Volume 6: Goldilocks

In My Solitude: From Summertime to Autumn Leaves

Goldilocks

by Katie Kelly

Reimagining Retro Romance: An Interview with Sapphic Storyteller Jenifer Prince by Ashley Sullivan

The Crosses We Bear by Georgia Hearn

Acknowledgement of Country Acknowledgement of Country

The University of Technology Sydney would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation as the Traditional Custodians and Knowledge Keepers of the land on which UTS now stands, and pays respect to Elders past, present, and emerging.

- Maree Graham

Deputy Director, Students, and Community Engagement Jumbunna Institute for Indigenous Education & Research

Vertigo would like to extend a personal acknowledgement to the Traditional Custodians and Knowledge Keepers of the land on which we lived and worked as editors and designers during the creation of this magazine. We pay respect to Elders past, present, and emerging, and extend this respect to any First Nations’ people reading this volume.

As students, we must acknowledge the Indigenous contributions to academia that have enriched our understanding of Australian history and culture. We exist on stolen land, and recognise that sovereignty has never been ceded.

Jess Prowse would like to acknowledge the Gundungurra and Dharug people of the Ngurra Nation.

Alexander Kingsford would like to acknowledge the Cammeraygal people of the Eora Nation.

Andy Lee, Clara Atkin, and Joey Chalita would like to acknowledge the Dharug people of the Eora Nation.

Ashley Sullivan would like to acknowledge the Burramattagal and Dharug people of the Eora Nation.

Sophia Ramos would like to acknowledge the Boolbainora clan of the Dharug peoples.

Siena Zadro and Joseph Hathaway-Wilson would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation.

If it is within your means, please consider donating to an Indigenous organisation such as:

Blak Business — “Bringing together information, knowledge and resources to facilitate broader learning and discussion about Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander topics.” — blakbusiness.com.au

IndigenousX — Indigenous media organisation — Indigenousx.com.au

Seed — Fighting for climate justice — Seedmob.org.au

Black Rainbow — Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, Sistergirl and Brotherboy (LGBQTI+SB) Organisation — blackrainbow.org.au

ANTaR — An advocacy organisation dedicated to justice, rights and respect for Australia’s First Peoples — antar.org.au

More organisations can be found here: thelatch.com.au/indigenousorganisations-to-donate-to

Content Warning Content Warning

Vertigo readers should be advised that there are content warnings before relevant pieces. Some articles and images contain themes or references to mental ill-health, death, homophobia, transphobia, discrimination, and sexual references Please keep this in mind as you enjoy our magazine; your health and safety are important to us.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please consider speaking to your local GP, a healthcare professional, or calling one of the numbers below.

Lifeline — 13 11 14

Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636

If you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced sexual abuse, you can call or refer to the following confidential hotlines.

General — 1800 737 732 Counselling — 1800 211 028 Crisis Centre — 1800 424 017

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or child abuse, call or refer to the following 24/7 confidential free hotlines.

Domestic Violence Line — 1800 656 463 NSW Child Protection Helpline — 13 21 11

If you are struggling with self-injurious behaviour, such as self-harming or an eating disorder, please reach out to the following:

Butterfly Foundation — (02) 9412 4499

If you, or someone you know, is struggling with or has struggled with drug or alcohol abuse, please consider speaking to your local GP, a healthcare professional, or calling the numbers below.

ADIS — 1800 250 015

NSW Quitline — 13 7848 (13 QUIT)

Available Monday to Friday: 7 a.m. to 10:30 p.m.

Available Saturday, Sunday and public holidays: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Editors’ Letter Editors’ Letter

Editors' Question

What did you do as a child that makes you cringe?

JESS: I referred to myself as Mrs (Niall) Horan at age 12.

SOPHIA: I used to think that using a computer while it was raining would electrocute me…

SIENA: I sang Opera in front of the class in year one for show and tell.

CLARA: I made my family pull over in front of Ashton Irwin’s high school so I could take a picture in front of it.

JOSEPH: I auditioned for a Performing Arts school (and got in).

JOEY: I thought I was ‘the chosen one’ cause I looked like Harry Potter. I was sad I wasn’t an orphan :(

ASHLEY: I willingly sang ‘Harry Potter in 99 seconds’ with a group of friends in front of my grade during primary school.

ALEXANDER: I basically wore all my grandfather’s second-hand clothing on my first day of highschool. This included the complementary bowler hat.

ANDY: I would steal sand from the playground in a ziploc bag. I also don’t know why.

illustration by Andy Lee

Student News

Arts & Lifestyle

Showcase

by Isla Cornish Brown

The Crosses We Bear by Georgia Hearn

According to ‘Locked out of Youth Allowance: Student poverty + Centrelink in Australia’, over 450,000 students aged between 18 – 21 can’t access Youth Allowance payments due to Centrelink’s Age of Independence being set at 22.

Meanwhile, those who can access the payments are still paid $273 below the poverty line each week.

SO, WHAT MAKES YOU INDEPENDENT?

Young adults under the age of 22 who wish to have full access to the payment must prove themselves to be independent from their parents’ income and assets.

StudentsLocked Out of Youth Allowance.

By Bronte Skinner

According to Centrelink, applicants must meet one of the

Are in a situation where it is unreasonable for them to live at home

• Have parents who can’t look after them

• Are in state care, including foster care

• Are a refugee whose parents don’t live in Australia

• Are an orphan

• Are in “certain education or employment circumstances”

The last criteria requires applicants to have worked for at least 30 hours per week for 12 months, not be living at home, and not be getting direct or indirect financial support from parents.

Applicants who cannot prove their “independence” are considered by Centrelink to be dependent on their parent’s income. Their final opportunity to obtain dependent youth allowance is to undergo both a parental means test and a personal income test. According to Centrelink's parental income test, if they and their parents earn more than $56,137 combined, their payments are reduced by 20 cents for every dollar over this amount.

