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THRILLING CHAPTERS!
Chapter 1: “Millions for Defense”
Our story opens in war-torn China, circa 1937. Battered by the onslaught of the Japanese war machine, China turns to its great ally the United States for assistance. Under the table, you understand; officially, the U.S. is neutral. China’s OTHER great ally, Russia, is sending $2 million in negotiable securities to assist China in purchasing new bombers, but… HEY. Did HUAC know about this serial? It seems to be a viper’s den of pinkos! “Red” Barry indeed! Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah, a Russian general shows up and after assuring the Chinese emissary, Wing Fu, that he is a good guy (“I follow the star of liberty!”) he pulls the securities out of his boot. Ick. Those are going to be one mess of skanky securities. Mr. Fu is going to hop a slow boat from China to the U.S. for help. Meanwhile, though, in a little curio shop in Chinatown, New York, the evil Quong Lee is devising a strategy to interfere with Wing Fu’s travel plans. En route to America, Mr. Fu gets a telegram that a friend in Chinatown has been assassinated, and that Red Barry - “the cleverest police detective on the force” - is investigating. When we first see Red, though, he’s getting chewed out by the police commissioner, but good. It seems the commish doesn’t approve of Red’s tactics, and considers him more of a “strong arm man” than a detective. He’s assigning Valentine Vane, a dapper-looking slick dick, to the case over the protests of Red’s superior,
Inspector Scott, who respectfully requests a wooden cigar-store Indian in place of Vane. (His request is denied.) Red’s girlfriend is a beautiful reporter, a delightful statuesque piece of Southern womanhood called Mississippi, who gives him a tip to see the Wah Soy troupe down at the Crowne Theatre. We’re then treated to several minutes of Chinese acrobats hopping around and throwing barrels at each other, followed by one acrobat using a small cannon to blow a hole the size of Shanghai in another acrobat. The acrobat who was killed was in the Chinese Secret Service, as it turns out, and he had time to slip Red a message that evil forces would try to steal $2 million in securities from Wing Fu, arriving in New York that very day on the S.S. Berlin. Red meets the ship at the dock, introduces himself to all the passengers, then orders the safe open. Well, looky here; in place of $2 million worth of bonds, there’s about 5¢ worth of newspapers. It seems the ship had a false fire alarm set off just as it was passing Pier 10 on its way into the harbor and the safe was left unguarded for a bit. Red heads for Pier 10, where he finds several nasty-looking thugs preparing diving equipment. He beats up five guys single-handedly, unfortunately, there were six of ’em, and that sixth guy slugs him and dumps him in the water. The nasties then pull a conveniently-located chain and send 3 tons of coal sliding down the chute right on top of our boy Red. My, didn’t THIS serial get ugly fast?
Chapter 2: “The Curtain Falls”
First of all, let me state that the chapter openings are very impressive: a cop opens a big file marked “Red Barry Assignments” and pulls out several cartoon panels, which then recap the previous week’s action a lot better than I can do.
As for Red, well, he held his breath and dove underwater and the coal missed him. And remember, I don’t write serials, just serial synopses. Okay, Red is picked up by his friend Inspector Scott, and - although he’s still sopping wet - puts his coat, hat, and shoes on. They spot the villains making an escape under the pier, pull their boat alongside, and Red (who yells at the crooks, “Wait a minute, you birds!” which must’ve given viewers a real chuckle when this serial was shown on British TV in the 1960s) beats the crap out of all of them, except one guy who gets away. He loses the precious bonds, though, and a mysterious woman comes along and picks them up and high-tails it away in a stolen taxi. Barry gives chase (via some really ancient stock footage that appears to show a group of model Ts lumbering around after each other at 15 mph) but loses her. He finds the taxi, though, and stuffed in the rear is a bound and gagged Hong Kong Cholly, his old friend, who says, “Oh, Mr. Led!” Cholly explains that he was after the bonds when he got conked over the head by a woman. And how does he know it was a woman? She was wearing perfume. “Cholly prenty good defective!” he exclaims. He also recalls hearing music and shots, so Red and Scotty decide Cholly must’ve been held captive in the theatre and go to investigate. They find Mississippi there and stage acts as varied as a lion tamer and a ballerina (but they’re not on stage at the same time, appealing as that act would be). Valentine Vane is there too, with a cigarette holder that is approximately 30 inches long. No comment. Red whispers to Scotty that he’s going to sneak back into the theatre alone after the last show and snoop around. Later, over in Chinatown, Quong Le has somehow learned of Red’s plans, and sends a henchman to follow Barry, take the bonds from him if he locates them, and then remove him from the cast of the serial permanently. Meanwhile, Cholly is meeting with Wing Fu, and is ALSO ordered to follow Red and take the bonds from him in any way possible.
