ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY
Victoria University Student Union and Hyde Student Magazine acknowledges the Ancestors, Elders and families of the Boonwurrung, Woiwurrung (Wurundjeri) and Wathaurung (Wadawurrung) on our Melbourne campuses and the Gadigal and Guring-gai people of the Eaora Nation on our Sydney campus. These groups are the custodians of the University land and have been for many centuries. As we share our own knowledge practices within the University, may we pay respect to the deep knowledge embedded within the Aboriginal community and ownership of Country. We acknowledge that the land on which our campuses stand is the place of age old ceremonies and celebration, initiation and renewal. Such land was stolen and soverignty was never seeded. The Kulin and Eora people's living culture had, and has, a unique role in the life of these regions. Victoria University supports the aim of Reconciliation Australia to build better relationships between the wider Australian community and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people for the benefit of all Australians. It is important that staff, students, and visitors understand and respect the significance of recognising the traditional owners of University land, and that this land was stolen, and sovereignty was never seeded.
INTRODUCTION The
It's
my
Bits
campaign
works
in
conjunction with the Be a Better Human campaign that was released here at VU by VUSU in 2019. The Be a Better Human campaign was developed by a group of Flinders University students to reflect the views of students. VUSU would like to thank Flinders University Student
Association
for
sharing
their
excellent resources to continue to grow the Be a Better Human campaign and allow VUSU to build the It's My Bits campaign. The It's my Bits campaign works towards spreading awareness of consent and what all VU, the community, country and world should appreciate and respect to be better humans. The message is simple - 'if it's not a clear yes, then it's a no!' The Be a Better Human campaign was a good start to encourage our community to improve our behaviour but now we want to go further and talk about the hard and confronting topics and really work towards becoming a better human, a better campus and a better world for everyone.
If it's not a clear yes, it's a no
CONTENT WARNING SEXUAL VIOLENCE, ASSAULT, RAPE, SELF HARM. DO
NOT
TAKE
THIS
WARNING
LIGHTLY. CONTENT IS VERY HEAVY AND MAY HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH IMPACT. We would like to inform readers that this entire publication contains content that mentions sexual violence, sexual assault,
rape
and
self
harm
and
statistics surrounding these topics. We understand that some readers may find such topics difficult. If this is you please feel free to skip the read. We do encourage the read but understand that it can be incredibly difficult to read hard and confronting topics. If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, sexual assault or rape there is help available. Please don't hesitate to reach out to the contact below: Lifeline: 24/7 Crisis Support & Suicide Prevention,
call
13
11
https://www.lifeline.org.au/
14
or
WHATS INSIDE
TERMINOLOGY
PAGE 6
BE A BETTER HUMAN
PAGE 7
CONSENT
PAGE 9
RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT
PAGE 17
BYSTANDER AWARENESS
PAGE 27
ONLINE HARASSMENT
PAGE 33
HELP FOR SURVIVORS
PAGE 37
SPREADING AWARENESS
PAGE 45
page 5
TERMINOLOGY Terminology is important to ensure everyone knows the correct meaning and definitions of particular words or phrases used throughout this booklet.
CONSENT
Permission
for
SEXUAL VIOLENCE
something
to
happen
or
agreement to do something.
When consent isn’t provided, any form of sexual activity is considered to be sexual violence (i.e. sexual assault and harassment). This includes situations where consent is not
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
properly sought, agreed upon, or when a
Uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical behaviour of a sexual nature especially by a person in authority toward a subordinate
person doesn’t stop or respond appropriately when their sexual partner changes their mind before or during the sexual activity.
(such as an employee or student). AWARENESS SEXUAL ASSAULT
Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.
Illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is
RAPE
inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical
Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual
or mental incapacity) or who places the
intercourse carried out forcibly or under
assailant (such as a doctor) in a position of
threat of injury against a person's will or with a
trust or authority.
person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness,
ONLINE HARASSMENT
deficiency,
intoxication,
unconsciousness, or deception.
Also known as cyberbullying or online abuse. The
mental
practice
of
using
electronic
communications
to
harass
someone
persistently.
BYSTANDER
A person who is present at an event or incident but does not take part.
SELF HARM COERCION
The act of purposely hurting oneself (as by cutting or burning the skin) as an emotional
The practice of persuading someone to do
coping mechanism.
something by using force or threats.
page 7 And when we say ‘everyone’, we really
do
mean
everyone.
We’re
encouraging everyone who is part of our campus community to take a moment and consider how we can
BE A
‘better’ our behaviour.
BETTER
The general outline of this project is
HUMAN
including booklets, merchandise (t-
CAMPAIGN
clubs
to bring in materials on education, shirts, pens, etc) as well as to hold a festival
space
where
the
information can be passed along to students in a personalised manner. This
would
include
Be
a
Better
In 2017, The Australian Human Rights
Human campaign info, student club
Commission conducted a randomised
stalls,
performances
survey of university students, including
guest
speakers,
students here at Victoria University,
giveaways including awesome BaBH
and released the National Report on
shirts, pens and more!
free
and
special
food
and
Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment at Australian Universities. The report
Events like the BaBH festival help build
offered
a culture of respect, empathy and
many
suggestions
for
Universities to adopt and while we think
those
recommendations
consent for all students and staff.
are
fantastic, here at VU we want to do
“Victoria University has a zero tolerance
even better!
approach to violence in any form, including
sexual
and
gender-based
This initiative was created with a
violence. Gender-based violence is a
group of Flinders students from the
serious social issue driven by gender
ground up, to reflect campus culture
inequality and enabled by sexist attitudes
and what we think everyone needs to
and behaviours. We work to build a
appreciate – consent, respect and
culture of safety and respect, where
empathy. The campaign is called Be a
students and staff are empowered to
Better Human (BaBH), because we
become change agents to help stop
don’t just want it to be about what we
gender-based violence at the University
shouldn’t do; we want it to be about
and in the wider community.” (VU
self-improvement for everyone.
Respect & Responsibility)
In-line
with
and
It will raise awareness of the VU and
Bystander
VUSU services available to students
Awareness Training, VUSU believes
and staff, as well as education on
that bringing the BaBH campaign to VU
respectful relationships, consent, and
further develops education for students
empathy. This project will also create a
of the west to be a better human. “It is
safe space for students to express
important that we all show that sexism
themselves, and to learn.
Responsibility
the &
Respect VUSU
and harassment have no place at our university. Everyone should be treated
VUSU believes that this campaign is
fairly and have a safe and respectful
not
place
department,
it's
awareness
and
knowledge
of
to
learn.”