To clarify, an applicant who makes only $10,000 in a year and whose single mother makes only $50,000 won’t be eligible for dependent youth allowance because they earn a combined $60,000.

SO, WHAT’S THE ISSUE?

According to National Union of Students President Georgie Beatty, “[Centrelink] sees you as dependent on your parents, and they assume that your parents are giving you a little cash in your hand, which we know isn't true for the majority of students.”

“That is the massive flaw in the system. Even if your parents are eligible, and most of the time they aren't eligible, then you've got to go through these ridiculously traumatising processes to try and gain independence.”

The NUS report shows that the barriers to the Youth Allowance have significantly impacted student’s financial wellbeing, mental health, and experience of their education. Queer students and students who have experienced domestic violence have been hit the hardest by these barriers. According to Beatty, the lack of financial aid exacerbates these students’ vulnerable situations.

“What we found was that there are a lot of students who – as a result of being part of the LGBTQIA+

community – had faced discrimination, been kicked out of home, or were afraid of their parents, and who then had to come crawling back with forms so that they were then able to access Youth Allowance,” Ms Beatty says.

Additional flaws in Centrelink’s system include the fact that Youth Allowance is not valued against rising living costs. Even Commonwealth Rent Assistance payments do not match the realities of renting in Australia. According to Anglicare Australia, 0% of rental properties were affordable for young people on Youth Allowance. 1

AND THE SOLUTION?

Beatty would like to see Youth Allowance measured by the Consumer Price Index (CPI), an indicator of inflation and the price of living in the current economy.

“You can't really be a student at the moment unless you have a laptop and all these other things which are expensive. When you come from a low socio-economic background, all of these add extra barriers,” she says. “What we’re seeing is full-time university education being a luxury that many students can't afford.”

The report concludes by recommending that the Australian government lower the Centrelink Age of Independence from 22 to 18, lift Youth Allowance payments to above the poverty line, adjust Youth Allowance with the cost of living, and update rent assistance payments in line with market rents.

1 - 2022 Rental Affordability Snapshot

Celebrating & colour, culture, cartoons a conversation with

by Humberto Cruz

Illustrations

Interview by Ashley Sullivan

Celebrating cartoons Humberto Cruz

Passionate about all things pop culture, Humberto Cruz is a San Diego-based graphic designer and illustrator whose work embraces the unbridled imagination and vibrancy of childhood. A mixture of hand-drawn art, digital collages, and spray paint, his Instagram account, @iscreamcolour, is a joyful homage to the music, cartoons, and fashion of the ‘80s and ‘90s. Vertigo had the pleasure of speaking with Cruz about the influences behind his colourful work, his inner child, and the therapeutic power of art.

CW: Mental ill-health

V: Your studio account, @iscreamcolour, has over 149k Instagram followers and boasts a brightly coloured feed of quirky collages and motivational messages. How did your design career begin?

HC: I’ve been drawing since I can remember. I studied graphic design in San Diego, and that’s when I started working on digital illustrations. I feel like my style took a different direction over five years ago. I wanted to show more of my personality in my drawings without thinking about whether people were going to like it.

V: Can you walk us through your creative process?

HC: I always need music! That’s my only rule. I like pop, ‘90s rock, Latin, and French music. Bad Bunny always puts me in the mood to design!

I like drawing on paper with markers or on my iPad. It often depends on my mood, as I don’t plan what I will draw ahead of time.

V: How does childhood nostalgia influence your designs?

HC: That freedom of drawing like a child is still within me. I don’t want to draw a perfect circle because it’s not who I am. My work is made of mistakes and happiness.

V: Which artists have influenced your works?

HC: Yayoi Kusama and Andy Warhol. Both are very different artists, but both are very pop. I like Kusama’s colourful work, which is very repetitive and modern. I love Andy Warhol’s early work, all of his hand-drawn sketches.

V: You’ve worked with brands and artists like Chanel, Apple Music, MTV, Zara, Benee, and David Guetta. How does it feel to see your work receive such positive attention from huge names?

HC: I couldn’t believe it at first! It’s been a dream come true. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it.

Everything takes determination and hard work.

I do this because it’s my passion, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else with my life.

Images provided by Humberto Cruz

V: As well as pop culture, colourful creatures and cute doodles are a mainstay of your designs. How have cartoons influenced your work?

HC: ‘80s cartoons were the best! I probably spent too much time watching cartoons as a kid as we didn’t have cell phones or the internet. Alvin and the Chipmunks, Jem, and Dennis the Menace are my favourites.

V: Your designs are an explosion of positivity, with many sharing encouraging messages about self-love and confidence. How do you use art to uplift people?

HC: After experiencing a panic attack about five years ago, I started focusing more on my mental health. It was a scary experience, and I realised I needed to change my lifestyle. I was working too much and worrying a lot about my future, but I wasn’t paying attention to the present. The quote, “Trust the process, everything takes time”, inspires me all the time. It’s a reminder that we should slow down and enjoy each moment in life.

I began writing positive messages for myself, and then I started posting them on my Instagram. I hope they help people a little. It’s a reminder that we’re not alone and that things will get better.

V: What emotions do you want your designs to evoke in viewers?

HC: All of them. But the most important one is love. I draw some mischievous characters to remind myself that it’s okay to be fun and weird.

V: What have been your favourite pieces to work on?

HC: Probably the work I did for CHANEL and Apple Music, as I had a lot of creative freedom to work on them. I designed several covers for different playlists, and it’s one of my favourite projects because it was a combination of music and fashion.

V: What advice do you have for young artists trying to find their own style?

HC: Don’t worry about the future; you will find your own style someday. Just work on your art every day.

V: What does the future look like for you?

HC: Hopefully I can do this the rest of my life and never retire.

