Stories of Growth on Our UWC Journey

There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!) Keep the essay focused! There’s no need to try and tell us everything. Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can. Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there. There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!) Keep the essay focused! There’s no need to try and tell us everything. Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can. Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there. We, as readers look forward to learning more about you. Imagery is powerful. Paint a picture for us. What do you see between classes? On walks? During excursions? In your neighborhood? From a car window, a train seat? We might be familiar with these same landscapes and your words will transport us there. We may not and so your writing will be the canvas to help us learn more about places that are part of your life. It can be one part of your essay but one that can be quite memorable. Application essays often respond to a question/prompt. Make sure you actually answer the question! Admission officers read up to a hundred applications a day & sometimes don’t have time to get through long essays, so get to the point and put your “best stuff” early in the essay. Before submitting your essay, show it to someone who doesn’t know you well and ask them if it makes sense & answers the question. Your essay should be able to speak clearly about you to a stranger. Advice to remember: 1. Tell your story in the context of the rest of the application. 2. Focus: Narrow, deep essay topics are better than shallow wide ones. 3. Celebrate yourself. 4. Showing works better than telling. 5. Authenticity matters. Do not try to be anyone else. 6. Dramatic and traumatic aren’t a requirement. 7. Know where you are applying. 8. Proofread, proofread, proofread. 9. Don’t panic if you don’t like writing essays. The essay is important but it isn’t the only thing that gets you accepted. Ask yourself, “could someone else have written this statement?”

If the answer is yes, it means there’s opportunity to reflect more, dig deeper, and make your message more personal. The broader topic you choose to write about may not be new to the admissions reader and that’s ok! If your statement focuses on what YOU learned, how YOU felt, how YOU grew, that is uniquely your story to share and will help admission readers better understand you beyond your transcript and list of achievements. We always recommend that students focus some time on the “Why NYU” prompt where they have an opportunity to let us know how we are a great fit for them. As I like to remind students, we are reviewing if they are a great fit for us but we see they’ve done their research for how we are a great fit for them in their WNYU! Take time to craft an outline. One common mistake I’ve repeatedly seen is failure to stay on topic. Therefore, once you understand the essay requirements and have chosen a topic, it’s important to craft an outline. An outline is a concise map of your essay. It provides you with a framework to tell a story, build an argument, or persuade a reader. It also reflects how all the points fit together. Poorly structured essays can be off-putting and potentially impact your admissibility. Use this opportunity to tell your story, showcase your motivation and aspirations.

Reflect on your last four years and dream about what you want from this next chapter of your life! Then start writing! An essay with a good organization and flow engages me. Try to answer these questions in your essay- What do you want to study and Why? What are your qualities? How would your unique self contribute to the university? How can the university contribute to your growth?” Do something that makes you laugh before you sit down to write! Remember the joy of being exactly who you are! Write something that shines a spotlight on your unique combination of personality, character, life experiences, motivations, skills, abilities. Tell your story simply and in a way that portrays your feelings, perceptions, values, commitment, eagerness to grow. Show the college/university that you are someone we would want on our campus!Guidance Consider your application a complete picture of many parts. When you take a oncollege writing your college metaphorical step back and assess your activities list, letters of recommendation, (possible) test scores, and transcripts--what is missing? essay, including tips from Tell that story in your essay. Think of your personal statement as the final puzzle piece in your application, the component that shows Ethan Sawyer, The Essay Guy mundane, spectacular, or anything in admissions committees across the nation (and world!) who you are.College It can be about something between. Students seem to think they need to write an essay that is unique or to choose a topic that no one else has ever done, but to be honest, there are very few topics out there that admissions officers have not seen before. Uniqueness is an unattainable goal Thirteen.

The first time Instead I picked upbemy mom’s in this process and is definitely not what we are looking for when we review applications. of trying to unique, be yourself!

I have not heard YOUR story before; that’s what will help your application to stand out! For 20 years I’ve been reading personal stateon amath trip visit textbook. family in Serbian Zimbabwe. ments. I remember the essay from the Afghani camera student who learned fromto a discarded Or the student who introduced his many personas as portrayed through his basketball shoes. Good essays have something in common. They start with a strong introduction and end with a meaningful conclusion. You see, I read the intro, move to the ending, and really savor the middle if both ends hang together. How you begin and end matters! Begin the essay with your own voice, literally. Tell your idea to a friend, or record it on your phone, or stand in front of a mirror and pretend that you are on stage. Make sure you have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Your tone, expression and language are what are what make your voice unique. This is what an admissions officer wants to hear! Show don’t tell. Keep the subject in focus. Remember this is a snapshot, not a photo album. Colleges really want you to dig deep and show us how your perspective is unique. Only you standing in a certain spot at a certain time can take the picture you submit in the form of a college essay. I distinctly remember writing my personal statement in UWC. Ironically, the hardest part was picking a topic. I wanted to tell a perfect story. Everyone around me seemed to have that one moment, that one event, that one memory they held onto. I had one too many. The truth is: you are exceptional and you have many stories to tell, this is simply a chance to pick one that will help us get to know you a bit better. Don’t stop at recounting - zoom in, reflect and invite us to reflect with you.

