Verily Magazine - Teaser Issue

THE TEASER ISSUE

RECIPE FOR A SIMPLE SUPPER

LOVE AND LIVING GREEN 1

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

PRETTY IN PASTELS SPRING’S FRESH CUT STYLES

WHY DID HE CHANGE? RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

VISIT our website WWW.VERILYMAG.COM

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REAL STYLE. REAL RELATIONSHIPS. REAL LIFE.

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CONTENTS

24 21

18 17

UP FRONT

18 POP OF COLOR

7 CONTR IBU TORS

The Verily editors test-drive spring’s hottest lipstick hues.

11 LETTER F ROM T HE E DI TOR

2 1 FROM RUNWAY TO REALWAY

12 EDITORS’ W I SH L I ST S

Stylist Jessie Artigue helps four NYC women translate some of our favorite trends from the spring runways.

24 STYLE CRUSH

STYLE 16 N OTEWORT HY A new line of funky and feminine digital prints & high quality shoes that give back

Q&A with the stylish and energetic Natalie Holbrook, the blogger behind Nat the Fat Rat

2 6 D R E S S F O R T H E O C CAS ION Rock summer wedding season with dresses both suited for the ceremony and ready for the dance floor.

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40 CONTENTS

RELATIONSHIPS 30 NOTEWO RT H Y A college course on how to be married, a book review, and a few giggles

31 FR OM THE G E N T S Guys weigh in with their biggest first date turn-offs.

32 REF LECT A daughter’s reflection on love through her father’s diagnosis and battle with cancer

35 I NSIG HT A psychologist answers readers’ burning questions.

38 GU IDE How to be a networking ninja

40 IN HER SHOE S

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A Muslim American woman grapples with the cultural tensions between her parents’ upbringing in the Sudan versus her own.

42 MODERN DAT I N G Are texting relationships just harmless fun?

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CULTURE 4 6 N OT E WO RT H Y The music, films, and books on our radar

48 REFLECT Downton Abbey may be classic soapy fun, but the leading ladies of the hit series have depth and struggles worth discussing.

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CONTENTS

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LIFESTYLE 54 N OT E WORT HY Research on healthier portion sizes, our favorite new superfood, and shopping apps that actually make life easier

56 I M PACT Eileen Lee of Venture for America on finding a career to make a difference

58 CA RE E R Sitting down with Jessica Lawrence of New York Tech Meetup

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60 L I F E H ACK S Travel ideas for any budget

62 P RI CE L E SS Feel like a savings failure? Here’s a different way to look at how you spend your hard-earned cash.

63 EAT Make a mouth-watering, elegant, and easy meal of fancy-sounding magret de canard.

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FEATURES 6 6 L OV E & L I V I N G GR E E N For a society quite into being green, just how organic is our sexual health?

70 P R E T T Y, P R E T T Y PAS T E LS There’s nothing like lovely light hues to lift your spirit. Verily gathered spring’s fresh palette of colors to mix, match, and add a little skip to your step!

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MASTHEAD

VERILY MAGAZINE

EDITOR IN CHIEF: KARA ESCHBACH

STYLE EDITOR: JANET SAHM

LIFESTYLE EDITOR: KRIZIA SAPIDA

RELATIONSHIPS EDITOR: ASHLEY CROUCH

CULTURE EDITOR: MARY ROSE SOMARRIBA

ART DIRECTOR: ERIN JANE RILEY

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CONTRIBUTORS

STYLE SUMMER BELLESSA

TREVER HOEHNE

SUZI GRGURICH

Summer Bellessa started her career as a model, having had the opportunity to work in fashion capitals that include Paris, New York, London, and Tokyo. Those experiences opened her eyes to the world outside her hometown of Chicago Heights, Illinois. Her metamorphosis from model into entrepreneur began as she effortlessly brought creative and talented people together to do great things. Today, Summer continues testing her creative reach in different ventures, including producing feature film Amber Alert, in theaters this fall, art-directing for magazines, and working on The Girls With Glasses Show. Find her online at thegirlswithglassesshow.blogspot.com.

A Southern California native, – Trever Hoehne has spent the past six years as an advertising and fashion photographer, dreaming up concepts and ideas with his clients to produce images that say something. He’s taken his camera from the coast of sunny Southern California to the deserts of Israel. With an understanding of fine art and an obsession with great light, Trever produces distinctive images for discerning clients around the world. You can see more of his work attreverhoehne.com.

Suzi Grgurich is a Los Angeles–based wardrobe stylist who moved to the area after attending college at UC Santa Barbara. Her styling career includes time with Miss Sixty and on a makeover show for the Women’s Entertainment Network. She was the lead stylist at the Style Network for three years.

Working in television, commercials, and advertising for six years has provided Suzi with insight on women in today’s society and how they want to feel. Her aim is to pull the inner beauty out of women and integrate styling into their everyday lives to give them the extra confidence to feel their best. Her portfolio is online at suzigstyle.com.

SEAN CHRISTOPHER

JESSIE ARTIGUE

ANNE-MARIE CHEELY

Photography is Sean’s solution to his childhood ambition to slow time, which included an attempt at building a microwave time machine and consuming an entire bottle of flintstone vitamins. Sean explains that “photos capture moments—not just the amazing things we remember but also the nuances we don’t. In these fleeting instants we gain insight into people and, on the whole, humanity. When a photo does this, I believe in some small way we managed to slow time.” He’s photographed everyone from President Bush to factory workers, and he believes each tells an equally valuable story.

You can see more at sean-christopher.com.

Jessie is a stylist and blogger who tries her best to be funny and kind but knows it’s okay to look cute at the same time. She lives for creative collaborations, loves embracing her entrepreneurial spirit, and feels most at home when she’s either on camera or blogging about living a stylish and flavorful life.

Jessie would not be complete without: her favorite husband, spicy food, good stand-up comedy, and frequent runs along the Hudson River with her pup. Follow her online at styleandpepper.com.

Anne-Marie Cheely grew up in Chicago and now works in New York City in photography.

When she isn’t running around the city with her camera in tow, she is whipping up fun desserts, climbing trees, and enjoying life as it unfolds. Her work can be seen on annemarie.carbonmade.com.

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CONTRIBUTORS

RELATIONSHIPS DR. PHILIP MANGO

MONICA GABRIEL

Dr. Philip Mango is a licensed internationally noted psychotherapist and seminar leader, board certified by the American Board of Medical Psychotherapists. He is president of the St. Michael’s Institute for the Psychological Sciences, providing individual psychotherapy, marriage therapy, and “Life Transformation Seminars” nationally and internationally. He also leads the “Real Deal Jazz Sextet” as a professional Jazz trumpeter and vocalist. He can be reached at (646) 424-0395.

Monica lives in New York City, pursuing acting and writing. She graduated from George Mason University with a BA in Global Affairs and currently works in Advertising at TIME Magazine. Her long-term goal is to

SOPHIE CALDECOTT

Sophie Caldecott is a freelance writer and journalist with an interest in ethics, fashion, art, politics, feminism, and food, among other things. She grew up in Oxford, studied English Literature at Durham University debunk the myth that you can’t have your followed by a masters in magazine journalcake and eat it too. She daydreams about ism at City University in London. Her favortravel, fashion, and dumplings and plans to ite city is Paris, and if she had one last meal continue enjoying all three. before she died it would be a garlic steak and french fries followed by a crème brûlée.

CULTURE AREEJ HASSAN

ASHLEY E. MCGUIRE

MONICA R. WEIGEL

Areej Hassan is an undergraduate student at Princeton University where she is majoring in Near Eastern Studies and is currently studying abroad in Irbid, Jordan. She was born in the Sudan and raised in Saudi Arabia for the first eight years of her life, after which she came to the United States to settle with her family in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Ashley is a writer and editor living in Washington, DC. She is currently working on a book about women’s empowerment and edits a web magazine about faith and gender. Her writing has appeared in the Wall Street Journal and Washington Post, among others. Ashley is expecting a baby girl in June.

Monica R. Weigel is a teaching artist and director in New York City, and works as the Education Coordinator at Park Avenue Armory. She holds a Masters in Educational Theatre from New York University.

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CONTRIBUTORS

LIFESTYLE PAMELA CAPALAD

PATRICI FLORES

RAPHAELA SAPIRE

Pamela Capalad is a financial-planning associate in Midtown Manhattan by day and a financial literacy crusader by night (and weekends!). She has colaunched a comprehensive financial literacy curriculum for middle-school students called Pockets Change and blogs about helping her friends with personal finances at brunchandbudget.com.

Born in the Philippines and raised in the vibrant San Francisco Bay Area, Patrici is a spirited explorer of the world and its curiosities. She enjoys weaving stories with cameras and words, some of which are found on her website, patriciflores.com.

Raphaela lives in New York City. When she’s not obsessing about all things Silicon Alley, she is working on Route By Route, a web series to inspire young women to lean in to their careers.

OTHER CONTRIBUTORS KATHY YL CHAN

A resident of both Manhattan and Honolulu, Kathy YL Chan is a food and travel writer with an insatiable sweet tooth and love for afternoon tea and unique hotels. She writes for a variety of publications including Gotham Magazine, Serious Eats, and Fodor’s Travel Guides and chronicles her own adventures at kathyylchan.com.

ALICE GAO

Alice is a lifestyle and wedding photographer based in New York City and available for travel. You will likely find her schlepping around the city carrying one too many cameras and a cup of joe. She absolutely loves her city and her job. You can see more of her work at alicegao.com. .

NATALIA ANGULO RICO – Writer ALEXANDRA BROCK – Makeup Artist AMY CLARKE – Makeup Artist DAVEE BLU PHOTOGRAPHY ELIZABETH DUSZYNSKI – Writer MARY FRANCES FOSTER – Artist CHLOE HALLINAN – Model DIANNA LOPEZ – Hair Stylist WHITNEY OTT – Photographer CONOR RILEY – Artist DEENEA SHEPHERD – Writer DOMINIQUE SHARPE – Model

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VERILY MAGAZINE 路 TEASER 2012

EDITOR’S LETTER

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

W

elcome to the teaser issue of Verily Magazine!

The whole Verily team is excited to share this with you, and we hope that you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed creating it.

Why start a new magazine? To be completely honest, this is a bit of a selfish endeavor. Verily was started as a response to our own feelings that the current narrative about women in the media—the fashion, the approach to relationships, the career advice—didn’t reflect how we felt about ourselves or the trajectory of our lives.

So we set out to create an alternative—a magazine that resonates with our experiences and leaves women feeling understood. We are aiming to show style that respects our dignity, instead of compromising it; to explore our relationships, not just sex; and feature thought-provoking articles, not just rhetoric. This is but a small step in our mission to help women lead integrated,

fulfilling lives, and we look forward to growing in community with you.

This issue would not have been possible without the combined energies of many people. The rest of the editorial team has been working full time at other jobs while creating this issue in their spare time; they inspire me beyond words each and every day. We have been so blessed to work with an incredible number of talented writers, photographers, stylists, and designers—all truly wonderful people, inside and out.

Check out their work here and elsewhere, and be sure to give them some social media love. Lastly, thank you to all of Verily’s friends and family—your constant love, support, and patience have kept us going, even more than the coffee.

Within these pages you’ll get a taste of Verily’s future—the types of articles we’ll feature, the voice we’re cultivating, and the perspectives we’re examining. This is a magazine for real women, and we want it to be not only for you, but from you too. Please don’t be shy—send us a note and let us know what entertains, engages, and inspires you!

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to talking with you as we continue to explore authentic femininity in the twenty-first century. ­Enjoy!

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WISH LIST

1.

JANET SAHM STYLE EDITOR 1. The amazing stock of quality art at Society 6 actually has me excited to move apartments this summer! “The Beauty” by Zach Terrell will make the perfect addition to our tiny space.

2. These front-tie, slouchy trousers from BB Dakota are the perfect multi-functional piece for any wardrobe. I can think of a thousand places to wear them, from the office with a light blazer to brunch with a simple tee.

3. As I’ve been sporting $5 shades I bought off the street, I’ve had my eye on a pair of RAEN sunglasses, particularly the retro “squire” frames. Not only do they channel classic James Dean, but each pair is individually handmade, which makes these sunnies feel especially made for me!

2.

1. SOCIETY 6, THE BEAUTY BY ZACH TERRELL, $26 FOR 17” X 20” PRINT, SOCIETY6.COM; 2. BB DAKOTA ALBA PANTS, $80, BBDAKOTA.COM; 3. RAEN OPTICS SQUIRE SUNGLASSES, $117, RAENOPTICS.COM

3.

KARA ESCHBACH EDITOR IN CHIEF 1. I’ve been traveling a lot recently, and while my trusty black carry-on does the job, this bright weekender by Stela9 would make me excited for even the earliest of early-morning flights.

2. Much as I love statement necklaces, lately I’ve found myself eyeing pieces that are more delicate and simple. This Stella & Dot necklace would be perfect on its own with a sweet sundress or with other chains for a layered look.

3. With summer on the horizon, I’m looking forward to getting lots of these quick-start bonfires and enjoying quality time with friends in my backyard.

1. STELA 9 WEEKENDER BAG, $395, STELA9.COM; 2. STELLA & DOT ON THE MARK NECKLACE, $59, ­STELLADOT.COM; 3. LIGHT ‘N GO BONFIRE LOG, FROM $10, ECOFORESTFIREWOOD.COM

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2.

WISH LIST ASHLEY CROUCH RELATIONSHIPS EDITOR 1. I feel like I would slip on this flowy and feminine skirt by Shabby Apple and be ready to tackle anything!

