September 2017 . Issue 6.9
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Valley Voice
September 2017
Rants...
Contents Autumn Art Page 4 By Dagny McKinley
Spending Patterns in Steamboat
Page 5
Campaigning on the county dime…
The Story of U.S. 40 & I-70
Page 6
When your insurance agent is the first to wish you happy birthday…
The Student Loan Mess Part II
Page 7
Misplacing 5.4 million dollars and then blaming it on your employees…
Autumn is Composite Time
Page 8
Business of the Year, But...
Page 9
My Dead Creek
Page 10
Celebration of the Changing Season
Page 11
By Ellen and Paul Bonnifield By Scott L. Ford By Karen Vail
By Dagny McKinley
Scott Ford
By Eric Kemper
Summer’s End Page 12 By Debora Black
Sales: Eric Kemper valleyvoicesales@gmail.com
Calendar of Events
Page 17
Event Calendar: Eric Kemper valleyvoicesales@gmail.com
News from the Chief of the Chief
Page 18
Valley Voice is published monthly and distributed on the last Wednesday of each month. Please address letters, questions, comments or concerns to: Valley Voice, LLC, P.O. Box 770743 or come by and see us at 1125 Lincoln Ave, Unit 2C, Steamboat Springs, CO 80477. Or contact Matt Scharf: 970-846-3801. Scott Ford: 970-819-9630. Website www.yampavalleyvoice.com. Subscription rate is $40 per year (12 issues). All content © 2017 Valley Voice, L.L.C. No portion of the contents of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission from the Valley Voive.
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By Eric Kemper By Scott Parker
Out-of-town sales calls from a 846 prefix number… When busy means closed…
Raves... CThe eclipse. Sometimes “once in a lifetime” is more than just an expression… Road construction coming to an end for the year… Moving things from the summer ‘to do’ list to the ‘done’ list…
Totality Page 19
Jason Isbell’s new album. Check it out if you haven’t yet…
A Tale of a Town: Commercialization
Page 20
Warm days & cool nights. Perfect sleeping weather…
Sunrise on the Elk River
Page 21
The new road bypassing the Trafalger/ Pamela Lane neighborhood…
It’s a Done Deal
Page 22
Yuppers - Dating Sucks
Page 23
Amateur Optometry
Page 24
By Aimee Kimmey By John Whittum
By Patrick Curran
A little elbow room in town…
By Lyn Wheaton
By Mr. Helpful M.D. By Aimme Kimmey
Sacred Beginning Page 25 By LA Bourgeois
Yepelloscopes Page 26 By Chelsea Yepello
Comics
Page 27
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This is where the party ends. I can’t sit here listening to you and your racist friend.—They Might Be Giants
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September 2017
Valley Voice
Art in the ‘Boat
Autumn Art By Dagny McKinley
Spots of a Different Color - Dagny McKinley I remember the first time I showed my work as an artist at the Depot Art Center. I was terrified. I didn’t consider myself a photographer. I had always identified as a writer, but had a passion for photography. I was scrambling to get the final details taken care of and was completely scattered when I finally arrived at the steps in front of the Steamboat Art Depot. I took a deep breath and walked in, picture in hand, hands trembling. Greg Block, yes the amazing artist Greg Block was taking in art. Of all the people in the world to take a first look at my picture. I blushed and looked down as I handed it over, mumbling something, I’m sure, about the inadequacies of my piece. Greg looked at my photograph, one of a broken-down cabin with faded flowers, a representation of how I felt about myself at the time. He studied it for a moment before he said, “It’s beautiful.”
Finding Your Wings - by Jill Bergman I felt my lungs exhale. With those words, I found a place I belonged. I was an artist and it wasn’t his validation of my work that made me feel I was finally home. It was that my work was as welcome as I was in this hallowed institution where so many performances, art shows and celebrations of art have taken place. The show I was taking part of was a group show. My photograph hung with oil paintings, sculptures and other photographs. It belonged. I belonged. Group shows at the Depot offer encouragement and inspiration to artists, aspiring artists and lovers of the arts, both from the works that hang on the wall as well as from the other artists who show their work. This September and October, the SSAC will be hosting their popular member show titled ‘Autumn Art.’ Artists such as Karen Schulman, MB Galer, Sista Luna, Dona Steele, David Winters, Jill
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Bergman and so many other beloved Steamboat Artists will be displaying their work. Hanging with those works will be one of my photographs. Much of the art is emblematic of the fall; rich, warm colors, a celebration of trees and blue skies. There is a style of work for every lover of art and a place to crawl into for solitude and reflection as winter approaches. Come down Friday, September 1st for the First Friday Artwalk Celebration. The show will hang for two months, with a second First Friday Artwalk and celebration October 6th. On those Fridays you will find a community of artists, patrons of the art, food, drink and a sense of togetherness as we all breathe after a hectic summer. Come down and engage with the Steamboat Springs Arts Council. You may find you have a home here, too.
Valley Voice
September 2017
5
Economics Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents
Spending Patterns of Steamboat Springs Area Households By Scott L. Ford
The last four columns have focused on the income of the households in the Steamboat Springs area. On an aggregate basis in 2015 (most recent data available) Steamboat households had $611 million in income. Of this amount, about 75% is considered labor source income (wage/salary and self-employment). In addition, on an inflation adjusted basis, the household incomes have not recovered to the point that existed prior to 2008. Of the $611 million in household income, the top 1/5th of households account for about 54% of it and the pace of income inequality has accelerated. Over the next few columns, the focus will move from income to household spending. Similar to the discussion about income, there is a great deal known about how households spend their income and on what. The source of this information is the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) and specifically the Consumer Expenditure Survey. Before jumping into the discussion about spending, a few terms need to be clearly defined. Gross Income – This is the income a household receives from all sources before any federal and state income taxes are deducted. Disposable Income – The amount of income available after taxes for paying for life’s necessities, such as shelter, utilities, food, transportation, clothing, etc. Discretionary Income – This is left after spending on life’s necessities. Such as, money spent on vacation and nonessential goods and services like Netflix subscriptions, hobbies, jewelry, etc. Discretionary income is the first to shrink amid a job loss or pay reduction; businesses that sell discretionary goods tend to suffer the most during economic downturns and recessions.
The Consumer Expenditure Survey collects information from the Nation’s households and families on their buying habits (expenditures), income, and household characteristics. The strength of the survey is that it allows data users to relate the expenditures and income of consumers to the characteristics of those consumers. Every month data is collected from about 60,000 randomly selected households, which are asked to keep a diary of expenditures.
Consumer Spending by Category Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco Products
1.6%
Education/ Reading
2.1%
Cash Contributions & Savings
3.7%
Entertainment
5.4%
Health Care
5.7%
Apparel/ Personal Care/ Misc.
6.3%
Insurance/ Pensions
10.8%
Food
12.4%
Transportation
17.6%
Shelter
34.1%
Consumer Expenditure Survey data is aggregated by region and by Metropolitan Statistical Areas (MSA) incomes, size of the consumer unit as well as on an urban and rural level. Although data is not available specifically for the Steamboat geographic area, demographic comparisons can be made. From a magnitude vs. precision perspective, the demographic characteristics are similar enough between the households in the Steamboat area and the national data to use it to reasonably project local expenditures. This simply means that the households in the Steamboat area likely have similar spending patterns of those consumer units captured at the national level in the Consumer Expenditure Survey.
About 89% of a household’s disposable income is spent of life’s necessities. The other 11% of income is spent on items that are considered discretionary.
Next Month – Local Spending Comparison of Demographic Characteristics in 2015 Demographic Characteristic
US Census Data on Steamboat Area based on Households
BLS Consumer Expenditure Data based on Consumer Units Nationally
Annual Household Income Median Age of Population between 16 - 64
$ 67,577 39.9
$69,627 40.0
Average Household Size Number of Wage Earners Number of Vehicles Available Percent of Home Ownership
2.5 1.6 1.9 67%
2.5 1.3 1.9 65%
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Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.—Albert Camus
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September 2017
Valley Voice
Bonnifield Files
The Story of U.S. 40 and I-70 By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield
Everyone in northwestern Colorado travels U.S. 40 and I-70, usually without thought of their importance in shaping our society. We just hurry along from here to there. In the late 1930s, the road over Rabbit Ears Pass and Muddy Pass was rebuilt and opened for year round travel. The Eagle Valley Enterprise reported, “Colorado Ends Year With 4,250 Miles of Hard-Surfaced Highways. Oiling of U.S. Highways 50 and 285 completed this past year – U.S. 40 and 24 to be completed in 1941.” Twenty-five miles of U.S. 6 from Wheeler Junction to Dowd (West Vail) was completed. Until 1941, no highway existed up Black Gore Creek and over the divide. In fact, the pass did not have a name until the Eagle County Commissioners named it after State Highway Engineer Charles Vail saying the name “was as good as any.” Opening Vail Pass changed the destiny of Colorado. With World War II approaching, the U.S. 40 Association, including business people in Colorado and Utah, labored to have the highway placed on the National Defense Highways list to increase money for highway improvement. A center stripe and a second stripe on hills and curves were painted on paved portions of the highway by 1941. In 1946 after the war, the Association pressed to have U.S. 40 designated a “superhighway.” Although the war was on and gas rationing was common, Congress passed the Federal Highway Act of 1944. One provision of the law allowed each state to select the location of freeways within its state. The most practical route through Colorado was U.S. 50 across southern Colorado and over Monarch Pass. A tunnel was proposed through the mountains; however, Kansas wanted I-70 to cross the northern part of its state and follow U.S. 40. When the four lanes entered Colorado, Pueblo businessmen wanted the highway to drop south to U.S. 50 but Denver had the political muscle to turn the road northwest at Limon.
Under the original plan, I-70 ended at the Valley Highway (I-25) in Denver. No freeway entered the mountains and crossed western Colorado. Denver travelers were forced to take the Valley Highway north or I-76 northeast to I-80. The Freeway put Salt Lake City on a major transcontinental route. Recognizing its advantage, Utah refused to allow I-70 entry. Also, building and maintaining I-80 across Wyoming was far less expensive than crossing the high Colorado Rockies. With limited prospects for building I-70 across western Colorado, the state began work on developing three excellent highways over the mountains – U.S. 50, U.S. 6, and U.S. 40. Rabbit Ears Pass (U.S. 40) required extensive work and investment including closure for an extended period for construction including a bypass. Thus, in 1954 work began on a total rebuild and alignment of Gore Pass (CO 134) for the necessary bypass. Colorado 131 was only a graveled cow path from Toponas to Wolcott. This highway was completely rebuilt including a long, high bridge over the Colorado River and railroad at State Bridge and oiled. Upon completion of Gore Pass in July 1957, Rabbit Ears Pass closed three years for rebuilding. Double shifts worked making deep cuts and large fills that required heavy blasting. Winter snows halted work; reduced government funds slowed progress. The old highway had 67 sharp angled and banked curves - “supers.” One air mile included 51 curves, while the entire new section had a total of 16 curves. A passing lane was added from the base to the first summit. The new maximum grade was 7%, whereas the old grade was 5½%. While the new highway was a wonder, it did not solve the dilemma of Berthoud Pass and Byers Canyon. In Byers Canyon, the sharp curves forced trucks into oncoming traffic lanes to get around them. Berthoud Pass highway was simply a two-lane scar on the side of a steep mountain.