That night, Red is secretly lurking around the theatre in the dark, along with about 20 people who are all secretly following him. Natacha, who I think is the ballerina (she barely appeared in last week’s episode, and I think she got edited out for TV), has the bonds, but when she tries to give them to her accomplice Petroff, Red interferes. Then the 20 guys following him interfere. A free-for-all ensues, and one thing leads to another and Red is dumped into the lion’s cage. And that lion sure is hungry.
Chapter 3: “The Decoy”
Hong Kong Cholly is working both sides of the Asian-American swinging doors, if you get my drift. Although a friend of Red’s (speaking in pigeon Engrish, you betcha), he’s secretly in the employ of Wing Fu (speaking perfect English, for the most part). While Wing Fu has sent him to the theatre that night to follow Red and get the bonds, Cholly pulls his old buddy out of the lion’s den. Red Barry exchanges gunfire with some of the myriad gangsters and spies in the theatre after the bonds that the ballerina possesses, but finally gives up (fists, not bullets, make up Red’s legend) and he just tosses ’em all down the stairs. Petroff manages to escape and he’s the fellow with the $2 million in bonds. Red heads off in red-hot pursuit, leaving Natacha in the care of Cholly. Cholly’s men come out of hiding, escort the ballerina by force to Wing Fu and leave Cholly tied up so that when Red returns, he will suspect nothing, crack detective though he may be. Petroff eludes Red, but Barry does make a catch - Mississippi, who just happens to be strolling by the theatre. Not only that, but she got the license plate numbers of two cars in front of the theatre that night: one
belongs to rival detective Valentine Vane, and the other to Wing Fu! Red heads to Wing’s place to investigate. Cholly has given Wing Fu a head’s up, so when Red arrives he finds no trace of Natacha and Wing Fu in the middle of a phone call to police headquarters to report that his car’s been stolen (slick guy, this Wing Fu). Red has a hunch though, so after another run-in with the Police Inspector and a chance to make fun of the prissy Valentine Vane, Red sends Mississippi to interview Wing Fu and look for Fu’s clues. Wing Fu demands that Natacha tell him where the bonds are, but she claims the Russian government stole them from her father “after he was killed” and won’t return them. Mississippi turns up, Natacha is hidden, Wing Fu tells Miss Missi that the bonds are to pay for “charity relief for my people in China,” and Mississippi flows down to the theatre where (after a few minutes of watching jugglers) she tells Red that she spotted Natacha’s clothes at Wing Fu’s (no, they didn’t strip her, just dressed her like a Chinese woman to avoid suspicion if she’s seen). Red goes to Wing’s, sees what appears to be Natacha fleeing, follows her into a darkened room at the waterfront, but finds out it’s not the ballerina, just a Chinese decoy. He’s trapped in a locked room, but Quong Le’s voice comes over the loudspeaker and offers to pay Red $20,000 if he’ll switch sides. Red refuses, so he’s dumped through a trap door (for the second episode in a row) and sent to somewhat certain death.
Chapter 4: “High Stakes”
Well, as it turns out, he simply fell into the water. Buster Crabbe in the water. Oh, yeah, THERE’S a death trap. That’s like putting Linda Stirling in a clothing store, or Ralph Byrd in a fedora. Where the hell’s the peril? It’s more dangerous eating a corn dog at the
7-Eleven. I mean, come ON. There isn’t even a vicious sea predator down there for him to fight; had I been directing this serial for Universal, I’d have had Buster’s clothing torn off by a nail on the trap door as he fell, all except for boots and li’l shorts, and then switched to stock footage of our hero fighting that octopoid-thingy in Flash Gordon. Now THERE would be something exciting to see. Okay, let’s leave this disappointment for a bit and head to Oriental Importation, home of Wing Fu, where Mr. Fu is attempting to question Natacha to find out the location of those $2 million bonds. Unfortunately, Fu’s faux Asian accent and Natacha’s ersatz Russian accents clash, and neither can make heads nor tails out of the other. I kept waiting for Wing to say, “Screw this dialect. Ya got the bonds, toots, or what?” and Natacha to grab her thigh and say, “Yeah, yeah, I got yer bonds RIGHT HEAH pal, RIGHT HEAH.” She’s escorted back to captivity, and Wing admits to Cholly, “I am weak… I could not force her to speak!” Cholly suggests that they give Natacha her own clothes back, let her go, and then simply follow her. D’oh! What a good idea! Wing agrees immediately and Natacha is released. Cholly - nattily attired in a bow tie and straw hat that makes him look like Bling Closby - hides behind the drapes to follow her. Out in the foyer, Red Barry is demanding entrance, when a guard tries to stop him. Our boy Red picks him up and dumps him into a clothes hamper in the serial’s most exciting moment so far. Red then questions Wing Fu, who denies any knowledge of Natacha, who suddenly walks into the room. Seeing Red, she claims that she’s “just a customer in the store.” Meanwhile, the guard, who has managed to climb out of the hamper, is slugged by some thugs who have entered. A brutal fight ensues, with Red and Cholly holding their own. Natacha escapes in the confusion and calls “Mama Sonia”, speaking the most ridiculous “Russian” dialog you can imagine. Mississippi, who just happened to be in the next phone booth, hears the whole thing. Quong Le has also been listening in, but I have no idea where HE was hiding. The ashtray, maybe.
