Crescent Magazine April 2010

crescent College Culture Upfront

April 2010 n uecrescentmagazine.com

University of Evansville

magazine

THE DOMINO EFFECT

Convenience vs.

Conservation

PUFF, PUFF, PASS Hookah is here!

In the Know: Helping students understand the activity fee

Taking a look at UE from a new perspective

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APRIL 2010

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contents

uecrescentmagazine.com

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INSIDE

The Domino Effect

Discover easy ways to take care of Mother Earth

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3 The Cubicle 4 Liberal Conscience 5 Spotlight 6 In the Know 8 Through the Lens 10 Snapshot 12 Environment 16 Disabilities 20 Sexplanation 22 Off the Wall How to...

24 Wildcard 24 Janky vs. Juicy 26 Health & Fitness 27 Beauty & Fashion 28 Cheap Dates 29 Crossword 30 Eats & Sidedish 31 Nightlife 32 Schitzengiggles

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Puff Puff Pass

Learn about Evansville’s smoking hot hookah lounge

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Spotlight Senior Keegan Dennis pitches his thoughts about John Mayer, Frosties and one-uppers

Different not Disabled

Students with disabilities are battling obstacles that can easily go unnoticed

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Books, Brains & t A Bit of Luck t Learn what it takes to be one of UE’s brightest t t “I would like to take t all the credit for my t grades, but I really just t have a good memory.” t —Justin Moore, page 10 t t t t t t

STUDENT Congress 5:00 p.m.

Every Thursday Eykamp A

FREE

Any student is welcome to attend

Delivery to UE’s Campus!

1924 E. Morgan Ave • (812) 425–4422 • www.cornerdrugstore.com

Resident Students Association

R SA

’s Th at f no Ta rz a p e s ! ra the G

General Assembly 7 pm • Thursdays SOBA 73

UE Bookstore Buyback

4 N. Weinbach • 477–7500 408 N. Main • 424–9871

UE Bookstore Buyback Noon • April 28 – may 5

Discounts and Promotions During the Week Cash on the Spot • Up to 50% Cash back.

Exact value of book dependent upon a variety of factors including readoption status, market value, edition status and book condition.

Remember we keep as many books we buyback on campus to keep more used books available.

We gladly quote ALL books, whether used on this campus or not.

Original purchase receipt is NOT required, but you will need your UE ID.

Fill this entry form out and bring it with your Buyback Books to enter the Buyback Drawings, including a $100 Bookstore Gift Certificate.

Clip and Complete

May 2010 Buyback Drawing

2

Name: Email: Phone: You must be a UE student to be eligible to win prizes.

Deposit in Bookstore only during Buyback April 28 - May 5, 2010

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

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SMOKING. Everyone knows nicotine is highly addictive and that the multiple carcinogens found in cigarette smoke can lead to numerous health problems and diseases. But smoking is not illegal in the United States, so if you decide to smoke, that is your choice.

Many places — bars, restaurants, stadiums and workplaces among them — have either volunteered or been forced in recent years to become smoke free. UE is not a smoke-free campus, and we are not recommending that it become one. But to keep smokers and nonsmokers happy, it seems a few changes need to occur.

UE policy states that smokers on campus must be at least 10 feet away from buildings when smoking. Truthfully, if this rule were enforced, almost every smoker on campus would be in violation.

Smokers, especially when the weather is inclement, smoke where it’s most comfortable and convenient. This tends to be right outside the doors to campus buildings, where overhangs shield smokers from the elements. Entrances such as those to Ridgway Center and the School of Business Administration near Sampson Hall cater to smokers because they offer a modicum of shelter when the weather turns nasty.

Doorways also happen to be where most ashtrays are located. Again, this is understandable, but it also seems to be a contradiction to the policy established by UE. If it is rainy and cold, and an entrance to a building offers protection along with an ashtray, can you blame smokers for taking advantage of them?

Unfortunately, all those entryways where most smokers linger are the same entryways nonsmokers use. But it is unfair to place all the blame on smokers. Granted, smokers make the decision to smoke, but if UE’s policy was written to keep smokers away from building entrances, why haven’t areas been created where there is some comfort and convenience for those who choose to smoke? If you were a smoker and saw a location that was covered, close to a doorway and accompanied by an ashtray, wouldn’t you smoke there?

While there are some placed in spots away from building entrances, ashtrays are typically located by entryways to prevent smokers from tossing cigarette butts on the ground. That makes perfect sense. But if smokers are in essence being directed to doorways, how can they be at fault? Keeping ashtrays at building entrances is necessary. If they aren’t there, littering will undoubtedly become a problem. But without designated covered areas for smokers — those places on campus where smokers can get away from the rain, wind and snow — and find an ashtray — the others will be used.

It seems that as long as UE continues to allow smoking on campus, it needs to find a solution to the problem. Many dislike smoking because it smells bad. Others may be concerned about being exposed to secondhand smoke, although it’s unlikely any student is going to become seriously ill after walking past a group of smokers on his or her way into a building. But the policy states people have the right to smoke if they follow the rules.

Constructing sheltered smoking areas, away from building entrances, would be a win-win situation for everyone. This way, smokers would still have the freedom to smoke and be protected from the elements, and everyone else wouldn’t be forced as they enter buildings to encounter the odor and smoke emitted from cigarettes.

As long as smoking is permitted on campus, UE needs to find a compromise that works for smokers and nonsmokers alike. n

crescent MAGAZINE EDITORIAL Writing Director: Peter Hanscom Writing Editor: Lauren Oliver Departments Editor: Josh Fletcher Assignment Editor: Jennifer Stinnett Columnists: Regan Campbell, Monica Krause Contributing Writers: Michael Cowl, Brennan Girdler, Kent Johnson, Mindy Kurtz, Megan Merley, Heather Powell, Amanda Squire, Kate Wood

CREATIVE Creative Director: Sylvia Seib Assistant Creative Director: Jamie Willhelm Photo Editor: Alaina Neal Designers: Jennifer McKee, Jessica Siddens Illustrator: Courtney Hostetler Contributing Photographer: Sunny Johnson

EDITING Editing Director: Allison Butler Web Content Editor: Kristin Benzinger Copy Editor: Lacey Conley WEB SITE DESIGN & PRODUCTION Web Director: James Will Web Designer: Suzy Maiers

MARKETING & SALES Marketing Director: Chase Schletzer Advertising Sales Manager: Chris Watkins Advertising Design Manager: Melissa Weisman Advertising Designers: Tiffany Conroy, Sarah Powell, Amanda Topper HOW TO CONTACT US: Address: 1800 Lincoln Avenue, Evansville, Ind. 47722 Phone: (812) 488–2846 FAX: (812) 488–2224 E-mail: crescentmagazine@evansville.edu Marketing & Sales: (812) 488–2221 and 488–2223 Advertising E-mail: crescentadvertising@evansville.edu Printer: Mar-Kel Quick Print, Newburgh, Ind. CRESCENT MAGAZINE is UE’s student magazine. It is written, edited and designed by students, and distributed seven times during the academic year.

The magazine is funded through advertising revenue and a subscription fee paid on behalf of students by SGA. Circulation is 1,750. © 2010 Student Publications, University of Evansville.

Editorial Policy. Commentary expressed in unsigned editorial pieces represent a consensus opinion of Crescent Magazine’s Editorial Board. All other columns, articles and advertising are not necessarily the opinion of the Editorial Board or other members of the magazine’s staff.

Letter Submissions. E-mail your letters to crescentmagazine@evansville. edu and write “letter” in the subject line. Crescent Magazine welcomes letters from members of the UE community, but material the Editorial Board regards as libelous, malicious and/or obscene will not be published. Letters should not exceed 400 words. For verification, letters must include the author’s name, year in school or title and e-mail address. Crescent Magazine will not print anonymous letters or those letters that cannot be verified. Letters may be edited for length, style, grammar and spelling. They may also appear on uecrescentmagazine.com.

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

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liberal conscience

Military strength

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The antiquated “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy discriminates against our honorable men and women serving in the military

t’s not 1993 anymore. As one of his first acts in office, President Bill Clinton enacted the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy prohibiting gays and lesbians from openly serving in the military. At the time, it was a compromise with those who did not want the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community in the military at all, but no such compromise is needed any longer.

After portraying himself as a leader in the fight for equality, President Barack Obama has lost much of the support from the GLBT community for not tackling issues like DADT soon enough. Now, more than a year after taking office, he has finally made repealing DADT a part of his agenda. As usual, it has been met with strong opposition, but the arguments in favor of its repeal are much stronger than those in favor of keeping the policy.

If we were to allow our military to be open, we would be like Australia, Israel, Great Britain and Canada — all of whom allow their service members to be open about their sexual orientations and suffer no adverse effects on enrollment or retention as a result.

Our military would also reflect other governmental institutions like the CIA, FBI and the Department of Defense who do not discriminate based on sexual orientation.

Not even the defense contractors fighting our wars exclude homosexuals.

Conversely, if we were to keep up the status quo, we would continue to lose valuable members of our military. According to a recent article in The Guardian, there have been more than 13,000 people discharged due to DADT to date. And according to the Service Members Legal Defense Network web site, this includes 59 Arabic translators in the last five years.

We are involved in two wars in Arab countries; and with recruitment numbers down, our military desperately needs these individuals.

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Crescent Magazine l April 2010

We would also be ignoring the sage advice of our top military commanders. Obviously our commander in chief supports DADT’s repeal, but so does Gen. Colin Powell; Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff; Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and even former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Also, we should not forget the majority of Americans (57 percent, according to an article on the Politico web site) recently said they support DADT’s repeal.

Two-thirds say the current policy is discrimination. An overwhelming 82 percent say that the military should not pursue disciplinary action against open gays, lesbians and bisexuals.

Some people would rather think about the military as a whole and disregard the individuals serving in it. This is completely against our country’s founding principles — liberty, equality and the unalienable rights of the individual. But if we must look at the effects of DADT’s repeal on the military, it is hard to find serious problems.

Some argue that it will damage discipline, morale and unit cohesion. I don’t really understand how admitting that you’re gay will damage your discipline or respect for authority. I doubt any gays or lesbians will refuse to do pushups on account of their orientation, or talk back to their superiors who may be straight.