The bold color exudes confidence, so how could I not do the same?

2. Author Evelyn Waugh said of P.G. Wodehouse: “He has made a world for us to live in and delight in.” This hilariously funny collection of short stories by Wodehouse will make for cheerful moments of summer reading, likely with a grin from ear to ear.

3. I love cooking, but still haven’t mastered the art of mincing vegetables. This garlic press by Pampered Chef would save me a lot of time and headache.

Photograph by Chad Riley, www.chadriley.com

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2.

1. SHABBY APPLE BANDERSNATCH SKIRT, $72, SHABBYAPPLE.COM; 2. THE MOST OF P.G. WODEHOUSE, $13.50, AMAZON. COM; 3. PAMPERED CHEF GARLIC PRESS, $16.50, PAMPEREDCHEF.COM 3.

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KRIZIA SAPIDA LIFESTYLE EDITOR 1. I’m digging this feminine and sophisticated iPhone back from Brooklyn Bakery. It’s made from genuine cowhide leather—the rest of the animal is used for meat, and even the bones are used for ­fertilizer!

2. A spin on the traditional sugar cube, these adorable pink and white mini-flowers are handcrafted by one of the oldest family-owned businesses in Japan, which have provided the royal family of Japan with their sugar since the time of the shogun.

3. This elegant wall decal is perfect for those who want to do some redecorating without having to shell out much money, time, or effort. Each tree includes leaves and flowers for each season, so you can update it whenever you need a change of scenery.

1. BROOKLYN BAKERY BROWN PAISLEY IPHONE BACK, $25, BROOKLYNBAKERY.COM; 2. CHAMBRE DE SUCRE MINI FLOWERS SUGAR CUBES, $13.95, CHAMBREDESUCRE.COM; 3. BLIK SEASON WALL DECAL, $65, WHATISBLIK.COM

MARY ROSE SOMARRIBA CULTURE EDITOR 1. This spring, I’ll be listening to how some of the world’s best writing is meant to be read. Audible.com is releasing an A list of orators for select audio books, with Hollywood actors such as Colin Firth reading Graham Green’s The End of the Affair.

2. The UK opera house Glyndebourne is taking to the web this summer. Six operas will be broadcast online from the Glyndebourne festival, from May 20 to August 26, including works by Rossini, Mozart, and Ravel—tune in on the Guardian’s website.

3. Worldrenowned singer, songwriter, and pianist Loreena McKennitt makes a rare break from her usual all-European tour to stop at the Luminato Festival in Toronto on June 13.

Now’s the time to see her live without buying a transatlantic flight; even better, the concert is free!

1. A-LIST COLLECTION, $14.95 ($9.95 FOR AUDIBLE MEMBERS), AUDIBLE. COM; 2. GLYNDEBOURNE FESTIVAL ONLINE, GUARDIAN.CO.UK/MUSIC/GLYNDEBOURNE; 3. LOREENA ­MCKENNITT AT THE LUMINATO FESTIVAL, LUMINATO.COM FOR MORE ­INFORMATION

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STYLE

All women desire to be beautiful and alluring. Fashion can serve as an expression of that desire, or it has the ability to betray a woman’s true worth. Verily will showcase current fashion trends—from street style to runway—for truly inspirational, wearable looks that complement women and enhance their dignity rather than compromise it.

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NOTEWORTHY

CAN’T HARDLY WAIT

Lizzie and Ashley hard at work fitting their model for How Very Dare’s Spring Look Book.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF HOW VERY DARE

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Midi-length dress featuring “Dead as a Desert” print. The desert image was photographed by Ashley Miller during a cross-country road trip to out west!

Phrases such as “Snakes on a Grain”, “Dead as a Desert”, and “Mr. Rose Stripes” may not elicit images of delicate, silk chiffon apparel, but that’s exactly what Brooklyn-based How Very Dare has managed to create by fusing original graphics and feminine fabrics in their gorgeous new line of digital prints. After formative stints working for Betsey Johnson, cofounders Ashley Miller, Lizzie Thomson, and Katelyn Brehony ventured into startup territory, aiming to make the costly digital print process accessible and affordable. Each versatile piece is constructed to fit a range of body types, encouraging women to “enjoy themselves and have fun with fashion! We’ve had such a blast creating this line, and we want that spirit to translate.” One-of-a-kind graphic prints in universally flattering forms, from swingy vests to breezy maxis, will be available for purchase this spring on Etsy. -JS

NOTEWORTHY

FEET, MEET YOUR SOLEMATES

BY DEENEA SHEPHERD

I

woman to wear, not the other way around. Plus, you can look good and feel great while wearing Created Equal, as each season will feature an inspired design from which proceeds will go toward a featured charity. This spring, 10 percent of the profits from the line’s cute tennis slip-ons—using material from an actual yacht sail!—will fund efforts to clean up the BP oil spill. Shop on!

AVAILABLE AT BIEGE, LOS ANGELES, AND LEELA, NEW YORK, (212) 334-6865

PHOTOGRAPH BY CREATED EQUAL AND LEELA

f you love chic, effortless style, then slip into a pair of buttery soft and fabulous shoes from Created Equal by Italian designer Stefano Maroni. Currently at the LEELA showroom in New York City, Created Equal embodies casual luxury with a well-rounded collection of timeless footwear that effortlessly moves from casual to cocktails.

Created Equal’s line is made from high-quality leather, suede, and velvet and finished with cashmere lining. The brand’s design aesthetic is a captivating mix of comfort and luxury, with splashes of color, layered fabrics, and a range of floral, feather, and Swarovski crystal accents. Stefano’s designs are created for the

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BEAUTY TREND

OF COLOR THIS SPRING’S ready-to-wear runways were bursting with boldly colored pouts—from Jason Wu’s orangey red to Prabal Gurung’s mod ombre—so, naturally, we couldn’t wait to punch up our own makeup bags. The Verily team took to Bloomingdale’s beauty counters to test-drive the trends and discovered that these hot hues are surprisingly wearable.

shley

Ashley rocked a saturated fuchsia pink. “It took me a few minutes to get acquainted with the new color, but I think we’re going to be good friends! This lipstick made me feel confident, cheerful, and alluring all at the same time.”

MAC, GIRL ABOUT TOWN, $14.50

A F T ER

BEFORE 18

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OUR DRUGSTORE SCORE: L’OREAL PARIS IN FOREVER FUCHSIA, $9.99

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SEAN CHRISTOPHER

RELATIONSHIPS EDITOR

BEAUTY TREND

ara

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Kara sported a velvety burgundy. “Despite having been told for years to use pencil under lipstick, this was my first time venturing into pencil territory! Although it was shocking to wear something so dark, I felt like I could take on the world.”

BOBBI BROWN RICH LIP COLOR, CRIMSON, $23; BOBBI BROWN CRAYON CONTOUR, SANGRIA, $20.

A F T ER

OUR DRUGSTORE SCORE: SEPHORA ROUGE INTIMIDATE IN CREAM, $12

B E FO RE

BEFORE

aryRose CULTURE EDITOR

“This is definitely not a color I would ever choose!”

Yet once the hot pink was brushed on, Mary Rose felt “fresh, lively, and spontaneous; as if by putting on this lipstick in the morning, it was bound to be a fun day.”

ROUGE DIOR, PINK CAPRICE, $32 OUR DRUGSTORE SCORE: REVLON IN CANDY PINK, $7.19

A F TE R VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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BEAUTY TREND

rizia

L IFE ST Y L E E D I TOR

Krizia braved the twotoned look. “I was a little shocked that this actually looked decent on me.

The colors reminded me of the stained lips I get after eating a popsicle in warm weather!”

CHANEL ROUGE ALLURE VELVET, 37, $32.50 & CHANEL ROUGE COCO, BALLET RUSSE, $32.50 OUR DRUGSTORE SCORE: WET N’ WILD FUCHSIA WITH BLUE PEARL ,$.99 & N.Y.C. ULTRA MOIST LIP WEAR IN MAHOGANY, $.99

A F TE R

BEF O R E

B EFO RE

anet

STYLE EDI TOR

As a red-lipstick maven, Janet “loved the lighter feel of a lip pencil, which still gives the bold-lip effect. Plus, the pencil is super easy and non-intimidating to apply.”

NARS VELVETT MATT LIP PENCIL, RED SQUARE, $25

A F T ER 20

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OUR DRUGSTORE SCORE: REVLON SUPER LUSTROUS CRÈME IN FIRE AND ICE, $9.49

PRINTED PJ PANTS

ALL-WHITE

SPRING TRENDS: FROM RUNWAY TO REALWAY

INSPIRED BY THIS YEAR’S SPRING RUNWAY COLLECTIONS, VERILY ENLISTED JESSIE ARTIGUE, THE MULTITALENTED STYLIST AND BLOGGER BEHIND STYLE AND PEPPER, FOR TIPS ON HOW TO TRANSLATE THE LATEST TRENDS INTO WEARABLE LOOKS.

BRIGHT ON BRIGHT COLOR

LADYLIKE LENGTHS VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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R U N W AY T O R E A LW AY

CRYSTAL

BRIGHT ON BRIGHT COLOR

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ncorporating super-saturated brights into your wardrobe is the trend to try, and Crystal’s olive-toned skin is the perfect backdrop for this citrus-y tank dress. Have different coloring? No fear, all skin tones can pull off this sunny orange. If you’re fair skinned or have red hair, try a bold coral. Darker complexion?

Go with a deeper, jewel-toned version. Try pairing bold hues with equally bright accessories, like Crystal’s skinny belt and punchy tote, toss on a pair of vintage-inspired shades and head out to run errands in style.

27, PHARMACEUTICAL SALES REP

Silk orange shift dress, Rae, $230; Embellished belt, Gap, $29.95; Leather tote, Gap, $125; Rose printed scarf, Bindya NY, $113; Michael Kors Flatform sandals,

AKRIS

Marshall’s, $129.99

KATHERINE 24, IT SALES ACCOUNT MANAGER

LADYLIKE LENGTHS

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Floral chiffon dress, Anthropologie; $328 Jackie Cardigan, J.Crew, $62; Peach and gold braided belt, Marshall’s, $24.99; Woven wedges, Marshall’s, $79.99

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RALPH LAUREN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANNE-MARIE CHEELY

idi-length skirts and dresses had a major moment last fall but came back with a ladylike retro twist for spring. Katherine’s floral number easily transitions from office to date night by ditching the sweater and adding a bold swipe of lip color plus statement earrings. Keep the outfit from feeling frumpy with a modern floral pattern, and for extra points incorporate pops of neon hues (see slip & belt!). Dress it down for weekends with a henley T-shirt layered over the top, a touch of edgy jewelry, and some simple flat sandals to balance out the girlie pattern and silhouette.

R U N W AY T O R E A LW AY

AMBER

ALL-WHITE

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his monochromatic look is a musttry, and what better way to experiment than with the perfect summertime staple—white denim. Amber pulls off this all-white inspired ensemble with flattering bootcut jeans, a belted python print top and metallic accessories; the combination of different textures and subtle tone-on-tone patterns creates visual interest. Soft gold touches (like the cat-eye sunnies!) makes for an outfit with just the right amount of glam.

25, CHURCH MINISTRY TEAM LEADER

CUSHNIE ET OCHS

Long and lean denim, Gap, $59.95; Snakeskin print blouse, TJ Maxx, $19.99; Rope belt, Gap, $19.95; Zebra print sandals, Miss Trish Shoes, $295; Woven leather clutch, Marshall’s, $79.99; Sunglasses, Anthropologie, $42

SARAH 27, COSMETICS PRICING ANALYST

PRINTED PJ PANTS

C

ropped, silky trousers may seem like a better fit for bedtime, but are a surprisingly flattering and playful way to approach casual dressing. As Sarah is on the taller side, we gave her gorgeous long legs the starring role and balanced her proportions by tucking a solid silk top into the high waist. Add wedge sandals and a funky straw fedora, and she’s ready for brunch on the patio with her girlfriends.

Gladiator wedge, Gap, $79.95; Palm printed trousers, Rae, $230; Teal blouse, TJ Maxx, $9.99; Straw fedora hat, Marshall’s, $4.99

JONATHAN SAUNDERS

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Q&A WITH NATALIE HOLBROOK OF

eet Natalie Holbrook, the rad writer behind Nat the Fat Rat, a lifestyle blog that strikes a delicate balance between piquant storytelling and laid-back sincerity. The New York–based blogger has gathered a dedicated following around her quirky, heartfelt writing and a fashion sense that’s all her own. In true-blue New York City style, Verily sat down with Natalie over brunch to chat about life, motherhood, and fashion.

VERILY: Nat the Fat Rat and Huck take on Manhattan! Huck isn’t the only one who has gotten a nickname—from the name of your blog to names for your husband and everything in between—what is it about nicknames that resonate with you?

NATALIE: [laughs] That is true—I never thought of that! I think a lot of it has to do with ownership.

When you get to know someone or something, you find a part of it that’s yours or a part of you. We’ll even come up with silly nicknames for the grocery stores we go to a lot!

V: There’s a lot of personality in a nickname, and it seems you embrace your own unique voice—even writing sans punctuation! Is there a relationship between your writing and personal style?

N: Definitely! With people who love to write, you start to realize you can present yourself in a multitude of different ways depending on the words you choose. It’s 24

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like choosing an outfit. Sometimes I get stuck in a rut with a certain word, using it over and over, like when you find your favorite pair of jeans. I like the challenge of trying on different styles or writing in a different way.

V: Speaking of outfits, what’s the best fashion advice you’ve ever received?

