Page 1

The Vermont


Page 4

The University of Vermont’s independent voice since 1883

W e d n e s d a y, A u g u s t 2 8 , 2 0 1 3 – Vo l u m e 1 3 0 I s s u e

1 | B u r l i n g t o n , Ve r m o n t

Student diversity sets new record Kevin Santamaria

The Class of 2017 is among one of the largest in the University’s history, with 65 more

UVM opened its doors to its most diverse class this year in which more than one in eight students self-describe themselves as ethnic minorities, according to a press release from University Communications. UVM welcomed an estimat-

Class of 2016, 40 more students than in the Class of 2015,

of which 13.6 percent are of Asian-American, Latino, African-American, Native American and multi-racial (ALANA) decent, an increase from 10.4 percent last year. “We believe that, as the high school population diversiWALKER SULTZBACH The Vermont Cynic

An attendee signs a memorial book at the wake for Derek Schueler at the Ira Allen Chapel Aug. 24.

A community mourns Staff Report


The beginning of the academic year was marred by tragedy Aug. 18 when University of Vermont senior Derek Schueler, 21, died after a swimming accident. Schueler was pronounced dead after he was found to have drowned in the private Burlington Tennis Club located off East Terrace, the police report stated. He was with a group of about eight young adults, though police said no foul play was suspected.

ity, we will continue to attract a similar percentage of ALANA students,” Beth Wiser, director of admissions said.

2014, the press release stated. Last fall, the Admissions applicants for this year’s class with a total of 11,672. In addition, more than 200 students have accepted entrance into the Honors College, up from last year’s 169 students, according to Honors College dean Abu Rizvi. “It was a bit harder to get year class this year,” Rizvi said. “We’re very impressed by the background, accomplishments and promise of these students.”

See DIVERSITY on page 2

Vice Provost for Student Affairs Annie Stevens expressed her condolences and listed support services offered by Counseling and Psychiatry Service for those who need them in a University-wide email sent Aug. 19. “Our sincere thoughts of care and sympathy are also extended to Derek’s friends and to faculty and staff who were close to him,” Stevens’ email stated. was actively involved in the University’s Investment club as well as a treasurer in the

See DEREK on page 3

PHOEBE SHEEHAN The Vermont Cynic

Students play billiards at the Davis Center lounge Aug. 27.

UVM replaces withering shrubs with new, partially gifted sign

See story on page 3


Like us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

F o l l o w u s o n Tw i t t e r

Visit us online

Wa t c h C y n i c V i d e o

T h e Ve r m o n t C y n i c


@ Ve r m o n t C y n i c

w w w. v e r m o n t c y n i c . c o m

w w w. y o u t u b e . c o m / c y n i c v i d e o




Sullivan wants funding Staff Report senting each state sent Congress a collective message shortly before August recess: don’t cut federal funding for research and development. About 165 college presidents Sullivan among them, co-signed Congress urging legislators to put an end to the “innovation search and higher education initiatives that would enable American college students to remain competitive on a global scale. ter attributed to “eroding federal investments in research”, cuts from sequestration and the magnitude of resources that other nations are pouring into research and could have disastrous consequences for future

PHOEBE SHEEHAN The Vermont Cynic

Construction worker Tom Schriber paints a window pane at the new Career Services center Aug 27. The space will be open Sept. 9.

New in Davis Center Staff Report As the 2013 spring semester came to a close, the Davis Center was going through some major changes as far as what clubs, organizations and stores would be moving in and moving out for the 2013-2014 school year. and into a studio in Billings, while Living Well will expand

will host a new Career Services satellite operation called The Career & Experience Hub starting September 9. “It will be a space where they will be having recruiters come and do interviews and different things like resume workshops,” Josey said. back to its previous location in Waterman and in an effort to keep the DC mail-friendly, a copy machine was put in the

space somewhere around midsemester, Allen Josey, director of operations and event services at the Davis Center said. “[Living Well] wants to extend its programs, workshops and offerings they have with staff and student groups including yoga and mindful meditation,” Josey said.

stamps will be sold in the Book Store. Citizen’s Bank will have

The space will have a yearto-year assignment, which is currently the Ski and Snowboard Club, he said.

