Curieux 2014 issue 1 by UCSA President

Editors Andrew Nardi media@theucsa.org.au Jeremy Stevens stevens.a.jeremy@gmail.com

Contributors Gemma Varcoe Olivia Turner Sarah Collins Anthony Felix Bray Hannah Quill Leanne Duck Joanna Mackerras

Alannah Andreini Emma Risby Nick Beecher Connor Harvey Cameron Swift Imran Ghani

Graphics Design Andrew Nardi

Printing UC Green Print Centre printroom@canberra.edu.au (02) 6201 2371

Special Thanks To Jacob White, Michelle Christopher and Philip Moy of the UCSA for modelling for our cover “Curieux” is a product of the University of Canberra Students’ Association. ABN 83 168 011 488 Building 1, University of Canberra Bruce ACT 2601 theucsa.org.au tel: (02) 6201 2000 fax: (02) 6251 4248 “Curieux” is independently owned and published. Opinions expressed in this magazine are not necessarily representative of the editors, the UCSA, the University of Canberra, or other staff. “What’s On” Graffiti (Part 1) art by tico_24, with changes made: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ tico24/16914870/ “Top 5 Lifehacks for Students” art by exfordy, with changes made: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ exfordy/405045650/ “How to Deal with DJs when Drunk” photo by Lplatebigcheese, with changes made: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ olenkaolja/2389510031/

The Rant / The Rave Regular shout-outs of hatred and happiness

The Kite String Tangle Getting to know the recent Hottest 100 winner

Approaching International Women’s Day And what it means for everybody

Frenzal Rhomb An interview with Triple J’s Lindsay ‘The Doctor’ McDougall

Meet Your UCSA Learn what your student representatitives can do for you

Artist Profile: Topher We like to say hi to local artists

O-Week 2014 Fresher’s Guide

The Grand Tour of UC All the useful stores, facilities and services around the University of Canberra

A Guide to Canberra’s Nightlife The best places to go out and what to do when you get there

How to Deal with DJs when Drunk The ‘how to’ on not scratching the decks

How to Make Your First Year Your Best So you can look cool in your second year

Top 5 Lifehacks for Students Everything from how to cool your beer faster to getting good grades

Saving + Wasting Money at University What to do with them dollar bills

Six Roommates You Will Meet on Res Because you can’t choose your family or your friends

Sex With Hannah Everything you need to know before you go for it

What’s On And when and where to rock up

Reviews The word on the latest music, movies and video games

“Laser Town”. That was the only other title I could come up with when tasked with renaming the University of Canberra’s student mag. In the end, it was turned down by a communal vote. I’m not too sure why. It would’ve been fresh as salad, and you know, it would’ve reinforced my personal dreams for a future with ray guns and jetpacks. Oh well, that’s too bad. “Curieux” is where it’s at, anyway. At least, in time, it will be — because there’s doubtlessly going to be a transition period between people asking “Is it... Kur-ee-oox?”, before they master the perfect French intonation of the word: “Kyu-ree-ooh”. UC will be multilingual in no time. I mean, we were already halfway there when we added the word “Zierholz” to our smartphone dictionaries. Take that, Languages’ funding cuts. Rest assured though, the purpose of UC’s student mag isn’t really to teach French. Contrary to our title, we do plan to communicate most of our thoughts in either English, Australian English, Slurred English, Gibberish, or any other common student dialect. That includes our interpretations of current music, films, games and other doodads, as well as artist features and interviews, recounts of UC gigs, happenings around the campus and Canberra, and general items of student interest. It’s gonna be bloody chockers. But, where are my manners? I should of course welcome the freshmen of 2014 to the University of Canberra — hope you’re liking the place so far, don’t mind the smell, you’ll get used to it. We know you’re new here, so we’ve managed to cram this issue with some useful guides and goings-on that will help you get the most out of your first year, and of course — the big one — O-Week. Make sure you get about, meet people, and enjoy yourself! Until next time — later, party people.

ANDREW NARDI

The elusive four-day weekend – every university student’s dream. The three-day weekend is good, don’t get me wrong. But the four-day weekend is truly a joy to behold. The four-day weekend changes the way you view life. It inverts your sense of time, turning what was once a small break in your week into a gaping chasm of potential. Four days in a row to do as you please! But the four-day weekend is a rare beast. It scales the tallest mountains, lurks within the most impenetrable forests, and hides away from those who wish to abuse its power. It is tameable of course, but only by the most dedicated and courageous of students – namely those who are willing to get up early enough for first dibs once the tutorial system opens. But the tutorial system is far from perfect. And there are times when the four-day weekend is captured by someone undeserving. You know of who I speak. Those students who manage to secure the final spot in a Thursday morning tutorial, only to hit The Lighty every Wednesday and never show up. Those who take that which they do not need and will not use. If you don’t plan to attend class, why don’t you not attend on Friday instead? The rest of us have Game of Thrones to binge watch. So the next time you pick your tutes – please, think twice. Your choices have consequences for the rest of us.

D’you remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer discovers he has a long, lost half-brother named Herbert, and he’s a multi-millionaire at the head of a national car manufacturer in Detroit? And then he builds that stupid, green car with those ‘bubble domes’, three horns and gigantic cupholders? Well it turns out that somebody went ahead and made ‘The Homer’ a reality, by modifying a 1987 BMW. And guess what, it doubles up as a racecar as well. Why anyone would want to drive the monstrosity that ruined Herb’s career is anyone’s guess, but there’s no denying that the vehicle is, as only Bart could admit, pretty cool. And hey, at least it blocks out the noise when the kids in the back are quarrelling. Check it out:

This rave goes out to the barrier to the cartoon world. Thank the animation gods that Rocky and Bullwinkle destroyed that thing years ago.

THE

KITE STRING

TANGLE 8

Danny Harley has received a significant amount of attention for his music over the past twelve months, and it hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been unwarranted. His hook-laden, down-tempo production style has gained him fans the world over, and for an artist at the beginning of his solo career, his tendency to sell out shows speaks volumes about his talent. Gemma Varcoe spoke with Harley to discuss his continuing rise to fame.

Slender hands descend upon the keys of a piano, and canvas-clad feet press at the pedals. The camera focuses upon their owner as he speaks of his background in music. His eyes crinkle behind prescription RayBans while he illustrates the creative process behind writing music. The camera pans and the young man sits hunched over beige notebooks, his small, neat print filling the pages. Its an ad plugging Officeworks and their new X Range of stationary. And the young man is Danny Harley – better known as The Kite String Tangle. When asked about his on-screen debut, Harley laughs. “Someone from Sound Alliance approached me about the ad, because the guys over at Officeworks had contacted them,” he says. “They were trying to get involved with up-and-coming artists, creatives, and people who work in the creative industry. I thought it was pretty cool, so I said yeah, “That would be good to look at,” and yeah – it was cool. It was sort of a mini doco.” The young producer is well on the rise. His breakout single, ‘Given The Chance’, has blown up across the blogosphere, while simultaneously gaining massive amounts of air time on the national youth radio station, Triple J. “The Internet is such a crazy, insane tool for getting your music heard,” says Harley. “I think it’s so important, and more people should direct their attention to it and to Internet radio and to the blogs of music lovers.” With ‘Given The Chance’ currently having over 843,000 SoundCloud plays, its easy to see why the

“I really found out the limitless nature of electronics and production.” alternative artist is a fan of the world wide web and its ability to deliver his music to potential fans. However, Harley is no newbie to this scene. He is also a member of fivepiece Brisbane indie electronic band Pigeon, and has extensive knowledge regarding the composition and production of music. He previously attended the Griffith Conservatorium of Music, graduated in 2009, and has been on the up ever since. “I did a Bachelor of Popular Music, which is similar to your average Bachelor of Music, but it’s got more of a focus on engineering and production and that kind of stuff. It definitely helped,” he says.

NAME: Danny Harley

HOMETOWN: Brisbane

GENRE: Electronic / Alternative / Experimental LABEL: Unsigned

WHERE CAN I LISTEN: bit.ly/MpQ80p

FOR FANS OF: Flume, Active Child, Ta-ku, LDRU

FUN FACT: The Kite String Tangle ended up landing himself an impressive spot in the 2013 Hottest 100 at number 19 with ‘Given The Chance’.

“[University] was a big sort of exploration and experimentation period for me, and I really found out the limitless nature of electronics and production.” Through his involvement with Pigeon, Harley has already played at a myriad of festivals such as Splendour in the Grass, Peats Ridge. and Parklife. More recently, he won a Triple J Unearthed festival slot, nabbing stage time as The Kite String Tangle at the Byron Bay Falls Festival. “It’s music I have been making as a hobby and like randomly for as long as I can remember,” Harley remarks of his solo venture. “It’s only in the last year or two that I have put a name to it and released it. Its just experimentation by myself, making sounds and arranging them into a song format.” The ethereal nature of Harley’s vocals – which weave seamlessly in with nostalgic synths and beats – has resulted in The Kite String Tangle gaining immense exposure. So much so that ‘Given The Chance’ is almost up for a place in one of Australia’s favourite traditions: The Hottest 100 Countdown.

“I’d just be over the moon if I made the 100”, sighs Harley. His experimental side project has garnered more SoundCloud followers than Pigeon, and has also achieved high rotation on Triple J, making itself a nice home in the station’s “Hit List”. Recently, however, Triple J has been accused of pressuring artists to manufacture a certain sound in order for their music to be played by the station. “I’ve sort of got both sides of the coin,” Harley remarks, when asked if he’s ever felt that kind of pressure. “Like Pigeon haven’t had much play on Triple J, and The Kite String has had quite a lot. So I’ve got both sides of the argument. But I’ve never really catered my music to Triple J and I don’t really see why people would, considering there are so many other options. It is a really great medium for your music to be on, and it helps a lot, but I don’t think anyone should be focusing solely on that. Its a massive bonus if you can get it, but there is absolutely no reason you should be catering your sound to that. You can’t please everyone, and I think they [Triple J] do a pretty good job.” Coming off a massive year in 2013 and a completely sold out tour in November, Harley is not one to sit back on his haunches. The Kite String Tangle will be travelling to the United States this year to play at South by South West, he is hoping to release an EP, and he has also announced yet another Aussie national tour in February. “Last time I went on tour, it was amazing – every show was sold out and it was just insane!” he says. “I don’t think it had sunk in yet at that point, that people had bought tickets to see my music. It was really quite a strange feeling. So this time I’m super excited to get back out and on the road and basically be the best I can be, to perform the best I can, and hopefully reward those people for buying tickets to my shows.” Canberrans will be given the chance to be rewarded when The Kite String Tangle plays Transit Bar on Thursday February 13. Doors open at 8pm, and tickets are $16.50 + bf through Moshtix.

“I’m super excited to get back out and on the road and basically be the best I can be.”

