Yes, Camels are SO MILD that in a coast -to-coast test of hundreds of men and women who smoked Camels - and only Camels - for 30 consecut ive days, noted throat specialists , making weekly examinations, reported NOT ONE SINGLE CASE OF THROAT IRRITATION DUE TO SMOKING CAMELS!
EDITORIAL OFFICERS
J.DONALD WILSON
Edi t or-i n-Chi ef
CHESTER BECK
R ichmond College Edi t or
RICHARD C. RAKES
L aw School Ed it or
BETTY B. CATHER
W estham pto n Coll eg e Ed it or
C ONTRIBUTING EDITORS
Richard Fitz, Jean Bishop, George Taylor, Phylli s Barnes, J. C. Hantin, Bill Astrop, Maryglyn Cooper, Carl Barefoot , Milly Wright, T. G. Harper, Lea Th ompson, Sam Patterson, Ann Wiley , Howard Goldman, Sue Huff, Walt Preston, Charl e s Shaw, Louise Triplett, C. S. Taylor , Bobbie Brown, John Imirie, Barbara Covington.
THE COVER
Dressed for the All-State Pi Kappa Alpha Ball in fashions from BerryBurk are Carol Sidlowsky of Passaic, New Jersey, a Westhampton senior, and Chu ck Hanson of New Haven, Conn. , President of the Richmond Colleg e Junior Class. Cover courtesy of Berry-Burk at Sixth and Grace Streets.
University of Richmond MESSENGER
BLUESTOCKING
THOUGH autumn's sharpness is rapidly turning into winter's cold the Broadway season is doing anything but freezing. The season, despite its tardiness in getting started unquestionably has a glitter to it. One hundred and forty plays have been announced-forty of them musicals. Though most of them will remain nothing more than "announced" the efforts on the boards now show a more promising season than expected.
Two of the top offerings are Lost In the Stars and Regina. The former, adapted from Alan Paton's novel Cry, the Beloved Country is the story of two old men-one white and one black-whom tragedy brings together. The black man is a country parson whose faith is shaken by the evil in his own family. The white man is a bitter planter who acquires faith through the loss of his son in a murder. Todd Duncan, of Porgy and Bess fame, as the parson and Leslie Banks as the planter balance each other to per£ ection. Lillian Hellman's play, The Little Foxes, provides the source-book for Marc Blitzstein' s musical drama Regina. The sharp pointed opera is the story of two greedy brothers and their greedy sister who devour each other as they move on towards the destruction of their sister.
The theatrical world is excited about the news that T. S. Eliot's The Cocktail Party will open in New York sometime in January with the original English cast.
Richmond's dramatic season is well underway by this time. The Philadelphia Story with Sarah Churchill and Jeffrey Lynn was the first of four plays presented by The Theatre Guild of Ne_w York. Their other offerings through the season will be Brigadoon, Streetcar Named Desire, and a fourth to be announced. Richmond heard Tallulah Bankhead rasping and gurgling, making magic in Private Lives during the last of November. On January eleventh-the Margaret Webster Shakespeare Company will present Taming of the Shrew and Julius Caesar in modern adaptation.
This is a ballet year. The United States is being graced by five world-famous troupes. The old favorite, the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo is spending the fall at its home theater, Metropolitan Opera House.
The biggest ballet news is the first American 2
tour of the Sadler's Wells ballet. Their large advance sales in all cities visited give evidence of the ballet madness of the American people. In addition to the classical numbers their repertoire includes Hamlet , A Wedding Bouquet (Gertrude Stein's text), Facade (Edith Sitwell's poems) and Rake's Progress. Roland Petit's Ballet de Paris provides serious competition for Sadler' s Wells. The chef d'oeuvre of the troupe is Carmen. After New York sees it key American cities will be visited. During the pre-Christmas lull the New York City Ballet-of American origin-will open. New repertory possibilities include a Jerome Robbins-Leonard Bernstein work and Frederick Ashton's Symphonic Variations.
From London comes the news that George Bernard Shaw's latest play, Buoyant Billions recently opened. Quoting a letter from London received by Dean Roberts the play is "very wordy but really wonderful for a man of 93."
-PHYLLIS
BARNES.
A Brief Sketch of Abraham Lincoln's Life
1831-Failed in business.
J832-Defeated for Legislature.
1833-Failed in business again.
183 5-Sweetheart died.
1836-Nervous breakdown.
1838- Defeated for elector.
1840-Defeated for Land Office.
1843-Defeated for Congress.
1848-Defeated for Senate.
18 5 5-Def ea ted for Vice-President.
1860-Elected President of the United States.
ICEBOX VACATION
-by WILLIAM ASTROP
XASKA, 6 months ago, was merely a name to me, a name that meant snow and ice and barren wastes. I had learned in high school history that the United States had purchased this territory from Russia in 1867, for $7,200,000; but I never attached any particular significance to "Seward's Icebox " When an old friend, Frank Armstrong III, whose father is Commanding General of the Alaskan Air Command at Elmendorf Air Force Base, Alaska, proposed that I spend the summer with him at Elmendorf, I realized how strong!y I was attracted by this strange , distant land some 5,000 miles to the North .
Upon completion of my examinations at the University of Richmond in May, terminating my Junior year, I proceeded to North Carolina, where Frank attends college at Wake Forest. Frank and I then went to Chapel Hill and the University of North Carolina, where the third party of our excursion was sweating out the last of his final exams. His close friends called him " Jabby ," while his professors pref erred to refer to him as Mr. Twining. Jabby ' s father , Lt. Gen. Nathan Twining, is in command of the Alaskan Theater , and also resides at Elmendorf Base, which is a few short miles from Anchorage , Alaska ' s largest city.
