Curieux 2014 issue 3 by UCSA President

Editors Andrew Nardi media@theucsa.org.au Jeremy Stevens stevens.a.jeremy@gmail.com

Contributors Jessicah Mullins Jacob White Clare Brunsdon Connor Harvey Sarah Collins Gemma Varcoe Hannah Quill Leanne Duck

Emma Risby Kimiah Alberts James Taylor Gregg Easton Matt Withers Cameron Swift Joanna Mackerras Imran Ghani

Graphic Design Andrew Nardi

Printing UC Green Print Centre printroom@canberra.edu.au (02) 6201 2371

Special Thanks To the Canberra Sexual Health Clinic for providing Curieux with condoms And to Leanne Duck for modelling for our cover “Curieux” is a product of the University of Canberra Students’ Association. ABN 83 168 011 488 Building 1, University of Canberra Bruce ACT 2601 theucsa.org.au tel: (02) 6201 2000 fax: (02) 6251 4248 “Curieux” is independently owned and published. Opinions expressed in this magazine are not necessarily representative of the editors, the UCSA, the University of Canberra, or other staff. “What’s On” Graffiti (Part 1) art by tico_24, with changes made: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ tico24/16914870/

The Rant / The Rave Old man yells at cloud / drunk person hugs everyone

One Day Aussie hip-hop coming down the mainline!

Boy & Bear Oh, we’re full-time believers

Sex With Hannah I did not have sexual relations with that column

Music Sounds Better With You Tunes to bang on through the night

How To Contain Your Inner Creep This isn’t even my final form!

Top 5 Awkward Movie Sex Scenes Have my parents even HAD sex?!

Where Might I Have Been? An anonymous letter about coming out

In the Business of Izakayas and Geisha Hunting Pack your bags and follow a UC student on their trip ‘round Japan

A Milestone for Your University Radio Station Happy birthday magic music box!

The Entrepreneurial Artist Be the successful artist you know you can be

The Best TV You Might’ve Missed Because what’s more important than TV?

What’s On Straight outta work and you’re ready for the weekend

Reviews What rocks and what sucks

Electoral Engagement and Secret Societies Jacob White It’s not easy being a student in Australia these days. On top of the seemingly endless pressures of studying and earning enough dollars to get by, we’ve got a federal government hell-bent on increasing our university fees, and for the unemployed, cutting their job seeker allowances to six months per year. The real kicker here is that young people will also need to complete at least 25 hours of unpaid community service per week and submit 40 job applications per month in order to remain eligible for government allowance. But we shouldn’t even need that money if we can find a job straight outta university, right? Well I dunno about that, pal. Let’s keep in mind that our unemployed population was approximately 728,500 in June 2014, and the number of job vacancies was about 146,100 in May. Reflecting on statistics like that, it’s no surprise that near-graduates are becoming anxious at the thought of leaving the wonderfully structured shelter of university. Word on the grapevine is: the job market is peepee poopoo. It just goes to show that the Australian government has come a long way since free tertiary education and accessible NewStart schemes. Yep, the times, they are a-changin’. So if the man’s getting you down, don’t worry about it, friend. We’re all feeling it. It’s times like these you need to take a little second to ponder what’s important to you, and think about what you can do to inspire change. For one, staying politically informed is pretty rad. And in the right capacity, exercising your democratic right to protest can be a very good thing. Just remember that we’re all in this together, because it’s only by being unified that we can make the right change for all Australians. Did I mention this issue is all about sex, and not politics or lame, inspirational messages? Well, it is. Stay cool, stay safe, stay babin’.

ANDREW NARDI

reparations are currently underway for the annual election of the University of Canberra Students’ Association General Committee, as well as for the positions of Women’s Officer and President. These elections will be significant for a number of reasons. Our new Electoral Regulations passed by the 2014 Committee will be tested at these elections, which for the first time will allow every holder of a University of Canberra student card the opportunity to nominate, run, and vote in student elections. These changes have not been met without resistance or without difficulty, as moves to extend suffrage universally across the student body represent a certain degree of control being relinquished and handed to the students of the UC. As a Committee, we recognise that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweigh the dangers which are cited to justify such concealment. The removal of barriers to participation in student elections will lead to a more transparent and representative student body. The election of a Federal Liberal/National Government late last year has seen a number of dramatic and unexpected changes in policy. These have been articulated in a budget that has sought to fundamentally reorganise the higher education system in this country – we believe for the worse. At a time when other representative bodies in this country are closing their doors to consultation and engagement, we are opening ours. We must exercise our common responsibility in the face of a common threat. In the coming months you will begin to see notices and information appearing around campus regarding these elections. The University of Canberra Students’ Association urges all students to dutifully exercise their civic responsibility thoughtfully and with a view in mind to what it will mean for their education. Jacob White University of Canberra Students’ Association President president@theucsa.org.au Tel: 6201 2000

Parents and technology go together like Justin Bieber and talent: they just don’t. I understand that growing old must be difficult, and I encouraged my parents in their attempts to master the touch phone or come to terms with “the WiFi” and the all-knowing Google, but enough is enough. I am sick of spending long winter nights listening to my father telling me that his mobile is evil and that he “pressed the right button” but the phone has taken him somewhere completely wrong.

The finale of Game of Thrones season four was illegally downloaded over a million times in the 12 hours after it aired. Which country was the number one perpetrator with nearly 12% of all that data? Australia, that’s who.

I admit these missteps can be funny for the first two years. I still laugh when I think of my mother asking all about “twits” and “twittering”. Not to mention when she confidently stated she could simply Google my name and find out everything about me, overestimating the internet’s reaches slightly methinks. I can’t help but chuckle every time I receive a text from my father with a question mark followed by a smiley face – he believes the question mark perfectly represents his curly hair.

This isn’t a rave for piracy, but a rave for the most successful solution to this problem in the US: the streaming service Netflix. Netflix gives you unlimited access to thousands of shows and movies for a monthly fee which is less than the price of a DVD, and there are frequent rumours of it coming to Australia, with suggestions it’ll be here within a year. However, circumstances are bittersweet, and it is unlikely that we’ll have the same content as our international counterparts.

You may think me harsh, but if you witnessed their struggles with our internet stick you would understand. If I had a dollar for every time Dad threatened to throw it somewhere or insert it in an Optus representative, I would be … wealthy. Out of all of their ranting, raving, swearing, and tears I have learnt one thing: when I grow old, I will flip new technology the bird and move on.

Yes, Down Under sure does love stealing American TV shows. This is arguably because Foxtel does not offer a way to watch just the shows we want on a digital platform for a reasonable price. Instead, we must pay for large amounts of content we might not even want.

So, much like the National Broadband Network, this fantastical thing is going to be a second-rate knock-off. But I am hopeful that our country’s restricted internet services will improve, and this is still an important step. Sadly, Game of Thrones isn’t even available on Netflix. If HBO ever set up that fortunate deal, we might stop pirating content that we should already have.

What happens when some of the biggest up-and-coming names in Aussie hip-hop put themselves in a big fat melting pot and draw upon individual successes to create something new? You get what has been described as aural synergy; you get One Day and their debut collaborative album Mainline.

The hip-hop crew One Day is comprised of Horrorshow, Spit Syndicate, Jackie Onassis, and Joy Ride, who all discovered their shared love of music and hip-hop back in 2006 when they were in high school together in Sydney’s Central West.

Although they all paired off into their different crews, they remained united under the banner of One Day, which they have described as meaning a shared vision and drive to achieve goals which were once distant pipe dreams.

Jimmy Nice of Spit Syndicate says the pairing off was necessary before they could all come together musically.

“It’s taken a while to get on the same page musically, and also to be able to find the time and energy to create something like this,” he says. “I mean, back in school it would have just been a logistical nightmare to get seven of us together. We were definitely off doing different things. We always had an interest in music and doing something music related. But the way that people paired off and did their own thing I think was good, because it gave us time to figure out who we were as musicians.” Horrorshow have since had success with their album King Amongst Many, with single ‘Dead Star Shine’ making it into the Triple J Hottest 100 this year. Spit Syndicate have also had their

share of success with their 2013 album Sunday Gentlemen – not to mention they’ve opened for acts such as Ice Cube, Lupe Fiasco, and Bliss n Eso – while Jackie Onassis and Joyride are beginning to fall into their own grooves in the scene. One Day’s debut album, Mainline, is personal and detailed, taking these different careers and creating an album based on a shared history.

“It comes down to stories from when we were there. It’s some stories from when we were younger,” Nice says. “There’s definitely a graffiti element to a lot of the slang, the aesthetic of the album cover.” Mainline is aptly named after the train line in the Central West that connected all of the members through high school.

“Mainline is kind of our whole childhood and upbringing,” he says. “It is sort of dotted along this main part of the inner west, which we always seem to refer to. And yeah, Mainline is, we thought, the most fitting title for the record – just seeing as it’s kind of a tip of the hat to where we come from. It seems like the main artery in Sydney’s inner west and it’s something that is very dear to us.” Even though seven diverse artists working on one album may seem like an arduous task, Nice thinks the collective has made each artist stronger.

“You’re making an album with your mates and it’s something that we’ve always wanted to do,” he says. “You share the load and you get inspired by each other, and you come up with new ideas just off the back of what someone else is doing. So it was a real good experience, and a creative kind of little journey for all of us. I think we came out stronger and better at what we do.” Nice also added that having so many diverse and creative minds behind it made the album what it is, and reviewers are already hailing the release with praise, describing it as razor sharp.

“The sounds on the album come from not just having one producer – they come from having three different producers, but also having seven different creative minds and stubborn people saying I want this to sound like this, or you know, I think this could benefit from putting the piano there or turning up this synth.” The album features the playful track ‘Love Me Less’, which has been receiving a lot of air time on Triple J, and ‘Many Hands’, the second single to be released. Nice says the album carries a variation of lyrical themes.

“I feel like this is the most dynamic range sonically, like there’s a great variation of themes,” he says. “It was a whole crazy collaborative process, and so there’s a lot of different stuff on there. I’d say it’d be more diverse than all of our solo projects. You know, this is the most different and forward thinking we’ve been in our careers.”

biggest shows that we’ve ever done, so I’m more excited than anything – and I can speak for the seven of us too.”

When the group aren’t touring, they head back to their roots in Sydney’s Central West every month with One Day Sundays – a free event, which Nice says was created simply so they had something to do on a Sunday. These monthly events are their own personal version of the ideal Sunday sesh.

“We started One Day Sundays in the first place just because we kind of wanted to party,” he laughs. “Honestly, it was where we would end up somewhere on a Sunday and be like ‘Where can we go?’ We just wanted to play our own music, do our own shit, invite our own friends, and just compile all these elements of what a cool Sunday session in Sydney would be.”

