Issue Six - 2014

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SUBEDITORS

EDITOR IN CHIEF

Hattie O’Donnell

EDITORS

Larissa Bricis Rachel Eddie Andrea Huang Tom Lodewyke Lachlan Mackenzie Lily Mei Nathalie Meier Nicola Parise Kristen Troy

News

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Nicky Minus

CREATIVE DIRECTORS

Stephanie King

Emma Sprouster Alex Barnet

CREATIVE TEAM

Bella Ali-Khan Avi Bamra Samantha Haviland Mitch Hockey Mike Kane Peita Keilar

Atilla Brungs: The Future of UTS

Culture

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Trending: Clive Palmer

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Party Friends ≠ Bad Friends

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Science, Tech & Gaming

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Remember That Time...

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Mixtape Misfits

COVER DESIGN

Jade Ellen June Murtagh

ADVERTISING CONTRIBUTORS

Patrick Boyle Anika Chapman Daniel Comensoli Lillian Crowther-Gibson Alex Dalland Rachel Dorn Anita Juric Siobahn Kenna Sam Langshaw

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News That Slipped Through the Cracks

A Brief History of: Makeup

Zinegeist: Chris Gooch

Hella Good Tele

Sydney’s Bicycle Culture

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Peter Lilley Adele Palfreeman Ella Skilbeck-Porter Grace Stephenson Alison Whittaker

WITH SUPPORT FROM

UTS Students’ Association Spotpress Pty Ltd, Marrickville Image credits at: utsvertigo. com.au/webexclusives/issuesix-credits

#FreeAJStaff: An Open Letter to Peter Greste

Justice League: Homelessness

We Need To Talk About Consent

Podcasts

Who TV Says We Are

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Please Sir, May We Have Some More?

Showcase: Nicky Minus, Lillian Crowther-Gibson, Ella SkilbeckPorter

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Reviews

Fringe

The Defamer

Puzzles (yay!)

Rookie’s Guide: Common Courtesy Grad’s Guide

SA Reports

Vertigo is published by the UTS STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION Proudly printed by SPOTPRESS PTY LTD, MARRICKVILLE Email us at advertising@utsvertigo.com for advertising enquiries.

Vertigo and its entire contents are protected by copyright. Vertigo will retain reprint rights; contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication. No material may be reproduced without the prior written consent of the copyright holders.

Vertigo would like to show its respect and acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the Land, the Gadigal and Guring-gai people of the Eora Nation, upon whose ancestral lands the university now stands. More than 500 Indigenous Nations shared this land for over 40,000 years before invasion. We express our solidarity and continued commitment to working with Indigenous peoples, in Australia and around the world, in their ongoing struggle for land rights, self-determination, sovereignty, and the recognition and compensation for past injuries.

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

EDITORIAL AN ODE TO RICE PUDDING AND MISMATCHED SOCKS: There’s nothing quite like the experience of editing a magazine. Nothing can prepare you for the utter joy you feel when you hold your firstborn – you’re covered in sweat and bodily fluids, unshowered, unshaven and hoarse from screaming at the bastard who got you into this mess. Four [hundred] drinks, a panic attack, another drink and a little pity party later, you stand triumphant.

Your magazine is born. You know from its first words you will love it forever, and ever, and ever, even though it’s an inanimate ingrate, and a total misfit.

Misfits is all about highs and lows. It’s about memories, friends, frenemies, and saying “SCREW IT” and doing what you love. This issue we’ve got an open letter to imprisoned journalist Peter Greste (p. 12), some fulfilling 90s nostalgia (p. 29), and a comic by the rad-as-hell Chris Gooch (p. 21) – alongside the usual suspects you’ve come to love.

Being a misfit means celebrating your imperfections. Don’t be afraid of the weird things you like – they might turn into beautiful passions or cool jobs, or a group of people you’re not afraid to bust a (seriously uncoordinated) move in front of.

This issue is all about finding your niche and being with your people. It doesn’t matter how much high school sucked – you might turn into a beautiful butterfly of a human and do some really cool stuff (for proof, see our short interview series with legit awesome adults on p. 31).

We all get by with a little help from our friends. Big ups this issue go to our amazing contributors, our hardworking designers and (of course) to pizza for one, Tina Fey and pillow forts.

Don’t dance like nobody’s watching, because that cliché sucks, and that person in the mirror belting out Beyoncé like a badass is you.

Go do your thang.

Hattie and the Vertigo team

4 / EDITORIAL

THANK YOUS: Wine Tuesdays Elaborate personal jokes [*whispers*] Bedroom dancing in public Tina Belcher Chandeliers and sturdy couches

FUCK YOUS: Festival cough Cake Rat Drunken snapchats Cactus killers Sleep farts That feeling you get when you forget something

CALENDAR SEPTEMBER MON

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SYDNEY FRINGE FESTIVAL until 30/9 AICE ISRAELI FILM FESTIVAL until 4/9

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LATIN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL until 10/9 EXHIBIT: Ultimo Science Festival @ Powerhouse, until 12/9 – $8-$15

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SYDNEY UNDERGROUND FILM FESTIVAL until 7/9 SYDNEY IS FASHION 2014 until 27/9 MUSIC: Lunatics on Pogosticks @ Collector Hotel Parramatta, 8pm – FREE

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MUSIC: Fishing @ Newtown Social Club, 8pm – $15

MUSIC: 360 @ Hordern Pavilion, 8pm – $55

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EVENT: Zombie Prom 1986 @ The Vanguard, 7pm – $33.80

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TALK: Authors Up The Cross @ Kings Cross Library, 6pm – FREE

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COMEDY: Matt Okine @ Enmore Theatre, 8:30pm – $30 MUSIC: The Kite String Tangle @ Manning Bar, 8pm – $21.50

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MUSIC: Andy Bull @ Metro Theatre, 8pm – $28.70

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MUSICAL: Wicked @ Capitol Theatre, until 16/11 – $90

EVENT: Oz ComicCon @ Exhibition Centre Glebe Island, until 14/9 – $30

MUSIC: Whitley @ Newtown Social Club, 8pm – $28

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EVENT: Festival of the Winds @ Bondi – FREE FILM: Liquid Sky @ Alaska Projects, 6:30pm – FREE MARKETS: Sydney Rock’n’Roll Alternative Market @ Manning Bar, 10:30am – $5

ART: Intimately Connected @ .M Contemporary, until 26/10 – $23.60

QUEER SCREEN FILM FESTIVAL until 21/9 TALK: HotHouse ENERGY @ Powerhouse – $10

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MUSIC: Highasakite @ OAF, 8pm – $40

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ART & ABOUT SYDNEY until 12/10 MUSIC: Miami Horror @ OAF, 8pm – $28.70

THEATRE: The Glass Menagerie @ Belvoir St. Theatre, until 2/11 – $48

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ART: Primavera 2014 @ MCA, until 30/11 – FREE

EVENT: Confession Booth @ Giant Dwarf, 8pm – $20

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MUSIC: Sticky Fingers @ Metro Theatre, 8pm – $33.70

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MUSIC: Ball Park Music @ Enmore Theatre, 7:45pm – $51.60

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SURRY HILLS FESTIVAL – FREE FESTIVAL: Listen Out @ Centennial Park, 2-10pm – $137

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MUSIC: Bombay Bicycle Club @ Metro Theatre, 7:30pm – $70

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COMEDY: Enmore Comedy Club @ Enmore Theatre, 8pm – $10

CALENDAR / 5

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

ATTILA BRUNGS: THE FUTURE OF UTS

IN HIS FIRST INTERVIEW WITH VERTIGO, EX-DEPUTY VICE-CHANCELLOR TURNED UTS HEAD HONCHO, ATTILA BRUNGS, SAT DOWN WITH NATHALIE MEIER TO ANSWER SOME OF THE BIG QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS NEW ROLE AND HIS VISION FOR THE FUTURE OF UTS. Professor Ross Milbourne [the previous UTS ViceChancellor] had a huge impact on the university. How do you feel about stepping into his place?

I feel very, very daunted, but inspired at the same time. Ross had a huge legacy at UTS. I came to UTS because it was known across the sector as a really nice place to work, with very clever staff, but also very much because of Ross. Ross was a very excellent leader, and I think that in the 10 or 12 years that Ross was here, he took UTS from the fantastic institution that it was before, to a really great university, the cutting edge of its teaching and learning.

I am inspired by his leadership and what he did. He has set UTS up and I think we are in a position now to take the next jump. From what Ross has done, I think the next 10 years are absolutely critical, and I think we can truly be a world leading University of Technology.

That is a huge thing to say. Do you have any ideas about the ways in which you can take UTS that step further?

Absolutely, across three different areas. You are probably aware that there are a lot of changes globally around some education and learning models. At UTS, we have spent about $1 billion on a campus where there are no new traditional lecture theatres.

There is a whole lot of what I call “cutting edge learning spaces” – there are interactive classrooms, there are rooms

8 / NEWS

where you can swivel your desks around, and there is new multimedia technology in the rooms. We are the only university in Australia – right at this crucial junction – that has been able to build a campus oriented towards new models of learning.

With that, I think we are in a fantastic position to actually make that jump.

So on the teaching and learning side, one of the biggest prides for me, as Vice-Chancellor, is that this is now a reality. We now have the buildings, and the Deans are working on a model called Learning 2014, with new ways of learning and new ways of assisting student experiences. If we get this right, it will absolutely set us apart. I think we need to make this a global reputation, distinct with the buildings and the approaches that we have.

Will the new buildings that have been constructed enhance student contact with their tutors and lecturers?

Yes, most definitely-but also with each other. Can I ask you, what are some things that you enjoy most and that teach you the most here at university?

Well, learning and working with my fellow peers. I think even though you have that guidance from teachers and tutors, working with other students, I find, is absolutely key.

Absolutely. That is what I also found and thought as a university student. The buildings are only a tiny part of this. It’s our staff and approach to working with our students. How do

we set about models for the classroom? How do we set about working with the students during all the classes that we do?

periods, it is a way to allow students to take more modules and to learn more skills.

Earlier this year there was a Student Association organised forum, where [Deputy Vice-Chancellor of Corporate Services] Anne Dwyer discussed the reintroduction of STUVAC and a possible trimester model. Is this still happening?

They are looking into a trimester model. And the first stage is looking to see how we can create what we call “balanced teaching periods”, to allow people who need more time over a summer period to actually have that learning time. So at the moment they are looking into how they would structure a trimester model.

I know there have been a lot of concerns from the perspective of students that this model will mean cramming a semester’s worth of work into a trimester system.

What students need to do is to directly talk to Anne, because this is all still very new. We have to work out, from the University’s perspective, how things [the trimester model] are even possible.

You don’t think that is just a way of churning more students through the university?

Absolutely not! I really don’t know the full details as I have just come into my role, but from my perspective, I think the model is about bringing more choice and more opportunities to students, should they choose to take extra modules. It’s not just that university models are changing – what it means to have a career is changing. I have only had two or three jobs in my career, but you will probably have twenty jobs. The skills that you have now will be completely different to what you will have later on.

How do you think the Government changes and budget cuts will affect UTS? How will it impact teaching quality and university resources?

Well, it certainly won’t impact the teaching quality at UTS. If anything, regardless of what happens – and I don’t know what will happen – the teaching quality at UTS may actually go up. This is because of all the new models and ways of teaching devised in Learning 2014. One of the key acts for me, as Vice-Chancellor, is to actually improve teaching, learning and our reputation, so we continue to get students to really want that type of experience. So regardless of what happens, teaching quality will go up, and I have 100 percent confidence about that. Even with the cuts, we have ways of getting around some things.

So as a university we must think, “how will we give you the sets of skills that will enable you to do that?” as opposed to traditional university structures, that allow you the skills for one job that you will have for 20 years. So if we come back to the trimester model, it’s a way to make education for students more flexible. If we have a model of three balanced teaching

And in terms of the cuts, there are two things happening here: there is deregulation, yet to be convinced that it is actually valuable for the country, and then there is a slinging 30 percent cut to higher education – they call it 20; it is actually 30. You look at the cluster funding, you look at the buildings fund – which have disappeared – and you look at

NEWS / 9

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

the indexation, which we fought so long and hard for – which disappeared.

So there are two separate issues. Well, let’s just see if they get through the Senate.

I believe deregulation could have some positive impacts, such as removing bureaucracies in universities. I also believe that we have one of the best education systems in the world. I have been educated in the US, the UK and in Australia, and I am deeply proud of the education system that Australia has. It worries me when people tinker with it without thinking of the consequences. We can always improve things, but if you have gotten somewhere that is really, really good, you have to think carefully as to how to improve it.

How will UTS continue to support students? Will you continue to support student-run services?

We still have to wait and see what happens with deregulation debate, because, even student amenities – who knows what will happen with that? I remember the last time, UTS committed to funding them, regardless. So I am hoping that they don’t touch those, but we never know. Let’s assume that they won’t touch student amenities. But yes, we will continue to support students.

Our aim as a university is to improve services and the learning experiences that students get. One of the things I am pushing for, is how we help graduates with employability. Now we do that by getting great graduate attributes. What we are working on now is how to get students into that professional mindset. So that right when you start at UTS, you are thinking

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about your future career. Rather than thinking you are an undergraduate turned professional, “I am an undergraduate first year just learning my skills”.

What is your vision of a perfect UTS? My vision for a perfect UTS exists in probably 10 years’ time. It has a global reputation for the distinct, vibrant and different learning experience that it gives to students. An education that students know they are going to get great jobs from – but it all starts with an experience that will allow them to get a flexible career.

A university that continues to have a huge impact on society through its research. The way it changes the world to become a better place. One of the reasons I came to UTS was because UTS academics are fundamentally excited by the impact research has on society. So for me a perfect UTS is a university that does that really well.