The United Nations General Assembly celebrates International Women’s Day on the 8th of March to recognise that in order to achieve peace and social progress, there needs to be the participation and equality of women. In many countries, International Women’s Day has become a further celebration of inspirational and courageous women, as well as a day to look at how far women have come in this struggle for equality. But International Women’s Day is not just a celebration of these significant developments. It is a day when we may reflect on the work that still remains; it is a day that we raise money for women who don’t have a voice, for the women and children who experience the horror of extreme poverty and abuse every day; and it is also a day that encourages young girls to realise their full potential – for them to see opportunities and to realise that they too can access these opportunities. Like International Women’s Day, the UCSA Women’s Collective aims to keep the women’s movement moving, and to confront the gender inequality that still exists in our society and all around the world. We aim to achieve this through action, awareness, and unity. My main goal as Women’s Officer is to spread the importance of feminism on campus, to distribute and circulate information that relates to feminism on campus, and most importantly, to encourage people to get involved in the feminist movement. It is important for both men and women to understand why feminism is still relevant today and to actively work towards equality. Too often is being a feminist seen as something negative. It has been tarnished by the widespread stereotype – the so-called “man-hating feminazi’’. This stereotype misrepresents what it is to be a feminist, and it hides the importance of the feminist objective. My initial goal is to increase activity within the Women’s Collective, regardless of what gender my peers identify as. Through this, I hope that together we can tackle larger issues, such as attempting to break down the sexist culture that our society has been entrenched within. I would like the members of the collective to actively question the current position of women, to view and interpret how women are portrayed in the media, and also to observe how women are treated in everyday life. I hope to give these members the courage to confront people who are acting in a sexist manner. According to the Global Gender Gap Report (2013), Australia is ranked 24th out of the 136 countries included in the report. On an index, with 0.00 being inequality, and 1.00 being total equality, Australia was given a final index

of 0.739. We still live in a country where it is seen by some as socially acceptable to yell out sexual slurs at women walking down the street. I feel the way to tackle these issues is to increase the number of males involved in our collective. We need males who are acting and speaking out for women and about women as equals. There is a problem in today’s society in which women speaking out about these issues are shut down and their views are seen as illegitimate. This problem can best be seen in a famous quote made by Bette Davis: “When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.” It is also a problem in today’s society when people hear the phrase “gender issues” and instantly feel that it relates exclusively to women, as if men don’t have a gender. Men need to know that gender issues are just as relevant to them as they are to women. When I was thinking about why feminism and gender equality is important to men, I called my grandfather to ask him. He instantly responded with this simple answer: “Because if men don’t care about it, it will never happen.’’ It may be the general assumption that women’s equality is mainly of benefit to women, but every one-percentile growth in female secondary schooling results in a 0.3 per cent growth in the economy. And still, girls are kept from receiving an education in some of the poorest countries that would be bettered by not only women’s equality, but the resulting economic growth. To me, feminism fights for a greater cause. It calls for social progress, it calls for peace and equality, and it is important that both men and women stand together in unison. I believe that feminism today – now more than ever – challenges the word “equality” and forces us to truly define its meaning. It shows us that you can’t have equality if you’re equal in only some and not all. In the words of Joss Whedon: “Equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who’s confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now.” I do hope to meet many of you this year. Olivia Turner is the Women’s Officer of the 2014 UCSA. You can like the UCSA Women’s Collective page or get in touch at fb.com/womensUCSA.

Gemma Varcoe: It’s been a while since you guys last toured, how excited are you to get back on the road? Lindsay McDougall: Mostly excited to get back to Canberra! GV: … Really? LD: Yeah, it’s the spiritual heartland of Frenzal Rhomb and always has been. We live in Sydney, Melbourne, and Adelaide – that is where the members of Frenzal Rhomb are split between. So Canberra is kind of that midpoint where we all get to meet up, so it’s very exciting. We are all very excited to play at the University of Canberra! Because we normally play at um… GV: ANU? LD: Yeah, and lets face it, the ANU is over-rated. I think that ANU became a lot better when they took the S off the end of their name… but I still think that UC definitely has it over it. Not that I would know, haven’t been there. GV: How long has it been since you have played Canberra? LD: Well… I think we played twice in the year before last. Because we did a show at The Basement, maybe? GV: The Basement would have been cool! LD: Yeah, The Basement was good, it was a good place. And then some other at Hellenic Club or something? GV: Oh! I think I might have actually gone to that show! LD: I think I may have even gone to Zierholz that night? I dunno – Johnny Barrington from Super Best Friends dragged us all over Canberra to a million different pubs. So there was a very high chance that we may have ended up there at some point. GV: A tour last year was cancelled because Jason had a pig tapeworm egg in his brain. That sounds really serious! What was the go there? LD: Well it was far less serious than we thought it was! When Jason first started going all funny in the head we were thinking all kinds of things. Things that grow in your head that shouldn’t be there, things that your body develops itself… You know, tumours and stuff. So when Jason called me up – I remember I was at work – and he goes “Do you have a couple of minutes? I’m gonna tell you what happened. First of all, I want you to know that it’s not as bad as we thought.” And then he told us

the story about how eating a vegetarian burrito in South America, prepared by someone who hadn’t washed their hands properly, got a pig tapeworm egg in his stomach. Which then climbed up to his brain and decided to live there, make a little house there, and it quite successfully lived there until it died. Then when it started rotting, Jason’s body started freaking out – that was a better result then we thought it could have been. GV: How long was he living there for? LD: The pig worm?! About three years I think! It was a pretty good life, it lived well. I mean Jason’s brain is a luscious forest of treats. For something so picky as a pig worm, he picked the right brain. We were wondering though – because in that time, we did record an album and so he has written a lot of lyrics, he’s a very creative person... we’re writing a new album now, and if it doesn’t turn out as good, I’m gonna blame the removal of the pig worm. GV: [Laughs] Send him back to South America for another vegetarian burrito! LD: Thats exactly right, I’m gonna go back and just look for the dirtiest hands preparing food and go straight there. GV: You guys poke a lot of fun at yourselves and at society. Do you think that the Australian music scene could do with a few more acts that don’t take themselves so seriously? LD: We take ourselves very seriously, but we seriously think we’re not very good. I dunno, see ‘cause it’s all different now. Like back when we started out, every band hated every other band. For some reason there was this competition that led to this open hatred of everyone, and as a result we thought, well, rather than trying to act tough around all these other bands we will just say that we’re shit! And so we were kind of impenetrable by all the missiles being fired at us from other bands. These days everyone loves each other! Everyone in Australia is so gosh darn supporting of everyone else. It’s partially my fault, lavishing love on every single band that I interview, but it’s like – when you get people sort of away from the stage or whatever, a lot of people don’t take themselves so seriously. I was talking to Kevin from Tame Impala the other day and he definitely knows, he appreciates that everyone loves them, but he definitely doesn’t take it seriously. He knows that all he does is sit in his room with his guitar and his recording thing and just write silly songs, and you know, gets to do what he wants. So yeah, there are definitely people that don’t think that they’re the most important band in the world. GV: I guess you have The Beards as an example as well… LD: The Beards, well yeah… You don’t want to get on the wrong side of them, that’s the problem. When I first interviewed them I had a beard, and now I don’t. So they won’t talk to me anymore. They do harbour some fairly serious anger towards beard-less people. Well, females excluded… I guess. GV: Beards are fantastic, fantastic things. Would you consider growing one again? LD: See, this is the problem: the in-between bit is horrible! And most of beard-growing is the in-between bit. Especially for people like myself who are quite fair-skinned and quite fair-

haired. I shaved my holiday fuzz the other day, and when you’re shaving and you get to the kind of moustache bit… That’s when temptation starts to creep in and say “Hey Lindsay, you look good with a moustache. You should just leave that moustache there.” And then! You do an interview with someone you absolutely love, you finally get to meet ‘em and you get a photo with them and forever that photo of you and Eddie Vedder… You’ve got a fucking moustache. So you’ve gotta be careful! GV: Now I’m a sucker for lyrics, and you guys have some pretty deep stuff woven into all the mucking about. I particularly like the idea behind “Just because it’s soap doesn’t mean it’s clean” – whats generally at the forefront of your minds when writing? LD: Bad jokes, generally. But ‘Just Because it’s Soap, Doesn’t Mean it’s Clean’ – it was this saying that we had back in the ‘90s! Dianne Meyer, who we used to tour with, used to say it. Like, basically we were just talking about how filthy the venues were that we would play… And you know, we would go and have a shower. So it was a gentle reminder: ‘Just because it’s soap, doesn’t mean it’s clean.’ But then of course, it does allude to a much bigger thing, that things aren’t as they seem – especially as you’re growing up. And, you know, I think Jason grew up a little bit smarter than I did, so he knew. Like, I grew up very religious, and he was taught to be a little more cynical about that stuff by his parents. So yeah, in this world there is a lot of stuff that looks like soap, that really isn’t soap. The problem is now that soap doesn’t even look like soap – soap looks like a fucking cake! GV: It does! Now I read somewhere that you had a pink Hello Kitty guitar – is this true? LD: Basically because my guitars always sound horrible, I decided to go for the best-looking guitars. And that was one of them… It’s very hard for the rest of the band to take anything I do or say or use seriously. So my backpack that I have on tour is a circus backpack. It has so much rubbish in it, you open it up and like clowns start walking out of it, and all of my gear is broken and doesn’t really work and doesn’t really sound very good… When we recorded with Bill Stevenson, I was like “Oh yeah, so I’ll bring my guitar and some pedals and stuff” – and they all just emailed back saying: “Just turn up. We’ve got everything, don’t bring anything, don’t bring any of your weird circus gear.” So sadly the Hello Kitty guitar did not make it onto the album. GV: Most of you guys are heavily involved with animal rights. Was that something that drew you to the band initially? LD: Not originally, no. I grew up in the Sutherland Shire … Very mainstream Australian kinda place, a little bit racist, a little bit homophobic, and definitely very little vegetarian action going on there. When I joined the band, that was when they sort of gently taught me the ways of animal rights, by saying: “Go vegetarian or you’re not allowed in our band.” So I did, and then went vegan, and we started doing all the other stuff. I think it’s just one of those things, where you know, you’re in a punk rock band… you do get into these things because you spend so long not worrying about getting popular or anything. You have other stuff to worry about. Like, for example, the rights of animals… and humans and all that sort of stuff. GV: That’s cool, what’s your favourite animal? LD: My girlfriend and I went to Peru a few weeks ago and I saw