At the Customs, we were immediately impressed with the friendly, sincere manner of the Canadians. The officials required no passport and did not search our luggage. Our Southern accents seemed to amuse everyone .
Approximately 6½ days had elapsed since the beginning of our journey when we reached our final destination at Elmendorf Field or Fort Richardson , as the Army called it. It was a rather large base, housing 75 F-80 jet fighter planes and bristlin g with elaborate _,communications and storage networks The Air Force also has a large base, Ladd Field , at Fairbanks and several minor bases out on the " Aleutian Chain. " In my opinion, the importance of Alaska from a military standpoint cannot be overestimated. It is probably the most strategic point of defense the United States possesses, considering the current threat of a Western attack. The building of defenses in Alaska is greatly retarded by inadequate land transportation, necessitating costly air transport, although the completion of the Alaskan railroad was of great DECEMBER, 1949
importance in the development of the territory I was employed the entire summer by an engineering group under the auspices of the Alaskan Air Command, at the rate of $1. 4 6 per hour. This was only fair wages. The cost of living was so high that many laborers made $200.00 a week and more. Carpenters and mechanics were in particular demand this summer
On a hilltop near Fairbanks are the buildings of the University of Alaska. Similar to land grant colleges in the States, it offers a variety of courses , provides extension services and conducts research projects for the students and people of the territory Public schools are maintained for white and mixed-blood children, offering four years of high school, in almost every large town Gold first attracted large numbers of people to the country and has held many there. But as bonanzas became exhausted, production declined. Now large power-driven machinery and transportation facilities are necessary to work deposits profitably. The annual output of both copper and coal exceeds that of gold.
The Tongass National Forest covering the panhandle or southeastern section of Alaska, has more than 10,000 miles of shore line whose steep slopes are almost uniformly covered with dense forests of hemlock and spruce. Alaska is a land of flowers, ferns, mosses, lichens and mushrooms, which spring up everywhere as soon as the snow disappears. It is probable that more than 2,000 species of flowering plants and shrubs are native to the territory Red and yellow columbines, blue lupines, aconite and larkspur give color to the forest borders. The abundance of bird life, besides the innumerable waterfowl, is a revelation. It was not without much regret that I returned from this land of the North-abounding in beauty and riches-an unspoiled region-America's "last frontier" -ALASKA.
THE HARLOT'S HOLIDAY
-by BETIY B. CATHER
"Don't blame Marge. She's just trying to git ahead in th world."
XSEEN by the calendar thet it was gittin on toward Christmas. Now it's kinda hard ta git th proper spirit after ya been on the night shift fer Gawd knows how long, but I sez ta Joe th big boss thet it wuz time to haul down th ole decorations. Th tinsel looked kinda played out, but we strung it up from light to light and put some icecicles on it and it looked right purty. Next time th juke man come around Joe got im ta put "Santy Clause Is Comin Ta Town" on th ole player and then one night I sorta cleaned th mirror behind th bar and then I painted a Merry Xmas on it in green and red. (I always was kinda arty.) Then there wuz some ole wreaths in th box of decorations we'd pulled down from the attic and I hung em up over th light shades in each booth. So when Christmas Eve rolls around I sez ta myself, "Mike," I sez, "it looks right spirity in here."
"Hell's bells," squawks Poll. Dern thet bird. Here ya try ta git a little Christmas inta th ole joint an that bird pops out with thet. I tried ta git Joe ta take the ole bird ta th back room any number •of times, but he sez Poll gives th place distinction. Yeah, Poll ain't no love bird like they got hangin around in them high class joints. But there's no buckin Joe, so Poll's cage hangs over th bar.
"Say Merry Christmas, Poll."
"Aw crawl back in th wood work." There ain't many things thole bird kin say. We finally got her out of saying some dirty things she picked up somewheres, and now all she kin say is "Don't blame Marge. She' s just tryin ta git ahead" and "That'll be fifty cents, Mister." It don't sound so good in a respectable joint like this. See, Joe, he don't sell nothin but beer, never has, and further more we don't allow nothin else. We kinda pride ourselves on Joe's being a nice place ta come.
"Hell, Mike," sez th young man at th bar, "th bird's on th ball. Christmas-ancient tribal custom."
Thet dern fool. Always got ta take th edge off everything by his infernal doubtin. Don't like th young punk much. Set's here all night long scriblin •on bits of paper and then crumblin them all over th floor and I gotta clean them up. Had a couple 4
of years of college and a couple of years in th army an got fired off a couple of newspapers an its been too much fer him. Now he thinks its his callin ta sit here every night and drink beer or black coffee--accordin ta his mood-an write down his opinion in portry. He'll never amount ta a dern thing. He always tears up th stuff he's writin an it don't ever look like he'll git out his last word on everything before th public.
So I give him a dirty look an sez ta Poll, "Come on, Merry Christmas," but Poll th evil ole bird just squawked and pertended ta go ta sleep. I reckon it was on toward mednight when th girl come in. Her face still had thet pinched scairt look under all thet rouge and paint them tart s wear, but she carried her head high like she wu z defying anybody ta say anything about it. She ha d on a tight black dress with spangles on it thet glittered an sparked when she moved inta th light.
