Terror on Tubi 01: Magic (1978) and Pitchfork (2016)

FebRUarY 2022

IsSuE 01

AlSo In ThiS IsSuE

PitChForK (2016)

The SlASheR mOViE tHat INcLudES itS veRy OWn MusIC viDEo!

6 neW mICro REviEWs! The LIfT (1983) ParENtS (1989) VIle (2011) AnD moRE!!

1

MAGIC (1978)

ties. I ordered a chicken dish and when it arrived, I noticed that it had the skin still attached to it. I cut the skin off and, while channeling my inner Jim Carrey, held it up high while repeating the line from The Cable Guy. “The Silence…Of The Lambs!”

The Silence of the Lambs and I have an interesting relationship. Not only was it my first Psychological Thriller, it was also the movie that introduced me to the acting abilities of Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Funny enough, my introduction to this movie came from a very unusual source.

I do not remember how my father reacted, but I DO remember the look on my mom’s face. She practically dropped her fork onto the table. Oblivious to the reference but proud of her reaction, I repeated myself. “Look! Silence of the Lambs!”

I, like most teenagers of the 90s, was a huge fan of Jim Carrey. And in 1996 he starred in the Dark Comedy The Cable Guy. Thanks to it’s PG-13 rating, I was allowed to see the movie sans parents and while a lot of the jokes went over my head, there was one scene in particular that stuck with me.

My parents were quick to stop me although I did not understand why.

Throughout the entire dinner I kept asking “What’s Silence of the Lambs?

What’s wrong with Silence of the Lambs?” much to the embarrassment of my poor mother. She finally told me that she would explain what it was once we were done with dinner. My curiosity sated, I shut up and we finished our meal in peace.

There is a moment in The Cable Guy where Jim takes the skin of his chicken and slides it over his face while saying “The Silence…Of The Lambs!”

Thirteen-year-old me did not understand the reference but that didn’t stop me from recreating it months later.

When we got back to the car, I excitedly chirped; “So what is Silence of the Lambs?” to which my mother shouted

You see, my parents took my brother and me to a very fancy restaurant; one that required us all to dress up in suits and 2

“Magic did something that I never thought possible; it elevated Anthony Hopkins’ beyond that of The Silence of the Lambs.”

back to me; “It’s about a man who EATS PEOPLE! And he cut a man’s face off and WORE IT LIKE A MASK!”

Anthony Hopkins but of the thriller genre as a whole. It would lead me to other movies such as The Machinist, In the Mouth of Madness, and Se7en.

And that was my introduction to The Silence of the Lambs.

Funny enough, I never got around to seeing Anthony’s other movies. The only others I’ve seen him star in are Hannibal, Red Dragon, and RED 2. I know he is a fantastic actor but I just never got around to seeing any of his other movies.

I did not get around to seeing the movie until four years later when I turned seventeen. I had just started getting into horror movies and saw The Silence of the Lambs at my local BlockBuster.

Remembering the dinner incident, I decided to rent the movie and see what all the fuss was about.

After all. His portrayal of Hannibal Lecter is widely considered to being his best performance. There cannot exist a movie that surpasses that role.

I am happy to report that the movie lived up to its reputation. Although Anthony Hopkins was only in the movie for sixteen minutes, those sixteen minutes were etched into my mind forever. I had never seen a movie such as this before in my life and it quickly became one of my alltime favorites. I not only became a fan of

Right?

Wrong.

This brings us to Magic.

3

Magic is a 1978 psychological thriller starring Anthony Hopkins as an inspiring entertainer named Charles “Corky” Withers. After failing as a solo magician, Withers decides to up his game by adding a ventriloquist dummy to the act.

With his grasp on reality slipping, Withers finds himself stuck between Fats’ influence and the love of his life. Will he be able to pry himself free from Fats and live happily ever after or will he continue his descent into insanity?

