IMPACT OKC Magazine: Vol. 2 Issue 2

IMPACT OKC

VOL 2. ISSUE 2

TW SHANNON A Leader Committed to Impact Oklahoma

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MENTORING PROJECT with John Sowers

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Thriving YFC programs Impact souls for Christ throughout the Metro

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YO UT H F O R C H R I S T w w w. y f c o k c. o r g

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To a d v e r t i s e o r s u b m i t a r t i c l e s t o IMPACT OKC s e n d e m a i l s t o b r i a n @ y f c o k c. o r g

in this issue

JEDIDIAH 5 TW SHANNON 6 THE MENTORING PROJECT 10 IMPACT CULTURE 14 IGNITION TO IMPACT 15 IMPACT PARENTING 17 YFC HUBURBIA 20 WHAT I LEARNED FROM CHALLENGE DAY 21 IMPACT EDUCATION 22 ARTIST: ANDREW HAMM 25 Focused on what’s important.

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by Tay lor D r a k e taylor.drake@swcu.edu

Over the past decade, there has been a growing emphasis concerning the role, importance, and necessity of a father figure in a child’s early stages in life. This re-discovery of the vitality of fatherhood has led to the creation of organizations that focus on reaching to the fatherless community. However, these studies, as beneficial as they are fail to recognize and reach another untouched social group: the motherless.

This is where Jedidiah Enterprises Inc. found its purpose.

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, and have no compassion on the child of her womb? Even though she may forget, I will never forget you.”

— Isaiah 49:15 —

The story of Jedidiah is a simple one: In July 2010, Cindi Cary sought to bring restoration to hurting children, especially those in foster care and fatherless homes. Yet in this process, she discovered an unmet resolve in the area of aiding the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of children, who’s lives are shrouded under the absence of their mother, regardless of whether this vacancy was produced through the mother’s abandonment, neglect, in ability to provide, or death. The purpose of Jedidiah became clear: “Jedidiah offers restoration to motherless children in family crisis by encouraging excellence in faith, family, and finances through volunteer recourses from community churches, university activities, and businesses.”

— Jedidiah Mission Statement —

The absenteeism of a mother figure in a child’s life is as detrimental as the lack of a father figure. Here Jedidiah engages with the families through one-on-one Counsel, individual Household interaction, child to mother figure Relationships, establishments of Identity, the creation of Sustainability in social confidence, and Teaching essential life lessons not only to the children, but to the wife-less fathers as well. The message is a simple one: no matter what the parents have or have not done, every motherless child deserves to know that they are loved.

The growth of Jedidiah has been uncanny. Their steadily increasing action calendar is filled with activities including holiday décor for the homes and personal décor for the children’s rooms, individual mentoring and counseling, family meals, Christmas gift giving, trips to the movie theatre, outings to Redhawks baseball games, athletic competitions, music lessons, college visits, the purchasing of new clothes, the recently added after school mentoring program at Southwestern Christian University (at which Cary is an active Professor of Business), museum visitations, and, undoubtedly the most meaningful and effective method in their arsenal of life changing undertakings, birthday parties.

By tackling a fundamental issue, Jedidiah, through a dedicated band of volunteers, is able to assist the hurting and impoverished children of Oklahoma City who may never know the love of a mother except through the arms of a woman who knows the importance of loving the unlovable, holding the unholdable, and reaching the unreachable. Jedidiah accomplishes the task that every mother is responsible for: giving life and helping that life grow.

Jedidiah, whether through a donation of time and energy or a monetary gift, or to receive more information about future events and projects, visit the official website at jedidiah.org or PO BOX 850505 Yukon, OK 73085. Jedidiah is a Christ centered 501c3 organization. All donations are tax deductible. To contact Cary directly, she can be best reached at cindi@jedidiah.org.

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TW Shannon

a leader committed to impact oklahoma I recently sat with TW Shannon, the Oklahoma Speaker of the House, to discuss life, family, marriage, Oklahoma fatherless generation issues, his career and his future. The following article consists of excerpts of that interview.

Mr. Speaker, why public service?

“You know, I’ve always been interested in the public service realm. I guess part of it is partly because my mom’s a social worker, dad was a teacher and I always considered that public service. Anybody at the state level is public service and it’s absolutely a calling. I wanted to be involved in some form of government since I was in middle school. Ever since I knew what the state capitol was, I thought that would be a neat deal to do. And

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so when opportunity presented itself, I jumped right in. I prayed about it, I knew this was my opportunity to get involved. I didn’t know if I’d win, obviously. I wasn’t nearly that cocky and I wasn’t nearly that confident either! (Laughing) I wasn’t sure I could win, but I did feel lead and compelled to do it and I really wanted to do it… so I did it. Before that, though, I had worked for Congressman J.C. Watts for about two years. It was right after law school. It was my first job after law school. I think that’s what

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kind-of solidified the bug for me. That’s when I knew, I wanted to do this for a period of time. Not forever, it’s not something I want to do forever.”

Really? I guess I’m in shocked by that. (I must admit, I was surprised by his statement, so much so, that I responded before I could catch my question and response.)

“No, not at all. Really.” (In a serious, yet kind tone that convinced me of the truthfulness of his statement.) “No, you know, public service, I enjoy it. It is a people-business. It really is. It’s about people and helping people and solving problems, sometimes impossible problems. I enjoy the complexity of it but I don’t want to do it forever. I think it’s for a period of time. I think this is a season in my life right now but I don’t think this will be the season forever. I mean, I want to get back into the private sector at some point and focus more on doing personal stuff. I’m enjoying it thought. I enjoy public service.”

The public seem to think you are good at it.

“That depends on who you ask and what day.” (As he laughed) “There is a saying, ‘we all know there are people that hate us but only politicians’ get accurate counts.’”

it’s some particular issue working with the Senate or a particular legislative matter, that’s really the part that gives me solace. It’s okay. This is like any other ministry. I approach government and governing like any other ministry that I’ve been involved with, whether it’s in my church, teaching Sunday school or if it’s just one-on-one like leading somebody to Christ – you do your part.

You’ve been called for a certain point and a mission and you do the best you can. You do your part but ultimately the outcome isn’t dependent upon you and your abilities. That’s the part that really gives me solace.”

As a dad, as a husband, how do you find the balance? Balance is something I hear about all the time, yet I see very few people that actually live balanced lives. How do you succeed as a dad while succeeding in your area of calling also?

“I’m blessed, first of all, with my wife. I have been married for 12 years and when we got married, I was working for Congressman Watts. So this political thing has always been a part of our married life. It’s always been part of us and so we just kind of have grown up together in it. So that helps. But early on, before I was Speaker, I made the commitment to drive back and forth to Lawton every night during session. Once I became Speaker, I

You’re a man of faith. What role has your faith played in you running for public office and in the difficult decisions you’ve had to make in becoming Speaker?

“You know, the decision to run is a leap of faith in and of itself.

I mean, it really is. It’s the ultimate stepping out on faith because you’re putting your name, your credibility out and you just don’t know what type of response or rejection you might get. But I would say as Speaker particularly, Speaker was very interesting and very different than when I decided to run for office because I came in running for office wanting to do it. I came in running for office saying I never want to be speaker of the house. It’s the worse job in state government. Why anybody would want that job, I will never know. I would say it’s kind of like having a swimming pool or boat, every now and then you might think you want one but it’s probably better just to have a good neighbor or good friend. I wanted one of my neighbors from Lawton or a good friend of mine to be Speaker. But it was truly something I felt more lead and compelled to do. I had some members first come to me and ask me about doing it. In fact, I was actually going to get out of public office. I had done three terms. I always told my wife I want to do at least three terms and then kind of reevaluate kind of moving forward what I wanted to do. And I had some members come to me and say you need to think about this. And so I started going around and asking members you know I’m thinking about running for office, what do you think? And the support kind of started to build and I was shocked. Now, I still didn’t think I was going to win. You know, my opponent Frank Luke was goliath. I mean he was the Speaker Pro Tem already. He had a lot more legislative experience. He’s a great guy. We still serve together. I was shocked that anybody would really get behind me and support me. That’s why I know it was a supernatural event, because there’s no way on earth that I should have been the Speaker. There’s no way in the natural that it should and could have happened and so that’s why I know that it was, you know, it was divinely appointed. I have no qualms about that. And when there’s those days, when it really seems tough and it seems really insurmountable, whether

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have tried to stay two nights a week (in OKC) because I usually need to be with House Members at some dinner or function, but that way I get to see my kids and have at least one meal a day with them. So I usually have breakfast on Mondays with them and then I get to have dinner with them on Tuesday, and then the same thing Wednesday with breakfast and dinner on Thursday.

Then we have the weekend, on Fridays since we are not in session. But I try to maintain that schedule and that commitment. It helps keep me grounded more than anything and I enjoy it. You know, my wife, she’s done a great job of helping me, reminding me to keep it in balance. And I’m not telling you I always do. I mean, there are times when I get out of balance, but what I have found out is when I am out of balance, everything goes wrong.

I mean, it’s not just the kids aren’t doing as well in school, but things here (Capital) aren’t going as well and I’m miserable in what I’m doing. It all works together. I’ve had the experience where I’ve been out of balance and it all just works a lot better when you have it. So you just make it a priority, you make it happen, you cut out eating and sleeping and spend a lot of time in the car. (Smiling) You know, even now, when I’ve been called on for new things nationally, it drives my scheduler a little crazy, but when I have to go someplace out of state, I try not to spend more than overnight. If it has to be two, I try to be back early in the day. I mean, you try to cut as many corners as you can.

