Articles By Nationally-Recognized Author/Speaker, JENNIFER MAGGIO
THE SINGLE MOMS MAGAZINE VOL 1, ISSUE 1
SPRING 2011
Resources for Single Moms Oh...I’m Sorry, Were you Offended?
Project Single Moms
Also Includes Founder of Divorce Care for Kids, Linda Ranson Jacobs & Great Savings for Single Moms!
itual brokenness. However, the story doesn’t end there. This book is the ultimate, redemptive story of hope, where I eventually find financial peace (becoming a successful executive with a large Fortune 500 company), freedom, hope, and love.
BOOK REVIEW BY: JENNIFER BARNES MAGGIO At 17 years old, I had already walked through a lifetime of hurt and disappointment. My mother had been killed. My alcoholic father married six times. I had been the victim of molestation for 9 years with multiple perpetrators. I was forced to steal and forced to view pornography. I was beaten and malnourished. I became sexually active at thirteen years old. Now, here I was. Sitting in the local free health unit, hearing the news that I was pregnant - again! Upon hearing the news, my father kicked me out of the family home. I had no one. I had nothing. As a homeless, unwed, teen mom, I often wondered if anyone could hear me. Did anyone hear me cry at night? Did anyone hear the screams? Did anyone understand my struggles? Was the pain on the outside of me as loud as it was on the inside? Would we eat tonight or go hungry - again? Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom was birthed through those very questions. With more than 17 million single moms in the United States, divorce rates sky-rocketing, and more babies born outside of marriage than in, Overwhelmed is a must-read! Statistics support that children from single parent homes are five times more likely to commit suicide and ten times more likely to drop out of high school. Twenty-four percent of single parent homes live in poverty. They are twice as likely as a two-parent home to have some form of abuse. Teen pregnancy is now a pop culture phenomena and single mothers across the country are drowning. Where do they turn for help? Overwhelmed begins as a page-turning drama of my journey through years of sexual abuse, domestic violence, homelessness, and teen pregnancy. It is written with raw, gut-wrenching detail that surely pulls at the reader’s heart strings, as I detail my struggle with sexual promiscuity, poverty, and emotional and spir-
Overwhelmed enlightens the single mother in four main areas: parenting alone, finances, emotional stability, and spiritual growth. It looks very openly and genuinely at what works and the practical steps involved to find success in all those areas. It is complete with a 12-part group study, ideal for small group settings. Overwhelmed has sold out on Amazon multiple times since its release and is selling out in bookstores nationwide. It is being heralded the “....real, raw version of the single parent journey.” It has been featured on a number of radio and television programs, as well as newspapers, magazines, and websites, including Power Women, CBN.com, Family Life, At the Center, Inspired Life, Not Just Talkin’ the Talk, ParentLife and coutnless others. Jennifer Maggio is a nationally-recognized author and speaker, that has been dubbed one of the nation’s leading authorities on women’s issues and single parenting. She is a featured columnist with Halo Magazine and Single Parents Town. Maggio has personally counseled hundreds of single moms, runs the nation’s largest single moms support group, and has helped to launch more than 50 similar groups across the country. She has been featured on countless radio and television programs. For more information, visit http://www.thelifeofasinglemom.com/
R E V O L ED WHEM
gle mom
a sin the life of
jennifer barnes maggio
RESOURCE CORNER Each issue, we are committed to bring you, the single parent, resources that will add value to your life, encourage you, and/or meet a tangible need. Here are our first two.
SAMARITAN MINISTRIES
ANGEL FOOD MINISTRIES
In September 1994, Ted Pittenger opened Samaritan Ministries and enrolled his family as its first members. Today, more than 15,000 households across all 50 states and several foreign countries are actively part of this unique ministry. Samaritan Ministries is a Biblically-based alternative to health insurance. Galatians 6:2 says “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” There are many families who cannot afford health coverage or are dissatisfied with their existing plan.
With a heart to help others and a generous spirit, Joe and Linda Wingo founded Angel Food Ministries in 1994 to help provide food to friends and neighbors who were struggling financially. Today, the Angel Food program is helping to provide food relief to more than 500,000 families each month. Angel Food Ministries crosses denominational lines and helps to spread the good news of the gospel of Christ through salvation tracts dispersed in each box.
