CONVERSATIONS WITH AN OVERCOMER

AN INTERVIEW WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR & AUTHOR DONNA WAYLES

It was indeed an awesome moment sitting with Donna Wayles from the USA while on her trip to the island of Barbados. Donna shared her story of overcoming domestic violence. Her advice to readers who have experienced domestic violence, is to find themselves, seek what's important to them and find their new place in the Word of God.

DPM: Tell us about your story and how you overcame domestic violence.

DW: After experiencing domestic violence, my mom had some really good advice for me. She told me to take some time and rediscover who I am first. And I really had been so trained in the legalistic ways of the church and brainwashed by my abuser that I didn 't know who I was or what I liked or what I wanted. I really needed that time to learn who I was first. And it can be really hard trying to figure out who you are, when you have the distractions of trying to work and taking care of children at the same time.

I had to go back to the fundamental things that were important to me because during the domestic violence ordeal my faith was shattered. I didn 't trust the people of faith because I had been so hurt before and that caused me to look at my Bible differently.

Psalm 121 is my favorite. It says,

"I lift up my eyes unto the Hills from whence comes my help. My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

I had to go back to what was important in my life and eliminate what wasn 't. I decided that the length of my dress, my earrings or makeup didn 't make me a good believer. When I was homeless or when I was living in someone else ' s house, those weren 't important. I had to find what was important in my heart and in my faith in Jesus Christ. DPM: You wrote a book,

"I'll Pray For You " . Tell us how the book was birthed.

DW: The book is based on my experience. I was born into a Christian family, and God really blessed me. “I’ll Pray For You " originates from the point whenever my ex husband was reassigned by the Navy to different place every three or four years, we would find a church to join and I would teach at the Christian school, or we would teach Sunday school, or I would teach to the Sunday school teachers how to make it a little more engaging and a little better. So, it was like we became part of the ministry wherever we went, and our last spot was Washington state. It was way up in the border of Canada. That' s when my then husband did what the military police called, simple assault and when they arrested him, he said he would finish the job if he found me.

As a result, my daughter and I were in very grave danger, and I had to carry my phone with me everywhere so that they could keep track of where I was. I would have to call the police to be able to go to my apartment, to get new clothes for the baby or for me, or to even feed my cat. The lady who I was staying with originally, her husband was coming home from being deployed on a submarine and there was no room for us to stay there anymore. We had to find someplace new.

DW cont'd: So, I went to the head elder of my church, thinking that since they had hosted my baby shower and they had welcomed us in with all of the activities of the church, they would welcome me again. When I got there, something was different as he stood with his arm across the door. I had never seen him do that before. He said, "I' m sorry but we can 't help you anymore. He ' s dangerous, but...I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.

I tried to argue with him,..

"Yes, I know he ' s dangerous. I have bruises " ..., but all he said was we 'll pray for you.

I was so heartbroken. I didn 't know what to do because here were these people that I had served God alongside for a couple of years and I thought they were my friends, but they weren 't going to be able to help me anymore, as he had said very clearly. I wish that they would have done more than pray for me. I would have loved a cup of tea, a cup of cold water, a packet of diapers for my baby, even just little things like a hug or, someone to sit and pray and cry with me. But to just dismiss me was really disheartening and my heart was just broken. I didn 't know what I was going to do after that.

DPM: Tell us about that process of being heartbroken. How did you come to a place forgiving and getting past the hurt from the abuse?

DW: God is still working on me in this area and I have had a lot of discussions with God about this. I am currently writing a book that addresses this and through which God has been speaking to my heart. The book addresses the whole cycle of abuse that starts with tension where you feel like you ' re walking on eggshells all the time. Then there ' s some sort of explosion and you never know what it' s going to be. It could be something as simple as I didn 't buy soda at the grocery store and he would get angry or if I answered my phone and he didn 't know who it was, then he smashed my phone. So you never knew what the explosion was going to be, but then there was some sort of a reconciliation where it was said, " you made me mad, but I forgive you " . The last part was kind of a honeymoon period where everything is all good, but you never know how long each of those is going to last.

So the Lord really laid on my heart that I should write a devotion for each of those portions or scenarios. The portion for tension and stress was not so hard to write. For the portion on the portion of explosion there are verses in the Bible about God keeping us in perfect peace. But those verses about forgiveness were the most difficult. It was even impressed on me that forgiveness is not a one-time thing. I can 't just say i forgive him and then just let it go because forgiveness doesn 't work that way. It' s a process where each day it has to be again and again, and as I battle health, and ramifications from the assault and all of the domestic violence that forgiveness has to come again, and again, and again.

Those were the hardest pieces to write. It takes a lot, because now we ' re finding that, my exhusband was not just abusive to me, he was also abusive to my daughter. The mom heart that comes out and says, God, why did you allow this? God, you could have stopped this?" , But that' s my heart not God' s heart. Truth is, I would like to see my ex-husband in the orange jumpsuit; I would like to see him in prison orange, but my devotion this morning was from Habakkuk and it was saying, God wears justice. God is saying justice is coming. Yeah. But it' s not for me to give that justice.