Magic did something that I never thought possible; it elevated Anthony Hopkins’ beyond that of The Silence of the Lambs.

This is not him portraying a charming psychopath who uses flowery language and sudden violence to manipulate and subdue his victims. This is him playing a simple man who is on the verge of a psychotic breakdown.

Fats the dummy is a foul-mouthed, crass little sonovabitch whose one-liners and quick wit proved to be an instant hit with audiences. So much so that Withers is offered his very own television show. But the contract requires Withers to take a medical examination - something that he refuses for fear of the doctors discovering his declining mental stability. You see, he has grown so dependent on Fats that he can no longer function without the dummy at his side. To avoid the examination, Withers decides to retreat to the Catskills where he grew up.

There are two specific scenes in the movie that stand out. The first involves Fats and Withers getting into a verbal argument. During this, Withers begs for Fats to leave him alone – that he would do anything Fats wants in exchange for his freedom. This leaves us with a scene where Anthony Hopkins is barking like a dog, rolling around on the floor, and pleading to an expressionless dummy.

While in town Withers reunites with his high-school flame, Peggy Ann Snow (played by Ann-Margret). The two quickly bond over Withers’ ventriloquism and magic tricks. Fats, who Withers had brought along with him, is not pleased with this new arrangement. He begins to belittle, manipulate, and berate Withers; going as far as pushing Withers to attempt suicide.

It is uncomfortable to watch – almost voyeuristic as we, the audience, watch this man descend deeper and deeper into madness. This is only made better

by Anthony’s dedication to the role. He is playing against a puppet, a piece of wood 4

that is not animated like the puppets in Puppet Master or possessed as in Child’s Play. He is just screaming, ranting, raving at an inanimate object that, off-camera, continues to verbally abuse him.

We are torn between wanting her and Withers to get together and wanting her to discover the truth and run away.

Ben Greene wants desperately to help his long-time client and friend. And while he does not have a lot of screen time, we are still rooting for him. We want him to help Withers. We want Withers to be free of Fats’ control.

The second scene involves a visit from Withers’ agent, Ben Greene (Burgess Meredith). Without spoiling too much, Greene visits Withers to check up on his mental state. He orders Withers to “Shut Fats Up for 5 minutes” – meaning that Withers is not allowed to speak through Fats whatsoever (A coping mechanism that Withers had developed throughout the movie). We watch as Anthony Hopkins begins squirm and sweat in his chair, constantly shifting his attention to the dummy. He tries to make small talk; tries to act normal but is unable to do so.

On the flip-side we have Peggy Ann’s husband Duke (Ed Lauter) who acts as our foil. Suspicious of Peggy’s involvement with Withers, Duke becomes an obstacle for not only Withers, but Fats as well.

I started the Tubi Horror Experience to find hidden gems. Yet I never expected to find a gem that shines so brightly as Magic. Not only is this one of my favorite new psychological thrillers, but it is also my favorite performance by Anthony Hopkins. Because of this, I will be making it a personal point to watch more of his older films.

This would be intense on its own but when Withers begins to break down; that is when we finally see just how far he has fallen.

Whereas the previous scene is a show of madness, this is a scene of quiet desperation. Like a man addicted to smoking, Withers is unable to function without the use of Fats. I have never seen Anthony Hopkins’ act in such an undignified manner and it is frightening.

I cannot recommend this movie enough.

If you have time on your hands and are looking for a new thriller, please give Magic a chance. You will not be disappointed.

But the movie is so much more than these two specific scenes. It is a journey.

One that keeps you engages from start to finish. And it is not just Anthony Hopkins that does a wonderful job but the other cast members as well.

Ann-Margret as the love interest is the perfect blend of sweet and sympathetic.

5

PITCHFORK (2016)

the usual horror movie flavors: geek, token black couple, slut, jerk, bestie, etc.

