'It's my Bits' Campaign Booklet

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

Victoria University Student Union and Hyde Student Magazine acknowledges the Ancestors, Elders and families of the Boonwurrung, Woiwurrung (Wurundjeri) and Wathaurung (Wadawurrung) on our Melbourne campuses and the Gadigal and Guring-gai people of the Eaora Nation on our Sydney campus. These groups are the custodians of the University land and have been for many centuries. As we share our own knowledge practices within the University, may we pay respect to the deep knowledge embedded within the Aboriginal community and ownership of Country. We acknowledge that the land on which our campuses stand is the place of age old ceremonies and celebration, initiation and renewal. Such land was stolen and soverignty was never seeded. The Kulin and Eora people's living culture had, and has, a unique role in the life of these regions.

Victoria University supports the aim of Reconciliation Australia to build better relationships between the wider Australian community and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people for the benefit of all Australians. It is important that staff, students, and visitors understand and respect the significance of recognising the traditional owners of University land, and that this land was stolen, and sovereignty was never seeded.

INTRODUCTION The

It's

my

Bits

campaign

works

in

conjunction with the Be a Better Human campaign that was released here at VU by VUSU in 2019. The Be a Better Human campaign was developed by a group of Flinders University students to reflect the views of students.

VUSU would like to thank Flinders University Student

Association

for

sharing

their

excellent resources to continue to grow the Be a Better Human campaign and allow VUSU to build the It's My Bits campaign.

The It's my Bits campaign works towards spreading awareness of consent and what all VU, the community, country and world should appreciate and respect to be better humans. The message is simple - 'if it's not a clear yes, then it's a no!'

The Be a Better Human campaign was a good start to encourage our community to improve our behaviour but now we want to go further and talk about the hard and confronting topics and really work towards becoming a better human, a better campus and a better world for everyone.

If it's not a clear yes, it's a no

CONTENT WARNING SEXUAL VIOLENCE, ASSAULT, RAPE, SELF HARM. DO

NOT

TAKE

THIS

WARNING

LIGHTLY. CONTENT IS VERY HEAVY AND MAY HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH IMPACT. We would like to inform readers that this entire publication contains content that mentions sexual violence, sexual assault,

rape

and

self

harm

and

statistics surrounding these topics.

We understand that some readers may find such topics difficult. If this is you please feel free to skip the read. We do encourage the read but understand that it can be incredibly difficult to read hard and confronting topics.

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, sexual assault or rape there is help available.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to the contact below: Lifeline: 24/7 Crisis Support & Suicide Prevention,

call

13

11

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

14

or

WHATS INSIDE

TERMINOLOGY

PAGE 6

BE A BETTER HUMAN

PAGE 7

CONSENT

PAGE 9

RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT

PAGE 17

BYSTANDER AWARENESS

PAGE 27

ONLINE HARASSMENT

PAGE 33

HELP FOR SURVIVORS

PAGE 37

SPREADING AWARENESS

PAGE 45

page 5

TERMINOLOGY Terminology is important to ensure everyone knows the correct meaning and definitions of particular words or phrases used throughout this booklet.

CONSENT

Permission

for

SEXUAL VIOLENCE

something

to

happen

or

agreement to do something.

When consent isn’t provided, any form of sexual activity is considered to be sexual violence (i.e. sexual assault and harassment).

This includes situations where consent is not

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

properly sought, agreed upon, or when a

Uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical behaviour of a sexual nature especially by a person in authority toward a subordinate

person doesn’t stop or respond appropriately when their sexual partner changes their mind before or during the sexual activity.

(such as an employee or student).

AWARENESS SEXUAL ASSAULT

Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

Illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is

RAPE

inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical

Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual

or mental incapacity) or who places the

intercourse carried out forcibly or under

assailant (such as a doctor) in a position of

threat of injury against a person's will or with a

trust or authority.

person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness,

ONLINE HARASSMENT

deficiency,

intoxication,

unconsciousness, or deception.

Also known as cyberbullying or online abuse.

The

mental

practice

of

using

electronic

communications

to

harass

someone

persistently.

BYSTANDER

A person who is present at an event or incident but does not take part.

SELF HARM COERCION

The act of purposely hurting oneself (as by cutting or burning the skin) as an emotional

The practice of persuading someone to do

coping mechanism.

something by using force or threats.

page 7 And when we say ‘everyone’, we really

do

mean

everyone.

We’re

encouraging everyone who is part of our campus community to take a moment and consider how we can

BE A

‘better’ our behaviour.

BETTER

The general outline of this project is

HUMAN

including booklets, merchandise (t-

CAMPAIGN

clubs

to bring in materials on education, shirts, pens, etc) as well as to hold a festival

space

where

the

information can be passed along to students in a personalised manner.

This

would

include

Be

a

Better

In 2017, The Australian Human Rights

Human campaign info, student club

Commission conducted a randomised

stalls,

performances

survey of university students, including

guest

speakers,

students here at Victoria University,

giveaways including awesome BaBH

and released the National Report on

shirts, pens and more!

free

and

special

food

and

Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment at Australian Universities. The report

Events like the BaBH festival help build

offered

a culture of respect, empathy and

many

suggestions

for

Universities to adopt and while we think

those

recommendations

consent for all students and staff.

are

fantastic, here at VU we want to do

“Victoria University has a zero tolerance

even better!

approach to violence in any form, including

sexual

and

gender-based

This initiative was created with a

violence. Gender-based violence is a

group of Flinders students from the

serious social issue driven by gender

ground up, to reflect campus culture

inequality and enabled by sexist attitudes

and what we think everyone needs to

and behaviours. We work to build a

appreciate – consent, respect and

culture of safety and respect, where

empathy. The campaign is called Be a

students and staff are empowered to

Better Human (BaBH), because we

become change agents to help stop

don’t just want it to be about what we

gender-based violence at the University

shouldn’t do; we want it to be about

and in the wider community.” (VU

self-improvement for everyone.

Respect & Responsibility)

In-line

with

and

It will raise awareness of the VU and

Bystander

VUSU services available to students

Awareness Training, VUSU believes

and staff, as well as education on

that bringing the BaBH campaign to VU

respectful relationships, consent, and

further develops education for students

empathy. This project will also create a

of the west to be a better human. “It is

safe space for students to express

important that we all show that sexism

themselves, and to learn.

Responsibility

the &

Respect VUSU

and harassment have no place at our university. Everyone should be treated

VUSU believes that this campaign is

fairly and have a safe and respectful

not

place

department,

it's

awareness

and

knowledge

of

to

learn.”

