VL - Issue 30 - January 2019

R E AL PEO PLE

SOMETHING R E A L U N TA NGLE T HE M ESS A R ESTOR ED LIFE (U N A V I DA R E S T AU R A DA)

Issue 01 / 2019

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Mentoring Occurs

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Equipped for Victory!

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Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Publisher & Executive Director

Contributing Writers

Cover Photography

Kristi Overton Johnson

Carole Engle Avriett

Zachary Brown

Roy A. Borges Editor

Lynn Brown

Photography

Rachel F. Overton

Laddie Calloway

Zachary Brown

Jocelyn Carbonara

Penn State/Collegiate Images/Getty Images

Linda Cubbedge-Smith

David Dermer

Kristi Dews Dale

Timothy Smith, Honor Photography

Chief Photographer Zachary Brown

D.J. Dozier

Creative Designer Lauren Jones Executive Project Manager Amber Katynski

Ayub Fleming

Artwork

Roger D. Hughes Jr.

Ken Carlisle Jr., The Lion and Lamb

Kristi Overton Johnson

Jared Emerson, Jesus Café

Jeannine Moffitt

Steve X, The Hand Crafted Church

Tracy Morrisey

Social Media Manager Jomy Leon-Rivera

Russell John Nestor Kelli Parks Betzaida Vargas

Digital Content Manager

Erin Warren

Tymothy Johnson

Luke Wollet

Director of Prison Correspondence Linda Cubbedge-Smith Accounting Manager Gizella Guba

VICTORIOUS LIVING MISSION

HOW TO REACH VICTORIOUS LIVING General and Subscription Inquiries

Victorious Living encourages hearts and equips minds through testimonials of God’s grace, love, and power in the lives of everyday people.

Please consider supporting this incredible outreach of hope and freedom.

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Victorious Living magazine is a publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries, a 501c3 organization.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®, copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Scripture marked NTV is taken from La Santa Biblia, Nueva Traducción Viviente, copyright © 2010 Tyndale House Foundation.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

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Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

ISSU E 1 , JA N UA RY 201 9

CO N T E N T S FEATURES 14

The Art of Starting Over

Life hasn’t been easy for Lynn Brown, but she finds fulfillment in helping others start over.

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Something Real

When Carole Avriett let go of her past and trusted God with her future, He turned her life around.

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Untangle the Mess

God is the only One who knows the way out of the messes we make of our lives.

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It’s important to count the cost of our sin—and the great price Jesus paid for our freedom.

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Start with What You Know Despite Satan’s lies to the contrary, we don’t need to know everything about God before He can use us for His glory.

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Secret Spaces

When we give Him access to the dark, secret places of our hearts, God will sweep them clean.

TRANSFORMED LIVES 10

Time to Die

Getting It Right Again

God directs our steps and our stops when we walk in His way.

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A Restored Life

Divorce left Betzaida Vargas feeling hopeless and lost—until she found herself in the story of the woman at the well, and knew Jesus loved her too.

ON THE COVER With the help of God’s grace and the support of his friends, Laddie Calloway was able to step out of the destructive cycle of pornography for good.

Pardoned Once and For All

In finally surrendering to Christ, Roger Hughes found that the pardon he deeply longed for had already been supplied.

The biblical instruction to die to oneself is difficult to follow in the face of personal offense.

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Count the Cost

What If

What if we stopped worrying about the what ifs that hold us back and think about what God might be ready to do through our surrender?

Surviving Loss

Jocelynn Carbonara recounts the loss of a daughter to heroin—and the redemption God can bring from even the most devastating heartbreak.

Find God’s Champion in You

What you see, think, and speak about your life can lift you to great heights of victory. It’s time to remove the limits from your life.

There Is Hope

Now an outspoken advocate of sobriety, Luke Wollet was on his way to NFL glory when drugs took hold of his life.

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COVER STORY Free From My Own Prison

Laddie Calloway discovered that God’s grace not only offers eternal life, but freedom from his addiction to pornography too.

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STEPPING FORWARD

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Una Vida Restaurada

Su divorcio, le dejó a Betzaida Vargas sin esperanza y perdida— hasta que se encontró en la historia de la mujer del pozo.

Entonces ella supo que Jesús aún le amaba.

IN EVERY ISSUE 6

Publisher’s Note A Voice of Hope

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Get Connected

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Help Me Understand Finding Peace

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From The Father I Will Not Fail You

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

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PUBLISHER’S NOTE

A Voice of Hope

IF

you are new to our

frail and pale, hungry and dirty, weak and

magazine, welcome!

powerless. She had no voice, no language,

This is the first issue

and she didn’t even know her name. She

of our newly designed

had been rejected, abandoned, and had

quarterly publication. If you’re a current subscriber to our magazine

Since 2011, Victorious Living has been a voice of hope to over one million people and an instrument of real-life transformation.

no one to care for her.

Through this image, I grasped a whole

or partner of our ministry, thank you

new perspective of the word orphan

for your patience as we rolled out our

in this passage, and I sensed the Lord

new 2019 design, podcast, and website,

saying,

victoriouslivingmagazine.com. I trust you will find hope in the stories shared

“I will never leave you as an orphan.

through each vehicle.

You are never alone, rejected, dirty,

More than ever, this world needs hope.

weak, powerless, or without a home

So many people are at the end of their

or hope for your future. In Me, you

rope and barely hanging on.

are accepted, protected, loved, pure,

As a former world champion water

complete, powerful, and you lack

skier, I spent decades at the end of a rope,

nothing. In Me, you belong and have

hanging on for dear life. Fortunately for

a name. I am always with you, even

me, when I lost my grip and fell or got

in the most turbulent of waters. I will

knocked down, there were always strong

never fail you.”

voices encouraging me to get back up and showing me the way to victory. If it hadn’t

What a timely message this was for me.

been for these strong voices, I would have

Perhaps it is timely for you, too.

given up long ago on my dreams.

Friend, I do not believe that it is by

Unfortunately, many people don’t have

accident that you have picked up this

a voice of hope in their lives. And they are

magazine. As you read the articles on

drowning in a sea of regret, despair, and

these pages, my prayer is that Victorious

hopelessness. As a result, they are giving

Living will be a voice of hope to you, and

up, not just on their dreams, but on life.

to millions of others who are facing life’s

And on God.

turbulent waters.

Maybe this is you or someone you

May these stories give you a fresh

know. Today, if you are down and feel like

revelation of God’s love and commitment

you’re drowning, don’t lose hope. It’s not

to you. May they give you the strength to

over. God is on your side. He will help you.

rise up and the courage to persevere. I

Recently the Lord revealed something

trust that as you call out to God and grab

to me through John 14:18. I hope it will

hold of His hand of grace, He will indeed

encourage you as much as it did me. In

help you survive your loss, untangle your

this verse, Jesus said to His disciples, “I

mess, and restore your life…just as He has

will not leave you as orphans; I will come

done for me and our contributors.

to you.”

I thought about the word orphan, and a picture of my daughter, Ivy, formed in my mind. I saw her as she had been when my husband and I first met her in a Russian orphanage in 2004. She was

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Issue 01 / 2019

Kristi Overton Johnson Publisher & Executive Director

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

MINISTRY NEWS

YOUR DAILY SOURCE OF HOPE

W W W.V I C TO R I O U S LI V I N G M AGA Z I N E .O RG

@victoriouslivingmag V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

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STEPPING FORWARD

FINDING GOD’S CHAMPION IN YOU

BY D.J. DOZIER AND AYUB FLEMING

Powerful things happen when we align

A few confessions in, something amaz-

at one time or another. The good news is

our expectations with truth. And here’s

ing happened. I started to believe, in the

that your story is still unfolding. Every day

the truth: God has created each of us for

depths of my being, that I was a champion.

is game day! The end of your story has not

His special purpose. In Him, you and I

By the time I hit number ten, I was fired up

yet been written, so don’t give up. It’s not

are champions.

and ready to go perform like one!

too late to find the champion inside you.

I started to realize God’s greatness in me

That moment has stuck with me

at the age of ten when, having previously

throughout my athletic career. It was in-

played only flag football, I entered my first

strumental in my becoming both an NFL

year of tackle football. I have not forgot-

and MLB player. Interestingly, I was the

SEE GOD’S CHAMPION

ten the coach’s instruction after practice

first and only professional two-sport ath-

If you want to be victorious, you must line

one day. “Tomorrow is game day,” he said.

lete to not have played baseball in college.

up what you see and believe about your-

“Now go home, get a good night’s rest, and

In fact, seven years passed between my

self with what God, the Creator of this

in the morning, find a mirror and say to

high school days and when I made it to the

world, sees and believes about you. He’s

yourself, ‘You are a champion!’ ten times.”

major leagues. My success, I believe, goes

ready to lead you onto the field and into

That was awkward to think about,

back to that moment when I agreed with

victory, but victory will never come if you

much less do—but I decided to move past

God’s assessment of me instead of my own.

fail to realize for yourself what God sees

my discomfort. I stood tall, looked myself

Maybe you’ve fallen short of being a

in the eye, and said, “You’re a champion.

champion in life; maybe you’ve fallen

Have you thought about the fact that

You’re a champion. You’re a champion…”

short of God’s plan for your life. We all do,

you are a champion? How awkward would

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Issue 01 / 2019

Here are some keys to living a victorious life on God’s field.

when He looks at you, His child.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

G O D A LWAYS S E E S TH E E N D B E FO R E TH E B EG I N N I N G. H E W I LL A LWAYS S E E B E YO N D TH E LI M IT S O F YO U R CU R R E NT S ITUATI O N A N D FO CU S O N TH E A M A Z I N G P O S S I B I LITI E S H E C A N PE R FO R M TH RO U G H YO U. beginning. He will always see beyond the

blessings God wants to pour out, upon you

limits of your current situation and fo-

and those around you.

cus on the amazing possibilities He can perform through you. What Moses didn’t

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION

know was that his past uniquely qualified

Changing your perception about yourself

him to be the one chosen by God to lead

won’t happen overnight. As you renew

the Israelites out of bondage.

your mind with God’s truth (Romans 12:2),

In the same way, your past uniquely qualifies you to do the job He has for you.

your perception of yourself will change.

With God’s help, you’ll step into your full potential. When you walk with God in the

GET AN EXPECTATION

truth of who you are, anything can happen.

In chapters 6 through 8 of the book of

However, if you choose a negative per-

Judges, we read the story of Gideon, who

ception over God’s, you’ll be limited in ev-

like Moses, had little expectation of him-

ery way, because without Him you won’t

self. All he could see in himself was a small

be able to do anything (John 15:5).

man, the least of the least (Judges 6:15).

Renewing your mind occurs through

But God saw Gideon through eyes of great

a deep study of God’s Word, the Bible. As

expectation, not limitation. Fortunately

you challenge your thoughts about your-

for the Israelites, Gideon finally trusted

self and bring them into submission un-

Dozier, #42 of Penn State, dodges Oklahoma defenders

and obeyed God, walking forward with

der God’s thoughts about you, you will

at the Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida, on January 1, 1986.

Him through what seemed to be insur-

begin to see yourself as God sees you. It

mountable odds. And God used His cham-

helps, too, to start speaking God’s truths

pion to bring the Israelites into a place of

over your life. When you replace the lies

great victory.

with God’s truth, you can build a new per-

(Photo by Penn State/Collegiate Images/Getty Images.)

it be to look in a mirror and say those words over yourself? Here’s the truth. You

It’s difficult to be champions when we

are God’s champion, and you are capable

doubt and have little awareness of the

ception for yourself.

What you see, think, and speak about

of great things. Believe it! And believe this

power and greatness that lives within and

your life can lift you to great heights of

too—God is ready to unfold an incredible

walks beside us. If you are a believer in Je-

victory, or it can drop you to the depths of

story, called by your name, just like He did

sus Christ, you have the same power that

despair. What happens here is largely up

for Moses, Gideon, and many others.

raised Him from the grave living on the in-

to you. Proverbs 23:7 says that what a man

side of you (Romans 8:11). When you trust

thinks in his heart is who he is.

LOOK PAST YOUR LIMITATIONS

His power, walk in obedience to His Word,

A turning point in your life will come

When God, the Great I Am, selected Moses

and accept His invitation to take the field

when you stop focusing on your lack of

to deliver the Israelites and lead His peo-

with Him, He will turn your deepest chal-

ability and instead have confidence in

ple out of slavery and bondage, He knew

lenge or weakness into victory.

God’s ability through you. It will be the dif-

the great things Moses would do. But Mo-

Your perceived limits are not limits God

ference between having mediocre results

ses couldn’t see them. All he could see

has placed on you. God is limitless! Any

in your life and experiencing the miracu-

were his own limitations.

limits in your life are based on your own

lous. When you step outside your human-

Exodus 3:11 tells us that Moses re-

perception of yourself or on the words

ity and walk in His divinity, you are able

sponded to God’s invitation with, “Who

others have spoken over your life. It’s time

to do the greater things that God promised

am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I

to remove those limitations and experi-

you would do in John 14:12.

to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”

ence what God desires for you. You are His

Moses couldn’t look past his weaknesses

beloved creation, and you are full of po-

and circumstances to see what God saw.

tential. Don’t let your own or other’s per-

But God knew his potential.

ceptions rob you of what God has in store.

God always sees the end before the

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Don’t deprive yourself of the rich love and

D. J. D O Z I E R played in the NFL and MLB. Today he is a successful entrepreneur. He coauthored the book, Decide to Dominate, with AY U B F L E M I N G, a businessman in Central Florida and author of over 16 published works.

