The Echo Week 7 by The Val Echo

ISSUE 1407 | JAN 4, 2019

THE

SUGGESTOLUTIONS

ECHO

FREE WEEKLY GUIDE TO VAL Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ISERE

M A G A Z I N E

HOW NOT TO STACK IT

SPROG SEASON ROUND TWO

COVER ART By Megan Fernandez Interview: Page 10

PROUDLY PRESENTED BY THE FOLIE DOUCE ART PROJECT Each week, the front cover of The Echo is going to be a different artwork produced by mostly local artists, but also several from further afield. This project is being very generously supported by La Folie Douce, whose contribution is allowing the artists to be paid ahead of time for their work, as both Folie and The Echo firmly believe in paying people for their skills.

If you’re interested in drawing/painting/ collaging/ creating something in whatever medium takes your fancy, please get in touch by emailing contact@valecho.co.uk and we can discuss. Equally, if you’re interested in writing for the magazine or have ideas for a feature, drop us a line. At the end of the season, the plan is to

We want to encourage a community of creators and give people a space to use their talents, even if whilst out here, many are taking a break from “regular life”. Prints of the artwork are available to purchase on The Echo website, www. valecho.co.uk/shop, with profits going to the artists.

hold an exhibition of all The Echo covers from the winter, and again Folie Douce is supporting this endeavour, as it fits with their creative vision. We can’t wait to see what the artists come up with each week and look forward to talking to them about their work and life in or out of the mountains.

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25 PRO GEAR TIPS Tips from the experts at Snowberry

Al and Abi’s update on how things are going on the Nursery Slopes

RESORT GUIDE The down-low on everything from the best restaurants to the numbers to call in an emergency

SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST

DON’T FALL OVER The streets of Val are treacherous ice fields at the moment. Here’s how to avoid the dreaded stack. NB not actually helpful.

Please recycle the magazine once you have read it. Or better still, hand it on to someone else. Contributors: Sam Box, Ben Pryor, Caitlin Kennedy

SPROG SEASON

EVENT GUIDE

What’s on this week: - Town events - Bar nights - Sporting competitions

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We chat to Megan Fernandez the designer of this week’s cover art. The Echo’s cover is generously sponsored by La Folie Douce

14 OUT OF THE BUBBLE A satirical spin on the week’s events from further afield than the Espace Killy

SUGGESTOLUTIONS We don’t want to tell you what to do and we are against New Year’s Resolutions, so here are our suggestions for things to do in 2019

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SPOTLIGHT ON THE ARTIST Artist: Megan Fernandez

You worked as a street artist in Portugal; how did that come about? When I moved to Portugal in 2015, I needed to find accomodation and there was an artist residency going in a surf camp hostel. The owner said I could have a room if I painted the walls. However, at that point I’d never painted anything before: in fact I got kicked out of art class at school because the teacher said I had no potential. So I was really blagging it when I said I would be the resident artist. The hostel is called Captain’s Loghouse and it is covered in artwork themed on a comic book character called Porto Martez. And are comics or cartoon style drawings something you continued with after working there? Absolutely not, it was a real stretch for me and not at all my usual style. I really love painting mandalas. I’ve been commissioned to do a fair few themed ones including a mountain range/ diving mandala and even a kiwi themed one. They are really cool! We feel another cover coming on... Tell us more about Portugal. Well after my paintings got spotted by a few other bars and restaurants in town, I got asked

