Student Speak Summer 2011

Issue 16

Spring/Summer Edition

We all know a nd love … We f her ind out what m Mrs Hig akes het tic k!

Pages 10—11

from around the Globe!

UCC students have been pretty much everywhere. Find out more inside ...

Thankyou to GCSE art and textiles students for providing us with such a beautiful cover!

Lonely? Looking for that special someone? Look no further … than page seventeen.

ĞĂƌ ƌĞĂĚĞƌƐ͕ tĞ ŚŽƉĞ LJŽƵ ĂƉƉƌĞĐŝĂƚĞ ƚŚĞ ďƌĂŶĚ ŶĞǁ ůĂLJŽƵƚ ŽĨ ^ƚƵĚĞŶƚ ^ƉĞĂŬ͘ /ƚ͛Ɛ Ăůů ĚŝĨĨĞƌĞŶƚ͕ ůŽŽŬ͘ ŝĨĨĞƌĞŶƚ ĨŽŶƚƐ ĂŶĚ ƐƚƵĨĨ͘ zŽƵ͛Ě ďĞƚƚĞƌ ĂƉƉƌĞĐŝĂƚĞ ŝƚ͕ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ ŝĨ LJŽƵ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ͘ ͘ ͘ dŚŝƐ ŝƐƐƵĞ ďĞŐĂŶ ŽŶĞ ƌĂŝŶLJ ĚĂLJ ŝŶ &ĞďƌƵĂƌLJ͕ ŝŶ ĂŶ ŽƌĚĞƌůLJ ŵĞĞƚŝŶŐ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ĨůŽŽƌ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƐŝdžƚŚ ĨŽƌŵ ƐƚƵĚLJ ĂƌĞĂ͘ dŚĂƚΖƐ ƌŝŐŚƚ͕ ƚŚĞ ĨůŽŽƌ͘ dŚĞƌĞ ǁĞƌĞ ŶŽ ĐŚĂŝƌƐ ůĞĨƚ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ^^ ƚĞĂŵ͕ ŶŽƚ ĞǀĞŶ ƚŚĞ ĐŽŽů ďůƵĞ ƐǁŝǀĞůLJ ŽŶĞƐ͘ dŚĞ ĨĂĐƚ ƚŚĂƚ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ ƐŝƚƚŝŶŐ ƌŝŐŚƚ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĚŽŽƌǁĂLJ ĚŝĚŶΖƚ ŚĞůƉ ĞŝƚŚĞƌ͘ ,Žǁ ĂǁĨƵů͕ / ŚĞĂƌ LJŽƵ ƐĂLJ͊ tĞůů͕ ǁĞ ĚŝĚŶΖƚ ƚŚŝŶŬ ƐŽ͘ ĞͲ ĐĂƵƐĞ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ ũƵƐƚ ƐŽ ĚĂŵŶ ĞdžĐŝƚĞĚ ƚŽ ďƌŝŶŐ LJŽƵ Ăůů ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ĞĚŝƚŝŽŶ ;ƚŚĞ ϭϰƚŚͿ ŽĨ ^ƚƵĚĞŶƚ ^ƉĞĂŬ͕ ǁŚŝĐŚ ǁĞ ŚŽƉĞ LJŽƵΖůů ĨŝŶĚ ĞŶƚĞƌƚĂŝŶŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ŝŶĨŽƌŵĂƚŝǀĞ͘ ^Ž ŐŝǀĞ LJŽƵƌƐĞůĨ Ă ďƌĞĂŬ ;ĂŶĚ Ă <ŝƚ<Ăƚ͕ ƉĞƌŚĂƉƐͿ ĂŶĚ ƐĞĞ ǁŚĂƚ ǁĞ ĐĂŵĞ ƵƉ ǁŝƚŚ͘ >ŽǀĞ͕ ƚŚĞ ĞĚŝƚŽƌƐ͘ KŚ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŽ ƐƚĂƌƚ ŽĨĨ͕ ǁĞ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ǁĞ͛Ě ƚĞůů LJŽƵ ǁŚŽ ƚŚĞ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ĂƌĞ ƚŚĂƚ ŝŶƐƉŝƌĞ ƵƐ ĂŶĚ ǁŚLJ͘ Chloe Jackson Nick Vujicic

͞,Ğ ŝƐ ƉƌŽŽĨ ƚŚĂƚ ůŝĨĞ ŚĂƐ ŶŽ ůŝŵŝƚĂƚŝŽŶƐ͘͟ Chris Brown Charlie Sheen

͞,Ğ ŚĂƐ ŽŶĞ ƐƉĞĞĚ͖ ͚'K͊͛͟ Katie Potter Kate Rusby

Jenny Walker Anne Frank

͞^ŚĞ ǁĂƐ ƐŽ ĨƵůů ŽĨ ůŝĨĞ͕ ŚŽƉĞ ĂŶĚ ĞŶƚŚƵƐŝĂƐŵ͘͟ Gwyn C. Williams

Trotsky

͞ ůŝĨĞ ĞŶĚĞĚ ďLJ Ă ŝĐĞͲĂdžĞ ǁŝĞůĚŝŶŐ DĞdžŝĐĂŶ ŝƐ Ă ůŝĨĞ ǁŽƌƚŚ ůŝǀŝŶŐ͘͟ Ted Harbot

?

? ͞^ŚĞ ƐŝŶŐƐ ůŝŬĞ ĂŶ ĂŶŐĞů͘ Kƌ Ă ŐŽĚĚĞƐƐ͘ Kƌ Ă ŵĞƌŵĂŝĚ͘͟

͞ ĂŶ͛ƚ LJŽƵ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ůĞĂǀĞ ŵĞ ĂůŽŶĞ͍͟

The latest headlines from the world of Ullswater Community College

Ullswater Community College is “best ever” Humble school awarded superprestigious award for superawesomeness.

UCC has been awarded a highly prestigious Ullswater Award for Excellency due to its high levels of excellency. The award, chosen by teachers from all over UCC, was awarded to our highly excellent school by none other than George Foreman. The famous boxer, and Lean, Mean FatReducing Grilling Machine™ specialist, expressed his opinion that the school is “so good, I [he] put his name on it.” The school shall, therefore, henceforth be known as George Foreman’s Lean, Mean, Ignorance-Reducing Learning Machine™, or “GFLMIRLM” for short. Although, technically Foreman will have no role in running the school, a statue has been erected in his name, and form, and it has vowed to make the school “more excellent”, despite its recent award for excellency.

Students and teachers are already beginning to notice the changes. I asked a year 7 his opinion: “I don’t understand. Why are there statues of George Foreman everywhere?” (Needless to say I refrained from answering with a powerful right hook. Whack! Out like a light. Dance like a fairy, sting like a rattlesnake. Or is that Ali?!) The statues of gorgeous George are not the only change, though. Emphasis has now been moved away from conventional lessons, such as English Literature and History, and moved towards subjects like Boxing and Punching Stuff. Mr Skelton, who teaches boxing classes, had this to say: “Aye, it’s rate good, like. We get t’ punch ’n’ that.” Wise words. Wise words.

We, here at the SS, welcome the pugilistic change and hope that George will continue to make this school great, because if there’s one thing we love it’s success. Luckily, George has introduced a rule that everyone must be a success.

Or face expulsion.

Too much beef Mass hysteria has taken over in the Westmorland hall after a miscalculated food order has left huge mounds of rotting beef Wellingtons in the lunch area. The breakfast bar has been closed.

Student Speak would like to point out that we refuse to accept responsibility for the veracity of the reports on this page.

Art hut destroyed in freak bulldozing accident The art hut is no more. Say that to anyone a few months ago and they’d say “Yes, it is. It’s right there. Use your eyes, jerk.” But those were days long passed away. Days before bulldozers and freak bulldozing accidents. Go to admire the Art Hut’s beautiful architecture now and you will find rubble. Also scaffolding and a building site. ‘Scaffolding? A building site?’ you may ask. ‘Why?’ you may also ask. I’ll tell you why. This site has been chosen. Chosen as the foundation for UCC’s new ‘Skills Building Academy of Learning Aptitude and Educational Propensity’. Some say the name is too long but I say damn them! If they can’t remember/

Prestigious car manufacturer threatens to sue school for “plagiarism”

pronounce it then maybe they’re not fit to learn there. After all, as the saying goes, ‘Eloquence is nine tenths of Learning Aptitude and Educational Propensity.’

And so, we say ‘Adieu’ to the Art Hut and its many memories (not for me, I never went in there. The place was a dump). Let’s just hope that the new, infinitely more expensive building lives up to expectations. Mr Pattinson has said in his blog that “steel erectors discovered that some of the supporting uprights of the steel frame were 150mm too long and had to go back to the manufacturers to be re-cut.” I, for one, cannot contain my excitement. Roll on September.

French car makers Peugeot have threatened to sue the school for what they say is “une imitation flagrante de la célèbre logo Peugeot.”

The school’s lawyers disagree. Let’s hope they’re as good as their word if it goes to court.

Can you see a similarity?

No, you can’t and you’d do well to remember it.

If we find out you’ve been blabbing to Peugeot’s lawyers we’re going to come down on you like a ton of feathers. Got it?

High tech fizzy drinks machines erected in the lunch halls As students entered the Cumberland and Westmorland halls on Monday morning, they were amazed to find brand new, flashy, high-tech beverage dispensers in place of the old ones.

Rather than selling boring drinks, like water and pure orange juice, the new machines sell exciting drinks, like Suso!

Don’t worry, though, the new drinks still contain all of your essential nutrients, like

potassium sorbate and dimethyl dicarbonate.

Mmm, can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet dimethyl dicarbonate.

When I asked a bloodshot-eyed student about the new drinks, he grabbed one out of my hands, gulped it down and said ‘Get me some more! I need the potassium sorbate!’ and pushed me over. Well, I couldn’t have put it better myself.

These drinks are deeeeeeelicious.

Ɛ ƚŚĞ LJĞĂƌ ϭϯƐ ĞŶƚĞƌ ƚŚĞŝƌ ĨŝŶĂů ƚĞƌŵ Ăƚ hůůƐǁĂƚĞƌ ŽŵŵƵŶŝƚLJ ŽůůĞŐĞ͕ ǁĞ ĂƐŬĞĚ Ă ĨĞǁ ŽĨ ƚŚĞŵ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞŝƌ ŵŽƐƚ ŵĞŵŽƌĂďůĞ ŵŽŵĞŶƚƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞŝƌ ƚŝŵĞ Ăƚ ƐĐŚŽŽů͘ EĞĞĚůĞƐƐ ƚŽ ƐĂLJ͕ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ ƵŶĂďůĞ ƚŽ ƉƵďůŝƐŚ ŵĂŶLJ ŽĨ ƚŚĞŵ͘ ^ƚƵĚĞŶƚ ^ƉĞĂŬ ǁŽƵůĚ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ǁŝƐŚ ƚŚĞ LJĞĂƌ ϭϯƐ ;ĂŶĚ ĂŶLJŽŶĞ ĞůƐĞ ǁŚŽ ŝƐ ůĞĂǀŝŶŐͿ ůŽƚƐ ŽĨ ůƵĐŬ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ĨƵƚƵƌĞ ĂŶĚ ĞǀĞƌLJƚŚŝŶŐ LJŽƵ ĚŽ͊ ^ƚĞƉŚĞŶ ,ŽŐŐ Ͳ ͞ ĂƌƌŝĞ ĂŶĚ ĂŶ͘͟ ĞŶ WĞĂƌƐŽŶ Ͳ ͞/ ŚĂǀĞ ŶŽ ĨĂǀŽƵƌŝƚĞ ŵĞŵŽƌŝĞƐ͕ / ŚĂƚĞ ƚŚŝƐ ƉůĂĐĞ͘ Ƶƚ ƚŚĞƌĞ ǁĂƐ ƚŚŝƐ ƚŝŵĞ ǁŚĞŶ ƚŚĞLJ ŚĂĚ ďŝŐ ŵĂƚĐŚ ĐĂŶƐ ŽĨ /ƌŶ ƌƵ Ăƚ ƚŚĞ ĐŽƌŶĞƌ ƐŚŽƉ͘͟ :ĂĐŬ tŝŶƚĞƌ Ͳ ͞^ĐĂƌŝŶŐ &ůŝƐƐ͕ ŽŚ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ &ĂĐĞŬ ŝŶĐŝĚĞŶƚ͙ :ŽƐŚ ZŽďĞƌƚƐ Ͳ ͞WĂƌŝƐ dƌŝƉ͕ Ă ĨƵŶ ƚƌŝƉ ĨƵůů ŽĨ ďƌŽŬĞŶ ĂƌŵƐ͕ ďůŽĐŬĞĚ ƚŽŝůĞƚƐ ĂŶĚ ŵƵŐŐŝŶŐƐ͘͟