N: It wasn’t advice so much but a realization that I am a type-A kind of person. I used to stress myself out in high school with whether or not I was a prep or a goth. I was interested in different looks and wanted to dabble in styles but didn’t feel the freedom to try them out. I felt like I had to pick who I was and do it 100 percent. I’ve learned how to relax and have more fun, and my blog is an exercise in not taking myself too seriously.

V: As a time-pressed mom, do you have style advice for busy women?

N: Taking five minutes in the morning for yourself makes an entire universe of difference. The first thing I do in the morning is to put on some concealer, brush my hair back, and then I’m OK. As long as I feel good, I have more patience with [Henry] and can tackle the day. With clothes, I think taking the time to really give thought to “what’s my look this week?” is so important. Go on Pinterest, keep a style board and try something new. Good style doesn’t just happen.

PHOTOGRAPHY COURTESY OF NATALIE HOLBROOK

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STYLE CRUSH

You have to really think about it; you have to really care about it.

V: I recently saw a photo of you wearing a flouncy tulle skirt, baseball shirt, and leopard print scarf on Pinterest. I immediately recognized you in that outfit from the White Party at the Alt Design Summit!

N: The funniest thing about it is my good friend from Shabby Apple sent that white tulle skirt to me and I was like, “Oh, I don’t know, it doesn’t have any edge.”

It was so girly and I was afraid I was going to be made fun of for it. I thought I needed to dress it down, so I found this Forever21 baseball shirt. My mom was like, “Natalie, you cannot be a baseball player and a ballerina!” So I stressed out and shopped, and shopped, and shopped, but I kept coming back to that baseball shirt. Then, I found this leopard-print couch fabric my mom had saved for ten years. I sewed it into a scarf and was like, “now it’s the perfect outfit.” It was right out of The Sound of Music, such a “how do you

solve a problem like Maria” moment. In a way it was the most effortless and painstaking outfit.

V: Well it is so refreshing to see an outfit that manages to break out of the typical, high-maintenance realm of glamour but still clearly was. What is your take on looking glamorous?

N: I don’t think it has anything to do with how much your outfit costs. There is a difference between something wearing you and you wearing something.

Don’t try the newest trends if you don’t feel comfortable. That doesn’t make you less trendy but rather more elegant because you know yourself more and how to dress your body.

V: This sense of soft and strong on Nat the Fat Rat seems to reveal an awareness that motherhood doesn’t mean losing yourself.

N: I think it is so neat that blogs are this new wave of feminism. We can be moms, we can make dinner and our homes beautiful, and that does not limit us.

That makes us more powerful and more influential, in a different way. It’s so fun that young moms are embracing their kids—not as accessories because I hate that! They’re pouring themselves into motherhood and at the same time finding themselves, and I think that is so cool. -JS VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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GUIDE

dress for

WEDDING SEASON W

arm weather wedding season has arrived, along with the age-old question: “what should I wear?!” While it’s tempting to focus only on the reception, remember that a wedding is more than kicking up your heels with old (and new!) friends—the day revolves around the beautiful exchange of vows. In addition to dressing respectfully

for the ceremony, there will be sitting and standing throughout the service, mingling with the grandparents, and playing with the flower girl. Spending the entire time awkwardly tugging at your hemline or pulling up your neckline is neither fun nor attractive.

Choosing an appropriate and fun dress can be a challenge. So Verily tracked down a handful of options that prove both fitting for the ceremony and worthy of a celebration.

REHEARSAL DINNER The actual rehearsing will not last long before you’re off to enjoy a meal and pre-wedding toasts for the bride and groom. Tonight, feel free to dress slightly less formal, with elegant long-sleeved silhouettes featuring flowing sleeves and swingy hems. Throw on a pair of nude wedges for the finishing touch.

MORNING WEDDING & LUNCHEON For a morning ceremony, opt for classic shapes like an a-line trapeze dress or a simple shift, as either will be appropriate and comfortable as the day wears on.

Grab a textured clutch with a bit of shimmer to stow your essentials during the nuptials.

KAY CELINE, JULIAN STRIPED, NEIMAN MARCUS, $150; COLOR BLOCKING SHANTUNG, NEIMAN MARCUS, $165; H&M POCKET BOOK, $12.95

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY SEAN CHRISTOPHER

FRENCH CONNECTION (PINK), BLOOMINGDALES, $328; GREY DRESS ZARA, $59.90; BANANA REPUBLIC TRISH WEDGE, $108

GUIDE

MIDDAY CEREMONY & AFTERNOON COCKTAILS Unless you plan to change between the ceremony and the reception, choose a look that allows you to endure the hottest part of the day and transitions seamlessly to cocktails and dinner. A one-shouldered dress is full of personality yet still formal enough for evening. For a more polished style, try a light, classic three-quarter-length sleeve number with color blocking detail. Slide on a geometric cuff to infuse your look with dimension and personality.

RACHEL ROY, MACY’S, $129; ELIZA J COLORBLOCK SILK, ­NORDSTROM, $178; GOLD CUFF, ALDO, $15

SUNSET CEREMONY & NIGHT-LONG AFFAIR Saturated tones and longer lengths are the perfect ingredients for an elegant, festive look. We’re dreaming of twirling in these chiffon maxi dresses in daring colors that convey light movement and feminine grace. To give more shape and structure, emphasize the waist with a wide leather belt featuring a statement clasp.

TED BAKER (BLUE), ASOS, $356; ASOS MAXI (PINK), ASOS, $152; BELT, BCBG, $58

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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R E L AT I O N S H I P S

Women have made great strides in achieving educational and career advancement. Yet in their personal lives, many young women still face confusion as they navigate their relationships with friends, colleagues, family members, or romantic interests.

Verily will combine empirical research, real stories, and a bestfriend mentality for a holistic and positive vision of relationships to which women can aspire.

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VERILY MAGAZINE 路 TEASER 2012

VERILY MAGAZINE 路 TEASER 2012

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NOTEWORTHY

ON OUR RADAR JANE GUIDE TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER

I

f you’re looking for a Mr. Darcy, learn from the example of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. So suggests Elizabeth Kantor, author of Jane Austen’s Guide to Happily Ever After. “Jane Austen came close to understanding and getting it right,” says Ms. Kantor. “[She has] a kind of practical, prudent, and passionate truth—the head and the heart working together. She is a viable alternative to what’s unsatisfactory in relationships today. Her insights into relationship dynamics and male psychology have so much to offer modern women.” This thought-provoking book illuminates our favorite Austen tales and offers insight into how following the steps of our favorite heroines can help women avoid the storied pitfalls of Charlotte Lucas—and modern slip-ups, as well.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

S MY GENIU

S AND YO

URS ARE

RMED E CHA

S HAV WORD YOUR

MINE EYES 30

HAVE FEAST

FRIENDS. UL.

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ED ON YOU

hakespeare certainly had a way with the ladies. Men of old wooed their beloveds by reciting his poetry with heartfelt masculine ardor and professions of love. Absurd as some of the pick-ups may sound coming from men’s’ mouths today, it would be hard not to give a guy props for using these on us.

R BEAUTEO

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

US FACE.

T

he name “Marriage 101: Building Loving and Lasting Relationships” sounds daunting as it rolls off the tongue. That hasn’t deterred students though, as the class—now in its twelfth season—is one of the most popular taught each semester at Northwestern University.

Psychiatrist Art Nielsen teaches the course, and he believes that college is the perfect time to begin learning about marriage. The course prepares students for life by examining the ingredients that go into a healthy romantic relationship. From soulmates, compatibility, and romance to conflict resolution and the in-laws, this class challenges students to tackle the tough and rewarding aspects of their most important relationship with a significant other.

Although skeptical at first, one student named Ryan had glowing praise for the class: “Marriage 101 is one of the most practical classes we’ve taken at Northwestern—probably the most practical class. As the professor has said many times, you get training for many other major life steps, whether it’s for a new job or going to college, but there is barely any formal training for marriage, which is something that can almost completely determine your happiness in life.” Sign us up! -AC

Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew, “Is Love a Flimsy Foundation? Soul-mate versus Institutional Models of Marriage,” Social Science, 39, no. 5, (September 2010) 687–99.

AUSTEN’S

NOTEWORTHY

FROM THE GENTS: FIRST DATE TURNOFFS Ever wanted to get inside the male mind? We thought so! We turned to some guys to get the inside scoop on what they’re really thinking.

The question we all wanted answered: What is your biggest first-date turnoff?

When the girl doesn’t make an effort. I mean, clearly she knows I’m attracted to her. I asked her out on the date, after all. But if she seems un-entertained throughout, I’m likely to think she just accepted the invitation out of politeness, rather than out of genuine interest. If she’d like a second date, it needs to be apparent that she’s enjoying the first one.

MICHAEL, LAW STUDENT

Too much too soon. If a girl starts talking to me like I’m her therapist, spiritual director, or career counselor, I start looking for the door. It’s easy for things to get way too intimate even when everyone keeps their hands to themselves. My ideal date (and mate) is someone independent and fun, not someone who needs me to fix their problems.

MATT, MAGAZINE EDITOR

Being late. I understand a few minutes, but coming from a dude who is also trying to get by while juggling an NYC-type agenda, I think it is important to appreciate that when someone makes time to be with you, they may actually want to see things go somewhere further than the first date. Being late comes off as really inconsiderate right off the bat.

I may say it is OK to save face, but I am already thinking, “How much waiting will I be doing in this relationship if it even ­happens?”

MAHLULI, PH.D. STUDENT

When you aren’t yourself. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me what you actually think.

What I want to hear is you.

KENDEL, TEACHER

When you don’t reach for the check. If you don’t reach for the check, then I can’t say, “No, no, I’ll get this,” and then we miss a great opportunity to gauge our level of repartee as we decide how we’ll pay the bill. Conversely, don’t expect me to pick up the whole check.

DAVID, ACTOR

DID YOU KNOW?

In a study by Dr. Brad Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, 67 percent of women believe in soulmates, compared to 63 percent of men. Those who believe in soulmates are found to be 150 percent more likely to end up divorced.

The biggest turn-off has to be indifference. The first date is usually about getting to know each other and if someone is constantly texting a friend or distracting herself, it sends a signal that she doesn’t really value your time with her. Even if you decide you aren’t interested in the other person, at least be respectful and show that you appreciate the other person and the time he is making for you.

THOMAS, SALES

If she gets drunk. If she throws herself at me. Or, if she gets drunk and throws herself at me! A woman who respects herself and knows who she is . . . that’s ­attractive.

MIKE, MUSICIAN

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R E L AT E

LOVE IS STRONGER THAN

DEATH

BY SOPHIE CALDECOTT

DAVEE BLU PHOTOGRAPHY

A

s a young child, my father often told me I was b ­ eautiful.

Despite the twists and turns that have come about as I’ve grown older, in relationships, schooling, and jobs, I have always been protected to a certain extent by a sense of self-worth.

When I try to put my finger on all the things my father has given me over the years, I realize that his wisdom and love have been woven into the fabric of who I am.

Perhaps it is hard to pinpoint one specific thing, but I know from experience that his gentle reminder of my beauty has been one of the greatest gifts. His love is a quiet steady voice against the clamor of a world constantly telling me that I should look or act differently; it helps me accept m ­ yself.

When I was young, one of my favorite things was having my father read stories aloud to me. He opened up books for me at bedtime like magic treasure chests that contained entire worlds, steering me through the works of J.R.R. T ­ olkien, C.S. Lewis, George

­acDonald, Hans Christian AnM dersen, and Jane Austen, among many others. The heroes and heroines were flawed just like me, but they knew, in the end, the difference between right and wrong and, most important of all, they knew how to love. In his own quiet way, this is what my father has been teaching me all along.

One day last autumn, he woke up in so much pain that he could barely walk, and he was rushed into the hospital for emergency scans. He had been feeling unwell since the spring and had been to see the dentist and then the doctor about a swelling on his jaw, but all of the blood work and other tests had come back negative.

They told him the lump was probably swelling in a gland after a major tooth extraction. He had a pain in his lower back. After more tests, still no one knew what was causing it. We looked into seeing back specialists, hoping the pain could be massaged away.

The emergency scans finally revealed what the doctors had been VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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R E L AT E

puzzling over for so long; he was diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. As the leaves started falling in great fiery swaths and the first frosts began, my family walked through hospital corridors, feeling like intruders who had walked into someone else’s bad dream. My mind numbly reached for a parallel situation, something familiar with which to orient myself, and stumbled on the first time we got a dog. In that moment, I felt as if I were standing outside my body, looking back at my family. “It’s so funny,” I said to my sisters, “It’s so funny. Now we’re one of those dog families.”

It’s so funny, I repeated to myself in the oncology ward. Now we’re one of those cancer families.

The medicine made his breath smell sweet, like flowers. The doctors made a mold of his face and blasted the tumors with radiation until his body had as much as it could take. His pain diminished as the weeks went by, and they started him on the hormone treatment.

How to kill the cancer, so deeply entwined, without killing his other cells? My little sister reluctantly got a train back to university to carry on with her interrupted term.

The waiting began.

When I was little, my father would often say to me, “Don’t lose yourself worrying about what might be coming. Look at the world and love it, love the details; look for a pattern in the clouds, or in a piece of moss.” This has stayed with me through childish bouts of homesickness and more adult struggles as I tried to make my way into the world of work. But it never resonated more deeply than it has over the past few months.

