hours with these period pieces.

The kaleidoscope of sexual energies in the Disney song canon GRADY NANCE STAFF WRITER We’ve all had the same probing question on our minds: What Disney song best expresses the sexual energy I’m feeling right now?

Fear no more, for below lies the skeleton key to Disneyfying the last uncommodified part of your existence, your sex life. Granted, playing some of these songs for your partner to get them in the mood is basically the equivalent of shoving a ShamWow up there (or deflating a balloon snake, for the guys); nevertheless, it’s the StudLife Sex Issue, so let’s desecrate everyone’s favorite childhood tunes by discussing their dirty undersides, and how there’s always a hot, steamy moral throbbing on the inside of every Disney song.

You’ve Got a Friend In Me: This is ol’ reliable, the classic, your bread and butter. It’s step one in troubleshooting your horniness. When you’re feeling the urge to splurge and don’t quite know which direction to go, just get a friend in you (or vice versa) and see if that fixes the problem. It’s the Advil for your headache, the Frank Ocean for your quarantine depression, the simple and sweaty solution to your basest desires.

Can You Feel The Love Tonight: Let’s not beat around the bush—we all wanted to

be Simba in that moment when Nala gives him “the eyes” as they get damp in and around the watering hole (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about). Yes, they’re lions, but passion is passion, and this song represents the climax of sensuality, regardless of species. This is the only exception to my original statement—if you’re in the moment and need some symphonic encouragement, just tell Alexa to “moisten the kitty” and she’ll know what to do.

Almost There: Dear god, don’t change what you’re doing. Do the exact same thing. I did not tell you to do something different. Keep. Going.

WE ARE OPEN with safe social distancing practices.

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Whistle While You Work: This classic Disney tune gets extra points for not only heavily alluding to but providing instructions for playing the skin flute like a pro. It’s simple, really: just put your lips together like you’re whistling a tune!

This song is your grandparents’ Kama Sutra, the genesis for the modern day “Gluck Gluck 9000.” Its energy falls into the same subgenre as “AWOOGA” eyes and cartoon whistle slide, but it still provides an insightful roadmap to acquiring the curds. As Snow White preaches, “It won’t take long when there’s a song to help you set the pace,” so find your rhythm, stick to it and remember: There are no teeth involved

I’ll Make a

in whistling.

Man Outta You:

Under the Sea: Grab your goggles, because Ariel’s feisty crab friend is taking us to the underwater gorge in order to dispel any false notions about this mysterious paradise. Like Ariel, many may think they prefer to stay above water, but Sebastian correctly points out that “Darling it’s better/down where it’s wetter.” In truth, this song is about fear—fear of the unknown, of not finding the elusive cloaked pearl and of the taste of saltwater. But fear not, you don’t need gills, and nothing is going to bite.

The tide is rising; are you strong enough to meet it head on?

Let’s have 2021 be the year we finally accept the… multifaceted… realities of the male pleasure system and let others take the reins. No better suited for the occasion is this pulsating ‘Mulan’ ballad that will have ladies feeling empowered and men taking these new sensations in stride (or on all fours). You are free to whip out the bamboo stick like Mulan on night one, but perhaps start slower, or at least with something that won’t leave splinters in your guy’s toeeyed cabbage patch. After 2020, this song provides the empowering, liberating energy you need to finally start putting things in your guy’s asshole.

Cadenza’s Sexy Song Picks

On the Way (feat. Mila J) - Jhene Aiko, Mila J When We - Tank I See Red - Everybody Loves an Outlaw Keep You in Mind - Guordan Banks Feel - Kaleem Taylor Devotion - Tone Stith Partition - Beyoncé Heaven - Julia Michaels Love Lies (with Normani) - Khalid, Normani LOVE. FEAT. ZACARI - Kendrick Lamar, Zacari Adore You - Miley Cyrus

Susie Save Your Love - Allie X, Mitski The Weekend (Funk Wav Remix) -SZA, Calvin Harris, Funk Wav Boo’d Up - Ella Mai Equally Lost (feat. Doja Cat) - Tove Lo, Doja Cat Ungodly Hour - Chloe x Halle Broken Clocks - SZA All the Stars (with SZA) - Kendrick Lamar, SZA Versace on the Floor - Bruno Mars Warm on a Cold Night - HONNE Lights Down Low - MAX Sweet Dreams - BORNS

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FO R[C]U M

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021

KYA VAUGHN | SENIOR FORUM EDITOR | FORUM@STUDLIFE.COM

STAFF EDITORIAL

What “excites” us now that didn’t before the pandemic COVID-19 has definitely changed the way we interact and in more than one way has made human contact and intimacy, well, limited. The members of the Student Life Editorial Board share the things that get them going now that didn’t pre-quarantine.