,Žǁ ŽůĚ ĂƌĞ LJŽƵ͍ /͛ŵ ϮϬ͘ tŚĂƚ Ͳ>ĞǀĞůƐ ĚŝĚ LJŽƵ ƐƚƵĚLJ͍ / ƐƚƵĚŝĞĚ /ƚĂůŝĂŶ͕ &ƌĞŶĐŚ͕ DĂƚŚƐ ĂŶĚ ŶŐůŝƐŚ͘ tŚĂƚ ŚĂǀĞ LJŽƵ ďĞĞŶ ĚŽŝŶŐ ƐŝŶĐĞ LJŽƵ ůĞĨƚ h ͍ / ƐƚĂƌƚĞĚ ŽĨĨ ƐƚƵĚLJŝŶŐ /ƚĂůŝĂŶ ĂŶĚ DĂƚŚƐ Ăƚ 'ůĂƐŐŽǁ hŶŝǀĞƌƐŝƚLJ͕ ďƵƚ ĂĨƚĞƌ Ă ƚĞƌŵ / ĚĞĐŝĚĞĚ ƚŚĂƚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐŶ͛ƚ ƌŝŐŚƚ ĨŽƌ ŵĞ͘ EŽǁ / Ăŵ ƐƚƵĚLJŝŶŐ ĂŶĐĞ ĂŶĚ ƵůƚƵƌĞ ǁŝƚŚ WƌŽĨĞƐƐŝŽŶĂů ƚƌĂŝŶŝŶŐ Ăƚ ƚŚĞ hŶŝǀĞƌƐŝƚLJ ŽĨ ^ƵƌͲ ƌĞLJ͘ ƌĞ LJŽƵ ĞŶũŽLJŝŶŐ ŝƚ ƚŚĞƌĞ͍ zĞƐ͕ / Ăŵ ŚĂǀŝŶŐ Ă ŵĂƌǀĞůŽƵƐůLJ ǁŽŶĚĞƌĨƵů ƚŝŵĞ͖ ďŽƚŚ ƚŚĞ ĞĚƵĐĂƚŝŽŶĂů ƐŝĚĞ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ƐŽĐŝĂů ƐŝĚĞ ĂƌĞ ŝŶĐƌĞĚŝͲ ďůLJ ĨƵŶ͘ Ž LJŽƵ ŚĂǀĞ ĂŶLJ ĂĚǀŝĐĞ ĨŽƌ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ĂƉƉůLJŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ƵŶŝǀĞƌƐŝƚLJ͍ / ǁŽƵůĚ ƐŝŵƉůLJ ƐĂLJ ƚŽ ŵĂŬĞ ƐƵƌĞ LJŽƵ ĂƌĞŶ͛ƚ ũƵƐƚ ĚŽͲ ŝŶŐ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ LJŽƵ ŚĂǀĞ ďĞĞŶ ƚŽůĚ ƚŽ ƉŝĐŬ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ Žƌ ũƵƐƚ ĨŽƌ ĐĂƌĞĞƌ ƉƵƌƉŽƐĞƐ͘ KďǀŝŽƵƐůLJ Ă ĐĂƌĞĞƌ ŝƐ ƚŚĞ ŐŽĂů ďƵƚ ŵĂŬĞ ƐƵƌĞ LJŽƵ ĂƌĞ ĚŽŝŶŐ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ LJŽƵ ůŽǀĞ͘ DĂŬĞ ƐƵƌĞ LJŽƵ ƚŚŝŶŬ ĂďŽƵƚ ŝƚ ůŽŶŐ ĂŶĚ ŚĂƌĚ͊

>ƵŬĞ ĂLJ Ͳ ͞WŚLJƐŝĐƐ͘ Dƌ ͙͘​͘ ƉƵƚ Ă ƉůƵŐŐĞĚ ŝŶ ƚŽĂƐƚĞƌ ŝŶƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐŝŶŬ͘ ,Ğ ĚƌŽƉƉĞĚ Ă ƚƌĂLJ ŽĨ ŵĂŐŐŽƚƐ͕ ŽŚ͕ ĂŶĚ Dƌ ĂůĞLJ ĂŶĚ ŚŝƐ ĨĂͲ ŵŽƵƐ ͚ĞŐŐ͛ ůĞƐƐŽŶ͕ ĞŐŐƐ ǁĞŶƚ ĞǀĞƌLJǁŚĞƌĞ͕ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ƐŽ ĨƵŶŶLJ͊͟ <ĂƚŝĞ WŽƚƚĞƌ Ͳ ͞^ŽƵƚŚ ĨƌŝĐĂ ŶĞƚďĂůů ĂŶĚ ƌƵŐďLJ ƚŽƵƌ͕ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƐƚ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ƚŝŵĞ͘͟ :ĞŶŶLJ tĂůŬĞƌ Ͳ ͞>ŽŶĚŽŶ ŶŐůŝƐŚ dƌŝƉ ϮϬϭϬ͘ tĞ ŶĞĂƌůLJ ƐĞƚ ƚŚĞ ĨŝƌĞ ĂůĂƌŵ ŽĨĨ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƚĞů ĂĨƚĞƌ ďƵƌŶŝŶŐ ĐŚŽĐŽůĂƚĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŵŝĐƌŽǁĂǀĞ͘ tĞ ǁĞƌĞ ďĂůĂŶĐŝŶŐ ƉƌĞĐĂƌŝŽƵƐůLJ ŽŶ ĐŚĂŝƌƐ ƚŽ ĨůĂƉ ƚŽǁĞůƐ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ ƚŚĞ ĂůĂƌŵ͊͟ :ĞŶ ZĞŝĚ Ͳ ͞WůĂLJŝŶŐ &ƌŝƐďĞĞ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ĨŝĞůĚ ĚƵƌŝŶŐ ĞdžĂŵ ƉĞƌŝŽĚ ŝŶ zƌ ϭϭ͘͟ ŶĚLJ ,ĂƚƚůĞ Ͳ ͞Dƌ ĂŶĚ DƌƐ ,ĂƌŶĞƚƚ Ăƚ zƌ ϭϭ WƌŽŵ͘͟ ŵŝůLJ tŽƌƌĂů Ͳ ͞&ĂŶĐLJ ĚƌĞƐƐ ĚĂLJƐ͕ ǁŚĞŶ ĞǀĞƌLJŽŶĞ ĐĂŵĞ ĚƌĞƐƐĞĚ ĂƐ ƉŝƌĂƚĞƐ͘͟

,ĂŶŶĂŚ ŝŶ DĂŶŚĂƚƚĂŶ͊

,ĂŶŶĂŚ ĨŽƵŶĚ ŚĞƌͲ ƐĞůĨ ƉĂƌƚŝŶŐ h ǁŝƚŚ ƚǁŽ Ɛ ĂŶĚ Ă ͕ ŽƉƚŝͲ ŵŝƐƚŝĐ ƉƌŽƐƉĞĐƚƐ ĨŽƌ hŶŝǀĞƌƐŝƚLJ ŽůůĞŐĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ĂŶĚ Ă ŚĂŶĚĨƵů ŽĨ ŚŽƉĞƐ ĂŶĚ ĚƌĞĂŵƐ͘

tŚĂƚ ůĂLJ ĂŚĞĂĚ ǁĂƐ ƵŶĐůĞĂƌ͕ ƚŚĞ ǁĂůŬ ŽĨ ůŝĨĞ ŝƐ Ă ĚŝĨĨŝĐƵůƚ ŽŶĞ͕ ďƵƚ ďĞŝŶŐ ƐƚŽƵƚ ŽĨ ŚĞĂƌƚ ĂŶĚ ĚĂƌŝŶŐ͕ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ ĞƐƚĂďůŝƐŚĞĚ ŚĞƌƐĞůĨ ŝŶ ƚŚŝƐ ǁŽƌůĚ ĂƐ ĂŶ ĞdžƉůŽƌĞƌ͕ Ă ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚ͕ ďƵƚ ŵŽƐƚ ƉƌŽŵŝŶĞŶƚůLJ ŽĨ Ăůů͕ Ă ŬŝŶĚ ĂŶĚ ĂĐĐĞƉƚŝŶŐ ŚƵŵĂŶ ďĞŝŶŐ͘ ,Ğƌ ƐƚƵĚŝĞƐ ŽĨ ŶƚŚƌŽƉŽůŽŐLJ ĂŶĚ ƐƵĐĐĞƐƐĨƵů ĚĞŐƌĞĞ ŚĂǀĞ ďƌŽƵŐŚƚ ŚĞƌ ƚŽ Ă ƉůĂĐĞ ŝŶ ŚĞƌ ůŝĨĞ ǁŚĞƌĞ ƚŚĞ ŽƉƉŽƌƚƵŶŝƚŝĞƐ ƐŚĞ ŚĂƐ ĂƌĞ ĞŶĚůĞƐƐ͘ ĞƐƉŝƚĞ ƚŚĞ ŚĞĂǀLJ ŚĂŶĚ ŽĨ ƌĞŶƚ ĂŶĚ ƚĂdž ĐƌƵƐŚŝŶŐ ĚŽǁŶ ŽŶ ŚĞƌ͕ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ ŚĂƐ Ɛƚŝůů ǁĂůŬĞĚ ƚŚĞ ƐƚƌĞĞƚƐ ŽĨ DĂŶŚĂƚƚĂŶ͕ ĚĂŶĐĞĚ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ďĞĂĐŚĞƐ ŽĨ ƌĂnjŝů ĂŶĚ ƐĞĞŶ ƚŚĞ ƐŶŽǁLJ ƚŽƉƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ,ŝŵĂůĂLJĂƐ͘ &Žƌ ƚŚĞ ĨƵƚƵƌĞ͕ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ ůŽŽŬƐ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚƐ ƚŽ ďĞŐŝŶŶŝŶŐ ŚĞƌ D Ăƚ h > ĂŶĚ ŵŽƌĞ ƚƌĂǀĞůƐ͕ ůĂƵŐŚƚĞƌ ĂŶĚ ůŽǀĞ͘ ͞dŚĞƌĞ ŝƐ ŶŽ ƉůĂĐĞ /͛Ě ƌĂƚŚĞƌ ďĞ ƚŚĂŶ >ŽŶĚŽŶ͘ / ůŽǀĞ ǁŚĞƌĞ ůŝĨĞ ŚĂƐ ƚĂŬĞŶ ŵĞ ĂŶĚ / ǁŝƐŚ Ăůů ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ƚŽ ƚŚŽƐĞ ǁŚŽ ƉĂƐƐ ƚŚƌŽƵŐŚ hůůƐǁĂƚĞƌ ŽŵŵƵŶŝƚLJ ŽůͲ ůĞŐĞ͘͟

DECISIONS, DECISIONS .... The real scoop on choosing (some of) your A levels. l debatect but it’s not al bj su c ti as nt fa a fe, Is thinking about li d an t ou ng li il ing, ch a proper everything. It’s rite the universe and be prepared to w so t ec bj su ic , em acad there’s juggling es im et om S ! ys those essa o. and meditation to

The exa m bates in s are really har d, c learn lo lass are really f but the deads in le un and y sson. ou

ou do but y ish) o t g n i … r e ad load of quickly. (Well story a s ’ e r e Th it pretty of hilarious hi o t d e s lots g et u eally to watch ject is taught r t e g u o Y ub n d th e s videos a well.

Art is lovely.

Much more re laxed in year 12 and 13 plu s you have a great sp ac And a nice so e to work in. fa. Its new.

If y stay motivate d and passion ou ate its easy to keep up with the w orkload, but you do need to pu t the effort in..