(VU
Respect
&
Responsibility email).
about
spreading
a
name
about
or
increasing
spreading
the
responsibility
for
Increasing visibility and knowledge of
everyone to do better, and to do their
being a better human is vital to ALL
bit to change culture around sexual
students and staff at VU.
assault and harassment.
The outcomes / benefits to students
Be a Better Human Campaign has been
will include an environment where
run by many Student Unions across the
students and staff feel supported and
county. It is an amazing campaign to
empowered.
run,
and
was
part
objectives.
The
vusuteers,
team
of
the
campaign
VUSU utilises
members,
and
students to bring this campaign to life! We have seen many of our consent, empathy and respect tote bags and jumpers on campus and off campus from
our
students
wearing
the
merchandise, spreading the word and supporting an important cause. For more information regarding the Be a Better Human campaign and how you can contribute to becoming a better human go to the VUSU website at vustudentunion.com/babh. Together we can Be a Better Human!
page 9
CONSENT
You should have permission for every activity at every stage of a sexual encounter. It’s also important to note that consent can be
In the Be a Better Human campaign we
removed at any time — after all, people do
spoke about consent but it wasn't discussed
change their minds!
seriously enough. Consent is not a joke. Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and
Every participant in sexual activity must be
clear agreement between participants to
capable of granting their consent. If someone
engage in specific sexual activity. There is
is too intoxicated or incapacitated by alcohol
no room for different views on what
or drugs, or is either not awake or fully awake,
consent is.
they’re incapable of giving consent. Failure to recognize that the other person was
People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
too impaired to consent is not “drunk sex.” It’s
cannot consent.
sexual assault.
If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing
Consent should be given freely and willingly.
consent is not given by all participants, it's
Repeatedly asking someone to engage in a
sexual
sexual act until they eventually say yes is not
assault.
There's
no
room
for
ambiguity or assumptions when it comes to
consent, it’s coercion.
consent, and there aren't different rules for people who've hooked up before.
Consent is required for everyone, including people who are in a committed relationship or
Nonconsensual sex is rape.
married. No one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to do, and being in a relationship
Consent is clear and unambiguous. Is your
doesn’t obligate a person to engage in any
partner enthusiastically engaging in sexual
type of sexual activity.
activity? Have they given verbal permission for each sexual activity? Then you have
It’s important to understand that any type of
clear consent.
sexual activity without consent, including touching, fondling, kissing, and intercourse, is
Silence is not consent. Never assume you
a form of sexual assault and may be
have consent — you must clarify by asking.
considered a crime.
YOU DO NOT HAVE CONSENT FROM ANOTHER PERSON IF:
they’re sleeping or unconscious you use threats or intimidation to coerce someone into something they’re incapacitated by drugs or alcohol you use a position of authority or trust, such as a teacher or employer they change their mind — earlier consent doesn’t count as consent later you ignore their wishes or nonverbal cues to stop, like pushing away you have consent for one sexual act, but not another sexual act you pressure them to say yes they say no
WHAT CONSENT SOUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE
You know you have consent when the
The other person is capable of
other person has clearly said yes —
making informed decisions, and
without being pressured — and has
isn’t intoxicated or incapacitated, or
given you permission to do something.
being coerced. Consent needs to be demonstrated freely and clearly.
Here are examples of what consent
The absence of a “no” does not
looks like:
mean a “yes.” The same goes for “maybe,” silence, or not responding.
Each person is engaging in sexual activity
enthusiastically,
after
agreeing to have sex. There’s continuous communication every step of the way while sexting, hooking up, or while in a committed relationship. Respecting the other person when they say no or are unsure about anything — from sending photos while sexting to engaging in sexual activity.
WHEN AND HOW TO ASK FOR CONSENT
It's crucial to ask for consent before
Ensure you let them know that
engaging in any kind of sexual
there’s no harm in waiting and doing
activity. Talking openly about what
something else.
all participants want and setting any boundaries is important in any
In any sexual encounter, it’s the
relationship, regardless of whether
responsibility of the person initiating
casual or long term.
sexual activity to ensure that the other person feels comfortable and
In a healthy sexual encounter, parties
should
feel
all
safe.
comfortable
communicating their needs without
You might worry that asking for
feeling fearful. If you're initiating sex,
consent is going to be a total mood
and you become angry, frustrated,
killer, but the alternative — not
or
partner
asking for consent and potentially
declines any sexual activity, this is
sexually assaulting someone — is
NOT okay.
unacceptable.
Sexual or nonsexual activity that
Consent is necessary and serious,
occurs because of fear, guilt, or
but it doesn’t mean having to sit
pressure is coercion — and it’s a
down for a clinical discussion or
form of sexual assault. If you’re
signing forms! There are ways to
engaging in sexual activity and the
ask for consent that aren’t a total
person declines to go further or
buzzkill.
insistent
when
your
seems hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them if they’re comfortable
Besides, if you’re comfortable enough
doing that activity or if they want to
to want to get closer, then talking
take a break.
openly about what you both want and need is perfectly fine, and sexy!
Let them know you don’t want to do anything they don’t feel 100 percent comfortable with.
WAYS TO TALK ABOUT CONSENT
It's incredibly important to talk about consent and is the first thing that should be done before participating in any form of sexual activity.
YOU COULD GET RIGHT TO THE POINT AND ASK:
Can I kiss you? Can I take this off? What about these? Do you want to have sex, or would you like to wait? Can I [fill in the blank]?
YOU CAN ALSO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO USE OPEN COMMUNICATION ABOUT SEX AND BOUNDARIES AS FOREPLAY. HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:
I think it’s hot when we [fill in the blank], do you want to do this? It feels so good when you [fill in the blank], do you want to do this? Can I take your clothes off? Can I kiss you here?
IF YOU’RE ALREADY IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, YOU COULD SAY:
Are you comfortable with me doing this? Do you want me to stop? How far are you comfortable going tonight? Remember that consent needs to be ongoing. This means even if you’re in the throes of a heavy make out session or foreplay, your partner needs to consent before you take things to the next level. Asking if they’re comfortable, if they want it, and if they want to keep going is important, so keep communicating and don’t just make assumptions.
VERBAL AND NONVERBAL CUES
This makes me uncomfortable I don't want to do this anymore This feels wrong Maybe we should wait
People communicate using words and actions, while some people are
A person might communicate that
more comfortable with one than the
they don’t consent by using actions
other.
and body language.