Loveland Pass crested at 11,992 feet and traversed eleven snow slide areas. Winter winds often created blizzard conditions. Abandoned as a wagon road in 1906, Loveland Pass was rebuilt beginning in 1927 as a highway and was hard-surfaced in 1950. Attempts were made to drive a pioneer tunnel under the pass in 1940, 1943, and again in 1947. The state was unable to get any satisfactory bidders and the tunnel may never have been completed. Concern over war with Russia dominated national thinking in the mid-1950s. Under President Eisenhower’s National Defense Highway Plan, two interstate routes were considered west of Denver. The U.S. 40 route proposed three tunnels: Berthoud Pass, Byers Canyon, and the Sheep Horn between Kremmling and Wolcott. Its principal advantage was crossing the Gore Range at about 8,000 feet, a comparatively lower grade with far less winter snow; however, it was slightly longer and Berthoud Pass remained a serious problem. The second choice was north of Loveland Pass. Here a 1.7 mile tunnel was designed to reach Straight Creek leading to Silverthorne. From Silverthorne, U.S. 6 followed over Vail Pass. A way through the mountains was at hand. Ed C. Johnson decided to retire from the U.S. Senate and again become Colorado’s governor. He had enough political savvy and “markers” to successfully negotiate with Utah highway officials to get their approval for I-70 to enter the state; however, the deal routed the freeway to Salt Lake where it joined I-80. The Army squelched the plan. It wanted the interstate to join I-15 and provide a connection with southern California. Under pressure, Utah agreed and in 1956 work began on I-70 west of Denver. Eisenhower Tunnel (Straight Creek) opened March 8, 1973, originally budgeted at $43 million and costing $108 million. Three men were killed during construction. When the bore encountered an unexpected fault and began shifting and caving, the mountain nearly defeated the project. It was the most expensive federal aid program to that date. The Johnson (second) bore was more expensive and cost four lives. The price to rebuild Glenwood Canyon exceeded both projects. The project also ran afoul a changing social climate. Traditionally, women could not work underground. Then Janet Bonnema was hired as an engineer. On discovering Janet was a woman and not James Bonnema, she was denied underground work which caused an important civil rights lawsuit.
Photo by Christina Uhl For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
The decade of the 1950s opened with confidence that U.S. 40 would soon be a major national thoroughfare. Extensive work on Gore Pass and CO 131 added assurance. The three-year closure of Rabbit Ears Pass and extensive work on Muddy Pass was approved. Work began on passing lanes on Berthoud Pass and widening Byers Canyon. Then it was announced that I-70 would follow U.S. 6 and tunnel through the divide. Funds were transferred from U.S. 40 to the Interstate. In 1960 the state highway commission decided to improve CO 9 between Kremmling and Silverthorne. Improving Berthoud Pass and Byers Canyon were set aside for decades. Northwestern Colorado found itself on a secondary highway. Advanced construction on Rabbit Ears Pass before the interstate work was in full swing
Valley Voice
September 2017
7
Go Figure!? allowed Steamboat a modern highway. Had the project been delayed two years, it never would have been funded and the Yampa Valley story would be entirely different. The other side of the coin is that I-70 opened the way for Colorado’s ski boom. In 1960, Vail did not exist. Avon and Edwards were only post offices. Gypsum, Eagle and Minturn were in the same high school basketball conference with McCoy. A single bar defined Silverthorne. Breckenridge was nearly a ghost town. Now traffic backs up from Empire, and at times the tunnels, to Denver.
The response to the article on German Prisoner of War Camps in Colorado surprised us. Readers asked several questions. Approximately 425,000 German and Italian POWs were in 700 camps across the United States. Prisoners worked in various jobs from common laborers to top scientists. Prisoners were paid according to the Geneva Convention for work – usually equal to an army private’s wage. Where possible, abandoned CCC camps housed them. The first POWs came in response to British request. England could not safely house that many prisoners on her island because of the internal danger they would cause. U.S. ships hauling troops to the front returned with the POWs. Americans varied in response to German prison camps in their area. In southeastern Colorado, the Germans were generally accepted, but Americans of Japanese descent were resented. Although violence was unusual, a guard in the Arkansas Valley shot two prisoners as they labored in a field because he “hated Germans.” Security was lax as the war ended and prison camps were closed. The United States insisted on closely observing the terms of the Geneva Convention assuming Germany would treat Americans in like manner. Hopefully these brief remarks answer a few of the questions.
The Student Loan Mess Part II By Scott L. Ford
Last month I discussed that in a lot of individual financial fitness coaching I have been doing, the biggest challenge for folks under age 35 is a staggering level of Student Debt. This issue alone is likely the biggest challenge these households face. Couples in this age group have combined student debt that often exceeds $50,000 and sometimes $150,000. How did this happen? Like a lot of things in life, understanding how things began helps comprehend where we are at today. In 1944 Congress enacts the GI Bill. This allows World War II, veterans to attend college for free or very cheaply. Within a few years after the end of World War II veterans accounted for nearly half of those attending college. Colleges large and small had never had this many students attending their institutions. Colleges went on a building extravaganza to accommodate them. By the mid 1950’s most of these GI Bill students have worked their way through the system. Colleges were faced with surplus capacity. They had a lot of buildings and few students. Thank goodness for the Soviet Union, because it allowed college administrators to lobby congress. In 1958, the first federally guaranteed student loans are first offered under the National Defense Education Act to help the United States compete with other countries— namely the Soviet Union. High school students who showed promise in mathematics, science, engineering, and foreign languages, or those who wanted to be teachers, were offered grants, scholarships, and loans. The influx of students helped to fill classrooms again. By the mid 1960’s, the first wave of the Baby Boom generation started to graduate from high school in great numbers and an expectation of needing to go to college in order to succeed in life had been fostered by their parents, who likely benefited from the GI Bill and had gone to college at little or no cost to themselves. The only problem is that many GI Bill families had not saved nearly enough for their children’s college expenses. Colleges had the solution and once again lobbied congress. In 1965 the Higher Education Act is established to provide “Educational Opportunity Grants” to colleges
recruiting students with considerable financial need. The Guaranteed Student Loan Program, also known as the Federal Family Education Loan Program or FFELP, allows banks and private institutions to provide government subsidized and guaranteed loans to students. Like many government programs, it had its share of flaws. Since banks and private institutions could loan money to students without regard to credit worthiness because of the federal guarantee, the flood gates of money opened. In addition, the law allowed banks to charge a 4% fee on these loans. There was no shortage of Baby Boomers willing to borrow this money, no shortage of banks willing to process these loans and no shortage of colleges willing and ready to take this money. Unlike the National Defense Education Act loans, with these loans it did not matter what a student wanted to study. If an accredited institution offered a degree, a student could get a guaranteed loan for pursuing that degree. Money again flooded the college system. The number of degree programs offered by the colleges exploded, along with round #2 of a campus building extravaganza. By the early 1990’s, the wave of Baby Boomers who wanted to go to college had worked their way through the system. However, by this time the student loan programs had been expanded to cover the expenses associated with graduate degrees. As a result, a lot of colleges expanded to offer graduate degrees. It did not matter what the graduate degree was in or if the jobs associated with getting the advanced degree existed, let alone paid enough to cover the monthly payment on the associated debt. This resulted in students being able to get a PhD., in Recreation and Leisure Studies from the University of Georgia, a PhD in Mythological Studies from the University of Pacifica or a PhD in Metaphysical Humanistic Science from UC Berkeley.
Next Issue – The Student Loan Program Jumps the Tracks with the Great Recession.
Time for some Monkey Business
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When I’m driving the highway by myself is when I write best.—Willie Nelson
8
September 2017
Valley Voice
‘Boat Almanac
Autumn is Composite Time By Karen Vail
w d a The sunflower has both ray and disc flow- A ers. Other composite flowers might lack s ray flowers or disc flowers . Examples of flowers with only disc flowers include C thistle and rabbitbrush. These, at first b glance, do not resemble composites much s at all. Look closely! Dandelions are a per- t fect example of composites having only U strap-shaped ray flowers. Pull off a ray a flower and you will see a lopsided fusion m of the petals off to one side with the fusede stamens and stigma sticking out. c a Now look at the base of the head. It a seems to be wrapped in mostly green, m often leafy like “bracts” called phyllaries. o Next time you eat an artichoke, enjoy w the tasty phyllaries (you are basically l eating a flower in bud). Most composites t do not have as many rings of phyllaries o as the artichoke, having only one or two p rings. The arrangement of phyllaries is “ an important identification trait in the e composites. Often they are all the same a length; this is a single series of phyle laries. Others are stacked with shorter s phyllaries at the bottom then progres- T sively shingled up the side of the base. e w Where did the sepals go? Remember, sepals are the outer s layer of the flower enclosing it in bud, then usually hide underneath the petals when the flower is open. Since a W composite flower is a reduced tube, the sepals are also a reduced (and often absent) to a hairy or scaly ring near e the base of each flower. Like the phyllaries, these are very T important in flower identification (get out your magnit fiers!). h w I am sure you have composites in your garden (Echina- b cea, Rudbeckia, shasta daisy etc.), where you can watch i the progression of maturing flowers. Typically flowers in c the outer ring open first followed over the next few days l by rings of flowers progressively toward the center. Many T times as the outer rings are starting to form seed the s very center flowers are still maturing. For pollinators, u this is nirvana as their very localized food sources are o available over long periods.. This is the same for seed ( eating birds enjoying the long fruiting season of many t composites. This progressive maturation could be an r evolutionary concept ensuring that the majority of flowersT are pollinated by spreading them over a longer period, and h that even a few seeds are produced in years with unfavor- l able conditions like drought or insects. t i Speaking of evolution, the Aster Family is considered h the mostly highly evolved of the plant families (yes, that c includes your lovely dandelions!). The more primitive t flowers (think water lilies and buttercups) have variable numbers of flower parts that are separate from each E other, the flowers have both male and female parts on the t same flower (bisexual), and are dominated by the ovary. t As flowers evolved, some variations developed parts that have been released, the remaining disk looks like a pitted mini golf ball.