Sometimes you spend more time in the airport than you do at the actual event but you just make it happen. If I have to spend more than four days someplace, I try to take the family with me.

And so, you make it work.”

I recently sat with John Sowers, author of the Fatherless Generation and President of the Mentoring Project. When looking at the statistics he documents in Fatherless Generation, we see a clear picture of what happens when there is an absence of a father in a child’s life. (The fatherless generation accounts for: 63% of youth suicides, 71% of teen pregnancies, 90% of all homeless/ runaway children, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions and 71% of all high school dropouts)(Fatherless Generation, pg.36) With that information considered, what do you feel the greatest impact we can make as men in a society where absentee Fathers are almost at epidemic levels? What do you believe we can do to make that shift both culturally and legislatively?

“I was blessed. I’ve got two of the best parents that any kid could have. Even now, I look back on it and I’m amazed at the sacrifices my parents made that I just took for granted. Dad was always there, always a present figure. He and mom have been married 40 something years now. That doesn’t mean they didn’t have issues or they didn’t have problems, but you can just look at statistics…

You know, we rely in this business on statistics. Just look statistically at kids who find themselves in generational poverty, they have a 94% chance of getting out if they’ll get married and stay married. The problem we have now is we have a whole generation of people that have never heard or seen that. While my mom and my dad had friends (who) were divorced, they had the majority of the people in their society, in their world, were married and from two parent homes. There are now whole neighborhoods where there isn’t anybody (married). There are whole school districts, whole schools, where there’s nobody that has a two parent home and so they’ve never even seen it… they don’t even know what that looks like. That’s why I was so excited about the legislation we passed this year that is going to be requiring a PR

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campaign to talk about the economic benefits of getting married and staying married. We just did an interim study on it this session too. And again, just time and time again, research proves that the safest place for a kid is in a two parent home. I mean, it just is. That is the place, the best place for a kid to thrive statistically. And you hit the nail on the head. You can look at the numbers, if you’re talking about high incarceration rates, substance abuse, foster parents, you name it. Those are all just symptoms of a much larger problem. That problem is a breakdown in the family unit. And so what we’ve been doing as a society…It’s like going to the doctor and focusing on just the symptoms. Give me something for my headache…give me a band aid. We want the treatment, we must have treatments because you have to stop the bleeding, but at some point you have to treat the problem, and the problem of our society right now is the breakdown of the family unit. That’s what it is.”

What is your greatest impact that you’ve made yet in office? If there’s one thing that you feel like, “I got this right”, what is it?

“So much of this…I said it earlier and it sounds a little trite to say it, but I really do feel this way – the things we’ve been able to accomplish this session, they really are supernatural and so I know that it is beyond my ability to get it done. But if there is one where I think I was used the most…I’m a people person. I get people. I understand relationships. I have a high degree of empathy with people. I mean, that’s my gift – I understand people.

And if I have one, it was really helping to unite the House (Oklahoma House of Representatives). We’ve been so fractured as a body for so long that we almost become a lot like Washington DC, just that we were getting to the place where people wondered if we could actually function and govern because of the interpersonal stuff that had become so ugly, the things that had marred, that kind of makes everybody roll their eyes about politics. This session, and part of it is just the diversity of the House, we have 101 members and we’ve got people from all walks of life and they’ve got different goals that they want to achieve. I think if there was one thing that we did (right), we made a process more open for members to be involved and to make sure that all members, at some point, were involved in the governess of it. What happens, it’s human nature, is to congregate with likeminded people. People get into these fiefdoms of like-minded people, they want their way and then somebody inevitably feel disconnected and disenfranchised when that happens. What I try to do is make sure that those that feel disenfranchised are also part of the governing of the caucus. Now, if you’re a minority voice, it doesn’t mean you get to rule. That’s not how it works in a majority, but you should still be a voice. You should still have a voice, and so, hopefully that’s the impact I made… helping unite the House, because when we’re united, it puts us in a position to have a lead. So, I hope that’s been part of it. Creating an environment where all members feel welcomed, feel that they’re a part and able to help lead the discussion. I hope.”

Not to get you to make any announcements here but could we expect the possibility of voting for you at some point on some state level?

“You know, I don’t know. My focus right now is certainly doing a good job for the people of Oklahoma as Speaker of the House. This position is a very unique spot in state government. For me, I still

pinch my self sometimes when I’m just in a room with great leaders like Governor Fallin and Speaker Pro Temp Brian Binger. Just to be in a room to contribute to that conversation, I feel really blessed to do it. My goal right now, my intentions are not to seek any other higher office. I feel like I’ve had my fill of politics for right now. At the same time, I’ve lived long enough in this journey to recognize… you go where you’re needed. I live in a military town and I was talking to a young guy the other day who was telling me he just signed up. He just graduated from high school and he just signed up for the Army. He was telling me the Army (allows) you to send in your request of the top places you would like to be stationed, you know, and what kind of job you would like to have in the Army. On this Christian journey, what I’ve learned, when you’re part of the Lord’s army, it’s much like that. You send your requests in, here’s my heart’s desire, but you go wherever you’re needed. And that’s what I’m going to do. If I’m needed somewhere else, I will go, but I’m not seeking it out, that’s for sure.”

Thoughts from the Writer: As a writer, I am supposed to reserve my opinion of an interviewee for the reader to develop his or her opinion from the information given. However, I find myself intrigued by Speaker Shannon and the need to share why. Prior to this interview, I had not had the privilege of meeting him. However, I left his office feeling like I had always known him and optimistic that our political system (at least in Oklahoma), is not as broken as the national liberal media often portrays. Although this might seem simplistic in it’s patriotic hopefulness, I choose to believe that as long as we have a few individuals, like Speaker Shannon, who hold to there beliefs and values in legislatively guiding our state (and country), we can thrive as a people. It is when we “get out of Balance” that we see devastating consequences. Any time a people group separate themselves from Christ-like beliefs, the children suffer for it. It has been proven throughout the ages, Conservative values work! The rugged fundamentals that our Founding Fathers signed their names too, bleed for and built this great nation “brick by brick” upon, they still work. Core values such as God & Family above all things, the Sanctity of Marriage, Love of Country, Spending less than you produce, and that Freedom is for all, but it must still be earned by all. These beliefs created this great Nation. As never before, although we live in a “More is More” society that typically bases individual worth on current or potential positional status, we must support individuals that hold to these time proven conservative fundamentals that these United States where united to protect. After writing this article, I believe TW Shannon to be such a leader. I am equally challenged and convinced that we must each find and do our part to lead this young generation and this great democracy onward to live out the words of old allegiance, “One Nation, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All.” In the words of Speaker Shannon, “On this Christian journey, what I’ve learned, when you’re part of the Lord’s army, it’s much like that. You send your requests in, here’s my heart’s desire, but you go wherever you’re needed.”

Now go do your part to Impact Your OKC. Just a Thought…

Please join the conversation or share your opinion of this article with the other readers and the writer at @SamuelBrianHill or at @ImpactOKCMag via Twitter Also join the ongoing conversation at #ImpactYourOKC.

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The

Dr. John Sowers is the president of The Mentoring Project and author of Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story. The Mentoring Project is a movement that inspires and equips faith communities to rewrite the story of fatherlessness through mentoring. They have offices in Oklahoma City and in Portland, OR. Dr. Sowers is one of the 2012 recipients of the President’s Champion of Change Award in the area of fatherhood. For the past 3 years, Dr. Sowers has often been invited to Washington D.C. to be a part of the White House Task Force conversation on Fatherhood and Healthy families.

Mentoring

How did you end up in OKC, John?

project

First off, I love your magazine and what you guys are doing with it. You know, I came here in February of 2011 and spoke at some churches, did some stuff. Came back in November, and at that time, a group of churches and business leaders said ‘hey, we’re interested in having you here more often. This is an issue that our city cares about’. And so it was really cool to see that kind of the (interest)…You know, think every city almost has a theme or a calling or at least what their leaders find is a calling. And so, when I was in Portland it was really sex trafficking.

I mean, that’s kind of the issue. Christianity Today wrote about it and that’s kind of one of their (Portland’s) biggest themes. And they care about mentoring for sure, but when we were here, the fatherless issue and the orphan care issue, foster care, fatherless kids, it was kind of the issue. It’s kind of like city leaders already were saying, ‘this is our calling’. So, you know, people like Wes Lane, and with the Governor (Mary Fallin) who just released another video talking about mentoring the fatherless and even your magazine. It’s like this was (already in motion.

You were doing this before you heard of us, before you heard of me. So it’s like, as a city, we looked at church leaders, business leaders, kind of all across the board, they were saying, ‘this is an issue that really matters to us’ and so for us, that seemed like really an alignment with who we are as an organization and our mission. And so it was real exciting because there were business, churches, political leaders and others saying, ‘we really want you guys here and we’ll help you raise funds to get here’. So that was really cool because, you know, churches can be excited about you and that doesn’t necessarily mean you should move. You can have money and that doesn’t necessarily mean you should move but really the heart of OKC and the heart of Oklahoma is for at-risk kids. For me, there was like-mindedness all around us. It was really cool to see.