Biolog y cally a is a big step ssured u by cert p from GCS you’ve ai E g body t ot a fascinat n biology stu (I am empha hen thi ion fo tidents)… s could r be the experimentat but if subjec t for yo ion and the u. really g subject that is in st re te in ly eryal A re you know in ev le p eo p e th to relevant work outprepared to do e b t u B . fe li ood day want to get a g u o y if n o ss le side of grade.

It ’s n o t a ll be shoot practical peopl e! ing hoop s, scorin So you won’t pigeons, gg (w sport) th e don’t know, oals, shooting w e whole time. So e don’t do Yeah. we hear .

ama ut dr t the o b a g pu inkin ready to g. Also h t e r e in r u’ I f y o e g o t t o b s e v er y t h w i t h y o u n v you’ n, it mea uch time ep on i t time pend so m und to s always o s b you you’re s, but you ht. g p s and you grou thers toe on the ni h p ra g h it w s h o g vel If you have lau each together aths is the A le M en th it , ig tr really dig pull ith the work, w p u p ee k d for you! Try an Note to Editors! Where is English Literature? Aftergo far wrong. all, you all take it and 3 of you are going on to Engand you won’t lish related degrees? We’re hurt!

GCSE NEWSFLASH! As you might already know, the new government (god bless'm) has introduced a new way of measuring schools' achievement at GCSE level. It used to be the case that 5 grade A*-C passes in English, Maths and three other options of your own choosing, was the standard they approved of. Not any more! Now, they are looking at GCSE students achieving grades A* -C in five core subjects - maths, English, two science qualifications, a foreign language and either history or geography.

This is a measure for grading schools, not students. You can still choose whatever subjects suit you. However it is important to be aware that in the future, some Universities may not look at subjects outside of this government standard: for instance applied subjects like Salon Services or Small Animal Care. Before making any decisions, talk to your teachers, form tutors (who will probably know a lot more about it than us!) and your parents and think about what you may want in the future. Ultimately, take the time to consider all the options and do what's best for you.

n The Waves by Laure

Poems by ye

Frost 8GN

on th

ey crash, they roar. th , es av w e th ar he h O , eroding the shore.

Bullying light houses e bridges and rocks. th , gs in ild bu e th g Munchin k, giving tourists a shoc d an es on st g in w lo Swal ts, tents, galore.

Spitting at beach hu for more, for more!

Screaming for more,

Spring a t last, w ahoo!!

The soft breeze t ickles m y skin, The sun is shinin g.

By Ann a

Harvey 8JC

Spring!

New Life by Lau

ra Walton 8GN

New life was th ere, A cry of spring was heard, A hop of a bun ny, A chirp of a ch ick, And a baa of a newly born lam b, The trees had b lossomed, Spring had beg un, Spring was new life, New life was h ere.

The flowers blossom, The sun is warm, Winter is forgotten, A new season is born! play, Out on the lawn the children Parents smile day by day, fun, Out on the lake for days of n!

Sometimes dad goes for a ru All the coats are put away ly today!

Shorts and t-shirts, definite Out I go to lie in the sun, n!

The dog races by having fu Spring is a lovely time, The weather is usually fine!

By Ceri Sargent 8GN

ning Little lambs run , green fields Round the green here Jumping everyw n

By Jess Davidso

Spring: Lilacs, Tulips and and lambs, s g n li k c u d , Daffodils .

Easter eggs d n a s k ic h C Sproat 8GN

By Natalie

EASTER . e of lent m i t e h t r Easte y istian wa The Chr of lent time. d At the en g endinnin l G e o J By

ear 8 English

Spring Acrostic by

e theme of

Easter! born!

Baby lambs are all the kids!

Easter eggs for hatched!

Tiny chicks are Spring! tweet tweet!

Song birds sing s have grown!

Beautiful flower HOP! Fluffy bunnies

By Lucy

Shay Brenan 8JC

Sun, everyone love s the sun and it alw ays leaves a smile their faces. on Plants, without them spring would have no colour or happiness.

Reproduction, all ki nds of baby animal s are born and start the difficult journe y which is life.

Intelligence, everyt hing starts to develo p knowledge and an understanding of th e outside world.

Nature, all of nature comes to life and ev erything starts to grow or reproduce.

Growing plants an d baby animals and nature starts to rega its true colours. in

Spring by Caragh Ware and Chloe McVey 8JC Spring, oh spring, stereotypical spring …

Baby lambs being born, yawn!

Oh the sun rising, such a pretty thing!

Who cares about a daffodil blooming?

It’s only a flower, they’re here all year.

They let out their pollen like they’re perfuming.

Sp is all so n ring ear Spring Sp ri is the tim ng e to chee r Spring Sp ri is almost ng here Spring Sp ring

Spring

To be honest I’d rather be shopping, Than watching the stupid grass grow And really the grass doesn’t need to grow My mum is always chopping.

So really, this fuss is for nothing.

I’m more interested in school.

No offence to the nature lovers, Spring isn’t that COOL!

Spring gives us hope that winter has gone.

Snowdrops are out, daffodils are blooming and grass grows long.

Spring is when lambs are born, When we are woken by bird song at the crack of dawn.

Spring is full of happy days and excitement!

Spring is when I am born and is a precious moment.

By Charlotte Fabi 8JC

Blossom Flower out on the tree ss s Nights haking in the , are gett breeze, in Days ar e gettin g a lot lighter, g much Winter br is So farm forgotten now ighter, e , The new rs can start to pl b The bir orn lambs loo ough, ds migr ating ar k soft and whi But Eas te, e tak te Lots of r is a special t ing flight, im fun and playing e, time.

By Ros s Do n a ld 8PW

Chapter 1 - Paris (Kept in shorthand)

3 May - Left Penrith at 4.67am on 14 Febru Ŷ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ ƚŚĂƚ ǁŝůů ůĂƐƚ Ă ůŝĨĞͲ ary, arriving at Paris early next morning; should have arrived at 6.97am but train was ƚŝŵĞ Ͳ dŚĞ ǁŚĂĐŬ ďĂŐ ĂĚǀĞŶƚƵƌĞ an hour late. Or bus. Paris seems a dreadful ƚŚĂƚ ĨŽƌŵĂůůLJ ďĞĐĂŵĞ ŬŶŽǁŶ ĂƐ ƚŚĞ place, from the glimpse I got from the train/ ͚ ĚĞŶ ^ĐŚŽŽůƐ ^ƚ͘ sŝŶĐĞŶƚ ǀŝƐŝƚ ϮϬϭϭ͕͛ bus and the little I could walk through the ǁĂƐ Ăƚ ĨŝƌƐƚ ŽŶůLJ Ă ǁŚŝƐƉĞƌ ĂŶĚ streets. I feared to go very far from the station as we had arrived late and would start as near ďĂƌĞůLJ ĞǀĞŶ Ă ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ͘ DŽŶƚŚƐ ůĂƚĞƌ to the correct time as possible. The impresĨŽƵƌƚĞĞŶ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ͕ ƚǁŽ ƚĞĂĐŚĞƌƐ sion I had was that we were leaving the Feast ;ŽŶĞ ďĞŝŶŐ ŽƵƌ ǁŽŶĚĞƌĨƵů DƐ /ǀŝŶͲ and entering the East. The most western of ƐŽŶͿ͕ Ă ĨŝƌƐƚ ĂŝĚĞƌ ĂŶĚ ŽŶĞ ͚ƚŚĞĂƚƌĞ splendid bridges over the Danube, which is here of noble width and noble depth, took us ĚŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ͛ ƐĞƚ ŽĨĨ ĚŽǁŶ ƚŚĞ ůŽŶŐ ĂŶĚ among the traditions of Turkish rule. ǁŝŶĚŝŶŐ ƌŽĂĚ ƚŚĂƚ ŝƐ ƚŚĞ Dϲ͘ ďƵƐ We left in noble time, and came after nightfall at Klavsensdfliuwdfoiburgh. Here I ũŽƵƌŶĞLJ ƚŽ ůĂƐƚ Ă ůŝĨĞƚŝŵĞ͕ ĞƋƵĂůůĞĚ stopped for ‘le’ night at The Hotel Noble. I ^ƚ͘ sŝŶĐĞŶƚ ĚĞ WĂƵů ďůĞƐƐĞĚ ƚŚĞ ƚƌŝƉ͘ ŽŶůLJ ďLJ &ƌŽĚŽ ĂŶĚ ^Ăŵ͛Ɛ ǀĞŶƚƵƌĞ ƚŽ had for dinner, or rather supper, a chicken DŽƌĚŽƌ͘ tŝƚŚ ƉĞƌŚĂƉƐ Ă ůĞƐƐ ĐůŝŵĂƚŝĐ done in some way with red pepper, which ĞŶĚŝŶŐ͘ ůƚŚŽƵŐŚ ŝƚ ĚŝĚ ĐŽŶĐůƵĚĞ ǁŝƚŚ ƐĞǀĞƌĂů ďŽƵƚƐ ŽĨ ƐŝĐŬŶĞƐƐ ĂŶĚ was very good but thirsty (mem. get recipe for Mina). I asked the waiter, and he said it was ĚŝĂƌƌŚŽĞĂ ;ĂƐŬ 'ĞŽƌŐŝŶĂ ŽƵƉůĂŶĚ ĨŽƌ ĚĞƚĂŝůƐͿ͘ called “paprika hendlliyhytgrter” and that, as it was a national dish, I should ‘be’ able to get ƐŚŽƌƚ ǁĂŝƚ ŝŶ 'ĂƚǁŝĐŬ ĂŶĚ ďƌŝĞĨ ĞŝŐŚƚ ŚŽƵƌ ĨůŝŐŚƚ ;ƚŽƚĂůůLJ ďƌŝĞĨ͙Ϳ ‘it’ anywhere along Carpathathixoyizoiccs ůĞĚ ƚŚĞ LJŽƵŶŐ ŬĞĞŶ ĂŶĚ ĞŶƚŚƵƐŝĂƐƚŝĐ ĂĚǀĞŶƚƵƌĞƌƐ ƚŽ ĂƌďĂĚŽƐ ĂŝƌͲ (mem. get recipe for Mina). I found my smatƉŽƌƚ͘ hƉŽŶ ĞdžŝƚŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĨůŝŐŚƚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ ĞƐƚĂďůŝƐŚĞĚ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞ ĐƌLJͲ tering of German very useful here; indeed, there is something je ne sais quoi, oh so very ŝŶŐ ďĂďŝĞƐ ĂŶĚ ĐƌĂŵƉĞĚ ƐůĞĞƉŝŶŐ ƉŽƐŝƚŝŽŶƐ ǁĞƌĞ Ă ƉƌŝĐĞ ǁŽƌƚŚ ƉĂLJͲ special about a firm young carrot (mem. get ŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ďĂůŵLJ ĐŽŽů ǁĞĂƚŚĞƌ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ƐĐĞŶƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƐĞĂ͘ /Ŷ ĐůĂƐƐŝĐ recipe for Mina). Having some time at my ĂƌŝďďĞĂŶ ƐƚLJůĞ Ă ŚŽůĚ ƵƉ ĂŶĚ ƐĞǀĞƌĂů ůŽƐƚ ďĂŐƐ ůĂƚĞƌ ƚŚĞ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ disposal when in Paris, I visited ‘le’ Paris; it ĂŶĚ ƚĞĂĐŚĞƌƐ ĨŽƵŶĚ ƚŚĞŵƐĞůǀĞƐ ƐƉƌŝŶƚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ŶĞdžƚ ĨůŝŐŚƚ ;ǁŚŝĐŚ had struck me (mem. get recipe for Mina) that some foreknowledge of the country ǁĂƐ ĚƵĞ ƚŽ ƚĂŬĞ ŽĨĨ ƚŚŝƌƚLJ ŵŝŶƵƚĞƐ ďĞĨŽƌĞ ƚŚĞ ŵĂĚͲĚĂƐŚ ĞǀĞŶ ďĞͲ could hardly fail to have some importance in ŐĂŶ͊Ϳ͕ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ ĚŝƐĐŽǀĞƌĞĚ ƚŚĂƚ ĨůŝƉ ĨůŽƉƐ ŵĞƌĞůLJ ŚŝŶĚĞƌĞĚ LJŽƵƌ dealing with a noble of the country. ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ĂďŝůŝƚLJ ĂŶĚ ĐĂƵƐĞĚ ƐĞǀĞƌĞ ĨƌŝĐƚŝŽŶ ďƵƌŶƐ͘ ƌŽĐŬLJ ƚŚŝƌƚLJ ŵŝŶͲ Ted Harbot

