SACRED EDELWEISS

EDELWEISS

a collection of queer poetry and visual arts

Acknowledgements

“Them that I love, know that I love them.” To YHWH, the source of it all. To all those who have contributed to and supported the creation of this book, I thank you with all my heart. To the Management Collective of Diva for Equality, Fiji, and the team at the Pacific Feminist Community of Practice, thank you graciously for your undying love and support. To my editor and a constant source of stability throughout this work, the greatest thank you to you and your family. I am sincerely indebted to you. To my friends in Fiji, Quebec, and on twitter who didn’t think twice about supporting this work, thank you all so much. You are a light in this world and I wouldn’t have done this without you. Much love and gratitude to the team at Urgent Action Fund Asia and the Pacific, of whom none of this would have been minutely possible. Vinaka saka vakalevu.

- Camari

I sincerely appreciate the Urgent Action Fund and Kintsugi K-ohorts for supporting my arts and me. I am thankful to the all queer people who generously believed in our project and signed their signatures, which you can see on the cover of this book. The process of creating was challenging, and painful but beautiful in its own way. To the supportive team members, artists, and my friends, I love you so much. I am not whole without you.

- Kenna

Visual artworks by Kenna O1

I am beautiful.

I am queer sorrow.

I am the eternal edelweiss.

I am looking for my soul.

My soul searches for its body. I am a soulless, bodiless pain. Why am I not whole?

I am tired of explaining myself.

I was always this way.

I am fed up of trying and fitting in.

I am a queer human being!

Poems by Camari

The Love(rs) We Choose

to the women / who have often sought permission / to love, who have wondered / for days / if they were ever / good enough, who have questioned belonging / in the arms of lovers / whose / hands have spanned spaces / to find love from another

to the mother / patient / for the safety she’s craved who’s watched promise break / on the lips they were made who’s seen tongue / drain bodies who’s felt hands / stifle soul who’s waged war / with forgiveness and relinquished / control

to the queer boned / lover / caught in lies / and deceit whose home’s become a war zone / of religious conflict did they tell you / you were sacred / then dug wounds on your back? did they / call your love un / holy / bent the spine / they have lacked?

If your love / is a specter / that could make your aggressors tremble / then make your love a devil.

make it with teeth that rip into shoulders / into lustful arms / into fists / make it uplift / you / then make it commit make it / make room for / the divine to exist make your love a beast. make its cry a / battle for lovers to gather / warriors to heal / make it at a pace / where light severs darkness / where the ignorant learns to feel make it persist make it with outstretched hands / they can no longer resist.

to the women / to the mother / to the queer boned / lover / make this love a choice make it a rhythm make it your voice let it become / as sacred as your / body as biblical / as your soul let this love / you own / become the holiest / temple / they know.

Beauty looks like you

when they call / women like you / too heavy when they tell you / your skin is / too dark your hair is / too nappy / your brows are too arched when they pick a / part each stretch / mark when you are / pretty // for a black girl // when you are pretty // but //

when they count / the flecks on your face measure the space of your arms tell you / your body isn’t / holy enough.

when your frame isn’t / hollywood / material and your scars show them / your wounds / and not / your healing

when something as trivial / as appearance / triggers / something as serious / as an illness / anorexia / orthorexia / bulimia

when ‘beautiful women’ in the media / don’t look like you / when they cry beauty / has a standard / has a hierarchy / has / a culture keep women like us / out of view for a cishet-white-man-made social structure

tell them, fuck that.

if the thunder in your thighs / split open / their sheltered self esteem and shatter/ the criticism in their throats / then so be it

if the melanin of your skin / perforate their vision / until the only thing they believe in / is blackness / let that be a reminder / of your magic