Visit www.decidetodominate.com.

Issue 01 / 2019

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TR ANSFORMED LIVES

Pardoned Once and For All

BY ROGER D. HUGHES JR.

MY MOTHER AND I MOVED TO JACKSONVILLE, Florida, when I was eight. There, I met my biological father for the first time. It felt strange at first, but I soon grew used to him.

Not long after, he moved to Miami but visited often to see me and other family members. I idolized my father because his presence always drew attention, especially from women.

As I grew older, my mother permitted me to visit him in Miami.

These trips were much anticipated treats, because my father always gave me money and material items. He allowed me to do

Don’t chase the world’s riches and end up eternally bankrupt, separated from God.

things my mother would disapprove of, like drinking alcohol and attending strip clubs. He even encouraged me to be sexually active. Now, I don’t mean to condemn my father. At the time, he was doing what he believed to be right. And I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I am just as much to blame.

On August 23, 2001, everything changed. I was arrested for

Growing up in Jacksonville had its challenges, and I wanted

constructive possession of cocaine. That was bad enough, but

desperately to fit in. This created multiple strongholds in my life,

I also received two additional charges, one for armed robbery

including rebellion and deep insecurities.

and the other for murder. I was stuck between a rock and a hard

Playing football became my main source of hope. It provided

place—but what I didn’t understand at the time was that God

me with stability, as well as instruction from coaches, acceptance

would use all these circumstances to bring me to the Rock of

from teammates, attention from girls, and the opportunity to at-

Ages—the Lord Jesus Christ.

tract college recruiters. In fact, I was blessed to receive a two-year football scholarship to Savannah State.

College was an awesome experience for me, but it could have

I continued to resist Him, until one day God, through the preaching of His Word, revealed to me my need for a Savior. And through the faith that He supplied, I responded.

been greater, had I taken it more seriously. Unfortunately, I was

God met me at a most vulnerable time, when despair was all

suspended for stealing on campus before I completed my first

I could see. Through His Spirit, He awakened the deadness of

collegiate football season.

my spirit and breathed life into me. I continued to struggle with

I can see now that God continually extended His hands of grace

my desire to be delivered from the charges I was facing, until I

toward me, but His appeals of love went sinfully disregarded in

finally realized that my pardon had already been supplied. It was

the courtroom of my heart. His claims of redemption were denied

through a higher court in another kingdom.

as insufficient in my thinking.

My earthly release, although desired and to this day still an-

It did not take long after my journey back to Jacksonville from

ticipated, is only temporal. My spiritual redemption is eternally

college for me to become engulfed in a promiscuous lifestyle of

set and secure in Christ Jesus. My desire is to reap both, but I’m

sex and drugs. In just five months, I went from an athletic build of

learning to be content with just the latter if it is God’s will.

215 pounds to a sickly looking 177 pounds.

Learn from me: don’t chase the world’s riches and end up eter-

Everyone could see that I was falling apart, but the depravity

nally bankrupt, separated from God. Grab hold of God’s hands of

of my spirit blinded me from seeing my own condition. Not only

grace that are extended to you right now. Receive His Son, Jesus,

was I wasting away on the outside, I was dying on the inside. I was

as your Savior and embrace the person God has chosen you to be.

a man separated from God, reaping the consequences of my sin.

Love the fact that you are different, because it’s through our dif-

My situation got so bad that even crack cocaine users began encouraging me to get off the corner and go back to school—but

ferences that God’s tapestry is revealed to all humanity.

ROGER D. HUGHES JR. shares God’s Word behind bars through the Iron

I wouldn’t listen. I was spiritually deaf and blind and could not

Sharpens Iron ministry. As a playwright and actor, Roger’s works encourage

hear or see God’s appeals through others.

fellow inmates to follow and grow in Christ.

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Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

Untangle the Mess

BY ROY A. BORGES

PERHAPS THE THING I REMEMBER

teach me and prepare me for the future.

Instead, we’ll depend on the power we have

most about my father was going fishing

The biggest thing I have learned is to go to

through Christ who lives in us by the Holy

with him. I went to live with my father and

Him for help.

Spirit. When we acknowledge Him in all we

stepmother when I was ten.

In prison, God showed me that I needed

do, He directs our paths (Proverbs 3:5).

Having been raised in the Bronx, I

to be smart enough to figure out that I am

Even though I am still in prison be-

didn’t know anything about fishing. My

not very smart. When I took His advice, He

cause of the mistakes I made in my past,

father quickly taught me the essentials,

taught me how to untangle the messes I’d

my hope is strong. Jesus Christ is the an-

but after I caught my first fish, I thought

made in my life. When I turned my filthy

chor of my soul (Hebrews 6:19). I cling to

I knew it all. I was forever having trouble

actions and cluttered mind over to Him

Him through every trial. He lights dark

with my fishing line, though. It always got

and emptied my life of destructive habits,

tunnels and guides me through every try-

tangled on me. Every time my father tried

I began to experience a new life in Jesus

ing situation. He never disappoints me.

to help me untangle my line, I would say, “I

Christ. He untangled me.

When one door closes, He opens another

know how to do it!” And that always made a bigger mess.

My bad habits did not disappear over-

one with something better.

night. Problems didn’t fade away just be-

My faith tells me I can trust God to re-

If I’d have been wise, I would have given

cause I was a Christian. Fortunately, my

store my life piece by piece. Nothing in my

my pole to him and said, “I can’t untangle

heavenly Father is a God of second chanc-

life is too messy for Him to straighten.

this, Daddy. Can you help me?”

es. With Him, all things are possible. On

Nothing in your life is too messy for Him

Help and fish were right there, but I

my own, no matter how much I tried to be

to straighten, either. Your life may feel like

forfeited them both because of my stub-

good, I fell back into my foolish, useless,

one tangled mess. Just remember, there is

bornness. I thought I knew more about the

and evil ways. But God’s grace is always

no mess too big for God.

situation than my father, who was a sea-

greater than my sin.

soned fisherman.

He will never give up on you. He will

There are two sides to the Christian

stay by your side and work with you to

That was the problem most of my life.

life. On the one hand, we are complete

untangle each part of your life and, in the

As a young man, I thought I had all the

in Christ. On the other, we must grow in

process, He will make you more like His

answers and did things my way. I thought

Christ daily. We have the status of kings

Son, Jesus. But to start the untangling

I was smarter and tougher than everyone.

and the duties of slaves. We feel both the

process, you must come to Him and admit

To me, humbling myself to listen to others

presence of Christ and the pressure of sin.

that you need His help.

else seemed weak.

We want to follow God, but our flesh de-

God is the only One who knows the way

The Bible says, “There is a way that ap-

mands to be satisfied. We enjoy the peace

out of your mess. He is the only One who

pears to be right, but in the end it leads to

that comes from being made right with

can give you the strength to not give up.

death” (Proverbs 14:12 NIV).

God, but we still face problems daily.

Don’t ignore your heavenly Father’s help.

Eventually,

that

stubborn,

prideful

If we remember these two sides of the

thinking landed me behind prison fenc-

Christian life, we won’t be discouraged

a prison cell in Florida. His stories have appeared in many

es. But God has used my circumstance to

when we face temptation and problems.

Christian publications.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

ROY A. BORGES writes about his life experiences from

Issue 01 / 2019

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TR ANSFORMED LIVES

A Restored Life

BY BETZAIDA VARGAS

hen people meet me, they cannot imagine the past I left behind. Some accept me; others reject me as if my past is a tattoo that has marked my life forever.

Fortunately, God has never rejected me.

I arrived in the United States from Puerto Rico at the age of 31. I had many dreams. They were cancelled by God, who had a better plan (Jeremiah 29:11).

I became a professional and prosperous woman. But inside, I was alone, dry, and empty, desperate for a new way of life. I was

In a matter of months, everything changed for me. I accepted

divorced three times with two children from different men. I suf-

Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and began to study the Bible.

fered much loneliness and sorrow in this strange new country,

Through His Word, God taught me a new way of living. He also

raising my children alone.

gave me a Christian husband in Fred. We have now been happily

In 2011, I met Fred, who invited me to attend his Christian

married for six years.

church. I accepted his invitation, bought a Bible and a decent suit,

In 2015, the Lord showed me that He could use my painful past

and showed up the next Sunday. This church was full of people

of divorce to help others who are living in the same isolated sit-

who spoke another language and whose skin tones were different

uation. John 4 tells an interesting story about a woman from Sa-

from mine. Even so, I felt comfortable there.

maria who had a personal encounter with Jesus at a well.

VIDAS TR ANSFORMADAS

Una Vida Restaurada

En 2011, conocí a Fred, quien me invitó a asistir a su iglesia cristiana. Acepté su invitación, compré una Biblia y un traje decente, y me presenté en su iglesia el domingo siguiente. Esta iglesia estaba llena de personas que hablaban otro idioma y cuyo tono de piel era diferente al mío. Aun así, me sentí cómoda allí.

En cuestión de meses, todo cambió para mí. Acepté a Jesu-

POR BETZAIDA VARGAS

cristo como mi Señor y Salvador y comencé a estudiar la Biblia.

A través de su Palabra, Dios me enseñó una nueva forma de vivir.

También me dio un marido cristiano en Fred. Hemos estado feliz-

uando la gente me conoce, no pueden imaginarse el tipo

mente casados ​​por seis años.

de pasado que dejé atrás. Algunos me aceptan; otros

En 2015, el Señor me mostró, que podía usar mi pasado dolo-

me rechazan como si mi pasado fuera un tatuaje que

roso y mis divorcios para ayudar a otras personas que enfrentan

ha marcado mi vida para siempre. Afortunadamente, Dios nunca

esa misma situación. Juan 4 cuenta una historia interesante sobre

me ha rechazado.

una mujer que tuvo un encuentro personal con Jesús en un pozo.

Llegué a los Estados Unidos desde Puerto Rico a la edad de 31

Esta mujer había tenido cinco maridos y vivía con un sexto

años. Tenía muchos sueños. Fueron cancelados por Dios, quien

hombre sin casarse. Jesús, en contra de la costumbre de su pue-

tenía un mejor plan para mí (Jeremías 29:11).

blo, habló con ella y se le reveló como el Mesías. Él era el agua viva

Me convertí en una mujer profesional y próspera. Pero por den-

que podía salvarla de vivir una vida vacía.

tro, estaba sola, seca, vacía y desesperada por una nueva forma

Ella le creyó, dejó su cántaro de agua junto al pozo y corrió para

de vida. Era divorciada tres veces y tenía dos hijos por hombres

contarle a la gente del pueblo. Muchos lo aceptaron como su Sal-

diferentes. Sufrí mucha soledad y pena en un país nuevo y extraño

vador. A través de la historia de esta mujer, Dios me mostró que

mientras criaba sola a mis hijos.

Él podría usarme para compartir las buenas nuevas de Jesús tam-

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V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

This woman had had five husbands, and she was living with a sixth man out of wedlock. Jesus, against the custom of His people, spoke with her and revealed Himself as the Messiah. He was the living water, the One who could save her from her empty life.

She believed Him, left her water jar by the well, and ran to tell the townspeople. Many accepted Him as their Savior.

If you have found yourself alone,

rejected, and living an empty life,

you need to know that it is never too late for God to straighten bad roads.

Through this woman’s story, God showed me that He could use me to share the good news of Jesus too. He can use anyone’s com-

and knowledge of His Word. The Bible, if applied to your life, will

plicated past for His glory.

change you from the inside out, even if your circumstances never

Psalm 40:1–3 accurately describes the rescue God performed in my life when I was 40.

change. It is your lifeline to hope and the catalyst for change.

You’ll find good advice, solid promises, and consolation in the midst of pain. God’s Word has been a source of strength to me,

With patience I waited for the Lord to help me, and he turned

and to the thousands of single moms and divorced and widowed

to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair....

women that I now minister to in 65 countries through my minis-

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked

try, Samaritana del Pozo (Samaritan Woman at the Well).

along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to

If you have found yourself alone, rejected, and living an empty

our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They

life, you need to know that it is never too late for God to straight-

will put their trust in the Lord.

en bad roads. He is the giver of many opportunities. He wants no one to perish but all to have eternal and abundant life in Him (2

God has been so good to me. Like He did for that woman at the

Peter 3:9; John 10:10). God glorifies Himself by rescuing, using,

well, He sent His Son, Jesus, to rescue me from my empty way of

and prospering people with complicated pasts. And He is ready

life. He gave me His Word, the living water, and it quenched my

to glorify Himself through you.

thirsty soul.

Maybe you are thirsty. Maybe you need stability and a new way

BETZAIDA VARGAS is a Bible-study teacher, an author, the founder of Samaritana del

of life. True change comes only through a relationship with Jesus

Pozo, a ministry to single, divorced, and widowed Latinas. Visit samaritanadelpozo.com.

bién. Él puede usar el pasado complicado de cualquier persona

Si te has encontrado solo, rechazado y viviendo una vida vacía, debes saber que nunca es demasiado tarde para que Dios endereza los caminos malos.

para su gloria.

El Salmo 40:1–3 NTV describe con precisión el rescate que Dios realizó en mi vida cuando yo tenía 40 años.

Con paciencia esperé que el Señor me ayudara, y él se fijó en mí y oyó mi clamor. Me sacó del foso de desesperación....

