FORGIFTNESS
The Gift You Give Yourself Do you have things to forgive? • Roommate problems • Romantic relationships • Teacher-student disputes
Does forgiveness matter? Effects of not forgiving are bad feelings that can poison friendships, romantic relationships, and spiritual connectedness, including: • Anger • Depression • Anxiety • Bitterness • Resentment
Holding on to negative feelings can affect your physical well-being over time. Effects include: • Increased risk for stroke, high blood pressure and heart attack (around age 50) • Decreased immune system functioning • Increased cortisol (interferes with sexual function, digestion, brainpower, etc.)
• Family relationships • Friendships that disappoint • Disappointing oneself
Forgiveness can help restore positive feelings in a valued relationship. It comes in two forms: •Decisional: Choosing to forgive. •Emotional: Replacing negative feelings with positive or neutral ones.
Forgiving Yourself When forgiving yourself, we typically deal with guilt and/or shame. • You may want to try to repair the damage you feel you’ve done. • You may need to make amends, or share your difficult lessons to help others. • You may need to confront your perfectionistic expectations.
Accept yourself as an imperfect person while
simultaneously committing to not fail in the same way again.
REACH
Method of Forgiveness What if you don’t want to forgive? Not everyone wants to forgive and that’s okay. You still have options to help cope. While these options may help lead you closer to forgiveness, they may just take a person from negative to neutral. • Seeing justice done can diminish the drive to hold on to negative feelings. • Accept that things happen and move on with your life. • “Fake it ‘til you make it”, or keep from responding in anger for the sake of others.
Effective in more than 20 clinical trials.
Recall
Remember the hurt that was done to you as objectively as you can.
Empathize
Try to understand the viewpoint of the person who wronged you.
Altruism
Think about a time you hurt someone and were forgiven, then offer the gift of forgiveness to the person who hurt you.
Commit
Publicly forgive the person who wronged you.
Hold on
Don’t forget the hurt, but remind yourself that you made the choice to forgive. Developed by VCU Professor Dr. Everett Worthington.
Need to talk to someone? University Counseling Services provides mental health services. See their website for hours and location. Walk in to schedule an appointment. After Hours Emergency? Call VCU Police dispatcher (804) 828-1234 and ask to speak to a therapist. If you found this helpful, you can also access a do-it-yourself workbook at www.EvWorthington-forgiveness.com.
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This version is designed by: Lauren Rakes, Julia Moore, Ameorry Luo, and Emily Rueckert in the class COAR 341 Scientific Illustration.