"Don't blame Marge. She's just tryin ta git ahead in th world," Poll hollered out, and fer a minute tl1 girl got thet ole scared puppy look lik e she had th first time she ever come in here back in th fall. I'd never seen her around before the t. She jes come in one night fer a cup of coffee an she looked kinda like she didn't belong ta th is world-kinda a face like ya see on th Virgin Ma ry in pitchers sometimes, only it wuz pinched and thin til ya thought maybe her cheekbones woul d pop out of her skin like it wuz only tissue paper or something. She looked awful unhappy like maybe she didn't have no friends and there wuzn't much point in livin. Always wore an ole sweater an skirt an a sailors jacket thet made her look even smaller then she wuz. Then one night she come in with some rouge on and a black dress and her eyes wuz wide an big as moons and she looked turrib le scairt. I tried ta put some cheer inta her, but she wouldn't talk, never has. And when she went out of here her jaw had a square hard look about it, like she wuz walkin ta her death. After thet th rouge got heavier and th dresses tighter. I knowed what she wuz up ta, knowed it in a minute, thou gh Gawd knows she didn't seem th type. Like I said before, Joe an me, we kinda like ta keep the joint nice and them cookies knows better than to light
UNIVERSITYMESSENGER
here. But somehow I didn't have th heart ta make her skeedaddle.
"Coffee, Mike," she sez, "Make it black."
Th punk, Gawd rot his soul, turned around and looked her up an down. I could of spit in his eye. An th look she give him back-Lord, it hurt my soul. It jes didn't look like her.
"That'll be fifty cents, mister." I had ta poke Poll ta hush her up.
Th girl started and then she dropped her eyes an run the tip of her finger round an round th top of her coffee cup. Ole Poll hollered out again, "Aw, crawl back in th wood work." Th girl kinda bit her lip.
It musta been midnight. All of a sudden we heard th chimes in th church playin some carol, and it was clear-like and holy, sorta faint because ya kin only hear th chimes when th wind is right.
Th girl lifted her head and her lips kinda smiled like maybe they sort hadn't fer a long time.
This fool writer, he seen it and he got up an went over ta th juke and stuck on a nickel at some ole hot sleazy jazz. He looked over at th girl kinda triumphant like. But she didn't see, because she'd dropped her head.
The jazz made me want ta hit th punk, but he kinda looked like he wuz sorry he' cl done it. Th girl wuz all huddled up, like she wuz beat dead, and all th time that ole jazz ground out, hittin th air like a file on metal.
But when it stopped ya could still hear th bells ever so faint, almost like they w,uzn't at all.
All of a sudden ole Poll started hoppin on one foot. "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas." ·
Th three of us looked up at th ole bird and she sat there grinnin, mighty pleased with herself. Th girl had a laugh in her smile and her eyes got a kinda peaceful look. Somehow th rouge didn't look quite so red or th dress so spangly.
"Merry Christmas, Mike," she sez ta me. An then she looks this punk right in th eye an she wuz smilin all over-like a little girl who still believes in Santa Claus.
"Merry Christmas."
He looked at her an kinda like he didn't know he wuz sayin it he answered back, "Yeah, Merry Christmas."
She opened th door an stood there lookin up at th sky. Ya could hear th bells real plain now. An when she left th punk kept lookin at th door fer a long long time.
DECEMBER, 1949
DAY IN THE LIFEOF A COLLEGEMAN
10:00 A.M. Wakes up suddenly. Notices feet protruding out from bed covers and counts toes. Contehted to find out that there are still ten.
11: 20 A.M. Downtown for breakfast. Hears newsboy excitedly selling extras. Grabs one and quickly turns to Li'l Abner. Finishes and throws paper away.
12:05 P.M. Remembers exam tomorrow and decides to head back to school.
12:50 P.M. Passes bridge game on way to room and stops to kibitz for a minute.
1: 10 P.M. Eagerly agrees to play just one hand.
4: 55 P.M. Just finishing the seventh rubber when tomorrow's exam is finally remembered again.
5:20 P.M. Downtown to eat dinner before studying.
6:20 P.M. Accompanies three friends to the movies to clear mind.
10: 50 P.M. Starts studying. Decides coffee is needed to stay awake.
11: 15 P.M. Is sound asleep after coffee. Has set alarm for 6:00 A.M.
6:00 A.M. Bounds out of bed to turn off alarm.
6:05 A.M. Back in bed snoring peacefully.
8:25 A.M. Awakes and gets out of bed. Spies stiff hairbrush, takes it and deftly taps chest and arms with it. Then goes to infirmary.
9:00 A.M. Exam begins.
9:05 A.M. In student hospital bed after being admitted because of measles. Relaxed in sleep.
-Duke 'n Duchess.
She: How did you find the men at the party? Her: I just opened the door marked "Men" and there they were.
"Do you know what good clean fun is?" "No, what good is it?"
MISS ANN GAYLE WINSTON
Mary Washington College
Submitted by Page Roberts
MISS SUSAN M. PECK
Westhampton College
Submitted by John House
Miss ANNE FLINN
Formerly of Mary Washington College
Submitted by William Rock
MISS JANE HEROLD
Formerly of West Virginia Wesleyan College
Submitted by Joseph Krivitski
Miss MARILYN GERSELMAN
Cincinnati Conservatory of Music
Submitted by Peyton Pollard
Mix a little of the late crisp ·fall days with the first breath of Winter and it's beautiful winter land; add a little of the old fashion and color and you've got Miss Ann Gayle Winston of Clarksville, Vir- ginia, winner of the title "The University's Most Beautiful Date of '49." A freshman at Mary Wash- ington College, this beautiful brownette was recently selected "Miss Clarksville," a princess in the court of Queen Dorothy Kirsten in the recent Tobacco Bowl Festival.
Ann is seventeen years old, has brown eyes, brown hair, and approaches 5 feet 6 inches.
The Corps of Cadets on the POINTER of the United States Military Academy at West Point served as a board _of judges to select the winner and runners-up in this contest.
SPONSORED BY MONTALDO'S, Grace at Fifth, Richmond.
COLLEGE SPORTS.