Puso mis pies sobre suelo firme y a medida que yo caminaba,

medio del dolor. La Palabra de Dios ha sido una fuente de fortale-

me estabilizó. Me dio un canto nuevo para entonar, un himno

za para mí y para las miles de madres solteras, mujeres divorcia-

de alabanza a nuestro Dios. Muchos verán lo que él hizo y que-

das, y viudas a las que ahora ministro en 65 países a través de mi

darán asombrados; pondrán su confianza en el Señor.

ministerio Samaritana del Pozo.

Si te has encontrado solo, rechazado, y viviendo una vida

Dios ha sido muy bueno conmigo. Tal como hizo con esa mujer

vacía, debes saber que nunca es demasiado tarde para que Dios

en el pozo, así envió a su hijo Jesús a rescatarme de una vida vacía.

enderece los caminos malos. Él es el dador de muchas oportuni-

Él me dio su Palabra, el agua viva, y sació mi alma sedienta. Tal vez

dades. Él no quiere que nadie perezca, sino que todos tengan vida

hoy, tú tienes sed. Tal vez necesitas estabilidad y una nueva forma

eterna y abundante en Él (2 Pedro 3:9; Juan 10:10). Dios se glorifica

de vivir. Sé que el verdadero cambio solo se logra a través de una

a sí mismo al rescatar, usar, y prosperar a las personas con pasa-

relación con Jesús y el conocimiento de su Palabra. La Biblia, si la

dos complicados. Y Él está listo para glorificarse a través de ti.

aplicas a tu vida, la cambiará de adentro hacia afuera, incluso aunque tus circunstancias nunca cambien. Es tu camino hacia la esperanza y el catalizador para el cambio.

Encontrarás consejos buenos, promesas sólidas, y consuelo en

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

BETZAIDA VARGAS es una maestra de estudios bíblicos, autora, y fundadora de Samaritana del Pozo, un ministerio para latinas solteras, divorciadas y viudas. Visita samaritanadelpozo.com.

Issue 01 / 2019

13

The Art of Starting Over

BY LYNN BROWN

I

was raised in a lower middle class neighborhood, with my mom, dad, and two brothers. I was in the middle. My parents believed in a higher being but

didn’t have much to say about Christ or His divinity. They were kind people who treated everyone the same.

Because my parents didn’t have any real conviction about their faith, I was allowed to go to church with whoever asked me. I sat through services at Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, and Lutheran churches, as well as a variety of small, nondenominational ones. I had an idea of what God was about, but I didn’t know.

Sometimes I would sit there and think, “What are they talking about?” Other times I felt total joy. Looking back, I know the Holy Spirit was tugging at my heart.

At fourteen, I went to a small Baptist church and gave my heart to Jesus, but I quickly lost sight of Him. Because my inner circle consisted of nonbelievers and my knowledge of God and His Word was

ered I could read well if the material was

My adult life consisted of church hop-

limited, I fell away.

in large print. I also discovered I was just

ping, raising kids, and fighting with the

Studying the Bible wasn’t something I

as smart as my neighbors, but by then, the

world about who I was. Was I a mom first?

was drawn to do. I have poor vision, and

damage to my confidence had been done.

A wife first? Should I work and make a

reading has always been hard for me. I

I spent many years struggling to improve

name for myself?

wore glasses, but my condition was not

my self-esteem. I didn’t yet know that

My husband was a nonbeliever. He was

correctable. I was a slow reader, and it was

self-worth comes through a relationship

a workaholic on top of being an alcoholic.

assumed I had some learning disability.

with God, made possible through His Son,

Our marriage was rocky. We fought a lot.

Jesus Christ.

I was not used to that—my parents had

It wasn’t until I was 30 that I discov-

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V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

never fought in front of us. I didn’t know

She explained that she offered histor-

how to handle it. The strain and pressure

ic prison tours at the former state prison

in our marriage increased.

nearby, now transformed into a lively

In my search to find what I was good at, I never asked God. I turned to self-help

community of small apartments and artist’s workshops.

books instead and tried all the “imagine

Her tours were popular, and she was

yourself this way” ideas. I wrote a few chil-

looking for souvenirs to sell. She invited

dren’s stories. I even started a fabric gift-

me to come on a tour. There I learned of

wrap business, but it failed.

the great influence the prison had had on

Then, in 2000, we moved from Chicago

the development of my hometown. I took a

to Jackson, Michigan, to be closer to my

tin mug, put an 1800s mugshot on it, and

family. I hoped that being nearer to them

wrote “40 Reasons Not to Have Your Mug

would fill the void I felt in my home.

in This Place.” They sold well.

In 2002, I got pregnant with our fifth

After a while, she asked if I would join

child. I thought I was going into meno-

her as a tour guide. I did, and eventually

pause. Nope! I was overwhelmed, wonder-

we extended the tours to include the ac-

ing how on earth I was going to do this.

tive Jackson Correctional Facility.

Our daughter was born beautiful and

The place overwhelmed me at first. I

healthy, and things were okay for a while.

felt sick. The cellblock was four stories

Then, my father went blind. So that he

high and contained 515 cells. Cages. I re-

could manage better, my parents gave

member wondering how someone gets

up their home in Michigan and moved to

over living that way. God pricked my heart

Florida. Life changed for us all.

in unexpected ways in that prison.

Suddenly, I was in Michigan without

I began meeting people who were in-

family. Two of our children, now grown,

volved with the prison art programs. I re-

had returned to Chicago. Money was tight,

alized that art was a form of redemption

and I couldn’t run to Mom’s anymore

for many; in fact, it actually saved people

when things got tough.

from total devastation.

I started going to a small congrega-

One day I was speaking with a friend

tional church nearby; my husband even

about the amazing art I had seen, and he

went for a while. There, I gained faith and

said, “Have I ever shown you

self-esteem as I learned who God is and

the butterflies I made?” He

who I am in Him. The three children who

brought out the most beau-

were still at home went to church with me.

tiful little butterflies I had

When money got tight, life got worse.

ever seen. They were made

I took odd jobs and waitressed, but few

of toilet paper and glue for

opportunities were available.

the bodies, bread ties for

Somewhere around 2011, a friend gave

the legs and antennas. He

me a box filled with slips of paper with

had cut the wings from pa-

encouraging statements on them. I told

per with his toenail clippers

her that we should make and sell them. I

then carefully painted them.

scraped together some money, borrowed

I was blown away.

a bit from my mom, and that friend and I set up a business called Slips of Faith.

The “Hand Crafted Church” was created in prison by Steve X, using items like legal pads, folders, socks, glue, foil, and toenail clippers.

First off, I’d had no idea he had been in prison; nei-

We designed the papers, filled the tins,

ther had I known how talent-

and set up a website. Then my friend de-

ed he was. I told him I could

cided to leave the business. I began at-

sell his butterflies on the

tending business-to-business marketing

tours, so he gave me some

classes to salvage what we had started.

and when I told his story,

One day, I walked into a meeting carrying

people went nuts for them.

a tin, and a woman asked what it was. I

I came back to tell him how

told her, and she asked if I would make her

popular they were and that I

a prison tin.

needed more to sell.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Walking with Jesus has given me so much— even with all the losses I’ve experienced.

When I follow Him and do what He instructs, everything works out for His glory.

Every step I take with Him leads me further into a place of freedom.

Issue 01 / 2019

15

“The Lion and Lamb,”

in Christian Testimony) and suggested I

by Ken Carlisle Jr.

should organize as a nonprofit ministry.

This and other amazing

She drove me from Michigan to Tennes-

artwork created by formerly incarcerated persons are available

see, where I presented my vision to ACT. They agreed that Cellblock Creations was

for purchase through

a ministry. I was surprised. That just was

Cellblock Creations.

not how I saw Cellblock Creations…or myself. Surely ministries were run by ordained ministers, not a working mom with no degree.

I was still looking at myself through the world’s eyes and not God’s. How many other things was I confused about? I began seeking the Lord and His truth more.

I learned to trust Him, even when the path He was leading me on made no sense.

Life hasn’t gotten easier. In the last four years, I’ve lost my home, my mom, and had to move from Michigan to Florida to help my 94-year-old blind father. But God has remained faithful to our family and to the ministry He’s called me to. He is healing us day by day. My husband has stopped drinking and is here in Florida with me and our youngest daughter.

These changed have required huge adjustments, but God has kept us afloat. In

He looked at me and said, “I don’t have time to sit around and make tiny butter-

a lot donated in services, like a website

the process, my faith has grown stronger

and volunteers.

than ever. I thought moving to Florida

flies now.” He wasn’t in prison anymore.

Even as I struggled to keep Cellblock

might mean the end of Cellblock Cre-

He needed real money, had to go to AA

Creations afloat, my home life was suf-

ations, but it has grown with many new

meetings, pay fines, meet with probation

fering too. We were going under, and I

possibilities. Many are finding support

officers, and try to find work. Wow—I had

couldn’t see any way to help.

and purpose for their new lives through

never thought about the obstacles to reen-

I pleaded with God for direction, but life

try that people faced when released from

got harder. Stress was at an all-time high.

When I finally opened my hand to the

prison. I learned there are many.

My husband was sick and using alcohol to

Lord and said, “Lead me,” He has done so,

self-medicate, but refused to admit it.

each step of the way. I no longer care what

Eventually, I decided it was time to leave

my organization.

the tour business, but I couldn’t leave the

My faith was on a roller coaster. One

others think of my decisions—as long as

idea of helping artists sell their work as

minute I believed God, the next I couldn’t

I know I am doing His will, I am at rest. I

a means of supporting themselves after

see how He could fix my situation. I be-

have learned it’s what makes no sense to

their release. So I started a new business

came self-destructive myself—overeating,

the world that works in God’s kingdom.

called Cellblock Creations.

drinking, and sleeping—all in an effort to

Walking with Jesus has given me so

avoid dealing with the real issue of my

much—even with all the losses I’ve expe-

heart. I was a mess.

rienced. When I follow Him and do what

No longer being involved with prison tours, however, made it difficult to sell the items. I no longer had access to the

I thought of quitting Cellblock Cre-

He instructs, everything works out for His

gift shop. Further, without the tours, I was

ations. Yet every time I said that, God

glory. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth-

barely staying afloat. I needed another job

placed someone in my path who needed

while, because every step I take with Him

plus more!

hope. He also sent people to encourage me

leads further into a place of freedom.

God provided a job for me at a chocolate

and spur me on.

shop, but I couldn’t abandon the artists I’d

He introduced me to Tamra Comstock,

promised to help. Many people wanted to

a Christian entertainer who changed my

help me promote them, but the necessary

thinking about how God works. She in-

finances didn’t come in. Happily, I did get

troduced me to ACT International (Artists

16

Issue 01 / 2019

LYNN BROWN’s organization, Cellblock Creations, provides opportunities and promotes the “art of starting over” for those reentering the mainstream population.

Visit cellblockcreations.org for more information.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

WHAT IF

BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON

MY HUSBAND TIM AND I WERE

With all seriousness, I told Tim, “I have

will use you the same way. We are God’s

eating lunch at Cracker Barrel when a

to go pray with that family. Don’t let the

hands and feet on this earth. Our purpose

family nearby got up to leave. I watched as

waitress take my salad!” Then I got up and

as believers is to show His love to others—

the mother placed a walker in front of her

found the family in the merchandise sec-

even when it’s not convenient or comfort-

little girl. The child, probably around five,

tion of the store. Walking up to the mother,

able. If we don’t act, how will they know

then made her laborious way out of the

I said, “Hi. I know this might sound crazy,

His love? How will they know He cares?

dining room, patient mother by her side.

but I feel the Lord wants me to pray for

I was moved with compassion as I envi-

your little girl.”

Now, I’m not saying you can’t pray for others from afar. But how often do we

sioned what this family’s life must be like.

I waited for the lady to grab her daugh-

promise someone we’ll pray for them and

My heart cried out to God, “Oh Lord, heal

ter and run or yell an insult at me, but in-

then forget to do it? I know life has a way

that little girl. Help that family.” I vowed

stead she smiled and said, “I don’t think

of erasing those promises from my mind,

silently to pray for them, and as I did, an

that sounds crazy at all.” She asked my

and I don’t think I’m alone in that.

unexpected thought entered my mind.

name and introduced me to her daugh-

What if we moved out of our comfort

“Go pray for them right now.”

ter, Sophia Rose. Then, right there in the

zones? What if we physically went and

Immediately, an internal battle began

middle of Cracker Barrel, I knelt down,

prayed a simple prayer of faith, not just for

to wage. “Lord,” I argued, “Why can’t I just

laid my hands on this little girl’s legs, and

but with someone today? I believe people

pray from a distance?” Would He not move

prayed. When I finished, I arose and faced

would be healed, hearts would be encour-

in this family’s life if I didn’t audibly pray

the parents. Through tears, we hugged

aged, and circumstances would change.

for them in their presence? Why did I have

and I left, promising that I would continue

to get up and go to them in the middle of a

to pray for them.