“I think health and wellness

ple’s Bank during the 2011-2012 school year has been combined with what was most recently the

making it the third bank with an Bank. she thinks that the previous stores and organizations in the DC are part of what made it

do an expansion, and no matter how many people watched the chance to practice doing said.

warned. Countries such as China, Singapore and Korea have increased their own investment into research at two to four rently does. Compounding this, the letter also cited the “troubling” reality place among developed nations when it comes to the number of citizens who hold college degrees. “Cutting funding to the nation’s universities for innovative and groundbreaking research, as the sequester does, is not a well thought out public policy,” for research John Evans said. egation, with whom we have had ongoing conversations on this issue, has been supportive of both our efforts to roll back search enterprise in general.” The sequester, which was passed as part of 2011’s Budget Control Act, was delayed until cuts for non-defense discretionary funding to 5.1 percent after

DIVERSITY ...continued from page 1 While there “are no hard and fast requirements” for entrance into the Honors College, he said students “tend to do very well academically and their SAT/ACT scores, grades nomenon.” become more selective as part leadership agenda, the Cynic reported last year. Applications surged by 2.7 percent last

failed to reach a compromise, Below are estimates from the that would affect particular government-subsidized programs that would likely see a reduction in the amount of research funded at the collegiate level: Health: $1.6 billion

dation: $388 million -Special education: $840 million lion

In an email to the Cynic, Kroll to fund about 100 students annually through grants supported and several family scholarships. “The university encourages portunities outside of the classroom,” her email stated. “It is one of the reasons why we are opening the Career + Experience Hub in September for students to have access to all these resources outside of the classroom.” Despite the letter’s distressed

“The university encourages students to find learning opportunities outside the classroom.”

from research in the renewable energy sector— an industry that Bloomberg analysts projected to grow by 230 percent by 2030 last April— that has experienced strong growth already. In January 2012, the Cynic -

Ann Kroll Lerner Research Coordinator

ries had partnered to establish a $15 million Center for Energy Transformation and Innovation

While the future of federal funding for research is yet unclear, a report issued last Octovice detailed a short history and analysis of how much money the government spent on research and development and higher education over the past decade. In 2008, the federal government provided approximately 60 percent of an estimated $51.9 billion of research and development expended by academic institutions, the report stated. The report also showed the increasingly globalized nature of domestic research, noting authors co-authored 30 percent of all articles with international researchers— a 20 percent increase since 1998. Ann Kroll Lerner, the undergraduate research coordinator at the Honors College, said her part of and outside of the Honors College in funding research.

The center would build off the $69 million that the Stimulus package allocated to make near-universal smart meters by 2013, which has enabled Sandia to work with students researching smart grid technology. a member of the Senate energy committee, said he believed this presented an “extraordinary opportunity” for the state and nation. “Over the long-term, this center will help create jobs and new educational opportunities 2011 press conference. alarmed at the potential effects of hard-lined cuts to institutional research and development, working in nascent industries petitive globally.

Minority student population peaks for 2013 year from the previous year, but the actual yield— the number of students accepted who choose to enroll— is a number that Sullivan hopes to increase, Burlington Free Press article reported. This year’s Honors College entering class has nearly one in four students of non-majority ethnicity while other students come from geographic areas that are not well represented vi said.

“This difference in background adds so much to richness of the conversations we can expect around campus and in our classrooms.” First year Tom Tidnam, a transfer student from Britain, international students in what can often be a confusing adjustment. “The school offers a lot of structure to help adjust but it still takes time,” said the American Studies major.

Come Make friends Now recruiting writers, photographers, graphic designers, ad reps, columnists, videographers, audiographers, fact checkers, copy editors, illustrators, aquatic life specialists and more!

Wednesdays, 7:00 Waterman 328 (Memorial Lounge) You know you want to...



Summer updates Staff Report

IBM cuts down on jobs JULY: Following some serious separations made by the company, 419 people lost their jobs at the IBM plant in Essex Junction in June. The cut of workers is believed to be around 419.

Asian sex “spas” raided JUNE: Local police and FBI agents raided two “spas” for suspected prostitution operated by Asian Americans in Bennington, following a twoyear investigation. No arrests were made but the evidence is being processed.

Gov. Shumlin buys property MAY: Governor Peter Shumlin bought his neighbor Jeremy Dodge’s home on 60 acres for $58,000 this summer under the agreement that Dodge could live in the home temporarily and Shumlin would pay his child support payments and back taxes. After Dodge complained publicly the deal was renegotiated and the house is currently in Dodge’s name. The amount he will pay back is estimated around $30,000.

won the right to stay in the U.S. until July 2014 after the Immigration and Customs Enforcement approved his stay. Lopez has lived in the U.S. for six years and was turned in to immigration authorities after being pulled over for speeding on Interstate 89 in 2011.