Sunflower. Yarrow. Aster. Lettuce. Sagebrush. Artichoke. Daisy. What do these plants have in common? They all have the unique flowers of the Aster Family, also called the Composite Family. Strange to think that lettuce is related to sagebrush! Late summer and fall seem to be their time in the sun, so to speak, so let’s take a closer look. All living things are placed in a (seemingly) orderly manner using their characteristics and, more and more, their DNA. What separates these flowers from other plant families is a very special flower. Hold in your minds eye the image of a sunflower. Aah, nice sunny big flower, right? Well, what you are actually looking at are tens, sometimes hundreds, of tiny flowers smooshed together in a tight clump in the middle of the flower (like a “composite” of flowers), with these pretty yellow “petals” radiating from that. Really! Go take a look. Let’s dissect that sunflower and see what we have. The “petals” around the ring are not true petals but are called rays (like the rays around the sun!). Cut the sunflower in half and you will see in cross section the rays coming from the edge of a cup-like structure with small tubular flowers, called disc flowers, crowding the center. This whole arrangement is called a head (or capitulum in botanical-ese). Tease one little tube out from the center and you will see a starry set of 5 petals perched atop the tube, with stamens and pistil sticking out the tube. The tube is simply the fused petals until they flare out at the top. The stamens (the male parts carrying the pollen) are fused around the pistil with little antennaelike stigmas (where the pollen sticks and begins the long journey to the egg). At the base of the tube the seed will be formed, whether it is a seed with a fluffy parachute like dandelions or nutty sunflower seeds. After the seeds
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice
September 2017
Steamboat Springs Arts Council
were fused together, they had a more specific number and design, and had either specific sexes per plant and/or an inferior ovary (the ovary tucked beneath the petals). A perfect description for the fused petal tubes, fused stamens and inferior ovary of composites.
Composites are a botanist’s worst nightmare (well, this botanist anyway!). Their identification can be tedious, to say the least. The Aster Family is the largest family in the temperate northern areas, with 2,687 species in the United States and Canada (Thomas J Elpel, Wildflowers and Weeds website – great for learning plant families!) making that ID tedium even more aggravating. Interestingly, with such a large family, there are only a few commercially valuable plants; lettuce, artichokes, endive and sunflowers. We should also add echinacea, yarrow, arnica, the sages, chicory, and the goldenrods for their medicinal uses. I have to mention our marvelous dandelions (collective groan here)! Hopefully all of you out there waging war against this sunny flower will view it in a new light. Dandelions are one of the most important pollinator plants in late spring/ early summer when not a lot of other flowers are available, and they provide nectar and pollen for bees and butterflies. An excellent article from “Bee Culture” magazine (www.beeculture/glyphosate) examines the affects of the ubiquitous herbicide Roundup and other glyphosate based herbicides on bees. Quite the eye opener! As the seeds mature, enjoy the goldfinches, siskins and other birds harvesting the nutritious seeds. The taproots pull up minerals from deep down and help enrich your soils. I have a beautiful dandelion “lawn” which I mow down as the seeds are forming so as not to spread the seeds to other gardens.
We have many beautiful and interesting composites in our area. The false sunflower (little sunflower, aspen sunflower (Helianthella quinquenervis)) has a helpful little secret. The nodding sunflower head generally faces east to greet the warming morning sun. I often find pollinators on the head frozen in place before the sun comes up, to slowly warm up and fly away as the warming disc gets their blood moving again. There are other sunflowers, not found in our area, that track the sun through the day, a process called phototropism. One composite that deserves a closer look are the cute-as-kittens pussytoes (Antennaria spp.). These little fur ball flowers have only disc flowers, a mat of silvery green leaves, and separate sexes with a population usually about half male and half female. The many species often hybridize, creating a variety of interesting new looks (and impossible identification). They are the toughest of the tough for your landscaping on dry, steep slopes. Yarrow (Achillea millefolium) is Mother Nature’s first aid kit. The astringent and antiseptic properties make it my go-to herb for cuts and road rash. Crush the highly aromatic leaves to get the oils released and hold it on fresh cuts to staunch blood flow and prevent infection. And yarrow is the ultimate generalist plant, growing in almost any habitat from foothills to alpine. Remember to always be cautious when using new plants, and if you have any reactions, stop using it immediately.
Explore and smile at those beautiful composites along the trail, and embrace those in your yard! See you on the trails!
Business of the Year, But...
Come by Johnny B. Good’s Steamboat’s Classic Diner
By Dagny McKinley
The Steamboat Springs Arts Council (SSAC) is the recipient of this Year’s Navigator Award for Business of the Year. When Executive Director, Kim Keith, was asked how she felt about that, her reply was,” I’m so excited but,… there is still so much more we need to do.” That attitude is what helped Steamboat achieve the Creative District Designation this year, an effort spearheaded by Keith, and was one of the key reasons the SSAC was nominated for the award. The Creative District Designation was three years in coming, and the designation itself is just the beginning of a multi-year plan to promote Steamboat as an Arts Community nationally, increase jobs in the creative sector and invite Creative Businesses to make Steamboat their home. As part of the branding and marketing efforts, arts organizations in Steamboat can expect additional avenues for visibility and increased exposure to patrons of the arts. Another key component of the Creative District is preservation of Steamboat’s history and heritage, which entails sharing the story of Steamboat with those just arriving in town so Steamboat’s story can carry on through the new generations of people arriving here. The Creative District Designation is the first step in highlighting the arts as part of Steamboat’s heritage, but… it will take the community to help see Steamboat exceed expectations as a Creative District. The SSAC welcomes people who want to be involved, whether as a partner business, or by giving time or donations to see the effort fulfilled. The Creative District is just one facet of the future of arts in Steamboat. The SSAC’s Young At Art Camps have taken off with record growth this year and over $5,000 in scholarships given away since 2015. But…there are still more young artists who could benefit from scholarships and all kids could use healthy snacks provided by the SSAC to improve their performance during art camps. Keith would like to see year-round art classes for kids in painting, writing and all forms of creativity. Then there’s the historic caboose that has had a home in the SSAC’s parking lot for years. Plans are finally underway to raise money to renovate the caboose into an artistin-residence studio. So, while the Business of the Year is a huge accomplishment, it only highlights the beginning of what the SSAC has planned for the future of creativity in Steamboat. It is the dream of Keith that creativity will transform the community of Steamboat and that the SSAC will provide an opportunity for people of all ages to engage in the arts.
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COMMUNITY CENTER • Denver Sports Trip for 2 • Downtown Hotel for 2 nights • 2 Avalanche Tickets • 2 Nuggets Tickets • $150 Certificate for Dinner & Drinks
INTERNATIONAL CUISINE, WORLD FIESTA ENTERTAINMENT, AND DANCE! Friday, September 15, 2017, 6:00-10:00 P.M. Steamboat Springs Community Center
Enjoy an Evening of World Music, Cultural Cuisine, Drinks and Dancing Each donation of $10 or more places you in the drawing for the Grand Prize Sports Trip (Need not be present to win) GRAND PRIZE DRAWING: Denver Sports Trip for 2 Downtown Denver Hotel - 2 nights 2 Avalanche tickets + 2 Nuggets tickets $150 Certificate for Dinner & Drinks INTERNATIONAL CUISINE: serving from 6-8 P.M. Taco Cabo Food Truck Y Not Food Truck Moe’s BBQ Tamales de Cleo
PI NATAS, B OUNCY HOUS AND FACE E, PAINTING FO R KID ENTERTAINMENT Latin Mix Dancers Steamboat African Dance & Drum Ensemble DANCE with DJ Music by Garrett Salsa lesson with Alex Valera
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$1 tickets will be sold to be used for food and drink purchases Food offerings from $2–$5 • $3 Wine, Beer and Margaritas
As a writer, I always tend to take the liberty and the great artistic luxury of a composite form of writing.—Dwight Yoakam
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Valley Voice
The Changing Scene
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My Dead Creek By Colin P. Cahoon
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B portion of Burgess Creek near the Burgess Creek ski lift was discovered to contain nothing but pure, native, Colorado Cutthroat trout, a beautiful and relatively rare species driven out of nearly every mountain stream in the state by non-native brook trout. The “brookies,” not technically trout but members of the salmon family, come from the Eastern United States. Turns out brookies thrive in small mountain streams. They are hardy and prolific breeders that can soon crowd out the local species. They were first introduced into Colorado streams in the 1800s by mining and railway companies to provide their workers with a ready source of protein beyond what the local fish could deliver. Brookies are aggressive, easy to catch, and yummy, with a lighter and less gamey flavor than the bigger trout with which they compete.
I’ve long dreamed of living within steps of a mountain creek, close enough that the gurgling and splashing sounds would spill through an open window. The creek would call me in the morning, tempting me out of bed with the promise of brook trout darting at my lure. At night, the same watery chorus would lull me to sleep - the white noise of Heaven.
The local cutthroat has one advantage over the smaller invaders. It can jump higher. The Burgess Creek tribe survived all these years because there is a fall between them and the downstream brookies. Their discovery near the ski lift kicked off a complicated state-led project to reintroduce them to the rest of Burgess Creek. What to do about all those prolific brookies? Get rid of them and replace them using a three-stage process.
About a dozen years ago we almost bought a house in town that butted up against Fish Creek with a golf course on the other side. You could hear the creek best from the kitchen and the master bedroom windows - perfect. In the end my wife and I (OK, mostly I) couldn’t take the leap from the job security of Dallas to the uncertainty of a future in Steamboat. I still question the wisdom of that conservatism, but advances in technology since then have enabled me to work from both places. And, a few years ago we became the proud owners of a comfortable little condo at the base of the ski area. Our unit sits on the ground floor with a nice deck off the master bedroom that, wait for it, is just feet from babbling Burgess Creek! Living next to a creek was everything I imagined and more. It rocked me to sleep at night and gently nudged me awake in the morning. I loved gazing at it, studying each little pool knowing it was teaming with zippy brookies just waiting for me to catch them. About twenty minutes is all it took to bag enough for breakfast, and the thought of doing so often tempted me out the door just as the sun came up. Those twenty minutes, fishing alone before the other residents were up or maintenance started their rounds, were the definition of bliss. The fish were caught, cleaned, breaded, and fried just in time to share with my waking bride, an offering of joy and love to my appreciative soulmate. But now my creek is dead, or at least it feels that way to me. Let me explain. Several years back, an upstream
Stage one involved putting in a fall further downstream, high enough to isolate a longer stretch of Burgess Creek from future brook trout incursion. You might have thought the falls near Slopeside Grill were just for show, but they are in fact a brook trout barrier, too high for them to jump over and get upstream. Stage two involves moving the brookies from the newly isolated section of Burgess Creek. This is accomplished by repeatedly shocking the creek and removing the stunned brook trout that float to the surface. The brookies are then
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
humanely moved to another location. I’m told the vast majority of the brook trout, something like 97%, are removed on the first effort, but the shocking continues for years to make sure that not a single breeding brookie remains. Stage three, after the isolated portion of the creek is certified to contain not a single live fish, involves reintroducing the Colorado Cutthroat to their native stream. Right now we are in stage two, and thus “my” creek is “dead.” To most, the creek probably doesn’t appear any different from before as it splashes along through the familiar pools and under the walking bridge near our condo. It does to me, though. I look at those pools now and know they are empty. Gone are the ghostly shadows that dart about when you get too close to the water’s edge. To me, Burgess Creek isn’t a creek anymore but a mere water feature, like the kind you see very realistically built in Disney theme parks. Sure, it looks real and sounds real, but it isn’t.