As for morale, I think some problems could arise simply because the military is made up of many diverse individuals. Of course you’ll find some people who oppose homosexuality for religious or other reasons, but that is no reason to continue the policy.

They need to accept new ideas and change just as society has done for various groups of people, whether it be for women, African-Americans or immigrants.

Finally, unit cohesion is of supreme importance to the military. They fight for our country and for each other. But this sense

n Monica Krause,

of unity comes from liv- a senior international studies ing together, training major from Fort together and putting Wayne, offers her their lives in each othperspective on iser’s hands. Sexual orisues facing stuentation does not nulli- dents today. fy or change that bond of brotherhood.

In fact, I find it horrible that people will accuse members of our military of being hateful bigots who cannot serve alongside GLBTs. It is disrespectful and ignorant.

Such assumptions should not be made of anyone. Our military has gone through tough changes like this before. President Harry Truman racially integrated the military in 1948, which was a full six years before public schools were desegregated as a result of Brown v. the Board of Education.

It was not an easy or quick process, but it was groundbreaking and effective.

But repealing DADT won’t be as difficult as integrating the military. The public supports the repeal, so the military will not be forging new ground or changing social structures.

This time, it is lagging behind the rest of the country, particularly younger generations who are infinitely more accepting of homosexuality than older generations.

Perhaps not by coincidence, our military is overwhelmingly full of these teenagers and 20-somethings, who have probably gotten along with gays and lesbians their entire lives.

The Seven Army Core Values are loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity and personal courage. These characteristics are what our armed services are about, and they have nothing to do with sexuality.

I do not want a military defending my life, while simultaneously not allowing its own people to live freely. The members of our military deserve our utmost honor; we cannot allow them to be disrespected due to sexual orientation. n

sports

Spotlight on:

by Lauren Oliver

KEEGAN DENNIS

Defying the odds comes naturally to this daredevil When he’s not on the pitcher’s mound for the Aces, senior Keegan Dennis can be found playing his guitar. Since transferring to UE, this writing major from Carmi, Ill., has shared his love of the written word, music and Frosties with friends and teammates.

Crescent Magazine: Have you always played baseball?

Dennis: I played football, basketball, baseball and track. Baseball was my least favorite, but it pays the bills for a 6-foot2-inch white guy. I went

to John A. Logan College first, but I had different opportunities here.

CM: Do you want to play professional baseball after college?

KD: It would have to depend on the offer. I’m one of the rare guys who say it’s not my life. There are too many other things I want to do.

CM: Do you have any pre-game rituals?

KD: I have to do things the same way every time before I go to the mound, and when we go on road trips, I rearrange things in the hotel rooms that we might or might not need.

CM: What about with the team?

KD: Every Sunday night after home games, we have a bonfire at my house.

CM: Why writing?

KD: I’ve always been a good bullshitter.

I was English education for a while, but I like how deep down you can go in literature classes.

Some people think you’re limited with writing, but you’re really not.

CM: What’s your stress reliever?

KD: Playing music. I’m not a guitarist, but I play the guitar.

Having my guitar in hand means I’m not pressed to do be doing something else.

CM: Who’s your favorite artist?

KD: John Mayer. He writes lyrics where you know what he means, but you could never have said it like that. Especially as a fellow songwriter, I feel inferior.

CM: Do you name your guitars?

KD: I haven’t named them because I would change it every three weeks, and that

wouldn’t be fair to the guitars. So for now, they’re just Black and Tan. CM: Who inspires you?

KD: I’m lucky enough that my two best friends are my mom and dad. My dad is batshit crazy. He’s so fun, and I know I’m going to be just like him.

CM: What’s your biggest vice?

KD: Wendy’s Frosties, second only to Hacienda’s Mudslide. No matter what I’m doing, the guys I live with know going to get Frosties is a big deal.

CM: Do you have any nicknames?

KD: Dr. Denny. It’s totally cheesy and the worst nickname, but it caught on. (My friends) said, “Wow, that’s really stupid.”

So, they started using it.

CM: What’s your best childhood memory?

KD: My best friend growing up and I used to walk all over my town trying to look cool. We had a Jay and Silent Bob relationship, but I talked way too much, so it was more just Jay and Bob. CM: Do you have any pet peeves?

KD: When someone tells a story, and the other person just tries to one-up him.

CM: Do you have any regrets thus far in your life?

KD: I came to Evansville just coming off of an injury, and I thought I really had to prove myself. I regret trying too hard to impress too many people when I didn’t have to.

CM: Is there anything else readers need to know?

KD: I talk too much. I love to play music. I try to be the entertainer and the daredevil. I like to be individualistic. I don’t know why I try to stick out, but I’m scared of being a robot. My ways are the ones I have to live with. I love to defy what everyone thinks about me. I like to do things most people wouldn’t have the courage to do and show them those things can be done. There’s where you made your mistake: asking me questions and letting me talk. n April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

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Smooth Moves — Showing off their steps as they represent African nations, sophomores Emmanuel Omere and Ibukunluwa Araoye along with Ajanwachuku Okiki dance to the beat of the music. (Photo: Alaina Neal)

Strutting It — Showing off the traditional dress of South Korea, intensive English student Helen Eo bows to the audience during the fashion show.

(Photo: Alaina Neal)

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Crescent Magazine ● April 2010

through the lens

International Banquet & Variety Show February 27, Eykamp Hall

They Are On Tonight — Being onstage isn’t easy, but freshman Hilda Torres and David Sena, who graduated in December, know how to make jaws drop as they perform “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira. (Photo: Michael Phillips) April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

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in the know

Bought and paid for

by Kristin Benzinger & Jennifer Stinnett

Crunching the numbers to see just what your student activity fee buys you

E

veryone believes it costs an arm and a leg to attend UE, and with the price of tuition, room and board so high, it’s easy to just grimace and pretend you don’t see the overall sticker price.

For those willing to look closely, there are actually some smaller fees tucked away that often go unnoticed. One of those is the student activity fee, which every full-time student pays. For the 2009-10 school year, the activity fee was $326, and it buys you more than just one of those stickers you place on the back of your student ID card.

“People would be surprised to see the whole budget; to see how much they don’t take part in,” SGA President Joe Brown said.

All the money collected from the student activity fee is channeled into one account, and from there, it is divided among specific areas. What most students don’t know is where the money goes. Here is the dollar breakdown and the recipients of funding.

•••

$5.50

THEATRE DEPARTMENT A small fraction of the overall fee goes to the Theatre Department to help supplement the free tickets every full-time student is eligible to receive to attend productions. Considering tickets cost more than $10 each, $5.50 for a season of entertainment is a bargain.

“Where else can you go do something for $5.50?” staff accountant Barbara Lutterman said. “It’s cheaper than a movie.”

$26

RIDGWAY CENTER The newest addition to the student activity fee. Since students enjoy the benefits of the center, a portion of the fee goes directly to help cover the debt from the building of the center, Lutterman said.

$51

ATHLETICS DEPARTMENT To help defray costs, $51 of your student activity fee goes to athletics. While ticket

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Crescent Magazine l April 2010

prices per event vary, all students can get a free ticket to any UE athletic event.

$100

SPECIAL ACTIVITY FEE This amount covers the widest array of activities and services, and while SGA approves this part of the budget, SGA does not then control how each organization allocates its money. For example, groups such as Leadership Academy and Black Student Union are each given a small amount they may use however they like.

The largest portion of the special fee — $125,000 — goes to the Fitness Center. This sum is used to pay the interest and principle of the debt that was accrued to build the center.

Another $19,000 covers the cost of the various programs and equipment used by students who utilize the center. This also covers paying instructors and the insurance premiums required to offer programs.

The Crescent Magazine subscription fee is also included. While most of its funding comes from advertising sales, about $18,000 is paid by SGA to the magazine on behalf of students to help cover costs. As with subscription fees for any publication, it does not cover all operating costs.

This fee also helps to finance the Student Development Fund. SDF uses its funds to help organizations that petition for funds. All groups are allowed to petition for money each semester.

Other, smaller portions of the fee go toward things such as Homecoming, Musical Madness, the Labor Day Picnic and any event not specifically affiliated with an organization. Additionally, the fee pays for OrgSync, which costs about $3,000 a year.

Interestingly enough, this fee also serves to cover the cost of the stickers we stick on the back of our IDs, coming in at about $800 a year.

$143.50

SUPPORT OF STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS & PROGRAMS SGA and Student Congress directly supervise the largest portion of the fee. The SGA

president approves the budget annually, and if certain organizations wish to redistribute funds or increase the amount allotted to them, they must petition the Finance and Budget committee to do so.

For example, SAB applies for a budget annually. It receives a certain amount of funding, but Brown said in addition to an overall amount, it must itemize each lineitem and have it approved by Congress.

SAB’s budget covers all its events, including Sunset Concert. Thus, if SAB wanted to increase the amount of money budgeted to Sunset Concert, then members would have to get that approved before the new budget was finalized.

Another portion of the fee goes to the LinC, which received about $61,000 this year and earmarked about $45,000 to printing. It pays for every full-time student to receive a copy of the yearbook, with graduating seniors receiving theirs in the mail every fall. Regardless as to whether students pick up their individual copies or not, they have still paid for it.

Another recipient is Intramurals. Its budget covers such things as the cost of paying referees, updating equipment and buying those championship T-shirts everyone covets so much. In all, about $45,000 went to the IM program.

Other organizations benefitting from these specific funds are RSA, Freshman Council, SGA and Congress.

••• RESERVES Brown said any funds not spent during the year are transferred to reserves. This money is then made available to organizations through SGA. But if too much money builds up in the account, then it is taxable.

SGA tries to avoid this, and occasionally must make large purchases to keep the reserves from overinflating. This was the case a few years ago when SGA donated a large sum of money to help build the fountain located in Ridgway. Brown said it is better for students to use the money than have too much go into the reserves.

“I’m much more inclined to see students use the funds as they are budgeted,” he said. n

Phi Gamma Delta’s

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Including our Culture Cruise hour from 6–7 p.m.

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April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

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snapshot

Books,Brains

by Amanda Squire

& a bit of luck

A

When you are involved in so much, it’s hard to stay on top of it all.

