a student newspaper of the university of tulsa
march 3, 2014 issue 19 ~ volume 99
Ukrainian Spring or Russian Winter? The conflict that has been brewing in the streets of Ukraine over the last two months has finally erupted into a large-scale geopolitical crisis. Scores of protesters are dead, a president has been ousted and Russia now stands poised to forcibly acquire the Crimean Peninsula from the disorganized Ukrainians. Unauthorized Russian troops have moved into the strategically important peninsula in what many are calling an outright invasion. The United States and the EU look on, as memories of 1930s appeasement haunt a world that is witnessing what appears to be a blatantly illegal land grab by Russian President Vladimir Putin. While shots have not yet been fired at or by the Russian troops occupying Ukraine, and shouts of World War Three are grotesquely premature, we at the Collegian feel it is important for our readership to stay informed about international events of this magnitude, and we have decided to devote our cover, a spot typically reserved for TU and Tulsa-specific issues, to the crisis unfolding in Ukraine.
by raphic
Image and Data courtesy Laris Klarkis / Washington Post
J.Christopher Proctor Editor-in-Chief
What’s going on? The crisis in Ukraine continues to escalate with the occupation of Crimea by Russian troops. Ukraine has been in a state of turmoil since late November of last year when then-president Viktor Yanukovych pulled out of trade talks with the European Union, opting instead to make a deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin that would secure Ukraine large loans at low interest rates and a continued flow of cheap Russian natural gas. Many Ukrainians saw the move as a pivot away from Europe and the EU and towards Russia and Putin, and protests soon broke out in Kiev, Ukraine’s capital. The protests, which spread across the country, became known as the EuroMaidan, named after Kiev’s Independence Square (Maidan Nezalezhnosti in Ukrainian). After over two months of constant protests and occasional violent clashes with police, the situation came to a head between Feb. 18 and 20 when police forces attempted to raid the protesters’ encampment on the Maidan. Over 80 were killed as snipers were ordered to fire into the crowd, and structures used by the protests, including at least one serving as a hospital, were burnt. The fallout from this conflict, which was seen as brutal both internationally and within Ukraine, was swift. On Feb. 22 the Ukrainian Parliament voted to depose President Yanukovych— who promptly went into hiding— appointing former Chairman of the Parliament Oleksandr Turchynov acting president until elections can be held this May. The Russian government, however, has refused to recognize the legitimacy of the Parliament’s
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decision and is now hosting the ousted President Yanukovych, who still claims to be the legitimate president of Ukraine. On Feb. 28 matters escalated once more, as unidentified soldiers in the strategically important Crimean peninsula seized two airports, allowing unauthorized planes to land. Russia, which maintains a strong military presence in Ukrainiancontrolled Crimea (home to the Russian Black Sea Fleet), sent an additional 6,000 troops into Crimea on March 1. This move was called a “declaration of war” by the acting Ukrainian Prime Minister Arseniy Yatseniuk, and Ukraine has now mobilized its military forces. Thousands have joined the Ukrainian military in recent days, and the Russian troops, “after seizing key assets” are “digging in,” according to NPR. Paranoia is high, as rumors of Polish troop mobilizations spread across the internet Sunday afternoon, and little reliable information is coming out of the
besieged peninsula. President Obama scolded Vladimir Putin in a 90-minute phone call for his “clear violation of Ukrainian sovereignty,” but as of printing the Obama Administration has made no clear statements on what action, if any, it plans to take. Context for the crisis Since its independence from the Soviet Union in 1991, Ukraine has had its share of instability. While most economies transitioning from communism in the early 1990s faced initial economic downturns, Ukraine’s lasted a decade, as GDP per capita dropped every year between 1990 and 1999, falling an astounding 22.5 percent in 1994. While growth picked up in the 2000s, the country still lags far behind its Central European neighbors in most economic indicators and has even been outperformed by the notoriously inept Russian post-transition economy. The economy is currently in “grim shape,” with high unemployment and an interim
government in immediate danger of defaulting on its debts. Ukraine’s economic woes have been matched by a degree of political instability that seems closer to fiction than fact. In the winter of 2004 Ukrainians took to the streets to protest a corrupt election which was won by Viktor Yanukovych (the same Yanukovych that was ousted last week), in what became known as the Orange Revolution. While the nonviolent Orange Revolution was successful in forcing a new vote (which was won by opposition candidate Viktor Yushchenko), the new reform-minded government led by Yushchenko and Prime Minister Yulia Tymosh-
enko was unable to make significant headway during its six years in power. In 2010 Ukrainians voted in what was widely regarded as a fair election for Viktor Yanukovych to replace Yushchenko as President, a title he held until last week. While president, Yanukovych imprisoned former Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko on charges of corruption. Tymoshenko was released last week after Yanukovych’s ouster. Behind the political drama, however, are deep-seated cultural and geographical divides in Ukrainian society. The western
See Ukraine page 5
GDP per capita, Poland and Ukraine 1990-2012
Poland
Ukrain e
Data from World Bank, Graphic by Sarah Power
The Ukrainian economy has struggled since independence in 1991. While gross domestic product per capita was roughly the same for Ukraine and neighboring Poland at independence, the Polish economy (along with the economies of much of Central and Eastern Europe) has fast outpaced the sluggish Ukrainian economy.
Graphic by Sarah Power
Nestled between Russia and Central Europe, Ukraine has struggled with an identity crisis since its 1991 independence, with influences from Russia and Europe competing for control of Ukraine’s future.
Sports
3 March 2014
the Collegian : 2
A brief history of TU basketball success
TU basketball has a strong history of winning. Danny Manning seems destined to return glory to the program. Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
Unbeknownst to many current University of Tulsa students, Golden Hurricane basketball boasted the model men’s basketball program for mid-majors just a decade ago. For ten years, from the 1993–94 to the 2002–03 seasons, TU amassed a 243–89 record, eight NCAA Tournament appearances and one NIT championship. In 1991, head coach Tubby Smith arrived from Virginia Commonwealth University to fill the shoes of former coach J.D. Barnett. Smith threw Tulsa basketball onto the national scene with backto-back Missouri Valley Conference championships. In two years at the helm, Smith and the Golden Hurricane made the NCAA Tournament in 1993–94, even reaching the Sweet Sixteen. Tulsa, the No. 12 seed team, toppled the No. 5 seed UCLA 112– 102. Then the Golden Hurricane took down No. 4 seed and in-state rival Oklahoma State 82–80, before falling to 1990s powerhouse Arkansas. The following season, TU again reached the Sweet Sixteen, losing to the University of Massachusetts.