Finally a university that is a friendly and open collegiate university. I have been to a lot of universities around the world and not all of them are as friendly as UTS. My aim would be to keep that, but to also improve that.

NEWS THAT SLIPPED THROUGH THE CRACKS LET’S BE REAL, THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA MISSES A HEAP OF NEWS THAT THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW. SIOBHAN KENNA REPORTS ON TWO EVENTS THAT NEED A LITTLE LONGER THAN 15 SECONDS OF FAME. SINGAPORE DESTROYS LGBTI LITERATURE In July, it became official: being gay is ‘un-Singaporean’.

The reflection of this backwards rhetoric saw the National Library Board in Singapore order that all ‘gay-themed’ literature in each of its 26 libraries be destroyed.

The book bearing the full brunt of this decision, And Tango Makes Three, is the true story of two male penguins raising a baby penguin at New York Zoo in Central Park. Two other children’s books, The White Swan Express: A Story About Adoption, which features a lesbian couple, and Who’s in My Family: All About Our Families, are also set to be destroyed.

And the reason for this backwards move?

“The prevailing norms, which the overwhelming majority of Singaporeans accept, support teaching children about conventional families but not about alternative, non-traditional families, which is what the books in question are about,” said Singaporean Minster of Communications, Yaacob Ibrahim.

3D PRINTING OF GENITALS ENDS IN ARREST We’ve got digital cameras, digital TVs and, as of very recently, digital vaginas – the future is now.

Japanese artist Rokudenashiko, has been arrested for emailing a digital template of her vagina to her supporters.

The oddly unique template will allow recipients to print a 3D version of her vagina in what seems like a very intimate way to connect with fans.

But Rokudenashiko has ambitions past creating the first ever “pussy-boat that will go across the ocean”. She hopes that one day her vagina will inspire a home décor line to match her already birthed pussy lampshade, pussy phone cover and pussy remote controlled car. She also wishes to expand her repertoire of pussy transportation, with a pussy car to complement her imminent pussy boat, so that you can always travel in pussy luxury, whether on land or sea!

All of this may beg the question — why?

Ibrahim acknowledged that societies are dynamic, yet is of the belief that the decision reflects Singapore’s current and mainstream acceptance of ‘normal’ families and rejection of anything outside of this ‘normality’.

Well, when you delve a little deeper into Rokudenashiko’s art, her motives are feministic. She first began this undeniably unique art form when she was curious about other vaginas, and worried that her pussy was abnormal.

In Singapore, same-sex relations are still punishable by fines, caning and a maximum of two years in gaol. Last month, however, Singapore had a strong 26,000 showing for a gaypride rally, the largest in the country’s history. It appears that not all Singaporean nationals fit with Ibrahim’s ‘prevailing norms’ and many do not support the smothering of gay families in favour of those deemed more ‘conventional.’

Further, she claims on her website that “Pussy has been such a taboo in the Japanese society. Penis, on the other hand, has been used in illustrations and signed as a part of pop culture.

But pussy has never been so cute.” Sadly though, you can only contribute to Rokudenashiko’s project if you live in Japan- so maybe use that money to donate to a different cause.

NEWS / 11

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

#FREEAJSTAFF

AN OPEN LETTER TO PETER GRESTE Peter Greste is an Australian journalist and foreign correspondent who was arrested in Egypt in December last year. He was held on suspicion but without charge.

In June this year, an Egyptian court found Greste and his colleagues guilty of spreading false news and supporting the blacklisted Muslim Brotherhood. He was sentenced to seven years in gaol. The judge did not provide an explanation for the verdict.

This case is an issue of press freedom worldwide. Al Anstey, the managing director of Al Jazeera English, made a statement after the verdict was handed down: “[The verdict] defies logic, sense, and any semblance of justice …

Peter, Mohamed, and Baher and six of our other colleagues were sentenced despite the fact that not a shred of evidence was found to support the extraordinary and false charges against them … There were many moments during the hearings where in any other court of law, the trial would be thrown out … There were numerous irregularities in addition to the lack of evidence to stand up the illconceived allegations.”

There has been overwhelming international support for Greste and his colleagues, but the imprisoned journalists “still feel alone” and do not have access to the internet.

Their families are only entitled to three visits a fortnight.

Greste’s family have encouraged people to send letters of support and so, I felt I must write to Peter Greste.

Dear Peter, I first heard about you when my mum told me she was going to the Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance Press Freedom Dinner. My mum told me that if I was serious about writing then I needed to come too. My mum had just been made redundant, like so many others, but she told me that this was a cause she was going to support. I was enthusiastic at first but as the date got closer, I had to swap shifts at work (I work at a bar) and well, if I wasn’t working then I wanted to spend the night with my friends. The idea of going to a dinner I didn’t know anything about for something my mum said was important didn’t really appeal to me. I didn’t understand.

I’m embarrassed to have been that self centred and narrow minded. I’m 19. But going to that dinner allowed me to realise #FreeAJStaff was not a thing. It was for people, for someone — for you.

I listened to your father read a letter you wrote and I tweeted your words: “our words… regarded as potent as any bombs”, “an ideology of terror”, “we must never take press freedom for granted”, “our case has become emblematic of press freedom worldwide”, “not a revolution but a significant moment … journalists and those who consume journalism should all be grateful.” You had been in detention for 126 days at that point.

You’d had seven appearances in an Egyptian court. Now it’s been how many days? You’ve had how many appearances in an Egyptian court? You’ve got a sentence — that much I know — seven years. I’m sorry.

Christopher Warren, the MEAA federal secretary, said “governments as a rule like secrecy and journalists as a rule don’t.” And I thought that was funny until I realised it was true.

12 / CULTURE

There was a silent auction that night at the dinner, Mum and I bought a Lindsay cartoon, which reads: “Tony Abbott thinks global warming is caused by women.” We bought it for you, to support press freedom. It hangs in Mum’s office. There are two people I’m passionate about at the moment. It’s you and Tony Abbott. It’s different in many ways but I care for the same reasons: 1) Because you have both found yourselves in positions that you do not deserve to be in, positions that need to change and; 2) because I care about the actions that will bring about those changes.

I wrote about you for a minor university assessment. It was the last piece in a series of blog posts. I wrote about the Press Freedom Dinner and I related it back to a reflection on our coursework, and understanding communication practices.

I was dedicated to writing about you but I never thought to write to you. Until now. And it’s only now that I’m reading about the things you did, listening to your voice, watching you on the screen and admiring the work you did for Somalia: Land of Anarchy.

Peter Greste tweet on my feed. Has anyone told you about the blank pages being printed in the papers? In the bottom left hand corner they read, “This is what happens when you silence journalists. Show your support. Journalism is not a crime. #FreeAJStaff”. Damn, there are some good campaigns. I hope they’re making a difference. I want to help you and make a difference.

How can we not tell the stories that are too unsafe to tell?

Someone said something like that at the Press Freedom Dinner. I guess people have told you you’re brave, I hope they’re telling you that. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you survive mentally or physically.

I’ve published this letter in the University of Technology student magazine Vertigo, which I edit. I published this letter because sharing your story is important and I hope that me writing this letter to you will encourage other students at my university to take notice and write to you too.

Thanks for opening my eyes. I won’t abandon you or this cause.

I tweet (as @LilyMeizing) about a lot of stupid things like how I really suck guessing the correct size Tupperware container for the quantity of food I have left over after dinner. I once tweeted about how numb my bum was after I sat on the concrete steps at Coogee Beach writing a story. My funniest tweet was: “I am proficient at walking into trees. So good it hurts.”

But there’s more to Twitter: you and the FreeAJStaff tag are the most important things on my twitter feed. There’s a woman I follow who only retweets relevant #FreeAJStaff news pieces and opinions. I told her “thank you” and she said she wouldn’t stop until you are free. There is always a

Yours in solidarity, Lily Mei

If you would like to write to Peter Greste, he can be contacted at freepetergreste@gmail.com

CULTURE / 13

EDITORS WANTED University of Technology, Sydney

Date Listed: 18/8/2014

Last Edited: all day err day

Condition: so fresh and so clean Young, fun-loving magazine seeks group of likeminded individuals to conquer the student media world

edit Vertigo in 2015. No more than eight in a team (trust us, this is for your own good, safety and sanity).

Experience is not essential – you don’t even have to be studying Communications! Although you do have to be a current student at UTS. Non UTS-ers need not apply (you can’t sit with us). Also, an interest – or passable knowledge – in web, design, publishing or writing would be preferable, if not very helpful.

Deadlines will be your life.

You will live in a constant state of anxiety for the majority of the year. But you will meet and work with the best people ever, and (hopefully) kickstart your future lucrative career (we think).

You gotta bring the cool, you gotta have a good sense of humour, but most of all, you gotta be able to

control them drink coupons at the infamous Vertigo launch parties. Please, for the love of all that is holy (wine, cheese and roasted fennel) don’t give the drink coupons to just anyone.

COME AND MEET OTHER FUTURE EDITORS 5PM, 9 SEPTEMBER VERTIGO OFFICE, CB02.03.24 (adequate signage will be provided) More details available on our website, Twitter, and Facebook page: utsvertigo.com.au

@VertigoMagazine

facebook.com/utsvertigo

Be there or be square.

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

CLERV In what has become the longest running practical joke in parliamentary history, CLIVE PALMER’s puppy party has ended up with the balance of power in the Senate. But power trippin’ is not his only stellar quality. This dino-loving, Titanic-replica-building, pistol poppin’ pollie is using his populist pledges to confuse people all over the nation – so much so, that articles titled “How Are We Supposed To Feel About Clive Palmer Today?” and “My theory that Clive Palmer is actually an 8 year old child in elaborate disguise”, have not only become a regular occurrence, but also present startlingly plausible theories behind his motives.

From recruiting Al Gore in the lead up to the recent carbon tax debacle, to being ‘good guy Clive’ (and promising to donate his whole parliamentary $alary to charitable organisations in his electorate), it’s clear he has friends in high places – and big ideas. The question is whether this loose cannon will come through for the people who really need him to. If his current stayingawake-during-Question-Time tally is anything to go by, it’s anyone’s guess.

Ladies and gentlemen, the ultimate maverick (and your m8): CLERV.

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A BRIEF HISTORY OF:

MAKEUP WHEN EXACTLY DID WE START PUTTING STUFF ON OUR FACES? ANITA JURIC TAKES A QUICK LOOK AT WHERE MAKEUP STYLES STARTED – THINK CLEOPATRA AND MARIE ANTOINETTE – AND WHY WE STILL USE IT TODAY. The multi-billion dollar cosmetics market owes its thriving industry to the ancient civilisations of Egypt, Greece and Rome. While there is some evidence to suggest that cosmetic body art was used during the Stone Age, most archaeological evidence attributes makeup’s beginnings to ancient Egypt.

Back in 3100 BC, cosmetic palettes were featured in Egyptian tombs and kohl was used for aesthetic and spiritual purposes.

In ancient Greece, white lead was used to create a coveted pale complexion, vegetable dyes were extracted for lip and cheek shades and charcoal was used on the eyes. Similarly, ground minerals were used in ancient Rome for cosmetic purposes, yet many opposed it as cosmetics apparently signified promiscuity. Nonsense!

During the Middle Ages, makeup was abhorred. It was considered unchaste and detrimental to one’s health. Instead they used a white face powder comprised (ironically) of arsenic, lead and mercury to achieve a pale skin tone, denoting affluence. An obsession with pastiness was embraced during the Renaissance and the toxic pigment vermilion was used as lipstick. In the 18th Century women used harmful belladonna to enlarge their pupils in a bid to make their eyes more luminous, and red rouge was used for tinting lips and cheeks.

Things changed slightly in the 19th Century, as people began to use zinc oxide for whitening and lampblack as eye shadow. The

20th Century marked the inception of modern day cosmetics with the birth of Max Factor and L’Oréal, which paved the way for the makeup trends we adore (and abhor) today.

Anyway, despite the boring history, the evolution of cosmetic use says a lot about its importance today. So why do we still put stuff on our faces? Well, (obviously) because women and some men aspire to look as sexy as Krusty the Clown. The value of makeup is an individually perceived yet culturally influenced concept. One only needs to observe the face paint worn to sporting matches or the intricate makeup worn by a Geisha to understand some of its pivotal cultural underpinnings. The psychology of cosmetic use is continually intertwined with social and gender expectations. It is another medium for self-expression. Makeup is traditionally affiliated with femininity and in some cultures it is deemed strange for a man to wear makeup. Our views of makeup are still polarised: as insecure or narcissistic, trashy or classy.

Considering we’ve been wearing it since 3100 BC, it doesn’t look like we’re about to stop using it. Who knows, maybe it’s human nature to be narcissistic. But maybe we use it because it empowers us to be exactly who we want to be. With the help of a few cosmetics we can enhance our features and transform ourselves into (even bigger) glamazons. If wearing a rhinestone encrusted neon pink matte lipstick is what you want to wear, then shine on you crazy diamond.

CULTURE / 17

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

HOMELESSNESS EVERY NIGHT, AROUND AUSTRALIA, APPROXIMATELY 1 IN 200 PEOPLE HAVE NO HOME. THESE ARE SOME OF SOCIETY’S MOST VULNERABLE AND MARGINALISED PEOPLE. ADELE PALFREEMAN DISPELS SOME OF THE MYTHS SURROUNDING HOMELESSNESS. To get to UTS I pass through Central Station. From Elizabeth Street to Railway Square, I will walk past five homeless people. Sometimes I will give them change, other times I will shamefully preoccupy myself and avoid eye contact.

If someone was to ask if they were old or young, or even what gender they were, I honestly wouldn’t be able to answer.

Despite coming into contact with homelessness on a daily basis, I am ashamed to admit that I don’t know who the homeless are.