I noticed you were honored by the President, in 2012, as a recipient of the President’s Champion of Change Award in the area of fatherhood. What was that like?

Oh, it was fun. Honestly, when you go and do things like the White House, you know, it’s kind of ‘trippy’. You can have a head trip, but God

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has always been good to remind me, ‘you’re at the White House because you’re supposed to advocate for fatherless kids. You’re supposed to be a voice for these kids. It’s not because you’re supposed to be cool right now or you’re supposed be pseudo-famous or something.’ And so in those conversations, I really pray that God allows me to be as loud as I can, the loudest voice possible for kids in need. I got to be on a panel. It was a live stream panel with a lot of people I respect and some senior white house officials, but the content of what I said was to stir people to fatherless kids and then move people to see them and to provoke them into action. And so, I had an interview with CNN and I was kind of elated.

You know, jokingly, inside I was saying this is my moment. This is my Oprah Winfrey moment to be cool and here I go. This is awesome.

And God kind of quickly tempered that and said ‘no, you’re supposed to advocate for fatherless kids.’ And the interview quickly deteriorated as I realized they wanted a sound bite about another issue, not fatherless, not kids, nothing related at all. They were trying to get me to (provide) a sound bite for their story. And so, I just quoted Psalm 68:5 when they were asking me about all kinds of stuff about the president’s politics, you know… who I voted for, what I think about foreign policy, homosexuality, etc. They were just trying to get some kind of crazy sound bite from you. So I just was saying, ‘Hey, I’m here for fatherless kids and Psalm 68:5 says God is a father to the fatherless and we should care for the kids like God cares for them.’ I just kept quoting Psalm 68:5 at every question. Whether it was, ‘did you vote for the president’, I would just quote Psalm 68:5. It was pretty funny. And that’s what they put in their story. They had one person with a sound bite, another person with an opposing sound bite and then they had me saying, ‘Sower said God is father to the fatherless and he’s a defender of widows and we should care of kids because God cares about kids.’ And that was fulfilling, but it quickly made me realize, people have their own agendas. You get invited in DC for all kinds of different reasons. Maybe they want me to endorse something or just kind of, not that I have some kind of big endorsing power, but that maybe they just want me to tie into some kind of whatever endorsement whereas I’m not there at all for that. I’m there to say these kids matter and as long as you’re going to invite me and give me

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a place to say that, a platform to say that, I don’t care if it’s the White House or a backwoods church with 10 people, I’m going to say that. It was cool, it was just an opportunity to give voice to something that God cares about, which is mainly kids growing up without dad and it was an honor to get to do it for sure. So, that’s what it was like. I mean, you go in there and you have to get dressed up and wear a suit. I was kind of nervous when all the guys around me all had notes, I was on a live panel, it was going to be live-streaming and I didn’t have any notes. (Smiling) So I thought, ‘oh, I’m in trouble.’ I realized I was going to have to say something intelligible but it turned out okay and God was faithful to use me to speak for kids.

Who was your first mentor?

You know, other than my parents, I mean, my mom and my grandmother... I would probably say a guy named Tom Reed, who was actually a Big Brother in the program (Big Brothers/Big Sisters). When I was six years old, my mom signed me up for Big Brothers/Big Sisters so I had this mentor and he took me to Baskin Robbins, bought me a double scoop of ice cream and we just hung out. And Tom had an incredible sense of humor. He had this big mustache when they were cool, like Tom Selleck, back in the early 80’s. I had never been around men before, at all. Never had a dad or granddad or anything and so, I just didn’t know. I mean men were like aliens to me. I just looked at them funny and kind of suspicious. I just didn’t know what a man was like.

And so Tom had really hairy legs and in the summer, he had shorts on and I just said ‘why are your legs so hairy.’ And he told me it’s because his mother was a monkey. And so for years later he would send me these birthday cards with monkeys on them and say from mom and me. But we got to be good friends. I got to be at his wedding, we stayed in touch and we still stay in touch now 30 something years later. He’s a pastor now in Kansas and a great guy. So he was huge in my life. And God kind of did that. I think one of the ways God fathers the fatherless is through mentors. God brought men into my life, you know, exceptional men. So Tom Reed, another guy named Sonny who taught me how to hunt, a karate instructor, some seminary professors that really were huge for me; a guy named Robert Coleman, another guy named Wayne Grutum. Some huge, huge guys that God provided to kind of help me see what a man was and what a man did. Because men had again… it was just kind of… I wasn’t scared of them, they were just like a foreign UFO or something. I was intimidated by men, especially in Arkansas because, you know, men are…they drive trucks and their kind of tough and they spit and stuff. And so for me, as a kid, I felt so far from that, I didn’t know how to be that at all. But being around Tom, Sonny and others helped lessen that intimidation like, ‘hey, a man can have a sense of humor and joke about his mom being a monkey.’ So being around some of these guys helped me understand that manhood is not an impossible task, but it’s something that I could be and with God’s help, just them showing up in my life made a huge difference.

The first mentor you had, you said was when you were six. How old do you think he was?

Tom was probably late 20’s. Yea he was probably late 20’s and Sonny was probably mid-30’s. They were definitely a life stage or two beyond me so if I’m six and the next life stage would say be teenager or some-

thing. You know, they were probably two life stages beyond me. Almost like a father figure in age. I mean, maybe a little bit younger than a dad but not just like a pal, you know.

Where do you think you would be today had it not been for those mentors?

You know, I was really blessed, because I had a great mom who worked three jobs and she was really smart. Had a great-grandmother who was in my life everyday and so, unlike most kids, a lot of fatherless kids don’t have that. So I had a lot of love, a lot of care and so I would say that I don’t think I would have gone off the deep end like some kids and struggle with drugs. Drugs didn’t ever really appeal to me and I don’t think I would have been in a gang or something, but I just think I would be just kind of hamstrung. It’s almost like trying to do life when you’re tied to someone else in a three-legged race. You’re kind of hobbled.

I think I would have been hobbled and most of that would have just been internally, lack of confidence, maybe ashamed and deeply insecure about what a man is. And so, I think I would be okay. I don’t think I would be wasting in a jail cell or something. I mean, I could be, but I don’t think so. I think I would probably just be, you know, half the man that maybe I could be. And so I think those guys really helped me in terms of courage and confidence. Confidence is a huge thing for a kid, especially growing up without a dad. Having somebody say, ‘you can do it, son, I’m proud of you, I believe in you’, having a man say that is especially significant, especially if it’s your dad. And so, those guys helped me have confidence, helped me try and go out for the football team and to go out for the baseball team and I ended up with a college scholarship for baseball. Whereas I probably wouldn’t have done any of that stuff. I just would have been more on the sidelines. And I still struggle sometimes with confidence but I think… I think I would probably be hobbled if I didn’t have mentors.

What makes a good mentor?

I think there’s a few real simple things relationally that mentors do that are so simple they almost feel like you’re almost let down because they’re so simple. But I think a mentor shows up faithfully. It’s this presence, this ‘I am with you’ idea. For a kid whose dad is gone, rejection is their core experience. Rejection is the defining characteristic of the fatherless generation. For these kids who feel rejection, maybe more than they feel acceptance, they’re looking for that. And they look for that in a gang or in a one night hookup or in a relationship or whatever.

I think a mentor wins by showing up and because when you do that, you just basically say to a kid, ‘I’m with you, I care for you.’ And even if you don’t say it verbally, you say it. Like 1 John says, ‘let us not love with words and tongue but actions and truth.’ And so when you show up in a kid’s life, you just say, ‘I’m with you in a way that really matters and in a way that gives weight.’ And when a kid feels that, it’s very powerful for a kid who just doesn’t have a dad or has a revolving door of men in his or her life. When you show up in a kid’s life, you say ‘I’m with you’ and it’s huge. The cool thing about that is you don’t have to be smart to do that, you don’t have to be famous, you don’t have to be cool or have a lot of money to show up in a kid’s life. And over time, it might take them a while to trust you, but they begin to respect you and they begin to hear that, to hear ‘I’m with you’ even if you don’t ever say it. They begin to know that you believe in them, that you’re there for them. I think that’s

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the biggest thing. They need somebody there for them and they also need somebody to believe in them. And your belief in them helps fuel their confidence. I had a baseball coach in high school, my summer coach, and I remember him always getting mad at me for not doing well in a game and I remember him kind of yelling at me saying ‘you’re better than that.’ And I remember strangely that made me feel really good because…I was batting in the three hole, I was supposed to be the best hitter on the team and I had one for five or something. Nothing to write home about but not terrible. I didn’t strike out a bunch or anything, I just didn’t have that great of a game. He was yelling at me that I was better than that. And I remember feeling like, ‘well, he really thinks I’m better than that. Well that’s weird. Well maybe I am really better than that.’ I think when someone else believes in you, you begin to believe it for yourself. You begin to say, ‘well maybe I actually can do this’ where as before you didn’t think it was possible. And I remember the rest of that summer his belief in me really changed me, even as a ball player and a person with confidence. So I think that’s another key thing. So if showing up says I’m with you, speaking into a kids life is saying, ‘I believe in you. I’m proud of you.’ I believe in you and that helps a kid with confidence. Even if it’s something as simple as hitting a baseball.