Following a successful first head coaching gig at Tulsa, Smith vacated his seat for the job at the University of Georgia. The program brought in Steve Robinson, who, like current Head Coach Danny Manning, previously served as an assistant at the University of Kansas. Robinson provided some continuity, leading the Golden Hurricane to the 1996 and 1997 NCAA tournaments, guiding Tulsa in its transition from the MVC to the Western Athletic Conference. However, unlike Smith, Robinson did not enjoy quite the same postseason success, falling in the first and second rounds respectively. Nonetheless, Robinson left TU for Florida State. As the next TU men’s basketball coach, Bill Self took the reins in 1997 after serving as head coach of the ORU Golden Eagles for four seasons. Self, a former star player at Oklahoma State, improved the Golden Eagles from a 5–22 record the year before he arrived to 21–7 in his last year. Before arriving at ORU, Self began his college coaching career as an assistant coach in Kansas, replacing current Kentucky head coach John Calipari. Following that, Self was an assistant coach at Oklahoma State under Eddie Sutton, the seventh winningest NCAA D1 coach in history. In his first year, despite a 19–
12 record, the Golden Hurricane missed the playoffs. The following year the Hurricane grabbed its first WAC championship, though shared with Utah. With the WAC championship, Tulsa defeated the College of Charleston before losing to eventual runner-up Duke. But in Self’s third and final season, Tulsa boasted its best record ever, a 32–5 mark, a WAC championship and the school’s only Elite Eight appearance. Having earned a No. 7 seed, Tulsa crushed UNLV, before defeating Cincinnati and Miami (Fla.). However, North Carolina ended Tulsa’s hard-fought bid for the Final Four in a 59–55 contest. Self left Tulsa to coach the Illini and then headed to Kansas in 2003. Under the command of Self, the Jayhawks have won 10 consecutive Big XII regular-season conference titles. Next, Buzz Peterson took the TU head coaching job for a single season. In spite of a 26–11 record, Tulsa failed to receive an NCAA Tourney bid. With an NIT bid, TU proved skeptics wrong by capturing the NIT title, capped by a 79– 60 victory over Alabama. Peterson quickly fled Green Country, taking a job at Tennessee. John Phillips, an in-house hire, led Tulsa to another WAC cochampionship and the second round of the NCAA Tourney in his first season. In 2003, the Hurricane
Final home game thrills packed student section The men’s basketball team gave fans an exciting show for its final home game. Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
Leading into Sunday’s matchup against UTSA, the University of Tulsa men’s basketball team was riding a six game winning streak. In the most important game of the year so far, TU overcame its road woes, defeating UTEP in El Paso by a score of 65–60. Tulsa and UTEP were among five teams atop the Conference USA standings. But Tulsa’s victory solidified its spot among the top tier of C-USA, simultaneously stomping UTEP out of first place. Shaq Harrison led the Hurricane’s scoring effort with 15 points, dunking emphatically to put TU ahead with less than five minutes to go. The Tulsa defense held strong to hold off a 20 point second-half performance by UTEP’s John Bohannon. On Sunday, UTSA didn’t appear to be much of a threat, repping a 4–10 conference record and a three game losing streak. Tulsa dominated the start of the game,
beginning on a 18–2 run. By halftime, Tulsa boasted a 34–22 lead over the Roadrunners. However, UTSA played the second half as if the first never happened. UTSA stifled the Hurricane offense with an aggressive 3–2 zone defense. While the TU offense stumbled to a halt, the Roadrunners offense steadily crept up the scoreboard. With 3:28 to go, UTSA earned its first lead. Tulsa regained the lead, but UTSA tied the game to force overtime. Though Tulsa established a small lead for most of overtime, Keon Lewis tied it with two free throws as 33 seconds remained on the clock. In the game’s final
possession, Shaq Harrison slowly dribbled across the court to kill time. Finally, with four seconds to go, the Hurricane attacked. Harrison missed a crowded layup, Brandon Swannegan failed to tip in the rebound, but D’Andre Wright nabbed the ball, then tossed in a layup as time expired to seal the Hurricane victory. Ultimately, UTSA led Tulsa in every significant statistical category, including field goal percentage, 3-point percentage and rebounds. Somehow, TU pulled away with an important victory to honor its seniors, Barrett Hunter and Tim Peete.
Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
With the roster sporting 25 freshman, almost half of the team, and a new assistant coach, any other team would label this a “rebuilding year.” This is not what team co-captain junior Jamie Roloff would call the upcoming women’s rowing season. “Sure, it’s a building year, but it’s not a rebuilding year. All of these new faces bring a lot of freshness and excitement to the team,” she said. In fairness, almost all years have been building years for Tulsa rowing. On average, Tulsa has improved its number of first-place finishes by four each year since head coach Kevin Harris joined the program in 2002. That is to say nothing of the increase in caliber of regatta schedule in the last decade. This season is no exception. The first big re-
W. Basketball Softball
M. Basketball
Softball
W. Soccer W. Tennis Softball Softball W. Soccer Jesse Keipp / Collegian
Senior Tim Peete and head coach Danny Manning hug following Peete’s last home game as a member of the Golden Hurricane.
gatta comes on March 22 and 23 at the Longhorn Invitational. The invitational will be a dual regatta, where two crews at a time race down the course head-tohead. Last year’s C-USA champion, No. 19-ranked Oklahoma, will be at the invitational in addition to the Longhorns, a close rival for the Hurricane. Co-captain and senior Renee Vanasse expressed the most excitement at this regatta. “I know all of the races are going to be really good races because all of the teams attending are high caliber,” she said. Later in the season Tulsa will meet crews from across the country at the San Diego Crew Classic, one of the largest regattas in the country. The most notable contender there will be the No. 2-ranked Cal-Berkeley Bears. The last time the Hurricane competed at the classic in 2012, it finished fifth, behind Duke, Oregon State, OU and San Diego. The lightweight rowers will compete in the Knecht Cup in
Cherry Hill, N.J. on April 12 and 13. Lightweight rowing is sponsored at a much smaller number of schools than open-weight rowing and many of the nation’s top competitors will be at this competition. While Austin is a regular trek for many Tulsa students, San Diego is a bit too far afield for most. Thankfully, there are two races this season on the home course Verdigris River. The Golden Hurricane will kick off the spring season with an exhibition meet against KU at home on Saturday. Unfortunately the lay of this course is not much for spectators, and will be difficult to watch. The Lawless Cup on April 19 will be the spectator event of the season. In addition to being senior day, it will feature SMU and Creighton, teams on the same level as Tulsa, which should lead to exciting competition. This will be the spectator event to attend as it will feature a variety of races in several categories as well as speeches about the graduating seniors.
ning’s inaugural recruiting class gains more experience, the Hurricane looks to return to formidability. Sophomore guard James Woodard leads the Hurricane in scoring (14.6 ppg) and rebounds (5.9 rpg). Fellow sophomore Shaquille Harrison complements Woodard, contributing to the promising class. While TU struggled with its ambitious out-of-conference schedule to start the season, the team has since found its stride in conference play. After a stunning February, the team looks to continue its stride into March. A C-USA Tournament victory would seal an NCAA Tourney bid for Tulsa for the first time since 2003. Nonetheless, hopes are high at the Reynolds Center, and rightfully so, as long as Danny Manning heads TU basketball.
Catherine Duininck / Collegian
Former TU head coach Tubby Smith and the 1993–94 team, TU’s first team to reach the NCAA Tournament’s Sweet Sixteen, were honored at halftime of the basketball game Sunday along with other former TU basketball legends.
Wednesday March 5
vs Charlotte
vs. Oklahoma State
Reynolds Center
7 p.m.
Stillwater, Okla.
7 p.m.
