Intergenerational Father & Daughter Perspectives
Humid South Asian island
Born the only son
His mother named him
But his grandfather changed it
A powerful name
These expectations Of being the only boy
Caring for sisters
Holding down the fort
As his father was away
Long hours of distance
A relationship
Formed through visits after months
Working to provide
It was up to him
Finding husbands for sisters
Sending both girls off
He took pride in that Searched long and hard to select Ensuring they’d be well off
It wasn’t easy
The struggle to find safety
Escaping the war
Late 1950’s
Came to Canada
Despite the bumpy travels
Mid 1980’s Getting a
degree
Late start compared to the rest
At 30 years old
Building his own life
Having an arranged marriage
Now a family
My sister, firstborn But both my brother and I Were born in the States
Early 2000s
Life in a Midwestern state
Safety and comfort
I’m the middle child
Loud, extrovert, chatterbox
Born affectionate
Birth dates add to 2
Tamil numerology
Same but different
Father and daughter
But I'm more like my mother
Sensitive and sweet
You cry if you’re weak
I’m the emotional one
He won’t open up
I value these things
Like words of affirmation
Discussing feelings
I always longed for The kind of relationship
What the others had
As he worked 3rd shift
I missed out on the bonding
What the others had
I envied my friends
And their father daughter dates
When was it my turn
The “Amma”s and “dear”s
“How are you”s and “Good Morning”s
But that’s not my dad
It would bother me
He only cared about school
How about my day?
I don’t hug my dad
He never was the type to
It became a joke
No physical touch
It's not what he grew up with Was he ever hugged?
Love is different
Culture, family, and self All have an impact
I’ve learned to accept That love languages differ You just can’t force it
He has the most love And I can finally see The sacrifices
A brand new country
A whole different language
A simplified name
Doing everything
To make sure we were well off It all makes sense now
His logical mind
The education focus Ensured our future
Once I’m reminded I set aside my complaints
My life is easy
My age increasing
I began to understand
And accept my dad
Its all clear for me
The amount he does for me
Wants the best for me
He has immense love
It shines through acts of service
Which I discovered
He’ll make me coffee
Bring cut fruit up to my room
And drive me places
According to each
These are the love languages
Different but same
We will always share
Our own type of connection
The laughter and jokes
In such unique ways
Love comes in different forms
This is our story
You say you don’t care
But it never hurts to hear
I love you, Appa