If I’ve never mentored before and I’m a stay at home mom or an emptynester, if I’m a college student or an entrepreneur, if I’m a business executive or I’m a local pastor, what’s the best place for me to get started? It seems like getting started is our biggest challenge, so what do we do?

I think a lot of us are called different places, but one unusual place to look, but very natural place to look is within your own circle. To me, I kind of call those people organic mentors. So if you have a sister whose husband left, she has a six-year-old son, the husbands out of state and never sees the kid, but you will take time, I would say go and mentor that boy before you go sign up for a stranger or try to mentor in the community or the school or anything else. I think a lot of times those relationships that you have vested interest in, they’re really powerful and they really mean something. I see that all the time and we often only think of mentoring as the formal match that you make outside, you know, whatever. But I think those natural and organic matches can really, really yield a lot of fruit and they can be real powerful. So I think that organic match is a good spot. The next step, after you look in your immediate circle, if you take a step out from that, you can pray about where the Lord would want you, if it’s through a school nearby, through your church, maybe a kid in the community or maybe a foster child. There are a lot of different avenues. That’s a really good question of where do I get started. I think you kind of sit, wait, pray and be available to be where you think you’re called because there’s need everywhere but you go, ‘okay where do I feel called to mentor.’ And there are all kinds of options out there when you start looking. There are school-based mentoring programs. There are also tons of people doing mentoring in the community like big brother/big sister and foster care. So I think that’s a really a good place to start. And another good place to start is the idea of being mentored yourself by God. You don’t have to be perfect to be a mentor, but I think you really need an active relationship with Christ because the question of who are we mentoring people to or what are we mentoring people for? Mentoring itself is a neutral thing. It’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It just is. So you could have

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a gang leader that’s mentoring, you know, like the DC Sniper that’s a mentor to the younger boy who did a lot of the shooting and he called him his son. You know, he was his mentor, full on. Obviously that’s a bad situation. And so part of it, ‘what are we mentoring kids to’ is part of the question. That kind of begs to looking at this idea where we’re all mentored by God. We need to surrender ourselves to that to know what we’re mentoring a kid to before we look to a kid.

We kind of talked a lot about mentoring boys, but one of the issues of the fatherless generation is with girls. It’s a major issue. How do we combat that?

We’re actually trying to design a curriculum right now based on instilling worth in a girl because when dad leaves a girl, his little girl, there’s a massive value and worth issue. And so a lot of girls will look for dad in a relationship, a lot of times, that becomes a sexual relationship, because for her the dissolving of that relationship signifies abandonment.

It feels like the pain that she already feels in her life. There’s a pastor in inner city Los Angeles who says she would give men anything they wanted whether that was food or money or sex because she didn’t want to lose the relationship. It signified abandonment and so she lost her virginity to her boyfriend because she didn’t want him to leave her. And so, I think a part, one of the things we have to (teach) girls is worth and value and let them understand that they’re loved. And so what happens, because when they lose their dad they lose kind of their whole compass for that, it’s not the confident loved girls that are being preyed on by the sex-trafficking groomers. They don’t prey on those girls because they’re secure and they, most of the time, those girls aren’t insecure and looking for that. And it’s the same thing that the creepy guys looking to have sex, they don’t get very far with the girls who are secure and loved by their dad because those girls are like ‘get away from me, you’re a jerk’ versus the girls who are needy. I think that the biggest idea is helping restore value to girls who are looking for that dad. And women mentors can do that. They can talk about that. Then there’s also Husband & Wife mentoring. We’ve been part of a cool model of a husband and wife mentor together, that way, they could see a healthy relationship of a husband and wife being together and loving each other; what the girl doesn’t have and doesn’t know. So that’s a real hard question and just by the grace of God as well because, you know, it’s a hard issue. It’s a hard issue for girls; it’s a hard issue for boys. Fatherlessness fuels teenage pregnancy and the studies I’ve read say a third of those unwanted teenage pregnancies end in abortion. So if we really care about ending abortion or at least curbing some of the 55 million that we’ve seen over the last four years, we’re going to try to love girls better and give them value and worth and so they won’t have those unwanted teenage pregnancies that end in abortion, you know. That’s one way to do it.

So anyway, that’s my two cents.

I was reading in your book, also a great book for us to mention, Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, and I was reading Augustine’s story about him creating the dad. Can you speak to the depth of the pain these kids face?

The fatherless issue is so big, man. If everybody had three foster kids and they were good foster parents like you, we would make a major dent but we’re not going to stop the flood gates until you can stop the source. And so it’s really a fidelity issue. It’s dads having kids and

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leaving or having kids outside of marriage, or now a days, going to the sperm bank and having a dad and it’s like the lowest common denominator idea of fatherhood. Fathers are completely unnecessary when you can just go to a bank, get pregnant, be a single mom and so fathers are not necessary at all. And so for me, it’s just a tough deal and until we can help young marriages and help men learn about fidelity, I mean, that’s been our struggle since the fall of fidelity and you see it all the time. But until that changes, we’re going to continue to see generations that are fatherless and it’s just kind of hopeless.

asking men to do that and women. But we’re asking people to do that.

Just step in the lives of these kids, follow these kids like the grandpas came in the elephants lives and kind of walk with them, you know, walk beside them. So to us, that was the perfect logo.

It feels like it sometimes, right?

That’s kind of our big story at The Mentoring Project. We want to recruit and train mentors. For us, there are all kinds of different training. So you could say, ‘I want to be a reading coach mentor’ or ‘I want to be a mentor that’s based on sports’ or ‘I want to be a mentor that’s based on group learning at a math academy.’ There are all kinds of different ideas.

But for me and for someone who’s a Christ follower, I would say the foundation of all of that is this biblical idea of ‘what does the Bible say about mentoring?’ And as we look at that, we try to give that to people at The Mentoring Project as kind of their baseline for all their mentoring relationships. And so, we’ve created field manuals, tool kits, books and all kind of stuff to help put tools in people’s hands to help them measure success, help understand what a mentor does and maybe dissolves some misconceptions. And so, honestly, for a believer, I would say a good place to go is The Mentoring Project just because that’s what we’re trying to become is the faith-based mentoring group that you go to learn about this stuff. We want to be trainers and recruiters and mentors, faith-based mentors. And so that’s what our specialty is and that’s what we want to continue to offer to the church. So that’s a really good resource.

Yea, but at the same time, we go back to the starfish story. It mattered to me. It matters to the boys that I’ve mentored to hopefully. One in LA and now one here in OKC, in the school I mentor. So it’s what matters and that’s why our whole focus is on these kids. It’s why I wrote a book called Fatherless Generation. That’s why I run The Mentoring Project.

Because we have to reach these kids but at the same time there’s a tide of new kids being produced, fatherless kids that we have to stem as well, so that’s kind of the holistic picture of the issue. Yea, we have single moms that need to be reached, you have kids and then you have an issue of fidelity that has to be turned. That’s where we need the gospel and power of God to do that.

White elephants? (I’m referencing the Mentoring Project logo) So a guy named Donald Miller who wrote a book called Blue Light Jazz, he called me in February, actually four years ago, 2009 to come and take this idea that they were calling The Mentoring Project and get it incorporated and create a model and kind of start mentoring.

So Don had in one of his books an illustration of these African elephants and it was a special on National Geographic and these were juvenile elephants and they were kind of teenage boys running around and they were getting stuck in adolescence and so it’s called the musth cycle. And so they didn’t have a tribe, they didn’t have a home and they’re kind of running around destroying stuff. They’re tearing up trees, killing rhinos and doing all this crazy stuff. So the scientists said hey, let’s go get some grandpa elephants. And so they brought these grandpa elephants around these rogue teenage boy elephants, and when they brought the grandpa elephants around, the boys calmed down and they actually changed chemically. So their musth cycle stopped because they have this green puss that comes out of their eye glands when they’re in that puberty, that musth cycle, and so that actually stopped in like two days and they all just kind of learned their place. Yea, super crazy. So these old grandpa elephants were saying like this is how you use your strength, this is your place, this is how you relate socially, this is how you relate sexually. You know, they were teaching them how to be men. And so I think an incredible PhD study that I want someone to do because I don’t have time to do it and probably I don’t have the brains to do it, would be how a boy changes bio-chemically when dad is there versus when he’s not there. I think there’s something to it and I see it in kids that I mentor. Before we would hang out, he’d be bouncing off the walls, they’ll get in the car and they just like really calm down. It’s interesting.

So I would say I know it happens in the animal kingdom and I think it probably happens in humanity as well that kids can change chemically when dad’s and he’s not there but we pick the logo because if we’re

Alright, I’m willing to break past that stereotype of what I thought a mentor was. How do I get resourced? Now I’m asking what do I do if I’m mentoring. I don’t want it to be awkward and weird and all that. So how do I get resourced for that kind of stuff?

What’s the best way to connect and get resources from The Mentoring Project?

If you go to thementoringproject.org, you can get our new tool kit, get other resources and contact us. You can also check us out on Twitter and Facebook at @tmproject. I would say that’s a great place to start.

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TMP OKC 13

Every Minute, someone is being Impacted throughout OKC through the work of Youth For Christ! Daily new relationships and partnerships are being developed with Students, Principals, Pastors, Teachers, Officers, Coaches and Parents!