A night in. I used to enjoy going out every now and then, but since I discovered an air popcorn maker and have been living in quarantine, I’ve basically become Olivia Pope without the love triangle and cool job. Unless you count choosing between Netflix and Hulu as a love triangle…

—Kya Vaughn, Managing Editor and Senior Forum Editor

Masks. Pre-pandemic, seeing anyone in public in any sort of mask was, frankly, weird and mostly creepy. Now I’m at a grocery store wooing over everyone who wears their mask right.

Truly, it’s the little things.

—Christine Watridge, Multimedia Editor

Eye contact. As a socially anxious person, I’ve never made it a point to meet anyone’s gaze. Now that the eyes are basically the only thing you can see on a person’s face, though, whenever I share eye contact with someone, I can’t help but think: Are we flirting right now?

—Jamila Dawkins, Forum Editor

Accidentally running into people.

I was very awkward when it came to seeing friends and classmates across campus. I never quite knew if we should chat or just wave and so I would often try to accomplish some awkward marriage of the two.

Now, the idea of having an unplanned chat is so incredibly exciting. Talk soon!

—Emma Baker, Editor-in-Chief

Double masking. Now that CDC guidelines recommend wearing not one but two masks, seeing that second layer of protection on others just makes me weak in the knees.

—Kathleen White, Director of Engagement

Pre-pandemic, I was always paying attention to peoples’ smiles and their teeth. Now, since everyone’s mouths are covered by masks, I find myself paying closer attention to the way people sound. I may be hard of hearing, but hearing someone’s voice and it even sounding remotely attractive makes my day.

—Sabrina Spence, Senior Cadenza Editor

A good group cry. Before COVID, I kept my tears to myself, thank you very much. But after months of crying alone, I can’t wait to sit in a room with actual human beings and just let it all out.

You bring the tissues, I’ll bring the cake.

—Jaden Satenstein, Multimedia Editor

More than five people in a single room at once. I was never the world’s biggest fan of parties before the Pre-pandemic, I dreaded hugs. There were pandemic, but now the very, very few people I didn’t mind/enjoyed opportunity to have hugging. Eleven months into quarantine, I conversations with dozens just want someone* to give me a hug. of different people in a *Someone I know and trust. The boundaries single night definitely haven’t completely disappeared. intrigues me.

—Isabella Neubauer, Senior Cadenza Editor and —Matthew Friedman, Copy Chief Associate Editor

Bumping into people just got digital: Private message people on Zoom JULIA ROBBINS STAFF EDITOR We have a finite amount of time on earth to meet people who will bring comfort and joy to our daily lives. One of my friends recently mentioned how she’s scared that the pandemic is depriving her of time to meet new people and make friendships. She’s right. We are losing countless opportunities to meet people.

And that sucks. Here’s how I’ve made it suck a tad less.

When it comes to continuously meeting new people, the closest thing to a solution that I think we can come to right now is DMing people on Zoom. It might seem awkward at first, sliding into a random person’s DMs. But do it anyways. Maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe

something will. If we don’t make the effort to reach out, we never know who we could be missing out on. Maybe it’s someone who changes how we see the world or who causes us to laugh a bit more each day. Or maybe not.

Some people just aren’t for us. But—and hear me out— that doesn’t matter.

Here’s my elevator pitch: There is quite literally no downside to Zoom DMing someone. Well, that’s only if you decide that the slight potential of being ignored isn’t a downside. From my experience though, maybe one or two people have ever not responded to me. Most people want to meet people.

If you think someone’s going to think you’re weird for DMing them on Zoom, I can almost promise you

that they’ll just be happy that someone reached out. Most people crave new experiences, new people, novelty in all its forms. It’s hard to find that without pushing outside of your comfort zone right now. So do it, push outside of your comfort zone. Both you and whoever you reach out to will probably be happy about it.

