Valley Voice February 2018

Page 1

February 2018 . Issue 7.2


a member managed llc

Steamboat Springs Hayden Oak Creek Yampa

Photo “Cliffie” by Jeff Morehead


February 2018

Valley Voice

Twin Enviro goes Solar in Milner! Twin Enviro’s recycling center in Milner will soon be solar powered. Twin adds yet another positive environmental impact to our Valley. Switch to Twin Enviro for your trash, recycling and construction requirements.

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This project was undertaken in connection with the settlement of an enforcement action taken by the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment for violations of the Solid Waste Act.

NO WAIT Emergency Room Dr. Dallas Bailes, Owner & Medical Director For those who live here and for those who wish they did.


Valley Voice

February 2018


Contents From The Publisher’s Desk By Matt Scharf

Page 4

The Future of Steamboat’s Creative District Page 4 By Dagny McKinely

The Future of Cash as Method of Payment

Page 5

They Were Also Heroes

Page 6

Retirement is Not an Age, It’s a Number

Page 7

Those Wily Weasels

Page 8

By Scott L. Ford

By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield By Scott L. Ford By Karen Vail

Skipping Ahead Page 10 By Eric Kemper

Business Manager:

Calendar of Free Events

Page 15

First Friday Artwalk

Page 16

Dating 101 - The Basics

Page 17

It Is Up To Us

Page 17

By Eric Kemper

Publisher/Art Director: Matt Scharf

By Wina Procyzyn

Scott Ford

Sales: Eric Kemper

By Mr. Helpful M.D. By Fred Robinson

Event Calendar: Eric Kemper

Blue Light Page 18 By Monica Yager

Valley Voice is published monthly and distributed on the last Wednesday of each month. Please address letters, questions, comments or concerns to: Valley Voice, LLC, P.O. Box 770743 or come by and see us at 1125 Lincoln Ave, Unit 2C, Steamboat Springs, CO 80477. Or contact Matt Scharf: 970-846-3801. Scott Ford: 970-819-9630. Website Subscription rate is $40 per year (12 issues). All content © 2017 Valley Voice, L.L.C. No portion of the contents of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission from the Valley Voive.

Poetry Page 18

Official Fine Print

Yepelloscopes Page 22

By Karen Leslee

Singing In The Rain By Shaney McCoy

Page 19

Snow Page 19 By Willow Fitzgerald

The Massager Page 20 By Aimee Kimmey

The Auction Page 21 By Lyn Wheaton

By Chelsea Yepello

Advertisers assume full responsibility for the entire content and subject matter of their ads. In the event of error or omission in the advertisement, the publisher’s sole responsibility shall be to publish the advertisement at a later date. Advertisements and articles are accepted and published upon the representation that the author, agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The author, agency, and/ or advertiser will indemnify and save Valley Voice, LLC harmless from all claims and legal action resulting from the contents of the articles or advertisements including claims or suits resulting from libel, defamation, plagiarism, rights to privacy and copyright infringements.

Comics Page 23

Entirely avoidable, manufactured crisis… Renting our government instead of buying it long term… The New England Patriots again… Out of towners driving down the damn sidewalk!!!... Ending the Wine Festival, whose participants spend money in town, while keeping the Mustang Roundup, whose participants largely don’t… Playing the “Blame Game” right here in town... Performing a Triple McNasty right in the driveway... Having the squeakiest caster in the grocery store on your shopping cart...

Raves... The Steamboat Police Department. You guys couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful on a really bad day in Friday traffic… Enough snow to ride the backcountry… Having a safe place to spend the night when the roads get too bad… The folks over at 9th & Oak. Good things always seem to follow when we come to visit over there… Good luck to team U.S.A. in PyeongChang! Living in a town that’s all about winter sports, and then some... Landing the big one... Having your packed out boots last another season...

Say What?... “You guys aren’t going to be shoveling off the mountain coaster tomorrow. After the temperatures drop tonight, you’ll be chipping it off” “I’m, like, really smart. I’m a very stable genius?” “I don’t care if you make mistakes, just do it in the privacy of your own home?” “He got alcohol poisoning by taking a drink every time someone said ‘sustainable’ at the city council meeting?” “Whether it’s a free ticket or $150 ticket, you can still break your face?”

The views and opinions expressed reflect the views and opinions of the authors and may not necessarily reflect the views and opinion of the editor, staff or advertisers in Steamboat’s Valley Voice. Direct all correspondence, articles, editorials or advertisements to the address below. The author’s signature and phone number must accompany letters to the editor. Names will be withheld upon request (at the discretion of the publisher). Submission is no guarantee of publication. Subscription rate is a donation of 40 measly dollars per year. However, if you wish to send more because you know we desperately need your money, don’t be shy, send us all you can!


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The benefit is competition, the thrill of playing in the Olympics, being an Olympian, playing against the best. - Joe Sakic


February 2018

Valley Voice

February 2018

From the Publisher’s Desk By Matt Scharf

Thanks for picking up the February edition of the Valley Voice. Whether you are a visitor or an old time local, this little magazine is out there for you to enjoy. There are wonderful articles inside, from the art scene to local history, and everything in between. So, kick back and enjoy!

Art in the ‘Boat

The Future of Steamboat’s Creative District By Dagny McKinley

Scott Ford will dive into what you are doing wrong with your money. Believe me, we all can do better. That’s if you even have any money! Either way, it’s much better to be in-the-know. Eric Kemper writes about seasonal beers this month. Yes, beer drinkers do have a schedule. You can’t tell, but the seasoned ones do! Michael David always has advice on dating. Pick-up lines are done, unless it’s hilarious. Check him out on page 17 We have a few new writers that will be joining us this year! Stay tuned. You never know what’s coming up in the next issue of the Valley Voice. Sometimes we don’t even know. This month we welcome Shaney McCoy’s article about getting your attitude turned around. You know that some of us really need it! We are always looking for new contributors and artists, so please submit your stuff. We would love to have you join us in this wild, wild, ink party. Contact me at the Valley Voice and let’s hear your ideas! Enjoy!

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One of the key factors for affecting change will be how well Steamboat can weave the creative identity into Steamboat’s brand in order to attract cultural visitors with an appreciation for our community and a willingness to contribute financially to our community’s success. So, how do we measure success? The first step in being able to assess positive growth and economic impact is to create a baseline. What is Steamboat’s current creative economic impact, how many creative businesses, individuals and venues currently exist in Steamboat? In order to inventory the different aspects of creative activity, the Creative District Steering Committee set up working groups in the following areas:

This month, Ellen and Paul Bonnifield write about the Weiss family, who have roots right here in the Yampa Valley. The story tells about their harrowing experiences in the Second World War. It’s a fascinating tale of heroism. Did you think everybody came here to ski? Well, not all of us! Karen Vail pens her article about the “Wily Weasel”. If you see one of these guys, consider yourself lucky. You can spot their tracks easily enough, but to actually see one is quite the treat. She explains on page 8!

a result, the value of the experience for locals and visitors improves. For local businesses, increased tourism due to arts and culture events trickles down into the entire community with more people booking lodging, spending money in restaurants and local businesses.

• Creative Economy • Art & Cultural Programming • Community Development

Photo credit: With permission from Jordan Matter from his book ‘Dancers After Dark.’ Steamboat Springs earned the Creative District designation in the summer of 2017. So what? Most people in the community still aren’t sure exactly what a Creative District is and what the benefit is for Steamboat, which is a shame because being a Creative District has the potential for positive economic growth for the entire community. Let’s break down what the Creative District is, what the benefits are, and what’s being done to ensure Steamboat becomes a premiere Creative District. The mission of the Creative District is to support and promote Arts & Culture in the Yampa Valley. This means working with arts and humanities organizations and creative entrepreneurs to have a positive educational and social impact on our community. Arts and culture enhance communities through an increase in quality of life, the ability to brand the town as a creative and cultural destination, attract new residents and become a destination for creative businesses. As a certified Creative District, Steamboat is now officially recognized as a hub for creativity and creative enterprises. Colorado Creative Industries, the organization that designates Creative Districts, markets and advertises Steamboat’s unique identity on both the national and state level. Part of what helped Steamboat stand out among other towns was our strong tie to history and heritage. One question on people’s minds is what’s in it for me? If you are an artist or a creative and a member of the Steamboat Springs Arts Council, you will gain increased exposure for your work by being listed in the directory, a hub for arts and culture in the Yampa Valley. Additionally, you will be forwarded opportunities for grants and exhibitions. Local artist Chula Beauregard’s work was recently chosen to be displayed in the Colorado Office of Economic Development, giving her the ability to share her work with a new audience. If you are not an artist, there are still benefits for you. Increased galleries, cultural and heritage events attract visitors and second home owners with high levels of discretionary income. As

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

John Bristol, Economic Development Chair for the City, is compiling a list of cultural assets, businesses and industries. Cultural assets include public art, events and festivals that are culturally driven, historic and heritage sites and creative venues. Melissa Hampton, who is leading the Art & Cultural Programming work group, is currently creating an asset list of creative sectors and creatives in Steamboat Springs. Current categories include Authors & Poets, Creative Businesses, Dance & Theater, Music, Visual Arts & Galleries. If you feel you or your business should be included, please contact Two key indicators of success would be growth in the number of creative industries that call Steamboat home and an increase in economic contribution from the creative sector. Down the road, the Creative District will be exploring opportunities for affordable housing for artists as well as affordable spaces where artists can create. The first step, however, is to get the word out about our Creative District and what we have to offer. will launch early February as an arts and culture center for the Yampa Valley. The website will include classes & events in Steamboat Springs, a searchable directory of artists and creative industries, a responsive map that highlights Public Art, Authors & Poets, Creative Businesses, Dance & Theater, Historic Sites & Heritage, Music, Visual Art & Galleries. The new website will help marry people with their interests. For example, many people don’t know that Opera Steamboat holds world-class opera performances each summer. Acknowledgement and participation in cultural offerings will grow. A visitor may not know there are musical performances in the Botanic Gardens in the summer, or that Literary Sojourn brings in nationally-renowned authors to speak about their craft. Creating one place for people to explore what Steamboat offers as far as art and culture will help people understand and appreciate the scope of artistic offerings the Yampa Valley has to offer and to find events that stir their soul.