Unfortunately, many of those stories never reach you. That is YFC has developed three amazing social media tools to keep you up to date! For up to the minute information from YFC OKC Areas, you can follow your area(s) at www.yfcokc. org or on the area’s Tumblr page! (www.yfcokcwest.tumblr. com , www.yfcokcsouth.tumblr.com, www.yfcokcne.tumblr. com) With this resource, you can see campus updates as they are happening!

Through our monthly YFC Newsletter, you can stay in touch by reading relevant stories from the staff and volunteers who serve on the ground! The stories and pictures they share provide a true snap-shot of the students and campuses the YFC team members serve. The newsletter also serves as a great resource to share with friends and family about this amazing ministry you support! If you would like to re-

ceive the YFC UPDATE Newsletter, send an email to admin@ yfcokc.org and get added to the e-mailout today!

With the support of Tate Publishing, in 2011, Youth For Christ created and published IMPACT OKC Magazine. The Quarterly publication provides readers with the stories of Individuals, Businesses and Non-Profits who Impact Oklahoma City, plus it shares additional stories from YFC team members of the IMPACT throughout OKC in lives of at risk Youth! Packed with compelling stories of changed lives, neighborhood restoration and organizations committed to improving our city; IMPACT OKC Magazine is a must read! To improve our reader’s experience, we now offer the IMPACT OKC “Stack” Option so you can View All issues at once! http://issuu.com/varianceadvertising/stacks/ f3a1225a8933452aabe7c13bd71cb8fb You can also stay up to date on IMPACT OKC Magazine news and advertisers by following on Twitter at https:// twitter.com/IMPACTOKCMag #ImpactYourOKC, #ImpactOurOKC, #YFCIMPACT

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B E Y O ND MEN TO R I NG

by SAMUEL “BRIAN” HILL

A

s a leader and writer, I must confess, I have personally spent a lot of time encouraging youth to seek out a mentor relationship with an adult who could speak into their lives; however, through this interview and article, I realized that I have not truthfully sought a mentor myself. Although I have placed a great “value” on the necessity of those I lead seeking out such a voice, I by neglect have not placed such a “value” on my own growth. I wonder how many of us, due to hectic schedules and everyday life, have disregarded our own individual development? Have you pursued your purpose lately? Have you taken the time to write out your Life Mission Statement or your families? Do you have someone supporting you and holding you accountable in your personal, spiritual and career walk? If not, today is your day!

The primary response I have heard from my staff and others regarding this thought process is “Great idea, but how do I find a Mentor?!”

Even the thought of obtaining a mentor seems crippling to many, much less the effort it takes to ask someone to mentor them! I question, however, if it is as complicated as we imagine?

Think about who had the greatest positive impact on you as a Teenager? Was it a teacher or coach, a pastor or youth minister, or a grandparent or older sibling? You likely we not searching

for a relationship with him or her, nor did you lead in expecting to glean from their wisdom.

As normally happens, you simply walked along life with them not realizing that he/she was “pouring” into you and molding you into the person you are today. They took an interest in you and you therefore desired to be around them. You developed from proximity through relationship. That is what Mentorship is at its core. Now with that mindset, who is already in your proximity who has wisdom and knowledge whom you already have a relationship? Simply put, start there. Ask that person to lunch, then ask them to meet you again and again, until it becomes a regular set meeting.

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You developed from proximity through relationship.

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The second challenge is Time, that maniacal monster that devours our life in small morsels of seconds and who slurps our youth away in gulps of years, leaving us with only moments and memories as payment. I ALWAYS hear people say that they do not have “enough time” to add in a Mentor. I believe not having a mentoring relationship is merely an excuse for mediocrity. I find that I find time for what I “Value”. If someone truly matters to me, then I find the time for them. If I enjoy a hobby, sport or pass time; then I carve out time for it. Should it not be the same for my personal, spiritual or professional development? If growing is a priority, then should I not schedule the time to be around an individual who can spark development?? If addition, as I spend time with individuals with greater knowledge, I learn to accomplish goals at an excellerated rate, thereby reducing the time I previously would have spent on the same project. That means that spending time with a mentor could Increase my time!

The third challenge I’ve been asked about is how do you find a Mentor that can guide in all things, essentially a SUPER MENTOR. Much like the Sasquatch and Loch Ness monster, such a person is a Myth. I have found that although an individual is an excellent guide in spiritual matters of faith, he/she might be horrible in finance. At the same time, I have received wonderful business insight from a man who was a renowned success; yet he had no relationship with his children and provided no guidance

that I would want as a father. Just as I would not recommend for you to go to a mechanic for legal advice, I would not advise taking guided direction from someone that has not succeeded in that specific area. Instead, learn what you can from that individual. Glean knowledge from their wisdom. It is important to remember that seeds produce fruit of their own kind. What will your harvest be?

Make it count.

Make it count.

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yfc | volume 2, issue 2

IMPACT PARENTING A LOST VIRTUE: COMMUNICATION

IN HIS BOOK,

b y T ODD LOV ELAC E

After You Believe, N.T. Write uses the word “virtue” to describe what happens when someone has made a thousand small choices, requiring effort and concentration, to do something which is good and right but which doesn’t come “naturally” - and then on the one thousand and first time, when it really matters, they find that they do what’s required “automatically.” It might seem like it “just happens,” Write says, but virtue is what happens when wise and courageous choices have become “second nature.”

It seems that there is a growing need these days to become more skilled at communicating. Even as I type those words on my page, that seems so odd to say given the enormous leap we’ve taken as a society over the last ten to fifteen years in the area of communication. However, the type of communication that we have come to know so well is mostly used in short sound bites in 140 characters or less, emotional stirrings where we tell the world how we feel at the very moment we feel it, or even opinionated rants, whether it be political or social bents or just plain tattle-tailing.

All of this new way of communicating needs some work for sure, but the kind of communicating that needs a giant overhaul is the personal, face to face, honest but graceful communicating between a husband and wife and between parents and children. As I observe other families, as well as experience my own family, I see a great need in re-learning the communication process. In this high tech world of social media and lack of personal communicating we could use some old-school principles in helping us get back to healthier relationships through quality communication.

We are obviously not born with superior communication skills.

It is a learned behavior and takes a lot of hard work, not to mention, patience and a good portion of emotional maturity. But I believe the hard work will bear much fruit and before long it can become a key component in your successful marriage and provide you with a home environment where your relationship with your children is strong and stable and good communication becomes “second nature.”

Here are three ways we can improve our communication with our spouse or children:

#1 EXPRESS LOVE AND RESPECT A common complaint is that the tone of our communication is sometimes demanding, negative, or demeaning. This happens to me when I’m stressed or frustrated about a situation. Recently we were re-modeling our home and although my wife and I typically work well together, I hit a point where I was tired and frustrated trying to put up crown moulding in our kids bedrooms. If you have ever worked with crown moulding you know what I mean when I say it can be exasperating! I had my wife and my two elementary ages boys all on ladders or step stools assisting in some way while I tried to line up the corners and nail the wood in with the greatest invention ever, the nail gun. After many hours of lining up, nailing, pulling back off, lin-

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ing up, nailing, pulling off, lining up , nailing, I became a little demanding, negative, and demeaning.

I try to remember Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to those who hear.” Our conversations should be marked by affirmations of love, appreciation, and encouragement. If I come home everyday and I am demeaning or negative how much time will my kids want to spend with me?

It won’t take long before they learn to run and hide when dad comes home. If my wife is constantly picking and demanding to clean your room, pick up your mess, do your homework, it won’t take long before they shut down the communication and avoid mom at all cost. Obviously mom and dad have a role to teach their children to clean and contribute to helping around the house. My point is that by expressing words of love more consistently we are creating an environment where our children are more likely to cooperate and reciprocate that love.

Being negative and critical comes easily. It takes intentionality to communicate with a healthy dose of positive affirmation. Your example of expressing love will go a long way in setting the tone for the whole family.

#2 CONVEYING NEEDS Communication should also be a vehicle where we clarify our needs. For example, in an effort to maintain a peaceful environment my wife will at times withhold feelings or wishes. Sometimes instead of simply asking me to help her by folding the clothes, she will just dump them on the floor with the expectation that I will see them and get after it. After several failed attempts she decided to put them on my side of the bed so that it would be impossible for me to not notice. Well, as it turned out, once I was ready for bed I just gently slid (or flippantly threw) the clothes on the floor so that I could get into bed and go to sleep. Unfortunately I didn’t pick up on her subtle hints.

The same is true for our kids. I have been poor at not being clear at times with my kids when I need them to do something leaving the door wide open for them to have an excuse of why they aren’t doing something I’ve asked them to do. When I say to my 13 year old, “I need you to take out the trash in the kitchen” I have completely set myself up for frustration when I come back 15 minutes later and it’s still sitting there. When I ask him why, he simply says back, “You never said

18

when I needed to do it!” To be clear I need to say to him, “We are cleaning the kitchen and the trash is full, will you pause what you’re doing right now and take this trash bag out to the trash cans? It will only take a minute!”

#3 RESOLVING CONFLICT Communication is vital to resolving conflict. This is one area where it’s critical for us to model as parents and to teach our children how to handle conflict face to face, or at least live voice to live voice. This is one of the greatest dangers in email, twitter, facebook, etc...