If the kink in your hair / defies the wind / resists the slander / grows proud upon your head like a crown / let it be known you were created / a queen

if each mark on your back / or your thigh / or your waist / makes them flinch/ makes them / cower in their critique / show them the exit / they aren’t brave enough / to handle / real beauty

if you don’t look like / the ‘beautiful women’ on the internet / take pictures of yourself and post it / over and over and over / caption it / #beautifulwoman / till beautiful women on the internet look / like you

if they tell you beauty has a standard / has a hierarchy / has a structure, tell them, they’re in for a disaster/ for beauty was created diverse.

beauty stares back at you in the mirror / even when you’re feeling your worst

beauty is in each breath you breathe / each sight you see / it’s in every friend you meet / every touch you feel

beauty belongs to anyone / who makes it true beautiful / is everyone who looks / like you.

Sacred

let / your doors of perception / open step outside / the barriers of space / and time and meet your / true self face / who you were created / to be who they think / you are / is an illusion what they think / of you / is blasphemy free the partition / from your vision and remember your reason / for magic

for before you were formed / you were known before you were conceived / you were loved if the world / has shown you / the nature of loneliness then it is this world / that is / alone

if their words / break you / into fragment then it is your soul / that will make you / whole for it is soul / that knows no / division and within its depths / you will find / connection to beauty / to wonder // to hope to the grace / you extend / to your flesh to your blood / to your bone

beneath this skin / dwells a power / unseen one that doesn’t end / but only begins one that lives / that thrives / that is resilient / to all things one that cannot be destroyed / but can save you from within reach / into this power / beyond where you will find / your greatest / teachers; where masks / are shattered and grief / is honored where dreams / are healers and love carries you / onward

reach into / this inner / dimension where soul / aligned to body / feels pure feels magical where you will find God / in yourself / reflected and with every breath / you will see / you are sacred.

Бидний сонгосон хайр

өөрийгөө / хангалттай эсэхийг / өдрөөс өдөрт / бодрон суугаа, өөр нэгнээс хайр эрсээр / орон зайг элээсэн гартай тэрхэн амрагийнхаа тэвэрт / байх тавилантай эсэхдээ / эргэлзэх хайрлахдаа / зөвшөөрөл олонтаа эрдэг / эмэгтэйчүүдэд, амлалт өчсөн уруул / эргээд түүнээ зөрчихийг үзсэн хэл биеийг / үгүй хийхийг харсан гар сүнсийг / боохыг мэдэрсэн өршөөл энэрлээр / дайн зарлаад бууж өгсөн мөрөөдсөн амгалангаа / тэвчин хүлээсэн / эхэд,

нутаг нь шашны мөргөлдөөний / дайны талбар болсон худал хуурмагт / ороогдсон күийр яст / амрагт / тэд чамайг / ариун гэчхээд / нуруунд чинь сум зоосон уу? тэд хайрыг чинь / бузар хэмээгээд / өөрсдөд нь үл олдох / ноён нурууг чинь хугалсан уу? хайр чинь / заналхийлэгчдийг түгшээдэг / хий үзэгдэл юм бол / хайраа чи чөтгөр болго.

мөр / тачаагч гар / нударгыг тасчин хаях шүд түүнд өг / түүнээр өргүүлж / ухрах зай / бүү өг бурханлагийг багтаах / зай гаргуул хайраа чи араатан болго. хашхирааныг нь тулаан болго гэрэл харанхуйг нэвтэлж / үл мэдэгч мэдрэхийг сурсан амрагууд цугларч / дайчид шархаа эдгээх / тулааныг алхам алхмаар бий болго хугаршгүй болго тэд ахин эсэргүүцэж чадахааргүй / сунгасан гартай болго.

эмэгтэйчүүдэд / эхэд / күийр яст / амрагт / энэ хайраа сонголт болго хэмнэл болго дуу хоолойгоо болго бие шигээ / дагшин болго сүнс шигээ / бурханлаг болго атгандаа байгаа / хайраа чи тэдний мэдэх хамгаас ариун / сүм болго.