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After the initial fear and shock, life returned more or less to normal. Today, sometimes I forget that he has cancer, and the only sign that something is attacking the heart of our family is the increased closeness and honesty between us all. The overt affection and support for one another that has al-

WHEN LIFE IS BUILT AROUND LOVE, IT CAN OUTLAST DEATH, BECAUSE DEATH IS NOT THE END. ways been there is now a constant priority. There is no need for wishing we had done things differently. We are soaking each other up, drinking in smiles and jokes and mundane moments as we always have, pushing against the same darkness that threatens us all.

It is not so much that we need to be strong for each other—a phrase that people often quote as they grasp for some piece of comforting wisdom. It is more that we need to be ourselves, weak and strong, all jumbled up together. We do not talk about it much, we carry on as normally as possible, but when things are bad it isn’t strength that keeps us going, it is empathy.

Suffering alongside each other doesn’t mean that we are negative all the time. When he had an ultrasound on his tumors, Dad joked about asking the doctor whether it was a boy or a girl. We laughed about how he wanted to be discharged from the hospital so that

he could come home in time to watch his favorite Sunday-night television program. It just means that we don’t have to hide our tears from one another when we’ve had a bad day, that we can curl up on each other’s beds and just lie there without needing to give a reason.

The deepest kind of strength, after all, is empathy, but strength seems like an inadequate word to describe it. It implies a stoicism, a hardness, when in reality what we need most of all when things are most difficult is a softness, a flexibility, an openness to roll with the punches, to bend and not break.

Life seemed so fragile back in that hospital waiting room, but I have come to realize that in fact it is resilient even in the face of death. When life is built around love, it can outlast death, because death is not the end. The cancer is a sick imitation of the real thing, multiplying desperately because it has no real substance or meaning of its own beyond what it destroys; that is the nature of evil.

It is almost impossible to say exactly how my father shaped who I am; his gentle manner, his childlike curiosity and awe about the world, his ability to listen and connect and speak, with very few words, right to the heart of the way things are— these are all qualities about him that I love and I aspire to. But perhaps the most precious lesson that a father can teach his daughter—a lesson that helps her to deal with the possibility of losing him, in fact—is that love is stronger than death. I learned this through the heroes and heroines of the stories that my father shared with me, and, like them, I will never despair or stop believing that the world is good.

INSIGHT

M O R F AN T R E EXP IONS R E L AT

A HIP Q&

PHOTOGRAPH BY SEAN CHRISTOPHER

e e to tim im t m o r s. But f f our many o mbitiou a o s d n n a o , n avvy e thing at dow mart, s with th Verily s f lp o e We’re s h s o e ie g om the lad ilip Man ld use s ips! So, r, Dr. Ph h e s we cou k n a io e t p ns on ds our rela questio gist an lo g o in h s minds— c s y y s me pre ion ma ensed p with so h situat c with lic im a h e d e e il h pper include ders. W and pe nswers a our rea f is o h , s n d tly your ow the min ou exac in y l o u t f lp ly r n be he not app d on fo that ca s le ip c ips. Rea h s prin n io t rela . life and e scoop his insid

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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INSIGHT

FROM P ERFECT TO P I TI FUL

Q I’M RECENTLY MARRIED AND FACING MANY WOMEN’S GREATEST FEAR ABOUT MARRIAGE: NOW THAT THE RING IS ON, THE ROMANCE IS GONE. WHEN WE WERE DATING, MY NOW-HUSBAND COURTED ME—WE WENT OUT, HAD FUN ADVENTURES, AND HE DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS. I FELT UNDERSTOOD, LOVED, AND CHERISHED. BUT NOW, WE NEVER GO OUT, AND I FEEL LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING STALE. WHY IS MY HUSBAND TURNING OUT TO BE A DIFFERENT PERSON FROM THE ONE I DATED? WHY DID HE CHANGE?

A There are two dimensions to romantic love. The first is primarily hormonal, emotional, and spontaneous—the sense that we “fall” into love. The feeling of being “in love” is wonderful but never the basis for a happy, strong, successful marriage.

Research shows the average span of the “in love” obsession is eighteen months to two years. When we come down from the high we begin to see our spouse’s character limitations, psychological issues, and differences, and are disillusioned.

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Often the husband and wife start thinking, “I’ve married the wrong person.” This is normal. The second phase, which is absolutely necessary to sustain a great marriage, consists of making positive daily decisions to love. Strive to discover what your husband experiences as love and give it to him willingly, happily, and for the rest of his life.

How do you discover what your spouse needs to bring the romance back? Major research by Dr. Gary Chapman reveals that there are five ways through which people feel loved: 1. Words of affirmation: Many men and women experience sincere words of affirmation said regularly as expressions of deep love.

Men feel particularly loved when they are given affirmation or admiration about their character, not their achievements. On the other hand, many women feel loved when they are appreciated for who they are as persons.

2. Acts of service: For these men and women, actions are more important than words. Taking care of the bills, washing the car, cooking good meals, or fixing the house makes these people feel very loved.

3. Receiving gifts: For many men and women, what makes them feel most loved is to receive gifts often. This is more often evident with women. Roses, cards, books, surprises that are sincerely given make these individuals feel deeply loved.

4. Quality time together: Quality time consists of giving the person undivided attention, without distraction from television, the Internet, or magazines. Generally, men enjoy doing things together, while

women enjoy being together. A good compromise can be made here—being together while doing something ­together.

5. Physical touch: Men and women with this love language experience love through physical closeness. Physical touch releases the hormone oxytocin into the bloodstream, eliciting a sense of trust and joy in the other person. Men have 20 percent more testosterone than women. For them, the primary way oxytocin is released is through sexual intercourse. For women, oxytocin releases into their bloodstream merely by being hugged, kissed, and listened to.

Do not rely on hormones, spontaneous feelings, or the high of being in love to sustain your marriage, but discover what expression of love is important to your spouse.

The action of the heart, of trying to discover the other person, will bring back the romance and the experience of being in love again.

BR E A K I NG D OW N WA LLS

Q I HAVE BEEN HURT MANY TIMES IN THE PAST. I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, AND MY OWN PARENTS’ MARRIAGE IS ROCKY AT BEST. I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME TRUSTING MEN, AND I BUILD UP WALLS TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM BEING HURT AGAIN. IN FACT, I’M BEGINNING TO WONDER WHETHER LIFELONG LOVE IS REALLY POSSIBLE AT ALL, AND NOT JUST A THING OF FAIRY

INSIGHT

TALES. BUT, I WANT A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP. I WANT LOVE! WHAT CAN I DO TO TRY TO HEAL FROM MY TRUST ISSUES AND BREAK DOWN MY WALLS TO BEGIN BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A GOOD GUY?

A It may be natural for a woman to toss up her hands and say, “There are very few real men today.” On the one hand, this is true, but on the other hand, many women have deep-seated beliefs about themselves and about men that can be destructive. In general, the reasons why good women can wind up staying with inappropriate men fall into four categories: • Self-hatred: A woman might think “If the man who loves me is strong and mature, he’ll see how negative I am and abandon me.”

Unconsciously, she may feel that good men can perceive how damaged she is and this is more painful than if a damaged man perceives her brokenness, so she gravitates towards inappropriate men.

• Cure fantasy: As a child or adolescent, a girl was helpless in curing her father from alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, etc.

Out of anxiety, guilt, and a hopeless fantasy of curing, she works to cure the new male, a symbolic father, and fails.

• Revenge: A woman’s rage, hostility, resentment or bitterness toward the father may be discharged

toward the male. He is punished.

This is unconscious and destructive.

• Neurobiology: If a woman is having regular sexual intercourse, oxytocin is bonding her intensely towards the male. It also makes it easier to forgive the male and increases her trust in him, even if he is not trustworthy.

Often, the source of these wounds and behaviors comes from childhood. Many of the women who had an unhappy home life growing up continue recreating their childhood home life. We often recreate destructive situations in the present without being aware of it. It is unconscious. The first man in your life was your father, and that’s the first relationship that may need healing, so that you can experience confidence and self-worth. Overall, it’s best to discover what these wounds might be to come to healing.

LOV E AC R OSS T HE M ILE S

Q I MET A GREAT GUY AND WE SEEMED TO REALLY HIT IT OFF! THE ONLY TROUBLE IS, HE LIVES A FEW STATES AWAY. ALTHOUGH WE’VE MET ONLY ONCE, WE TALK FREQUENTLY ON THE PHONE AND ARE THINKING ABOUT STARTING A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. WE’RE NOT GOING TO BE LIVING NEAR EACH OTHER ANY TIME SOON AND ARE CONCERNED THAT DISTANCE WILL BECOME A PROBLEM. WHAT SHOULD WE BE AWARE OF?

A Some couples can do relationships long distance—but the vast majority usually cannot. It is not so much a question of living near or far from each other, though. The most important thing to ask yourself is, Can we talk about deep material? Can we talk about material that brings intimacy—real, deep intimacy? We can talk about all the things we have in common, but also our differences? How does he communicate? How does he talk to you?

You want to see a guy who asks about you and really wants to get to know you, not just talk about himself. A guy that just wants to talk about himself is not into you, he just wants to talk. You should be having conversations about your lives, your beliefs, your families, as well as your hobbies.

Even more important, though, is seeing if he is willing to sacrifice for you. What does that look like? He enjoys your company and investing his time and life in yours. He may offer to come out and visit every month or two and foot the bill entirely. Or, he may fly you out for a visit. These are good signs—but make sure you don’t share a room; not engaging in physical intimacy will give you a better chance to get to know him. Signs of sacrifice will indicate you have something special. Good luck!

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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GUIDE

HOW TO NETWORK LIKE A

PRO...

N

etworking is something that crosses all of our paths at some point. Maybe you’re charged with making connections with key individuals who could potentially take your company to the next level. Maybe you just graduated from college and need a job. Maybe you’re at a party to make new friends, but everyone seems to be magically grouped off, chatting merrily.

No matter the situation, it can be daunting to put yourself out there. Help ease the pre-event jitters with these strategies and make your next networking experience more positive, stress-free, and successful.

BE SURE TO...

SET GOALS Networking is a mindset. Take a moment to ask yourself beforehand what you hope to accomplish by the interactions—this will give you focus and clarity when navigating the sea of people. Remember to be kind to yourself though—if you’re not a natural at working a room, instead of setting out to meet ten people, perhaps set a goal to have two really genuine and thoughtful conversations.

PUT PEOPLE FIRST We’ve all been on the receiving end of a conversation where the other person is clearly distracted or looking for a way to escape. It’s not fun. As Will Smith’s character explained in the movie Hitch, “When you’re in the room, be in the room. Concentrate. Focus. [People] respond when you respond to them.” Networking is about people first, “connections” second. It’s really about b ­ uilding 38

VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

relationships with others. So, try to be engaged and present when talking with someone. Show kindness to each person you meet; each has value, regardless of whether or not he is directly useful to you.

GRAB A DRINK This is not about drinking to give yourself liquid courage, but it is about positioning yourself strategically in the room. If you are nervous about the idea of working the room, let the room work for you! Position yourself in a strategic spot, where there is likely to be heavy traffic flow, like near a doorway or the food table. As the attendees mill about, you will have to worry less about finding people to talk to, since they will naturally be passing you all the time.

BREAK THE ICE It takes courage to approach someone and introduce yourself! Even if someone you know makes an introduction, often as soon as names are exchanged there is that awkward pause where no one knows what to say. Be gracious; smooth this over by asking them an easy but potentially engaging question, like “How do you know the host?” or what brought them to the event. Find common ground or ask leading questions to spark discussion. Use your best judgment. But above all, be genuine.

FOLLOW-UP Business events can be great for making connections, but difficult for sustaining them. The follow-up is where the real relationship-building begins. Send an e-mail

GUIDE

... AND HOW NOT TO MAKE FRIENDS AT A NETWORKING EVENT

thanking him for your conversation and mention how great it was to meet. If you have something you would like to discuss with him immediately, propose that you set up a rendezvous within the next couple of weeks to talk further. If there is nothing pressing but you want to keep communication lines open, mention that you “look forward to future conversations.”

BUT WHAT IF...

I’M AN INTROVERT? While some people seem to effortlessly work a room while making every individual feel important, most people are not that comfortable with the typical cocktail-party free-for-all.

If you’re an introvert, don’t worry—some of the best networkers in the world have been introverts.

Look for opportunities to talk with a person individually instead of inserting yourself into a group conversation. Lisa Petrilli, self-proclaimed introvert, CEO, and author of The Visionary Leadership blog, says to listen to your need to re-energize by stepping away from the activity or taking thirty minutes to get a breather. It is OK to step out of the room for a moment or leave the event early. Go at your pace.

I FEEL INSECURE? It is easy to say “Be confident!” It’s harder to always feel confident, but a few body-language tricks can help you “fake it till you make it”! Make a good first impression by having good posture and wearing a pleasant smile. Square your shoulders toward the

S YE

YE

DRINK TOO MUCH, HIT ON YOUR SERVER AND USE THE PODIUM FOR YOUR PERSONAL KARAOKE SHOW

O

HANG OUT ONLY WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND GLARE AT ANY STRANGER WHO APPROACHES

WANT TO CATCH SOMEONE’S EYE?

NO

N

S

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE HERE?

HIDE IN A CORNER, KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND TEXT FURIOUSLY

person with whom you’re speaking. Show off your pretty peepers with eye contact. And the biggest challenge: no crossing your arms! An open demeanor and body language invites conversation.

I FORGOT MY BUSINESS CARDS? You meet an interesting person. After rummaging through your purse, you realize that you just gave your last business cards away (or worse, left them at home). Don’t panic. Simply apologize and request that they offer you one of theirs. This way, you will still have their contact information and can follow up with them soon after the event.