Natacha goes on stage and dances the ballet with two giant urns. She then calls Mama Sonia again and this time, helpfully speaking English, explains that Petroff will be delivering the stolen bonds to her. Quong Le jumps her (so to speak), locks her in the closet and prepares to nab the bonds. Mississippi reports to Red and Chief Scott; Red recalls that there’s a restaurant called Sonia’s Café near the theatre. Quong Le apparently knew that, too, because right now his thugs are in nearly every booth waiting for those bonds. Natacha, who has escaped from the closet with the aid of a handy newspaper (don’t ask), calls Sonia to warn her, and once the thugs hear the warning, they leap into action against the Russkies. Chairs and waiters dressed like Cossacks fly. In the melee, Petroff and one of his pals (good ol’ Stanley Price) rush off with the bonds. Red follows and there’s a tremendous car chase and eventually both cars are shot up and can go no further. Luckily, the Russians are on top of a bridge with a train running right beneath them, so they hop on top. Red follows and a tremendous battle ensues. Red is thrown off the train and right under the wheels of the train. Ouch! No water down there!
Chapter 5: “Desperate Chances”
The train swerves at the last minute and Red lands softly on the rockhard ground. Not only that, but he’s got the valise with the bonds, yet. Whatta guy. Petroff wants to go after him, but good ol’ Stanley Price has a sprained ankle, so they’re going to have to wait until the train stops to disembark. No, Petroff doesn’t just shoot Price for slowing him down. In any other serial, he would’ve. Okay, time to return to the theatre, where a couple of guys are juggling bowling pins and hats. The house is packed; in fact, whenever they show the theatre,
there isn’t an empty seat to be found, day or night. And all the men in the audience look like Harry Truman, while all the women look like Mamie Eisenhower. I wonder if Ike and Bess know about this. Still, talk about your bi-partisanship! Let’s see, where we were? Oh, right, we were at the Police Commissioner’s office. He’s called in the reporter, Mississippi, and he’s berating her in front of Inspector Scott for “Making a hero out of the most incompetent man on the force, Red Barry!” The Commissioner advises her that Valentine Vane, a SCIENTIFIC detective, is going to crack the case. “Vane wouldn’t know a clue if it bit him on the leg!” Scotty quips. Hee-hee. Just then, Vane enters with Hong Kong Cholly in custody. He tells the Chief that he followed him, saw him put the bonds into a safe deposit box and arrested him. The Chief is ecstatic. Meanwhile, Petroff and good ol’ Stanley Price have followed Red’s footprints to a nearby house, which just happens to be the home of Valentine Vane. Red knocks at the door and the butler tells him, “We do not allow peasants.” Red flashes his badge, gains entrance, calls the Commissioner and tells Scotty that he’s got the bonds. Now it’s Mississippi’s turn to gloat; she says that her headline is going to be, “Red Barry Recovers the Stolen Bonds In Spite of the Commissioner’s Assistance.” In answer to Red’s request, Vane instructs his butler to let Barry take a car - “an uncomfortable one!” In the hubbub, Cholly steals Scotty’s squad car and speeds off. No sooner has Red left (in a beat-up old woody) than the Russkies arrive at Vane’s place. They tell the butler that the previous caller was an imposter - Stanley Price is the REAL Red Barry! They take a car and pursue Red. Meanwhile, Cholly and his men lie and wait and THEY jump Red. Meanwhile, Scotty, Mississippi and several cops are all stuffed into a car and THEY’RE chasing everybody else. The various cars careen
across Southern California - sorry, New York City - hillsides and everybody chases everybody else and bullets fly and tires squeal and just when you think you accidentally changed the channel and you’re watching It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World the Russian car smashes into Red Barry’s car and sends him to practically certain doom.