Those vehicles allow us to chicken out and say things we would normally not say face to face or at least say more gently if we were in person. I’m embarrassed today of the way I sometimes handled conflict as a young pastor through email. It seemed my words were always taken the wrong way because there was no way to read the emotion through the computer. When I handled things correctly, in person, the outcome was always healthier! I am teaching my kids the same thing. Recently my 13 year old had a conflict with a girl in his class. They exchanged feelings over Instagram and text messages. Luckily his mom and I read all of his messages for accountability and we used that situation as a great learning tool. He had to call the girl on the phone that night and work it out with her voice to voice. After he got off the phone things were all patched up. If he wouldn’t have called here, the conflict would have continued.

I tell my wife this all the time, we give kids today these tools (phones, social media access etc..) that most adults can’t even manage properly and we expect them to figure it out. Well, we can’t go backwards with technology so we might as well take the opportunity to teach our kids how to handle conflict in the right way.

Using the tools they currently have is a great way to do that, us modeling is another!

In resolving conflict we need to teach our kids that it’s best done in a clear and calm way. Raising voices and yelling doesn’t seem to make things better. Also, the conflict needs to be current, meaning not drudging up the past. We need to ask ourselves when in a conflict situation, “Is my comment a complaint or a request?”

Complaints are often about the past and are meant to tear down or to win an argument. Requests, by contrast, are usually about the future and can move toward resolution.

yfc | volume 2, issue 2

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Your story. Our story.

YFC OKC

HUBURBIA

BY GLENN IRWIN Twitter: GirwinOKC

STEM FROM LOVE A couple thats been married for nine years, seen on a corner with a sign that said “NEED A BLESSING.”The husband, a father of two boys. wrinkles from being underneath the beating sun day after day. His skin looks as if he had not taken a bath in a while. A bandana to cover his bold sun burnt head. A white beard, mustache and eyebrows. Blue eyes that show pain, hurt, lack of rest. A scar from a broken leg to mark the beginning of a journey of continuos hopelessness. The wife, mother of eight, thats she rarely sees..

Aches and pains throughout her whole body. Her also looking as if she could use a nice shower. Sorrow in her eyes along with deep hurt. Her walk slow and steady, with each step slower than the last. Both the spouses approaching retirement age and neither of them not knowing what the future holds for them.

Coming from turning down a deal of off craigslist I just so happened to see this particular couple on the corner. The wife holding the sign while the husband I assume was sitting taking a break from doing so. As I drove by I noticed that I was not the only car that drove by but car after car continued to drive on by paying no attention to this couple. So I turned around and parked across the street. While I began to approach them, I still noticed that cars continuously passed them by. Hundreds of people saw this poor, hungry, dirty couple but only to continue on because it may have been an inconvenience for them to stop and talk to some needy people. After chatting with the couple for a few minutes I take them to get some food. We began to share laughs and they began to tell me their story. While listening to them I noticed a loss of hope in their voice, a sense of no light at the

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end of the tunnel, a never ending mentality of “just trying to make.”

All across Oklahoma City their are many people crying out and searching for something. This shows in their behavior, speech and appearance. It’s not just the homeless, the ex-cons, drug dealers but every human being. It’s human nature to search for something, to spend life looking for a certain something.

This thing that every human being searches for, that every person on the face of the earth longs for, that no person can deny if found and given to them, this thing is “LOVE.” All across Oklahoma City people need to be loved. Real genuine love needs to and has to be expressed in order to have an impact on Oklahoma City. To often we pass people by without even as much as a smile or a simple hello. The hurt far outweigh the loved, but its the loved that have to show the hurt what real love is.

It is our duty and commission as Christians to continuously love the hurt. We can’t blend in so much that we camouflage our love with hurt. We must began to make an effort to end the search and began to give love endlessly all over Oklahoma City. I believe if we hurt is overwhelmed with love then hurt can stay no more.

The blessing that the homeless couple needed was love. Of course I helped them to the best of my ability, but it all stemmed from love.

[I believe if we hurt is overwhelmed with love then hurt can stay no more] [The hurt far outweigh the loved, but its the loved that have to show the hurt what real love is.] [it all stemmed from love]

yfc | volume 2, issue 2

What I learned from

Challenge Day

A

BY RUSSELL MIGL

couple of years back I volunteered to be part of Challenge Day at Putnam City North High School in Oklahoma City. I had no idea what to expect when I attended. The day started with adults getting trained on what it might look like. The basic job description of the adults was to listen to the students’ thoughts and feelings without judging or trying to fix their problems. The best response, they told us, was to nod our heads and say something like, “I feel ya”. After a short orientation they brought a group of freshman students into the room and started playing loud music and games with the students. The adults were encouraged to jump right in and have fun. I was a little skeptical that this one day was going to produce anything but a chance for the kids to get out of class and adults would have a good time without real work.

Soon, the fun turned into questions and serious issues teens faced in their schools, homes and communities. It was great to meet new students from all around my community and hear about their lives.

The questions got more and more intense as the day continued. I started hearing real stories of pain caused by parents, teachers and peers. There were years and years of memories these students began to share about their experiences in their past and all I could say was, “I feel ya”. It was one of the most powerful days I have experienced in my life because these students were learning what it felt like to be accepted. The day ended with students sharing what it felt like to be accepted and loved by their school.

In our lives, acceptance is one of the greatest needs we all experience. We do things daily to find people that accept us. Andy Stanley said in his book, The Seven Checkpoints “Teenagers don’t really choose their friends. Their friends choose them.” Basically, acceptance is the gateway to all our relationships. Families are the starting point for this need to be met, but it reaches far into all our relationships.

For the average teenager, acceptance plays a ma-

jor role in their existence. They will join a team, sport or organization based on acceptance. They will do drugs, have sex, dress a certain way, or participate in dangerous stunts or activities to gain the acceptance of others.

What I learned that day was that our students have real sensitive hearts. They wear their feelings on their sleeves and when they get hurt, they respond like most people and retreat from the hurt to run toward people that accept them. When parents reject teenagers, they run to their friends. When teens are hurt by their peers they flee to the people that don’t judge them for being themselves.

Our schools are a battleground for the average teenager. The “buzz word” today is the term bully.

Why is that term so prevalent? Because it speaks to the fact that teens despise being an outsider. They hate being singled out and told they don’t belong.

If you ask the average teenager who is encouraging them they have very few names to give you. If you ask them who is investing in their lives intentionally, they will even have fewer names. Students are longing for real people to show real interest in their lives. Students desire to be accepted while also looking for people to speak words that encourage them to reach their God-given potential. I walked away from Challenge Day convinced that acceptance is the key to being a mentor for young people. Invest in their lives. Learn how to encourage, accept and love young people. Find a young person to mentor today, and it will be the greatest decision in your life.

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REGGIES WENYIKA, Ph.D. Vice President of Academic Affairs, Southwestern Christian University

And what brought you to Oklahoma City? What caused you to come to Southwestern?

At that time, I was working at Oklahoma Wesleyan University and I was also doing some adjunct at Oral Roberts University where I got my doctorate and John Chasteen was in one of those classes. And so, John came here and told the Board of SCU, he says, ‘I think I know the guy you need.’ Also, I had decided to come to the graduate school here to finish a second masters degree, because I had started working on a masters degree at ORU which I didn’t finish. I didn’t want to get three degrees from the same university and I thought at some point I needed to look for a Pentecostal university. So it was either here or Springfield, Missouri for Assembly of God Theological Seminary. This was closer. They had a great archives here at Southwestern. I then developed a great interest in Southwestern and that’s how I got here.

What have been the challenges that you’ve faced as an educator since coming to Southwestern?

I tell you one of my concerns, and it’s not just Southwestern but it is higher education in America period, because I did my undergraduate experience in a foreign country, is the intellectual tone of our academic programs and just trying to make sure that America is preparing graduates who can compete on a global level. Things have changed. In 10 years, our kids will be competing for a job in McDonalds with someone who has a master’s degree from another country who will happily take that job. I just want to make sure that the next generation is ready. 20 years ago, we used to talk about a global village. Now, I call it a global neighborhood. You know, every time I advertise a job, the first three applicants are either from Ethiopia, from South Africa or from Romania.

They are people with PhD’s looking for jobs in America. I just want to make sure that our kids can compete. That’s number one. And number two is that the graduates broaden their perspectives of what ministry is, of what life is, of where they can live that life because the world has become a global neighborhood. That they too begin to look at a job in Australia, they too begin to look for a job in South Africa, that they consider that as not only a mission field, but as a possible place to go and work or to carry on the mission of, say Youth for Christ, in any other country. It’s a no-brainer. Most of these places are 8-hour or 10-hour flight. Most of our kids don’t think that way and gradually the term missions . . . I predict that in 20 years the term missions is going to disappear because it’s not going to not make sense anymore because people, there’s going to be crisscrossing of people that it’s going to be difficult to identify what is a mission field, because you’re going to go to Europe. Is Europe a mission field? Well, yes it is. Is Africa a mission field? Yes it is. Where as Africans are now looking at America thinking ‘that’s the biggest mission field right now because people in America are not as passionate for the Lord because their society is sophisticated.’