I CAN’T FIND AN EXIT? Ending a conversation can be anything from awkward and abrupt to pleasant and memorable. It may be necessary to cut a conversation short to say hello to a newcomer, or to grab more of those quiche bites from the hors-d’oeuvres table. When it comes time to make for the door, try not to leave the person stranded. Introduce the person to someone else before excusing yourself—this helps them meet people, while allowing you to exit. To end the conversation on a positive note, mention that you appreciate meeting him, or that look forward to talking soon.

Remember that networking is fundamentally about relationship-building, sharing what you’re passionate about, learning others’ interests, and supporting one another. It’s that simple. Happy mingling! -AC VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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IN HER SHOES

BETWEEN TWO WORLDS H

e should at least know how to speak English,” I told my mother, who kept insisting that the Sudanese man—one whom I had never met—asking for my hand in marriage was the most suitable match for me.

According to my mother, I was being shallow in stipulating that my future husband have a college degree. Apparently, decent morals and an awareness of one’s religion are all that is required for a man to marry me.

“You will never find anyone better suited for you”, my mother insisted. Full of doubts about our level of compatibility, I conceded to give the man—let’s call him Adeeb—a chance.

My fears were not unfounded. It turns out that Adeeb expected me to marry him as soon as possible, despite my remaining years left in college. When I mentioned that I would never consider marriage until after graduation, he was very confused and asked for a reason. (Was it not obvious?) Once married, he expected to be the sole breadwinner in the family, while I would assume a position in the home. It became clear that he did not take my schooling or plans for my future as seriously as I did. Needless to say, I ended the “relationship.”

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I argued quite a bit with my ­ other, because she truly believed m that Adeeb was perfect for me.

Never, of course, would she think to force me into such a marriage, and never would she succeed if she tried. Though I understand she was counseling me to undertake what she believed was best for me, I must admit that I felt hurt and misunderstood. I cringed at the thought of my hard work and ambitious pursuits resulting in marriage to a foreign stranger who spoke no English and possessed no higher education.

So why did my mother push me to accept Adeeb’s proposal with such vehemence? Although my family has lived in America for many years, my parents still view much of life through the lens of their Sudanese heritage and likewise think that I should make choices in the same way. Inside, I am torn. I feel caught in a delicate balancing act between respecting my origins while embracing the American culture I have come to value.

And the two are vastly different.

First, in the Sudan, girls attend college—but their top priority is to marry as soon as possible. Therefore, most girls do not take their college education seriously, and if they’re still unmarried after graduation, they simply wait for suitors

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in hopes of getting married.

In many Muslim communities, women experience pressure to marry at a relatively young age ­ while men may marry whenever they please. Some elders even encourage the men to marry later. If a woman desires to pursue a career, she can be certain to experience constant pressure to find a husband “before it is too late.” This double standard is troublesome, not to mention f­ rustrating.

Yet, without any doubt, this mentality is the one with which my mother was raised and it is the same one with which she continues

MIXED MEDIA COLLAGE BY MARY FRANCES FOSTER

BY A REEJ HASSAN

IN HER SHOES

to live. As a result, it’s difficult for her to realize that, because I grew up in the United States, I have vastly ­different ­expectations for myself.

I grew up in a society that values women working outside the home and that regards my education with utmost seriousness, and so I too have come to expect and value the same. While I understand where my mom is coming from and can even see how that might work well for some women, I question the Sudanese system that disregards the very realizable and noble dreams of women like me, who long for greater and more diverse options.

Second, my mother wants to preserve her culture and ensure that her grandchildren are Sudanese. She came to the United States as an adult and continues to feel as if she is living in a foreign land. As a result, she expects that I should seek to marry a Sudanese man—and discussions where I indicate otherwise never go well.

But the practicalities of such a demand are incredibly confining— there are relatively few young Sudanese men and women living in the United States, so to require that I marry only someone of Sudanese descent limits my options consid-

erably. ­Because America is where I grew up, it is the more dominant of the two cultures that I so dearly value. I have dreams and expectations for myself that a traditional Sudanese man just doesn’t understand. What is the solution to marrying—literally and figuratively— two seemingly disparate cultures?

This clash between different cultures and between religion and culture creates an internal struggle within many young Muslims hoping to marry but whose parents are unwilling to listen to them. There’s no question that we want our parents’ approval, but unfortunately it’s not always clear they realize this.

A close friend of mine is going through a similar experience. She’s dating a great guy and knows that he’s the one she wants to marry.

There’s just one problem—he isn’t Arab. Her parents were initially unwilling to accept this, but I’ve noticed that with time, the issue is slowly becoming less and less sensitive; her parents are beginning to accommodate her opinions and expectations as well.

I can only hope that this is the start of a shift in our parents’ perspectives that will allow us to integrate the reality of our heritages with our lives as Americans. In the meantime, I feel caught between the throes of a somewhat distant culture and my lived reality as an American; a veritable “rock and a hard place.” In appeasing my parents and getting married, I fear abandoning my personal aspirations that I’ve worked toward my whole life.

Nevertheless, I’ve decided to remain resolute in resisting these cultural pressures. If I cannot marry on my own terms, then I would rather not marry at all.

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LOVE IN THE TIME OF TEXTING M O D E R N D AT I N G

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M O D E R N D AT I N G

BY MONICA GABRIEL

A

text called to me like a siren.

While chatting with a friend, the dull vibration from the depths of my handbag caught my ear and demanded my attention.

I suspected it might be a text from the guy I met last night, which spurred me to claw through my bag with even greater gusto.

We didn’t really have a great conversation because the music was too loud, but I believe he said he was originally from California and he was really funny . . . I think. Anyway, he had a nice smile.

“It was great meeting you last night!” I responded with something witty and original, like “Great to meet you too!”

Before I knew it, texts were flying back and forth all day. They made me smile, laugh, and blush.

I was right about Mr. Smooth Texter—he was originally from California. And still lived there.

Looked like we wouldn’t be going on a date anytime soon, but the texts kept buzzing.

The oddity of the situation struck me after several days of “whatcha up to?” and “check out my new haircut! *pictogram*.” Despite an obvious effort to keep me in the loop with all his actions, wasn’t it strange that he had no desire to pick up the phone and hear my voice?

And yet, I rationalized that there was no need to cease communication with Mr. Smooth Texter. When

it came to my relationships with men, I knew how to keep my emotional distance; anyway, it was just texting, right?

A week or two of “just texting” flew by and then it happened: there was a missing beat, a buzz that never came. Disappointment settled into the pit of my stomach.

The expectant glance at my silent phone confirmed what I was almost too embarrassed to admit. Despite a suspicion that Mr. Smooth Texter’s only intention was to enjoy flirting with me, deep down I had allowed myself to hope it was something more.

I

could not claim to be anything but guilty of the same crime that Mr. Smooth Texter committed. I enjoyed the excitement and emotional gratification. Or, according to Sherry Turkle, founder and director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self, I used him for validation. Although I might have wanted more, I still played the game.

In Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, Turkle explains the recent shift in mindset from “I have feelings—I want to make a call” to the reverse, which is often found in relationships today: “I want to have feelings—I need to send a text.” Instead of communication being an expression of feelings, communication is an expression of need. Instead of giving, it is taking.

In my experience, all of that meaningless texting created a false sense of connectedness and relationship. I was allowing someone to bypass having a real relationship with me for a simulated one. In the end, I felt used.

W

ithin the context of committed relationships, text messaging is found to be more than just convenient. Research indicates that frequent text messaging creates a sense of emotional and relational connection sufficient to maintain and enhance relationships. So despite the appearance that texting is just a fun, low-­ commitment element to the modern dating ritual, the perpetual accessibility of someone who is only 140 characters away is quite the opposite. It is no wonder that I found myself feeling like perhaps there was something more.

I have long understood that lack of commitment, perpetual accessibility, and emotional attachment are not a healthy combo. But with texting, it is no different. I learned firsthand that settling for emotionally addictive chimes and winks, when what I really wanted was a personal relationship, left me feeling lonelier than ever.

I hope I’ve learned my lesson. If I need emotional validation, I’ll grab coffee with my girlfriends. If I need validation 24 hours a day, well, isn’t that what Twitter is for?

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C U LT U R E

No one is an island unto herself—we are all engaged in the world and participate in shaping the culture. Verily will provide distinctive essays, reports, and profile pieces that highlight empowering stories of real women in the world. With attention to good writing and bold investigating, this section will feature articles on today’s most important issues.

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PHOTOGRAPH BY MORIZA ON FLICKR

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NOTEWORTHY

FILM WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING The bestselling book is coming to theaters with comic abandon that may help you forget whether you loved, hated, or never even read the book on which it’s based. Not unlike He’s Just Not That Into You, What To Expect compensates where it strays from the original book with a hilarious all-star cast, including Cameron Diaz, Chris Rock, and Jennifer Lopez.

DAMSELS IN DISTRESS The beloved director of Metropolitan, Barcelona, and The Last Days of Disco, Whit Stillman returns as ever the master of dry wit and social commentary. With Damsels in Distress, Stillman tells the stories of what happens when women try to civilize men without first taking a look in the mirror.

THE AVENGERS The Avengers may never be as popular as Marvel’s Ateam of superheroes X-MEN. But in releasing the preceding films Iron Man I and II, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Thor—not to mention their incessant sneaky teasers for it in the end credits—the comic enterprise has done well to whet appetites for the long-awaited debut on the silver screen.

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BOOKS

NOTEWORTHY

MUSIC

FIONA APPLE - THE IDLER WHEEL

After seven years of waiting, Fiona Apple fans can rejoice at the arrival of her latest album this June, which comes with a 23-word poetic title: The Idler Wheel is wiser than the Driver of the Screw, and Whipping Cords will serve you more than Ropes will ever do. Featuring such tunes as “Anything We Want,” “Every Single Night,” and “Valentine,” which Apple previewed at shows in March, the album continues in the trajectory we’ve come to cherish in her sultry tracks—moving

onward in from dark to content.

ESTELLE - ALL OF ME

BIRDS OF A LESSER PARADISE

by Megan Mayhew Bergman In this debut collection, Megan Mayhew Bergman delivers a meticulous set of stories that are at once darkly funny, smart as a whip, and fraught with lingering heartache. Expertly rendered, these stories explore our ties to nature and its beasts—and the joys, sorrows, and indescribable depths that accompany them. -Elizabeth Duszynski

Britain’s Mary J. Blige delivers the deep-voiced R&B tracks we’ve been craving since her last hit “American Boy” with Kanye West in 2008. Jon Legend cowrote this album alongside her, producing tracks of diverse beats and honest lyrics, tied together with hopeful soul.

BLOOM: FINDING BEAUTY IN THE UNEXPECTED a Memoir by Kelle Hampton What do you do when your life suddenly turns on its head? In her recent memoir, Kelle Hampton describes her journey after a startling discovery in the delivery room that her second-born daughter has Down syndrome—a discovery she immediately knew would change her life forever.

In this moving story, readers learn about “being fearless and accepting difference” and “going beyond constricting definitions of beauty.”

CALICO JOE

by John Grisham Just in time for baseball season, John Grisham delivers Calico Joe, a novel about a boy wonder who breaks rookie records in the summer of 1973. The baseball diamond may not be every girl’s best friend, but this page-turner has deeper insights into forgiveness and redemption that will remind you why Grisham remains one of today’s best storytellers.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD - BLOWN AWAY For an album the singer has called “darker” than her past work, Blown Away will sweep you off to a cloudy place not far from the angst of her past hit “Before He Cheats.” In the starting track “Good Girl,” Underwood belts, “Hey, good girl, with your head in the clouds. . . why you gotta be so blind?” With these vocals, you might find yourself internally seeking

an answer. -MRS

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THE WOMEN OF DOWNTON ABBEY

BY MONICA R. WEIGEL

I

have to admit something up front—I have terrible taste in TV shows. I tend to hide the bulk of my DVD collection in a cubby above my door, and I will steadfastly refuse any and all inquiries to share my Netflix queue. It isn’t that I am ashamed (exactly), but sometimes it is hard to own up to the truth.

But for the sake of full disclosure, here it is—I love soapy TV. I grew up on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (a show I will defend to my dying day, but it must be said—the woman had a knack for finding herself in crisis after crisis), graduated to Dawson’s Creek and Felicity while in high school, and now find myself, almost thirty-years-old, firmly addicted to Friday Night Lights reruns and Pretty Little Liars.

I don’t tend to bring these facts up in polite conversation—it tarnishes my reputation as a well-educated woman with a specialization in Shakespeare. But I have noticed that there is one show I find myself talking 48

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about with anyone who will listen—my sister, my roommate, my coworkers, even strangers I meet at a bar.

Downton Abbey. It’s so civilized and highbrow, we say! Not only is it a period British drama, but its characters are as well spoken and put together as any Jane Austen heroine; it boasts high production value, a beautiful score, and enough accents to make even the reluctant Anglophile swoon.

And if that isn’t enough to convince you to take it seriously, it has Maggie Smith and it airs on PBS. You can’t argue with Maggie Smith and PBS. (Well, I suppose you could, but then you would not be a person whom I would want to sit down and have a glass of wine with.)

But as I anxiously await the beginning of Season 3, and rewatch all the episodes on DVD with my boyfriend (who started watching purely as a survival technique), I find myself reluctantly realizing that Downton Abbey, my critically acclaimed darling of a drama, is just as

PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY OF PBS

REFLECTION

full of soap as Gossip Girl or Grey’s Anatomy. Much like its characters, who hide their scandal behind impeccable dressing and unflappable manners, Downton Abbey is a soap opera in Masterpiece Classic clothing, and I honestly think it would be a disservice to the show to argue otherwise.