AUGUST: Green Mountain Power hired Positive Energy to build a rooftop solar farm at the College of St. Joseph and applied for a Vermont Public Service Board permit to build the Stafford Hill Solar Farm on County the solar energy capital of Vermont.

VT journalist passes away JUNE: Journalist and Vermont native Michael Hastings was killed when his car crashed into a tree June 18 in Los Angeles. Hastings was most well known for his investigative pieces in matters of national defense and security.

...continued from page 1

“The University hired a loH. Keith Wagner Partnership to design the wall and surrounding landscape based on the concepts described in the Campus Master Plan,” Director of Capital Planning and Management Bob Vaughan said. Half of the cost of the sign was funded by a gift from the family of a 2013 graduate and

3:15 a.m.

Deportation DEREK case resolved ...continued from page 1

New UVM sign helps visitors find campus

sign and in with a new, shiny $171,000 one. The administration decided the sign needed to undergo construction after hearing from several visitors that it was not clear to them where the campus began, Vice President for Finance and Administra-

August 10


Attendees at Schueler’s wake gather at the Ira Allen Chapel Aug. 24.


Out with the old shrub-

Lauren Drasler Staff Writer

JULY: Burlington Deputy Police Chief Andi Higbee was charged with a DUI after being pulled over by state troopers during an anti-drunken driving effort.

Mayor could Rutland solar face jail, quits power on rise

JUNE: After facing 14 criminal charges including breach of trust, conspiracy, fraud and corruption, Montreal interim mayor of seven months Michael Applebaum resigned from his post.


Chief charged for DUI ticket

JULY: Former Vermont farm worker Danilo Lopez was

the other half from savings on other campus projects, Vaughan said. “Different designs were considered … The construction involved excavation for the foundation, installation of a base to which the marble was then attached and the attachment of the letters,” Cate said. “It is made of Champlain (Vermont) marble.” ranged from positive to negative. Sophomore transfer student Emily Stollman said she thinks the sign is a nice touch. “I think if the school has enough money to spend on something like that then it’s portant issues are taken care of cool school it deserves a cool sign.”


Wake draws hundreds

the Sigma Phi Society. Friends interviewed for this article each described Schueler as someone professionally motivated who had most recently concluded an internship with Burlingtonbased, where it was likely he would have worked after graduation. Hundreds of people gathered at Schueler’s wake on Aug. 24 at the Ira Allen Chapel. By the Cynic’s count, the total number of attendees appeared well over 700. Friends depicted Schuler as someone who was actively social and popular for his warm smile and laugh. “He’s had a huge impact on anyone who has ever known said. “He was, without a doubt, son I’ve ever met.”

said she has been meeting with close friends of Schueler’s including several members of the Sigma Phi Society. “They have been spending a lot of time together, and they have been very inclusive of me which is nice,” she said. “I’ve been going to his room a lot and sleeping in his bed sometimes. It helps.” Senior Blake Ingram said he thinks Schueler would rather people celebrate his life than “focus on the tragedy of his death”. “As a friend he was loyal, as a son and brother he was loving and as a member of the community he displayed the utmost class,” Ingram said. “I am honored to have been friends with Derek.” As of press time, Schueler’s cause of death was not yet determined. The Burlington Free Press reported that an autopsy was scheduled for Monday.

A report came in about blood on the ground outside the University Health Center (UHC). Upon investigation, it was discovered that the blood was from an individual who was already at the hospital. The person had cut his hand on a window at his apartment, and had walked over to the UHC try-

11:37 p.m. A caller reported that there was a suspicious vehicle parked by the Gutterson Parking Garage. When police arrived, it was determined that the owner of the vehicle was inside and waiting to pick up some friends. The incident was not considered suspicious. Go online to see the

cynic Crime Map

Launch your international career through Peace Corps service

Seniors: Apply by September 30th for post-graduation departure Learn more from Sierra Poske, UVM’s on-campus recruiter 802.656.8269

Peace Corps -



Creperie ‘steps it up’ Miraculous ‘Midnight’

