Houston’s dating scene isn’t toxic. It’s just Houston–big, bold and messy in the best ways possible.
The body knows before the mind does.
EDITOR’S NOTE
To the lover Coogs... and I suppose the toxic ones as well,
I hope you’re ready for the sugar and spice in this issue. Put your pearls on for it. You may need them for clutching!
To those of you who are new here, my name is Larsha Flowers, and I am the Executive Editor of Cooglife Magazine.
While this is not my first issue, it is my first one that is so scandalous and juicy! I extend a Texas-sized thank you to the staff writers and artists, as well as the student photographers who helped to bring this issue to life.
We all hear the whispers about Houston’s toxic dating culture. Sure enough, UH is not a safe space from it. In fact, in this Love & Wellness issue, Coogs reveal their low-down, dirty, HTX-love-life drama.
Oh, and we also made sure to jampack the issue with positive tips on how to heal yourself of the toxic traumas and spend more time loving yourself. Whether you take the advice or skip over it, enjoy this read!
Larsha Flowers | Executive Editor
EDITORIAL
Larsha Flowers
Cooglife Executive Editor
cooglife@thedailycougar.com
COVER PHOTO
Gauraangi Gupta
News Editor • The Cougar news@thedailycougar.com
“Its funny how I was a photographer first and then became a writer.
I have always loved photography. For me, it’s like every picture has a story of its own. It can have different versions from different perspectives.
Being an old-schooled romcom, I felt this was the perfect opportunity to click cutesy pictures.” –Gupta
WRITERS
Angelina Contreras
Atirikta Kumar
Gauraangi Gupta
Mahdiya Bhiwandiwala
Melissa Unlu
ARTISTS
Cali Adams
Carter Renfro
Gauraangi Gupta
Zoe Crooks
LOVE MAZE
It’s not rocket science. Neither is love. It just takes a little patience and the will to keep trying.
Potted plants can live for months and even years if they are given proper care. This symbolizes their potential for longevity, allowing people to experience the joy of watching their plants flourish.
The plant can act as a longlasting reminder of the giftgiver’s thoughtfulness. The symbolization of a plant’s growth and endurance can also represent the bond between the person giving the gift and the recipient, which is a meaningful gesture.
Interestingly enough, potted plants are also said to provide psychological benefits.
Biophilia is a concept explaining the tendency for a human to stay connected with some form of nature. Potted plants
are one way for people to try and build that connection. This is also said to lower stress levels.
Caring for a plant can have a calming effect on people and make them feel happy for nurturing something. Combined, these reasons make potted plants a thoughtful gift.
Potted plants can also absorb carbon dioxide and convert it to fresh oxygen. Plants release unabsorbed water into their environment, adding moisture to the air. This can help prevent dry skin and lower the levels of air-borne germs and harmful chemicals.
In fact, Plants with large leaves can also absorb noises which can help create a more peaceful ambience.
Potted plants are therapeutic, symbolic of longevity and environmentally friendly. They are also, however, a highmaintenance, space-consuming commitment.
With cut flowers, you have so many distinctive yet equally beautiful options to choose from. You can curate an assorted bouquet with flowers representing the recipient’s personality.
Alternatively, you can get the recipient’s favorite flowers if you know which kinds they like the most. This also shows you listen and pay attention to their preferences, making it a thoughtful gift.
Considering the vibrant colors they come in, cut flowers can elevate their surroundings visually and serve as a stunning decoration piece. Cut flowers are usually bought fresh and smell pleasant, which is a bonus.
Besides, if you are running late and in need of a lastminute gift, cut flowers are always a safe option.
Without putting in a lot of effort, you can manage an elegant and timeless gift for your loved ones.
Though, unlike cut flowers, potted plants are unfortunately more high maintenance. For the plant to grow properly, it requires the right type of soil, adequate water, sunlight and care.
Keeping up with the regular maintenance of a plant can be expensive for some people. Hence, for those with budget restrictions, cut flowers work as a more appropriate gift option.