I saw a video on social media of a person making homemade macaroni and cheese. The recipe starts off as you’d expect. They boil and drain the pasta, prepare the cheese sauce with milk and two different kinds of cheese before adding the pasta to the sauce. Then, out of nowhere, they added raisins, celery, and carrots. And I am not talking about a small amount either. They dumped about two cups of each into the macaroni essentially ruining this classic comfort food. Now I am sure there are people out there who enjoy that version of mac n’ cheese, but I am not one of them.

Now you see, the friends are not just there to give him moral support – no.

They are also there to party because you cannot have a college-aged slasher movie without a party scene. And as you would come to expect, during the party a mysterious masked killer shows up to ruin the fun. This results in our cast of characters running all around the farm trying in vain to survive. We go through the usual beats of watching several of them die while others work together to escape. An odd twist of events near the end introduces us to the killer’s parents before reaching the movie’s violent conclusion.

That video sums up how I feel about Pitchfork (2016). At first, it looks like an entertaining slasher movie but thanks to a string of bad decisions it ends up being a frustrating mess that may appeal to some people but definitely not me.

On the surface, there is nothing inherently wrong with Pitchfork. There are a lot of generic slasher movies out there that can still entertain the audience.

Whether it be through overly violent kills (Laid to Rest), silly and unique weapons (Sorority Row), or a good twist (Valentine). And Pitchfork seems to check all these boxes. We have some decent kills, a creative weapon (a pitchfork that has been grafted to the killer’s left wrist with barbed wire), and a

The plot is about a young adult named Hunter who is visiting his parents on their farm. He wants to come out to them that he is gay and joining him for moral support is his group of stereotypical overly-attractive friends. They come in all 6

“twist” at the end when the killer’s parents are introduced.

So, what went wrong?

Let’s first talk about the movie’s tone. It does not take long for you to notice that something is off with the movie’s tone. As I mentioned above, the story is about a young man who wants to come out as gay to his rural, conservative parents. It is a pretty serious discussion and one that could result in him being disowned by his father.

What better way to approach this touchy subject matter than in a white van that is covered in rainbow streamers with “Honk if you’re Horny” painted on the side?

This sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Every time we are presented with a serious, scary, or emotional moment it is ruined thanks to a tone-deaf decision that rips us out of the scene.

where you just have to stop and say to yourself “Did they actually say that?”

Another example involves a torture scene that occurs later on in the movie. One of the girls is tied up with barbed wire and Hunter is trying to free her. She is hysterical. Screaming and crying from all the pain she is in and what does Hunter think is an appropriate response?

No scene in Pitchfork exemplifies this problem more than the infamous “Barn Dance”. Hunter has an, admittedly well done, heart-to-heart talk with his mother while his father and little sister watch from the distance. The little sister says that she wants to hang out with Hunter and his friends.

“We’ll get you free and fixed up, alright?

Your body will be back to Banging in no time.”

“I want to have fun and dance too.”

To which, out of nowhere, all the female characters step out of the house, strike a Charlie’s Angels pose, and say “Did somebody say barn dance?”

Then it cuts to a literal music video. I cannot articulate this enough. This horror

That line of dialogue would work in a horror-satire movie like “The Final Girls” but here it just comes across and awkward. It is one of those moments 7

movie cuts to a fully-choreographed music video set to the song “Honey, I’m Good” by Andy Grammer. It even includes a record-skip when the slutty girl notices a handsome man (resulting in the ENTIRE dance party stopping to stare at the guy along with her).

that they are a bunch of unlikable onedimensional stereotypes. There is no one to root for! Characters like the token black couple are killed off so quickly that we never got a chance to get to know them. Same with the “geek” character whom I only remember because of how poorly his kill was executed. The other female characters are so interchangeable that I keep forgetting who is who. Only one of them stands out to me and that is because she has an accent. The rest are just a blur.

I won’t lie. This is hands-down the best part of the movie. The choreography is great, the editing is top-notch, and the dancing is entertaining as hell to watch.