This
can
cause
some
confusion when it comes to consent. THESE ARE POSSIBLE
Verbal cues are when the person uses words to express what they want or don’t want, while nonverbal cues are given using their body language or actions to express themselves.
NONVERBAL CUES THAT INDICATE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE CONSENT:
pushing away pulling away avoiding eye contact
VERBAL PHRASES FOR
shaking their head no
CONSENT:
silence not responding physically — just
Yes
lying there motionless
I'm sure
crying
I want to
looking scared or sad
Don't stop
not removing their own clothing
I still want to I want you to
Even if a person appears to be giving nonverbal cues that make it seem like they’re into it and want to have
VERBAL PHRASES WITHOUT CONSENT:
No Stop I don't want to I don't know I'm not sure I don't think so It hurts I want to, but...
sex, make sure you get verbal consent before continuing. Be sure and don’t just assume. Often
times,
people
who’ve
experienced sexual assault are silent and appear to “give in” to the sexual act for fear of harm or wanting the incident to be over, NOT because they’re consenting to the act.
CONSENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE
Consenting under the influence is a tricky subject. It’s unrealistic (and not legally accurate) to say consent isn’t possible if the parties have been drinking. Plenty of people drink and remain coherent enough to consent. However, studies have shown a direct relationship between excessive alcohol consumption and the risk for committing sexual assault. Approximately one half of sexual assaults involve alcohol consumption by the perpetrator, the person who’s been assaulted, or both. Sexual assault, even if it involves alcohol consumption, is never the victim’s fault. If you and others are under the influence, you should understand the risks when assessing whether you have consent to engage in sexual activity. If either party is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it’s even more important to communicate your own boundaries and be extra sensitive to your partner’s boundaries. Here are some good guidelines to follow: If
you’re
initiating
sexual
activity,
you’re
responsible for obtaining consent. In the case that either person is under the influence, the definition of consent — clear, ongoing, coherent, and voluntary — is just as important as ever. If someone is stumbling or can’t stand without leaning on something, slurring their words, falling
asleep,
or
has
vomited,
they’re
incapacitated and cannot consent. If someone doesn’t exhibit any of the above signs, but you know that they’ve been drinking or taking drugs, try asking something like, “Do you feel clear enough to be making decisions about sex?” And regardless of what your partner says in response to that, if YOU feel they’re not clear enough, then just stop.
STATISTICS
Below are some relevant statistics to show the figures that relate to consent, sexual violence and online harassment. Official Report by AHRC 2017 (https://humanrights.gov.au/sites/default/files/ document/publication/AHRC_2017_ChangeThe Course_UniversityReport.pdf) Women are almost 2x more likely to be sexual assaulted and/or harassed (2015 – 2016) Majority of students never made a formal report (2016) Key
contributing
factors
(voiced
by
students) to assault and harrassment Alcohol (settings where it is consumed) Attitudes towards women Perpetrator abusing a position of power (senior students in leadership positions, staff, Orientation) Residential
settings
(on-campus,
on
university trips, bedrooms etc.) 1 in 4 students witnessed another student being sexually harassed in 2016 Most common response to no intervening action is They did not think it was serious enough to intervene They did not know what to do Both Indigenous students and students who identify with having a disability were more likely to be sexually harassed in 2016 Women aged 18 – 24 were mostly likely to be sexually assaulted Online harassment and bullying (https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-1005/young-australian-women-online-abuseharassment-planinternational/12725286)
58% of women surveyed reported being exposed to harassment online (including sexual harassment, body shaming, etc.) Sexual assault, harassment in Australia – nude images, online conduct (https://www.anrows.org.au/mediareleases/young-australians-confused-aboutconsent-and-control-in-the-age-of-tinder-andsnapchat/) 1/3 men in Australia aged 16 – 24 believe that a woman who said she was raped, instead led a man on, had intercourse, and then regretted it later 1/4 of young people blamed the individual for sending nude images rather than the partner/receiver for sharing them without their consent Young
men
specifically
do
not
see
controlling behavior as a form of violence, ie. checking a partner’s messages, following someone home from work or university 1/3 of young men do not see repeated, unwarranted calls or messages as a form of harassment 73%
of
young
Australians
are
uncomfortable with sexist jokes, but only 37% would take action
Digital harassment and abuse
Crime stats per year
(https://www.parliament.nsw.gov.au/lcdocs/othe
(https://www.crimestatistics.vic.gov.au/crime-
r/7351/Tabled%20Document%20-
statistics/latest-victorian-crime-data/recorded-
Digital%20Harassment%20and%20Abuse%20of%
offences-2)
20A.pdf) Stalking related charges increased over Men and women were equally as likely to
1,000 (2019 compared to 2021_
receive digital harassment and abuse
In 100,000 people (in 2021)
Women are more likely to receive sexually
80 of them would be charged with sexual
based digital harassment
related offences (rape, sexual assault &
1/10 Australians reported someone posted a
harassment)
nude photo of them online without their
119
permission
harassment or threatening based behaviours
would
be
charged
with
stalking,
These are only based on REPORTED cases, Family violence, sexual assault & COVID-19
they are most likely much higher
(https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/reco rd-rates-of-family-violence-meet-anticipated)
Violence against women during covid-19 (https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/in-
Vic Police’s stats of family violence were
focus/in-focus-gender-equality-in-covid-19-
higher in every month of 2020 when
response/violence-against-women-during-
compared to 2019
covid-19 )
6.7% increase in domestic violence when compared to 2019 (and this is only the
1/3 women world-wide experience physical
reported cases)
or sexual violence by an intimate partner Calls regarding domestic violence increased by almost 5x in some countries during the COVID-19 pandemic Globally 6% of women state they have been subjected to sexual violence for someone other than their partner Culturally diverse women, Men & Sexual Assault (Aug 2020) (https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/0375553f0395-46cc-9574-d54c74fa601a/aihw-fdv5.pdf.aspx?inline=true)
Approx. 1 in 25 men have experienced sexual assault since the age of 15 2.3% of culturally and linguistically diverse women
state
they
experienced
sexual
assault in the last 12 months 1.6% of homicides (in the years 2012 – 2018) were preceded directly by a sexual assault
page 17 Some people think that if the person who was
RAPE AND
raped was drunk or on drugs then it is their fault and they were ‘asking for it’. This isn’t true. It is never the victim’s fault.
SEXUAL
The legal definition of rape is when an object
ASSAULT
i.e penis or finger or foreign object into the vagina, mouth or anus of another person when that person doesn’t want them to. It can happen to boys,
WHAT IS RAPE?
and girls and is a
serious crime.