The parties are held monthly on a Sunday from 2pm at The Vic in Enmore. It’s a communal atmosphere with free entry, basketball courts, graffiti demonstrations, and of course the One Day DJs on the decks. Nice likens the atmosphere of the parties to that of a festival, and says they have a totally different feel from the rest of Sydney’s party scene. “You’ve got graffiti, you’ve got basketball, you’ve got incredible food, and people actually dancing – which if you know Sydney, that’s kind of a hard thing to do, to see people dancing, especially during the day time. But that’s kind of the vibe that we want. We want something everyone can come to and just, you know, not pretentious shit. Just a real cool environment where people can just have fun.” The July party features New Zealand hip-hop artist and DJ P-Money, who had the 2003 smash hit ‘Not Many’. Nice says it’s surreal to perform with P-Money, an artist he and the rest of the crew grew up admiring. “To have P-Money and a handful of others that have already played at our parties is crazy. We grew up listening to

P-Money and have a lot of respect for what he’s done musically. P-Money will be incredible, but he’ll have a task on his hands to keep it rocking after Joyride, because he’s the man of the hour, every hour, at One Day Sundays.” The success of the parties led to the guys testing the waters and taking One Day Sundays to Brisbane. Nice said the decision to do so was due to huge pressure from fans.

“As soon as the word got around via our social pages, people from other states were like ‘We want to see that, come to our town’ or ‘Why don’t you ever do it when you are on the road?’” However, Nice teased fans that the parties may also be taken on the road to other cities across the country.

“It’s all about finding the right venue, and you know, we just didn’t want to overdo it too early. But the response from everyone has been incredible, and yeah, we just hope to do it, or we will be doing it all throughout the next year. So just keep your ears and eyes peeled for more info on that.” As for the fear that this may be the end of them as their individual parts – good news. The separate groups still have new stuff on the way, and they don’t plan on stopping those projects, with Spit Syndicate currently preparing to start work on their next release. “The trick is to do all that, but still be able to balance yourself. You don’t want to lose momentum with your own personal projects. Spit Syndicate, which myself and Nick (Lupi) are in, we’ve definitely got the majority of the next album kind of mapped out and are ready to jump into the bulk of writing.”

One thing’s for sure – all these great parties don’t come out of nowhere, and the One Day crew’s hard work is starting to pay off. Some of those pipe dreams might not be dreams for long. Mainline is out now, and the One Day tour will drop by Canberra on Friday September 26 at ANU Bar. You can grab tickets from onedayers.net/preorder.

Along with the album came the surprise announcement of the One Day tour in support of Mainline. The tour begins in September and will comprise of individual sets by the respective crews followed by a finale, featuring all seven members on stage for the first time as a collective, something Nice says the crew are looking forward to.

“These are going to be some of the

“Oh, I’m terrified I’ll achieve nothing at all.” – Boy & Bear, ‘Big Man’. This is absolutely the last thing that Australia’s indie-folk darlings Boy & Bear have to worry about. The band has had a whirlwind twelve months filled with nothing but achievements after having released their sophomore album, Harlequin Dream, and then embarking on a set of tours that have yet to provide the boys with rest. Having concluded an international tour – including their second appearance at American festival South By South West – and never ones to rest on their laurels, they returned and promptly booked a massive 30-date regional tour of their homeland. They’ve shown no signs of slowing down. Gemma Varcoe spoke with Boy & Bear’s keyboardist, Jon Hart, before their ANU Bar show in May.

MEMBERS: David Hosking, Killian Gavin, Tim Hart, Jonathan Hart and David Symes HOMETOWN: Sydney GENRE: Indie, folk LABEL: Nettwerk, Island FOR FANS OF: Angus and Julia Stone, Josh Pyke, Ball Park Music, Cloud Control, Mumford and Sons

Gemma Varcoe: You’ve been touring extensively for quite a while now, how was the US and the UK? Jon Hart: They were pretty incredible. It’s been what seems like a long year already. We started in the UK in February, crossed into Europe, and then the US and Canada. I guess they were, for their own various reasons, great places to visit and tour. It’s nice being in other countries and being able to play your music. G: On an international level, which crowds have been the most receptive to your music? J: I guess Germany, Netherlands, and then pockets of America and pockets of Canada. We saw interesting things, like in America, it seemed like people knew the newer material better. Like they knew ‘Southern Sun’ ‘cause there’s been a bit of radio play, but then in Canada it’s like people knew the first album a bit better, so you’d get a good response to different songs. G: How was South By South West, was it different to the last time you guys played there? J: Yeah, it was different to last time. I mean the festival itself is pretty similar. It’s just complete madness. It’s a sea of people, within I guess a few city blocks, and then they have all these little venues, and if you’re playing, you kind of have to lug your gear in amongst through the crowds of people who are walking along the street. During the festival it’s just all blocked off, it is just people walking everywhere. I think we played four shows on the first day we were there, and then we played maybe three on the second. So we kind of don’t really have time to know what’s going on. But at the same time, we were much better organised than we were last time around, and we have a really great crew who come around with us and they were kind of on

top of it all. So I feel like we made the best of it and it was enjoyable. G: Now that you’re back, you’ve booked a huge regional tour. Are there any specific locations on that schedule that you’re especially excited about? J: Well, I mean on a personal note, I’m excited to go to Canberra, ‘cause my girlfriend lives in Canberra. I don’t see her as much as I’d like, and so I think she’s excited about the fact that there’s a sneaky little Canberra show. But, you know, I’ve been to Canberra before, so it’s not as interesting as some of the places we’ve never been before. So I’m really looking forward to Broome, because I’ve never been to Broome but a lot of people talk about it and say it’s an amazing place to go. And then I think, in these last couple of weeks, we have stuff like, for example, Dubbo, which I’ve never been to; Shepparton, which I don’t think I’ve been to; and we went to Warrnambool, on the southern Victoria coast. Maybe I’ve driven through there on a family holiday sometime, but I guess I was really interested in the places we’ve never been, as opposed to going back to places we’ve played before. G: Do you have any fond memories from previous shows in Canberra? J: The first time we came to Canberra, I’m pretty sure, was when we were supporting Angus & Julia Stone, which was back in 2010. So we’re playing at the same venue that we did with them, and I remember that was kind of a really nice thing. The first afternoon of the tour, and meeting the two of them, and being really terrified about being on a big tour - ‘cause it was the first big-sized tour we’d done. That was a fun show. I think we’ve done a few festivals as well. But that last show itself, in October, was really awesome. It was nice to have it at a different level

when we got back there. And I think the fact is that more people have heard of the band now, so you get a turnout of people who know the music. I think ‘cause it’s at the uni bar, you get a nice uni crowd, which is always good for us - we enjoy that sort of thing. Like we say, we get to sneak back again. Canberra’s the only place in Australia that’s had two shows from us in a year. Although I’ll probably be nervous as well, because she’s got a bunch of friends coming along, and I’ve met all these people, and they’ll think “Ah yeah, he’s in a band, whatever”. Now they’re actually going to be coming along to the show and seeing it. G: You’re doing a lot of touring, what’s your favourite part about it all? J: I guess it depends where we are. So in Australia, it’s nice ‘cause it’s pretty manageable and you get a few nights at home and then a few nights away doing shows, and that’s exciting. I guess our following’s biggest in Australia, so it means we can go a lot of places, and be able to play the music to a lot of people, and that’s really enjoyable. Once you take it overseas, it’s different, ‘cause you’re getting to go places that you’ve read about or heard about, and never seen. I enjoy the travel side of things and just hanging out with the guys. I mean the shows are great, but we’re doing that all the time, and it’s nice being able to do it somewhere different. I think the best ones are where you can have a day off, somewhere that you’ve not been, and

get to play there as well. So you can get to be a bit of a tourist. G: And least favourite experiences? J: It’s probably the endless amount of time in planes and buses and cars and taxis and kinda waiting around. For example, in America, we had maybe one day off in the month we were there, so every other day we were doing a show or driving ten or twelve hours from one city to the next, and then we’d have to get up in the morning, or drive after the show sometimes, so the actual physical time travelling and spent in the car, it kinda gets to you after a little while. So you have to have your own strategies like music to listen to, or books to read, because basically you spend more time in the tour van than you do doing anything. We’ve been going since the middle of February, so you’ve gotta find ways to relax and try and not let that get to you. G: You play an interesting assortment of instruments. Which did you initially start with? J: I was a guitarist before anything else really. And then when I started with Boy & Bear, because my brother’s in the band, he kinda said “Jon can play some keys” - which wasn’t quite true, but it was almost true. And then, as a result of playing guitar, I kinda fiddled around with mandolin a bit and banjo. So I kinda did a bit of stuff on those and learnt a few things on the keyboards, for the songs that we had at the time, which wasn’t very many. So I was able to get it together. I don’t

really play guitar in the band at all. In the studio I can get involved with that a little bit more, but live it’s just keyboards now, and when we do acoustic stuff I’ll play mandolin. And Tim does the banjo duties now, so I don’t even get to do that that much anymore. But I think I started with a guitar, which is the one thing I don’t actually play anymore in the band. That’s where it began. G: In what ways do you guys feel you grew as a band between the composition of Moonfire and Harlequin Dream? J: Well firstly, there was the immediate thing that happens when you release any sort of body of work - in our case, a CD. You hear it again, so you hear what you’ve recorded and chosen as the end result, and then you get to, with the benefit of time, think about whether that’s something you like or not, or what you do or don’t like about it. So we had our own thoughts about the first record and how we felt about it. And then in the meantime, we did quite a lot of touring on the back of the record, so we were playing together as a band a lot, and working on new material as well. So you have that time for it all to sort of settle a little bit more. And we were listening to different music than we were leading into Moonfire, and I think we changed relatively strongly, in a way that’s been beneficial for us as a band. I feel like the evolution’s direction has been something everyone’s really proud of.

Missionary is great, doggy is fun, and the sphinx is sexy, but sometimes you want something spicier than a position switch. Maybe some porn viewing for inspiration, a well-placed finger, a sex toy … maybe something a little more deviant perhaps? Light asphyxiation or some bondage? Who knows what kinky thoughts you have under the covers, but if your sex life is in need of a little renovation, then these are quite safe taboo areas to start. Some are a little risqué – but so worth the time and effort you’ll exert.

~ Porn ~

Watching porn as a couple is a great way to set the mood and get your sexually creative thoughts flowing. The porn parody of everyone’s favourite show, Game of Bones: Winter is Cumming, is a mere click away, and a great place to start, as it’s actually quite hilarious, relieving any awkwardness between you and your partner. Sites like Redtube and PornHub offer a variety of categories to choose from and thousands of videos to watch … but let’s not pretend like you don’t know how to internet. Porn is an excellent guide for trying out intricate positions and is a great barrier breaker. It really will help you confide all of your kinkiest sexual fantasies in your partner – after all, we all have sexy dreams – and chances are, just voicing your desires to them will be a turn-on.

~ Butt Stuff ~

Now to the anus: the unholiest of holes, the gateway to unlocking all sexual hindrances and frigidity. I can understand why people are afraid to go there. But here’s an extremely fun fact: the skin around your hole is full of tiny nerve endings which, when played with, send euphoric sensations, making her vagina and his penis throb in ecstasy. Another fun fact: your rectum isn’t nearly as dirty as you think, but like a vagina or penis, it’s necessary to give your goods a thorough wash before sexual interactions. A quick in-out with a wet finger in the shower will do. There’s no need to be afraid. I can’t stress the fun that can be had when venturing behind – especially considering climax is achievable with anal interactions, both external and internal. A guy’s prostate is about 2 inches inside his bum, a g-spot like no other, and by gently inserting a finger – smothered in your trusty siliconebased lubricant – you can do some amazing things.

