Halloween 2020

~QUIRKY~

STUDENT

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VOLUME XXX, DADDY ISSUES

THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL

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Friday, October 30, 2020

RATS

Undercover Boss: Tony Monaco @ Carm What your election drink says about you

by Christopher Panella

Washed Up Social Media Bitch

by Yiyun Tom Guan ~ multidisciplinary ~

University President Anthony Monaco [sic] accepted an invitation from Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) to appear on its

signature reality television show “Undercover Boss” (2010–forever). In his episode, Monaco joined Carmichael Dining Center as an entry-level dining worker for a week.

Stephen Lambert, the exec-

utive producer of “Undercover Boss,” explained that the show chose one of the dining halls as Monaco’s destination after reading the extensive coverage of go see A THERAPIST, page SOON

HOT TAKE

As we approach a fucking terrifying election (had to throw that in there) during an unprecedented global pandemic (I am aware that is redundant, don’t read too much into this) after four years of a fascist and bigoted and destructive (I’m on a role tonight) presidency, one could argue that the only way to get through it is whilst drunk. There’s no telling what will happen Tuesday night, so it’s much better to face that uncertainty wasted and texting your ex than sober and crying to your therapist.

But oh, what should you buy from Hillside with your fake ID on Tuesday afternoon? Should it be some seltzers, or do you just say, “fuck it” and get a few boxes of Franzia? Don’t worry, no one’s judging you on your picks (that’s a lie, everyone’s judging you, especially the cashier). And I’m judging you, which is why I

wrote this. Here’s what your go-to drink for Tuesday’s pre-apocalyptic pre-game says about you.

Cheers, bitches!

Boxed wine A classic: simple, effective, cheap, and always a safe choice.

Boxed wine drinkers are preparing for a sipping Election Night, with plenty of supply to go around. If the night isn’t too painful, they’ll have a classy wine drinking experience. If the night’s a fucking mess, they’ll take the bag out and poke it with a straw.

They might grab Franzia for their housemates, but if it were just them, they’d get a Bota Box. They definitely voted for Biden, but their primary pick was Bernie or Warren.

Tequila These people don’t wanna remember Election Night.

They’re getting blackout drunk by a sensible 9:30pm and waking up on the kitchen table while see AA, page xx

FEETS

Bring back Gumby Monaco ‘Pubic art is public art,’ artist Jack Inhoffe says Just imagine: it’s Halloweekend 2015. Life is good. You’re listening to “Hotline Bling” as you walk up Packard Ave. through your headphones, the ones with chords.

Halloween doesn’t usually scare you, but as you pass by Gifford House, you suddenly get the chills; You see a towering green figure emerging from crowds of trick-or-treaters; You approach the house to inspect the situation; Between handing out candy and dodging questions from protestors, you quickly realize that the towering figure is President Tony Monaco, dressed as Gumby.

The vibes of Halloweekend 2020 will be nowhere near as good as they were in 2015, thanks to COVID-19 and Donald Trump; Actually, Halloween will be quite dreadful, isolating even; But the image of Gumby has left an indelible mark on the Tufts community… Gumby’s legacy will never be forgotten; This Halloweekend, it is EVERMORE critical that President Monaco prioritizes the mental health of students by dressing up as Gumby again this Halloween.

Trick-or-Treating has been put on hold this year, due to our

dear friend COVID-19; making it difficult for Gumby to come out and play. However, we know that he will overcome these daunting challenges and find a way to partake in the Halloweekend fun.

We strongly urge Gumby to make an appearance this Halloween.

Instead of handing out candy, we encourage him to stand in one of Gifford House’s many, always dark, windows and wave to his fans from the street. In spite of the distance we currently face, His ominous presence will be felt by thousands, near and far.

To the average person, Gumby may seem like nothing more than America’s beloved clay animation film star; However; Gumby much more; he is a beacon of hope that pierces all darkness. He is the light at the end of the tunnel and His presence will get us through these cold winter months.

While many see the Jumbo as the icon of Tufts’s’s campus, the Daily argues that Gumby better embodies Tufts’ ideals: He is straightforward, bold, resilient.

His green skin and plump yellow

by Ryan Shaffer and Hannah Harris ~quirky~ indie folx

Since its launch last year, the Tufts Pubic Arts Committee (TPAC) has unveiled a series of exhibits intended to bring the community together through art. Currently, the commit-

tee is working on a campaign launch to gather samples from the student body.

Self-proclaimed artist Ana Lyce commented on her personal investment in the project.

“I feel like a piece of myself will be in this mural ———– because it is,” she said.

However, it wasn’t just a piece of her butt rather an intimate look inside our community. In fact, Chair of the Pubic Art Committee (CPAC), Dick Pound, said they welcomed contributions from all community see WHY DID WE PUBLISH THIS, page 7

SPROTS

You would not beelieve your eyes

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guess which tufts alumni we’re interviewing this time

incoherent string of adjectives section

lmk who the fuck allowed winningest to be a word

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Yet another Tisch College event

by Yiyun Tom Guan

Hannah Harris

the earth is dying please fucking recycle

she took the kids!

Peter-Joe Buttnnedy III, Esq. (H’ very soon just wait), who ran in every single competitive election in 2020, including presidential, Senate, gubernatorial and the parent-teacher association of St. WASP’s Academy where his children attend, addressed the Tufts community in a webinar on Tuesday, as part of the Jonathan M. Tisch College’s Distinguished Speaker Series. The event was moderated by Daddy Solomont (A’70 * 6), Daddy of the Tisch College.

Solomont opened the discussion by asking Buttnnedy about his recent losses in all the races he ran in.