нүүрэн дээрх сэвх бүрийг / тэд тоолоход хоёр гарын чинь хоорондын зайг хэмжээд биеийг чинь / хангалттай ариун бус / гэхэд. төрх чинь / холливүүдийн / одынх шиг бус байхад сорви чинь тэдэнд / эдгэрлийг бус /шархыг чинь / л харуулахад

“наадхыг чинь хараал идэг”, гэж тэдэнд хэл. гуян дахь аянга чинь / тэдний ядмагхан бардамналыг / хоолойнд нь тээглэсэн гоочлолыг / зад ниргэвэл / ниргэг арьсны чинь меланин / тэдний харааг / зөвхөн хар гэдгийг чинь л харах хүртэл / цоо хатгаж байвал / энэ чинь чиний ид шидийн / илрэл шүү дээ

Ариун

дагшин

ухамсрын үүдээ / нээ орон зай / цаг хугацааны хүлээнээс / өөрийгөө суллаад жинхэнэ өөртэйгөө / танилц хэн болохоор / бүтээгдсэнтэйгээ / нүүр тул чамайг / тэд хэн гэж бодсон / нь хуурамч чамайг / тэд юу гэж бодсон / нь доромжлол тэдгээрийг / хараанаасаа салгаад өөрийн ид шидийн / учрыг ухаж мэд

энэхэн арьсан дор / урьд хожид үзэгдээгүй / хүч чадал оршдог эцэслэдэггүй / зөвхөн эхэлдэг амьдардаг / цэцэглэдэг / бүх зүйлд / хугаршгүй үгүй хийж үл болох / харин чамайг дотроос чинь аварч чадах тэр хүч чадал руу / тэмүүл тэндээс чи хамгаас агуу / багш нараа / олох болно баг / тайлагдсан гашуудал / хүндэтгэгдсэн мөрөөдөл / эмнэгч болсон хайр чамайг / урагш хөтөлсөн тэр / газар луу

энэхэн дотоод / гүн рүүгээ / өнгий сүнс / биетэй нэгдэхэд / ариун санагдах

шид мэт мэдрэгдэх чиний тусгал / Бурханыг / чи тэндээс олно ийнхүү амьсгал бүрээсээ / чи / ариун дагшин гэдгээ мэдрэх болно.

Na Loloma Eda Digia

kivei ira na marama / ka ra dau qara vakawasoma na veivakadonui / kei na loloma ka ra lomatarotarotaka tu / e na veisiga/ ke e rauta beka na nodra vinaka ka ra dau vakataroga / ke ra na ciqomi tu / e na ligai ira era lomana / ko ira e ra dau dodoka na ligadra / ena veivanua lala / me ra kune loloma mai tautuba kivua na tina / e dau vosota tu / na nona gadreva me taqomaki ka sa raica na kavoro ni yalayala / e na tebenigusui koya e nuitaki e sa raica na yame / me vakalala na yago kei na liga / me vakayalana na yalo e sa valuta oti / na veivosovosoti ka vakasuka tani / na nona dau vakararavi

kivua na / dau loloma e vesuki tu / e na lawaki / kei na lasu ka sa veisau na nona loma ni vale/ me iwasewase ni valu era a tukuna li vei iko / ni ko sa ka talei sara / oti ra qai kelia na mavoa e dakumu? era a vakatoka li na nomu loloma me / ka tabu / me ra vunia kina na nodra malumalu mu?