Women especially love overly dramatic story lines, even when they won’t admit it. It makes us feel better about our own personal dramas, whether we are thanking the Lord that our love lives are not nearly as complicated as Mary Crawley’s, or we are sympathizing with Sybil’s struggle to be true to herself amid very strict familial expectations. I do not want to give too much of the plot away, because if you have yet to indulge in Downton Abbey, you can still redeem yourself by getting Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD, and I have no desire to spoil the fun for you. But I do find it curious that the show, despite all its dramatic tricks and calculated pulls on your emotional strings, retains a sense of legitimate entertainment and not pure escapism.

Perhaps it is just a general societal fondness and respect for Jane Austen novels, but there is something inherently romantic about stories of love and family set in England’s rigid class society. There are so many outside obstacles to love and happiness that a character’s internal struggles seem even nobler and worthy of attention. Add to that how everyone magically knows exactly what polite (yet cutting) remark to make at precisely the right time, along with their extreme care for detail—whether in setting a table for dinner or pinning up hair—and you realize that the world of Downton Abbey was created using a tried and true recipe, while adding a delicious mix of spice and juiciness to the mix.

It is a world that can seem far removed from ours.

Today, the art of conversation has been replaced by the art of texting, dinner is often the result of takeout containers and frozen meals, and spending a huge amount of time fixing your hair is more likely to be thought of as vanity than a true pride in your appearance. It is this hint of the exotic that separates Downton from the world of Dawson’s Creek, which was created with an almost obsessive attention to popular

teenage culture at the time, and it is perhaps part of the reason that I feel less ashamed talking about my love for it. Love affairs with inappropriate people, broken hearts, and family scandal seem far more elegant in the grand halls of Downton than in the small-town homes on the Creek.

Speaking of elegance, it may be my recent apartment search in the hideousness of the New York City real-estate market, but the production value of Downton Abbey is one of its greatest pulls. The sheer size of the grounds and the height of the ceilings are enough to inspire square-footage envy, and the opulence and grandeur of the estate are staggering on a purely aesthetic level. Add in the dedication of the household staff (who make my current management company and super seem even lazier than they actually are), and an escape to the world of Downton becomes even sweeter.

This may be a generalization, but the average professional female (the type that Sybil would probably most admire) does not often enjoy the creature comforts that Downton affords, and while the freedom and self-reliance of today’s women are not to be sneezed at, it is also not a crime to imagine, for one hour a week, the joys of living in a house so big that leaving the grounds is rendered unnecessary for weeks at a time, coming up to bed to find a fire lit and your bed turned down, and having a personal library to brood in whenever the need should arise.

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REFLECTION

There are prices to pay for living in such luxury, of course, and the societal structure that supported such wealth is not one we should long to resurrect, but an occasional trip down imaginary lane can be easily forgiven. In a way, Downton Abbey is a more feminine version of Mad Men — a snapshot of a romanticized society that is crumbling at the base. We may long for aspects of it to return (the fancy cigarette paraphernalia and office drinking of Mad Men without the fear of lung cancer and alcoholism, and the enjoyment of luxury at Downton Abbey without the social conscience), but we can see as an audience why it fell apart, and are fascinated watching the characters grapple with its ­demise.

But the show’s greatest achievement, and its best attraction, is its collection of strong, feisty, and independent women living in a time that does its best to stifle strong, feisty, and independent women.

The story line may begin with the hard truth that the estate is at risk because it cannot be inherited by a woman (again, a familiar plot stolen from Austen), but the story continues because Mary, Edith, Sybil, Anna, and even the Countess refuse to rest easy in their allotted places.

Inheritance struggles and war may swarm around them, reminding them every episode that they live in a man’s world, but it is the women of Downton Abbey that make it the most memorable and relatable. And it is because of them that the show, amidst all its soapiness, manages to deliver a message of loyalty, forgiveness, respect, and hope.

There is something universally compelling about people who fight to change their circumstances. The world of Downton Abbey is very defined and inflexible. People know their place, and that place rarely, if ever, changes. Whether this is a world that is stable and soothing or static and stifling is a matter of opinion, but regardless, it is not a world full of choices. Your options are pre-determined by your station in life, and contentment rather than true happiness seems to be the end goal. Well-born women paid social calls and decorated the room with their presence until a suitable husband

came along, and then the cycle began all over again in a different house. But it was a world that was teetering on the edge of collapse. Beginning as it does with the news of the sinking of the Titanic and the loss of Downton’s heir and continuing with the advent of World War I, the story shows first the family and then the world in upheaval. Soon the characters of Downton Abbey, especially the women, find themselves scrambling to make sense of themselves in their new surroundings.

The stubborn, willful, and flawed Mary Crawley (Michelle Dockery) quickly became one of my favorite characters on the show. She does not, however, give a good first impression. She is by turns shallow, self-involved, sarcastic, calculating, and cold. But as the show progresses, she begins to show glimmers of insecurity and an appealing self-deprecating sense of humor, revealing a carefully hidden need for love and acceptance outside her status as a marriage pawn.

By the beginning of Season 2, Mary was one of the most sympathetic characters in the show. Her wariness of happiness, her penchant for selfsabotage, and her reluctance to show any chinks in her carefully and beautifully arranged armor soften her edges and warm up the chilly tone that often creeps into her voice. You want to fight for her, because her pride and stubbornness end up being her strength and as well as her weakness.

Edith (Laura Carmichael) and Sybil (Jessica Brown Findlay) are less important in the family’s marriage game, but react in very different ways to their place at Downton. Edith, in many ways a classic middle child (a fact that earned her my instant loyalty even when she least deserved it), is resentful of the attention given to Mary and her potential matches, and feels her uselessness keenly. It is Edith who grows the most over the show’s two seasons, eventually finding her happiness by helping others and becoming part of something bigger than herself.

Sybil, the youngest, is the petted idealist, but grows up far faster than either Mary or Edith. Sybil is the least

DOWNTON IS A FEMININE VERSION OF MAD MEN—A SNAPSHOT OF A ROMANTICIZED SOCIETY THAT IS CRUMBLING AT THE BASE.

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interested in the shallowness of parties and matchmaking, becoming passionate about politics and a nursing career instead. It is she who finds her way out of her cage the fastest, through a combination of tenacity and spunk that seems to elude Mary and Edith.

But the “upstairs” women are not the only characters who drive the show. Mrs. Hughes (Phyllis Logan), the housekeeper, is the type of woman who would make the world’s most perfect teacher—stern and unfailingly fair, with hints of the mother hen popping through every now and again. Gwen (Rose Leslie from Season 1) and Ethel (Amy Nuttall from Season 2) both want more than being just a housemaid but look for their independence in vastly different ways, with vastly different consequences. And Anna (Joanne Froggatt), the head housemaid and lady’s maid for the Crawley girls, is someone whom you instantly want to be your friend. Loyal and hardworking, she is a charming combination of practical and dreamy. She chases her potential happiness with pure motives and determination, never pausing to be concerned about the shallow judgments of others. The challenges these women face are very different from those that Mary, Edith, and Sybil encounter, but they all share a desire to find happiness and worth outside of their station.

I would be incredibly remiss if I didn’t include the Dowager Countess in my list of compelling female characters. Maggie Smith, always a gem, peppers Downton Abbey with laugh-out-loud one-liners and is reason enough to watch the show even if you don’t care a bit about anything else I have mentioned. Even when you don’t like the Countess, you can’t help loving Maggie Smith. Her stately presence and keen wit bring out the liveliness of the show’s writing (something I have yet to heap enough praise on), and I look forward to what will come out of her mouth every time she enters a scene. Even though the Countess is someone who thrives in the type of society that tries to trap the other girls, they could take a lesson in strength and feistiness from this particular grand dame.

Surely Downton Abbey is not without its flaws. Season 1 has better plot twists than Season 2, and not every story revolved around romantic entanglements.

The episodes end in less predictable places and do a better job of making you wonder what happens next.

Season 2 fleshes out the people more, using the war as an opportunity for character growth, but indulges in the melodrama of that growth a bit more than I felt

was necessary.

But nevertheless, Downton is a show that makes you care for its characters—you want to root for them because, despite the fact that their world seems so far removed from ours, you recognize yourself in their ­ struggles. The soapiness that infiltrates the show makes this connection fun and entertaining rather than depressing. It keeps you from wondering if we as a society have in fact come as far as we think we have.

In the end, I know that a DVD collection of Downton Abbey will be proudly displayed on my bookshelf, not tucked away with my other guilty pleasures. It is an unbeatable combination of conversation-inducing, sexy (but prim) fluff. I will embrace my hypocrisy and keep urging the show on unsuspecting passersby because, frankly, everyone deserves a little fluff now and again, and nobody needs to apologize for it. Especially when that fluff comes with a character as cute as Matthew Crawley (Dan Stevens), which is a perk far better to see than to read about. . . . Trust me.

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LIFESTYLE From being effective at the office to making a house a home, running a marathon, or giving back to the community, what a woman does in her day-to-day life contributes deeply to her sense of who she is. Verily will offer fun, thoughtful articles to inform and inspire the woman who desires to set her own agenda for personal success without shunning her uniquely feminine gifts in order to get there.

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NOTEWORTHY

nts took a p i c i t r a p Study their n e h w a t s pa 30% more hite than when w dish was dark color. it was a

DON’T SATE YOUR PLATE

Y

our dinnerware could cause you to eat more than the necessary helping. According to a Georgia Tech study, people are more likely to take larger servings when their food is the same color as the plate.

Study participants took 30 percent more pasta when their dish was white than when it was a dark color.

These scientists say food that blends in with the color of the plate makes it difficult for our minds to estimate the appropriate amount to serve. Next time you’re helping yourself to a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, be extra mindful of how much you’re piling onto your red-colored plate.

FOODIE ACTION Q U I NOA Quinoa is a tiny yellow seed that has a fluffy, creamy, slightly crunchy texture and a somewhat nutty flavor when cooked.

WH Y THEY ’R E HE A LT HY Quinoa is rich in complete proteins, making it a good choice for vegans or vegetarians concerned about consuming enough protein. Quinoa is especially rich in the amino acid lysine, which is essential for tissue growth and repair. 1 cup only has about 155 calories and 30g of carbs.

HOW TO EAT I T Quinoa is great in soups, cold appetizers, and salads or paired with nuts, fruits and honey for a yummy and healthy breakfast. -KS

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NOTEWORTHY

GEEK ON THE RUN

T

hese days, it’s simpler than ever to get efficient with shopping. Downloading a bunch of mobile-shopping apps can seem more work than it’s worth, though, so we tested out a few for you! Here are three free apps for smartphones that actually made shopping on websites we love even easier (and fun!): GILT GROUPE Gilt Groupe is an exclusive website that provides instant insider access to today’s top designer labels for women, men, kids and home as well as exclusive local services and experiences, and one-of-a-kind travel packages, at up to 60% off retail! Download the app and never miss a sale again by getting sale alerts sent straight to your phone.

In addition to shopping active sales from wherever you are and previewing upcoming sales, you can score styles in under a minute through the quick and clean interface. .

KAYAK Kayak is one of the best travel search engines and can be with you wherever you go. The app includes flight and car search, hotel search and booking, and Flight Tracker and My Trips, so you can easily manage your itinerary.

TECHNOLOGY IS MORE USER-FRIENDLY THAN EVER. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT AND YOU COULD BE SAVING TIME AND MONEY TO DO BOTH THE THINGS YOU NEED TO DO AND THE ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!

SEAMLESSWEB You may have ordered delivery or takeout online from SeamlessWeb, but their mobile app takes ordering food on the go to a whole other level. Open the app to reorder your favorite meals in just a few taps, and base your decisions on easily accessible restaurant ratings that use your Current Location to scout nearby restaurants. I once ordered sushi while sitting in a meeting and it was waiting on my desk for me as soon as I got out. Tasty times! -KS

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I M PAC T

I

n the summer of 2010, the New York Times published an article that quickly spread among new college grads and young professionals. The article, entitled “What is It About Twenty-Somethings?”, struck a chord with its central question, “Why are so many people in their twenties taking so long to grow up?”

In our parents’ generation, you graduated, got a job, and likely stayed with that job, or at least in that same field, until retirement.

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Today, due to a myriad of new social norms, young graduates aren’t following the same story line—or even necessarily finding what that new one should be.

So even with undergraduate and advanced degrees from prestigious universities under their belts, many twenty-somethings today find themselves overqualified for jobs they can’t obtain or dissatisfied with the jobs that promised them satisfaction, security, or—at the very least—

great networking o ­ pportunities to open doors. Especially in the current economy, young adults are left to question whether fulfillment may more likely be found elsewhere.

Eileen Lee, Chief Operating Officer of Venture For America, can relate. After spending five years at Accenture managing technology integration projects for large industrial clients, Eileen hit a wall. “I was lost. I wasn’t passionate about what I was doing anymore. I thought, ‘I want to be happy’. So I quit and I was without a job for about 4 months.”

This might sound like a risky move, but her patience and persistence paid off. After networking at events around Manhattan, Eileen connected with an exciting new nonprofit called Venture for America.

Venture For America is a program for young, talented grads to spend 2 years in the trenches of a start-up to socialize and mobilize them as a new generation of entrepreneurs.