Growing up in a developing country, having immigrant parents, and working in my family’s business are things that have had a significant impact on my personality. I never thought that I would be Something Stories of Growth on that symbolizes Our UWC Journey who I am is Friday mornings: A sacred day for Muslims where most Moroccan families gather to eat a traditional couscous dish right after the Friday prayer.

in the wilderness.

I love making smthies. In fact, I make one nearly every day – I am always experimenting with many different ingredients.

Walk ing into a wooden dining hall with high ceilings, stained-glass windows and two very exquisite chandeliers may feel like being on a glamourous Harry Potter set for some.

But for me, something inside of me shattered each time.

Greetings from Montezuma, New Mexico — home of UWC-USA! I have the wonderful honor to work with over 100 incredibly bright, talented, and dedicated teenagers each year at UWC-USA as they seek admission to colleges and universities here in the U.S. and around the world. For each student it’s a slightly different journey and I enjoy the chance to get to know them better as we search together for the best fit for their dreams of “what comes next.”

This booklet, “Stories of Growth on Our UWC Journey,” contains six college application essays, or personal statements, that reflect the wide range of experiences UWC-USA students have had and the ways they have crafted their stories in the college admissions process. Included also are commentaries and feedback from friends in some of the Davis UWC Scholars schools — some are alumni and others have worked with us in the past. My hope is that these sample essays, along with the feedback from our experts, some guidance on best practices, and references for further reading can help other students as they work on their own personal statements.

While these essays and the feedback can help you gather ideas before you write, your essay will necessarily be different because you have a different story to tell. I always encourage students to read lots of sample essays but to center their writing on their own experiences and growth.

Good luck as you plan the next chapter in your life — I hope this publication helps you along your journey.

My best, Marie Assir Director of College Counseling, UWC-USA

YiFen “Meggie” Fang C L ASS O F 2 020 YiFen “Meggie” Fang ‘20 is from China and Belize and is majoring in health and exercise science at the University of Oklahoma in Norman.

“Growing up in a developing country, having immigrant parents, and working in my family’s business are things that have had a significant impact on my personality.”

what I needed for my assignments and projects. They made sure I had the money to buy art supplies, or a computer and printer to print pictures. My classmates had their parents, cousins, or uncles and aunts helping them with everything.

There was no way to ask my

It also meant I had a mature

It is common for Chinese immi-

family how to solve an algebraic

mentality from a young age.

grants in Belize to work in retail

problem or how to write an

businesses, restaurants, and

essay. So, I had to make sure

businesses alike.

that I understood it during class.

making. The first time I truly

Frankly, it was simply me help-

I have always wondered how at 5

realized how different my life at

ing my parents. In return, it was

years old I began working as a

home compared to my friends

my responsibility to perform

waitress and cashier. I removed

was when I started primary

well at school. My parents made

dishes, organized the condiments

school in Belize. As a young girl,

sure I had the resources to do

on the tables, and cleaned table

I had to understand the sacrifices that my parents were

I faced discrimination for how I spoke my Kaiping dialect, how my almond eyes looked, and how I dressed to school.

My school uniform was never tailored the same way. I did not wear trendy clothing as others did. Besides fashion and appearance, the biggest difference was that I worked, and my classmates did not. Being at home and helping my parents to manage their business was something foreign to my classmates.

FEEDBACK surfaces. It extended to me being

made sure to have good grades. I

a cashier in a meat shop. Some-

studied on my own and used my

times, I would pack meat with

creativity to do my best.

plastic wrap, price them, and put them in the refrigerators.

Throughout my 11 years of school in Belize, my main goal was to use my education to relieve some of the financial burdens from my parents. To reward them with a better future that is not as harsh on their well-being.

It is important to me that educa-

When the shop closed at nine at

tion does not only come from

night, I used to take out the

textbooks. It must also come

meat from four refrigerators,

from the words and experiences

neatly place them in blue bas-

of people, cultures, and my sur-

kets and hauled them into a

roundings. I reflect on these mo-

walk-in freezer. In between all

ments because they have brought

those tasks, I would enjoy a little

definition to me as a daughter,

bit of television, have dinner,

sister, and friend. These parts of

and do homework. Sometimes,

my life have helped me to build

I felt so separated from my

my independence, passion, and

friends and classmates. I could

strength for everyone and every-

not attend birthday parties or

thing that I love and do.

play at a friend’s house because my parents were working.

Forward to the present time.

I realized that I had many

Meggie has crafted a delightfully descriptive essay about her unique childhood experience of helping her family with their business while facing her own challenges of being a student. She wonderfully paints a picture of what her day-to-day work looked and felt like as she bussed tables and worked as a cashier.

Meggie skillfully depicts her resilience and resourcefulness as she acknowledges that her social life contrasted greatly from her peers who did not share her background as a child of Chinese immigrants to Belize. She presents these details not to elicit sadness from the reader, but to accurately portray her strengths in balancing expectations from home and from school. The reader learns that Meggie has faced challenges not only in finding this balance, but also in recognizing her physical and cultural differences from her peers. Despite these differences, Meggie shares that she has always kept education at the forefront of her mind as she pursues her own independence and passions.