ƵƚĞƐ ŽĨ Ăŝƌ ƚŝŵĞ ůĞĚ ƚŚĞ ŐƌŽƵƉ ŽĨ ŐĂůĂĐƚŝĐ ĞdžƉůŽƌĞƌƐ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐŚŽƌĞƐ ;ůŝƚĞƌĂůůLJ͕ ĂƐ ƚŚĞ Ăŝƌ ƐƚƌŝƉ ďĞŐĂŶ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŽĐĞĂŶ͙Ϳ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƚƌŽƉŝĐĂů ŝƐůĂŶĚ ŽĨ ^ƚ͘ sŝŶĐĞŶƚ͘

KŶĞ ǁŽƵůĚ ŚŽƉĞ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞ ǁŝůĚ ĂŶĚ ĞdžŚĂƵƐƚŝŶŐ ũŽƵƌŶĞLJƐ ǁĞƌĞ ŽǀĞƌ͕ ďƵƚ ƚŚĞƌĞ ǁĂƐ ŽŶĞ ŵŽƌĞ ůĞĨƚ͙ dŚĞ ƚƌĂǀĞůůĞƌƐ ĐůĂŵďĞƌĞĚ ĂďŽĂƌĚ Ă ƌŝĐŬĞƚLJ ͕ ƌƵƐƚŝĐ ďƵƐ͕ ĐŽŵƉůĞƚĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ďƌƵƐƋƵĞ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ďƵƐ ĚƌŝǀĞƌ ĂŶĚ ĚŽŽƌ ĂƐƐŝƐƚĂŶƚ͘ dŚĞ ŶŝŐŚƚ ǁĂƐ ĚĂƌŬ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ƌŽĂĚƐ ǁŝŶĚLJ ĂŶĚ Ă ŵĂnjĞ ƚŽ Ăůů ǁŚŽ ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚ ůŝǀĞ ƚŚĞƌĞ͕ ďƵƚ ƚŚĞ ĚƌŝǀĞƌ ƚŽŽŬ ƚŚĞŵ ŝŶ ŚŝƐ ƐƚƌŝĚĞ ĂŶĚ ǁŚŝƉƉĞĚ ƚŚĞ ďƵƐ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ ƚŚĞ ƐŵĂůů ŝƐůĂŶĚ ůŝŬĞ ĂŶ ŝƌĂƚĞ ũŽĐŬĞLJ ǁŚŝƉƐ ŚŝƐ ŚŽƌƐĞ͘ tĞ ƐŽŽŶ ƉƵůůĞĚ ƵƉ ŽƵƚƐŝĚĞ ͚DĂƌƐĞLJ͛Ɛ WůĂĐĞ͛ Ͳ ŽƵƌ ŚŽŵĞ ĐĂŵƉ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ǁĞĞŬͶ ĂŶĚ ĞŶũŽLJĞĚ Ă ĨĞĂƐƚ ŽĨ ĨƌƵŝƚ ƉƵŶĐŚ ĂŶĚ ƐƚŝĐŬLJ ďƵŶƐ͘ dŚĞ ǁĞĞŬ ƚŚĂƚ ĞŶƐƵĞĚ ǁĂƐ ĂĐĐŽƵŶƚĞĚ ďLJ Ăůů ǁŚŽ ƚƌĂǀĞůůĞĚ ƚŚĞƌĞ ;ĞǀĞŶ 'ĞŽƌŐŝŶĂ ŽƵƉůĂŶĚͿ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƐƚ ďĞĂƵƚŝĨƵů͕ ǁŽŶͲ ĚĞƌĨƵů ĂŶĚ ĂǁĞ ŝŶƐƉŝƌŝŶŐ ǁĞĞŬ ŽĨ ƚŚĞŝƌ ůŝǀĞƐ͘ DĞŵŽƌŝĞƐ ƚŽ ůĂƐƚ Ă ůŝĨĞ ƚŝŵĞ ĂŶĚ ďŽƚƚůĞƐ ŽĨ ĐŚĞĂƉ ƌƵŵ ƚŽ ůĂƐƚ ĂŶ ĞǀĞŶŝŶŐ͘

Thanks to Bram Stoker for the inspiration for the above review.

dŚĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ƌĂŵĂ dƌŝƉ͗ ƌĞǀŝĞǁ ďLJ 'ǁLJŶ ĂůĚĞƌͲtŝůůŝĂŵƐ͕ Ă ƐŵĂůů ƚŝŵĞ ĐŽƵŶƚƌLJ ďŽLJ ĂŶĚ ŐĞŶĞƌĂů Ăůů ƌŽƵŶĚ ƉŚŝůĂŶƚŚƌŽƉŝƐƚ͘ >KE KE ʹ Ă ƚƌŝƉ ŽĨ Ă ůŝĨĞ ƚŝŵĞ͍ EŽƚ ƌĞĂůůLJ͘ Ƶƚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ Ă ďĂƌƌĞů ŽĨ ůĂƵŐŚƐ͕ ĐŽŶƐŝĚͲ ĞƌŝŶŐ ƚŚŝƐ ƚƌŝƉ ǁĂƐ ƵŶĚĞƌƚĂŬĞŶ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĚĞĞƉ ĚĂƌŬ ĚĞƉƚŚƐ ŽĨ DĂƌĐŚ͘ ^ĞƚƚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌƚŚ ĨƌŽŵ WĞŶƌŝƚŚ ƐƚĂƚŝŽŶ͕ Ă ƚǁŝŶŬůĞ ŽĨ ũŽLJ ĐŽƵůĚ ďĞ ƐĞĞŶ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĞLJĞ ŽĨ ĞĂĐŚ ĂŶĚ ĞǀĞƌLJ ŵĞŵďĞƌ͘ zĞƚ͕ ǁŝƚŚŝŶ ŵŝŶƵƚĞƐ͕ ƚŚŝƐ ũŽLJ ǁĂƐ ƐŚĂƚƚĞƌĞĚ ĂŶĚ ƚǁŝƐƚĞĚ ďLJ ƚŚĞ ĂƌƌŝǀĂů ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŽǁůƐ ĐĂƌƌLJŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĞdžĂŵ ƌĞƐƵůƚƐ͘ ůĂƐ͊ ůů ǁĂƐ ǁĞůů͕ ŝŶ ŵŽƐƚ ĐĂƐĞƐ͘ ƵƐƚŽŶ ǁĞůĐŽŵĞĚ ƚŚĞ hůůƐǁĂƚĞƌ ĞdžƉƌĞƐƐ ŝŶƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐƚĂƚŝŽŶ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ĐŚĞĞƌ ĂŶĚ ƉƌŽͲ ĐĞĞĚĞĚ ƚŽ ĚŝƐŚ ŽƵƚ ůĂǀŝƐŚ ŐŝĨƚƐ ƵƉŽŶ ƚŚĞ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ͘ KLJƐƚĞƌ ĐĂƌĚƐ͊ dŚĞ ďĂŶĞ ŽĨ &ƌĂŶŬĞŶƐƚĞŝŶ͛Ɛ ŵŽŶƐƚĞƌ͘ ƚŚĞ ƵŶĚĞƌŐƌŽƵŶĚ͕ ƚŚĞ ũŽLJ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƚƌĂǀĞů ƉŽůŝĐĞ͊ &ŽůůŽǁŝŶŐ Ă ƐŵĂůů ƚƌĞŬ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŚŽͲ ƚĞů ;tĞŵďůĞLJ /ďŝƐͿ͕ Žƌ͕ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ǁŽƌĚƐ ŽĨ ŚƌŝƐ ƌŽǁŶ͕ ͞Ă Ɛŝdž ŚŽƵƌ ƚƌĂǁů ƚŚƌŽƵŐŚ ƚŚĞ ĚĂŶŬ ƐƚƌĞĞƚƐ ŽĨ >ŽŶĚŽŶ͕͟ ǁĞ ƐĞƚ ƵƉ ĐĂŵƉ ĂŶĚ ĂLJĞ͕ ͚ƚǁĂƐ ďůŝƐƐ͘ &d Z ƚŚĞ ĂĚǀĞŶƚƵƌĞƐ ŽĨ ĂŶ ĂƐƚͲĞŶĚ ƚŚƌŝĨƚ ƐŚŽƉ͕ ƚŚĞ ŐƌŽƵƉ ĚĞƐĐĞŶĚĞĚ ŽŶ Ă ƐŵĂůů /ŶĚŝĂŶ ƉƌĞŵŝƐĞƐ ƚŚĂƚ ƐĞĞŵĞĚ͕ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŶĂŬĞĚ ĞLJĞ ; ŝůů͛Ɛ ŶĂŬĞĚ ĞLJĞ͕ ŚĞ͛Ɛ ƐŝĐŬͿ͕ ŽŚ ƐŽ ƐŵĂůů͘ dŚĞ ĚĞůŝĐŝŽƵƐ ĨŽŽĚ ǁĂƐ ƌĂǀͲ ŝƐŚĞĚ ďLJ ƚŚĞ ŚƵŶŐƌLJ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ ƵŶǁŝůůŝŶŐ ƚŽ ƉĂLJ ƚŚĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ĨŽŽĚ ƉƌŝĐĞƐ͕ ŶŽƚ ǁĂŶƚŝŶŐ ƚŽ ƐƵƉƉŽƌƚ ŽͲ ƌŝƐ͛Ɛ Ğǀŝů ƐĐŚĞŵĞƐ͘ ĨƚĞƌ ǁĂůŬŝŶŐ Ă ƐŚŽƌƚ ĚŝƐƚĂŶĐĞ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ >LJƌŝĐ͕ ,ĂŵŵĞƌƐŵŝƚŚ͕ ƚŚĞƌĞ ƚŽ ƚĂŬĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĞǀĞŶŝŶŐ͛Ɛ ĞŶƚĞƌƚĂŝŶŵĞŶƚ͕ ǁĞ ƐĂǁ Ă ƉƌŽĚƵĐƚŝŽŶ ŽĨ ͞DŽŐĂĚŝƐŚƵ͘͟ /ƚ ǁĂƐ ƚƌƵůLJ ƚƌĞŵĞŶĚŽƵƐ Žƌ ĂƐ ƚŚĞ ŬŝĚƐ ƚŚĞŵƐĞůǀĞƐ ǁŽƵůĚ ƐĂLJ͕ ͞/ƚ͛Ɛ ŐŽŽĚ͕ ŝŶŶŝƚ͍͟ tŝƚŚ ƚŚĞ ƉĞƌŝůƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ƌŽĂĚƐ ŵĂŶŽĞƵǀƌĞĚ͕ ĚĞͲ ƐƉŝƚĞ Ă ĨĞǁ ŶĞĂƌ ĚĞĂƚŚ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞƐ ŝŶǀŽůǀŝŶŐ ďƌĞĞĚƐ ŽĨ >ŽŶĚŽŶŝƚĞƐ ŬŶŽǁŶ ŽŶůLJ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŵĂƐƐĞƐ ĂƐ ͞ĐĂďďŝĞƐ͕͟ ǁĞ ƌĞƚƵƌŶĞĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƚĞů ƚŽ ƐĞƚƚůĞ ĚŽǁŶ ĂŶĚ ƌĞůŝǀĞ ĨŽƌŵĞƌ ŐůŽƌŝĞƐ͘ ͞K,͕ ĂŵĚĞŶ dŽǁŶ͕ ƚŚĞ ďŽƌŽƵŐŚ ŽĨ ĚƌĞĂŵƐ͟ ďĞůůŽǁĞĚ Ă ĚĞƌĂŶŐĞĚ ƐƚƌĞĞƚ ƉĞƌĨŽƌŵĞƌ͕ ŚĞ ŵĂLJ ƐƉĞĂŬ ƉĂƌƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƚƌƵƚŚ͕ ďƵƚ ŝƚƐ ŝŶĂďŝůŝƚLJ ƚŽ ƉƌŽǀŝĚĞ ƉƵďůŝĐ ƚŽŝůĞƚƐ ŽĨ ĂŶLJ ŬŝŶĚ ŝƐ ƌĞĂůůLJ Ă ďůŽƚ ŽĨ Dƌ ĂŵͲ ĞƌŽŶ͛Ɛ ŐŽǀĞƌŶŵĞŶƚ͘ ƚ ƚŚĞ ƌĞŶĚĞnjǀŽƵƐ ƉŽŝŶƚ ŽĨ WŝnjnjĂ ,Ƶƚ͕ ǁĞ ĞĂĐŚ ƚŽůĚ ƚĂůĞƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĚĂLJ͛Ɛ ĞǀĞŶƚƐ͕ ǁŚĞƚŚĞƌ ŝƚ ďĞ ŵĞĞƚŝŶŐƐ ǁŝƚŚ ŵŝŶŽƌ ŵĞŵďĞƌƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĐĞůĞďƌŝƚLJ ǁŽƌůĚ͕ ;zĞƐ͕ LJŽƵ͕ ĂǀŝĚ dĞŶŶĂŶƚͿ Žƌ Ă ĚŝƐƚŝŶĐƚ ĚŝƐƚĂƐƚĞ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ŚĞĐƚŝĐ ůŝĨĞƐƚLJůĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ƉƌĞƐĞŶƚĞĚ ƚŽ ƵƐ͘ tŝƚŚ ƐƚŽŵĂĐŚƐ ĂŶĚ ŵŝŶĚƐ ĨƵůů ŽĨ ŵĞƌŝĐĂŶ ůŝĞƐ ĂŶĚ ƉƌŽƉĂͲ ŐĂŶĚĂ͕ ǁĞ ƐĞƚ ŽƵƚ ĨŽƌ dŚĞ EĂƚŝŽŶĂů ĨŽƌ Ă ƉĞƌĨŽƌŵĂŶĐĞ ŽĨ ͞&ƌĂŶŬĞŶƐƚĞŝŶ͕͟ ƐƚĂƌƌŝŶŐ ĞŶĞĚŝĐƚ ƵŵďĞƌďĂƚĐŚ ĂŶĚ dŽŵŵLJ >ĞĞ DŝůůĞƌ ĂŶĚ ĚŝƌĞĐƚĞĚ ďLJ ƚŚĞ ĂƉƉĂƌĞŶƚ ŵĂŶ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŵŽŵĞŶƚ͕ ĂŶŶLJ ŽLJůĞ͘ tĞ ƐůŽǁůLJ ůĞĂƌŶƚ ƚŚĞ ǁĂLJƐ ŽĨ ŚƵŵĂŶƐ͗ ŚŽǁ ƚŽ ƌƵŝŶ͕ ŚŽǁ ƚŽ ŚĂƚĞ͕ ŚŽǁ ƚŽ ĚĞďĂƐĞ͕ ŚŽǁ ƚŽ ŚƵŵŝůŝĂƚĞ͘ ,ĂǀŝŶŐ ŐĂŝŶĞĚ ƚŚĞƐĞ ĞƐƐĞŶƚŝĂů ůŝĨĞ ƐŬŝůůƐ͕ ǁĞ ŶŽǁ ďĞůŝĞǀĞ ŽƵƌƐĞůǀĞƐ ƚŽ ďĞ ĨƵůůLJ ƌŽƵŶĚĞĚ ŚƵŵĂŶ ďĞŝŶŐƐ ĂŶĚ ǁĞƌĞ ĞǀĞŶ ŐŝǀĞŶ ƚŝŵĞ ƚŽ ƉƌĂĐƚŝƐĞ ƚŚĞƐĞ ƐŬŝůůƐ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ >ŽŶĚŽŶ͘ ^K͕ LJĞƐ͕ hůůƐǁĂƚĞƌ ŐĂǀĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ Ă ƚĂƐƚĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŐŽŽĚ Žů͛ ĐŽƵŶƚLJ ǁŚŝůƐƚ ǁĞ ƌĞǀĞůĞĚ ŝŶ ŝƚƐ ƌŝĐŚ ĐƵůƚƵƌĞ͘ dŚĂŶŬƐ ŵƵƐƚ ďĞ ŐŝǀĞŶ ƚŽ DŝƐƐ ^ŚƌĞĞǀĞ ĂŶĚ DƌƐ ZĞĂƌĚŽŶ ĨŽƌ ŽƌŐĂŶŝƐŝŶŐ ƐƵĐŚ Ă ƐƉůĞŶĚŝĚ ƚƌŝƉ ĂŶĚ ďĞŝŶŐ ƐƵĐŚ ŐŽŽĚ ƐƉŽƌƚƐ͘ tƌŝƚƚĞŶ ďLJ 'ǁLJŶ ĂůĚĞƌͲtŝůůŝĂŵƐ