SUBSIDIZE
ASRobert Kilburn Root of Princeton puts it ft "the existing state of organized athletics may be summed up in the fact that it is itself an enemy of healthy play." By this he means that college athletics make the game work instead of play. Though the player may go on the field of play with a strong desire to win, this desire is not instilled in him by love of the game, but it is instilled in him by his coach, who has drilled him for hours ori top of hours both on the field, and in the classroom .
Our college athletics are called amateurs, but can we, in our era, support this so-called technicality, or can we maintain that it is an English word, misused for the purpose of getting around the fact that our college sports are a victim of almost complete commercialism. Although the athlete is an "amateur, " he is not in every case participating for the reason of personal gratification. On the contrary, if he were not subsidized there is no reason to believe that he would spend hour after hour of strenuous, systematic and disciplined practice just for the love of the game, or of winning a contest.
This system of athletics has changed our outlook on higher education almost entirely . Instead of judging our colleges and universities on a scholastic basis we tend to rank them according to the number of "all-Americans" they can produce .
The question to be answered is: How can we get away from this big business of athletics and bring to our universities a wholesome system of sports, where the good players as well as the bad will have a chance to participate if they so desire?
It is obvious that this situation is not a result of conscious choice, but of a trend in our present-day pattern of life. Like modern industrialism, our present-day coaching staff has become highly specialized and technical, and it is not likely that this trend is going to change unless we reduce, instead of the usual practice of increasing our number of contests in a single season. It is the duty of our academic leaders to start to question the value of our present intercollegiate sports contest, and to show that they are justified in the system of higher education which is under an increasing degree of criticism each day.
8
GLAMOURIZE
THE futile attempt to persuade colleges and universities to stop commercializing football is obviously an attempt to revert the institutions of higher learning to the days of yore when cavaliers would place their coats over mud puddles on which ladies could cross.
Such an attempt is decidedly out of place and lacks common sense when it comes to the gentle art of batting your brains out against the heads of eleven more hard-headed young men on one hundred yards of chalk striped grass. Not implying that chivalry is or is not dead, surely any one can see the obvious possibilities open to a school and its reputation by possessing a strong and winning football team. Agreeing wholeheartedly with the author opposite that it is too bad colleges and universities are judged no longer on an academic basis but by the number of all-Americans it can produce , why should a school exhaust itself swimming upstream and try to remain honest when the opposing teams played are being exactly the opposite?
Football brings more fame and publicity to institutions of higher learning than perhaps any other single activity that comes under its jurisdiction.
Thus in order to keep a school continually in front of the public's eye, a winning football tea m is imperative. And how does a school acquire such a team? By combing high schools throughout th e country for their most promising players .
All other sports taking place at a college ar e financed largely through receipts from the stirrin g football spectacles taking place every fall. Th e sports that aren't as highly publicized as footba ll , such as rowing, handball, boxing, etc., are dependent upon the number of people who atten d football games. And nothing but a winning team, composed of boys who have added incentive to win, will get spectators out on a chilly Novemb er day to see a game.
Let's not be chauvinists. How can any school attempt to be gentlemenly and lose football games when everyone around them pays their athlet es and wins games? No school can afford to be left behind in the game of root-little-pig-root-and-dev iltake-the-hindmost.
You'll Be Sorry .
Can the Christmas Swindle be stopped? Faced by the prospect of dwindling returns the author shows how to raise profits by pruning the exchange list of dead accounts.
From now on if anyone wants to send me presents they do so at their peril. I do not say that I will refuse to pay the shipping charges nor return packages unopened.
For the benefit of those few thousand unfortunates who have been caught up in these pagan rites, I offer a solution. The following series of letters should close the matter permanently.
(Letter to a Maiden Aunt upon receipt of a tie, hand-painted.)
Dear Madam:
The receipt of even the most trifling gift must be acknowledged by letter. You have, however, no reason to expect-nor, I am happy to say, any legal right to claim-a present in exchange. I have, nevertheless, taken your miserable offering to my haberdasher for appraisal. The enclosed sum of $.23 will both defeat your plans for petty profitseeking and exonerate me from the charge of ingratitude.
Kindly do not annoy me again with unsolicited merchandise.
Sincerely yours, ( typewritten signature)
(Letter to an Alleged Friend and Former Business Partner after uncrating a home rowing machine.)
Sir:
You may consider our partnership dissolved. I can see no reason for continuing business affiliations with a man who has shown himself a personal enemy and who has made of the season of Christmas an occasion for gross and transparently malicious innuendoes concerning another man's physical characteristics. Your expenditure-if it WAS your own money you spent, and I am having the books audited-your expenditure, I say, of $137.75 for a so-called practical joke ill becomes a man who owes everything to his benefactor, and who wears, if I am not mistaken, a size 44 belt himself.
But wait a moment. I perceive a more despicable motive and one more in keeping with your character. In the light of my recent heart condition your gift of a rowing machine can only be interDECEMBER, 1949
preted as tantamount to an attempt upon my life. Very well, sir, but I warn you I am not defenseless. I am placing the entire matter in the hands of the District Attorney in the morning. In the meantime your "gift" of one (1) Sampson Home Exerciser, Poughkeepsie Model, is being held as evidence.
Yours truly,
(Letter to the Industrious but Hopelessly Inept Fabricator of Hand Knit Hose.)
Dear Miss ...... :
You will be amused to know what a roar of laughter went up when your quaint little jest was finally exposed. You will not easily imagine, however, what puzzled inquiry and droll suggestions accompanied the first view. What WAS the purpose of ludicrously misshapen sacks? It was the cook who finally put an end to our argument. Fingering the texture of the wool she saw at once that they were intended for argyle sausage-bags. Only you could have thought of such a delightfully puckish and eminently practical gift.