But these challenges are no match for one of UE’s brightest.

s a top student in the School of Business Administration and one of the smartest at UE — with a GPA that’s almost flawless — senior Justin Moore remains humble despite his many accomplishments.

“Character makes him stand out,” said Peter Rosen, assistant professor of management information systems. “His personal ethics are stronger than any other student I’ve seen since I’ve been at UE.” Rosen, who has been teaching for 10 years, confidently ranks Moore in his top five most intelligent students. No matter the subject, he said Moore soars to the top.

“He knows just about everything about everything,” junior Brade Wade claims.

And senior Melissa Heckner said Moore is always willing to lend a helping hand.

She said a number of his classmates frequently contact him for help on assignments. Despite this, Moore is not your typical know-it-all.

“I would like to take all the credit for my grades, but I really just have a good memory,” he explained.

Not one to simply sit around and do nothing, Moore is a true go-getter. Wade emphasized that failure is not a word in Moore’s vocabulary.

The North Manchester native surpasses academic expectations without breaking a sweat. Bored with his homework, he decided to throw a certification exam — one highly recognized throughout the financial world — into the mix.

Most students dreaded taking the ACT or SAT in more ways than one. But testing challenges apparently don’t stop Moore.

Since he has always been interested in learning new things, the chartered financial analyst exam, a self-study, graduate school-level program for those in or pursu-

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Crescent Magazine l April 2010

ing an investment career, was a challenge he was willing to take. It is also a three-part test that must be taken over three years.

With a triple concentration in finance, management and management information systems, Moore is far from taking the easy route. While maintaining a heavy course load, he somehow remains heavily involved in organizations.

As a Moore Hall resident assistant and president of SAB, Moore is also a member of Mortar Board, National Society of Collegiate Scholars, Phi Kappa Phi, Beta Gamma Sigma and Best Buddies.

With his main focus on SAB, his contributions this year have redefined the program. Like many other organizations, SAB has been through its ups and downs.

“Justin takes it very personally when people put it down,” said Rachel Carpenter, assistant dean of students and adviser to SAB. Moore has focused on the results of the student interest survey to make sure that SAB activities that were wanted were made available to students. He has also put a face to SAB by representing the organization at Greek philanthropies — not to mention publicizing SAB’s mascot, Gary the Gorilla.

Moore is also working hard to recruit for next year because so many SAB members are graduating in May. Moore said to be a member of SAB, you really have to love UE, making it clear he would do anything for UE. With the average attendance up at SAB events, he said he is proud of the progress the organization has made.

“He is an all around champion for the organization,” Carpenter said.

Moore interned last summer at one of the world’s best investment-banking firms, the name of which he cannot disclose be-

cause of a confidentiality agreement with the company. Moore was only the second student in UE history to receive the internship. He worked in New York City last summer for 10 weeks with other interns from across the world.

“I felt more prepared than others,” he said. “But it was still the most challenging thing ever.”

The challenge paid off. He ended up being hired back once he graduates in May. Moore believes you can study finance your entire life and continually learn something new.

“It wasn’t always my dream job,” he admitted, “but accomplishment-wise, this is what college is all about.”

Even though Moore has every right to be arrogant, he remains grounded in his beliefs and values. And his contributions have not gone unnoticed — he has helped UE and students to strive for more. n

Mr. Moore’s

Academic Tips 1. Actually read the textbook.

2. Don’t expect the professor to

teach everything.

class to make yourself familiar with

the material so you’re not wasting

your time — or others — in class.

class about things you don’t under

stand.

good student.

3. Do work on your own outside of 4. Participate. Ask questions in

5. Clarification is necessary to be a

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Photo by Alaina Neal Crescent

Magazine l April 2010

environment

The

DOMINO EFFECT

by Kristin Benzinger

Understanding the importance of being enviromentally aware, one student at a time

A

n environmentalist’s got to do what an environmentalist’s got to do. And sometimes that means taking desperate measures. Respect for the Earth can take many forms, and swiping an abandoned recycling bin, left unattended and empty by a neighbor, was just one of the many ways senior Alicia Ritzenthaler has shown her passion.

“I don’t want them to take it back,” she admitted. The important thing is that Ritzenthaler is passionate about preserving the planet, and that kind of passion needs to catch on with others before it is too late.

We only have one Earth, and it is everyone’s job to take care of it.

For some, environmental responsibility is an obsession, for others, a nuisance.

Most people are aware of common ways to help the environment: by recycling plastic, paper, glass and aluminum. But there are other things in need of conservation. Water, a precious commodity in many parts of the country where waterways are few, tops the list.

“Fifty years from now when California’s population is three times bigger, the water supply won’t keep up, and they will dam more rivers and destroy habtats,” said junior Jordon Lachowecki, a double major in environmental science and chemistry.

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Crescent Magazine l April 2010

And even though the source of water isn’t a major concern in Evansville, conserving the life-essential liquid is tantamount to making sure there is plenty around for generations to come — and at a reasonable cost.

In addition to being a dedicated recycler, Ritzenthaler, also an environmental science major, wants to make sure clean water is available to everyone.

“I’m more interested in access to clean water and air and how it affects the lower class,” she said. “They are affected first.

If you’re going to want clean water and air, you’re going to want to care. If you don’t, then you probably care about money, and you will want to keep costs down.”

But Ritzenthaler’s enthusiasm, as well as others’, often goes unnoticed in the U.S., as most Americans take clean water for granted. At UE alone, almost 4,000,000 gallons of water were used in 2009.

But excess water usage can be controlled and reduced. Simple acts such as flushing the toilet one less time per day can save about 4.5 gallons of water. That’s equal to the total amount an average person living in Africa uses daily for drinking, cooking, bathing and cleaning, according to Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas Kostigen in “The Green Book.”

“We’re a society that really likes convenience, and sometimes it’s a little inconvenient to conserve things,” said Arlen Kaufman, associate professor of chemistry.

And a few helpful changes are hardly devastating. To help cut down on water use, people can opt for shorter showers, do laundry less frequently, turn off the faucet while brushing their teeth, shave in the shower and simply cut down on the number of dishes used when eating in the dining hall.

By using fewer dishes or going without a tray, students reduce the number of dishes being washed, which in turn saves water and power used by dishwashers.

“If we do one thing for the environment so we can feel good about ourselves, but we continue to live our lifestyles, then that isn’t doing a good thing,” said Wes Milner, associate professor of political science, who incorporates information about environmental issues into the courses he teaches.

Lachowecki, who proudly calls himself a tree hugger, believes that while many people feel they are doing their best to help the environment, they don’t really see the big picture.

“We don’t care until we’re in the shitter,” he said. “It’s probably going to take 20 Katrinas for people to realize the climate is changing.”

The celebration of Earth Day on April 22 marks its 40th anniversary, but its mission of conservation calls for daily activities. When

the holiday was conceived in 1970, it was meant to encourage people to acknowledge environmental issues. The Earth Day Network web site explained that, at the time, “‘Environment’ was a word that appeared more often in spelling bees than on the evening news.”

Lachowecki said he never really cared much about Earth Day. “In the past, no,” he said. “But as I learn more about environmental issues, I care more.”

He is not alone. And at UE, some are taking this interest to a new level. Bill Hemminger, professor of English, dedicates time to the land so people will have healthier food to eat. “I want to be active in the food I eat,” he said.

Hemminger started a community garden, located near the Lambda Chi Alpha house and North Hall, in 2009. The garden gives students the chance to know where their food is coming from and what is going into growing it.

“Good, physical labor, doing a good thing, creating something that you and someone else can eat,” he said. “It’s win, win, win.”

Sodexo is just one of the beneficiaries of the garden, and this semester, Brian Ernsting, associate professor of biology, teaches Biology 399, “Garden Service Learning,” a course where students participate in the planting, maintenance and harvesting of the garden. The 10 students enrolled tend the garden throughout the semester and are encouraged to continue work during the summer.

“It’s not going to have a huge environmental impact right now,” he said. “The main idea is to try to get people to be able to connect with each other, with gardens and with this idea that you can grow your own food.”

Another noteworthy environmental concern is the maintenance of clean, breathable air. With its industrial base and growing population, even Evansville has had trouble with its air quality, dating back

many years and continuing today.

Senior Amanda Bellian, also an environmental science major, said people need to think about the choices they make that harm air quality, and how those choices affect essentially every living thing on the planet.

“There’s a lot going on with pollution,” she said. “Not only hurting us, but other organisms. It’s happening, and people really need to open their eyes.”

Ways of combating air pollution include those things we know to do but just never seem to keep up with, such as avoiding drive-thrus, walking or riding a bike versus driving, carpooling when possible, limiting the amount of time you let your vehicle idle and shopping online versus going to stores.

Certain measures have been taken on campus to help the environment, especially given the building of Ridgway Center and the renovations to Koch Center and the School of Business Administration. But still, it’s important to continue to move forward with conservation efforts.

While UE has placed more than 200 recycling bins around campus, many people don’t believe that is enough. Some apartment buildings and fraternity houses don’t even have bins.

Lucas Brandt, Risk and Environmental Management manager, said bins were removed from fraternities after members abused them. He explained that there aren’t more bins around campus because they’re expensive — each costs $25 — and also because many consider the bins un-

sightly. While the bins are made accessible, he said they are kept out of sight.

As a result, many are disappointed with the quality of recycling services. While there may be bins in most locations, some are difficult to find. Lachowecki said he

once searched all of SOBA for a place to dispose of a soda can. Although there is, in fact, a bin in SOBA, he was unable to locate one in the building and instead carried the can with him to Koch.

“Recycling here is appalling,” he said.

Even worse, what some people forget is that recycling bins are for recyclables — not trash. Brandt said people routinely fill bins with trash instead of recyclable materials.

With just three work-studies to do the recycling pick up, Brandt said his department simply does not have the time to separate the trash from the recyclables. So instead of being able to salvage the recyclables, it all becomes trash.

Kaufman said he’s frustrated when he

April April2010 2010 l l Crescent CrescentMagazine Magazine

13 13

environment

Take shorter showers.

10 gallons of water can be saved by cutting two minutes off your shower.