So on a Sunday afternoon I packed some lunches, and met three individuals who were far from the violent or alcoholic stereotype so often depicted in the media.

Sarah*, who could not be over thirty years old, told me that she moved to Sydney when she lost her job. We spoke about her hopes for the future, funny encounters she’d had, and the amazing work of The Salvation Army’s ‘Employment Plus’ program. She had a shameless attitude and a contagious laugh.

Another man I talked to, who was very engaged in current affairs, was disgusted by the budget cuts to Youth Connections and the closure of Women’s Refuges in Sydney.

Luke* said the shelters are dangerous, but the waiting list for housing was over four years. He lost his job after an accident that left him physically disabled, but he was witty and sharp minded, with a wicked sense of humor.

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The last boy I spoke with looked to be about sixteen years old.

We didn’t talk for long. He was shy, but he had a kind smile and I was grateful for his time.

When determining who the homeless are, research indicates there is no one ‘type’ of person. However, the media often fuels negative – and even false – stereotypes. This silences the real struggle of those in need of support.

Myth #1: The homeless are old men According to ABS data, 43% of homeless people are younger than 25 years old, and 17% are under the age of 12. Only 14% of the homeless population are older than 55.

Homelessness Australia says, “When thinking about young people who are experiencing homelessness we often hear the term ‘street kids’ and ‘runaways’ but this is not the reality.

Most young people experiencing homelessness are hidden from view and aren’t homeless by choice.”

The Yfoundations, an agency that aims to end youth homelessness, says, “It is rare for a young person to be permanently living on the street or sleeping rough, which makes their experience of homelessness less visible.”

While the homeless are often portrayed as male, women account for nearly half of Australia’s homeless population. In fact, each year one in every 42 young women (between 15 and 24 years old) will use a specialist homeless service.

Image Credit: Mike Kane www.mikekanephotos.com

Myth #2: Homelessness is decreasing The City of Sydney conducts a bi-annual street count to determine the number of people sleeping rough and in shelters. From 2013 to 2014 there was a 26% increase in the number of people sleeping rough on Sydney’s streets.

The NSW Government’s Going Home and Staying Home reform intends to decrease this number. But when I spoke to Luke at Central Station he said there are more homeless people every day, and he often waits for over an hour to receive food at a soup kitchen.

Myth #3: The homeless are violent When I announced to my family I was handing out food packages at Central, their first reaction was, “Be careful.”

A study conducted in the UK by the University of Newcastle says this is a universal misconception.

“The perception of homeless people as criminals is common throughout the world… [However] homeless people are more likely to be victims than perpetrators of crime. In almost all countries, our researchers report that it is uncommon for adult street homeless people to commit crimes, especially violent crimes.”

“Street homeless people are, however, the victims of theft and abuse, both verbal and physical. Many struggle to keep their few belongings or earnings safe.”

was deemed a contributing factor for homelessness in only 7% of this population.

That being said, it is important not to ignore the complex relationship between mental illness and living on the streets.

According to Homelessness Australia, “People experiencing homelessness are much more likely to experience anxiety and depression and the longer someone experiences homelessness, the more likely they will develop severe and persistent states of mental illness.”

One of the biggest issues associated with homelessness is the loss of human relationship. It is the sad reality that people who have no home are ostracised and excluded from society. All too often, we conceive of homeless people as a threatening, unpleasant, faceless mass. But the fact is, each homeless person is an individual, with a unique story and set of experiences.

In the dark, freezing nights of winter, people are sleeping in the streets – people just like you and I. We shouldn’t need to hear a range of statistics to motivate us to work towards ensuring every member of our society is safe, warm and secure. * Names are changed

Myth #4: All homelessness is caused by mental illness In NSW, domestic violence and relationship issues are the number one cause of homelessness, with 55% of women citing it as the reason for seeking assistance. Mental illness

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

PARTY FRIENDS BAD FRIENDS DRUGS ARE BAD FOR MANY REASONS. BLAZE KNOWS THEY’RE NOT GOOD FOR THE BRAIN. BUT IT MIGHT ALSO BE TRUE THAT DRUGS ARE GOOD FOR MAKING FRIENDS, AND FOR MAKING DAMN GOOD ONES TOO. I made my best friends while I was high. I thought I was Jesus, that I saw Jesus, or more likely a slightly terrifying blend of both.

Over the last two years, we’ve been there for each other through the breakups, the who-knew-friends-with-benefits-wouldn’twork tears, the family dramas and the premature mid-life crises – and we’ve loved each other through every moment of it. I’m just as happy if we’re making scones for breakfast, eating our feelings at Maccas or lying on the beach raging ‘til sun up.

But because I made these friends through a mutual love of brain-scrambling, drug-induced good times, I have persistently been told that they cannot possibly, possibly, be my true friends. These wonderful people are labelled by most of my more traditional (read: school, uni and work) friends as my going-out friends, my druggie friends, my other friends.

Essentially, they are anything but my best friends, because – heaven help my lost, party girl soul – how could they be?

Most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I said “I met my best friend over drinks one night,” but their eyebrows raise in judgment the second I say, “I met my best friend while we were both high in the Cross.”

I think people tend to have a pretty warped view of drugs, and the people who choose to take them. Alcohol, for example, is also addictive, causes violent behaviour, and is far more widely abused than party drugs. But it’s also socially acceptable, and

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it’s much more acceptable to make friends over drinks than it is other drugs.

But I’m not trying to defend taking drugs. I know they’re bad. I know my brain cells are dying en masse. I know I should know better. But I like them, they’re fun, and the only side effect I’ve had thus far is being introduced to a group of people who make me feel loved and supported.

I’m not saying you should drop this magazine after reading this sentence and sprint to the nearest warehouse party because you’ll never have any friends if you don’t. I’m saying that there are all kinds of people, and all kinds of ways to make friends, and no one way is better than another.

I didn’t set out to make friends when I took that seminal pill, but I did. And I’m truly sick of being told that the friends I’ve made don’t really care for me, would leave me the second I tapped out of the drug scene, or couldn’t care less about my life outside of partying.

The fact is, they love me, and I love them, and I want people to stop trying to invalidate that.

Friends aren’t ‘real’ or ‘true’ because of their habits. They are those things because of the way we treat each other. And let’s face it – who wouldn’t want “you’re so beautiful I may die” screamed at them all night by a friend whose pupils look like they might explode out of their eyes?

COMIC WUNDERKIND CHRIS GOOCH IS THE CREATOR OF 51%, AN ONGOING SERIES FILLED WITH AMAZING ILLUSTRATIONS, AND LOTS OF THOUGHTS AND FEELS – THE STORIES ARE AWKWARD, DARK, STRANGE, UNEXPECTED AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN. CHRIS KINDLY LET ANDY HUANG BADGER HIM WITH SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT COMICS AND OTHER STUFF HE’S WORKING ON. When/where/how did you come across zines?

Not until an embarrassingly late age. In early second year I had a huge panic about having no idea what to do about an assessment, art, life, etc. and inflicted all of this on an RMIT lecturer. One of the nice things that came out of this was the unnamed staff member showing me a collection of zines from an old comic class they ran before the art faculty budget got slashed.

As a young comic star/person what advice do you have for other young people starting out? Or, what’s the best bit of advice you’ve gotten so far?

I really like this thing that Melina Gebbie said about embracing the faults within your artwork. It was her belief, I think, that these inadequacies and fuck ups are what separate our drawings from others and make them our own. Like, they make them into an expression of the artist, or something like that.

First zine you ever bought?

Man, I have no idea. Probably one of the zines I mentioned above. Katie Parrish had one in there. So that one? Probably.

All-time zine/comic artist heroes?

Probably Taiyou Matsumoto, nobody’s ever going to be better than that guy. I like Thomas Tung’s stuff a lot. Everything he puts out is super entertaining. Has a nice TV vibe to it.

Tell us about 51%…

51% is a collection of short-ish comic stories ranging from 15 pages to 40. The story that spans the two issues is about a bunch of kids who, still in that phase of life where the parameters of the world have yet to be fully defined, believe they have psychic powers.

What are you working on now/next?

I’m working on a comic and accompanying exhibition called Gasoline Eye Drops, which’ll be finished by the time this interview gets out. The whole thing will be up on Tumblr at gasoline-eyedrops.tumblr.com

What’s your work process like?

I draw mostly during the afternoon/evening. Generally I stop when I feel like I’ve done enough for the day, otherwise there’s just this annoying guilt that hangs around afterwards which puts a damper on everything.

Music or no music?

Only when I’m filling in blacks or doing spot colour – I can’t concentrate properly with music so the drawings turn out pretty crappy.

CULTURE / 21

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

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Gasoline Eye Drops, pp.1-2 - expert courtesy of Chris Gooch. Check out the rest of the comic at gasoline-eyedrops.tumblr.com

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT CONSENT RAPE CULTURE IS A TRICKY BUSINESS, AND OFTENTIMES OUR ATTEMPTS TO DISMANTLE IT ARE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. WE CALL CONSENT SEXY, BUT BODILY AUTONOMY DOES NOT EXIST FOR ANOTHER’S SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. WE CALL “YES” CONSENT, BUT WITH SO MUCH PRESSURE, WITH SUCH A CULTURE OF ENTITLEMENT, DOES “YES” NECESSARILY MEAN “YES”?

ALISON WHITTAKER DISCUSSES. Trigger warning: rape, harassment and assault Rape culture is part of a broader structure that reinforces unquestioned and assumed access to and abuse of marginalised bodies. Those are some pretty hefty words, but rape culture boils down to cultures of entitlement. For the most part, these are cultures of hegemonic entitlement— entitlement which is backed up by institutional or social power for the advantage of the wielders of that power.

Rape culture’s most clear and significant impact is in the manifestation of sexual assault, harassment and stalking. In different forms, these are violations of a person’s right to be the gatekeeper of their own body, which provides or does not provide access to your body, emotions, mind, space or time.

This may seem vintage in Tumblr terms, but in my journeys as a re-blogger, I encountered a lot of rhetoric about consent being sexy. I mean, rape certainly isn’t sexy, so its opposite must be sexy, right? This was part of a broader conversation and campaign to get people to seek explicit and affirmative consent. Sexualising consent was a response to people talking about the awkwardness of seeking explicit and affirmative consent. It felt awkward because consent was not yet part of our cultural lexicon around a good old shag. So the first and most obvious answer is that we make consent all about hot expressions of desire.

When we discuss consent as sexy, we attempt to shake up the idea of rape culture, by reinforcing another facet of unquestioned entitlement to a person. Their assent to a sexual act is then shrouded by another culture of entitlement, that of

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compulsory sexiness and sensuality. Both should concern us, as they each feed into one another.

The feminist community has disputed much of what we think we know about consent. Is consent understood by what it is not (the absence of a “no”)? Or is consent understood as a continual, enduring assent (a “yes”)? Most of us have settled under the latter. But splitting consent in this kind of way, however incredibly helpful to express dissent to rape culture, doesn’t take into account the wide range of external influences and pressures on a person.

When we talk about consent, we often imagine a discrete, autonomous person freely making ‘rational’ decisions.

Rape culture’s nature makes this kind of autonomous discretion difficult. No one person can be understood without understanding their context.

Is consent (active ongoing permission of specific terms of access to a body) necessary? Yes! Is the sexualisation of consent shifting presumptions of consent in the direction of entitlement and expected consent? Also, yes.

We can learn a lot about rape culture by pulling apart how we construe consent. Many of us read consent into body language: leaning in, looking through eyelashes and such.

Even specifically seeking consent in the form of verbal confirmation or verbal encouragement could be inadequate.

Social pressure around entitlement to bodies, particularly where those who feel entitled to bodies are physically aroused,

informs any decision a person makes when providing verbal confirmation. Fears that violent assault might eventuate if verbal confirmation is not given also place a substantial amount of pressure on a person. Could that be described as consent, if verbal confirmation is given under this kind of pressure? No.

of the horror which entitlement perpetuates. It does a distinct disservice to people with mental illness, who are thrown forward as a distraction to the collective violence. These marginalised peoples are actually more likely to be victims rather than perpetrators of violence, particularly of sexual assault and domestic violence.

In feminist conversations, we seem to triage consent somewhat, and imagine it as the answer to a question, rather than an invitation itself. Framing consent like this almost makes it seem like a reactionary mechanism, responding to the entitlement the world seems to have at large to our bodies. And since that pressure is so enormous, could consent – even as “yes”, rather than the absence of “no” – be consent at all?

Rape culture complicates much of what we know about violence and the socialisation of bodies. It answers questions about entitlement to bodies and violence committed against them, but it asks many questions to which we can’t yet give an answer. Questions such as, “What is consent?”, “What could consent be, if we can’t yet be free of rape culture and are trapped in a context of pressure?” And yet, how can we escape rape culture, if not by the understanding and implementation of radical and affirmative consent?

What’s the alternative? Perhaps something which is more affirmative, active and concerned with other kinds of communication. Consent requires more than just one-word answers. We barely accept a simple “yes” or “no” for anything else, so why would we accept them as a guardian to our bodies?

A “no” is certainly a “no”, but one “yes” is not a season pass to a body, or even a “yes” in and of itself.

“Yes, put that here.”

“Yes, do that thing, but don’t do this thing.”

“Oh, um, I guess, yes.” (This probably means no).

We can intellectualise consent as much as we’d like, but predominately, the impact is made by rape culture.

Intellectualising provides some bleak reflection on just how high the chips are stacked. As individuals, it is very hard to ever work yourself out of these systems.

Like Elliot Rodgers, the man responsible for the Isla Vista shooting in May, the question is often turned to the mental health of the perpetrator. It is almost inconceivable to our collective entitlement cultured eye to imagine the normality

Giving mind to these complications, including the complications brought on by attempts to combat rape culture without also combatting broader structures of hegemonic entitlement, is of great value. However, the dilemma of many feminist organisations grounds the real difficulty of combatting rape culture; statistically, the impacts are so vast and so substantive that intellectualising provides only some use, and is of no use at all when no one will implement the findings.