And I promise, you can cum from backdoor banging too – you’ve just got to ease into it. You can’t rush in, or you might seriously hurt yourself or your partner. More importantly than anything, be careful, prepare for it properly (there’s no shortage of advice online about how to be safe), and be honest about the experience. If it hurts, if it doesn’t feel right, stop and say something. You might not get it right the first time, or it just might not be for you, and that’s okay. Everyone’s different. Start with some light foreplay or vaginal sex then move to the back. Lather up that penis and insert slooooowly. If you’re still unsure, you can explore in the safety of your shower, but make sure you’ve got your lube – water won’t cut it. While there are several precautions you need to take with anal, the one rule you cannot bend is not washing his penis if you go back to vaginal sex. Break it and you will get sick from the bacteria transfer. There’s no need to panic – just keep it clean and sexual merriment will follow. The worst mistake you can make after all of this effort is writing anal off after one failed attempt. Nothing comes easily in this world, so why should you be any different? Granted, it’ll take more time than a newly christened vagina to feel pleasurable, but for many people, the effort pays off.

~ Sex Toys ~

Now we move on to the charismatic and energetic sex toys. There are dildos, vibrators, anal plugs, anal beads, and cock rings just to name the least taboo – so many delicious choices, so many sexual adventures to be had. Teasing nipples, the scrotum, and even the most sensitive areas like the clitoris and frenulum with a vibrator will up the sexual ante. Don’t underestimate how great these small changes can be for your sexual experience. They’ll add some much-needed intensity if things are becoming a bit stale. So, after this information overload you have to ask yourself, will you deny you and your partner the undeniable pleasures that await those who explore? Only pleasure comes from giving in to your natural curiosities and thinking outside the banal box of sex. Just say, look here, would you terribly mind if we tried a different hole tonight? They might not mind at all, and being tied up to the bedhead, all while Game of Bones is on? That sounds like an evening of healthy bonding. ~ Hannah Quill

The established relationship

So you’re about to take a sweet hunk and/or honey back to your place. This is great, you think. The night is going well! Looks like you’re about to score. But wait – there’s a problem. You live with a bunch of your best friends, and if you’re gonna score, not only do they not want to hear it, but you don’t need them re-enacting it in graphic detail for you the next morning. The solution? You need some good music. Skrillex isn’t really what you’re going for, and Nick Cave is just gonna shout about people being killed. Death Cab for Cutie will make someone cry or sexually wilt, and Frenzal Rhomb is set to uncomfortably outpace you. The primary goal here is to mask the sounds of your undoubtedly superb and fantastic love-making. No, don’t be humble, we’ve all heard the stories. So if you can get your speakers going, you’re over halfway there. The secondary goal is to make sure the music works for you and not against you. Don’t leave it to chance, and do not hit shuffle. The Pokémon theme song is not going to work in your favour.

You can afford to be more flexible here – ultimately it’s down to what you and your partner both dig. For rock fans, you can’t go past Queens of the Stone Age. Don’t worry, Josh Homme ain’t gonna steal your partner if he isn’t in the room. But with tracks like ‘Make It Wit Chu’, ‘Smooth Sailing’, and ‘Auto Pilot’, there’s plenty to draw on. Be selective though. ‘Burn The Witch’ might not go down as well as some of their other material. Scoff all you like, but for R&B, Justin Timberlake’s The 20/20 Experience won’t disappoint. Otherwise you can always turn to Outkast. Combining hip-hop with a sensual take on soul and smoothly executed funk, their album Stankonia will set the perfect backdrop before someone has to apologise to Ms. Jackson.

Getting freaky

In light of that, here are some safe artists to keep synced and at the ready to ensure your sexual voyages don’t encounter any icebergs.

The one night stand

You don’t need any artists getting too intimate or sentimental here. Keep it simple, and don’t play anything even remotely cheesy. Any significant other worth their salt will laugh off Phil Collins, but that attractive individual you brought home from Mooseheads probably won’t. Is it worth the risk? Exactly. The Weeknd is perfect here. Just throw on his debut mixtape House of Balloons and you’re set. His brand of R&B is sensual without being uncomfortable, and if your new friend is really listening, it screams “You know I’m gonna leave tomorrow while you’re asleep and never contact you again.” If that won’t cut it, Arctic Monkeys’ latest album AM is about as sexy as the current crop of rock artists get, with hits like ‘R U Mine?’, ‘Snap Out of It’, and ‘Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?’. Give it a go.

Sometimes sex can take a turn down the path less travelled, and you might be trying out something new. If that’s the case, you’ve got two options: play some more experimental, funky music to match this mood, or tone it down and keep things relaxed. If the former option sounds right to you, Cut Copy’s acclaimed debut In Ghost Colours is bright and suitably interesting, without being so trippy as to feel like you’ve taken hallucinogenics. If you need to turn it down a notch, throw on The xx’s Coexist for something slower.

The last resort

If none of that works for you, you can always make your own playlist. But whatever you do, don’t call it “Sex Playlist”, cos you can guarantee that as soon as your prospective partner for the night sees that, you’ll no longer need it. Oh, and if you happen to be on the opposite end of all of this, and you’re woken at 2 in the morning by your housemate getting it on next door, we highly recommend you blast the Bloodhound Gang’s ‘The Bad Touch’ – aka, the Discovery Channel song – on repeat until they get the picture. Works a charm.

creep how to

contain your inner A Useful Guide On Self-Awareness

by Leanne Duck & Hannah Quill

So you’re a young, virile man on the hunt for an equally attractive human to spend some time with. It’s 11pm on a Saturday night. You’re out in the seedy cesspit of Civic with your best jeans on, shoes to match, and a classy v-neck jumper. Now while you look great, you’ve gotta be careful of one thing: make sure that your creep doesn’t come out. Not everyone is creepy – but every now and then, even the most well-meaning person can unintentionally show their creep. You may not notice at first, but it’s like a shadow, and if it’s not buried down deep, it has the potential to cockblock you like none of your exes ever can. When the creep takes hold of your body, you’ll open your mouth and unflattering, bile-filled language will vomit out. Your eyes will disco dance between all the boobies and booties. You won’t even be able to control the saliva in your mouth when you talk – spit will land on people’s faces, fly

1. The approach. A lot of the time there is an underlying expectation that men are meant to make the first move here. That’s a lot of pressure, and it’s pretty admirable if you can muster up the courage to approach someone in public and communicate your interest, even if you need to use alcohol as a social lubricant. It puts you in a really vulnerable position and most people will appreciate this and take the flattery on board. So how should you go about it? Scene: It’s midnight. You’re at the bar when you spot a fancy face to your left. Just keep calm and don’t stare. That’s the worst possible thing you can do, as it always seems more like a psychotic murderous gaze than a friendly but strong

into their drinks, and dribble into their ears as you whisper sweet love songs to them. You know what you should’ve done? Not had those last five drinks. I know right, what an absolute killjoy. But if your aim for the night is to hook up or meet the human of your dreams – and you’ve already swiped through your 50km radius on Tinder – then getting absolutely smashed is only gonna take you further away from your goal. Your path to fulfilment depends on your ability to contain the creep, and luckily for you, we take your future sexual happiness very seriously. We want you to score. But not at the cost of dignity, or more importantly, consent. So here are the most important areas you can focus on to ensure your creep doesn’t ruin your chances of finding that special someone.

eye-lock. What you’re trying to say with your eyes is not computing – is there something on my face? Do I smell? Use your words. I’m having a panic attack over here. Just don’t waste any time between first sighting them and making a move. It gives you less time to over-think it and you’ll avoid being awkwardly caught staring. A good time to approach someone is when music isn’t blaring in the background and you don’t have to insert your lips into their ear canal just to communicate. Most pubs will have a beer garden or smoking area and a lot of people will congregate there if they don’t feel like sweating excessively from every orifice of their body. These outdoor areas are ideal locations to strike up a conversation without every second response consisting of “WHAT?”, and they are particularly useful if you’re not a fan of dancing.

When you do make your move, keep the conversation light, unobtrusive, inoffensive, and remember, flattery never goes unnoticed. Same goes if you’re approached by someone: just be polite and make sure you have a sense of humour. If you do find yourself talking to a lovely lady, you might feel your eyes wander, and while it is natural to meander down to her breasts, you should know, this girl knows you’re looking at them. She’s as intimately acquainted with them as your eyes are trying to be, and she can follow your eye line. Just try not to wildly ogle them, because it’s a massive turn off if all you’re concerned with is her chest. One of the most overused moves is to get one of your friends to talk to someone for you. But remember – it’s cute. Just cute. Unfortunately, not many people want to have a one night stand with cute. So get yourself in order, borrow some confidence from liquid courage if you’re so inclined, get up, and ask them to dance. If they pass it up, leave them be. Chasing after them insistently will not inspire a mind change, we promise.

2. Personal space required. The dance floor is packed, everyone is mashed in together. It’s all gyrating body parts and fiery loins – a blur of arms and legs. Unfortunately, this is the time the creep starts to grab and poke, blindly groping everything in sight. Consent is important on the dance floor. Keep your body parts to yourself – that includes where you’re thrusting your junk – and respect personal space. Strangers touching strangers without consent is not on. Reverse the roles for a sec, and imagine someone is incessantly rubbing themselves against you. Sounds horrid and intrusive, right? Right. So tone down the aggressive dancing. Specifically, learn to read body language and try not to manhandle people against their will or trap them into dancing with you. You may have noticed that girls like to travel in packs, and if one of them gives off a distress signal, they will be swallowed into a protective dance circle by the others. If you notice this phenomenon, you should probably back it up.

3. Take ‘no’ as a ‘no’. Rejection is a universal fear shared by both sexes, and sometimes people can be downright cruel for no apparent reason. On the other hand, you might be guilty of using a tactless approach when it comes to the pursuit of a hookup. Just remember: not everyone who goes clubbing is fair game, so entertain the possibility that some of them simply enjoy the atmosphere and a decent conversation. It’s pretty obvious when someone isn’t interested; usually

they’re not very engaging and try to get away as fast as they can, so there’s no need to delay the inevitable rejection. Just take the ‘no’ and walk away. Don’t ask for a reason, because they don’t have to give one. Don’t force a number out of them, because it’ll probably be fake. Conversations with creeps regularly persist to numbers, and a fakey is the only way to dodge the harassment onslaught. There are a multitude of lovely men in clubbing environments, some of whom impart a compliment and scuttle away, barely giving any time to thank them. However, some men express their interest and respond negatively to deflections. The boyfriend excuse works sometimes, but some people have the gall to claim you’re lying. The most common response is “Why would you be clubbing if you have a boyfriend?” and that’s not a great attitude to have in the first place. Take the hint and move on. Trust us – if the conversation reaches the level of absurdity where you’re demanding to be put on the phone to someone’s partner, most people are just gonna hit the ‘emergency exit’ button and whirl away across the dance floor.