Chapter 6: “The Human Target” (aka “Oriental Torture”)
Petroff, Igor, and Red Barry were all absent the day the stock footage was filmed, so they escaped the wreck unscathed. Red is unconscious though, allowing the sneaky Valentine Vane to hide the bonds in his vest, the scoundrel. Igor and Petroff, hiding in the bushes, see him, though. When Red wakes up and says he had the bonds, they were right here, honest, Vane retorts, “There must be some mistake, old chap,” despite the fact that he’s about as British as Maria Montez. After that, you’re probably saying, “Isn’t it about time for some guys juggling hats?” and you are absolutely right. The hat-jugglers are back, better than ever. Backstage, Mississippi wants to interview Natacha, but the Russian ballerina is hesitant because she thinks ol’ Miss is secretly working for the police (which she is, more or less). She does allow Mississippi to wait for her in her dressing room while she dances. In Natacha’s room, Missy takes a call from Igor and Petroff, who - thinking she’s Natacha, because her awful faux Russian accent is no worse than Natty’s “actual” Russian accent - tell her that Vane has the bonds. Moving right along, Red Barry goes to Wing Fu’s office, where he finds Vane’s car, which we recall had been stolen by Russians, although now it seems to be in the hands of Chinese gangsters secretly working for Wing Fu, although it may also belong to Serbians working for Bing Crosby for all the sense this serial is making. While Red is questioning Wing Fu and
assuring him that once the bonds are found they’ll be returned to him, Red gets a call from Mississippi, but surprisingly it’s not a toll call. Missy tells him that Vane has the bonds, and Red and Fu go to get them. Natacha bursts in on Missy with a gun. A struggle ensues. A shot goes off. We don’t know who gets hit, if anybody, but Quong Le, watching from a hidden hiding place, seems very pleased. Going back to Wing Fu’s office (the editors of this baby must’ve been coming off a 3-day bender when they spliced together THIS episode), the four Chinese gangsters overpower Red, tie him and Wing Fu up, then leave after the bonds. Hong Kong Cholly comes along, unties them, and Red speeds off; after he leaves, Wing Fu berates Cholly: “FOOL! You should’ve given my men a half-hour’s start!” The four Chinese gangsters go to Vane’s house and tell the snotty butler they’re there to return his car. “You’ll find him at the target range,” the butler nervously imparts. Red shows up and insists on being led into the house, where he’s jumped by Igor and Petroff, who’d been hiding behind the door all along, the scamps. A huge fight ensues, although oddly none of Vane’s fancy furniture (a lot of big comfy sofas with floral patterns my grandma would’ve liked) is damaged. Red knocks ‘em both for a loop and rushes off to find Vane. While all that is going on, the gangsters have stood Vane up before his target and are taking pot shots at him, waiting for him to spill the beans on where the bonds are hidden. “If you should be found dead before target, it will look like a very unfortunate accident,” one of them chortles. Vane won’t talk, though, and so the next shot is aimed right for his heart. Red arrives in the nick of time, shoves Vane out of the way - and gets the slug meant for him. He collapses to the ground, apparently deceased.
Chapter 7: “Midnight Tragedy”
Well, Red Barry was shot and killed. He’s dead. Valentine Vane is going to be the star of the serial from now on. What a Hitchcockian touch! Oh, c’mon. Just joshin’. Dry those tears - Red is fine. He was just PRETENDING to be shot, and those are PRETEND gaping bullet holes in his torso. Vane asks Red if he’s going to chase after the fleeing Chinese Gangsters; Red replies, “I’m more interested in keeping YOU now that I have you!” (Aren’t those lyrics from a Cole Porter song?) He demands to know where the heck those $2 million bonds are. Vane denies knowledge of them, but under a brutal interrogation from Red (okay, well, actually Red just asks him twice) Vane admits that he took the bonds and intended to turn them in to the Chief Inspector to make himself look good. Red: “Is it possible that you’re such an idiot?” Vane: “Oh, definitely, old boy. I’ll get my coat.” Back at the house, Red and Vane find that the butler was overpowered and the Russian thugs have escaped. Not only that, but the bonds have been stolen from the safe. How was the safe opened? Turns out Vane has the combination written on a piece of paper marked “SAFE COMBINATION” on his desk. That way, Vane explains, “I’ll know it when I see it.” All this is explained to Chief Scott, who demands that somebody, ANYBODY, be arrested. He’ll settle for Natacha, ’cause they know where she is and because she must’ve done SOMETHING wrong.
Meanwhile, our old friend Quong Le has the bonds and is making plans to skip town. Hong Kong Cholly overhears and tells Wing Fu. Cholly has a gun that he took from Quong Le that would implicate him in a murder; Wing Fu has him pass the gun to Red so that he can detain Mr. Le. “In house of friend it is too early for suspicion,” Quong Le tells Red. “In house of enemy, it is always too late.” No, I have no idea what that means. Quong’s been hittin’ the old opium pipe again, obviously. Red shows him the gun, and advises Le, “You’re not Chinese! Your name is Frederick Lee, a renegade white run out of China!” Le grabs the gun, which isn’t loaded, but Red smiles. “There were no fingerprints on it, but there are now!” Ah, Quong Le fell for the old “snatch the gun and put your prints on it” ploy! Before Red can slap the cuffs on him, though, Quong’s men show up and hogtie Barry. The cops come pouring into the hideout. Red had called them before he burst in, you see. Quong and his men bring Red through a secret door and then tie him to the other side of the door with a vial of powerful explosives above his head. The idea, see, is that the cops will kick their way through the passage door, knocking over the bound and gagged Red and the explosive, causing a major boom-boom. Quong Le and his devilish henchmen escape and the cops kick their way through the passage door, knocking over the bound and gagged Red and the explosive, causing a major boom-boom. Obviously, Le’s plan was a sound one.