an anteater. It was like clinging to the top of this tree that had all these termites. It was just going nuts on the termites and that was very cool to look at. I enjoyed that anteater very much, so it’s probably my favourite one at the moment. It was gonna be a sloth! But the sloth we saw was asleep so it can get fucked. GV: Does your work as The Doctor affect your role in Frenzal? Like, for example, do you feel you are known more for being that Triple J guy rather than that Frenzal dude who can seriously shred on the guitar? LD: I do get annoyed when Frenzal Rhomb won’t let me put my sweet Flume riff in the Frenzal set. Haha, nah, like it’s either completely different and unrelated, or I just get yelled at a bit on stage by Frenzal fans who don’t really like Triple J – which is absolutely fine. You know, “Play us some fuckin’ 360 songs, ya fuckin’ c*nt”. Which is yeah, fine! GV: Well, we have already touched on this, but Canberra and Zierholz are very excited to welcome you guys back in February. Have you got any cool stories or fond memories from previous visits to the capital? LD: Well, yeah – you guys have one of the best vegetarian restaurants in the world: Au Lac in Dickson! That is brilliant! And also, I met my girlfriend the day after we played an ANU gig. We played in Jindabyne the next night and I met my girlfriend there. So as a result, Canberra will always hold a special place in my heart. GV: Aw, good job Canby. LD: Yeah, it did alright. It did alright! GV: You mentioned a new album just before, do you have any prospective release dates? LD: It will happen this year, that is the plan. I think we’re actually gonna do some writing the day after the gig! So that will be fun. It’s just because we live in such far-flung places and we only get together every so often. It takes a little while, but we have written some songs. There are some good ones, there’s a song about the pig worm! I vaguely remember that it makes slightly less sense than ‘Bird Attack’ off our last album. GV: I’ve got one last question! What advice do you have for aspiring journos or radio presenters? LD: It’s hard! That’s the one thing we first learned when we started interviewing bands… But if you are interested in something, then you will find that that will come across. So if you’re not just reeling off questions that everyone asks… If it’s stuff that you actually wanna know, then that generally works. And I can always find something in anyone, no matter who I interview, that I am interested in… I gotta interview this Neighbours chick who is in the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie. I gotta interview her later this week, and I have not watched Neighbours ever, and I don’t know who this person is. But she did spend an entire three hours playing opposite Leonardo DiCaprio – nude for most of it. So we should find some common ground there. I can just say, you know – “I have a friend. He’s nude all the time. He’s the drummer in our band.” We can find some common ground there and talk about it. Frenzal Rhomb will be bringing the party to Zierholz @ UC on Saturday February 15. Support from I Exist and No Assumption. Doors open at 8pm, and tickets are $28.60 + bf through Oztix. No pig worms allowed.

Jacob White

Philip Moy

What can you offer to UC students?

The role of the Students’ Association (note the apostrophe of possession) is first and foremost to offer a point of engagement between the University and the study body it represents. This manifests itself in a number of ways.

Having studied in both Queensland and the ACT, I feel I can offer students a reassurance that studying is hard no matter where you do it. Having done work experience in a number of fields I have studied, I can also without doubt reinforce the importance of learning and the immense benefit it provides not only in achieving a successful career but in achieving happiness.

President

Student presence on University boards and councils, often as the only student voice in the decision making process. An Advocacy service available to all students as a means of representation, guidance and advice for students regarding academic life and grievances they may have with the University. An Engage service that offers job training and volunteering opportunities to students to help and enhance their resumes and prepare them for life after University. The production of student media, by students and for students. And lastly, for any help or hints that students, new or old, may need about the University, study, life or living, our doors are always open to help wherever we can or to point point people in the right direction. What goals do you want to achieve this year?

My election in late 2013 was on a platform of reform and reinvigoration. This will be delivered through a range of sweeping and I think, exciting reforms. Many of them are structural and organisational, the effects of which will be seen not necessarily in marches on campus but in ensuring the longevity of a relevant and vibrant students’ association. The first step on this path will be moves to open up the UCSA to universal nomination and voting rights, about a century behind the rest of the world but better late than never. There are many more plans and ideas in the works, and I intend to keep Curieux and it’s readers updated with our progress.

Who would you most enjoy to jump out of your birthday cake singing “Happy Birthday, Mr President”? Tom Daley, adoring his 2012 London Olympics costume and nothing more. I think it’s best to keep things strictly professional.

Brontë Cleary is the Education Vice President of the UCSA, and works closely with the university to ensure that education policies are both fair and beneficial for students, and that these policies represent students effectively. As Indigenous Officer, Tarran Backhus collaborates with ARTSISA, as well as Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Students on campus to ensure that your voices are continue to be heard.

Olivia Turner has the role of Women’s Officer at the UCSA, and covers everything from childcare facilities to mothers and fathers, and combating and preventing sexist language and sexual harassment on our campus.

General Secretary

What goals do you want to achieve this year?

As a student I wish to get slosh– rather, achieve my potential by diligently studying and dedicating myself to my future. As General Secretary of the UCSA, I want to strive to involve my fellow students in the power of community. The masses are greater than the individual and the importance of a friendly community allows for an easier time at university, for all involved. What song should play every time you achieve something?

‘Who Are You’ by The Who should bellow from the office speakers every time I tell a successful dad joke.

Michelle Christopher

Advocacy Officer What can you offer to UC students?

Sometimes life at university isn’t as simple as it first seems. The Advocacy Service offers one-on-one free assistance for students of UC. We can assist with accommodation inquiries and issues, as well as any grievances that students are involved with. We represent and support you in all kinds of disputes and we also are here just to answer any questions about the university. What goals do you want to achieve this year?

This year we would like to give more students the opportunity to receive the help they may need and ensure that they get the support they deserve. I’d like students to have more knowledge about their rights at university and also what they can do if problems arise. What’s something that UC really needs?

An Amusement Park. I think that sometimes the stress of everything gets to students at UC, especially during assessment and exam times. A permanent stress reduction facility, like an amusement park would work wonders for the anxious days and nights spent procrastinating.

Jonathan Peter Welfare Officer

What can you offer to UC students? I will represent UC students’ academic and social rights in the university environment, to make sure that student rights are treated with high importance. Student representation is a very important matter to me and I will work hard to make sure your voices are heard! What goals do you want to achieve this year?

In 2014 our goals are to improve student welfare in any way possible. Mental health is a very important issue to me and it is vital that UC students are comfortable and free in their study environment. Physical and spiritual welfare are also areas where we can always work on to improve at UC. If you were a superhero who promised to protect the welfare of every student, what would be your superpower?

Probably the determination and courage to stand up against injustices, kinda like Batman. Also making everything you touch turn into skittles, that would be awesome.

Rachel Wallis Student Engage Officer

What can you offer to UC students?

I run Engage which encompasses a variety of services; helping students to find part-time employment, offering a range of training courses on campus and encouraging students to start volunteering. What goals do you want to achieve this year?

I would love to see students excel not only in their academic life but also across all areas of their life. It would be great to see more students participating in volunteering and engaging their friends in it too. Also helping out of town students find work which will provide them with a sense of independence and the opportunity to meet more people. I believe the campus needs a greater sense of community and a more defined cultural and I hope that by offering UC students these services I might be a part of doing so. Who is someone who inspires the work you do?

I was brought up in India and there were many people I came across who instilled in me a desire to help others. They say it takes a whole village to raise a child and I completely agree.

Lucy Ellen

Gender and Sexuality Officer What can you offer to UC students? My main aim is to create a supportive and understanding social community at UC for students of diverse gender and sexual identities. I am also interested in promoting the health and wellbeing of gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, intersex, and queer students, and their allies on campus. What goals do you want to achieve this year?

To formalise a ‘Queer Collective’, with its own ‘Queer Space’. The collective will hold regular social activities that create a safe, supportive, and understanding social network at UC. I also aim to work closely with university staff to establish an “Ally Network”, which will be a visible group of informed staff and students who support sexuality and gender diversity and promote a safe campus where people who have diverse gender and sexual identities (or who are questioning) can work and study free from discrimination, prejudice, or social exclusion. What’s the coolest unit you’ve taken at university? Thesis research units… no lectures, no tutorials.

David Moiler Environment Officer

What can you offer to UC students? I can offer the students of the University of Canberra a voice on different environmental policies from the university itself. These policies involve physical, natureal and social environments.

What goals do you want to achieve this year? I aim to improve the social environment and how students interact at UC. I also aim for the UCSA to adopt a better developed policy and opinion on certain environmental fields, and address the issues that effect student life at UC.

If zombies attacked the university, what would be your weapon of choice for protecting students’ rights to life? I would use a reinforced 4WD to move students to safety and out of the danger zones, but also reinforcements to fight, if a need arose. To protect myself and students defensively against a zombie, sometimes you have too become a zombie, figuratively. Like Bill Murray in “Zombieland,” with some make-up and quick thinking, anyone can walk down Emu Bank and not raise suspicion.

What’s your name? Christopher “Topher” Thomson. What do you study? Double Bachelors degree of Graphic Design and Advertising and Marketing Communication. Many of the illustrations on your Tumblr, @tophiedraws, seem to involve shirtless, bearded men – occasionally with smoke coming out of their eyes. Is this part of a series you’re working on? This was part of a series for a colour design class I was taking. We were basically allowed to draw or illustrate anything we wanted as long as it pertained to the rules set by the teacher. I drew eight pieces for it in Illustrator using some pencil sketches or reference photos scanned in, and a tablet to get a better feel for the drawing. Since the pieces were meant to be in a series, I decided to make them share similar characteristics, which is where the beards, lack of shirts, and smoking eyes come in. When I printed each work to display, I actually glued glitter onto the eyes and parts of the backgrounds to have a bit of fun and make them more individual. Where does the idea for these pieces come from? The initial thought I had when given total freedom was to begin with female figures, since I believe they are much easier to draw due to their softer features and the ability to have a bit more fun with them colour wise (makeup and stuff). However they are something that I always tend to do when painting or illustrating, and I figured I wasn’t as good at drawing male figures and that there was no reason that I couldn’t play around with colours and have some fun with a male figure instead. The idea for the smoke came from a dream I had where people’s tears came out as mist instead of droplets, and so I incorporated it into my work since I thought it was neat and had no creative restrictions. As for beards and shirtless, that was just a personal preference towards aesthetics and what I find attractive. I don’t think many people illustrate hairy men, and so I figured why not. It would still be something I would hang on a wall. You seem to do a lot of digital art – do you practice much with other mediums? I do much more digital art since my degree has me working with Photoshop and Illustrator a lot, but I do play around with a lot of mediums. I have taken a 3D Design class and am currently playing around with 3D printing; it’s a lot of fun to see its applications towards art and design. You can use it for sculpture and many different applications, as the materials and colours available are quite varied, and it’s a fairly new emerging medium for art purposes. I also paint with watercolours often, as well as mess around with acrylic when I feel like painting on canvas. I am a member of the Pottery Society in Dickson, so when I have the time, I occasionally go and mess around with sculpture and ceramics as well. I guess I can sum it up as me just really liking to play around with things. I understand you just spent some time overseas – something confirmed by the location data in your Facebook

