A University College Student Association Magazine
WORLD
Pride Not Prejudice
5
by Kitty Bertrand although I was young, I felt it was impossiTW: mention of sexual assault ble for me to experience sexual attraction towards anyone, as well as romantic attraction My coming out story is less of a coming out towards men. Naturally, my labels shifted story and more of a “I was outed at school” and I started to describe myself as asexual VWRU\ , ZDV DQG DIWHU D GUDPDWLF ³\RX and homorantic. need to sit down, I have something important to tell you” kind of conversation with $ IHZ PRQWKV DIWHU WXUQLQJ , PRYHG WR my two best friends, I didn’t mind that the a new school. Early into the semester, a boy rest of the school knew. The outing came as NLVVHG PH IRU WKH ¿UVW WLPH DW D SDUW\ $QG D VXUSULVH WR QR RQH DV , XVHG WR FRQ¿GHQW- WKDW¶V ZKHQ , ¿UVW KHDUG LW ³,V VKH NLVVLQJ D ly talk about how in love I was with Santana guy? But I thought she was asexual and gay.” and Brittany (the most iconic queer couple in Glee) during our lunch breaks. The break- Sure, I had many experiences where people ing news in our school was that I was bisex- had doubted my sexuality, but never to my ual, and that was before I had even properly face. Not only was I fuelled with anxiety and labelled. But “sure,” I thought, “I like men, I panic at the thought of kissing someone, but OLNH ZRPHQ ELVH[XDO ¿WV , JXHVV ´ hearing those drunk classmates (who most likely hadn’t realised they were being so loud) As I continued growing up, carefully fabri- call me out for my non-queerness, made me cating my Pinterest boards of beautiful wom- internally regress. I felt embarrassed, but en and staying up into the late hours reading more importantly, I felt confused. /XQD /RYHJRRG [ *LQQ\ :HDVOH\ IDQ¿FWLRQ I came to the understanding that the label ,W KDV EHHQ MXVW XQGHU \HDUV VLQFH , NLVVHG pansexual ¿W PH EHWWHU $IWHU DOO JHQGHU ZDV that boy at the party, and a lot has changed. a social construct anyway, and what did gen- $IWHU PDQ\ \HDUV RI REVHVVLQJ RYHU ¿JXULQJ der matter - if I fancied someone it was for out my perfect labels, I came to the realisawho they were and how they made me feel, tion that conforming to social standards is their gender had nothing to do with my feel- not necessary for me to validate my queer ings towards them. identity. I am growing and constantly experiencing new things that alter the way I view $W DIWHU H[SHULHQFLQJ WUDXPD DW WKH KDQGV attraction, relationships and my queerness. of a man, my romantic and sexual attraction $QG WKDW LV RND\ VH[XDOLW\ LV ÀXLG 1RW MXVW shifted from one day to the next. The way I in the nature of sexuality, but in understandlooked at intimacy drastically changed, and ing how to label ourselves.
Growing up, the few queer characters I saw on screen described their understanding of their sexuality as something they knew right away. But I didn’t. I mean, I knew I liked women. When I was nine, I made a book dedicated to Selena Gomez, with pictures cut out from magazines that I neatly glued RQWR WKH JOLWWHU ¿OOHG SDJHV :KHQ , ¿UVW got a computer, I made my background a collage of Santana and Brittany kissing. So yes, I knew I liked women, that’s for sure. But exactly which label was most accurate is something that I no longer spend long evenings thinking about. I no longer journal for hours on end, in an attempt to decipher every interaction I’ve had with another perVRQ WR 6KHUORFN +ROPHV P\ ZD\ LQWR ¿QGLQJ WKH PRVW ¿WWLQJ ODEHO :KHQ , ZDV ¿UVW WKUXVWHG RXW RI WKH FORVHW labels were something I latched onto because they made communicating my queerness so much easier. But now, having grown into a PXFK PRUH FRPSOH[ SHUVRQ WKDQ , ZDV DW RU ODEHOV KDYH EHFRPH PRUH UHVWULFtive than helpful, and letting go of them has helped me develop my newfound comfort in my non-labelling queerness.
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Amidst the Feminist Fog by Andrea Pantazi
TW: rape, torture, war in Ukraine The recent headlines about the rapes of Ukrainian women by Russian soliders have shook me to my core. Headlines such as “In the war on Ukraine, rape has been used as a weapon” and “Russian rape in Ukraine: 'You can tell from their eyes'” include stories from women of all ages coming forward about how they were raped, humiliated and tortured by male soldiers in their own homes. :KHQ WKH ZDU ¿UVW VWDUWHG LQ )HEUXDU\ , ZDV WHUUL¿HG 6HHLQJ SKRWRV RI WRZQV OLNH .\LY and Bucha devastated, with the bodies of dead civilians lining the streets, shocked me. I saw homes that looked just like my grandPRWKHU¶V ZLWK EORRGVWDLQHG ZDOOV DQG ÀRRUV girls who looked like my little cousin lined up in hospitals with bandages covering their little limbs, women wearing clothes with
the same fabrics and patterns as my aunts’, describing their experiences being raped in their town’s cellars with a dozen other women.
I could talk about how one out of six women have been the victim of rape, about how more than 20% of Black women are raped during their lifetimes, or how somebody is VH[XDOO\ DVVDXOWHG LQ WKH 86 HYHU\ VHF(DUOLHU LQWR WKH LQYDVLRQV , VHO¿VKO\ FRXOGQ¶W onds. I could have a damn clock put up in stop thinking of whether Putin’s troops Times Square to tick down the seconds unwould stop at the border with Romania or til the next rape will occur, and still nothing continue to attack into my family’s home revolutionary would happen. country. I’m ashamed to say it took this connection for me to feel this level of empathy. I could talk about my own personal experiI felt a type of horror that stops you in your ences with sexism. About how I can’t go to tracks. I feel this outrage in my gut and tin- Albert Heijn in a low cut top without being JOLQJ WKURXJK P\ ¿QJHUWLSV P\ EUHDWKLQJ whistled at. About how in a club I can’t walk gets shallower and I want to hide. But life through the room without a man’s hands seems to go on. Why do I not see others also wrapping around my waist, my breasts, stopping to catch their breath? Do they feel as if they exist for the sole purpose of his the same and are just better at hiding it? enjoyment. How many more mass rapes and femicides will it take to feel that outrage? article continues on page 6