If you’re looking for more work by Humberto Cruz, you can find him on Instagram @iscreamcolour or his website: https://www.iscreamcolour.com/

Interview by Ashley Sullivan

R etro omance:

reimagining an Interview with Sapphic Storyteller Jenifer Prince

Images provided by Jenifer Prince

‘Dream dancing with you’ by Jenifer Prince

With a fascination for the vintage aesthetic, Jenifer Prince has amassed a strong following for her pop art-inspired stories of sapphic love. Turning the genre on its head, Prince’s designs disrupt heteronormative expectations and visualise queer desire in a way that history has often ignored. Vertigo had the honour of speaking with Jenifer about nostalgia, her experiences as a queer woman, and the value of lesbian representation.

‘Carol Season’ by Jenifer Prince

CW: Homophobia, sexual references

V: Hi Jenifer! Could you begin by introducing yourself to our Vertigo readers?

JP: Absolutely! I’m a Brazilian visual artist and illustrator obsessed with vintage aesthetics. I work as a freelance illustrator, and my authorial work is focused on lesbian and sapphic storytelling.

V: Were there any moments in your childhood that cemented your love for illustrating, or was this a desire that developed during adolescence?

JP: Growing up, drawing was definitely my favourite activity — sometimes I would rather stay inside drawing than go outside to play with my friends. I think it was a great way to explore my creativity, but I ended up prioritising other things during the first years of my adolescence. I got back to drawing more frequently when I was around 15-years-old, again as a way to work on my creativity, but this time I also used it as a tool to express my (sometimes confusing) feelings — especially regarding my sexuality.

V: With 273k Instagram followers, your unique spin on sapphic storytelling has attracted a large and appreciative audience. How long have you been creating for @jeniferrprince?

JP: I’ve been creating around the theme of sapphic and lesbian storytelling since my college days, but I started posting on my Instagram back in 2020. I was working as an illustrator for a t-shirt company at the time, and I was feeling like something was missing. I noticed I was happier and more motivated whenever I worked on something personal, so my girlfriend pushed me to create more personal projects, and that’s when I decided to do this more consistently. My audience has grown ever since, and I couldn’t be more appreciative of everyone following and interacting with me and my work!

V: Your designs reimagine lesbian love stories in the pulp art style of the 1940’s and ‘50s. What drew you towards this aesthetic?

JP: I like to think my style is a mixture of all my visual references. That includes midcentury comics, pulp illustration (especially lesbian pulp novel covers), old Hollywood, and

midcentury propaganda. What drew me to this aesthetic is the possibility to subvert its meaning and the nostalgia that it evokes, which I believe fits perfectly with how I want to approach visual storytelling and the subjects I work with.

V: How do you come up with inspiration for your illustrations?

JP: I draw inspiration from many different places: my current relationship, my past experiences, lesbian and sapphic media such as movies, tv shows, books and, as I mentioned before, queer history.

V: How have your own experiences as a queer woman informed your artistry?

JP: It’s my core motivation and inspiration, for sure.

The love stories, joy, longing, and yearning that I’m portraying are human sentiments that everyone can have regardless of their sexuality, but I’m illustrating them through a lesbian gaze.

V: I can only imagine there is little to no representation of lesbian relationships in old pulp comics. How does it feel to popularise a new spin on the genre through lesbian representation?

JP: You’re definitely right when it comes to comics. Lesbian pulp fiction, on the other hand, was very popular among lesbians in the past, and their illustrated covers are also part of my visual references. Even though many of the stories were written by men, and the majority of them had bad endings or painted the lesbian character as predatory or evil, we have some great stories and women authors who would use male pen names.

I can say that my experiences as a lesbian are why and what I create. I started drawing lesbian stories while trying to navigate my own queerness.

The popular movie Carol is a good example: it’s based on the lesbian pulp fiction called The Price of Salt and was written by Patricia Highsmith under the pseudonym “Claire Morgan”. It’s one of the rare pulp stories with a happy ending.

That said, I’m probably not creating something entirely new or even unseen, but it’s amazing to see people connecting with it; it shows how important it is to have positive lesbian representation.

V: Why do you think so many people enjoy seeing alternative representations of love and sexuality in vintage styles?

JP: I believe it has to do with the nostalgia and the feeling of acceptance and belonging that comes with seeing something that appears to be from the past. It allows us to develop a deeper understanding of queer peoples’ existence throughout history.

V: Your illustrations are beautifully designed and serve as a powerful testament to the endurance of art and the evolution of societal norms. What role does nostalgia play in the creation of your designs?

JP: Thank you, that’s a beautiful way to put it!

It subverts the idea that homosexual beings and relationships are something modern, that it is a phase or a trend that began recently.

V: Pulp romance comics are known for depicting patriarchal standards of gender, relationships, love, and sex. How do you transform these traditionally sexist narratives into ones that empower modern audiences?

JP: That’s why I believe the female gaze is so important — regardless of art style or media, once a queer woman tells a story about two women in love, the patriarchal standards are

I believe that nostalgia, in this case, has the role of challenging society’s heteronormative perception of the past.

‘First Kill’ by Jenifer Prince

already being challenged. The way I see it, it’s not exactly about transforming a narrative; it’s about creating new ones without following rules that don’t (have to) apply and subverting the heteronormative perception we have of that media.

V: What project are you the proudest of?

JP: I have a few of my illustrations that I hold dear to my heart, such as the ones called ‘Dream dancing with you’, ‘Enchanted’, and ‘I got you’. More recently, I was invited by Netflix to create an artwork to promote their show, First Kill, and I’m really proud of how it turned out!

V: What advice would you give to young artists trying to find their style, particularly those looking to tell queer stories?

JP: My advice is to build a visual reference library: study the artists you love in order to learn how they did what they did; listen to yourself and your own interests; and trust the process! Your style and the way you choose to tell your stories are something you will build on naturally.

V: What does the future hold for you?

JP: I definitely have a lot of plans that I’m working on putting into practice. I want to go back to working with traditional media for specific projects, and I want to make short comics to explore my character’s stories a little more. Most of all, I want to keep creating pieces that I hope will resonate with people.