4. No one wins the game. There shall be no game playing. You like them? You contact them. You don’t like them? Don’t make out that you will. If it was just a one night stand, everyone involved needs to know that BEFORE the sex occurs. And girls, stop expecting more from one night stands. Please, for the love of healthy genitals. Also, no creepy stalking. Don’t explore Canberra just to find out exactly which movie theatre they work at. You’ll spectacularly succeed at adhering to the creep stereotype by showing up. Leading someone on to get free drinks is quite cruel too, ladies, and you’re contributing to the never-ending cycle of creep. But on the flip, remember you also don’t owe a guy anything if you are interested and he buys you a drink. Frankly, honesty is always the best policy, everyone; if you’re not interested, let them know you’re not interested. You’d appreciate it if the roles were reversed. At the end of the day, if you try to be friendly, relaxed, and inquisitive towards people, and avoid generic one-liners, you’ll do alright. Chances are they will be relieved by your chilled outlook and apparent normality. And if there’s chemistry, don’t be afraid to pursue it. This guide basically boils down to consent, respecting a person’s privacy and space, and not forcing yourself all over them. Remember: you have a responsibility to quash any inner creep that bubbles to the surface when interacting with people. So as clichéd as it sounds, essentially just be yourself. Unless you are an annoying creep.

here are very few things in life that are truly guaranteed, but some things get damn close. Research suggests that nine times out of ten when watching a movie with your parents, there will be an awkward sex scene. That doesn’t leave the odds in your favour, and there aren’t many options for escape either. Time to make a cup of tea? While it’s impossible to cover everything, here are five of the worst offenders to avoid when you next sit down for a moving picture.

Her (2013)

You’d be forgiven for thinking this film is safe, but you’d also be wrong. Making every young man’s dream come true? Perhaps not. Her takes the cake for cringeworthy and awkward with its weird and slightly unnerving sex scene, which is basically phone sex on steroids. The main character Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) has a racey encounter with his new artificially intelligent operating system, Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson), who he has fallen in love with. Her takes the idea of alternative relations to the next level in this scene. Just don’t try this at home – Siri isn’t quite there yet.

Secretary (2002)

Before Fifty Shades of Grey was all the rage, a little cult film called Secretary was shocking viewers. In particular? The letter reading, spanking moment. The secretary in question, Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal), is made to read and edit a letter while her boss, Mr Grey (James Spader), spanks and later has his dirty way with her. With over-the-top sound effects and poor acting, this scene is awkward for more reasons than you can raise your palm to.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

First times are meant to be awkward as hell – it’s in their nature. But the sex scene that takes place between the newlyweds here is just plain old fashioned bad. With a man that clearly needs a road map and a woman that has more enthusiasm than a dog with a bone, this scene is one that will stay with you long after finishing the movie. Sometimes you just need to stop and ask for directions.

American Pie (1999)

In a movie with more awkward moments than there are ‘90s punk rock hits on the soundtrack, you can’t look past the scene when Jim (Jason Biggs) has his junk pandeep in a pie. It’s a moment designed to make you question everything about this strange world we live in, and it’s really best avoided if possible. #wasitapple?

Superbad (2007)

In a miracle of drunken wooing, Evan (Michael Cera) ends up in bed with his crush, Becca (Martha MacIsaac), but things start to go south (in a bad way) when it becomes clear that Becca is really, really drunk. As if using the phrase “blow-jay” wasn’t bad enough, Becca then vomits everywhere and starts crying. It’s as if Cera wasn’t awkward enough on his own, and they’ve tried to cram as much as possible into the space of a few minutes. It’s an awkward overload not worth sharing.

hen I was in school people called me gay.

I sincerely doubt that, at the time, they knew how right they were. Especially since I didn’t know how right they were. They were just calling me what they felt was the worst thing someone could be. For a long time, I was actually ignorant enough to think I could choose not to be gay – just to prove them wrong. Little did I know! I wasn’t out in high school – not to my parents, not to my closest friends, and until my most senior years, not even to myself. Both my primary and secondary schools were Catholic, but I don’t really feel the obligatory religious units factored into it at all. What persecution I did weather from my peers very rarely had religious connotations. It more often had to do with me being not all that – and maybe, not that you could really tell, a little obnoxious. I was, however, vaguely aware that the attraction to girls that seemed expected of me wasn’t there. Girls were these, on average, prettier people who tended to take personal offence if I even happened to be looking in their direction. Additionally, I could never understand the power dynamic of the married couple in popular culture. The wife was often the comedic foil and held all of the power in the relationship. I could never understand

why men put up with them, and thus reasoned at the time that women were the enemy of fun. My point is that being gay doesn’t automatically mean you are every girl’s best friend. I also gradually became aware of my gravitation to the male lead in pornography. I tried to like straight porn, I really did. But I kept thinking, “If only that girl wasn’t in the way.” It took a surprisingly long time of doing this – and we all know what this is – before I actually had the thought: “So … I’m probably gay. Damn.” The reason I stayed quiet as long as I did was not because I feared backlash from my close friends or immediately family. I simply did not feel their knowledge of it had any relevance to my day-to-day life. I harboured no crush on any of my classmates, and I’m fairly certain no one harboured a secret crush on me – I was chubby and, as mentioned before, probably a little obnoxious – so why bother. Romance, sex with other people, love, and even casual intimacy were filed in the same mental folder as sky diving. They just weren’t part of my little world. It was a non-issue.

Sometimes internalisation and isolation can mark you in ways you don’t expect.

As it presumably is for most people, my first steps toward admitting that this was a thing took place at university. Parents first, then friends. Nothing, or very little, about my demeanour and how I interacted with others changed. I didn’t act what I would call ‘gay’ in high school, aside from my lack of interest in girls,

so for the most part it was business as usual. The biggest difference for me was internal. Whenever the topic of relationships came up beforehand, I had always been able to allow myself a private snicker. Because whenever they said something like “Any girlfriends?” I could answer “No,” and be satisfied with the knowledge that I was getting one over on them. Telling people meant losing that “I know something you don’t” undercurrent and replacing it with a kind of vulnerability. But I also found that a barrier had been lifted. What is perhaps terrifying is that it was a barrier I wasn’t even aware existed. Sometimes internalisation and isolation can mark you in ways you don’t expect. I didn’t have any great battle for acceptance from my immediate family and friends, though there may be battles with my extended family yet to come. I consider myself lucky I didn’t have to deal with that crap, I do. But having heard so many stories about people coming out, and then having to battle for acceptance in the world they had been living in their entire lives, I found myself almost disappointed. Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be had I been forced to cope with that kind of adversity. Whether I would have become stronger because of it, or if it would have broken me. And that sentiment just really goes to show how privileged I must be, that I could harbour such sheltered and ignorant ideas. Ultimately I’m very lucky, and I know it. I must go now, and begin plotting the downfall of family values. ––– JDM

The Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Student Association Invite You To Celebrate

NAIDOC Week 2014 At UC Concourse

Wednesday 20 AUGUST 11 AM Welcome to Country

Opening Ceremony

Smoking Ceremony Local Indigenous Performers

Student NAIDOC Awards

and More... ATSISA

For further details please contact:

Indigenous@theucsa.org.au Designed by Kimiah Alberts

lthough officially spring, winter still had its icy grip on the ancient city of Kyoto. It was roughly 6:30pm, and the cold hit my body like a wall as I stepped out of my hostel. While I silently cursed myself for leaving my beanie out of my backpack to save space, I noticed I was tailing another Aussie who I recognised from the hostel lobby. We were both walking east across a bridge that crosses the Kamo-gawa river, heading towards the metro. A few stops north was our destination: Gion, the famous geisha district in Kyoto. In a city known for blending ancient traditions with modernity, Gion is a place that lives up to that reputation. The neighbourhood boasts temples, shrines, and most noticeably of all, ancient tea houses

frequented by businessmen looking to be hosted by the famous geishas. Mix all of that in with lots of restaurants selling some of the best food in Japan, bars, and pachinko joints, and you’re left with a remarkably diverse part of Kyoto. I felt as if I’d gone back in time. As the other tourist headed down the stairs of the metro entrance, he spotted me behind him and we struck up a conversation.

“Hey mate, are you staying at K’s House Hostel as well?” I said. “I think I just saw you in the lobby.”

“Yeah, I am,” he replied. “I’m just going up to the Gion area to eat at a local izakaya that this guy at the front desk recommended. Do you wanna come?

I’m after some really good sashimi and tempura.”

I reassessed my plans for the night. I was on my way to check out the Hanatouro light festival that happens in Kyoto twice a year, but I had plenty of time to make that and dinner. Charles, my new friend from Melbourne, was spending the night in Kyoto before heading south to meet up with a crew of people he met in Tokyo. He was wearing a heavy down jacket, and with a thick mahogany beard poking out from below the bottom of his beanie, he reminded me of a friend from home. I fell in step next to him and the ground swallowed us up as we descended to catch our train.

30 minutes later, we found the place recommended to Charles. We had quickly gotten lost down the maze of streets, but eventually navigated our way to the very unassuming izakaya that had a few Japanese people lined up outside. We couldn’t really see in to get a feel for the place, but we lined up anyway. Charles and I chatted while we looked at the menu on the window – beers, sake, sashimi, and tempura. If you haven’t travelled before, Charles was a good type of person to be around – very relaxed and happy to go with the flow. Finally, the waitress came out and gestured Charles and I inside. The tiny place was packed to the brim, and we were hit with a thick smell of tobacco, alcohol, people, and good food as we both simultaneously ducked under the low doorway. Choking smoke curled up from cigarettes around the restaurant, making me grateful for the smoke exposure laws back in Australia. Like most restaurants in Japan, I felt like a giant that had stepped into a smaller world. Which was pretty cool, but also slightly awkward when you had to sit down close to other people at the bar. Charles and I ordered some beers and slowly took off our jackets, careful not to knock anyone around us. Taking in the cosy, foreign atmosphere, I got to know my new friend a bit more. Charles had been doing engineering work in China, and was stopping off in Japan for a holiday on the way back to Australia. He was from Melbourne, so I safely assumed he was an AFL fan, and it turned out he barracked for the Melbourne Demons as well – we commiserated with each other over their poor performances of late as we

waited for our food to arrive. There was a cute couple next to us, and we agreed that they were on their second or third date. The guy on the other side of us was a very drunk businessman. He was alone, but we began swapping stories when he struck up a conversation with us in broken English. It turned out he was recently divorced and didn’t see his kids much, and the personal details about his life that he weaved into our conversation started to make me sad. Apparently the long working hours that the Japanese keep take a toll on personal lives. The conversation lulled and we all turned our attention back to the mouthwatering food that had arrived. Our new businessman friend very nonchalantly started to drink Charles’ beer. Charles and I exchanged confused glances – did he think he owned the beer now because he earned more money than we likely ever will combined? “Why are you drinking my beer?” Charles said with a big grin on his face. The man was instantly embarrassed and apologetic. All good. He bought Charles a new beer and both of

us some warm sake, which we drank gratefully. The cute girl on the date next to us chimed in to tell us that the sake we were drinking tastes better served chilled, but it seemed pretty good to me. After we finished our meal and said goodbye to the businessman and the couple sitting next to us, we decided to wander around the district for a while before heading east to check out the Hanatouro festival. The previous night I had been lucky enough to spot a couple of geishas (geiko, in the local slang), and we were hoping to see some again.