10 to do more and more murals and so it ended up being my full time job. I would ride around town on my bike with my paints in the basket and just go from place to place painting. It was pretty dreamy. Anywhere in particular you like to work? I’m not fussy, I can sit and draw or paint most places. I did some of the cover in the office below Dick’s waiting for my set to begin There are a few wall paintings in Dicks courtesy of yours truly are there not? Yes I’ve done some boards in the club and various other bars around town using Posca Paint. It’s actually the same thing I used to use when I painted surfboards as it will stick to literally anything once you put it in the oven. Have you ever painted skis? Kinda, you can get sticky back plastic in big rolls and cut shapes or any design which is really cool. And how did you do your Barcelona comic mural? I got balloons filled with paint and water guns and sprayed the wall to do the background then freehanded the faces which are main characters from the comic. I don’t enjoy comic stuff generally, so I guess it’s weird that I did a line drawing style for the Kely Starlight cover! But I was scrolling through the Folie Instagram and that picture jumped out at me, it is such an incredible shot, so it is my tribute to that photo. (Megan shows us lots of cool paintings on totally random surfaces - skateboard, saxophone, guitar etc) Do you like painting things on alternative mediums? Not necessarily but I just get asked all the time. I did a violin once and have done loads of surfboards. I had an art space in a surf shapers in Portugal. We have to ask, are you DJ Megan or Tinta or what?

11 15 SoElysées Tinta has always ‘gilets jaunes’ in wearing

me Megan, me Tinta, cause it ‘promotes cruelty’;call same couldeither be been my DJ name is fine. protest. Macron’s comment, ‘You cannot said of their abuse of the English language. beand pro-environment that came about on Monday and when US Coast Guard reported a giant turtle, enTuesday be against rising fuel prices’ becausecomes I was doing Would you rather be Kely meshed in a rope holding 800Kg of cocaine is my thepainting kind of work irrefutable logic which goes Starlight....or a whale. worth £41m; bet it was Donatello. A former down a fishDJing. milkshake with opponents, whenlike I started Is this to do with my whale but should be deployed against those deMiss Moscow, 25, has married I didn’t know what tattoo? Of courseMalaysia’s I would want crying Amazon and Google for tax evasion King Muhammad V, 49, converting it meant but people to be Kelyafter Starlight. He is anto who wouldn’t forego a free internet search Islam and taking the name it to me inspiration to Rihana; us all. better forkept thesaying cheapest online deal in a month of hope that heresy app doesn’t get rolled out and when I found Sundays. out, it just stuck as my DJ name. I would go to across And tell about the whale tattoo. theusregion. Indonesia has launched ‘heresykept app’ to my gigs covered in paint,apeople saying The place I was living in Portugal is called Baleal report anyone ‘unorthodox intertinta to me andpracticing I discovered it meant paint in which is named after the word baleia which And finally, Poundland’s Christmas advert pretations’ of its recognised religions; well, Portuguese! means whale. It’s not very nice - they used to pass my lover a bacon sandwich. A teenag- has come under fire for mocking Elton drag whales in there and kill them but thats er matched with his sister on Tinder; yes, John’s advert for John Lewis, depicting one When I started Dicks however, people it’s called that, the whale tattoo is just a that does meanatthey both swiped right and elfwhy orally relieving another sat on top of his thought I was DJUS. Tinder andhas were reminder of that time in Portugal and those yes they do livecalled in the PETA depiano; wonder chantingthe “swipe left of swipe right, super like!” crazy few years!if he was singing ‘Can you manded village Wool, derived from the Love Tonight’. Until next week, I’m while I was DJing...so we meaning left it as Megan! Call Feel Thanks, Megan! the Anglo-Saxon ‘welle’ a water spring, change its name to Vegan Wool be- off to drink from a woolly spring.

PLANKS PHOTO COMPETITION

Each week the winner of the Planks Photo Competition wins themselves a Planks beanie from the flagship store in town. This weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s winner: Tim Blake Enter at www.valecho.co.uk/competitions