Unplug electronics

Open your blinds during the day. Natural light is your friend, and it can help lower heating costs.

Print on both sides.

When you have to print that 50-page JSTOR article, you can save a lot of paper by using both sides.

Walk or bike instead of driving. If you need to run to CVS, try walking; it’s only 2.4 miles from campus.

you aren’t using. Even if they aren’t turned on, they’re still using electricity.

Open your window instead of cranking up the air conditioning.

Recycle your old print cartridges.

Recycle. It sounds

redundant, but people still aren’t doing it.

Buy a reusable water bottle.

Don’t use five plastic water bottles in one day, even if you’re recycling them.

sees white paper thrown in a trash can that’s located right next to a recycling bin, and he believes everyone needs to make more of an effort to properly dispose of things.

“I don’t know how we got in this mindset that we can throw things away and put things in landfills forever,” he said. “It’s either ignorance or laziness.”

Most people may not be aware of just how much waste is generated by UE annually. About 500 tons — a million pounds — of garbage was disposed of last year. What was recycled was only about 8 percent of that which was thrown away, coming in at about 41 tons.

In an effort to help students be better recyclers, Residence Life has included a living green section as part of its web site. Visit residencelife.evansville. edu/livinggreen.htm.

Dollars also play a big role in how dedicated we are to conserving, since everyone at UE incurs these costs. Larry Horn, Facilities Management and Planning director, said UE used about

13.7 million kilowatt-hours of energy in 2009, adding up to about $1.34 million. UE also spent a little more than $600,000 on natural gas, which is mainly used in science labs and for the boilers.

“We want to do the right thing as long as it doesn’t cost us anything or cause us inconvenience, but there are enormous costs of making poor environmental choices,” Milner said. “If those costs were taken into consideration, then society would change its behavior.”

Admittedly, helping the environment does take time. It isn’t easy work, and taking up a cause is not always convenient. But by making a conscious effort every day to think about what’s best for the planet, it will become easier.

“We need to change the mindset of wanting and needing lots of stuff to be happy,” Kaufman said. “The biggest thing a student can do is just be aware of the environment and covering environmental footprints.” n — Information contributed

by Kate Wood

Illustrations by Courtney Hostetler

14

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

Have a little too much FUN on

SPRING BREAK?

Pr egnancy Resource Center (800) 960-7733 24 Hour Hot Line www.evansvilleprc.com

Need pregnancy assistance that is fast, no-cost and confidential?

Our No-Cost Services STD TESTING PREGNANCY TESTING NON-DIAGNOSTIC ULTRASOUND COUNSELING AND MENTORING POST ABORTIVE COUNSELING DOCTOR REFERRALS 24-HOUR HELP HOT LINE

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CAMPUS CENSUS April 5, 6 & 7

RESIDENCE HALLS:

Fliers and e-mails will announce Census meetings in the halls during Census dates.

VILLAGES, FIJI, PHI TAU AND TKE:

Come to Residence Life between 9 a.m. –4 p.m. during Census dates. Evening meeting times and locations will be e-mailed and posted in Village display cases and laundry rooms.

SAE, SIG EP AND LAMBDA CHI:

Check with your president during Census dates.

Census data affects university tuition grant and loan programs.

April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

15

t n e r e f f i d e l D t Disab

disabilities awareness

No

by Brennan Girdler Though some students struggle with daily routines, living differently does not mean you are different

16

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

M

ost students don’t have to give a second thought about missing class because yellow caution tape or low-hanging tree branches may be blocking their way. But for students who are disabled in some way, any obstacle could be troubling.

There are more than 60 students on campus with disabilities that actively use services or accommodations provided by UE. These students range from those with mild learning impairments to severe physical disabilities, and several fall under more than one category.

Many able students can’t understand missing class during a light snow fall because of wheelchair difficulties or not being able to locate friends at lunch because they’re blind. Yet these are the harsh realities that some students routinely face.

“It’s something you have to deal with on an everyday basis,” senior Shiloh Ditzer said.

Born with cerebral palsy, Ditzer is confined to his powered wheelchair whenever he is

outside of his residence hall. Handling his meal tray and opening doors present major challenges.

“It’s hard to drive up, unlock the door, hold it and drive around again,” he said.

“It’s tricky, especially with rain and an umbrella.”

What often seem like simple tasks must be approached in a different way when you’re impaired. Imagine trying to locate an accessible bathroom or not being able to speak a foreign language because you don’t know what it sounds like.

Sophomore Amanda Topper has bilateral hearing loss of about 80 percent in both ears. By sitting in the front of the room in her classes, she can see and hear what professors are saying. Topper also uses an FM-system that allows her to comfortably hear the speaker wearing the accompaning microphone.

“I’m two years behind everyone else in language,” she said. “That’s totally different from

everyone else. But I feel accepted here.”

Many disabled students use gadgets to help them along. UE’s Disability Services, a component of Counseling Services, puts much of its time into converting textbooks into MP3s.

Audio files are then used by students who may have trouble turning pages, can’t see the text or have difficulty processing information in book form.

In fact, there are service solutions for just about everything.

Some students count on vibrating alarm clocks for their wake-up calls; others have flashing lights that notify them when guests knock on their doors.

Notetaking is another popular service of-

fered. Designated students take notes on carbonless paper for students who can’t write, pay attention or hear what their professors are saying.

For students who are legally blind or have impaired vision, notetakers type their own notes and place them online, as students with such vision disabilities often have screen readers, which read e-mails and notes aloud.

But it’s not always easy to identify students with disabilities. Ronda Stone, Disability Services coordinator, said there are many students who are able to hide their disabilities, especially those with learning disabilities.

Of the 60 or so students with disabilities, 21 have attention deficit hyperactive disorder — also referred by its former diagnosis, ADD or attention deficit disorder — a biological, brain-based condition that is characterized by poor attention and distractibility and/or hyperactive and impulsive behaviors.

“For me, it’s moderately severe — it depends on who you ask,” senior Jamie McKenzieSmith said about her ADHD. “On tests, I get extended time.”

While some students decide against the use of campus accommodations, there are others who Stone would like to see better embrace their lifestyles.

“They may be worried about being accepted and think that they won’t be liked as much because of their disability,” she suggested.

Freshman Jourdan Wilson has cerebral palsy. He can’t walk and also has impaired vision. But he said at UE, students and professors treat him like everyone else.

“Everyone is very open and considerate of my disability,” he said. “And because of my verbal skills, I can tell them what’s going on with me.”

Being part of the UE social network doesn’t seem to be a problem for many

of those with disabilities. Freshman Hannah Griffin joined Zeta Tau Alpha despite her osteogenesis imperfecta, or in her words, a brittle bone disease.

“I don’t think I’m any different,” she said. “I’ve never let anyone treat me any differently.”

In terms of college life, McKenzie-Smith doesn’t notice a difference. She’s adapted to her lifestyle and has never seen things from the other side.

“I guess I just do things differently,” she said. “They’re not learning disabilities, but learning differences.”

The trouble may be that students are unable to relate. While some are still unaware of the challenges of their peers, Disability Services’ primary concern is education and awareness.

“It’s a lack of knowledge,” Stone said.

“Once you know the rules, you can be more prepared and less awkward around these students.”

She said it would be a good experience for someone who is able bodied to sit in a manual wheelchair and try to open a door.

But plugging your ears or blindfolding yourself for a day wouldn’t nearly reproduce what impaired students have encountered their entire lives.

Most students with disabilities agree simple gestures make the difference. If you’re talking to a student who is deaf — speak directly to them. Often they can read lips, and if there is an interpreter, it’s best to pretend he or she is not there.

Also, it’s best to sit level to or stand at a distance from someone in a wheelchair so he or she don’t have to strain to make eye contact with you.

“Students should really just act normal,” junior Kayla Ryan said about interacting with blind students such as herself.

“Just say ‘hi’ and ‘it’s such-and-such’ if I don’t recognize your voice.”

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

17

disabilities awareness

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“They worked hard to get me everything I needed.”

Faculty and administrators are also more than willing to accommodate the needs of students who are disabled, and Stone works hard to ensure that these students are treated the same as others. After all, it’s the differences that make these students unique, not the disabilities.

“People are shy because on the exterior we may seem different,” Ryan said, “but I’m just as crazy as any other college student.” n

WOMEN’S BASKETBALL

Common courtesies like holding open a door take little effort for most people, but for a student who is disabled, this small act of kindness is appreciated. Unfortunately, being rude takes as little effort as being nice.

“If I really, really need help I’ll ask — maybe don’t assume,” Griffin said.

It is important we recognize that these students are no different than the rest.

When applying to UE, all students are judged on the same academic standards and face all the same school and life experiences.

“We’re just as capable and qualified as anyone else,” said senior Reed Wilkerson, who has dyslexia. “We just need a little more help sometimes.”

He said it takes him extra time to do any sort of reading or writing.

“We have to put forward an extra effort and have more initiative,” Wilkerson said.

“People need to be more patient.”

And the partnership between UE and

its students is crafted in a way as to keep students with disabilities on a level playing field with everyone else. While much of Krannert and Olmsted halls and the basement of Neu Chapel remain inaccessible for physically impaired students, other aspects of campus are more than adequate.

Stone said she works directly with Residence Life to ensure that students with physical limitations have the proper bathroom and residence hall accommodations.

“I knew when deciding to come to UE, my dorm room was a big deal,” Griffin said.

Harlaxton College Office•SB 261 www.harlaxton.ac.uk

If it’s Friday at UE, then it’s Purple Friday.

Wear your best PURPLE every Friday!

You never know when the Purple Patrol will strike.

Fall 2007 Social Norms Survey Brought to YOU by UE Health Education

18

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

UE Alumni Association and Student Alumni Ambassadors

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ApriL eventS

SAB Open Mic night 9:30 p.m. April 7 Ridgway Rec Lounge

SAB MOvie: “the LOveLy BOneS” 9:30 pm April 8 Eykamp 251

SAB MOvie: “the princeSS

cOFFee hOuSe perFOrMAnce

By

eden'S edge

8:45 p.m. April 21 Rademacher’s Cafe in Ridgway

SAB MOvie: “SherLOck hOLMeS” 9:30 p.m. April 22 Eykamp 251

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9:30 p.m. April 15 Eykamp 251

FrOg” cLASSic MOvie night: “BreAkFASt At tiFFAny'S”

7 p.m. April 27, Eykamp 253

SunSet cOncert

5 p.m. April 16 Ridgway East Terrace

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

19

sexplanation

by Josh Fletcher

Exploration

While some believe sex is strictly for procreation and a man’s pleasure, others use sex to stimulate their bodies and discover a fantasyland of passion and fun

S

ex is a part of life that many people are afraid to explore.