(VU

Respect

&

Responsibility email).

about

spreading

a

name

about

or

increasing

spreading

the

responsibility

for

Increasing visibility and knowledge of

everyone to do better, and to do their

being a better human is vital to ALL

bit to change culture around sexual

students and staff at VU.

assault and harassment.

The outcomes / benefits to students

Be a Better Human Campaign has been

will include an environment where

run by many Student Unions across the

students and staff feel supported and

county. It is an amazing campaign to

empowered.

run,

and

was

part

objectives.

The

vusuteers,

team

of

the

campaign

VUSU utilises

members,

and

students to bring this campaign to life!

We have seen many of our consent, empathy and respect tote bags and jumpers on campus and off campus from

our

students

wearing

the

merchandise, spreading the word and supporting an important cause.

For more information regarding the Be a Better Human campaign and how you can contribute to becoming a better human go to the VUSU website at vustudentunion.com/babh.

Together we can Be a Better Human!

page 9

CONSENT

You should have permission for every activity at every stage of a sexual encounter. It’s also important to note that consent can be

In the Be a Better Human campaign we

removed at any time — after all, people do

spoke about consent but it wasn't discussed

change their minds!

seriously enough. Consent is not a joke.

Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and

Every participant in sexual activity must be

clear agreement between participants to

capable of granting their consent. If someone

engage in specific sexual activity. There is

is too intoxicated or incapacitated by alcohol

no room for different views on what

or drugs, or is either not awake or fully awake,

consent is.

they’re incapable of giving consent.

Failure to recognize that the other person was

People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol

too impaired to consent is not “drunk sex.” It’s

cannot consent.

sexual assault.

If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing

Consent should be given freely and willingly.

consent is not given by all participants, it's

Repeatedly asking someone to engage in a

sexual

sexual act until they eventually say yes is not

assault.

There's

no

room

for

ambiguity or assumptions when it comes to

consent, it’s coercion.

consent, and there aren't different rules for people who've hooked up before.

Consent is required for everyone, including people who are in a committed relationship or

Nonconsensual sex is rape.

married. No one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to do, and being in a relationship

Consent is clear and unambiguous. Is your

doesn’t obligate a person to engage in any

partner enthusiastically engaging in sexual

type of sexual activity.

activity? Have they given verbal permission for each sexual activity? Then you have

It’s important to understand that any type of

clear consent.

sexual activity without consent, including touching, fondling, kissing, and intercourse, is

Silence is not consent. Never assume you

a form of sexual assault and may be

have consent — you must clarify by asking.

considered a crime.

YOU DO NOT HAVE CONSENT FROM ANOTHER PERSON IF:

they’re sleeping or unconscious you use threats or intimidation to coerce someone into something they’re incapacitated by drugs or alcohol you use a position of authority or trust, such as a teacher or employer they change their mind — earlier consent doesn’t count as consent later you ignore their wishes or nonverbal cues to stop, like pushing away you have consent for one sexual act, but not another sexual act you pressure them to say yes they say no

WHAT CONSENT SOUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE

You know you have consent when the

The other person is capable of

other person has clearly said yes —

making informed decisions, and

without being pressured — and has

isn’t intoxicated or incapacitated, or

given you permission to do something.

being coerced. Consent needs to be demonstrated freely and clearly.

Here are examples of what consent

The absence of a “no” does not

looks like:

mean a “yes.” The same goes for “maybe,” silence, or not responding.

Each person is engaging in sexual activity

enthusiastically,

after

agreeing to have sex.

There’s continuous communication every step of the way while sexting, hooking up, or while in a committed relationship.

Respecting the other person when they say no or are unsure about anything — from sending photos while sexting to engaging in sexual activity.

WHEN AND HOW TO ASK FOR CONSENT

It's crucial to ask for consent before

Ensure you let them know that

engaging in any kind of sexual

there’s no harm in waiting and doing

activity. Talking openly about what

something else.

all participants want and setting any boundaries is important in any

In any sexual encounter, it’s the

relationship, regardless of whether

responsibility of the person initiating

casual or long term.

sexual activity to ensure that the other person feels comfortable and

In a healthy sexual encounter, parties

should

feel

all

safe.

comfortable

communicating their needs without

You might worry that asking for

feeling fearful. If you're initiating sex,

consent is going to be a total mood

and you become angry, frustrated,

killer, but the alternative — not

or

partner

asking for consent and potentially

declines any sexual activity, this is

sexually assaulting someone — is

NOT okay.

unacceptable.

Sexual or nonsexual activity that

Consent is necessary and serious,

occurs because of fear, guilt, or

but it doesn’t mean having to sit

pressure is coercion — and it’s a

down for a clinical discussion or

form of sexual assault. If you’re

signing forms! There are ways to

engaging in sexual activity and the

ask for consent that aren’t a total

person declines to go further or

buzzkill.

insistent

when

your

seems hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them if they’re comfortable

Besides, if you’re comfortable enough

doing that activity or if they want to

to want to get closer, then talking

take a break.

openly about what you both want and need is perfectly fine, and sexy!

Let them know you don’t want to do anything they don’t feel 100 percent comfortable with.

WAYS TO TALK ABOUT CONSENT

It's incredibly important to talk about consent and is the first thing that should be done before participating in any form of sexual activity.

YOU COULD GET RIGHT TO THE POINT AND ASK:

Can I kiss you?

Can I take this off? What about these?

Do you want to have sex, or would you like to wait?

Can I [fill in the blank]?

YOU CAN ALSO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO USE OPEN COMMUNICATION ABOUT SEX AND BOUNDARIES AS FOREPLAY. HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:

I think it’s hot when we [fill in the blank], do you want to do this?

It feels so good when you [fill in the blank], do you want to do this?

Can I take your clothes off?

Can I kiss you here?

IF YOU’RE ALREADY IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, YOU COULD SAY:

Are you comfortable with me doing this?

Do you want me to stop?

How far are you comfortable going tonight?

Remember that consent needs to be ongoing. This means even if you’re in the throes of a heavy make out session or foreplay, your partner needs to consent before you take things to the next level.

Asking if they’re comfortable, if they want it, and if they want to keep going is important, so keep communicating and don’t just make assumptions.

VERBAL AND NONVERBAL CUES

This makes me uncomfortable I don't want to do this anymore This feels wrong Maybe we should wait

People communicate using words and actions, while some people are

A person might communicate that

more comfortable with one than the

they don’t consent by using actions

other.

and body language.

This

can

cause

some

confusion when it comes to consent.

