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Elysian Eagle V2E2 12/15/17
TVHS WRITE LIFE V.2 Edition 2 October /17 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ISABELLE CLUKEY ASSISTANT EDITOR SIERRA PLACE EDITORIAL STAFF EMMA HOUCKES KYLIE JACOBSON ADAM KNIGHT STAFF ADVISOR JENNIFER SOLT
CREATIVE DIRECTOR TARA WALKER DESIGN TEAM SYDNEY McGIBBEN JADEN HETZEL MARKETING DIRECTOR SAM GARBER MARKETING TEAM KAELYN GIEFER MATHEW ROMARINE
Isn’t It? By Isabelle Clukey
It’s a terrible thing isn’t it? How we as people deny our feelings on the daily We just smile and laugh through all the grit Hiding behind our masks so frailey.
It’s a dangerous thing isn’t it? How we unrelentingly wish for the future to come We had our oblivious childhood, memories that we always seem to omit Growing until we eventually sprout into the creatures we It’s a happy thing isn’t it? How young love is such an illu- prayed we would not become. sionist, We drown in it like a drug we It’s a humane thing isn’t it? How we lie and hide, from othsimply cannot quit ers and ourselves Believing it is forever is ludiWe fall into arms, arms that crous. could never commit Trying has begged us to give up It’s a scary thing isn’t it? How the road seems to narrow compelled How the deceitful world had with every turn us convinced We see the towering giants to It’s about being human, isn’t whom we must submit it? Wondering if we’ll ever learn.
Demons & Angels We are all haunted, Trying to maintain the good Fighting forever. ~Walker Grove
They come and they go, The nightmares never change but the dreams make it okay. ~Lauren Barnhill
People change, it’s true Satan was an angel too Life is tough and cruel. ~Walker Grove
The good and the bad, You choose what side you are on; Choose wisely my friend. ~Rachel Hogg
Winter Falling gracefully Filling the night sky with white, Mounds of chilling white. ~Sarah J. Baker
Crisp and crinkling, Falling in silent whispers Crunching under foot. ~Bronte Bauer
A glass of eggnog Just a dash of cinnamon A first batch, still warm. ~Nate Horst
With the cold comes snow Falling gently from above Bringing joy to all. ~Jackson Gibbens
Thanksgiving Warm food, joy and laughs Whole family together Let’s forget the past. ~Walker Grove
My My Shadow Shadow Everyday I go through a sciamachy. What is a sciamachy you ask?
sci•am•a•chy
noun •argument or conflict with an imaginary opponent. I fight with my shadow. I fight with it everyday. It scratches at me, I punch it. But I can never hit it, because I’ll go right through, but it always manages to hit me. Now I’m sure you’re wondering what my shadow is. What it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like? I’ll tell you then. My shadow is the brave face that I put on everyday to make people forget I’m suffering. My shadow is so quiet, no one would even know it’s there. My shadow is so scary and dark, that you feel like you’ll fall forever once you step in. My shadow’s name? Anxiety. It’s always there, always fighting me. I try desperately to fight back, punching and kicking, until I’m exhausted. I’m so tired that I can’t defend myself anymore.
It happens everyday. I’m eating lunch and it says something to make me lose my appetite. I’m doing my lines for the play and it says something to make me mess up. I do everything right that day, and it tells me I’ve done everything wrong. I want to get rid of it. I want to make it go away. I just want to go one day without worrying about what it’ll say next. I want it to just leave me alone. Trying to fight back is almost like reliving the same day over and over again. When I am stressed to the point of getting sick and the migraines won’t go away, I wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to be normal. It makes me think of scary things. It makes me think of things that could never happen, but they scare me anyway. It knows what it’s doing, knowing this is driving me to the point of exhaustion. My shadow is slowly killing me, But I know that I’ll put on that brave face everyday to make people forget I’m suffering. Because everyday, I’m fighting an opponent that won’t leave me alone.