Thursday March 6
Rowing
Rowing season begins in Tulsa against Kansas
Rowing looks to continue history of improvement while facing a difficult schedule.
again reached the second round. But by the 2003–04 season, any remnants from the Bill Self era had left, as TU stumbled to a 9–20 record and an 8th-place WAC finish. Tulsa’s miraculous decade of success had come to an end. Midway through the 2004–05 season, Phillips was fired and replaced by ineffective interim head coach Alvin “Pooh” Williams. With TU’s 2005 transition to Conference USA, Doug Wojcik ascended to head coach. In seven seasons, Wojcik became the winningest head coach in Tulsa history, compiling a 140–92 record. Despite his standing in Tulsa basketball history, Wojcik’s tenure was largely mediocre compared to the program’s previous success. During the Wojcik era, TU never captured a C-USA championship or reached the NCAA Tournament. Wojcik’s only success came in 2008 when TU won the inaugural College Basketball Invitational. After Wojcik failed to take Tulsa basketball to the next level, the program hired Danny Manning from his assistant coaching job at KU. A highly ambitious hire, Manning boats the most robust NBA resume of any NCAA Division I coach. In his collegiate career at KU, Manning won one national championship, one Player of the Year award and two All-American selections. Following his Hall of Fame college stint, Manning was picked first overall in the 1988 NBA Draft. During his NBA career, Manning was a two-time All-Star and Sixth Man of the Year award winner. During his first season, Manning led the Hurricane to a lukewarm 17–16 record with a freshmanheavy team. However, as Man-
Softball
vs. North Texas
Denton, Texas
Friday March 7
vs. Liberty
Norman, Okla.
Saturday March 8
vs. Kansas
vs. Northeastern State
vs. Kansas
vs. Western Illinois
vs. Oklahoma vs. Central Arkansas
2 p.m.
Catoosa, Okla.
TBA
Hurricane Stadium
10 a.m.
Case Tennis Center
12 p.m.
Norman, Okla.
1:30 p.m.
Norman, Okla.
4 p.m.
Hurricane Stadium
5 p.m.
Sunday March 9
vs. Liberty
7 p.m.
Norman, Okla.
10 a.m.
Monday March 10
M. Golf
Louisiana Classics
Lafayette, La.
All Day
TU tennis among the best in NCAA The men’s and women’s tennis teams continue their tradition of excellence on a national stage. amy bunselmeyer
Copy Editor
It has been a good season for both the men’s and women’s tennis teams. As of Feb. 25, the women’s team was ranked No. 17 by the Intercollegiate Tennis Association (ITA), up six spots from the previous week’s No. 23. This jump makes for the highest national ranking in TU’s history. Two singles players are also in the rankings—Samantha Vickers at No. 70 and Yelena Nemchen at No. 109. The men’s team is currently ranked No. 32 by the ITA in addition to having three singles players
and a doubles team ranked nationally. Senior Clifford Marsland is ranked at No. 89, junior Alejandro Espejo at No. 90 after beginning the season unranked, and senior Japie De Klerk at No. 97. The doubles team consisting of Marsland and sophomore Dylan McCloskey is currently ranked at No. 24. Alejandro Espejo was also named the Men’s Tennis Athlete of the Week in Conference USA. This is the third time Espejo has won this award, and TU has won every men’s tennis weekly award so far this season. This Saturday at noon the women will be taking on Kansas at the Case Tennis Center and will be playing Oklahoma on March 12. The men will be playing South Florida on April 4 at 5 p.m. and Oklahoma on April 6 at 2 p.m.
Sports
the Collegian : 3
3 March 2014
Team USA has another shot in Sochi Following the Olympics, the city of Sochi will be hosting the XI Paralympic Winter Games.
Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
First of all, I’d like to give a shout-out to my alma mater, St. Louis University High, which made national headlines. During halftime of a Coaches for Cancer basketball game, one-armed sophomore Max Bredenkoetter sank a half-court shot, then immediately donated his winnings to charity for cancer research. Another student, senior Josh Kiel, also made a half-court bucket and donated his money to research. The athletic director, Dick Wehner, looked on and M.C.’ed while rocking an all-pink suit. The donations of the students exemplifies the “Men for Others” motto that SLUH embraces.
Fraser Kastner Staff Writer
Beginning on March 7, the town of Sochi will host the XI Paralympic Winter Games. The games will feature wheelchair curling, ice sledge hockey, cross-country skiing, biathlon and alpine skiing. These year’s games will be the first to include para-snowboarding, which will be under the category of alpine skiing. The Paralympics began as a small competition between disabled British World War II veterans, and eventually grew into what it is today. It hosts outstanding athletes with disabilities from many nations, although it draws from a smaller pool than the Olympics. The term “Paralympic” was first officially used in 1988, in the Summer Games in Seoul. The first Winter Games were held in 1976 in Sweden. The Paralympic Team USA features athletes from across the nation. These include Jake Adicoff, a cross-country skier who, despite being legally blind from birth,
Photo courtesy Paralympics
The U.S. men’s sled hockey team beat Russia 2–1 in the semi-finals of the 2013 World Championships. The U.S. lost to Canada in the finals and is looking for another successful run in the Paralympic games.
placed in the top 50 at the 2014 U.S. Ski and Snowboarding Association Cross-Country National Championships while competing against non-disabled competitors. The U.S. Team also includes Cristina Albert, competing in the first-ever Paralympic snowboarding event. Having been a competitive snowboarder for three years, she is one of the nation’s best. Losing her left
Wheelchair basketball at TU Photo courtesy Orlando Sentinel
Lebron James wore a pretty awesome mask to protect his face, but the NBA was not a fan.
After busting his nose trying to dunk against Oklahoma City, LeBron James opted to wear a black carbon mask to protect his face. With the mask, James took on a superhero-esque identity. Was the LeBron that we all knew living a double life as Zorro or even Batman? He has the money and athleticism to be a real life Bruce Wayne. And we can dream. However, the system (the NBA) decided to harsh his mellow (told him not to wear the black mask anymore) presumably because it just looked too cool. Instead, he was instructed to wear a boring, clear mask. But I, unlike the NBA, refuse to see color. Richie Incognito is no stranger to The Bleacher Creature, since he allegedly bullied his teammate Jonathan Martin. Incognito, known for his swift decision-making skills, concluded that the best way to handle his personal stresses was to take a baseball bat to his beautiful Ferrari. The massive dents suggest that Incognito may have taken up the wrong sport. However, since most of society frowns upon smashing really expensive things and has labeled such acts as “anger issues,” Incognito took advantage of a brief moment of clarity to check himself into a facility in Arizona. When asked about the incident, Incognito nonchalantly responded, “Oh that was just me venting, that was self-expression, that’s a piece of art.” Admirably, he decided to give away his “artwork” to charity. And, no, charity is not a stripper.
Catherine Duininck / Collegian
Tulsa freshman Rob Egan formed the American Collegiate Society for Adapted Athletics in 2009. TU and the ACSAA held a wheelchair basketball tournament in the Collins Fitness Center on Saturday. Egan was diagnosed with cerebral palsy in 1995 but had a love for sports. He founded the ACSAA in 2009 after entering a state essay competition in which he expressed his desire for an organization like the ACSAA. Egan is the president and oversees daily operations. The ACSAA is a non-profit, and its goal is to further competitive athletic opportunities for disabled students in college. According to www.acsaaorg. org, the “ACSAA exists to finally change the statement ‘all men are created equal’ to ‘all people are treated equal.’”
Athletics can improve academics Collegiate teams playing on a national stage can cause a sizeable increase in applications to a university, allowing the school to be more academically selective. Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
Photo courtesy TMZ
If Rich Incognito did not like his really awesome car, I would have been willing to take it off of his hands.
Spring Training is underway in Arizona and Florida as Major League Baseball returns to action for another exciting year. Apparently, the players didn’t get the memo saying that the fun doesn’t start until the regular season. Oakland Athletics outfielder Josh Reddick’s defense appears to be in midseason form already. He robbed a home run from the San Francisco Giants’ Michael Morse over a 10foot wall … twice. Given that the game was largely meaningless, Morse was really upset for having his day ruined twice. “Couldn’t he just let me have one?” quipped Morse.