Chapter 8: “The Devil’s Disguise” The explosion causes plywood to fly, and the escaping Quong Le announces to his men, “Red Barry and his friend, Scott, will not bother us any more.” As it turns out, though, despite all the
noise and smoke the bomb did very little damage; it blew up about 5 inches from Red’s left foot and he comes through it without so much as a limp. I kept waiting for him to say, “Luckily, the bomb rolled behind that heavy piece of furniture” or “landed in that spittoon, which absorbed most of the explosion” or something. George Plympton sure dropped the ball on this one. The cops pursue Quong Le down his hidden staircase, but he gets away with the bonds. Mississippi, who happens to be hanging around, sees him, though, and overhears him saying that he’s going to take a steamer to South America. She sees him hop into a taxi on his way to 4th and Water Street, which she dutifully reports to Red. What would he do without her? Red finds his pal Hong Kong Cholly, who has been shot, apparently by Le. Cholly will survive, we’re told, and Red is off to 4th and Water, which is where the vaudeville house is. Oh, great, more men juggling hats. Le is at the theatre, but he’s surprised by Natacha, who threatens him with a gun and the dumbest faux-Russian accent you can imagine; she kinda sounds like Magilla Gorilla, in fact. “I must ask you to raise your hands and step back from the desk, please. A gunshot would not be heard in this empty theatre, Mr. Le.” She finds the bonds and a ticket to South America. “You shall take the trip, but I shall take the bonds,” she says. While she’s struggling with the accent, Le grabs the gun out of her hand and orders her to return the booty. “A few more bloodstains on these bonds won’t affect their value to me,” he reminds her. He then locks her back in her closet. Holy cow, she spends more time in the closet than a Gay Conservative. Anyway, Le changes to a western-style suit, takes off his makeup and fake whiskers and toupee, and - he looks just like horror film host Zacherly! No, wait, he’s actually… Mr. Mannix, the manager of the theatre! Never saw that coming.
Le/Mannix lopes off and Red Barry arrives to rescue Natacha, who tells him that the ticket was for a freighter at the Green Line Pier. Red lopes off, and Natacha calls Petrov and Boris to beat Red to the pier and get the bonds first. They lope off, somewhat faster. Barry arrives at the dock just in time to see Petrov asking the purser for the location of stateroom #7. There follows several minutes of Red, the Russians, and Mannix all wandering around the ship barely missing each other, just like Buster Keaton and Kathryn McGuire in The Navigator. Eventually, the Russians find #7, but Mannix isn’t there. Red enters, and a brutal fight ensues. The Russians win, but Mannix is alerted, and he exits the ship most hurriedly with Boris and Petrov in hot pursuit. Red tries to follow, but he’s shot and falls into the water. Oh, here we go again, Buster Crabbe in the water.
Chapter 9: “Between Two Fires”
Luckily, the bullet bounced harmlessly off Red’s spleen; you know how tough NYC cops are. Also, although it sure LOOKED like he fell in the water last week, this week he’s holding on to the edge of a gangplank and he seems to be fine. Well, he seems to be fine until Mannix (whom we discovered last week was also Quong Le) takes careful aim for a second shot. Cholly shows up, tosses a block of wood, knocking the gun from Mannix’s hand. Mannix escapes, but Red takes the gun and the block of wood for evidence. Mannix returns to his office at the theatre, calls his men and tells them to charter a plane for the following morning. He plans to fly to the ship’s next port of call and board it there. They’re to call him once the arrangements have been made. The thugs have other plans though; “You know, I still say we’re chumps, letting Mannix get away with those bonds!” They
decide that they’re going over to his office and get their share of the bonds ri-i-i-i-i-ght now! Back at the station, the Chief Inspector is berating Scotty for allowing Red Barry to interfere with the case. The Chief orders everybody to stay out of Valentine Vane’s way. Vane is off to investigate the Russians, who “obviously” have the bonds. Red tells him they don’t, but the Chief ridicules him, which he will regret when this serial is over, I’ll bet. Quong Le’s prints are on that gun they picked up at the dock, which means he’s still in town, not on the ship. “Probably in Chinatown where no white man would ever find him!” Scotty says. Meanwhile, Cholly tells Wing Fu that Mannix is Quong Le and has the bonds. Red calls Cholly and tells him to send some “China boys” out looking for Quong Le. With Wing’s permission, Cholly agrees, “If you make me deputy.” After Cholly leaves, Wing Fu sends a thug to guard him surreptitiously. Cholly sneaks into the theatre (he distracts an employee’s attention by throwing a nickel) and confronts Mannix, forcing him to open his safe to retrieve the bonds. Barry also arrives at the theatre and spends a few minutes hassling Natacha. Unfortunately for Cholly, Mannix doesn’t keep the bonds in his safe, but he keeps a gun in there. He shoots Cholly and hides the body in a room behind a secret panel. Red bursts in; Mannix pretends to have been taking a nap. Red finds a lit cigarette on the safe, a bullet hole in the wall, and skid marks on the floor that appear to show that somebody’s been dragged into the wall, but he can’t make anything of any of this. (Where’s Valentine Vane when you need him?) The mortally wounded Cholly, who has found the bonds secreted in the room, cries out to Red, who finds the secret panel. Hong Kong Cholly dies
in Red’s arms; his last words are, “Mannix… is….” Red takes off his fedora in respect. Natacha has been keeping a gun aimed on Mannix, and her pals Boris and Petrov storm in after the bonds. Red takes off through a passageway in the secret room, Russkies in hot pursuit. The Russians meet up with Quong Le’s thugs in the passageway; they fight. Red flees. One team or the other (I don’t know which, it doesn’t matter, and who cares anyway) catch up with him on what appears to be the set of Phantom of the Opera. As vicious a fight as you can have in a luxury box ensues; Red loses, and is thrown from the upper mezzanine all the way down to the orchestra seats. Ouch.