Cynical Viewer

Sarah Stickle Staff Writer You might expect local Burlington restaurant The Skinny Pancake to be in a lull during business hours, but the patio was abuzz with lunching professionals and day drinkers alike last Friday afternoon. This may not surprise you if you’re picturing the smaller old patio, but after a summer of renovations it has tripled in size along with the restaurant itself. “We’re stepping it up,” owner Benjamin “Benjy” Adler said. This new renovation is a welcome addition for many Burlington musicians. A brand new performance stage, a $10,000 Public Announcement system, and a new lighting rig set the stage for musical acts to come. Along with these musically oriented additions comes a full bar and new menu to further improve this Burlington staple. Talent-buyer and local music star Josh Panda calls it a crossover. “It’s been a very tight circle of what we could do, and I don’t think we’ve strayed from that, but I just think we’re able to expand Panda has begun to scout bands, book more electric sounds as well as touring indie acts in an effort to renew the local perception of the restaurant. “I don’t think there’s a band in Burlington we couldn’t have here,” said Panda. Panda’s involvement in the business’ development was critical for artists. “I think he helped represent the interest of musicians,” said Adler. From advocating for a bigger stage to emphasizing the importance of charging money at the door as opposed to simply passing the hat, Panda has helped to make The Skinny Pancake one of the more desirable venues in Burlington from an artist standpoint. “I couldn’t be

and haunts us. “Before Midnight” looks at how the love we have, once discovered and treasured, alters and affects everything around us. It asks questions that the TIM BUTLER

Sunrise” was a quiet, charmise: two students meet on a train heading towards Vienna. They spend one night together, from sundown to sunup, walking the streets of the city, and fall in love. Nine years later, seemingly out of nowhere, a sequel was announced: “Before Sunisted- were appalled, but the how, miraculously, it was better in every way. the two characters, Jesse -


Lead line cook Andrew Stokes makes crepes at Skinny Pancake on Lake Street in Burlington Aug 16. The store recently expanded. more excited about it,” said project. With a business that expands so quickly while maintaining its quality, locals are asking where this beloved restaurant is headed next. Adler, however, has no plans to move toward further expansion or add more locations for at least a few years. “People approach us all the time,” said Adler. “Ultimately we will look at locations outside of Vermont in similar towns like Northampton, MA or Bolder, CO…but we’re not working on this immediately.” Since expanding into the Burlington airport, the restaurant is scaling back alleviate the costs of the new locations and buffer the expansion of their Burlington location.

While their signature Airstream trailer food cart won’t have its normal presence at UVM this year, the Pancake will continue to bring an occasional cart on campus in the beginning of the year. As students begin to settle into their new semester schedules, Adler and Panda recommend some of the shows coming your way at the Skinny Pancake. Be sure to build in some time for local food and exciting music. ber 3 tober 2 Josh Panda - Wednesdays

Sundays. Start date TBA, but will be happening in the next couple months.

more, in Paris, nine years later. They are older, wiser, and ruminate, in real time, on that fateful night in Vienna nine years earlier. But are they still in love? “Before Midnight,” the my most anticipated movie of 2013, and is still, easily my favorite so far. The series has been one of my favorites for quite some time, and I really didn’t know most twenty years since the series, perhaps because it is the truest one. “Sunrise” was a spiritual meeting of feeling; thing new, and clinging on to it. “Sunset,” an analysis of

ephemeral power, but it is more real and more beautiromance genre I can name, I think. ger come from within; the narrative no longer limited to simple romance. Adultery, divorce, child custody and more are at the beating, bleeding heart of “Before Midnight.” It’s handled with such brutal reality that you sit, watching, wishing you could change something, anything, before remembering: this is not your story. It is Jesse and Celine’s. And so you watch. I did not cry while watching “Before Midnight;” inconsistently on the verge of tears for the last 35 minutes or so, paralyzed inside the heartbreak of two people trying to remember why they fell in love, and slowly discovering that the world they love to behold may not be able to hold their love anymore. Before Midnight is the best movie of 2013 thus far, and the perfect culmination of one of the most daring, moving trilogies in cinema history.