But for those who are willing, there’s more to be realized

than just the traditional missionary position. The journey to find new positions is an extravagant adventure strongly encouraged by sex therapists for all people at some point in time.

Phil McGraw, known to most as TV

Cliffhanger

For those of you who are down for a thrill, the Cliffhanger promises to send you and your partner right over the edge.

First, the penetrating partner (in this example, a man) sits on the edge of a couch, bed or other sturdy piece of furniture. Receiving partner, straddle your man, lock your arms with his and lie back over his legs. If you’re feeling daring, reach back and rest your hands on the ground. The Cliffhanger is an adrenaline rush that ends in ecstasy.

personality Dr. Phil, is a clinical psychologist and believes partners should

Praying Mantis

be creative in their sex lives and that they should not feel ashamed to explore each other’s fantasies. So, curb your enthusiasm and act on curiosity; you never know what you might like if you don’t try it.

But, while sex is a natural part of life, it is not to be taken lightly; we’re in no way advocating flippant sexual activity. Although many students currently choose to abstain from sex, they are welcome to archive these bedroom tricks for later use.

Have fun, be safe and remember — sex is not the enemy. ■

The Spelling Bee

The Queen of Diamonds

Lesbians, this one is for you. If sex toys and erotic acts are your thing, let the Queen sparkle you into oblivion. Both women lie on their backs and intertwine their legs in a scissoring motion. The use of toys or hands will surely impress because, as we all know, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

This position will leave you positively tongue-tied. For a really great update on a classic move, try adding sound to your oral positions. The vibration of your lips on your partner’s genitals will leave them speechless.

There is absolutely no wrong sound to make, and your partner will not buzz you off the stage for misspellings. If you don’t know what to say, try asking to use a word in a sentence — over and over and over.

20

Crescent Magazine ● April 2010

This predatory position is to be worshipped.

Instead of kneeling like most positions, try squatting and resting your hands near your partners knees. Receiving partner, you’re in control, so make your partner beg for mercy, like any “preying” mantis would do.

Reverse Cowboy

Gay men, grab your best cowboy hat and rowdy up for this brokeback of a good time.

With one partner lying on his back, the next cowboy needs to saddle up, facing his boots.

Hopefully, he can last longer than eight seconds, else he might wind up practicing the lone ranger.

Did You Know?

• 18–29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year.

• Kinsey Confidential, a web site sponsored by the renowned Kinsey Institute, provides blogs, podcasts and other information about sex, love and relationships for college-aged adults. Visit the site at kinseyconfidential.org.

Iron Lotus

This tangled love trap is feared by many, and resultantly, enjoyed by few. Men, kneel on the floor.

Women, wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

Enjoy the intimate faceto-face contact as your bodies press against one another’s skin. The Iron Lotus is one flower that will never die.

Standing Ovation

Great sex scenes in movies involve intimacy, strength and deep connections. The Standing Ovation is sure to be just that — an awardwinning performance.

Men, sweep your lady off her feet, wrap her legs around your waist and gently press her back against the wall. As the temperature rises, so will your performance. Critics worldwide agree that this position is award-worthy.

Ticking Bomb

With a sturdy chair and ample space, the Ticking Bomb can blow your mind.

Ladies, have your man sit on a chair and straddle him.

With your feet on the ground and your knees at a 90-degree angle, bounce and play, reminding your man who is in control.

No stick figures were harmed in the making of these demonstrations.

Condoms required.

Illustrations by Courtney Hostetler

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

21

off the wall

DREAM

Interpretations

DRINK MONTH Water OF THE

If you’ve ever had one of these common dreams, here’s what it could mean for your future

With Bike Race sneaking up on us, it’s prime time for the only thing we know everyone will be drinking. Local scientists disclose that this concoction can be easily created by mixing two parts hydrogen with one part oxygen in a tall glass. If you want to keep things steamy, try boiling on a hot plate or a stove. For a frozen version, fill an ice cube tray and leave in the freezer overnight. Can be served straight up or on the rocks.

Being Chased — Safety and Security will chase you out of Koch Center in the event there is another bomb threat.

Failing a Test — You have failed your housing inspection and now Brian Conner, assistant director of Residence Life, is out to get you.

Being Naked in Public — You better watch out at Bike Race. This might actually happen to you.

Falling/Drowning — You will trip and fall face first into the Ridgway Center fountain.

Flying — You will turn into Harry Potter.

Teeth Falling Out — You are going to hit someone with a golf cart tomorrow.

WORD OF THE MONTH...

bumedinger “Who brings their bumedinger to class?”

CAMPUS >>COMMENT:

“Raunchy. It just sounds gross.”

TIFFANY ABOUFARISS

[ junior ]

“Large. Large, barge. It’s just that –arge sound.”

MELISSA RONDON

What’s your least favorite word and why?

“Scythe. I had a lisp as a child and couldn’t say it properly.”

STEPHANIE SHELDON

[ senior ]

“Exactly. It has my name in it and I always turn to see who’s saying it.”

ZACH KANET

[ junior ]

22

Crescent Magazine ● April 2010

[ freshman ]

“Delicate. I just don’t like saying it.”

“Ain’t. That’s just wrong.”

SUSAN ELLIOTT

[ senior ]

“Duodenum. It was in an episode of “Family Guy” and everyone in high school overused it after that.”

SAM RODRIGUEZ

[ freshman ]

CHELSEA WOODS

[ freshman ]

Our favorite FUNNY BUNNY

jokes 1

AND A

3 4 5 6 7 8

Q: What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair?

A: A honeycomb

2

4 5

3

Q: Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop?

A: To get the scoop

Q: What do you call it when one cat sues another cat?

A: A clawsuit

Q: What did the finger say to the glove?

A: I’m in glove with you

Who hasn’t wished they were Jim from “The Office” so they could stupefy their own personal Dwight with an ingenious prank? Well, we don’t see why April Fool’s can’t last all month long. Bring back those middle school days of TPing your friends and neighbors and putting “Kick Me” signs on the backs of your classmates. Trick your roommate, family members, co-workers and friends with these funny, harmless pranks. Just don’t blame us when they retaliate.

1

Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from?

A: A poul-tree

Q: Why did the Dalmatian need glasses?

A: He was seeing spots.

Ways to Pull a Prank

half

Q: What do you call a raincoat that doesn’t belong to you?

A: Nacho poncho

2

5

“

1 2

• Replace your roommate’s cologne or perfume with vinegar: They’ll smell like fish and chips.

• Fill a friend’s room with cups of water: For an added twist, staple them together.

• Scrape out the cream filling in Oreos and replace with toothpaste: It’s a new flavor of Oreo: mint chocolate.

• Dye non-hard boiled eggs and give them to your friends: Watch in delight as they cover themselves in yolk.

• Create a personal ad listing for a friend on Craigslist: Even better if they have a fetish. Be sure to add their cell phone number and a picture as well.

• If all else fails, call in a bomb threat: Just make sure you let us know first so we can claim our $1,000 reward and stop these shenanigans.

”

“I’m having oral and visual hallucinations.

The funny thing is I used to pay for those.”

tomorrow.

— Rob Griffith, associate professor of English

Q: Why don’t lobsters share?

A: They’re shellfish

WORD STREET ON THE

Bike Race will be held in its new location — the Front Oval…

April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

23

wildcard

by Josh Fletcher & Lauren Oliver

What do April Fish, broomsticks and jousting have in common?

Easter, of course.

W

ith a longstanding Easter history, modern secular celebrations and events often eclipse religious tradition. Peep tossing, egg coloring, rabbits and confectionary assortments have taken over and have literally become a commercial enterprise.

EASTER

AROUND THE

WORLD

FINLAND

Easter here has a Halloween feel.

Children with soot on their faces carry twigs and broomsticks around the neighborhood asking for coins in an effort to ward off witches from flying around during Easter weekend.

EASTER While the precise history of the Easter Bunny is unknown, the BBC has its own theories. It suggests that the famed floppy ball of fur may have started out as a hare, but since rabbits are more common in most countries, the switch seemed appropriate.

Have you ever wondered why the Easter Bunny carries around eggs? As it so happens, eggs are symbols of fertility and new life. Regardless of its origins, most people enjoy the edible eggs and fun that is associated with the Easter Bunny.

[

What is your best Easter memory?

]

“Last year, me and my mom gave up candy for Lent. Then we pigged out on junk food and went into a sugar coma.”

MAGGIE DENEWETH (freshman) “I hate Peeps, so my brother and I would have a Peep dodgeball contest.”

STEVE MATTHEWS (senior)

24

Crescent Magazine ● April 2010

GREECE

During the last two weeks of the Greek Carnival season, or Apokreas, it is customary to dress in costumes and throw confetti, while hitting fellow townspeople with squeaky plastic clubs.

AUSTRALIA

Since rabbits are seen as crop-damaging nuisances to farmers, the traditional Easter Bunny has been replaced with the native Easter Bilby, a rodent with long ears and nose, put in place by the Anti-Rabbit Research Foundation.

FRANCE

POLAND

To symbolize ancient purification rituals, boys spend Easter wandering the streets sprinkling water or perfume on girls. While they’re out, the women of the house bake bread, but the men steer clear, because their help will cause their mustaches to gray and the dough to fail.

[

What is the best gift the Easter Bunny ever brought you?

] [

Rather than search for the Easter bunny, children in France eagerly await the “April Fish” so they can spend the day sticking paper fish to the backs of adults.

What are your plans for this Easter?

]

“He doesn’t bring us anything spectacular; maybe eggs.”

JOANNA CALAHAN (freshman)

“I have a wonderful semi-farcical religious activity planned.”

CAMI BENFORD-MILLER (sophomore)

“I got a Razor Scooter one year.”