Chapter 10: “The False Trail”
Red, falling from the set of Phantom of the Opera, hits the cheap seats and is knocked unconscious; hopefully the chandelier won’t fall on him. The thug that had been sent by Wing Fu takes the bonds from Red’s pocket and sneaks away; Mannix is next to arrive, and he frisks Red, but finds the bonds are gone. Red awakes and announces, “I’m all right. Just jarred up a bit.” He discovers to his chagrin that the bonds are missing, and he and Mannix return to Mannix’s office. Red looks down sadly at the body of his friend Hong Kong Cholly. “I wish he could talk,” Red opines. But - what’s that object on his thumb? It’s a rubber tip with a fake thumbprint, a print that corresponds to Quong Le! So, Red says, that double-dealing triple-crosser Cholly WAS Quong Le! Mannix confesses killing Le/Cholly and is going to claim the award, but once he makes the incriminating statement Red announces that there were bloodstains UNDER the rubber fingertip - it had obviously been
placed there AFTER Cholly’s death. Mannix is the killer - and Quong Le! Man, is HE ever under arrest! Mannix pulls a gun, but Red pulls one quicker. Scotty calls to tell him they confirmed by radio-gram that Mannix is Quong Le, but Red knows already and is slapping the cuffs on him. Scott, Mississippi, and the grumpy Police Commissioner head for the theatre: “I’ll believe it when I see it,” the Commissioner says, but it’s unclear whether he’s referring to Quong Le in handcuffs or men juggling hats. Sadly for Red, though, Mannix’s three thugs sneak in, conk Red on the head, and stuff him in the closet with the late Hong Kong Cholly. They demand their share of the loot from Mannix, but he convinces them that he hasn’t got them and doesn’t know who does. They all decide to go back to their hideout in Chinatown and sneak in the back door to avoid the coppers who are guarding the front entrance. By this time, Red has come to and is being berated by the Chief for blowing the case; the Chief threatens to take his badge, and Red saves him the trouble by taking it off himself and handing it to Scotty. Sad string music is heard, and Buster delivers one of his greatest acting scenes. “That Chinaboy in there was my friend,” Red says sadly and softly. “I sent him out on a job that was too big for him. But he died trying. With or without that badge, Commissioner, I’m going to get the man that killed Cholly, if it’s the last thing I ever do.” The music swells as Scotty pins the badge back on him, with the Commissioner’s approval. Red goes off to interview Wing Fu and try to pick up the trail of Mannix/Quong Le; he arrives there just in front of Mannix and his men, who are looking for the bonds. Red tells Wing Fu of Cholly’s death, and Wing Fu decides to put all his cards on the table and admit that Cholly was his “#1 son.” Wing Fu prays and then tells Red the whole story. He says he’s been given new orders
and told NOT to buy warplanes, which would be illegal, but clothes and food for people in war-stricken districts. Furthermore, he hands the stolen bonds to Red, who promises that once the police establish ownership they’ll be returned. One of Mannix’s thugs, who is wandering around the curio shop, is listening at the door. Red calls a cab to take him to police headquarters, and the thug goes off to tell Mannix. One of Wing Fu’s men saw the whole thing, and spills the beans to his boss and Red. Red gives the bonds back to Wing Fu and tells him to take them to the police after the crooks tail Red. “This is just the chance I’ve been waiting for!” Red exclaims. The cab arrives and it and Red are hijacked by Mannix and his men. Mississippi witnesses the enemy action and gives chase in her roadster. Things get ugly; shots are fired, the cabby is thrown out of the speeding cab and hits his head on a parked car, Red slaps Mannix’s gun away and fisticuffs ensue in the back of the cab. For his trouble, Red gets clubbed and thrown from the cab, right in the path of Missy’s oncoming vehicle. Now, THIS is gonna hurt.