Lettuce to let the funk “Fly” Michael Messina Staff Writer It might be hard to believe, has recently celebrated their 20th anniversary. Two decades later, some are calling the eight-member band “the funkiest band alive.” The Berklee College of Music alums have been touring relentlessly in support of their third studio album “Fly,” released June 5, 2012. The album has received strong reviews since its release last summer: music calls “Fly” “their best record to date” and Consequence of Sound gave the album a respectable three and a half Things just seem to be getting better and better for


previous would be too scared, or naive, to answer. It dismisses the past in favor of the now, and all its hardships and beauty. It asks us why we look for love so desperately, and why we all too easily let it go. To discuss “Before Midnight” in any more detail

a new psychedelic sound that has seemingly propelled them to a higher level of success and acclaim. Many people see funk

music as a kind of “one trick itch said on the band’s website. But the new album has been able to defy this logic by moving into new directions while maintaining the traditional funk band dynamic. the momentum of their new album and has been able to play legendary venues in front of big-time audiences. For instance, the band has played at the famous Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco as well as the terminally hip Terminal 5 venue in New York City. There is a lot of anticipation for what this band will do next and where they are headthat wasn’t getting clearance from the tower,” lead bassist “But we’re done just rolling around on the runway.” Ground Sep. 5 to kick off your 8:00 p.m. and tickets are $15.




This week in

Ages Distractions: Middle Summer 1066 to 1485 Fun By Jenna Bushor, Distractions Editor

Across 2. Sleeping in tents in the woods 5. Beat the ____ and try to stay cool 7. Open toed shoes 9. Can be seen on the Fourth of July 11. Pedal around on two wheels 12. Cool sweet summer treat 15. Stay out in the sun too long and get this 16. A fun trip somewhere Down 1. Protect your eyes from the sun 3. Apply to avoid 16 Across 4. Swim in this refreshing hole in the ground 6. Lounge between two trees with this 8. In watch a movie in your car 9. Enjoy some fried dough, rides and animals at this fun event 10. Clothing you wear in the pool 11. A vehicle on the water 13. Try to avoid these annoying insects 14. Sandy place near water

Never Mind

by Madison Harris

Answers to last issue’s crossword: Vacation Across


1. Postcard 4. Jet Lag 8. Swim suit 10. Airplane 13. Resort 14. Passport 15. Cruise 16. Suitcase 17. Island 18. Red eye 19. Photos

2. Amusement park 3. Tour bus 5. Ski lodge 6. Campground 7. Reservations 8. Sunscreen 9. Tourist 11. Itinerary 12. Beach


Downtown’s Red Square makes top 25 list Staff Report



said a point system was im-

specials to cover charges and


pont Brothers, Kat Wright


Residents walk past Red Square on Church Street Aug. 26. The Daily Mail ranked Red Square 20th out of 25 best college bars in America. Red Square was praised for its music offerings that range from local DJ’s like Craig Mitchell to live bands such as The Dupont Brothers. lington, which is why we get


late-night atmosphere, while -

over priced and attracts an -


Life is Good

Hiking the Burly trail




Welcome to the Groovy UV, a place where Ben and



heels and Catcards with landowns, it is something that all

A little mellower, yet still -

What seems to catch ev-


TV and web collide for premiere Vt. film fest


Devin Karambelas Managing Editor The locations for leading iar: Park City, Manhattan,


Attendees of past Independent Television and Film Festival (ITVFest) pose for a photo in Los Angeles.

The Independent Television and Film Festival will be held Sept. 26-28. Passes range from $59 to $299 for VIP. For more information, visit

UVM alum builds craft beer site Francesca Parnham Life Editor

ideas that total strangers can

“ When you get to college people usually indulge in tons and tons of crappy beers.� Travis Benoit Founder of


EDITORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chief Mike Eaton



The lesson that Derek Schueler taught us

Managing Editor Devin Karambelas

News Katy Cardin

Opinion Jacob Lumbra

Sports Taylor Feuss

Arts Dillon Baker

Illustration by Vicky Mooney

Life Francesca Parnham Johnny Sudekum

Layout Aviva Loeb


Avoid more than scrapes

Multimedia Natalie Williams

Photo Phoebe Sheehan

Copy Chief Elizabeth Bengel


Illustration Jenna Bushor

Web Emma Murphy

Social Media

These accidents sound extreme and unlikely, but they really do happen, and can happen to anyone.