Photo courtesy Lance Iversen / USA Today
One of two catches by Oakland A’s outfielder Josh Reddick that robbed the Giant’s Michael Morse of a home run in a Spring Training game on Feb. 26.
foot at the age of 12, she went on to place well on a national level. The games played are variations on traditional winter games. Many of the games are identical except for the inclusion of specialized gear. Wheelchair curling, for example, is much like traditional curling with the exception that there is no sweeping, and that competitors are in wheelchairs. Sledge hockey incorporates a specially designed sled used by athletes with lowerextremity disabilities, as well as a shorter hockey stick. The rules of hockey are largely unchanged. The arena is constructed to allow players in and out of penalty boxes and benches without being lifted. On the Team USA sledge hockey team are defensemen Tyler Carron and Nikko Landeros. One-time high school wrestlers, these two were injured in the same car wreck, causing them both to lose their legs. After taking up sledge hockey, Carron won gold in the 2012 Paralympic Committee Ice Sledge Hockey World Championship. Landeros won gold in the 2010 Paralympic Games in Vancouver. The games will be held in Sochi, Russia, the location of the recent XXII Winter Olympic Games. A contract between the International Olympic Committee and the International Paralympic Committee signed in 2001 states that the winner of the Olympic bid also wins the Paralympic bid. Sochi beat out Salzburg, Austria and Pyeongchang, South Korea. This year will be the first time Turkey, Uzbekistan and Brazil will compete, while South Africa will not send athletes this year. NBC has acquired the rights to broadcast the games in the United States. Due to criticism for providing little coverage of previous Paralympics, the network will devote 50 hours of coverage to the Games. This is a huge increase from the 2012 Summer Paralympics, of which only five and a half hours were shown.
With the cultural prominence of collegiate athletics, especially with the emerging saturation of sports coverage with ESPN and other networks, men’s basketball and football can springboard little-known universities into the national spotlight. Furthermore, as an advertising platform, athletic success can significantly elevate universities academically. In a 1984 football matchup, Boston College and the University of Miami faced off in a shootout, the score changing multiple times. An already memorable game finished with arguably the most memorable play in college football history. At the end of the fourth quarter, Boston College quarterback Doug Flutie scrambled to the Boston College 37-yard line, avoiding sacks. Eventually, Flutie heaved a bomb over 60 yards in the air to receiver Gerard Phelan for the touchdown and the victory. The victory shoved Boston College into the attention of the nation, and apparently the attention of prospective students. In the two years following Flutie’s famous “Hail Mary” pass, applications increased by approximately 30 percent. This phenomenon, dubbed the “Flutie Effect,” denoted the increase in applications after athletic success. However, the Flutie Effect has not been isolated to Boston College. After the Georgetown University men’s basketball team reached the NCAA tourney finals three times between 1983 and 1986, applications to the college increased 45 percent during the same period. After winning the Big Ten Championship in football in 1995, applications to Northwestern University increased by 21 percent. Applications to Boise State Univer-
sity increased by 18 percent after the Broncos defeated Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. After a return to football prowess, applications to Texas Christian University increased by 105 percent from 2000 to 2008.
“The Flutie Effect has not been isolated to Boston College” Inevitably, more applicants leads to more selectivity. If applications surged by 20 percent at TU, the school would naturally have to be more selective. Consequentially, TU
would accept higher-caliber students while rejecting what were formerly fringe applicants. Granted, sports success is extremely unpredictable. Limitless funds and deeppocketed boosters don’t guarantee national championships. Finding the next Johnny Manziel is not a whole lot more than blind luck. Nonetheless, investing in college athletics programs, especially the attentiongrabbers football and men’s basketball, is a worthy investment. Continuing to invest in beautiful stadiums and state-of-the-art facilities very well may pay off on the field. And success on the field inarguably leads to success in the classroom.
News and Notes •
The Tulsa 66ers have won six straight games, most recently beating the Rio Grande Valley Vipers 128–120 Sunday in Bixby. The game against the Vipers was schedule for Saturday evening, but was postponed due to travel delays which prevented the 66ers from returning to Tulsa. The 66ers next play in Green Country Wednesday at 11 a.m. against the Erie BayHawks and Saturday at 7 p.m. against the Texas Legends.
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The Tulsa Oilers have also been playing dominantly. The team has won the last five games and 10 of the last 11. The team has shut out their opponents twice in the last five games and has outscored their opponents 44–19 in the 10 victories. The Oilers play the Rapid City Rush in the BOK Center on Friday and Saturday at 7:35 p.m.
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Tulsa’s new indoor football team, the Oklahoma Defenders, began their first season with a 72–6 victory over the Kansas Koyotes in the Cox Business Center, formerly the Tulsa Convention Center. Two former Golden Hurricane players, three former OSU players, a former OU player and three former NFL players are on the team’s roster. The Defenders next play in Tulsa on March 16 at 4:05 p.m. against the Wichita Wild.
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Tulsa area soccer fans voted to name the city’s new USL PRO soccer team the Tulsa Roughnecks. Roughnecks, which received 50 percent of the vote, was the name of the Tulsa-based soccer team in the North American Soccer League from 1978 to 1984. The team which played at what was then Skelly Stadium also won the Soccer Bowl in 1983 over the Toronto Blizzard 2–0.
NEWS
3 March 2014
the Collegian : 4
Govt. sponsored CyberCorps teaches computer security Dr. Sujeet Shenoi’s CyberCorps program teaches students computer security while bringing them into contact with such organizations as the NSA and the CIA. Oscar Ho Staff Writer
“They need to be a combination of Jesus and Einstein,” said Dr. Sujeet Shenoi, University of Tulsa F. P. Walter Professor of Computer Science. There are a handful of computer science students who are training for a career in the area of cyber warfare. Many find jobs with the Central Intelligence Agency, which, according to Shenoi, is more difficult than being awarded a scholarship by Harvard University. CyberCorps at TU, which is directed by Shenoi, recruits its students from around the country. While some of them were TU students since their freshman year, many of them come from universities around the country, including Ivy League institutions. The program itself is designed to be two years long, so many students join in their junior year of undergraduate study, and complete the program as they graduate TU. However, the program is open to graduate students and even those out of college. Some of Shenoi’s students have been in their thirties, forties and even fifties. CyberCorps at TU is held in high esteem by the National Security Agency. TU is one of eight universities named by the NSA as a National Center of Academic Excellence for Cyber Operations. TU also won a hacking contest against other universities’ cyber defense students which involved defeating a special ballot box. CyberCorps is not unique to TU. The program was started at a handful of United States universities under the Clinton administration. The goal was part of a governmental attempt to train personnel to protect the country against cyber attack. CyberCorps at TU is the largest program to date, said Shenoi, and the next largest one is located at Carnegie Mellon. The biggest opportunity that CyberCorps offers to students is its scholarshipfor-service arrangement. All students receive a scholarship, the terms of which require them to work for a
government agency upon graduation. The minimal length of their employment with the government must equal the length of time they received the scholarship. This ensures that the federal information security services have access to the best talent in the nation, and it also promises students a job upon graduation. Joining CyberCorps at TU is not easy. The process is rigorous. Shenoi personally interviews applicants, their friends and their family. Applicants are also required, by governmental directive, to pass background checks and obtain high security clearance. The vetting does not stop there. “I watch them, and they watch each other,” said Shenoi, to make sure they do not “go rogue.” But the most critical part of the program is the training they receive at TU. The academic rigor of CyberCorps is remarkable. Their basic classes include general computing, cryptography and networking theory. Methods of defending information, stealing information and destroying information are also integral to the program. “To everything (we do) there is an offense and
“CyberCorps bring students, money and collaboration (to TU)” defense,” said Shenoi. CyberCorp classes also teach tricks that could help them in their jobs, especially for students who may work in hostile areas. For example, Shenoi teaches professional lock picking and handcuff escapes as part of their coursework. CyberCorps students take classes that are designed specifically for CyberCorps, and they take advantage of government and private internships. “The National Science Foundation calls us a teaching hospital,” said Shenoi. Tulsa Police, the FBI, the Secret Service and mentors from the CIA and NSA regularly use CyberCorps students as interns. CyberCorps students have contributed heavily to government operations, ranging from assisting in murder investigations to testing private and government digital infrastructure. It is entirely possible, Shenoi said, that TU interns have worked on NSA surveillance programs.