political leaders are as welcome as an 14 incontinent, racist grandparent, New Year offerings go down like three-day-old leftovers after the gravy has run out. The Jeremy, faced with the prospect of a 2019 manifesto someone might actually check China has managed the first landing on the the maths on, went for a ‘for the many, not dark side of the Moon, with its Jade Rabbit the few’ soundbite, with which we’re familiar rover. Its task is to map the Von Karman and for which ‘the few’ have been planning crater, carrying out mineral and radiation since the last election. The Prime Minister tests as it probes for potential resources, suggested, ‘Together, I believe we can start among them Helium-3 which could be a new chapter with optimism and hope’; used as fuel for nuclear fusion power. By fallen at the first there Theresa. SNP leader comparison, when the USA went they took a Jimmy Krankie said EU nationals will always golf club to see how far they could hit a ball. be welcome in Scotland; why leave a warm One country is led by a man with a chemical bankrupt country for a cold one. engineering degree and PhD in law; the other by the Donald. While Theresa gonebyMay works on her half-baked Belgian fudge (expected Talking of countries getting the leaders sometime before Easter), her cabinet is they deserve, if Christmas messages from busy squabbling over who foots the bill

OUT OF THE BUBBLE

for the conveniently-timed Channel migrant crisis. ‘The Sajid’, as the Home Secretary has allegedly begun referring to himself, and Defence Secretary Gavin ‘kissing isn’t cheating’ Williamson are arguing over the £20k/day Navy patrol as the first flush of the proxy war to succeed the PM begins; surely the only time the phrase ‘jostling for position behind Theresa May’ will ever be used. Two porn stars were filmed having sex at a crazy golf course in Birmingham hours before it opened to the public; nothing like getting a quick nine holes in before work. A drunk motorist in Ibiza tested positive for every substance the police kit was capable of detecting (cannabis, meth, cocaine, amphetamines and opioids); thanks for the list. A man thought he’d found a cat’s anus in his £1.50 Tesco tinned beef curry; the

equivalent amount of Whiskas costs £1.08 so the 42p must be a feline processing charge. Researchers suggested Jeanne Calment, who died in 1997 aged 122, may have faked her age, with her daughter assuming her identity in 1934 (when she actually died) to avoid inheritance tax; anyone fancy suggesting this solution to Jimmy Carr. And finally, the Duchess of Sussex has banned Prince Harry from drinking alcohol, tea and coffee in favour of water and encouraging him to take more exercise. A woman marries a man thinking she can change him; a man marries a woman hoping she won’t change. Who said the Royal Family don’t have the same problems as the rest of us. Until next week, I’m off to spoil a good walk.

SUGGEST -OLUTIONS As you probably already know, it is 2019. With a new year comes an opportunity to reinvent oneself, or at least pick up some new habits. Resolutions are stupid but here are some suggestions for things you could attempt or even give up in this glorious year. Learn a language. If you are reading this, you are almost definitely in France. What better place to start learning your first few sentences in Swahili? Seriously though, try and learn some French while you are here, saying ‘Ju voo drake un packoffags sivooplate’ is not enough. Talking of cigs, why not give them up? Obviously you can quit whenever you want (or so you say), so why not do it now? Your pockets will be overflowing with the cash

you save, the stench of stale smoke on your clothes will be a distant memory, and you might even live longer. I’m not risking this one but let me know how it goes. Something we could all do is listen more. Particularly when you disagree with someone: rather than saying your point louder maybe try to see where the other person is coming from. A little bit of empathy for the opposition/your fellow human beings, and the world could have suffered fewer political disasters in recent years.

Bin off plastic...from your lifestyle, don’t put plastic in the bin please recycle it where you can. Yea it sounds like the sort of nonsense that hippies always go on about but at the same time the ocean is full of plastic and turtles are cool to have around. Make 2019 the year that you take pride in refusing single use plastic. Do it for Attenborough. On a slightly lighter note, if you don’t already, why not cook for your friends/ family once a month? It’s nice to be civilised occasionally and you’ll be surprised what you can pull out of the bag when the pressure is on. You know what? Why not take it in turns with your coupled up mates and go full ‘Come Dine With Me’. I’ve not seen it but apparently that’s what adults do for fun. Get rid of that black hole where your free time goes to die. Not your significant other (hilarious), I’m talking about social media. Facebook/Instagram are the devil, they know more about you than you know about yourself. They relentlessly exploit your addiction of mindlessly scrolling through shit by selling your personal information to the highest paying advertiser. Obviously you should follow @thevalecho on insta though, it’s pretty sweet. Most importantly though, make sure you have a good old time in 2019. Lot of love, Sam xxx

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OFF PISTE SNOW REPORT Brought to you by Henry’s Avalanche Talk www.henrysavalanchetalk.com

22 For ‘extreme skiers’, there are some small slabs in ultra-steep couloirs above 3000/3300 m that you could trigger. For the rest of us, the current avalanche risk is small indeed.