So how does Samaritan Ministries work? Each member commits to set a “share” amount. Samaritan Ministries uses a database that randomly matches Shares to Needs, so that the Sharing is coordinated and Shares go to the appropriate members’ needs. It is a simple but effective plan that brings health care to those who might otherwise not have it, while also fulfilling a Biblical command. For more information, visit http://www.samaritanministries.org/
Orders and distribution are handled through church sites across the country. Monthly food orders are placed at significantly reduced prices. Thus, helping low-income or financially-distraught families stretch their dollars. Angel Food accepts major credit cards and government-issued food stamps. For more information or to find your local provider, visit http://www.angelfoodministries.com/.
Oh, I’m Sorry... Were You Offended?
Moms, Personalities, & Projects
By: Jennifer Maggio
By: Gail Cawley Showalter
Since I’m writing to a group of single parents, I figured we needed to go ahead and put this one out there – OFFENSE. Man, oh man, how I sprint to avoid bitter and offended folks! This may be hard for some to hear, but your hurt, your offense, your bitterness, and your unforgivness does nothing to THEIR lives. It does not hurt your ex-mother-in-law, your ex-husband, or your ex-boyfriend. In fact, they’ve probably forgotten what they did to offend you in the first place.
“Boys need to be building things, working with tools,” I said to my friend Stephanie. I had a daughter, eight years old, and two sons seven and five. She had two sons in the same age range.
In having counseled literally hundreds of single moms, I can tell you that I have never sat with one mom who didn’t have a reason to be angry or hurt - not one. They all have a story. We all have a story.
Her Powerful Choleric personality, though suppressed in her marriage, was in full bloom as a single mother with a job as a home health care nurse.
I was astonished to recently stumble upon a single parent’s site that promoted “Tell-us-why-you-hate-your-baby’s-daddy Day.” Are you kidding me?! Am I the only one that sees the insanity in this?! What do you hope to accomplish? So...we paint little George’s daddy as a complete loser for not paying you child support or for beating you or whatever (albeit horrible things), then what? Who does it hurt? Let me answer this for you. YOU. It hurts you. For every time you relive the pain and revisit the conversations or the events that devastated you, you live in that moment. It’s amazing that we sometimes cannot remember where we parked after a 15-minute grocery trip to Walmart, but we can remember for the next 15 years the exact conversation where someone offended us!
“Didn’t you say you needed a dog house for the puppy?” she asked.
Your offense, bitterness, and unforgiveness holds you hostage. It’s what you wake up smelling like and the aroma you give off when others pass you by. If you are taking every opportunity to bash your ex, stop! Your children will appreciate it. Let go. Forgive. And, yes, that means you. This is not an opinion, it is a God thing. Ephesians 4:31 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” NLT. You may be thinking, “But you don’t know what I’ve been through!” Single parents, I’ve had the deadbeat dad scenario in my own life. I’ve had the abuse. I’ve had the poverty. If anyone can play the victim role, it’s me! I choose to live life to its fullest. I choose to forgive every travesty that has been done to me. I made a choice that as for me and my household, we will rejoice and be glad in today alone. My past does not define my future, and there’s great freedom in that. To find out more about Jennifer Maggio, her passion for single moms, and the lives she’s changing around the globe, visit: www.jennifermaggio.com.
“Ha,” Stephanie laughed. “And what can we do about that?” she challenged with that mischievous expression she had when an idea was brewing. Stephanie had come out of a seriously abusive marriage. She was from England and had met challenges courageously all her life.