Due to the fast-paced nature of life today, a lot of people do not have enough time to give to the maintenance
of plants either.
It is an added responsibility everyone may not be ready to accept. If you know the recipient of the plant has a busy schedule, potted plants may not be the best gift option for them.
If the person you wish to give the plant to has restricted space in their house or doesn’t have windows to access sunlight, potted plants may also not be the most suitable option for them as plants require ample space to grow as well.
Cut flowers are beautiful, versatile and readily available. They are also, however, short-lived and overused.
If you know the gift recipient enjoys useful gifts, cut flowers may not be the most appropriate option since they
Unlike a potted plant, cut flowers easily wilt after a short period. This may only give temporary joy to the recipient–a joy which leaves once they get rid of the flowers.
Cut flowers can also feel like a wasted gift due to their short lifespan.
Since cut flowers are considered a safe gift option though, a lot of people resort to it if they are unsure of what to give someone.
If you prefer giving customized gifts to people and want to stand out for being unique, you could consider gifting something else you know the recipient may enjoy more than flowers.
“it’s the thought that counts ...or so they say.”
photo_Zoe Crooks
QUIZ
love
language ANSWERS
1. How do you de-stress after a long day?
A. Going out with a group of friends.
B. Having a quiet dinner by yourself, accompanied by a book or TV show.
C. Ranting or talking through your day with your friends or significant other.
D. Cleaning your space and decluttering.
E. Snuggling and taking a nap.
2. How do you show support for a friend who had a bad day?
A. Ask them if they would like a hug.
B. Ask if there are any tasks on their to-do list you can take care of.
C. Buy them their favorite snacks.
D. Spend time with them and ask if they’d want to rant.
E. Cuddle up and watch a movie
3. How would you say “I love you” in Taylor Swift’s lyrics?
A. “I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings.”
B. “Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other.”
C. “I find myself runnin’ home to your sweet nothings.”
D. “At every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover.”
E. “You kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever.”
4. What describes you the best?
A. You like it when someone remembers your coffee order.
B. You love getting cards and letters on your birthday.
C. After a long day, all you want is a hug from your favorite person.
D. When someone takes a task off your hands you feel cared for.
E. You love theme nights with friends or family.
5. Which birthday gesture would mean the most to you?
A. A thoughtful gift.
B. Your best friend traveling far to be present for your special day.
C. A toast by friends telling you how much you mean to them.
D. Your friends putting together a surprise party and getting your favorite cake.
E. Cutting your cake while celebrating with your favorite people.
Find out what truly makes your heart buzz, honey.
The hyper-capitalistic, heart-shaped holiday cheer is all around us.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, everyone has their unique way of showing their love and appreciation.
There are five different kinds of love languages or ways one expresses their love, according to a 1992
nonfiction book by Baptist pastor Gary Chapman.
The five different love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and acts of service.
Depending on one’s personality, the way one expresses and wants to receive love can be different.
Mostly As: Your love language is receiving or giving gifts.
Getting your partner or loved ones something that makes you think of them is how you express your love. Being on the receiving end of a wellthought-out gift is how you feel loved.
This can apply to big gifts for anniversaries or birthdays as well as the little moments when you get your loved one flowers, candy or a trinket to show you were thinking of them.
Mostly Bs: Your love language is quality time.
Spending time with your loved ones is what matters to you more than anything else. You like spending as much time as you can with the people who matter the most to you and soaking up all the moments in between.
Mostly Cs: Your love language is words of affirmation.
Words matter to you, you like hearing about how someone feels around you. You want your loved ones to express their love using words to affirm your feelings. Someone complimenting you or your loved one’s saying “I love you” can mean the world to you.
Mostly Ds: Your love language is expressed through acts of service.
Actions matter more than words for you. You feel most loved and cared for when people notice what you need and show up for you through their actions.
Mostly Es: Your love language is physical touch.
You feel the most connected to the people you love through physical displays of affection such as holding hands, hugging and cuddling.