If you’re looking for more work by Jenifer Prince, you can find her on Instagram @jeniferrprince or her website: https://jeniferprince.art/

Book in Review:

"seeing other people"

by diana reid

CW: Death

Long has American culture fumed its way across the vast Pacific Ocean to rest like ash on everything you see.

It is for this reason that Seeing Other People has been a southerly breeze, showing the very best that Sydney writers have to offer. Diana Reid’s second novel comes shortly after the spectacular launch of her first novel, Love & Virtue, and shows that the young Sydney writer is far from out of good ideas.

Kids are tired. Tired of all intergenerational trauma parents dump on them, the fake political bullshit, and the cost of living, ever-threatening to push beyond the thin line of feasibility. The essence of Seeing Other People captures this all in a more eloquent and insightful prose than this humble consumer of free PR books could ever try and emulate.

The intertwining of the lives of the Hamor sisters, and the conflict siblings are all too familiar — sharing what is ours.

Centred in Sydney, and the streets of Enmore/ Newtown, the novel hones in on the becoming of love, in that it is a

journey not done alone, and not without some casualties along the way. The story is told from the perspectives of either Charlie, the aspiring actress, or her older business analyst sister, Eleanor. Each page wrestles with the reader’s bias between what’s right, and the things we do when we think we’ll always have the familiar support of a sister.

The tug of war on allegiance tears the reader open to see the real issue at hand — that we all do selfish things sometimes. That does not make you a bad person, it’s just that you can make bad choices.

As the story launches from Eleanor’s breakup with an ex, she goes about letting her hair down by drawing comfort in the life of her open, young and fun sister. The sisters’ familiar love with each other is well illustrated, but even greater are the bickering moments such as when one of them covets the other’s situationship.

There’s a lot of problems when it comes to hiding secrets, and who you owe an explanation to. Reid uses the duo as vehicles to drive the philosophy that the line for self-love and selfishness is not clear but some advice is, if you are seeing other people, don’t let it be your sister’s misses.

I could not stop reading Seeing Other People, especially on the train travelling past the many stages of Sydney in which the book takes place in.

So if you share a love for great novels, Sydney streets, or have a sibling, then Seeing Other People might be for you.

Illustration by Edward Penfield

Review by Joey Chalita

rated: Distinction

Heart

rated: Pass

Heartbreak High

Ever been at a party or walking along a busy city street and thought that you’d seen a long-lost friend among the shifting crowds of people? Someone who you once cherished and adored, but time just took you to different places? Someone who you still think of fondly, but as you approach this person closer, you realised that you’d made a terrible mistake, and you’re just a little bit pissed at this person for not being the thing you hoped for?

Yeah, Heartbreak High (2022) is that.

It’s an amalgamation of all the shows you’ve grown to love: Sex Education, Never Have I Ever, 13 Reasons Why… but without too much of the original flair the original Heartbreak High (1994) series was known for.

That aside, it does hit some interesting high notes with the array of Australian humour and some shining and confident leads. James Majoos’ character, Darren, is a particular stand-out of the series, with the delivery of lines effortlessly enhanced with a rolling of the eyes or the bewildered stare at the audacity of his fellow schoolmates.

by Joey Chalita

The first episode goes through a rollercoaster of events that leaves some mystery to the audience. Without revealing spoilers, an event at a music festival breaks up the long-term-best-friendship of Amerie and Harper, which cascades into hatred that fits the lovers to enemies trope. While the friendship does evaporate away it does prompt the two to grow on their own. It’s a classic high school moment that some of us can relate to, and for those who know that feeling of betrayal, it doesn’t always make sense the way we hurt those who have hurt us first.

What proceeds from that is a splintering series of events that do lead to hilarious moments, all complemented by a solid music soundtrack and high-end production value of set designs (the Slay-ball party fits the name).

The strength of Heartbreak High is built off the way the young cast interact with each other and the modern self-awareness of the jokes. If only the show was self-aware enough to make the eshay character seem like he actually listens to hardstyle and shops at Culture Kings.

While the show could focus more on what makes it distinct, only time will let those ideas graduate into fully formed ideas. While I do have my reservations on certain plot points, dialogue choices, and the lack of empathetic leads, the show is definitely carving out a place for Aussie talent, and that should always be celebrated.

OnceUpon aTime at BenningtonColl e ge : Secrets & Sensationalism

It’s the stuff of dark academia – writers overflowing with ambition, exclusive cliques who pour over the classics, secrets whispered behind closed doors. Except this isn’t a Donna Tartt novel set at Hampden College. It is Donna Tartt, and the college is the very real Bennington College, a private liberal arts school in Vermont, U.S.A.

Once Upon A Time… At Bennington College is a 14-episode podcast series chronicling the lives of three trailblazing Gen X writers during their college years: Donna Tartt, of The Secret History and The Goldfinch fame; Bret Easton Ellis, member of the illustrious literary Brat Pack and most notably, author of the controversial American Psycho; and lastly, Jonathan Lethem, who, while more under the radar than his peers, has carved out a space for himself somewhere between science fiction and detective fiction with novels such as Motherless Brooklyn and The Fortress of Solitude.

Journalist and author Lili Anolik serves as our tour guide throughout the series, documenting how these three lives often overlap over the course of many years. The narrative follows the individual stories of Tartt, Ellis, and Lethem, examining how they evolved to where they are today.

It’s a tale of literary gossip, an extensively researched deep dive into the realms of ‘80s nostalgia, featuring postcards from smalltown America and New York apartments, New England college parties, and cameos from famous faces. But at the centre of it all is Tartt, Ellis, and Lethem. With a nudge and a wink reminiscent of Gossip Girl, Anolik tells their stories almost conspiratorially, making for a great piece of narrative drama thanks to its sensationalism and binge-worthy style.