“Am I glad I ran? Yes, and I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he said. “I loved sucking the money and energy out of everyone who remotely followed this race; I loved forcing my 74-year-old opponent into playing basketball against a 6’10 actual NBA player.”

Solomont then asked if Buttnnedy’s erudite background was a hindrance for him to reach out to the larger populace.

“My father was a renowned scholar of Italian Marxist philosopher Antonio Gramsci, so I have absolute authority over how class politics works,” Buttnnedy said. “I went to Harvard and Oxford and became a Mckinsey consultant just so I can stir up class antagonism. People are going to hate me, but this is how they develop class consciousness.”

The conversation then opened to questions from the audience.

First-year I-was-the-president-of-my-high-school’s-Democratsclub-and-I-read-a-lot-of-Politico asked Buttnnedy about his opinions on voting.

“This is a democracy, not Russia; Americans must vote as if we’re actually gonna give you healthcare, end systemic racism, get rid of at-will employment, extend equal rights protection to all people, raise the minimum wage, strengthen unions and all that good stuff,” Buttnnedy said.

“We’re not going to do any of that, but like still please vote.”

Why is Tony Tufts moves to virtual reality classrooms for the spring semester Monaco...

THERAPIST

continued from page 1 the plights Tufts dining workers experience this semester by the Daily.

“Thompson and Guan’s article -–- holy cow, that was the single best thing I’ve ever read; its literary merit dwarfs that of James Joyce and Marcel Proust”, Lambert said.

In the beginning of the episode, Monaco was shown walking out of Gifford House, where he allegedly lived, in plain dining worker attire with the name tag “Antonyo,” at 6 AM when his morning shift began. Before he approached Carmichael, Monaco turned towards the direction of The Mods and saluted them, calling them his greatest architectural masterpieces.

At Carmichael, a supervisor asked Monaco, now known as Antonyo, to wash dishes.

However, dine-in service has been suspended at Carmichael Dining Hall since March.

“There’re always dishes to wash; this is how we train our new guys — if they can wash the dishes, they might be able to make sandwiches as well,” the supervisor said. “This Antonyo guy — he has the klutziest hands I’ve ever seen. If he were a doctor — oh my god — bless his patients` heart.”

In the emotional climax of the episode, Monaco was asked to serve food to the students by putting food into containers, handing the food to students, and wishing them a good day.

However, an unexpected visitor disrupted his work.

“This big football guy came in and asked for five pieces of Grilled Halal Chicken, which by the way we can’t stop cooking,” Monaco said. “I didn’t even know how to pick up the tong. Five pieces? Who would want that many? And he looked me in the eyes and had no idea who I was.”

“As soon as I got home that day, I suspended his Jumbocash account so he couldn’t buy those ~huge~ jugs of water from Hodg anymore,” Monaco said.

by Marianna Schantz Homie 2

In a recent announcement, Toofts decided to conduct all classes for the spring semester via Virtual Reality {VR} sets.

“I am extremely excited for this innovative and exciting Spring semester,” University President Anthony Monaco said.

Each student will be given their own personal VR set, equipped with a VR camera system as well as two move motion controllers to simulate hand and arm movements.

“The idea is to give students a better visual experience of being in the classroom with their peers while still staying safe with COVID-19 guidelines.

Students will be able to see and participate in class while working at home.” Monaco said, Through the VR set, students will have the opportunity to see the classroom and computer-generated imagery ~CGI~ of their classmates and professors.

According to the department of Computer Science, professors will be given the latest motion-capture suits, which give students a 3D image of their professors, through their set.

Students may also customize their avatars through the VR system. There are a great number of options available including but not limited to: Accessorizing your avatar with horns and tails or even adding

chest or facial hair that you struggle to grow in real life!

Fashion items for your avatar range from wearing trash bags to Louis Vuitton. It really is whatever you feel like wearing that day, just as in real life. Questions of increasing breast size in avatars have been raised, but shut down with deep immediacy by Monaco.

While your avatar allows you to express yourself, you may be subject to expulsion if your avatar is naked in class.

“I think I might wear pink hair to class. Dressing for Virtual Reality class is much harder than in real life. My closet is endless! It’s so fun and quirky,” one student commented.

“I’ve been struggling for years trying to have my beard connect all the way around my face. But with the avatars, I don’t even have to worry!” another student shrieked.

Motion controllers for students give them great mobility when traversing the classroom.

Certain buttons give you the control to walk around, pick up books, throw books,,,, and even break windows to portray feelings of aggression.

“When I get a bad grade, I punch my desk until it breaks.

Aggression mode is so helpful to me!” one student said; If students have to use the restroom during class, they may press the “Urination Mode” button to safely exit the

virtual classroom and tend to their business. The VR system also offers the option to click on the name of a classmate to make eye contact with them for set periods of time, recreating the awkward in class eye contact we all know and love!

“Students will feel like they are sitting in on a normal in-person class, and the motion controllers will pick up on students’ movements, so professors can have their students participate in class activities that they would otherwise not be able to do on Zoom.

With motion controllers, professors and students can really move about the classroom,” a member of the computer science department said.

Students will still have the chance to return to campus, but all classes will be held through virtual reality sets.

This stark change in the classroom setting has sparked much conversation among students!

“This is kind of terrifying, I’m not really sure how I feel about seeing my classmates in CGI format. Definitely something to get used to.” says one student.

“They really said class will be held virtually . . . didn’t know it meant this,” says another.

The options are truly endless with VR systems and much safer than in person classes, and we are beyond excited for this new virtual reality.

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techno neva dies

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Exposing the Truth: The Best Conspiracy Theories of All Time Ranked

by Annabel Xu Lost her earmuffs in the office once

Halloween just isn’t scary this year.