The Steamboat Springs Creative District holds bi-annual meetings that are open to the public for comments, collaboration and community. To find out more or to get involved, visit or call the Steamboat Springs Arts Council at 970-879-9008 and ask for Kim Keith.

Valley Voice

February 2018


Economics Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents

The Future of Cash as a Method of Payment By Scott L. Ford

I was asked last week a great question: “Does anybody use cash anymore?”. Early predictions of a quick move to a cashless society have proved premature, but cash payments are still plummeting. According to the 2016 Federal Reserve Payments Study, noncash payments increased at an annual rate of 5.3 percent (3.4 percent in value), between 2012 and 2015. Debit, credit and direct withdrawal from bank account payments grew, while check payments fell during this time period.

How many credit cards does the average American have?

A 2016 Gallup poll also found that far fewer Americans are using cash than five years previously. Only 10 percent reported using cash for all their purchases, down from 19 percent in 2011. But still, only 12 percent say they never use cash, hardly changed from the 10 percent who said the same in 2011.

On average, how many credit card holders have a balance due carried forward, and how much is it?

15 to 24 67%

25 to 34 83%

5 to 49 76%

Of those with carried forward balances, the average combined credit card balance was $7,315, with an average interest rate of 15.8% and making monthly payments of $609.

Dine-In Restaurants Grocery Stores Discount Stores Department Stores

Department Stores

Discount Stores



Grocery Stores



Dine-In Restaurants





















Fast Food Establishments



50+ 78%


A little over 50% American households pay in credit card balance due in full each month.

Fast Food Establishments


905 Weiss Drive - across HWY 40 from the Holiday Inn

Credit Card ownership by age

Method of Payment



None 1 to 2 3 to 4 5 to 6 >7+ 29% 37% 18% 9% 7%

The percentage of people who use their credit cards as their sole payment method continues to rise. More than half of all credit card holders use their cards for everyday spending. So, does anybody use cash anymore? Some do, however, less and less do.


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True art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist. - Albert Einstein


February 2018

Valley Voice

Bonnifield Files

They Were Also Heroes By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield

Meanwhile, on May 7, while carrying Peter, Hedy was arrested and forced to join others on their hands and knees scrubbing a cobblestone street. Hedy had enough. With the baby in her arms, she selected a young guard, walked up to him and said, “I going home to fix dinner.” The guard looked away and she walked home. On learning that Robert was in Dachau, Hedy, armed with Yugoslavian citizenship papers and accompanied by a newspaper friend, Emil, who knew Berlin, boarded a slow passenger train. Arriving in Berlin alone, she brazenly walked into Gestapo Headquarters where she informed SS officers that Robert was being held illegally. She produced the papers. Germany was not yet at war with Yugoslavia. Three hours later, and with the quiet transfer of Riechsmarks, she was assured Robert would be released, but it would take time. Hedy and Emil boarded a fast train back to Vienna. (That lady had real guts.) On October 1, Robert was freed; however, the family had only twenty-four hours to leave Austria.

Dachau Prison Barracks in 1945 The opening of Mount Werner brought a new and richly diverse society to the Yampa Valley. Ski Bums and Hippies were a colorful page. Mixed with them and bringing a richer heritage to the valley were the men and women who fled the horrendous world of Nazi Germany and communist Russia. It is time to invite them to our fireside for a glass and a winter chat. The extended Weiss family (twenty-eight members) were prominent Jews in Vienna, Austria, when the Nazis marched in. Ten did not survive the Holocaust. The remainder scattered from Shanghai to Palestine, Switzerland, England, Cuba, and the United States. One served in the French Foreign Legion/British Army in Africa. Anna’s husband Pepi was killed by the SS and her parents were murdered by the Ustaša. She joined the partisan movement and exacted her revenge. Robert Weiss survived Dachau Concentration Camp. His wife Hedy (Hedwig) witnessed the decapitation of three members of her family.

Robert was arrested when he arrived at the family-owned shoe factory. For several weeks, no one knew what happened to him. The SS first held him in prison and later sent him to Dachau Concentration Camp. Resulting from the Treaty of Versailles, Robert’s father Jakob had dual citizenship – Austrian and Yugoslavian. He was also a very sharp man who knew the right people and held many “markers.” He was able to get citizenship papers and passports for Robert, Hedy, Ernie, and Peter. The process required time.

In a 1984 interview, Hedy Weiss said they “were very foolish, but it was impossible to see clearly the facts before us.” While driving home from the synagogue in 1936, they were stopped while National Socialists marched by shouting hate messages. The Weiss family was disturbed but believed it would pass. For two more years, they ignored what was happening to Jews in Germany. Vienna was not Berlin. The Anschluss of Austria (union of Germany and Austria) occurred March 13, 1938. On April 5, Hedy Weiss was nursing three-month-old son Peter when two SS troopers broke into their home demanding to see her husband Robert. He had already gone to work. Six-year-old Ernie was at school. She tried to warn her husband but failed to reach him in time. Returning to feed the baby, she found that, due to shock, she was unable to produce milk.

Liberated Prisoners from Dachau Prison For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

While they hurry to pack, let’s talk about other family members. On April 22, Pepi was ordered to take a train to a new settlement in Poland. His wife Anna, promised to come and find him as she had when he lay wounded during World War I. Months later, through underground sources, she learned Pepi was marched into the woods and shot. Anna had to leave Vienna, but how? She bribed a Nazi SS guard and with other refugees boarded a train. Here she met and protected a blind boy whose parents had disappeared. The train stopped near the border to switch cars. Anna and the boy crawled under another train and entered Yugoslavia. She found her parents and stayed with them until they were sent to a concentration camp. Although she was a middle-aged woman, she would take her “pound of flesh” and joined the resistance movement.

Valley Voice

Hansi, a sixteen-year-old boy, after three close encounters with the Nazis was saved by a compassionate police officer. He had to hide until arrangements were made for him to leave. He spent four months in his aunt’s attic before making the dangerous trip to Switzerland. Disembarking the train in a small town near the border, he and a friend were walking through the square when a stranger approached. Pointing to a power line in the distance, he gave them instructions on how to reach the border. They became lost, but luck was with them, and they reached the border only to find a high fence. While resting in a goat shed, a border patrolman caught them. He told them how to get around the fence and across the Rhine River. They found a friendly reception in Switzerland. (Not everyone was against them.) Another young couple, Lisl Wertheim and Bruno Vogler, both sixteen, enjoyed walking together, but after the Anschluss, it was extremely dangerous. They had several close encounters before being rounded up with others and taken to the Stadt Temple. Observing distracted guards, they boldly rushed through a door and into the garden. Running fast and ducking behind garden fixtures, they escaped only to be stopped by Hitler Youth and taken to police headquarters. After complimenting the Youth and dismissing them, the officer told Lisl and Bruno to go home. They must leave Vienna. In October 1938, Bruno received a call from Betar headquarters informing him that he was accepted into the Zionist youth organization. Lisl later followed him to Palestine. Her parents escaped to China. Germany invaded Yugoslavia, and the SS and the Ustaša (Yugoslavian National Socialist) made life impossible for the Jews. Robert, Hedy, Ernie and Peter again had to run for their lives. By chance, Robert met an old business associate with contacts to a man selling Bolivian papers. The Weiss family became Bolivians. Wanting to say goodbye, Hedy was walking to Robert’s sister’s home when stopped by a crowd. On the bridge were thirty-two Jews; among them were Grete (his sister), Heinrich, (husband) and twelve-year-old Gerti. The Ustaša lined them up and chopped off their heads. Hedy WATCHED.

February 2018


Go Figure!?