In a few more years fish will be back, but not my beloved brookies. Cutthroat just don’t produce anywhere near the numbers per volume of water that brookies do. Burgess Creek will eventually have a much smaller population of native fish that are also harder to catch, lacking the aggressive spirit of the brookies. I doubt I’ll ever catch another fish from the little stretch of Burgess outside my bedroom window. It would just take too much effort and time, with no guarantee of success even if I spent hours at the task. My creek will live again, but it will never be the B same. s e I’m torn by all this. I think the idea of w expanding the native cutthroat population a is really cool. But I also wonder, at what w point do we say something is “native” or not t “native,” and seek to preserve or dispose of e it? Those brook trout have probably been in Burgess Creek for over 100 years. Many of N the Eastern streams from which they came h no longer have their “native” fish population. s We are blessed to have a wild stallion herd s near here. Horses are not native to Colorado, a and no doubt compete with native elk, deer, n and moose for forage, yet we protect the wild p stallions, just as we protect the wild noni native donkeys in California. Countless other L species of plants and animals are technically O “non-native” depending on at what point in d history we decided to label them “native.” If you go back in time far enough, almost noth- E ing we are familiar with today is really nativep to any one area. Heck, most of us aren’t s native to North America! When do we decide d it is worth the money and effort to turn back the hands c of time and try to recreate something that didn’t exist f generations before us? t t I don’t know the answers to these questions. All I know t is that, for now, my creek is dead, and it just makes me g wonder. a
Colin P. Cahoon is the author of the mystery-thriller The Man with the Black Box and a part-time Steamboat Springs resident.
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Valley Voice
September 2017
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Drink of the Month
Celebration of the Changing Season
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Neste Auto Glass offers expert windshield, auto glass and mirror repairs and replacements. Call today for your FREE estimate970-879-2725 on any service By Eric Kemper Monday - Friday Fortunately, you don’t have to book a flight to Germany to Contact Us enjoy Oktoberfest; there are over 25 Oktoberfest celebrations in Colorado alone this year. And there are plenty Service area: of locally brewed Oktoberfest beers to enjoy, whether youSprings attend a area. fest or just an The certified technicians of Neste Auto Glass serve the Steamboat autumn barbecue.
Oktoberfest, or Marzen, lagers are crisp, amber beers that balance rich, toasty malt flavors with a modest hop profile and a clean finish with a minimal residual caramel sweetness. German beers typically use what are known as noble hops (Saaz, Spalt, Tettnang & Hallertau), which are a little lower in alpha acids, and thus a little more mild than some of their New World counterparts.
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Beer, for all of its complexity and ubiquity, is such a simple beverage. It has only four ingredients, yet in every glass is contained a history of the world from which each beer originates. Water, malt, hops and yeast Email: are all it takes to make this most popular of drinks worldwide. The type of grains, hops and yeast strains autoglas@springsips.com the brewer selects determines the characteristics in each glass, and what story that particular beer will tell. Nothing makes a party quite like beer and friends. We have all attended great parties in our lives that we tell Hours: stories about years later. Many of us have even had such great parties that we decided to do it again and again, year after year, until it becomes a cherished anMonday - Friday: 8:00am - 4:00pm nual tradition. Perhaps the greatest successful example of this is the annual Oktoberfest in Munich. Begun in 1810 as the marriage celebration of Crown Prince Ludwig and Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen, Oktoberfest has been celebrated, with some exceptions during the World Wars, nearly every year since. Even as you read the word ‘Oktoberfest’, an image has probably already formed in your head: Men in lederhosen and distinctive brimmed hats, women in traditional dirndl dresses, brass bands and bratwurst. And of course, perhaps the most defining feature of Oktoberfest is the beer. To be served at the fest, the beer has to conform to the Reiheitsgebot and be brewed within the city limits of Munich. The breweries that conform to this rule, known as the ‘Munich Big Six’ are: Augustiner, Hacker-Pschorr, Lowenbrau, Paulaner, Spaten and Hofbrau. Oktoberfest has become a defining feature of autumn worldwide. Something about gathering together to eat, drink and celebrate the harvest makes everyone want to be (or be like) a German for the day.
3162 Elk River Road, Steamboat Springs, CO 80487
Which brings us to the beer:
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Docktoberfest, from Dry Dock Brewing out of Aurora, is a great example of the North American style of Oktoberfest lagers. American Oktoberfest beers tend to use American hops, and thus have a more pronounced hop character than their German forebears. Even American grown noble hops are more assertive than European grown versions, so the hop aroma and flavor will be more pronounced. Docktoberfest definitely fits this pattern. The beer has a medium body, with notes of toffee, and a crisp finish. Enjoy Docktoberfest with pretzels, sausages, roast chicken and oompah bands. Available around town, along with Dry Dock’s full lineup.
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We’ll make it AWESOME! (970) 879.6587 | info@SteamboatSpecialties.com | 35 11th St. #120 www.SteamboatSpecialties.com | @SteamboatSpecialties There is a time in the last few days of summer when the ripeness of autumn fills the air.—Rudolfo Anaya
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Valley Voice
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The Paw Print
Summer’s End By Debora Black
promising them that I wouldn’t. Nonetheless, they would remain intent on my progress, and their lit-up eyes would watch my hand pluck two biscuits from the bowl of complimentary dog treats. Outside, it would be happy greetings all around. I’d say, Oh boy let’s have these good cookies, and then it was crunching biscuits and last crumbs and pets and kisses, before off we’d go.
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Preservation is a difficult thing. We all come to know this from our own significant experiences. We carry with us the things we have suffered and lost and the things we have survived and gained. Perhaps you are one who remembers all the late nights at Mattie Silks restaurant or riding your horse through town. Maybe you miss the sledding hill off of Mount Werner Road or the field that once existed behind your condo. How lovely it was to breathe-in all that glorious grass, before it became more condos. And what about The Market On The Mountain? My dogs and I used to walk there almost every morning. We headed out early in the dawning light, when the skies were full of mystery and the streets were empty and there wasn’t any noise. Since Io, Tycho, and I lived in a condo, we could feel the goodness, deep in our bones, of no noise and no people and crossing the intersection of Whistler and Walton Creek Roads without assault. We always took the sidewalk that wound between the condominiums and offered a morsel of greenbelt that was hidden from the streets. We would follow the creek all the way to the market. At this time of morning, everything was still—the air, the trees. Only the creek was moving. I would listen to the water shift and bubble, and Io and Tycho would quietly crisscross the sidewalk to explore the grass and trees on either side. On other mornings we made first tracks in the snow, and Io would wade out chest deep to track a scent, while Tycho, stiff-legged and sore, followed in my wake. When we reached the market, I’d tell the dogs that I’d be back, and they would wait for me, watching through the glass door. Inside, there was always someone working who would greet me by my name. There were rows of glistening chrome racks displaying all sorts of bright culinary inventions. There was the earthy smell of Steamboat Roasters coffee, and the sweet aroma of pastries baking in the ovens. Interwoven with that was the clashing of dishes and baking sheets, coming from the open kitchen. All of it together created a particular kind of music. I’d draw a cup of coffee from one of the stainless steel urns and select a muffin—still warm! At the register I’d make eye contact with the dogs while I paid. Tycho would be lying down and Io would be sitting, but both would be at attention. They were telling me not to forget, and I was
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On the way back home, I would watch the sky make its last changes of color. You never knew what you would get—the palest pink, a burst of gold, a smear of purple. By now, other walkers would be out with their dogs, and Io and Tycho would enjoy the social side of dog-hood. On summer days, they would slip into the pond at Waterstone, maybe stir-up the ducks a little bit. At home I’d feed the dogs their breakfast, and then we’d share the muffin. At the end of it all, they would find a spot on the sofa or one of the dog beds and curl up for a nap, while I went to my desk.
By the time the Market On The Mountain closed, life had changed many times over. Io and I had lost Tycho to cancer, although we had tried to save him, and did save him for nine months. I had graduated from my Master’s degree program and had survived the poverty associated with being a full-time student again. With my first magazine submission, I had been named a finalist in a prose contest. At the time, I didn’t know that was a big deal, but would find out later how tough the writing world is. I had been managing an art gallery where Io and I made quite a team. Io would work the crowd of tourists and second homeowners, while I sold the paintings. I took Io with me on trips to Denver to visit the artists’ studios and to collect more paintings. We hosted artist shows that always brought a full house, and we served free mimosas during Fourth of July parades—which made us famous with the tourists, until the City shut that down. After several years of success, the economy turned flat. We ran out of customers and closed the gallery, and I started teaching at the college. Every year when the grass begins to fade and all the greens turn to yellow, I find myself being pulled back inside those mornings when walking to the Market On The Mountain was the way that Io, Tycho, and I started each day. How it was, for me, a warm light, a strategy against the rise of experiences that tried to obliterate my sun, and a reason to search for new fields when the one I inhabited disappeared.
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steamboatsprings.net Haymaker Golf Course Driving Range . Pro Shop . Haymaker Patio Grill . Rental Clubs Public 18-hole links course . 970-870-1846 . haymakergolf.com Howelsen Ice Arena Daily Ice Skating . Ice Bumper Cars . Skate Rentals & Lessons Indoor Facility/Heated Lobby . 970-871-7033 . steamboatsprings.net/ice Howelsen Hill Ski Area Historic ski area with summer ski jumping and miles of hiking and biking trails 845 Howelsen Parkway . steamboatsprings.net/ski Howler Alpine Slide Slide your way to exhilarating alpine family fun 970-819-8010 . steamboatalpineslide.com ProRodeo Where cowboys and cowgirls come to play every Friday and Saturday evening 970-879-1818 . steamboatprorodeo.com . Live Music @ 6pm . Rodeo @ 7:30pm Steamboat Tennis Center 6 Indoor Courts . 10 Outdoor Courts . Open 7 Days A Week 2500 Pine Grove Rd . 970-879-8400 . steamboat10s.com Parks & Community Services Youth/Teens/Seniors Programs, Adult & Youth Sports Leagues 245 Howelsen Parkway . 970-879-4300 . steamboatsprings.net/rec Yampa River Botanic Park Colorado Botanic Jewel . Free Admission . Dawn to Dusk . April - October 31 1000 Pamela Lane . 970-846-5172 . yampariverbotanicpark.org
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Emerald Mountain September 16, 2017
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Schmac and Cheese
September 2017
Valley Voice
Octoberfest is for BEER! Over 400 delicious beers to choose from!