But do make us some more quickly. Before they could be put to use the dog got hold of them and I fear the present set is ravelled beyond repair.
Affectionately yours.
(Letter to a Rich Uncle.)
My dear Sir:
Your gift of a year's subscription to a certain national magazine-I will not sully my pen with its name-bespeaks at once your contemptuous parsimony and your intellectual naivete. I must admit I am at a loss how to account for this affront.
Had you searched for months I doubt whether you could have found a gift more distasteful personally nor more likely to discredit me with my neighbors. But perhaps I give you undue credit for sagacity. Perhaps it was merely the result of your recognizedly slothful habits of mind.
Whatever your motives, sir, you may rest assured that I shall bend every effort to prevent the delivery of a single copy, or, failing that, burn each issue upon arrival.
Fascism, sir, is not universal.
Your obedient servant, THE JESTER.
9
PURYEARHALL
Silver-blu of ermine . against th e to give the fashioned C per deep an the water of at Yuleti me with cheer ; a laugh and " Noel! Ne make ma gic the Chap el I again tol d ir Top Cent er: a lamppos t g Christmas . 1 Richmond Jl (top left) yi mas snow
bended
RICHMOND HALL
hen good will is as abundant as the flowing punch bowl and peace is as deep as the snow
e w like a blanket s lifting the ice all combine uch of an oldtely pines whis10 th e wind and : oun ds like bells woman is filled eior's joke draws
s with cries of J om the dorm : £ts at night. In ' rst Christmas is 1 uty.
Atove red hill, and
1 , an old-fashioned ' the Quadrangle, [ind Puryear Hall elat on ly a Christ•ot0n the trees and t lake path into a e !erh anging limb
1 tcture of winter ~setting.
One Free Ride on the Merry--Go--Round
"I'd
rather have you out all night chasing around than sitting here by that d ---radio!"
-by JOSEPH C. HANTIN
0N his way home from work, Melvin Hack paused for a moment in front of a drugstore. He pressed his nose against the plate glass display window in order to view the gaudy panorama at close range. There was a picture of an aproned housewife, bright with antiseptic sex. She was smiling enticingly over a washtub bubbling over with a healthy head of soapsuds. Below the picture printed words screamed for attention: MIRACLEAN! HOUSEWIVES GET MIRACULOUS RESULTS WITH MIRACLEEN, THE SOAPFLAKES WITH MUSCLES! Following this simple declarative sentence there were a few humbly grateful testimonials. Then the advertisement erupted anew in a myriad of colored stars exhorting the spectator to enter the new MIRACLEEN contest and win a half-million dollars in prizes. GET AN ENTRY BLANK FROM YOUR DEALER, the cardboard commanded. Blazoned across a purple star was the unfinished sentence, I USE MIRACLEEN SOAPFLAKES BECAUSE Twenty-five or less inspired words away lay the pot of gold.
Melvin Hack ran a nervous hand over his balding head. He pulled indecisively at his vest, and then, unable to resist temptation, stepped into the drugstore. As if by magic a white-coated salesman materialized before him and inquired, "Yes, sir? May I help you?"
"Why, I don't think ... uh,-n-no yes. Let's see now I ... "
"Ah, something personal eh?" The salesman's eyes bulged solicitously. "You want a-"
"No," Hack said hastily. "Nothing like that-. I only want an entry blank. The Miracleen contest."
"Right over here, sir." The salesman stepped back to a counter and produced several printed slips.
"Thank you," said Melvin, accepting the entry blanks. He retreated toward the door.
"Just a moment, sir," said the salesman. He disappeared behind the counter, stretched a long arm up to a shelf, and brought down three boxes of Miracleen soapflakes. Cradling these in his arms he bore down on Melvin Hack.
12
Melvin took another tentative step toward the door and paused in bewilderment.
"Contest regulations," the salesman explained. "You'll need three Miracleen box tops to send in with each entry."
"Oh, yes, yes," Melvin sighed.
"Dollar nineteen," said the salesman, deftly inserting the boxes into a large paper bag.
At five fifty-nine Melvin Hack clattered up the hall staircase to his third floor apartment. He flung open the door that led directly into the living room, placed the paper bag on the sofa, and without bothering to remove his hat, raced across the room to the radio. He fumbled briefly with the dials.
There was a moment of silence. Then from the loudspeaker a fanfare blared forth as simultaneously Melvin's ears were assailed by a shrill, feminine voice.
"Me-el-v-i-n !"
He half-turned away from the radio and said impatiently, "Yes, honey, it's me."
The voice rose in volume. "MELVIN!"
'Tm right here," Melvin shouted. He turned back to the radio.
Mrs. Delia Hack paused in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She pulled at the sides of her dress, smoothing it down over her meager hips. Melvin was hunched over the radio, absorbed in a breathless announcement. Delia half-raised her skinny arms as if to pat her hair into a semblance of order, but she let them fall helplessly to her sides and walked silently into the room. For a moment she stood behind Melvin waiting for him to acknowledge her presence.
She waited for a moment and then turned irresolutely away, wandering across the room toward the sofa. Absently she reached down to pick up the paper bag Melvin had tossed on the sofa when he entered the room. She looked over at her husband. He was still bent over the radio. And silently, clutching the paper bag to her bosom, she returned to the kitchen.
When Melvin entered the kitchen she was seated at the table facing the door. He sat down at his UNIVERSITYMESSENGER
customary place, took a small notebook out of his coat, reached for the fountain pen in his breast pocket, and began to write swiftly in the notebook. After a few moments of this he looked up at his wife and beamed delightedly.