TAKE A [ FREAKIN’
FREAKIN’ ] BREAK
photo_Gauraangi Gupta
Article & Cover Photo
by Gauraangi Gupta
Being in an intimate relationship can be very beautiful with the right person. However, this same relationship can be physically and emotionally harmful with the wrong person.
Many people often don’t realize the body knows before the mind does. In fact, it usually gives you early signals.
The feeling of being uneasy, drained, sick or even scared is not something to ignore. It’s a call from your body asking you to stop.
TAKE A [FREAKIN’] BREAK
and contemplate things.
However, while fluctuating or low and high libidos are normal, it is recommended to see a doctor if it starts interfering with your day-to-day life or causes personal distress.
But also, your body could be rejecting them.
The same way our bodies reject a poorly performed piercing or an unprofessionally done tattoo, similarly our bodies have intuition and start rejecting toxic partners, according to studies.
These signs can be physical, emotional and psychological. The most common physical signs are headaches, nausea, tension or pain during intercourse, fatigue, sudden loss of libido and recurrent infections.
low libido? high libido? both are OKAY!
Each person has a different sex drive. So, it’s normal to have a low or high libido.
Some people have a high libido naturally; therefore, they crave intimacy often. Others have a low sex drive and are just fine and happy without it.
“The way our bodies reject a poorly performed piercing or an unprofessionally done tattoo, similarly our bodies have intuition and start rejecting toxic partners.”
If your partner doesn’t understand this, then that’s a real problem. Intimacy should come naturally and comfortably. If it feels forced, then it’s time to stop
If you feel uneasy, anxious or sad instead of feeling connected after sex, then that’s a major emotional sign of your body rejecting your partner.
Other signs include feelings of regret, detachment, disturbing dreams of the person or uneasy feelings when they touch you.
It is also important to discuss how being with the wrong person can screw with your peace and psyche as well.
Whether it’s a casual thing or an emotional roller coaster, being with a toxic person can have serious consequences.
Engaging in casual sex with partners you don’t trust can lead to high anxiety, depression and even lower self-esteem, according to a study published in The
Journal of Sex Research.
Neuroscientists believe sex releases hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin, which promote bonding. However, when paired with an unhealthy or toxic partner, this bond can become psychologically damaging, according to studies.
Sex + TRAUMA bonds
myth or reality?
People might think sex and trauma bonds aren’t real or believe they won’t fall into the trap–until it’s too late.
Developing a trauma bond with the wrong person is especially dangerous. It is a cycle where sex becomes intertwined with emotional pain, making it harder to leave and end things.
This kind of bond is formed when intense emotional highs or lows become a regular pattern for both partners. Your brain starts to associate the pleasure of intimacy with the pain of the relationship.
But how does one identify they’re now a victim of a trauma bond? The body gives signs for this as well.
If you feel emotionally hooked even when you’re aware they are bad for you, you’re in the bond. The sex is passionate, but the relationship is emotionally destructive.
You know the relationship is filled with dramatic breakups and intense reunions and you constantly feel like you need
them, even though they make you miserable.
tips for dealing with trauma bonds + toxic partners
If you’ve come this far, it’s probably because you could relate to something said prior or know of someone who might be going through it.
First things first: You’re not alone.
Lots of people go through this, but there’s a healthy way to deal with it.
GET OUT the relationship.
Yes. You read it right. Get out of the relationship and lose all contact! It sounds scary, but it is necessary. Cutting them off completely ensures you recover 100%.
However, if you feel emotionally disconnecting is too difficult, it may be time to reach out for some professional support.
Your body has been–or is currenly going–through a lot, so make sure to reconnect with it by adapting some healthy self-care habits and routines.
Replace the void caused by the toxic relationship with healthy relationships. These could include trusted friends or family members. Also, indulge in healthier habits such as pursuing lost hobbies or getting back to work!
NO
Most of all, take a [freakin’] break! Allow yourself to recover–to be free from the bond.
healthy relationships are underrated.
photo_Gauraangi Gupta
LOVE YOURSELF, BABE.
MIGHT NOT.