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For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
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Valley Voice
FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 1 First Friday Art Walk Eight First Friday Galleries featuring Crane Art 5PM @ Downtown Steamboat. Self-guided tour of local art galleries, museums and alternative venues. FREE. Awaken with Chopra Center Yoga 9:30AM @ Yoga Center of Steamboat Contact Patty Zimmer 970-846-5608 or zimmer@ springsips.com Talk by Colorado Parks and Wildlife Bird Conservation Coordinator Liza Rossi “Monitoring Sandhill Cranes in Northwest Colorado,” NOON @ Library Hall. FREE Film: “From Billions to None: The Passenger Pigeon’s Flight to Extinction,” 12:45PM @ Library Hall. FREE Documentary: “Cranes of the Rockies,” 1:45PM @ Library Hall. FREE Birding at the Yampa River Botanic Park, All ages event. Chairs and spotting scope provided. 2:30PM @ Trillium House. FREE Crane Yard Art Display & Auction With live music by The Broad Band 4PM @ Library Lawn, FREE World Premiere Documentary: “For the Love of Cranes,” 6:30PM @ Library Hall, FREE Talk by naturalists, photographers and interpreters Sandra Noll and Erv Nichols “Migrating with Sandhill Cranes” 7:15PM @ Library Hall. FREE Super Fun Steamboat Show 8PM @ The Chief Theater Details to Come. www.chieftheater.com Wheelhouse 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys.com SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 2 Yampa Valley Crane Festival at the Wild West Air Fest, 9:00AM @ Steamboat Springs Airport
September 2017
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Calendar of Events Crane Yoga BYO mat or blanket 9:30AM @ Library Lawn. FREE HawkQuest’s Live Raptors 10:00 AM @ Library Lawn. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events “The Art of Landscape,” a talk and slideshow by artist Joan Hoffmann 11:00 AM @ Library Hall. FREE Crane Yard Art Display & Auction NOON @ Library Lawn. FREE Yampa Valley Crane Festival Photo Contest Awards 1:00PM @ Library Hall. FREE Dr. George Archibald, cofounder of the International Crane Foundation, presents: “My Life with Cranes,” 1:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE Talk by Denver Zoo Curator of Birds John Azua “Denver Zoo’s Crane Conservation Efforts” 3:00PM @ Library Hall. FREE Yampa Valley Crane Festival Community Picnic Including talk by Birding Magazine editor Ted Floyd & sunset crane viewing BYO picnic. 4:30PM @ The Nature Conservancy’s Carpenter Ranch in Hayden. FREE Pandas & People 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com Steamboat Wild West AirFest 9:00AM steamboatchamber.com SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 3 Sketch-a-Bird workshop with artist Chula Beauregard and live birds basic drawing tools supplied by the library 9:00 AM @ Library Hall. FREE Homestead Tour of The Nature Conservancy’s historic Carpenter Ranch, led by Betsy Blakeslee, 10:15AM @ Carpenter Ranch in Hayden. FREE HawkQuest’s Live Raptors 10:30AM @ Library Lawn. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events
To submit your free events or calendar information e-mail: valleyvoicesales@gmail.com Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 15th of each month. Talk: “Birds Of Prey” With HawkQuest founder and master falconer 1:45PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Latin Dance Night 7PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. Every Sunday in September www.schmiggitys.com
FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 8 Cash’d Out w/ Clownvis 10PM @ Schmiggity’s $10. www.schmiggitys.com SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 9 Yampatika & Karen Vail 2:00PM @ Off The Beaten Path FREE
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 4
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 11
Live Band Karaoke/ Open Jam 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. Every Monday in September www.schmiggitys.com
Documentary: “Cameraperson” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 5
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 12
Two-Step Tuesday 7PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. Every Tuesday in September www.schmiggitys.com
Pool League 6:00PM @ The V Every Tuesday in September starting September 12
Steamboat Theatrical Society Noon @ Arts Depot FREE. Every Tuesday in September. Contact sstew@ gmail.com for info.
Wild Films: Three Wild Shorts: “Elk River,” “Caviar Dreams” & “End of Snow” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events
WED. SEPTEMBER 6
WED. SEPTEMBER 13
Film: “Birth Of A Movement” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events
Dart League 6:00PM @ The V Every Wednesday in September starting September 13
Author Sarah Lavender Smith 6:00PM @ Off The Beaten Path FREE
Bud Werner Memorial Library’s Foreign Film Series at the Chief: “After the Storm,” Japanese with English subtitles 7PM @ Chief Theater. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events
Karaoke Night 9PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. Every Wednesday in September www.schmiggitys.com THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 7 Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot FREE. Every Thursday in September www.steamboatwriters.com Author Amy Charity 6:00PM @ Off The Beaten Path FREE AQUEOUS 10PM @ Schmiggity’s $5. www.schmiggitys.com
THURS. SEPTEMBER 14 Open Pool Tournament 6:00PM @ The V Every Thursday in September starting September 14 Aquaducks 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 15 Wish You Were Pink 10PM @ Schmiggity’s $5. www.schmiggitys.com
SAT. SEPTEMBER 16 Literary Sojourn 25th annual Festival of Authors presented by Bud Werner Memorial Library 1:30PM @ Strings Pavilion www.literarysojourn.org Rowdy Shadehouse 10PM @ Schmiggity’s $10. www.schmiggitys.com SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 17 Todo Mundo 9PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 19 Library Author Series: Michael Kodas talks about his new book, “Megafire” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events WED. SEPTEMBER 20 Poetry Slam 6:00PM @ Off The Beaten Path FREE Dance On Film: “Restless Creature: Wendy Whelan” Presented by Bud Werner Memorial Library, Steamboat Dance Theatre and Perry-Mansfield 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events THURS. SEPTEMBER 21 Talk with ecologist and aspen expert Kelsey Correia: “How’s Your Aspen?” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events Rachel Price 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 22 WE DREAM DAWN 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com
Legato 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com MONDAY SEPTEMBER 25 Yampatika’s 25th Anniversary Celebration 5:30PM @ The Chief Theater. $10 https://www. eventbrite.com/e/yampatika-25th-anniversarycelebration-tickets
Talk with champion bike racer, inspirational speaker and author Amy Charity: “Wrong Side of Comfortable” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 26 Film: “Drawing The Tiger” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/events WED. SEPTEMBER 27 Author Robert Castellino 6:00PM @ Off The Beaten Path FREE “The Pulitzer At 100” Celebrating the centenary of this revered national award for excellence in journalism & the arts. 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 29 Whitewater Ramble 10PM @ Schmiggity’s $5. www.schmiggitys.com SAT. SEPTEMBER 30
Yampatika’s 2nd Annual Fall Festival NOON. FREE family friendly community event! See website for more details. www.yampatika.org Sweet Lillies 10PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com
SAT. SEPTEMBER 23 Yampatika’s 25th Anniversary Hike 8:00AM-3:00PM. Limited space; Reservations required www.yampatika.org
We cannot make events. Our business is wisely to improve them.—Samuel Adams
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September 2017
Valley Voice
HappyHours Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed! 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 p.m. Aurum Food & Wine 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Azteca Taqueria 4:00 - 5:00 p.m. & 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily
McKnight’s Irish Pub 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 - 11:00 p.m. daily Off the Beaten Path After 4:00 p.m. daily Old Town Pub 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily
Back Door Grill 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. daily & All day on Sundays
O’Neil’s Tavern and Grill 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00 p.m. - 12:00 p.m. daily
The BARley 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
The Pit on 5th 2:00 - 6:00 p.m.
Big House Burgers 4:20 - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat. & 2 - 6 Sunday
Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20 - 6:00 daily
Cantina Mexican Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
The Rusted Porch 2:00 p.m.- 6:00p.m. daily
Carl’s Tavern 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
Salt and Lime 3:30 p.m.- 5:30 p.m. & 10:00 p.m.- 11:00 p.m.
Circle R Bar 4 - 6 p.m. Thurs., Fri.,Sat.
Sake 2 U 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.
Colorado High 5 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
Sambi Canton 5:00 - 6:00 pm Monday - Saturday
Cuginos Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 - 11:00 p.m. daily Double ZZ BBQ 2:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Dude & Dan’s Bar and Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Late Night Happy Hour: 10:00 - 12:00 p.m. daily E3 Ranch & Chophouse Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Harwigs & L’Apogee: 5:00 - 6:30 p.m. daily Laundry 4:30 - 6p.m. Tues.-Sat. Low Country 4:30 - 6 p.m. daily Mahogany Ridge 4:00 - 5:30 p.m. Late night happy hour: 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. daily Mambo Italiano 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. daily Mazzola’s Majestic Italian Diner 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily
Schmiggitys 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily Scratch 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Slopeside Grill 10:00 p.m.-12:00 a.m. The V 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Steamboat Smokehouse 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 to 11:30 p.m. daily: Sunpies Cajun Bistro 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily Table 79 Foodbar 5:00 - 6:00 & 9:00 - 11:00 daily The Tap House Sports Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. weekdays Truffle Pig 2:00 - 5:00 p.m. daily Vaqueros Mexican Restaurant & Taqueria 2:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
First Friday Artwalk September 1, 2017 5 pm - 8 pm All over downtown ART GALLERIES AND MUSEUMS
ALTERNATIVE VENUES
GALLERY 89 1009 Lincoln Ave 970.439.8196 Gallery 89 is delighted to feature Kathy Fresques’s recent masterpiece: “Crimson Warrior”. A remarkable dynamism of lightness and depth, wild irises dance and billow against the celebrated Fresques Sky. Step into the story.
FHYSICAL ELEMENTS PERSONAL TRAINING STUDIO 9th and Oak 970.846.0828 Local school teacher, Carlene Heald, will present a collection of mixed media art titled “Movement” to celebrate the joys of dance, yoga, and cycling.
JACE ROMICK GALLERY 813 Lincoln Ave. inside The Chief Theater 970.846.8377 Jace Romick’s photography capturing the American West and its lifestyle, paired with handcrafted artisanal frames to compliment his engaging photos.
HARWIGS/LAPOGEE 911 Lincoln Ave 970.879.1919 STEVE BOLANDER: Nature provides a dazling display of beauty each and every day of the year. This show captures some of that beauty in and around Steamboat and beyond.
MANGELSEN-IMAGES OF NATURE 730 Lincoln Ave 970.871.1822 Legendary nature photographer Tomas D. Mangelsen has traveled throughout the world for over 40 years photographing the Earth’s last great wild places. www. mangelsen.com
STEAMBOAT SMOKEHOUSE 912 Lincoln Ave 941.321.2809 Young Bloods Collective group show, In collaboration with the CraneFest, work inspired by Jim Henson’s birds, movies and characters. Huge variety of medium- not to be missed.