We turned down the famous Hanamikoji street and were instantly hit by an almost unsettling quiet. The night before there was a group of noisy tourists, but this night was somehow different. People were slowly walking up and down the sides of the street, conversing in hushed tones. If we’d walked back five metres onto the main street, we’d have been surrounded by people, cars, lights, and noise, but somehow the little street had transported my friend and I to a completely different time and place, and I had to remind myself that I was still in Kyoto. The buildings were old and wooden, and the tea houses screamed of “don’t even try to come in here, you foreigner” exclusiveness. The occasional taxi slowly trawled down the street, stopping so someone could quickly climb out of the cab and duck into a tea house, or hoping to time their drive to coincide with someone emerging from a hidden doorway. If you didn’t see the businessmen going in and out of the tea houses from time to time, you would’ve thought that this part of Gion was closed. Respecting the feel of the place, our conversation quietened as we studied

the different buildings and joked about trying to gain entry into one. Charles explained to me that there are a lot of girls who look like geishas, but are actually just in training. Sure enough, we saw three or four in the next few minutes. I knew seeing two geishas in a row after a brief visit the night before was too good to be true. Despite this, a steely resolve developed, and I became determined to walk up and down the street until we got lucky and saw a real geisha. Charles was happy to humour me. The dim lights that were guiding the way down the street only added to the feel of the place, and the shadows cast around the ground highlighted the beautiful, traditionally kept street. Our conversation had completely died off as we reached the end, 15 metres behind a couple of westerners. Another taxi slowly drove past and stopped just ahead of us, and as I started to suggest that we turn around and head up the other side of the street, I noticed that the couple in front of us had stopped and were staring intently at the vehicle. The doors opened quickly, and out hopped a couple of younger girls dressed like geishas. Charles and I stopped our slow walk to watch, not even thinking to take out our cameras. One of the younger girls came around the left-hand side of the growling taxi, and at this point I noticed how out of place they looked on the old street, framed by traditional architecture and beauty. The young girl opened the door, creating what is a foreign noise in that quiet part of the world, and held it open as an actual geisha stepped out. This woman had an air about her, and I instantly knew that she was the real deal. I was shocked at how gracefully she walked and carried herself, as it was immediately noticeable. The younger girls shuffled after her as she headed towards a nearby door, which they hastily opened for her. She entered with the girls in tow, and the door shut without a sound. The taxi took off, snapping Charles, me, and the other two nearby travellers out of our temporary reverie. Having shared such an event, we immediately converged on one another to discuss what we had just seen. Four travellers in a traditional part of an ancient city, sharing an authentic experience in hushed whispers, barely able to believe our luck. You can follow James’ travels on Twitter @GlobaledTravels.

It all started in 1994 when the University of Canberra’s radio station UCFM, originally known as CUE FM, began broadcasting from a ramshackle studio with barely enough power to be heard across campus. What it lacked in power back then, it made up for with plenty of passion and enthusiasm. Under the guidance of then UC Broadcast Journalism lecturer/tutor, Wendy Bilboe, a steering committee was formed to explore the idea of a radio station for UC. Former UC student, Mark Bradley, was part of that committee. “I always felt that we were really fighting against the odds, when we were so low on the FM spectrum that many radios didn’t even go that low,” he said. “Our reach was not far enough to reach Arscott House, the student residences down near the lake. I remember one show’s hosts referring to it as ‘BRUCE FM’ – only partly joking.”

Originally located in the corner of The Hub, where the Commonwealth Bank is today, the station struggled to get up and running with its limited finances supplied by both the University and the station’s licence holder, the University of Canberra Union (UCU). Local club/rave DJ Chris ‘Fresh’ Fraser played a significant role as the radio station’s first manager, followed by Phil Jones, and eventually Mark Bradley.

These days Mark lives in Indonesia. The former station boss was overjoyed, and a little proud, when approached in regards to the station’s 20th anniversary. “I’m really thrilled that CUE FM (Canberra University Earwaves) lives on, albeit under a new name. It played a big role in my life, and I will always remember those days as among the happiest in my life,” he said.

Having just entered its third decade of broadcasting, UCFM has evolved into a well-respected college radio station heard on 87.8 FM across the Belconnen District and North Canberra. That covers an area of Canberra with a potential listening audience of close to 90,000.

The station boasts its best broadcasting facilities and equipment in its 20-year history, thanks entirely to the hard work of former UC student volunteers, James Mouat, Anthony Felix Bray (DJ Felixx), and Mitchell Jamieson-Curran. Mitchell recently resigned as station manager to take up an important role in commercial radio.

UCFM plays a major role in the successful pathway of students aiming for a professional media career.

Professor Stephen Parker, Vice-Chancellor of the University of Canberra, has officially acknowledged the important role UCFM plays in crucial student training while congratulating the station on its 20-year milestone: “Over the last 20 years UCFM has contributed positively to setting the daily rhythm of the social and cultural scene of life on campus. By engaging with students in our media and journalism programs, it has also assisted in providing our students with a platform to gain real life exposure to the big stage. Even though much heard and largely unseen, it has done its part in livening up the heartbeat of the campus through its eclectic choice of music and programs. I warmly congratulate UCFM on its 20 years of tireless contribution to the UC campus life.”

As a member of the University Clubs and Societies, UCFM welcomes all UC students and staff – past, present, and future. It broadcasts a listener-focused format around the clock that features pop, alternative, and indie hits from today and the past 20 years of the station. UCFM also features many specialty programs, including news and current affairs and various music genres.

UCFM always welcomes volunteers in every aspect of the station, including presenting, producing, creative, marketing, and public relations. As well as providing crucial experience, working at UCFM also looks great on a graduate’s CV! Further information is available by emailing info@ucfm.com.au. Now that UCFM is entering its third decade of broadcasting there are bigger and better things planned for your campus radio station, so keep listening. Gregg Easton is UCFM’s Content Team – Director and Acting Station Manager.

This is Gregg’s second stint leading the UCFM Content Team. He has more than 20 years of experience in metropolitan commercial radio and holds an industry endorsed Radio Program Manager’s Certificate. Gregg has been nominated for an Australian Commercial Radio Award (ACRA) as both a Music Director and Broadcaster and has worked on-air for numerous Canberra media outlets including WIN Television, Southern Cross 10, Mix 106.3, 2CC and 2CA. In 2013 he graduated from UC with a Bachelor of Journalism.

hat is the difference between a pizza and an artist? A pizza can feed a family of four!

Being an artist isn’t easy. You’ll often struggle to pay the rent and still have enough money left to go out on the weekend. Maybe you’re just trying to get through study until you “hit the big time”. It’s difficult. My name is Matt Withers and I have never had what most call “a real job”. I travel Australia and the world with my guitar and I love it. Some say I’m lucky, but I have had my setbacks too. I just continue to get back up and learn from them. I hold a Masters in Classical Guitar Performance and am currently a PhD candidate here at the University of Canberra and the Head of Guitar at UC Music. I’ve been featured as a Rising Star at the World Expo in Shanghai and invited to perform at numerous international guitar festivals. I am performing at the Sydney Opera House this year with my guitar quartet (Guitar Trek) and have a solo tour of New Zealand planned for 2015.

To do this kind of thing, you must be entrepreneurial and willing to take risks for the sake of creativity. There are no rules that will guarantee your success, but there are guidelines that will set you on the right path to getting there. Be the best you can be!

In the words of Macklemore: “The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The greats were great because they paint a lot.”

Whatever your field, learn as much as you can now and don’t settle for being mediocre.

We all have a certain flair or an individual approach, but that doesn’t mean we magically get famous for it. Develop your skill and be the best you can be! Educate yourself in all areas of your chosen field. Become an expert and you will be sought after. Be seen, be heard, and be found!

An online presence goes without saying. Get a website. Create a Facebook page, Twitter account, Instagram. Be active. If it is difficult for customers to find you, they will simply find someone else who can do something similar. There are great opportunities around Canberra for all sorts of musicians and artists to help you get on your feet.

● Smith’s Bookshop (Alinga St, Civic) hosts a huge range of music events, poetry slams, stand-up comedy nights, and more!

● Wesley Music Centre (National Circuit, Forrest) is for the more classically oriented. Maybe you can perform at the Lunchtime Concert Series or hire the hall yourself. ● Honkytonks (Civic) – get your artwork on The Wall! ● Canberra Musicians Club – the name says it all, check them out!

Try contacting local radio stations (2XX, ABC 666, ArtSound FM, UCFM) and magazines (BMA, CityNews, Canberra Weekly). Also try your luck with nationally or even internationally distributed magazines that focus on your field. If you have a CD, send it off for review and then add the best lines to your biography! Audiences will see you in a better light if you have a quote from someone else praising your work.

Create your own opportunities. Break the trend.

Don’t rely on anyone else to make your career happen. As well as existing venues, find other niche opportunities! Audiences love new approaches. Often, we can find ourselves stuck in the practice room or studio wondering why we are not getting recognised. Sometimes we need to get out of the practice room and start building connections, pathways, or stepping stones to forge our career. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Think about where best suits your work. Who is your audience? If your ideal venue is unavailable or unobtainable at this stage, what is another venue that your audience would visit? Perhaps ask to perform or exhibit your work at a family owned café or restaurant as a starting point? Audiences can be intrigued to see the “same thing” in a new setting. It’s not what you know …

We’ve all heard the old cliché. As much as it may be against some creative personalities to meet new people, doing so can prove a world of benefit. So start networking! Meet new people. Find (or form!) a society or club. Networking can form friendships, help to find (or fund!) opportunities, and also help you to learn from others.

It is important not to be dismissive. Someone that can’t help you today may be able to help you tomorrow or even next year. Don’t just see what they can do for you either, but try to work out what you can do for them. Doing charity gigs or donating an artwork today could have them come back to you for more, but paid! And if not, you’ve spread your art outside the practice room, doing what you love! Be professional!

Present yourself well in person, on the phone, via email, and on social media. Make it easy to be contactable and your customers will want to return to you. Exceed expectations and be generous. Offer an extra bonus on top of your paid services. Hopefully the token gesture will remind your customers to come back for more or, better yet, to talk to their friends about how AWESOME you are! Word of mouth is the best publicity.

If you can’t do something yourself, find someone who can help you do any of the following: make a website, design a poster, use a presentation space, get cheaper materials, collaborate, or introduce you to their contacts. In exchange, make sure you can offer them something too!

Setbacks happen. Get over it. You’ll learn from them.

If you hit a wall, find a way to go around it, over it, under it, or just knock the damn thing down! Applying for grants, seeking venues, funding, a position or job, media coverage, competitions – these can be hard to get and devastating when they’re rejected. Yes, when! You won’t get every job, but don’t despair. Find an alternative way to get to a similar position on the ladder. Try to find out why you weren’t successful and find another way to get to the top next time. Teach.

Teaching is not below you. In fact, seeing the development of your students can be just as rewarding as seeing your own artwork come to life. Becoming a tutor has seen me not only help others find personal enjoyment from art, but it has also made me think about and analyse what I do and how I can do it even better. Collaborate with other artists and form a community.

Collaborate with other artists of similar and different expertise. Form a band, duo, or artistic partnership. This will open doors for both of you. Each individual will have certain strengths. Perhaps one has a venue contact and the other can design posters for your event. Just be clear upfront with finances and individual’s time allocation to avoid conflict down the track. Sharing each other’s strengths can make for a successful venture!