Inevitably, we must take actions as groups. Join your feminist collectives on campus. Speak out where you can about things like street harassment. Build support groups and service programs. We can disengage entitlement over our bodies by extending cooperation and power to other marginalised bodies. Individual freedom from entitlement and rape culture is inextricably tethered to the collective freedom from every kind of entitlement to every kind of marginalised body.

CULTURE / 25

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SCIENCE, TECH AND GAMING

THE SCIENCE OF BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE COULD PREHISTORIC FISTFIGHTS HAVE CHANGED THE FATE OF OUR FACES FOREVER? KRISTEN TROY TAKES A LOOK AT THE RESEARCH, AND SOME SCIENTIFIC CRITICISM THAT CERTAINLY PACKS A PUNCH. A relatively new theory published in Biological Reviews suggests that our male ancestors evolved beefy facial features as fortifications against fistfights. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right – it basically means that, if this theory is true, Hugh Jackman is a mega babe because his forefathers were getting beaten up left, right and centre. Beauty is pain.

Professor David Carrier and co-author Dr Michael Morgan coined this theory the “protective buttressing hypothesis” (or what I like to call the, ‘Hands Evolved To Punch Faces And Faces Evolved To Take Punches’ hypothesis). In support of their idea, the pair offered data from hospital emergency wards showing that faces are particularly vulnerable to sustaining dangerous injuries. The paper then goes on to argue that facial reinforcements evolved in male bones as a result of fighting over females and resources, and cites violence as a key driving force behind evolutionary changes in face structure. So it makes sense that our bones crack like balsa wood in the face of blunt force trauma. It’s science, right?1 Wrong. The scientific community has since whaled on Carrier and Morgan’s hypothesis, pointing out that their conjecture is based primarily upon modern (and largely inapplicable/ irrelevant) data. In a further fuck-up, the pair essentially formed their theory based on the physiology of one early human species (the australopithecines), only to try to apply it to another, entirely different species (homo sapiens represent!).

Carrier and Morgan reckon that the australopithecines fell straight out of the trees and rolled directly into fistfights, and that natural selection dictated their survival based on

1. Not science.

2. Bone-related.

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whose skull was the most durable punching bag. At first glance, the pair’s hypothesis seems like it could be legit – the australopithecines did have heavy brows, strong jaws, and flaring cheeks after all. The main problem is though, that the australopithecines couldn’t form a proper fist and therefore, presumably couldn’t throw a punch to save their own life.

Compounding that, our fists are pretty well suited to punching.

So why then have our faces lost their osteological2 protection?

The researchers didn’t examine prehistoric skulls for signs of blunt-force trauma or fractured facial bones. Nor did they attempt to model how early humans would have reacted physiologically to the stresses of an incoming fist. The theory is basically a product of two blokes looking at prehistoric australopithecine skulls and wagering, “Yeah, I bet that guy could take a punch.”

If Carrier and Morgan’s critics are right (and they are), it’s safe to assume that our ancestors had better things to do than to punch each other’s faces. Like, you know, learn to walk on two feet, discover fire, invent the wheel, and even just plain old survive.

SCIENCE, TECH AND GAMING

THE WORST OF NEW INVENTIONS TO BE CLEAR, DANIEL COMENSOLI ADMITS THAT HE COULD PROBABLY NEVER INVENT ANYTHING. REGARDLESS, WE STILL GOT HIM TO PUT A FEW EXCITING NEW INVENTIONS TO THE (LOGIC) TEST. Fortunately for us average Joes, there’s a steady stream of beautiful minds coming along with ideas so profound and so daring, that they defy logic, common sense, and pretty much all accepted forms of science.

Here are three pitched inventions that form part of that illustrious crowd. They exceed the limits of the known universe, and harness man’s unproven potential. They appear in no particular order, because no one can rank the Gods.

The Sullivan Generator How do we solve our renewable energy crisis, desalinate ocean water, and get rich? Enter Mark Sullivan: inventor, physicist, composer, and stitcher of vests and skirts. His generator, pitched on America’s The Shark Tank, uses the spin of the earth to produce energy. It draws seawater, turns it into water vapour, and then sends it up a 100 foot tube where rapid rotation can create electricity. Also, its cool by-products include clean water, and the alleged extraction of $96 billion worth of gold.

Why it doesn’t work: For starters, utilising the Coriolis effect in Earth’s rotating frame hasn’t ever been used for good reason.

Earth only rotates once a day, so the Coriolis force is actually quite small, working mainly on a large-scale. It is certainly not enough to spin 100 feet of absurd tube centrifuge. Also, the amount of energy used to process the water would likely be more than would ever come out of the machine. There’d be a net input. Compounding this, the amount of gold in the ocean compared to salt is ridiculous, so negligible amounts of gold would have to be filtered from enormous amounts of salt. Then if you did get $96 billion in gold, it wouldn’t even be worth that because world supply would’ve vastly increased. Yeah Sully.

The Foreign Driving Glove Pitched on the British Dragon’s Den, this wonder of driver safety somehow didn’t manage to gain £100 000 from the investors. The invention is a single glove worn on the right hand. It serves to remind drivers from the UK what side of the road they should be driving on when they’re overseas.

Presumably its brilliance can be translated to the left hand, for left side driving as well, which makes for some serious global appeal. Strictly for car enthusiasts.

Why it doesn’t work: It’s horribly, horribly shit. He invented a glove.

Bruce’s Juice Bruce McBurney is up there with the best guys on the planet.

Appearing on Season Four of Canada’s Dragon’s Den, Bruce pitched his inspired idea and asked for a mere $2.5 million for 25% in the enterprise. With a name that rolls off the tongue – ‘HiMac Precious Metals Nanowater’ – the product is naturally occurring and capable of curing arthritis, colitis, hepatitis, and flus and bacteria of all kinds (including the Swine Flu Virus).

Also, it cures pink eye in two days, clears up gum infections, heals wounds two to three times faster, lowers blood sugar, and when pushed, this product can even cure cancer.

Why it doesn’t work: It is purified water with a bit of added silver. While silver is sometimes used in antiseptics, its levels in Bruce’s cure-all would be inconsequential. The Nanowater is medically unsubstantiated, does nothing, and has sold thousands at $18 each. The only miracle is the water’s exploitation of vulnerable people. Fortunately he gets ripped a new one and sent packing. Bruce is a dick.

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SCIENCE, TECH AND GAMING

AGENT OF CHAOS JIMMY’S BEEN PLAYING LOTS OF SHOOTY GAMES AND JIMMY’S MUM IS WORRIED HE’S GOING TO ROB A 7/11. LACHLAN MACKENZIE TELLS JIMMY’S MUM TO SHUT UP AND OFFERS ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE ON THE VIOLENCE IN VIDEO GAMES DEBATE. Violent video games make violent kids violent-er. That’s the shtick we see written about in your mum’s friend’s favourite 18th century newspaper, in a story that gets picked up by morning television to incite a moral panic and make your parents intensely sceptical of how you spend your time.

Well future killerz, I want you to take an honest look at your relationship with games and think, “Baby it’s not you, it’s me.”

A hundred studies can be written about the effects of violent games on their innocent players. You can look at criminals and how much they enjoy skewering civilians with jets in Grand Theft Auto, or have people rack up some dick-punch kills in Saints Row then see if they’ll help a digital senior across the road or push them into oncoming traffic1. In either case I think there’s a point to be made that we can all very easily distinguish between games and real life, and that unless a game is frustrating as hell I don’t think anyone is going to walk off punching their on-screen anger away.

And video games make you the ultimate agent. In a singleplayer game you are the only being that has the power to make decisions based on individual want; you have hubris and you’ll damn well choose with real volition. Even the most intelligently designed NPCs4 must follow the rules and react to the rules you break. A lot of games, especially those with a focus on free-roaming, are designed to make you forget that whatever you do is only what the game designers allow you to do5.

So what do we do when we are under the impression that the only decisions that matter in the entire world are our own?

Whatever the fuck we want. We’ll shoot someone in the crotch because it’s funny and still be firmly mentally ‘hinged’. What violence in video games might teach us, is a scary lesson about our nature when we consider ourselves immensely powerful and solely important6.

So what are we mad for2? I recently watched an episode of Cracked: After Hours3 that opened up my nascent mind to how almost every form of media we consume entails some form of wish fulfilment. Put simply, you watch a film where characters portray aspects of life you wish you could incorporate into your own, and it makes you think that maybe one day, that could be you. You can change the world, you can be loved despite your blackened soul, you can have the party of the century where you finally sleep with that one friend you’ve always secretly been attracted to. You have the agency to do whatever you want, you just need luck, talent, dedication, timing.

1: I did psychology for a year. It’s legit.

2: ‘Bro’ 3: This is where I’d tell you which one it was if I remembered. Soz…

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4: Non-Player Characters 5: The Stanley Parable did this to me.

6: With great power comes great responsibility.

HELLA GOOD TELE ON A SATURDAY MORNING, WE WATCHED CHRISTINA AGUILERA ON RAGE GO FROM GOOD GIRL TO BAD. WE DIDN’T REALISE OF COURSE, THAT ‘GENIE IN A BOTTLE’ WAS MORE DIRTY THAN ‘DIRRTY’. NO HONEYS, IT’S NOT ABOUT ALADDIN. RACHEL EDDIE LOOKS BACK AT THE TERRITORY WHERE GIRL AND BOY GERMS BRED; BECAUSE TBH, THERE WAS SOME HELLA GOOD KIDS SHOWS BACK THEN AND SOMEONE SHOULD TELL THAT TO WHOEVER CHANGED THE THEMESONG OF POSTMAN PAT. It was mufti day in the spring of ’98 and I could finally make use of my new pair of pants that also had a skirt attached to it. Do you remember those? Yeah you do. I paired them with an exposed belly button and a beaded butterfly clip that wobbled – because it was on springs – atop my green mascara streaked bun. Mark was my crush. He wore a red t-shirt and cap – possibly Von Dutch – and looked distinctly like the lead singer of Wheatus. He was hot as shit and might have listened to Iron Maiden, maybe, if he weren’t seven. My butterfly clip beckoned him. If I’d been wearing a shag-band – probably made from the blue insert in soft drink lids – he totally would have snapped it.

Though my Tamagotchi had recently passed, life was all but festy. Because, as Annie, the sister in The Secret Life of Alex Mack says, “You were just this average kid headed for this life of no consequence and boredom – and now look at you!”

That mufti day was the same for me – but with green mascara instead of sudden supernatural abilities. Potato, potarto. It’s important to mention here that Jessica Alba co-stars in Alex Mack. Sassy.

son. Oh, and Ringo Starr was the original narrator of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends, just fyi.

But I had to hide behind the couch every Tuesday during Playschool, because Noni and George could see me getting changed into my ballet gear through the tele. It was fine, so long as I didn’t miss them sing ‘On the Ning Nang Nong’ – “Where the cows go bong! / And the monkeys all say boo! / There’s a nong nang ning / Where the trees go ping! / And the tea pots jibber jabber joo”. This is quality shit, guys; the lyrics actually come from a Spike Milligan poem – author of Puckoon and The Goon Show performer. Certainly, ‘On the Ning Nang Nong’ is some of his finest work.

But life was sad when 6pm hit and Freaky Stories finished up. Because ABC Kids of the 90s was more fly than bubble backpacks. It was hotter than Roxy pencil cases or bags-ing the front seat. It was so hella cool that we missed all the feminist teachings speckled through Rugrats. And have you noticed that most guys have the same haircut as Phil and Lil these days? That’s because Phil and Lil are cool.

It’s “as clear as DVD on digital TV screens” that 90s television is unbeatable, if you’ll mind the ‘No Scrubs’ reference. Daria’s wit, the imagination of Lift Off, and the good looks of Round the Twist’s Bronson (was it just me?) are yet to be rivalled by anything post the Sydney Olympics. We made it home from school in time to catch Arthur at 4pm, and would sing along to the theme song ‘Believe in Yourself’ without a clue that it was written and performed by Ziggy Marley – Bob and Rita Marley’s

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

PODCASTS

THAT’LL GIVE YOU A CHUCKLE OR TWO IN PODCAST-LAND, COMEDY NERDS RULE (SERIOUSLY, DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK WHY?). HERE ARE SOME WEIRD, WHIP-SMART AND FUNNY PODCASTS, RECOMMENDED BY ANDY HUANG. The Nerdist: #294 ‘Judd Apatow’ Broadcast: December 10, 2012 As a podcast about “what it means to be a nerd”, there is nothing not cool about The Nerdist. Tina Fey was on the show once. She’s cool, right?1 In fact, Chris Hardwick, who hosts the podcast with comedians Jonah Ray and Matt Mira, pretty much built his media empire (Nerdist Industries) on the whole ‘nerd’ shtick. This genuine enthusiasm and fascination with tech, gaming, the internet, comedy and pop culture comes through in the interviews, and is what makes the podcast enjoyable to listen to.

Basically, each week, Hardwick & Co. hang out with cool famous people (like Tina Fey), sometimes in their homes, and have these warm, wonderful conversations with them.

This episode, they chat to film producer/director/writer, Judd Apatow, about his master plan to create a super family/ bowling team of actor-besties (think the cast of Freaks and Geeks, Anchorman and Superbad). They discuss other things too, like that time when Apatow was fifteen and pretended to be a reporter so he could talk to his heroes, growing up in a comedy environment, and getting old(er).