Meggie reminds us all that we must treat everyone with respect regardless of where we come from, and this is truly the spirit of UWC. Well done, Meggie!

challenges where I always had to

— PRAXEDES QUINTANA ‘14

be academically and socially in-

Assistant Director of Admission, Haverford College

dependent. My parents were not able to attend my school meet-

If I did not work in a restaurant

ings, variety shows, and other

or a meat shop, I would not be

school events. But that was okay.

the same today. I would not appreciate the value of a job. I

I knew they needed to be at their

adore being Belizean. If it were

jobs. So, I could always get to

not for the cultural shock, I

school on time. To have class ma-

would not know how impera-

terials, have the proper uniform,

tive it is to treat everyone with

and have money to buy food. I

the same kindness and respect.

Sophia Huang C L ASS O F 2 020 Sophia Huang ‘20 is from Bavaria (Germany), and Taiwan and studies Business and Sociology/Anthropology at Warren Wilson College in Swannanoa, North Carolina.

“Walking into a wooden dining hall with high ceilings, stained-glass windows and two very exquisite chandeliers may feel like being on a glamourous Harry Potter set for some. But for me, something inside of me shattered each time.”

challenges; however, the attitude of appreciation, optimism, and perseverance has given me a balance within myself because since then optimism has begun to outweigh the challenges.

I held a plate of food in my

Instead, I began to appreciate the

hands, and it was another meal

little moments of a day that

feeling like the only one who

made me feel connected to

doesn’t know where to sit in the

others: a student piggybacking

cafeteria while others seem-

off what I said at a table, an

ingly naturally approach a table

employee from the cafeteria

and are immediately welcomed

remembering my name, some

into the chatter and laughter.

extra seconds spent noticing the

The boisterous voices overlap

beauty and tranquility of nature

and amplify in my head, which

looking down from upper

makes me feel like a small,

campus, taking a soothing

unnoticed boat without an

warm shower in peacefulness,

anchor in a turbulent ocean.

participating in an interesting

Although my experience at the

discussion in class.

United World College-USA has not fit the big bang change of

It was my first year at an international boarding school

These and many more other little

myself advertised to me, I have

that separated me from the fa-

moments shifted my perspective

found invaluable leer in finding

miliar. I felt lost despite all the

on my circumstances as soon as I

my own comfort. A comfort in

people surrounding me. While

started to notice them. Simply

knowing that being alone does

spending a lot of time question-

because I intentionally choose to

not equate to being lonely,

ing myself and waiting for

love the little things, the grand

reflecting a lot in solitude is

something to change, I learned

dining hall, and other aspects of

actually time well spent and

to stop wishing for the situation

life thousands of miles away

that interesting questions let

to improve by itself.

from home continue to present

people tell interesting stories.

FEEDBACK

After several conversations at

with others, which I like to

random tables I also have come

achieve through engaging in

to notice, “Was I the only one

compelling questions and seizing

[feeling lonely] at that time?”

the moment. I have loved to

Absolutely not. So, at any table

connect to people over conver-

I will be sitting at in the future,

sations about the perfect meal,

whether it be in the cafeteria or

facts they would like to know

classroom, there is very likely

about their life, or what someone

someone else searching for a lit-

can do to make their day.

tle moment to feel connected too.

Plus, my conviction is that any

How can I connect with others

table is a good table as there is al-

and how can I make others

ways a small or big detail waiting

feel connected and what am

to be noticed and appreciated.

I grateful for? These two questions now guide my path

After reflecting, I think that the

when approaching new

key words are “gratitude” and

situations and genuinely shifted

“connections” with myself and

my perspective towards life.

One danger of reflective essays that Sophia has avoided is being overly abstract. This happens when there is more emphasis on thoughts and values instead of storytelling or “showing by doing.” Simply conveying a story without reflection is another extreme to avoid. Sophia has struck a balance by weaving in a narrative of personal growth and community building. The song at the end is a nice touch of flair that works when incorporated thoughtfully into the storytelling experience.

One challenge for every UWC student to explore is how to differentiate their own narrative from their peers. Time spent in a UWC community is transformative for everyone, with common themes and stories emerging from the shared experience. Collaborate with peers for essay review and try to answer the question – have you accomplished the goal sharing your distinct individual experience, or strayed into describing a general UWC experience? This essay is certainly not generic. I think Sophia’s distinct voice and personality come through in her writing in a way that allows me to picture the roles she might play in a college community. Ultimately, Sophia has done a great job of showing us who she is and how she engages with the world around her.

— ISTHIER CHAUDHURY International Admissions, Trinity College in Hartford

Malachi King C L ASS O F 2 021 Malachi King ‘21 is from Trinidad and Tobago and will be studying international business administration at Rotterdam School of Management at Erasmus University in the Netherlands.

“I love making smoothies. In fact, I make one nearly every day – I am always experimenting with many different ingredients.”

to Trinidad by the French plantation owners who had settled there. They arrived under terrible conditions, and worked as slaves until slavery was abolished in 1840. They and their children then remained in Trinidad. This is the base ingredient of my smoothie and can be seen in its

I am continually amazed at the

STEP 1: Our smoothie base starts

delicious combinations of flavors

with approximately half a cup of

and delightful spices that can be

West African flavors in honor of

STEP 2: Next, add approximately

added, which certainly seem to

my paternal grandfather and one

one quarter cup of English de-

tantalize the taste buds! Let’s

of my maternal great-grand-

light. And even though the Eng-

make a smoothie now! One that

mothers. In the late 18th century,

lish were actually the last to

truly demonstrates who I am!