JESS KOHN (freshman)

“An Easter Jell-O shot hunt.”

RYAN EBERSOLE (senior)

When thinking of Easter, who could forget those friendly, yellow, marshmallow Peeps?

But while these may be the classic color, yellow chicks aren’t the only form of Peeps.

Tulip Peeps come in yellow and chicks also come in pink, lavender, blue, green and orange (as well as a sugar-free yellow version). For those who prefer bunnies, options include yellow, pink, lavender, blue and green, or — if you’re feeling adventurous — chocolate-flavored mousse. Also, according to marshmallowpeeps.com, Peeps can serve a higher purpose than their initial gooey, sugary goodness.

PEEP FONDUE — If you’re looking for a classier approach to your marshmallows, try using skewers to dip them in melted white, dark or milk chocolate.

PEEPSICLES — Skewer your favorite Peeps, dip them in chocolate or cover them with nuts and freeze for an interesting new take on dessert.

PEEP S’MORES — For a festive twist on the bonfire treat, replace the regular white marshmallow with a colorful Peep in between chocolate and two graham crackers.

PEEP JOUSTING — Maybe you love Peeps but can’t handle ingesting all that sugar. All you need here are two Peeps, toothpicks and a microwave.

Insert toothpicks in the front of each Peep — like a lance — and place them in the microwave facing each other. Watch them expand as they heat up until one Peep’s lance wins the joust.

L

UNC

A N O I T NVEN

Egg Decorating

Buying the prepackaged egg dying kit isn’t the only way to decorate your eggs, according to amazingmoms.com. To create your own dye, combine one-half tablespoon of food coloring with two teaspoons vinegar in a big enough cup to fit the eggs and fill the cup to the halfway point with water. For darker shades, leave the egg in the dye a little longer. For a few more creative ideas, check out these

1

Make simple shapes on your eggs with crayons before putting them in the dye. The wax from the crayons will resist the dye, leaving festive artwork.

2

Wrapping your eggs in rubber bands in a variety of designs before dying is another way to create an array of crisscross lines and stripes.

3

After dying, adorn your eggs with sequins, glitter, beads or buttons to liven up your basket.

4

Use a Q-tip and some acrylic paint to add shapes or words to dyed or un-dyed eggs, or dip a small, shaped sponge into paint and simply press onto the egg.

5

Recreate your family tree by drawing faces on eggs with colored permanent markers, adding yarn or fabric strips for hair.

JANKY: Wearing leggings as pants — Trust us, these are not flattering, and it looks like you forgot to put on pants.

JUICY: Wearing leggings as leggings — Under a dress or tunic, these are both cute and functional.

••• JANKY: Eye tattoos — Do you want to look like you just escaped from prison?

JUICY: Colored contacts — Remake yourself for the day without permanent results. Just leave the offbeat colors and cat eyes at home.

••• JANKY: Girdles — They’re tight, old-fashioned and just plain uncomfortable.

JUICY: Spanx — Lose a few pounds and work your favorite little black dress without even stepping foot in the gym.

••• JANKY: Styrofoam — It sounds awful when rubbed together and it ruins the environment big time.

JUICY: Biodegradable cardboard — Anything that can — and should — be recycled is OK by us.

••• JANKY: Cubed ice — It’s way too big and hard to munch on without causing a ruckus.

JUICY: Crushed ice — Don’t lie; the ice is half the fun in a Sonic limeade.

••• JANKY: Classes on the Monday following Easter — What’s the point in going home for the weekend if you have to spend Easter Sunday driving back to school?

JUICY: Having Friday through Monday off — Everyone else is doing it.

Why shouldn’t we?

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

25

health & fitness

z’

by Megan Merley

Making the most of your

s

Late-night gabfests, studying until the wee hours and going to bed at 3 when you have an 8 a.m. class… it’s all part of college, right? ith tests, classes, papers, work and social obligations to deal with, sleep often becomes the last priority. Here’s the skinny on what’s keeping students awake, some common sleep disorders and a few tips on how to make the best of your time in dreamland — and even spend more time there every night.

W

WIDE AWAKE

With so much to do and so little time, college life can be overwhelming. Many students stay up too late, and sometimes it’s not just work that keeps them burning the midnight oil.

Sleeplessness can be caused by health problems, but it can also be brought on by the challenges of student life. Common sleep-stealing issues are depression, anxiety and stress.

“I have horrible sleeping habits,” senior Chelsea Blackburn said. “The doctor told me mine were probably stressinduced. No one wants to be my friend when I don’t sleep.”

Blackburn isn’t alone. Health Center director Becky Ziliak, R.N., said sleep is-

sues are one of students’ most common complaints and can really influence a person’s physical and mental state.

“Sometimes they’re so tired they want to cry,” she said. “It can really affect a person’s coping skills and make things seem a lot harder than they are.”

Experts agree the problem with college students is that they don’t make sleep a priority.

“As a realist, there are certain nights you’re not going to get to bed on time, but sleeping in isn’t helpful, either,” said Dr. David Cocanower of Evansville’s Sleep Medicine Associates. Instead, he recommends a 20-minute nap.

SLEEP DISORDERS

“A lot of students may have adjustment insomnia, where they have trouble adjusting to sleeping in dorms because people have different schedules,” said Dr. Arthur Bentsen of Deaconess Hospital’s Sleep Center.

Most of us know when we are not getting enough sleep, but some students don’t even realize they have a problem, and that can be dangerous. Over time,

7 WAYSto get the

1. Avoid caffeine or heavy, fatty foods before bedtime.

2. Set yourself a regular schedule.

3. Limit naptime. “When you sleep

too much during the day, it actually detracts from the amount you will sleep that night,” Cocanower said.

sleeplessness can affect your daily performance at work and school and can even affect your health. People who don’t sleep well are more likely to have serious depression and develop obesity, heart disease and diabetes in their later years.

Insomnia is fairly common among people of all ages. It’s more prevalent among women than men and can be triggered by stress. It can be short-term or longterm, but either way, it disrupts sleep patterns and leaves a person feeling restless at night and fatigued during the day.

Bentsen said it’s important to practice good sleep hygiene; prepare yourself for bed with a relaxing bedtime routine. Prevent insomnia by creating a safe, comfortable sleeping environment.

Nightmares are another common sleep issue in young adults. Sometimes, dreams are so vivid they can cause you to wake up abruptly and disrupt your sleep cycle.

Chronic nightmares are prevalent among people who have high stress-levels, eat fatty meals before bed or drink alcohol. If your dreams are persistent and disruptive, consider practicing stress relief techniques or seeing a therapist. n

for a few minutes per day, and be sure to do so at least three hours before bed.

6. Don’t stress out if you can’t sleep.

“If you’re awake for more than 15 minutes, try getting up and doing something quiet, like light reading or knitting,” Ziliak recommended.

7. Seek help. If you really can’t sleep, MOST from your Z’s 4. Relax. don’t be afraid to go to the Health 5. Exercise regularly, even if it’s only Center or ask your doctor for help.

26

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

t

his season, walking to class doesn’t have to be a slouchedover trudge through the puddles and mud. With the right rain accessories, you can make it a stylish sashay down the catwalk.

New boot and umbrella trends are popping up all over the place. While you can expect to see a few patterns such as nautical, floral and plaid, this year’s styles feature solid colors: violet, turquoise, pastel blue and peach.

Whatever the color or convention of

fashion & beauty lar new bubble or birdcage umbrella.

“Nothing makes more of a statement than a super-rad rain deflector,” said Robyn Currie of trendhunter.com. “Count me in for one of the birdcage umbrellas.”

Denise Maddison, a Dillard’s sales associate, agreed with Currie. “Dome umbrellas will definitely be in,” she said. “People want an umbrella that’s going to be huge and protect them from the sun and rain.”

Swing by Eastland Mall and snag one of these umbrellas from Macy’s for just $22.

The department store offers the umbrella

men’s gear is out there. Junior Tyler Simpson has long been on the hunt for some trendy shower shoes.

“I’ve always wanted a nice pair of guy’s rain boots,” he said. “But they’re always crappy.”

Fortunately, there is a new shoe making a splash this season. Tretorn has come out with a rain shoe that resembles the popular Chuck Taylor shoe collection but has no shoelaces and is made of rubber.

Don’t feel left out ladies, there’s a new style in for you as well: high-heeled and

t e W n’Styled

by Kent Johnson

Notorious for its rainy season, Evansville can be a soggy place. Luckily, April showers are bringing floral prints to foreshadow May’s flowers.

cut, fabulous street fads are finding their way into raingear trends, and fashionable umbrellas are becoming functional.

TRENCH COAT COUTURE

Inside a mall or favorite department store, students may forget the rain they face when heading back to campus. Make a point to pick up a raincoat next time you go hunting for that spring wardrobe.

This season, when shopping for fashionable new flood wear, be daring — shoot for a trench coat. Bright color trench coats are hot on the runway and will be just as scintillating in the hallway.

Trench coats stop about knee length, just long enough to shield your outfit from the rain without being over the top.

Choose the right coat for your personal style from a number of available colors.

You can pick one up at Old Navy for around $30 to $40.

UNDER THE UMBRELLAS

In the middle of a downpour, there are few alternatives to devastating a perfect hairdo.

Wearing a rain hat or pulling your hair up can save you from the inevitable frizz, but why rough up your coiffure?

A better option is to invest in the popu-

in both clear plastic and multi-colored polka dots.

If the plastic dome top of a bubble umbrella sounds more like something out of a science fiction novel than straight from Vogue, you’re not out of luck.

Miniature umbrellas are also available.

Sold in solid, bright colors, these practical models come with a cloth carrier at Target for around $10.

Junior Blair Busbee makes good use of her umbrella.

“Since rainy days are typically gloomy, you want bright colors and floral prints to brighten your day,” she said.

“I love floral prints; they are in style for just about everything right now.”

wedged rain boots are available at Target and Eastland Mall.

According to trendhunter.com, tattoo-styled rain boots are going to be big.

Their online gallery indicates that high-heeled and tattoo-print rain boots will be two major must-haves for the wet — and even dry — days this month. ■

SHOWER SHOES

And what could be more signature of an April wardrobe than a hot pair of rain boots? In a rainy city, they are an edgy essential for outdoor travel. But while there are many women’s styles to choose from, the men’s departments always tend to lack imagination.