What if God is ready to use you today to change someone’s life? Would you lay

busy restaurant? What if they didn’t want

I don’t know what God was doing in

aside your fear and pride? Would you risk

prayer? What if they thought I was crazy?

that interchange. The girl didn’t sudden-

something for the sake of another? It’s a

What if people looked at me and—what if,

ly abandon her walker and run through

chance worth taking.

what if, what if.

the store. Lightning bolts didn’t pop down

The negative scenarios continued to

from heaven to show us that God was mov-

K R I S T I OV E RT O N J O H N S O N encourages and

flood my mind, but then a new line of

ing in some miraculous way. But you know

equips people for victory through her writings, speaking

thought arose. What if God used my obe-

what? I don’t need a sign.

dience to affect the life of this family, now

God prompted my heart to get up and

or for eternity? What if God touched this

pray for that family, and I trust Him. My

little girl physically because of it? What if,

flesh didn’t direct me to do this thing, be-

through a prayer of faith and a simple act

cause I would have far preferred to stay

of love, this family was encouraged to car-

seated and continue eating my salad. But

ry on for one more day? What if they need-

I know that when God places a burden on

ed to know that someone in the world had

the hearts of His people and they obey, He

noticed their life?

moves—whether we see something hap-

Why wouldn’t I want to be part of that?

pen or not.

Would I let my fear and pride stand in the

Yes, God could’ve touched that family

way of what God might be ready to do? I

without me. God is God; He can do any-

suddenly realized I didn’t care what other

thing. But for reasons I cannot explain,

people thought. For the sake of that little

God chose me to be a vessel through which

girl and her family, I was going to tangibly

He would demonstrate His love, power,

show them the love of Christ, regardless of

provision, and presence to this family.

the cost or result.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

engagements, and prison ministry.

But I am not unique—if you let Him, He

Issue 01 / 2019

17

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V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

MY

BY L A D D I E C A L L O WAY

parents separated when I was 12 years old. Sud-

I was shot twice. When the paramedics arrived,

denly our family unit was dismantled, and ev-

I had no pulse. The homicide detective was

erything in my home life changed. As a preteen,

called to the scene. My parents were told I had no

I found myself lost and confused, so I rebelled.

chance of survival.

I took to the streets, joined a gang, and went

Miraculously, however, on the way to the hos-

against everything I had ever known to be good

pital, the EMTs revived me. In the emergency

and everything my parents had ever taught me.

room, I was given a transfusion to replace the

At 16, I had my first run-in with the law. I was tried as an adult and sentenced to three

large amount of blood I had lost. Thankfully, surgery wasn’t required. I was 17.

months in jail with three years’ probation. Two

As soon as I was healthy enough, I went

months after my release, an invitation to step out

straight back to the streets. It wasn’t long before

of this dangerous lifestyle came knocking on my

I was arrested again. This time I faced a possible

door through a man named Sam.

15-year sentence for burglary.

Sam was a tree removal specialist who came

One would think that someone who had just

by our home to give my mom an estimate for

had a brush with death would choose a differ-

cutting down a tree in our yard. Somehow he

ent life path, but I didn’t. The excitement of the

transitioned the conversation from tree removal

streets was just too enticing. Selling drugs and

to Jesus and asked me if my mom, siblings, and

turf wars provided an addictive adrenaline rush.

I would like to join him at his home for a small

There was something so inherently exciting

group Bible study. He called it a life group, which

about doing the things I had always been told not

just sounded weird. Since nobody in our home

to do, the things my peers talked about at school.

attended church anymore, I didn’t even mention

It gave me a physical high.

it to anyone.

I never liked the way drugs made me feel, but

But Sam was persistent. Not wanting to be

I did like the way selling drugs, participating in

rude, I decided to avoid him so I wouldn’t have

gang activity, and doing whatever my flesh de-

to say no to his face. The night before he was

sired made me feel. I felt free. But the truth was, I

scheduled to come by the house again, I called

wasn’t free at all. I was totally enslaved, a prison-

my friend and told him, “Man, you gotta come

er in my own skin.

pick me up and get me outta here! This guy keeps trying to get me to go to church.”

During this time, the Spirit of God continued to pursue me, but I hardened my heart and ran

It was a decision that almost cost me my life.

from His love. I pushed aside any conviction and

It just so happened that when I ran from Sam’s

focused instead on the lie that a life free of rules

invitation to grow in my relationship with God, I

was what I needed. I no longer cared if what I did

stepped straight into a gang-related setup where

was right or wrong.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

19

I N E VE R LIKE D TH E WAY D RU GS MAD E M E FE E L , BUT I D ID LIKE TH E WAY S E LLIN G D RU GS, PARTI CIPATIN G IN GAN G ACTIVIT Y, AN D D O IN G WHATE VE R MY FLE S H D E SIR E D MAD E M E FE E L . I FE LT FR E E. BUT TH E TRUTH WA S, I WA S N’T FR E E AT ALL . I WA S TOTALLY E N S L AVE D, A PR I SO N E R IN MY OWN S KIN.

I was fortunate to receive only one year

missing all those years on the streets. I’d

It wasn’t until a couple from the church,

of prison time for my burglary arrest.

been missing God! I finally realized He

Tim and Tamar Burch, entered my life that

Once again, you’d think I’d wake up and

was what I needed most in my life, even

I found freedom from this addiction. They

count my blessings, but I didn’t. Instead,

more than a successful business.

asked me to join their life group. (Seeing

I ran right back to the streets and deep-

Our family had attended church faith-

that the last time I’d run from a similar in-

er into sin. This cycle continued many

fully before my parents divorced. I had

vitation, I’d been shot, I decided I’d better

more times until one day I finally realized

loved Sunday School as a kid. After visit-

go. Plus, they seemed cool.)

enough was enough.

ing my friend’s church, I suddenly longed

And that’s when God’s grace erupted in

Ironically, my own death experience

to be a part of the church body I had en-

my life.

made little difference to the trajectory of

joyed as a child. I reached out to my fami-

For years I had heard about the grace

my life. It took the murder of a good friend

ly and asked if we could all return to First

of God—how God had freely given His Son,

to do that. I learned about his death right

Baptist Orlando, the church we had at-

Jesus, to die for my sin so that I could be

before my incarceration after my fifth ar-

tended in the past.

made right with Him and have eternal life

rest. It forced me to take a good, hard in-

Once in church, I started serving. It

(John 3:16). I’d accepted it as truth, but I

ventory of my life and helped me realize

gave me great purpose and filled me with

didn’t understand how His grace could

what a terrible role model I had been to

joy. But church activity couldn’t serve as a

help me in my daily life or free me from

my younger siblings, niece, and nephews.

substitute for a relationship with God and

the sin that held me hostage.

They needed me to set a better example, to

His people. I needed intimacy with God

Through the intimate setting of this life

live differently. I didn’t want them to step

and others to help me walk out my faith

group experience, however, I discovered

into this street life and end up a criminal

and live a godly life.

the importance of doing life with other be-

like me or murdered like my friend.

From the outside, I looked like a young

lievers. It’s so easy to go to church, sit on

So I left the streets and started my own

man who was living an admirable Chris-

a pew, and even serve without ever build-

landscaping company. I worked seven

tian life. I had left the streets, quit selling

ing real relationships with other believers.

days a week, fourteen hours a day. I want-

drugs, worked hard, attended church, and

Many people in the church do this, and

ed to be seen as a hard-working person

served people well. But the truth was, I

they struggle daily in their lives. I know–I

rather than a thug. Seeing my exhaustion,

was controlled by a secret—a shameful ad-

did it!

my father encouraged me to take one day

diction to sex and pornography.

off a week to rest. Sunday seemed the

Going to church is great, but one corpo-

How could I tell anyone at the church

rate service a week isn’t enough to help a

that I struggled with watching porn

Christian live a victorious life. We need a

One Sunday, a friend invited me to her

and having random sex with strang-

deeper, more personal study of the Word,

church, and I went. The service was very

ers? Wouldn’t they judge me or ask me

and we need real, authentic relationships

different from what I remembered about

to leave? So I kept attending church and

with like-minded people—friends we can

church. While it made me uncomfortable,

serving, and I told no one. As a result, I re-

be vulnerable with and accountable to.

it also made me realize what I had been

mained enslaved to my secret addiction.

most logical day.

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Only in those relationships can we help

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

women involved in pornography aren’t involved by choice. They are forced into these situations. My addiction, my sin, was actually supporting the abuse of women.

When my eyes were finally opened to the destruction of my addiction, I made a choice to live a different life. But how could I actually carry it out? Sex and porn had such a grasp on me.

Perhaps there’s something, maybe even pornography, that has a hold on your life. I’d like to share with you how I found freedom from the prison of my sex addiction, in hopes that it will help you overcome your addiction, whatever it is.

Acknowledge your addiction. I took my first step toward freedom when I acknowledged that what I was doing was wrong. I called my addictions what they were—sin and idols. Sex and pornography controlled my life, not God. Ask for forgiveness. Once I had acknowledged my addiction as sin, I asked God to forgive me and to help me overcome it. The Bible says when we ask God for forgiveness, He forgives all our sin, and He remembers it no more (1 John 1:9; Psalm 103). I trusted God’s Word as true.

Forgive yourself. With so much baggage from my former life, it would have been easy to dwell on my past mistakes and wallow in regret as my own punishment for my sin. But that isn’t what God wanted.

When I asked for forgiveness, God forgave one another overcome hardship and re-

a sudden, my physical desires would take

me. It was a done deal. God didn’t want me

sist temptation. It was this life group’s

over, and I’d have to fulfill them. I was en-

to hold on to my past failures; rather, He

encouragement and accountability, and

slaved to my own desires.

wanted me to move forward into my des-

of course God’s grace, that helped me see

Sex had become an idol in my life. It was

the truth about my sex and porn addiction

my only focus. My desires, too, were idols.

and overcome it.

tiny. But I couldn’t move forward if I was clinging to the past.

Everything in my life was about me and

Decide to be free. I made a commitment

I hadn’t really seen myself as someone

about fulfilling my desires. I wasn’t focused

to do whatever it took to be free. I had to

addicted to sex and pornography. To me,

on glorifying God through my actions,

want freedom from my addiction—I had

viewing pornography was normal; it was

and I certainly wasn’t concerned with how

to be willing to make changes in my life to

just something guys did, especially single

my actions might affect anyone else, espe-

step out of my prison. God wasn’t just go-

guys. But the more I grew in my knowl-

cially the women I was with sexually.

ing to snap me out of it; I had a part to play.

edge of God through the study of His Word

The Bible instructs a man to take care

For me, my personal desire to be more like

and the more I discussed my problem with

of women and children. Being sexually

Christ and to glorify Him in all my actions,

trusted people, I began to understand how

active with one woman after another and

whether private or public, motivated me

destructive sexual addiction was to my life

viewing images that use women’s bodies

daily to block sexual images and stand

and relationships.

for a man’s sexual pleasure goes against

firm against temptations.

Sex and pornographic images ruled my

God’s command to protect women and

Tell someone. It wasn’t enough, though,

every thought. I could be driving down the

children. It is abusive, and it breaks God’s

for me to merely acknowledge my addic-

road and see a beautiful woman, and all of

heart. Not to mention that so many of the

tion and ask God for forgiveness in the

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

21

I D ID N’T U N D E R STAN D H OW H I S G R ACE CO U LD H E LP M E IN MY DAILY LIFE O R FR E E M E FRO M TH E SIN THAT H E LD M E H OSTAG E.

How Porn Is Affecting The World*

PORN SITES RECEIVE MORE REGULAR TRAFFIC THAN NETFLIX, AMAZON, & TWITTER COMBINED privacy of my own existence. I had to tell

ple that cause me to stumble. Let me tell

a trusted friend. So I decided to tell my

you, it requires a 24/7 post. But my free-

life group. We cried together as I exposed

dom is worth it.

this darkness in my life. Let me tell you,

Focus on God. Guarding my ways re-

something amazing happened when I

quired a moment-by-moment choice to fo-

confessed my secret to these trusted

cus on God. Throughout the day, I prayed

friends. It began to lose its power.

and clung to His promises. That enabled

Accountability.

my

me to stand strong in times of temptation.

secret addiction to my friends, I asked

After

revealing

Every day, I claimed the promise in Jere-

my mentor, Tim, to hold me accountable

miah 29:11, that God has a plan for my life

for what I watched and did. I gave him

and He will continue to see me through

access to my personal tech devices and

this addiction.

even downloaded an app on my phone

Taking these steps moved me out of

and computer that would notify him if I

my prison of sex addiction and into the

slipped back into my old ways. Knowing

future God had planned. Today I am total-

that someone was watching over me kept

ly free and growing in my walk with God.

me on the straight and narrow. There’s no

I never cease to be amazed how God has

way I could have physically resisted my

redeemed my life and freed me from my

addiction alone. Making myself account-

personal prison.

able to Tim was a key decision.

God has a future of freedom for you,

Submit your addiction to Christ. Tak-

too. You don’t have to remain enslaved to

ing these steps toward freedom also

anything. God is bigger than any addic-

wouldn’t have been possible without my

tion you have—gambling, food, drugs, al-

pursuit of a relationship with Jesus. Every

cohol, relationships, sex, pornography, or

day I had to consciously submit my addic-

spending money. Nothing is too hard for

tion to Christ. Psalm 37:5 NLT says, “Com-

Him. He’s ready to help you. And He will

mit everything you do to the Lord. Trust

put people and programs in your life to

him, and he will help you.” Addictions are

help you too.

powerful, but God is greater than any ad-

If God can set me free—a person who

diction. Every day I rested on the fact that

was on the streets, selling drugs, and ad-

God was walking through my struggle with

dicted to pornography—He can do the

me. I knew that as I stayed committed and

same for you. You aren’t alone in your

did my part, He would break those chains

struggle. God and others are ready to

for good. And He has.

come alongside you and help you out of

Guard your ways. God did break my chains of addiction, but in order to remain

your personal prison.