We’re really enjoying the lovely Cold and crispy but windy days ahead with sunny weather and stable lots of sunshine and snowpack, while keeping in the some clouds back of our minds that with every Don’t forget your passing day, whatever snow there suncream folks. We’re is is becoming less consolidated. now under the influence The ‘dimpled’ snow, broken up of a huge high pressure by the cold temperatures and weather system over the clear nights (see Wayne’s photo), is where Northern French Alps some of the nicest skiing is to be found with lots of sunshine and some clouds for at the moment. However, conditions will the next few days, at least! The snow’s not become a lot less stable when any fresh far away, but it all seems to be happening snowfall lands on top of this. in Austria! See Chris’s recent blog on current weather conditions. Until we get any more snowfall the current main risks to the off-piste skier are of: Current snow conditions • Sliding, or what Henry calls ‘going for a whipper’, especially on steep slopes, We’re now having to walk quite some where the snow surface is very hard and distance to find nice off-piste snow. smooth. Anything near the ski-lifts has become • Hitting rocks or other obstacles like totally tracked out. fencing, which may be visible or hidden just beneath the snow surface. We’ve sometimes surprised ourselves by how good conditions can still be on high Off-piste weather forecast for 5th to sheltered North facing slopes above 2600 11th Jan m though. At other times the off-piste snow has been very wind-blown, and hardened. Sunny and windy initially, especially on the ridges and summits. Then clouds move in, The avalanche risk is currently low in the then the wind drops, temperatures moving Northern French Alps. In most areas it’s up and down. But no snow this week. around 1 out of 5 on the European scale, (Some weather models suggest a light in a few up to 2 above 2500 m. (See our snowfall on Tuesday night or Wednesday, descriptions of what all the avalanche but this may not happen) danger ratings mean). Recent rain and warmer temperatures, which led to some initial instability, followed by refreezing, have led to this currently stable snowpack.

Photo: Wayne Watson

TUESDAY 8 AND WEDNESDAY 9 Dry weather, often sunny. Wind variable, weak. THURSDAY 10 AND FRIDAY 11 Predominantly cloudy. Weak, variable wind Tip of the week Go to Austria. Or failing that, do a snow dance! There is no sign of any snow for the next 2 weeks. This might change, but for the moment we’re not making any predictions of new snow

Watch out for the wind moving the snow around, this will create pockets of better snow. The bulletin warns there may be a risk of unstable windslab forming but suggests this will be very high up above 2900m or in some steep couloirs SATURDAY 5 The conditions change with a probable sea of clouds which goes up the slopes towards 1500 to 2000 meters. Higher up, a veil of altitude towards 6000-7000 meters crosses our massifs. Isotherm 0 is located around 800, 1300 and 1800 meters (frequent inversions). North winds are getting stronger (bursts at 50-70 km / h), often strong in the high mountains. SUNDAY 6 AND MONDAY 7 In the Beaufortain, in the Bauges as well as in the low valleys, clouds tending to dissipate. On the other regions, overcast, tending to clear spells in the second part of the night from Sunday to Monday. The wind drops, variable.

When we do get some snow, check the bulletin for details of any weak layers or not and this will tell us how stable the new snow will be. In the meantime enjoy the sun.