"I got it!" he exclaimed. "That's the last clue, and I got it! It's Hannibal crossing the Alps. Now where is that address?" He fumbled through the notebook rapidly. "Ah, here it is. Box 17, Radio City, New York. I'll be damned. Hannibal crossing the Alps! I'll send it away tomorrow. Don't let me forget to enclose the candy wrapper." He grinned at Delia, an odd combination of middleaged baldness and boyish eagerness. "How is it gonna feel to have brand new Ben-Lux sitting in the kitchen_?''
"I don't care," said Delia tremulously.
The smile faded from Melvin's face. "Are you going to start that again?" he demanded.
Delia reached down to the floor beside her chair and came up with the paper bag Melvin had brought home.
"What's this ?"
"You know what it is. I need the box tops for a contest."
"You've never won a cent. All you ever do is spend money for things we don't need."
"Just wait. You'll see. One fine day I'm gonna win, and then you'll eat crow."
"And speaking of eating crow," Melvin added, "how about dinner?"
Both of them were uncomfortably aware of a strained and sullen self-consciousness. Delia began to serve the meal in silence.
When he had finished his soup, Melvin made an attempt to dispel the atmosphere of tension. "Look, what was it you wanted to ask me when I came in?"
Delia picked up the soup plates. "You were too interested in the radio," she said.
"Well, I was listening for the clue. Aw, cut it out, don't be like that. What was it?"
She walked away with the plates and in a moment she was back beside his chair, holding a large manila envelope.
He looked at the envelope curiously. "It's for you," said Delia, handing it to him.
"Did you open it?"
"Yes.,,
"Well, what is it?"
"Go ahead, look inside."
He shook the envelope. A half-dozen large, DECEMBER, 1949
colored pictures fell out upon the kitchen table. "Naked women," said Delia viciously.
"It's ... it's that magazine contest," Melvin explained weakly. "They send pictures like this to all the contestants even if you don't win."
He looked up at his wife wildly. "You don't think that I-"
"No," said Delia. "No, I know you're not like that. Sometimes I wish you were. I'd rather have you out all night chasing women than sitting here by that damn radio not saying a word all evening."
"Now you listen to me--"
"Listen to you? Who wants to listen to an old fool? That's what you are, an old fool. Next thing you'll be cutting out paper dolls. You and your contests. Box tops, candy bar wrappers, pictures of naked women and God knows-"
"Shut your mouth!" Melvin yelled. "I don't want to hear you say another word, just shut your mouth!" He pushed himself away from the table.
"What about dinner? Aren't you going to eat?" asked Delia.
'Tm not hungry. Every time you open your big mouth I lose my appetite."
As twilight gave way to the night a brooding silence settled over the unlighted living room of Melvin Hack's third floor apartment. In his shirtsleeves, Melvin reclined on the sofa staring moodily at the kitchen door. At eight o'clock Melvin arose from the sofa, flicked the light switch on, and shattered the ominous evening silence by tuning the radio to a brassy dance band. When Delia entered the living room she found him seated defiantly beside the radio. Without pausing she walked across the floor and flung open the door leading to their bedroom.
Melvin's head came up challengingly. "Where are you going?"
"To bed," Delia snapped.
"But it's only a little after eight."
"What of it?"
"Don't you want to stay up and listen to Stop the Band?"
"Melvin, I've already told you I'm just not interested.''
"Even if I sent two entries in to the programone for you and one for me?"
"You didn't?"
"Yes, I did, and the least you can do is stay up and see if they call."
"Well, I'm not going to," said Delia firmly.
(Continued on page 18)
"He Who Hath Himself For A Lawyer
Hath A Fool For A Client"
WE, as college and university students, are naturally interested in what lies ahead of us as we leave these institutions of higher learning to venture into the surrounding business world. Besides the theoretical approach on which many colleges seem to place the emphasis, we are desirous of learning what to anticipate on the outside as a practical matter. Educators of late have become increasingly aware of this aspect. By no means has a student acquired all that he might have from a college by merely passing his courses and ultimately receiving his degree; although I might add this could possibly be his primary objective. Much more can be had if the student will take cognizance of that fact from the beginning. By way of illustration let me ring up the curtain on a typical episode of the everyday American scene. John Doe has just received a handsome legacy of some ten thousand dollars through his late father's will. He and his wife, Mary, had been struggling for the past several years to acquire enough money with which to buy a nice home of their own. Now it appeared their dreams would be realized. Soon thereafter they found an ostensibly suitable place in the suburbs which with all the advantages it appeared to have, sold for only eight thousand dollars. So cash payment was made and the couple moved in . Then came the tax collector with notice of delinquent taxes followed by an assessment notice which required the owners to pay almost four hundred dollars for a new highway which had been recently constructed. However, this was not all. Having at last consulted a lawyer in panic, John found there to be a defect in the title which necessitated his spending another thousand dollars to cure. By the time the matter was cleared up he had expended some two thousand dollars.
There is no end to the misery and suffering that can be caused through the failure of one to observe the necessity for consulting expert advice before taking unfamiliar courses of action.
Few of us would undertake to build a house without consulting an architect. At this stage the average man would be unable to repair a television set which was out of order. It is unthinkable that one would attempt to perform a delicate surgical 14
-by RICHARD C. RAKES
operation when the services of a surgeon are available. Yet every day countless individuals, unlettered in the law, undertake to affect their legal relationship by doing certain acts. Far too often these acts wind up to their detriment.
You may ask, why does this prevail? To what can be attributed this deplorable situation? Speaking frankly, perhaps the principal reason is the reluctance on the part of the layman to pay the attorney a fee when he is of the opinion that he can take care of the matter himself. The few dollars one might "save" through failing to consult an attorney will seem vain indeed when the individual finds himself involved in needless litigation and expense which could have been avoided had he gone to the lawyer in the first place. The old proverb that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure could have no better application than the present instance. Unless you have an unusually fat purse with which to cover your losses you would be very wise to let your lawyer handle your affairs from the beginning. In this way you can rest confident that they will be handled as proficiently and expeditiously as possible.
