Time is of the Essence By Cindy K. Sproles
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he clock on the wall continues to tick. Each round of the second arm brings about another minute and then…it has passed. We could fill this article with clichés like time is of the essence, or time waits for no man, but in reality, all we can do with time is take advantage. My mother resides in assistive living. She is in excellent health. Her mind, short of a few slip-ups, is good and her ninety-fifth birthday rolls around in a few weeks. She is healthy and happy, content to spend her days doing the things she is passionate about—quilting amazing quilts and reading. But time continues to tick away and each day it steals away another moment my brother and I have with her. It’s easy to claim the frustrations of doctor’s appointments, memory issues, stubbornness, or just plain aging quirkiness as something to contend with daily. Making sure the appointments are met, the day-to-day needs are there, and their safety and well-being are managed, are all full-time jobs. Still, I have my mother while others do not and with each passing day, we realize that time grows shorter and shorter. That is why it is vital that everything is in place for that day when our loved ones are gone. It’s not the advance directives, living will, or funeral arrangements. It’s not the power of attorney or even the desires of our parents’ last wishes that are so important. These things are important, but what far outweighs the legal aspects of these, is the time. Once it passes, it can no longer be retrieved. Some families struggle with hardships and disagreements, ill feelings, and grudges. Sadly many never move past those issues. There comes a time to lay down the hatchet and take up a heart of compassion. Here are some of the realities of time that come with our aging parents.
In a hard relationship: • Regret is an ugly bedfellow — An adage that carries a lot of weight and speaks to making amends. Regardless of the past with our parents, there will always be the physical connection of family. Whether your parents were topnotch or bottom dwellers, once they are gone it is those left behind who suffer unresolved issues. It is not only in the best interest of your loved one, but it is in your future best interest, to make an effort to make amends. It doesn’t mean everything ends neatly tied in a happy bow, but verbalizing those hurts, can be healing. It is always better to say, “I’m glad I did,” than to wish you had. • Forgiveness is not always for the offender — More times than not, the offender reaps no real benefit from your for22 | August 2021 | voicemagazineforwomen.com
giveness, but you do. It’s a matter of letting go of the things that have haunted you and taking control of what your future holds. Find forgiveness, even if it is small Any step forward leads to securing your happiness and it lays aside, for a time, the rough patches.
In a good relationship: • Make more memories — Most aging parents require little of us other than our time. After all, they spent their younger years raising you and, maybe, helping raise your children. Make memories while you can. • Enjoy their history — Many times our aging parents spend a good deal of thought in the past. Enjoy their times of sharing. Soak in their history because this, too, is your history. Learn from their mistakes. Grow from their successes. Love to the fullest. It was once said, a person who doesn’t know their history cannot learn from past mistakes. Wise information. • Talk — Spend time talking. Maybe you talk about the same thing over and over. It doesn’t matter, you are spending time, soaking in the essence of who your loved ones are. • Take heed to their advice — This probably is one of the most important things you can do with your aging parent. Listen to their advice. It doesn’t mean you take it, but the life lessons learned from their mistakes and misgivings will offer you a strong platform to stand on when you face difficulties. There is no perfect family. Each one has good and bad. Some are amazing, others unrepairable, but either way, time is of the essence. Make the best of the time remaining with your loved ones. It may be hard to see the value now, but the day will come when you will hold that time close to your heart.
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Cindy K. Sproles is a novelist, speaker, and conference teacher. She is the cofounder of ChristianDevotions.us and the managing editor for Straight Street Books and SonRise Devotionals, imprints of Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Visit Cindy at www.cindysproles.com.