Retirement is Not an Age. It’s a Number By Scott L. Ford

There is some goofy thinking among the Baby Boomers who view retirement as an age. As the 2017 calendar is replaced with 2018, many Baby Boomers feel that they are closer to retirement. Really? Age has almost nothing to do with one’s ability to retire. Retirement is not an age, it is a number, and this number is relatively easy to determine. The challenge in the back of the mind of someone considering retirement is that they do not want to outlive their money. This is a legitimate concern. So, the first step in calculating the retirement number is to estimate a date when life comes to an end. For the Baby Boom generation, less than 10% of them will live to age 90 and beyond. This simply means that if you are a Baby Boomer, there is a 90% chance you will die before you reach age 90. This is the first assumption. The next step is to calculate one’s monthly living expenses. This what it would take to continue the current lifestyle. This number is going to be different for every family. If you are living pay-check to pay-check as almost 80% of American families do, your monthly living expenses are the same as your income. For illustration purposes, let’s assume that your family monthly income is $5,000. Again, for illustration purposes we will assume that the Baby Boomer would like to retire at age 67. It is estimated

Go Figure? is sponsored by Rocky Mountain Remedies Proudly supporting alternative modalities in medicine and media. that the average Baby Boomer’s Social Security will be about $1,400. Assuming a couple, this will mean $2,800 of household income ($1,400 X 2 = $2,800). The next step is to subtract from the monthly living expense the Social Security benefit. The resulting number is $2,200 ($5,000 - $2,800 = $2,200). This $2,200 is the monthly amount one’s retirement savings will need to cover. It’s time to put all these numbers together to get to the BIG NUMBER. Subtracting 67 age from 90 results in 23 years. Multiplying $2,200 by 12 months results in an annual number of $26,640 ($2,200 X 12mo = $26,640). Next, multiply $26,640 by 23 years. This results in the BIG NUMBER of $612,720. If you have that amount in savings, you can retire at age 67 with the confidence there is a 90% chance you will not outlive your money. Obviously, for each family there are a lot of variables associated with calculating the BIG NUMBER. However, this gives folks a good ball park number to work toward.

Hours later Robert’s family was on a train for Italy. They had trouble at the border, but an understanding magistrate gave them permission, as Bolivians, to visit for three weeks – time enough to cross into France and Spain. It was extremely dangerous. In Lisbon, on December 7, 1941, along with 300 other refugees, they boarded the SS Colonial bound for Cuba. (The United States would not accept Jews.) Two days at sea, a German U Boat stopped, searched, and released the Colonial. In Havana Harbor, the Colonial was held for several days, but unlike the SS St. Louis that was turned back with 937 passengers, the Colonial was allowed to dock. Being an accomplished musician, Hedy supported the family until Robert found work as a diamond cutter. In 1946, with false papers Robert Weiss’s family entered the United States. Traveling from Miami to New York, Hedy offered her papers to a railroad conductor. He said, “You don’t need those.” For the first time in a decade, she knew they were safe.

“...with your heart condition, let’s play this one.” Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during hard times when the ‘hero’ within us is revealed. - Bob Riley


February 2018 Beer of the Month:

Valley Voice

New Belgium

‘Boat Almanac

Those Wily Weasels By Karen Vail

forms first appearing around 40 million years ago, and the direct descendants of weasels around 15 million years ago. Common mustelid traits include short legs, round ears, long slender bodies and thick fur. Most are solitary, nocturnal animals, active year-round. The majority of their diet is meat, but occasionally berries and insects are included.

970-879-7355 Thursday - Saturday: 10am - 11pm Sunday - Wednesday: 10am - 10pm

I find the long skinny weasel form fascinating. The advantages of this shape are many, but the disadvantages can prove deadly. Watching long-tailed weasels hunt in open meadows is like engaging in a game of hide and seek. They pop up, look around brazenly, disappear suddenly, only to pop up again 10 feet away. Without that shape they could not move through the snow pack after their preferred winter prey of small rodents found at the ground-snow intersection (the subnivean zone). They take advantage of openings around bushes, fence posts, and tree trunks to gain entry into the subnivean zone in winter and are able to “weasel” their way into the narrowest of openings in boulder fields in summer. The water oriented mink (Mustela vison) and river otter (Lutra canadensis) share the same advantage as the weasel, but their medium is water. American badgers (Taxidea taxus) are the “weasel” of terra firma, burrowing to prey that other predators could never reach. Look up in the trees and you could be lucky enough to watch the escapades of the marten (Martes americana), also called American marten or pine marten. Martens are slightly larger than the long-tailed weasel, with a long bushy tail and permanent brown pellage (not changing colors with the season as the long-tailed and short-tailed weasels do). In winter you are just as likely to find distinctive marten tracks disappearing into a tree well to hunt subnivean rodents.


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Their tracks are everywhere in the winter snow. Along the frozen rivers, through the meadows, bounding from trees in dense forests. Weasels are an intriguing family of tough and wily animals, including the following animals found in our area: short-tailed weasel (ermine), long-tailed weasel, mink, river otter, marten, American badger and wolverine (maybe!). Skunks used to be included in the weasel family, but have been recently moved into their own special, smelly family. Of the eight members of the weasel family in Colorado, only two are actually classified as weasels, the long-tailed weasel (Mustela frenata) and short-tailed weasel (Mustela ermine). (Mammals of Colorado Denver Museum of Natural History, c 1994). Animals with weasel-like traits (excluding the skunks) belong to the Mustelidae Family, or are simply called mustelids. These are one of the oldest families of carnivores, with fossil records of weasel-like

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

The shape benefit is obvious, but winter provides some definite challenges for “weasel” shapes. Take a long skinny shape and a round shape, fill them both with water and place them in the freezer. Which one freezes first? The long, skinny weasel popsicle! According to Biology and Conservation of Musteloids (Oxford University Press, 2017) this high surface area to volume ratio (simply put, they have a lot of “outside” and minimal “inside”) means that to maintain a body temperature of 102-104F at rest, a least weasel (the smallest of weasels and not listed in Colorado) in winter may have to generate six times the resting rate of a lemming to maintain body temperature (from studies done in Alaska). That means a LOT of fuel to keep the furnace burning! A nice warm coat helps. The fall molt for both weasels includes a higher density of thick underfur (soft fur next to the skin) and more air cells in the white guard hairs (the long stiff hairs), which scatter light to enhance whiteness and increase insulation. In fact the dense coats of mustelids have been coveted throughout human history, especially the coats of winter animals. As an interesting comparison we humans have around 350 hairs per square inch compared to 44,000 for a mink (“Weasels are Built for the Hunt” Natalie Angier, New York Times, June 2016). The shape also impacts how they move. Think of an inchworm moving its front legs forward followed by dragging the back legs up to the front legs forming an impressive

Valley Voice

February 2018


Along the banks of the mighty Yampa River arch out of the body. The mustelids, with the exception of the American badger, which has a rigid backbone, have vertebra allowing this extreme extension and flex. The front legs come down almost together, with the hind legs coming down together where the front feet were forming a neat imprint of two tracks, showing only the hind feet. This is called a two-by track (or a bound) as compared to a snowshoe hare four-by track where all four feet register. If we now consider habitat, a two-by track along a waterway could be a mink or river otter, a two-by track in heavy forest could be a marten, and a two-by track in meadows could be a long-tailed or short-tailed weasel or a marten. Fun!! Let’s follow the track and watch it suddenly disappear into the snow or a tree well and laugh as the mink and river otter play along the bank, or the long-tailed weasel creates a maze of a trails through the meadow. These are super fun animals to track with their insatiable appetite, curiosity and playful nature!! Mustelids communicate with visual displays and vocalizations, but their most important communication comes through scent. Scat and urine can be placed strategically, and special glands producing potent secretions mark home ranges and territories and other information such as who travelled there (age, sex, reproductive state, etc.). The primary scent glands are anal sacs where anaerobic bacteria modify chemicals before use (Hmmmm!!), and martens and long-tailed weasels also have glands in whorls of hair on their hind feet. Mustelids are renowned for their ferocity. They must eat a third of their weight each day to maintain a super high metabolism, with a heart rate of up to 400 beats per minute (“Weasels are Built for the Hunt”). If a 160 pound man maintained this metabolism, he would need to eat at least 50 pounds of food every day! The shape of their

skull is the most peculiar of any of the carnivores, and how the muscles attach to this unique skull produces a bite with maximum force horizontally when the jaws are nearly closed. So when a mustelid locks on something, they can crush a windpipe, sever a neck or crush a small rodent skull with this high bite force. They also have big brains relative to their body mass, which means they are always changing plans in mid stride and can outwit, and out power, prey ten times their size. Their well-developed whiskers are a valuable tactile tool. Whiskers on their muzzle and under their chin help seeking and catching prey, and whiskers above the eyes on their cheeks and throat aid in night movement and hunting in dark burrows and prevent damage to their eyes and face. They often use their long bodies to entwine their prey (think boa constrictor) as they are killing them. Another morbid tidbit, after they have killed their prey in burrows (mice, voles, and other small rodents), the weasel lines its new home in rodent fur to improve insulation. Nothing like lovely vole wallpaper! Winter active mustelids do not include the American badger, which is snoozing comfortably in a burrow. These feisty animals increase their body fat up to 30 percent by November, then head into their den for a few months of on and off torpor. Researchers found that badgers cycle through 15 hours entering torpor, 8 hours in torpor, then 6 hours arousal out of torpor. As they enter this deep sleep their heart rate drops from 55 to 25 beats per minute and their body temperature decreases by 16 F. They will spend 93 percent of their winter in the stable temperature of the burrow. (Biology and Conservation of Musteloids) Enjoy your mustelid musings! I will see you on the trails!

Happy Winter Carnival from the Heart of Steamboat Springs!