Kevaka me a yalo na nomu iloloma / me vakasautaninitaki ira kina na nomu dauveivakalialiai / cakava sara me tevoro.

cakava me bati / me basuraka na tabadra / kei na ligadra o ira na dodomo ca / kei ira era dau veivakacacani / cakava me laveti iko cake / qai cakava me nomui yalayala

cakava / me nomu bure / kalou cakava me manumanu kila.

me rogo na kena tagi / me vaka na ivalu me ra soqoni kina na dauloloma/ kei na mataivalu cakava ena itosotoso / e tagutuva na butobuto / me ra vuli kina na lecaika. mo loloma tikoga. loloma ena liga esa dodo / kei na liga era na sega ni rawa ni vorata rawa.

kivei ira na marama / kivua na tina / kivua na dau loloma / na loloma oqo me nomu idigidigi. cakava me vaka e dua na sere se na nomu vosa cakava me ka tabu / me vaka na / yagomu me vaka na ivolatabu / me vaka na yalomu Me ra kila / ni na loloma / o taukena tiko/ e ka savasava duadua / ka sa nomu / ivaletabu.

Totoka Me Vakataki Iko.

ke ra vakawa / na kemu levu / se ra kaya ni sa rui buto / na kuli ni yagomu ke ra vakalewa / na drau ni ulumu / se na irivirivi ni vacumu ke ra vakadiloya / vaka yadua / na i mawe ni mavoa e na yagomu ka ra kaya ni ko mata vinaka / ia era rarawataka na loaloa ni kulimu // kevaka madaga ni ra tukuna / ni o sa mata mosimosi // ia //

ke ra vakawilika / na vei tavukadiridiri ni matamu, ka ra katuma na balavu ni ligamu, tukuna ni / tawasavasava / na yagomu, ke ko sega ni vakataki ira / era vakaraitaki / ena raitio yaloyalo ka na i macamaca e yagomu / e ivakaraitaki ni nomu cala / ka sega / ni nomu sa bula

ni dua na ka e tawa yaga sara / me vaka na irairai / ni tamata / e vakavuna / e dua na ka bibi sara / me vaka na mate / ni ra sega ni rairai vakai iko / o ira na ‘marama totoka’ ena itukutuku vakaraitaki / ni ra kaya ni / noda irairai / e tiko na kena ivakatagedegede / e tiko na kena idusidusi / kei na kena / itovo ke ra beci keda / ka da sega ni laurai e na isoqosoqo ni veimaliwai ka a bulia na tamata

tukuna vei ira, veitalia. kevaka na kurukuru ni sagamu / e basuraka / na nodra vosa ka vakagalua / na veivakacacani ena loma ni nodra itilotilo / ia me qai vakakina kevaka na loaloa ni kulimu / e vakasesea na nodra vakasama / me yacova ni ka duadua ga era vakabauta / sai koya na talei ni kuli ni yagomu / oya na ivakadinadina / ni nomu mana

Kevaka e vorata / ka vesuka na cagi / na drau ni ulumu / ka vakarusa na veivakacalai ni tamata/ daramaka sara me vaka na isala vakatui / me kilai ni ko tamata lumuti / e na nomu itutu vakaturaga

kevaka na vei maka yadua e dakumu / se na sagamu / se na tolomu / e vakavuna me ra vuki tani mai vei iko / laivi ira me ra lako / era sega ni doudou / me ra bolea / na nomu kaukauwa

kevaka o sega ni vakai ira / na ‘marama mata vinaka’ ena vola mata / biuta ga kina na kemu itaba / ka toso tikoga e da rairai totoka kece / o keda e da a buli / e na loma ni vuravura oqo kevaka era tukuna ni e tiko na ivakatagedegede ni i noda irairai / ka vakaitutu tudei / ka e dua na kena ituvatuva, tukuna vei ira ni ra sa bula tiko e na leqa / baleta e dina ni da duidui / ia eda sa buli kece me da ucuya na Kalou

na tamata mata vinaka e raici iko lesu tiko ena iloilo / ena gauna mada ga o vakabauta tu na nomu ca kecega

na vinaka e tiko ena veigauna yadua o cegu kina / kei na veika o raica / e tiko ena veitokani kece o sotava / kei na veika kece o vakila

na vinaka e nona o koya / e cakava me dina e totoka / o ira kece era rairai / vakataki iko.