West African slaves were brought

colonize my country, this ing-

rich, deep color.

redient actually represents my maternal grandmother, who

Recipe

Caribbean Smoothie INGREDIENTS

came to Trinidad from England to study in the 1960s at what was then the Imperial College of Tropical Agriculture. Luckily she met my paternal grandfather and they made Trinidad their home.

She is my only remaining grand-

•

Approximately half cup of West African flavors

parent alive and plays a very im-

•

Approximately one quarter cup of English delight

portant part in making this

•

One fifth cup of Venezuelan ‘dame mas!’

•

One loaded tablespoon of East Indian herbs and spices

STEP 3: Thirdly, add one fifth of

•

One loaded tablespoon of Chinese ginger and nutmeg

the best Venezuelan ‘dame mas.’

•

Servings: Unlimited

My paternal great-grandmother

smoothie great!

and my maternal great-grandfather both came from Vene-

FEEDBACK This essay had me at the first sentence! You never know who will be reading your essay but I love making smoothies too so the topic drew me in from the beginning.

zuela. Venezuela is the closest

to the time of the Chinese

country to Trinidad and Tobago,

revolution – one of them who

being only 7 miles away at the

stayed in Trinidad was one of my

closest point. Many Venezuelans

maternal great-grandfathers.

migrated to Trinidad, over the years, but in more recent times

All ingredients should be blended

there have been thousands of

on the lowest speed for just a few

them arriving in Trinidad and To-

moments, and there you have it:

bago looking for a better life.

A Caribbean smoothie! Or rather — me, a smoothly mixed, multi-

STEP 4: The Eastern flavors in

racial, multi-cultural Caribbean

my smoothie continue with one

boy eager to see his world!

loaded tablespoon of East Indian herbs and spices as well as one loaded tablespoon of Chinese ginger and nutmeg into the blender. These represent one of my maternal great-grandfathers and one of my maternal great-

We always say “be creative” and Malachi chose a creative structure which made for a unique essay that tells me something about his personality too: he is willing to think outside of the box and I suspect is also attentive to detail and structure.

I appreciate the nice balance of learning about family along with the history of his home country. Ultimately the essay is about trying to get to know a student and what is important to them.

The importance of family background came through clearly – the descriptions really brought his family tree to life! If there was room for one more paragraph I would have loved to hear a bit about how the contributions from all the family members came together to shape Malachi’s unique personality. All in all, very well done!

grandmothers. East Indians ar-

— JENNY HOWENSTINE

rived in Trinidad and Tobago as

International Admissions St. Olaf College

indentured laborers in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, after slavery had been abolished.

All my ancestors came from so

After their contract of indenture

many different countries and

ship had ended, many settled in

under so many different

Trinidad including my great-

conditions. I am extremely eager

granny. The Chinese also came

to learn more about these

to Trinidad as indentured

countries and cultures, to

laborers from approximately

better understand myself and

the middle of the 19th century

my people, and my earth.

Sarah Onyembe C L ASS O F 2 020 Sarah Onyembe ‘20, Democratic Republic of Congo is studying chemical engineering at the University of Oklahoma in Norman.

“I never thought that I would be in the wilderness.”

showing the bright side of the wilderness from the U.S. perspective, and the dangerous side of it from the Congolese culture. More than that, I felt like I was neglecting my values as a Congolese.

As I was hiking up, I kept my eyes focused on what was

I was unfamiliar with the real

my curiosity was so intense that

around me. The trees had never

meaning behind that word.

I kept pushing myself. There

been that close to me before. I

When I went on a mandatory

were different thoughts going

felt the sun burning my skin in

three-day backpacking trip at

through my brain as I ap-

a brisk way. I looked at the sky,

the beginning of the school year,

proached the 2,000-foot peak in

which had never been that

the only thing I knew about

front of me. Will I be eaten by a

beautiful. I felt fulfilled.

wilderness was its translation

bear? Will the devil catch me

into French: “desert.”

and I won’t make it to the top?

I was feeling the opposite of what witchcraft was supposed

In my culture particularly, it is a

My worries were not only about

to do to me. Birds in the sky were

very controversial topic; people

the conflict between the two

divinely singing. They were not

believe that sorcery, witchcraft,

ideas that I have been told, one

hurting me. Instead, their voices

and black magical events happen there. As Christians, those are symbols of the devil. The density of animals makes the wilderness even more dangerous in my country. That was what I knew and believed my whole life. But after the three-day trip, my perception of it utterly changed.

