The Purpose In Your Pain

DPM: Who is Pastor Shannon Fraser? How has she become who she is today?

SF: I grew up in the ghetto. So from a very young age I was exposed to violence and sadly I internalized a lot of what I saw.

I always had a love for God and whenever the church opened Shannon was there and there was no one forcing me to go. I just loved church. But after my grandfather’s death, I had a lot of questions and I wasn't getting the answers that I wanted, and that's when the rebellion started.

But before I started to rebel, I felt a tug at my heart; the urge to get baptized. Even though I wasn't familiar with the voice of God, I felt that it was something that I needed to do. So, I got baptized and after the baptism my life fell apart.

SF cont'd: At age 11 I went to secondary school and by age 15 I had attempted suicide. I was in my first relationship and I thought that he was going to be my husband. I had spent time planning my whole life for this young man, and then I found out that he was cheating on me not with one person, but with four other women. I felt worthless and hopeless, not just because of that, but because I had given him my virginity as well. After that I did not do well in my exams. I passed 3/8 of my exit examinations.

So I asked: Where is God? God, where are you? Do you not care? Then, I remember this voice distinctly saying, “You are a disappointment to your family, you should just kill yourself. Nobody cares”.

Every day I heard this. This is why I'm so passionate about mental health today, because these voices speaks so many different things when you are at your low point. Following this, I went into a phase of depression. I didn't want to leave the bed and I didn’t want to fix my hair. I didn't even want to take a shower. This went on for many weeks, then the voices came again. So I began to cut my wrists. Then one morning I was sitting by the window and with the light from the sun coming through the bedroom window, a strength came from nowhere and my life began to change.

It was like The Holy Spirit saying to me, “Shannon, it's time to get up. You've been down low enough now.”

I had lost so much weight, I remember just trying to get up off the floor that day and I was so weak. I fell back down, but I made it my business to put one foot in front of the other. The reason why this hit me so hard too was because I was always good at academics. Everybody knew Shannon for her great academic performance. So, when I didn't perform, it affected me.

I also found myself in a very toxic relationship at that time while in nursing school. It was tough trying to navigate my schoolwork and then have to come home to the negative comments from him. It really took a toll on me mentally. I didn't even know that I was being abused emotionally.

I also experienced a very horrible road accident and in that same year I while at church the lady who was ministering asked me if I needed prayer. I responded by telling her that needed pray for my upcoming exams and areas of my life in general because I was too ashamed to tell her what I was going through with the guy that I was with.

As soon as she started to pray for me, she said with a loud voice, "You're going to do great things for God as a nurse. God says not to worry. You're going to pass these exams."

Then she paused and said, "HE IS NOT FOR YOU! Do not conform. If he cannot love you the way that I created you, He's not the one. I'm going send your husband."

SF cont'd: The problem was that I tried to end the relationship my own strength and I ended up in the same cycle all over again. I eventually got out of that relationship by way of a car accident.

This is why I am so passionate about teaching others how to obey God because it was one act of obedience that saved my life. I remember being in the vehicle with the guy right before the accident, pulling out of the gas station and I heard the voice of God saying "Shannon put on your seat belt".

So, I responded in obedience and I put on the seat belt. Two minutes later the car was slammed into a guard wall. It was a very traumatic experience. I did not walk away with any physical scars, but it caused me to confront a lot of my internal scars,.