Comedy Bang Bang: #296 ‘Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost’ Broadcast: August 23, 2013 Comedy Bang Bang is a fun, freewheeling hour of interviews. This one is a bit of an oddball; it’s unexpected, with a lot of improv by host Scott Aukerman, whose line of questioning often chases the sillier side of things.

The best guests are the ones who just roll with the show in all its charming absurdities – and this episode, featuring The World’s End director Edgar Wright and stars, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, doesn’t disappoint. The guys talk about The Cornetto Trilogy (greatest movie trilogy name, ever); small towns, pub-crawls and glory days; James Bond and Wright’s fear of scorpions in sandals.2 Additional listening (because, why not?): Harmontown Population: Dan Harmon. Okay, so there’s this other guy too.3 But this is pretty much where Dan Harmon runs his mouth off now – after he got kicked off Community, a show he created that then wanted him back, only to later get cancelled after five seasons (R.I.P.).

Little Dum Dum Club Their site states that they’re “One of Australia’s most popular comedy podcasts!” – which actually isn’t a joke.

Heralded as a trailblazer for comedy podcasting in Australia, Little Dum Dum Club is hosted by mates/comedians Tommy Dassalo and Kyle Chandler – two guys who (lovingly) insult each other, and shoot the shit with their funny buddies, with previous guests including Wil Anderson, Josh Thomas and Nick Maxwell (of The Sweetest Plum podcast fame, another one for the comedy fans).

1. That was a rhetorical question. Although, if you answered “no”, you have failed. What exactly? Only time will tell.

2.When I first heard it, I thought it was scorpions wearing sandals, which is strange and absolutely terrifying. But nope.

He meant scorpions in his sandals, I later realised. Still, just as strange and terrifying.

3.Comptroller Jeff Davis (Who’s Line Is It Anyway?)

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REMEMBER THAT TIME...

VERTIGO SOMEHOW CONVINCED FOUR MISFITS TO DIVULGE THEIR MOST EMBARRASSING AND ENLIGHTENING EXPERIENCES OF HIGH SCHOOL. HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE: DARTH MAUL BONGS, DOLPHIN CHOKER NECKLACES, TEETH-SPIT FACE CLASHING, ILL-INFORMED HAIR DYE CHOICES AND COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BLACK EYELINER.

Kat Muscat is an editor, writer and feminist based in Melbourne. Currently she’s freelancing with recurring topics including sex, sexuality, gender and mental health. She is also wrapping up a multilingual anthology called Dialect that features writers from refugee or migrant backgrounds.

What were you like in high school?

Very unhappy. A lot of that came down to having clinical depression, but I was also one of those suburban teenagers who were always heading into the city. Wanting to be elsewhere constantly. Listening to a lot of Norwegian deathmetal and The Cure. When I was fifteen, I joined the Voiceworks editorial committee, which was a godsend. To be surrounded by other word-nerds, and given something to work collectively on. Voiceworks is the best.

What was the coolest thing you owned when you were growing up?

I blew $240 on a totally bad-arse, steel-boned corset when I was fifteen. Think this is the most dosh I’ve spent on an item of clothing to date. It made the rest of my clothes look bad, it was so awesome. I couldn’t breathe properly in it, though this didn’t matter at the time.

What were you known for in high school?

I was The Writer. And also the principal’s daughter. That was pretty interesting at times.

Do you have any regrets about the time you were in school?

I reckon everyone cringes at the times they were especially bratty. Starting the depression party so young meant I did a lot of objectively selfish things while learning how to manage the brain badness. Nothing in particular jumps out these days, just wish I’d been more considerate.

If you were to pigeonhole yourself, what stereotypical clique would you have been in?

Goth, still got some of that in my system, honestly. Immediately after moving to a bigger school, I sought out the kids who were sad like me. We loved the classics, but also then-current macabre content like Poppy Z Brite’s books and bands like Nightwish. Wore as much black and eyeliner as public school would let us get away with – that kind of thing.

Were you ever a misfit?

Yeah, in a big way. Most of my friends were online when I lived in Mallacoota – and most of them I met on a writers’ forum that was all purple and glorious. In Berwick, my group sorta sat outside the popularity ranking, which was refreshing.

Generally speaking, people didn’t get us and we were left to our own devices (read: lots of underage drinking, smoking, love triangles and terrible poetry).

What’s your most cringe-worthy memory from that time?

When I was working at Coles there was this boy that was as socially awkward as me. On my last shift we tried for the hug, and both of us went to put our heads on the same side aaaaaaand… our teeth clashed. I got his teeth-spit on my teeth-spit.

What piece of advice would you give to your 15-year-old self?

Don’t stress about body hair, or conventional standards of beauty. Seriously, I know that seems impossible, but you’re going to spend the next five years (at least) hanging out with punks and poets and other creative types. They don’t give a single fuck about the state of your armpit hair. Look how you wanna look. That, and cultivate a healthy sense of informed defiance. Shit will be tough, but you’ll get through.

More: @katmuscat and katmuscat.com

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Chris Harrigan is the editorial assistant at Smith Journal, a publication that takes unexpected, interesting and sometimes complicated stories and tells them the way you would to a bunch of friends at the pub.

What were you like in high school?

Before Billy Corgan opened up a tea shop and started modelling for Cat Fanciers Magazine, the Smashing Pumpkins were everything to me. Other interests included skipping PE class and being ‘melancholy’. I very nearly could have gone down a New Age path but thankfully I grew out of hemp-based clothing around the same time I discovered clothes that actually look good.

Where did you go to high school and what was it like?

A public school in the leafy eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

It was a ragtag team, student and teacher-wise. If you could gravitate to the good it was all okay. I had two really good teachers who treated me like an adult, and I could sort of tell they thought the same as I did about the stupid things school makes you do. I became friends with people two years above me, which was cool as hell until I was in Year 11 and they were at university. Then I was Nathan No Friends. Play the long game, kids.

What were you known for in high school?

There’s what you’re known for and there’s what you think you’re known for. I thought I was known for my raging intellect and devil-may-care swagger, but probably, I was known for not being that into sport. Which on the Richter scale of interesting tops in at a solid two out of ten.

If you could go back in time and take one thing with you, what would you give to your 15-year-old self?

An iPhone with working 4G network. “I’ll see your Snake 2 and challenge you a repository for all the world’s knowledge that talks to you in a woman’s voice.”

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What was the coolest thing you owned when you were growing up?

A Darth Maul bong. No wait, that was the worst thing I ever owned. I really regret that.

If you were to pigeonhole yourself, what stereotypical clique would you have been in?

A sad alloy of incompatible ones. Goth. Hippie. I was exceptionally dweebish so chuck nerd in there too.

What piece of advice would you give to your 15-year-old self?

If you’re going to dye your shoulder-length hair jet black (and that’s a big if), dye the roots black too. Don’t bleach them. Why would you do that?

More: @ChrisHarrigans and smithjournal.com.au

Total Bore is a painter in Sydney. He makes small paintings on paper, mostly of people at parties. He also plays in two bands: Post Paint and Low Lux. What were you like in high school?

I spent my lunch times in empty art classrooms with a group of two or three friends. We were interested in ourselves and our awful music. This was before the internet really kicked off so we didn’t have access to much DIY music then. We never really learnt how to arrange or record music ... so our band really sucked.

What was the coolest thing you owned when you were growing up?

Sketch books, I didn’t own a car.

What were you known for in high school? having dark eyelashes that made me look like I was wearing mascara. So, for being a boy who wore makeup.

Do you have any regrets about the time you were in school?

Nah, not really. It would probably be great to go back and not be so small and cruel and competitive with my peers and friends, but I just don’t think teenagers are cut out for not emotionally abusing each other.

If you could go back in time and take one thing with you, what would you give to your 15- year-old self?

Oh shit, I would definitely hand myself a tuning pedal.

Were you ever a misfit?

Yeah man, I think so, a misfit then and a misfit now. I hope I’m less insecure now though, and try to get along with people and hear them out, but I just dodge my taxes or some shit.

What’s your most cringe-worthy memory from that time?

Probably all the weird wanking.

What’s the best memory you have from that time?

The best and most fulfilling wanks.

What piece of advice would you give to your 15-year-old self?

Play nice.

More: @total_bore and totalbore.com Total Bore has an exhibition at 583 Elizabeth St Redfern (formerly Damien Minton Gallery) on August 19.

What was the coolest thing you owned when you were growing up?

You are asking someone who topped the school in a subject called ‘Information, Processing and Management’ in Year 12.

For me, the coolest thing was my computer. And maybe a black leather choker with a dolphin on it.

If you could go back in time and take one thing with you, what would you give to your 15-year-old self?

A copy of anything with Tina Fey on or in it.

If you were to pigeonhole yourself, what stereotypical clique would you have been in?

Maybe nerd? But I was also on the athletics and rowing squads, and played hockey and netball. I wore heavy eye makeup and a cape for a stint, and did ceramics right up ‘til Year 12.

What’s your most cringe-worthy memory from that time?

Once my photograph appeared on the front of the official school library brochure. I was snapped unawares. It made life uncomfortable at the time.

What’s the best memory you have from high school?

Being a complete goof with my friends and playing Age of Empires during English class.

What piece of advice would you give to your 15-year-old self?

There’s real power in looking silly and not caring what you do. (I didn’t write that, Amy Poehler did, but it’s great advice.)

More: @nadiasaccardo

Nadia Saccardo is a former group publisher of The Thousands City Guides, former editor of Smith Journal magazine, and currently an editor-at-large.

What were you like in high school?

I was a real pain in the arse. Looking back, I wish I’d dealt with my angst in a cooler way, by making scrapbooks and watching old movies like the gals at Rookie – who I rate very highly.

Socially, I was a real floater. Went from group to group. Kinda knew a lot of people, but only had a few legit friends.

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SYDNEY’S BICYCLE CULTURE PEITA KEILAR TAKES YOU ON A TWO-WHEELED TOUR OF SYDNEY. COMMUTING TO UNI BY BICYCLE IS AN INCREASINGLY POPULAR MODE OF TRAVEL AND SURPRISINGLY EASY. REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT AND UP YOUR STREET CRED (AT THE SAME TIME!)

Peita is a third year Visual Communication Design student slash hand lettering master who loves to sketch, map, create and explore. She can also draw one hell of a guide, need more proof? Check @peitablythe

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

WHO TV SAYS WE ARE APPARENTLY ART IMITATES LIFE, OR LIFE IMITATES ART, OR SOMETHING. SAM LANGSHAW EXAMINES WHAT THE TELEVISUAL PRODUCTS OF GEN Y REVEAL ABOUT US. When Girls’ Hannah Horvath said that she was the voice of her generation in the show’s pilot episode, you could almost hear the clatter of a million keyboards typing up op-ed pieces. Though it was uttered while high on opium tea, the sound-bite created vast amounts of attention for the show, and positioned it as making some Important Generational Statements (IGS). Girls, along with other programs created by and starring people of our generation, are important because they strike a chord; we find solace in witnessing the mistakes and aimlessness of others.

unemployment), the show doesn’t concern itself with the larger picture. In an episode centred on the pair stepping up to the plate and being adults, Ilana does her taxes while Abbi buys her own weed for the first time. Flavorwire’s Pilot Viruet wrote, “Abbi and Ilana can’t concern themselves with book deals or opening a cupcake shop because they’re too busy just trying to scrounge up enough money (or office supply gift cards) to buy weed… Sometimes you can’t focus on the overall, bigger picture because it’s daunting enough to try and make it back to your bed in one piece every night.”

Girls is necessary because it shows us the aspects of ourselves that can be uncomfortable viewing. It looks at the paths of selfishness and lack of self-awareness down which we can get lost, as we meet different people who we convince ourselves will change our lives. Take Dunham’s Hannah in season three, whose knee-jerk response to her publisher dying is intense concern over the status of her e-book deal. Even though this moment was a large part of why I stopped watching the show, her selfish response is the kind of honesty most of us wouldn’t dare express.

Whereas Girls commonly looks at quarter-life-crisisinducing questions like ‘what the hell am I doing with my life?’, Broad City shows us how fun being young and irresponsible can be. The stakes can be as low as we want them to be, and that’s alright for the time being. They aren’t embarrassed by their failures and reveal very relatable imperfections, minus the self-loathing. The pair are crass, have a lot of sex – and talk about sex – and do not feel the need to explain themselves. Both are allowed to make mistakes, solve problems and be weirdly sexual or hyper self-conscious. They are unapologetically their hilarious selves. They may be fuck-ups, but there’s no better time in life to be a fuck-up than now.

This was also because another program had just debuted, also about girls in New York City but with a very different tone. It’s called Broad City and it is awesome. Though the central pair (real life best friends Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer) do have considerable problems (money,

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Please Like Me is Australian comedian Josh Thomas’ project, which focuses on the same kind of dramatic events in Girls but does so with the casual approach of Broad City. The series shows that even though life-changing events like a parent’s attempted suicide can seem like the end of the world, we have to use those experiences to shape us and

learn how to deal with loss. Josh outwardly refuses to let these events define him. In contrast to the drama of Girls and the manic comedy of Broad City, Please Like Me is levelheaded, treating its characters with respect regardless of their age – because being older shouldn’t be equated with knowing more.

It also shows a refreshingly nonchalant approach to coming out and being gay. Josh has to be told that he is gay, and his friends react as though he’s told them he’s buying a cat. It’s a big part of his story, but not the sum of it. As Thomas has said about the series, “I think a lot of coming-out stories in shows are quite traumatic, which is fine… to me, it just wasn’t a big deal.” While homophobia can never be fully quantified or eradicated, the general trend suggests this blasé attitude reflects that of our generation. Recent polls suggested 81% of Australians aged 18-24 support marriage equality and saw it as one of the most pressing issues of the 2013 election. The popularity of shows such as Please Like Me and HBO drama series Looking, which refuse to treat sexuality as a problematic issue, indicates a larger social shift driven by the views of our generation.