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PRO GEAR TIPS The Great Ski and Snowboard Swindle These days, even before you book your ski holiday, you’ll be bombarded by all manner of people trying to sell you ski hire. From tour operators or the agent you’re thinking of booking through, to an online third party fronted by David Hasselhoff in a gold lamé ski jacket that is based in Bratislava of all places (where?) - they are all at it. None of these third parties really have anything to do with hiring ski kit at all. They are just middle-men taking a cut. They promise all sorts of things: from the best equipment to the cheapest prices, from ensuring availability in a busy week to saving you time by making sure everything is prepared for you on arrival. However, most of it is just pie in the sky! It can be hard to know if you’re being offered a bargain or not because when you book they often don’t tell you what shop you are getting your equipment from so you can’t check the price if you went direct. They also use their own names for the category of equipment so you can’t compare. Another trick is hiding the cost of the ski hire in an ‘all inclusive’ deal. Usually, tour operators or agents who sell ski hire charge much higher prices than you would pay by going direct to the shop and the difference for a family can run into

hundreds of Euros. One big name tour operator was well known in the industry for selling “beginner ski hire” that didn’t include boots – leaving shocked customers to fork out up tor eighty Euros extra on arrival. From the 160 to 200 Euros you’ll typically pay a tour operator to hire a pair of adult skis, the shop is probably paid less than 25% of that. It’s no wonder they’re so desperate to sell you ski hire vouchers! In addition to it being false that booking through a third party gets you the best price, it’s also untrue that you’ll get the best equipment: in fact it can be quite the opposite. If the shop is being paid a pittance by your agent or tour operator, it stands to reason that they will keep the best kit for people booking direct and paying decent prices. Agency clients invariably end up with the older equipment, in some cases six or more years old. This gear is often way past its sell-by date and even downright dangerous. It’s the equivilent to booking a hotel room through Booking.com – you’ll still be in the Hilton but in the room above the kitchen and not the sea view suite. To conclude: it is far better to book directly with the end supplier and let David Hasselhoff go back to being a lifeguard.

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30 He now doesn’t leave the apartment unless wrapped up in snow suit that is a cross between a 70’s onesie and an Everest expedition weight sleeping bag. We have swapped the apartment floor of trip hazards and toe stubbing devices with play mats, Updates from Abi and Al as they take their baby bouncers and toys that should deter any would be burglars. The most enjoyable baby on a ski season. integration has been slotting the wee lad into a papoose and joining in at Aprés. In the Al: past I’d never been one to indulge much in So we all got here - success! Packing and the post ski drinks. Partly because I was more transporting 100 nappies, 30 baby grows, occupied with getting something to eat than 3 snowboards, 1 jungle gym, 2 parents and drink and I don’t see Jäger bombs as a good one loose bowled baby over 1,700km using way to replenish energy levels. planes, boats and automobiles. The hard bit is over right…? Did I mention we decided to Nowadays, as the range on our baby monitor move house two days before we left? won’t quite stretch to the nearest drinking establishment once he’s asleep at night, my Firstly I must pay homage to our van. Our normal drinking habits are unsustainable. trusty (and only slightly rusty) VW Transporter However, apres has had the lucky coincidence has done us proud in hauling what seems like of coinciding with nap time. The rhythmic motion of transport via pram or baby carrier seems to mimic that experienced by babies in utero (without all the messy bodily fluids). If the walk up to the bar doesn’t send him off you can adopt a gentle swaying dance like a fat man at a wedding to the sounds of Take Me Home, Country Road. Best keep off the tables however otherwise the tutting might be loud enough to drown out the music. When he comes round and starts to take issue with the music it gives you the perfect excuse to leave and get that early night sleep that every parent craves.

SPROG SEASON

the majority of our worldly belongings all the way to the alps with only one new flashing light appearing on the dashboard. Maxi Puff (MX51 PUF) smashed through the quarter of a million mile mark on the odometer without doing the same to any central reservations, other vehicles or pedestrians. Our trusty T4 has now done the equivalent of the distance from earth to the moon and then a quick victory lap of the old cheese ball. Now I can put the nervous sense of dread I feel driving long distances in her to the back of my mind for the next 4 months till I attempt to retrace our route home.