“Yes,” I replied, “the kids hate to leave her outside and I don’t want her in the house.” “Well, we could help them build a dog house.” “Stephanie!” I retaliated. Her ideas often seemed too out of range for my practical way of thinking. “How can we do that? We would need saws and lumber. We can’t manage all that.” I was the undisciplined and unorganized Sanguine. “They sell kits for people like us,” her British accent was coming through. Stephanie persisted as any good Choleric would and we did find a dog house building kit at a local home improvement store. We set a date for construction. As a Popular Sanguine I insisted the work day must be fun. Stephanie, the Powerful Choleric had a plan. Together we made memories as well as a dog house. It was a great success and the dog house was painted, repainted and re-roofed numerous times over the years. It became a symbol and memento of a day none of us would forget. My inspiring and playful Sanguine memories changed only slightly after reviewing the day with my now thirty-something children. Damon, my eldest son, had the clearest recall of the day. He pointed out that single moms should consider carefully the tools used for such a project. Don’t use a tack hammer for roofing nails. Don’t give more than one kid a paint brush and lay down plastic if you have them painting over the grass. Finally consider the weight of the finished project. We had to have someone lift and haul the doghouse home. Creating memories may seem like too much to think about when you are wondering how you will get all the laundry done, meals on the table, and pay the bills. One such memorable event may require weeks of planning and even budgeting, but it is worth it.
Gail Cawley Showalter, founder of SMORE for Women, works tirelessly to encourage single moms. Learn more at: www.smoreforwomen.org
Mom/Dad, Just Listen (From a Child’s Point of View) By Linda Ranson Jacobs Mom/Dad don’t say anything about what I’m going to say, just listen to me. I need somebody to hear what I’m saying. I don’t want you to solve my problems or give me any ideas or even give me any grief. Just listen!
Sometimes I get embarrassed that my parents are divorced. Really, it’s true. It’s embarrassing. But I’m learning to live with it. Give me space and time because I think it’s going to take me some time to figure out how to do all of this.
Don’t ask me if I am mad because I AM mad. I’m also confused, exasperated, sad, lonely, bored, guilty, sometimes ashamed, frustrated, overwhelmed and there many other feelings that I can’t label. I bet there are other feelings that I haven’t even felt yet.
A lot of times I’m going to tell you and other adults that I’m bored. I say that because I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling or thinking so it’s easier to just say I’m bored. Other times I feel guilty. I can’t tell you about this feeling of guilt because when I do you get all “Don’t feel that way.” Well, I do feel this way. Sometimes I just want to talk to you but I don’t want you to tell me how to feel or what I should be doing.
Please stop saying ugly and nasty things about my other parent. Even though you don’t love my other parent any more, maybe I still do. Maybe I’m kind of proud to be a little bit like my other parent. I’m proud to be like you too. You do realize that there is two parts to me don’t you? I have a history of two parents with different heritages. My family’s history belongs to me and I deserve a chance to explore both sides of my heritage. Sometimes when I come home from school, from being with friends, or from being with my other parent and I’m frustrated it’s not because something bad has happened. I just get frustrated sometimes. Sometimes it’s because I’m tired of having to travel back and forth. Way down deep inside of me I want to be with both of you.
Mom / Dad, please, just listen to me. “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13 Sometimes our children need guidance. Sometimes they need our quietness. It’s time of the needed quietness that you pray and listen. Sit with your child and listen. Linda Ranson Jacobs Healthy Loving Partnerships for Our Kids Email: Linda@hlp4.com
Do you know that when I get excited to see you and give you a hello hug that I feel sad that I have to give my other parent a goodbye hug. It’s a puzzling game of “hellos” and “goodbyes” all the time. Try and understand how I feel. Imagine feeling happy and sad at the same time. It’s very confusing. This publication is protected under U.S. Copyright laws [© Linda Ranson Jacobs, 2010] However, it is also a ministry to those who need it. While you may pass along this article freely, please check before reprinting anything in another publication. In most cases, all she requires is proper credit.
OF THE FUTURE By: Carol Floch As I hugged my knees to my chest, the knot of fear in my gut twisted tighter and tighter. My life had taken a hairpin turn. This was not what I had signed up for; this was not what my children deserved. Instead of celebrating our twentieth anniversary, my husband and I had separated. I was devastated and terrified; my children were bewildered, heartbroken, scared. Facing an uncertain future and the ominous path of parenting my three children alone, my mind flip-flopped between the only two things I felt sure of: I WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN and I CAN’T DO THIS. “Do not fear, for I AM with you. Do not be dismayed, for I AM your God. I WILL strengthen you and help you. I WILL uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10, NIV.) It was barely a whisper, from an obscure corner in the darkened gallery of my soul. But I heard it. I began to listen--not to my thoughts and fears, but to the whisper, and to the Whisperer, remembering His name: I AM. When God called Moses to the daunting task of leading the children of Israel out of Egypt to the Promised Land, Moses went into a fear-filled tailspin of “buts” and “what ifs.” God answered Moses’ fears and inadequacies with His promises. You’re right; you can’t. But I can. I am the I AM God, and I will go with you and give Myself to you unflaggingly (see Exodus 3). That same God whispers to you: Let me remind you who I AM. Each of my names comes with a promise that will give you comfort and hope.