Broad City, Ilana Skypes Abbi while riding her boyfriend, and the show illustrates many, many times that they are more obsessed with each other than they are with men and sexual conquests. Girls examines the dissatisfaction that friendships can involve. As the show has worn on, it has become increasingly clear that the girls of Girls don’t even like each other that much; they’ve just known each other for a long time. It’s sad and often uncomfortable to watch, but sometimes friendships just naturally devolve like this.

These shows are accessible because they are aspirational.

The stars of all three also serve as creators and writers and, in the case of Girls, director. Girls was made after the success of Lena Dunham’s first feature Tiny Furniture. Broad City began as a web-series with no budget. Josh Thomas began as a teenage comedian before ABC2 picked up his series, and now Please Like Me has become the flagship program of new US channel Pivot, aimed at ‘millennials’ such as ourselves. All three show us what we can achieve while we are young, creative and directionless. We aren’t simply Arts degree slackers who should give up and get a real job; we can get shit done.

All of these shows look at how friendships help us survive as we venture into the icky world of adulthood and learn the meaning of responsibility and accountability. They are less about friends being family (see: any sitcom trying to emulate the success of Friends), and more about showing how friends are people with whom you can be your true, disgusting and inappropriate self. In the opening scene of

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

MIXTAPE MISFITS HATTIE O’DONNELL CAUGHT UP WITH LOCAL COMEDIAN AND ALL ROUND COOL GUY MICHAEL HING, TO TALK ABOUT STEAMPUNK PIANOLAS, UNSUCCESSFUL SERENADES, AND POP ATROCITIES OF THE 90S. What was the first album you ever bought?

I spent a lot of my primary school aged youth ironically purchasing terrible 90s albums as purposefully bad gifts for my older brother: Spice Girls’ Spice, Aqua’s Aquarium, S Club 7’s seminal pop atrocity S Club, and Malaysian-Australian balladeer Kamahl’s holiday offering The Gift of Christmas.

The first album I bought for myself that I genuinely loved and listened to on repeat was the 1995 debut self-titled album

by The Presidents of The United States of America. I mostly bought it because I heard the single ‘Kitty’ on triple j and liked that it had the word “fuck” in it.

What was the first concert you ever went to?

I was a bit of a late bloomer in terms of going to concerts.

I wasn’t cool enough to have a fake ID in high school and underage gigs always seemed to require a lot of make-up and coloured hair product I wasn’t willing to commit to.

The first proper concert I actually got into was the 2003 Homebake in Sydney. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds headlined, which remains one of my favourite memories of all time (he was at his peak, and played a bunch of tracks off Nocturama and No More Shall We Part). I also called my best friend Michael Garbutt during Frenzal Rhomb’s set that afternoon so he could hear it down the line.

What memory of music during your childhood stands out for you?

I was a dork of a kid who had to play a lot of music – piano, guitar, saxophone, etc. I was often asked to play piano at

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school functions in primary school (ANZAC Day, school fetes), and would trot out half a dozen dull Suzuki method pieces as background music in the school hall before bravely moving off script to terrible improvised pieces for a bit, at which point the teachers would remember this happened every time and would politely ask me to leave.

What sort of music were your grandparents into?

We have a pianola at my house that we inherited from my grandparents. (I think they eventually just found the whole apparatus quite tedious and shoved it off onto us in the 1990s…) It’s one of those old-timey automated pianos that sort of plays itself with an almost steampunk mechanical combination of pedal power, compressed air and paper scrolls that you hook into the piano itself – and the whole untalented family can pedal their way to a singalong of the now culturally inappropriate hits of the 1920s. Mostly my family uses this as a distraction from meaningful conversation during the holidays – the pianola is unwieldy, loud, and complicated enough to be an obnoxious burden on everyone involved.

When did you start getting into music, and what prompted that interest?

It was during high school. I mean, I’d always had music in my life but I think I started listening to music in a big way around the time I found that having cool taste in music was a great way to impress girls.

Honestly, I think during high school I saw my (frankly, impeccable) taste in music as kind of truer than other people’s,

a sort of artistic and moral superiority to my shithead friends who listened to commercial radio and (I thought) were therefore empty, vacuous morons.

I was a truly insufferable friend during my teens and in many ways, I still am. I’m working on it. I’m very sorry.

Who was your absolute favourite artist during high school?

What sort of memories do you associate with that?

It changed a lot. From Years 7-9 I was really into piano-based alternative music like Ben Folds Five and The Whitlams, then in Year 10 I got into alternative Australian guitar rock like You Am I, Custard, and The Go-Betweens. I spent most of Year 11 listening to Something For Kate’s Echolalia album on repeat, and then I think in my last year of high school I was just listening to The Velvet Underground and Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. I remember summers, climbing on to my various friends’ roofs with a stereo, listening to music and smoking.

If you could go back in time, what would you give the younger version of yourself to listen to? Would you choose the same music?

I think I would have gotten into hip hop earlier. I think as a young teenager I kind of thought hip hop was part of a wider American cultural imperialism that made me sad, not realising how counter-cultural it actually was. I wish I’d bought Ready To Die in 1994 when it came out.

How do you think music has influenced your outlook on life?

Has it had a large impact on getting where you are now?

I think every major period of my life is signposted in my brain by what I was listening to at the time. Catching the bus home from school in Year 12, listening to The Velvet Underground’s ‘Heroin.’ Working late nights in a bottleshop, it was Nikola

Sarcevic’s ‘Lovetrap’, walking on stage at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival to Jay-Z’s ‘Lucifer.’ Those are moments I will remember forever not necessarily because of anything about them, but because of the music.

Do you still play an instrument?

I have perfect pitch and I play a bit of piano still. A very small amount. I fuck around on guitar a bit but I am juuussst terrible.

One of the more embarrassing things I’ve done to woo a girl was write a song for her and sing it to her, guitar in hand. Years later she told me she had actually had a huge crush on me until I sung to her, an experience she described as “I think it would have been creepy if it wasn’t so poorly performed.”

Finally, can you give us your current top 5 track recommendations?

These are all tracks from the past year that I’ve been digging: 1. CHVRCHES – ‘The Mother We Share’. I am so fucking excited to see these guys at Splendour.

2. Highasakite – ‘Since Last Wednesday’. I don’t know if I’ll love this song forever, but it’s filling a Norwegian indie-pop hole in my life for right now. I like the drums in this track.

3. Busta Rhymes – ‘Thank You (Feat. Q-Tip, Lil Wayne & Kanye West)’. I think, the best party track of 2013. Rogue opinion: Busta Rhymes is getting better at rapping the more muscular he becomes.

4. The Family Crest – ‘Beneath The Brine’. This is like a six minute epic cello-powered perfect storm of orchestral indie rock.

5. Future Islands – ‘Seasons’. I was sceptical about this when I first heard it but watch the Letterman performance they did of this song, it’s incredible.

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

PLEASE SIR, MAY WE HAVE SOME MORE? ORPHANS ORPHANS ARE AN UP-AND-COMING BRISBANE COLLABORATION. RACHEL DORN CHEWS THE FAT WITH SPENCER WHITE ABOUT THEIR DEBUT EP, THE POLITICS OF PLAYING IN A BAND OF FRONTMEN, AND THE BRISBANE MUSIC SCENE. With the recent announcement of the 2014 BIGSOUND lineup, we’ve all been anxious to know more about Brisbane’s hefty catalogue of artists to watch. Over the past year, Brisbane has become recognised as a hub for some of the best live music in Australia, churning out a number of bands that have gone on to conquer the airwaves locally and overseas. For bands looking to break onto the scene, BIGSOUND is a big deal, as one of the few festivals that focuses primarily on unearthing new artists. After the attention that followed their debut live show, supporting English psych-rock band Temples earlier this year, Orphans Orphans are one of those bands that we’re looking forward to getting to know a little better.

Spencer White first caught our attention as the elfin frontman of psychedelic five-piece Morning Harvey. He has since begun collaborating with Jungle Giants vocalist Sam Hales, Moses Gunn frontman Aidan Moore, frontman of The Belligerents Lewis Stephenson, and Stephen Kempnich, a former touring member of Last Dinosaurs. A devoted group of musicians, not to mention great friends (and housemates), it seemed only natural that the group join forces as Orphans Orphans: a conceptual, multi-dimensional five-piece with a focus on making the kind of experimental music that “didn’t quite fit the mould” of their other projects. In this sense, the group live up to their name, their debut EP being made up of ‘orphaned’ songs. However, it’s not an EP of B-sides, but a work of seismic shifts that varies from blues to pop to the reverberating guitar

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on their first single ‘Orphan’, one of the EP’s heavier rock ‘n’ roll tracks. White calls me from the backyard of his Brisbane home to chat about writing, touring, and being in a new band.

“I don’t think this band could have come at a better time really, especially for the first EP... there is a big surge towards rock ‘n’ roll in Australian music, as opposed to the general indie-pop and dance sound that’s been really big in Brisbane.

I think the music industry is kind of swinging around, recycling sounds, and putting out rock ‘n’ roll bands with heavier guitar-based sounds.”

The EP, set to launch this September, is mixed by awardwinning Australian music producer Magoo, who has produced for the likes of Regurgitator, Powderfinger, Spiderbait and Jungle Giants. “He knows what works. When we have an idea of how we want a song to sound, he’s already got it realised in his head ... we’re learning a lot working with him,” says White.

The group met through the tight-knit Brisbane music scene and have been close friends for years. “Lewis met Sam at a show, he just introduced himself out of the blue and invited him to one of our parties or something.” At first, says White, making music together was something they did only in their spare time, writing songs and jamming alongside their other musical pursuits. “We had a space just down the road from where we lived that our friends opened as a creative art space

kind of thing, so there were a few nights where we’d just sit in there and jam together.” However, these jams quickly turned into something more, with the band rehearsing and recording a bunch of songs they “had sitting in storage”.

“It was interesting to see everyone bringing all these different songs, what they could write. Sam had a couple of songs that hadn’t necessarily worked with Jungle Giants so we rehearsed on them; it was cool knowing that he had a different vibe going on as well. The songs I brought to the group didn’t fit with the style that Morning Harvey was doing at the time either. A lot of the time it was just us sitting in a room and we’d come up with a song on the spot ... so it’s been a cool experience.”

As White tells me, the conceptual motivation behind the band was to experiment with songs they’d always wanted to play, but couldn’t. The EP explores a number of genres, pushing the boundaries beyond what any of the guys have come up with individually. “I’m usually very restricted with how far I push a song or an idea,” says White. “Now I’m a lot more free with getting my ideas down and recording, so it’s kind of helped our respective bands go above and beyond as well ... it’s helped us shed that neurotic way of recording and writing to fit a particular mould ... not one song is the same.”

Their first single ‘Orphan’ is unlike the Brisbane indie-pop sound associated with bands like The Belligerents and Jungle Giants, but as White suggests, the single’s thumping bluesyrock sound is one of many colours on the band’s palette. “We’ve put out that vibe with the single, but there’s a few songs that are maybe more garage, kind of more rock ‘n’ roll. There’s a few

with a more pop sound too. I think there’s even what you could call a ballad in there somewhere, so it’s pretty different.”

When I ask White what it’s like to work on an EP with a bunch of lead vocalists and songwriters, he laughs. “It’s very much a non-ego environment. At the moment, we all have equal share of the songs. We’ll be rehearsing and someone will bring a song that we’re all really happy with, then another week someone else will come in with a song that’s completely different ... it just works somehow.”

Before the release of their EP, the band is busy developing their live show, what White hopes will be a “seamless performance...we want to work out the set so we don’t take up too much time swapping instruments and things like that, so each transition is pretty tight.” The band recently played their first show supporting Temples, an experience White says “couldn’t have gone better for us”.

On top of their debut EP, Orphans Orphans will play shows in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane later this year. “I personally haven’t played BIGSOUND before, but I think the years the guys have played it were a lot of fun ... pretty much like a three day party with your friends’ bands. You get to see and party with a lot of your favourite local and international bands ... it’s tough work.”

Orphans Orphans’ debut EP is due for release in September this year. More at orphansorphans.com and facebook.com/ orphansorphansorphans

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SHOWCASE: ART

NICKY MINUS

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Nicky Minus is a third year Visual Communication Design student and comic maker obsessed with obscure sexual fetishes and puns. She self publishes zines and comic books, and you can look at her stuff at nickyminuscomics.tumblr.com

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ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SHOWCASE: WRITING

TRAVELLER WORDS BY LILLIAN CROWTHER-GIBSON The boy sits in the back seat with eyes fixed on the horizon.

His mother has barely taken a break since they set out.

Except just once, so the boy could jump out and pee behind a clump of wattle. He listens to the hum of the engine. He listens to the hum of his mother, gently singing a tune. He lets his thoughts drop out of him, so that his mind is filled with nothing but road and sky. As the bloated sun rises, the blue coolness of morning dissipates, and soaks back into the thirsty ground. They pass through bushfire country. Broken land. He watches the scorched earth and naked stumps that scar the edge of the forest. The boy opens his window a crack, thinks he smells smoke.

They drive on.

The tank hits empty just past halfway. There’s a small town ahead, it will have a petrol station and maybe if they’re lucky, a café. The boy waits in the car and squirms under the locals’ glances. A middle-aged couple sitting on a bench watch him.

They are both wearing faded singlets, the woman’s straps cutting into her leather flesh. She scowls and smokes. The mother hurries, Cherry Ripe for being patient. Hit the road. Hit the highway. “What a place,” she says.

Leaving town, the car slows down to a crawl to cross the bridge. It is rickety and the river beneath is a dried up basin full of dust.

“There’s a man over there,” the boy says.

“A man?” His mother’s eyes don’t wander off the road.

“There’s a man over there, waving.”