Comedic play “Tartuffe” to be performed this week Director Steven Marzolf has created a modernized version of Moliere’s “Tartuffe” comedy. The show, a fresh take on an old classic, opens Thursday. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
In 1664 Moliere wrote “Tartuffe,” the classic work of comic hypocrisy. This week the theater department will update the work to place the central figure of the play, a religious conman, in the heart of 21st-century Texas. “My favorite part of the show is the tongue-in-cheek dialogue,” said Ken LeepSills, a senior in the department, who plays the central character of Tartuffe. “The play is so wonderfully written and it’s so witty. Once your ear is used to the language, you’ll find little quips which will make you giggle close to every other line.” The central conflict of the play is that between Tartuffe and the family of Orgon. Tartuffe is a guest in Orgon’s house and has completely hoodwinked him with his religious schemes. When Orgon promises his daughter Mariane to Tartuffe in marriage the
Shenoi emphasized the value of the interns’ mentors, some of whom are four-star generals and some of whom are doctoral scholars. Not only do the mentors provide new avenues of learning and help them improve, he said, but they also ensure that students operate within the law. The Edward Snowden revelations have forced the United States government to clarify the legal status of its cyber operations. The fallout from the leaks has affected TU. In 2001, Shenoi was asked by White House officials about his efforts to ensure that students do not go rogue. After the Snowden leaks, they came back to him with the same questions, though in a much more nervous state, said Shenoi. Shenoi maintains that what the government does in cyberspace is legal. He also maintains that he and his students follow the law in their activities. “Criminals should be prosecuted,” he said. Critics of the program point to CyberCorps’ culture of secrecy. Professor Shenoi is the only person who vets and accepts applicants, and the class roster is never published. He also teaches CyberCorps’ special
rest of Orgon’s family must expose Tartuffe for the fraud he is. Chase Wheaton-Werle, also a senior, plays Orgon’s son Damis. Wheaton-Werle describes his character as “a hotheaded, short-fused, live-wire character. The smallest thing will set him off and he’ll be ready to start a brawl. But the funny thing is, no one ever takes him seriously. He acts like this big tough guy, but he gets whacked and thrown around by the other characters!” The play has long been a favorite, and has been rewritten and adapted countless times. Modern versions have been performed on Broadway and at the Kennedy Center. This adaptation promises to delight as well with a strong cast of seasoned actors. “The characters just spark when they’re on stage together. If you come to see Tartuffe, you will get to see some of the most talented performers at TU doing what they’re best at and having a blast doing it,” promised Wheaton-Werle. The play premieres this Thursday at 8 p.m. and has performances on Friday at 8 p.m., Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. Opening night is free for students. Otherwise, student tickets for all TU shows are $6 at the door.
classes. They are listed in WebAdvisor, but they are always closed, and the course description, “Special Topics,” gives nothing away. Even university-level administrators know very little about the program or seem reluctant to talk about it. The Collegian approached the Office of University Relations to request interviews or statements from President Steadman Upham, Provost Roger Blais and Dr. James Sorem, Dean of the College of Engineering and Natural Sciences, but all requests were left unanswered. Several students who either have knowledge of the CyberCorps program or who are CyberCorps students themselves refused to speak to the Collegian for fear of damaging their standing within the program. The one who did speak spoke on condition of anonymity. “(Shenoi) has made secret things which should not be (secret),” he said. Dr. Jerry Dawkins, a TU CyberCorps graduate now running a business in Tulsa, said that CyberCorps risks “confusing academics with real-world research and sensitive work.” He acknowledges that interns who work
on the CIA’s classified cases do need to maintain the secrecy required of them. But at a university, he said, learning should not be secretive. Shenoi sees no reason for the controversy. He maintains that there are good reasons for keeping secret what is being taught. We are training them to use weapons, he said. These can be deadly and hard to control once deployed. The Stuxnet worm was built to target Iranian nuclear facilities, but it spread to Siemens process controllers in use in other countries. Additionally, if someone with criminal intent learns these techniques, the damage that can be caused will be astronomical. Shenoi also asserts that making his students’ capabilities public knowledge could endanger their employment prospects. Because all CyberCorps students work for the government upon graduation, they may be required to keep their skills secret. In fact, Shenoi himself does not know everything they do. When they work on state secrets at places like the CIA, Shenoi is not informed. Both Dawkins and a student speaking on condition of anonymity said that although CyberCorps is not perfect, it is still a very good program. Shenoi has “done amazing things for this university,” said the student. “CyberCorps brings students, money and collaboration” to TU. Graduates lead very successful careers. They start with a government agency, usually the CIA, NSA or a federal law enforcement agency. However, many of them stay with the government or move into the private sector on the east coast. Few return to the Midwest. Jerry Dawkins started his own business, True Digital Security, after he left the government. Based in Oklahoma, Dawkins recruits these graduates to work for his business. In the past, he recruited TU CyberCorps graduates exclusively but with little success. The graduates all go to the east coast to work for the government, he said, and when they decide to get out, they do not know that there are jobs available back in the Midwest. The fact that the talent pool is small also works against Dawkins. “Eighty percent of critical infrastructure is protected by private companies,” he said, so the competition within the private sector to hire a security specialist is fierce. The job market could not be better for a CyberCorp graduate, Dawkins reiterated. In case you want to leave the government, “you can make more (money) as a contractor than working for the government,” he said.
Everybody wins in commuter run-off
When last week’s run-off election resolved the three-way tie for two Senate seats, SA appointed the remaining candidate to an empty seat.
Conor Fellin Managing Editor
This Tuesday, the saga of the SA Senate commuter seat election came to a close when all three candidates were sworn in. Jakob Lancaster and Josiah Moser had won the two open seats in the previous week’s runoff election, and Jeffrey Bacon was appointed to one of seven empty seats in the Senate.
With Bacon serving in the Senate, the number of empty seats is “the lowest number in recent memory,” according to SA Deputy Chief of Staff Michael Mancini. Mancini explained that SA has a wellestablished procedure for appointing new Senate candidates. The Vice President recommends appointees, who are then interviewed by the Government Operations Committee and voted upon by the Senate at large. Mancini expressed excitement about the newly elected senators, saying that all of them showed a promising involvement in their campus and in the demographic they were elected or appointed to represent.
In last week’s issue the headline “TU athlete accused of sexual assalt” should have read “TU athlete accused of sexual assault.”