EACH MONTH.

30% OF ALL DATA TRANSFERRED ACROSS THE INTERNET IS PORN-RELATED.

50% OF CHRISTIAN MEN AND 20% OF CHRISTIAN WOMEN ADMIT THAT THEY ARE ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY.*

64% OF YOUNG PEOPLE, AGES 13–24, ACTIVELY SEEK OUT PORNOGRAPHY WEEKLY OR MORE OFTEN.

Are you ready to take the first step?

free, I had to guard myself. I still have to do that. I have to be mindful of what I allow

*SOURCE: https://fightthenewdrug.org/10-pornL A D D I E C A L L O WAY lives in Central Florida and

my eyes to gaze upon. I have to guard my

attends First Baptist Orlando where he serves others

steps and stay away from places and peo-

and leads them to the freedom he now has.

22

Issue 01 / 2019

stats-that-will-blow-your-mind/ *Christiannet.com June 07.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

Time to Die

BY JEANNINE MOFFITT

I WA S RECENTLY REMINDED OF

Messages like that followed me all

enough, the Lord reminded me of Mat-

the stark reality that, if I want to continue

week. Finally I said, “Lord, I’m not like

thew 18:21–35, when Peter asked Jesus

to press on in my relationship with Jesus, I

You, I can’t just forgive like You did.”

how often he had to forgive someone who

must die. Die to self, that is.

Of course, that day’s devotion just had

sinned against him. Jesus basically told

Someone really blasted me this past

to be on the topic of—drumroll, please—

him there would be no end to the amount

week. Their anger was directed toward my

forgiveness! Ugh! I sat there and thought

of times he must forgive.

husband, Jeff, but I got the first blow. Pent-

about what I’d just read and what I know

up frustration that had unrealistic expec-

to be true. It was time to die.

tations finally erupted—all over me.

Jeff clinched the deal when he asked

Now, you can dis me; I can handle that.

But if you dis my husband, my kids, or my grandkids—well, that’s a different story.

As a wife and mom, I am pretty protective of my family. Surely I have a right to be offended. It’s my right to sulk, be depressed or angry, and have a bad attitude. I have

Likewise, if I want to be obedient to Christ, to become more like Him, and to remain in close relationship with Him, I am required to forgive over and over again too.

We can choose to be imprisoned to offenses or to be free through forgiveness.

feelings too, right? Right?!

So I chose to forgive this person, even without any apology on their part. I realized it’s not my responsibility to make them see how hurt or offended I was or to inform them of their need to apologize. My only responsibility was to let the offense go, to release the offender to the Lord, and let Him

Well, according to the Bible, no, I don’t

me to watch a video he was contemplat-

have the right to be offended, to have a bad

ing showing at our church that Sunday.

deal with them and the situation at hand.

attitude, or to hold anything against anoth-

I watched it, and tears flowed down my

er person. That’s where that whole dying-

cheeks as I realized once again how Jesus

Life’s struggles are real, and how we

to-self idea kicks in.

Die to self… It wasn’t easy, but I did it.

And you can too.

Christ died an incredibly brutal death on

handle them is important. We can choose

First Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love

a cross for me. He has forgiven me of all

to be imprisoned to offenses or to be

“keeps no record of being wronged.” This

my wrongs against Him and others—past,

free through forgiveness. It’s our choice.

verse hangs on my living room wall, and

present, and future. How could I do any-

I normally enjoy looking at it. This past

thing less than forgive this person who

week, I’ve been trying to ignore it. Yet it

had hurt my husband and me?

keeps calling out to me from the wall.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

And then, as if the video weren’t

JEANNINE MOFFITT is a pastor’s wife and conference speaker who aims to lead women to deeper relationships with Christ. Visit gratefulone.org for more information.

Issue 01 / 2019

23

SOMETHING REAL

BY C A R O L E AV R I E T T

“I

don’t believe in that voodoo-hoodoo Christianity stuff. No such thing as ghosts or spirits or any of that supernatural mumbo jumbo. What you see

is what you get,” I announced confidently to my girlfriend as I sat on a marble tombstone at midnight in the dark, deserted cemetery. I wasn’t scared one bit.

It was a Friday night double-date, and our dates had double-dog dared us to climb the dark hill and tag a tombstone at the top. They were waiting for us in the car.

“So being here in this cemetery at night doesn’t bother you at all?” she asked, looking around nervously.

“Of course not.” I laughed. “I’ll race you the hill, leaving my friend scrambling

tion, she was adamant that my sister and I

world, apparently—as my real father. I had

around in the darkness, yelling at my back

not miss school.

never suspected anything different.

not to leave her.

As she drove back to our house, she

I rode along silently, looking out the

It’s hard to say exactly when I realized

began by saying there was something im-

window. The news sank in, and nothing

I needed proof of things I couldn’t see. I’d

portant she needed to tell me. Somehow

seemed real anymore. We arrived home a

never been afraid of dark or spooky situa-

I knew that whatever I was about to hear

few minutes later, and almost immediate-

tions. Santa Claus had always seemed sus-

would change my life.

ly, there was a knock at the door. Mother

picious, and a tooth fairy? C’mon.

“Your daddy is not really your father,”

opened it and unceremoniously intro-

But if I had to guess when my need to

she said. “Your father has been overseas

duced the man standing there. “Carole,

see and touch things before I believed in

since you were born, and he’s coming to

this is your father.”

them began, it was at ten years old when

the house today because he’s demanding

my world changed forever.

to meet you.”

With that, she left the room, leaving me alone with this complete stranger.

I was in the fourth grade, and my moth-

Boom. Just like that, my life turned up-

In retrospect, there’s no way to know

er showed up at school one day to check

side down. Everything I had believed to

if I would have turned out to be a rebel-

me out of class early. Two things made

that point was most emphatically not true.

lious teenager without this revelation,

this a most unusual occurrence. First, she

Apparently, my mother and my real father

but I changed dramatically after that.

and my dad both worked six days a week

had divorced when I was a baby. My moth-

Since I could make great grades without

in retail. They made barely enough money

er remarried when I was a toddler. She

much effort, that part of my resume never

for our family to live on. I knew she’d had

had talked her second husband into pre-

suffered—but I happily managed to get

to take a day off to come get me. In addi-

senting himself—to me and the rest of the

into one scrape after another.

24

Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

PHOTO BY TIMOTHY SMITH, HONOR PHOTOGR APHY

to the car.” And with that, I dashed down

My parents were entrenched in churchy

I could see charred, barren mountains in

that incredible night alone in my house

stuff, and I could hardly wait to get away

the background, smoldering as if from a

when I was at the end of my rope. Jesus

from home so I wouldn’t have to attend

recent fire. Somehow, I knew this scene

had revealed Himself to me. Of all the

anymore. My stepdad seemed genuine,

represented my life: unproductive, futile,

things that could have happened, God had

but my mother? I guess I held her respon-

lacking of value, barren.

allowed me a split second–a supernatu-

sible for the hurt and disappointment I had experienced that fateful day.

Then I turned, and on the desert floor in

ral moment that provided the bridge over

front of me was a shining ball of blinding

which I could cross—and He was waiting

I was determined that once I left home,

white light. I knew it was a sign from a

for me on the other side.

I’d never darken the door of a church

Supreme Being, and these words formed

Do you see the grace He extended to

again. That stuff was not for me—just a

in my mouth: “I belong to You. Take me,

me? I would never have accepted Him

bunch of hypocrites, smiling on Sunday

mold me.” Then the light was gone—it

otherwise, because I could not see or

and stabbing you in the back on Monday.

hadn’t lasted more than a split second, but

touch Him, and my history and my own

I soon found out, however, that life is big

that split second represented eternity.

confused mind were preventing me from

and full of problems.

A thousand pounds lifted from my

understanding Him. I needed something

I moved from one unstable relation-

shoulders. I slept for the first time in

I could see and touch, a supernatural ex-

ship to the next, until finally I was 30

weeks. When I awoke the next morning,

perience that would show me the truth of

years old, alone, with a son and no real

an unfamiliar sense of well-being sur-

who He is. And in His gracious kindness

career or good job opportunities. My life

rounded me.

and love, He gave me that moment.

was a mess, and I knew

How do I thank Him

it. I just didn’t know

for that? How do I thank

what to do about it.

One night I was alone in my house, and I began to cry—that sort of sobbing cry that doesn’t seem like it will end. I had no prospects of any good life, I told myself.

I had nothing. I took a

At some point, you have to realize that what happened to you in the past doesn’t matter anymore.

You have to let that go. You have to decide what you’re going to do with the life you have now.

good look at who I was

Him for His Son, Jesus Christ, who went to the cross and received all my mistakes, all my sins, into His own body?

I will spend the rest of my life dedicated to Him, praising Him, loving Him, serving Him, and telling others about

and what I had done,

Him. Jesus is real. Su-

and I didn’t like any of it. Dark thoughts set

As I fixed breakfast for my son, I sud-

in. I knew if something happened to me,

denly felt a tremendous warmth. At first I

my son would go to his father, who had re-

thought it was the heat from the stove, so

You won’t have the same experience

married, and they would provide him with

I stepped back to get away from it. But to

I had; instead, He will tailor your experi-

a good home.

my amazement, I could still feel it, like a

ence to what you need, to what will make

blanket surrounding me. That feeling of

the most impact on you. It might even

warmth lasted nearly three days.

come through my story. But it will prob-

At some point in life, you have to realize that what happened to you in the past or

pernaturally. Totally. Full-of-life real. And He wants to come to you also.

what your parents or some other person

In the months that followed, one in-

ably begin the same way mine did. When

did to you doesn’t matter anymore. You

credible thing after another happened

you admit that life is hard, that you can’t

have to let that go. You have to decide what

to me. Through a remarkable series of

do it alone, that people have failed you,

you’re going to do with the life you have

events, a well-known magazine hired

that you have failed yourself, that you have

now. I knew that, but the thought made me

me as an editor, and it became a career

done very little, if anything, good—when

weep all the more.

that lasted nearly 15 years. In addition, I

you admit that you are out of options,

My life was a total zero. I had done noth-

met some people who invited me to their

that’s when He will be there.

ing of value. I had thought only of myself

church. I went the first Sunday with tre-

Actually, He’s there now—waiting with

and the wrongs that had been done to me.

mendous trepidation, but they were kind

outstretched arms, waiting with love and

and made me feel welcome.

forgiveness and grace. Don’t wait another

As I wept, still examining myself and the mistakes I’d made, suddenly I saw the

Through their love and genuine caring,

most amazing image in my mind. Under-

I began to see the Bible in a completely dif-

stand—I was awake; this was not a dream.

ferent light. The more I read and gave the

It was a picture in my mind’s eye.

Bible an honest examination, the more I

Living Magazine. She is the author of several Bible study

understood what had happened to me on

books and biographies with strong spiritual components.

I was standing in a barren desert, and

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

moment. Go to Him now.

CAROLE AVRIETT is a former writer/editor for Southern

Issue 01 / 2019

25

THERE IS HOPE

BY L U K E W O L L E T

life was good. Every-

injuries, including a torn MCL. With no

I felt hopeless and empty. Football had

thing was on track for

red-shirt year left, I had no choice but to

always been my first love or, as I call it now,

a possible career in the

play through the pain. Doctor-prescribed

my “first drug of choice.” If something was

NFL, a lifelong dream for

opioid-based pain pills eased the physi-

wrong in my world, I’d run to the field and

my family and me. I’d had

cal pain and enabled me to play through

all my problems would disappear. But

a successful college career

the discomfort. But they also eased my

now, sports were my problem. So I turned

at Kent State and was invited to the New

emotional pain. With football hanging in

to drugs to do the job, eventually trading

Orleans Saints’ training camp following

the balance, I was encountering new emo-

pain pills for heroin. It was an external

the draft. It was a chance of a lifetime—but

tions, including anxiety about my future

solution to an internal problem.

my addiction to pain pills would destroy

and depression over the timing of my in-

For a while, I played well, then the

any hope of this dream coming true.

jury. I couldn’t handle the very real pos-

drugs twisted my thinking into believing

sibility that the NFL career I had always

I was a better football player than I was. I

dreamed of might be over.

felt invincible.

I started using drugs in my senior year at Kent State. I’d suffered several

26

Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

It wasn’t long before the drugs invaded

lar, Esther 4:14. It says, “And who

and then controlled every part of my life.

knows but that you have come to

An opioid addiction knows no boundar-

your royal position for such a time

ies. I began to lie, steal, and sell anything

as this?” (NIV). Mordecai spoke

I owned for my next fix. Somehow, I jus-

these words regarding the oppor-

tified it all. My parents knew I was using,

tunity God had given Esther, as the

but they had no idea to what extent the

queen of Persia, to save the Jewish

drugs controlled my life.

race from annihilation.

Two weeks into the Saints’ training

This therapist told me that God

camp, the drug use caught up to me, and

could use my life experiences to

I was released. I had lost over 40 pounds

save people. I told her I would read

and had become a shell of myself. Every-

the story. She had risked her po-

one noticed but me. When you stare at

sition at that center to encourage

yourself in the mirror every day, you don’t

me. It wasn’t a Christian facility;

notice what you really look like, and you

technically she was out of bounds. I am

often don’t see the damage you’re doing to

thankful she obeyed what God had put on

your body.

her heart, as her words would greatly im-

My life had spiraled out of control, but

Wollet (39), tackles Penn State running back, Walker (25), posting a career high of 15 tackles in front of 115,000 fans. Photo © 2013, David Dermer.

pact my life.