And the desire for February April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

27

cheap dates

Exotic ESCAPE

by Heather Powell

Take your date for a walk on the wild side.

Literally.

W

ith spring fever finally kicking in, no one wants to stay in a residence hall room cooped up all day. It’s time for shorts, flip-flops and warm weather.

If you want to relax somewhere other than the Front Oval or Ridgway’s East Terrace, discover an outdoor adventure available 365 days a year. Let your animal instincts lead you to Mesker Park Zoo and Botanical Garden.

Located at 1545 Mesker Park Drive, admission is just $8.50 per person, so it won’t break the bank, and the zoo is open daily from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., with admittance ending at 4 p.m. With its friendly atmosphere and varied exhibits, the zoo is sure to be a hit — a great place to share with friends and family, or a nontraditional spot for a date.

Marketing director Charlotte Roesner agreed that Mesker is a great date location for couples.

“You can stroll around the zoo together,” she said.

“And we have [more than] 700 animals to see.”

Many students agree.

If you’re looking for some unconventional fun with that special someone, Mesker has a lot to offer.

“I love animals, so it’d be fun to go see them,” senior Amanda

Illustrations by Courtney Hostetler

28

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

Cunningham said.

“Plus, you’re getting out and doing something instead of going to a movie.”

And simply walking around the park isn’t the only thing to do. The zoo surrounds a beautiful lake, where you and your date could rent a paddleboat at Port Victoria for between $2 and $8 for 30 minutes.

You and your date could also sit together on one of the benches nearby, but be aware you may be joined by one of the local peacocks or geese.

For an extra cost, you could even ride the tram. Tickets — which cost $2 — are good for the entire day, and you can catch a ride at any of one of three stopping spots throughout the zoo.

Another site to check out is the Nocturnal section. This room in the Kley Building is dark and full of cute nighttime animals, including a Brush-Tailed Rat Kangaroo, Sand Cat and Egyptian Fruit Bat. Freshman Chloe Johnson, an exchange student from England and a volunteer at the zoo, said another premier exhibit is the Aviary.

With its flower-lined walls and free-flying South American species of birds, it’s sure to make for an interesting experiene as well as a romantic outing. Or you could visit the Discovery Center for a peek at the colorful Hyacinth Macaws, the largest type of macaws in the world.

Aside from traditional animals, Mesker offers its guests a unique must-see: Amazonia. The newest exhibit — added in 2008 — cost $15 million to build, Roesner said.

Unlike the other, older exhibits, Amazonia takes

crescent crossword

you inside the many layers of the jungle canopy with displays ranging from a squirrel monkey to a sloth. At the base of the exhibit are two female jaguar cubs and their mother.

And if you’re looking for diversity, the zoo offers a wide range of wildlife.

“The whole zoo has a global theme,” Johnson said. “There’s an African section with zebras; a North American section with wolves, eagles and prairie dogs; and an Australian section with wallabies.”

Among the 700 residents is a special hippo named Donna. Johnson said she is the oldest hippo in the entire world.

“She is 58 years old,” she said. “She has outlived her husband, her children and her grandchildren.”

Roesner said the zoo has another renovation due to open this summer. The Kley Building will welcome “Armored and Dangerous” — featuring animals that use armor and other defenses to protect themselves from prey.

Another coming attraction is the Kaziranga Rhino Reserve, home to an Indian Rhino, a species estimated to have a population of only about 2,400 today.

So, if you and your significant other are in Evansville for the summer, be sure to make these rounds.

“There’s a lot to see,” Johnson said. “You need more than one day.”

With plenty exhibits and outdoor activities for multiple visits, Mesker Zoo makes planning that second date a snap. n

ACROSS 1 British Virgin Islands (abbr.)

4 Viking 8 External covering 12 Belonging to (suf.)

13 End (pref.)

14 Mississippi bridge 15 Compass direction 16 Maenad 18 Broad structural basin 20 Water nymph 21 Abdominal (abbr.)

23 Stair post 27 Spainish instrument 32 Annoy 33 Insect 34 Misrepresent 36 You (German) 37 Hindu month 39 Female noble 41 Bird 43 European Economic Community (abbr.)

44 Trespass for game 48 Gamin 51 Puce (2 words) 55 Shoe size 56 “Uncle Remus” rabbit 57 Seventh incarnation of Vishnu 58 Cathode-ray tube (abbr.)

59 Convey 60 Black 61 Kilometers per hour (abbr.)

11 Compass direction 17 Chinese, dynasty 19 Dance company (abbr.)

22 Cotillion attendee 24 Jab 25 Ancient Greek city 26 Dregs 27 Heddles of a loom 28 Handle 29 Beak 30 Guido’s note (2 words) 31 Shooting match 35 Equal opportunity employer (abbr.)

38 Household linen 40 Nat’l Endowment for the Arts (abbr.)

42 Chin. Pan 45 Rhine tributary 46 Crustacean 47 Blood (pref.)

49 Amer. Assn. of Retired Persons (abbr.)

50 English spa 51 Abate 52 Yorkshire river 53 Race the motor 54 Israelite tribe ANSWERS

DOWN 1 Conquer 2 Anatomical duct 3 Limp 4 Off-track betting (abbr.)

5 Compact 6 Razor-billed auk 7 Central points 8 Dive 9 John, Gaelic 10 Banned pesticide

2010 Santori Publishing

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

29

eats

way

by Mindy Kurtz

(or time) you want it Day or night, this diner stays open longer than any Taco Bell drive-thru

T

he typical midnight munchies — everybody gets them, and it seems there aren’t many places in town that keep hours late enough to satisfy them. But there is one “open” sign that stays lit until the bulb burns out: First Avenue Diner.

Where many other restaurants stop serving breakfast after 10 a.m., First Avenue Diner, located off the Lloyd Expressway at 520. N. First St., offers breakfast all day — along with everything thing else on the menu.

Whether it’s a mountain of fried mushrooms at 8 a.m. or a stack of pancakes for dinner, nothing is too early or too late for this diner. But, the around-the-clock access isn’t the only thing that keeps people coming back to First Avenue. It’s also the diner’s signature home-style taste.

“The onion rings are amazing,” senior Andrea Offdenkamp said. “They’re just right and aren’t loaded with salt like the ones I’m used to eating.”

For lunch, First Avenue offers an array of sandwiches, such as chicken salad and B.L.T. with egg and cheese. Another favorite, the breaded Texas tenderloin is a meal in itself. The diner also offers different salads and desserts, such as slices of coconut cake and ice cream.

“I love it,” sophomore Mike Koletsos said. “They put a lot of bacon on my B.L.T. with egg and cheese. Most places seem to skip out on that type of thing.”

Still, in line with the old adage, breakfast is the most important meal of the day at First Avenue. Owner Pam McCall finds this especially true. “Our breakfast is what everyone comes for,” she said. “Biscuits and gravy is especially popular.”

Also available are a variety of other breakfast entrees, including eggs, french toast and waffles. Customers may choose

30

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

from sides such as oatmeal, hash browns and bacon.

First Avenue’s selections are only made better by its affordable prices. Most entrees are under $7, and nothing costs more than $15. “Everything I’ve always gotten there is worth the price you pay,” Offdenkamp said. “It’s well worth the trip.”

And the dining experience offered by First Avenue is hardly limited to the meal.

From the outside, this tiny eatery may look like nothing special, but for those willing to venture in, it is a homey hangout for hungry customers. “It’s very hole-in-the-wall and quaint,” Koletsos said.

With a waffle house-style bar in the front, a limited number of tables and a hot griddle where you can watch the cook make your meal, this diner combines the easygoing, home-style eats with the fast pace of clinking spatulas and sizzling stovetops. “It reminds me of Arnold’s, the restaurant off of Happy Days,” Offdenkamp said. “It’s a real mom-and-pop place.”

First Avenue has actually been around Evansville for years, starting out with

the name Steak & Eggs. McCall’s mother owned it for 10 years before it was passed down to McCall and renamed.

“We like to keep everything here in the same tradition that Steak & Eggs had,” McCall said. “From the menu to the curtains, we haven’t changed a thing.”

To some, First Avenue is like a modern version of “Cheers.” The food’s great, the workers are lively and everybody knows your name. “It’s like clockwork here,” McCall explained. “We know what time certain customers come in, what they order and how long it takes to make it.”

Regulars stopping in to talk about their day and enjoying their usual cup of coffee make the experience even more enjoyable. “We have our regulars who have been coming here for years,” McCall said.

“They’re one of the best parts about working here.”

Tasty food, a homey atmosphere and a whopping 24 hours to enjoy them. These things have created a recipe for success, and hopefully more than enough to keep this diner at work far into the future. n

Rise & Shine, Anytime The INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES has long been a student hotspot for those who long for breakfast throughout the day and night. With prices for their famous pancakes starting at $4.99, IHOP is the place to chow down on all your favorite flavors of hot cakes and waffles. Stop by anytime; they’re open 24 hours a day. • 601 N. Burkhardt Road

BOB EVANS, known for its home-style food, is another outlet for stuffing your face at a decent price. With a full breakfast menu and sandwiches ranging from $6–$12, Bob’s is the place to dine out without spending too much. Bob’s is open from 6 a.m.–9 p.m. Sunday– Thursday and 6 a.m.– 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday. • 1125 N. Green River Road

DENNY’S is the place for breakfast variety. For those who want to fill up their tummies without emptying their wallets, take a swing at the Grand Slam for only $5.99, which includes four items from a list that includes two bacon strips, two eggs, hash browns, two pancakes and two sausage links. Denny’s is open 24 hours. • 351 N. Green River Road

nightlife

by Michael Cowl

D

espite the fact that it has been around for thousands of years, patrons ranging from students to grandparents now have the opportunity to partake in the ancient tradition of smoking hookah, and co-owner Mohammed Metoui has the pictures to prove it.

Lined outside for hours, people patiently wait to enter and experience Evansville’s only Mediterranean-themed hookah bar, Charazad Hookah Lounge, 519 N. Green River Road.