PINE MOON FINE ART 117 9th St 970.879.2787 Celebrates the Yampa Valley Crane Festival with art. Bronze and fiber sculptures, oil, watercolor, acrylic paintings, pencil drawings, photography, glass, monotype, and jewelry.
URBANE 703 Lincoln Ave 970.879.9169 “Broken Hearts” created by local artists to raise awareness of the issues facing this generation. Proceeds benefit Sk8 Church to help their vision of seeing lives changed.
STEAMBOAT ART MUSEUM 807 Lincoln Ave., 970.870.1755 The Steamboat Art Museum Store (SAM) is happy to represent over 20 local artists for ArtWalk. Join us Friday and see what’s new!
Artwork by Cully Kistler
STEAMBOAT SPRINGS ARTS COUNCIL AT THE DEPOT 1001 13th St. 970.879.9008 “Autumn Art”-Members exhibit painting, sculpture, photography, mixed media, printmaking and more! “Autumn Art” whose ages vary from 14 to 80 plus. Something for everyone. STEAMBOAT SPRINGS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS 837 Lincoln Ave 970.846.8119 Featuring emerging local artists. Special show of original Sandhill Crane artworks in celebration of this month’s festival! Complimentary wine. www.steamboatartcenter. com W GALLERY 115 9th Street, Lincoln Ave., 970.846.1783 Connie Saddlemire, “Images From Home” :the artist’s abstraction of common elements and her exploration of color, texture, shape & line as they transform into grid structures with meaning. WILD HORSE GALLERY 802 Lincoln Ave., 879-5515 Plein air artists including members of Plein Air Painters of America, Rocky Mountain Plein Air Painters, and Plein Air Artists Colorado. For info -970-819-2850 or www. wildhorsegallery.com.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice
September 2017
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August 21, 2017
Totality By Aimee Kimmey
Like many, our trip to totality began months ago with planning and preparation. What should we bring? Where would we stay? Where could we watch from? Would we even be able to find a camp site? The closest available camping was a hundred miles north of totality, in Bighorn National forest. So we made a weekend of it. We set out two days before the eclipse. RVs, tents, telescope and cameras were already lined up as we drove across the path of totality. Would there be any room left for us? At 4:30 Monday morning we broke camp. Excited, nervous, and cold, we moved as quick as possible. We were anxious to find the perfect spot for this spectacle. But we knew thousands of people would converge on the path of totality with the same idea. We drove through Shoshoni to the southern end of the Boysen reservoir--the center of totality. To our utter delight, we quickly found a vast gravel field that park rangers were ushering folks into for an amazing price of $6! Was it really that easy? We settled in for the next three hours. In no time we made friends with our neighbors. They shared our anxiety and joy at finding the perfect viewing spot, and we laughed at our months of meticulous planning for a two minute show. All around, people were brimming with excitement; making new friends and sharing stories. Folks had come from all over the world for this. The food truck at the gate quickly sold out of T-shirts and souvenirs.
At first you could feel the burning heat you expect when staring at the sun. But as time went by, it grew cooler. Shadows behind us, while still fully formed, became thinner, less intense. The light around us dimmed, even though the clouds were breaking up and clearing out. As the sun became a tiny crust around the moon, the excitement grew. “Look! The shadow of the moon!” Our neighbor cried. Sure enough, darkness was coming for us! With a flash of bright white light, appropriately called the diamond ring effect, the moon slid in front of the sun. Bam! Totality was upon us. People cheered, the temperature plummeted. We all suddenly felt very small as we watched the giants dance in the sky. Our petty human problems momentarily forgotten. Goose bumps that had nothing to do with the sudden coolness, crawled across my skin. For reasons I can’t explain, tears of joy filled my eyes. Three hundred and sixty degrees around us the edges of the sunlight made the horizon glow a deep, sunset
orange. While above us a black ball ringed with pearly white sunlight met our naked eyes. It was... spectacular. For two minutes and forty seconds it felt like we had been transported to an alien planet. Stars popped into view, Venus gleamed brightly at us. The crowd stared up in pure reverence, punctuated only by the occasional “Wow!” Then with another flash of the diamond ring, as if God winked right at us, the moon moved past the sun. I cheered along with others; like either the moon or the sun needed my approval or encouragement. Shaking with pure emotion we all looked around at each other, grasping for words that just weren’t big enough. It was profoundly amazing. I often throw around the terms like “Awesome” and “Awe inspiring”, but what I saw in the path of totality made me truly grasp the meaning of the word AWE! It’s not everyday that you get to experience something that genuinely moves you. My advice to you, when you find these moments, grab hold and savor every second!
The wait was so enjoyable, we hardly noticed it. Before long, the moon nudged into the burning circle of the sun. “First contact!” My husband said as he began to snap pictures. I quickly put my glasses on. Sure enough, it was starting! Eclipse glasses are, by necessity, so dark that all you can see is the orange ball of the sun. When you look through them the world narrows to just you, the sun, and that black disc sliding in front of it. When you stop to think about what you’re looking at, it’s pretty remarkable: you’re just a tiny little speck on this ball of dirt watching this cosmic event! Even though the moon orbits at thousands of miles per hour, it’s a slow process for it to completely eclipse the sun. We filled the time visiting with our neighbors, snacking, goofing around. Periodically we’d put our glasses on and look directly into the sun.
The Venus transit is not a spectacle the way a total solar eclipse is a spectacle.—Neil deGrasse Tyson
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September 2017
Valley Voice
Steamboat Stories
Tale of A Town - Part II: Commercialization By John Whittum
The city then made a second decision to side-step what other resorts were implementing: a real estate transfer tax. Arguing that a tax on the sale of property would inhibit growth, the town relinquished the possibility of collecting sizable income on real estate transactions. While members of the town’s “underclass” sometimes shopped at other communities to avoid paying the local high sales taxes, they were not indifferent to the absence of any kind of tax on the huge sums expended by buyers of real property. Unfortunately for all – except the real estate industry - a state-wide clamor of anti-tax populism produced several constitutional amendments prohibiting or discouraging any moves to restore what opportunities the city had let slip by.
Sustained by a triad of cattle ranching, coal mining, and tourism, the town, though not always prosperous, had escaped severe cycles that plagued less diversified economies. It could also boast a county seat, a link on a major transcontinental highway between two major cities, a long history of skiing events, and a spectacular mountain setting unmatched by other municipalities. Perhaps because of these advantages in the early postwar years, the city fathers, unlike the leaders of most fast-growing towns, made the decision NOT to tax real property. These officials apparently believed that sufficient revenue for city expenses could be provided by sales tax receipts. Most of which, they apparently speculated, would be paid by rich tourists in summer and winter, and by equally wealthy hunters in the fall. On the heels of the nation’s 1960s cultural revolution, the town’s population surged at a staggering rate. Prices for land jumped so quickly that old-time ranchers, who had labored through hardscrabble conditions, were relieved that they could make a sizable profit. But their eagerness to sell out was welcomed by an avid fervor to buy in. Already prosperous property owners and a new wave of speculators were quick to sense enormous profits to be made. Main Street merchants became excited that students at the summer camp, the private school, and the college were beginning to spend large sums of money. An association of businessmen was formed to promote closer ties with teachers, but the business interests did nothing to address the educators’ concerns and, consequently, the same same “Business-Education Week” quickly disintegrated.. The teachers resented being patronized by opportunistic merchants, who had yet to embrace the real value of improved education.
For the next few decades the town’s major voices – those who spoke from its banks and businesses, its major industries, its newspapers, and its government – insisted on promoting the town as truly unique. They advertised a small town of near perfection. “It’s why we live here” became the mantra of agents thriving on, and salivating over, the prospect of selling more property. Despite the burgeoning evidence of noisy street and sidewalk congestion during the major tourist seasons, their marketing persisted. Originally surrounded by bucolic meadows, the town soon metastasized into a resort city enveloped by suburban sprawls. Some investors, who built or bought profitable rental units, forced less fortunate citizens to occupy cheaper houses often some distance away from the old town’s center. Affluent residents sometimes became part-time, returning to their homes only during the off-seasons. Average size homes that used to dominate older residential neighborhoods were slowly modified by additions to enlarge living space and thus secure higher rents, or were entirely replaced by new squat and stolid structures that reduced the open spaces once occupied by yards and gardens.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice
In the end, the city was compelled to confess its needs had become “insatiable.” Providing minimal living conditions for the working class, remodeling and upgrading current recreational facilities to compete with other resort centers, and establishing elaborate new diversions to attract ever more tourists, the town continued to subsidize the resort industry in a vicious circle that brought in more people to generate more tax. The direction of city government had been captured by the commercial interests. In the meantime the four-year private college founded by the two ladies’ successors had fallen heavily in debt. Attempting its rescue, its trustees, then sold the remaining assets to an out-of-state university which maintained a dozen international educational institutions. In their hasty desire to be rid of this defaulting institution, those same trustees belatedly realized the buyer was a real estate scam.
September 2017
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Poetry
Sunrise on the Elk River By Patrick Curran
In a meditative mood I settle by the roiling river Here darkling there sparkling, Churning ‘round rocks and rills Purling through placid pools Fine river music. Chest out, wings wide A speckled Osprey Cuts ‘cross the silken sky, Fanning the flames of dawn Charmed by the river song
The college library, much of it donated by local residents, was the first item to be sold off. A few years later, and in an entirely different spirit, a group of more progressive and far-sighted businessmen promoted the concept of a six-county, publicly supported college, to which voters would pay a property tax in return for reduced tuition and other benefits. Opinions were divided of course, but the majority of the town’s voters, the country residents, and those of five adjoining counties, chose to tax themselves and thereby reinstitute a facility of higher learning. It was a remarkable event considering the town’s historic opposition to taxing itself, yet perfectly consistent with the citizens’ century-long quest for better education. And, it was a move that foreshadowed other contentious battles between the real estate and resort industries’ obsession over profits and the citizens’ desire for a more balanced approach to community life.