- Jack DeSelms
Why Him? He asked her what she was running from, to which she replied she wasn’t running from anything. He restated his question to what are you afraid of and she replied, “Nothing scares me anymore. Not even death.” He looked at her and said, “I know, that’s just weird.” They both chuckled. He didn’t quit; he was being so persistent. She finally broke and told him everything. But the sad thing is, she couldn’t remember a thing she said. All she remembered after breaking down was asking him, “Is this what you wanted? Is this what you wanted to see? Do you like who you see because I don’t! Why would you want to see me
like this? Does this make you happy?!” He replied with yes. She stared at him asking why, why does this make you happy? He answered, “Because you needed to tell someone and you finally told me.” In that moment she hated him. A week later she hated him. He never texted, called, or even talked or looked at her at school. Why, why would he break her apart, pull all of her barriers down to the point where she was just a naked version of herself, and just leave her that way. Naked and alone. Broken more than ever before. He didn’t have a second thought about her. -Sydney Chase
HIM
Him with black tongue, Him with acid fingers wrapped around my thighs, Me scared,
Me a seven year old girl, Him a twelve year old boy who keeps a secret, Him a foot taller than me, I tried to tell Mom but she couldn’t understand the severity of my pleas when I said He was being mean to me. Now I’m eighteen and refuse to be weak, Even though inside He hides behind a locke door in the back of my subconscious, Eventually I need to unlock the door, Eventually I need to deal with that venomous fire that burns like bile in my brain, Even when I sleep He scratches at that door, He wants me to remember that my body belonged to He who stole everything. He never raped me, He made me touch Him, He touched me, I don’t want to remember.
I wish I went with them. He pulled me close, Gave me that not being in my body feeling, He tried to kiss me, The smell of grandfather soap and lemongrass terrifies me even to this day. He kissed my cheek because I turned my head, He ignored my writhing, He clutched my body closer to His, I was a caged bird and His arms were bars holding me tightly so I couldn’t fly away. He finally loosened the chains of His grip, I ran away sobbing violently, My neighbor believed me, She told Him that I was only fifteen. He offered a hollow apology. How could He be unaware? I tried to pull from Him, He tightened the grip on my shivering shoulders, He who forced His version of love onto me brought me memories, Of He that still haunts me, Of He that makes me wish for peace.
He makes me remember another, Age something like sixty-three, Caught me like prey, Wanted me between his teeth,
I still blame myself. I know it’s not my fault, But inside I still see Her who is weak,
I was fifteen, I froze like a doe in the middle of the road as headlights approached, He grabbed me, I love you passed between devious lips and escaped into the night,
Her who is broken, Her who let me be a victim, She is still running to that door checking the locks, I am still afraid of what’s behind that door, So is She.
That door needs to be unlocked, I should let Him out, I can’t hide Him forever, The monster that roams under my skin needs to know how to leave,
have even have forgiven myself, He did this to me because it was being done to Him, So how can I hate Him when He was just trying to fill the emptiness that I refuse to?
I let Him ruin everything, He crawls up my spine when someone hugs me, I freeze remembering His hands on me, He cackles when I jump at anyone who lays a hand on me,
Mom tells me to get angry, Mom tells me to hate Him if that will help me heal, He hurt me so much not just physically but emotionally, He destroyed me.
He thinks He can ruin my life. I’ve been letting Him ruin me.
Now putting back jagged puzzle pieces doesn’t seem so appealing, I keep placing blame on the one person who doesn’t deserve it, That seven year old girl,
Letting Him leave from my brain, Letting Him fall from my lips, Scares me. He’s been my one unwanted companion, Even when I walk alone He holds my hand, And letting go means I’m open to vulnerability.
She lost everything in the space of a few months, I lost everything in the space of a few months, I’m still looking for something, I stopped trusting everyone,
I turned ice queen, I refuse to be weak like Her, Heart of stone, I don’t want to lose my body to another Him. I’m cursed to be alone with this. I swim in an ocean of terrified, I’m drowning, The dead eyed sharks of painful memories that I wish I could forget pull me under the water, I’m jumping off cliffs made for people who hate everything, I don’t hate everything, I don’t even hate He who started this, He did this to me and I forgave Him before I
I’m opening that door, He can come out, We can sit at the table and talk, Like old friends who haven’t spoken in years. I’m not losing myself over this, He took everything He possibly could, He made me afraid, He made me hate Her, I’m done letting Him win. -Sierra Place