One student from Nigeria said to me, ‘if you have never been in a situation where you have to believe God for your next meal, you begin to take God for granted and so your passion to work for Him and your level of faith to believe God for even greater things, begins to wane off.’ So you’ve got Africans who are thinking of us as a mission field. I’m sitting and thinking the landscape of the mission field has changed. How do I prepare these students, regardless of what their discipline is, to go out into that field, work, be productive and be the next consultant to the Egyptian government? To go preach the gospel over the weekends and be the next coach to a Russian youth basketball team or to plant a church while doing so? Or being the next adult educator amongst the Aboriginal tribes somewhere and end up planting a thousand churches and starting all kinds of youth groups? I want students to think that way because that’s the way I thought. And since you asked me, my idea is I think

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God called me here to reproduce myself in some individuals. My view, my global world view, my passion for certain things and I think education is the vehicle to achieving all of the things that God would like to see in the end times. That’s why I’m here. Not here for a job. You know, higher Ed doesn’t pay that much. But I love what I do. I feel, to borrow the words of the great runner, ‘I feel the pleasure of God’ when I see someone come in and I see the transformation and I see them get their diploma, but it’s more importantly what they do after they get the diploma, that I get tickled and I say thank you Jesus. No one else gets this. Nurses have to feel the pleasure of God when they restore someone’s health. But me, I get them for four years. Nurses get you for two weeks and then you’re discharged from the hospital. So that to me, drives me and that keeps me here. That brought me here, plus the opportunity to carry out this educational mandate from a Pentecostal perspective. I strongly believe in what I call Spirit-filled living, that without the help of the Holy Spiri,t I cannot tap into God’s (will), my intellect is limited. The spirit of God helps us in our relationships, helps us with focus, helps us with clarity. To be at a university where I can speak freely about the Holy Spirit, that’s a big plus for me. So that’s why I’m here and that’s why I do what I do.

What is the largest neglect that you see as an educator of American parents in preparing our children for higher education?

Wow. One, I don’t think we push them enough in high school. Secondly, I think it’s unfair for me to compare, but let me tell you what my high school experience was. I went to a Catholic boarding school for six years.

I went to school for seven days a week. I went to school on Saturdays and we went to school from 8:00 to 11:40. Sunday, we went to school for two hours before mass. After breakfast, we went to class and then we went to mass and then, you know, we had lunch and then we were free in the afternoon. I did that for six years. It never bothered me. I lived in a country where our school year was 270 days. Here the school year is a little shorter. (Smiling) They’re young. I think we can demand a little bit more. To whom much is given, much is expected. We have so many resources here. I’m not asking for everybody to be a genius, but when they say America is the land of opportunity they really, really mean it. But I don’t think the generation coming knows what to do. What does it mean to live in a country of opportunities? For me, I think we need to push the younger generation that education, but it’s not just getting education for the sake of education, but it’s getting an education so that you can be transformed. It’s also realizing that sometimes you have to get an education not for yourself but for others. That’s a tough concept to sell to somebody who’s getting bad grades. To say, ‘you’re going to get a degree but you’re not doing this for you, you’re doing this in order to increase your competence and your capacity to help someone else.’ That’s a touch concept.

I think we’re running away from that. I think there is economic issues that go into this and the tendency to be individualistic in America, so a certain aspect of selfishness is beginning. The Bible said ‘people’s hearts will wax cold.’ That’s one thing that I notice. Secondly, to be honest with you, we took the Bible out of the schools. That’s a travesty and let me tell you why it’s a travesty. This is not about shoving Christianity down kids who are coming from families that don’t want it, that maybe believe in another faith. But this is about recognizing the most influential folks.

Christianity is at the foundation of every advancement, every cultural advancement. Christianity made the West what it is today. Christianity gave the West the advantage that it has had over every other part of the world, but if we start driving that out, you notice the advantage is beginning to shrink. The Japanese are catching up. The Russians are catching up. God knows what the Chinese are going to do. They are going to be at the front. We are losing our footing as far as economics. We’ve dropped down to number 19 as far as science and math. The signs are everywhere.

And for some reason, we continue to be in denial. You know, in America there’s a saying, ‘dance with the girl that brought ya’. Right? We’ve dumped the girl that brought us for some other girl. You know what brought us here? It’s Christianity. The most influential book to the Western canon is the Bible. The most transcended religion is Christianity. Islam is not transcended. You know, for you to be recognized in Islam, you almost have to become an Arab first and to read a Karan in the English language is frowned upon. Christianity is the only one that transcends culture. You can be a Christian and you can worship Christ in your Pigmy language in the bush of Namibia and glorify Christ and put a cross in your backyard made of two sticks and have the most powerful and intimate time with God. Christianity can do that. No other religion can do that. Christianity has a better chance of producing what I call common good. What is common good? Common good is something that is good for everyone.

It’s Christianity. Christianity is the most tolerant of all religions but it has been portrayed differently. We have not passed this on to that generation. And that to me is a travesty. That’s a travesty. And both sides of the aisle are guilty. I tell my daughter and I push it. I’ll give you an example.

Next summer, my daughter who will be 16 years old, is going to take a systematic theology class. She is going to take a Church History 1 class and a Church History II class which will be made for 16 year olds. Give them the hard facts. I can’t keep talking to a 16 year old about Moses crossing the Red Sea, about the flood. No, I’m going to give them the facts. I’m going to talk to her about apologetics, how to not only defend your faith but how to advance your faith. Because most youth just think, when I go to a public school I’m in my corner and I got my fake shield and I’m just holding on, pushing everybody away. No. I tell my kid, be on the offensive with Christianity. That’s one right that you are still afforded by the current laws. So she witnesses. I push it. She’s got to win people to the Lord. She has to win people to the Lord. That’s important. That’s a value in our family that’s as important as getting a good grade. She goes to church on Wednesday and I can tell you this, if she was sitting there, she would tell you how many people she’s brought to church. How many families have ended up attending our church because she got their daughter to come? And I’ll keep pushing because she has everything she needs. American kids have a lot. We’re not requiring enough. People say failure is our greatest enemy. No. It’s mediocrity and that’s what we’re passing on to the next generation. I see it when they come in and, you know, I see it in the freshman orientation and I like to scan the crowd.

And I have to be careful because I came from another country. I came from a poor country with the fastest shrinking economy in the world.

Three, four years ago our life expectancy for men was 37 years.

What country?

Zimbabwe. We are celebrating the highest expectancy rate for our country that we’ve had in years. 50 years old is our life expectancy. You frown at that. Everybody frowns at that. So I come to a country like this, where I am right at the bottom of the totem pole. Every kid that walks through these doors, they have no excuse to surpass what I have done. They have no excuse and they can do it. Everybody who walks in to the office, talk to any kid I know they’ll tell you I see them in here, Dr. Wenyika is going to talk to you about going to graduate school. You have no excuse.

Get your education. To go back to your question, What’s our greatest weakness? We’re not pushing our kids. We are not pushing our kids. I live in Edmond and Edmond is becoming multi-cultural, so one of the things I love to do is just observe the different cultures. There is a high school called Edmond North. Edmond North is one of the best schools in America. It was in the top 10. You know, Edmond had two schools that way. They rate very high in America. If observing, you notice how many internationals are at Edmond North. Many internationals. Where

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do most of them come from? They come from Asia. Why. There’s UCO, a lot of Asians graduated from UCO. A lot of Asian-Americans go there.

You look at the ethics that they are teaching their kids. My daughter is in band. You go to the band and there’s competition. You know, they’re playing instruments, they’re on the chess team, they’re doing everything else. I mean, when do you get time to have fun? They look you and say I am. I am having the time of my life. And, you know, some kids think hanging out at the mall, just walking around being a nuisance, is having the time of your life. No, they have different thoughts. And guess what they do? They end up getting the jobs in Washington DC and they are out working for the organizations that run, that influence funding, that influence…I’ll give you a great example. Just two weeks ago I attended a seminar with the National Science Foundation. The National Science Foundation is an agency of the Department of Education. It is responsible for disbursing over 100 million dollars in grants for research…over 100 million dollars in grants for research. I attended the seminar. Out of the five presenters who presented, four were foreign born nationals.

One came from Austria, she’s now an American. The other one came from China, she’s now an American. Then there was a professor who was British, works in the National Science Foundation, but she’s now an American. And these are people who sit around the table and discuss and disburse and help everybody and help us spend more than 100 million dollars. What is wrong with that picture? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that picture. They came from families that pushed them. They came from families that put them on a plane and said once you land on that country, you will have the greatest opportunity of your life. They came believing and they landed believing and they’ve continued to believe and by golly, they’re going to have a slice of the big American pie. Our kids just take that for granted as if it’s just going to land on their lap.

They’re not fighting. So we need to push our kids. We need to push our kids. The world is changing.

You know, preaching the gospel in 20, 30 years from now, it’s going to take more than you being saved, going to the alter, feeling the call, jumping on a plane and saying I’m going to go preach the gospel because you’re going to get into a culture where the average person you need to talk to has a graduate degree or has a bachelor’s degree. And 100 years ago the pulpit was higher than the pew. People came to church to hear a man who could address social issues, to hear a man who could fight slavery, to hear a man who could explain why the government was making certain decisions. It was a one-stop stop. I mean, that preacher was the local sage, you know, you went because he knew things. Now days, it’s exactly the opposite.