Here are my tips for Zoom DMing: 1) Suss out some initial vibes. This is difficult over Zoom, but not impossible. See what’s in their rooms, or how they respond to questions or what types of things they laugh at. We have the ability to learn a lot about people, even through screens.

Trust your gut about who you think you might connect with. 2) DM them. Say something specific if possible. The

weirdest first DM I sent was “I like the wood paneling behind you.” Just saying ‘hi’ doesn’t necessarily guarantee a conversation. Commenting on wood paneling will almost definitely lead to something, even if it’s weird.

You definitely don’t have to send something that strange.

But feel free to tread off the beaten path a bit; people are likely a bit tapped out of whatever the Zoom call is you’re on and want something entertaining to respond to. 3) Get the person’s number if you hit it off. Maybe make a plan with that person.

Maybe don’t. None of this is a science. Nothing about relationships is a science.

There will also be some people who focus for the entirety of every class and won’t want to engage in a

conversation. You can get a feel for that though by how quickly they respond to you or their facial reactions (see tip #1). It’s probably best to sometimes give up on a conversation if the person isn’t reciprocating.

If there are any faculty members who have read this far, hello! I have a request.

Please don’t disable Zoom DMing. I have two professors who disabled Zoom DMing this semester and it hinders the ability for classmates to build any sense of camaraderie. If people want to be distracted in class for a bit, they will find a way no matter what. Cutting off DMs just limits an outlet for people to make friends in their classes or have people they can turn to if they have questions about assignments or

want to discuss what’s going on. It also makes it nearly impossible for fully remote students to meet anyone at all. The downsides of cutting off private messaging far outweigh the upsides of stopping one mode, out of practically infinite ones, through which students might momentarily distract themselves.

To be clear, only a minority of the time that I DM someone does anything come out of it. But it’s worth it for those instances. As Catherine O’Hara, the brilliant actress who played Moira Rose in “Schitt’s Creek,” once said, “Instead of a futile bitterness, I wanted there to be a weird optimism.” We could be bitter about our 10-hour screen times or we could see the potential they have to change our lives. Up to you.

On Valentine’s Day: How to make this sour day sweet OLIVIA POOLOS STAFF WRITER Call me a Grinch (okay fine, wrong holiday. AntiCupid?), but I hate Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong—I didn’t always feel this way.

Valentine’s Day as a kid was great—the candy, the pink, the heart-shaped candies, more candy…but as the teen years crept up on me, Valentine’s Day quickly went from sweet to sour.

I’m not just grouchy because I’m single this year— I’ve been on both sides of the relationship spectrum over the last few Feb. 14s. In fact,

Valentine’s Day is arguably worse for the happy couple.

The pressure to get your significant other something special is stressful and receiving mushy gifts in public can be awkward and embarrassing.

Worse still is the flak you get from all your single friends.

You feel bad talking about your evening plans if you know all your single friends are going to be curled up in PJs eating ice cream. Hell, maybe that’s what you wanted to do too! But since Hallmark decided to capitalize on love, you have to instead pay double for a dinner out that you had to make reservations for three

weeks in advance. However, being single on Valentine’s Day is also kind of a drag— you either have to commit to the “I hate relationships anyway” team or just pretend that you don’t remember what day it is (What? I thought it was still the 13th...).

I will put in a good word for National Half-Off Chocolates day, Feb. 15, however. It’s a nice consolation prize for the psychological hell that is the day before, and nothing really soothes the soul as much as discounted candy.

Even though I strongly dislike Valentine’s Day, I don’t think we should just throw

Editor-in-Chief: Emma Baker Associate Editor: Matthew Friedman Managing Editor: Kya Vaughn Senior Forum Editor: Kya Vaughn

goes a long way in brightening someone’s day.

Another option comes in the form of a national community service day. The idea of turning the tables on a consumerist holiday is particularly satisfying. Why not give back to your community by donating your time to a worthy cause? Imagine this: a day off work and school, fundraising efforts by local schools and chocolate sales where the money raised goes to nonprofits.