As I started going uphill, my heart was beating fast due to the fear of the unknown. But

FEEDBACK were giving me hope. The feeling

I want to share with my

of being alone in this world, but

community the joy I experi-

at the same time feeling sup-

enced during the trip. I was

ported by nature, filled my heart.

going up there with the fear

And that is the wilderness.

of witchcraft and the devil, and betraying my culture by

At the end of the day, when I was

going into the wilderness. I

on the top of the mountain, I

came out of the trip with an

had a view that I would never

appreciation of wilderness

have the chance to have in my

that I would like to share with

city back home. It was my first

other people. I did not let either

time seeing a lake this close. It

my country’s perspective or

was so enormous that I thought

the U.S. view of the wilderness

I would fall into it.

influence me.

My curiosity once again guided

I evolved into seeing beauty

my hands into the cold water,

where some people perceived

which brought a strong feeling

death. Confucius said that

through my nerves. At that

everything has beauty, but

moment, I realized that I enjoy

not everyone sees it.

Sarah does a great job describing her internal conflict about what “wilderness” means and her real fears about participating in a wilderness trip. Her writing is thoughtful and easy to follow and you can visualize some of the images and encounters she is having on her first hike. The thoughts about what wilderness means in her home country is interesting and insightful. There are no issues with spelling or grammar.

One observation though is that her statement doesn’t give too much insight about her or how she will contribute to her community. She does talk about wanting to share her revelations about wilderness with others and that she completed a two-week training to gain greater expertise, but that part of the essay is a bit disjointed. Had she changed the sequence where this experience (and others like it while at UWC) led her to receive additional training as a wilderness leader, she could have then ended with her goal of providing these types of experiences to help dispel the incorrect views about the wilderness in her home country.

Still, it’s a good personal statement that keeps the reader’s attention all the way through.

— BRIAN BAVA ‘91

being close to nature. My appreciation for nature in-

One day, I will create a safe

creased throughout the rest of

wilderness program in my

the trip as I was witnessing

country and people will see its

captivating views day by day. In

real beauty. Through that trip, I

the end, I realized that the need

was inspired to do a 14-day wil-

to be in nature and uncover new

derness trip to become a leader

things has always been inside of

who will be the voice for all

me. I just needed to get out of

students new to the wilderness

my comfort zone and under-

and make them feel like they

stand the wilderness’s beauty.

can define things for their lives.

Co-Chair, US Selection Committee

Omar Loudghiri C L ASS O F 2 020 Omar Loudghiri ‘20 is from Casablanca, Morocco, and is studying computer science and philosophy at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio.

“Something that symbolizes who I am is Friday mornings: A sacred day for Muslims where most Moroccan families gather to eat a traditional couscous dish right after the Friday prayer.”

I, however, find it intriguing that I grew up thinking steaks, pasta, and paella were delicious, not tagines and couscous. I would always be enthusiastic about making European food. But I never questioned this until I was asked by Rigzin, my Tibetan friend at UWC, to cook him food

As early as dawn on Fridays,

cuisine that represented the

my mom would gather the

essence of my culture and that

ingredients for couscous,

I could call mine.

from Morocco, and I couldn’t.

My first reaction was to blame

putting the grains to boil with

my parents, but they had

a perfect balance of seasoning.

nothing to do with that.

She would chop the vegetables

My mom would always cook

to create a beautiful blend of

tagines at home, and I would

tastes and textures, which she

still reject it, preferring the

would mix with tender cuts of

European dishes I considered

lamb in a finely spiced broth

more elegant instead. I could

that would then simmer.

sense her disappointment, but she never reprimanded me.

This delicate broth, when poured

I would say it smelled terrible;

on the semolina, would give it

I couldn’t help but reject the

color, taste, and beauty. However,

dishes and spices of my country.

that sight of yellowish grains is

Curcuma and saffron would

something I was reluctant to

My mom has been cooking

disturb my nostrils while I

appreciate until this summer

couscous since I opened my

would be ecstatic to the smell

when I came back from the

eyes to the world. Why did it

of parsley and basil; smells

United World College-USA, an

take me so long to accept its

that came from the other side

international boarding school

charm and beauty? I loved

of the Mediterranean.

in Montezuma, N.M. I could

cooking by nature. I would

finally recognize the charm of

always sit next to my mom

Realizing that, I found myself

Moroccan food and culture.

when she was performing

facing an internal debate that

I realized that I strived for

what I saw as a magical craft.

made me question the whole

FEEDBACK relationship I have with the

tragic story of my attempt at

food I make and enjoy. I have

cooking a tagine with other Mo-

been going through the process

roccan students ending with me

of decolonizing my mind far

burning the cooktop of my

before that by recognizing that

school’s president’s house.

a big part of what I considered to be my culture was just an

My Friday mornings are now so

idealization and imitation of

different. I wake up as early as

French culture.

my mom to start cooking the traditional Couscous. The house

Everything from language to

is immersed by the smell of

mannerisms was taught to me

saffron, the broth is delicate and

following a foreign model—

complex, the meat is tender and

even the dishes my tongue

well-seasoned, the vegetables

enjoys and the plates I could

are savory and colorful.

cook. I ultimately had the chance to unlearn some aspects

Couscous was the most intricate

that were embedded in my

dish I ever dared to make alone,

culture, but that I rejected, and

and I would always miss a step

to learn about the Moroccan

or fail at something, but that

culture and traditions that I

would just remind me of how

could finally appreciate. I was so

deep and complex my culture

excited to finally learn how to

really is. I would always find

cook typical dishes that my mom

something new to discover,

had unsuccessfully tried to teach

something new to reject, and

me over FaceTime—like the

something new to accept.