Catching a thermal She sets her wings And is borne aloft A natural wonder at play Circling over fields of hay Descending now She surveys her domain A banded river, blue and white Rolling through the emerald light Hovering briefly She cups her wings to the rising sun, A prayer of thanksgiving For the gift of flight, Signifying in a fleeting The world is filled With truth and meaning. Suddenly Arching back her wings She plunges With flaming predatory eyes, Prowling above the runs and riles, Aiming her talons like harpoons She splashes deep Savaging a rainbow trout. Jolted and forlorn My mystic moment gone I dare to doubt The divine account Of how things came about Is natural selection just A random scheme? Do survivors with the spleen Just pass-on their selfish gene? No designer? No masterplan? But glory me and sweet surrender I can’t give up on all the splendor I pause to wonder As paradise fades Perhaps heaven can wait? Perhaps the magic lantern Of selection can reveal A deeper and more elegant design? But glory me and sweet surrender I can’t give up on all the splendor
Commercialism isn’t challenging creatively; it’s only challenging in a stamina way.—Feist
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September 2017
Valley Voice
Routt County Disasters
It’s A Done Deal By Lyn Wheaton
I figured she was practicing that law of attraction thing. She continued going on about this house and said she didn’t know how she would pay the taxes. I wondered if this manifesting technique required you to believe you’ve already been notified of the windfall? Probably. I told her not to worry about it. She agreed, telling me she’d figure it out later and did I want to come by and take a walk the next day? I said I would. She told me she’d meet me on Mountain Avenue after her job interview. She was excited about the interview. It was with a lawyer. She had never gone to college and had a huge insecurity about that. She would always say stuff like, “In my last job I was the only one who could run the place. The place was crawling with college graduates and who did everyone come to for answers? Yup, you guessed it, Becky. That’s who.” She liked to refer to herself in the third person. So I said, well good luck on your interview, and she said she didn’t need luck, this guy was ready to hire her. The interview was just a formality. So I said, congratulations then.
When The Powerball jackpot topped a billion dollars I decided to buy a few tickets. Four hundred million was not enough to motivate me, but when the prize reached a billion I was off the couch and out the door. The line at Safeway was longer than I expected but I needed the extra time to select my numbers. I have always believed that seven was my lucky number. I don’t know why, because I’ve never won anything. Nonetheless, on one of the tickets I picked all the numbers that included a seven. After I was done I thought, “that was stupid, what are the odds of that?” That’s like playing craps and betting on numbers the hard way. Good thing I bought two tickets. On my way out of the store I decided I wasn’t going to announce the ticket purchase on social media. I thought it would be better to just sit quietly and make the big announcement after I won. I didn’t want to jinx myself. I got in the car, placed my hand on the wooden crucifix that hangs from my rearview mirror, and made a vow. I ran down a list, out loud, of all the wonderful things I would do with the money. (It is important when making such a pledge that you recite all selfless acts first, as a show of good faith.) The list was as follows: Give all my really good friends a million dollars apiece. I was glad I didn’t have that many friends. Next, do something memorable for the world, like start a big ranch where all the unwanted pets would be taken care of. Or, I could try to feed the homeless … something like that. I pondered this a bit… maybe a ranch for the homeless people and pets to live together? The re-homed people could take care of the pets and I’d buy all the food. That’s probably what I’ll do. Finally, buy homes in places I want to hang out for extended periods of time. I could have fully-staffed houses in prime locations everywhere, and a private plane, so I wouldn’t have to take public transportation. It was going to be fabulous. I could hardly wait. I was getting carried away with all the possibilities, and then I remembered what happened to Becky.
I met Becky in the DMV when I first moved to Fort Collins. She had just moved from the Hudson Valley in New York, the same place my daughter and I had just relocated from. To hear Becky tell it -- over and over and over -- my daughter and I cut in front of her and took her spot, but what actually happened was when my daughter and I arrived at DMV the place was packed. There were no seats. People were leaning against the wall in the back. Lots of people were coughing and making me feel oppressed so we decided to take our numbers and go sit out on the sidewalk. We asked at the information booth when we should come back in and they said at least an hour. We went and got coffee, checked back in to find the line had barely moved and the machine was nowhere close to our number, so we went back outside and sat down on the curb. After another half hour we got up and went in. As we were walking in the door they were calling our number. We excused ourselves and worked our way through the crowd. By the time we got to the desk they had given up on us and were helping the next people in line, Becky and her husband. I said, “We’re here! You just called our number. We’ve been waiting for over an hour.” The lady told Becky to step back and let us in since we had the number before her. Everybody was being real friendly and joking around. Once we all had our licenses we walked out together to exchange phone numbers. I gave Becky my number and she said, “See how nice I am? You cut in front of me and not only did I let you, I made friends with you too.” From then on the story was we met when I cut in front of her at DMV. I never bothered to correct her – if that’s what she needed she could have it. Since I was the first person she met in Fort Collins, she called me all the time. One day she called to tell me that she was going to win the home in Winter Park that HGTV was giving away. I told her I didn’t know what that was, this was; back in 2007 and it was a relatively new thing at that time. She said HGTV was having a contest and the prize was a brand new house in Winter Park. I asked her how you entered and she told me not to bother because she was going to win it. I laughed at her joke but she didn’t laugh.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
I got to our designated meeting spot a little early and was surprised to see her walk up soon after. I asked how the interview went. She said that it went well and they were going to get back to her after interviewing a few more people. I said, “I thought it was a done deal?” She said, “Oh. It is. I told you… this is all just a formality.” I said, “Oh, well good then. Congratulations again.” Certain she had the job, she ran down every detail of the interview. She said she’d asked her prospective employer what to do about the taxes when she won that house in Winter Park. This was ridiculous. She was taking this law of attraction thing a bit too far. What was the matter with her anyway, talking about some fantasy as if it was a reality on a job interview? The guy must have thought she was a complete kook. She rambled on telling me he had asked her if she gets along well with people. I found this an odd question for a woman of her age applying for a paraprofessional position, but then again she had an odd personality. She answered him by telling him how she met me at DMV when I so rudely cut in front of her and then she made friends with me. Apparently this was her new go to when it came to showing her tolerance for annoying people such as myself. I wasn’t surprised to find out a few days later that she didn’t get the job, but Becky was. “That lawyer will regret not hiring me. I would have whipped that office into shape in no time.” She said, “Well, I’m better off anyway because why would I want to do all his grunt work? Probably gave the job to some college graduate.” The look on her face made me think she had eaten a real handful of sour grapes. She continued ranting about the shitty job she was so glad to have narrowly escaped. I finally said I had to go. I got so sick of her referring to herself in the third person and telling me how she was the smartest person in the world, I stopped answering her calls. I didn’t even wait to find out if she’d won the house. I have to admit though, when I checked the HGTV contest winner and saw it wasn’t her, I did feel a little bit of satisfaction. Maybe that’s why I didn’t win the Powerball. Karma and all that, you know. Next time.
Valley Voice
September 2017
Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide
Yuppers - Dating Sucks
23
It’s all about your Happiness
By Mr. Helpful, M.D.
THE WORST thing to have to deal with as a human being. DAMN IT WHHYYYYYY can’t this be easier?!?!?? Well SHE didn’t look like her photos at ALL. He showed up dressed like a frickin’ slob. On our first phone call, SHE thought it was appropriate to start doing the dishes with the phone on speaker. HE came to the date already drunk, drank even more on the date and then had the nerve to not only want to split the bill, but to lunge for a good night kiss. AS IF!!! She droned on and on about her ex and how she is still friends with all of them. Making sure I knew how important it was to be kind in (apparently) our impending breakup. It was only our first date! He made jokes about killing my cat because to him it was funny. 4 examples later he realized that I wasn’t laughing at any of his cat killing jokes. At the table, she remarked she was only there to be distracted for the evening in order to help her get over a recent painful breakup. Out loud; She said it out loud! Also making sure to infer there was no hope of romance either. He told 3 lengthy, highly detailed stories about the life saving qualities of his hair ... his fucking hair! YES - all those tales of woe are true from real people. Hopefully YOU are not among them, but I can guess that somewhere in those words you had a pinball brain association moment. Briefly reliving some ridiculous date with some ridiculous person. We all have our tales to tell. And I am here to let you know that you, dear friend, are in good company. All of us are survivors of crap dates with idiots. Now, I ask the musical question - If human beings are so smart, why haven’t we figured out how to easily find the perfect mate to date? Let’s check out the Human Achievement Chart - Control the magic of fire? Check. The miracle of flight? Check. Trick folks into thinking that money is important, credit cards are a good idea and that “I promise you won’t get pregnant” is an honest phrase you can trust. Check. But why haven’t we figured out a foolproof method of matching up with a life partner that won’t betray us at laser tag or make fun of us in front of friends at a party? Why oh why?
Friends don’t let Friends drive down Buff Pass buzzed.
I’ll tell you why - because then the whole self-discovery part of life wouldn’t be as much fun. Yuppers cats and kittens, we’re back to “The Journey” being the big deal. Having a play-friend to hold our hand as we move through it is much better than going alone. But in truth, we all come into this world as an individual and we all go out as an individual. I buck the similar phrase using the word “alone”. We most certainly do not come in alone (mom’s there and maybe dad and a couple of nurses and doctors), and hopefully we do not make the grand exit alone. Pals, friends, mates, buddies or bros. No matter who or what you call them, we all want one, we need one. And IF one of them wouldn’t mind seeing us naked and/or letting see them naked from time to time, then WHOOPIE!! We’d even let them see us naked with the lights off if it would still happen, ha! Here’s Mister Helpful’s Dating Tip of the Day Relax. It’s just a date. That person is also nervous. They are hoping things might end well just as much as you are. So, relax. Eat a little beforehand to keep your blood sugars level. If you need to have a cocktail, have HALF of one. You certainly do not want to have drinker’s breath or show up too loose. Here’s a little secret: masturbate an hour before the date. You’ll be relaxed, feel much less stress and all that pressure will be gone. Yup, men/women, have yourself a good old time before you take that big risk. And even if the night ends up being a flop with them, at least you had a good time.
software developer, yes its rewarding at times; no my gym membership ran out and I haven’t made the time to get back; two cats, brother and sister, 15 years, Mr. Wiggles and Princess Flicker, exactly, my kids named them, I know.” OH MY GAWD SOMEONE KILL ME. Ok now that the complaining has gotten to a ripe level of screaming into a pillow – I want you to know that out there, somewhere, there is one person who thinks you smell like strawberries and fart rainbows. This one person will look at you with the eyes of a hungry lustful wolf that hasn’t eaten in weeks (and you’ll like them looking at you like this too). I’m telling you pumpkin that there is a strong chance that you will meet this person one day and when you do it will be in a love car crash passionate way. Yes, you must believe this because hope might be all we have to keep our heads above water. Hope might be the single greatest delusion, but it also is our single greatest construct. I believe in you. Its going to be okay!
Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column and others. Next month – Furries, Plushies and Latex – How your parents met and other stories to make you sterile.