messages. How was Washington? Is it creepy I know that? Not really, haha. It was pretty fun. The amount of art and design museums there that I have seen is overwhelming, and I doubt I’ll have the desire to see any more for a while, but Washington was pretty cool. Not my favourite city in the USA, but I really enjoyed it and reckon it’s a cool place to send people. Did you go anywhere else? I visited Boston, New York City and Washington DC on the east coast, and they were all great. Kind of being a tourist, and also meeting up with friends and acquaintances to explore and experience cities that have a lot to offer. On the west coast I have been all around the San Francisco Bay area and Los Angeles. So I’ve done a lot of traveling, and have six more months to do a lot more. What were you up to over there? I’m currently studying abroad just outside of San Francisco, so I’m still traveling a lot until I return to Canberra in July. San Francisco has a lot to offer in terms of design opportunities for jobs, networking, and meeting people in the field – as well as enjoying the city itself, so I’m having a lot of fun over here. Is it likely your time and experiences overseas will eventually bleed into your work? I actually think it will. Besides all of the new things I have learned in regards to skills, my time so far has been very enriching and important to me on a personal level, and so I believe after six more months that my experiences will begin to be reflected in my work. I believe they already are. Your Facebook also tells me you enjoy anime, Kingdom Hearts, and Pokémon. Do you have much of an affinity for Japanese culture and art? I definitely have an affinity for Japanese culture and art. I study Japanese when I’m at UC, and on a cultural level I am fascinated with Japan. From an art perspective, I have always been a fan of anime, as well as artists such as Junko Mizuno and Hikari Shimoda. I like Japanese video games, and I’m fascinated by the different ways in which they perceive things from a non-western standpoint. I think that looking at design from different perspectives is something they do very well, as is shown by the unique and sometimes weird ways in which they do art and advertising. Enough stalky questions. What are your plans now? My plans are to finish my exchange experience and to head back to UC to graduate, which will be at the end of 2015. I would like to continue with Japanese and pick up Spanish at some point in the future. Art-wise, I would just like to learn more and have fun exploring and playing with different things. Just develop skills that I can apply to a career. And to travel a lot. That’s very high on the agenda. What’s the dream job for when you graduate? I would be happy with any form of design or advertising job that would allow me to travel a lot, but a dream job would be to work for an agency like Wieden+Kennedy. Or a professional dog sitter. That would be awesome too. How can people get in contact and see your work? tophiedraws.tumblr.com; c.topher.thomson@gmail.com.

Whether you’re a fresher or a returning student, sometimes it’s important to remember just how many essential and helpful services actually reside on your very own campus. Students are lazy enough as it is, so why bother going anywhere if it’s already here?

THE HUB: Located just below the Concourse, The Hub is home to a whole bunch of important places you can make use of without having to leg it down to the Belconnen shops. With a Commonwealth Bank and ATM, the Union Shop (basically a newsagency), a post office (you can sort yourself out a PO box here, for those of you on res), the UC Hair Salon and Body Piercing Clinic, UCFM 87.8 (our university radio station), and a whole bunch of great café’s and restaurants to grab a bite or drink at – like Mizzuna, Sizzle, and Zierholz – it really is worth exploring. THE HEALTH AND COUNSELLING CENTRE: Full of GPs, nurses, and counsellors, this is where to go if you’re feeling sick, have any health concerns, or just need someone to talk to. Everyone knows student life can be stressful, so if you need to speak to someone about anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues – or about concerns regarding your personal life, relationships, or study – these are the people that can help. Doctor services at the centre for Australian UC students are bulk billed through Medicare, and international students can have visits covered by their OSHC Worldcare card or their Medibank OSHC Private card. Counselling services are free to absolutely all UC students, and there’s an International Student Counsellor to assist international students with any personal or cultural problems. So there’s no reason to put your health at risk. It’s much better to speak to someone if you need to. Call 6201 2351 to make an appointment. SECURITY: One of the most important campus and res services, Security should be contacted at any time if you want to report thefts, threats, break-ins, suspicious activities, or anything similar. They provide a night time escort service on request if you’re

walking from rooms to car parks, bus stops, or residences, and are also the people that handle lost property. There are Unisafe security phones around campus which you can use to make any security calls if need be. Contact them on 6201 2222 – they’re available 24/7. THE LIBRARY: If you’re sick of buying those dang expensive printer cartridges, you can print (and scan and photocopy) whatever you want at the library for a small fee. They have a Research Assistance Desk, where you can drop by if you’re having trouble getting started on an assignment, or need a hand finding journal articles or navigating databases. You can also book out their study rooms for group assignment work, toil away late into the night in the 24-hour Commons, or browse the stacks of popular DVDs available to borrow. And they have a few books too – useful things, they are. ACADEMIC SKILLS CENTRE: The ASC are there to help students with their university learning – whether they’re first years taking their initial steps, or third years having a bit of trouble. They organise group workshops, face-to-face support, and provide general resources and academic advice. You can find more information and book an appointment with them at canberra.edu.au/studyskills. THE INTERNATIONAL STUDENT SUPPORT SERVICE: The IS3 features International Student Advisors who provide advice to UC’s international students. They can help with Australia Awards, Visa enquiries, eCoE questions, orientation, complaints or problems, welfare, and many other issues. You can visit them at Student Central (building one). INCLUSION & WELFARE: Inclusions & Welfare provide welfare support for all students, and assist those with disabilities or health conditions. They’re there to help your time at university be the best it can be, so if you have a condition or need support, you can make an appointment to talk about the adjustments that can be made. See canberra.edu.au/inclusion-welfare for more information. THE STUDENT CENTRE: Need help with MyUC? HECS and FEE HELP? Lost your student ID card? If it’s anything from scholarships to academic transcripts, applying for credit, exams, or timetabling issues, then these are your guys. The UCSA: The UCSA has many roles – but one of their most important ones is advocacy. If you ever believe you’re not being treated in a fair or proper manner by any lecturers, conveners, tutors, staff members, or the university, you should visit their Advocacy Officer. Advocacy services are free to UC students. Among all of these great things, there’s also a gym, a Multi-faith Centre, careers services, a whole stack of clubs and societies, a headspace centre for mental health and support facilities, accommodation listings and advice, and much more. If you fancy checking more out online, explore the UC website and visit: bit.ly/1f5o7mt.

Canberra’s night scene has been described by some as being more relaxed than Sydney and Melbourne, but with more to offer than a large country town like Wagga Wagga or Dubbo. Some say that there’s less to do here than other places – but for the people who have gone all out in the nation’s capital, they know that this is far from the truth! First thing’s first – the best nights to go out are on Thursdays (which are also students’ nights), Fridays and Saturdays. Saturdays are unarguably the busiest nights, with most clubs putting cover charges on the door. To get around these nasty threats to your wallet, try to go out to Civic on Thursdays, and bring a SECCS card – which gives you VIP status at clubs like Mooseheads and Academy, meaning sometimes you don’t have to pay to get in. For the ressies kids: the last bus leaving for Civic is at about 11:10pm. Don’t miss the bus because you were too busy finishing a game of kings – trek through UC’s bushland and get to the bus stop on time. Otherwise, it’s taxi town.

The Lighthouse Pub

Since the beginning of time, The Lighty has been a shining beacon of hope for every UC student on a Wednesday night. Ask any ressies kid, and they will more than likely express their undying love for the place, along with a humorous anecdote about something wild that happened there last Wednesday, or the Wednesday before, or the Wednesday before that. Located across the bridge of the algae-infested Lake Ginninderra, and with two bars, a dance floor, a kitchen, and a great outdoors area, The Lighty is for many, a home away from home … or a pub away from pubs. Wednesday nights tend to be the busiest, especially during the O-Week period (make sure you bring a SECCS or SIC card to avoid paying $5 entry), and the place is usually packed, so it’s likely that

you’ll see everybody you know. The too-cool-for-school kids will often take a walk along Emu Bank, where the bar known as La De Da screams style, alternative beats, live hip-hop nights, art battles, a wicked drinks menu and other ‘other’ events. Jumping between La De Da and The Lighty is standard on a Wednesday night, and getting McDonald’s on the way home is an assured beef-injected vaccine for those who are prone to hangovers.

Mooseheads Pub & Nightclub

Located right in the centre of Civic is Canberra’s iconic party house, Mooseheads, and it’s a must for any new student or visitor to Canberra. Upstairs Moose is famous for its theme nights: from Halloween, to superheroes, to onesie parties. Moose don’t do a theme nights half-heartedly either; everything about the club changes, from the decorations, to the cocktail list, to the activities on offer. The club also provides its fair share of special events, including jelly wrestling, silent discos, and jumping castles. And with DJs constantly on that Top 40 music, it’s no surprise it is often deemed the most popular place in Canberra’s night scene. Downstairs Moose has a different vibe though. Instead of loud music and theme nights, its two levels – a sports bar and a pub – play classic tunes from the ‘80s, ‘90s and ‘00s, as well as sports channels on their big-screen televisions.

Academy Nightclub

Love electronic dance music? Nestled in on Bunda Street, away from the main block of Civic, Academy is an underground nightclub with two levels. The first is the smaller, more intimate Candy Bar, and the second is at the bottom of the staircase – where the real action takes place. A renovated cinema complex, Academy hosts local, national

and international DJs. Past performers include Disclosure, Rüfüs, Alison Wonderland, DJ Havana Brown, The Stafford Brothers, Porter Robinson and of course, Canberra’s very own The Aston Shuffle. Open on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays (and if it’s a long weekend, Sundays too) cheap drinks are on offer until midnight – which makes Academy the perfect place to both start and end your night out. But be wary – cover charges do apply. For events, prepurchase tickets to save money, avoid the long line, and, if the club fills up (which it does), possible disappointment!

Uni Pub

Uni Pub is a bit off the beaten track, but it’s worth the walk over to the corner of London Circuit and University Avenue. Some would say it’s ANU’s version of The Lighty … but that doesn’t mean UC kids aren’t allowed to crash their parties. With five floors, the pub has something different on each level. On the ground is the main pub complete with outside seating and a bar. The first level is the One Up restaurant, which is great for casual dining and pub food. The second floor, Felt Bar, is for the pool and snooker enthusiasts, with free games offered on Wednesday, nights. On the third level, you’ll find The Lounge, which provides a relaxed and sophisticated atmosphere, along with an extensive drinks menu and grand views of the city. All of these levels of Uni Pub have free entry and are open all week. The top level is the nightclub. Known as Elevate, it has resident DJs playing from Thursday to Saturday. Unlike the rest of Uni Pub though, it has a small cover charge on weekends, but it’s a fine place to begin your evening, or stay around until the sun rises.