THESE ARE POSSIBLE

Verbal cues are when the person uses words to express what they want or don’t want, while nonverbal cues are given using their body language or actions to express themselves.

NONVERBAL CUES THAT INDICATE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE CONSENT:

pushing away pulling away avoiding eye contact

VERBAL PHRASES FOR

shaking their head no

CONSENT:

silence not responding physically — just

Yes

lying there motionless

I'm sure

crying

I want to

looking scared or sad

Don't stop

not removing their own clothing

I still want to I want you to

Even if a person appears to be giving nonverbal cues that make it seem like they’re into it and want to have

VERBAL PHRASES WITHOUT CONSENT:

No Stop I don't want to I don't know I'm not sure I don't think so It hurts I want to, but...

sex, make sure you get verbal consent before continuing. Be sure and don’t just assume.

Often

times,

people

who’ve

experienced sexual assault are silent and appear to “give in” to the sexual act for fear of harm or wanting the incident to be over, NOT because they’re consenting to the act.

CONSENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE

Consenting under the influence is a tricky subject. It’s unrealistic (and not legally accurate) to say consent isn’t possible if the parties have been drinking.

Plenty of people drink and remain coherent enough to consent.

However, studies have shown a direct relationship between excessive alcohol consumption and the risk for committing sexual assault. Approximately one half of sexual assaults involve alcohol consumption by the perpetrator, the person who’s been assaulted, or both.

Sexual assault, even if it involves alcohol consumption, is never the victim’s fault. If you and others are under the influence, you should understand the risks when assessing whether you have consent to engage in sexual activity.

If either party is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it’s even more important to communicate your own boundaries and be extra sensitive to your partner’s boundaries. Here are some good guidelines to follow: If

you’re

initiating

sexual

activity,

you’re

responsible for obtaining consent. In the case that either person is under the influence, the definition of consent — clear, ongoing, coherent, and voluntary — is just as important as ever.

If someone is stumbling or can’t stand without leaning on something, slurring their words, falling

asleep,

or

has

vomited,

they’re

incapacitated and cannot consent.

If someone doesn’t exhibit any of the above signs, but you know that they’ve been drinking or taking drugs, try asking something like, “Do you feel clear enough to be making decisions about sex?” And regardless of what your partner says in response to that, if YOU feel they’re not clear enough, then just stop.

STATISTICS

Below are some relevant statistics to show the figures that relate to consent, sexual violence and online harassment.

Official Report by AHRC 2017 (https://humanrights.gov.au/sites/default/files/ document/publication/AHRC_2017_ChangeThe Course_UniversityReport.pdf) Women are almost 2x more likely to be sexual assaulted and/or harassed (2015 – 2016) Majority of students never made a formal report (2016) Key

contributing

factors

(voiced

by

students) to assault and harrassment Alcohol (settings where it is consumed) Attitudes towards women Perpetrator abusing a position of power (senior students in leadership positions, staff, Orientation) Residential

settings

(on-campus,

on

university trips, bedrooms etc.)

1 in 4 students witnessed another student being sexually harassed in 2016 Most common response to no intervening action is They did not think it was serious enough to intervene They did not know what to do Both Indigenous students and students who identify with having a disability were more likely to be sexually harassed in 2016 Women aged 18 – 24 were mostly likely to be sexually assaulted Online harassment and bullying (https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-1005/young-australian-women-online-abuseharassment-planinternational/12725286)

58% of women surveyed reported being exposed to harassment online (including sexual harassment, body shaming, etc.)

Sexual assault, harassment in Australia – nude images, online conduct (https://www.anrows.org.au/mediareleases/young-australians-confused-aboutconsent-and-control-in-the-age-of-tinder-andsnapchat/) 1/3 men in Australia aged 16 – 24 believe that a woman who said she was raped, instead led a man on, had intercourse, and then regretted it later 1/4 of young people blamed the individual for sending nude images rather than the partner/receiver for sharing them without their consent Young

men

specifically

do

not

see

controlling behavior as a form of violence, ie. checking a partner’s messages, following someone home from work or university 1/3 of young men do not see repeated, unwarranted calls or messages as a form of harassment 73%

of

young

Australians

are

uncomfortable with sexist jokes, but only 37% would take action

Digital harassment and abuse

Crime stats per year

(https://www.parliament.nsw.gov.au/lcdocs/othe

(https://www.crimestatistics.vic.gov.au/crime-

r/7351/Tabled%20Document%20-

statistics/latest-victorian-crime-data/recorded-

Digital%20Harassment%20and%20Abuse%20of%

offences-2)

20A.pdf) Stalking related charges increased over Men and women were equally as likely to

1,000 (2019 compared to 2021_

receive digital harassment and abuse

In 100,000 people (in 2021)

Women are more likely to receive sexually

80 of them would be charged with sexual

based digital harassment

related offences (rape, sexual assault &

1/10 Australians reported someone posted a

harassment)

nude photo of them online without their

119

permission

harassment or threatening based behaviours

would

be

charged

with

stalking,

These are only based on REPORTED cases, Family violence, sexual assault & COVID-19

they are most likely much higher

(https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/reco rd-rates-of-family-violence-meet-anticipated)

Violence against women during covid-19 (https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/in-

Vic Police’s stats of family violence were

focus/in-focus-gender-equality-in-covid-19-

higher in every month of 2020 when

response/violence-against-women-during-

compared to 2019

covid-19 )

6.7% increase in domestic violence when compared to 2019 (and this is only the

1/3 women world-wide experience physical

reported cases)

or sexual violence by an intimate partner Calls regarding domestic violence increased by almost 5x in some countries during the COVID-19 pandemic Globally 6% of women state they have been subjected to sexual violence for someone other than their partner Culturally diverse women, Men & Sexual Assault (Aug 2020) (https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/0375553f0395-46cc-9574-d54c74fa601a/aihw-fdv5.pdf.aspx?inline=true)

Approx. 1 in 25 men have experienced sexual assault since the age of 15 2.3% of culturally and linguistically diverse women

state

they

experienced

sexual

assault in the last 12 months 1.6% of homicides (in the years 2012 – 2018) were preceded directly by a sexual assault

page 17 Some people think that if the person who was

RAPE AND

raped was drunk or on drugs then it is their fault and they were ‘asking for it’. This isn’t true. It is never the victim’s fault.

SEXUAL

The legal definition of rape is when an object

ASSAULT

i.e penis or finger or foreign object into the vagina, mouth or anus of another person when that person doesn’t want them to. It can happen to boys,

WHAT IS RAPE?

and girls and is a

serious crime.