I don’t know what it is, maybe the fact that it feels like we’ve been living in an alternative universe since March, or that our country is on the brink of fascism, or that Hodge doesn’t have cauliflower in its grain bowls anymore.

Anyway, in an effort to bring back spooky vibes and pretend like our actual life isn’t terrifying, I present: my thoughts on some conspiracy theories, based on a podcast I listened to in an existential haze during quarantine and Wikipedia rabbit holes I went down at 3 am.

The Phantom Time HypothesisThis conspiracy is exactly what it sounds like.

Apparently 297 years were added to our calendar in 614 by the Holy Roman Emperor Otto III and Pope Sylvester III. Why would they do this, other than pure boredom? To make sure Otto III was ruling during the turn of the millennia which, for some reason, solidified the legitimacy to his rule.

This isn’t a bad theory, comparatively. There’s actually a shred of evidence for it. Of course, all the other astronomical and archaeological evidence immediately disproves this.

But I like this theory because I can get behind the motive. Honestly,

if I were Otto III, living in 600 AD, fighting feudal lords every other day, I would also be annoyed. If my pal Pope Sylvester showed up with a ploy to convince everyone my rule is legitimate, why not? It’s not like there were lawyers back then. What would have happened to Otto III if he’d been found out?There was literally no repercussions, and if he succeeded then he would have the super cool distinction of ruling during the turn of the millennia.

So—————-if this theory were real (which I’m not saying it is, but if], would I get it? Yes. If I were Otto III and this was suggested to me, would I get behind it? 100%.

John F. Kennedy’s AssassinationI actually changed my mind. I

d o n’t really want to talk about JFK. I know this is the mother of all conspiracy theories or whatever, but it’s not that interesting to me, because obviously there was some-

thing shady going on, but we’re never going to find out. The CIA (Central Intelligence Agency, I think) has its hands in everything so we know someone, somewhere, was tipped off, but they will never admit who.

Here’s my take on it. Was Oswald the shooter? Probably? Was he acting alone? Probably not? Who’s behalf was he acting on? We will literally never know.

The Sinking of the TitanicI was in an awkward breakout room and asked what everyone’s favorite conspiracy theories were (way to make the breakout room even more awkward, right?) and this girl immediately said, ‘The Titanic’.

When I was a kid I used to get chain emails about the curse of the Titanic. I don’t know if that’s a common childhood experience, but I read a lot about the people who apparently had premonitions about the sinking, which I don’t know, I guess I believe. I have weird dreams every night; I’m sure every time something happens, someone somewhere happens to have a dream related to it. Even if these people really were having premonitions about the Titanic; clearly they’re all useless because no one stopped it; The other big Titanic conspiracy is that the Titanic never sunk; its sister ship the Olympic was the ship that went down. The theory is that the Olympic was previously damaged and the owners wanted the payout.

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

by Jess too much quinoa and Rob me of my sanity

if Gordon Ramsay was rolling out

Have you ever been in your 7th day of 14 day University mandated quarantine, carefully selecting which combination of grain of the day and meat substitute you would like for your daily 2.5/3 meals, and wondered which flavor of Deep River kettle cooked potato chips would go best with your three unopened water bottles? Boy, do we have the solution for you—an official ranking of the best Deep River kettle cooked potato chip flavors available on the Tufts Dining app. Unfortunately, the crown jewel of Deep River kettle cooked potato chips, Sweet Maui Onion (the purple one), is available in-store only, so you’ll have to wait til your third negative test to indulge.

New York Spicy Dill Pickle: She’s fun and flirty and definitely ~not like other girls~ which puts her at the top of the list. Have you ever had a dill pickle and thought “gosh, I wish this was a completely different texture and food group and drier but somehow also more oily but still kinda tasted like dill with a hint of vinegar”?

Then these babies are for you. I’m sending out my petition now to permanently replace the worst potato chip flavor (looking at you, salt and vinegar) with this flirty and cosmopolitan option, because eating a bag of these will not make you want to scrape your acidified mouth out after. Also, all of these chips will make you really really really want a salmon bagel and a pickle spear from Pax, and here’s the closest you’re gonna get til quarantine’s over.

Rosemary & Olive Oil: Buckle up and grab your Wet Ones ® because these will have you calling all your fellow quarantined friends to rave about them in an instant. We imagine that

a line o f potato c h i p s, t h e y ’d t a s t e something like this. From the second the bag opens, the sophisticated aroma of salvia rosmarinus (here’s to you, George Ellmore, even though I skipped your class and was very late to that second midterm, because you didn’t glare at me as much as I’d expected you would) wafts up to your understimulated nose and you’re surprised. The first chip is pretty neutral, but after the second or third handful (dinner was a grain bowl again!), the acrid saltiness combines with that leafy goodness to make you feel something again. During the pause, you feel the memory of olive oil in your mouth — this is the best thing to happen to you all day.

(H)ighly (e)xperienced (l)oneliness editors(p)

I’m conflicted about this. On one hand, insurance fraud is my 3th favorite kind of financial crime, so I respect the hustle. On the other hand, a lot of people died. If they had figured out a way to commit fraud without the death, I’d be a big fan.

The Glitter ConspiracyNot to be a basic conspiracy theorist, but I firmly believe the CIA is behind everything

(#posts that put me on a list).

The other day my friend’s housemate told me about a glitter factory in New Jersey, which was shocking even before he got to the conspiracy.

Have you ever thoughtabout the fact that there’s an actual glitter factory?

Anyway, a couple of years ago a journalist visited the glitter factory.