Omar does an excellent job helping the reader get to know him through the cultural relationship he has with food from his country. It doesn’t feel over-edited nor does he try to impress the reader with words from a thesaurus that he doesn’t typically use. Having an authentic voice is one of the most important aspects of writing a college essay. Omar’s style of writing is inviting and he creates a scene that the reader can visualize.

The connection to culture and food is common, however, this essay brings a twist and adds an intellectual context to his story. He didn’t realize the value of his own culture until he left and he now understands that he had misplaced Western culture as his own.

The awareness to recognize that he had to “decolonize his mind” shows an intellectual depth that adds a greater context to his story.

The transformation Omar writes about helps to provide the reader with an insight into his struggle with his cultural identity and how it has now come full circle. A college essay should help the reader get to know the applicant aside from perhaps other aspects of their application. This essay does an excellent job of providing personal details and challenges that help you to know more about Omar.

— DEAN MENDES Associate Director of Admission Williams College

Benjamin Curry C L ASS O F 2 021 Benjamin Curry ‘21, Las Cruces, N.M., is a freshman at Colorado College in Colorado Springs.

“Thirteen. The first time I picked up my mom’s camera on a trip to visit family in Zimbabwe.”

own insignificance in the sea of gypsum, an earth ready to swallow me without a trace.

Zoom, frame, focus, snap.

SIXTEEN. My very own camera in my hands; a purchase made with the aches and pains that only man-

However, it felt like a tangled

FIFTEEN.

ual labor brings. Cleaning sludge

slinky. Although I was intrigued,

My feet felt sluggish, weighed

from car wash drains, next tear-

fascinated by the tool in my

down by the soft sand. Dunes for

ing down walls on the construc-

hands, my fingers were frozen.

miles, gentle curves a manifesta-

tion site. Lots of lawns and weeds

The photos of the elephants at

tion of the winds ebb and flow.

sprouted in between. But then, it

the watering hole were flat and

Dusk, the soft light remaining

was time. The cellophane wrap-

bland. The elephants were

after the sun’s retreat behind the

ping came off in a second. When I

slightly out of focus, overexposed

horizon. A lone figure walked up

pulled it out of the box, my

and awkward. There was no

a dune in the distance, minus-

fingers unfroze. The shutter, the

meaning or purpose to the photo.

cule in the vastness of the crys-

dials, the buttons all moved so

tal white landscape. I felt my

smoothly. Now, to my new job.

FOURTEEN. I began to look at things differently. The cotton field in the golden sun rays. A classic New Mexico sunset tickled dusk with its cotton candy fingers, each white puff its own success story, earth’s replication of the clouds.

But I couldn’t convey it. The picture looked flat and bland, colors muted, and plants bunched together. I could feel the message, my eyes saw the potential, the symbolism, but I felt a disconnect.

FEEDBACK Five pairs of eyes stared back at

ball teams, motocross races,

me, expectantly waiting. I had

clothing advertisements, school

them sitting on the old well in

bus engines, musicians, dancers

front of my house. It didn’t look

and more. Then, the biggest

right. My sweaty hand and

offer yet came.

trembling voice scooted them left. Without question they all

The fine print seemed to taunt

shuffled. Click. I took a step back,

me. The pen sat waiting. A

and the sun peeked out from be-

month away from home, work-

hind the pecans. The golden rays

ing at a boarding school summer

traced the form of each subject.

camp every day. Then I did it.

With a quick joke they straight-

I signed the contract that

ened up. Smile! Click. As they

changed my life. A photography

drove off, $50 stared back at me.

job at a castle. No, a school.

I couldn’t believe I had been paid

Little did I know, soon to be my

to take photos of strangers. Even

own school. A rollercoaster of

better than that, I knew I had

friendships and memories, late

done a decent job for my first

nights and deep talks. A multi-

time. This was the day my

tude of accents, stories and

camera became my magic carpet.

experiences. An education

There are three areas where I believe Benjamin’s essay stands out.

Language: Benjamin clearly demonstrates a sophistication in his use of language skills; using metaphoric language and both complex and simple phrases to draw us into his world. His proper use of words and how he ties them together to develop his idea is commendable. Benjamin creates an image in the reader’s mind of the setting and the author’s place in it.

Creativity: In a one page essay, Benjamin capably take us on a five year-long personal journey of developing his interest and skills in photography. Time after time, Benjamin drew us inside his world and gave us the feeling of being with him as he experimented with his camera in different settings.

Purpose: Benjamin wanted to show the readers that persistence and hard work lead to success and can ultimately provide tangible life experience. He accomplished his goal by utilizing the example of the camera. He walked his audience through the stages of using his mom’s and then his own camera and demonstrated that his persistence paid off not only in developing his own talent as a photographer but in securing a job as a photographer in high school.