Natalie Slack

STAFF Assistant Editors Lauren Giery, Madeleine Gibson, Alex Goldenberg, Walker Sultzbach, Mackenzie Jones, Colin Hekimian, Josh Gachette

Page Designers Tyler Molleur, Laurel Saldinger

Copy Editors Autumn McNabb-Schoch, Sammie Ibrahim, Joe Tomlinson, Emily Bartran and Ayla Yersel


OPERATIONS Operations Manager Spencer Reynolds

Advertising Manager Katie Zimmerman

Public Relations Manager Katie Zimmerman

ADVISER Faculty Adviser

In memory of Jamie Mayer, 1994-2013

Chris Evans

Unsigned editorials officially reflect the views of The Cynic and its staff. All signed opinion pieces and columns do not necessarily do so. The Cynic accepts letters in response to anything you see printed as well as any issues of interest in the community. Please limit letters to 350 words. Send letters to

THE VERMONT CYNIC 116 Dudley H. Davis Center, First issue free, second issue 50 cents. 590 Main Street, Burlington, VT 05405 ADVERTISING — 802.656.4412




Welcome, now get active War on the word


Hey You! Welcome back to Burlington! Most of you are here for wild parties, strong academics, rad skiing, gorgeous Vermont and hopefully because you’re down with social justice. As I’m sure you have already heard, the best thing you can do in college is get involved in something. But when you’re looking at the very extensive list of Student Goverment Association approved clubs, or wandering around an endless activities fair, it can get a bit overwhelming. Sometimes it’s easier to just call off the search, get high and Chances are I can’t hold you back from that. Before you kick off your shoes, get involved in one of the most grave issues confronting the world right now: get injustice. campaign began just last year. For those who are unfamiliar with this term, divestment, in plain terms, is when an institution takes out its investments in a company or a sector and reinvests somewhere else. divestment campaign, which has received an unprecedented level of support from the com-

munity over the last year, is demanding the board of trustees and the University of Vermont to divest from most of the fossil fuel industry. There have been several divestment campaigns in the past, and there are more than 350 of them going on right now on college campuses alone. After years of student organizing, UVM divested from all companies tied to South African Apartheid in 1985. Videos detailing this struggle can be found here and here.

As university students in the United States, climate change will not affect us as harshly as it will populations living in impoverished countries of the third world. When talking about any divestment campaign, it is important to clarify divestment as a tool within a greater struggle. Divestment at UVM is about far more than taking UVM’s money out of these vile, irresponsible, and destructive corporations. It’s about acknowledging the climate crisis we are in and changing the acceptable social norms that allow us to support an industry that, at its best, releases an exorbitant amount of CO2 levels into the atmosphere driving climate change.

At its worst, it destroys entire ecosystems across the globe, as well as the lives and livelihoods of millions of people worldwide through its devastating extraction procedures. As university students in the United States, climate change will not affect us as harshly as it will populations living in impoverished countries of the third world. Though it does not affect us all equally, it does affect us all. If you’re fortunate enough to have a voice to move $3.5 million out of this industry in solidarity with those who are silenced by injustice on the daily, you had better do so. It is our absolute responsibility and moral obligation to use whatever powers we posses an opponent that is destroying the ecological services we rely upon for survival. We aren’t going to prevent climate change or devastation at this point in time. The best we can do now is for a better world, and minimize violent destruction to as great an extent as we can. If these words reach you, and you are moved to work in solidarity with your peers and community to end a perpetually destructive and violent system, you should join Student Climate Culture. The revolution is being planned on Monday nights at 8 p.m. in Lafayette. For more information on divestment, read this article from last year, or check out UVM Divest Now’s Facebook page.

Quick Opinion “I can’t quite figure out how I feel about dinosaurs; I understand that they’re huge killing machines, but I still wouldn’t mind snuggling with a T-Rex. ” Josh Gachette “This is the year that I will try to find my inner hippie. Stay tuned for flowery dresses, dreadlocks, and birkenstocks.” Bianca Mohn “While disoriented by the reconfiguration of the tables on the first floor of the library, I realize that even though the library was renovated this summer there still aren’t any outlets and decide to try my luck at luddite existence.” Derek Neal “My third year here and I can still can’t get off the annoying listservs I signed up for one unfortunate freshman day ” Jacob Lumbra


Tuesday, August the 13th was a serene morning. I recall it well. I ambled from slumber’s terically summery state of rejuvenation. Morning squeaks and ered coats to which they belonged shimmered in the warm sun. All was well in the world until David Kenner, Middle East editor for Foreign Policy Magazine, took to Twitter to issue an guage.”