He wears a light suit with a shirt not yet stained red by the

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dust. He is waving one arm at the car, a signal. At first the mother might speed up, not look at him. But something makes her pull over.

The boy sees her carefully wind down the window. He watches her back bend silently towards the opening. Ask questions. He leans deep into his chair. Stomach clenches, uneasy. Roll the toy car back along the seam. He wishes now he had stayed quiet. He almost hadn’t said anything, but he had thought for a moment that the man had been waving at him. The boy catches fragments.

“Yeah, a wedding.”

“I don’t know… my son with me.”

“Emergency, that’s all.”

The boy watches the stranger’s mouth. Pink lips soft as lilies, teeth white as the pale sky. Car door slaps closed. Seat dips.

Heady aftershave wafts, soft and musky and strangely sweet.

Over-ripe fruit, or rotting flowers. The car rumbles forward onto the highway. Silence falls, broken by the man’s soft breaths. He isn’t from here. He is skinny and his skin is too white, his suit too fine. He doesn’t speak and the boy watches the charred earth rushing by for a long time, lost in thoughts and wary of the closeness between his body and the man.

“Where are you two headed?”

“Dorrigo.”

“That’s a long way from here.”

It is midday now. Air in the car is lukewarm and headachy despite the air conditioning. The boy cannot escape rivulets of sun pouring in his window. The Cherry Ripe sticks to his throat

and makes him cough. He wants water but doesn’t ask, the bottle somewhere at the man’s feet, so that he would have no choice but to turn around and give it to him. The heat vibrates, pulses against the thick glass window. Throbs inside his head in a metallic haze. He wonders how long it will be.

driving.” Her muscles tighten and she says something low and fast, the boy can’t understand. “Keep on driving,” the man repeats. The boy watches his mother. He feels sick. Confused.

The car stops.

“Out.”

After time has passed the man starts shifting around in his seat. The boy can’t see what he is doing. He is watching his mother’s face. She is stony silence. There is a heavy breathing in the car. The boy sees his mother look down at the man’s lap.

She whips her head back up, disgusted. The boy feels unwell.

His throat is dry and he is suddenly afraid. The man stretches back and for a moment, fills up the car with his male stench and long, crisp arms. Heavy presence.

“Want to see something?”

The mother glances over at him. “What is it?”

The man laughs a short black bark that shatters the stagnant air. He twists his body around and looks at the boy. Looks at his littleness. The boy says nothing. Frozen. He looks at his mother whose lips are squeezed tight together in a smile, so tight they are thin white lines. The man laughs. Sits straight up in his chair. Fear creeps in. Out of nowhere. The man puts his hands back in his lap. The boy can’t see much but he can hear him breathing, heavy and jagged. He thinks he can hear his mother’s heart beating, thrumming against the walls of the car. Beating out a panicked shove against the man who is not what he promised, who is here inside the car with her son.

The car speeds up. The boy looks out the window. He feels the tension on his mother, a warm sweat. He sees the man’s hand reaching towards her lap, cold fingers. Gentle as moths. “Keep

The man smiles at the crack in her breathed words. He doesn’t flinch. The mother reaches back and the boy hands her the weapon. Lying by his side, ready.

“Get out.”

The order cracks like a bullet through the car and the boy jolts, eyes brim with tears. The man stops smiling, takes his bag and steps back onto the road. They leave him in a cloud of dust. The boy looks back and swallows down sobs. The mother reaches back, puts the gun in its place. “I’m sorry I picked him up,” she says. “Some people aren’t right. Can’t tell sometimes.” The boy chokes loudly, breaks the stillness that has descended.

“You said you wouldn’t use it. Not unless it was him after us.”

She closes her eyes. Looks at the sky. “He’ll come.”

They drive on, a stream of dust. The boy looks back and wonders what will happen. They don’t stop for miles.

Lillian Crowther-Gibson is a Writing and Cultural Studies / Bachelor of Law student. She is currently writing a short series exploring the Australian bush, and the subtle elements of power it holds over those who travel through it.

CULTURE / 45

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

SHOWCASE: POETRY

BETWEEN ATTRACTION WORDS BY ELLA SKILBECK-PORTER Walk the line, rather Tiptoe, daredevil, along a thin pipe Over empty, cemented canal And feel the breeze sway you.

Edge along, and smell the air!

Acutely aware of the sharp salt The bougainvillea blossom that swells Along metallic meshed fence.

Daredevil stands and watches Acutely aware of feet which aren’t passerine.

Of arms which aren’t wings.

Of weight more than a feather.

Of descent – Of an instinctual feel of the fall Instinctual survival Instinct gets you halfway between attraction and –

Ella Skilbeck-Porter is in her fifth year of a Communications and International Studies degree, majoring in Creative Writing and French. She is currently dressed in three jumpers and peeling an orange in front of a heater.

46 / CULTURE

REVIEWS: MUSIC & FILMS

DIE! DIE! DIE! - S W I M

THE LAST IMPRESARIO

SOUNDS LIKE: HINTS OF THE NOISE ROCK OF SONIC YOUTH WITH THE EXPERIMENTAL AIR OF MY DISCO AND THE DEAD C.

If someone asked you to tell them everything you knew about Michael White, they could hardly blame you for responding with a blank look. The man isn’t exactly a household name, despite the fact that without his fearlessness and hard work, the worlds of cinema, theatre, music and art would not exist as they do today. It’s for this reason that the charming and influential impresario has often been referred to as “the most famous person you’ve never heard of”.

S W I M (appropriated from the acronym ‘Someone Who Isn’t Me’) is the fifth album from New Zealand punk/noise pop trio Die! Die! Die!. The album extends the group’s sound into new territory – combining jagged guitar riffs and complex drum beats with distorted, echoing vocals. A refusal to create a streamlined sound throughout this album provides an everchanging listening experience and a track listing that lacks the repetitive similarity of most albums.

S W I M’s unique sound begins with the first two tracks ‘Swim’ and ‘Out of Mind’. A series of rolling guitar riffs and a distorted echoing gives the album’s opening a bleak, ambient sound.

Other tracks, such as ‘Best’, ‘Get Hit’ and ‘Jealousy’ draw upon drum and bass foundations, which reconnects with the band’s 2012 album Harmony. ‘Angel’, ‘Trigger’ and ‘Mirror’ are a trio of catchy songs that add new dimensions to an already incredibly diverse album.

In S W I M, a natural progression can be seen from Die! Die! Die!’s previous work. However, original fans will not be disappointed, as the album retains the band’s unique blend of noise-pop – albeit with a range of experimentations. A band whose sound is difficult to pinpoint, they seem to have found their niche in this album, a sound which provides something new with every listen.

Words by Alex Dalland

Australian director, producer, actress and writer Gracie Otto met White by chance at the Cannes Film Festival in 2010, and became fascinated by his life and work. A series of self-funded interviews and shoots followed, through which Otto began to compile the material that would eventually become The Last Impresario. The film explores the life of White, who worked closely with the likes of John Cleese, Naomi Watts, Kate Moss and Yoko Ono – and in many cases helped them rise to fame.

The documentary is captivating, and the interview subjects are warm and honest in their recollections of White, who is a delight on camera, especially when reflecting on his early years, as he flips through old photo albums in a haze of nostalgia.

The camera work is clearly low budget, which only adds a sense of honesty and homeliness to the film. The charming interviews are broken up with archival footage that complements the production beautifully, giving it a further element of believability, while also adding to the glamorous Hollywood aesthetic the film presents.

The Last Impresario will leave a smile on your face. Even after exiting the cinema, it’s hard to shake the image of the eccentric and youthful visionary from your mind. If anything, the film will reshape your views on art and culture, making you wonder why on earth you’ve never encountered the name Michael White – the most famous person you’ve never heard of.

Words by June Murtagh

CULTURE / 47

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

REVIEWS: OP-SHOPS

INNER SYDNEY OP-SHOPS Salvos (aka Tempe Tip) 7 Bellevue Street, St Peters NSW 2044 For some reason I always have faith in this place, thinking, “This time I’ll find something worth buying.” I almost always get something stupid and come out super stressed. It is exciting opening the doors and seeing the overwhelming amount of clothes, but after looking around you’ll notice there’s fierce competition for anything good. At least five to six hipsters walk around with faces showing intense concentration. Prices can also get a bit high – these guys know the value of a good coat or pair of shoes. So, if you want to come here, the earlier the better. If you can find out what time or days new shipments of clothing arrive, I’d keep that damn valuable information to yourself, you lucky bastard.

Anglicare 105 Carlton Crescent, Summer Hill NSW 2130 I have a profound respect for this op shop – $8 for a kilo of whatever the hell you want. The more effort you put in here, the more you’re going to get out of it. This shop has buckets and buckets of clothes. You actually need to put your bag down on the floor, turn your phone off and dig through. I usually make a pile of clothes on the floor – and yes – be prepared to fight for the good stuff. Some items will smell weird but make sure to maintain your energy – bring a muesli bar or something. For those of you who are feeling lazy, don’t even bother with the bins – go to the shop on the left. The sweet ol’ grannies have gone through the insane amount of junk themselves, hanging up some of the clothes that are in good condition in a more ‘respectable’ manner. You can search through this area like a civilised human. They have some great finds: vintage fur coats, flares, leather items. You’ll pay extra, but at least you can keep your dignity. For those who prefer to go through the bins – respect. I don’t mind getting down and dirty either.

48 / CULTURE

Smith Family Store 4A/452 Princes Highway, Rockdale NSW 2216 This is a new one for me. I didn’t even know where Rockdale was, but I’d heard some great things. Walking in, I saw the same cheap-looking dress five times in a row. This is the kind of depressing op shop that has partnerships with unfashionable brands who donate items they can’t sell – jumpers and dresses that are a bit too bright or covered in tacky embellishments. Not cheap either, around $10 for a jumper. I did get a fluke purchase here though – a vintage silver ring for $8. Maybe worth checking out if your expectations aren’t too high.

Vinnies 445 Princes Highway, Rockdale NSW 2216 I saw this from the Smith Family Store, so I walked across the road. I didn’t even know it existed. Bucket-loads of very wearable jumpers, some good basics, and a few other interesting items too. They have made an attempt to create a retro rack, but the good real vintage clothes were scattered around the shop. I spent a good half hour in here, but didn’t actually find anything quite worth buying. I’d say this Vinnies has potential, but probably not anymore now you lot know about it. You’re welcome.

Words by Grace Stephenson

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WORDS BY ANNE DREW-BOLT The Minister for Extra-Terrestrial Affairs (and the Environment) Greg Hunt has recently unveiled a shocking report from his Department of Misfits and Crackpot Scientists, which shows damning evidence that Senator Clive Palmer is in fact the first of an alien race sent to conquer Earth through a populist policy. Reactions to the report were at first sceptical, with fellow ministers describing Hunt’s departments as targeting “figments of the imagination of drug-addled hippies like Al Gore and climate

WORDS BY PATRICK BOYLE Erik Berggren is forty, bald yet bearded, and has flashing, sporadic greying teeth and undeniably shrimp-like eyes. Easily mistakable as a member of Sydney’s homeless community, Erik claims to have spent the last eighteen months living inside IKEA, Tempe. He recently contacted The Defamer as a self-proclaimed whistleblower.

And we’re desperate for stories.

Like, really desperate.

Once a loyal employee, Erik was terminated by the Swedish

scientists.”

However, audio recordings have surfaced in which Palmer describes Earth as “unsettled” and jokes about the irony of his planting cultural myths about asylum seekers to create policies that are “so devoid of humanity that not even Putin could support them”, when Palmer himself is the “OG Alien”.

The report from Hunt’s department – dubbed Probing Palmer – also pointed to Palmer’s attempts to recreate both Jurassic Park and the Titanic, as part of a large-scale

furniture cartel when found joking with a customer about confusing assembly instructions.

Erik resolved to complete his shift, but never left the premises. “IKEA had become home, so it just felt natural.” Mild agoraphobia and an excess of free time encouraged Erik to slink between departments at night, sleeping when possible and reflexively neatening showroom displays. His days are spent roaming alongside other customers and recovering halfeaten dollar hotdogs.

AUGUST 2014

development to turn all of Earth into a museum for galactic tourists.

Alarmingly, the report has actually increased public approval for Palmer, with humanity seemingly ecstatic to hand over the responsibility for the future of the planet to

literally anyone else.

I for one welcome our alien overlords, and would like to point out that in the genocide to come, a trusted, corrupt and morally bankrupt journalist will be the perfect opiate for the masses.

Exploring the cafeteria recently, Erik allegedly witnessed a shopping-cart full of kids being wheeled into the kitchen.

“At closing time there’s always forgotten kids in the ball pit.

Usually Mum comes cryin’ back and I always assumed the rest were released back into the wild.”

Upon investigating further, Erik saw these children being fed unceremoniously into the grinder and being turned into delicious, dubious meatballs. Reflecting The Defamer’s sentiment, Erik said,

“I sure love those meatballs, but would prefer non-human meat.”

Unsurprisingly, IKEA denied these claims, ensuring us they use “Only the finest quality horse meat for all our meat goods.”

Swedish Ambassador, Sven-Olof Petersson disregarded Erik’s story as an “affront to his homeland” and “insulting to ergonomic desk chairs everywhere.” IKEA security staff have since placed a bounty on Berggren’s head, offering a $500 kitchenware voucher if returned dead or alive.

We wish Erik luck in evading capture, but will continue feasting on the dubious meatballs until the evidence outweighs temptation.