When the students were here last week it made me start to think even more how being a parent had changed me. Seeing them inebriated, unable to exercise full use of their limbs and bowels, chatting incoherently and vomiting everywhere: I thought about how similar they were to my son. Yet somehow when he acts like this the word cute springs to mind rather than another four-letter word which shares three of those letters. I never previously found babies cute, now no matter how puke covered and poo smelling he becomes I’m overcome with a warm feeling (which is only occasionally urine). Maybe fatherhood is changing me.

Since arriving in resort we’ve been adapting our baby based life to our new environment.

Abi

Hours on snow = 8, climbs = 2, nonadmin French conversations = 1, baby swims = 2, yoga classes = 1, baby free pub visits = 2, near fatal slips on the ice = 0.5. We’re two weeks in and I’m quite happy with those starting gate stats. Not dissimilar to the experience of child birth, the trauma of the journey out has dulled with time and the smiles that followed. I did however earn immense respect for the single parents out there, one person just does not have enough limbs to deal with a baby, luggage and a pram. It is amazing how helpful people are when you are pregnant but when it’s out and you’re left grappling with a buggy and a screaming, poo and puke sodden, baby, you are faced with a wall of disdain. It is as though you are personally responsible for the overpopulation of the planet! Pleasingly, I’ve been able to get out on the hill a few times. The wee man will go up to 3 hours without a demi from the boob, so with a well scheduled turn over after Al’s teaching, I can grab a few slides. My body is still a bit smashed up from the extraction of the fruit from my loins, so a few hours here and there is enough of an adrenalin rush to free the mind from the cute but somewhat monotonous ga-ga, goo-goo chat. At the risk of providing too much info, my bladder is still as weak as a fat beginner snowboarder trying to stand up after a toe-edge catapult. To make things worse, my coccyx is just as sore. As a result, every judder on slightly rough terrain presents more of a challenge than I was expecting. Don’t freak out about this if you are an expectant mum; this isn’t normal this late on. I reckon karma is just getting me back for my hassle-free pregnancy and besides - it’s nothing that a spare incontinence pad and pair of bum shorts can’t handle. Other activities have also been possible. With the French health and safety attitude being a

tad more relaxed than back home, there was no eye lid batting when we wandered into the climbing wall with the pram. In fact, there was a baby hanging out on the bouldering mat as his older siblings were belayed by their papa relaxing on a bean bag. Swimming has been fun too. Twice a week they warm up the pool to bath temperature and fill it with toys where we met Frenchie 4-month old called Gary. Is Gary a French name? Maybe the progress on becoming bilingual isn’t progressing quite so well. I’m sure there must have been babies around on my previous seasons and I was just blinded to them due to having other priorities (being inline for free shots, getting a sip of wine out of someone’s shoe etc. but there seems to have been an explosion in the past few years. It’s great having comrades that have bootpacked the kiddie way for us. Not wishing these fun times away but I can’t wait for Angus to be able to join his bigger pals in the local snowboarding Grom squad … beats standing in the rain watching him play footie!

5TH Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: The Blazin’ Strings

6TH

Le Hibou - Curry Night - Curry & A Pint/Glass of wine for only €15. Served 14.30 - 21.30. Old Skool Garage Night

Victors - Seasonaire Saturdays. Tacos & Tequila.

Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Hobo Chic

Dick’s Tea Bar- Industry Night (Glitter Box Resident DJ Megan (Tinta))

Fall Line - Seasonaire Party

Le Lodge - DJ K2 11:30pm-1:30am

Dick’s Tea Bar - Dirty Sunday with I AM NIKOLAJ (Hip Hop and RnB)

Petit Danois - Live Music - Joe & Will 5pm

Petit Danois - Live Music - Mardy Johnny Deps 5pm Le Hibou - Old Skool Garage Night

9TH La Folie Douce - WTF Party where you can sign up to become the next Echo cover artist

