THE NEW DOMESTICITY
the
NEW DOMESTICITY
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By Julianna Lawson
30 T d g
I popped my head into the church nursery one Sunday to make sure that all was well. The room was well staffed, the toddlers were happy, and bubbles floated overhead causing giggles and jumps to erupt from the little ones. And then I noticed the 2-year-old tucked quietly behind a play structure. One of our staff members noticed her too. Adroitly assessing the situation, the staff member gently approached the child, leaned over with an engaging grin, and shared a doll with the little girl. The child warmed to the offering and was soon bouncing and giggling with the others. Oh, and this staff member? He’s a 13-year-old young man. Smiling over the timing of catching such a moment, I wondered if other teen boys would have felt comfortable in a similar setting. Admittedly, I really wouldn’t have given the interaction a second thought if it had been one of our older, motherly staff members in the same situation. But a young man? This was good. This was what our children needed to see: that they can be trained to see a basic need and that they can tend to it. One of the purposes of this monthly column is to look at traditions and experiences of the past and apply them to today’s family. Yet in the case of the ability to tend, tradition has largely assigned this role to women and, specifically, to women in the home. You may recall the “Little Golden Book” title, “We Help Mommy.” As one might expect from a book printed in the 1950s, Mommy’s chores center around the home (laundry, dishes, baking) while Daddy is away at work. Don’t get me wrong—I adore June Cleaver and sometimes wish I could merrily dust furniture while wearing pumps, pearls, and a pleated skirt. But the act of tending is an area in which every child—male or female—can (and should) be trained. Your son may one day tend to a family, or he may one day tend to a classroom. Your daughter may one day tend to a garden, or she may one day tend to the needs of her employees. “The work of keeping and
Days of
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caring is various,” writes Christie Purifoy in her book “Roots and Sky.” How many various ways might a child learn to tend, whether it’s in caring for an animal, a room, or a relationship? As September stretches before us, 30 days of opportunity await. Why not lead your child in simple steps toward learning how to tend? Choose one idea a day, and together our children will find that the art of tending is not only possible, it’s also extremely varied . . . and pretty rewarding, too. 1. Help your child buy a houseplant to care for. (Think simple, like cactus or succulent.) 2. Care for a neighbor by hauling up recycling bins on trash day. 3. Make a batch of cookies to share with the family. 4. Offer free babysitting for a family friend. 5. Help your child tend to his or her own space at home through tidying up and making the bed. 6. Take the dog for a walk. 7. No pets? Start simply and teach your child to care for a goldfish. 8. Learn how to iron, adjusting the ironing board to a kid-friendly height. 9. Pick up litter at the neighborhood park. 10. Straighten books on the shelf. 11. Empty the dishwasher. 12. Visit animals at the Humane Society. 13. Fold little sister’s laundry. 14. Bring extra classroom supplies to school. 15. Set the table for dinner, including a child-designed centerpiece. 16. Tend to relationships with a phone call rather than a text. 17. Hold the door open for someone at the store. 18. Share new pencils or stickers with classmates. 19. Bring a meal to an expectant mother. continued on next page
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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • September 2016