Other venues

Of course, that’s not all there is to Canberra’s nightlife. If the loud music and dancing culture just isn’t your thing, the city has numerous bars and pubs offering other experiences. North of the city is the bustling multicultural district of Dickson. The after hours nightlife here consists of the electronic dance club Trinity, which has hosted resident and visiting DJs like Sampology, Ta-ku, Peking Duck, Wave Racer and Nina Las Vegas. Take a look next to Civic and you’ll find Garema Place. More than just a concrete jungle with some ATMs and a giant goon bag, here you can relax in the beer garden at King O’Malley’s, or just around the corner you’ll find hipster’s paradise Honkytonks, as well as the equally sophisticated Shorty’s, Hippo Bar, and Tongue & Groove. Treehouse and North Bar both reside on the main block of Civic, and are both classy venues to have a drink with a few friends. The Phoenix Bar is the place to go if you like indie and live local bands – or you can take a peek into NV or MonkeyBAR for all variations of electronic music. And if you want something completely different – from hip-hop to house – find Akuna Street and the much-loved Transit Bar. Above all else, when travelling into the city remember to stick with your friends, drink responsibly, stay safe, have a good time, and split the fare for the cab!

Sarah Collins & Andrew Nardi

How to Deal with DJs when Drunk

DJ FELIXX

Civic is a place of fun and games. Throw in some alcohol and it only makes it more fun for everyone, right? Wrong. It’s time to clear up a few things about how to act when you’re partying, specifically with the DJ. The DJ is there for a reason

DJ stands for Disc Jockey, and in most cases, people pay them to play music. Let’s be clear that they have nothing to do with horse riding. It’s their job to play music and make it sound cool. If you’ve ever seen a nightclub without a DJ, you probably noticed it wasn’t around for very long. You are not the DJ, and the DJ is not a jukebox

You might have been the guy or girl that says to the DJ “This song will make everyone go nuts and they will all love you for playing it”. Let’s be clear, that’s not how you make friends with DJs. The DJ’s job is to make the whole club happy, not just you and the person you’re tuning. Unless you have written proof, in the form of a petition, stating that every patron of the venue wants to hear that song, chances are slim that it will get played. The DJ has to make the venue happy, which leads to the next point … You do not pay the DJ

The DJ gets paid by the club to make people come to the club and stay there. If you like the DJ and want to make sure they are there next time you party, buy drinks. Buy lots of drinks. The club pays the DJ, and the club uses money to pay the DJ – not candy, women, or alcohol? Shock, horror! The DJ feeds off your fun

Borrowing an idea from Fatboy Slim, your DJ is trying to have fun too. 20% more fun, to be precise. They have fun if you’re having fun. If you’re just standing around on the dance floor trying to have an awkward yelling conversation with your best mate, you’re being that guy. Not only are you making it awkward for the people who are dancing, but you stand out like a sore thumb because your body language screams “I’m here but I don’t want to engage and I hate everything”. You might be thinking something completely different, but how is the DJ supposed to know that, when you’re standing there with your arms crossed like a statue in a designated dancing area? Felixx is the Promotions Director for UCFM, can be found every weekend at Mooseheads, and you can hear him every Friday afternoon on 104.7 doing the Weekend Warmup. Find him on Facebook at facebook.com/felixx.official. For more info on getting involved with UCFM, email info @ ucfm.com.au.

by HANNAH QUILL Oh, hey there sexy, young fresher. Nervous? Scared? Shellshocked? University is daunting, and you are right to feel anxious. This is a completely different world. Think of it as kindergarten for adults, minus the baby voice, cutesy-pie attitude, and your parents are not here to take care of you. Bummer. But it’s time to wipe that wee off of your leg and prepare yourself. Welcome to the best year of your life. Let’s kick things off with some hard truths. You will find your residence surprising, and often not in a good way if you are poor like me – though the rooms always have fantastic stories to tell. In my UV block, a foursome occurred six doors down from me, and that is exactly what you want. A jizz-soaked mattress. Excellent start to the year, fresher. My first night on res was spent blubbering in bed, wearing my most disgusting crying face; I was a red-cheeked, puffy-eyed mess, until the returners in my block descended on me, smashed my door down, and thrust me into society. O-Week was a blur of new faces, shots, cask wine, free condoms, and a heap of vomit. The whole time my returners were there, making sure my drink was sufficiently full without killing me off too soon. What I’m saying is, the most important thing in your whole university experience is to make friends. Everyone there has already been in your situation or is going through it with you, and the best way to forget your troubles is a beer bong followed by a shot of tequila, and then a badger run. Do not be afraid to join the party, or the international students – the Asians will out-party you (and cook you delicious food), the Irish will outdrink you, and the French will flirt your clothes off. You must be wary at all times though: somewhere hiding in the corner is the photo fairy, and she captures every moment of your beer bong fail, the time you vommed on that guy, the party you whipped your nips out at, AND the night you passed out onto a burrito. It will be on Facebook for your grandmother to see, and no amount of bribes or begging will get it taken down. And remember: you break the rules if you take a Facebook hack down, so be ready for the consequences. Poverty among students is more common than the clap; the trick here is to share wealth around your needs. You need textbooks, and it is safer come exam time to own your own – so purchase! You need food, do not starve yourself. Your marks will not thank you, but a little Mi Goreng will not hurt.

You do not necessarily need alcohol, but you want it… so four litres of pure classy Golden Oak it is. Uni students are not called cheap for nothing – we earn that right. Get yourself a SECCS and a SIC card, they are the primary organisers of parties and either card will allow you free entry to The Lighty on a Wednesday night and entry into SECCS and SIC-run events. You will hear rooting for either organisation, but if you stay on the fence, you’ll reap the rewards. You have to know where the parties are at too, so like SECCS and SIC on Facebook, along with any of your other favourite pubs and clubs. Just remember: Lighty on Wednesday, Civic on Thursday.

“Find security in the knowledge that you will lose all dignity, self-esteem, and your virginity.”

Now none of us can forget the safety pitch: do NOT walk to or from The Lighty by yourself, ever. It may be close to uni res, but unsafe things have happened along that stretch. Oh, and do not mind Arscott as you walk down: they mean well with their mocking taunts and barking. Partying and money aside, uni has to be your priority. Go to all of your lectures and tutorials, failing classes is not a great start. Try four units a semester – many more than that and you risk every subject. One girl took 13 subjects in a semester; she failed every one, so take it easy and find your pace. Please do not succumb to peer pressure. It is SERIOUSLY okay if you don’t drink or smoke or take drugs or pee in the bushes or wave your dick about – just don’t judge those who do. It is okay to cry on your first night: be brave, and pray to the old gods and the new that someone will take pity on your pathetic soul and pluck you from your stinking nest of tear and jizz-stained tissues. Find security in the knowledge that you will lose all dignity, self-esteem, and your virginity – if you still have it – but that is what university is all about. You know, apart from learning what you need to succeed in your career bit.

by LEANNE DUCK These life hacks have been specifically tailored for students in their darkest hour of need. If you’re a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed first year who has recently moved to oncampus accommodation, this list is for you. If you avoid studying like the plague and keep a beverage at hand on all occasions, this list is also for you. Hand-picked with tender loving care, I present the Top 5 Life Hacks for Students:

Using the snack incentive whilst studying is probably the oldest trick in the book, but this does not make it any less effective. And while it may result in morbid obesity, at least your grades are likely to improve. If you’re reading a particularly dull textbook, place a gummy bear or your choice of confectionary item on each paragraph of the page. When you reach the snack, reward yourself by plucking it off the page and consuming its essence. Positive reenforcement, people! It also gives you incentive to read faster, because whatever snack you choose may leave a mark on your textbook if left for an extended period of time, and sticky textbooks are the worst.

Build up your grade point average in the semesters of your first year when classes are easier. Don’t slack off on the seemingly pointless foundation units just because they’re easy. When I was in first year I didn’t even know what a GPA was, but I still managed to achieve a high distinction average in my first semester. Those were the glory days. Take the opportunity to earn HDs with minimal effort while you can to scale up the more intense classes come second and third year. If you’re an unfortunate wretch, there may even be a fourth year on the cards.

I’ve used the next life hack on more than one occasion during bouts of summertime sadness. Firstly, you’ll need to wrap a warm beverage, alcoholic or otherwise, in a damp paper towel and place it in the freezer for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. The water in the paper towel evaporates and takes the heat out of the drink at a faster rate. This life hack is best for making iced tea and iced coffee, since you should boil the water before mixing the drink to release the flavour. It will be chilled to perfection and ready to pour down your gullet when removed from the freezer. The first time I used this trick, I was attempting to make iced tea, but in my haste I forgot to add sugar after the cooling

process. It tasted like bitter disappointment and my taste buds were never quite the same.

It’s the night before you are scheduled to give a presentation on a specialist topic, and you’ve just skulked back from the on-campus pub. If “minimal preparation” is your middle name, this life hack is for you. Organise for a friend to ask a specific question during your presentation that you already have the pre-determined answer to. Not only will your tutor be quietly impressed, but you may even scavenge an extra mark or two for the presentation.

This life hack is not as obvious as you would think, but it might be an idea to invest in a laptop lock if you are living on res this year in a share house. I hate to say it, but in my experience university students are easy targets for petty thievery. As an additional piece of advice, if you can survive at university without using a car, not only will you avoid having to buy a parking permit, but you won’t have to worry about your car being vandalised or broken into. If you deem it necessary to have your own car, it is best to avoid keeping anything of value inside it, and this includes visible coinage. A friend of mine, who lived on-campus at the time, accidentally left their car unlocked overnight and someone happened to notice the spare change on her dashboard, to which they helped themselves. Luckily they didn’t go through her boot, as she was storing some of her expensive DSLR camera equipment. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers, mutineers and people who prey on impoverished university students. The least you can do is invest in a laptop lock this semester (keep it shackled to your bed frame when you’re away), lock your car doors, and keep valuables out of sight. As a first year, I often wished there had been a handbook filled with life hacks to follow step by step. In reality, you might learn a little from this list, but you will learn a lot more by venturing outside and experiencing what life on-campus has to offer. Support as many events as you can muster, meet as many people as humanly possible, and strive to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly.

SAVING + Wasting

MONEY AT UNIVERSITY Moving out of home for the first time is stressful and scary, yet so rewarding in the long run. But one of the hurdles to settling into your new way of life is realising that you can’t spend money like you used to. Here are some basic tips to help beat that hole in your bank account! Needs vs. Wants

Groceries

One of the biggest things you’ll learn is how to differentiate between your needs and wants. After a few months you’ll start figuring this out. Have a monthly allowance in your savings for things you definitely need to pay, e.g.: your phone bill, rent, and any personal expenses. Having that budget worked out will save you some stress and help in the long run, because the money will already be there.