Cocorico - Après Ski L

Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Les Lunettes

- €50 bar tab, 2nd Prize

Le Hibou - Wings Wednesday

Le Hibou - Quiz Night

Vie Val d’Is - Free Bo 8pm at the CCAS with

IN TOWN - Free Cross Country Relay Ski Race

Petit Danois - Live Mu 5pm

Dick’s Tea Bar - After Dinner Club with Pocket

Size Dave accompanied by Sax and Violin

Vie Val d’Is - Avalanc English. Sign up requi

Petit Danois - Live music - Gallie 5pm

IN TOWN - Airstar Nig

Saloon - Open Decks Night

Dick’s Tea Bar - LUNA

18.30. Prizes for winners. Vin chaud for all.

entertainment and free

COCORICO - 2-4pm Happy Hour, Live Music every day from BLUE NOTE - Happy Hour with Hot Gin and Nibbles from 3 to 6pm FALL LINE - Happy Hour 3-5pm PETIT DANOIS - Happy Hour 2 for 1 on Beers and Drinks 4-5pm & 9-10pm. Food served all day. DJ Jack Igglesden every day from 10pm. BANANAS- Seasonaire Menu: 3 Courses and a beer/wine/soft drink for €20

7TH

La Folie Douce - Discopolis: Back to the roots

of House Music

Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Silver Souled IN TOWN - Free Avalanche talk with the ESF in English at 6pm at snowfront kindergarten chalet

Dick’s Tea Bar - DJ Megan and Alex Marshall Petit Danois - Live Music - Mullit & The Machine 5pm Saloon - DnB night with DJ Pocket Sized Dave

10TH

Live Music: Wingmen

t 21.30 Kick off! 1st Prize - Bottle of wine

oxing for Beginners. h Romain

usic - The Guinea Pigs

8TH Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: De La Funk Saloon - Seasonaire Party with Live Music Petit Danois - Live music - The Revolverlites

5pm

Dicks Tea Bar - Tinta’s Techno Tuesday w/ Alex Marshall IN TOWN - Ski Mountaineering Night Race. 6.30pm start with Dynastar Touring skis for winner and buffet +vin chaud on the finish line TDC x Fall Line - Seasonaire sign up night 8.00pm - 11.30pm. First come first served - and the powder will come! Sign up also possible any evening (except Saturday) in our office, Snowberry Slopeside, between 4.30pm - 6.30pm

11TH Cocorico - Après Ski Live Music: Bloc off the Wall Le Hibou - Prosecco Fridays with Prosecco Cocktails for €5.50 Petit Danois - Live Music - Karen & Andreas 5pm

che Prevention Talk in ired.

Dicks Tea Bar - After Dinner Club with Pocket Sized Dave accompanied by Sax and Violin

ght. Light show, street vin chaud on main street

IN TOWN: Dynastar Floodlit knockout Slalom

A: Alison D

competition. Free entry but limited places. Sign up at the Club des Sports from Monday. Dynastar skis to be won.

UNDERGROUND - Après Ski Tapas from 5pm LE PETIT CUISINE - Daily 12 - 3pm - Seasonaire Meal Deal VICTORS - Cocktail Hour 9-11pm LE LODGE - Happy Hour 4:30-7:30pm €4 large beer SALOON: 3-6pm Happy Hour 2 for 1 on beer wine and more.

HOW NOT TO STACK IT The ice rink of Val d’Isere appears to have extended beyond its confines onto roads, sides streets and even the snowfront, where a pipe leak caused the ground to become akin to a treadmill. After far too many slides, stacks and arse-over-tit moments, I decided it is high time we take charge and get a grip of this icy armageddon. As the powers that be insist on us living in a “winter wonderland”, (read treacherous pavements of death and destruction), I’ve put together a guide on how to retain balance and dignity when treading the slippery slopes of Val d’Isere. The official word is to wear crampons, but where’s the fun in that? Here are 6 alternative ways of getting around. Rediscover The Art Of Crawling Return to your roots and learn by immersion that 4 limbs are better than 2. With all that surface area, the increased friction is sure to have you sticking to the ground like a fly to a spider’s web. To avoid the inevitable chill to the hands and knees, consider investing in some extra pairs of shoes to wear on these body parts. Alternatively, go full hobbit style and allow your skin to become the shoes. Become A Goat