One of the greatest things that I’m grateful for is the community that has been built around my field of classical guitar – locally, nationally, and internationally. Many individuals share contacts, resources, and proven practice or teaching methods. By having multiple artists working towards similar goals, I believe it has generated more awareness publicly for the classical guitar and each musician has grown and developed more as an artist. Yes, there is competition between players, but there are so many paths one can take and many different opportunities to take our work to wider audiences. It is much harder to walk the path alone. Most importantly:

Have fun. Love doing what you do and people will love what you do too!

You can find out more about the courses on offer at UC Music at Canberra.edu.au/Music and follow Matt at MattWithers.com.au.

It’s no secret that Australians enjoy a bit of good TV. We particularly seem to delight in American TV shows, even if they aren’t locally released yet. But the juggernauts of recent years past – Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead – seem to foster a cultural tunnel vision as they air, leaving some of the most imaginative and exciting TV sadly unwatched. That’s why we’re bringing you the best shows you might’ve missed this year. After all, you may as well fill your time between Game of Thrones seasons with something worthwhile.

Just when we thought that The Walking Dead was going to finish the zombie TV show craze, the BBC has hit back with In The Flesh – a BAFTA award-winning twist on the zombie apocalypse. Set four years after the dead rose and started killing the living, people are getting on with their lives again. Things aren’t the same, of course; many people are members of Human Volunteer Force, a group that fought back and are determined to keep on fighting, despite government assurances that the zombies have been treated and no longer pose a threat. Kieren (Luke Newberry) is one such zombie, and is preparing to return to his family who live in a stronghold of the now officially disbanded HVF. His treatment involves wearing contact lenses, flesh-coloured makeup, and a daily injection into his spine. His parents are happy to have him back, but his younger sister – a member of the local HVF – is less so. Nobody else knows about his return, but it is clear that if his presence is discovered he will be killed. After BBC3’s previous horror drama Being Human ended, I suspected this may be more of the same, especially as the opening scene starts off in a fairly amusing way – a young woman crashing into a zombie with a shopping trolley. But it quickly became apparent that this is a very different beast – the woman is then killed by the show’s protagonist. Judging by the opening few episodes, it isn’t the zombies (or sufferers of ‘Partially Deceased Syndrome’, as they are called here) who are going to be the villains; it is the humans who wish to eliminate them all, whether they have been treated or not. Their bigotry can be taken as a metaphor for many things, including racism, homophobia, or the stigmas facing those who live with AIDS – but it isn’t overstated and might not even be deliberate. The cast, which includes a couple of well-known actors, do a good job, and the slightly washed-out tone adds to the downbeat feel. In The Flesh has a promising start, bucks expectations, and it’s well worth investigating. Seasons 1 and 2 of In the Flesh are out on DVD now.

EMMA RISBY

Terror in Resonance opens with two figures in hazmat suits breaking into a nuclear fuel reprocessing facility. Their goal? Oh, you know – just stealing a bunch of plutonium. Six months later in present day Tokyo, those thieves – two teenagers named Nine and Twelve – carry out a terrorist attack. They destroy the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, drag in a fellow classmate (and now accomplice) named Lisa, and leave no trace besides a warning video uploaded to the internet earlier that day. Panic ensues, and Tokyo is sent into a state of disarray as law enforcement groups struggle to react. Throw in an undervalued detective, Nine’s mysterious dreams, and moral ambiguities at every turn, and you’ve got the foundations of a solid, psychological thriller. The cherry on top? It looks fantastic. It would be difficult, even for those who aren’t fans of the form, to deny that Terror in Resonance is beautifully animated and a joy to watch. The imagery in the first episode is subtly reminiscent of the 9/11 attacks, but the result, rather than feeling like a tired artistic choice, is equal parts confronting and captivating. Much as those attacks provoked the question of ‘Why?’, the events in Terror in Resonance do the same. Following the protagonists Nine and Twelve here shows us that – at least in this fictional case – there is an underlying method to their madness, and it’s hard to turn away as that method is slowly revealed. The series is directed by Shinichirō Watanabe (the legendary man responsible for Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo) and features music by Yoko Kanno (also responsible for Cowboy Bebop, plus Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex), and that powerhouse duo alone brings enough talent to the table to make this show worth watching. Of particular note is the online service Terror in Resonance is currently airing on. AnimeLab is run by Madman Entertainment, distributor of all things anime and manga. It’s currently free to use, has zero ads, has no limit on how much you watch, streams in high quality (and works beautifully with a Google Chromecast, if you’ve picked up one of those magic dongles), and has a whole bunch of shows available for watching right after they air in Japan. Sounds too good to be legal, right? But legal it is. There really is no excuse to not be watching this stellar offering of incredible animation, music, and storytelling. Terror in Resonance is currently streaming on AnimeLab.com, with new episodes available Fridays at 3am after airing in Japan. JEREMY STEVENS

Nothing had ever filled the black hole-sized crater in my heart left by the departure of David Tennant and Russell T Davies from Doctor Who. I dabbled with Terra Nova. I gave Continuum a shot. I even backtracked to Battlestar Galactica. But nothing – nothing – filled the gaping pit of sci-fi my soul craved. That is until Orphan Black. The Canadian thriller really took me by surprise; it’s compelling and enigmatic, with an intelligent and complex storyline. The series opens with the criminally crafty Sarah Manning stealing the identity of Beth – a woman she witnessed commit suicide, who is also Sarah’s doppelgänger. As an orphan, Sarah suspected that Beth was her twin, but impersonating her leads to several more identicals and an undeniable reality: they’re all clones. Originally planning on stealing Beth’s savings and fleeing with her young daughter, Sarah has no inclination of what she’s willingly walked into, and becomes embroiled in a search for answers. The first two episodes are highly stressful as everything is revealed to the audience at the same time as Sarah. Feeling confusion, intrigue, fear, and anger as Sarah does, you become sympathetic to her plight even though she’s a delinquent. This anguish is brought to you by co-creators John Fawcett and Graeme Manson; both are cruel geniuses. While other shows have crumbled due to a lack of information and intrigue, Orphan Black tantalises you with loose end after loose end, while still explaining nothing. The pressure of not knowing is suffocating. After watching two episodes you’ll be emotionally invested, and two days later you’ll find yourself curled up in a ball, two hands deep in your fifth packet of Shapes, wearing your Cheezel-stained pants with the sweet taste of strawberry and kiwi-flavoured Fanta in your tummy. You’ve just smashed through both seasons … and it was so worth it. Storyline aside, the biggest selling point of Orphan Black is the ease at which Tatiana Maslany plays the different clones. From the tightly wound soccer mum Alison, to the brainy Cosima, to the twisted Ukrainian assassin Helena – and then there’s the added layer of Sarah pretending to be Beth. Tatiana morphs flawlessly, and her sheer talent in pulling off the characterisation is evident. The show rides on the capabilities of Tatiana, and if one actress is putting that much effort into a show and she’s pulling it off, then everyone needs to get around it. Seasons 1 and 2 of Orphan Black are out on DVD now.

HANNAH QUILL

Having asked around, I’ve come to learn that us Australians haven’t really given True Detective the time of day it deserves. And listen here mate, I don’t blame ya. The title alone screams ‘look at me! I’m just another crime show!’ and the first season stars Matthew McConaughey, who, up until recent efforts like The Wolf of Wall Street and the brilliant Dallas Buyers Club, has been notorious for playing that idiot boyfriend character in forgettable rom-coms like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Failure to Launch. I’ll admit it, True Detective sounds like nothing special, but it’s only after delving into its twisted, psychological world that viewers will discover a series in the same league as Breaking Bad. True Detective centers on McConaughey’s profound, troubled character, Rustin Cohle – a homicide detective partnered with a more traditional detective, Martin Hart (Woody Harrelson). Together they investigate the murder of a young girl in what looks like a pagan ritual. Rather than embellishing each episode with new crimes and guest actors however, True Detective builds tension by focusing on this case for the entirety of the first season, which takes place over seventeen years in the dusty, far-reaching farmlands of Louisiana. This sets True Detective apart from any other crime show, as it actually illustrates the intense process of getting inside the deranged mind of an occultist killer. The result is not only an incredible psychological thriller, but more significantly, a fascinating mental journey into the brain of a psychopath. It’s simultaneously captivating, otherworldly, insightful and terrifying. Trust me – you won’t want to breeze through more than one episode in a single sitting. It’s some heavy stuff. True Detective is also characterised by its remarkable presentation. From the Americana theme song (“Far From Any Road” by The Handsome Family), to its masterful cinematography and its beautifully crafted sets (ruined churches and abandoned shacks amid eerie swamps and empty fields), True Detective goes to every length to create an atmosphere drenched in fear, corruption, sex, religion and folklore. The second season is expected to air early next year, and will feature a new cast and overarching mystery in a lesser-known region of California. Until then, you would do well to catch up on the critically acclaimed first season, and see what the hype overseas is all about. Season 1 of True Detective is out on DVD now.

ANDREW NARDI

When: Saturday August 16

When: Friday August 22

Peking Duk are becoming one of the biggest dance acts in Australia– just consider their huge performance at Splendour in the Grass a few weekends back, featuring artists like 360, Ben from SAFIA, The Kite String Tangle, and Yeo. The boys Adam and Reuben are developing some significant musical hype behind their name, and their Peace, Love & Sweatiness Tour is gonna show everyone why. Bringing their new audio-visual live show along with them, it’s set to be a big night for Canberra. See Moshtix for tickets – and see ‘em fast, because this show is gonna sell out.

You probably know Matt Okine as the new triple j breakfast show host (alongside Alex Dyson) – but if you’d heard about him before, you’d know him for his outstanding comedy. Okine has sold out shows in London as well as around Australia, picked up the Best Show award at the 2013 Sydney Comedy Festival, and supported stars like Dave Chapelle and Aziz Ansari. He dropped by to perform at last year’s Floriade Nightfest and was a blast, so if the start of semester blues are getting you down, his show is just what you need. See Oztix for tickets.

When: Saturday September 13

When: Until late November

What do you get when you mix the music of Johann Sebastian Bach with performances from world-renowned breakdance crew, Flying Steps? You get Red Bull Flying Bach, that’s what. The combination of these two disparate art forms is set to create an energetic and exciting show – regardless of whether or not the dancers are hyped up on the energy drink or not. Mixing classical and urban dance together, it will attempt to bridge a cultural divide not normally crossed. They’re only here for one night, so grab your tickets at canberratheatrecentre. com.au.

Ever wanted to make your own magazine, just like Curieux? Well now you can – at the Zine Lounge at the Museum of Australian Democracy. A zine is a handmade and self-published magazine, usually photocopied in black and white, and almost always with a very limited print run. You can make it about whatever you want – make it political, draw a cartoon, rant, write a story, poetry, anything! They provide all of the supplies and materials (for an adult, it’s only $2) and are open daily between 9am and 5pm. If you have fun, make sure you get involved with the CanberraZine Emporium!

Where: Meche

Where: Canberra Theatre Centre

Where: Zierholz @ UC

Where: Museum of Australian Democracy

When: Saturday August 23

When: Saturday October 4

If you’re yet to hear Kate Miller-Heidke sing live, now’s your chance. Miller-Heidke is one of Australia’s most versatile vocalists, controlling her voice like no one else, and she’s just released her fourth album, O Vertigo!. What is most impressive is that, as her first independent release, the album was crowd-funded by her legion of devoted fans in less than three days. It also debuted in the top 5 on the ARIA album chart. Not too shabby, right? She’ll be joined by UK singer-songwriter Ryan Keen on her current tour, and you can hunt down tickets at canberratheatrecentre.com.au.