Fellows are placed in rust belt towns hit hard by the 2008 financial collapse with a goal of reviving businesses and adding jobs, thereby

PHOTOGRAPHY BY KRIZIA SAPIDA

VENTURE for OPPORTUNITY

I M PAC T

GET OUT, GIVE BACK

Finding fulfillment in serving others isn’t a new idea, but it’s easier to do now than ever before. With websites like idealist .org and fundly.com, you can raise money, mentor youth or organize colleagues to spend a day giving back—in just a few clicks. If you want to share your professional skill set, here are a few ways to contribute your talents to the greater good.

CITIZEN SCHOOLS

contributing to the economic and cultural rebuilding of these communities. In addition to receiving technical training, VFA Fellows’ skills in relationship-building, networking and open-mindedness are nurtured during the intense summer training.

Like many bright-eyed and optimistic young professionals, Eileen was drawn to Venture for America’s threefold mission of making a direct impact on young people, struggling businesses, and communities through job creation. “People need to realize there is a lot of opportunity for movement here, and more important, for opportunity to make a direct impact. For me, happiness comes from making an actual, direct impact on someone besides myself.”

As a young professional woman, Eileen saw her mindset shift from accepting a predefined career

track. Instead, introspection and self-reflection led her to identify her desire to make a positive difference in other people’s lives. This realization became more meaningful after her father, who worked for thirty years as a surgeon, was diagnosed with cancer. “It changed my life. I realized that I didn’t need to be more successful than my parents. I just wanted to be as successful. Wasn’t that their dream for me when they came to the U.S.?”

She now sees a more horizontal expansion of success, rather than the typically vertical concept of climbing some sort of corporate or social ladder. “I could be successful in other ways I hadn’t even thought of as a college senior. Now I help promising college grads figure out what kind of impact they hope to make on society.” -KS

Citizen Schools (citizenschools. org) partners corporate professionals with students from lowincome communities based on their career skills and students’ needs. In the past, financial analysts have taught math, while photographers have taught artistic composition.

THE PENCIL PARTNERSHIP PROGRAM The Pencil Partnership Program (pencil.org) builds and supports customized relationships between private-sector leaders and school principals through, for example, internships and mentoring opportunities.

VENTURE FOR AMERICA Support VFA’s unique mission by making a tax-deductible donation. Promising start-ups or early-stage companies can hire a VFA Fellow and get a highly trained young mind to support their business where they need it most (ventureforamerica.org).

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CAREER

TRENDING UPWARD

@JessicaLawrence of New York Tech Meetup

BY RAPHAELA SAPIRE

A

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best fit for her. The first was at a conference, where a sixteen-year-old named Emily Anne Rigal—founder of WeStopHate.org—pulled Jessica aside and suggested that she might be better fulfilled elsewhere. The second was with Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos. When Jessica explained that the organization didn’t seem to match her personal goals, he simply asked, “So what are you doing working there?” “Later that night,” Jessica admits, “I went home and bawled my eyes out because I knew he was right.”

MAKING T HE BIG LE AP E A ST

A

fter quitting, all Jessica knew was that she wanted to live in New York City. So she packed her bags and moved across the country—without a set plan.

Wasn’t she scared? “Sure,” Jessica says, “there were nights where I couldn’t fall asleep and was scared to death of making such a big leap.” But then she thought, “If everything falls apart and nothing works, what’s going to happen to me? And if that’s the worst-

PHOTOGRAPH BY ANNE-MARIE CHEELY

t eighteen, I moved to New York for college and fell in love. Not with a man, but with the innovative entrepreneurial community dispersed around downtown Manhattan, fondly called Silicon Alley after its West Coast counterpart. If you are a tech-startup enthusiast like me, there are names you just know, and Jessica Lawrence is one of them.

Jessica leads the highly lauded New York Tech Meetup, a group of 22,000 geeks enthused about tech innovation. Her work centers around managing monthly events where an average of 800 members with coveted tickets gather to watch emerging companies demo new ideas, hear leading-edge thinking on tech topics, and build their networks to develop their businesses. All this, and she is only 31 years old.

Yet Jessica describes herself as “not someone who comes up with a life plan.” She attended two colleges, tried several majors, and took a year off to work before finishing her degree online. After graduating, she moved to California without a job to be near her boyfriend at the time.

Once there, she landed a job in development at the Girl Scouts of San Gorgonio Council, a regional arm of the national nonprofit, and worked her way up to CEO owing to her ability to innovate in the group’s ever-changing environment and escape from “typical” static solutions.

Despite her quick rise and six and a half years of service, two conversations inspired Jessica to question whether staying with the organization was the

CAREER

case scenario, then what should I be scared of?”

On arrival in the Big Apple, she attended a New York Tech Meetup event, where they announced that they were looking to hire their first managing director.

Jessica applied, and the rest is history.

New York City has grown into a hot spot for tech start-ups. In 2011, New York City–based companies saw 241 venture capital—also known as VC—funding rounds, compared to 175 in 2010. Dubbed the “Tech VC King of the East,” New York has outpaced Massachusetts, another giant VC hub, in funding over the past couple of years. According to Jessica, “NYTM has played a key part in getting New York on the map in terms of getting people to pay attention to it as a place building new tech.”

N EW HO RI Z O N S

M

oving forward, Jessica is focusing on how NYTM can support the tech community.

In particular, she wants to be at the forefront of

the conversations about women and t­echnology.

Jessica insists, “I don’t believe in equalizing the ­ ratio just because it’s fair or how it should be.”

Women are over 70 percent of consumers on sites like Groupon, Zappos and Etsy. Yet they are only a small percentage of developers creating the products. For instance, at Etsy, where the businesses of hundreds of thousands of female entrepreneurs are supported through their online “handmade marketplace,” only about 4 out of 100 developers are female. Jessica points out that “multiple perspectives are valuable.” She is active in the push to build a larger community of female coders, because “coding is the language our futures are being written in.”

Jessica is leveraging her network at NYTM to develop creative ways to support women entrepreneurs, engineers and designers within the tech-startup community. She isn’t the only one—many organizations are working on initiatives to promote diversity in IT and computing in order to promote the design of tech that is as broad and innovative as the population it serves. Given the large discrepancy, even a small change can have a large impact. Which is why it’s great that companies like Etsy are making moves.

It launched their Hacker Grants scholarship program in April 2012 to focus on bringing more women into engineering jobs at Etsy and across the country.

In an industry with great potential and still plenty of room for growth, especially for women, Jessica has found an organization where her innovative outlook is both appreciated and needed. “If this was it, if this was all that would happen in my life, I’d be happy with that.” When asked what’s next, Jessica dismisses the premise of the question and replies, “My personal goals are based on things I want to keep doing. I want to be curious. I want to always explore.”

On her blog she writes, “There are three things that I never want to be: boring, mediocre, and full of regret.” Even as I consider how to incorporate her outlook into my own life, Jessica warns against taking anyone’s advice as truth; “It should never be about you defining yourself around other people’s ambitions, other people’s goals, other people’s meaning.”

Jessica’s frank challenge for us to constantly innovate is both exciting and daunting; it is not difficult, therefore, to imagine why New York City has become such fertile ground for the entrepreneurial spirit.

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LIFE HACKS

BUDGET TRAVEL

BY PATRICI FLORES

Satisfying your wanderlust has become more affordable than ever, and it’s about time. Online travel communities like airbnb (airbnb. com) and Couchsurfing (couchsurfing.org) not only provide accessible accommodations for budget travelers. They also bring people together from across the globe in a more genuine, intimate environment than the typical resort lounge-chair jungle, and for a fraction of the price.

HIT THE ROAD WITH A BUDGET OF $300

N

o need to splurge on yet another three-day Vegas cocktail hour next Memorial Day weekend. Grab a girlfriend, a hatchback, your Instagram app, and Google your closest scenic drive. Counting food, sights, some dive-bar drinks, and gas—we paid $80 per person for a small car and 800 miles—hitting the open road can be a terrifically enriching, budget-friendly experience.

Exhausted from driving? Book a good room at an

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­ ncommon destination. I scored three nights in a luxu urious Palm Desert private guesthouse on airbnb.com for around $100 per person. For fun, we listened to our host’s stories, ditched the club to disco under the stars in a low-season Joshua Tree National Park ($25 car entrance fee, $15 gas per person; visit nps.gov/jotr for more info), circumnavigated the mysterious Salton Sea, and ate like true desert suburbanites.

PHOTOGRAPHY COURTESY OF PATRICI FLORES

STAY LOCAL

EXPLORE THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST FOR $600

N

eed to get away but only have several hundred dollars and minimal PTO days to spare? Spend time in a nearby coastal metropolis, then head back to work in less time than it takes you to fill out that pesky vacation form.

If you’re on the West Coast, Portland and Seattle are great picks, and especially with airfare as little as $220 from SFO or $340 from NYC—with no sales tax in Portland. Both cities are known for their food, arts, music, intellect and healthy lifestyles. Feel free to rent a car, but these highly walkable cities can save you gas while also providing decent exercise after some intense foodie touring. Walking also gets you the most surprises out of your trip—anywhere people are gathered, you are sure to meet interesting residents and visitors who can lead you down unexpected roads; like the time I unknowingly walked into a huge Northwestern gaming convention and ended up addicted to Pajaggle.

PACIFIC NORTHWEST TREK BALI IN 5 DAYS FOR LESS THAN $1500

G

one are the days when island vacations require saving a ton of moolah before takeoff. If you get your passport and book early, exploring Bali, Indonesia, can be an affordable alternative cultural experience to high-priced Hawaii or the Caribbean.

When split with a travel buddy, hidden gems in tourist havens like Kuta and Ubud can cost as little as $15 per night. The Couchsurfing community in Asia is also quite bustling, so you can have free accommodations if you’re okay crashing with strangers. Food in Indonesia averages less than $5 per meal. And with surfing a Kuta sunset priced at $16 for three hours, cooking classes in a family rice paddy at Paon Bali (paon-bali.com) at $40 for half a day, massages at $16 an hour, and vibrant festivals happening many times during the year—you’ll find that most of your getaway budget goes just toward getting there.

BALI, INDONESIA

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PRICELESS

PAY YOURSELF SECOND S

aving money is one of those things that we all know we’re supposed to do. But just like choosing the carrot stick over the cake, saving instead of spending money is much easier said than done.

One strategy you may have heard of is “Pay yourself first.” The reasoning behind the method is that you have a mound of bills to pay every month. For example, you pay your credit-card company every month. You pay your landlord. And your electric company. But aren’t you just as valuable as your credit card company/landlord/electric company? Shouldn’t you get paid first?

On the surface, this sounds great, but I have heard from way too many friends that they’ve tried this whole payyourself-first thing as a way to start saving and ended up having to dip into the money anyway. What happens?

What most people end up doing is “paying themselves” an arbitrary amount, finding themselves coming up (way) short before their next paycheck, and then taking that pay-yourself-first-look-I’m-saving money back out to pay for the stuff they actually still need to buy.

They end up feeling like failures at the whole savingmoney thing, and then blowing the last of their pay-yourself-first funds on new shoes to cheer themselves up.

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I know it. I’ve been there. Then one day, I realized it was all backwards. Was I really going to tell my landlord that I couldn’t make rent because I had to pay myself first? He would laugh in my face while he changed the locks on his recently evicted tenant.

You see, the trouble with putting a random amount of money into savings is that we don’t actually have an idea whether the amount even makes sense. But what if you spent what you have to spend this pay period. Then when you have cash left over for the month, move it into savings the day your next paycheck hits.

You know, pay yourself second.

Even if you only have $10 left before your next paycheck, move it into savings. You won’t miss that $10 because you already spent what you needed to just as another paycheck rolls in. It won’t feel like you’re running out of money and you won’t have to “dip into” anything because your cash just got replenished.

Next paycheck, maybe you’ll move over $20 or $30. One month, you might have an especially frugal go of it and roll in $100 or $150. Either way, your bills are paid and you’re saving. And that’s a great first step toward financial stability. .

ARTWORK BY CONOR AND ERIN JANE RILEY

BY PAMELA CAPALAD

E AT

A SIMPLE SUPPER

BY KATHY YL CHAN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALICE GAO

Although I live in a city where dining out seven nights a week is not only a possibility, but perhaps the norm, I make it a point to set aside a few nights each week to prepare a simple supper. I do this for multiple reasons: for health, for balance, and mainly because cooking at home is surely a form of pleasure in itself. The suppers are always basic and elegant, never requiring a formal recipe or obscure gadget.

One of my favorite dishes is magret de canard—fatted duck breast— simply seared with a bit of salt and pepper. They’re meatier than normal duck breasts, devoured like a steak and found at many supermarkets. It cooks up beautifully, rich and tender. In the winter I serve it with garlicky mashed potatoes and sauteed chard, but come summer I keep it light with a colorful salad. Ready?

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E AT

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

SHOPPING LIST: FOR THE DUCK: • Magret de canard (fatted duck breast) • salt and pepper

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FOR THE SALAD: • salad greens • lemon • yellow mustard • balsamic vinegar • olive oil • feta cheese • sliced, toasted almonds • dried cranberries

1. First, clean and pat dry the duck breast. With the meat side down, use a sharp knife to make a tight crosshatch pattern through the layer of fat, but taking care not to cut through to the meat. Salt and pepper both sides of the breast.

Over medium heat, cook with the fat side down in a shallow pan

E AT

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF IT’S THE RIGHT KIND OF DUCK BREAST? Magret de canard has a very thick layer of fat on top as opposed to regular duck breast—ours was nearly half an inch thick before cooking.

for ten minutes. Since the layer of fat is thick (this is what gives it all that flavor), keep a bowl nearby to spoon off the fat from the pan every few minutes.

2. After ten minutes the skin should crisp and turn dark brown.

Flip over and cook for another one to two minutes.