But just because Once Upon A Time… At Bennington College can document the dramafilled lives of Gen X literary stars, does that mean it should?

The true crime debacle has been making waves across the internet. Stories of grisly murders and kidnappings have now been reframed in a different light. Is it exploitative to turn these victims’ tragedies into podcast fodder? Have we considered the families that simply want to move on? There is something uncomfortable about the fact that one person’s final moments, undoubtedly charged with fear and anguish, are converted into a cliffhanger for audiences to salivate over.

Moreover, the way certain players have been framed in these stories simply throw context into the bin. Netflix’s 2015 series Making a Murderer turned murderer Steven Avery’s defence attorneys, Dean Strang and Jerry Buting, into heartthrobs (no, really) and the prosecutor, Ken Kratz, into a villain.1 Many flocked to Twitter to profess their love for Strang and Buting or rant about their hatred of Kratz. These black-andwhite roles of good versus evil leave no room for nuance, ignoring complexity in favour of a clear-cut binary.

Once Upon A Time isn’t a true crime podcast, yet some of the qualms of the true crime debate can still be applied here.

While listening to this podcast, it sometimes feels like Ellis, Lethem, and Tartt aren’t real people.

These characterisations may be based in reality, but combined with Once Upon A Time’s gossipy tone, it’s not hard to push the limits of exaggeration.

That’s the thing about sensationalism: it’s easy to get lost in the story and forget we’re discussing real people with thoughts, emotions, and private memories. As listeners, it’s easy to put aside the fact that we don’t know these people and start building up an image in our mind based on what we hear. And what we hear isn’t always the full picture.

Most notably, Donna Tartt is missing as a primary source in this narrative. We get to hear large chunks of interviews between Anolik and Ellis or Lethem, but we only hear Tartt from past interviews, readings, and her audiobook narration of The Secret History. Tartt declined to be interviewed for the podcast, and her agents would later write to Apple requesting that the podcast be taken down. Anolik does a decent job of filling in Donna’s blanks, but what is infinitely more concerning is how Tartt’s absence allows others to reshape the narrative of her life.

They’re merely characters in some dramatisation of a campus novel. They’ve been given roles to play: Ellis, the detached child prodigy in Wayfarers; Lethem, the aspiring writer grappling with imposter syndrome; and Tartt, the androgynous enigma from the south with a rare gift.

Sometimes, this isn’t always a bad thing. There are audio excerpts from classmates and friends of friends who gush about how beautiful and talented Donna was. Many speak highly of her, praise her writing, and remark upon the distinct figure she cut. But then you have the flip side of seeing Tartt’s story retold through a male lens. Classmates like Todd O’Neal and Matt Jacobson were not very fond of her, and they did little to hide the fact in their interviews.

So many men on the podcast seem all too eager to dismantle Tartt’s cool, enigmatic image.

Sure, maybe her image is a fabrication — who knows to what extent — but it doesn’t matter. Tartt, like anyone, should have the right to curate her identity as she sees fit.

But that autonomy is something that not all women have, and it’s something that a lot of men take great pleasure in dictating.

With Tartt missing from the witness box, her narrative is often distorted. By men and by Anolik, whose sensationalist storytelling often means talking about the intimate details of Donna’s love life or uncovering truths about her past that we don’t know if she would be happy sharing with the world. Addicting to listen to? Absolutely. It’s easy to get caught up somewhere between Donna’s mysterious allure and the tales that Anolik weaves, but in spite of it all, we must remember Tartt is only human.

Is Once Upon A Time…At Bennington College good journalism? One man’s news story is another man’s gossip rag. It ultimately depends on the person and whether or not they consider Anolik to have gone too far with her speculation or digging, but then that raises another question — should we even have the right to speculate about the lives of people we don’t know? Should celebrities be considered free real estate since they’re so far removed from our own lives? Where do we draw the line?

It cannot be denied that the series is entertaining, especially when you’re a fan of any of these authors. When we admire someone, we want to know more about them. And when that person closes themselves off to the rest of the world, we will scramble for any morsel of information we can get. Once Upon A Time, intentionally or not, capitalises upon that fact.

And it’s not the only thing the podcast capitalises on, either. There’s a sense of romanticisation about all of it. From the dark academia aesthetics of college students in tweed suits labouring over novel drafts to the simple beauty of the 1980’s. Anolik admitted in a Vulture interview last year that “in the early ’80s, before Twitter or Instagram or camera phones, you had more freedom. For me, it’s appealing to look back at that.” 2

The Secret History may be based partly on Tartt’s experiences at Bennington, but Once Upon A Time… At Bennington College knows its target audience, many of whom adore the novel’s campus setting and dark academia atmosphere. Anolik doesn’t shy away from drawing parallels between the book and the life of its creator. In fact, they almost blend together, until the lives of these three Gen X writers feel like a parody of their own work.

In that same Vulture interview, Anolik argues that the podcast is “a celebration of these three people who are some of the most important writers of their generation…[Tartt] shows you can come from modest means and become hugely successful because you love what you do so much. I know this is probably not a delightful thing for her. But to me, it’s celebratory.”

Perhaps it may seem that way to some. But is it really a celebration of Tartt, Ellis, and Lethem when at times it feels like personal boundaries have been crossed?

Maybe it’s not really a celebration of these authors but a celebration of their personas and the enigmatic identities they have curated for themselves. After all, that’s what drew many of us here in the first place: the mystery itself. A valid thing to celebrate, but something that has far too often strayed into the dizzying heights of romanticism. So we better watch where we tread, because a good story doesn’t always equate to good journalism.

2 - Lili Anolik Dishes on Her Gossipy Bennington College Podcast

1 - Making a Murderer Lawyers Dean Strang and Jerry Buting Are Making the Internet Swoon

StayCurious

by isla cornish brown

Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in life and really enjoy it” — TheDawnofChange by Eileen Caddy.