DŝĐŚĂĞů ĂŝŶĞ ŝƐ ĨƌŽŵ >ŽŶĚŽŶ͘ ,Ğ ǁĂƐ ŶŽƚ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ƚƌŝƉ͘

ŶŐůŝƐŚ >ŝƚĞƌĂƚƵƌĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ dƌŝƉͶ ŚůŽĞ :ĂĐŬƐŽŶ /ƚ ǁĂƐ ƚŚĞ ϭƐƚ ŽĨ ĞĐĞŵďĞƌ ĂŶĚ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ ďĞĞŶ ƐĞŶƚ ŚŽŵĞ ĨƌŽŵ ƐĐŚŽŽů ĚƵĞ ƚŽ ƐŶŽǁ͘ dŚŝƐ ǁŽƵůĚ ƵƐƵĂůůLJ ďĞ ƐŽŵĞͲ ƚŚŝŶŐ ƚŽ ĐĞůĞďƌĂƚĞ ďLJ ŵĂŬŝŶŐ ƐŶŽǁŵĞŶ͕ ŚĂǀŝŶŐ ƐŶŽǁďĂůů ĨŝŐŚƚƐ ĂŶĚ ŐŽŝŶŐ ŚŽŵĞ ĞĂƌůLJ͘ Ƶƚ ĨŽƌ ƐŽŵĞ ŶŐůŝƐŚ >ŝƚĞƌĂͲ ƚƵƌĞ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ ŝŶ LJĞĂƌ ϭϮ ĂŶĚ ϭϯ͕ ƚŚĞ ĞdžĐŝƚĞŵĞŶƚ ǁĂƐŶΖƚ ƋƵŝƚĞ ƚŚĞƌĞ͘ zŽƵ ƐĞĞ͕ ƚŚĞƌĞ ǁĂƐ Ă ƚƌŝƉ ƚŽ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ϮŶĚ ĂŶĚ ǁĞ ƌĞĂůůLJ ĚŝĚŶΖƚ ǁĂŶƚ ƚŽ ŵŝƐƐ ŽƵƚ͘ tĞ ĐƌŽƐƐĞĚ ŽƵƌ ĨŝŶŐĞƌƐ ĂŶĚ ƚŽĞƐ ŚŽƉŝŶŐ ƚŚĂƚ ǁĞΖĚ Ɛƚŝůů ďĞ ĂďůĞ ƚŽ ŐŽ ĂŶĚ ŝƚ ŵƵƐƚ ŚĂǀĞ ǁŽƌŬĞĚ͕ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ Ăƚ ϵĂŵ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ϮŶĚ͕ ǁĞ ƉŝůĞĚ ŽƵƚ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƵŵďĞƌůĂŶĚ zĂƌĚ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĨƌĞĞnjŝŶŐ ƚĞŵƉĞƌĂƚƵƌĞƐ ǁĂŝƚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ďƵƐ͘ >Ğƚ͛Ɛ ũƵƐƚ ƐĂLJ͕ ǁĞ ůŽǀĞ ƚŚĞ ĐŽĨĨĞĞ ŵĂĐŚŝŶĞ͊

tĞ ƐƚĂƌƚĞĚ ƚŚĞ ũŽƵƌŶĞLJ ĞƋƵŝƉƉĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ ĐŚŽĐŽůĂƚĞ͕ ĐƌŝƐƉƐ ĂŶĚ Ăůů ƚŚŝŶŐƐ ƉĞƌĨĞĐƚ ĨŽƌ ĞŝŐŚƚ ŚŽƵƌƐ ŽŶ Ă ďƵƐ͘

ĨƚĞƌ ǁŚĂƚ ƐĞĞŵĞĚ ůŝŬĞ ĂŶ ĞƚĞƌŶĂů ũŽƵƌŶĞLJ͕ ǁĞ ĂƌƌŝǀĞĚ Ăƚ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƐƚĞů͕ ŶĂŵĞĚ ͞ ĐĞ ,ŽƚĞů͟ ;ǁĂƐŶΖƚ ƋƵŝƚĞ ͞ĂĐĞ͕͟ ũƵƐƚ ƌĞĂůůLJ ĐŽůĚͿ ŝŶ ƐŶŽǁLJ >ŽŶĚŽŶ͘ tĞ ǁĞŶƚ ŝŶ ƚŽ ŽƵƌ ƌŽŽŵƐ ĂŶĚ ŐŽƚ ƌĞĂĚLJ ĨŽƌ Ă ƋƵŝĐŬ ƚƵƌŶ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ͘ WŝůŝŶŐ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƚƵďĞ͕ ƐƋƵŝƐŚŝŶŐ ƚŽŐĞƚŚĞƌ ĂŶĚ ŝŵŝƚĂƚŝŶŐ ƉĂĐŬĞĚ ƐĂƌĚŝŶĞƐ͕ ǁĞ ŚĞĂĚĞĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĐĞŶƚƌĞ ŽĨ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ǁŚĞƌĞ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ ŐŝǀĞŶ ĂŶ ŚŽƵƌ ƚŽ ĞĂƚ͕ ǁŝƚŚ ŵĂŶLJ ƌĞůLJŝŶŐ ŽŶ ŐŽŽĚ ŽůĚ ĨĂƐƚ ĨŽŽĚ͘ DĞĞƚͲ ŝŶŐ ƵƉ͕ ǁĞ ŚĞĂĚĞĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ YƵĞĞŶƐ dŚĞĂƚƌĞ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ƚŚĞ ŚŝŐŚůLJ ĂĐĐůĂŝŵĞĚ >ĞƐ DŝƐĞƌĂďůĞƐ͘ dŚĞ ƐŚŽǁ ǁĂƐ͕ ĂƐ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ Ăůů ĞdžƉĞĐƚĞĚ͕ ƉƌĞƚƚLJ ĨĂŶƚĂƐƚŝĐ͘ EŽ ďĞƚƚĞƌ ǁŽƌĚ ƚŽ ĚĞƐĐƌŝďĞ ŝƚ ƚŚĂŶ ͞tŽǁ͘͟ &Žƌ Ă ĨĞǁ ŽĨ ƵƐ ŵĞĞƚŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĂĐƚŽƌ ƉůĂLJŝŶŐ :ĞĂŶ sĂůũĞĂŶ ƌŽƵŶĚĞĚ ŽĨĨ ƚŚĞ ĚĂLJ ƉĞƌĨĞĐƚůLJ͘ dŚĞ ŐƌŽƵƉ ďƵƐƚůĞĚ ƚŽŐĞƚŚĞƌ͕ ƐůĞĞƉŝůLJ ŐŽƚ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƚƵďĞ ĂŶĚ ŚĞĂĚĞĚ ďĂĐŬ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƐƚĞů ĨŽƌ Ă ǁĞůů ĚĞƐĞƌǀĞĚ ƌĞƐƚ͘