I refused to ask for help. I had gotten my-

I read the story and found it interest-

self into this mess, and I was determined

ing, but didn’t think too much more about

this.” These were the same words the ther-

to man-up and get myself out of it. That

it. When I got to the outpatient center in

In that moment, a love washed over me

was the biggest mistake of my life—I had

Florida, I found a sponsor to keep me ac-

like I’d never known. God’s love transcend-

no idea how to help myself. Eventually,

countable and encourage me in my recov-

ed all the lies Satan had layered over my

I decided the only way to fix my situation

ery process. My sponsor kept telling me

mind, lies that had led me to isolate myself

would be to end my life. I didn’t want to live

to go check out this local church. I hadn’t

from the world. I couldn’t deny God’s pres-

apist had used weeks before.

controlled by my addiction any

ence, nor could I deny the words

longer. I was 24 years old.

of both the therapist and this

I made my plan, but fortunately, God had other ones.

I was living in Cincinnati, Ohio. My parents lived five hours away, in Youngstown.

That night, something tugged on my father’s heart to come visit me, so he got in the car and drove to where I lived. He had no idea I was planning to end my

man. It was more than a coinci-

The God of hope is ready to meet you right where you are, right now.

dence that they both referred to Esther 4:14. Suddenly I wanted to go on a journey with God, even if I didn’t understand all that would mean. God had gotten my attention.

Accepting Jesus that night changed everything and brought me to a deeper place in my re-

life that night, nor did he know

covery. Jesus brought purpose

the extent of my addiction.

back into my life, something far

He arrived at my door, took

greater than my dream of play-

one look at me, and extended an opportu-

been to church in almost nine years, so I

ing professional football. Since that night,

nity for help. He showed me a brochure on

decided maybe it was time.

I have been studying the Bible and doing

a treatment center in Richmond, Virginia.

At the end of the service, the pastor

This time, I grabbed hold of the hope and

asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus.

It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve never re-

the help.

I went forward. I am sure it was more for

gretted one act of obedience, especially in

Receiving help saved my life. I complet-

selfish motives than a true surrender to

the area of forgiveness.

ed the 30-day program and committed to

Jesus Christ. I was not in a great place at

From 12-step recovery programs, I

follow-up treatment at an outpatient facil-

that point and was looking for anything

knew I needed to release my resentments.

ity in south Florida. I still had a long road

that could help me.

It’s Step 4. Then I saw in the Bible that let-

to recovery.

my best to walk in obedience to it.

At the altar, however, something hap-

ting go of resentment and hurt is some-

As I was leaving the Virginia facility,

pened. A man spoke the most amazing

thing God desires too. Resentment, unfor-

one of the therapists told me to read the

prayer over me, and then he said, “Luke,

giveness, and anger weigh us down and

story of Esther in the Bible, in particu-

perhaps you were made for such a time as

hinder our steps.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

27

of discovering more

fear. So many resist letting go of what they

about God. It’s an ad-

know, even if it is destructive, because

venture

learning

they fear the unknown of recovery. They

that I hope to be on for

fear losing control. Well, if that’s you, I

the rest of my life.

want you to know that on the other side

myself of

The love and acceptance I found from God

I honestly didn’t think I had any resent-

I want to help people move past their

and

about

of that fear is fruitfulness that is unimaginable and unsurpassed.

that day was instanta-

You are loved by a powerful, mighty

neous, but I’ve learned

God—a God of miracles. I am a living tes-

that to walk in joy,

timony of His miracle-working power. No

peace, and freedom

matter what you think and no matter what

daily, I have to choose

Satan is telling you, you are never without

to walk with God and

hope. The God of Hope is ready to meet

in obedience to His

you right where you are, right now. He will

will. I have to choose

transform your pain into a great purpose.

God every day over the

In God’s hands, your story can be a

world and the desires

mighty weapon against the enemy of ad-

of my flesh. I wish

diction. Please, ask for help. Don’t wait an-

I could say I always

other day. Your new life is waiting for you.

make the right choice.

If you love someone with an addiction,

I don’t, but thankfully,

don’t give up on them. Keep praying for

I serve a God of grace

them. Keep offering help. Love them. In

who gently picks me

the meantime, don’t overlook getting

up and continues teaching me His ways.

support for yourself. Addiction is a fami-

ments at first. I had spent most of my life

I’m learning now how to recognize Sa-

ly disease. I’ve seen so many cases where

focused on sports, not being mad at peo-

tan’s lies. Satan is always trying to sneak

the addict recovers, but the family doesn’t.

ple. But after sitting down and getting real,

thoughts of guilt and shame back into my

Seek help through a support group. You

I had a page full of hurts and resentments.

mind so I’ll isolate myself again. He wants

aren’t alone. Find someone who under-

me bound up in re-

stands what you’re going through and let

gret over my past and

them walk this journey with you. Many

caught in feelings of

people understand your pain. Most im-

unworthiness so that

portantly, let Jesus walk with you.

In God’s hands, your story can be a mighty weapon against the enemy of addiction.

I won’t experience the

Finally, to those of you who are watch-

abundant, free life God

ing from the sidelines, blessed to not be

has for me.

personally impacted by America’s great-

Satan wants all of

est epidemic—I ask you to get in the game.

us to be bound up in

There is a dying world all around you that

his lies. His whole pur-

needs help and hope. Please don’t sit by

pose is to kill, steal,

and do nothing. Don’t sit in judgment of

and destroy you, me,

something you don’t understand. Get edu-

and our loved ones

cated, get on the field, and help those who

(John 10:10).

are helpless to help themselves. Our world

My reason for step-

will be better for it.

ping out with my story

We all have a place in this world; we all

I knew from previous programs that it’s

is simple. I want to help others seek help,

have a purpose. Maybe it’s for such a time

helpful to read those resentments aloud.

find Jesus, carry a little less shame and

as this. With God, we can see great things

So I read them, one by one, to God. I ac-

guilt, and get a new chance at life. I know

come to pass.

knowledged my faults, admitted that past

from experience and without a doubt that

situations had a hold on me, and asked

there is an incredible life on the other side

God for forgiveness. As I did, He removed

of recovery.

the weight of resentment from my shoulders. Since then, I’ve been on a journey

28

Issue 01 / 2019

Let me say that again: There is an incredible life on the other side of recovery!

LUKE WOLLET’s dream was to play in the NFL, but an opioid addiction brought an end to his plans. Today, Luke is a spokesperson for Faith in Recovery Outreach. Learn more at banyantreatmentcenter.com.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

Getting It Right Again

BY LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH

THIS PA ST APRIL, I stopped by my local post office to pick up the mail. I bumped into another long-time resident of my community, Tom Smith. After a friendly hug and some small talk, he asked me for a date. This encounter caught me completely off guard. I had not even thought about dating since my husband, Steve, passed seven years ago.

I accepted Tom’s invitation, and we met at a local café. We stepped into the dating scene as senior adults but felt like high school kids. It was so refreshing to discuss our families and the many challenges we’d had as our spouses underwent medical

Linda and Tom, on their honeymoon in Sky Valley, Georgia.

treatments and all the things that come with being cancer patients. (Like Steve, Tom’s wife, Ingrid, entered her heavenly home

youth group from San Antonio, Texas. They were shocked to learn

after a battle with cancer.)

we were newlyweds. We encouraged them with our story of God’s

Tom and Ingrid were married for over 53 years. Steve and I were married almost 43. We both were very blessed to have faithful spouses by our sides as we walked through life.

beautiful intervention in our lives.

Many of you might be in a season of life where the sun seems to have set. Maybe you’re wondering if you’ll ever get it right again—

Our relationship quickly blossomed, and we realized that we

or even if you’ll ever get it right at all. Let me assure you, if you are

were in love. Like any couple, we encountered some challenges,

trusting in the Lord, He will direct your steps and show you which

but sorting through those challenges drew us closer to the Lord

path to take (Proverbs 3:5–6). He will also direct your stops!

as we sought His wisdom. We both knew our being together was

Maybe you are in a “stop” right now. You’re not alone. God is

God’s divine plan, and we trusted Him to sort out and lead us

there, and through His Holy Spirit, He will comfort and guide you.

through anything that came against it.

Just keep your eyes on Him and His promises, regardless of your

Psalm 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”

I sought the Lord’s will daily, and He assured me that not

situation. When you do, He will flood you with peace and joy and enable you to move forward into the perfect plan He has designed for you.

only was He ordering my steps, but my stops as well–like that

Regardless of your past or current circumstances, know that

life-changing stop at the post office! My only responsibility was to

you have a heavenly Father who longs to help you get it right. He

trust His leading and rely on His promises.

isn’t a harsh, distant God who will leave you to struggle. Nor is He

Soon Tom and I were discussing upcoming wedding plans, and

a domineering God, just waiting for you to mess up. He is the God

he made this statement: “We are getting it right again.” I couldn’t

of love who delights in every detail of your existence. He is simply

agree more! Our friend Tracey put these words on a chalkboard

waiting for you to give Him permission to order your steps and

at our wedding:

your stops.

God will never force you to choose His ways, but He will pursue

Getting it right again– As the sun sets on a beautiful chapter in our lives, The sun rises with our beautiful new beginning.

you with His love that never fails.

Bring God into every detail of your life. Spend time talking with Him; share your thoughts and dreams with Him. He is a patient, kind, gentle, creative, and forgiving God, and He is ready to take

On July 15, 2018, Tom and I said, “I do,” and stepped into God’s

you on an adventure. Trust Him.

wonderful covenant of marriage. We enjoyed our honeymoon in Sky Valley, Georgia, and went white water rafting. We found ourselves going down a level 4 rapids with a group of teens from a

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH is the director of prison correspondence for Victorious Living. She is passionate about the Lord and leading others to Him.

Issue 01 / 2019

29

Surviving Loss

BY J O C E LY N C A R B O N A R A

Part of any normal day includes pain. You hold the grief but wrap it in layers of prayer as you present yourself to the world—seeking the sunlight around every corner.

watched my husband deliver

lost his father—his hero—less than three

we needed—to unwind and heal in God’s

yet another keynote speech.

weeks earlier.

beautiful country.

Scott stepped off the stage to applause, somehow inspiring

God was holding us through the deep waters, I was sure.

THE WOUNDS OF CHANGE

people, even as he suffered. Isa-

We loved our work but looked forward

Scott and I had both been divorced, but

iah 43:2 came to my mind: “When you go

to something afterward: hiking the next

when we married, it seemed God had rec-

through deep waters, I will be with you.”

morning in the rolling mountains of up-

onciled our lives. We both had children,

state New York. This was just the retreat

and I longed to stepparent Scott’s two

His audience had no idea that Scott had

30

Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

teens, Jack and Alana, as God intended.

cane. Surely this was our fault. Maybe God

for the remainder of the hike, when Scott’s

I wanted to be available but not pushy.

wasn’t supposed to restore our lives by

phone lit up, ringing silently. His ex-wife’s

Scott’s guidance to my two young girls, as

blending our families. Maybe we were just

name flashed on the screen. He picked up

a former crisis counselor, brought laugh-

being selfish.

and spoke briefly with her. I can’t remem-

Sometimes, things seemed fine. When

ter and healing to anxious hearts.

ber what was said, but I knew before Scott

didn’t

Scott’s father passed away, Alana rode

happen the way I’d hoped. We quickly

with me to buy pizzas before the funeral.

She’d died of a heroin overdose in her

learned firsthand the impact divorce has

Her giggling, loving words melted me: “I

mother’s home. She’d left her work clothes

on children.

can’t wait to stay with you again!”

out, intending to rise the next morning.

Unfortunately,

stepparenting

told me that Alana was gone.

After we married, Scott’s relationship

During her one and only visit to our

Heroin. The word seemed foreign and

with his ex-wife soured. Scott had moved

home, she’d been the big sister my girls

cold. We’d had no idea it had ever touched

across state lines to marry me and build

craved—swimming, playing games.

her body.

our business in the recession, with plans for Jack and Alana to live with us parttime. After he left, however, everything changed. The kids became distant, and we communicated less and less frequently.

Alana began abusing drugs. First, she snuck out to college parties. Scott tried to intervene, but she rejected him. We had no say in her treatment. Alana got kicked out of school for selling Xanax. Her mom

Tears streamed down his face while the bartender avoided eye contact. I prayed silently, God, please hold us…

Please hold him.

dropped her off at rehab. Scott called the facility—offering to assist Alana’s counsel-

Alana loved everyone. Her beauty daz-

I chanted, “This doesn’t make sense,”

ors or attend sessions—but they couldn’t

zled. Her wit could slice the most sea-

as if it could change something. I breathed

even tell us if she was there. She was old

soned comedian. Her intelligence and

rapidly and screamed dry tears. Scott

enough to legally shut us out.

writing skills were beyond her years. Her

stumbled across the rocky ledge as we

heart was huge; she once tried to rescue a

headed back to the car.

Alana wrote Scott a letter: “Dad, I’m not mad at you. I just smoke a little pot. But don’t worry about me. I’m not stupid.”

Her letter did little to ease our anxious hearts. Scott dreamed about her almost every night, often waking up in a cold sweat of fear.

mouse lost in the gutter.

He stopped at the first Exxon station

But Alana’s addiction was a desperate,

and bought a pack of cheap cigarettes. He

angry creature that kicked police officers

sat on the curb and smoked three in a row.

and stole from innocent bystanders.

