I thought I would just sneak back in. The turning point was when I got married in 1991. When I got married I now had a family which led me to buy a house in 1994 and apply for a loan which I thought would not get approved, which ended up being approved. I understood now that I had goods and also that I now had two kids. Fear started to creep in, fear of not being able to pay my mortgage if deported. Would I be able to support my family?” Unfortunately, his efforts to obtain U.S. citizenship were unsuccessful. Vega tried to pretend to be a field crop picker to obtain a work visa but was ultimately discovered to not have been a worker. He then attempted to obtain legal status through legislation which fell through due to him not meeting a requirement of arrival time in the U.S. He then opted for naturalization through the request of an Alien relative. His son started the process and gained his nationality. All of the individuals I spoke to came from different backgrounds and came here for different reasons but with each interview, I kept seeing similarities of their experiences throughout the years. One question I asked all of them was, “Are you and were you fearful of deportation?” All their answers were alike: they all stated that towards the beginning, fear was ever present. “If it’s meant to happen, it is meant to happen,” Chino said. But each had a goal that needed to be accomplished. As time went on, the fear never went away, but rather, it became more repressed in their minds. For the adults, there was a turning point for them where the fear became absolutely constant for them—when their family was involved. “The reason I had a fear of deportation was because I already had kids,” Vega said. Once a child was involved in the situation, they lost all care for themselves and put their minds to their children. What they feared the most was that if they were to get deported, they would no longer be able to take care of their children. All of them stated that they, in fact, did not have a plan if they were to get deported but rather rode on the assumption Vega now considers the U.S. his that they home.
“
would go to their family members back home. The major issue as to why they had no ability to save money or prepare was due to time constraints. “You need six circles to get a rectangle,” Murillo said. She explains that here in the U.S., life is extremely fast-paced compared to Latin American countries, so to survive here, you need four wheels (four circles), a steering wheel (one circle), and a watch (one circle) to get money (the rectangle). It is difficult to strike a balance with all of those, and adding the difficulty of being undocumented, always looking over your shoulder and trying to fit in, it can be very stressful and draining to live this way. The more I listened, the more I could sympathize with what they went through or are going through. Being an immigrant myself, I have had the privilege of having documentation all my stay here in the U.S., which I am truly grateful for. But discrimination and fear are experiences that I have shared with them—my parents telling me even though I was a resident, that did not mean I was safe, advising me to always be aware of the police and be on my best behavior. Never raise too much attention to yourself, as you are never truly safe legally until you are declared a national U.S. citizen. The process and feelings they expressed to me about adapting to the new environment resonated so deeply that I found myself nodding my head to every word that they said. Murillo’s interview especially stayed in my mind long after it took place when she told me that she does not enjoy living here completely. She went on to compare the lifestyles she saw when she visited Mexico, describing it as a more difficult lifestyle, but the people are happy, seeing them relaxing on their front door chatting, drinking, playing, socializing and just enjoying life. I have never been to Mexico, but when she was telling me about it, all I could picture was me at my home town in Nicaragua, walking down the street looking for my friends to play something while the neighbors asked how my dad was doing as they chatted about the hot gossip in town. Late at night, the adults would go inside, and we would just sit in front of someone’s house and tell jokes, play games and just chat until we got yelled at to come back inside. It made me feel a sort of melancholy comfort, relating to her experiences and remembering things I have not done in half a decade. Truthfully, I cannot fully say I relate to them completely because I have been very privileged for my stay in the U.S. as a documented immigrant. But their stories truly showed me the hardships of someone not as privileged as me and how strong they have to be to keep fighting this battle. These individuals go through so much in their lives but never lose their hope of working for a better one.
Fear started to creep in, fear of not being able to pay my mortgage if deported. Would I be able to support my family? - Fernando vega
“
37 | in-Depth