League of Legends Tournament draws crowd to LaFortune Gamers gathered in the LaFortune lobby Saturday for a League of Legends tournament. The tournament began at noon and continued throughout the afternoon. Prizes were offered to the winners, with first place getting Teemo hats. Teemo, pictured below right, is a character in the game. Isn’t he adorable!
photo courtesy James Chambers
Terry Altom / Collegian
photo courtesy dragoart.com
NEWS
the Collegian : 5
3 March 2014
Eye on the world: Magdalena Sudibjo
Staff Writer Africa Egypt
Last Thursday, international news organization Al Jazeera called for a “global day of action” to free several of its staff who have been detained in Egypt for months without trial. Three Al Jazeera journalists were arrested last December and have been charged by the Egyptian government for aiding the Muslim brotherhood, a terrorist organization. The news agency has denied all charges against its staff. “The global day of action is about the freedom of the press,” said Mostefa Souag, the acting director of Al Jazeera Media Network. “It is about objective reporting and to ensure journalists cannot be gagged or silenced.” People all over the world put tape over their mouths and held up signs reading “Journalism is not a crime” in a sign of solidarity. Nigeria The United Nations reported that at least 45 students were killed during a college attack in northeastern Nigeria that occurred early last Tuesday morning.
The assailants, who are believed to be from the Islamist militant group Boko Haram, took female students to a separate classroom before they locked and set flame to the dormitory, shooting down and knifing those who tried to escape. According to Commissioner Sanusi Rufai, the attackers “did not touch the female students” and told them to go back home, get married and abandon Western education. “Everybody is living in fear,” local government chairman Maina Ularamu told Associated Press. “There is no protection. We cannot predict where and when they are going to attack. People can’t sleep with their eyes closed.” The Boko Haram group is suspected of perpetrating three other recent attacks that have killed over 200 people as part of the group’s anti-secular campaign. Europe Romania Oscar-winning film director and politician Remus Cernea has introduced a bill in Romania that would give dolphins the same rights as humans to help protect the indigenous dolphins in the Black Sea. If the bill passes, dolphin killers would be treated the same as human murderers. The use of dolphins in live entertainment shows would also be made illegal. “At this moment, I have no support,”
Photo courtesy digitaltrends.com
The bill proposed by Remus Cernea in Romania would make murders of dolphins and humans equal, as well as making it illegal to use dolphins in live entertainment shows.
Cernea told Reuters. “This law asks you to make a huge step, philosophically speaking, to understand and to accept that somehow there is another species which is quite similar as we are.” South America Brazil According to the Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics, Brazil’s gross domestic product (GDP) growth rose 0.7 percent in the last quarter of last year, doubling economists’ expected rate. “It was a surprise even for the government,” reported Finance Minister
Health Center to a local hospital for further treatment.
Film Festival highlights student achievement This year’s Spring Film Festival was diverse, with comedies and dramas. Eight films were shown, as was a tribute to the late actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oscar Ho Staff Writer
The Department of Film Studies hosted its Spring 2014 film festival last Monday. The event, at Lorton Performance Center, screened eight student films and presented awards to outstanding submissions. Also screened was a clip from a Philip Seymour Hoffman movie as a tribute to the late actor, and a clip from “Night at the Rubio,” a collaboration between students and professors. The first student film up for review was a music video by Anna Bennett, titled “Senior Status.” Bennett lip-synced and danced to the tune of “Timber” by Pitbull featuring Kesha, while using gestures and props to dramatize her serious case of senioritis. The entire video was a well-delivered joke. The audience laughed on multiple occasions and applauded with fervor at the end. Another comedy of the evening was directed by Pat Fox. “Fruit Loops” tells the story of one man who literally falls in love with his best friend’s cereal. The film follows the two friends as they battle over the box of cereal. The third comedy was “Ineption,” where three nincompoops attempt to rob a bank. As the girl waiting in the getaway car forgets to watch her cohorts’ backs, one would-be robber walks face-first into a glass door and all fail to notice the security guard in plain view. “Too Deep,” “Unlawful” and “Stuffed Giraffe,” all use a murder or threat of murder to motivate a plot. “Unlawful”
opens with a murder in a graveyard, which is witnessed by a small girl. This girl is the story’s protagonist for the remainder of this short drama. “Too Deep” follows the inner turmoil of a college student who was convinced to assist in a drug dealing operation. It too opens with a murder, a double murder to be exact. “Stuffed Giraffe” uses a particularly horrifying plot. In this single-scene film, a man brandishing a pistol corners a woman and her young son. Tension builds as the dialogue reveals the bitter history between the man and the woman. Two serious films at the festival were arguably the highlights of the evening. “Forgery” explored the hopelessness of a man who had to quickly fabricate a painting to save face. As the date of the art show approaches, his struggles become more vivid and his choices became increasingly desperate. The other film, “The Highway,” followed a man (played by Keith Daniels) who was searching for God. In the black and white drama, the man declares to a stranger, “(I’m) looking for angels.” As he searches and does not find, he becomes more confused. At the movie’s end, he sees a light peeking through a set of double doors. As he realizes he has found his prize, the movie changes from black and white to color. “The Highway” won three awards. Writer and director Casey Stack won the Best Film and the Audience’s Choice awards, while principal actor Keith Daniels, a TU alum, won Best Actor. Stack attributes his movie’s success to Daniels’ skills. Daniels “is good at reading scripts and getting what I’m saying,” said Stack. Daniels said that Stack was a flexible writer and director who let him experiment. “Stack gives his actors plenty of latitude.”
Law school hosts talent show
Photo courtesy Alexandria Temple
Above is third year law student Riley Kern, as he rehearses for Thursday’s talent show, hosted by the law school. The performance began at 7:30 p.m. and featured a variety of acts. The winner of the show was Shar Grant, who read poetry.
Guido Mantega. GDP growth for the whole of 2013 was 2.3 percent, while the past decade experienced 4 to 5 percent growth rates, peaking at over 7 percent in 2010. A decline in Chinese demand for commodities from Brazil is a reason for the drop in GDP growth rate, but Brazil must also deal with high consumer debt, inadequate infrastructure, low business confidence, and intense pressure to complete preparations for the FIFA World Cup that starts in June and the 2016 Summer Olympics. Last Wednesday, Brazil’s central bank raised interest rates to 10.75 percent to slow down inflation, which has fallen back to 5.6 percent after hitting 6.7 percent in June.
Feb. 25
Feb. 21 11:45 A student reported receiving personal mail on several occasions that appeared to have been tampered with. The investigation is pending. 14:10 TU Security Officers were dispatched to Norman Village Apartments in reference to a fire alarm detected in the 500 building. Upon arrival, Officers and Tulsa Fire Department saw no signs of smoke or fire. TU maintenance staff believes the fire alarm was triggered by an air bubble in the fire sprinkler line. 14:45 Officers were dispatched to Oliphant Hall in response to an assault and battery complaint. Officers collected witness statements and contacted Tulsa Police. The investigation is pending. Feb. 22 23:50 A witness reported that a vehicle drove onto University property at 6th St. & Delaware Ave. Upon arrival, Officers observed a disabled vehicle had damaged University property and the driver, non-University affiliated, exhibiting signs of intoxication. Tulsa Police responded to the scene and arrested the driver for Driving Under the Influence of narcotics. The disabled vehicle was impounded by Storey Wrecker.