The .final question to be considered involves the choosing of an attorney after the need for one is realized. Probably the best procedure is to avoid waiting until the need arises before getting acquainted with a competent attorney. It is very likely that either you or your family have a lawyer friend with whom you would be glad to confide your business or domestic affairs. The fiduciary character of the lawyer-client relationship requires that every matter be strictly confidential. The phrase, Family Lawyer, comparable to Family Doctor, is fast becoming popular. As a friend of the family or a personal friend he is better able to understand the situation and give valuable advice. If you haven't already, become acquainted with a competent attorney at your earliest convenience. In the long run you will find that it will pay you dividends. Do not undertake to be your own lawyer. For if you do you will find sooner or later that you had a fool for a client!
UNIVERSITYMESSENGER
POETRY
IN5I GNIFICANGE I
The thoughts that pass through this poor humble mind Will not affect the world in any way And yet-"my" world by them is greatly moved Like branches in the wind will sway.
II
Upon my back some burden shall be borne My hands shall mould a simple little thing And others who are just as small as I Shall, their part also, to this pattern bring.
III
Oh! great I, that cannot be surpassed
The buildings, streets, and lands
Oh! great I , the continents so vast
The earth's equatorial bands
Oh! great I, with all the worldly sense
The sun, moon, and stars-time's endless sands Oh! vain I , clothed in insignificance.
-H.J. G.
CHALLENGE
Speak out against these spineless men Who bow and scrape to tmalterable fate, And deign to glimpse but skies of sin, Give limp hands, pallid face, as apathy's mate. Hurl the lie into their teeth, Those mortal specks who drift supinely In stagnant flow toward contentment's reef; Eyes unseeing, minds unfeeling, moving blindly. Condemn them of this treasonable crime, And let their heartbeats count the charges Of pride's proud triumph, compromise fined, Ambition stilled and spirit strangled. Perhaps the yawning maw of death Shall show them what they had and left.
-C. S. T
POSTERITY
Many men are so bald They have no hair at all,
And I thought as I lay on my bed: If the male of the clan
Of the Prehistoric man , Drug his spouse by the shoots of her head, It's a right dirty trick For heredity to pick
The male to be bald in her stead.
-C.E. W.
Buy Christmas Seals
DECEMBER, 1949
Help Stamp Out TB
A revolutionary new mass testing program to screen some 75,000 people in Richmond for seven chronic diseases will begin around the first of the year.
The campaign will be conducted by the City Health Department in cooperation with the United States Public Health Service and various local agencies including the Richmond Tuberculosis Association.
This will be first program of its kind in the nation. People of Richmond will be tested free for diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, tuberculosis of the lungs, anemia, syphilis, and obesity. Test information will be turned over to the individual's physician.
Before the main progra;111begins, a series of small pilot studies will be made between November 15 and December 15, to evaluate their testing techniques and the amount of time required to take such a test.
The "multiphasic laboratory screening tests" as they are referred to, are made possible by a United States Public Health Service grant of $40,000 in services, to be matched by a like amount in services and equipment from the City Health Department and appropriations from the participating voluntary health agencies.
These multiphasic tests will be made available to the students at the University soon after the first of the year. They will be administrated for the students free of charge, but will be supported in part by the Christmas Tuberculosis Seal Drive
Opposites attract-like tight men and loose women, for instance.
The Merry-Go-Round
(C ontinued from pag e 13)
" Anyhow they won't call, and what if they didyou wouldn't know the answer."
"Okay, don't listen. No skin off my-" 'Tm tired, Melvin. Good-night." She walked into the bedroom and shut the door.
It seemed to Delia that she had just closed her eyes when she felt herself being shaken violently. She opened her eyes and mumbled sleepily, "What's the matter?"
Melvin was bent over the bed shaking her by the shoulders. He was shouting, "Delia, wake up, you hear me! They're calling you."
She sat up in bed "Have you gone crazy?"
"The radio show, Stop the Band , that's who. Will you please answer the phone?"
"What do they want? "
Melvin's voice rose frantically "It's the entry I sent in your name. It won first place. They ' re calling to ask you the name of the jack-pot tune."
"Well I'm sure I don't know what it is."
" Damn you, get out of that bed and answer the phone! You don't have to know what it is. I'll tell you the answer."
"Then why in the name of Heaven don ' t you answer it yourself if you know?"
"Because it's your entry , that's why. Now answer the damned telephone ."
He threw back the bedclothes, grabbed his wife by the wrist and dragged her out of bed. Suddenly she crumpled to the floor and began to cry. Melvin stared down at her in amazement.
" Woman, what in the name of God are you doing?"
"You hurt my wrist," Delia sobbed.
"Hurt your wrist," Melvin mimicked. " They're giving away fifty thousand dollars in prizes, and I hurt your wrist. Please, will you please answer the phone."
She pushed herself up from the floor , and began to wipe her eyes. Melvin grabbed her by the arm " Stop snivelling, and get to that phone. "
"I don't know the answer, Melvin."
"Listen, when they ask you the name of the jack-pot tune, you say Chinese Temple Dance. You understand? It's Chinese Temple Dance."
"But how did you-"
"Never mind, you just go out there and do like I told you. Holy Mackerel! What are you doing now?"
"My gown. I'm looking for my dressing gown. " "Where the hell do you think you' re going, to a party? Come on."
He shoved Delia through the door into the living room. She walked unsteadily to the telephone. "Answer it, answer it," Melvin yelped.