1 I AM: Your Heavenly Father…who loves you perfectly. Your Creator...the author of new beginnings. Your Counselor…who will help you in every difficulty. Your Provider…who will supply all your needs. Your Savior…who forgives and accepts you. Your Shelter…who hides you in the palm of my hand. Your Redeemer…who salvages your life from the pit. Your Healer…who binds up your wounds. Your Comforter…who understands your hurts. Your Strength…when you feel weak. Your Peace…when life seems overwhelming. The Faithful One…who will never leave you; I am with you always. The God who hears…every prayer of your heart. I AM the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There are no surprises for God; He goes before you into every tomorrow. Today’s promise of “I Am” is also tomorrow promise of “I will be.” Swaddled in His promises, we can rest in the comfort of His love and sufficiency in each day. God’s whispers are countless. “So do not fear, for I Am with you.” 1 Excerpt from The Single Mom’s Devotional by Carol Floch. ©2010 by Gospel Light Publications. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Carol Floch, author of The Single Mom’s Devotional (Regal, 2010), is a professional counselor, Christian speaker, and a featured expert in Single and Parenting, a new curriculum to be released by Church Initiative in summer, 2011. To contact Carol, visit http:// www.carolfloch.com or visit The Single Mom’s Devotional page on Facebook.
“But what about my children?” I asked God, as I faced an uncertain and frightening future. “Where will their security be?” God whispered through Psalm 84: “Build your nest near my altar, and I will be your source of security, protection, provision, and blessing--for you and your children.” Thus began my intentional journey to “tend my nest” at the foot of the Cross. Now, Carol Floch invites others to share her hope-filled journey. The Single Mom’s Devotional: A Book of 52 Practical and Encouraging Devotionals grapples honestly with struggles common to single moms-fear of the future; identity; security; shame; inadequacy; loneliness; forgiveness; worry; discouragement--and anchors single moms in the truth of God’s unfailing love and faithfulness. Day by day, you are invited to the foot of the Cross--a place of discovering life through relinquishment, power through dependence and hope through surrender. Each daily devotional also includes practical suggestions to nurture your children spiritually. Available at major bookstores and online booksellers. Carol Floch, a counselor, author, and speaker, has ministered to women for over 25 years. She has three daughters, and lives in Dallas, TX. To find out more, visit www.carolfloch.com
character of single moms in America. Members have access to a special fund for single moms called “A Hand Up™ Fund” which offers temporary financial assistance to single moms for emergency and empowerment purposes without obligation to repay. Membership is free and open to single moms from all socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. Project Single Moms is an educational and self-development organization based in Atlanta, GA. Our national programs are designed to strengthen and engage single moms in the areas of education and empowerment which includes: Pursuing Advanced Education; Employment; Parenting Skills & Support; Financial Literacy & Wealth Building; Health & Wellness (Mental, Emotional & Physical); Homeownership Attainment; Starting & Growing a Successful Business; and Personal Empowerment & Self-Development.
Project Single Moms Founded by visionary and National Director, Stephanie M. Clark, Project Single Moms Worldwide, Inc. (Project Single Moms) is a national advocacy & empowerment movement designed to empower, educate, engage, energize, equip and enhance the quality of life for single mothers and their children. The movement strives to organize and create a unified voice for single moms as well as to dispel negative myths and stereotypes by redefining the face and
This grassroots movement is currently serving more than 2,500 single moms in forty states in America and has also attracted the interest and participation of single moms from Australia, Malaysia, Ghana, Switzerland, Albania, Greece and Germany. For more information on Project Single Moms, visit http://www.projectsinglemoms.com/ or call (866) 531-8611.
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