ĂLJ ƚǁŽ ďĞŐĂŶ ǁŝƚŚ ďƌĞĂŬĨĂƐƚ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƐƚĞů ĂŶĚ Ă ƉŽƉ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƚƵďĞ ŚĞĂĚŝŶŐ ƚŽ ͞dŚĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ƵŶŐĞŽŶƐ͘͟ /Ζŵ ŶŽƚ ŐŽŝŶŐ ƚŽ ůŝĞ͕ / ǁĂƐ Ă ůŝƚƚůĞ ŶĞƌǀŽƵƐ͕ ďƵƚ ĂƐ ǁĞ ǁĂůŬĞĚ ŝŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŐƌƵĞƐŽŵĞůLJ ĚĞĐŽƌĂƚĞĚ ĚƵŶŐĞŽŶƐ͕ ǁŝƚŚ ƚŚĞ ĨƌĞĂŬLJ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ŝŶ Ăůů ƚŚĞŝƌ ĐŽƐƚƵŵĞ ŵĂŬĞ ƵƉ ĂŶĚ ƚŽŶŐƵĞͲŝŶͲĐŚĞĞŬ ŚƵŵŽƵƌ͕ / ǁĂƐŶΖƚ ĂƐ ƐĐĂƌĞĚ ĂƐ / ĨŝƌƐƚ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ͘ tĞ ǁĞƌĞ ƚĂŬĞŶ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ƚŽƵƌ͕ ďĞŝŶŐ ƚŽůĚ ƚŚĞ ƐƚŽƌŝĞƐ ŽĨ :ĂĐŬ ƚŚĞ ZŝƉƉĞƌ͕ ^ǁĞĞŶĞLJ dŽĚĚ ĂŶĚ Ăůů ƚŚŝŶŐƐ ŐƌƵĞƐŽŵĞ ĞŶĚŝŶŐ ŝŶ ͞ džƚƌĞŵŝƐ͗ ƌŽƉ ZŝĚĞ dŽ ŽŽŵ͕͟ Ă ƌŝĚĞ ǁŚŝĐŚ ŝŵŝƚĂƚĞƐ Ă ŚĂŶŐŝŶŐ ;ƵƐ ďĞŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĐƌŝŵŝŶĂůƐͿ͕ ǁŚĞƌĞ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ ƌĞĂĚ ŽƵƌ ĐƌŝŵĞƐ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞŶ ƚŚĞ ƌŝĚĞ ĚƌŽƉƉĞĚ ĂŶĚ ǁĞ ƉůƵŵŵĞƚĞĚ ƚĂŬŝŶŐ ŽƵƌ ďƌĞĂƚŚ ĂǁĂLJ ĂƐ ŝƚ ĚŝĚ ƐŽ͊

dŚĞ ǁĂƐ ŽƵƌ ŶĞdžƚ ǀĞŶƚƵƌĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĚĂLJ͕ ƚĂŬŝŶŐ ƵƐ ŝŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐƚƵĚŝŽƐ ƐĞĞŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ƐĞƚƐ ŽĨ ƐŝƚĐŽŵƐ ƐƵĐŚ ĂƐ DŝƌĂŶĚĂ ĂŶĚ ƚĂůŬ ƐŚŽǁƐ ƐƵĐŚ ĂƐ dŚĞ ůĂŶ dŝƚĐŚŵĂƌƐŚ ^ŚŽǁ͘ dŚĞ ŚŝŐŚͲ ůŝŐŚƚ ĨŽƌ ŵĂŶLJ ŐŝƌůƐ ƚŚŽƵŐŚ ǁĂƐ ƐĞĞŝŶŐ 'ĂǀŝŶ ,ĞŶƐŽŶ͕ ǁŚŽ ǁĂůŬĞĚ ƉĂƐƐĞĚ ƵƐ ǁŝƚŚ ŵĂŶLJ ĞLJĞƐ ŐůƵĞĚ ŽŶ Śŝŵ͘ dŚĞ ŶĞdžƚ ƉĂƌƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĚĂLJ ǁĂƐ ƐŚŽƉƉŝŶŐ ŝŶ tĞƐƚĨŝĞůĚ ^ŚŽƉƉŝŶŐ ĞŶƚƌĞ͕ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ Ăůů ďĞĞŶ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚ ƚŽ͊ tĞ ƐƉĞŶƚ ŚŽƵƌƐ ďƌŽǁƐŝŶŐ͕ ďƵƚ ŵĂŝŶůLJ ďƵLJŝŶŐ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŵĂƐƐŝǀĞ ƉůĂĐĞ͘ EĞdžƚ͕ ƚŚĞƌĞ ǁĂƐ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ŚŽƉ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƚŝŐŚƚůLJ ƉĂĐŬĞĚ ƚƵďĞ͕ ĨŽƌ ŽƵƌ ŶĞdžƚ ĚĞƐƚŝŶĂƚŝŽŶ ŽĨ dŚĞ ŽŵĞĚLJ dŚĞĂƚƌĞ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ŝƌĚ^ŽŶŐ͕ Ă ƉůĂLJ ĚĞƉŝĐƚŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ůŝĨĞ ŽĨ ^ƚĞƉŚĞŶ͕ ǁŚŽ ŐŽĞƐ ƚŽ &ƌĂŶĐĞ ĂŶĚ ĨĂůůƐ ŝŶ ůŽǀĞ ǁŝƚŚ ŚŝƐ ĞŵƉůŽLJĞƌΖƐ ǁŝĨĞ͘ dŚĞ ĐŚĂƌĂĐƚĞƌ ŽĨ ^ƚĞƉŚĞŶ ǁĂƐ ƉůĂLJĞĚ ďLJ ĞŶ ĂƌŶĞƐ͕ ƚŚĞ ĂĐƚŽƌ ǁŚŽ ƉůĂLJĞĚ WƌŝŶĐĞ ĂƐƉŝĂŶ ŝŶ dŚĞ >ŝŽŶ dŚĞ tŝƚĐŚ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ tĂƌĚƌŽďĞ͗ WƌŝŶĐĞ ĂƐƉŝĂŶ ƚŽ ŵĂŶLJ ŐŝƌůƐ͛ ĚĞůŝŐŚƚ͊ dŚĞ ƉůĂLJ ǁĂƐ ǀĞƌLJ ŐŽŽĚ ĂŶĚ ǁĞůů ĚŽŶĞ͘ dŚĞ ŶŝŐŚƚ ĞŶĚĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ũƵŵƉ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ƚƵďĞ͕ ŚĞĂĚŝŶŐ ďĂĐŬ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŚŽƐƚĞů ǁŝƚŚ ƚŝƌĞĚ ŚĞĂĚƐ ĂŶĚ ŚĂƉƉLJ ŚĞĂƌƚƐ͘

ĂLJ ƚŚƌĞĞ ďĞŐĂŶ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ƌƵƐŚĞĚ ƉĂĐŬ ŽĨ ďĂŐƐ͕ ƌĞĂĚLJ ƚŽ ůŽĂĚ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ďƵƐ ƉƌĞƉĂƌĞĚ ĨŽƌ ŽƵƌ ũŽƵƌŶĞLJ ŚŽŵĞ͘ ĨƚĞƌ ďƌĞĂŬĨĂƐƚ͕ LJĞƚ ĂŐĂŝŶ ǁĞ ŚĞĂĚĞĚ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƚƵďĞ ƐĞƚ ĨŽƌ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ǁŚĞƌĞ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ Ă ǁĂŶĚĞƌ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ Ă ƋƵĂŝŶƚ ŵĂƌŬĞƚ͕ ďĞĨŽƌĞ ǁĂůŬŝŶŐ ƉĂƐƚ ƚŚĞ >ŽŶĚŽŶ LJĞ͕ ŝŐ ĞŶ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ,ŽƵƐĞƐ ŽĨ WĂƌůŝĂŵĞŶƚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ /ŵĂdž ĐŝŶĞŵĂ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ,ĂƌƌLJ WŽƚƚĞƌ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ĞĂƚŚůLJ ,ĂůůŽǁƐ ǁŚŝĐŚ͕ ďĞŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ďŝŐŐĞƐƚ ĐŝŶĞŵĂ ƐĐƌĞĞŶ ŝŶ ƌŝƚĂŝŶ͕ ǁĂƐ Ă ďƌŝůůŝĂŶƚ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͘

Ɛ ǁĞ ƚƌƵĚŐĞĚ ďĂĐŬ ŽŶ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ďƵƐ͕ ǁĞ ůŽŽŬĞĚ ďĂĐŬ Ăƚ ŽƵƌ >ŽŶĚŽŶ ƚƌŝƉ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ƐŵŝůĞ ŽŶ ŽƵƌ ĨĂĐĞƐ ʹ ǁĞ ĐĂŶΖƚ ĚĞŶLJ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ Ă ďƌŝůůŝĂŶƚ ƚƌŝƉ͊

After training hard for weeks in the capable hands of Mrs Jones and Miss Nicholson, an eager group of students from Eamont Block were entered into a tag rugby competition. The day arrived. Wednesday 15th March, all psyched up and ready for action, the team set off in style in the school mini-bus (okay okay, perhaps not in style with this mode of transport, but very determined). After the scenic drive to Netherhall School in Maryport, the team arrived (albeit a tiny bit late!) and met their competition. They were also greeted by the UCC HSLAers (who were early, that’s right, early!). After a brief, but exciting warm up with an ex army commander (LEFT RIGHT, LEFT RIGHT, ABOUT TURN!) the team from UCC joined troops with another school and the morning was spent getting to grips with the game of tag rugby. At 12 o’clock, a well earned lunch was had in preparation for the afternoon’s games and activities. The competitors ventured outside onto the Astroturf where the sun had begun to shine. The HSLAers were nominated to referee the matches (despite the slightly rusty/lack of knowledge of the game!) and the matches commenced. The team from UCC played extremely well in all games, many a try was scored, and many a tag was tugged. Well played UCC! The main emphasis of the day was to have fun, and to take part, and this was most definitely achieved. I can safely says that everyone fully enjoyed themselves.

Lonsdale Cinema, our faithful, friendly local Cinema, has recently been saved from teetering on the brink of extinction. As the curtains opened on 2011 the 100 year old cinema faced immediate closure: only 8 weeks for boss Alan Towers and his staff of 12 to leave the premises. Thousands of supporters flocked to its aid and nearly 4,000 people signed the petition started by local resident Dawn Stobbart (whose political career was kick-started by the campaign and who was recently elected as a county councillor for Penrith West.) Our very own UCC pulled together on non-uniform day and raised a lot of money for the cause. Community spirit in full force – but why did the Alhambra face such a perilous fate?

Well, J. D. Wetherspoons was expanding its empire; and where better to begin than Penrith, the stepping stone to the Lake District? Plans for an outlet on the peak of Helvellyn were already underway, so a source told us. Clearly not satisfied with the introduction of “The Wetherlodge” (yes, unfortunately, that really does exist) to the United Kingdom, Wetherspoons wanted more. Timothy Randall Martin, the founder of Wetherspoons, is famous for his passion for merciless capitalism and the mullet hairstyle. The Penrith Alhambra, on the other hand, has no such world-domineering appetite. It is the place where many of us first saw “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Toy Story” and of course, “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone”; the place where we first tasted pop-corn (maybe) and those mini-milk icecreams that somehow get all over your face every time (probably), perhaps even where you shared you first kiss with somebody special (hopefully). Wetherspoons, despite their extensive menu, fail to serve this delicious combination of “Heart-warming Memories with a Side order of Culture”.

See, even this hardened SS editor couldn’t help getting a little sentimental. And I wasn’t the only one; big names such as Richard E. Grant (pictured below) and Eddie Izzard clearly agreed that a local cinema would benefit the Penrith community far more than Wetherlodges and mullets ever could, and promptly signed the petition. (That’s two star autographs in the bag as well – Nice!)

Well, I hear you ask, did it work?? Did all this public enthusiasm pay off?? The SS is proud to inform you that the cinema has now been offered a ten year lease, and the owners are looking for other possibilities for the unprofitable Bingo hall which the cinema adjoins. The owners are obviously “Withnail and I” fans and couldn’t resist a free autograph from Grant!

Ruth Parker, chairwoman of Save Penrith Cinema, said the campaign group was "absolutely delighted" at this extraordinary turn of events. Words well spoken. Though perhaps Arnold Schwarzenegger summed up this story in a little more style.

Written by Jenny Walker

Usually, I'm not the type to sit and watch 'News 24' for longer than a quick glance at the headlines. But today was an exception.

With baited breath I watched the live news coverage, waiting for the presenters to utter those words none of us were wanting to hear.

And then it came: “University tuition fees rise to £9000”. I think I was one of many who had that sinking feeling which comes with all your hopes and dreams for the future being thrown away with simple words and numbers. “Eurgh” was the first thought that sprang to mind.