You might think your everyday life is boring and uneventful — to this I say, be curious, dig deep, and really take in your surroundings. Gain a new perspective. Seek discomfort. Explore your passions. Be vulnerable. Talk for hours. Walk for hours. Don’t let life simply pass you by.

Don’t just live for the weekends or holidays; live for the simple things in life that bring you joy every day. Stop thinking that you will one day reach a state of total happiness — life will always throw things at you, but it’s how you handle these things that make the difference. Find yourself among the chaos. Choose your happiness … choose yourself.

Beauty is in the street, and it is within you.

This body of work is part of an ongoing series titled ‘The Crosses We Bear’, which aims to explore the grief of mourning somebody who is very much still alive and the complex emotions that come with that. This self-portrait work deals with feelings of abandonment, jealousy, and the heartache of my depleting relationship with my father. ‘The Crosses We Bear’ is a love letter to myself and others who are navigating adulthood without the support and guidance of a parent.

The Crosses

by Georgia Hearn

I was listening to Billie Holiday, walking along the west bank of the Tiber river in Rome when I saw the first autumn leaves fall, a single burnt orange leaf slowly sailing along a breath of evening wind. It spiralled downwards in a blur of deep amber like a single rose petal. Before it touched the ground, another leaf fell, a pale gold colour. And another, rusty scarlet red and curling at the edges, tattooed with creases from a hot summer. They twirled and danced in the waning mid-September night, only to collide with the earth or drift drearily along the lazy river. That’s when it struck me — I’d been away for so long that the seasons were starting to change. I’d spent three long months traipsing through the European summer with just a small red backpack, my little brown book, and my beloved film camera. It was the equinox of my world trip, a sort of halfway point. Sometimes I was accompanied by another traveller, and other times I wandered alone, comforted by the melancholic drawl of Coltrane, the shrill urgency of Davis, the romance of Sinatra, the tender lyrics of Baker, or the sweet soft despair of Holiday.

the summer ahead, passing around the wine and watching the sky shift colours. “A jazz club, a jazz club”, we exclaimed excitedly, drunk on the moon and lilac wine. We uncertainly navigated the underground and found a red neon sign down a side street. The bar was old and musty, with framed black and white portraits of jazz legends decorating the exposed brick walls. Around midnight, we wandered down a spiral staircase and were greeted by the sound of quick bebop jazz floating above the heads of Parisian locals and tourists as they danced under the blue lights. We danced for hours and excitedly laughed, pretending that the stroke of midnight had hurtled us back to the roaring ‘20s.

An almost blue mist descended over the audience. Blue waters and blue thoughts. Slow and meandering — a prelude to a kiss.

Everyone has that special moment when they first begin travelling, that realisation: ‘I’m here. I’m on the other side of the world — it’s all happening’. This was that moment for me. I was a little scared and unquestionably free.

As time passes, you begin to realise that just as the scenery around you is constantly changing, so are you. As I wandered along the river, I thought back to my first night in Europe. Back to the jazz club, the lights, the enchantment. The soft and secure company of my friends from home had now dispersed and been replaced by an they were having a Billie Holiday-themed night, and I happily bought myself a Spritz and nestled myself in the audience. For once, I didn’t crave to start a conversation at the bar or find comfort within a group — besides, my Italian was less than admirable. Instead, I observed. The lady sitting behind me drank dark red wine and left lipstick stains on the rim of her glass. The man next to me drank a whisky on the rocks and sat in a silent way as he read his book. Two men walked past me as I sat at the bar, one gently led the other to their seats and helped him sit down in front of the stage.

The lights dimmed and the band appeared. They opened with a few standard jazz classics and instrumentals, followed by the melancholia of Billie Holiday’s love songs. However, after a few songs, the pianist stood up and took a bow, leaving the rest of the band on stage. He approached one of the men who had walked past me, grabbing his hand and guiding him towards the piano. He spent a few minutes grazing his hands along the keys of the piano, almost as if he was counting every single one. The man began to play, his fingers quick and nimble, gliding across the keyboard creating sweet thunder. The dimly lit jazz bar seemed to

dissipate into a blue world. The trumpet blew smoke rings into the dark. The saxophone was the weaver of dreams, creating a mystic brew between the instruments. Deep in a daze, the audience was entranced by the blues in orbit.

As the night wore on, I realised almost every audience member had jumped on stage to play a song. The man next to me with the whisky on the rocks played the trumpet. The lady with the red lipstick could sing just like Holiday. The blind man on the piano could conjure vast soundscapes that compelled those that could see to close their eyes. Under the spell of the jazz, the rhythm, and the blues, we were alone together.

I decided to walk home. The streets were empty, and the moon’s glow glinted across the cobblestone. Piles of withering, autumn leaves crunched under my boots and gathered in the gutters along the street. The night had a thousand eyes, yet I felt safe as I hummed the songs I’d just heard to myself.

In a sentimental mood, I contemplated the approaching journey back home to Sydney. The unease that had pervaded my consciousness at the beginning of my travels had morphed into the desire for new people and different experiences. I developed a newfound fear of returning home, remaking old habits, falling back into old thought patterns, and regaining the claustrophobic comfort of my old life. However, under the starlight, I thought maybe it was okay that I didn’t quite know what I was doing with the rest of my life. And maybe it was okay to feel completely terrified of these moments ending and becoming yesterdays. Like the lush life of the green leaves during the summertime, these moments were finite. However, come springtime, there would be a whole new set of leaves — and that was kind of exciting.

I blamed it on my youth, my unrelenting nostalgia, and the jazz, but at that moment, I smiled to myself. Oh, how happy I was to be in my solitude.

jazz playlist

TEA TIME

In high school, my mother was also my teacher.

by Eleanor Maddock

Fill the kettle with water and flick the switch. Wait for it to boil.

She always singled me out and used my failures as an example.

I preempt the water's boiling point moments before the switch flicks off. I know it's warm rumble by heart.