Feb. 24 10:41 An ill student, suffering abdominal pains was transported by EMSA from Alexander
From Ukraine cover
part of the country is dominated by ethnic Ukrainians who speak Ukrainian. The east, on the other hand, has large ethnically Russian minorities and speaks primarily Russian. In Crimea, ethnic Russians make up the majority, although Crimean Tatars who have inhabited the area since at least the 1400s are an important and potentially powerful minority. As for Crimea itself, the peninsula has strong historic ties to Russia. Crimea was incorporated into the Russian Empire under Catherine the Great and served as an important naval post for Russia’s Black Sea Fleet. The region remained a part of Russia until 1954 when the peninsula was transferred from the Russian Soviet Socialist Republic to the Ukrainian SSR, a move of little consequence at the time. After the fall of the Soviet Union, Crimea stayed in the hands of Ukraine but was given a certain degree of autonomy due to its large non-Ukrainian populations and history with Russia. Currently, the Russian government is claiming that its increased troop presence
11:55 A blue denim bag found in McFarlin Library was impounded at Campus Security for safekeeping. 15:10 Officers and Tulsa Fire responded to a fire alarm at Fisher West Hall. Upon arrival, it was determined that burnt food in a microwave activated the fire alarm. No injuries or damage were reported. 17:00 Officers are investigating a possible attempted burglary from a vehicle parked in the DRC Lot. The unknown suspect attempted to remove the digital lockpad from the driver’s door. The victim reported that nothing was taken from inside the vehicle. Upon investigating the scene, Officers determined the vehicle had been parked next to an area utilized by construction workers on 11th St. and no signs of forced entry could be determined. Feb. 26 10:55 Officers are investigating a bicycle larceny from Mayo Village Apartments. The student reported their bicycle was locked to a bike rack on 21 February 2014 and it was discovered missing on 26 February 2014. The investigation is pending. 15:00 A student has been reported missing from campus since 7 February 2014. Interviews with the roommate indicate the student went to see a friend in another state and might be returning within the next day. Officers are still trying to confirm.
The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.
in Crimea is to protect Russian citizens, and President Putin has stated that troops will remain until the situation is “normalized.” However, many fear that what is ostensibly a mission to protect ethnic Russians will turn into a full-scale occupation and annexation, much like Russia’s 2008 invasion of Georgia and annexation of South Ossetia and Abkhazia. According to BBC, “for President Putin, this is not just a geopolitical battle for influence over a country in Russia’s backyard. It is to protect land which for him is, historically and culturally, an essential part of the idea of Russia.” While these events may have started as a protest against a corrupt government and a yearning to join Europe, the rapidly unfolding situation in Ukraine is now drifting towards war. The next few days and weeks will do much to determine not only the control of Crimea, but also the long term relationship between Russia and the former communist states that surround it. Mike Smith contributed to this report. This article is current as of Sunday March 2.
variety
3 March 2014
the Collegian : 6
“Elmer Gantry” entertains By Anna Bennett
10 Drinks Better Than Natty Light You know how it goes. You are at a party, trying to have a good time, only to discover that Natty Light—O cheap swill of thine darkest ages—is the beverage of choice. It is possible that you’ve even been pressured to consume it on some occasion. However, the next time you find yourself in this predicament, here are 10 alternatives which are both superior in quality and inexpensive..
plastic bottle
1. Any liquor from a
10. Coors Light
2. Two-Buck Chuck 3. PBR 4. Boxed wine 5. Your Uncle Cletus’s moonshine 6. Trashcan Punch 7. Apple juice that’s been left in the sun too long 8. Pancake syrup 9. Your own urine
no reserve creative
writing Alex White Web Manager
cracks and bends have a euphoria resident in their hardening. a new high of the logic of improvement a pleasure like torn muscle like fever driven nights spent shivering in repose. my palms pop at the callouses their dry skin leaks
heaven at the seams. with every stray twitch the bed creaks and I wake— I’ve found it’s better not to sleep at all. but run every dirty dish in the state wash them in pukestained porcelain while caulk basins fill with beer. I can only look at myself smile at every passing face count any downward glance not as rejection. rise every morning myself.
By Helen Patterson Looking to get away from campus? Then check out some of these exciting off campus events! This Week: 1. Don’t miss out on Moliere’s classic comedy, “Tartuffe,” performed by the University of Tulsa’s theatre department. The show runs March 6–8 at 8 p.m., and March 9 at 2 p.m. Remember, student tickets are free on opening night! 2. For those looking for something free to do away from campus, March 7 from 6–9 p.m. is the Brady Arts District Art Crawl. Located at the Henry Zarrow Center for Art and Education, this ongoing event features a new exhibit beginning the first Friday of every month. 3. Country fans should be sure to check out country artist Clint Black at the River Spirit Casino March 7 at 7 p.m. Tickets range from $30–60. 4. California-based rockers Switchfoot are set to perform at the Brady Theater March 7. Doors open at 7 p.m. Tickets are $20 in advance, or $24 at the door. 5. The 2014 Winter Jam Tour, featuring a variety of Christian artists, hits the BOK center March 9 at 5 p.m. Tickets are only $10!
Upcoming: 1. The Gilcrease Museum is screening “Unconquered: Allan Houser and The Legacy of One Apache Family” on March 9 at 1:30 p.m. and 2:15 p.m. The short documentary was directed and written by Oklahoma native Bryan Beasley, and follows the life and work of sculptor Allan Houser and his two sons. 2. Oklahoma native and Broadway star Kristin Chenoweth will return to the Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center for “An Evening with Kristin Chenoweth” on March 13 at 7:30 p.m. During the event, Chenoweth will be performing songs and offering master classes for a few lucky music students. Tickets are $20. 3. Those looking for something free to do Thursday evening should consider TU’s Concerts with Commentary Series, which continues with “Encore” March 13 at 7:30 p.m. 4. St. Vincent will perform at Cain’s Ballroom March 15 at 7:30 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $20 in advance, or $24 at the door. 5. The Brady Theater hosts Queens of the Stone Age May 16 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $38.50–56.50.
The second installment in the Tulsa Opera’s “Love, Lust and Religion” season featured the Grammy awardwinning and humorous opera, “Elmer Gantry,” which—despite minor setbacks—is worth seeing. Helen Patterson Staff Writer
On Feb. 23 a selection of cast members from the Tulsa Opera presented a stripped down, sneakpeak version of the opera “Elmer Gantry” as part of its “Arias and Art” series. There were no costumes and no set, only an accompanying pianist in a hall that holds 50 people at most. Later that week the Tulsa Opera presented the Oklahoma premiere of the Grammy award-winning opera “Elmer Gantry” on Feb. 28 and March 2. The opera’s libretto was penned by Herschel Garfein and the music was written by composer Robert Aldridge. “Elmer Gantry” was originally a 1927 novel by American writer Sinclair Lewis. In it, Lewis focuses on the union between religion and business that became the modern Evangelical movement. The book was a controversial success; it sold extremely well but was banned in several places, including Kansas City. The novel has been adapted several times, including the 1960 film starring Burt Lancaster and Jean Simmons. The opera adaptation features an interesting fusion of classical music from a full orchestra, as well as folk and gospel music from the midwest. Many of the numbers feature the chorus singing in a hymn-like manner beneath the soloists. One might think “Elmer Gan-
Photo courtesy Tulsa Opera
Elmer (Keith Phares) mesmerizes both townsmen and audience members alike in the Tulsa Opera’s production of Sinclair Lewis’ controversial “Elmer Gantry.”
try” is perfectly suited for an Oklahoma audience. This area is certainly familiar with Evangelical preachers and turn-of-the-century traveling revivalists, both featured in the show. However, the newer opera was a bit of a risk for a company that tends to stick to more classical works. Unfortunately, that risk did not pay off and Friday’s audience was far from filling the house. In the more intimate setting of the Philbrook, the “Arias and Art” production made the talent of the singers really striking. On the other hand, the full-scale production of “Elmer Gantry” occasionally made the singers hard to hear over the orchestra. Even the chorus was difficult to hear at times. The full production lacked the emotion, while the up close and personal version resonated within your bones. In general—though the music was dramatic and energetic— many of the scenes, such as the tent revival, did not match the intensity of the music. I have seen much more energy and exuberance in other operas performed by the company, such
as “La Fille du Regimént.” However, there were many high-points to the production. The sets were phenomenal, particularly the revival tent scene and the finale, which depicts the Grand Tabernacle—constructed by Elmer (Keith Phares) and Sharon Falconer (Kirstin Chavez), the revivalist preacher—going up in flames. Though “Elmer Gantry” was not the best production that Tulsa Opera has put on in the last few years, it was definitely worth seeing. Every Sunday before the premiere of each Tulsa Opera performance, the Philbrook presents “Arias and Art,” a free performance housed in the main hall of the Philbrook’s north wing. The event features a selection of arias from the upcoming show and lasts for an hour. “Great Gatsby” will be performed on April 6 and “Carmen” on April 27. The last show of the 2013–2014 season will be Bizet’s “Carmen” on May 2 at 7:30 p.m. and May 4 at 2:30 p.m. at Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Tickets are just $16 for University of Tulsa students.