The problem is that this does not belong in a horror movie! This is not a dance number like what we see in “Once Bitten” or “Climax”, but a full-blown music video.

Again, you can make a movie with a bunch of unlikable characters but if you do so you must make them memorable!

Take “Friday the 13th (2009)” for example. Most of the characters are douchebags. We have the stoner, the token black character, the horny couple, the controlling boyfriend, and the slut.

None of them are what you’d call good people. The horny couple steals the boyfriend’s boat. The stoner and token trash the boyfriend’s cabin. The slut helps

I don’t really know why it was included.

Don’t get me wrong. I love this part but it just makes zero sense as to why it is in the movie.

Pitchfork’s tone is not the only problem with the movie. The characters are not that fun to watch either. It is not that they are just one-dimensional stereotypes, it is 8

the boyfriend cheat on our main girl, and the boyfriend himself is a temperamental asshole who tries to control everyone.

nowhere near as creative. It is just a young topless man with what looks to be a skinned teddy-bear face over his face.

It just comes across as silly.

That said – they are all fun to watch! The stoner, Chewie, and token Lawrence are fantastic together. You believe that they are good friends who have each others back. The horny couple Chelsea and Nolan have great energy and chemistry whereas Trent, despite being a horrible person, has some amazing moments that just elevate his character to memorable status.

I don’t know. The idea of a pitchforkedhanded villain just feels like it belongs to a giant hunkering beast of a man. Like Victor Crowley or Jacob Goodnight. You kind of want to see the killer using the pitchfork to lift his victims, to throw them around like rag dolls, to pin them to walls.

There are so many creative things you could do with a pitchfork but instead, they stick to simple stabs (several done offscreen). It feels like a wasted opportunity.

Pitchfork does not do this. The characters are undefined outside their stereotypes and it shows. They are forgettable, uninspired, and only exist to pad the kill count.

Pitchfork has other problems beyond the three I listed; the editing feels off at times (characters seem to teleport to different locations between shots), some of the gore makes no sense (someone being stabbed in the back but blood sprays out to soak the people in front and either side of him), and the surprise villains at the end feel more like the creator saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre and wanted to recreate the famous dinner-table scene but with a coffee table and a jar of piss.

The list goes on and on.

Finally, we come to the movie’s final flaw: The Villain. The cover art for Pitchfork makes our killer look pretty bad-ass. The pitchfork grafted to the bloody stump of a person’s left arm; wrapped with barbed wire and drenched with blood – this is pretty cool! It is unique. It is creative.

It’s fun!

But what we get is not nearly as interesting.

While the pitchfork arm does look neat on film, the character using the pitchfork is

However, despite all those problems, there is a good idea 9

here and I think that is what makes the movie so frustrating to watch! If they expanded the story line between Hunter and his parents, if they made the friends more interesting to watch, if they altered the killer’s look and focused on more creative kills; this could have been a good movie. Nothing genre-breaking but one you’d want to return to.

And that is why the movie bothers me so much. It is the raisins, celery, and carrots to a perfectly good macaroni and cheese recipe. Sure, there are some people who may like it and even enjoy it, but for everyone else; it’s just a mess.

“It is not that they are just onedimensional stereotypes, it is that they are a bunch of unlikable onedimensional stereotypes. There is no one to root for!”

10

Welcome to Tubi Tidbits where we discuss horror movies that I have watched but are either not big enough, or bad enough, for a full-length review.

While reading these micro-reviews please keep in mind that everything said comes from my own personal preference.

There are movies on this list that you may find more enjoyable than I did or that you disliked more than I did. That is the beauty of horror. It is all subjective.

disagree. The point is to never judge a movie until you’ve seen it.

With that said, please enjoy this month’s Tubi Tibits!

The goal of Tubi Tidbits is not to put a score on these movies, per se, but to introduce you to new movies found on the Tubi App. There are literally hundreds of movies on Tubi and it can be quite difficult finding one you may like.