months. The Week’s Samantha Rollins lamented “the most unforgivable thing dictionaries have ever done.” This begs the question: what calamity has struck a language resilient enough to survive the Black Plague, millennia of culthe Bush administration? Three dictionaries (Cambridge Dictionaries Online, Merriam-Webster and Oxford) tion of “literally” that amounts literally glowed.” For humor’s sake I imagine that Rollins and Kenner see themselves as modern-day Paul Reveres. Instead of warning against imperial British regulars, however, they warn against the ineloquent masses that threaten to overrun the English language. Despite their good intentions, these self-appointed bulwarks are uncreative in their outrage. To howl against the corruption of the word is to literally not understand its etymology. The original use of “literally” tive. However according to Jesse Sheidlower, editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, the 17th century offers texts in which “literally” is used for emphasis. Two centuries later literary demigod Jane Austen wrote, “We had been literally rocked in our bed.” Ever evolving, the word in question began its drift away from literalism more than four hundred years ago. I previously used the phrase “he literally glowed” as an examphrase. The Great Gatsby, widely regarded a masterpiece of the Anglophone literary tradition, makes use of the idiom in question. Sheidlower offers a roster of other literary giants to use the term unconventionally—Twain, Dickens, Joyce and Thoreau merely a few among them. This should come as welcome news to the brood of linguistic Chicken Littles. “Liter-

ally” will continue to, just as it has for half a millennia, denote a literal meaning in some contexts and a non-literal one in others. Though, the fracas raises an interesting question: what should the function of a modern dictionary be? Presumably Rollins and Kenner’s frustration was spurred on by the publishing of an invalid But, if a large-enough segment of the population adopts a certain parlance, doesn’t that means of speaking cease to be “incorrect?” Speech is not a product of reaucracy tasked with dictating colloquialisms. Words exist to communicate concepts between people. If they accurately facilitate an exchange, even while breaking conventional syntax, haven’t they worked? Language is, by its very nature, a contract between communicators. Provided that all parties involved can share their ideas, their speech is not invalidated for disregarding arbitrary, centuries-old linguistic forms.

Speech is not a product of decree. There is no figure or bureaucracy tasked with dictating colloquialisms. “Literally” was once limited to “in a literal manner or sense.” For a period of time that because it was deemed relevant by its adherents. Once a new use came to be adopted (circa 1600s), the new application became entirely as legitimate as the original. Of course, my egalitarian outlook on language does not discount grammatically sound writing. Complex, thorough text is most certainly beautiful. Conversely, it is unfair to discount simple, unsophisticated prose for being inherently guage, a perpetually-morphing accommodate common speech patterns. The underlying issue at hand is not the word “literally” in and in which the word is used. Though my evidence is anecdotal, I do not think I am overstepping my bounds in surmising that “literally” is too often used in informal chatter that borders on vapid. In my day-to-day routine, I have heard the verbal tick featured in tales of shameless carnal conquests and drunken machismo more than it graces banter on classic literature and political theory. Those four innocent syllables should not be scapegoated for the entire lackluster sentence to which they are bound. However, snooty reactionaries, ironically enough, have reduced “literally” to its preseventeenth century stature in a misplaced attempt to preserve its saliency.


Catamounts sports summer catch-up Colin Hekiman Assistant Sports Editor

Women’s Soccer

Men’s Basketball UVM’s men’s basketball program

compliment our returning back court

Women’s Basketball

Men’s Lacrosse

Women’s Ice Hockey

Cross Country

Swimming and Diving


Track and Field Skiing

Men’s Soccer

Field Hockey Men’s Hockey

s po rts



Cats remain big contender for league Stu Laperle -













View From The Moon Man

Bengals set to breakout athletetweets Taylor Feuss





Vermont Men’s Hockey -


Luke Apfeld -







UVM splits weekend matchup Julia Dwyer Staff Writer

PHOTO COURTESY OF ALICIA ACCETTA First-year Nikki McFarland battles for possession of the ball in a game against the Colgate University Raiders located at Virtue Field Aug. 25. Vermont lost to the Raiders 1-0.

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK! Weeknights until 8PM, Open Sundays


Like us on Facebook to learn about specials!

570 Shelburne Road Shaws Plaza | South Burlington 802-651-1000

NEW LOCATION: Route 2A | Hannaford Shopping Center Williston | 802-872-2800

Vermont Cynic Fall 2013 Issue 1  

Vermont Cynic Fall 2013 Issue 1

Vermont Cynic Fall 2013 Issue 1  

Vermont Cynic Fall 2013 Issue 1