Especially this year, with COVID-19 furthering housing and food shortages, people across the country are relying

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OUR VOICE: EDITORIAL BOARD Staff editorials reflect the consensus of our editorial board. The editorial board operates independently of our newsroom and includes members of the senior staff and forum section editors.

up our hands and abolish the whole holiday—it does have potential for reform. There are a few good options for a midFebruary celebration.

Since I’m still a fan of a little mushiness, how about a Friends Appreciation Day? Bring on the platonic love notes, group nail-painting and squish-on-the-couch movie nights. On this idealistic holiday, outward displays of affection towards the people who have had your back is acceptable, even encouraged.

Gratitude shouldn’t just be a once-a-year occasion, and in the cold and bleak month of February, a little gratefulness

Senior Scene Editor: Benjamin Simon Senior Cadenza Editor: Isabella Neubauer Copy Chiefs: JJ Coley, Isabella Neubauer Forum Editor: Jamila Dawkins Multimedia Editors: HN Hoffmann, Jaden Satenstein, Christine Watridge

Director of Engagement: Kathleen White

EDIT ORʼS

NOTE STUDENT LOVE EDITION

We welcome letters to the editor and op-ed submissions from our readers. Submissions may be sent to letters@studlife. com and must include the writer’s name, class and phone number for verification. Letters should be no longer than 350 words in length, and readers may

on homeless shelters and food banks more than ever. Even after the pandemic ends, there will always be organizations that deserve your time and money and the cold month of February is a perfect time to give them some extra love.

Join me in standing up to Valentine’s Day this year and making it a holiday we can all find joy in again. Whatever form that takes for you—be it a spa night, spending inexpensive quality time with a significant other or donating a little money to a COVID-19 relief fund—find something that makes your heart grow three sizes this Feb. 14.

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DORIAN DEBOSE & JOSH SHAPIRO | SENIOR SPORTS EDITORS | SPORTS@STUDLIFE.COM

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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2021

SEXTING Five reasons to reconsider sports as a first date option DORIAN DEBOSE SENIOR SPORTS EDITOR So you’ve decided to take a date to a sporting event.

You’re making a mistake.

You know this. We’re in a whole pandemic right now.

You’ve had nine months to brainstorm cute ideas and the best you can come up with is this garbage? This wasn’t even a good idea before the world ended. But you’re going to anyway, huh?

Alright. Well, there’s nothing truly good that can come of this, but you can look at the options and determine which sounds least bad.

5. Baseball You don’t know why you chose to come here. You can’t think of a single good thing to talk about. You make an offhand comment about hotdogs. They tell you they’re vegan. “I didn’t know that,” you say, forgetting that they told you this exact fact a few days ago. An awkward silence falls between you and you try watching the game.

You hate baseball.

4. Softball They show up in the third inning of a great game.

You have become invested in the outcome. They start talking to you about their life and interests. It goes in one ear and out the other, but you keep the rhythm of conversation—seamlessly inserting “mmm-hmm”s and “wow”s into their

monologue. Occasionally something neat happens and you cheer, but you catch yourself and return to half listening to the person you’ve brought. “You’re a great listener,” they say.

“Mmm-hmm,” you say, before catching your mistake. You scan their face for disgust and find only disinterest, disinterest you know you’ve mirrored. You never talk again.

3. Soccer What a wonderful game soccer is. It’s truly amazing. If you look away for a second, you might miss something. And maybe that’s worth it. Maybe you’re turning your eyes away from the field to face destiny. Maybe you’ve earned yourself a penalty kick and all you have to do is take a shot, dare to be great and try something unexpected.

But you don’t. The game ends 1-0. You exchange a few paltry words as you walk towards the stadium exit. And those paltry words turn into a lovely conversation as you walk towards the parking lot. They’re really interesting, more interesting than whatever halftime entertainment they trotted out. “I want to get to know you better,” you want to say. But you don’t. You walk them to their car and wave as they drive away. You exchange a few texts before descending, once more, into strangers.

2. Basketball You both love basketball. All your small talk in the first half was focused on the game. But at halftime, the conversation starts in earnest. They played in high school. You’re god-awful at it. Maybe they can teach you to shoot? Would that be a fun second date? They were a point guard and it shows: You’re hopeless in conversation but they’re feeding you assists and making conversation effortless.