If you’re not complaining about ghosting, mixed signals or the never-ending quest for the perfect match on Hinge, are you even dating in Houston?
Every conversation feels like a broken record of “Ugh, no one’s serious here,” or “Everyone just wants to hook up and leave.”
Certainly, the Houston dating scene can feel like a dumpster fire. Yes, it is occasionally full of weirdos who don’t know how to text back, as well as those who act as though ‘Netflix and chill’ is their entire personality.
But there is hope; swear! It’s messy, but not that messy.
Calling Houston’s dating scene “toxic” is a bit of an overstatement.
Sure, there are some questionable interactions. For example, the unexplainable “wyd?” text three days in a row followed by a disappearing act when you finally respond.
But let’s not pretend it’s all bad. Houston is just full of people trying to figure out what they want. Some are looking for fun–no shame in this. Others are trying to find their person.
HOUSTON
“WHERE THE DATING SCENE IS BASICALLY A REALITY TV SHOW, BUT WITH MORE GHOSTING.”
If you want to survive the chaotic dating mess, while keeping your mental health intact, you need to be that person–the one who doesn’t let anyone treat them like a last-minute snack.
You are not a backup option, and you’re definitely not a “maybe” on someone’s weekend to-do list.
If they can’t match your energy, block and move on. Your time is way too valuable to waste on people who can’t communicate or don’t know what they want.
Stop searching for perfection, start looking for vibes.
Houston’s dating scene isn’t as “toxic” as it seems, it’s just Houston–big, bold and messy in the best ways possible. Whether you’re into casual flings or something more serious, remember to keep our standards high and your boundaries even higher.
And hey, even if you do go on a couple of awkward dates, don’t sweat it. The right person is most likely out there somewhere–possibly also dodging weird pick-up lines and trying to survive dating in this city.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT THE BLUEPRINT BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES & BOUNDARIES!
Setting boundaries is the vibe. If you’re not feeling the way they’re treating you, speak up. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to live and date on your terms.
Just because you saw someone’s heavily edited Instagram story of a candlelit dinner doesn’t mean you need to experience the same. Stop comparing your love life to what’s trending. Focus on what makes you happy. Seriously.
SELF-CARE IS ESSENTIAL
If dating is starting to feel like a neverending series full of plot twists, take a break. Go have a solo date. Take a nap. Pamper yourself.
Do whatever it takes to recharge. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
LOVE YOURSELF, OUSTON H
KNOW YOUR WORTH. PERIOD.
YEP. THESE ARE STUDENT DATING RECEIPTS!
Age-Mismatch
Gym Guy made it clear that we were worlds apart, and I wasn’t about to waste any more time there.”
Obsessed Sock Drama
“Met a dude at the gym, and we started texting. He told me he was 22, and after a week of texting, he invited me on a run. It got awkward when he started saying, ‘You’re so mature for your age.’
I laughed it off, but it got even weirder when he asked me to go on a business trip with him. When I asked how he got into business at his age, he admitted he was actually 32.
I immediately blocked him and changed gyms. That was the last time I let a dude lie about his age.”
First Date Escape Artist
“I went on a first date with this dude. Not really my type, but I thought I’d give it a shot.
He ordered me coffee I didn’t even like, talked about himself the whole time and then—yikes—used the N-word when talking about his friends. Spoiler: He’s white.
I was done. When he went to order us food, I made up an emergency, in hopes that he would let me leave, however, he insisted on driving me home to spend more time with me.
I said yes, but that I needed to use the bathroom first. I proceeded to then leave and dipped out the back.
The way he was talking and acting
“I was in college, dating this guy who would drive two hours every weekend to see me.
I was a student-athlete so during the day I would have practice and class. One day before practice, he noticed a pair of Nike socks that looked like they were too big for me.
They probably were too big for me, but I also have a younger brother who I would steal socks from all the time.
This caused a lot of tension because he was sure that those socks were another man’s.
Before I left for practice the tension had died down a little bit or so I had thought, because I had convinced him that there weren’t any other men.