Rape typically refers to penetration of the
If somebody puts objects or other parts of the
genitals, anus or mouth — without consent —
body (other than a penis) such as a finger, into
by a penis, object or other part of the body.
someone’s vagina or anus, when that person
However,
didn’t want it to happen, this is known as
rape
is
defined
differently
in
different states and territories, and the term
‘assault by penetration’.
has been replaced with 'sexual assault' in some states. Rape is sex without consent. This means that rape isn’t just people being physically forced
THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RAPE
into a sexual act, it also includes pressure that makes someone feel like they had no choice but to have sex. Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can be a victim of rape and / or sexual assault. The most important bit to remember is that being pressured or forced to have sex or to do something sexual when you don’t want to is a crime. If you have been raped, or sexually assaulted, remember that it’s not your fault, you aren’t to blame and there are people who can help you. It is rape when someone is pressured or forced to have sex when they don’t want to. If you’re going to have sex or do some kind of sexual activity, it’s important that all parties give consent every time – even if it’s with your partner.
Rape Rape is any sexual act where one person sexually penetrates another without their consent. Statutory Rape Any sexual act between an adult and a child under 16 is considered rape, even if both parties consent. Compelled Rape Compelled Rape is when someone forces two people to have sex. An example could be in a hijacking when an attacker forces people into having sex; both people who have been forced to have sex with each other would be treated as victims and not perpetrators. Gang Rape or Multiple Rape Gang Rape or Multiple Rape is rape involving two or more perpetrators.
Marital Rape Marital Rape is any sexual act committed by a spouse or ex-spouse without the
WHAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT?
consent and/or against the other person's will, or a sexual act that happens because someone is forced, threatened, intimidated, or unable to say yes to sex, for instance if
Sexual assault is a legal term used to describe a range of sexual offences, from showing
they are asleep, drugged or unconscious.
indecent images to another person, to kissing
Corrective Rape
person’s body with a body part or object.
Corrective Rape is the rape of lesbians to punish them for their sexuality because men may feel threatened or rejected. Some say their intention is to 'correct' a woman's behaviour. There have been numerous violent rapes and murders of black lesbian women
in
South
Africa.
The
term
transphobic rape includes the rape of other groups who are also vulnerable to rape.
or touching them, as well as penetration of the If someone: Does something sexual that makes you feel uncomfortable; or Touches your body when you do not want them to, it may be a sexual assault Different kinds of touching or behaviour might be sexual assault, it depends on: Where and how it happens; What the perpetrator is thinking when they do it; The age of the victim; What the victim thinks; and What a reasonable person would ‘Sexual assault’ is often called other names like sexual
abuse,
rape,
indecent
behaviour,
indecent assault, sexual molestation, incest, child
sexual
abuse,
child
sexual
assault,
touching, ‘feeling up’, sexual harassment. The legal term for all these kinds of offences is ‘sexual assault’. If someone does something to make you feel that you have been assaulted, you can seek help from health and counselling services, including sexual assault services. This applies even when you don’t want to report to police, or if you have reported to the police, but they do not believe that a crime has been committed.
If you are not sure whether you have been
Sexual assault: A person has sexual
sexually assaulted or not, you can contact
intercourse with you when you do not
a sexual assault service or legal service.
want to or you cannot consent; and that person knows you do not want to
There are specially trained people who
or
can
reasonable grounds to believe you
help
you
understand
what
has
cannot
consent,
or
has
no
happened to you and what your options
consented.
are.
Aggravated sexual assault: A person has
sexual
intercourse
with
you
Some people blame victims or make
without your consent in aggravating
victims feel that they somehow asked to
circumstances.
be raped because of how they looked or dressed, or where they were at the time.
What
are
aggravating
circumstances?
This is not right. It is never a victim’s fault.
Sexual assault can be even more serious when it includes ‘aggravating’ factors. A
Sexual assault is a crime where the
person can be charged with ‘aggravated
attacker uses force, abuse of power,
sexual assault’, for example if:
violence, threats, or tricks to control or
They physically hurt you when they
take advantage of the victim.
sexually assault you; You are under 16 years old;
Sexual assault is grouped into different
They use a weapon during the sexual
types of offences, such as:
assault; Other
people
are
present
and/or
Sexual act: A person shows you their
involved in the sexual assault;
genitals or masturbates/touches their
You have a severe disability;
genitals in public; A person makes you
The abuser is an authority figure like a
look at porn (sexual pictures or videos)
teacher, carer or religious leader.
in a magazine, on a computer, phone, or on television; A person sends your
Usually
more
serious
penalties
or
naked picture to other people or posts
punishments are given to a person who is
it online (sexting or cyber-bullying may
found guilty of an aggravated sexual
fit in this category but are also a
assault.
separate offence), or any other sexual act that would make most people feel very uncomfortable. It is not necessary
IS IT ONLY CALLED
to show that it caused fear/distress.
‘SEXUAL ASSAULT’
Sexual touching: A person touches you in a sexual way on your breasts,
WHEN SOMEONE
vagina,
HAS SEXUAL
penis
or
anus;
Includes
touching over the top of, or under your clothing that does not penetrate in any way; Kissing; or a person makes you touch their penis, vagina or anus.
INTERCOURSE WITH ME WHEN I DON’T WANT TO?
No, sexual assault can also include:
Sexual Assault Sexual assault can take many different
Getting or giving oral sex when you do
forms and be defined in different ways, but
not want to;
one thing remains the same: it’s never the
Being forced to put objects into your
victim’s fault.
own vagina or anus; Being forced to do these things to
Child Sexual Abuse
another person, animal or object;
When a perpetrator intentionally harms a
Penetration
or
something
being
minor physically, psychologically, sexually,
inserted into your body or the other
or by acts of neglect, the crime is known as
person’s body;
child abuse.
Being forced to have sex or perform sex acts on another person who might
Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
also be a victim;
Men and boys who have been sexually
Being made to perform sex acts on an
assaulted or abused may also face some
animal or object or weapon of some
additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and
If a person attempts to do any of these
masculinity.
things to you they can be charged with an offence.
Intimate Partner Sexual Violence A perpetrator can have any relationship to
Tricking or convincing a vulnerable person,
a victim, and that includes the role of an
such as a child or someone with a disability
intimate partner.
to do any of these things is also sexual assault.