Remove from the pan and set aside on a cutting board to rest while you prepare the salad.

3. Take a spoonful of mustard, squeeze of lemon, and splash of balsamic vinegar and olive oil in a salad bowl. Mix and then add the greens—I love a combo of baby lettuce and arugula, but any type

of salad greens will do.

4. Crumble in a handful of feta cheese alongside sliced, toasted almonds and dried cranberries.

Add more or less to your liking.

5. Toss gently and serve with the sliced magret de canard. And don’t forget a glass (or two) of wine— it’s all about the little ­luxuries.

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C U LT U R E F E A T U R E

LOVE AND LIVING GREEN R

ecently, on an evening stroll down the main street of idyllic Old Town Alexandria, my husband and I passed a sign that brought us to an abrupt halt. The sign, posted prominently on a storefront read, “Green Your Sex Life!”

Green sex? We thought it was

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something about organics. It wasn’t, but it got me thinking— for a generation quite into being green in our diets, just how green is our sexual health?

There’s no doubt we’re living in a green generation. Walk into Whole Foods on any given day,

and one is immediately presented with a gleaming array of colorful local produce, neatly packaged organic foods, hormone-free meats, and freshwater seafood. Teeming in the aisles are health-conscious consumers looking for alternatives to chemically-­ engineered,

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WHITNEY OTT

BY ASHLEY E. McGUIRE

C U LT U R E F E A T U R E hormone-injected, mass-produced, pesticide-covered food one finds elsewhere.

And Whole Foods hardly has a corner on organic eating anymore.

Most major chain grocery stores carry their own line of organics. A study by the Rodale Institute found that 58 percent of consumers were concerned about food contamination by pesticides, GMO, and other agricultural chemicals; and an average of 53 percent of Americans (and a higher 57 percent of women) claim to shop organically. Other studies have shown that number to be as high as 70 percent, even with the prices for organic foods weighing in as much as 50 percent costlier than non-organic options.

causing cancer and obesity. And between 1970 and 1990 alone, U.S. consumption of the tasty poison spiked 1,000 percent.

Or take the use of recombinant bovine growth hormone (rBGH) in

in humans is a link to breast, colon, and prostate cancers, as well as to reduced ability to fight illness and weakened defenses against early cancerous cells.

For being so easy to overlook, it makes some sense: Altering the hormones of animals we eat affects our own hormonal balances.

And so there is logic to being concerned about throwing off our body’s hormonal homeostasis simply so we can save 30 cents on a gallon of milk. Organic lovers have a point.

FOR BEING SO EASY TO OVERut, speaking of LOOK, IT MAKES B lovers, I can’t help but wonder . . , if we SOME SENSE: ALTERare increasingly and rightly concerned ING THE HORMONES about hormones and synthetics in our OF ANIMALS WE foods, why aren’t we eople are concerned women questioning EAT AFFECTS OUR P about the State of their presence in our the Onion for good reason. sex?

OWN HORMONAL Heaven forbid we forget to For all the greening wash our pesticide-drenched of the supermarket, odds BALANCES. produce. And finding natural are a significant portion of foods outside the produce section can seem like scouting for endangered species. We’re seeing ingredients on labels today that didn’t exist a few decades ago, and not all of these scientific concoctions are good for us to eat.

I challenge you to find just about anything in a general grocery store aisle that does not contain high fructose corn syrup, for example. I thought I was victorious the other day in finding “all natural” popsicles, only to squint at the ingredients to see HFCS listed as ingredient ­numero dos. High fructose corn syrup has been directly linked to

cows today. Nearly one-third of all cows are injected with the synthetic hormone, which increases a cow’s milk production by nearly 10 percent. But the hormone leads to all sorts of health issues for the cows, among them udder infections and cystic ovaries. The antibiotics that doctors then use to treat the infections find their way into the cow’s milk, and right into our bodies, as well as increasing the cow’s insulin growth factor-1 (IGF-1). The result

the female consumers buying hormone-free food are daily taking some form of hormonal and chemical contraceptive, not by accident but on purpose and with a prescription. Let’s face it: As Americans quasi-obsessed with eating organically—with making sure no chemicals go into our produce and no hormones into our meat—we are at the same time culturally attached to a most un-organic method of sex and ­reproduction.

Nevertheless, women today seem to gravitate toward the Pill almost as soon as they start their periods. NARAL reports that of the VERILY MAGAZINE · TEASER 2012

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C U LT U R E F E A T U R E

roughly 40 million women of reproductive age in this country who are sexually active, 98 percent use birth control of some sort. Of those women, the vast majority are taking ­ hormonal contraceptives, with over 40 percent of women aged 15 to 44 in this country using some form of h ­ormonal contraceptives, according to the Guttmacher Institute. If we look closely, we see that this steady stream of added hormones doesn’t come without its effects. The health risks of hormonal contraceptives, while largely still unknown, include high cholesterol, breast cancer, liver cancer, cervical cancer, high blood pressure, and blood clots.

Breast cancer is big one, which might not come as a surprise to the many women who notice physiological changes in their breasts after starting the Pill. The World Health Organization classifies the Pill’s synthetic estrogen and progestin as carcinogenic, and a metanalysis of more than fifty studies looking at more than 150,000 women found that women who use hormonal contraceptives before age 20 almost double the risk of developing breast cancer before age 30, compared to those who didn’t use them as teens.

And, it turns out, the effects of hormonal birth control aren’t limited only to the women to whom they’re prescribed. Scientists have 68

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discovered male fish growing female eggs in some rivers just downstream of sewage effluent. National Geographic then published

IT TURNS OUT THE EFFECTS OF HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL AREN’T LIMITED TO THE WOMEN TO WHOM THEY’RE PRESCRIBED.

a story highlighting the scientists’ findings—a direct link to higher estrogen levels in human waste. “Our impression is that they are males that are being feminized [because]

of the nature of the chemicals that are in the water, and most of them are estrogenic [meaning they stimulate development of female sex characteristics],” he said.

“Some of [the estrogenic chemicals] are natural urinary estrogenic products from humans, and some of them are pharmaceuticals— birth-control pills.”

Talk about science fiction!

What all this goes to remind us is that sex and reproduction are linked no matter what we do, and that when we do one day conceive children of our own, our own health and hormonal makeup have the potential to impact our offspring.

Naturally, many women want to keep their babiesto-be hormone free, which explains the growing market within the organics industry that targets parents and mothers-to-be. Whole Foods employs marketing to tap into maternal protective instincts. Their website features a “Natural Choices for Baby” section that greets readers: “Once parental instincts kick in, everything surrounding your baby goes under the microscope—and for good reason!”

In a special section for parents, baby, and kids it reads: “We know that parents and kids often need some extra support. That’s why we created this special section, just for you. From pregnancy and infancy to school days and beyond, we’ve pulled together an assortment of

C U LT U R E F E A T U R E

tips and advice to help you and your family.”

Before she knows it, she’s hooked on “all natural and organic convenience foods, Bisphenol Afree bottles, eco-friendly disposable and cloth diapers, natural and organic formula, baby-friendly bath and body products, organic and natural apparel and toys, [and] non-toxic cleaning products for the home.”

While organic food still accounts for a tiny portion of the overall baby-food market, it is growing. Whole Foods claims to have tripled the space allotted to organic baby products in the last five years. Gerber Products Co. recently rebranded and broadened its organic line, and Abbott Laboratories recently introduced an organic version of its Similac baby formula. Organic baby food sales are up approximately 21 percent, after climbing 16 percent the year prior. A 2005 Whole Foods survey found that 42 percent of expectant and new moms think eating organic is important for their baby.

So welcome to the Mother Paradox of our times: Moms who dare not feed their child an apple coated in the common pesticide malathion or “likely human carcinogen” pyrethrum, are in great number feeding themselves—and their children—a steady dose of medroxyprogesteronecetate or desogestrel in hormonal contraceptives.

Yes, their children. The reality is, a good number of women conceive while taking contraceptives.

Studies show that the fail rate for women using pills, patches, or vaginal rings ranges from 2 to 7 percent. In fact, half of all pregnancies are ­unplanned, and those

numbers pan out even for women using some form of contraception.

Crunch a few quick numbers, and that equals hundreds of thousands of women every year conceiving while their bodies are churning with hormones and chemicals.

So, if we are obsessing over the health benefits of hormone-free beef, why aren’t we worried about the health benefits of a hormonefree uterus?

There’s growing evidence that we should be. A 2007 study published in the Oxford journal Human Reproduction found that women who ate hormonally altered beef while pregnant gave birth to sons with adult sperm counts that averaged 24 percent lower and were three times more likely to be infertile than their counterparts whose mothers ate hormone-free beef.

Female babies are affected by hormonal imbalances in their mothers as well. Mayo Clinic’s doctors have admitted that “use of birth control pills while pregnant,” (translation: conceiving while on the pill), “has the potential to induce developmental problems with a female baby’s sexual organs.” Likewise, the Nuva Ring is listed as a Category X medication if you become pregnant, meaning that it can have harmful effects on a baby which include birth defects if used while pregnant.

As our culture increasingly embraces eating and living organically, is it time to extend this philosophy from the kitchen to the bedroom?

Is it time to reconsider life’s most organic act—sex? Is it time for green sex to go mainstream?

Suffice to say it’s some food for thought. Why not sleep on it, in those certified organic sheets.

MORE TO MUNCH ON: ORGANIC, INC.: NATURAL FOODS AND HOW THEY

GREW

BY SAMUEL FROMARTZ

Is organic food really worth the added cost? Business journalist Samuel Fromartz takes readers on a tour of the organics industry, telling the story of how the idealistic vision of organic farmers pioneered a significant part of the grocery market almost overnight.

TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR FERTILITY

BY TONI WESCHLER

The ground-breaking bestseller, now out in its tenth edition, is still one of the best resources for women who want to “enjoy highly effective and scientifically proven” family planning “without chemicals or devices.” Weschler introduces readers to a user-friendly Fertility Awareness Method which, taking only minutes a day, yields valuable knowledge about a woman’s unique cycle.

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THE R E’S NOTHI NG LI KE

LOVELY LIGHT HUES TO LIFT YOUR

SPIRIT, SO VERILY GATHERED SPRING’S FRESH PALETTE OF COLORS TO MIX, MATCH, AND ADD A LITTLE SKIP TO YOUR STEP!

CONTRIBUTORS:

PHOTOGRAPHY, TREVER HOEHNE; ART DIRECTION, SUMMER BELLESSA; STYLING, SUZI GRGURICH; MAKEUP, AMY CLARKE;

HAIR, DIANNA LOPEZ; MODELS, DOMINIQUE SHARPE OF NOTIES MANAGEMENT AND CHLOE HALLINAN OF FORD MODELS

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CHLOE (left): TOP – CHARLES HENRY, MADISON LOS ANGELES PANTS – PAIGE, NORDSTROM SHOES – SAM EDELMAN, BLOOMINGDALE’S BRACELETS – JUICY COUTURE, MACY’S

DOMINIQUE (right): VERILY MAGAZINE ·

DRESS – BLACKBIRD BETTY SHOES – NINE WEST TEASER 2012 71 NECKLACE – JENNIFER FISHER

CHLOE: HAT –­­TARNISH, NORDSTROM DENIM TOP – REMIX, NORDSTROM JEANS – J BRAND SHOES – DOLCE VITA, BLOOMINGDALE’S BRACELET – NISSA JEWELRY

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CHLOE(left): LACE DRESS – J.CREW BRACELET – SOHO HEARTS BELT AND BRACELET – VINTAGE SHOES – SAM EDELMAN, BLOOMINGDALE’S HEADBAND – DEEPA GURNANI

DOMINIQUE(right): MINT GREEN DRESS – VINTAGE RING – ALLISON MICHELLE BELT – J.CREW SHOE – SAM EDELMAN, NORDSTROM

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DOMINIQUE: YELLOW SWEATER – TRINA TURK DENIM BUTTON-UP – J.CREW DENIM PANTS – COURAGE B SHOES – JEFFREY CAMPBELL

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CHLOE (left): JACKET – AQUA, NORDSTROM TOP – ALLISON CHOMER SKIRT – BB DAKOTA SHOES – ZARA BRACELET AND RINGS- ALLISON MICHELLE

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DOMINIQUE: VEST – CLASSIQUES ENTIER, NORDSTROM PANT – AG TOP – 7 FOR ALL MANKIND, BLOOMINGDALE’S NECKLACE – DEEPA GURNANI EARRINGS – NISSA JEWELRY

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CHLOE: FLORAL BLAZER – TRUTH AND PRIDE, NORDSTROM TOP – ALLISON CHOMER SHORTS – GAP BELT – J.CREW SHOES – REPORT SIGNATURE HANDBAG – COURAGE. B.

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CHLOE: BLOUSE – ALLISON CHOMER SKIRT – BB DAKOTA, FROM LULU’S RINGS – BETTY CARRE

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DOMINIQUE: JACKET – CAMEO CLOTHING TOP – ZARA SKIRT – CHARLES HENRY, MADISON LOS ANGELES HANDBAG – VINTAGE NECKLACE – DEEPA GURNANI

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DOMINIQUE: DRESS – CHARLES HENRY FLORAL HAIR PIN WORN AS BROACH – H&M BELT – STYLIST’S OWN.

CHLOE (RIGHT): DRESS – ALICE AND OLIVIA, NORDSTROM BRACELETS – BESOBESO JEWELRY

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SEE YOU SOON! We hope you enjoyed our teaser issue. Until next time, please join us on TWITTER & FACEBOOK and BUY A SUBSCRIPTION for a friend!

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