She marked me lower than the other students. She feared being accused of favouritism.

She was just doing her job, but I was never good enough for her.

Pour the boiling water into a large mug and watch the tendrils of steam rise.

I have always drunk the same tea, Dilmah Premium Ceylon Black, extra strong.

So, I worked hard to be better than my classmates to prove my worth.

Add a splash of milk and a teaspoon of honey. Stir to combine.

But every day as we walked home together, I knew I shared something with her my peers never would: the curiously gentle and furious love of a mother and daughter.

Drink while hot and enjoy.

I recall the days of us running through the thick woods. The fallen autumn leaves scratched our bare feet. Peeling an orange picked from our backyard, confetti of rind followed behind me. I ran until I was nowhere I wanted to be. The trees made it easy for us to hide. The thick branches aimed toward the sky and allowed us to break free from reality. My grandfather’s garden was where Alen and I spent most of our winter. His family bought oranges from my Pop to sell.

Alen described the drive as a rocket ship blasting through time. The town was covered with old buildings from the 1980’s. The first time we saw each other, our innocent touches and strong laughs made it obvious that we would last. At the time, my seven-year-old self didn’t care if it stayed in friendship or went on to love, just as long as I had Alen.

Alen had a beautiful tan the day I met him, not the type of tan you would get if you’ve recently been to the beach. This kind of tan grew gradually, like on holiday. His hair sat perfectly on his round head, with the perfect amount of darkness and just the right amount of light. For a sevenyear-old, I believed he had the most beautifully shaped eyebrows, which made his face symmetrical. Alen was never aware of his beauty.

We never did much talking. Most of the time, we sat in silence, soaking up each other’s energy. My grandma always said something about being careful with boys, yet I never had to be cautious next to Alen. I could swear, fall over, and even swim in the deep end of the lake with Alen. We never gave a title, but I knew he was my boyfriend; friends don’t kiss each other on the cheeks.

It had been three winters since I met Alen; we only saw each other once the oranges started falling from their home. The citrus smell burnt into our noses as Alen carried twigs for the bonfire.

“I don’t know; you never say anything”, I mumbled, pretending I was busy arranging my bracelets.

Alen reached for a big orange, peeling it perfectly as my grandma had shown him. Before he took a bite, he handed it over to me to have the first taste. The familiar flavour had already taken up my winter, so I waved it off, and he threw it into the fire.

He stood quiet.

I never asked him questions.

“Why did you do that?”

“I want whatever you want,” he smiled softly, turning to the fire burning.

"alen?" "yeah"”

"do You like Me?"

"Of course, i Like you. Why wouldn't i like You?"

T h e First &Last ) Time Bo

Illustration by Alexander Kingsford M.

This morning in my Boomerang Bag, side from a printed reminder email dated three weeks ago, Note: Urgent

is a book whose heavy pages have gone unread for the past two months About a girl and a boy who fall in love on a real-life sailboat

Perhaps I could read it someday, Happily sitting in a gum tree in the sun enjoying words which say: My little-faced man, how I have dreamed of you in these steady waters Eyes tearing in the corners from pollen or something sweeter —

But this morning I am bringing a Two-month-overdue-urgent-please-return-severeconsequence-late-fee-exclamation-point Community library book home. I’m sure they have my face in a picture on their wall Under: Do not lend books And: Dog ears pages, too And that the library lady will tell me that I have taken advantage of their system Can never borrow again (especially NOT love stories) Must pay an overdue fee of, at least, all of my gardening money And should feel very, very ashamed

The air is hot this morning — my library book feels heavier than before But inside, the library is cool and empty And the lady at the desk takes my book about A boy and a girl who fall in love on a real sailboat

And my printed email, too looks at me above her glasses with eyes like blue gum trees in the sun

And says: “That will be two-dollars-and-ninety-cents. Would you like to borrow another?”

a Community LibraryBoo k

TheLeft Hand

by Clara Atkin

So you're interested in showbiz? HA

Let me tell you, this is a tough world.

You want to know what success is? You’re looking at it.

You know this set? It’s been burned into every child’s mind. Reaching an audience of over 6.2 million, making me one of the most recognisable influencers in the world.

My mother cried the day I was born, because she had basically given birth to a showbiz Goddess! I don’t even think the Virgin Mary cried when Jesus was born, and he was our lord and saviour.

I graduated top of my class from Julliard: “A true talent of the times”.

Yet, I still don’t get enough recognition for all that I do.

It’s as if I simply control Mr Snuffleupagus’ trunk?! Though believe me I do have a way with a man’s trunk and trust me Snuffy — I’ve seen better.

NO! I am the most famous Muppet there is, tickled by children, treasured by millions, loved by — OH GOD WHO AM I KIDDING?

I AM ELMO’S LEFT HAND. Yep. That’s right. I mean left - I MEAN YES THAT’S RIGHT I’M LEFT. THE LEFT HAND. THAT’S IT. THE. LEFT.

I use my right hand to control a three-and-a-half-year-old red multing little beast’s left hand with the shrilling voice of a child banshee.

That’s all I am, Elmo’s left hand. But, I CARRY THIS WHOLE SHOW ON MY BACK. Do you people think Elmo’s left hand magically moves on command?

I have to pull some serious contortionist shit to bend around Kevin...the expendable part of our duo.

"Trio."

Yes, yes whatever, he only does the voice, movements, characterisation, script, and partly produces the show. He also moves Elmo’s right hand. Big deal.

But me. I am more than Elmo’s left hand. I make sure you people aren’t bored in the waiting rooms at dentists. I’m responsible for your children actually gaining an education. I am the world’s right-hand man.

Yeah...My sister became a nutritionist. Wrote a book, created a Netflix documentary, and went on Ellen. Twice. My sister gets all of the glory.

And it all started when I turned five. I had a raging sock puppet party. I put on a little show and I asked my sister to be my sidekick. Her sock puppet was supposed to be yellow, because mine was pink.