Have the essentials: $1 bread, ham from the deli, cheese slices, maybe some tomatoes, and you can have awesome toasties for days! Shop outside in and avoid all the expensive processed foods in the middle. Fresh fruits and veggies are so cheap and can be used in anything – pasta, stir-fry, sides to steaks and schnitzels, etc. Just don’t buy vegetables in bulk because they’ll more than likely go off. Remember: being a uni student doesn’t mean living off of noodles (but it’s good to have an emergency stash!). Textbooks

Buy them second hand! Why spend a hundred dollars on something you might not even need that much? Have a look at the bulletin boards around uni or the Res Swap Facebook page – people are always trying to sell their old textbooks. Student Discounts

Take advantage of the discounts the university has on offer. Market days during the first few weeks of semester are a great way to find these. Hook yourself up with a SIC or SECCS card, they’re about $10 and will get you free entry to the Lighthouse and entitle you to drink specials. Get the PokitPal app and buy a footlong and 2 medium cups at the Emu Bank Subway down in Belconnen – you’ll get another footlong free! Loose Change

Get yourself a little piggy bank. You never know when you might be a couple of dollars short for washing or a bus fare. It’ll come in handy when you least expect it. Credit Cards

Just don’t get one. You don’t want to be stuck in even more debt than a student already has. If you must get one, use it – don’t abuse it. Make sure you know you can manage it and only get a $200–$500 limit. Use it only in emergency situations – if you desperately need to fuel up your car to get home, or your pay is late and you can’t live on your last minute noodles anymore. And remember to pay it off on time!

ALANNAH ANDREINI

As we all know, university can be trying in regards to money. But for some of us, the beginning of the year is when the Centrelink pay cheques and scholarships come through – which means we have money we didn’t earn, to spend. I have narrowed down the best ways to spend that money to a top five. A Man-Lifting War Kite

We all know the financial burdens that owning a car brings. Why bother with those expenses when you can just buy a giant kite – replicated from the original specs of a kite designed in 1902 – instead! The man who designed this particular money-saving joyride stated that it was originally designed to “lift a fully-armed soldier more than twice the height of the Empire State Building”. Lifting a few textbooks should be a breeze then. Check it: bit.ly/1hzRUGz. Someone to stand in line for you

Yes. This is actually a thing. Sadly it’s currently only in America, but the “Early bird concierge service”, linestanding.com; TaskRabbit; and soon, services like waitfor.me, will make waiting in line for hours to secure the newest iPad a thing of the past – proving once again that Americans are the laziest people alive. An inflatable tent

In all seriousness though, who wouldn’t want this? Plus, the website I found this on has it tagged as an “inflatable dome for sunset watching”, an “inflatable bubble tree tent”, and a “sightseeing transparent igloo”. At $365–1728.95, these are a steal! Take a look: http://bit.ly/1cDA8g7. A hover board

Seth Sentry was right about one thing – the world is lacking in a lot of things. Namely, hover boards. Luckily for all of us who dream about soaring above the rest of the weak humans who can’t hover (suckers), we can invest in one now! A company has produced a Back To The Furture replica on a 1:1 scale, and while it doesn’t actually hover, it does make whooshing noises. Close enough. It’s the hover board we all want until 2015 and the technology actually exists. You know you want one: bit. ly/1ay0Vht. Zombie apocalypse survival kit

I feel this is a good investment – it also doubles as an Alien Overlord Apocalypse kit! The kit includes: 12 military meals that will never go off (easily substituted for Mi Goreng), respirator masks, a fully stocked tactical trauma first aid kit, a micro water filter, a LED flashlight, an army-grade camouflage tarp, high-safety impact sunglasses, and a range of weapons. This pack comes to a total of $1118.56. Granted, this is a small pack. The larger pack includes an array of safety gear (think gloves and neck shields to protect yourself from those gosh dang bites), so it would give a greater chance of survival. But we students are cheap, and we really do need that hover board: amzn.to/Ltf1rD.

Joanna Mackerras

1. The Over-Excited First Year

These are the ones whose dreams have not yet been crushed. They become over-involved in anything and everything on campus. They join all of the clubs and go to every res event under the sun. They come back from the open days with more swag than a pirate and drink more at Oktoberfest than the average pub drunk. They may also be MIA for days on end, away on a weekend trip to that club they forgot to tell you about and you never knew existed.

2. The Lazy One

They are the category of student who were likely accepted through early entry and are doing a BA of Arts in the hope that they will magically get that ultimate, cool hipster job after graduation. But in reality they will probably end up working in a café, as a public servant, or as a receptionist. There is also the “high” chance that this particular breed are under the influence of some kind of mind-altering substance.

3. The Rich One

They seem to have a money tree tucked away somewhere in their room. Their quick and frequent trips to Westfield turn into shopping sprees that could rival a Kardashian.

4. The Smart One

These ones don’t seem to even try in class, but always come out on top and makes it look like a breeze. Not unlike the Rich One, these people party all week but are able to pull up and make all of their classes. They have a part time job that gives them 20 hours a week, which they somehow work around a social life and classes. They are also the person who makes you feel like a failure and makes you think that either your time management skills suck or “maybe uni just isn’t for you – CIT may be better”.

5. The Friendly One

They have more people on the go than the Spanish bull runs. These range from first years all the way to “that person that I met at Coles”. You never see the same person with them twice. If you do have the bad fortune of seeing one again, it’s because your roommate “had a special connection” and that “it could go somewhere in the future”.

6. The Drunk

This species of res-dweller can be seen between the hours of 4pm and 8am. They will have a bag of goon or whatever wine was in the “under $6” tub at Dan’s, bloodshot eyes, and a general look of “just rolled out of bed and forgot to shower”. They are also able to successfully drink until the sun comes up, then catch a cab home and successfully locate their apartment. Mooseheads and Uni Pub come before all else and they spend more time there than their apartment. They are on a first name basis with res security and have fond memories of drunken conversations with them while stumbling home.

EMMA RISBY

University is a battlefield of young, virile men and sexually amped women. Pheromones are swirling, bodily fluids are spraying, and you are stuck in the middle, dodging jizz with the closest protection available – your trusty packet of Four Seasons Condoms. Without these fluid-catching bags, you are in great danger of contracting the genital-ruining and socially damaging STDs herpes, syphilis, HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, and gonorrhoea. Would you consider throwing your genitals in the rubbish? Purposely catching the skin on garments? Hopefully not. So why would you risk sexual interactions without condoms? The 2013 Annual Surveillance Report on HIV, viral hepatitis and STIs in Australia by the University of New South Wales revealed a rise in notifications regarding STIs including syphilis, and in particular, chlamydia and gonorrhoea, with the majority of cases found in 15–24 year olds. In 2012, there were 82,707 diagnosed cases of chlamydia in Australia, and the ACT Government Health Directorate has stated that 1 in 14 young people in the ACT have contracted chlamydia. This bacterial infection is a common cause of testicular pain, and like gonorrhoea, can trigger abdominal pain and infertility in women, while syphilis can cause damage to internal organs. To top it all off, according to Canberra Hospital and Health Services, in Australia approximately 1 out of every 7 people has active genital herpes. Thankfully, most of these STDs (bar herpes, which is incurable although manageable) are easily remedied by medical treatment, which is available for students at the University Health and Counselling. Upon noticing any red, oozy blisters in your genital area, go to the doctor. Itchiness and pain? Doctor. Unprotected sex? Doctor. Uncertain? Doctor. No symptoms does not mean you are safe. Herpes enjoys lying dormant in your body and then revealing itself at the least advantageous time – and please don’t touch anyone if you have a cold sore (fully formed or otherwise), especially not on the genitals, or they could get herpes for life. Yup, it’s that easy. You’re now coming out of your teens; YOLO is not a good reason to subject your body to torment, and I promise it is in your best interests to keep your happy bits itch-free. Forget your wingman, condoms are your greatest allies – but like everything in war, they are easily damaged, so be vigilant. You are not putting condoms on bananas anymore, kids; this is a real jizz-filled penis with the potential to disease and/or impregnate. Check for holes, check the expiration date, check the packet for damage, only use water-based lubrication, and I know it is hard, but DO NOT touch genitals until the condom is on. Also, ladies: have your own assortment of condoms, because you should never rely on anyone in life, and you are the one that will get pregnant. Procurement is not difficult when CLV are drowning you in flavours, textures, and colours. Baggin’ the D = no baby and STD free. AIDS guys, AIDS. I don’t need to say you don’t want it. Wear a condom. I don’t care if it doesn’t feel as good – red, pustulant sores oozing goop don’t feel as good as STD free. And if you feel embarrassed purchasing condoms, just remember: there are elderly people buying incontinence nappies.

HANNAH QUILL

When: Thursday March 27

When: Until Monday April 21

Feeler really is a classic album – and like most classics, that fact is only really recognised in retrospect. It has sold over seven times platinum, and was nominated for 12 ARIA awards back in the day. And to think – growing up, it was just another great album my brother would chuck on from time to time. If you haven’t heard Feeler, do yourself a favour and grab a copy. If there’s one thing it’s not, it’s dated. Then do yourself an even bigger favour by heading along to see Pete, his original band, and a string section perform it live on its anniversary tour. See canberratheatrecentre.com.au for ticketing details.

One for the history buffs here – this exhibition from the National Gallery of Australia puts on display the beautiful world of ancient Peru for all to see. This exhibition will have on display over 220 pieces of art, from gold and silver pieces, stones, textiles, and ceramic artworks, to jewellery and woven cloths – many of which feature religious, political, and natural ideas and symbols. This exhibition will only be showing in Canberra. See nga.gov.au for tickets.

When: Sunday March 30

When: Tue–Sun March 4–9

Frontman/singer/guitarist Wil Wagner, the man who has lately been heralded as one of Australia’s most interesting and talented songwriters, has recognised the past year as a big one. After all, The Smith Street Band played around Europe, the UK, America, and appeared on the Big Day Out, Falls Festival, and Meredith line-ups. If that doesn’t convince you to go check out The Smith Street Band’s style of energetic, folkish punk, not much will. Support is from The Menzingers (US) and Grim Fandango. See Oztix for ticketing details.

The line-up for this year’s Canberra Comedy Festival speaks entirely for itself: Charlie Pickering, Andrew Hansen & Chris Taylor, Jimeoin, Tom Gleeson, Peter Berner, Rod Quantock, Sammy J, Luke Heggie, Alice Fraser, a show with Dave O’Neil and Glenn Robbins teaming up, and more. The Opening Night Gala is on Tuesday March 4, and will give the festival a fine start. Featuring Matt Okine, Jeff Green, Doug Anthony All Stars, and more, it’s not to be missed. This is a damn stellar line-up of funny people, so get along and support it. For more info, visit canberracomedyfestival.com.au.

Where: Canberra Theatre

Where: Transit Bar

Where: National Gallery of Australia

Where: Canberra Theatre Centre, ANU Arts Centre, more.

When: Friday March 14

Where: Canberra Theatre The Empire Strips Back: A Star Wars Burlesque Parody is, well… exactly that. And it’s returning to Canberra, after a whole heap of sold-out shows in Sydney and countrywide. There’s a warning that says the show contains nudity, so it’s not suitable for children, obviously. This is the show you’ll tell your friends looks weird, but sneak out and go to anyway – because you let’s face it, the idea of C3PO with boobs is just something you have to see. It’s alright, we won’t tell anyone. See canberratheatrecentre.com.au for ticketing details.