Rape typically refers to penetration of the

If somebody puts objects or other parts of the

genitals, anus or mouth — without consent —

body (other than a penis) such as a finger, into

by a penis, object or other part of the body.

someone’s vagina or anus, when that person

However,

didn’t want it to happen, this is known as

rape

is

defined

differently

in

different states and territories, and the term

‘assault by penetration’.

has been replaced with 'sexual assault' in some states.

Rape is sex without consent. This means that rape isn’t just people being physically forced

THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RAPE

into a sexual act, it also includes pressure that makes someone feel like they had no choice but to have sex.

Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can be a victim of rape and / or sexual assault. The most important bit to remember is that being pressured or forced to have sex or to do something sexual when you don’t want to is a crime.

If you have been raped, or sexually assaulted, remember that it’s not your fault, you aren’t to blame and there are people who can help you.

It is rape when someone is pressured or forced to have sex when they don’t want to. If you’re going to have sex or do some kind of sexual activity, it’s important that all parties give consent every time – even if it’s with your partner.

Rape Rape is any sexual act where one person sexually penetrates another without their consent.

Statutory Rape Any sexual act between an adult and a child under 16 is considered rape, even if both parties consent.

Compelled Rape Compelled Rape is when someone forces two people to have sex. An example could be in a hijacking when an attacker forces people into having sex; both people who have been forced to have sex with each other would be treated as victims and not perpetrators.

Gang Rape or Multiple Rape Gang Rape or Multiple Rape is rape involving two or more perpetrators.

Marital Rape Marital Rape is any sexual act committed by a spouse or ex-spouse without the

WHAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT?

consent and/or against the other person's will, or a sexual act that happens because someone is forced, threatened, intimidated, or unable to say yes to sex, for instance if

Sexual assault is a legal term used to describe a range of sexual offences, from showing

they are asleep, drugged or unconscious.

indecent images to another person, to kissing

Corrective Rape

person’s body with a body part or object.

Corrective Rape is the rape of lesbians to punish them for their sexuality because men may feel threatened or rejected. Some say their intention is to 'correct' a woman's behaviour. There have been numerous violent rapes and murders of black lesbian women

in

South

Africa.

The

term

transphobic rape includes the rape of other groups who are also vulnerable to rape.

or touching them, as well as penetration of the If someone: Does something sexual that makes you feel uncomfortable; or Touches your body when you do not want them to, it may be a sexual assault Different kinds of touching or behaviour might be sexual assault, it depends on: Where and how it happens; What the perpetrator is thinking when they do it; The age of the victim; What the victim thinks; and What a reasonable person would ‘Sexual assault’ is often called other names like sexual

abuse,

rape,

indecent

behaviour,

indecent assault, sexual molestation, incest, child

sexual

abuse,

child

sexual

assault,

touching, ‘feeling up’, sexual harassment. The legal term for all these kinds of offences is ‘sexual assault’.

If someone does something to make you feel that you have been assaulted, you can seek help from health and counselling services, including sexual assault services.

This applies even when you don’t want to report to police, or if you have reported to the police, but they do not believe that a crime has been committed.

If you are not sure whether you have been

Sexual assault: A person has sexual

sexually assaulted or not, you can contact

intercourse with you when you do not

a sexual assault service or legal service.

want to or you cannot consent; and that person knows you do not want to

There are specially trained people who

or

can

reasonable grounds to believe you

help

you

understand

what

has

cannot

consent,

or

has

no

happened to you and what your options

consented.

are.

Aggravated sexual assault: A person has

sexual

intercourse

with

you

Some people blame victims or make

without your consent in aggravating

victims feel that they somehow asked to

circumstances.

be raped because of how they looked or dressed, or where they were at the time.

What

are

aggravating

circumstances?

This is not right. It is never a victim’s fault.

Sexual assault can be even more serious when it includes ‘aggravating’ factors. A

Sexual assault is a crime where the

person can be charged with ‘aggravated

attacker uses force, abuse of power,

sexual assault’, for example if:

violence, threats, or tricks to control or

They physically hurt you when they

take advantage of the victim.

sexually assault you; You are under 16 years old;

Sexual assault is grouped into different

They use a weapon during the sexual

types of offences, such as:

assault; Other

people

are

present

and/or

Sexual act: A person shows you their

involved in the sexual assault;

genitals or masturbates/touches their

You have a severe disability;

genitals in public; A person makes you

The abuser is an authority figure like a

look at porn (sexual pictures or videos)

teacher, carer or religious leader.

in a magazine, on a computer, phone, or on television; A person sends your

Usually

more

serious

penalties

or

naked picture to other people or posts

punishments are given to a person who is

it online (sexting or cyber-bullying may

found guilty of an aggravated sexual

fit in this category but are also a

assault.

separate offence), or any other sexual act that would make most people feel very uncomfortable. It is not necessary

IS IT ONLY CALLED

to show that it caused fear/distress.

‘SEXUAL ASSAULT’

Sexual touching: A person touches you in a sexual way on your breasts,

WHEN SOMEONE

vagina,

HAS SEXUAL

penis

or

anus;

Includes

touching over the top of, or under your clothing that does not penetrate in any way; Kissing; or a person makes you touch their penis, vagina or anus.

INTERCOURSE WITH ME WHEN I DON’T WANT TO?

No, sexual assault can also include:

Sexual Assault Sexual assault can take many different

Getting or giving oral sex when you do

forms and be defined in different ways, but

not want to;

one thing remains the same: it’s never the

Being forced to put objects into your

victim’s fault.

own vagina or anus; Being forced to do these things to

Child Sexual Abuse

another person, animal or object;

When a perpetrator intentionally harms a

Penetration

or

something

being

minor physically, psychologically, sexually,

inserted into your body or the other

or by acts of neglect, the crime is known as

person’s body;

child abuse.

Being forced to have sex or perform sex acts on another person who might

Sexual Assault of Men and Boys

also be a victim;

Men and boys who have been sexually

Being made to perform sex acts on an

assaulted or abused may also face some

animal or object or weapon of some

additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and

If a person attempts to do any of these

masculinity.

things to you they can be charged with an offence.

Intimate Partner Sexual Violence A perpetrator can have any relationship to

Tricking or convincing a vulnerable person,

a victim, and that includes the role of an

such as a child or someone with a disability

intimate partner.

to do any of these things is also sexual assault.

Incest Regardless of how the law defines incest, unwanted sexual contact from a family member

THE TYPES OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE

can have a lasting effect on the survivor.

Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault In cases of drug-facilitated sexual assault, survivors

The term "sexual violence" is an allencompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse. Many of these crimes are described below. Please note that the legal definition of crimes vary from state to state. There are often other crimes and forms of violence that arise jointly with crimes like sexual assault, and these are described as well.

often

blame

themselves.

Remember—you are not to blame. You are the only one allowed to make choices for your body. Using drugs or alcohol is never an excuse for assault and does not mean that it was your fault.

The term "sexual violence" is an allencompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse.

Many of these crimes are described below.

Sexual assault is something that has

Please note that the legal definition of crimes

happened to you, it’s not a result of who

vary from state to state. There are often other

you are or something you did, like being

crimes and forms of violence that arise jointly

drunk or dressing a certain way. Someone

with crimes like sexual assault, and these are

has chosen to behave badly toward you

described as well.

and to exert power and control over you.

That is never your fault.

IF YOU’VE BEEN

SEXUAL ASSAULT

SEXUALLY

IS A FORM OF

ASSAULTED,

TRAUMA

REMEMBER IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

Everyone reacts differently to sexual

AND IT’S NEVER

assault. All of the following responses are normal:

OKAY FOR

Shock and denial: You might think,

SOMEONE TO

‘Did this really happen to me?’ or ‘Why

FORCE YOU TO

me?’, and feel unable to accept that it

DO SOMETHING

actually happened.

YOU ARE

Fear: You might experience fear of the

UNCOMFORTABLE

being believed.

offender, of being alone, or of not Silence: You might find that you’re

WITH.

unable to talk about the assault, or to describe what it feels like to have

You might experience a range of emotions

been assaulted, out of fear of being

and it’s important to know there are support

judged.

services that can help you to move forward. If

Anxiety: You might feel unsafe or

you are questioning whether you’ve been

unable to relax.

sexually assaulted, trust your instinct and

Depression:

speak to a professional who can help, such as

hopeless or down, or stop enjoying the

the

things that you used to enjoy.

non-judgmental

counsellors

RESPECT (1800 737 732).

at

1800

You

might

feel

sad,

Guilt

and

blame:

You

might

ask

If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it’s not

yourself, ‘Why did I go there/allow

something you have to live with on your own.

it/not fight back?’

Here are some things you can do straight away:

Low self-esteem: You might lose selfconfidence,

and

feel

‘unworthy’,

Ensure that you’re safe

ashamed or ‘dirty’.

If you’re in immediate danger, or you’re worried

Isolation: You might want to be alone,

about your safety, contact emergency services

and to isolate yourself from family and

on

friends.

somewhere safe.

000

immediately

and

try

to

get

to

Nightmares and flashbacks: You might have images and memories of the

Talk to someone

assault intrude on your daily life and

This can be tough, but is really important for

sleep.

your support and recovery. Find someone you

Mood swings: You might find that your

can talk to, such as a friend or family member,

mood changes quickly from anger and

or a professional like a GP, counsellor or youth

rage, to tears and despair, and back

worker.

again.

Loss of confidence: You might worry

Get confidential help

about your ability to do your work or

Call the confidential 24-hour 1800 RESPECT

study, or lack confidence with friends

(1800 737 732) line to talk with experienced

or your partner.

counsellors. Have a look at sexual assault

Loss of trust: You might find it hard to

support for more information.

trust people in your social circle or family.

Get medical help

PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder):

If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it's possible to

You might experience a particular set

get medical support. If you decide to, try to get

of reactions such as reliving the

to a hospital or health centre where they can

traumatic

give you appropriate medical care.

thoughts

event or

with

memories,

intrusive or

feeling

You

might

emotionally numb.

Flashbacks/memories:

Consider contacting the police

experience flashbacks or memories of

You might find it hard to decide whether or not

the assault.

to report the sexual assault to the police. The most important thing is that you make the right decision for you.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’VE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

Trust yourself If someone has assaulted you, you may not feel confident about what to do next. Trust your instincts. Remember that it’s never okay for someone to assault you for any reason.

MY FRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT A SEXUAL ASSAULT - WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Sexual assault and sexual harassment are very common. If your friend, classmate or colleague tells you about unwanted sexual contact, there are some simple things you can do that will really help.

BELIIEVE THEM

Believing someone when they tell you about sexual assault or sexual harassment is really important. It takes a lot of courage for someone to talk about sexual assault or harassment. Let your friend know that you believe them, and tell them that it’s not their fault.

LISTEN TO THEM

Let the person talk, and really listen. Don’t focus on your reactions. Don’t ask for details of the assault, or ask questions like “Why did you go there?” or “Were you drunk?” Just listen, and let them know you want to support them.

HELP THEM FIND SUPPORT

Getting support as soon as possible is important.

See the important contacts listed on the next page.

Victoria University and VU Student Union has a zero-tolerance harassment.

policy You

for

can

sexual report

assault an

or

assault

anonymously if you wish to Safer Community.

ON CAMPUS Download the VU SAFE app(external link) Safer Community (external link): 03 9919 5707 Student Counselling: 03 9919 5400 Security: 03 9919 4999 (Emergency 03 9919 6666) If you are in immediate danger, call 000. inTouch: Provides services and support to migrants and refugees. Call 1800 755 988 QLife: Provides peer support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex (LGBTQI) people and their friends, families and allies. Call 1800 184 527 Djirra: Provides culturally safe and accessible services to Aboriginal people seeking support.

Call 1800 105 303 1800

RESPECT

(1800

737

732):

National

helpline for advice and support about sexual assault.

They

can

connect

you

with

appropriate services wherever you are. Live chat is also available at 1800respect.org.au Western

Region

Centre

Against

Sexual

Assault (WestCASA): Counselling and crisis support in the western suburbs of Melbourne.

Call 03 9216 0444 (After hours: 1800 806 292) Women's Information & Referral Exchange (WIRE): Any woman, any issue - free support, referral and information for all Victorian women,

non-binary

and

people. Call 1300 134 130

gender

diverse

TIPS FOR TALKING WITH SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

It’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, especially if they are a friend or family member. For a survivor, disclosing to someone they care about can be very difficult, so we encourage you to be as supportive and non-judgemental as possible.

Sometimes support means providing resources, such as how to reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline, seek medical attention, or report the crime to the police. But often listening is the best way to support a survivor.

Here are some specific phrases you can use to be supportive through a survivors healing process.

“I believe you. / It took a lot of courage

“You are not alone. / I care about you and

to tell me about this.”

am here to listen or help in any way I can.”