The game ends with your team winning. You both cheer and hug. You walk them home after the game and the conversation stays flowing. On their doorstep, they give you a kiss on the cheek. You’re on cloud nine on your way home. They never text back about a second date, but you remember the night fondly still.

1. Football They’re not there at kickoff. They’re not there at halftime. Midway through the third quarter you accept that you’ve been stood up.

And what did you expect for bringing a date to a football game? They read poetry, why would you give them a front row seat to violence? Why are you like this? This is the obvious outcome. It’s like you want this to happen! You say you’re unlucky in love, but you are your own worst enemy. You’re more afraid to be proven unworthy of love than to remain unloved.

You’re pathetic. The game ends in a rout.

The search for the NBA’s hottest shooter NATE ACKERMAN CONTRIBUTING REPORTER Who is the hottest shooter in the NBA right now?

You could go the pure shotmaking route and say that Joe Harris, the Nets sharpshooting forward who is leading the league in three-point percentage, is clearly the hottest shooter in the league right now.

You could also point to Damian Lillard of the Trail Blazers, who seems to drain dagger threes from the logo in the fourth quarter of every game. Another obvious answer would be Stephen Curry, one of the most talented off-the-dribble shooters from three of all time, who is making 43% of his 11.3 threes attempted per game.

There are other fringe cases to be made for who should receive the prestigious honor of “hottest shooter in the NBA,” a title which has no real criteria. I would consider arguing for somebody like Immanuel Quickley (no Knicks fan bias here), who despite not having a great percentage from three-point land, somehow routinely makes floaters from three, which is really cool.

I would also be tempted to give the totally meaningful award to Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis, also known as Bobby POTUS, Bobby Tortis, Bobby Porterhouse Steak, Bobby Pork Ribs, Bobby Portsmouth and Bobby Cordless. There’s not really any good reason for that pick, besides him having

really funny looking eyes and a bunch of memes to complement his absurd 47.1% three-point shooting, which easily leads all centers in the NBA. Then again, there’s not really any reason for the award to exist, and it doesn’t exist outside of my head and this totally important article, so giving it to one of these players would be quite fitting.

Unfortunately, there are issues with all of the above answers. The top three-point shooters are too contested at this point in the season, Stephen Curry and Damian Lillard would be super boring, and Bobby Portis gets enough attention from his memes. To find the true champion, it’s time to think out of the box.

What are some other definitions of a hot shooter? We could take the most literal approach, and try to determine the average body temperature of each NBA player, but I unfortunately do not have the time or the means to do this research myself, and the daily (take notes, Wash. U.) COVID tests with temperature checks taken by all NBA players are, unfortunately, unpublished.

Clearly the NBA doesn’t want me to continue with this award out of fear that my article will overshadow their own MVP award.

So, who wins the award?

Kelly Oubre Jr., of course. He only shoots about 29% from three, good for fifth worst in the NBA. He did have 40 points in a game this year, but it was against the reeling Mavericks,

so it obviously doesn’t count.

Plus, he started the season 0-17 on threes, which should really disqualify him entirely.

However, out of all of the candidates for the award, he is still the clear winner.

We need to break it into two parts. The first word of the award is “hottest.” Kelly Oubre Jr. is undeniably hot. His stunning hazel eyes always find the camera in just the right way, and his hair has just the right balance of “I don’t care what you think I look like,” and “I could actually be in any shampoo commercial I want to be in.”

When he smiles on the court, the light reflects off of his teeth so intensely that he can’t even see the basket through the blinding flash, which explains why he misses basically every three he takes. He only gets about 25% as many free throws as shot attempts, because defenders are afraid that his mere touch will seduce them for the rest of their lives. He also clearly has the basics of attractiveness covered, being a 6 foot 7 inch chiseled professional athlete with 9-inch hands, indicative of his prowess on and off the court (this is the sex issue, after all). The second part of the award is shooter, and Oubre has his bases covered there as well, chucking about 12 shots a game on the same team as Stephen Curry.

So congratulations, Kelly Oubre! You are the inaugural winner of the hottest shooter in the NBA award! Now, go try to make a few shots, please.

your mental health is important to all of us.

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