The owners were uneasy about letting her visit, which is concerning for non-conspiracy reasons, namely that working conditions in the factory are probably bad. Here’s where it gets weird, though. The journalist asked who the biggest consumer of glitter was, and the owner was legally bound to secrecy First of all, he’s like that guy who

tells you he has a secret and then won’t tell the actual secret. Why even bother telling me there was a secret?

Just keep it to yourself. Second of all, who the hell is buying glitter? Not aluminum, which is what glitter is made out of–actual glitter.

M y friend’s housemate thinks that glitter is a component in ship paint. The question, then, is why is it a secret? Is Big Ship Paint actually controlling our government and media? Is there a lot of money in ship paint or something?

Being the basic conspiracy theorist I am, my immediate thought was the CIA was the buyer. Maybe they’re making military weapons. Or some kind ofchemical? Biological warfare? Maybe the contents of glitter are actually poisonous over time?

Maybe, for some reason, the entire stock market depends on the supply and demand of glitter? I’m not sure, but I know that the CIA is definitely behind it. That’s it for now, only because I’ve reached my word limit and I’ve been nicely asked to try to reduce the amount of crazy talk I do.

Anyway—Happy Halloween. Next time you go to thecraft store and look at the glitter, think about whether you’re unconsciously supporting the Glitter Industrial Complex (GIC).

RIVERRR Mesquite BBQ: I freaking love (BBQ) barbeque chips, and these dare to go where most falter: Deep River goes hard on the seasoning.

Tasting these bad boys is an emotional journey: first, you get a hit of smokiness that brings up memories of how your clothes smell after a beach bonfire, a n d y o u’ l l immediately find yourself reaching for your phone to post an instagram #tbt to better times.

It’s worth noting that these BBQ chips are not BBQ per se, but they are evocative of BBQ. In the same way that my vanilla-scented candle tastes absolutely nothing like vanilla (found out the hard way, don’t tell mom), these chips will remind you of times of freedom, smoke in the air, and of course heavily dusted chips. In short, these are daydreams in a bag. Or really just dreams, because in quarantine you can sleep literally whenever.

Sour Cream & Onion: SURPRISE! For some inexplicable reason, these Deep River kettle cooked potato chips are “KRINKLE CUT.” At this point, this is the only! surprising! thing! that has happened to you in four! days! (with the possible exception of smelling the rosemary chips, see

above) Remember what it felt like to go outside and be surprised that it’s raining? Remember seeing a friend on campus when you didn’t carefully plan out a date two weeks in advance?

Remember literally anything happening that didn’t require multiple negative tests and two weeks of quarantine? This is what these chips taste like! Nostalgia and sadness and surprise!

Zesty Jalapeno: Oh man, did I have high hopes for these guys, and did they disappoint.

The best part about the zesty jalapeno flavor on these chips is that it is so overpowering that you might even forget that you’re eating a potato chip, and that this is the sixth bag of potato chips you’ve consumed in three days, and that the main event in your life right now is eating the chips and telling people about the chips and writing about the chips and thinking about the chips. Also, if you’re like me and currently surrounded by half-drank water bottles, eating these chips is a PRIME way to get yourself to drain ‘em. When I did my super official taste test, I downed an entire bottle and the entire bag in the span of about five minutes, then spent the rest of the night walking laps around my room because I was so bloated. Godspeed.

Original Sea Salt. Let’s put it this way: These chips are quarantine-in-a-bag, and in all the wrong ways. Monotonous, bland, and progressively more uncomfortable with each day chip.

These chips have nothing going for them, and even the saltiness is so half-baked that you’re unsure whether these were just Baked Lays on the wrong oven setting or the best chip that Deep River thought that they could make while high was plain and call it “original.” Well, at Tufts we call a spade a spade and I’ve had nothing to be genuinely upset at for over a week, so I’m taking it out on these LUDICROUSLY DISAPPOINTING CHIPS. Give me no chips before giving me this garbage.

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YOU’VE BEEN IN A COMA FOR FIVE YEARS. WE’RE TRYING A NEW WAY TO REACH YOU. IF YOU READ THIS, WAKE UP PLEASE. YOUR FAMILY MISSES YOU.

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I HAVE FULLY GIVEN UP ON LAYOUT AT THIS POINT

BIG DAIRY DOESNT WANt YOU TO know their ~ scary ~ SECRETS

by Megan Szostak and Alex Viveros Head Milk Bitch and Meat Boi

S: CHOCCY A: STRAWBERRY, 2% B: WHOLE, OAT C: 1%, VANILLA, LACTAID D: ALMOND MILK E: SKIM, COCONUT F: SOY, POWDERED HONORABLE MENTIONS: HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM, NUT MILK, GOAT MILK, BREAST MILK (?)

B tier Whole Disclaimer: I’ll put a huge, huge, HUGE disclaimer here: don’t ever chug a lot of whole milk at once. As someone who went on a full-on kayaking trip after having chugged half a gallon, you don’t want to have to explain to everybody why you keep having to go back into the water and why bubbles are coming out of the water while youre doing it.

That being said, whole milk SLAPS. Second only to chocolate milk, a full glass of whole milk will hit the spot after a workout like nothing else will.

It’s well-none slander that people apparently dont like “drinking whole milk straight from the glass”. But whole milk is best served by the glass; dunk some cookies in there, and you’ll be all good to go.

Oat (“We should probably put something to please the vegans.

Is oat milk vegan? I’m sure it is”) Up next, we have the milk that’s broken barriers on what milk is supposed to mean over the past year. Much like the almond milk craze of the early 2010’s, Oat milk is even starting to become a staple in our 4-college-boy-household.

Oat milk goes excellently in coffee, as well as in a mixture to your scrambled eggs.