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Adaptability is a great asset to have because life is so unpredictable, and things can change overnight for any of us. - Chandra Kochhar


February 2018

Valley Voice

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CO2 tanks filled

Skipping Ahead By Eric Kemper

There are however, a couple other fairly well known styles of winter ale. One is a fresh hop IPA; Sierra Nevada Celebration is the best known of these. The other example is explicitly a Christmas ale, with visions of Santa, reindeer, elves and sugarplums on the label. Often spiced, these ales clearly occupy a specific time, and usually one is all you want in a sitting anyway. The problem with these is the time frame. Beer companies have a schedule to stick to, and no amount of Mother Nature and common sense is going to shift them from that schedule. So, though you may have missed it on the first of January—Welcome To Spring! That’s right! Those dark, dark days of winter that officially started only about a month ago, are over! See the snow melting around you as the first spring grass starts to sprout? Hear the first birds singing as they return to the balmy springtime of Colorado in January, February and March? That winter was rough, but that was so long ago, and now it’s February, so it’s springtime.


3162 Elk River Road, Steamboat Springs, CO 80487

Uninsured Chip Repair Mention Only this Ad Let Us Assess Your Crack!


Monday - Friday: 8:00am - 4:00pm

Beer, for all of its complexity and ubiquity, is such a simple beverage. It has only four ingredients, yet in every glass is contained a history of the world from which each beer originates. Water, malt, hops and yeast are all it takes to make this most popular of drinks worldwide. The type of grains, hops and yeast strains the brewer selects determines the characteristics in each glass, and what story that particular beer will tell. Sometimes, though, the stories don’t make sense. That doesn’t necessarily make them bad stories, just somewhat confusing ones. Take the idea of seasonal beers: They are usually structured around a theme, a sense of time and place, and yes, as the name would imply, hopefully structured around a season. Summer beers are light and often feature fresh fruits as they reach their peak of seasonal perfection. Fall beers are traditional browns, ambers and Oktoberfests, whose hues match those of the changing leaves, or pumpkin beers with hearty fall flavors. Winter beers are where things start to get complicated. Many people’s first inclination when thinking of a winter beer is to think of something rich, warming and dark, and they wouldn’t be wrong. Avery Old Jubilation, an English Strong Ale, and Great Divide Hibernation, an English Old Ale, are both great examples of this style of winter ale. Dark, rich with notes of toffee, nuts and oak, and both clocking in above 8% ABV, they are just the thing to drink by the fire during the longest, coldest nights.

3162 Elk River Road, P.O. Box 772498 Steamboat Springs, CO 80487 For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

This is of course, ridiculous. Unfortunately, the traditional seasonal beers that came out in a regular rhythm and were finished in their own time has passed, and the relentless push of corporate marketing schedules that depend on cramming new product down America’s gullet in time for the Super Bowl have replaced it. It’s also why you can start buying your favorite Summer Ale before the ski area has closed, and you can rest assured you will see Pumpkin Ales on the shelf in time for the Fourth of July. Up to now, there hasn’t been a lot in the way of responsiveness from breweries; tell them that you want more winter beers when it’s actually winter and you’d get a response that came down to some version of, “everyone else does it that way, so we have to, too.” This mindset has been a detriment, as spring seasonals are well known to be the weakest sellers of the year. Odell Brewing recently recognized this and released for the new year what they are calling a late winter seasonal called Settle Down Brown Ale. It is a solid American style brown ale, and I recommend checking it out. Most breweries have not made this shift, however, so you might as well go out and enjoy the fresh spring offerings. Sierra Nevada in particular has put out a seasonal Double IPA called Hop Bullet. Made with Magnum hops (get it?) and lupulin powder, Hop Bullet is a fantastic Double IPA that holds its 8% very well. Pouring clear and golden, it pairs well with both a roast with winter vegetables, or Easter ham and deviled eggs. Enjoy while skiing on both snow and water. So whether you’re enjoying Spring already, or think that statements like that don’t make any sense at this time of year, there are some beers worth drinking that may or may not fit with whenever you think it is. If the beer is good, it matters less if its story doesn’t seem to make any sense. Cheers!

Valley Voice

February 2018


The Valley Voice joins the rest of Ski Town U.S.A. in wishing our atheletes great success at the 2018 Winter Olympic Games in PyeongChang, South Korea. Special shout out to local athletes Ben Berend, Bryan Fletcher, Taylor Fletcher, Jasper Good, Mick Dierdorff & Arielle Gold. Seen here is the official send off at Gondola Square on January 27, 2018.

A mere 17 degrees The opportunity to represent your country at the Olympic Games is earned, not given. - Ashton Eaton

February 2018 B 12 A










Buff Pass Fish Creek Res. Fish Creek Falls Ski Time Square

Map under construction

Dry Lake

Spring Creek Fish Creek Falls Rd.

Steamboat Blvd.

Valley Voice, LLC 1125 Lincoln Ave. Unit 2C Steamboat Springs, CO 80487


Burgess Creek

Rollingstone Golf Club

Fish Creek

E. Maple Street


Map Disclaimer © 2018 Valley Voice, LLC. All rights reserved. NOT TO SCALE! No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher does not guarantee the accuracy of this map.

Tamarack Drive

Amethyst Drive

Amethyst Drive

Hill Top Parkway


RCR 36

Anglers Drive


Memorial Park Fish Creek Falls Rd.

Strawberry Hot Springs

Old Town Hot Springs

Maple Street

Missouri Ave.


Lincoln Avenue


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Pin eS t.

Ice Rink


Fun Zone

The Howler

10 11

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12 12

Steamboat Cemetery



Crawford Ave. CMC (College)



7 8


Emerald Park Botanic Gardens

The Boulevard

Merrit Street

Pahwintah St.


4 Asp en St.


Core Trail Weiss Park

Howelsen Hill BMX Track

Ski Jumps

13 Blackmere Drive

Fart Park


Depot Art Center

For those A who live hereBand for those who C wish they did. D







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February 2018 S

Mt. Werner


Rabbit Ears Pass Dumont Lake

Steamboat Gondy

Village Drive

Knowls Mt. Werner Circle Eagle Ridge Dr.

Tennis Bubble

Meadows Parking

Casey’s Pond

Walton Creek

Mt. Werner Road

Central Park Drive

Whistler Road


Pine Grove Road


oad eR v o r eG Pin

131 Haymaker Golf Core Trail

RCR 22

Yampa River

Fetcher Park RCR 14f

Stagecoach Res.

RCR 14

RCR 14


Source is the Western Regional Climate Center based on 122 years of daily observation. Steamboat Springs, CO Station #057936

Market Value of Agriculture Product Sold in 2016 = $37.6 million


• Livestock = $30.0 Million • Crops = $7.6 Million

Average Temperature in Degrees (F) • Daily low is 4.41 • Daily high is 33.7 Temperature Extremes in Degrees (F) • Lowest -48 2/10/1933 • Highest 59 2/13/1947 Snow Fall for the month • Average 29.5 inches Snowfall Extremes • Lowest 3.8 inches in 1935 • Most 65.8 inches in 1936 Average Snow Depth on the Ground = 28 Inches



(Source: Bureau of Economic Analysis)

Livestock by Type of Animals: •Cattle = 37,200 •Sheep = 8,800 •Horses = 3.100 •Colonies of Bees = 1,400 •Laying Chickens = 1,315 (Source: USDA 2012 Ag Census)


I can only I do my best, thenQI can feel good at Phelps Ncontrol my ownOperformance. If P R the end of the day.—Michael S T


Schmac and Cheese

February 2018

Valley Voice

OPEN Monday - Saturday 4pm-2am

821 Lincoln Ave - Lowpro + LWKY + l a in Ic ID rsday: M Boom Thu m Electronic /1 2 y a d rs 9 at p Thu pm Show 7 t a rs o o D Sphynx Friday 2/2 Space Glam 's rleaf 10 pm 80 e w/ Suga z e e u q S ul 2/3 Main Saturday ock n Roll Funky So R 10 pm sis Derelle day: Fran ic rs u h T m Electron 2/8 Boo Thursday pm Show at 9 pm 7 Doors at otenanny Winter Ho orites /9 2 y a d Fri Fav s cal Band Common 10 pm Lo w/Buffalo l e v e R t s La 2/10 The a Saturday t Porch American n ro F m artal 10 p ay: Felix C d rs u h T m 2/15 Boo Electronic Thursday pm Show at 9 pm Doors at 7 he U.N. Frasco & T y d n A 6 Friday 2/1 l Good Funk Music e 10 pm Fe er 2/17 Wak Saturday shville Rock a 10 pm N off 2/22 Evan Electronic Thursday pm Show at 9 pm evival ut Steak R Doors at 7 ro T h it w After Dark ited supply) 3 - Grass Friday 2/2 ks - Bluegrass (lim o Stings & The Wo with Billy rk a D r e ) ss Aft ed supply 2/24 - Gra Saturday - Bluegrass (limit s & Tallgras






The V, Inc





924 Lincoln Ave (970) 734-4357 Percentage of all proceeds goes to benefit local veterans

Monday Night: 8 Ball Tournament / Starts 6:30 pm Tuesday Night: Pool League / Starts 6:30 pm Wednesday Night : Dart League/ Starts 6:30 pm Happy Hour Specials 4 - 6 & 10 -12




t ance Nigh D in t a L : Sunday oke/ and Kara B e iv L : y Monda gity Jam Schmig y ep Tuesda t -S o w T : Tuesday ke ay: Karao Wednesd

7 pm

9pm 7 pm 9 pm


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Steamboat's ONLY Hour Happy Hour fromDaily 7-9 pm Schmappy 7-9 1/2 Off the entire bar;


$3 1/2 pound 100% Angus Beef Hot Dogs

Tickets online at or at All That. For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

2018 Olympic Send-Off in Steamboat Springs

Valley Voice

February 2018



Ski Free at Howelsen 10-4pm

Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot.FREE

Latin Dance Night (Starting 1/21) 7PM @ Schmiggity’s (Free Salsa Lessons). FREE. MONDAY 8 Ball Tournament 6:30PM @ The V Live Band Karaoke/ Schmiggity Jam 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. FREE.