I tried to talk to him. He said nothing. He

Scott texted Alana after his dad’s funeral to try to see her.

After rehab, Alana joined an alternative

“Sorry, Dad,” said the text after he’d

school. She graduated early with honors,

already left town. “I lost my phone and

even as her drug use accelerated. She

didn’t see this.”

stared at the dry grass. I’d never seen him smoke. He didn’t look like himself. I was scared in so many ways.

God, please hold us, I prayed. Please don’t drop us.

stole. She wrecked cars. She called us

She never lost her phone. She was losing

Three hours in the car felt like 10 years.

drunk from jail at 3:00 a.m., asking for

herself. And Scott’s heart was breaking a

We drove in silence, other than my sense-

bail money. When we tried to understand

piece at a time.

less crying about nothing making sense.

Dad. You are irrelevant,” before the phone

THE HIKE

know what we’d find on the other side.

went dead.

her slurring words, she cursed, “F— you,

Everything had changed, and I didn’t Just weeks after the funeral, Scott and

In the airport waiting for our flight to

Scott flew out regularly to see the kids in

I were in New York, where he spoke at a

Chicago, Scott sat at the bar with his hand

Chicago—spending money we didn’t have.

conference. The next day, we woke early,

embracing a glass of whiskey. I’d also nev-

We admitted Alana into a sober-living

ready for a much-anticipated day of recu-

er seen him drink.

facility, but she failed a drug test and was

peration. We headed out for a hike in the

I sat beside him with my hand protec-

rejected. We considered pursuing full cus-

mountains. After a wrong turn on the way

tively on his back. Tears streamed down

tody, but an attorney said we’d probably

to the trail, we approached the glassy lake

his face while the bartender avoided eye

lose in court and alienate the kids more.

that would serve as the center of our hike.

contact. I prayed silently, God, please hold

The shame pounded us like a hurri-

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

We were sitting on a rock, gearing up

us… Please hold him.

Issue 01 / 2019

31

I had known Scott was an alcoholic, but

During the service, the striped sweat-

he’d been in recovery since before I met

er Alana wore got blurry. Her blond hair

him. He’d told me he used to drink and

seemed to catch fire in the light. Then

wake up with a gun in his hand. I didn’t

Scott rose and delivered the most power-

know that man. I didn’t want to know him.

ful speech of his life:

Scott swirled the glass in tiny circles on the bar, watching the ice melt.

If you were Alana’s friend, you are wel-

I knew that my relationship with God

come here. If you partied with Alana

had to take precedence over my relation-

and enjoyed her as the life of the party,

ship with Scott. I had to get closer to God

you are welcome here. If you introduced

and put Scott in God’s hands, since this sit-

Alana to heroin or drove her to buy her-

uation was bigger than anything I could fix.

oin or used heroin with Alana, you most

All the stats about marriages falling

certainly are welcome here. And I’d like

apart after the death of a child flashed

to talk with you. I’d like you to know

through my mind. I didn’t want to lose him.

that I love you. And I’d like you to know

He walked away from the bar, leaving

that Alana loved you. And if you knew

the glass full. He told me later that if he’d

Alana at all, you know that she would

taken that drink, Alana’s wouldn’t have

have laid down her life for you.

been the only death that day. He knew that a drink would kill him and the lives of my children—and me as well.

It’s too late for Alana, but it’s not too late for you.

Don’t listen to the sweet lies of ad-

A heroin overdose robbed beautiful 18-year-old Alana of her life. Today, Scott and Jocelyn raise awareness of the devastating addiction that took their daughter.

On the plane, I held him while he folded

diction that tell you it’s too late for you

over. Silent tears drenched him. The plane

to turn back. It isn’t. As long as there is

was nearly empty. The sunlight came in

life, there is hope. Tonight, you can find

in the tiny moments when our lives sit in

windows with no mind for our breaking

a loving community of support to help

silent joy or when someone grows from

hearts. Life has a way of doing that.

you on your way to recovery and to life,

our loss. They come in the laughter of

the life that you know you can live, the

our living children and in the strength He

life Alana would want you to live.

gives us to still rise each day.

THE FUNERAL I could not put a timestamp on the events

While I don’t believe our pain will ever

of the next few days. I endured moments I

A week after Alana’s funeral, Scott got a

vanish, I believe that God has reconciled

had never expected to witness in my life-

call from her best friend, crying. Her par-

it by guiding us to protect others from the

time. I sat between Scott and his ex-wife

ents were trying to get her into treatment;

same pain.

as they picked Alana’s casket and decided

calling us was their last hope. We learned

whether her nails would be decorated. I

that she’d prostituted herself for heroin.

Alana’s name means pure white light. If I could ask you to do one thing in Alana’s

held Scott at 3:00 a.m. as he awoke sob-

I scribbled on a piece of paper and slid

memory, it would be to get the help you

bing. I sat in the church when they ne-

it to Scott. “Tell her she is beautiful and

need or steer someone else toward recov-

gotiated music and whether Jesus would

wonderful and loved. Tell her she is pre-

ery. Don’t wait another day.

be mentioned. There was a debate over

cious.” I heard him say those words slowly

If we had known of these resources, Al-

Alana’s faith. Scott insisted that Alana

and deliberately, the way a father would

ana might still be here. We can’t save her,

loved Jesus.

speak to his daughter, and I heard her cry

but perhaps her loss can save you. If you

rivers. She entered treatment that night

need help today, please reach out to Tim

and is still alive today.

Ryan of A Man in Recovery Foundation

I tried to be above the pain. I tried to support the grieving family.

At the church before the funeral, the

Three years later, I can’t say the mystery

(www.TimRyanSpeaks.com). He will con-

casket was opened. There lay the most

of this pain is solved. I still worry about

nect you with a program we’ve vetted and

beautiful 18-year-old girl I’d ever seen—a

Scott. The grief is like a sinkhole at times,

stand behind.

girl I hardly knew yet knew everything

swallowing everything in a broad circum-

about. A girl I longed for in a way I can’t

ference around him. In those times, I have

explain. A girl I called my daughter—but

to retreat a bit so I can still see the moun-

could not save.

tains and the peace they bring.

I sat in the front row as reporters, fam-

But I can say that God has our pain.

ily members, and hundreds of Alana’s

He hears it, and He holds it. The answers

friends streamed by.

don’t always come succinctly. They come

32

Issue 01 / 2019

Know that your Maker stands behind you. Your life is worth everything to Him.

J O C E LY N C A R B O N A R A and her husband Scott enrich lives through leadership consulting, speaking, and publishing services. Visit SpiritusCommunications.com to learn more.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

that sang at the Friday night church services I had attend-

sin that cost them everything.”

Wow! How true, yet how

ed. The women sang from

hard not returning to our sin

their souls, praising the Lord

can be. Sin is comfortable.

with their hands raised and

For many, it’s all they’ve ever

their eyes closed. They sang

known. It was all I had known

songs they had written, songs

for so many years.

that spoke of the lives they had

I thought about my own life

once lived and the lives they

and the pain I had endured

were living now by the grace

at the hands of my father.

of God.

For years I had run from God

If people would remember the darkness and pain they suffered as a result of their sin, they would never return to the sin that cost them everything.

Count the Cost

BY TR ACY MORRISEY

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL,

never return to the life she’d

I thought about the women

and chosen the temporary

who had almost reached their

comforts of sin to ease my

release dates. They were so

inner wounds. Those choices

excited about being released

seemed good at the time, but

yet scared to death. I still carry

they brought devastating con-

a burden in my heart for them,

sequences. Fear. Anxiety. Pain.

because I know life outside of

Chaos. Disorder. Destruction.

prison is hard.

Our ministry team prayed

Sin always has a price.

Think of how much it cost God.

for God’s special protection

Redeeming us cost Him every-

for them. We prayed God

thing. John 3:16 NIV makes

would give them strength and

that clear: “For God so loved

surround them with positive

the world that he gave his one

people. And we urged them

and only Son, that whoever be-

to stay in God’s Word because

lieves in him shall not perish

His Word is power.

but have eternal life.”

sunny day as I drove past the

been living. Together, we

women’s correctional facility

prayed for God’s mercy and

opportunity to go into that

darkness and pain that sin

where I had led devotions. The

grace, that His words would

prison. Not only had I been

cost us–nor the great price

women were gone now, moved

empower her, and that He

able to share His Word, I

Jesus paid for our freedom.

to another facility in another

would reunite her with her

had been privileged to meet

Counting the cost can keep

county. Yet I could still see

children.

some of the most courageous,

us from following after sin

I wondered where she

God-fearing women this side

again, and it can keep us living

might be now. Had she been

of heaven. Every time I’d gone

victorious lives. “Fear the Lord

released? Was she with her

to that facility, I had received a

and depart from evil. It will

who had come to me in tears,

kids? I knew the statistics

blessing myself.

be health to your flesh, and

pleading for prayer that she

were against her. Had she

wouldn’t lose her kids. For

become enslaved again to her

reminiscing, God whispered

months, she had been incar-

addictions? Had she returned

into my spirit. “If people would

cerated, and it seemed no one

to prison? I whispered a

remember the darkness and pain

cared. She was clean now, free

prayer for her.

they suffered as a result of their

their faces as specific ones came to mind.

I recalled the young woman

of drugs, and determined to

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

I remembered the choir

I thanked God for the

As I was giving thanks and

sin, they would never return to the

We must never forget the

strength to your bones” (Proverbs 3:7–8 NKJV).

TR ACY MORRISEY is a wife, mother, nurse, and author whose mission is to obey God’s calling in her life. Go to tracymorrisey.com to learn more.

Issue 01 / 2019

33

STEPPING FORWARD

Start with What You Know

BY KELLI PARKS

hen my son Roger was

thing I was learning from scripture. He be-

someone being incarcerated. I also had

arrested in 2001, I felt so

gan letting other inmates read his letters.

difficulty passing inmates working on

helpless and had difficul-

One day he called and said that one of

roadsides; I would be overcome with emo-

ty seeing through my pain.

the guys there wanted to know if I could

tion and think of my son. But God began

But the Lord showed me that

write to him too, to share God’s Word. My

to use the scriptures I was learning and

He could use even the most painful expe-

spirit said yes, but Satan whispered that I

passing on to inmates to heal my own bro-

rience of my life for His purposes.

didn’t know enough of God’s Word to help

ken heart. They helped me trust God as I

My son was incarcerated, and I had no

anyone else. I prayed to God and then an-

stood on the many promises I was sharing

idea how to help him. Nor was I giving

other thought came to my mind: “Write

with others.

my 12-year-old daughter the attention

him what you do know.”

Soon a desire to go behind the gates

she desperately needed. Thank God, He

So I started writing. It was amazing how

of correctional institutions and minister

brought me a wonderful husband (now of

God used me in the midst of my own pain

God’s Word began to grow. So many who

16 years) to help me get through this hard-

to comfort others. And in doing so, I found

are behind bars haven’t been taught spir-

ship and maintain a right mindset for our

comfort for myself.

itual principles in their homes, nor have

family life.

My letter to my son’s friend led to a

they seen godly examples.

I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ

chain reaction, and I began getting more

In 2004, I took a leap of faith and inter-

and began seeking God in prayer like nev-

requests. Writing these letters made me

viewed to become a volunteer so I could

er before. I knew I would need more than

study the Bible more intently because I

minister locally at the Charles B. Webster

I had in and of myself to get through this

wanted to share the most accurate knowl-

Detention Facility. I was so nervous the

trial. I began reading my Bible faithfully,

edge I could from scripture. Writing also

first time I went. I kept reminding myself

seeking to understand who God really is.

brought a sense of fulfillment, accom-

that I was walking in God’s will and He was

For the first time, I believed God’s Word to

plishment, and a new compassion for peo-

walking into that facility with me. The la-

be wholly true. God’s peace strengthened

ple, no matter who they were.

dies received the message the Holy Spirit

me for the journey ahead.

Through this time, I had not fully healed

I wrote to my son three times a week at

emotionally. For example, I couldn’t watch

the county jail, sharing with him every-

anything on television that had to do with

34

Issue 01 / 2019

spoke through me that day as I shared my story. Being there blessed me.

More letters came. I asked the Lord

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

how He would have me respond to them,

sion, and the program was on again. Once

as writing individually to so many people

more, it moved me. This time I called and

was becoming difficult. In 2005, the Lord

shared my ministry. I was told to contact

directed me to write a weekly newsletter

their head chaplain for prisons in Texas. I

I could send to those I was corresponding

called the chaplain and shared my news-

with. It would help others mature spiritu-

letter ministry. They requested samples of

ally just as He was teaching me. I wrestled

my newsletters. I sent what I had.

with the thought. How would these news-

You must know that when God asks

letters be distributed? God showed me as

you to do something, Satan will try to

I prayed.

shipwreck God’s will. But here’s the good

My son and his friends were on my list.

news: no obstacle Satan puts in your path

At the beginning, they had all been at the

can stop you, as long as you keep pressing

same county jail. They were now serving

forward in God’s strength.

their sentences in different correctional

It took some perseverance, but finally I

institutions. I wrote each of them and told

received a large envelope in the mail from

LIS TEN —WHEN G O D G IVE S YO U AN O PP O RTUNIT Y TO SHARE YO UR FAITH AND EN CO UR AG E SO MEO NE, D O IT. D O N’ T LE T SATAN’S LIE S AND ACCUSATI O NS H O LD YO U BACK.