Chapter 11: “Heavy Odds”
Red manages to roll off the road just before being splattered like a nearsighted possum by Mississippi’s car. Meanwhile, Mannix and his men discover that the bonds are not in Red’s briefcase, and they turn around and follow Red and Mississippi. Red takes Missi to Vane’s house and takes her right up to the bedroom, and no, get your filthy minds out of the gutter - she just cracked her head when she swerved to avoid hitting Red and now she needs a nap. Red brings Vane up to date about what has happened, but Mannix and
his gunman have entered on tiptoes and heard that Wing Fu now has the bonds. Scotty calls looking for Red, and Mannix answers the phone and tells him Red isn’t there. So Scott asks his secretary, who was apparently listening in on the call from the next room, if she recognized the voice. “It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it” she responds. “THAT’S a lot of help,” he barks. At gunpoint, Red is forced to call Wing Fu and tell him that one of his men will be coming down from police headquarters to pick up the bonds. Mannix orders Barry to tell Wing Fu that he’ll be able to identify the man by his badge number, 47, which is Red’s badge, pulled from his lapel by the sneering Mannix. “I’ll get you for that,” Red hisses, “if it’s the last thing I ever do!” Now, I’m not usually a stickler for details, but last week, Red vowed to get the man who killed Cholly if it was the last thing he ever did; he is going to be busy there, when he reaches his final moments, it seems. Mannix goes off to get the bonds, leaving a thug behind to guard Red and Vane. Mississippi arises, sees what’s going on, and sneaks up behind the gunman. She sticks a statuette in his back, tells him it’s a gun and advises him that if he doesn’t drop his revolver the last thing he’s ever going to see is his spleen splattering against the opposite wall. Mannix thoughtfully cut the phone line and punctured Red’s tires before he left, so Barry and Mississippi are forced to thumb their way to town. Meanwhile, Natacha sees Mannix sneaking back into the theatre, she calls the Russian diner and summons her boys, ordering them not to let Mannix out of his sight when he leaves. Mannix, who has donned a disguise, calls on Wing Fu to get the bonds, but Red has reached a phone and told Wing Fu to stall his visitor until Red can arrive. So Wing Fu spends several minutes looking for the key to the cabinet with the bonds in it - including patting himself down several times - and then struggling with the set of keys. “My eyesight must be failing - this is not the right key.”
After several minutes of this folderol, Mannix finally notices the damn cabinet has no lock on it anyway. Searching the room while insufferable Chinese music plays over and over like a broken record, he finally finds the bonds and exclaims, “Thank you, Mr. Wu!” Red enters, and oh, what a fight! Red knocks Mannix out, but the two Russkie thugs enter and oh, what a fight! Red is knocked against wall, a giant scimitar hanging there is knocked down and its razor-sharp edge heads straight at Barry’s esophagus. This’ll be a close shave.
Penultimate Chapter: “The Enemy Within”
The Sword of Damocles nicks Red’s underarm hairs, but leaves him otherwise undisturbed.
Scotty and his officers burst in and all heck breaks loose. In the furor, Mannix escapes with the bonds but - and you’ve guessed this already if you’ve been following the serial so far - Mississippi is hanging around and sees him flee. She clues Red in, but they lose him in traffic. Mannix heads for the theatre, but can’t get in (he’s still in disguise, remember) so he simply writes a note that says “Hey, it’s me, Mannix, no really, it is, let the guy with this note in and don’t hassle him.” Or words to that effect. In any case, it works and Mannix/Quong Le/Guy with note has no trouble getting past theatre security, and we’re treated once again to Natacha’s ballerina act with the two urns. The packed audience, dressed in evening clothes although it’s the middle of the day, applauds appreciatively, although one senses they’re a tad disappointed that the two guys who juggle hats aren’t on stage.
Natacha, while performing a pirouette or an arpeggio or whatever, sees Mannix skulking upstairs. She leaves the stage and the urns and follows him; spying through the keyhole, she watches him hide the bonds in a steamer trunk. Pulling a gun out of her tutu, she orders Mannix, “Get back in dot room… kvickly. I cood not miss you at this deestance.” In the inner room, Valentine Vane, who has been ransacking the joint, quietly hides in a closet. Improbably, the Police Commissioner calls the theatre and tells Natacha that her thugs are in custody. She tells the Commish that she’s got Mannix and the bonds and that he should send his officers to the theatre. The Commish advises her that one of his men is already there - the peerless Mr. Vane, who comes out of the closet, so to speak. Inspector Scott tells the Commissioner that if Vane brings Mannix and the bonds in, he’ll buy the Commissioner “the finest suit of clothes in the city.” Vane, Mannix and Natasha return to the outer room, where they find - the trunks are GONE! Vane pistol-whips Natacha from behind, and… HEY! What is this? “I’ve been playing the Commissioner for 2 years to get a chance at a job this size,” Vane sneers. “Y’ever hear of a guy named Harry Dicer?” Apparently, Mannix has, and he’s impressed that Vane is actually a master criminal. They agree to split the loot from the bonds, as soon as they retrieve them from the trunk, which apparently some theatrical movers have taken. After Vane and Mannix leave, Red and Missi come in and, rousing Natacha, get the story from her. Red heads off in hot pursuit. He’s too late, though, because the Bad Guys have hijacked the truck and are on their way out of town with it and its precious cargo. Red tries to force them off the road, but hey, dude, you’re driving a car and they’re driving a great big truck, what do you THINK is going to happen? Red is forced into a head-on collision with a Packard! Hope he’s insured, or not dead, or something.