It can be extremely difficult for survivors to

Let the survivor know that you are there

come forward and share their story. They

for them and willing to listen to their story if

may feel ashamed, concerned that they

they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if

won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be

there are people in their life they feel

blamed. Leave any “why” questions or

comfortable going to, and remind them

investigations to the experts—your job is to

that there are service providers who will be

support this person. Be careful not to

able to support them as they heal from the

interpret calmness as a sign that the event

experience.

did

not

occur—everyone

responds

to

traumatic events differently. The best thing

“I’m

sorry

this

happened.

/

you can do is to believe them.

shouldn’t have happened to you.”

This

Acknowledge that the experience has “It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do

affected their life. Phrases like “This must

anything to deserve this.”

be really tough for you,” and, “I’m so glad

Survivors may blame themselves, especially

you are sharing this with me,” help to

if they know the perpetrator personally.

communicate empathy.

Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.

CONTINUED SUPPORT

There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.

Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?” or "You've let this effect you for too long" Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.

Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped

to

manage

someone

else’s

health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor.

If someone you care about is considering suicide or self harm, learn the warning signs and offer help and support. Below are some crisis support and services available that can help.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

page 27 BYSTANDER AWARENESS

With help from VU's Respect and Responsibility for information about bystanders and how you can actively work

to

call

out

inappropriate

behaviour.

A bystander is a person who is present and witnesses

something

but

is

not

directly

involved in it.

A bystander is also someone who is told about an incident or who witnesses sexist or sexually

harassing

behaviours

in

an

organisation or setting, for example, on public transport, in a workplace, in a pub, in a sports club or on a university campus.

Bystanders can be passive (do nothing) and they can also be active (do something). A bystander could also make things worse by reinforcing, contributing or extending the problem. An active bystander is the one who decides to take action to help other people.

ENABLERS TO BECOMING AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER

A bystander might be more willing and able to act if they: have support and encouragement from their peers or organisation

have an awareness of what constitutes

However, research shows that when a third

sexism and harassment

party steps in and becomes an active

have empathy for the victim

bystander,

it

have a sense of responsibility and power

perpetrator

and

to intervene

victim. By speaking up, you can contribute to

understand

the

appropriate

response

helps

to

discourage

emotionally

the

support

the

a culture that condemns sexist behaviours.

processes.

WHAT TO DO AT WORK

BARRIERS TO BECOMING AN

In workplaces, sexist behaviour could take the

ACTIVE BYSTANDER

form of a crude joke, making unwanted approaches, or treating men and women

A bystander might be unwilling or unable to act. This could be because of: failure to recognise that there is a problem adherence to traditional roles a perception that their actions would be ineffective

differently for doing the same job. Whatever its

form,

sexist

behaviour

hurts

and

sexually

both

harassing

individuals

and

organisations. Disrespect can be talking over someone, implying one gender is less capable than another, or sexualised comments.

SHOW: you don't agree by not laughing

fears of consequences of taking action

along to a sexist joke.

worries about their image unequal power dynamics, for example if the perpetrator is their boss.

SUPPORT:

those

by

talking

to

your

manager or HR. SPEAK UP: using your work workplace's values

HOW DO I BECOME

WHAT TO DO IN PUBLIC

AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER?

There are different ways to be an active You can be a bystander by identifying, speaking out about or seeking to engage others in responding to incidents of violence or behaviours, attitudes or practices that contribute to violence.

We

know

that

someone

who’s

on

the

receiving end of inappropriate behaviour can find it difficult to confront the perpetrators.

bystander. inappropriate

Sometimes

it’s

behaviour,

other

reporting times

it’s

responding to an offensive remark to show the perpetrator that their comments are not okay.

Disrespect on the street, transport and at venues can mean someone getting too close, staring and sexual comments, often claiming ‘it’s just a joke’.

SHOW: it's not okay if a person is uncomfortably close to someone else by standing in between them.

SUPPORT: ask if the person is okay SPEAK UP: by talking to the other person to give the victim space.

WHAT TO DO ONLINE

Sometimes making a light-hearted comment such as “what decade are you living in?” or “Sorry, what was that you said about women?” is enough to stop the situation. Other times, you might want to take a more direct approach. Disrespect online can be posts made by other people, or comments on your own posts.

SHOW: your support by liking or sharing comments or pages that show respect and call out disrespect.

SUPPORT: those by reporting people or pages that show disrespect.

SPEAK UP: by commenting or messaging the disrespectful person to let them know you’re not on board.

We can all be bystanders. Every day events unfold around us. At some point, we will register someone in danger. When this happens, we will decide to do or say something (and become an active bystander), or to simply let it go (and remain a passive bystander).

When we intervene, we signal to the perpetrator that their behaviour is unacceptable. If such messages are constantly reinforced within our community, we can shift the boundaries of what is considered acceptable and problem behaviour can be stopped.

Learning to recognise when someone is in danger and how you can intervene safely is an essential skill. Safely intervening could mean anything from a disapproving look, interrupting or distracting someone, not laughing at a sexist or a violent joke, talking to a friend about their behaviour in a non-confrontational way to caring for a friend who’s experienced problematic behaviour. Other times, it means asking friends, staff, or the police for help.

We can all be bystanders. Every day events unfold around us. At some point, we will register someone in danger. When this happens, we will decide to do or say something (and become an active bystander), or to simply let it go (and remain a passive bystander).

BEFORE STEPPING IN, TRY THE ABC APPROACH

Assess for safety: If you see someone in trouble, ask yourself if you can help safely in any way. Remember, your personal safety is a priority – never put yourself at risk.

Be in a group: It’s safer to call out behaviour or intervene in a group. If this is not an option, report it to others who can act.

Care for the victim. Talk to the person who you think may need help. Ask them if they are OK.

HOW YOU CAN INTERVENE SAFELY

When it comes to intervening safely, remember the four Ds – direct, distract, delegate, delay.

Direct

Action:

Call

out

negative

behaviour, tell the person to stop or ask the victim if they are OK. Do this as a group if you can. Be polite. Don’t aggravate the situation - remain calm and state why something has offended you.

Stick

to

exactly

what

has

happened, don’t exaggerate.

Distract: Interrupt, start a conversation with the perpetrator to allow their potential target to move away or have friends intervene. Or come up with an idea to get the victim out of the situation – tell them they need to take a call, or you need to speak to them; any excuse to get them away to safety.

Alternatively,

try

distracting,

redirecting the situation.

or

Delegate: If you are too embarrassed or shy to speak out, or you don’t feel safe to do so, get someone else to step in. Any decent venue has a zero tolerance policy on harassment, so the staff there will act.