University can give you the necessary further education to get you where you want to be. But with the rise in fees, it means many young people now feel they won't be able to afford the costs.

Loans you say? I don't know many people who want to come out of university thousands of pounds in debt. “So, you don't have to pay back the loan until you’re earning £21,000...” Let's be honest; being in debt before you have even entered the “big wide world” is not the nicest of places to be.

So the experience of university: the place known for unleashing the inner 'crazy adolescent' we've been waiting to be; the place we let go of the comforts of home (mum's fresh cooking swapped for a pot noodle); the place we go to take the next step into adulthood and ultimately get the education we want, is becoming harder to achieve. Through raising tuition fees, are future Einsteins being held back because they simply can't afford university?

Is it worth getting into so much debt? Who truly knows. What I do know is that university should be something that can be accessed by all. If that means getting into debt then, maybe, so be it.

You will come out with a brilliant education, letters beside your name and the experience of a life time, so go for it!

By Chloe Jackson

We thought that for this last half term we’d hit you all with a bit of random wisdom, courtesy of the Dalai Lama himself! Hope you get some inspiration, enlightenment and even fulfilment from this little gem.

Enjoy!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person will soon grow up and leave your side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

There have been many celebrations recently, from Easter to that thing at Westminster Abbey ... you know, the one where the queen wore bright yellow … and there was a movie ... oh yeah, the Royal wedding, that’s it. Well we thought we’d enlighten you with a few festivities from other cultures.

There’s even one where you chuck paint at each other—why don’t we do that here??

Holi

World Celebrations

ing elcome Spr w o t n io t a ty on du celebr sm and gaie ia Holi is a Hin s u h t n e h brated wit and is cele arch. all on day in M o m ll u f hhoti or Sm e C h d t e ll a c , li of Ho and On the eve crossroads t n a t r o p tion gather at im he celebra t f o Holi people t r a p his bonfires, t light huge h lika Dahan. dy plays wit o b y r e is called Ho v e n ay is whe ent the The next d d to repres e s o p p u s o is is als dreary colours, th m dull and o r f , e r u t a ge of n Spring. Eve f o e f li colour chan w e ul n ater the colourf yone with w Winter, to r e v e r e v o ys colour e adults! ryone spra bs, even th m o b r e t a w pistols and

Buddha’s Birthday

Hanami Cherry Blossom Festival The Cherry Blossom festival is one of the most famous of Japanese Festivals. The beauty of Wild Cherry Blossom trees in particular is celebrated, and it is an ancient tradition. Although the flowers are the main attraction, there are also many performing artists to celebrate, a tradition is also to partake in a tea ceremony underneath a Cherry Blossom tree.

Although there is no direct religious significance to the festival, many of the finest examples of Cherry Blossom are found in the Holy Mountains.

May the 10th this year was the most important day in the Mahayana Buddhist calendar, the birthday of the Buddha himself (Prince Siddhartha Gautama, to be exact.) In Nepal, his birthday is celebrated for an entire month, and celebrates his enlightenment as well as his birth. It is celebrated in true Buddhist style, with gentle and serene prayer and offerings to the Buddha of milk porridge, which represents the Buddha’s revelation that food is essential and that he shouldn’t harm his own body to reach enlightenment.

In Japan, they celebrate the Buddha’s birthday by decorating small Buddhist statues with flowers and then bathing them as if bathing a new born baby.

In Korea and ShriLanka temples and businesses give out free meals to people and are covered in lanterns and lotus flowers.

In specific places there are whole buildings made out of light bulbs, which from a distance represent scenes from the Buddha’s life.

/ ǁƌŝƚĞ ŝŶ ƌĞĨůĞĐƚŝŽŶ ŽĨ Ă ƵƐĞĨƵů ƋƵŝƌŬ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŽůĚ ƐĐŚŽŽů ĐŽŵƉƵƚĞƌƐ͘ /ƚ ŚĂƐ ĐŽŵĞ ƚŽ ŵLJ ĂƚƚĞŶƚŝŽŶ ƚŚĂƚ ŝŶ ƌĞĐĞŶƚ LJĞĂƌƐ ŵƵĐŚ ŝŶǀĞƐƚŵĞŶƚ ŝŶ /d ŚĂƐ ůĞĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ůŽƐƐ ŽĨ ŽŶĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŐƌĞĂƚĞƐƚ ŵŽŵĞŶƚƐ ŝŶ Ă ďƵƐLJ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚ͛Ɛ ĚĂLJ͗ dŚĂƚ ůŝƚƚůĞ ďŝƚ ŽĨ ǁĂŝƚŝŶŐ ǁŚŝůĞ LJŽƵ ůŽŐ ŽŶ͘ dŚĞ ƚŝŵĞ ďĞƚǁĞĞŶ ůŽŐŐŝŶŐ ŽŶ ĂŶĚ ĂĐĐĞƐƐŝŶŐ LJŽƵƌ ĚĞƐŬƚŽƉ ƵƐĞĚ ƚŽ ďĞ Ă ďůŝƐƐĨƵů ďƌĞĂŬ͕ Ă ĐŚĂŶĐĞ ƚŽ ŐĂƚŚĞƌ LJŽƵƌ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚƐ ƌĞŐĂƌĚŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ƚĂƐŬ ĂŚĞĂĚ͕ ĂŶĚ ƵůƚŝŵĂƚĞůLJ LJŽƵ ŽĨƚĞŶ ƉƌŽĚƵĐĞĚ Ă ďĞƚƚĞƌ ƉŝĞĐĞ ŽĨ ǁŽƌŬ ĂƐ Ă ƌĞƐƵůƚ͘

tŝƚŚ ƚŚŝƐ ŐŽŶĞ͕ / ĨŝŶĚ ŵLJƐĞůĨ ƐƚĂƌŝŶŐ Ăƚ Ă ďůĂŶŬ ĚŽĐƵŵĞŶƚ ǁŝƚŚŝŶ ƐĞĐŽŶĚƐ ŽĨ ůŽŐŐŝŶŐ ŽŶ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŚŝƐ͕ / ĨŝŶĚ͕ ŝƐ Ă ŐƌĞĂƚ ƐŚĂŵĞ͘ zĞƐ ƚĞĐŚŶŽůŽŐLJ ƐŚŽƵůĚ ŝŵƉƌŽǀĞ͕ ďƵƚ ƐŚŽƵůĚ ŝƚ ŝŵƉƌŽǀĞ Ăƚ ƚŚĞ ĐŽƐƚ ŽĨ Ϯϳ ƐĞĐŽŶĚƐ ŽĨ ďůŝƐƐĨƵů ƌĞůĂdžĂƚŝŽŶ͍

/ ǁŽƵůĚ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ŶŽƚĞ ƚŚŝƐ ĂƌƚŝĐůĞ ǁĂƐ ǁƌŝƚƚĞŶ ŽŶ ĂŶ ĂƌĐŚĂŝĐ ůĂƉƚŽƉ͕ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ƉůĞĂƐƵƌĂďůĞ ůŽĂĚ ƚŝŵĞ͘

We chat to the school’s longest serving English teacher, Mrs Highet, about the joys of Shakespeare, ceilidhs, and hot-tubs...

Hello, Mrs H! First things first: a big happy birthday from the SS Team!

Thank you. I’m looking forward to getting my bus pass and my concessionary rates!

Did you get some nice presents?

Yes, I had some lovely jewellery. Oh yes, and a hot tub! We got it as a treat, and it’s great for relaxing and rejuvenating. Though we’ve had to reorganise the garden and build a patio (because a sloping hot tub wouldn’t do) so when I was lugging around big bags of gravel for the patio I did wonder if it would be worth it! On my birthday we had champagne in the hot-tub, which was amazing.

Wow, now that’s the way to live! And how was your birthday ceilidh?

It was brilliant fun. Everyone danced really well—though Mr Nulty dropped his wife in one of the dances!

Speaking of memorable moments (poor Mrs Nulty!), what’s your most memorable moment at UCC? Oh, there’s so many! There was one time when all the staff dressed up on Red Nose Day for charity. So I decided to dress up as a fairy, all in pink. But I didn’t realise that a parent wanted to come and speak to me about an issue that day … I just couldn’t take myself seriously with a halo on my head! That’s put me off dressing up.

Celebrating results are always such a joy, when students have done really well. And the leavers celebrations for year 11 and year 13 are always very memorable and emotional, saying goodbye to students who I’ve taught forever. This year I’ll be saying goodbye to the last of my form group, 13HMH, which will be very strange. I’ll always remember when, in the middle of a year 11 English lesson, Lee Savage brought me a potted plant for my birthday …

How lovely!

Wait—he was followed in hot pursuit by Mr Johnson demanding that he return the plant immediately. I asked where it was from, and he informed me that the plant had been removed from the ladies toilets! My year 11 class still remember it to this day… Still, they were a lovely form.

Now this is a really tricky question for an English teacher, but who’s your favourite author?

That’s so hard … I can’t possibly choose … No wait, it would have to be the classic: Shakespeare.

As a student he gave me such delight in reading and language. It was a real revelation for me to see how relevant he still is today, and how he’s had such a huge influence on understanding literature. And there are so many plays to indulge in! Yes, it would have to be Shakespeare.

So have you always known that you wanted to be an English teacher?

You know, I think I did. I always knew that I wanted to teach. I really enjoy being with people, and being an English teacher is the perfect way to combine that with reading, and with learning too.

I’ve been a teacher for nearly 40 years now and teaching for 31 years at UCC. I’ve really enjoyed

everything—despite the paper work and Ofsted! I get a massive buzz from it all.

Which person do you most admire?

I think it would have to be my mother-in-law, because she has gone through so many hardships, bringing up two sets of twins, including Mr Highet! She’s 91 and still independent: that’s amazing.

Mr Highet has a twin? We’re learning so much in this interview! OK, now for some quick fire questions! Answer as quickly as you can …

Cat or Dog? Dog! (Darcey the dog) Spots or stripes?

Both! No, stripes! No, both— I have a spotty tea pot and—yes, both!

Pastoral or gothic?

Oh, it would have to be pastoral.

Emily or Charlotte? (Bronte that is.) … Emily.

Now, if you had a superpower, what would it be? (The quick-fire questions are over now, you can relax) Ah, phew. Hmmm …

There’s flying, invisibility, super-speed …?

I think I would like to be telepathic. Sometimes I think I can tell what people are thinking.

Now, the Student Speak team has heard a terrible, terrible rumour … Is it true that you can’t eat cake?

Yes, unfortunately I can’t eat most cake. But if I make it myself at home and I know what’s in it then it’s fine.

Thank goodness! On a totally unrelated note, do you have a favourite joke?

Oh, no I’m not big on jokes, I prefer witticisms and play on words, reading between the lines. I’ve never liked practical jokes on people, they’ve always made me uncomfortable.

But I do remember a joke that my son told me when he was little. “What do you have if you hold 5 oranges in one hand and 5 in the other?” His maths skills are coming along swimmingly, I thought! Is it 10 oranges? I asked. “No” he said, “big hands!”

We’ll have to remember that one! Ooh, now we’re gonna be a little deep to finish off, if that’s okay with you. What’s the most important lesson life has taught you?

Resilience. Resilience and believing in yourself. I was brought up to be very selfsufficient and determined. That’s what I’d like my students to have: self-belief. I think I’m a positive person. I try to be independent and optimistic about life.

Thank you so much for talking to us, Mrs Highet. All the best from Student Speak.

By Jenny Walker and Katie Potter.

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We asked a year 7 philosophy class ...

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To be i nvisibl e because I could g et into concer ts and f o otball games for free as noone wo uld see me.

love er I would w o p r e p u s to walk For my and be able le ib is v in to be se I could alls, becau through w ant and enever I w h w r a e p p also disa ugh walls, o r th ts u tc as s ag e take shor er secret p v o c is d ld ne I c ou sure. No-o a e tr d n fi ways and g. It will re I’m goin e h w e e s could t. be brillian

Name Miz Haque Age 16 As I sat opposite Miz on that cold Tuesday morning I was struck with the distinct impression that I was meeting with somebody truly special. It was indeed quite difficult not to imagine the glimmer of a halo above his head or even the sound of a harp playing while he spoke. As I soon discovered Miz is a man of true solitude and depth.