God is using Kelli and her son, Roger, to impact lives for God’s kingdom from both sides of the prison wall. Read Roger’s story on page 10.

ble! There are no limits to what God has or can do—there are only the limits we put on Him and ourselves.

Too often, we discredit our abilities by how we perceive ourselves. What if I had

them what God had asked me to do and

the head chaplain’s office. It contained

believed Satan’s lie and not written to that

asked if they would be willing to help me

a list of every correctional facility in the

first inmate? My fear and my perceived

distribute the newsletters so others could

state of Texas and a yellow sticky note say-

inadequacies would have prevented me

read them. They all excitedly agreed to

ing I had been approved to send newslet-

from stepping into God’s amazing plan

help however they could.

ters into every one of them.

and touching thousands of lives.

At first I sent just one copy of the news-

God used my call to Mike Barber’s orga-

Listen—when God gives you an oppor-

letter to each of them to share with oth-

nization to open a huge door for the min-

tunity to share your faith and encourage

ers. Then they duplicated the newsletters

istry He had placed on my heart. He made

someone, do it. Don’t let Satan’s lies and

by hand and posted them wherever they

it clear He wanted me to continue sending

accusations hold you back. You don’t need

were allowed.

out my newsletters as I had been doing,

to know everything about God for Him to

but to expand now into Texas as well.

use you. There is a dying world that needs

Because of their faithfulness, more people began requesting the newsletters.

I was excited and scared at the same

God used those men and my husband as

time because I knew it would take much

the hope you have within you, and those

powerful instruments to fulfill His will.

work and money. The work ahead was

If you think you don’t know enough to

One day I was watching Christian tele-

great, and in July of 2005, with my hus-

help someone else, I say to you what the

vision, and a prison ministry program

band’s love and support, I resigned from

Holy Spirit said to me: “Tell them what you

called Proclaim was on. The founder is an

my job to pursue God’s will full-time.

do know.” Share how Jesus died for your

people need it now!

ex-professional football player named

Since the first letter I wrote to my son’s

sin and gave you eternal life (John 3:16).

Mike Barber. They had filmed the program

friends, God has supplied everything I

And then, like I did, pursue Him, learn all

from a Texas prison.

have needed—the plan, the money, and

you can from Him, so you can share more.

I was moved by the program and

incredible people to help. He has far sur-

God simply desires your willingness in

thought it would be nice to partner with

passed anything that my mind could have

faith to share Him; He does the rest.

them. I wrote down their contact informa-

imagined. And He isn’t through.

tion but didn’t have enough faith to contact them at that time.

Months later, I turned on the televi-

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that as I stay close to Him and continue to trust Him, nothing is impossi-

KELLI PARKS is committed to helping incarcerated people grow in their faith. If you are incarcerated and would like to receive her newsletter, ask your chaplain to email dkdparks@gmail.com.

Issue 01 / 2019

35

STEPPING FORWARD

SECRET SPACE S

BY KRISTI DEWS DALE

I CRINGED AS I WATCHED FROM

Without that, they will certainly poison

The problem is that our hearts, like my

across the room. The woman was opening

our souls. Eventually, they’ll expose them-

closet, have a way of constantly collecting

the door to “the closet.” She thought it was

selves to the world anyway. They can’t and

clutter. What are we to do?

my guest bathroom, but it was my junk

won’t stay hidden forever.

First, as God reveals those cluttered

closet, my most secret space. It houses

Jesus said, “Nothing is hidden that will

areas of sin in our lives, we must repent

everything from cleaning supplies to art

not become evident, nor anything secret

of them and turn away from those things

supplies to the socks that everyone thinks

that will not be known and come to light”

that take our eyes off Jesus. Second, we

have been eaten by the washer. There is no

(Luke 8:17 NASB).

must stay grounded in the Word of God

way to find the floor in this space.

Thankfully, we have a Savior who is

and give our hearts to Him day by day.

(Oh sure, I’ve tried a few times to clean

ready to shine His light into our dark, se-

Third, we must guard our hearts. Prov-

it up, but it never stays that way. I think

cret spaces and bring order to the chaos.

erbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above

a magical clutter troll lives in there and

His name is Jesus.

all else, for it determines the course of

guards his treasures.)

Mary, Jesus’s mother, got a front-row

your life.”

The woman realized her mistake and

seat to the glory and majesty of our Sav-

A favorite hymn of mine, “Come, Thou

quickly closed the door, but I could tell by

ior. When shepherds came to see her son,

Fount of Every Blessing” by Robert Rob-

the look in her eyes that she had met my

Mary listened intently to their story of

inson, expresses well this idea of a clut-

personal nemesis.

seeing the multitude of angels announc-

tered heart. The first stanza says, “Prone

That cluttered closet, that place that

ing the birth of Jesus. Luke 2:19 says that

to wander, Lord, I feel it; prone to leave the

struggles to stay clean, reminds me of the

Mary “kept all these things in her heart

God I love. Here’s my heart, Lord, take and

human heart. The Bible says, “The heart is

and thought of them often.”

seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.”

more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9 NASB).

We hide a lot of things from the world in our hearts, but eventually they are

Mary was storing up thoughts of Jesus

Lord, we pray that You would create in

in her heart. We should follow this ex-

us clean hearts. Give us eyes to see the clutter

ample, meditating and reflecting on the

hidden in the secret spaces within. Grant us

goodness of our Savior.

wisdom to discern evil and the strength to turn

discovered. We hide unforgiveness and

As we fill our hearts with Jesus and give

away from anything that grieves You. Make us

judgment toward others. Hate, jealousy,

our lives to him, the Holy Spirit begins to

vigilant and watchful servants for Your king-

resentment, bitterness, disappointment,

transform our hearts. Only God can give

dom. We humbly ask You to seal our hearts to-

anger. We hide or harbor the lies that Sa-

us the gift of a changed heart. The psalm-

day for Your courts above. Amen.

tan whispers to us—lies that attack our

ist cries out to God, “Create in me a clean

worth and purpose. And we hide most

heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit

carefully our secret sins.

within me (Psalm 51:10 NASB). Our spirits

amazing children. She is passionate about encouraging

and our hearts are linked.

others with Christ’s love.

These things must be brought to light.

36

Issue 01 / 2019

KRISTI DEWS DALE is a wife and mother of four

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

GET CONNECTED

Dear Victorious Living, Hebrews 13:3 says, “Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.”

This verse comes to my mind when I read your magazine. Tears run down my face as I read each story of those mistreated, both physically and mentally. God’s love shines all the way through your magazine.

Though I and other inmates are unable to personally meet the individuals giving their testimonies, we read their stories over and over again, thus allowing for continued support in our lives.

Many times I have gone back to a devotional, magazine, or letter from your correspondence team for a pick-me-up when I felt down.

Those letters are filled with so much spiritual support. No matter the question or problem, your team always gives a godly response, accompanied by supporting scripture.

Mrs. Johnson, this ministry means so much to me. Thank you very much for listening to God as He leads you on this journey. In reaching out to those on both sides of prison fences, you are connecting God’s children, as we should be.

We are all part of the body.

Are you in need of encouragement?

If you are incarcerated or living in a transitional home and need encouragement, our Correspondence Team is here for you. We provide on-going support through the following process:

SEND A LETTER TO US AT: Victorious Living

PLEASE NOTE: • We are unable to assign

Correspondence Outreach PO Box 328

specific writers.

• If transferred, please notify us

Starke, FL 32091

immediately.

• Write neatly and include your

YOU’LL RECEIVE: • Welcome letter from founder,

DOC# if applicable.

• If you do not receive a response

Kristi Overton Johnson

within a month, we either didn’t

• Timely response from our team

receive your letter, couldn’t read

• Devotionals

your information, or your facility

• Personal subscription to

rejected our correspondence. We

Victorious Living magazine

make every effort to reply.

• Prayer support

Your brother in Christ, Kirk Hansbrough

Want to Impact a Life?

Consider hosting a Shine Bright & Write Event at your home, church, or organization and help us respond to the thousands of letters we receive from incarcerated men and women. Together, through this letter-writing endeavor, we can touch many lives! Visit victoriouslivingmagazine.com for more information.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 01 / 2019

37

HELP ME UNDERSTAND

Dear Victorious Living,

that “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 NKJV).

How do you find and maintain peace when you can’t get yourself or your loved one out of a painful, difficult, or destructive situation?

Sincerely, Michael

In addition to prayer and keeping my focus on God, another thing that helps me is to cast my cares onto Him, as 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to do. When I surrender my cares into the hands of Jesus and trust Him to handle them, He exchanges the burden of those cares with His peace.

Just last week, my father, with whom I am very close and who comes to see me often, suffered a hard fall that caused him to have a stroke. This left him with debilitating injuries, and as of this

Finding Peace

writing, he is still in serious condition in the hospital. This is my dad, whom I love very much. But because I’m in here, I can’t even tell him that I love him—and I know, according to the doctors’ reports, that his end may be very near. I am heartbroken, and I could easily let this

Dear Michael,

steal my joy and peace.

Whether you’re in an actual prison or

situation and how to work things out.

a figurative one brought on by your

Instead of seeing prayer as a last resort,

journey that as I trust in the Lord to

circumstances or life decisions, the

I’ve learned that prayer is a privilege;

handle everything that comes my way, He

answer to this question is the same. Peace

it’s something God wants us to do. He

keeps me in His perfect peace.

is found in Jesus. Allow me to share with you

wants to help us. (See Hebrews 4:16 and

what helps me as I live in a literal prison.

Philippians 4:6–8.)

Perhaps you’ve heard it said,

It is so easy to lose our peace, even

However, I’ve learned along this

It took me a couple of days to get over the shock of my father’s situation and to begin to fully trust the Lord for the

“When Jesus is all you have, you find

as Christians. All we have to do is take

outcome, regardless of what it might be.

out that Jesus is all you need.” I will

our eyes off Jesus. Instead of trusting

But as I took my eyes off the problem, as

say that is true. It wasn’t until I was

Him to work “all things together for our

I released my worries and began trusting

arrested, stripped of all I possessed,

good” (Romans 8:28), we focus on the

Jesus to handle it all, His peace flooded

and separated from those I loved that I

circumstances. Many times, we even

my soul.

understood I could no longer control my

believe the enemy’s evil report over what

circumstances. No one could help me—

God has told us in His Word.

not my family, friends, lawyers—no one, and please know that they tried.

This trap is especially easy to fall

God doesn’t tell us life will be easy.

Giving up control over things that challenge us is not easy. But when we

into while in prison. Aside from each

trust the Lord to handle our situations,

man’s personal issues (his case, family

He walks with us and pours out His grace,

but through the upheaval, I finally began

problems, finances, etc.), we also

His love, His peace, and His joy into our

to learn that Jesus was all I needed. In

experience a nonstop flow of potentially

hearts. God, through our relationship

fact, He was all I had.

irritating and disrespectful behavior from

with His Son, Jesus, enables us to find

the over 150 men with whom we share a

and maintain our peace even in the most

handle their problems until they are put

housing unit. It is difficult in here to find a

difficult of times. Jesus said, “These

in a situation where they are forced to do

moment of even relative peace and quiet.

things I have spoken to you, that in Me,

so. We’ve all heard someone say, “Well,

I must fight daily to keep my eyes on God

you may have peace” (John 16:33 NKJV).

there’s nothing left to do but pray.”

and not the chaos that surrounds me.

That was not a time of peace for me,

Many people don’t trust the Lord to

But shouldn’t prayer be the very first

Let go…trust Him.

But while I can’t change my external

thing we do? God promises to hear our

factors, I can allow God to change me

Sincerely,

prayers and help us in our time of need.

on the inside—and when I do, I find the

Russell John Nestor

He’s the only One who truly knows our

peace that Jesus promised. It is a peace

VL Family Member

38

Issue 01 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

FROM THE FATHER

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

–Matthew 11:28 NIV

Do you need rest today? Peace?

Freedom? Forgiveness? Restoration? Call out to Jesus, accept Him as your Savior, and you can be made whole.

Pray: “Jesus, I invite You into my life. I confess that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. Thank You for saving me from my sins and making me whole. Thank You for laying Your life down for me so that I can have a new life in You. I receive, by faith, this forgiveness of sin. Take my life, my past, and my future. Guide my steps and speak to my heart, Lord. Use me, God. Amen.”

Jared Emerson, Ar tist, jaredemerson.com

I Will Not Fail You MY CHILD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

grace, and My joy. Don’t focus on your

I know life is hard, but don’t lose hope.

circumstances. My Spirit in you is greater

journey. You will hurt and suffer pain.

I will lead and guide you through every

than any situation in your life.

But as you trust Me, as you pursue Me, I

trial. I will give rest to your weary soul.

Together, we will rise above your trial

Yes, you will face adversity in your

promise, I will deliver you through these

And peace. My peace will remove the tur-

and your pain, for I have made you more

moil and the strife that seeks to hold you

than just a conqueror. In Me, you will be

My grace is sufficient regardless the

captive. My peace will enable you to keep

an overcomer–today and every day for

storm. My divine presence will always be

moving forward.

the rest of your life.

more than enough! Keep your eyes fixed

Keep your eyes upon Me, and you will enjoy a deeper measure of My love, My

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Trust Me. My plans for you and your loved ones are always good.

painful times.

on Me. I will not fail you.

Issue 01 / 2019

39

PO Box 120951 Clermont, FL 34712-0951

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