Personally, I think oatmeal tastes horrible, but oat milk takes the good parts of it and transforms it into milk. My mom drinks oat milk. I drink oat milk. Oat milk feels like a good old family milk.

Basically, Oat milk is gen z’s version of almond milk. While I wouldn’t recommend drinking a straight glass of it (unless you’re particularly brave), the potential of oat milk is starting to grow, so we’re here to wait out the ride.

S tier Choccy Chocolate — or, to use the widely accepted term “choccy” — milk is undoubtedly the superior milk. Not only is choccy milk the tastiest of all the milks, it also offers great nutritional benefits, especially after workouts; nothing is better than a glass filled to the brim with whole choccy milk to neutralize intense physical activity by providing you with hundreds of calories. YUMMO! A shockingly large percentage of american adults believe that choccy milk comes from brown cows.

Big Dairy has, time and time again, pushed back and asserted that choccy milk is made from the elysian mixture of cocoa and milk, but this is NOT TRUE. To the 7% of american adults who believe that choccy milk comes from brown cows, you are not conspiracy theorists, but enlightened visionaries who have discovered the true, entirely natural beauty of choccy milk. We all have a bit to learn from you :’) In conclusion: choccy milk ranks S on the tier list for its Sublime taste, its Superb nutritional value and its Seraphic place in the natural world.

If that isnt S tier, what is?

OP-ED Lactaid milk is just DISGUSTING. Where’s the love?

Taken out, along with the lactose, evidently. I suppose if one is lactose intolerant, lactaid milk is a good way to hop on the milk bandwagon and feel included, so I can’t throw too much shade on those folks who are lactose intolerant and are just trying their best to be milkies. That being said: if yoy are able to process lactose and you STILL drink lactaid, you are doing a disservice to your body. You have the gift of lactase, so embrace it. Don’t let it go to waste. Drink lactose-infused milk for the millions of people worldwide who LACKtose :’(

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Look, as much as I love milk, the fact is that it makes you fart and for a lot of people, they cant drink it. Lactaid introduces a whole new media of lactose consumption without the lactose! Not only that, but drinking lactaid is like a hug that everything is going to be okay. It has a bit of a sweeter taste than the other types of milk, but that makes it all the more fun. Lactaid is a vibe, through and through. vibes.

A tier Strawberry Here at the Daily, we stan flavored Nesquik milk. And while almost nothing can beat the pure joy and health benefits of drinking a huge good old glass of choccy Nesquik, Strawberry nesquik is a close second.

Almost nothing, NOTHING beats the satisfaction of drinking strawberry milk. Strawberry milk is for any occasion. Have a drab dinner plate? Strawberry milk brightens up any dish. Going on a date? Red is the color of romance, and milk is proven to be an aphrodisiac. Strawberry milk gives you the best of both worlds.

Finally, one of the big reasons we drink milk is to get big and strong. After all, calcium will make you grow to be over 5’6”, or at least that’s what my parents told me. But milk fanatics know, it’s hard to find a fruit that goes well with your milk drinking habits. You can’t dunk a peach in milk. Strawberry milk is elite in that it ties together two of the best types of scrumptiouness — strawberry, and milk. It’s like drinking a strawberry cheesecake, but with added nostalgia.

Strawberry milk is A tier. Ain’t nothing that can be done about it.

2% Let me set the scene for you: you are at Boston Logan airport and your flight to Milwaukee has been delayed for four hours. YOu are tired and bored and sick of the airport’s interior design that was probably done by some guy on acid paging through t a high school geometry textbook and thought “youknow what, i should decorate an airport.” but I digress. Your delay has rendered you parched, so you pay a visit to the starbucks of terminal B. You know that nothing quenches thirst like a large glass of 2% MILK, so you walk up to the cashier with this in mind. “A venti milk, please,” you say. The barista looks at you, face afeared, and shakily says “…milk?” “Yes,” you say with a smile. The barista begrudgingly obeys, the whole time murmuring “this is so weird this is so weird,” and finally hands you your venti MILK. Before you can retrieve your method of payment the barista tells you that it is on the house, and they are far too confused to even be able to charge you. All is right in the world, except for your delayed flight. At least you have rich, creamy 2% milk to get you through.

While this tale sounds purely allegorical, I assure you that it is true. Maybre humans are inherently good.

Maybe 2% milk brings out this goodness.

C tier LACTAID Intro: Like most political issues, Lactaid milk is incredibly polarizing. Both authors have very different takes on this ( disgustAN!) milk, so it’s up to YOU to decide: who is correct in their evaluation of Lactaid MIlk 1% 1% milk’s like fine. It doesn’t have much of a personality and is honestly true neutral. It’s too thick to be skim milk, and not thick enough to to be enjoyed with cookies or in another beverage. Honestly, the only reason it is as high as it is is because it’s not fat free milk so at least has SOME substance to it. It is easy to chug and works fine as a broth for cereal, but could be better in the department of cream.

D tier Almond beverage If you have ever wondered what the court system in this country really does for the public, learn you this: back in 2018, a case was presented to the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, arguing that almond milk was “imitation miLk” and calling it milk is deceptive. The court ruled that Blue Diamond, the defendant, was not guilty of deception and could continue calling their product “almond milk.” However, there is a nonzero number of companies who opt to call their almondd milk “almond beverage,” notably the Trader Joe’s brand of almond beverag. Almond beverage is a decent enough nut milk, as far as nut milks go. That in mind, it is still nut milk which is wack and makes me sad.

E tier Skim milk “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.

Which is water that is lying about being milk.” -Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

F tier Soy Milk Soy milk sucks. Soy milk is the taste of disappointment. If you drink soy milk, your parents are disappointed in you. That’s all. Be better.

