The Power of Yes

In an age where we are bombarded with messaging that encourages us to create safe spaces for ourselves through inaccessibility and detachment; interdependence has been villainized, while extreme independence applauded. We are being misled to believe that intentional self-care demands a sort of justifiable isolation, that often includes creating distanced hollows between us and others. Braggart social media posts about cutting people out of our lives, or eagerly awaiting spending nights alone streaming movies and binge-watching series, dominate my timelines.

I often hear people express that saying no is a supremely liberating act of self-care. It is true that we can overextend ourselves to a point of exhaustion and personal neglect. Practicing healthy boundaries does add appreciation for our presence, help to protect our time, and support our mental health. However, saying no is not the only way to empower ourselves. All things in life are better with balance. Through true self-awareness comes the realization that our power is in creating experiences and developing strong relationships with those around us. What is there to gain, what is there to learn, and how are we enriched, when we are so protected that we cut off potential and limit our exposure to all the wonders that life has to offer?

Some time ago, I decided that I would say yes in situations where I would have said no in the past. This practice requires me to pause before instinctively denying invitations. I stop, and ask myself, “Why not?”

If after deliberation, the offer does not conflict with my personal ethics, my goals, or my personal safety, I accept. And let me tell you -- my life has been enriched because of it. Human connection is one of the single most valuable commodities we have. The other is time. I have found that doing as much as I can, in the time that I have, with the people who extend their kindness to me; has allowed me to be in whimsical places, see fanciful things, and love magnificent humans, all around this world.

From my yeses, I spent time in Netherlands, as a soccer coach for a very talented group of teenagers who were representing the United States at the International Friendship Games. I got drunk in a Belgium bar, while dancing to Michael Jackson music coming from a jukebox, with two old men who spoke no English, as they mourned the icon’s passing. I had Thanksgiving dinner with a stranger (again in a bar) as we both sought refuge from a Rocky Mountain snowstorm. I fell in love with a high school classmate twenty-five years later, after he finally worked up the courage to ask me out. I once moved to another state for no other reason than a television show telling me it was a nice place to live. And guess what? It was a nice place to live! There, I survived my first ice storm, something I would not have faced had I never left California. I also gained a lifelong friend; whom, I will forever hold dear. Some of the kindest humans we will ever meet, will begin as strangers, and grow into friends.

From visiting numerous countries and living all over, I have collected stories, memories, and friends. Saying yes has made me interesting. I have built a catalog of experiences to speak to, to inform my thinking, and that add credibility to my primed opinions. We learn so much more about the world when we become familiar with it. And we have more empathy and tolerance for others when we encounter those in different places, who speak different languages, who practice different religions, and who hold different values.

I have family and friends with whom, after some conversation, it becomes clear that they speak from what they view through a very narrow lens. And I often wonder what they use as point of reference when they share firm judgments on worldly things. There is no news broadcast, no book, no TikTok reel, or movie that can provide the same depth of knowledge as experience and exposure. What can we really know about the difference in jurisdictions having lived in the same fifty square miles our entire lives? How many varying life views can we access if we swear by the motto, “no new friends”? What multicultural expertise will we develop if Mexico is as far as we are willing to travel? When we limit ourselves, we don’t know, what we don’t know. The world is vast and the people, dynamic. But to truly appreciate this fact, is to be open to prospects that will expose us to people and places beyond where we sit comfortably.

Saying yes requires courage. And if I am honest, I have always been a risk taker. It is not that I am never afraid. I am often afraid. But I am more fearful of missed opportunities, than I am of failure, rejection, or mishaps. I see fear often drive my loved ones to say no to new experiences because they find security in contained predictability. Fear nourishes stagnation and keeps us from taking risks, and often, it limits our success. We all have something unique to offer the world if we walk through the openings presented to us, and live courageous lives. We are limitless people, who create our own limitations. To escape these self-imposed prisons, we must live bravely -expand our circles and our exploits, so that we can expand our minds. When we become daring enough to say yes, we will feel safe to try, fail, learn, and create.

From simply deciding to be vulnerable to possibility, I have taken walks and shared meals with old friends and complete strangers — having the opportunity to listen, discover, and sometimes, help. I have been to new places, forged new relationships, and eaten new foods. I have experienced new joy and found deep caverns of compassion and love within me. I have examined, confronted, and began to dismantle my biases. I have uncovered my weaknesses and refortified myself with robust femininity. By simply saying yes, and exposing my heart, and my life to newness — I have grown.

It is a sign of self-actualization to be resilient enough to stand on our own, but wise enough to recognize there is even greater strength in living boldly and developing a community. The next time you are invited to do something new, with someone new — I encourage you to ask yourself, “Why Not?” Say yes to an experience that is outside your space of comfort, understanding that while it is important to honor your boundaries, it is equally as important to build connections. There is potential for greatness in every new relationship and opportunity, do not deny yourself the gift of possibility.