— MUSA KHALIDI SEVENTEEN AND EIGHTEEN.

inside and outside the classroom

A whirlwind of jobs and clients.

that I will cherish forever. I now

Crouching in the wedding aisles,

help untangle the slinky, teach-

a fly on the wall waiting for that

ing my passion, to a class of my

first kiss. Driving along the Mex-

own design. They sit attentively,

ican border, documenting the

learning my favorite editing

wildlife through the monstrous

program, my most valued skills,

fence. Filming politicians, foot-

and my favorite tricks.

Exec. Dir., International Admissions St. Lawrence University

P E R S O N A L S TAT E M E N T R E V I E W E R S

Brian Bava ‘91

Isthier Chaudhury

Jenny Howenstine

Co-Chair, US Selection Committee, Davis UWC Scholars Program

International Admissions, Trinity College in Hartford

International Admissions, St. Olaf College

Isthier Chaudhury currently

Jenny Howenstine works in

Brian Bava ‘91, is vice president

oversees international

international admissions at

of enrollment management at

admissions for Trinity College

St. Olaf College. She is a self-

The College of Idaho, a partner

in Hartford, CT, and has over 8

proclaimed “huge fan” of the

institution with the Davis UWC

years of experience working in

students who graduate from

Scholars Program. Brian served

admissions. At both Trinity and

the UWCs.

as the associate dean of admis-

his prior institution, he has

sions at Concordia University

excitedly worked to build UWC

School of Law and on the board

communities on campus while

of trustees at Riverstone

supporting students through

International School, which is

their admissions process.

a preschool through 12-grade international baccalaureate school in Boise, Idaho.

Musa Khalidi

Dean Mendes

Praxedes Quintana ‘14

Executive Director, International Admissions, St. Lawrence University

Associate Director of Admission, Williams College

Assistant Director of Admission, Haverford College

Dean Mendes is an associate

Praxedes Quintana is an

Musa Khalidi is the executive

director of admission at

Assistant Director of Admission

director of international

Williams College. He has

at her alma mater Haverford

admissions at St. Lawrence

worked in admissions for 15

College in Pennsylvania.

University in New York.

years with 11 years focusing on

She graduated from UWC-USA

international students and has

in 2014 and continues to seek

reviewed applications from all

out opportunities to further

of the UWC campuses. He is

explore her role as an UWC

currently serving on the

alumna and global citizen.

International ACAC Executive Board as a NACAC delegate.

BEST PRACTICES

Danielle Ditty

Darren Drabek

Brian White

Ben Baum

Gettysburg College

Skidmore College

Lewis & Clark College

St. John’s College

There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!)

Keep the essay focused!

There’s no need to try and tell us everything.

Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can.

Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there.

We, as readers look forward to learning more about you. Imagery is powerful. Paint a picture for us. What do you see between classes? On walks? During excursions? In your neighborhood? From a car window, a train seat?

We might be familiar with these same landscapes and your words will transport us there.

We may not and so your writing will be the canvas to help us learn more about places that are part of your life. It can be one part of your essay but one that can be quite memorable.

Application essays often respond to a question/prompt.

Make sure you actually answer the question!

Admission officers read up to a hundred applications a day & sometimes don’t have time to get through long essays, so get to the point and put your “best stuff” early in the essay. Before submitting your essay, show it to someone who doesn’t know you well and ask them if it makes sense & answers the question.

Your essay should be able to speak clearly about you to a stranger.

Advice to remember: • Tell your story in the context of the rest of the application • Focus: Narrow, deep essay topics are better than shallow wide ones • Celebrate yourself • Showing works better than telling • Authenticity matters.

Do not try to be anyone else • Dramatic and traumatic aren’t a requirement • Know where you are applying • Proofread, proofread, proofread • Don’t panic if you don’t like writing essays. The essay is important but it isn’t the only thing that gets you accepted

Sarah Schmidt

Denisse Ballinas

Matthew Beatty

Macalester College

New York University

Ask yourself, “could someone else have written this statement?”

If the answer is yes, it means there’s opportunity to reflect more, dig deeper, and make your message more personal.

The broader topic you choose to write about may not be new to the admissions reader and that’s ok! If your statement focuses on what YOU learned, how YOU felt, how YOU grew, that is uniquely your story to share and will help admission readers better understand you beyond your transcript and list of achievements.

We always recommend that students focus some time on the “Why NYU” prompt where they have an opportunity to let us know how we are a great fit for them. As I like to remind students, we are reviewing if they are a great fit for us but we see they’ve done their research for how we are a great fit for them in their WNYU!

Concordia College, Moorhead Take time to craft an outline. One common mistake I’ve repeatedly seen is failure to stay on topic. Therefore, once you understand the essay requirements and have chosen a topic, it’s important to craft an outline. An outline is a concise map of your essay. It provides you with a framework to tell a story, build an argument, or persuade a reader. It also reflects how all the points fit together. Poorly structured essays can be off-putting and potentially impact your admissibility.

UWC Davis Scholars Program Alumni of UWCs are eligible for substantial need-based scholarships to attend one of 99 colleges and universities in the United States.

Funded largely by UWCUSA benefactor Shelby Davis, these scholarships have helped over 3500 UWC alumni to complete their undergraduate educations over the past 20 years. Admissions officers from some of these schools have shared further advice on writing college essays.