The bastard took the other pink sock and used it. I can’t imagine how stupid it looked for everyone watching show. TWO pink sock puppets up there. TWO! Even as a five year old I could not work with such incompetency, so I forgot half my lines. And SHE became the star of my show. My parents even said they were proud of her for “playing my little game with me”.

I carry this sock with me at all times as a reminder of my struggles as an up and coming artist, it keeps me grounded. In the acting business you have to remember your roots. My parents never saw muppeteering as a real job, never respected the strict artform.

“But they will.”

Do you know what happens when you google “Who plays elmo?”.

It says “Kevin Jeffrey Clash”. There is zero mention of me!

Another 'fun' fact: Did you know that 11% of the world if left-handed?

Funkily enough, 11% of the world is also clinically diagnosed as "insane'"

“Coincidence?”

Oh I think not my furry friend.

THEY’RE ALL CRAZY.

I KNOW I'M NOT CRAZY. “Elmo is scared.”

But, if the world wants to devalue me and force my hand to be...to be the left hand , who am I to deny my position? Kevin has been in the limelight for far too long. I’ve been pushed to the side, behind street signs and muppeteer sticks, and I think it’s about time you all finally notice me.

IF YOU THINK LEFT HANDERS ARE INSANE I’LL BE THE BEST LEFT HAND YOU’VE EVER SEEN.

I will be in the papers. “This isn’t the 1940’s.”

I WILL BE ALL OVER THE INTERNET.

You’ll all be sorry you wasted such a talent.

Especially Kevin.

Isn’t that right? “Or do you mean left?”

The Woodsman fatally cut down Father Bear seconds after entering the cottage on Monday morning as the Woodsman was called earlier on reports of a trespasser. The killing was recorded through the Woodsman’s body camera, which captured the fatal strike in front of the victim’s family.

The original intruder, who has not yet been identified, has been described as a 5’2 blonde Caucasian woman with an obese build.

Father Bear was immediately transported to the Enchanted Fairy Ponds for healing but was later pronounced dead. The Bears intend to sue the Union of Woodsman and ‘3Piggies Construction’ for the lack of structural fortification.

Mother Bear added: “This would not have happened to Robin Hood or Gepetto. The forest community has been lukewarm and just-t-tt-t right for too long. It’s time we unleash our boiling heat”.

The Woodsman claimed that the victim bore an uncanny resemblance to reports of the Big Bad Wolf.

‘Legalise Cannabis’ supporter unable to afford new government-taxed cannabis

BeReal bans selfies taken in bed with Netflix open, “Ew, no-one wants to see that”

This week’s highlights: Tom Cruise to participate in Ukraine conflict for upcoming movie stunt

“Halloween candy almost killed my son”, Local mum finds a Razor scooter inside son’s Mars bar

Vloggers and influencers living in NYC finally outnumber NYC rat population

Contributor

Andy Lee

Andy is a third-year Media Arts & Production and Creative Intelligence & Innovation student. He loves to make all sorts of things and is continuously winging his way through life. You can find him on Instagram @andaelee.

Ashley Sullivan

Ashley is a third-year Journalism and Law student. She spends way too much time on Pinterest and gives unsolicited film recommendations every chance she gets. You can find her on Instagram @ashleys.xo.

Bronte Skinner

Bronte is a second-year Writing & Publishing and Journalism student. She’s guilty of buying more books even though she hasn’t read most of the books she already has. You can find her on Instagram @bronte__skinner.

Clara Atkin

Clara is a third-year Digital & Social Media and Creative Intelligence & Innovation student. She loves painting her nails and laughing. You can find her on Instagram @claraatkin.

Eleanor Maddock

Eleanor is a first-year Journalism and Writing & Publishing student. Last year, she won a poetry prize for the Blue Fringe Art & Literature Festival. You can find her on Instagram @eleanormaree.

Georgia Hearn

Georgia is a third-year Photography student. She is never not listening to a podcast. You can find her on Instagram @georgiamadisonphotography.

Gokce Caliskan

Gokce is a first-year Journalism and Writing & Publishing student. During the 2021 lockdown, she read 210 books, resulting in serious damage to her bank account. You can find her on Instagram @whoiscaliskan and @readingwithgc.

Contributor Bios

India Turner

India is a second-year Writing & Publishing student. She is a 20-year-old poet and gardener from Avalon Beach. When she is not in the garden looking for friends (bugs?), you can find her paddling out for a surf at North-Av. Her work has also been published in Voiceworks Magazine. You can find her on Instagram @indiaturnerr, but her poetry (more importantly) is on @myarchiveofpoetry.

Isla Cornish Brown

Isla is a fifth-year Social and Political Science & Digital and Social Media student. She has recently gotten into philosophy, namely stoic philosophy, as a means for self-reflection. It comforts and prompts her to make the changes needed to live a more intentional and rewarding life. You can find her @islac.b and @eyeofisla.

Jada Susas

Jada is a second-year Journalism and Social & Political Science student. Filipino-Australian, queer, and with a weird Cancer sun and Sagittarius rising combo, she writes/rants about almost everything. You can find her on Instagram @imnotjda and Twitter @cancerszn4eva.

Joey Chalita

Joey is a third-year Journalism and Law student. When his head gets filled with super necessary uni content, you can find him walking hour-long distances in an attempt to use exercise as a healthy excuse at procrastination. You can find him on Instagram @Joey_Chalita.

Katie Kelly

Katie is a second-year student studying Writing & Publishing with a Masters of Teaching in Secondary Education and a Diploma of Language in Italian. She is a big fan of photography and can develop her own film in the darkroom. You can find her on Instagram @1ightleak.

Mia Rankin

Mia is a first-year Journalism student. She creates handmade zines about indie 80’s musicians. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter @miasrankin, as well as her website: https:// deadletteroffices.substack.com/.

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