Yampa Valley Men’s Bible Study (Starting 1/18) 6PM @ Concordia Lutheran Topic: The Revelation of Jesus Christ FRIDAY Yoga For Transformation 9:30AM @ Yoga Center of Steamboat Call/text Patty Zimmer 970-846-5608 or zimmer@


Uranium Mine Snowshoe Tour (Starting 12/15) Ski with a Naturalist 10AM @ Fish Creek Falls (Thursdays Also) (Starting Parking lot ($5 parking 12/12) fee) (Ages 12+) 1:30PM @ Mt. Werner FREE, Registration (Meet where the “Why Not” required (info@yampatika. trail starts) org or 970.871.9151) Lift ticket not included. Sponsored by the Free program. No registra- US Forest Service tion required. Sponsored by Steamboat Steamboat Theatrical Ski & Resort Corporation. Society (Every other Friday starting 12/1) Pool League Noon @ Arts Depot. FREE 6:30PM @ The V Contact for info. Two-Step Tuesday 7PM @ Schmiggity’s (Free SATURDAY Country Dance Lessons). FREE. Emerald Mountain (Starting 12/16) 10AM @ Howelsen Hill/ WEDNESDAY Emerald Mountain (Ages 12+) Dart League $20, Includes Snowshoes, 6:30PM @ The V Registration required ( or Karaoke Night 970.871.9151) 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. FREE

Calendar of Free Events To submit your free events or calendar information e-mail to: Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 15th of each month. THURSDAY FEBRUAY 1 Benefits of Hemp Oil for Stress Aspen Botanical Apothecary (Upstairs) 116 8th St, Steamboat Springs 6:30-8:30 pm Boom Thursday: MIDIcinal+LWKY+Lowpro 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 FRIDAY FEBRUARY 2 #LiveYourBestLife: The Power of Hemp Oil Yoga Lila 1955 Bridge Lane, Suite 1900, Steamboat Springs 12:30-2:30 First Friday Art Walk 5PM @ Downtown Steamboat. Self-guided tour of local art galleries, Museums and alternative venues. FREE. First Friday Artwalk Reception Generations: The Carpenter Ranch 5PM@ Arts Depot. FREE Sphynx 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $5 SATURDAY FEBRUARY 3 Main Sqeeze w/ Sugarleaf 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 MONDAY FEBRUARY 5 Free Film: “Tell Them We Are Rising” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events TUESDAY FEBRUARY 6


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Coming Soon ….Zirkel TV….



City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall History Happy Hour – “Stories from the Trail” With Ray Heid, Olympian and Outfitter. 5:30PM @ Butcherknife Brewery, 2875 Elk River Rd. FREE.

Dance on Film: “Shake the Dust” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events WED. FEBRUARY 7 Author Elizabeth Kaufmann 6PM @ Off The Beaten Path THURSDAY FEBRUARY 8 Free Film: “Wasted!” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events Boom Thursday: Fransis Derelle 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9 2018 Winter Olympics Start Coffee with Council 7:30AM @ Centennial Hall Family Fun Night with We’re Not Clowns 7PM @ Chief Theater. $10 Kids/ $15 Adults Winter Hootenanny 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $5 SATURDAY FEBRUARY 10 The Last Revel w/ Buffalo Commons 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 TUESDAY FEBRUARY 13 City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall Tread of Pioneers Winter Film Series at the Chief Theater: “I Never Look Back: The Buddy Werner Story” 6PM @ the Chief Theater. FREE Free Film: “The Last Dalai Lama?” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events

WED. FEBRUARY 14 Valentine’s Day

FREE events



Boom Thursday: Felix Cartal 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10

Wild Films: “Ethiopia Rising: Red Terror to Green Revolution” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16 A Taste of History: “Cast Iron/Dutch Oven Cooking” Noon @ the Tread of Pioneers Museum. FREE Andy Frasco & The U.N. 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $15 SATURDAY FEBRUARY 17

Evanoff 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 FRIDAY FEBRUARY 23 Grass After Dark w/ Trout Steak Revival & The Wooks 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $20

Workshop: Web Design for Authors 9AM-11AM @ Library Conference Room. Pre-registration & fee required events


Waker 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. FREE

2018 Winter Olympics End

SUNDAY FEBRUARY1 8 Bud Werner Memorial Library Community Yoga Practice BYO Mats & Props 10AM @ Library Hall. FREE events MONDAY FEBRUARY 19 Presidents’ Day Library Author Series: Janet Buttenwieser 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events WED. FEBRUARY 21 Poetry Slam 6PM @ Off The Beaten Path Bud Werner Memorial Library’s Foreign Film Series at the Chief 7:00PM @ Chief Theater.

Grass After Dark w/ Billy Strings & Tallgrass 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $20 SUNDAY FEBRUARY 25

MONDAY FEBRUARY 26 Bud Werner Library’s Health Perspectives Eddie Konold: “Loving Well” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events TUESDAY FEBRUARY 27 Snowshoe Through History 4:30-6:30PM @ Legacy Ranch(Ages 21+) Registration required ( or 970.871.9151) City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall Bud Werner Library’s Health Perspectives Susan Mead: “Forever Painless” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE events

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic……… *12 month contract required.Terms and condi5ons apply condi5ons


Arthur C. Clarke

I’m proud to be part of any Olympic team. - Lindsey Vonn


February 2018

Valley Voice

HappyHours Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed! 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 p.m. Aurum Food & Wine 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Azteca Taqueria 4:00 - 5:00 p.m. & 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily

McKnight’s Irish Pub 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 - 11:00 p.m. daily Off the Beaten Path After 4:00 p.m. daily Old Town Pub 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily

Back Door Grill 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. daily & All day on Sundays

O’Neil’s Tavern and Grill 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00 p.m. - 12:00 p.m. daily

The BARley 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

The Pit on 5th 2:00 - 6:00 p.m.

Big House Burgers 4:20 - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat. & 2 - 6 Sunday

Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20 - 6:00 daily

Cantina Mexican Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

The Rusted Porch 2:00 p.m.- 6:00p.m. daily

Carl’s Tavern 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

Salt and Lime 3:30 p.m.- 5:30 p.m. & 10:00 p.m.- 11:00 p.m.

Circle R Bar 4 - 6 p.m. Thurs., Fri.,Sat.

Sake 2 U 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.

Colorado High 5 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

Sambi Canton 5:00 - 6:00 pm Monday - Saturday

Cuginos Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 - 11:00 p.m. daily Double ZZ BBQ 2:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Dude & Dan’s Bar and Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Late Night Happy Hour: 10:00 - 12:00 p.m. daily E3 Ranch & Chophouse Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Harwigs & L’Apogee: 5:00 - 6:30 p.m. daily Laundry 4:30 - 6p.m. Tues.-Sat. Low Country 4:30 - 6 p.m. daily Mahogany Ridge 4:00 - 5:30 p.m. Late night happy hour: 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. daily Mambo Italiano 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. daily Mazzola’s Majestic Italian Diner 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily

Schmiggitys 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily Scratch 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Slopeside Grill 10:00 p.m.-12:00 a.m. Steamboat Smokehouse 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 to 11:30 p.m. daily: Sunpies Cajun Bistro 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily Table 79 Foodbar 5:00 - 6:00 & 9:00 - 11:00 daily

First Friday Artwalk February 2 5, 2018 5 pm - 8 pm All over downtown ART GALLERIES AND MUSEUMS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS 837 Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.8119 Local art at its best with lots of new work this month. Check out the new Linda Israel Signature Gallery. Complimentary wine. GALLERY 89 1009 Lincoln Ave. | 970.439.8196 “The negative is the equivalent of the composer’s score, and the print the performance” Ansel Adams JACE ROMICK GALLERY 833 Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.8377 Jace Romick Gallery is now open at its new location 833 Lincoln Ave across from FM Light & Sons. Featuring the fine art photography and custom frames of Jace Romick, MANGELSEN-IMAGES OF NATURE 730 Lincoln Ave. | 970.871.1822 Legendary nature photographer Tomas D. Mangelsen has traveled throughout the world for over 40 years photographing the Earth’s last great wild places. www. PINE MOON FINE ART 117 9th St. | 970.879.2787 features: New works by SANDRA SHERROD - IMAGINATION - Celebrating creativity in art and writing. Art: Paintings and sculptures. Writing: Land Where Anything is Possible mid-grade novel series.

Geoff Blakeslee, managers of this 900+ acre ranch and preserve owned by The Nature Conservancy. W GALLERY 115 9th Street, Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.1783 W Gallery will feature works on paper by Katherine Kiefer. Exploring the dynamic of the Golden Rectangle and the Fibonacci Sequence, line and texture is overlaid with colorful watercolor wash. WILD HORSE GALLERY 802 Lincoln Ave. | 970-819-2850 Wild Horse Gallery will feature the work of Shirley Stocks including, oils, pastels and watercolors. Timber will be at the Gallery. For more information call 970-819-2850 or go to ALTERNATIVE VENUES HARWIGS/LAPOGEE 911 Lincoln Ave. | 970.879.1919 Painters Pat Walsh and Dawn Wilde combine talents working from the same photograph to create diverging paintings around a similar theme. FHYSICAL ELEMENTS PERSONAL TRAINING STUDIO 
9th and Oak. | 970.846.0828 Andrew Barnes. A colorful, expressive, approach to acrylic paint. Inspiration comes through a perception of underlying energies around us.