Yago Tabu

dolava / na katuba ni yalomu curu ki na tautuba / ni iyalayala ni vanua / kei na gauna ka sotava kina na / kemu iyaloyalo dina qarai / koya ko a buli / mo vaka. na tamata e ra a / vakatautavataki iko kina / e veivakacalai na veika era nanuma / me baleti iko / e vosa vakacacataka na Kalou sereka na itatarovi / ni nomu raivotu ka nanuma tiko na nomu inaki - / na nomu cakamana

ni se bera ni o buli / o a kilai ni bera ni ko kunekunetaki / ko ni a lomani

kevaka sa vakaraitaka vei iko o vuravura / na iyaloyalo ni galili na vuravura ga / e tu vakataki koya tu.

kevaka era / musuki iko vakatikitiki / ena nodra vosa sai koya na yalomu / ka na vakabulai iko / taucoko ni iyalo / e sega ni kila / na veitawasei e na kena titobu / o na kunea kina / na veiwekani / kei nomu isema / ki na veika e talei / ki na veika e vakakurabuitaki // ki na inuinui ki na loloma e soli wale / mo na vakania kina / na yagomu kei na nomuni dra / kei na suimu

ena ruku ni kuli oqo / e tiko kina na kaukauwa / e sega ni laurai o koya e sega vakadua ni na mate / ia e tekivu walega e dua e bula / ka bulabula / ka sega sara ni yavalati rawa / e dua e sega ni rawa ni vakarusai / ia e rawa ni vakabulai iko mai loma dolele yani / ki na kaukauwa oqo / ki na vanua o na kunea kina / na nomu ivakavuvuli cecere; na vanua e voroki kina na ivulo ni mata / ka dokai kina / na yaluma na vanua e veivakabulai kina / na tatadra kei na loloma e sega ni vakaiyalayala/

toro yani / ki na loma / oqo na vanua e salavata kina na yalo / kei na yago na vanua e taqomaki iko kina na savasava kei na veika mana na vanua e / vakaraitaki koya kina vei iko / na Kalou. e na veicegu / o na ceguva ka o na kunea / ni o ni sa yago tabu.

Meet the team members:

Poet - Camari

Camari Serau is a spoken word poet from the Fiji Islands. She writes and performs poetry to raise consciousness on issues that adversely impact her country and the Pacific region. Her art addresses human rights issues including mental health and well-being, self determination and indigenous rights, gender identity, anti corruption and transparency, as well as peace, resilience and reconciliation in Pacific communities. She creates to pass on the values shared by her forbearers so that her generation will be mindful of who they are and of the gifts that, as ancestors, they would leave behind for their children.

- camari.serau@gmail.com

Visual artist - Kenna

Kenna is an artist, proud activist, and stand-up comedian. As a feminist, Kenna questions the concept of art in a patriarchal society. They criticize the judgment of professional artists toward queer and female artists. In 2022, they coordinated the very first only queer artists’ joint exhibition in Mongolia and raised awareness about “not-professional” young artists. Kenna finds using art and empowering artists may become the wind of change to reclaim space and change narratives.

- kennakhulan@gmail.com

Translator

- Khargil

Khargil Tsast-Ider is a 21-year-old artist from Mongolia. He is a firm believer in art being an instrument for bringing about societal progress, and as such, he has devoted himself to utilize his many talents to call forth movement, including writing, translating works of other artivists, music, fashion, photography and voice acting on top of digital and traditional visual art. Khargil thinks there should be no boundaries for art and prefers to experiment with unconventional materials and methods.

- khargilaa@gmail.com

Book designer - Surenkhor

Surenkhor is a graphic designer and queer artist based in Mongolia. Currently, they works as a graphicdesigner at Digital Exchange Mongolia LLC and volunteers at theLGBT Centre. As an artist who wants to grow further, they was happy toparticipate in this project.

- alesonsuren@gmail.com