Incest Regardless of how the law defines incest, unwanted sexual contact from a family member
THE TYPES OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE
can have a lasting effect on the survivor. Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault In cases of drug-facilitated sexual assault, survivors
The term "sexual violence" is an allencompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse. Many of these crimes are described below. Please note that the legal definition of crimes vary from state to state. There are often other crimes and forms of violence that arise jointly with crimes like sexual assault, and these are described as well.
often
blame
themselves.
Remember—you are not to blame. You are the only one allowed to make choices for your body. Using drugs or alcohol is never an excuse for assault and does not mean that it was your fault. The term "sexual violence" is an allencompassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse.
Many of these crimes are described below.
Sexual assault is something that has
Please note that the legal definition of crimes
happened to you, it’s not a result of who
vary from state to state. There are often other
you are or something you did, like being
crimes and forms of violence that arise jointly
drunk or dressing a certain way. Someone
with crimes like sexual assault, and these are
has chosen to behave badly toward you
described as well.
and to exert power and control over you. That is never your fault.
IF YOU’VE BEEN
SEXUAL ASSAULT
SEXUALLY
IS A FORM OF
ASSAULTED,
TRAUMA
REMEMBER IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
Everyone reacts differently to sexual
AND IT’S NEVER
assault. All of the following responses are normal:
OKAY FOR
Shock and denial: You might think,
SOMEONE TO
‘Did this really happen to me?’ or ‘Why
FORCE YOU TO
me?’, and feel unable to accept that it
DO SOMETHING
actually happened.
YOU ARE
Fear: You might experience fear of the
UNCOMFORTABLE
being believed.
offender, of being alone, or of not Silence: You might find that you’re
WITH.
unable to talk about the assault, or to describe what it feels like to have
You might experience a range of emotions
been assaulted, out of fear of being
and it’s important to know there are support
judged.
services that can help you to move forward. If
Anxiety: You might feel unsafe or
you are questioning whether you’ve been
unable to relax.
sexually assaulted, trust your instinct and
Depression:
speak to a professional who can help, such as
hopeless or down, or stop enjoying the
the
things that you used to enjoy.
non-judgmental
counsellors
RESPECT (1800 737 732).
at
1800
You
might
feel
sad,
Guilt
and
blame:
You
might
ask
If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it’s not
yourself, ‘Why did I go there/allow
something you have to live with on your own.
it/not fight back?’
Here are some things you can do straight away:
Low self-esteem: You might lose selfconfidence,
and
feel
‘unworthy’,
Ensure that you’re safe
ashamed or ‘dirty’.
If you’re in immediate danger, or you’re worried
Isolation: You might want to be alone,
about your safety, contact emergency services
and to isolate yourself from family and
on
friends.
somewhere safe.
000
immediately
and
try
to
get
to
Nightmares and flashbacks: You might have images and memories of the
Talk to someone
assault intrude on your daily life and
This can be tough, but is really important for
sleep.
your support and recovery. Find someone you
Mood swings: You might find that your
can talk to, such as a friend or family member,
mood changes quickly from anger and
or a professional like a GP, counsellor or youth
rage, to tears and despair, and back
worker.
again. Loss of confidence: You might worry
Get confidential help
about your ability to do your work or
Call the confidential 24-hour 1800 RESPECT
study, or lack confidence with friends
(1800 737 732) line to talk with experienced
or your partner.
counsellors. Have a look at sexual assault
Loss of trust: You might find it hard to
support for more information.
trust people in your social circle or family.
Get medical help
PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder):
If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it's possible to
You might experience a particular set
get medical support. If you decide to, try to get
of reactions such as reliving the
to a hospital or health centre where they can
traumatic
give you appropriate medical care.
thoughts
event or
with
memories,
intrusive or
feeling
You
might
emotionally numb. Flashbacks/memories:
Consider contacting the police
experience flashbacks or memories of
You might find it hard to decide whether or not
the assault.
to report the sexual assault to the police. The most important thing is that you make the right decision for you.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU’VE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
Trust yourself If someone has assaulted you, you may not feel confident about what to do next. Trust your instincts. Remember that it’s never okay for someone to assault you for any reason.
MY FRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT A SEXUAL ASSAULT - WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Sexual assault and sexual harassment are very common. If your friend, classmate or colleague tells you about unwanted sexual contact, there are some simple things you can do that will really help.
BELIIEVE THEM
Believing someone when they tell you about sexual assault or sexual harassment is really important. It takes a lot of courage for someone to talk about sexual assault or harassment. Let your friend know that you believe them, and tell them that it’s not their fault.
LISTEN TO THEM
Let the person talk, and really listen. Don’t focus on your reactions. Don’t ask for details of the assault, or ask questions like “Why did you go there?” or “Were you drunk?” Just listen, and let them know you want to support them.
HELP THEM FIND SUPPORT
Getting support as soon as possible is important. See the important contacts listed on the next page. Victoria University and VU Student Union has a zero-tolerance harassment.
policy You
for
can
sexual report
assault an
or
assault
anonymously if you wish to Safer Community.
ON CAMPUS Download the VU SAFE app(external link) Safer Community (external link): 03 9919 5707 Student Counselling: 03 9919 5400 Security: 03 9919 4999 (Emergency 03 9919 6666) If you are in immediate danger, call 000. inTouch: Provides services and support to migrants and refugees. Call 1800 755 988 QLife: Provides peer support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex (LGBTQI) people and their friends, families and allies. Call 1800 184 527 Djirra: Provides culturally safe and accessible services to Aboriginal people seeking support. Call 1800 105 303 1800
RESPECT
(1800
737
732):
National
helpline for advice and support about sexual assault.
They
can
connect
you
with
appropriate services wherever you are. Live chat is also available at 1800respect.org.au Western
Region
Centre
Against
Sexual
Assault (WestCASA): Counselling and crisis support in the western suburbs of Melbourne. Call 03 9216 0444 (After hours: 1800 806 292) Women's Information & Referral Exchange (WIRE): Any woman, any issue - free support, referral and information for all Victorian women,
non-binary
and
people. Call 1300 134 130
gender
diverse
TIPS FOR TALKING WITH SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT
It’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, especially if they are a friend or family member. For a survivor, disclosing to someone they care about can be very difficult, so we encourage you to be as supportive and non-judgemental as possible. Sometimes support means providing resources, such as how to reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline, seek medical attention, or report the crime to the police. But often listening is the best way to support a survivor. Here are some specific phrases you can use to be supportive through a survivors healing process. “I believe you. / It took a lot of courage
“You are not alone. / I care about you and
to tell me about this.”
am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
It can be extremely difficult for survivors to
Let the survivor know that you are there
come forward and share their story. They
for them and willing to listen to their story if
may feel ashamed, concerned that they
they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if
won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be
there are people in their life they feel
blamed. Leave any “why” questions or
comfortable going to, and remind them
investigations to the experts—your job is to
that there are service providers who will be
support this person. Be careful not to
able to support them as they heal from the
interpret calmness as a sign that the event
experience.
did
not
occur—everyone
responds
to
traumatic events differently. The best thing
“I’m
sorry
this
happened.