STEAMBOAT ART MUSEUM 807 Lincoln Ave. | 970.870.1755 SAM celebrates the opening of its expanded museum with new exhibit, “Imagining the West”. featured artist Sue Gallion in the museum store.

STEAMBOAT SMOKEHOUSE 912 Lincoln Ave. | 941.321.2809 Young Bloods Collective presents PET PORTRAITS as our February Group Show. It’s an ode to our four-legged besties in a variety of mediums and styles! Come grab a drink and enjoy the creativity!

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS ARTS COUNCIL AT THE DEPOT 1001 13th St. | 970.879.9008 3 Generations- THE CARPENTER RANCH Over 20 original oil paintings by Chula Beauregard exploring a year in the life at the Ranch. Includes an in-depth look at the history and programs presented by Betsy and

URBANE 703 Lincoln Ave. | 970.879.9169 Matthew Terrell creates surreal photography using vintage darkroom techniques. With only 35mm film and a 1979 camera, Terrell captures fantastical images with a cinematic quality.

The Tap House Sports Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. weekdays Truffle Pig 2:00 - 5:00 p.m. daily The V 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Vaqueros Mexican Restaurant & Taqueria 2:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

The Carpenter Ranch is approximately 20 miles west of Steamboat.

Valley Voice

February 2018

Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide

Dating 101The Basics

Energetically Speaking

It is Up to Us

It’s all about your Happiness

By Fred Robinson We are so lucky to live in paradise, and the snow we got for Christmas really saved the area. It is hard to imagine what 16,000 skiers would have said about skiing here on the early conditions.

By Mr. Helpful, M.D.

Back to a new year – so back to the basics of dating. Rule #1 – Relax, it’s just a date. This is not inventing some new, life saving miracle device. This is just a date with someone who also wants to find a nice person to hang out with on a boring night. You are not deciding to have a child at a table with a stranger. You are just going a date. So, relax. Always remember that the other person at the date is someone who also has a level of nervousness and hope. Take deep breaths before leaving the house and before entering the date location. YOU are going to be fine. Rule #2 – Communicate about the date before the date. Talk, talk, talk – dietary restrictions? Is this only a coffee date or full dinner? Casual or something a little more serious for a first date? A sit-down, face-to-face first time, or a hiking adventure? What are you and your date going to do together? This is a great time, before the date, to set up some upfront boundaries. Work together to come up with a proper place to meet. Halfway, popular, appropriate. If it’s online chats, texts or phone chats, be open to suggestions from your date. However, maintain a balance of what you want to do. Never be a full out door-mat by only doing what they want. Unless your into that kind of thing, and that is an entirely different column. Rule #3 – Be interested in them: Ask questions. The sweetest sound a human being ever hears is their own name. After that, it’s their own voice telling stories about themselves. You can be amazing in the eyes of your date if you ask follow up questions. Spark interest in a topic they are passionate about by really paying attention to how they answer your questions, and then ask more. When it comes to your story telling time, be short, be interesting. Then get back to them. If you can’t think of what to ask or what to say – say that. Tell your date that you are no good at this and then ask them what would be good questions to ask on a date. It’s a funny thing to do and they would find it endearing. Rule #4 – Adults like to do things adults like to do. Your choice. Being pressured into sex or pressuring your date into sex is a lousy thing for everyone. What jerk of person thinks it’s a good idea to force the issue? No means no, which means no and no. She, him, they – no one HAS TO. Everyone has choices. At the same time, adults like Super Happy Naked Funtime Hour, it’s awesome. Like you, I’m a big fan. Safety First, of course. Personal boundaries, of course. And IF you want to, then all aboard. If you think getting started right away is a good idea, then THAT is up


That brings up a problem we have. to you. Ask your date if they think it’s a good idea. If all parties agree, then all set. If someone wants to wait until a further day and time – respect them and frickin’ wait, ya damn baby. Haven’t you ever heard of being rewarded for having patience? Instead of instant satisfaction – you could be rewarded with a healthy loving good time for weeks or months, perhaps even years. At the same time, as I was told by a woman once: we all want to get our pipes cleaned every now and then.

Traffic congestion is really bad at certain times of the day. Timing and route selection will get you through most of the time, but gridlock is happening more often. It would be awesome if more people used the free buses. Most of the buses I see have just a couple of passengers. Although there were full buses at Christmas time, the City should consider a couple of smaller buses for low demand times.

Rule #5 – Be a decent person when things don’t work out.

The traffic problem brings another issue up. Exhaust emissions are poison and possibly causing a huge environmental catastrophe. We have access to cleaner fuels right now, and it will take some time for people to acknowlegde it.

Not every date goes the way we dream about it the night before. Oh sure, we had a couple of great chats online or on the phone, but then it’s show time and then … there is no connection. At least not on the romantic side of things and that’s a bummer.

Propaganda about Ethanol has most people afraid to use it in their vehicles. In reality, it is much better for engines and the environment. Petroleum releases carbon into the atmosphere and will remain in the air we breathe.

And when this realization hits you, there are several choices to be made in the split seconds of knowing them. The most important of which is “How to break it to your date that you are not attracted to them.” Please do your best to have the manners of an adult. When the opportunity presents itself, be as gentle with the truth as you would want to receive it. If your date does not receive this info like an adult, maintain your dignity as best you can. If things go way off the rails, say good night and leave. Ultimate Rule - There really aren’t any rules, but simple guidelines and suggestions that help when you can’t think straight; are too nervous to leave the house or haven’t done this in YEARS and are just plain not sure if you are ready. More importantly, use your gut. If you think the date is working out, there is a chance that it is… but .. there is someone else’s opinion that is needed. So ask. If you want to see them again, tell them. If you don’t have an interest in throwing them into the Friend Zone, let alone kissing them, well, mention it. At the end of the day, evaluate how things went for you. If it went well, high five yerself and look forward to another date. If it didn’t go the way you wanted, think about how not to let it go that way in the future. Lessons learned. You can do it, I believe in you.

Up next from Mr. Helpful – Unexpected Flirting at the Grocery Store – Knowing when someone is just being friendly and when to invite them to follow you home in the middle of the day. Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column.

Carbon Dioxide is the supposed enemy, but other carbon compounds are much much worse. Carbon Dioxide is easy to measure and the others are not. Carbon Monoxide is a deadly poison. Carbon Particles are deadly too because they accumulate in our lungs and cause a large assortment of diseases like cancer, asthma, and heart disease. Natural Gas is a fantastic vehicle fuel with 80% lower emissions than gasoline and 90% lower than diesel. If it is sourced from the earth, it is the cleanest fossil fuel with one carbon atom and four hydrogen atoms in each molecule. Natural Gas is Methane and it is everywhere. Methagenic bacteria give off methane gas when they eat almost anything. Landfills create methane gas. Sewers are full of methane gas. Every house with plumbing has methane gas coming out of its vent pipe for the sewer. Methane is a global warming gas and we really need to contain and burn it for our own good. Hydrogen is the cleanest fuel we can use because it has no carbon at all, and any exhaust is just water. It is also the most abundant element on Earth. If we use water as a source for hydrogen, no carbon is released. Methane is also a source for hydrogen and some carbon is released when it is separated. That carbon can be captured and used many ways. So, how do we change anything? Visualize the change you want to happen. Think about what you want to see happen and put it together in your mind. The Kum&Go station on the near side of Craig is selling E85 and E15 fuel. You should have a Flex-Fuel vehicle to use E85 and E15 will work great in any vehicle or engine. We use E50 in all our vehicles and engines; it is half ethanol and half 91 octane. Everything we do to use less petroleum just has to help our planet.

A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted. - Billie Holliday


February 2018

Valley Voice

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. -Kinky Friedman

“She’s working Tomorrow!”

The Original Local’s Liquor Store On the corner of 40 and Hilltop Pkwy

10 to 10 Mon. – Thurs. 10 to Midnight Fri. & Sat. 11:30 to 7:30 Sundays

Hayden Branch

101 N. 6th Street


750 Hospital Loop Craig, Colorado 81625 Phone: 970-824-9411 e-mail:

Does your pet have bad breath? February is Pet Dental Awareness Month.

All preventive dental products are 10% off during the month of February

Bad Breath isn't just unpleasant it can be unhealthy.

Up to 80% of dogs and 70% of cats that do not receive proper dental care may show signs of dental disease by the age of 3. Make an appointment now for a dental evaluation.