When: Fri Feb 14–Sat Mar 8

Where: Commonwealth Park Ben & Jerry’s Openair Cinema provides a different experience for your average movie-lover. Placed outdoors, there are plenty of food options, a fully licensed bar, and heaps of different seating options to hire if you want something more comfy. To top it off, on Sunday February 16, they’re having a ‘Sundae Session’ with live music from Jinja Safari and free Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for everyone, with a screening of Anchorman 2 to follow. Opening night is on Valentine’s Day with a screening of About Time, so you can get all romantic and cuddly under the stars with that one. See openaircinemas.com.au/canberra/home for more details.

When: Friday March 7

Where: Old Parliament House, Senate Rose Gardens Calling all filmmakers – Lights! Canberra! Action! is a great event if you’re looking to get a bit of experience and test out your abilities. You get ten days to put together a short film, which includes a whole bunch of items announced on the first day of filmmaking. The 2014 theme is “Brilliant Possibilities” – and did we mention there are cash prizes? The top 12 films will be announced, and then on Friday March 7, they’ll be screened at the award ceremony. Entry to the screening is free! See eormedia.com.au/lca for more information on the competition.

When: Fri Feb 28–Sat Mar 8

Where: Parliamentary Triangle, and more This festival is perfect for those of you that prefer to stay up late and head out when it’s dark. Enlighten will see Canberra’s cultural institutions in Parliamentary Triangle light up with amazing architectural projections, musical and artistic performances, comedy, a fire garden, giant inflatable horse puppets, Questacon’s Ice-creamology 101, and much more – plus many of the gallery’s around the area will be opening late into the night. Some portions of the festival are free, and you’ll need tickets for others – see enlightencanberra.com.au for more information.

29#

Beyoncé Beyoncé Parkwood, Columbia

8/10

Beyoncé’s out-of-the-blue self-titled album doesn’t really sound like a Beyoncé album. For one, only a few tracks return to Beyoncé’s signature self-empowering style of lyricism. As well, all of the tracks on the record – except for maybe ‘XO’ and ‘Heaven’ – make no effort to raise Beyoncé’s voice to her established limits. But it’s fair enough, because Knowles’ latest album is less about her exuberant sassiness and more about telling her story.

It’s this idea that frames the artistic intentions of Beyoncé’s self-titled, and permits her to experiment with her sound to compete with the deeply personal R&B and downbeat hip-hop styles that have shaped the works of Kendrick Lamar, Frank Ocean and the OFWGKTA gang in recent years. The fiercest track on the album, ‘Flawless’, is a post-feminist statement that sounds like a dignified Nicki Minaj track, complete with trap influences, and it really works. This infusion of contemporary styles with Beyoncé’s powerful voice allows her to explore and convey darker themes and messages, and it’s this that makes the album so profoundly moving and refreshing. Put simply, though her singing style hasn’t changed significantly, Beyoncé sounds a lot less like the pop diva we used to know. It’s cheeky and fun, yet classy and sophisticated, still sensual and sexy, but thoughtful and natural. And although it’s arguably more egocentric – and hence separated – than her previous releases, it’s warranted given the nature of this beautifully reflective and nostalgic autobiography. It’s a stellar album and a thought-provoking story, told by one of our generation’s most celebrated musicians. ANDREW NARDI

Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks Wig Out at Jagbags Matador Records

6/10

Wig Out at Jagbags is an indie rock record that attempts to combine dream pop and psychedelic rock. It’s a collection of songs that sounds like a couple of ‘70s rockers jamming and reminiscing in their garage studio – particularly lead singer Stephen Malkmus, who decadently tries to emulate the glory days of his early music career. Though at times the album stutters and jitters, as if a needle keeps missing the thread on a record player, it does eventually come alive with more memorable melodies and tracks, and some easy listening as per their previous albums Mirror Traffic and Real Emotional Trash. ‘Planetary Motion’ and ‘The Janitor Revealed’ throw the listener off-guard at times with their displacement of awkward rhythmic pulses, but ease into some dreamy atmospheres amongst more satisfying harmonies. Malkmus’ voice, which strikes similarities with Andrew Bird and Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes, finally gets the album moving with ‘Lariat’, which contains stronger indie-pop characteristics and is easy to hum along to. Malkmus effectively varies his tone to match the moods explored, as in the silky ‘J Smoov’ and stout ‘Chartjunk’; whilst different, both have the inclusion of brass, adding depth and a stimulating change to break the tedious flow of the album. However, the majority of tracks, such as ‘Rumble At The Rainbo’ and ‘Shibboleth’, are simply lethargic filler-material which don’t impress or excite. They lack constructive compositional content, as if the band is still waiting for inspiration to come.

NICK BEECHER

Childish Gambino Because the Internet Glassnote Records

7/10

Childish Gambino, actor-turned-artist, dropped his second studio album early last December. Because the Internet is full of quick quips and subtle digs at internet culture and the influence of social media on kids that have never needed to live without it; it carries influences of his comedy career, as well as displaying newfound confidence and growth as an artist.

The album is innovative and abstract, stuck together by the flow of computerised beats and layered snippets of jazz, psychedelic funk, pop, and R&B – all of which carry the subtle mood changes of every song along. Current stand out, ‘3005’, is the first radio-friendly single released. It shows off Gambino’s improvement in his singing and lyrical ability – get yourself too distracted and for a split second you might be thinking you’re listening to Frank Ocean during the hook. It’s addictive, with a mould of crisp R&B and rap beats over some subtle drums. Because the Internet also tells a story. Songs like ‘Telegraph Ave. (“Oakland” by Lloyd)’ and ‘No Exit’ find Gambino bearing his soul, while his comedic past presents itself in ‘Sweatpants’, completely defying the haters. The underlying story is of a young man trying to deal with the boring and fake world surrounding him. Listen to the songs on the album separately and you might think it’s total chaos. But put them together and it shows an ambitious plan – encompassing Gambino’s whole talent as a writer, storyteller, and artist.

ALANNAH ANDREINI

Warpaint Warpaint Rough Trade

7/10

Californian indie rockers, Warpaint – one of the best all-women experimental groups – are back with their second album, and they’re sounding better than ever. After the mellow, wordless “Intro”, “Keep It Healthy” opens up Warpaint’s selftitled release. The guitar is reminiscent of Radiohead, complimented by offbeat drums and layered vocals, creating a dream-like quality. Lead single “Love Is to Die” is a standout from this release. The chorus is enticing, with its airy singing over a drum beat and a barely noticeable guitar in the background. “Hi” is more of an electronic song, with the bass and keyboard taking precedence, while its follow-up, “Biggy”, contrasts dark keyboards with the angelic voice of Emily Kokal. An acoustic guitar joins the mix at the start of “Teese” and works well with their choir.

Their second album sees Warpaint littering the release with quiet, subtle atmospheres, and the occasional spontaneous jam session – and both work to complement each other. Towards the end of the album there’s a larger focus on lyricism, with “CC” feeling like the lovechild of Björk and Fever Ray. “Drive” is a great tune to fall asleep to (that’s a compliment), and “Son” has nice piano and a strong marching beat to close everything out. Although not as loud as other alternative female-led bands such as Haim, MS MR, and London Grammar, Warpaint have produced an album just as enjoyable – and it’s a large step forward from their previous record.

CONNOR HARVEY

B.o.B. Underground Luxury Rebel Rock / Grand Luxury / Atlantic

8/10

The Grammy nominated B.o.B made his mainstream debut in 2010 with the critically acclaimed The Adventures of Bobby Ray. The release of the album meant finally making it big after years of consistent work on the mixtape circuit, and it was the moment that all of his hard work finally paid off.

On Underground Luxury, his third album, B.o.B is willing to get much more personal. ‘One Day’ tells of growing up with his family’s poor financial situation, and his belief that he’d pull through for all of them. ‘Coastline’ is a catchy tribute to feeling lost in life, and ‘John Doe (feat. Priscilla)’ tackles addiction and his own infidelity. On the other hand, Underground Luxury also has quite a few more aggressive, straight, rap-flavoured tracks, from the triumphant ‘Ready (feat. Future)’ to ‘Paper Route’, a song about control and power. ‘Cranberry Moonwalk (feat. Mike Fresh)’ stands out as one of the more fun tracks I’ve heard in recent times, with the drop leaving me smiling from ear to ear like an idiot. Not every song will be a winner though. Lead single ‘Headband (feat. 2 Chainz)’ in particular sticks out as a track that will divide listeners. It’s a testament to B.o.B’s technical skill that even songs where the lyrics aren’t on point still remain listenable and often enjoyable. Underground Luxury may feel like two different albums at times, but as a package, it really does have something for everyone.

CAMERON SWIFT

James Vincent McMorrow Post Tropical Vagrant

6/10

There’s something alluring about the music of James Vincent McMorrow. Post Tropical, his second album, is full of synths softened almost out of existence; a beautiful falsetto that walks the edges of intelligibility; muted, delicate percussion; and, the occasional moment of majestic force.

Opening track, ‘Cavalier’, is one of the more incredible moments of the release. “I remember my first love”, McMorrow sings, before brass instruments spring in with a rusty, distant tone. It’s very gentle, as is much of the album. Later in ‘Red Dust’, he shows off his impressive vocal range to full effect, while ‘Gold’ finally sees a slightly more energetic sound emerge, with a rather uplifting close. The title track feels a bit punchier than most others, and it’s a pleasant change. Put bluntly, this is a very pretty record. Which is great. But the consistent problem here is that you almost don’t feel for McMorrow. His lyrics are laden with emotional weight, and while he sounds genuine – there’s no doubt about that – he struggles to evoke a response that reflects the extremes his music shoots for. Not even at his most fragile or vulnerable does McMorrow’s voice crack or approach a yelp. It’s smooth, languid falsetto all over, and empathising with something so wellcrafted is strangely a tough ask. It just doesn’t sound real. ‘Outside, Digging’ finishes Post Tropical, and its closing refrain thankfully hits the spot – ending what is, by and large, a decent album that has soul in spades. It just need more raw heart.

JEREMY STEVENS

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Directed by Adam McKay

4/10

As someone who casually references the first movie on a weekly basis, it has to be said that Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is not as quotable as its predecessor. However if you enjoyed the first instalment, it might be worth giving the sequel a chance to make you laugh until you question the integrity of your humour.

Amid the ridiculous banter, Anchorman 2 manages to highlight the issue of racism in the workplace, albeit in an unsavoury way. It is not a serious film by any stretch of the imagination and was never meant to be over-analysed. But the manner in which Anchorman 2 delivers humour based on racist stereotypes would be considered highly offensive to most groups. The most enjoyable parts of this film were the awkward exchanges between the iconic character known as Brick and a similarly eccentric office worker named Chani. The budding romance between these two characters still makes for a better love story than Twilight. There are numerous cameos in the latter half of the film, which include Jim Carrey playing an overly apologetic Canadian version of himself and a hardly recognisable Sasha Baron Cohen. Rather than feeling clever and appropriate though, they feel forced – novelty appearances – hinting at a loss of creativity as the writers try to distract you with a celebrity extravaganza. But despite the film’s shortcomings, it’s worth a watch, at least to try and make sense of the stupidity.

