Terri Britt

MOMS everywhere are striving to be the perfect mom – a mythical role of perfection. They are trying to get it all right and be everything their family needs them to be. But what if, instead of trying to reach an unattainable standard, moms embraced unconditional self-love?

Terri Britt, former Miss USA, spiritual coach, TEDx speaker, award-winning author of “The Enlightened Mom,” and the founder of the Women Leaders of Love global movement, is on a mission to help moms establish a new family paradigm based on unconditional self-love.

Girls are raised to be good. We are told to be quiet but not too quiet. To look good but not too good. To be smart but to never be the smartest person in the room. And on and on the list goes. “I was raised to be good. So good, that in the moment I won Miss USA, I felt guilty. I actually considered giving back the crown,” shares Britt.

“I believed that if I received it, that my boyfriend would suffer as I would have to move away. I lived by a rule that said, ‘Love means that you must deny yourself.’ And I learned it from my family.” So many little girls grow up to be women and then mothers who believe this very thing. And that is so very damaging. Many families live by the old paradigm of putting their kids first, their partners next, and themselves last, believing this is love. When parents, particularly moms, operate under this outdated family paradigm, they don’t feel very loving. They begin to feel angry, resentful, and even trapped.

The mother sets the tone for her family. By setting an example that her feelings, needs, wants, desires, and dreams don’t matter, the Mom sets a tone of unworthiness. Despite her doing everything for her loved ones, her example will affect them most.

We must be examples of abundance if we want them to live lives of abundance. If we want them to have happy lives, we must be an example of happiness. If we want them to enjoy peace, love, and fulfillment, we must lead by example and be those things for ourselves and in doing so, teach them to do the same.

“It’s not what we do for our families but how we live our lives that impacts them most,” explains Britt. “Most mommas don’t live by this truth. Instead, we deny ourselves, believing this is the loving thing to do. But when you deny yourself, you disconnect from your heart. This is what causes your pain and suffering. You become angry, resentful, overwhelmed, sad or depressed. And the next thing you know, you’re handing your pain over to your spouse and kids.”

The moment a mother is able to shift her mindset from the idea that love is sacrificing yourself for your family is the moment she sets them all free, and the family unit is able to enter a new family paradigm. “Loving myself was the greatest gift I could give to my loved ones,” shares Britt. “The old family paradigm of self-denial teaches us to perform for love and approval and shuts us down to receiving the abundance we all deserve.”

The new family paradigm is built on unconditional self-love vs. performance/rule-driven parenting. This helps individuals heal from relational traumas and leads our world into greater mental health and productivity. When we understand that there is no such thing as a “perfect” mother, we can begin to work together to create a healthier and more supportive environment for everyone in the family system.

Moms need time for things that make them feel nourished, loved, and supported. They need to take time to nurture their creative side, spend time with friends, engage in meaningful conversations, and participate in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Moms need these things, but it goes even deeper. The real need is for moms to heal. They need to go deep within to release the beliefs that they harbor telling them that they are not good enough and that they must perform for love and approval.

When a mother is able to stop performing and own her worth, she sets a new example for her loved ones. By embracing unconditional self-love and investing in themselves, moms can become pioneers of change for their families, communities, and the world. When the mother heals, the family heals.

The dangers of striving for perfection as a mom are real. It can lead to burnout, guilt, resentment, and a feeling of not being good enough. It can be extremely challenging to unlearn this pattern, but when we understand that love is not performance-based but is found within ourselves through self-care and connection with others, it changes everything. Moms can create a safe space for their families to learn to love themselves and each other. It is time for mothers everywhere to take back their crowns - it is time to own our worth and inspire positive change that can benefit us all.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT sex

A GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MADE HOT

YES, you heard that right - sex. It’s high time we normalize the conversation around sexual wellness. Sexual wellness is an important and often overlooked component of a healthy, thriving relationship. It involves having clear communication around wants and needs in the bedroom between two partners. Such a dynamic can be difficult to achieve due to the stigma that often exists regarding sexual conversations, yet the benefits are expansive.

Founders of Made Hot STHLM AB and trailblazers in forging healthy relationships, Anna Nowak and Alicia Berg, are showing us how to have a healthier relationship with sex.

The S Word

“Sexual wellness is being in a healthy, thriving relationship where you and your partner have clear communication about your needs before, during, and after sex,” explains Nowak. “It’s important to have clear and healthy conversations about what you want to do, what you want to explore, and what you want to educate yourself on.”

The stigma around sexual wellness is a problem that affects many people on a global scale. It can often be traced back to the culture or country in which someone was raised, with certain countries emphasizing more traditional values and beliefs concerning sex. Sometimes, these traditional values are passed down from family to family, leading to an environment where topics such as sex are seldom discussed and seen as shameful or sinful.

“I was born in Poland, and sex is not open for conversation. It is assumed that when you get married and have sex for the first time, you will automatically know what to do. Unfortunately, your family isn’t teaching you anything, and neither are the schools. Not anything of real value in this area anyway. And that is frightening,” says Nowak.

A lack of real sex education in schools often reinforces this stigma, creating a situation where young people have no reliable source for information about healthy sexual behavior or practices. Without any real guidance on important topics such as contraception, consent, and pleasurable options in the bedroom, it becomes easier for negative stigmas around sexuality to take hold and remain unchallenged.

“Nobody is teaching how the dynamics in a healthy relationship are supposed to be. For example, how can we be intimate with our partners and not just in a sexual way? It’s not just about a man’s pleasure but a woman’s as well. So often, both sexes are afraid of speaking up and explaining what they want to feel and explore because we have been taught that we are not supposed to,” says Berg.

It is important to consider the stigma surrounding voicing our needs and wants in the bedroom. Many people feel uncomfortable discussing these topics with their partners, fearing being judged or rejected due to societal perceptions about sex. This can lead to a lack of communication in relationships, ultimately negatively impacting sexual satisfaction and pleasure. And we all want more pleasure, right?

Normalizing the Conversation Around Sexual Wellness

When it comes to normalizing sexual wellness within a relationship, there are several steps you can take: start small and be open-minded; create space for honest communication about sexual desires and boundaries; take time to explore fantasies together in a safe environment; practice listening to one another without judgment.

“Ensure you open up the conversation at the right time and place. There is no point in starting a sexual wellness conversation when you are feeling like it, but your partner is a million miles away in their head. It won’t go well,” shares Berg. “Start small. For example, many card games on the market will make exploring sexual conversations fun for both you and your partner.” www.madehot.com @madehot_

Why is sexual wellness so important? Well, developing healthy attitudes towards sex and exploring different aspects of it can help foster better selfesteem, more fulfilling relationships, and improved overall well-being. In addition, creating an open dialogue around sexual wellness can benefit both individuals involved.

Practicing healthy boundaries, developing trust with one another, and exploring different fantasies are just some of the ways that relationships can become more sexually fulfilling and satisfying. Furthermore, it’s been shown that couples who practice good sexual communication tend to have less overall relationship conflict.

Normalizing sexual wellness within a relationship is essential to creating an emotionally supportive atmosphere where both partners can express themselves freely. It’s important to remember that developing good sexual communication is a process that takes time and effort. However, the benefits of both physical and emotional satisfaction outweigh any discomfort that may come up during the process. With dedication, self-awareness, and open communication, couples can reap the rewards of a healthy sexual relationship, and the benefits ripple reaches far beyond the bedroom.