A Closer Look

Blue Light By Monica Yager It is estimated that consumers in the United States spend up to 5 hours a day on their mobile devices using Wi-Fi, broadband and apps, another 5 hours, on average, watching TV, and anywhere from a couple of hours up to an eight hour workday on a computer. That’s a lot of screen time. And that has the alternative health industry concerned about your health. No, really the alternative health industry is only concerned about your pocketbook and how to lighten it for you. To that end, vitamin sellers offer products claiming to “filter” blue light or “protect” our eyes from blue light. So, what is blue light, is it bad for us and do we really need vitamins to combat the effects of it? Blue light emits from digital screens but there is no scientific evidence that it causes eye damage, no matter how much exposure there might be. In fact, there is much more exposure of blue light from the sun, the largest source of blue light. Fluorescent lights and LED lights are also sources of blue light. Sometimes individuals can feel eye discomfort or eyestrain after some time engaged with a screen, but because most of us blink less when we are focused on a screen, any discomfort is just that, eyestrain from dry eyes. Interesting side note: Blue light can affect our body’s circadian rhythm, our awake and sleep cycles. Just as blue light wakes us up in daylight, it can keep us awake at nighttime if we expose ourselves to those blue-light emitting screens. So it may be a good idea to refrain from using digital devices an hour or two before bedtime and remind ourselves to blink more when we are gazing at a screen. The American Academy of Ophthalmology’s recommends sitting arm’s length from the computer, positioning the screen for gazing slightly downward, using a matte screen to reduce glare, using artificial tears to refresh eyes, adjusting room lighting to increase screen contrast, and giving eyes a break by removing contact lenses and switching to glasses, reading or prescription. Those special computer glasses, the ones that claim to protect against blue light, lack evidence they actually do that. Likewise, those special vitamins and supplements that claim to protect against blue light lack evidence of effectiveness. Consumers can protect their pocketbooks and take care of their eyes by following the American Academy of Ophthalmology recommendations and the 20-20-20 Rule: Every 20 minutes shift your eyes to look at an object at least 20 feet away for at least 20 seconds.

A Closer Look is the culmination of witnessing first-hand the wackiness of the alternative health world from the perspective of a former owner of a health food store. Everyone can and should take a closer look, especially when it comes to their health. 102 Anglers Drive

970-879-5273 For those who live here and for those who wish they did.


The Arts of Free Time By Karen Leslee

DINK - DOODLE AND DABBLE DINK as you clean, decide, sort, live. DOODLE on wood, on paper with color or not, play games with words or numbers or cards or media or stars DABBLE in a new something create something new dabble with friends and pets and silence with rip and paste - a daily report or poetry in depth - in humor in feeling - in rhyme DINK no THINK - DOODLE no GOOGLE DABBLE no BABBLE


Coming of Age By Karen Leslee

These royal treasures give their all with Grace they walk with stiff joints - and bent backs mightier than big muscles deeper than fake bustlesflashing their wise wit - learned minds and staunch ideas They plod with royal gumption, at age four score and more their humor blooms through hearing loss and blurred sight achy bodies, with a warrior fight to keep tiny scraps of independence proved - composed while balancing with every move They accept with mighty thanks each friendly greeting and helping hand if we attained this robust power and strength of stand when we were two with one zero Earth would be crowded with super heroes

Valley Voice

February 2018

Ready to Feel Good

Singing In The Rain By Shaney McCoy

What does it take to be happy? Many people move to Steamboat Springs (or dream of moving here) believing that the Champagne Powder, friendly people and mountain lifestyle will bring them happiness. While it’s true that all those things can contribute to a more satisfying and fulfilling quality of life, eventually we realize that human nature is generally the same everywhere and that “wherever you go, there you are.” At some point, someone sneaks in front of us in line at the post office or cuts us off as we’re making our best-ever Rolex (or Why Not?) run. It snows too much or not enough, our relationships still aren’t perfect, and we’re apathetic at best, despairing at worst, about the current political climate. Gnawing frustrations and insecurities still flare. So, if even the beautiful mountain mecca of Steamboat Springs can’t make us happy, what can? Well, as it turns out, nothing can make us happy. However, nothing can make us unhappy either. It’s not what is happening to us in the moment that determines how we feel – it’s how we think about what’s happening. I know some of you right now are thinking, “Yeah, but you don’t know what’s going on in my life! You’d be upset, too!” Before you call me crazy and turn the page, bear with me while I explain further. This isn’t a new idea. In his best-selling book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, but he was also a Holocaust survivor who was imprisoned in three different concentration camps, including Auschwitz. His mother,


Poetry brother and wife were killed in Nazi concentration camps. His father died of pulmonary edema and pneumonia at the Nazi Theresienstadt ghetto. If this man says we can choose our attitude despite our circumstances, it’s probably an idea worth paying attention to. While choosing your attitude may sound simple, we can probably all agree that it’s not always easy. Fortunately, there are lots of tools available to help us with this. Psychiatrist David Burns, MD, Adjunct Clinical Professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine, is a leading researcher in the field of how our thoughts affect our mood. In his book, Feeling Good – The New Mood Therapy, he outlines numerous ways to combat the kinds of thinking that can lead to depression, relationship problems and low self-esteem. Valuable techniques can be found outside the world of mainstream psychology, as well. Byron Katie, whom Time magazine called “a spiritual innovator for the 21st century,” teaches that we can learn to question our thoughts and beliefs through a method called “Inquiry” or “The Work”, which she describes in her books, as well as on her website. Katie points out that as we become less attached to how we believe things should be, we can settle into the joy of experiencing what is actually happening in any given moment. Choosing to feel good despite what may seem like negative circumstances can free us from the role of victim, and even empower and energize us to make positive changes. It doesn’t mean accepting that everything happening around us is good; rather, this choice enables us to take a step back and have some control over our own lives when much of what we’re usually upset about involves people and things we can’t control. So, the next time you’re feeling frustrated or upset, ask yourself if you can, or even need to, change the situation. Can you really change how much snow we’re getting? Is it worth your time and energy to confront the person who cut you off on the slope or to try and change your partner’s personality? (And, by the way, good luck with that one!) Probably not. Instead, it might be less frustrating and ultimately more rewarding to take a moment to recognize that we have very little control over the world around us, but potentially infinite control over the way we choose to react to it.

Shaney McCoy, LPC, is a mental health counselor in private practice in Steamboat Springs. You can find her at


By Willow Fitzgerald Ahh, the gift of glimmer out here. When the sun sets tricky on your tongue, and through the night spills and the chills maneuver down, resting; when the sky opens simply like a good man’s eye. The blanket. The good good. Cocaine, diamonds, champagne, milliennals. I know my ancient shape so well, don’t you? I have dreams of children on the other side of cartoon fences, dimensions, in my mind, catching balloons I have let free to fly to where they might land. Dreams of matching children, in pretty blue dresses with my name and birthdate and interest in the weather, catching the little puff of latex sin that I’ve let escape for whimsy. Darling, if there’s one true love, like hawks and wolves, then I am uniquely yours. And so it falls through light, building rooms on city streets that weren’t there before, simply dignified by infinite mirrors. If silence is a blessing provided only to the wealthy and dead, then let it fall and let it crush the cars that face it. Tendrills of sweet lover’s hair made vintage with it’s sweetness, lashes damp as lips this time. Like you love me, darling, kiss me. And it works its way around the curves of landscape, hiding danger, simplifying all that touches it into a woman’s body ripe with cold. She is young and ready to make decisions about her reproduction soon, now she is lounging awaiting her lover, loathing the state of politics. And it moves like flying if you’ve practiced long enough to move it right. If your fingers and toes own the dexterity like they can own a church’s organ, you can become angel.

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. - Omar Khayyam


February 2018

Valley Voice

The “LOCAL’S” choice for Personalized Health Care

Trinkets, candy, cards, gifts and jewelry for your sweetie!

Tales from the Front Desk

The Massager By Aimee Kimmey The story you are about to read is true... More or less. Tuesday. Front Desk. 2:40pm.

Professional Design Services Illustration

40+ years experience

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She felt her eyelids droop dangerously low. She wanted nothing more than to curl up right there and take a nap.

Signage CAD/ 3D

Last week’s guest left yesterday, this week’s hadn’t arrived yet. The few guests who were here were oddly self sufficient. It had been a long, dull day at the front desk. The day clerk was nearly done with her shift. If she could just make it another fifty minutes, she could finally go home. She propped her chin onto her hands and stared at the blank computer screen. Her mind danced around the fuzzy edges of dreamland. The silence of the front desk was beginning to settle around her like a blanket.


But no! She was on the clock, there could be customers any moment... Not that the last two hours supported that theory.

Her head grew heavy in her hand. Her mind was too bleary to notice her neck beginning to complain. Slowly her head became a lead weight, sliding down her palm. Just as she was about to drift into a slumber, her face slipped right off her hands. With a jerk, she snapped out of it. She needed to find something to do, now! Before she fell asleep right there on the counter. She got up and stretched. Her muscles grumbled. Her neck screamed the loudest from the awkward angle she’d been sitting in for who knows how long. She wandered around the front desk. She’d long since finished all the cleaning projects and side tasks she could-there was nothing to do but wait. She poked around in the lost-and-found, there were always interesting things in there. Sure enough, under the specialty pillow, behind the travel mugs, phone chargers, and prescription shampoos, she found a curious object. It was a long, white, plastic cylinder; rounded on one end, with a power switch on the other. Intrigued, she pulled it out of the box to examine. She flipped the switch to the ON position and the whole thing began to hum and vibrate. Hm, she thought, it must be some sort of massager. Figuring it would be perfect for the knots in her neck, she took the device back to her chair. She propped up her feet on the desk and began to work the massager along her sore muscles. It wasn’t a great massager, it mostly just rattled along her tendons. But it was better than nothing. The night clerk found her there, working the thing around to the backside of her neck. “What are you doing?” “Oh,” She held up to massager for the night clerk to see, “My neck was sore, I found this in the lost-and-found.” The night clerk’s hands shot up to cover her dropping jaw, “Oh honey! That’s not a massager, it’s a vibrator!” Understanding smashed into the day clerk like a Mack truck. She squealed, tossing the thing away as fast as she could! The two women stared at each other in horror for a moment. The day clerk was frozen between feeling mortified and utterly nauseous. Then the night clerk started to giggle. After a second, the day clerk cracked a smile. Then they were both laughing so hard they could barely see straight. After a few moments, they slowly regained their composure. Tears still streaming from their eyes, they used a pen to slide the device back into the lost-and-found box. Then the day clerk hurried home to find a bar, or three, of anti-bacterial soap!