His brown chestnut eyes and innocent wry smile suggest the persona of a young carefree teenager. But beneath that lies the real enigma. A mystery that not even Dame Agatha or the great Poirot could solve... Miz Haque - Through the Looking Glass.

Now readers, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘Who wants a deep subtle man in this modern age? Not me.’ Well, you’d be wrong to think that! Dead wrong. And as for this modern age, pah! It’s going to the dogs. Eventually people will realise that men like Justin Bieber, Gaddaffi and George Bush are temperamental and really quite deranged. Yes, you may cry, ‘they are all men, men are all the same!’ but again, faithful reader, you’d be wrong to suppose that, Miz is more than ‘just’ a man, he’s a gentleman. And the last of his kind.

It would be churlish of me not to introduce Miz more intimately to you. He is a man of simple pleasures. When asked what he looks for in a woman he replied… “She’s got to have a great personality, really be able to make me laugh y’know, we’ve got to be best friends but retain all that passion at the same time, oh and teeth, I think a good smile, a warm smile, is key to a positive relationship. After all a genuine smile says more than any words could. If a man’s devoted and both people in the relationship are prepared to reason with each other then it’s a smooth ride, otherwise, it can be like WWIII!” The diagnosis of Miz’s character cannot be complete without a study into his personal life. Among his many hours spent listening to music, most prominent of which is ‘The Velvet Underground’ (or Hendrix if he’s feeling a little more rebellious), A somewhat reliable source revealed that Miz also finds time to volunteer at the local homeless shelter, serving out hot chicken soup and bread rolls, this is after he has tucked his younger brothers up in bed and tidied up the restaurant. On Sundays he travels the town, collecting money for local charities and cleaning up the children’s play parks. He is heavily involved in the community charity ‘H.e.L.P.’ - a new society created to aid those suffering from long term memory loss. Miz tirelessly spends his energy on providing these people with a sustained and healthy way of life.

Does this man have no limits?! Well the answer is ‘yes’. He can’t fly, and his Maths ability is lacking somewhat, but that’s nothing a two way flight to Bermuda and a calculator can’t solve. And would he take you to Bermuda? I like to think so. At least he promised me a trip to No. 15 after this for wine and cheese, which’ll be a delight. Ultimately Miz contains all the elements to be a prince of Greece.

There is an excitement in Miz’s voice, a singing compulsion, a whispered, ‘Listen’, a promise that he has done terrific and wonderful things just a while since and that there were terrific and wonderful things hovering in the next hour. This is how I felt throughout my time with Miz Haque, and I left that interview room with distant pang in my heart and feeling a little at loss with the world. As if a light had suddenly been snatched out of my life with his departing. To conclude, humorous, good tooth’d women, with a delightful smile. Jump on the Miz Haque band wagon!

wine!’isiswhat whatpeople peoplemay mayhave havebeen been ‘Christmas time, mistletoe and wine!’ saying on their way into last term’s Christmas production of C S Lewis’s The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (or, as the French say ‘La pomme, le chat et le cygne’). This is because it was Christmas. Also because Cliff Richard is great! Don’t you just love him? If you don’t, you may as well stop reading right now!

The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe was written in 1276 and, despite its blatant religious imagery and symbolism, it’s a play that can be enjoyed by all audiences. A story of four young ragamuffins caught up in adventures where they have to fight in wars and kill defenceless animals in cold blood. Well, not cold blood. War. Against a witch. The witch can also turn people to stone. By magic. Crazy.

The UCC production of the above play was nothing short of really good. Audience members described it as “great” and one person even went so far as to say it was “superb”. The performance was performed as a performance in the round, a decision which almost had drama teacher Miss Shreeve burned as a witch. Religious radicals argued that “If God wanted us to perform theatre in the round, he’d have given us round eyes. This play will be destroyed in thunder and lightning.” They were wrong - dead wrong – and, despite these concerns, the decision to perform in the round was ultimately one which paid off. Big time.

All of the students involved made a wonderful contribution to the performance. The costumes were fantastic, and that of the White Witch was especially striking. Some described Peter’s shorts as “the best thing they’d ever seen” and Mr Pattinson even hinted that he’d like to include them in the school uniform. The lighting of the show was, as always, superb and one audience member was heard to say “It’s like being in the forest. Wow. I love the forest! It’s so great. Who did this lighting?” The answer to their question was John Summers with the help of some trusty students.

All in all, the production went down a treat, and so, to all the cast I say, in the wise words of Cliff Richard: “Congratulations and celebrations.” Written down, that lyric doesn’t really make any sense, does it?

Stupid Cliff Richard.

“The star of the show was without question India Vollans, a shining member of the ensemble that was Aslan. Others were involved in this ensemble but they were inevitably dull and murky in comparison to ‘Oliver!’s ‘Man’. What’s more, this is not Vollans’ first ‘Dramatic Sensation Hit’ as described by a good friend of the actress, David Tennant, the young shiny star girl has appeared in a number of sensational drama pieces as various characters such as the memorable and cancerous ‘Angela’, or the dancing ‘Man’ as mentioned before, not to mention her ‘cameo’ or as the French say ‘PRINCIPALE’ role as a renovation dancer in ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ when she was merely 14 years of age.

Audience members made comments such as ‘Who was that renovation dancer?? I loved her! Seymour who? Little shop of what?’”

ůĂƐƐŝĨŝĞĚ Ě͘ &Žƌ ^ĂůĞ͖ ĞŶ WĞĂƌƐŽŶ ŝƐ ƐĞůůŝŶŐ ĞǀĞƌLJƚŚŝŶŐ ŚĞ ŽǁŶƐ ;ĞǀĞŶ ŚŝƐ ĚŝŐŶŝƚLJͿ ƚŽ ĨƵĞů ŚŝƐ /ƌŶ ƌƵ ĂĚĚŝĐƚŝŽŶ͘ dŚĞ ůĂĐŬ ŽĨ ŚŝƐ ĚĂŝůLJ ƚǁŽ ƉŝŶƚƐ ŝƐ ĐĂƵƐŝŶŐ ĞdžƚƌĞŵĞ ŚŽƌŵŽŶĂů ĂĐƚŝǀŝƚLJ͕ ďůĞĞĚŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ƐƚŽŵĂĐŚ ĐƌĂŵƉƐ͘ dŝŵĞ͊ ^ŝdžƚŚ ĨŽƌŵĞƌƐ ŝŶ ŐĞŶĞƌĂů ;ĞƐƉĞĐŝĂůůLJ ƚŚĞ ^^ ƚĞĂŵͿ ĂƌĞ ƐĞĂƌĐŚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ŵŽƌĞ ƚŝŵĞ͘ /ƚ͛Ɛ ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ŽƵƚ͕ ĂƐ ƚŚĞ ŽůĚ ƐĂLJŝŶŐ ŐŽĞƐ͕ ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ĚŽǁŶ ƋƵŝĐŬĞƌ ƚŚĂŶ ƚŚĞ ƉŽƵŶĚƐ ŽŶ :ŽĞ ƌŽǁŶ͛Ɛ ǁĞŝŐŚƚ ǁĂƚĐŚĞƌƐ ƚĂďůĞ͘ ͞/͛ǀĞ ŶĞǀĞƌ ƐĞĞŶ ƚŝŵĞ ŐŽ ďLJ ƐŽ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ͊͟ EŽƚĞƐ ŽŶĞ ŚƵƌƌŝĞĚ ƐŝdžƚŚ ĨŽƌŵĞƌ͘ dĞĂĐŚĞƌƐ ĂƌĞ ĂůƐŽ ĨĞĞůŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ƉƌĞƐƐƵƌĞ͘ >ŽĐĂů ĨŽŽĚ ƚĞĐŚŶŽůŽŐLJ ƚĞĂĐŚĞƌ ǁĂƐ ĨŽƵŶĚ ƐĂLJŝŶŐ ŽŶĞ ĚĂLJ ͞ƚŚĞƌĞ͛Ɛ ůŝƚƚůĞ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƚŝŵĞ ƚŽ ĐŽŽŬ Ă ĐƌƵŵďůĞ͊ >Ğƚ ĂůŽŶĞ Ă ƐůŽǁ ƌŽĂƐƚĞĚ ŐŽĂƚ͘͟ dŝŵĞ͕ ŝƚ ƐĞĞŵƐ͕ ŚĂƐ ĨŝŶĂůůLJ ƌƵŶ ŽƵƚ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ŽůĚ ƉĞŶ ƉƵƐŚĞƌ͘

Across 1. Primitive Calculator (6) 4. Baker’s dozen (8) 6. UCC Physics teacher (3,5) 8. Substance found in smokers’ lungs (3) 9. Foolish American general (6) 11. ______ clef - triple (6) 13. UCC Maths teacher with a cowboy hat (5,6) 16. Regretful - apologetic (5) 17. Spanish artist (7)

Down 2. Famous Russian dictator (6) 3. Very small (4) 5. Chronic sleep disorder (10) 6. Absurd (10) 7. Author of Dracula (4,6) 10. Famous Austrian Dictator (6) 12. Sign of the beginning or end of lesson/ break/school (4) 14. Opposite of sad (5) 15. School department for thespians (5)

/ŵĂŐŝŶĂƚŝŽŶ͘ /ƚ ƐĞĞŵƐ ƚŚĂƚ ĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ ŝŶ ƚŚŝƐ ŵŽĚĞƌŶ ǁŽƌůĚ ĂƌĞ ůŽƐŝŶŐ ƚŚĞŝƌ ŝŵĂŐŝŶĂƚŝŽŶ͘ DĂLJďĞ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ƚŚĞ ŐƌŽƐƐ ĂŵŽƵŶƚƐ ŽĨ ƚĞůĞǀŝƐŝŽŶ͕ džͲďŽdžĞƐ ĂŶĚ ĂǁĨƵů ͚ƉŽƉ͛ ŵƵƐŝĐ͕ Žƌ ƉĞƌŚĂƉƐ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ũƵƐƚ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ ƚŚĞLJ͛Ě ŵƵĐŚ ƌĂƚŚĞƌ Ɛŝƚ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ŵƵĚ ĂŶĚ ǁĂŝƚ ĨŽƌ ƐŽŵĞ ĞƋƵĂůůLJ ďŽƌŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ĨĂŶƚĂƐLJͲůĂĐŬŝŶŐ ůŽƐĞƌ ƚŽ ƉƵůů ƚŚĞŵ ŽƵƚ͘ ŝƚŚĞƌ ǁĂLJ͘ ^Žƌƚ ŝƚ ŽƵƚ ŬŝĚƐ͘

Revision doesn’t have to be that way.

So, it’s that time of year again … GCSE and A Level students subsisting on 8 cups of coffee a day, sleepless nights, and an average of 2.8 nervous breakdowns per day in the sixth form study room. And that’s just the Student Speak team—you’re all probably handling your revision far more sensibly. But just in case, here are a few tried and tested tips for getting the most out of your revision, and a few ideas of our own to help you to reach the summer without too many stress-related health issues.

Make a timetable For some people, organising their time into a revision table really helps—if you’re the kind of person who’ll stick to it afterwards, that is!

Breaks Give yourself breaks to relax and to remember that there are good things in life: chocolate and sunshine, for example. If you let revision overwhelm you then your head will actually explode. Fact.

Organise Files Trying to revise from a load of papers scattered randomly about your room or stuffed in a drawer isn’t always that effective. It takes time, but having your work neat and orderly makes a big difference.

Study environment Find where you work best. Some people can only work at school, others in their bedroom in absolute silence!

Sometimes a change of scene can really help you concentrate on revision.

Night owl/Early Bird?

Are you at your best burning the midnight oil? Or are you up like a lark every morning? Optimise that time folks!

Cramming We at the SS don’t advocate cramming—you miss out on loads of sleep and give yourself tons of stress in the days before the exam, so when you actually enter the exam your writing’s going to be pretty garbled and your multiplication’ll be a big complication …

Perspective To make sure that you don’t get overwhelmed by stress, take some time out to see the bigger picture. Exams can be re-taken, and they’re not the be all and end all. Don’t let them take over your life, at least not for too long!

“Do your studies.”