Now back to why dating is a bad idea – why even bother making an effort? There’s over population, STDs are everywhere and in nearly everyone, people are jerks, an evening out costs a ridiculous amount of money and what’s the pay off? Someone who MIGHT think we’re good enough for a second date? Nah. Netflix and chill with yourself and the dog. Way cheaper and the dog’s farts aren’t really that bad. Oh wait – I forgot to add how, after a handful of dates, YOU hear yourself asking the same boring questions and answering the same boring questions. Holy Hell does THAT get old fast! - “yes, an older brother and younger sister;
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Driving after drinking on Buff Pass is not the way to have fun. Accidents will occur at any time with poor judgement under the influence of alcohol. Stay safe and have fun.
www.grandfutures.org Progress is the attraction that moves humanity.—Marcus Garvey
24
September 2017
Valley Voice
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The story you are about to read is true... more or less. 10:48 pm. Front Desk. It had been a busy day at the hotel, full of the usual unfair balance of crabby whack jobs to cheerful travelers. Having dealt with all of them in turn, the clerk was enjoying a quiet moment of peace. She reclined in her chair laughing at the late night TV show playing in the corner of the lobby. Only ten more minutes left in her shift; today she was good and ready to go home. Her heart sank when the elderly gentleman from 207 tottered into the lobby in his bathrobe. His litany of special needs when he checked in made her suspect he might be a bit of a hypochondriac. And at this hour, she doubted anything good was about to happen. His eyes were rolled back into his head and his mouth was twitching open as he shuffled toward her. Great! She thought, reaching for the phone... “There’s something in my eye!” He barked at her. “Okay...?” Should she dial 911? Or did he just need a hug? He lurched over the counter to thrust his face into hers, “Can you see it?!” Between his furious blinking and the sub-par lighting, all she could tell was that his eyes were irritated. “Let’s move under the lamp.” She rolled her desk chair up to the floor lamp casting a gentle glow across the front lobby. Twitching and grunting, the elderly gentleman walked over to plunk haphazardly into the chair. He craned his head up so the light was shining directly onto his eyes.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
“What’s in there? There’s got to be something, I haven’t I been able to get any sleep, but I can’t find it.” He grumbled t as she moved in to take a look. g o Stretching his face as long as it could go, he opened his eyes so wide she worried they might pop right out. She A leaned in to get a good look. Without blinking the man rolled his eyeballs slowly from one side to the other. I m The corners of his eyes were red and aggravated, probably s from him jabbing at them with his fingers. Otherwise there u wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. D “What d’ya see?” He beseeched her. o i “Well...” She shifted, maybe a different angle would reveal E the hidden irritant. Y Without blinking, he rolled his eyes up, and down, then D back, and forth. Tears leaked slowly from the corner of his eyes, desperate to moisturize rapidly drying eyeballs. T p “I really don’t see anything.” The clerk said finally pulling f back. m t “Huh.” The gentleman grunted. He sat upright and looked all around as if testing his eyes for the first time. “Well, I they feel better now anyway.” j o Pulling his robe tight, the elderly gentleman ambled back d out of the lobby. a i Okay... The clerk thought as she headed toward the time clock, nothing like a little amateur optometry to top off an T already weird day! w
Valley Voice
September 2017
25
Here Knitty-Knitty
Sacred Beginning By LA Bourgeois
Pet Kare Clinic Revised Ad Sept 2017 So... they want the below. Main ad is about No balls TUESDAY! I understand if it's too late? Let me know...my beloved doctors are like herding cats!! Sept promo - 10% off any send out panel that includes a UA
I moved with several sweaters’ worth of yarn (meaning at least 2000 yards in the same yarn) in different weights and fibers. My heart said “Cotton!” and my hands said “Wool! Or alpaca! You know, something with give!”
And promo for theyarns month any preventativ Afterour pulling four different fromismy stash, I narrowed it down to two. My sweetie (and my wardrobe) made the final decision and now an olive-gray swatch of plain knitting lies on my blocking board. The yarn is 100% baby alpaca in a fingering weight. It lies soft and light across my lap as I measure the stitches.
Restart newspaper ad:
I plan to create a cardigan which almost matches the old one, comfy and generous with two square pockets at my waist. My only exceptions are the color and sleeves of the correct length. Oh, and I’d love for it to be stylish enough that I don’t feel ashamed to wear it out in public.
The only balls your dog needs are the ones he fetches
A lot of hope sits in this swatch.
10% off spay / neuter on Tuesdays
Time to cast on.
Next Day Follow Up Email Hey Eric,
-LA Bourgeois knits and blogs about it at http://www.housewyfe.com.
Park it. andSeems North Platte, Nebraska. east coast I stepped out onto my deck this morning andDon't watched as about worry easier just toThe use the oldand adthe and change it to No Hump Tuesday. We will do the blo west have both experienced its sloppy ways. the mist settled over my little vision of Appalachia. Clouds gathered above and I felt autumn peeking its breezy head O.K? I fold the long sleeves up onto my wrists in a never-ending over the hills. battle with gravity. Sometimes, if I want to wear it all day, I’ll put on a button-down shirt and turn up the shirtcuffs, And me without my sweaters. anchoring the cardi sleeves in place. I know where they are. I stored them safely in a box I’m pretty sure it’s larger than it’s ever been. Years of getmarked “LA’s Sweaters.” Unfortunately, that box holds up ting caught on corners and wrapped around my ever-growseveral other boxes marked “Kitchen” and the kitchen sits ing body has stretched it longer and wider. The pockets fall under piles of sawdust and power tools. open easily and anything inserted goes plummeting to the floor. During the move, I did have enough sense to keep a couple of sweaters handy, including my sacred red cardigan. I got On the day that I broke down with homesickness after it back in the early 2000’s in a clearance sale from Land’s the move, I put on that cardigan and didn’t remove it for End. a week. The sacred protection swirled around me, simultaneously comforting me in this new place and reminding Yep. My sacred red cardigan is store-bought. Shhhhh! me of home. I hid within its depths until I could bear to Don’t tell anyone! confront this new adventure. The thin cotton sweater is a long wide tunic, red with two Our time together is coming to an end. I pulled it from the pockets at the waist and a v-neck. With all the buttons dryer a couple of weekends ago and discovered a tear on fastened, I can toss only it on and slip out in the early the pocket seam. Along with the inkstain on one sleeve, the morning to put the dog on the leash without scandalizing Happy Pets! Happy People! fraying of all the edges, and the way the piece no longer the neighbors. comes back into shape after washing, I think the time has come for it to cross the Wooly Bridge to cardigan heaven. I love it. I wear it in every season. I’ll throw it over my pyjamas to get groceries on an early morning run or to weed The only thing which makes this loss easy to bear is the on cool afternoons in spring. After particularly punishing thought of knitting the next sacred cardigan myself. days, I transition out of the chaos by putting on a t-shirt and slipping this cardigan over. I wrap it close as I snuggle Since I received Knitting From the Top (a book by Barbara into my favorite chair with a cup of tea and my knitting. G. Walker, one of my knitting gurus) late last autumn, my needles have been itching to cast on a sweater. With this This cardigan has seen car trips and mornings at the cafe necessity, I’m embracing the challenge and casting on the with the knitters. It’s traveled to Yellowstone National www.petkareclinic.com Classic Raglan Cardigan with a V-Neck. 102 Anglers Drive
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970-879-5273 I saw old Autumn in the misty morn stand shadowless like silence, listening to silence.—Thomas Hood
26
September 2017
Valley Voice
Yepelloscopes
Your Monthly Message By Chelsea Yepello Aries
March 21 - April 19
After your horrific accident, one of your friends will come to your assistance and nurse you back to health. They selflessly sacrifice all of their time and energy to aid in your full recovery and at one point, even have a pretty uncomfortable experience with your bed pan. When you are finally fully healed you decide to return the favor by buying them a card from a dollar store that reads “Graduate 2017.” They don’t get it... But you do...and that’s all that matters.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
For rent: Cozy little nook in a gifted mind filled with dirty limericks, Netflix originals, assorted directions and a possible rodent problem. A real fixer-upper. NS/NP. Price negotiable.
Gemini
May 20 - June 20
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
And then on a more serious note, it is actually really hard to slip on a banana peel placed on the ground. No, that doesn’t mean you should go out and try it, and if you do, you are responsible for your injuries. But it is important for you to know that is is, indeed, not as easy as they make it seem.
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You close the book and open it again. Nope. The words are still the same...Still boring. But hopefully, with motivation will you can enlighten yourself with the written word ... or hopefully convince that hot librarian that your super deep and literate in the process.
• 20% OFF ALL Mary’s Medicinals in Spetember
Leo
July 23 - August 23
The stars will have very little to say to you, but what can be interpreted is that you will find wisdom in a Bazooka Joe comic. So go forth and get some insight for only a shinny penny or two.
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Libra
September 23 - October 23
Lucile Ball from ‘I Love Lucy’ is not actually a natural redhead. Thought you should know. Just because you think your a dancer, doesn’t mean that you can say that you know Toulouse Lautrec. What? Who? Yeah, now thats a thinker... Google THAT!
Scorpio
October 24 - November 21
Have you ever considered that somewhere on a rickety bridge in India, a cutlery salesman displays his wares and asks the passersby the same unexpected question that haunts their dreams... “Wheres the beef?”
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Stop denying that you’re lucky! You have been touched by lady luck and no matter what you’ve been dealing with, she will be there to grace you with fortune. That beautiful lady with the green lips gave you a kiss, so enjoy it...oh...wait...actually...after further inspection she may not be lady luck at all and you are strongly urged to file for sexual assault and a restraining order. Sorry....
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Don’t talk with your mouth full... Where are your manners? Where were you born? A Barn?... Oh, sorry Jesus... didn’t see you there.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Its a bird... Its a plane... It’s a guy wearing underpants outside of his spandex... Eww...
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Poor you. Surrounded by filthy moral-less rats in this darkening void. You can make it all better and clean up the world around you. But first you have to get your finger out of your nose.
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"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." -Frank Zappa
1755 Lincoln Avenue Steamboat Springs, CO On the Free Bus Route
970-870-2941
www.GoldenLeaf.co
Dinner 5pm Wednesday- Sunday Bar 3pm everyday
New Menu Items for Fall Season
While supplies last. Not to be combined with any other discounts.
Happy Hour 3-6 Monday - Thursday
Golden Leaf does not condone public consumption.
Live Music Saturdays
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
The Original Local’s Liquor Store
On the corner of 40 and Hilltop Pkwy 10 to 10 Mon. – Thurs. 10 to Midnight Fri. & Sat. 11:30 to 7:30 Sundays
Valley Voice
September 2017
27
The Rolling Definition of Irony: A coal sticker on a Tesla
By Cully Kistler Summer is a great time to visit art museums, which offer the refreshing rinse of swimming pools-only instead of cool water, you immerse yourself in art.—Jerry Saltz
28
September 2017
Valley Voice
Beer Beef Steamboat
Full weekend of events:
Friday, Sept 15th - 4-8pm
Beer Stroll (Downtown)
Saturday, Sept 16th - 2-6pm
Beer Garden & Beef Cook-off (Steamboat Mountain Village)
Presenting Sponsor:
Routt County CattleWomen
Buy tickets now!
SteamboatOktoberWest.com For those who live here and for those who wish they did.