Final Chapter: “Mission of Mercy”
Everybody survived the collision; they made REALLY good bumpers in those days, folks. The crowd that gathers around the wreck grabs pitchforks and torches and they’re about to go Guantanamo on Red when some buttinsky says he saw the whole thing and it was the truck’s fault. Mr. Buttinsky offers to drive Red once he finds out he’s a cop (Red somehow has his badge back). Turns out that Red had hit the truck’s gas tank (which didn’t explode, oddly) so there’s a leaky trail to follow (Red: “There’s a lot of cow paths they could’ve turned off on”). Thankfully for us (this IS the final chapter,) the truck doesn’t run out of gas until it pulls into Vane’s driveway. Vane and Mannix grab the bonds and Vane orders his butler to put gas in the truck (no, not “petrol in the lorry”), drive it down the road, and wreck it. “I’m leaving town,” Vane tells him. “No one is to know, not even the police.” While Vane is packing a few appropriate outfits for his trip, Mannix turns the radio on. News flash: The biggest manhunt ever staged by the Police Department! A cordon has been thrown up around town! Every road is blocked! Mannix suggests hiding out at the theatre “until this all blows over,” but Vane decides to take his half of the bonds and leave town; his police badge will get him past the roadblocks. Mannix, however, doesn’t want to share. He whips out his revolver and empties it into Vane. No honor amongst… well, you know. Mannix takes off in Vane’s woodie, but to our surprise Vane hops up off the floor as soon as he’s gone. “I’m glad you’re a bad shot Mr. Mannix,” he says. Yes, really. I don’t make this stuff up, folks, I just report it.
Red arrives and Vane pretends that Mannix overpowered him and took the bonds, or as he put it, “That bounder Mannix nearly did me in!” Vane tells him Mannix is fleeing in Vane’s car along the Bedford road; Red and his driver take off after him, but find only the police roadblock there. Nope, the nice officer says, no cars have been through here. “I wonder if Vane could’ve been lying,” Red muses. He goes back to Vane’s house, where he sees Vane sneaking away. He follows him to the secret passage at the wharf. Mannix is inside the secret room there, looking for a good place to hide the bonds. Vane creeps up on him with his gun and sneers, “Turn around and see who’s come to visit you, Mannix!” “You’d have been a lot smarter to split the bonds with me as we’d agreed,” Vane adds. “Because NOW I’m going to get them the way it HURTS.” Before Vane can pull the trigger, Red pops up and shoots the gun out of his hand. A short time later, in the Police Commissioner’s office, Natacha is explaining that the bonds belong to her family, but she’s willing to give them to Wing Fu to help Chinese refugees, because she knows “what it means to be a refugee.” Red bursts in with the bonds and his prisoners; the Commissioner sputters, “But this is Valentine Vane, my special investigator!” He orders Vane’s handcuffs removed, but Mannix clues him in to the whole Harry Dicer saga. Scotty thinks it’s hilarious (and it is), but the Commish says sadly, “Don’t rub it in, Scotty. This is my finish in the Department. They’ll demand my resignation, and they should. But my last official act will be to recommend you for promotion, Red.” While the Commissioner is calling Wing Fu to tell him that he’s got the bonds, Vane grabs his gun. Red struggles with him; the gun goes off; Mannix is shot; Scotty blows a hole in Vane you could roll a bocce ball through. Since all pertinent parties are now deceased, there’s no reason for the Commissioner to admit he was an idiot. Besides, as Scotty puts it,
“You can’t resign - there wouldn’t be anybody around here to fight with that I could lick!” Okay, get ready for the final fadeout, which naturally consists of Natacha dancing with urns while Scotty, Mississippi, and Red watch from the vaudeville theatre’s luxury box. Scotty tells them, “It looks like we’re finally gonna see this dance from beginning to end.” Before Red can retort that he’d rather see the guys who juggle hats, an usher enters and advises Inspector Scott that he’s needed at HQ. He orders the smirking Red to come with him, and they arrest Mississippi so that she’s got to come, too. On this happy note, the serial ends. Clifford Weimer - Inthebalcony.com