You’ve seen Black Books, right? If not, please turn The Big Bang Theory off and get your life sorted, you absolute muppet. Bailey is hilarious alongside Dylan Moran in that BBC hit. He’s been in Hot Fuzz, featured in TV shows like QI and Never Mind The Buzzcocks, and his stand-up shows are renowned around the world. Thankfully, he’s bringing his latest show, Limboland, to us fortunate Canberrans, and it’s set to explore “the gap between how we imagine our lives to be and how they really are”. It’ll be damn hilarious. Swing by Ticketek to get yourself a seat.

When: Wed-Sun September 24-28

When: Sunday August 31

You likes flowers, right? Like, heaps and heaps of flowers. You can’t pick them or anything. But you can smell them and take photos of them if you want. Well Floriade Nightfest is that but also with heaps of other cool things like live music, stand-up comedians, DJs, massive night markets, and tonnes more. Last time there was a laser forest and it was probably one of the coolest things ever – like an outdoors nightclub but a million times better. This year will probably be as good, if not better, and students get in for $10. Don’t be the person who’s too cool for flowers.

Wil Wagner, frontman of the increasingly popular Smith Street Band, is heading Canberra’s way yet again for a solo show, just before he jets off to Europe and the UK. He’s been recording and touring, and collaborating with Australia’s incredible wordsmith Joelistics, but none of it’s stopped Wagner from readying a new 12”/EP for release later this year – so despite his busy schedule, as usual, it’s set to be a stellar night. Georgia Maq is heading along with him, and if you miss this show, you’re gonna hear about it from someone. See Oztix for ticketing info.

Where: Canberra Theatre Centre

Where: Commonwealth Park

Where: Royal Theatre

Where: Transit Bar

“Weird Al” Yankovic Mandatory Fun RCA

7/10

It’s time to come out of the closet. Yes, I confess that I am a diehard “Weird Al” Yankovic fan. It began at a young age, when I bought a few CDs from the bargain bin. Now as a grown adult, I’ve heard his entire discography more times than I’d care to admit. When you know a parody song’s lyrics better than the original’s, you realise you may have a problem. But “Weird Al” is a comedic and musical mastermind, and I feel we live in a society where I can say that without being judged.

Mr Yankovic is not infallible though – his last album, Alpocalypse, was fairly awful. Most of its tracks were previously released and just not up to scratch. Fortunately, the opposite approach has been taken with Mandatory Fun. It was only announced a month before its release and had no early streams. Only the day before it came out did he release the first fantastic music video, plus another every day for a week. Apart from a few duds (he should really stay away from the stylistically similar originals), this is a great collection of topical songs reworded brilliantly. Standout parodies are the grammar lesson of Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’, the repairman of Iggy Azalea’s ‘Fancy’, the bad clothes of Pharrell’s ‘Happy’, and the conspiracy theories of Lorde’s ‘Royals’. Along with his regular multi-song polka and nine-minute romantic bus-trip epic, this is an above average parody album. It feels good to be out of the musical closet and I’m proud to be called a “Weird Al” Yankovic fan.

CONNOR HARVEY

Sia 1000 Forms of Fear Monkey Puzzle

9/10

Being labelled a pop artist can be more of an insult in this turbulent world of perpetually-birthing genres and the autotuned talents of Demi Lovato, but Sia’s 1000 Forms of Fear proves the genre can encompass much more than a false personality and a hyper-sexualised pair of breasts.

The sixth studio album from the Australian singer/song-writer/producer/extremely talented lady brings a lyrical class and quirk not often heard in pop, delving back into her exploration of heartbreak, alcoholism, and drug abuse with enough personal separation from the lyrics to only allow glimpses of her life. ‘Chandelier’ opens the album with its recollections of a shamefully boozy lifestyle, foreshadowing the big choruses and dark themes entwined in the rest of the album as Sia’s pained voice soars to cord-snapping heights. ‘Big Girls Cry’ shows off her lower vocal range with a simple synth pop beat, while ‘Burn the Pages’ and ‘Elastic Heart’ both have a much stronger synthetic presence than other songs on the album. The eclectic release has a bungee-jump pull of emotions, giving you the shouldershimmying bounce of ‘Hostage’ before dropping you headfirst into the sombre and vocally confronting ballad ‘Straight for the Knife’. While you’re constantly in a state of flux, the progressions feel far more natural than jarring or disjointed. Though 1000 Forms of Fear has fewer dramatically charged songs than previous albums, Sia still manages to deliver her signature quirky personality with a maturation of sound and style – and it pays off magnificently.

HANNAH QUILL

RiFF RAFF NEON iCON Mad Decent

6.5/10

NEON iCON is an album that requires a sense of humour. The lyrics are questionable at best, the skits are ridiculous, and one of the songs is actually titled ‘TiP TOE WiNG iN MY JAWWWDiNZ’. From the very first song, it’s clear that RiFF RAFF is just here to have fun, and once you relax a little, that’s exactly what happens.

Each song brings something different to the mix. The Diplo-produced ‘KOKAYNE’ sounds like a Beach Boys-esque throwback, while ‘ViP PASS TO MY HEART’ has a strong ‘80s vibe to it. His lyrics are just as quotable as they are nonsensical (“Yeah, we can talk, don’t be a stranger / Step inside the club and I smell like Power Ranger”) and his delivery feels right at home more often than it feels out of place. Highlights of the album include ‘AQUABERRY DOLPHiN’ with Mac Miller and ‘LAVA GLACiERS’ with Childish Gambino, the latter of which almost succeeds despite RiFF rather than because of him. The production and feature verse both set an introspective tone, whereas RiFF starts his verse off by talking about bi-curious mermaids. The biggest problem with NEON iCON is that with a couple of exceptions, everything just feels so shallow. RiFF knows this: the opening track makes fun of label boss Diplo for telling him “you gotta focus on the lyrics in your songs”. That said, it’s not like his shtick isn’t entertaining at times – the album as a whole is undoubtedly fun. If nothing else can be said about NEON iCON, it’s anything but boring.

CAMERON SWIFT

5 Seconds of Summer Self-titled Capitol Records

9/10

5 Seconds of Summer are Sydney’s latest offering of pop punk goodness, and in their hands they hold the potential to change the Australian musical landscape. Their self-titled album has finally dropped and after the amount of exposure built up around the band, thanks to the singles ‘She Looks So Perfect’ and ‘Don’t Stop’, the main question on everyone’s lips is does it live up to the hype?

The short answer: yes. The album opens with the catchy song that got them noticed, and if you can say that ‘She Looks So Perfect’ doesn’t get you singing along to the chorus, then you are a liar. A stand-out track on the album is ‘Amnesia’, which, thanks to co-writer Joel Madden, has an early Good Charlotte pop/ rock feel. The guitar chords are chunky and the chorus throws you headfirst into the catchy, tongue-in-cheek lyrics that we have come to expect from 5SOS. The album has the essential slower songs (‘Everything I Didn’t Say’ and ‘Beside You’ are enough to get the teen hormones pumping) but it kicks back into gear with ‘End Up Here’, bringing back the sunshine-pop melodies and a beat that just makes you want to clap along with the song. All in all, this is a wonderful first offering from 5 Seconds of Summer, and it will be exciting to see what else the boys (and their helpful song-writing friends) have in store for the future.

JOANNA MACKERRAS

Slow Club Complete Surrender Caroline International

8/10

It’s hard to imagine this is the same Slow Club that gave us 2009’s Yeah So. 2011’s Paradise felt less eager and far more balanced, and it’s proved to be a great stepping stone on the way to their third album, Complete Surrender.

Here we’re met with a markedly more mature group. The songs feel full without being packed to the brim. Charles Watson and Rebecca Taylor have perfected their vocal interactions – both know when to step back or forward and give the other room. Taylor’s voice more than ever is something to behold, moving between yearning howls, soft whispers, and soulful croons. Despite its sparse, dwindling guitar melody, ‘Everything Is New’ feels like the most uplifting song on the record. As it escalates, the duo’s vocals come bursting through like an enormous choir. It’s the sound of something snapping and breaking free. ‘Suffering You, Suffering Me’ rides the wave out, picking up the pace with an energetic majesty. However there are two sides of the coin. “Cos I know just how to look the other way”, they sing on ‘Number One’, marking a sombre and bittersweet change in trajectory. Love lost and waning relationships permeate the release, and what could’ve easily been mopey and self-indulgent feels anything but. “No one told me you’d be disappearin’”, Taylor sings on ‘The Pieces’. Let’s just be thankful that Slow Club haven’t disappeared on us yet. Complete Surrender sees them coming into their own in a way most musicians only dream of – we need them to stick around more than ever.

JEREMY STEVENS

Jungle Self-titled XL

6.5/10

Here’s the thing about Jungle – they sound great on the radio, but not so much on their self-titled debut. The London-based collective have pulled off an infusion that is at once nostalgic, well defined, and inherently ‘2014’. Mixing Pharrell-esque soul falsettos on top of dark, psychedelic basslines, animalistic synths and tight, funky guitar riffs, Jungle’s style is like Daft Punk’s ‘Lose Yourself to Dance’ meets Burial during a zoo outbreak/animal party. It’s no surprise that critics have been wracking their brains trying to pin Jungle’s sound, but there’s no doubt that their style will grip you once it has the pleasure of gracing your earholes. Rest assured, you will groove.

But unfortunately, when listening to the album in full, you may undergo only a temporary groove, before you experience a slow comedown. Make no mistake, Jungle’s songs stand out when they’re played in short bursts – on the radio or in a playlist – but they start to blend together indiscriminately when played in succession. It might be due to the consistent 4/4 beat or the continuing high-range vocal register, but regardless of the cause, it’s just a shame that such a unique musical aesthetic can drown itself to the point where the listener tunes out. Hopefully Jungle will expand upon themselves as they continue to experiment with their sound in the future. With that said, the music hunters among you are better off investigating Jungle’s hit singles one at a time. The big sound ‘Busy Earnin’ and the sparklingly groovy ‘Time’ are essentials, and the similarly catchy ‘Platoon’ and ‘The Heat’ are also worth a listen. At the very least, you’ll discover a group that’s on its way to bigger things.

ANDREW NARDI

Sex Tape Directed by Jake Kasdan

6/10

Sex Tape does not mess around. The audience is immediately thrust into a flashback sequence of Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Jason Segel) banging at every opportunity. However, in the present day they are married, and these sexually charged encounters are few and far between.

In an attempt to spice up their dismal sex life, they decide to record a naughty video on their new iPad. At this point, it starts to feel like a movie-length advertisement for Apple products, but that quickly fades. There is a scene where Jay defenestrates an iPad only to comment on its durability, which seems like a deliberate attempt to lampshade your suspicions about product placement. For the most part, this works like a charm. A similar moment occurs when the characters bring attention to the fact that they could have just remotely wiped all of the devices, deleting the copies of their tape, instead of tracking them down one by one. If they had, there would be no movie – but it was satisfying to see this loophole acknowledged. Jason Segel has the standout comedic performance – whether it’s his impression of a British orphan suffering from an oversized kidney, gesturing wildly with a double-donger in hand, or singing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ wearing nothing more than an Egyptian belt. Jack Black also deserves an honourable mention for serving as a sexual spirit guide to the pair on their journey. Be warned though – if you signed up to watch Sex Tape hoping to see something more than an eyeful of celebrity butt crack, prepare for bitter disappointment.