Powdered milk Doomsday preppers will be all-too-familiar with our last place, absolute SHIT tier milk: powdered milk. Powdered milk shouldnt even be considered milk. With a shelf life of 18 months, many hoard cans of powdered milk in their pantries in anticipation of the nuclear holocaust, alien invasion, or a simple Malthusian catastrophe. While powdered milk is useful for these situations, it is the Worst Ever™ because it is a f-cking powder. What the f-ck. F-ck powdered milk.

haha we’re qUiRkY wine-loving soccer moms AA

continued from page xx their housemates discuss the results.

Bottled wine Really not sure, but they think they’re classier than boxed wine, and that makes me think they were a Bloomberg fan and love Biden (except his tax plan

because their daddy makes over $400k and has good health insurance—some of us don’t have health insurance at all, Bethany!)

Hard seltzer Either they’re 18 or a frat bro. They’re most likely playing drinking games with their roommate, ignoring the results

(they’ll find out who won by a CNN notification on their phone). If they picked White Claw, they probably voted Biden, but their parents were on the fence about it. If they grab Truly or any other hard seltzer (not the Bud Light ones— those bitches voted for Trump), they voted Biden

and their parents did too.

Rum Who the fuck’s first pick is rum? No. Beer Depends on the beer.

IPAs: Bernie Bros or Trump fans. Bernie Bros later became Biden voters (unless they went Green Party). Shock Top or Blue

Moon: Biden, but one person in their family voted for Trump and it’s gonna make Thanksgiving super fucking awful regardless of who wins. Any other beer: Trump or didn’t vote. Sorry, I don’t make the rules!

Vodka Biden. And they’ve got 10,000 Instagram info-

graphics ready to share on their story regardless of who wins. But if it’s Skol or Rubi, they’re a sorority girl who is more concerned about their chapter getting exposed for hazing on Instagram than the election. New Amsterdam drinkers probably wrote in for Marianne Williamson.

6

NO GODS, NO MASTERS | ONLY INDESIGN | MAY IT HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SLEEP SCHEDULE

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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WHO THE HELL READS THIS

Rebecca: “Is Jack Inhoffe a student?”

Fun & Games

LE DANK MAYMAYS

JILLIAN R ROLNICK ASTROLOGY

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 22) It’s spooky Scorpio season, ladies! Tonight, look for a vampire lurking at your window to signify a big life change. Also, be sure to study hard for your next test- F is for full moon which is on Halloween (we looked it up, don’t worry) and ironically it is the grade you will be receiving.

Finally, if your crush dresses up as Joe Exotic for Halloween, they are sending signals of animalistic passion for you (also if they are dressed as Guy Fieri)..

WE MIGHT AS WELL PUT THESE IN FOR YALL WHO DO IT

CORRECTION The Daily regrets this error.

SEARCHING FOR MY WILL TO LIVE... (JK WORDSEARCH IS ABOLISHED) LOOK AT THIS DUMB FUCKIN BIRD

WE KNOW Y’ALL ONLY READ US FOR THE CROSSWORD

COURTESY MEGAN SZOSTAK

HOT TAKES eat the rich

THE NUMBER OF TIMES WE’VE BEEN IN THIS FUCKING BASEMENT PAST 2AM ON A WEEKDAY

THE FLESH OF KINGS SHALL FERTILIZE THE EARTH

CONTINUING THE EDITORIAL IN COMIC SANS JUST IN CASE Y’ALL WERE ACTUALLY TAKING US SERIOUSLY

lips mean so much to those who know him; His disproportionately large legs and incredibly small torso make him an icon of body positivity. He reminds the Tufts community to stay true to A man like that is hard to find.

So President Monaco, we beg you to bring Gumby out for one more show; On this dark and stormy Halloween, let Gumby’s light shine on the Hill.

wow a feats article on the ops page how amazing its not like we just didnt plan the layout at all PUBES

continued from page 1 members no matter gender identity, race, color, length, size,,,,,,, or curliness. They just ask that you wash first before shaving.

“We’ll take the stray hairs you leave on the toilet seat,” Pound said. “If you’ve recently manscaped, donate it. If you’re just trimmin the bush, send it over. Just put it in.”

Jack Inhoffe, the artist who will be crafting the masterpiece, said the idea came to him after a game of Edward Fortyhands during a night out with the BOYS. Inhoffe is looking forward to the project ahead.

“I’m gonna go all in on this, like you have no idea,” Jack Inhoffe, a 22-year old member of Dick Trim Dudes, commonly known as DTD, said. “I just wanna go all night longer.”

Inhoffe’s previous artworks include a collage of upskirt photos that spell out the words “Saturday is for the Boys” and nude paintings of past presidents that he claims “expose” their vulnerabilities. Critics call his work ‘questionable’ at best, making the Administration’s decision to hire him the biggest fuck up since wasting $2 million to name the Green Line Extension (GLE) station.

“He is definitely the son of someone who donated a lot of money,” an anonymous source within the administration named Anita LottaBush told The Daily.

Regardless, there seems to be a lot of excitement within the student body, especially among those who decided to rename the Campus Center coffee shop “The Sink,” “It’s a mural made outta little bits of ourselves, and that’s what makes it so pleasurable to see,” said Harry Baals, a barista at “The Sink” and recent donor, in between bragging about how his second cousin knows the singer of “Still Woozy.”

Some students; however; take issue with the project. Meg Aboner experienced chafing and other irritations downstairs after donating, criticizing the Pubic Art Committee’s (PAC) “hair is just hair” donation campaign for not publicizing the complications that can arise from shaving ‘down there.’