LEANNE DUCK

American Hustle Directed by David O. Russell

8/10

“Some of this actually happened.” This is what American Hustle begins with. You will often have to remind yourself that there is some truth when watching these actors play over-the-top characters in this story of ‘70s culture and crime. What follows are copious amounts of terrible haircuts, colourful clothing, and side-boob.

David O. Russell is a fantastic director, having previously cemented himself as one of the best of the decade with The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook. His greatest success is gathering such talented actors. Everyone is top notch, from the likeable, overweight Christian Bale to the hilarious, sexy housewife Jennifer Lawrence (please look up “science oven” on YouTube). Jeremy Renner is also lovable as the unwitting partner in the FBI scheme, while Amy Adams transforms from English gentlewoman to psycho bitch with ease. Extended cameos from Robert De Niro and Louis C.K. are always welcome. However, the performances are also the movie’s biggest downfall. The improvisational style adds to the film’s realism, but scenes often run too long, becoming more and more irrelevant to the overall plot. The final act is predictable, but still exciting to watch. The camera is always smoothly moving around which makes you feel like you’re just walking around the scene, and the composition of some shots (especially in the clubs and the dry cleaning racks) is perfectly done. Despite minor faults, American Hustle is another triumph from a seasoned director.

CONNOR HARVEY

The Wolf of Wall Street Directed by Martin Scorsese

6/10

At first glance, it might seem that there is a lot going on in directing legend Martin Scorsese’s film The Wolf of Wolf Street. It is, after all, a three-hour bildungsroman following aspiring stockbroker Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) through his cheating career, in founding the penny stock brokerage firm Stratton Oakmont, committing stock market felonies, and making a dangerous amount of money.

Based on Belfort’s actual memoirs, the film attempts to keep things fresh and edgy by depicting the protagonist’s addictions to drugs and prostitutes, as a half-thought method of coping with such brainwrecking work, and remaining alert. And well, just because he’s rich. And he can. But unfortunately, by tirelessly and monotonously flogging the same message, the film hinges on becoming pointless. In fact, the film couldn’t hit its story home any harder if it tried – Belfort is a corrupt stockbroker heading an enormous, fragile and illegal money empire, we get it. That said, the performances in the film are fantastic, with outstanding acts by DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey and, particularly towards the film’s closing, Margot Robbie. And despite the film’s insulting assumption of the audience’s ignorance, it did manage to have me cracking up at its frequent vulgarity and misbehaviour. One druginduced scene offers hilariously cringeworthy moments, kind of like the overdose in Pulp Fiction if Seth Rogen was there. Get comfortable for its mammoth length and ridiculous party antics, and you will enjoy this one. Just don’t expect to feel enlightened afterwards.

ANDREW NARDI

The Book Thief Directed by Brian Percival

8/10

A haunting adaptation of Markus Zusak’s best-selling novel of the same name, The Book Thief follows the struggle of spirited 10-year-old Liesel Meminger (Sophie Nélisse) in understanding the hatred and oppression of Hitler’s regime.

Set in 1938, the western world is on the precipice of WWII, and Hitler’s dictatorship has grasped all facets of German society. Forced to leave her mother due to their communist ties and mourning the loss of her younger brother, Liesel is adopted by middle-class workers Hans (Geoffrey Rush) and Rosa Hubermann (Emily Watson), who struggle to protect her innocence as the daunting reality of war takes over their town. Among book burnings, Hitler rallies, youth groups, and bombings, Liesel finds comfort in Hans’ reading lessons, stealing books to read and extending her vocabulary. Rush is the perfect Hans Hubermann – his soothing voice and aching face reflect his soft nature, but also the adversities in his life – while Watson flawlessly portrays the resolute Rosa Hubermann with her authoritative stare. Nélisse does well to hold her own beside Rush and Watson, with her angelic features – wide owl eyes and red rosy cheeks – stealing the room. Using the personal interactions between characters and the bleak scenes of Himmel Street, director Brian Percival has sculpted a deeply moving experience which is only intensified by a melancholic score from John Williams. The Book Thief is a highly successful transformation from book to movie, and one that traumatised my emotions in the best way possible.

HANNAH QUILL

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Directed by Peter Jackson

8/10

Like the first part, the reasons this film works will upset Tolkien purists – many of the characters and plot points that drive the film are not taken from the book itself. But don’t worry, the added scenes make the film much more entertaining and the plot less dry – and who are we to complain? We get three films and more Martin Freeman. It’s a win-win.

The problem with The Desolation of Smaug though, is that there is too much traveling and not enough relationship building. There’s no sense of camaraderie and friendship. We are given tender moments of heartache and near loss between the brothers Kili and Fili, but little is developed between the rest of the cast. The stopover at Mirkwood is memorable, where the cold elven king Thranduil (Lee Pace) is a lovely foil to his hot-headed son Legolas (Orlando Bloom), who has an obvious crush on the gorgeous captain of the guard, Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly). Laketown’s heroic everyman Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans) is well cast – his love of family and what is right is a major character theme. The fight scenes are one of Jackson’s specialties, with Bloom bringing a comic edge just as he did in The Lord of the Rings. The Middle-Earth landscapes are also done to perfection. But one cannot review this movie without mentioning Benedict Cumberbatch. With his resonant baritone, Cumberbatch imbues Smaug with an imperious, psychopathic rage. It is his performance that really steals the limelight in this fascinating, spine-chilling, tear-worthy and loveable film.

EMMA RISBY

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Directed by Ben Stiller

9/10

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a film about broadening horizons, disrupting the norm, and connecting with people – and despite occasionally flat dialogue, it works magnificently.

Walter Mitty (Stiller) is a Negative Assets Manager at Life magazine. His experiences and achievements are what most would consider unremarkable, and his day only seems brightened upon contact with his workplace crush, Cheryl Melhoff (Kristen Wiig). But this all changes when famous photojournalist Sean O’Connell (Sean Penn) sends Mitty a package, which is meant to contain the cover for the final print issue of Life. Thus begins Mitty’s desperate hunt for Sean and the missing photo – forcing him to confront who he is, who he wants to be, and how he can connect the two. While some might consider it stale – or worse, a crutch – Stiller uses the dry and stony-faced delivery he’s known for to his advantage here. It shouldn’t work in such an emotive and dramatic film, but the transition Mitty makes is seamless, and for once, it all feels warranted. The cinematography is absolutely stunning – particularly the shots of Iceland and Greenland – and when it’s soundtracked by artists like Arcade Fire, José González, David Bowie, and Rogue Wave, it’s hard not to leap out of your chair and catch the next plane. Moments of comedic release are scattered throughout, but they really come secondary in this moving film that’s less about travelling and adventure, and more about breaking down self-imposed boundaries. Walter Mitty is a film for all but the most jaded of souls, and Stiller and co. should be proud.

JEREMY STEVENS

Nintendo is a lot like the Walt Disney of video games. It might be the charming similarities between both companies’ signature mascots – arguably, the age-old cartoon mouse Mickey and the mushroompoppin’ plumber Mario are about as internationally recognisable as each other. But it’s probably that, like Disney, Nintendo has always strived to create memories and experiences that will bring smiles to all audiences, regardless of their age, culture or gender. The only difference is that Disney achieves this through storytelling, where Nintendo focuses on the equally infinite possibilities in how games can be played. Super Mario 3D World Nintendo Wii U

9/10

Enter Super Mario 3D World: the plumber’s first 3D free-roaming adventure in high definition. Rest assured, this game is only concerned with having fun. From the get-go, up to four friends can assume the Prepare yourself for an epic, long, swashbuckling adventure. You assume the role of Captain Edward Kenway, as he progresses from an unruly, selfish pirate to a master assassin. There are plenty of famous characters such as Blackbeard, Anne Bonny, Mary Read, and even a cameo from Ezio Auditore’s voice actor, Roger Craig Smith – along with plenty of plot twists and action.

9/10

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag Ubisoft Montreal PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, Wii U, Windows

Each Assassin’s Creed game always strives to outdo its predecessor, and this is no exception. The graphics are spot on with the PS3 version, and breathtaking on the PS4, and the immersive gameplay of Black Flag makes it easy to clock up many hours (over 70 and counting!). The combat is loads of fun and never gets old – with the exception of air assassinations being harder to pull off, Nintendo is often criticised for “making the same game”, and while the latest Zelda title doesn’t completely disprove the notion, it makes some solid strides in the right direction. A sequel to A Link to the Past, this game takes many cues from its story and world – the latter of which, in this case, is beautifully realised, with graphics that look stunning without the “for the 3DS” disclaimer.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds Nintendo Nintendo 3DS

9/10

While the dungeons look and feel great (and don’t have a set order for the most part), the biggest changes concern the gameplay. Link can merge into walls and travel along them before popping out again. Simple as it sounds, this opens up a lot of room for exploration and puzzles, bringing new life to the Zelda formula.

roles of Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and Toad, tasked with collecting coins, stars and power-ups (from the raccoon leaf to the iconic fire flower), defeating baddies, and racing to the goalpost in almost 100 delightfully animated worlds. But what makes 3D World so appealing is how each level introduces a new gameplay mechanism – whether it’s riding a dinosaur down a rushing river rapids, spooking off ghosts with a torchlight in a haunted house, shredding ice inside a giant skating shoe, donning a cat suit and scaling Bowser’s sky fortress… this game doesn’t want its players to be bored for a second, with pacing that never milks an idea for too long before moving on to something else. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more enjoyable platform game on another system.

ANDREW NARDI

overpowered muskets, and not being able to dodge gunfire. The music was not as epic as Assassin’s Creed III, but it did do the game justice. Mildly entertaining was Edward’s habit of constantly taking on and off his hood (perhaps he wanted to show off his lovely, masculine face and flamboyant ponytail to the ladies). The new fast travel feature makes travelling so much easier, and the parkour and free-running was also well done. There are loads of secrets and collectibles to uncover, and money has a lot of purpose this time around. It was obvious from the game’s launch trailer that this breathtaking game would blow any gamer away. Whether you are new to the series, or a die hard fan, Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag is a must have.

IMRAN GHANI

Another big change is that all of the important items are available from the start… at a price. A shopkeeper will rent you the items you need. If you die, you’ll have to return every item you’ve rented, which adds some real weight to dying. Items can later be bought to remove this restriction. Unfortunately, the game isn’t perfect. The story, while functional, is mostly missing from the bulk of the game time, and there’s a lack of a real continuous villainous presence, which is disappointing. But while A Link Between Worlds has a few flaws, it is a great game, and one of the few musthaves for the 3DS.

CAMERON SWIFT