LEANNE DUCK

Calvary Directed by John Michael McDonagh

8/10

This is not a comedy. Despite several reviews stating so, this movie is far from jovial. It is evocative, harrowing, disturbing, confronting, and painfully beautiful. Set in a small Irish town, it begins with a priest in a confessional booth. An anonymous man reveals that he was continually sexually abused by a priest as a child, and that he wants to meet Father James on the beach in a week where he will murder him – supposedly as an act of closure or revenge. In the following seven days we learn about the troubled locals and come to see the priest’s compassionate but stern nature. The audience is set on a path of mystery and suspense while awaiting the murky conclusion. Written and directed by John Michael McDonagh, this film has superb cinematography and the script is excellent. Brendan Gleeson’s performance as Father James is outstanding, while Chris O’Dowd is revelatory in his supporting role. It is extremely poignant in the current religious climate – delicately exploring the notions of faith and belief – and it’s easy to grow to genuinely love Father James and feel the stab of each tragic event. At times the audience may be overwhelmed by the tragedy and disturbed by the blatant confrontation of this film. The issues it explores are very personal and distressing, and while there are glimmers of hope, it is very melancholic. Perhaps not a film for a first date, but exceedingly worthwhile and thought provoking.

CLAIRE BRUNSDON

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Directed by Matt Reeves

8/10

If I told you that the sequel to a reboot of a remake of a ‘60s film was excellent, you would probably say that I’m lying. But I’m not “monkeying” around (hehe) when I say that the eighth instalment in the Planet of the Apes franchise is one of the best movies of the year. Alright, no more puns.

Set 10 years after 2011’s Rise of the Planet of the Long Title etc, this is your classic near-future virus dystopia story, but there are intelligent primates living across the bridge. Neither side wants war, but of course they get war. The series started off as a clever satire, but eventually degraded into pulp sci-fi action. Only now have the movies returned to their original glory. The best aspect of this film is the focus on the apes’ colony. You could watch the whole thing on mute and still know exactly what’s happening. The apes’ emotions are extremely realistic thanks to the incredible motion capture CGI. Andy Serkis deserves an Oscar for his work. I only wish Gary Oldman had a few more inspirational speeches. Sometimes the characters are a bit too black and white in their motivations to be evil. The plot is also a little bit predictable. Why can’t everyone just get along? But that aside – this movie is a textbook example of how a sequel should develop by using the original’s premise and improving on it by doing something very different.

CONNOR HARVEY

22 Jump Street Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

8.5/10

Whatever happened to buddy cop films? The good cop, bad cop comedy? I’m talking Rush Hour. I’m talking Bad Boys. I’m talking White Chicks... actually no, what am I saying, I am not talking about White Chicks here. Yuck.

The genre was simmering off its early naughties high until 2012, when 21 Jump Street rebooted the ‘90s TV franchise, and brought the iconic undercover cops to the big screen in a big way. It was mainstream, but it was also flavoursome. And suddenly, police comedies were cool again. What makes 22 Jump Street so tactfully amusing then, is that the film is so blatantly aware of its predecessor’s success. Like countless film sequels, it dances on top of the unchallenging ‘same scenario, different setting’ trope by pitting its characters in the next logical destination – college – and by playing with the same jokes and plot structure. “Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.” But just because this is a comfortable sequel, doesn’t mean it falls flat. The film utilises its easy-going approach to its advantage, and the result is one that feels like exploring new places with old friends. The characters aren’t relaying classic gags, they’re putting wild, new spins on in-jokes. Their interactions don’t sit stale, rather they are taken to new levels, and develop in hilarious and unexpected ways. 22 Jump Street feels like how visiting old friends should – familiar, but also a damn good time. In that sense, 22 Jump Street is the quintessential buddy cop film, and it proves that a sequel truly can sit on par with its older sibling. Let’s hope we get those twenty-one sequels we were promised.

ANDREW NARDI

How to Train Your Dragon 2 Directed by Dean DeBlois

6.5/10

DreamWorks can be hit-and-miss with kids animations compared to Disney and Pixar, but the underdog spreads its wings and soars with How to Train Your Dragon 2. The film is in the leagues of DreamWorks hits Chicken Run, Shrek, and its 2010 predecessor, with its compelling storyline and character development – namely that of Hiccup (voiced by Jay Baruchel) and his Night Fury dragon Toothless. Defending the freedoms of people and dragons against the tyrannical and culturally ambiguous Drago (Djimon Hounsou), Hiccup and Toothless face a myriad of trials that really stretch the boundaries of their friendship. While just as visually mesmerising as the first, the sequel has much darker tones. Themes of loss and unintentional betrayal bring an element of complexity to the otherwise bright movie. For a 102-minute film, it soars through a massive amount of story in no time, but the characters’ interactions hold the audience’s attention without becoming overwhelming. The weird mix of Scottish and American accents and minor plot holes aside, the downfall of How to Train Your Dragon 2 is Baruchel’s acting – or lack thereof. He was perfect in the first, voicing the geeky 15year-old Viking boy, but as a post-puberty 20-year-old prospective leader of the Berk clan? Nope. It’s hard to believe a five-year growth spurt afforded a taller, broader, and shaggier Hiccup, but not a voice change, and unfortunately this minor detail is a distraction throughout the film. That said, the sequel remains a refreshing expansion and a beautiful movie in its own right, but be warned – this movie is known to make grown adults cry.

HANNAH QUILL

Enemy Directed by Denis Villeneuve

9/10

The less said about Enemy’s plot, the better.

Adam (Jake Gyllenhaal) is a university history lecturer. He lives in a dreary apartment, teaches during the day, has sex with his girlfriend at night, and seems to do little else. After being recommended a film, Adam notices a man who looks unnervingly like him. Shaken, he finds out the actor’s name is Anthony (also Gyllenhaal) and proceeds to track him down, setting in motion events that will have characters questioning their identities and the audience holding its breath. This isn’t an ordinary thriller – if you need guns fired every ten minutes to hold your attention, Enemy won’t be for you. What makes it thrilling is the tension and the sense of unease Villeneuve pushes into every nook and cranny. From the soundtrack to the yellow tinge Toronto is bathed in, there’s an ever-present sense that something is very wrong here. Gyllenhaal’s performances as both Adam and Anthony deserve much praise. That he could move between such distinct characters so convincingly is a marvel. Sarah Gadon is also great in her supporting but pivotal role as Anthony’s wife, Helen. The film opens with an epigraph: “Chaos is order yet undeciphered”. It’s your job alone to put together the puzzle pieces here, and that will frustrate many. But Enemy has much more to say than is explicitly said. If you let it take root in your mind – and after the jaw-dropping final scene, just try and stop it – you’ll come away having experienced something very different and immensely rewarding.

JEREMY STEVENS

The Elder Scrolls Online is a MMORPG revolving around you, the Soulless One. However, since the game is multiplayer, it feels a little less unique when you notice 20 other Soulless Ones participating in the same quest to prevent Tamriel from merging with the realm of Coldharbour in Oblivion. There is an insane amount of detail involved in the game’s character creation. In my thorough investigation of the character customisation features, I set my character’s physical assets to maximum and very nearly called her Tits McGee, but opted for a more traditional namesake.

7/10

The Elder Scrolls Online Bethesda Softworks Windows, OS X, PlayStation 4 (TBA), Xbox One (TBA)

Mario Kart 8 Nintendo Wii U

9/10

Depending on which race you choose, it will place you in the corresponding faction unless you pre-ordered the game. For example, the Altmer (or High Elves) are members of the Aldmeri Dominion and therefore have a treaty with the Khajiit and

8/10

The best aspects of this game revolve around the side quests you can complete. They are filled with small details that will engage newcomers and hardcore fans alike. On the other hand, the game is infested with bots and the frequent offline periods for maintenance purposes can be a real downer, especially when you’re paying a subscription fee. Plus the battle system is pretty standard and will eventually have you button mashing in frustration. Elder Scrolls has always worked better as a single-player game, but the new spin is refreshing, visually stunning – more so than its predecessors – and well worth a try.

LEANNE DUCK

Nintendo’s long-running, shell-firin’, banana-slippin’, family-destroyin’ racing series is widely endeared. Many of us hold a special place in our hearts for the N64’s Moo Moo Farm, Toad’s Turnpike and Rainbow Road, where the young’uns might only be familiar with Mario Kart Wii.

in some of the most imaginative race tracks the series has ever seen. What’s better, these otherwordly courses are all brought to life with a jazzy orchestrated soundtrack, and the strongest graphical output the Wii U has seen – it knocks some Xbox One and PS4 games out of the park.

But regardless of whether you’re new to the series, or you’ve been copping blue shells since ‘97, its unarguable that Mario Kart has earned its place among the most iconic video games for its ability to bring people together with tight controls, inventive course design, and good ol’ fashioned fun.

Not only that, but Nintendo has finetuned their online modes to allow for customisation options, quick drop-inand-out play, minimal lag, and a steadily impressive 60 frames per second.

Mario Kart 8 strives to exceed its predecessors, and on almost every account, it succeeds. By introducing ‘antigravity’ into the mix, Mario Kart 8 allows players to drive on walls, ceilings, möbius strips, up waterfalls and alongside airliners, Dynasty Warriors is one of my favourite gaming franchises that always manages to put a new spin on the old. Based on the book “Romance of the Three Kingdoms”, the series is a hack-and-slash romanticised storytelling of the Han Dynasty set back in the 3rd century AD. You pick one of three kingdoms: Wei, Wu, Shu, or Other Factions, and clear the story of unifying all of China under your banner.

Dynasty Warriors 8: Xtreme Legends Koei Windows, PlayStation 3, PS4, PS Vita

Bosmer races. In this sense, it can feel limiting, however you do get to engage in player versus player battles outside of your territory once you hit level 10.

The game is filled with hours of content, loads of combos, over-the-top opening sequences, hilarious English voice-acting, and plenty of soldiers to kill. It brings back the Musou Rage system from DW5, as well as implementing new systems such as “Heaven, Earth and Man” weapons, either giving you an edge such as “Combo-Rush” or an advantage such as “Barrier Counter”. The horse mechanics have improved, and

Granted, in-game voice chat is limited in online play, the character roster lacks diversity, and the battle mode has entirely lost its charm. But thankfully, those flaws don’t hurt the core single and multiplayer experiences, which comprise, perhaps, the best Mario Kart game ever made.

ANDREW NARDI

each character now has two EX attacks and three Musou attacks (attacks that do overthe-top damage and make you invincible for a few seconds). You can also have three characters as bodyguards in Free Mode, as well as undergo Free Mode missions. Perhaps most enjoyable alongside the tonnes of new content is a story for Lu-Bu, the strongest character in the game. They even added a story for his daughter, who was previously unplayable in all the other stories. There is plenty of content, “what-if” scenarios, an Ambition mode similar to “Empires”, and loads of challenges. I highly recommend this to any Dynasty Warriors fan or someone who simply has lots of time to kill.

IMRAN GHANI