/
you can do is to believe them.
shouldn’t have happened to you.”
This
Acknowledge that the experience has “It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do
affected their life. Phrases like “This must
anything to deserve this.”
be really tough for you,” and, “I’m so glad
Survivors may blame themselves, especially
you are sharing this with me,” help to
if they know the perpetrator personally.
communicate empathy.
Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.
CONTINUED SUPPORT
There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support. Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now,” or “How much longer will you feel this way?” or "You've let this effect you for too long" Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story. Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped
to
manage
someone
else’s
health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor. If someone you care about is considering suicide or self harm, learn the warning signs and offer help and support. Below are some crisis support and services available that can help. Lifeline: 13 11 14 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
page 27 BYSTANDER AWARENESS
With help from VU's Respect and Responsibility for information about bystanders and how you can actively work
to
call
out
inappropriate
behaviour. A bystander is a person who is present and witnesses
something
but
is
not
directly
involved in it. A bystander is also someone who is told about an incident or who witnesses sexist or sexually
harassing
behaviours
in
an
organisation or setting, for example, on public transport, in a workplace, in a pub, in a sports club or on a university campus. Bystanders can be passive (do nothing) and they can also be active (do something). A bystander could also make things worse by reinforcing, contributing or extending the problem. An active bystander is the one who decides to take action to help other people.
ENABLERS TO BECOMING AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER
A bystander might be more willing and able to act if they: have support and encouragement from their peers or organisation
have an awareness of what constitutes
However, research shows that when a third
sexism and harassment
party steps in and becomes an active
have empathy for the victim
bystander,
it
have a sense of responsibility and power
perpetrator
and
to intervene
victim. By speaking up, you can contribute to
understand
the
appropriate
response
helps
to
discourage
emotionally
the
support
the
a culture that condemns sexist behaviours.
processes. WHAT TO DO AT WORK
BARRIERS TO BECOMING AN
In workplaces, sexist behaviour could take the
ACTIVE BYSTANDER
form of a crude joke, making unwanted approaches, or treating men and women
A bystander might be unwilling or unable to act. This could be because of: failure to recognise that there is a problem adherence to traditional roles a perception that their actions would be ineffective
differently for doing the same job. Whatever its
form,
sexist
behaviour
hurts
and
sexually
both
harassing
individuals
and
organisations. Disrespect can be talking over someone, implying one gender is less capable than another, or sexualised comments. SHOW: you don't agree by not laughing
fears of consequences of taking action
along to a sexist joke.
worries about their image unequal power dynamics, for example if the perpetrator is their boss.
SUPPORT:
those
by
talking
to
your
manager or HR. SPEAK UP: using your work workplace's values
HOW DO I BECOME
WHAT TO DO IN PUBLIC
AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER?
There are different ways to be an active You can be a bystander by identifying, speaking out about or seeking to engage others in responding to incidents of violence or behaviours, attitudes or practices that contribute to violence. We
know
that
someone
who’s
on
the
receiving end of inappropriate behaviour can find it difficult to confront the perpetrators.
bystander. inappropriate
Sometimes
it’s
behaviour,
other
reporting times
it’s
responding to an offensive remark to show the perpetrator that their comments are not okay. Disrespect on the street, transport and at venues can mean someone getting too close, staring and sexual comments, often claiming ‘it’s just a joke’.
SHOW: it's not okay if a person is uncomfortably close to someone else by standing in between them. SUPPORT: ask if the person is okay SPEAK UP: by talking to the other person to give the victim space. WHAT TO DO ONLINE
Sometimes making a light-hearted comment such as “what decade are you living in?” or “Sorry, what was that you said about women?” is enough to stop the situation. Other times, you might want to take a more direct approach. Disrespect online can be posts made by other people, or comments on your own posts. SHOW: your support by liking or sharing comments or pages that show respect and call out disrespect. SUPPORT: those by reporting people or pages that show disrespect. SPEAK UP: by commenting or messaging the disrespectful person to let them know you’re not on board. We can all be bystanders. Every day events unfold around us. At some point, we will register someone in danger. When this happens, we will decide to do or say something (and become an active bystander), or to simply let it go (and remain a passive bystander). When we intervene, we signal to the perpetrator that their behaviour is unacceptable. If such messages are constantly reinforced within our community, we can shift the boundaries of what is considered acceptable and problem behaviour can be stopped. Learning to recognise when someone is in danger and how you can intervene safely is an essential skill. Safely intervening could mean anything from a disapproving look, interrupting or distracting someone, not laughing at a sexist or a violent joke, talking to a friend about their behaviour in a non-confrontational way to caring for a friend who’s experienced problematic behaviour. Other times, it means asking friends, staff, or the police for help. We can all be bystanders. Every day events unfold around us. At some point, we will register someone in danger. When this happens, we will decide to do or say something (and become an active bystander), or to simply let it go (and remain a passive bystander).
BEFORE STEPPING IN, TRY THE ABC APPROACH
Assess for safety: If you see someone in trouble, ask yourself if you can help safely in any way. Remember, your personal safety is a priority – never put yourself at risk. Be in a group: It’s safer to call out behaviour or intervene in a group. If this is not an option, report it to others who can act. Care for the victim. Talk to the person who you think may need help. Ask them if they are OK.
HOW YOU CAN INTERVENE SAFELY
When it comes to intervening safely, remember the four Ds – direct, distract, delegate, delay. Direct
Action:
Call
out
negative
behaviour, tell the person to stop or ask the victim if they are OK. Do this as a group if you can. Be polite. Don’t aggravate the situation - remain calm and state why something has offended you.