FRINGE / 51

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

ROOKIE’S GUIDE: COMMON COURTESY

FOR MANY OF US, PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS A NECESSITY – CRAMMED IN BETWEEN TOTAL STRANGERS, THINGS CAN QUICKLY TURN UGLY AS PEOPLE FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL FOR SEATS AND THE SANCTITY OF A QUIET CARRIAGE. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. LARISSA BRICIS GIVES YOU HOPE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE, FILLED WITH PLEASES AND THANK YOUS. Public transport is where good manners, and indeed civility, go to die. And boy is it a dramatic, GoT-style apocalyptic death. Human beings seem to be at their shittiest when crammed into tiny carriages on the train, bus, or tram.

Skipping queues, swiping seats, ignoring the obvious discomfort of others, intense eye contact, and blatant avoidance of civilities – and that’s a good day.

I once fainted on a crowded bus and not one fellow commuter – not even the guy who watched me fall down – expressed vague concern, or helped me up. Because I know that there are many more fainting fair maidens, and because I occasionally believe in the inherent goodness of humankind, I know that observing common courtesy means that not every trip has to be a nightmare.

For those of us who missed a traditional Victorian education, or the supreme honour of attending a finishing school, here are some quick cheats.

Ps & Qs, please and thank you Being polite to others is, well, just really nice. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ can make someone else a little bit happier.

Answering questions with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, rather than a Neanderthal’s grunts, demonstrates that you value other people as living, breathing human beings, which is always a nice touch.

Tip: PLEASE use this in other situations, particularly retail.

You could even make that waiter with frown lines deeper than the Grand Canyon smile, if only briefly.

52 / FRINGE

Super tip: Manners and charm have always been sexy. Being courteous and polite could help you to score a new lover (if you’re looking for one).

Hygiene I hate to say it, but your mother/wet nurse was right on this one. Don’t know about you, but standing on a peak hour train with a fellow passenger who’s mistaken you for a pole to grind up on/shoulder to drool on isn’t exactly the life-affirming experience that saturates my dreams.

This may come as a shock to some, but spitting, sneezing, sweating, and dribbling are actions best kept to oneself. Your body is not a gift everyone wants.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Please don’t make me repeat this one – respect your fellow commuters. They’re human beans, sentient beings just like you. Do simple things like holding the door for somebody, or moving your bag off its own personal seat. You never know, you might just reaffirm someone’s faith in humanity, damming the floodwaters of their existential despair.

Perhaps that cranky old person next to you will turn out to be a cranky old billionaire, and invite you to summer at their Tuscan villa. And really, that’s the ultimate goal of politeness – extravagant and unlikely personal gain. We live in hope.

So get the basics right – when you can see that you’ve offended somebody, apologise. When somebody looks upset, don’t ignore it. If somebody looks sick, do what you can to help them. Be kind to one another, kiddos. It’s a big, tough world.

GRAD’S GUIDE: NURSING

PETER’S GUIDE TO #GRADLYF PETER LILLEY IS AN ICU NURSE – OTHERWISE KNOWN AS A SUPERHUMAN WITH INFINITE STAMINA AND AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO SAVE LIVES – AT ROYAL PRINCE ALFRED HOSPITAL. HE TOOK SOME TIME TO TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT POST-UTS LIFE. Of all the careers in the world, why did you choose nursing?

I wanted to choose a profession that was deeply personal and highly important to people’s lives. In my later high school years, I was addicted to the television series M*A*S*H. I chose to do my work experience during high school in a High Dependency Unit in a hospital. It was during this time that I witnessed firsthand that nursing was a profession that seemed to perfectly marry the science of the human body and the art of caring for vulnerable people. I wanted to be part of that.

What does it mean to be a nurse in the ICU? To keep it simple, the ICU is a place where the sickest people are cared for. The intensive care specialty involves a variety of supportive therapies that protects a person’s body during the worst stages of their illness in order to provide the greatest opportunity for survival possible. Intensive care nurses spend most of the time monitoring a patient and responding to changes in their condition, examining their body systems, titrating life-saving drugs and tweaking equipment that the patient’s life depends on. ICU nurses care for their patient’s body in every other way possible. In addition, nurses perform critical aspects of other areas of allied health, and at times also need to be equal parts physiotherapist, speech pathologist, dietician and social worker.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY PEITA KEILAR

What do you love most about your job?

In intensive care, you see an extraordinary side of human life. The ICU environment is very scientific and continually causes me to reflect on the remarkable complexity of the human body. I am continually amazed that I can watch immediate physiological changes in response to treatment interventions in real-time. It is an exciting time for intensive

care medicine as the last decade has seen an enormous development in many life-saving treatments that have resulted from blossoming research and technology in the field.

While at work, I have resuscitated the life back into people, restored breathing to people who were suffocating, injected adrenaline into someone’s left ventricle and felt what a head feels like when the bone has been removed. Putting the fun medical science aside, nurses have a hard job, an enormous responsibility, and are exposed to a lot of human suffering. In my short time working in the ICU, I have encountered more human suffering and death than most people will see in a lifetime. These have been my most rewarding life experiences and I consider it an unspeakable privilege to care for someone in their last moments of life.

Looking back, what advice would you give your first-year self?

I would tell my first-year self to develop a strong support network among my peers to allow me to debrief from my clinical placements, and to encourage my peers to practice as ethical clinicians in the workplace.

How has UTS prepared you for a career in ICU nursing?

UTS offers a great nursing program. Top-notch teachers who are also frontier clinicians, as well as very life-like simulations and equipment that brings the hospital into the classroom made my time at UTS a valuable learning experience. You only really have one opportunity to learn the foundations and science of nursing practice, and that’s at university.

FRINGE / 53

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

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STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION

COLLECTIVES REPORTS

Wom*n’s Report Over the break, a few members of the UTS Wom*n’s collective travelled to Perth for the annual Network of Women Students Australia (NOWSA) conference. Over five days, these UTS wom*n joined other wom*n from various universities around the country to discuss the varied and intersecting oppressions wom*n face today, and to brainstorm different ways we can disrupt institutionalised oppression together.

Others of us have been busy organising with Students For Wom’n-Only Services: a newly established group of students dedicated to fighting funding cuts to independent wom*n’s refuges and health services in the Sydney and NSW area. To see what we’ve been up to, or to join the protests, visit us at facebook.com/studentsforsos Everything is running smoothly around the Wom*n’s Space.

Our mini library is growing slowly but steadily, and hopefully by the time this summary goes to print we will have catalogued the fifty-odd books in our small collection. If you have any gender/queer theory, race theory, political science or other wom*n-focused books to donate (or sell for a small price!), please email utswomenscollective@gmail.com UTS Wom*n’s Collective

Postgrad Report Hi everyone, it’s been a busy semester in Postgradland! I met with lots of people and spoke at several events as well as doing plenty of administrative work required to restart the Department after so many years. We affiliated the Students’ Association to the Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations (CAPA), who has already been very helpful with support, advice, connections and posters! I advocated for students of a badly run course and I reminded the Students’ Association at every turn that they represent Postgrads as well as undergrads. I also worked to support another local Postgrad Association which has been attacked by its university.

This semester is shaping up to be even bigger! In August we’re opening nominations for the Postgrad Department’s first Board, which will be elected at our grand Launch event at the end of August! Then in early September we’ll be hosting the NSW leg of CAPA’s Roadshow, before attending the Mature Age Students’ conference and the CAPA conference.

All postgrads are welcome at any and all of these events except the Roadshow, for which you’ll have to get onto the Board!

Throughout all that, we’ll be reminding the uni of our existence with posters and tshirts, and working on building campaigns for occasional childcare, improving access to conference grants for research students... and whatever else you think is a Postgrad issue! Together we can improve Postgrad life at UTS. If you have any ideas or questions, or simply want to be kept in the loop, contact me at utssa.pg@gmail.com or join the UTSSA Postgrad Collective facebook page. I’m looking forward to meeting you all!

Kate Alway Postgraduate Officer UTS Students’ Association

FRINGE / 55

VERTIGO

ISSUE SIX: MISFITS

STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION

PRESIDENT’S REPORT

I hope my president reports are still being read. I missed one, due to illness. Depression really sucks. Give yourself a treat if you’re feeling blue. Eat a tub of ice cream, or delay your study by 6 months. Just don’t hurt yourself.

Mental health is everywhere. You know more young people don’t seek help, almost 3 times more than who do seek help?

No wonder emo was so big when you’re a teen, how else are you meant to channel it?

They don’t really teach you much in school, except how to be good in society. Why didn’t I learn how to do my taxes in school?

Or even learn to cook more than 2 meals. Noodles don’t count. I would die without my microwave.

Why do I even need to complain about Tony Abbott? Hasn’t Australia got the gist already? Politicians suck. Liberal politicians suck SO MUCH MORE, but they all just suck. The next major elections are next March, where they’ll be a State election. Enrol now, because voting is important. Apparently.

Young people are either apathetic blobs or hypo-radicalferals according to the media OR the 2 or 3 people that control Australian media.

Sexism exists. The Patriarchy fucks all genders over, but men less so than wom*n, and wom*n less so than trans* gender people.

Thorpie had to come out on television. Why was that a story?

Why wasn’t he just left alone from the beginning – two decades ago?

We also stigmatise mental health issues. It’s a lot harder to take a sick day because of depression than it is a running nose.

The point is that we’re working hard on supporting you in the UTSSA but sometimes we fall a little short, and sometimes we don’t address your problems, and sometimes we aren’t tackling the issues you want in the way you want. We’re still trying.

We need more students who aren’t afraid of rubbing someone the wrong way, or don’t back down when the university

56 / FRINGE

threatens their education by raising their fees or cuts their tutors jobs because gender studies is irrelevant, apparently.

We need you in our student union.

Battling with mental health can be super hard. I’m a bit tired of playing the role of your student union president and being a shiny, perfect doll to make the university proud in TV interviews and newspaper articles. Halfway through the year and I feel like not a single dent has been made at UTS, because the university has their own corporate intentions – that aren’t really working for me. They should be listening to us. They should be working with us. We should have more control than this, because if there’s one person who has the understanding of what UTS fucked up on in my classes and admin and safety on campus is me – the student. I’ve studied my ass off, I’ve committed my time to this university and all we get is a chance to rant once a semester into a online form that can be read, analysed and ignored.

This world is being eroded and all some people can talk about is their credit average. Whatever dude, P’s get degrees. I’m here to learn life, and to make an impact. Not leave with a stamped, $30k piece of paper.

Email president@utsstudentsassociation.org if you felt anything whilst reading this, other than indigestion.

Andy Zephyr President UTS Students’ Association president@utsstudentsassociation.org

STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION

STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION

EDUCATION VICE PRESIDENT REPORT

SECRETARY REPORT

For those who’ve been out of the loop, university HECS fees and interest rates are set to increase dramatically under the Abbott government’s proposed deregulation of the university sector.

Welcome back everyone!

If you’re reading this you’ve probably already seen some of the leaflets floating around or talked to someone, like the students helping staff out on the picket lines for their day of industrial action at the start of semester.

If you think that the massive increases in fees, interest and massive cuts to welfare are a worry, you can help the campaign against these deeply unpopular reforms (polling shows 69% opposition to the cuts in marginal electorates) by doing one of two things:

The SRC didn’t have many meetings over the holidays, but our departments have been busy working on events and initiatives for semester two. Topics covered in our meetings since last issue of Vertigo were: •

• •

• Firstly, wear a red square. Members of the Education Action Group will be handing out red felt squares and safety pins as part of the international Squarely in the Red campaign against spiralling student debt. By showing your open opposition to the cuts you can help spread the message among your peers about the impact the cuts will have on them and education in the future.

Secondly, come along to our student Bust the Budget action on August 20, 2.30PM outside UTS tower. The previous rally attracted several thousand students and stuck the story of the opposition to university reforms in the forefront of the media for several days.

The Senate is so far blocking these destructive changes, but with unpredictable crossbenchers in the balance of power, who knows how long that will last. If students keep up the visible pressure, we’ll make it clear that voting for these stupid reforms is an electoral liability.

Chris Gall Education Vice-President UTS Students’ Association education@utsstudentsassociation.org

• •

• • • •

Conference budget policies: we are formalising policies for funding students going to conferences to make things fairer for everyone Passing conference funding and travel reimbursements Welfare department infrastructure including Student Survival Centre carts- watch out for these around campus this semester New Vertigo stands so you can find Vertigo in the new buildings Vertigo printing (yay!)

Affiliation fees to CAPA (the Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations, which represents postgrads on a national level) Reportbacks on the social media policy drafting and the Secondhand Bookshop IT Tendering Process Students Thinking Outside Borders event expenses Students for Women Only Services campaign endorsement Staff hiring: the SRC has begun the process of finding a new staff member to provide casework and advocacy services to students

Remember to contact me if you have any ideas for things you’d like changed around campus, your Students’ Association is here to help!

Andie Yates Secretary UTS Students Association secretary@utsstudentsassociation.org

FRINGE / 57

UTS STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION’S

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Gurrumul’s most popular songs and music from his new album, played with the SSO and illuminated by images from his life on a giant screen.

WITH SPECIAL GUEST

DEWAYNE EVERETTSMITH

Fri 5 Sep 8pm Sat 6 Sep 8pm

BOOK NOW TICKETS FROM $39* CALL 8215 4600 MON–FRI 9AM–5PM

*Selected performances. Booking fees of $7.50 – $8.95 may apply.

SCI-FI CLASSICS

An exhilarating ride through the very best music from classic Sci-Fi. Hear blockbuster themes from Star Trek, Star Wars, X-Men, Batman, Lost in Space, Avatar, Doctor Who and many more.

Resistance is futile!

GUY NOBLE conductor WITH VOCAL ENSEMBLE CANTILLATION

Fri 12 Sep 8pm Sat 13 Sep 8pm ALL CONCERTS AT THE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE TICKETS ALSO AVAILABLE AT SYDNEYOPERAHOUSE.COM 9250 7777 MON-SAT 9AM-8.30PM SUN 10AM-6PM