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Valley Voice

February 2018


Routt County Disasters

The Auction By Lyn Wheaton

I have an extremely robust social media platform. In the interest of getting as many “likes” as possible, it is crucial that I keep my “friends” abreast of my every thought. If I don’t post every ideation that pops into my head, or a picture with some uplifting caption, or the results of a Facebook quiz that declare me right-brained, John Lennon, or tell me where I should be living, I will dissolve into nothing more than a dust particle in cyber space. Of course, I use the excuse of promoting my writing as the reason for spending iniquitous amounts of time on these outlets, but I’m aware no one reads anything longer than a sentence, especially if it doesn’t have a colorful picture attached. I may be critical of our instant gratification society, but I think I might be contributing to it. Hold on, I have to check the Life Events section of Facebook to make sure nothing significant has happened in my life, while I was writing this. This is interesting. Facebook has a “life event” to announce when a person has become an organ donor. If I post this am I asking for trouble? Furthermore, is this really a life event? It seems more like a “post-life” event. Who is responsible for deciding what qualifies as a life event on Facebook? What if you donated a musical organ to your church? Wouldn’t that be a life event more worthy of announcement than the post-mortem activities you may or may not engage in? Whatever. I gave this considerable thought and decided screw donating these suckers. I’m going to auction them off. This is a great plan. I can leave my daughter a nice inheritance and she won’t have to bother with a funeral and all that morbidity. Like any good business endeavor, I need to kick this off with a schematic. I will start by taking inventory of the goods for sale. I open up an Excel spreadsheet and set up my rows and columns. Where should I start, from the top down? Bottom up? Inside out? Wow, there are a lot of organs to sell. This could be very lucrative. I need an anatomy book. I don’t want to forget anything. I wonder if I could sell some of this stuff now? I could really use the cash. I decide to resume with a methodical approach and continue to develop the inventory sheet, starting at the top of the head and working my way down.

the big-ticket items; Brain, that’s debatable. Liver and nose, I don’t think we’ll get much for them (thanks to the eighties.) Ditto on the kidneys; spleen; stomach; and intestines. Lungs; not worth much (thanks to the sixties, seventies and eighties.) Things aren’t looking too good here. Teeth? Oh shit. George Washington had better teeth than me. Maybe I could sell them for parts. Let me go get that updated panoramic from my last dental visit. Twenty-five porcelain crowns, implant screws, I even have a few real teeth. If I could unload this bric-a-brac maybe I could buy a grill. Speaking of grills, how is it I don’t have any gold in here? Let’s do this- what do I have that may be of value? My hair. My hair is still pretty good except that it turned green for no reason last month, but I’ll just sell it as is. I could throw in a box of Clairol Hair dye, if the bidder drives a hard bargain. Good, now we’re getting somewhere. I can sell my hair and that can go in the category of not really needed now, because it should grow back. Ears are pretty good. I may be a little deaf (thanks to the sixties, seventies and eighties), but my ears could fetch a few bucks and I am an artist so cutting them off now is not at all irrational. My heart and eyes appear to be fine. How did they escape the sixties, seventies and eighties? These last two items will comprise my daughter’s estate. Ok. I am ready to open the bidding.

Brain – well, I need that for now. This is hard. I know, I’ll divide the sheet into three sections:

I considered hiring one of those professional auctioneers like they have on Storage Wars or our very own Cookie Lockhart, but I don’t have time to fool around with all that. Besides it may be a little creepy, if I just stood there on display while she verbally dismembered me. Defaulting to a more mainstream platform, I went on line and posted my items for sale.

1. Organs definitely needed


2. Organs may be able to do without

Hair - Opening bid 25.00

3. Organs not needed (or wanted)

Ears - Opening bid 500.00

I never realized the amount of merchandise I was carrying around. I am a virtual Pop-up retail kiosk with profits margins that would make Wall Street weep.

Heart - Opening bid 1,500.00

Starting again, with organs needed now, after all this is for my daughter, not me. I have to remember – it’s not always about me. Anyway, the items I still need are

Eyes - (here’s looking at you kid) Opening bid 1,000,000.00 All organs are sold “as is” - other organs available upon request.

I gear up for the sale by reminding myself of the ABC’s of selling: Always Be Closing. The first bidder is interested in my eyes and wants to know why they are priced so high in comparison to the other organs. I tell him I don’t want to see the world through his twisted mind; it was hard enough seeing it through mine, he seems to understand. When it comes to the law of supply and demand, Ben Bernanke, I am not. Within an hour of opening auction, I was stripped bare of all my organs, the good; the bad; and the ugly. These people are going to suffer a great deal of buyer’s remorse, I’m glad I’ll be dead. I put the finishing touches on the spreadsheet and totaled the columns. This worked out better than a garage sale. Social media makes all things possible. I decided to post the outcome of my auction online but there was no classification suitable for this announcement. Facebook should really have a category for otherworldly events. I scribbled a note to Zuckerberg suggesting a few names: The Hereafter, The Other Realm, Knock-knock-knocking, or The Fifth Dimension. Here you could post things like: Died and went to heaven, realized I had to continue working on myself, wasn’t going to get any rest, so I defected. Status: Lost soul. Stuck in Purgatory - hit “like” to help get me out: 1 “like” = 1 hour off my sentence. This could include a melting clock tracking the time remaining on your detainment. We could get reports from Hell, and I mean real Hell as opposed to the normal Facebook day to day. It would bring the thrill of horror right into your living room, wondering if the Devil was going to heave your electronic device across the room and through the plate glass window. Suddenly the doorbell rang, interrupting my productivity. With trepidation, I answered. I wasn’t expecting anyone. There stood a man carrying a medical bag and a large cooler. He announced he was here for the heart and eyes. I told him I wasn’t dead yet. He said I didn’t specify a waiting period and if I didn’t produce the organs I’d have to refund his money. Next weekend I will be having a yard sale, details will be on Facebook.

If you don’t have anything nice to say... dead silence creates a lot of awkwardness. - Jeff Rich


February 2018

Valley Voice


Your Monthly Message By Chelsea Yepello Aries

March 21 - April 19

Come on, is an electric fence, a half dozen guard dogs, tear gas and a handful of dead bolts really going to stop you? Please...


April 20 - May 20

Now wait a damn minute! Just because there are people attacking and devouring other people in the streets does not mean that the world is being taken over by zombies. This could just be a common case of demented cannibals that have escaped their shackles. Jeez. Let’s be logical here... zombies... that is just ridiculous.


May 20 - June 20

This fortnight you will get the upper hand when you finally give yourself the respect you deserve and can begin your conquest to take over the world. This sudden epiphany will begin when you conclude that you are a strong and prosperous creature with not one, but two opposable thumbs.


Happy Hour is 7pm-10pm daily.

Not to be combined with any other discounts. Golden Leaf does not condone public consumption.


June 21 - July 22

No. Absolutely no. It is not appropriate to go skinny dipping in the kiddie pool, no matter how appealing the giant plastic alligator that shoots water out of its nose may seem to you. No. Not cool. Just a bad and weird idea.


July 23 - August 23

It’s like when the last half of a sentence doesn’t fit on the bottom of the page and you have to use an entire extra sheet of paper for three freakin worlds. Just. Lame.


August 23 - September 22

Don’t worry, they can only find you when they use their laser pointers.

GG #4


Recreational & Medical

1755 Lincoln Avenue Steamboat Springs, CO On the Free Bus Route

970-870-2941 For those who live here and for those who wish they did.


September 23 - October 23

Nothing is certain but change and a necessity for diapers at the beginning and end of your life.


October 24 - November 21

Now here you are, when the excitement of the small concerns that turned into big concerns revert back to their shape as small concerns.


November 22 - December 21

How much longer will it be before you hear those three little words out of that special person’s mouth you have been longing for for so long... just three simple words... “Wow. Nice birthmark.” Sigh.


December 22 - January 19

If you like it or not, it is only days away. Might as well enjoy it no matter how well prepared you think you are.


January 20 - February 18

You will lose your remote control and be forced to watch a marathon of a reality series about cat ladies because you refuse to change the channel with the buttons on the tv. You claim that you will not succumb to the old ways and technology is there for a reason!... to make things... more... convenient...


February 19 - March 20

You know you found someone great when they can fix you a cup of coffee just the way you like it, even when they don’t drink the stuff themselves... ahem...cream and a little sugar on sweet days... if you were curious...

Valley Voice

February 2018

OSO’s Adventures

By Jeff Morehead

By Chris Walsh

By Matt Scharf

“Something for Nothing” Club



February 2018

Valley Voice


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4th and Lincoln For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

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