Stick
to
exactly
what
has
happened, don’t exaggerate. Distract: Interrupt, start a conversation with the perpetrator to allow their potential target to move away or have friends intervene. Or come up with an idea to get the victim out of the situation – tell them they need to take a call, or you need to speak to them; any excuse to get them away to safety. Alternatively,
try
distracting,
redirecting the situation.
or
Delegate: If you are too embarrassed or shy to speak out, or you don’t feel safe to do so, get someone else to step in. Any decent venue has a zero tolerance policy on harassment, so the staff there will act. Delay: If the situation is too dangerous to challenge then and there (such as there is the threat of violence or you are outnumbered) just walk away. Wait for the situation to pass then ask the victim later if they are OK. Or report it when it’s safe to do so – it’s never too late to act.
WHAT IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE OR CONFIDENT TAKING THESE ACTIONS
Sometimes you might not feel comfortable to take some of the actions stated. There are other things that you can do "in the moment" to be an active bystander. Remember, if you witness sexism or sexual harassment, it is really important that you do something - you can only challenge sexist and harassing behaviours if you try!
USE BODY LANGUAGE TO SHOW DISAPPROVAL OR INTERRUPT THE BEHAVIOUR
Sometimes, using silent body language can be easier than saying directly yo the person. It can be a good way of showing you don't agree with what is happening if you are not feeling confident to do so verbally. Nonverbal cues can also interrupt the sexist or harassing behaviour before it goes further. For example - shake your head and look away.
MAKE A LIGHT-HEARTED COMMENT TO TRY AND STOP THE SITUATION
If you are not confident to directly call out a situation for what it is (e.g. "that's sexist, please stop"), then you can try making a light-hearted comment to stop the behaviour before it escalates. For example - "The 1950s called, they want their jokes back!"
IN AN EMERGENCY, CALL THE POLICE ON 000.
AND REMEMBER, NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER. ONLY INTERVENE IF SAFE TO DO SO.
page 33 ONLINE HARASSMENT
As we become more and more dependent on technology
and
the
internet,
incidents
of
cyberbullying, online harassment and abuse are continuing to increase. Although most cases that we hear about in the media are tragedies involving teenagers – it has become as much of a problem for adults, as it is for children. In fact, adults can be far more adept at hiding their online identity – and far more malicious and sophisticated in the way they use technology to harm others.
WHAT IS CYBERHARASSMENT/CYBERBULL YING?
Cyber-harassment, or cyber-bullying, can include things like: Checking your email without permission Impersonating you or hacking into your online accounts Spreading rumours about you, or Sharing photos or videos of you without your consent. Cyber-harassment is not just about being teased – it’s repeated behaviour that is designed to humiliate, control or scare the person being targeted. It’s not legal, and it’s not OK. The abuse can take place on social media, in texts or emails and through online chats, message boards and other forums that allow people to post public comments.
For example:
MAKING THREATS
it is a crime under national and Victorian law to log on to someone’s online
Cyberbullying may be a crime under national
accounts without permission to access
law if it involves using a phone or the internet
information, to change anything without
to scare someone by threatening to kill or
permission, or to commit a serious
seriously harm them.
offence (e.g. to stalk someone); it is a crime under national law to use a
It may also be a crime under Victorian law if
phone or the internet to commit a serious
it involves threatening to kill or seriously
offence (e.g. to stalk someone); and
injure someone or to destroy or damage their
it is a crime under Victorian law to
property, or if it involves threatening rape or
maliciously ‘publish’ (e.g. post online)
sexual assault.
untrue things about someone which damages
their
reputation
(defames
them).
ENCOURAGING SUICIDE
Under national law, it is a crime to use a phone or the internet to send or post
WHAT IS CYBER-
anything that encourages or helps someone
STALKING?
to commit suicide. There is also a Victorian law which makes it a crime to encourage someone to commit suicide, or to help someone commit or attempt to commit
If
someone
keeps
contacting
you
on
Facebook or any kind of online site and it’s
suicide.
making you scared and upset, it sounds like
NUDE OR SEXUAL IMAGES
Stalking is illegal. The person could get
you’re being stalked.
dangerous Cyberbullying could be a crime if it involves sending or posting nude or sexual images of
Stalking includes following someone around
someone
or
or leaving messages on their phone or online,
threatening to. This is called image-based
and deliberately trying to make them feel
abuse and it is a crime in Victoria and is also
scared.
without
their
consent,
against national law. You should contact the police and get their advice. Save any messages or emails to OTHER CRIMINAL LAWS
show the police if necessary.
THAT COULD APPLY
Stalking can also involve threats or sexual Depending on the circumstances, there are
comments. The stalker often tries to make
other
the person they’re stalking feel intimidated
crimes
cyberbullying.
that
may
also
apply
to
and scared.
Stalking a partner or ex-partner, or someone else is against the law in Victoria. Stalking someone online is also against the law. Stalking is repeated behaviour that is done on purpose to make someone feel scared, to cause them physical or mental harm, or to encourage them to harm themselves.
Under the law, this can include repeatedly doing one or more of the following things: contacting someone by text or email
or
through
an
online
messaging service; saying
things
about
someone
online or in emails or texts; logging on to someone’s online accounts to access information or change anything; tracking someone’s use of the internet or email; threatening someone or using abusive or offensive words to them; sending
someone
offensive
material or posting it where they can see it.
WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE BEING HARASSED ONLINE
Resist the urge to respond It can be hard, but try not to respond or retaliate. People who say hurtful things often do so just to get a reaction. Minimise exposure. If possible, try to switch off at certain times of the day and/or create safe havens. For example, keep your device out of your bedroom at night.
Save evidence Your immediate reaction might be to make the abusive content disappear, but it is really important that you keep evidence of it in case you need to report it. Report and block Report the abusive user or account to the service or platform where the content or comments were posted. Seek help There are many options available for help including online services and advice, legal advice and police advice. You can also confide in friends or family if you feel safe to do so and seek their help.
COUNSELLING AND SUPPORT SERVICES
If you would like to talk to a trained counsellor, the following services offer free and private counselling support.
Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 (available 24/7, for young people between 5 and 25) eHeadspace 1800 650 890 (available 9am to 1am, everyday, for young people between 12 and 25) Lifeline 13 11 14 (available 24/7, for all ages) QLife 1800 184 527 (available 3pm to midnight, everyday, for all ages) 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 (available 24/7, for all ages) Mensline Australia 1300 78 99 78 (available 24/7, for men of all ages)
REMEMBER TO STAY SAFE. ONLINE HARASSMENT CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND ITS IMPORTANT TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
page 37 Relationships
feel
dangerous,
intimacy
HELP FOR
impossible. And on top of that, like many rape
SURVIVORS
anxiety, and depression.
survivors, you may struggle with PTSD,
It’s important to remember that what you’re If you have been sexually assaulted, whether as an adult or a young person, it is important to remember that it wasn't your fault. Sexual violence is a crime, no matter who commits it or where it happens. Don't be afraid to get
experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your
feelings
of
helplessness,
shame,
defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem, with these tips and techniques, you can
help.
come to terms with what happened, regain
If you've been sexually assaulted, there are
heal and move on with your life.
your sense of safety and trust, and learn to
services that can help. You don't have to report the assault to police if you don't want to. You may need time to think about what
RECOVERING FROM
has happened to you. However, consider
RAPE OR SEXUAL
getting medical help as soon as possible, because you may be at risk of pregnancy or
TRAUMA STEP 1: OPEN
sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you
UP ABOUT WHAT
want the crime to be investigated, the sooner
HAPPENED TO YOU
a forensic medical examination takes place, the better.