They work with UWC students frequently and are strong advocates for the UWC movement. davisuwcscholars.org

BEST PRACTICES

Minnu Paul Methodist University Use this opportunity to tell your story, showcase your motivation and aspirations. Reflect on your last four years and dream about what you want from this next chapter of your life!

Then start writing! An essay with a good organization and flow engages me. Try to answer these questions in your essayWhat do you want to study and Why? What are your qualities? How would your unique self contribute to the university? How can the university contribute to your growth?”

Susan Hillmann de Castaneda

Molly Noyed

Earlham College

Consider your college application a complete picture of many parts.

When you take a metaphorical step back and assess your activities list, letters of recommendation, (possible) test scores, and transcripts-what is missing? Tell that story in your essay.

Think of your personal statement as the final puzzle piece in your application, the component that shows admissions committees across the nation (and world!) who you are. It can be about something mundane, spectacular, or anything in between.

Do something that makes you laugh before you sit down to write!

Remember the joy of being exactly who you are! Write something that shines a spotlight on your unique combination of • personality • character • life experiences • motivations • skills • abilities Tell your story simply and in a way that portrays your • feelings • perceptions • values • commitment • eagerness to grow Show the college/ university that you are someone we would want on our campus!

Lake Forest College

Ruby Bhattacharya Barnard College Students seem to think they need to write an essay that is unique or to choose a topic that no one else has ever done, but to be honest, there are very few topics out there that admissions officers have not seen before. Uniqueness is an unattainable goal in this process and is definitely not what we are looking for when we review applications. Instead of trying to be unique, be yourself! I have not heard YOUR story before; that’s what will help your application to stand out!

Jon Lund

Jennifer Russell

Neira Kadic

Luther College

Bryn Mawr College

For 20 years I’ve been reading personal statements. I remember the essay from the Afghani student who learned math from a discarded textbook. Or the Serbian student who introduced his many personas as portrayed through his basketball shoes. Good essays have something in common. They start with a strong introduction and end with a meaningful conclusion.

You see, I read the intro, move to the ending, and really savor the middle if both ends hang together. How you begin and end matters!

Begin the essay with your own voice, literally.

Tell your idea to a friend, or record it on your phone, or stand in front of a mirror and pretend that you are on stage.

The University of Oklahoma, UWC Scholars Program

Make sure you have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Your tone, expression and language are what are what make your voice unique. This is what an admissions officer wants to hear!

Show don’t tell.

Keep the subject in focus. Remember this is a snapshot, not a photo album.

Colleges really want you to dig deep and show us how your perspective is unique.

Only you standing in a certain spot at a certain time can take the picture you submit in the form of a college essay.

I distinctly remember writing my personal statement in UWC. Ironically, the hardest part was picking a topic.

I wanted to tell a perfect story. Everyone around me seemed to have that one moment, that one event, that one memory they held onto. I had one too many. The truth is: you are exceptional and you have many stories to tell, this is simply a chance to pick one that will help us get to know you a bit better.

Don’t stop at recounting — zoom in, reflect and invite us to reflect with you.

Call For Admissions All U.S. residents are eligible for a Davis Scholarship to attend UWC-USA or one of the other seventeen UWCs around the world.

UWC students spend their last two years of high school living and learning with students from all over the world in a community that encourages inquiry, academic excellence, and global citizenship.

Information about these generous scholarships is available online or by contacting the UWCUSA admissions office: admission@uwc-usa.org

IN THESE PIECES, I SEE ...

I learn so much from these essays—about the authors, about the world. And, because I’m the College Essay Guy, I can’t help but see some of my favorite personal statement qualities.

In these pieces, I see...

CORE VALUES. Look at Sarah’s essay (p. 6), for example. I see the values of curiosity, adventure, tradition, and community. Or notice how Malachi’s essay demonstrates culture, family, and a love of history by simply describing a smoothie recipe (p. 5).

INSIGHT. Notice how Sarah’s essay wrestles with two cultural interpretations of the wilderness (p. 6) or how Omar realizes even his taste buds have been altered by French colonialism (p. 7).

VULNERABILITY. I see vulnerability in Benjamin’s nervousness during his first paid photoshoot (p. 8), in Omar’s admission that he used to reject his mother’s cooking (p. 7), and in Meggie’s despair when missing friends’ birthday parties while working at the restaurant (p. 3).

CRAFT. Notice how Sophia describes feeling “like a small, unnoticed boat without an anchor in a turbulent ocean” (p. 4). Or how Benjamin notes his knowledge of cameras with “I felt my own insignificance in the sea of gypsum, an earth ready to swallow me without a trace” (p. 8).

And these are qualities you can aim for too, if you’re writing your own personal statement. If you are, you might ask yourself: ●

How do my values manifest themselves in the world?

●

What insights might I provide? How could I answer the question “so what”?

●

Is my personal statement actually personal (aka vulnerable)?

●

Have I crafted my essay over several drafts?

I’ve found these questions useful both in my writing and in my life. And that’s what I love about this process: the chance to ask big questions. I’m grateful to the student authors at UWC, who dug deep, asked some big questions, and produced these wonderful pieces.

I’m better for having read them.

Ethan Sawyer Founder, CollegeEssayGuy.com