She picked up the receiver, leaned over to the mouthpiece, and said in a shaky voice, "Hello?" And then again, " Hello?"
"Chinese Temple Dance , remember you say Chinese Temple Dance," said Melvin Delia looked at her husband. She appeared puzzled. "Hello?" she asked into the mouthpiece.
"Well, go on," said Melvin. "Go ahead, tell 'em what it is."
"But they don't answer. There's no one on the line."
Before he could control the impulse he found himself lunging forward wildly. His right hand made heavy contact with the side of her face Taken completely by surprise, Delia lost her balance, and the scream that welled up in her throat was silenced suddenly as her head thudded against an edge of the radio. Her body slid inertly and awkwardly to the floor.
" . . . an all-expense vacation for two at Miami Beach," said the announcer, " a complete set of ~terling silver, a television set plus free installment, and last , but far from least , a completely automatic washing machine."
* * *
As the police wagon pulled away from 208 Llwelyn Avenue, its siren again cut the air with a steady, frantic scream. Locked up in the back of the police wagon, Melvin sat on the bench beside an impassive police sergeant. "Fifty thousand dollars," he murmured aloud. Let's see, there was the song , the radio, and Delia, and the telephone, and the contest, and somewhere there was fifty thousand dollars His mind refused to believe that Delia was dead. Somehow she had robbed him of fifty thousand dollars that he had won in a contest, yes there was a contest, contest, contest . . . automatically he reached inside his coat and pulled out a small notebook. There was his fountain pen in his breast pocket. He held the pen tightly in his right hand, bent over the notebook, and wrote firmly, I USE MIRACLEEN SOAPFLAKES BECAUSE .. . His eyes narrowed in deep concentration.
V~ey who fou gbt bere h far so nobly advanced. It ~1~ther for us to be =--::..:;:;:::;;;,;;:.;:;.:.:.; to the~ ¾~ . .,..._~ - / remaining before us: th~ D:.s?m t se honor~ dead~ take (~ ~~ ~~ _;.x~ \ incr~d dev~.pon to tha~use [.Qr hich t~gave the ~~._Q· · ""..._>,-,las~l l meas ~ of de~tion; that we here highly resolve ~- q 0 ' that t~ese dead shall not have died in~; that this H nat1on under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; andthat ~overnment of tbe people, by tt,e people, and for the people, shall noL peris~ ~ ~ &_}__~ ~ ~t_ ~ "AL, ~ ,, ~. ,Vl-\, ~ J!AAj ~<-<~ ~ ~ ~ .,~· · ~ ~ ,n..-u., ~ L niL ~, ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ ~u · c-
never forget what t ey did here. lt we say here; ~ ~ ~ is for \UI, tlle living, '"vs,\a.1.c_~ '--------------~......~u- n rather, to be dedic ted unfinished work which } 0 --~
The Editor's Desk
Holiday Fashions
Christmas is just around the corner ... there 's no doubt about it now that the Christmas tree is up ... that's the official signal for the gay mood t o begin, and Jim Streat and Judy Taylor are dressed for the gala occasions. Jim wears a smart single breasted grey flannel suit, and Judy is as sparking as Christmas itself in a shining brocade frock with velvet trim .
Approximately two thousand persons received our last issue, the 75th Anniversary number. It is gratifying to know that not all of The UNIVERSITY MESSENGER'Sreaders are University students. In broadening our content, we have broadened the magazine's appeal. Our mailing list now includes subscribers from Virginia to California. In addition, The UNIVERSITYMESSENGERcarries on an exchange circulation with more than seventy-five colleges and universities in almost every state of the Union.
Although in the past, according to the '49 Web,
"The UNIVERSITYMESSENGERhas played the role
Fashions by Miller & Rhoads.
Iceman ( in kitchen with cake of ice) : Hello. sonny.
Sonny: When you say that, smile.
Over cocktails, glances seem so sweet, How will they look over shredded wheat?
QUESTIONS
A A sign of omission is found with ease, 1 Phonetically speaking, it's found between these. of a little orphan child," it can no longer c aim { f h v· . . I
B It's twice shown here, and if you stop to think hold on that title. The story O t e irgrnia nter-
About the difference, you'll find the missing link. collegiate Press Association is our story' for the C 1, 2, 3, 6, 7 about this time of year MESSENGERunder its revised policy has reached Is spread and wished by people far and near. ) its reward on November 12th when it received an
ANSWERS WILL APPEAR IN THE award as the second best magazine of 1949. NEXT ISSUE OF YOUR MAGAZINE )
The convention was held at Mary Washington College at Fredericksburg, Va. on November 11 ___
and 12. The convention met for the purpose of ad-
vancement of knowledge and instruction in col-
lege journalism.
This did not mark the first intercollegiate recognition The UNIVERSITYMESSENGERhas received from VIP A in the past few conventions. At the Fall convention at Virginia Tech last year and the past Spring convention at Randolph-Macon College, The UNIVERSITYMESSENGERreceived honorable mention in the magazine judgings at both conferences. It is of significance to note that The UNIVERSITYMESSENGERwas so honored in its 75th anniversary year.
With the extent of the magazine's success has come our development of a discerning eye. Our editorial policy is to print only that which we consider best in its field. This does not, however, place any restrictions upon our readers as we are in need of your best work.
20
LAST MONTH'S ANSWERS & WINNERS
A MR. SOFT TOUCH. When hard times hit, Mr. Soft
counted on to fix you up quickly.
B ROBOT. Read TABOR (from Tabor City) inverted, with one minor switch (changing A to O) and you get Robot,
controlled by a switch.
C CHESTERFIELD. Trunk (chest); a pause (er); meadowla