Especially considering that a lot of these were indie or direct-to-video releases.

4. GREAT - While not flawless, this movie gets a lot right. Must check this out to see if it could become your next favorite!

So, while there is a scoring system in place, please do not take my word as law. I try to keep the summaries and reviews tight and concise; enough to give you an idea of what you’d be expecting if you choose to watch these films. All praise and criticisms come from my personal preference and I implore you, the reader, to form your own opinion when checking these movies out. Maybe you agree with how I feel. Maybe you

2. DECENT - Has some serious issues that could hurt its re-watchability but still worth checking out at least once.

Our Personal Scoring system explained: 5: FANTASTIC - This movie hits the nail on the head. Something you can watch over and over again without ever growing bored.

3. GOOD - Has a few hiccups whether it be in acting, pacing, or effects. Still an entertaining ride from start to finish.

1. BAD - Does nothing new or interesting. May have some good ideas but doesn’t stick the landing.

0. PAINFUL - Fails on all accounts. Story, Sound, Effects, Acting - gets nothing right.

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Parents (1989) Sub-Genre: Thriller Score: 4/5

What is it?

Michael Laemle is the new kid on the block. Having moved with his parents from Massachusetts to a quiet suburban neighborhood in California, Michael is having difficulties fitting in. He’s socially awkward, prone to bizarre dreams, and has an overly active imagination. It doesn’t help that he also has a controlling father and a meek mother that constantly babies him. Oh, and did I mention that his parents are possibly cannibals?

Review: What really surprised me about Parents was the performance of Randy Quaid as Michael’s father. He is quite frightening in this role. There is this quiet tension that radiates off his character. He is the kind of person whom you could never feel comfortable around because the smallest mistake is enough to cause him to explode in a fit of rage. Mary Beth Hurt as Michael’s mother counterbalances Quaid as the doting, loving mother who is not innocent by any means but is still a caring person to those around her. A slow burn with a violent conclusion, this is a great thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout.

Vile (2011) Sub-Genre: Torture Score: 2/5

What is it?

A group of young adults wake up in a warehouse with a strange machine attached to the back of their necks. A mysterious woman named Diane tells them that they have 6 hours to fill the vials inside the machines with a chemical that is only released when the body is under heavy duress. The group decides to take turns torturing one another in order to full their vials. But when tempers and frustrations rise, they go from torturing to straight out murdering each other. Will there be anyone left alive by the end of this?

Review: Let’s be honest with one another. You are not watching this movie for some kind of detailed, in-depth story line. The story is inconsequential – it exists solely to put the characters in a terrible situation so that we, the audience, can watch them torture one another for an hour and a half. We are here for gore and practical effects – something this movie delivers in spades. If you are in the mood for watching unlikable characters mutilate one another in a variety of horrible ways, this movie is right up your alley. Turn your brain off and enjoy the gore. It’s at least passable in that regard.

Gremlin (2017) Sub-Genre: Monster Score: 2/5

What is it?

Adam Thatcher is handed a mysterious containing a demonic entity that grows more powerful with every passing day. The Gremlin will kill everyone in Adam’s family unless he passes the box off to someone he cares about. The longer he waits, the bigger and more dangerous the Gremlin becomes. Will he be able to sacrifice the innocent to protect his family or will he find another way to take this creature down? Produced by Uncork’d Entertainment.

Review: I will not lie. I actually liked Gremlin despite all its flaws. The movie suffers from wooden acting, dated computer animation, and pacing issues but there is something unique about it that I found entertaining. The Lovecraftian design of the Gremlin is pretty neat and I actually really liked the rules for the Box. Having to give it to ONLY someone you care about really adds weight to your decision. If given a higher budget with a better cast of characters, this may have been a great commentary on the consequences of self-preservation. What really surprised me was Gremlin’s third act. For some odd reason, the acting quality skyrockets during the final moments of the movie. The actor playing Adam really gives it his all. Would I recommend it? Not really. What I would suggest is for you to give it a once-over while keeping in mind the low budget. It’s worth that much.