“I don’t know what’s with this place,” Metoui said. “It makes people love each other. I don’t know if it’s in the tobacco or what. The guys shake my hand, and the women hug me. I love it.”

Metoui decided early on to limit the number of people in the lounge to maintain a truly relaxing and enjoyable atmosphere.

“There’s a chill, family-like atmosphere,” senior Kyle Affoon said. “Everyone welcomes you, even if it’s your first time.”

Metoui and his business partner Khaled Elkhal, on the other hand, are not so mystified as to the origin of Charazad’s positive energy. They insist it is their attention to customers that really makes the difference.

“Management really cares about its clientele,” junior Nick Wenz said. “Mohammed will come out and actually talk with you. It’s refreshing. He really wants you to enjoy yourself and takes people’s input seriously; it’s not just for show.”

Metoui has traveled the

Immerse yourself in the culture and tradition of hookah globe, visiting the best lounges in order to bring pieces of them back to Evansville.

This way, people get the true feel of a traditional hookah lounge. Metoui has since provided customers with a four-hose hookah — or water pipe —and has also perfected an authentic taste, using only the best ingredients for his teas and coffee.

“It’s something completely different and new,” Affoon said. “The lounge is a nice place to chill. The ambiance and friendliness, of both the workers and people who go, is what makes it first-rate.”

Charazad is decorated in an authentic Tunisian theme. Adorned with pictures and tapestries, low comfortable seating and even professionally trained belly dancers, Charazad’s exotic environment allows customers to check reality at the door.

“People do things here you normally wouldn’t do awake,” Metoui said. “For example, when we celebrate a birthday, men will stand up and begin to belly dance with a server. They walk in and get lost in the experience. People forget they are in Evansville until they walk out that door.”

And Charazad is a place where people can forget their worries. It provides a chance for a cross-cultural experience different than anything else in town.

Despite being a hookah lounge, those not interested in smoking can indulge in gyro sandwiches, desserts and a plethora of non-alcoholic beverages. Charazad also sells hookahs, high brand tobacco, shisha, charcoal and hookah accessories.

“I love the bubbles,” sophomore Chelsey Tompkins said. “Friends and I have sat around for an hour or so just doing bubbles; it was so much fun. I like letting them pop on my hand so smoke goes everywhere.”

The lounge has become an addiction for some of its clientele. Metouri explained how some people would spend hours there and leave only to come back later — something he is particularly excited about.

“It’s a good place to go hang out with friends,” Wenz said. “We just sit in a circle around the hookah spending hours talking about who knows what. It’s relaxing. The great thing is I’ve been with people who don’t smoke but enjoy coming for the atmosphere and conversations.”

There’s a possibility more Charazad lounges will be opening in the future. Despite its relative lack of advertising, the lounge has become amazingly popular.

“Instead of spending money on advertising, we took that money and spent it on the lounge itself,” Metoui said. “Fortunately, our attempts are being recognized. And, who knows, we may open more locations down the road. But for now, we are trying to enjoy it as much as we can.”

Whether you are looking to spend a night sampling the different flavors or just need to kick back and relax, Charazad is the place to be. With its welcoming atmosphere, Evansville’s hookah bar is guaranteed to please.

Charazad is open from 6 p.m.–12 a.m.

Sunday–Thursday, and from 6 p.m.–2 a.m. Friday and Saturday. n

April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

31

schitzengiggles

P

eople in our age group are on the fringes of becoming responsible, informed, working-class citizens and are therefore expected to watch current world events and issues with a permanent glaze of outrage. If we do not, we are, by default, unmotivated and useless.

In my recent daily life, perhaps by coincidence, I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz over the use of genetically modified ingredients that have been slipped into our food without the knowledge and consent of the American people.

The horror stories are numerous and appalling — told by the people who have been fed by these faceless organizations that manufacture food with the help of Victor Frankenstein’s cookbook. It doesn’t seem a very kind way to return the favor.

When I think of the people behind these chicken death camps, where the chickens are bred in test tubes and made to run around a tiny pen until they die of dehydration, I imagine the system with a Michael Crichton aesthetic.

I see a small, portly man with a white beard and expensive hat smile and wave his arm over the luscious fields of excrement, as I keep daring him to say, “Spared no expense.”

However appropriate my image may be is irrelevant. The point is the same. These people are the enemy, and they’re going to kill us all — with food.

I have horror stories. A muscular, undead hamburger has never tried to punch me in the face, but I have seen things you couldn’t dream of. My understanding of the fast-food debate is that one need not do much digging to experience true terror.

Just go to McDonald’s when somebody’s having a bad day.

Years ago, my small, meth-funded town was invaded by this very corporation.

They were hot-ticket items, those greasy burgers, just like the ones they had in the big city.

But the time came when the paradigm was shifted — the time when I, as a young lad, was given a healthy helping of reality.

My mom took me through the drive-thru one day, and as the staff of our local estab-

32

Crescent Magazine l April 2010

jurassic FARM n lishment often gave the impression that za Hut in the same town that mysteriously they were, in fact, born moments ago, I liftcould no longer make pizzas one evening. ed the bun to see if I received what I had Recently, there was the Wendy’s back ordered. home that served me a Baconator with no I scrutinized everything carefully: the bacon on it. location of ketchup and mustard, the freHorrific? Infuriating? Yes. Delicious? quency of tiny onion cubes and the abUsually, and when so — abundantly. It’s sence of pickles. Everything a fair trade to me. Thanks to Henseemed in order, but there ry Ford, we know the true meaning was something wrong with of convenience, but we can’t expect the picture, something that every hand to keep the chain of prodidn’t leap out at me. duction moving in a perfect line.

I looked again, carefully, These executive tycoons are and I found it — a spiral inmonsters — there’s no way around laid in the design — a pattern that. But they’ve given us somethat could not have formed n Regan Campbell, thing that no one in their right mind out of mere chaos. Indeed, it would give up. Of course, I was a junior creative writing major from had not. It was a hair, long, raised with the belief that if you get Vincennes, closes dark and coiled, placed with to eat food every day, you’re preteach issue with great deliberation in a slow ty damned lucky. So, my stance is his special brand spiral that started on the skewed. of humor on life’s outside and culminated in But the activists won’t stop, lighter moments. the middle. which says a lot for people with no Naturally, I screamed, “I did not ask for protein in their systems. We are to assume this!” and pinched the hair and extracted that every big corporation doesn’t care it. Everything was fine after that. about quality in the face of quantity, that Despite that occurrence, I persisted, eventually the cybernetic chickens will praying for the mercy of recycled employrise up against us, that “life will find a way” ees with the passing days. Years went on and erase us from the planet. that way, and on another particular trip But these people are missing the point. through the drive-thru, I met with fate once This stuff is great. We’re all fed. We have dimore. As I happily devoured my double abetes, but we’re not dead — yet. cheeseburger, which I had taken to orderThe foundation of science is made up ing “plain,” I began to taste a subtle hint of of those “ah-ha” moments, like when you pennies in my mouth. force a frog to give birth to a TyrannosauThat, of course, would be the taste of rus Rex. Then follows the recognition and copper, which I knew by then was the the grants, and then you realize you made taste of blood as well. a damned Tyrannosaur, and it’s going to My old habit returned. I inquisitively kill you. turned the burger around and saw that the Science only has the ability to create back end was, medically, a piece severed monsters, it seems, and ever since the infrom a living cow. It was cold, raw, bleedvention of the fanny pack and Rascal scooting meat that had lost its shape and solid er, it’s hard to disagree. state and dripped off the edge of the bun.

Every advancement works the same Someone had forgotten to thoroughly way, for better or worse. Computers, cloncook this one; so needless to say, I did not ing and global warming could be the end eat that half of it. of us yet, but all I need is a double cheeseI could go on and on with stories like burger to stop thinking about it. these, about the countless times I’d swalThus, I choose to ignore the likely and lowed something too hard or too metallic. imminent danger. I know the great food TI could talk about the Taco Bell down Rex will find me on the toilet someday, low the road that was said to have once substiin fiber and high in cholesterol, but in the tuted dog feces for ground beef or the Pizmean time, I’m hungry. n

Pick up your FREE copy of the 2008–09 LinC before you leave for summer break!

It’s awesome!

Eligible students are those who were full time for the 2008–09 academic year.

T R E A S U R E T R A D

I

T

& I

O N S

Join us in Honoring Our Own:

UE AFRICAN AMERICAN ALUMNI Friday, April 23

Saturday, April 24

KICKS OFF THE REUNION WEEKEND

“HONORING OUR OWN: UE AFRICAN AMERICAN ALUMNI”

Monte Skelton

UEAAA Reunion 2010 Gala Dinner & Social

Tour and Reception 7:00 – 9:00 p.m.

Speaker: the Honorable David A. Shaheed `76 7:00 – 9:00 p.m.

Evansville African American Museum 579 S. Garvin St. (at Lincoln Avenue) • Entertainment by Monte and Skelton’s Montourage • Food provided by B.J.’s Catering • UEAAA and students are welcome!

• Cost: $5 per person

Casino Aztar Hotel Banquet Room • Cost: $35/person and $60/couple UE Students are free with early registration. (Limited student tickets are available).

• Dinner will be followed by entertainment by the Chuck Johnson `80 Quintet. D.J. “Tight Mike” will provide dance music from 10:30 p.m. to midnight.

• Register by 4/16/10.

Saturday, April 24

The Annual UEAAA Luncheon 11:30 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Eykamp Hall, Ridgway University Center • Cost: Alumni with one guest and UE students with ID, free. All others $10.

• BSU students to re-enact the MLK Day skit and the UE Step Team will perform.

• Register by 4/22/10.

Sunday, April 25 REUNION WEEKEND CONCLUDES WITH A SPECIAL

African American Worship Service

Featuring: Rev. David Williams, Jr. `77 and UE Chaplain the Rev. Dr. Tamara Gieselman `95 10:00 –11:30 a.m.

Neu Chapel • Everyone is invited!

Rev. David Williams, Jr.`77 is senior pastor of the Abyssinian Christian Church, Fort Collins, Colorado For more information about the reunion, go to ueaaa.evansville.edu or call the Office of Alumni and Parent Relations at x2586.

University of Evansville Alumni Association • www.evansville.edu/alumni