Delay: If the situation is too dangerous to challenge then and there (such as there is the threat of violence or you are outnumbered) just walk away. Wait for the situation to pass then ask the victim later if they are OK. Or report it when it’s safe to do so – it’s never too late to act.

WHAT IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE OR CONFIDENT TAKING THESE ACTIONS

Sometimes you might not feel comfortable to take some of the actions stated.

There are other things that you can do "in the moment" to be an active bystander.

Remember, if you witness sexism or sexual harassment, it is really important that you do something - you can only challenge sexist and harassing behaviours if you try!

USE BODY LANGUAGE TO SHOW DISAPPROVAL OR INTERRUPT THE BEHAVIOUR

Sometimes, using silent body language can be easier than saying directly yo the person. It can be a good way of showing you don't agree with what is happening if you are not feeling confident to do so verbally. Nonverbal cues can also interrupt the sexist or harassing behaviour before it goes further. For example - shake your head and look away.

MAKE A LIGHT-HEARTED COMMENT TO TRY AND STOP THE SITUATION

If you are not confident to directly call out a situation for what it is (e.g. "that's sexist, please stop"), then you can try making a light-hearted comment to stop the behaviour before it escalates. For example - "The 1950s called, they want their jokes back!"

IN AN EMERGENCY, CALL THE POLICE ON 000.

AND REMEMBER, NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER. ONLY INTERVENE IF SAFE TO DO SO.

page 33 ONLINE HARASSMENT

As we become more and more dependent on technology

and

the

internet,

incidents

of

cyberbullying, online harassment and abuse are continuing to increase. Although most cases that we hear about in the media are tragedies involving teenagers – it has become as much of a problem for adults, as it is for children. In fact, adults can be far more adept at hiding their online identity – and far more malicious and sophisticated in the way they use technology to harm others.

WHAT IS CYBERHARASSMENT/CYBERBULL YING?

Cyber-harassment, or cyber-bullying, can include things like: Checking your email without permission Impersonating you or hacking into your online accounts Spreading rumours about you, or Sharing photos or videos of you without your consent.

Cyber-harassment is not just about being teased – it’s repeated behaviour that is designed to humiliate, control or scare the person being targeted. It’s not legal, and it’s not OK. The abuse can take place on social media, in texts or emails and through online chats, message boards and other forums that allow people to post public comments.

For example:

MAKING THREATS

it is a crime under national and Victorian law to log on to someone’s online

Cyberbullying may be a crime under national

accounts without permission to access

law if it involves using a phone or the internet

information, to change anything without

to scare someone by threatening to kill or

permission, or to commit a serious

seriously harm them.

offence (e.g. to stalk someone); it is a crime under national law to use a

It may also be a crime under Victorian law if

phone or the internet to commit a serious

it involves threatening to kill or seriously

offence (e.g. to stalk someone); and

injure someone or to destroy or damage their

it is a crime under Victorian law to

property, or if it involves threatening rape or

maliciously ‘publish’ (e.g. post online)

sexual assault.

untrue things about someone which damages

their

reputation

(defames

them).

ENCOURAGING SUICIDE

Under national law, it is a crime to use a phone or the internet to send or post

WHAT IS CYBER-

anything that encourages or helps someone

STALKING?

to commit suicide. There is also a Victorian law which makes it a crime to encourage someone to commit suicide, or to help someone commit or attempt to commit

If

someone

keeps

contacting

you

on

Facebook or any kind of online site and it’s

suicide.

making you scared and upset, it sounds like

NUDE OR SEXUAL IMAGES

Stalking is illegal. The person could get

you’re being stalked.

dangerous Cyberbullying could be a crime if it involves sending or posting nude or sexual images of

Stalking includes following someone around

someone

or

or leaving messages on their phone or online,

threatening to. This is called image-based

and deliberately trying to make them feel

abuse and it is a crime in Victoria and is also

scared.

without

their

consent,

against national law.

You should contact the police and get their advice. Save any messages or emails to OTHER CRIMINAL LAWS

show the police if necessary.

THAT COULD APPLY

Stalking can also involve threats or sexual Depending on the circumstances, there are

comments. The stalker often tries to make

other

the person they’re stalking feel intimidated

crimes

cyberbullying.

that

may

also

apply

to

and scared.

Stalking a partner or ex-partner, or someone else is against the law in Victoria. Stalking someone online is also against the law.

Stalking is repeated behaviour that is done on purpose to make someone feel scared, to cause them physical or mental harm, or to encourage them to harm themselves.

Under the law, this can include repeatedly doing one or more of the following things: contacting someone by text or email

or

through

an

online

messaging service; saying

things

about

someone

online or in emails or texts; logging on to someone’s online accounts to access information or change anything; tracking someone’s use of the internet or email; threatening someone or using abusive or offensive words to them; sending

someone

offensive

material or posting it where they can see it.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE BEING HARASSED ONLINE

Resist the urge to respond It can be hard, but try not to respond or retaliate. People who say hurtful things often do so just to get a reaction. Minimise exposure. If possible, try to switch off at certain times of the day and/or create safe havens. For example, keep your device out of your bedroom at night.

Save evidence Your immediate reaction might be to make the abusive content disappear, but it is really important that you keep evidence of it in case you need to report it.

Report and block Report the abusive user or account to the service or platform where the content or comments were posted.

Seek help There are many options available for help including online services and advice, legal advice and police advice. You can also confide in friends or family if you feel safe to do so and seek their help.

COUNSELLING AND SUPPORT SERVICES

If you would like to talk to a trained counsellor, the following services offer free and private counselling support.

Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 (available 24/7, for young people between 5 and 25) eHeadspace 1800 650 890 (available 9am to 1am, everyday, for young people between 12 and 25) Lifeline 13 11 14 (available 24/7, for all ages) QLife 1800 184 527 (available 3pm to midnight, everyday, for all ages) 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 (available 24/7, for all ages) Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78 (available 24/7, for men of all ages)

REMEMBER TO STAY SAFE. ONLINE HARASSMENT CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND ITS IMPORTANT TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.

page 37 Relationships

feel

dangerous,

intimacy

HELP FOR

impossible. And on top of that, like many rape

SURVIVORS

anxiety, and depression.

survivors, you may struggle with PTSD,

It’s important to remember that what you’re If you have been sexually assaulted, whether as an adult or a young person, it is important to remember that it wasn't your fault. Sexual violence is a crime, no matter who commits it or where it happens. Don't be afraid to get

experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma.