If you’d like to donate to the Pubic Art Committee, “shave-and-go” tents will be ~erected~ on the Academic Quadrant tomorrow next to Jumbo’s Trunk. As Jack Inhoffe would say, It’s BYOR, bring your own razor.

ARE YOU HAPPY ALEX According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT’D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end.

ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the H E A D L I N E , “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: R e s t i n g C o m f o r t a b l y. ” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate.

We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET B E N S O N (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here.

Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave.

JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz.

She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me!

MARTIN BENSON Wave to us.

We’ll be in row 118,000.

Barry zips off.

BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

CUT TO: SEQ. 750 DRIVING TO G R A D UAT I O N EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. “Bee Movie” JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM F L AY M A N , standing by the curb.

He’s re a d i n g a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down.

Beestander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.”

Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam.

ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel?

BARRY A little. It’s a special day.

Finally graduating.

ADAM I never thought I’d make it.

BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school.

ADAM Those were so awkward.

BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral.

Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men.

ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. “Bee Movie” - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos

Anthony Scaramucci Quits Tufts Advisory Board After Tangling With Student Paper By Maggie Astor (in the NYT) Anthony Scaramucci, whose brief tenure last summer as White House communications director ended after a profane phone call to a New Yorker reporter, resigned on Tuesday from an advisory board at Tufts University after several weeks of conflict with students.

Mr. Scaramucci said he was stepping down from the advisory board of the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy to spare Tufts, his alma mater, unnecessary scrutiny. But he stood by his threat to sue The Tufts Daily, a student newspaper, and one of its writers if the writer did not apologize for critical op-eds published this month. “I thought it would be better for the school and better for me personally if we parted ways,” Mr. Scaramucci said in an interview on Tuesday. “It’s a school of law and diplomacy. I thought it was a diplomatic thing to do to bow out.” Camilo A. Caballero, the graduate student who wrote the op-eds, said Mr. Scaramucci’s resignation was a victory for Tufts students, many of whom had called for the university to dismiss him from the board. “Today is the day where we see a lot of important pieces come together for this result,” said Mr. Caballero, who will receive his master’s degree from the Fletcher School next month. More than 250 Tufts students signed a petition this fall that called for Mr. Scaramucci’s dismissal, and the conflict

Hoops Traveller: USA Basketball To Shut Down for Lack of Talent

by Arnav Sacheti

RANK NOT SET ON WEB

Gregg Popovich, the Head Coach of the USA men’s basketball team, released a shocking statement saying that he will no longer coach the team and disband the program because he is utterly frustrated.

“The USA Basketball team is full of players who can’t dribble, shoot, or pass if their lives depended on it. I mean, LeBron James is the worst of them all,” said Popovich.

This statement left many confused, especially since the USA has dominated its international basketball competition for decades, winning many gold medals and world cups, and LeBron James is regarded as one of the greatest players of all time.

When Lebron James was asked to respond to Popovich’s scathing statement, he said, “Wow, I’m impressed! Usually,

Coach Pop doesn’t say more than two words in an interview. How did you manage to get a whole 2 sentences out of him?”

The confusion of all fans and sports media members was cleared almost immediately when incriminating video footage of a USA Basketball Practice was released on the internet.

After James was unable to catch simple, on-target passes during a scrimmage, with some of the passes knocking him straight in the mouth, he was promptly sent to the training room. Reports say that under the tutelage of motivational speaker Arnold Schwarzenegger, he is being taught how to “grab something that is rightfully his”.

After airballing a few open three-point shots, Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors was relegated to standing underneath the basket to catch passes and then pass the ball right back. In an anonymous interview, one of the players on the USA team who was in the scrimmage expressed

his painful thoughts at Curry’s three-point shooting ability.

“He’s [Stephen Curry] so bad at shooting that it makes you want to puke. I honestly feel bad for him. He doesn’t deserve to be going through so much mental torture, but at the same time, its because of him that we are all losing our confidence”!

The struggles of James and Curry, two of the worlds’ most marketable and respected athletes, have rocked an entire nation of current and potential professional basketball players. Other USA Basketball Players who were once stars on their respective NBA teams now suddenly can’t even jump or run.

Youth recreational basketball leagues and AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) tournaments around the country have shut down in mourning of the USA team’s talents.

Duke University Head Coach And Former USA Basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski admitted to wasting his life in a sport he

loved but realizes he should have hated.

“This was bound to happen. I should have foreseen it. At some point, the whole pyramid was going to collapse. If the top players stop performing well, the ripple effect will cause the whole structure to break.”

According to a poll run by Fox News, 63% of Americans who were once avid proponents of the game, now say that there is no point in ever playing basketball again because no one will ever be good in America again} When asked for a comment on the entire American basketball structure being destroyed Curry said, “It feels surreal that I have that kind of influence on the American public. People say I destroyed basketball with my three-point shooting, and now, it’s actually true”

FUCK THE PATS ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE PATS Homie 3

LAX HOUSE, MA—In late September, with the situation of housing in flux due to the pandemic, Tufts University President and renowned enthusiast of the Dixon Ticonderoga pencil Anthony .P Monaco decided to create a new model to help rising juniors find housing. In an event based on the Hunger Games, the Class of 2023 split into different districts faced off in a competition to secure the best housing, with the winning district getting first dibs on housing.

The eventual goal of the games was to get all of the other tributes to drop out of Tufts and give up their housing spots, a move that was desperately needed as the administration figures out which dorm they’ll demolish to make room for the Green Line segment.

“We looked at the needs of our community: affordable housing, proximity to campus, and security in housing, and we created a solution that addresses just that, of course with the help of my freshly sharpened Dixon Ticonderoga pencil,” Monaco said at the annual Dixon Ticonderoga pencil convention held over snail mail format due to corona.