When I first arrived we just had the Columbine study. I noticed something peculiar. I’m new to this country so I’m glued on the TV. My heart is broken. On the first day they’re interviewing the police, they’re interviewing the SWAT team. On the second day, they’re talking to the FBI, profilers. They’re talking to all those people. Third day, they’re talking to child psychologists, they’re offering support. They’re doing all kinds of things. They’re explaining. When it came time to bury the dead, that’s when they called the church. You know why? Because that’s what the world thinks of us. Oh, just call those guys when it’s time to bury the dead. Why? Because we’ve lagged behind. That’s why we have to push our kids. Being saved and having the Spirit of God makes you the smartest person. You are smarter. You are smarter than a Harvard PhD who does not have the Spirit of God in him because you can tap into God’s infinite intelligence. You know things that he does not know. But most people don’t believe that because we are not telling our kids. We’re not pushing them. Yes, get your PhD but keep your Heart burning while you’re doing it. We are not pushing them.

I live in Oklahoma City where, you know, I’m not prejudiced against Islam but I’m a Christian for goodness sake and I live a life of black and white. There are absolutes. Live in a state, in a city where the

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Islamic council will challenge the court system that the court system should allow the Sharia Law to factor in how they make a certain judgment. Have I landed on Mars? Just the fact that we would even entertain that. Something we would not have entertained 100 years ago. It has a lot to say about the fact that we don’t know what our foundation is anymore. And that’s the foundation that we need to keep. We need to revisit it. We need to explain to these kids that you have what you have today…We’re very good at honoring veterans who come from the field, our men and women who have died for our freedom. Let me tell you something, there is one who died for all man’s freedom and that’s Jesus. And there are those who have continued to die so that people know about Him who died for all man’s freedom. Without Him none of us would even have an understanding of what freedom is. None of us would even have a passion of knowing freedom is worth fighting for.

Where does that concept come from? It comes from Jesus who was the first person to go on the cross to die for all man’s freedom; all men – black, white, Jew, Greek, all men’s freedom. Mohammad didn’t do that.

We need to tell our kids. We need to push that to our kids and we need to start giving them more of the scriptures. Yea, by the time they turn 10, take the pictures out and start giving them the stuff. By the time a kid hits his bar mitzvah, that kid knows stuff about the Torah. Our 10-year-olds, they tell you the highlights; Jonah got swallowed by the whale, Moses crossed the Red Sea or was it the Jordan. Was it the Red Sea or was it both, you know. Jesus got nailed on the cross, He died and he was resurrected and oh Revelations, that’s when the world ended.

That’s pretty scary. Those are the highlights, right? By 10-years-old a kid ought to tell you that I believe in Christ for the following reason. And here’s why Christianity transcends all cultures. Here’s why you need to get saved. Here’s why I am who I am today. Here’s why I’m going where I’m going today. Here’s why I think this country would be a better place if we all held to a certain ethic, ethics not based on something that’s temporary but based on something that’s transcended.

You can tell 10-year-olds that and they can grasp it. They can grasp it.

Ten-year-olds can grasp the inner workings of the computer. They can grasp the inner workings of a complicated game that you and I couldn’t play; they’ll whip you and I if we tried to play a game right now. Ah, they’ll be laughing at you. You know they can text faster than I can speak. Don’t tell me; don’t tell me they cannot find their way through the bible just as fast. But we them off and somebody else is getting there. And, you know, we continue to swim downstream in the waters of mediocrity and you expect the country to get better, you expect the world to get better. That’s my two cents. And you ask me why I’m here?

That’s why I’m here. You’re looking at someone who ran away from home when I was 12-years-old so there’s not a story that a kid can tell me that I haven’t lived. There’s not a story that they can tell me that I haven’t lived. So I take no excuses. The fact that you’re in America, you have an advantage. I don’t care if you have to skip one meal and have two meals a day, you’re still better off than 60% of the world. Don’t give me that nonsense. You can be who God wants you to be. This is the land of opportunity. I love this country. I don’t take too kindly to those who criticize it. I chose to make it my home. Some people had no choice, they were just born here. I chose to be here. I love this country because of what it can do. Only in this country could someone like me be sitting here talking to you. This would never happen in my country.

This would never happen in Brazil. I could have migrated to Brazil. I could have gone to Australia. We wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. Only in America, a special place.

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M M A H AN DREW

by Rebekah S. Magbee

AS BOTH A SOUTHWESTERN CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY student and a Passion Church member, I have become casually acquainted with local, aspiring Christian rapper, Andrew Hamm. However, while our paths have crossed many times, I never had the opportunity to sit down and really talk with Andrew about his life, his music, and his ambitions as a Christian artist. So when I was assigned this interview, it was exciting to hear him share his thoughts, experiences and his hopes for how God will use his rap music to impact others.

I learned that this 23 year old Oklahoma City resident was actually raised in Wytheville, Virginia by his two very musical parents. “…My dad was a worship leader and he sang a lot, so I was always around music. My mom sang [too]…I don’t remember much…‘cept for the music. (laughing)…I think back to children’s church, think about doing all the movements and singing all the songs and then, ya know, just playing games, but…most of what I remember is the music…”

Of music, he adds, “…I think it was just always in me…I remember times…my mom would give me a CD, maybe uhhh, like “Anointed” …ver heard of them? Or Kirk Franklin …and I would just play it, and I would lay in front of my boombox and just sing as loud as I can into the speakers, ‘cause I felt like no one could hear me. So I would do that, or jump on my parents’ bed and sing.” With a smirk on his face, showing his comical side, he added. “But that was when I was younger, ‘cause I can’t really jump on my parents’ bed anymore, ‘cause I’d break it.”

I inquired about his interest in rap music. Andrew said, “…it was probably 7th or 8th grade before I even knew what a rap song was.” But it wasn’t until 2009-10 that he really became interested in rap music. “I had started listening to rap and…I knew a few…rappers who were Christian but it really didn’t stick with me like all the other rap…I knew all of these other secular artists and I’d listen to that…it accounted for a lot of my life. I’d listen to that and…it’d get all on the inside of me and…produce negativity in my life.

When I came out of it [the time of negativity], I still liked rap and I started finding out more about Christian rap and…I really liked it. It was something that I really couldn’t shake.”

At first Andrew couldn’t imagine being a rapper him-

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self, but then he eventually thought, “Ya know, I love music, it’s like a part of me. Like, why not? Why not write music? ‘Cause I saw the way that rap had affected me in a negative way and in my head I was like, if rap can affect people…in a negative way, then how much more can rap affect someone in a positive way with Jesus included, ya know?”

He described how he has worked with and mentored young men and how he has seen the connection between their outlook on life and their favorite music. Andrew’s goal is to create the same style of music, rap, but with positive, Christ centered lyrics, rather than the negative immoral themes so common today. It is not important to Andrew to be the next big star in the world of music. To hit the iTunes top 20 is not his focus. He said, “If I can just reach one person in a crowd…and change their life…that’s all I want.”

So I asked Andrew to talk with me about some of the songs he has written and recorded so far. The first one he mentioned, called “I Need You”, is his personal favorite.

This song is about three different people, all struggling in various ways, who give their problems up to Christ because they know they need Him in their lives. The burdened people are set free once they admit to God, “I need you.” Andrew emphasized that this song was so unique because he knows that God gave him the words to write and the inspiration needed to create it. He made it clear, “I can’t take credit for anything in that song.” Another song, a fan favorite, is called “Up Above the Stars.” It was inspired by a late night plane ride looking at the world below. Andrew wrote this song about how God sees us. Our Creator is above our lives and can see everything we are going through and getting to, even when we cannot see it ourselves. The message of this song is that God has a plan for our lives; “He can see what we’re walking towards…

He sees the end destination,” in the same way that a plane passenger, on a clear night, can see the runway lights from miles away. Andrew Hamm’s first full album, “Break Out,” which is currently in progress, includes these two songs and a list of other catchy and uplifting Christian rap songs.

I asked Andrew what his advice would be for other young artists who are approaching rap, or music in general, from a Christian perspective. “Be transparent.” he

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said. “Ya know, you can’t take someone where you haven’t been. If it’s not 100% real, and it’s not 100% you, then it’s not gonna be authentic, and that doesn’t translate well into any type of art that you do. Whether it be writing, singing, painting, whatever, if you try to do something that isn’t you, then it’s not gonna be genuine and it’s not gonna be as good as it could be if you were working from something that was straight from you and straight from your heart…

Be real.” Following that idea, something that has always been a sort of motto for Andrew is the phrase, “Real talk, real walk.” He explained, “If my music says one thing, but I live a different way, then that’s hypocrisy. That’s being lukewarm…I want everything in my music to correlate with my real life. And that’s just one of the things that I want to live by. Like real talk, real walk.”

One of the last questions I asked Andrew as we were wrapping up our interview was if he intended to keep music in his life for the long run. He smiled, “As long as there is music, I wanna be involved in it…it’s just…a part of me.”

By sitting down and talking with Andrew, I became more aware of his life and his music, and I was inspired by his ambitions to create rap songs that are uplifting to his audience and glorifying to God. To find out more about Andrew Hamm, visit his facebook page at facebook.com/ dru-hamm. To hear a few songs from his upcoming album, find him on bandcamp at drumusic7.bandcamp.com.

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volume 1, issue 4