and be a goat until this lethal ice subsides. 36 Thomas Thwaites has already done the graft of the work by inventing prosthetics and a specialised external stomach that allowed him to eat grass whilst he was a goat. The only supposed downside to the new lifestyle is being accepted by the goats you choose to live with. According to Thwaites, “the goats didn’t seem to like me very much, sometimes I thought they were really going to try and attack me. They have particularly dangerous horns.” The Art Of Flight Convince everyone in your company to group together all of your hard earned tips to buy a jetpack. Or start a crowdfunder to help you on your way as the €132,000 price tag might be slightly more than this week’s guests believe your service is worth. Then, with the power of flight under your belt (literally), soar over all the common folk and laugh as they slip and slide like characters from Wacky Races. If you are of the DIY sensibility or have a handiman to hand, perhaps think about building your own jetpack. Several fire extinguishers and some duct tape should do the trick, although the trip may not be a return journey. Mush Mush Gather together the dogs of Val (see our instagram @thevalecho for ideas on the best ones to nab) and fashion yourself a sled out of all the empty champagne crates leftover from NYE. Walking will be a thing of the past. Unfrozone Antifreeze every patch of ice you come across You’ll be doing your good deed for the day by preventing future slippages. And you’ll have a barrel of laughs watching your arch nemesis die a slow and painful death. Just Don’t Leave The House If you don’t go outside, you can’t slip on ice. Simple.

Chamois are in the goat-antelope family and they seem to do pretty well on the snow and ice here. So get all Nicolas Cage about it

So there you have it. Foolproof ways to have to avoid breaking bones on the ice and also have fun at the same time.

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SAT

TALK OF THE TOWN A Smashing New Years! So called ‘Geordie Jonny’ has a tendency to go ‘full Geordie’ whenever he consumes more than one and a half pints. We have been informed that Jonny and a few lads came home on New Year’s Eve and brought back with them the great idea of smashing plates, bowls and glasses against either the wall or their heads.

Here you can see, a rather guilty looking, Jonny trying not to look at his mess. NEVER go full Geordie.

Legless Newly Eurotested Luke (congrats on that by the way), turned up to his family’s New Year’s Day brunch in Fornet looking quite the zombie, bleeding profusely and with a nasty but entirely self induced bump on his head. The cause of this injury? Mid conversation outside Danois, Luke’s legs suddenly turned to jelly. Quite inebriated and with no reflexes to speak off, he went hurtling towards the floor head first. Now that’s the kind of man you want teaching you how to ski.

Too Gnarly Don’t ever let it be said that Sam goes hard and goes home. During a fairly substantial backslap, his thumbs had an intense encounter with the ground. This resulted in two appendages the shape of drumsticks and a hefty medical bill. Contributing to said bill may have been his refusal to seek immediate medial attention. No thumbs, no problem (a terrible life motto), the après must go on.

SPORT Shown at Le Petit Danois: Saturday 5th Jan: Man Utd v Reading 1.30pm Blackpool v Arsenal 6.30pm Sunday 6th Jan: Woking v Watford 3pm Newport v Leicester 5.30pm

Tuesday 8th Jan: Spurs v Chelsea 8.45pm Wednesday 8th Jan: Leeds v Derby 8.45pm Live sport also shown at The Fall Line, Blue Note and Le Hibou.

Monday 7th Jan: Everton vs Leicester 1.30pm Cardiff vs Spurs 6.30pm Watford vs Chelsea 8.30pm

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

Mairi buying a 70

Poor life decisions

The Club CLASSIC TRACKS MIXED INTO A DEEP HOUSE BEAT 22:30- 01:30 WINE & CHAMPAGNE SPECIALS

LIVE SAX & VIOLIN With