The event was held across the Medford\ Sommerville campus with two tributes from each of the twelve districts. District one was the group of girls from Phillips Exeter Academy. When asked about their motivations to win, Sarah from Wren stated, “I have made one of the nation’s greatest sacrifices already by giving up Pub Tuesdays, but my dream house on Powder House is SOMETHING I WILL NEVER SACRIFICE!!”

The location seemed to be a big motivator for those in District 1. “I don’t want a house near Davis, that’s all. There are so many people asking me for money. And for what? So they can waste their life spending it on alcohol?” Anna from Wren said as she offered me a white claw, insisting that it would transcend me into a lawless land.

Representing District 2 was the Class of 2023 Tufts’ gym enthusiasts who insisted that their dream location would be inside Gantcher itself.

“Listen, muchacho. This is my chance to eat, sleep, and breathe gym BRO. I will knock out every last competitor in order to make that happen,,’ said Joe of South Harleston.

District 3 consisted of a fairly large but underground group of sophomores on campus: the croC enthusiasts. Meeting thrice a week on the Presidential Lawn, this group of Jumbos are united in their love for the one-of-a-kind shoe and engage in vigorous debates about which color crocs or gibbets work best. Their tribute spoke to us an interview, saying “I broke my stepsister’s nose over an argument that the mickey mouse gibbet worked better on the blue croc than a Donald Duck gibbet on a green croc. Of course, a mistake, but you know how it is with the old Dixon Ticonderoga debate.

Classic. So, I am scared to live with croc lovers once again, but of course it’s coupled with intense excitement.” They are looking to live in a beautiful house down Curtis Ave with the interior pictured below.

Other notable vDistricts include District 9 representing Tufts’ A Capella groups who plan to use their tens of Spotify streams to intimidate their opponents, District ‘~’ of the Craft Center, and District 538 representing the Class of 2023 Tufts Political Science majors. When pressed about their strategy on how they planned to win the games, the tributes of District 538 simply airdropped a link to a change.org petition.

Of course, not everyone in the Class of 2023 was excited about the games. Many were perplexed to realize that a commitment to a house meant a commitment to a friendship, a line that many Jumbos believed had simply gone too far. “I use my roommate to gossip about my best friend from Burlesque and use my best friend from Burlesque Ryan Shaffer (feats exec / ded eic / ded copy exec / crisis mode) is seen running from the miller shower shitter

by Arpan Barua

to gossip about my roommate. Now you’re telling me I have to live with all these people?” Ria shouted, seeming to have a breakdown at the thought of honesty.

There was a small contingent of students who objected to the games entirely. The radical sentiment among this fringe group was that rather than make groups compete with each other for housing, Tufts should just invest in more on-campus housing. However, upon stating these claims, friends of the members of the fringe group noticed their sudden disappearance from campus. “I think they locked them in a dungeon in Talloirês,” said one of the friends.

The games officially commenced with the singing of Tuftonia and a speech by Provost Nadine Aubry, a speech centered around the values of the game. “At Tufts, we continue to show a strong commitment to diversity, civic participation, and financial equity, which is why we are allowing trib-

utes to pay for their own real estate agent during the games,” said Aubry to a raucous galley view.

The games got off to a brutal start, with many districts losing a tribute during the first day and a couple of districts gone in the first day itself. The various tributes had a plethora of methods to go about annoying their peers enough that theyd drop out of school. Some used Nerf Guns and water guns.

Others super-glued their peers to the Jumbo statue.

A tribute from District One was able to knock out a member of District Five by screaming into their ear repeatedly about how stressed they are about midterms; with its frequency and volume, the tribute from District Five ultimately stood no chance.

However, what seemed to work best was a reliance on one of the spookiest items on the campus of Tufts: a heap of Carmichael scrambled éggs.

The Hunger Games of Tufts decided to make improvements on the Hunger Games of Panem by adding a halftime show performed by campus ✨ owever, once the band finished ✨ OH!3. H favorite 3 their rendition of “My first kiss,” the games began to escalate after. District One was officially out by the end of the week, with District 5, 9, 13.6, and ‘~’ all gone after them. District 538’s final tribute was shocked to find himself on the verge of being annoyed enough into dropping out, pondering how all his campaigning for Joe Biden didn’t seem to change the situation whatsoever. District Two’s final tribute had a clear advantage over the final tributes, but upon being a sent an icebreaker activity asking him what his favorite hobbies outside of the gym are, the tribute immediately got on a flight home, much to the relief of the janitors of Gantcher.

By the home stretch, there were three tributes remaining, two from District 19 and one from district 3. The official winners of the very first Hunger Games for Off-Campus Housing were district 19 after the two members locked the district 3 tribute in the bathroom of Lewis Hall. But who were our winners? Who is district 19? In an interview with the group, district 19 revealed themselves to be none other than the group of sophomores who pooped in bathrooms in Miller Hall last year, colloquially known as the “MILLER SHOWER SHITTERS.” “We aren’t just a group of people, we are a family,” said one of them. district 19 is looking to get a house off of Packard Avenue Road in order to be as close to Miller Hall as humanly possible. district 19 is ecstatic to have won the competition as it sets their massive plans — hitting all of the other halls in Tufts –- in motion.

Though filled with disappointment, the first Hunger Games was seen as a massive success in for the Tufts Administration. It had sparked massive interest around campus, lead to 22 new cases of shower pooping incidents on-campus, and followed an excellent tradition of responsibility avoidance for the Tufts Administration. The university is already making plans for a bigger and better games for the Class of 2024.

Inaugural Hunger Games for Off-Campus Housing 8 Friday, October 30, 2020

SPROTS

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