The Uncanny

(1977)

Sub-Genre: Anthology Score: 3/5

What is it?

Writer Wilbur Gray visits his publisher to discuss his new book. The book is about cats.

More specifically; the notion that cats are not only smarter than they appear; but that they are, in fact, the devil in disguise. He proceeds to tell three separate stories as proof of his claims. The first revolves around a woman murdered by her nephew in order to gain her inheritance causing her many cats to seek revenge. The second is about a girl forced to live with her abusive aunt. The little girl soon discovers her mother’s old book of magic spells. With the assistance of her cat Wellington, she uses the book to put her aunt in her place. The final is about an actor who uses movie props to murder his wife. A nearby cat sees the event and sabotages the play to avenge the innocent woman’s death.

Review: Right off the bat I want to talk about Peter Cushing’s performance. He is this paranoid, excitable husk of a man who jumps at his own shadow. It is a performance we don’t usually see from Peter and he does a great job coming across as pathetic and scared. The stories themselves are all well done – with some good gore and practical effects. Like many anthologies, the movie does tend to drag near the end but it never wears out its welcome. I will say that there is some unintentional humor throughout the movie. This is most noticeable during the first story where you can tell that there is someone just off-screen whose job it is to throw cats at the actors. It’s pretty funny. I do recommend this if you are a fan of anthologies and cats alike.

Deep Dark (2015) Sub-Genre: Fantasy Score: 2/5

What is it?

Failed sculptor Hermann is at the end of his rope – literally. After failing constantly in the art world, Hermann decides to end his life. Just as he is about to, however, a mysterious letter appears from within a hole in his apartment wall. Peering inside he discovers that there is something wet and meaty living within the walls and that this entity is promising to grant him any wish he desires. For a price. It starts simple enough – wanting a gentle touch before evolving into more carnal needs. Will Hermann be able to keep up with what the Hole wants from him or will his obsession be the end of him?

Review: What I really enjoy about Deep Dark is the fact that it is not afraid to get weird and that is exactly how I classify this movie. It’s weird. The Hole is a fascinating creature. Otherworldly and seductive. It gives you exactly what you want but for a price. But unlike other movies of this nature, the price is not the bodies of the innocent but your attention, your desire. This creature wants to be loved, worshiped, and the center of your world. An allegory for dependency and obsession. I also want to give props to the set designs as the apartment in which Hermann stays just feels gross. That said, it does suffer from several problems.

The acting can be pretty stiff and the pacing does drag on a bit despite being just under an hour and twenty minutes. I feel this would have done more as a short film than a featurelength but please do not let that detour you. Give this movie a watch and judge for yourself. If you want something different that is not afraid of getting weird, this movie may be right up your alley.

The Lift (1983) Sub-Genre: Science Fiction Score: 3/5

What is it?

Elevator Company Deta Liften claims that they have some of the most technologically advanced elevators in the world thanks to a unique brand of microprocessors. Problems arise when a lightning storm strikes one of their buildings in Amsterdam causing their elevators to go on the fritz. As the bodies begin to stack up, technician Felix Adelaar and journalist Mieke De Beer team up to investigate the cause for the elevator’s murderous malfunctions. Will they be able to solve the mystery before it’s too late or will Deta Liften bury their story along with their bodies?

Review: The Lift really plays on the idea of “Techno-Fear” – the idea that computers and technology can learn to evolve and think for themselves. It contains a rather engaging murder-mystery style plot that involves several red-herrings, conspiracies, and surprising twists and turns.

The kills are all that you’d expected from a “killer elevator” and are spread out just enough to keep the kills fresh and entertaining. I really enjoyed the “Boss-Battle” with the elevator at the end of the movie and the reveal of what caused the malfunction was unique and creative.

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