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that
Recovering from sexual assault takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But you can regain your sense of control, rebuild
you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how
your self-worth, and learn to heal.
others will react. Will they judge you? Look at
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of
what happened or keep it a secret. But when
you differently? It seems easier to downplay
sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually
you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.
assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by
nightmares,
flashbacks,
and
other
unpleasant memories. The world doesn’t feel
REACH OUT TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST
like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may
It’s common to think that if you don’t talk
question your judgment, your self-worth, and
about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But
even your sanity. You may blame yourself for
you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth.
what happened or believe that you’re “dirty”
And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As
or “damaged goods."
scary as it is to open up, it will set you free.
However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is
someone
who
will
be
supportive,
empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crisis hotline.
CHALLENGE YOUR SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS AND ISOLATION
Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.
CONSIDER JOINING A SUPPORT GROUP
Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.
STEP 2: COPE WITH FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME
Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame.
These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:
YOU DIDN’T STOP THE ASSAULT FROM HAPPENING
After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.
YOU TRUSTED SOMEONE YOU “SHOULDN’T” HAVE
One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.
YOU WERE DRUNK OR NOT CAUTIOUS ENOUGH
Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.
STEP 3: PREPARE FOR FLASHBACKS AND UPSETTING MEMORIES
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fightor-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert.
You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.
To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:
TRY TO ANTICIPATE AND PREPARE FOR TRIGGERS
Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY’S DANGER SIGNALS
Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.
TAKE IMMEDIATE STEPS TO
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH
SELF-SOOTHE
FLASHBACKS
When you notice any of the above symptoms,
It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks.
it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself
But if you find yourself losing touch with the
down before they spiral out of control. One of
present and feeling like the sexual assault is
the quickest and most effective ways to calm
happening all over again, there are actions
anxiety and panic is to slow down your
you can take.
breathing. Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is SOOTHE PANIC WITH THIS
over and you survived. Here’s a simple script
SIMPLE BREATHING
that
EXERCISE
frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am
can
help:
“I
am
feeling
[panicked,
remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little. Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered. Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little. Hold your breath for a count of seven.
look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.” Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when you look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and three things you see when you look around.
STEP 4: RECONNECT TO YOUR BODY AND FEELINGS
Since
your
nervous
system
is
in
a
hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When
you
shut
down
the
unpleasant
sensations, you also shut down your selfawareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically —existing, but not fully living. Signs that you’re avoiding and numbing in unhelpful ways: Feeling physically shut down. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain). Feeling
separate
surroundings
(you
from
your
may
feel
body like
or
you’re
watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it). Having
trouble
concentrating
and
remembering things. Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you. Compulsively using drugs or alcohol. Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc. Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.
Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong.
TO RECOVER AFTER RAPE, YOU NEED TO RECONNECT TO YOUR BODY AND
These activities combine body awareness with relaxing, focused movement and can help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.
FEELINGS
Massage. It’s frightening to get back in touch with your
After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with
body and feelings following a sexual trauma.
human touch. But touching and being touched
In many ways, rape makes your body the
is an important way we give and receive
enemy, something that’s been violated and
affection and comfort. You can begin to
contaminated—something you may hate or
reopen yourself to human contact through
want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the
massage therapy.
intense feelings associated with the assault. But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true
STEP 5: STAY CONNECTED
danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected
Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:
and regain a sense of control over our bodies. combines
rhythm
and
movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your
walking
concentrating
or on
activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the other people is vital to your recovery. But
Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax that
may feel tempted to withdraw from social
people who care about you. Support from
Rhythmic movement.
Anything
from others following a sexual assault. You
running the
routine
back
and
remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.
by forth
movements of your arms and legs.
PARTICIPATE IN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
Mindfulness meditation. You can practice mindfulness meditation
Even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things
anywhere, even while you are walking or
with other people, things that have nothing to
eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in
do with the sexual trauma.
the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.
RECONNECT WITH OLD FRIENDS
If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.
MAKE NEW FRIENDS
If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
STEP 6: NURTURE
PHYSICALLY
YOURSELF
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.
It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but even more so when you’re healing from trauma. Exercise
in
particular
can
soothe
your
traumatised nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.
BE SMART ABOUT MEDIA
AVOID ALCOHOL AND
CONSUMPTION
DRUGS
Avoid watching any program that could
Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with
trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This
alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens
includes obvious things such as news reports
many
about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV
emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and
shows and movies. But you may also want to
depression. It also interferes with treatment
temporarily
and can contribute to problems at home and
avoid
anything
that’s
stimulating, including social media.
over-
symptoms
in your relationships.
of
trauma,
including
WE NEED YOUR HELP TO SPREAD THE AWARENESS It's not hard for the VUSU team to come up with a booklet or a logo, however, what is difficult is spreading the word. This is where we need your help, as VU students. VUSU wanted to launch this campaign about the hard topics that aren't discussed enough, but are real for survivors and should be real for the rest of the world. It's my Bits talks about the hard topics around appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and about spreading the awareness of consent, rape, sexual violence, and bystanders. The campaign also discusses how having these conversations with people can make a huge impact on our community and eventually the world. These confronting conversations need to be had in order to help stop sexual violence from occurring. Not only have we created this booklet to start these conversations but we have also created yet another conversation starter. The VUSU team created merchandise including hoodies, t-shirts, tote bags, key chain lights, and more. The VUSU website has launched the It's my Bits merchandise to go on sale and for 100% of the proceeds to be donated to WESTCASA, a charity that helps to support the prevention of sexual assault and the recovery of survivors in the Western suburbs of Melbourne. Please
go
and
check
out
vustudentunion.com/its-my-bits
our
website for
at
more
information on the campaign and how you can help
page 46