Your

feelings

of

helplessness,

shame,

defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem, with these tips and techniques, you can

help.

come to terms with what happened, regain

If you've been sexually assaulted, there are

heal and move on with your life.

your sense of safety and trust, and learn to

services that can help. You don't have to report the assault to police if you don't want to. You may need time to think about what

RECOVERING FROM

has happened to you. However, consider

RAPE OR SEXUAL

getting medical help as soon as possible, because you may be at risk of pregnancy or

TRAUMA STEP 1: OPEN

sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you

UP ABOUT WHAT

want the crime to be investigated, the sooner

HAPPENED TO YOU

a forensic medical examination takes place, the better.

It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that

Recovering from sexual assault takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But you can regain your sense of control, rebuild

you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how

your self-worth, and learn to heal.

others will react. Will they judge you? Look at

Regardless of age or gender, the impact of

what happened or keep it a secret. But when

you differently? It seems easier to downplay

sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually

you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.

assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by

nightmares,

flashbacks,

and

other

unpleasant memories. The world doesn’t feel

REACH OUT TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST

like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may

It’s common to think that if you don’t talk

question your judgment, your self-worth, and

about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But

even your sanity. You may blame yourself for

you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth.

what happened or believe that you’re “dirty”

And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As

or “damaged goods."

scary as it is to open up, it will set you free.

However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is

someone

who

will

be

supportive,

empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crisis hotline.

CHALLENGE YOUR SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS AND ISOLATION

Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.

CONSIDER JOINING A SUPPORT GROUP

Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.

STEP 2: COPE WITH FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME

Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame.

These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:

YOU DIDN’T STOP THE ASSAULT FROM HAPPENING

After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.

YOU TRUSTED SOMEONE YOU “SHOULDN’T” HAVE

One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.

YOU WERE DRUNK OR NOT CAUTIOUS ENOUGH

Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.

STEP 3: PREPARE FOR FLASHBACKS AND UPSETTING MEMORIES

When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fightor-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert.

You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors.

When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli.

This is the case for many rape survivors.

Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.

To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:

TRY TO ANTICIPATE AND PREPARE FOR TRIGGERS

Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY’S DANGER SIGNALS

Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.

TAKE IMMEDIATE STEPS TO

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH

SELF-SOOTHE

FLASHBACKS

When you notice any of the above symptoms,

It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks.

it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself

But if you find yourself losing touch with the

down before they spiral out of control. One of

present and feeling like the sexual assault is

the quickest and most effective ways to calm

happening all over again, there are actions

anxiety and panic is to slow down your

you can take.

breathing.

Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is SOOTHE PANIC WITH THIS

over and you survived. Here’s a simple script

SIMPLE BREATHING

that

EXERCISE

frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am

can

help:

“I

am

feeling

[panicked,

remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.

Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles.

The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.

Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.

Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.

Hold your breath for a count of seven.

look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”

Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when you look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and three things you see when you look around.

STEP 4: RECONNECT TO YOUR BODY AND FEELINGS

Since

your

nervous

system

is

in

a

hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings.

When

you

shut

down

the

unpleasant

sensations, you also shut down your selfawareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically —existing, but not fully living.

Signs that you’re avoiding and numbing in unhelpful ways: Feeling physically shut down. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain).

Feeling

separate

surroundings

(you

from

your

may

feel

body like

or

you’re

watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it).

Having

trouble

concentrating

and

remembering things.

Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you.

Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.

Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.

Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.

Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong.

TO RECOVER AFTER RAPE, YOU NEED TO RECONNECT TO YOUR BODY AND

These activities combine body awareness with relaxing, focused movement and can help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.

FEELINGS

Massage.

It’s frightening to get back in touch with your

After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with

body and feelings following a sexual trauma.

human touch. But touching and being touched

In many ways, rape makes your body the

is an important way we give and receive

enemy, something that’s been violated and

affection and comfort. You can begin to

contaminated—something you may hate or

reopen yourself to human contact through

want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the

massage therapy.

intense feelings associated with the assault.

But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous.

Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true

STEP 5: STAY CONNECTED

danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.

It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected

Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:

and regain a sense of control over our bodies. combines

rhythm

and

movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your

walking

concentrating

or on

activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the other people is vital to your recovery. But

Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax that

may feel tempted to withdraw from social

people who care about you. Support from

Rhythmic movement.

Anything

from others following a sexual assault. You

running the

routine

back

and

remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.

by forth

movements of your arms and legs.

PARTICIPATE IN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES

Mindfulness meditation.

You can practice mindfulness meditation

Even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things

anywhere, even while you are walking or

with other people, things that have nothing to

eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in

do with the sexual trauma.

the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.

RECONNECT WITH OLD FRIENDS

If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.

MAKE NEW FRIENDS

If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

STEP 6: NURTURE

PHYSICALLY

YOURSELF

Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.

It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but even more so when you’re healing from trauma.

Exercise

in

particular

can

soothe

your

traumatised nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.

BE SMART ABOUT MEDIA

AVOID ALCOHOL AND

CONSUMPTION

DRUGS

Avoid watching any program that could

Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with

trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This

alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens

includes obvious things such as news reports

many

about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV

emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and

shows and movies. But you may also want to

depression. It also interferes with treatment

temporarily

and can contribute to problems at home and

avoid

anything

that’s

stimulating, including social media.

over-

symptoms

in your relationships.

of

trauma,

including

WE NEED YOUR HELP TO SPREAD THE AWARENESS It's not hard for the VUSU team to come up with a booklet or a logo, however, what is difficult is spreading the word. This is where we need your help, as VU students.

VUSU wanted to launch this campaign about the hard topics that aren't discussed enough, but are real for survivors and should be real for the rest of the world.

It's my Bits talks about the hard topics around appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and about spreading the awareness of consent, rape, sexual violence, and bystanders. The campaign also discusses how having these conversations with people can make a huge impact on our community and eventually the world.

These confronting conversations need to be had in order to help stop sexual violence from occurring.

Not only have we created this booklet to start these conversations but we have also created yet another conversation starter. The VUSU team created merchandise including hoodies, t-shirts, tote bags, key chain lights, and more.

The VUSU website has launched the It's my Bits merchandise to go on sale and for 100% of the proceeds to be donated to WESTCASA, a charity that helps to support the prevention of sexual assault and the recovery of survivors in the Western suburbs of Melbourne.

Please

go

and

check

out

vustudentunion.com/its-my-bits

our

website for

at

more

information on the campaign and how you can help

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