They were simply my brother’s Nike socks that I had stolen from him or he left when he came to see me.
broken, and he stole $500. Turns out, he had gone through my messages and didn’t like what he found. He trashed my room, and I still haven’t been reimbursed for Insta Ghosting Baby Daddy
Now I’m at practice and I’m going through the normal warm-up routine. We don’t usually have our phones at practice, but for this particular practice we got a water break, and I decided to check my phone.
I had gotten five missed calls from one of my roommates and ten missed calls from my best friend who I also lived with, urging me to come home, claiming ‘it sounded like a bear was in my room destroying, breaking and shattering everything I owned.’
I rushed home to find my room destroyed. My MacBook was shattered, My other phone was
“So, I met this guy, and we hit it off. He was cool, respectful and funny.
We were going on dates for months, and then bam he suddenly deactivated his Instagram. When I asked about it, he said he needed a ‘social media break.’
I was like, ‘Alright, cool, take care of yourself.’
Fast forward, his Instagram came back online, and suddenly, he was acting all distant.
I was like, ‘Okay, whatever.’ But then, I looked him up on my spam account… and found a BABY REGISTRY for a baby due the same week he ghosted me.
He had a whole girlfriend and was expecting a baby while we were hanging out!
He was giving me the whole rundown of ‘I see myself with you, we should see each other every day, I’m obsessed with you’ while his girlfriend was living at his parent’s house expecting a CHILD”
article written by Angelina Contreras
OUSTON MIGHT NOT
In seasons of love, self-love is often forgotten.
It’s equally important, though, to show love to oneself as much as to a significant other.
As important as Valentine’s Day has become, it isn’t always a beam of light.
Despite the notions of positivity, love and pinkness, it can result in depression, insecurity and other negative feelings.
It can also lead to societal pressure, unrealistic expectations and reminders of loneliness and inadequacy.
To fight these feelings, one may return to the core idea of the power of touch–or in this case, kneading.
Ever since the dawn of time, humans have practiced artistic crafts to express individuality, creativity and connection to community. Food was also another venue humans turned to in ancient times.
Throughout history, both baking and pottery have been practiced, fulfilling needs for untapped creativity and a sense of self-worth.
Erin Bryant, a sophmore majoring in computer science, says, “When I am feeling stressed or stuck, I’ll bake.”
TACTILE FUN FACTS
The first potter’s wheel was invented in Mesopotamia sometime between 6000 and 4000 B.C. China, Japan and Korea revolutionized it around 8000 years ago.
China developed porcelain, while Japan claimed Satsuma ware and Korea used decorative techniques in ceramic art.
The Yuan Dynasty (1271 - 1368 CE) introduced the blue and white porcelain which became one of the most iconic and widely recognized styles globally.
These works displayed intricate designs of flowers, dragons and scenes from Chinese folklore and history. The city of Jingdezhen became a major center for porcelain.
Ancient civilizations such as Egypt, Greece and Rome continued to introduce pottery, jewelry and textiles as a means of status.
Elizabeth Woodman is a great example of
written by Melissa Unlu
an American, ceramic artist. Woodman revolutionized ceramics. She was one of the most important voices in postwar American art. She crafted colorful and inventive work that gained recognition worldwide.
Woodman said, “It was sort of like magic… It fell into my hands.”
The oldest known ovens were unearthed in Croatia in 2014. They are estimated to be 6500 years old.
The Egyptians were also pioneers in baking as the first recorded civilization to use yeast in bread as long ago as 2600 BC.
Baking continued as a display of status during the medieval period as most couldn’t afford wood-burning stoves to bake bread.
The ability to produce high-quality bread helped people climb up the social ladder and beat insecurity.
Similarly, the art of pottery is described as therapeutic and relaxing. The act of being fully present takes away worries and provides a calming effect. It provides the perfect tactile pastime.
This kind of pastime in which one kneads may be exactly what the heart needs.
In this season of love, make time to pleasure yourself with your hands in a different kind of way–through kneading pastries or clay.