St. Vincent’s latest a success Featuring overdriven synth guitar, soul-baring lyrics and powerful ballads, St. Vincent’s follow-up to 2011’s “Strange Mercy” is impressive and worthwhile. Nicholas Foster Staff Writer
Only after two minutes and 44 seconds of St. Vincent’s latest album do we hear her signature, overdriven synth-guitar, and only after she has been stripped naked in a Texas desert, encountered the sinister rattle of a rattlesnake and has run for her life. The solo rips into the mix with all the tenacity and silkiness of her serpentine antagonist in the opener “Rattlesnake,” an affirming reminder that—despite some cosmetic changes to the music—this is still the same St. Vincent. Directly off of her whirlwind tour with Talking Heads frontman David Byrne in support of their 2012 collaboration, “Love This Giant,” Annie Clark (who uses the moniker St. Vincent) originally wanted downtime; however, “36 hours” after finishing the tour, she was back to work. “St. Vincent” appears more immediate than its predecessor, 2011’s phenomenal “Strange Mercy,” an album which transformed Clark from a well-kept secret to modern art-rock royalty. The album, along with her others, was laced with rich sonorities that required the listener’s patience—weeks could pass by before the listener could discover a new texture in a chorus, or some lyric that had not sunk in yet. On the other hand, listening to “St. Vincent” the first time through was almost disappointing, because the album plays much more obviously—it sounds like the most accessible record Clark has ever made.
However, upon replay, this assumption is completely invalidated. This album is as deep, as thought provoking and as thick as any of her works to date. All the subtleties are still there—from the rising harmonic in the cymbal track of “Prince Johnny,” to the twangy funk guitar in “Digital Witness,” this album still barely contains Clark’s sonic genius, though she makes the listener work harder than ever to find it. But this does not even begin to include the sounds the listener is meant to hear—from the woeful radar blips in the chorus of heartbreaker “I Prefer Your Love” to the angry insect-synth buzzing around the middle of swamp-funk “Bring Me Your Loves.” Every noise is meticulously constructed and executed, even down to the seemingly obvious. And then there are the drums. The whole album is built on top of raucous rhythms, via Homer Steinweiss of the Dap-Kings and McKenzie Smith of Midlake. These two provide the foundation of an unabashedly danceable record, nowhere more obvious than fist-pumping lead single “Birth in Reverse.” And yet, for all its underpinnings, “St. Vincent” is an extremely honest record. The cover depicts Clark sitting regally on a throne, eyebrow cocked, glaring haughtily into the camera. Clark knows that she is wiser than you, and this position of power grants her a carte blanche to speak her mind with as little pretense as she wants. Although this candidness is startling at first, and nearly offputting, it is freed from the charade of needing to cloak her words in mystery. In “St. Vincent,” Clark writes her most complete lyrics to date. She turns the impossible trick of evoking neat imagery, while still remaining painfully sincere in her finer moments: “I’m afraid of heaven because I can’t stand the height/ I’m afraid of you because I can’t be left behind,” she reveals
in “Regret,” barely managing to get the last word out. Such soul-baring lyrics scarcely occur in her previous records, but before the listener has a chance to fully digest the implications, Clark laughs it off with a caustic “Oh well.” Here, and in the rest of the record, her honesty does not preclude her razor-sharp wit. Yet the real lyrical triumphs here are (unsurprisingly) the two best cuts on the album, the aforementioned “Prince Johnny,” a vintage St. Vincent arrangement that puts her square in the middle of her luscious alto until the looping refrain. “Prince Johnny, you’re kind but you’re not simple/ By now, I think I know the difference,” she empathizes, providing support through reminiscence and a mutual understanding that the world will show little mercy. The second, closer “Severed Crossed Fingers,” is by far the biggest traditional “power ballad” in her catalog, but is pulled off with enough style and grace to keep the ballad from falling into the usual traps it often flirts with. Fortunately, there are not many negatives to harp about, though it should be mentioned that the amount of introspection Clark affords the audience reveals a little of the mystique that surrounds the St. Vincent personage. She no longer appears as a dimly-lit figure, but instead as a fully-formed human, with an entire range of emotions and hangups. There also is not a single song that stands out as extraordinary, but instead a consistent slew of decent tracks that make for an incredibly enjoyable listen both sequentially and in bits and pieces. Overall, this is not St. Vincent’s best record so far—“Strange Mercy” still holds that title—but it is instantly impressive and certainly on the shortlist for Album of the Year. Four full-length records in, Clark still has audiences listening closely, and they continue to wonder where she could possibly go next.
the Collegian : 7
3 March 2014
Welcome to The Barricade, a section attempting to provide informed, thoughtful analysis of both large and small-scale political issues: all the information you need to take down a tyrannical government.
Common Core standards too narrow, demanding The Common Core curriculum been cut up and laid flat. expects too much of students, Then they are asked to redesign the box in a way that uses the same causes schools to cut “nonamount or less cardboard, but alessential” material.
Morgan Krueger
News Editor
Common Core is the next big change coming to education. The Common Core State Standards (CCSS) will be applied nationally, though states may opt out. This change is bringing a far more rigorous curriculum that requires a greater depth of understanding. While this may sound good, the requirements are completely unrealistic. First graders are now expected to “ask and answer questions to demonstrate (their) understanding of a text, referring explicitly to text as the basis for the answers,” say the new standards. Before, they only had to “demonstrate comprehension by identifying answers in the text.” A sample fifth-grade math question requires students to calculate the volume of a cereal box that has
lows the box to have a larger volume. The new standards expect tenyear-olds to do this. One problem with the new standardized tests, which will be taken at the end of the school year, is that they were created by testing companies and administrators. Actual high school and elementary teachers were not given much involvement in the process. Also, the tests are computerbased. This is not a huge deal for high school students, but third graders, for instance, could have trouble working a computer-based test. Some schools are now taking time out of kindergarteners’ and young elementary students’ day to teach them computer skills so they can take these tests. This is a waste of time, since there is no reason teachers should have to teach computer skills to kindergarteners. In the tests, students are unable to move on to the next question until they answer the current one. There is no skipping questions, which is an important testing skill. Young students may think they have to come up with the right an-
swer before proceeding to the next one and will waste time agonizing over the question instead of guessing and moving on. However, before starting the test, students need to get through a hefty list of instructions. On the third-grade test there are eight paragraphs of instructions that students have to read before they even get to the informational reading that constitutes the real test. Common Core focuses on informational reading and math. A concern of teachers is that it may hurt students’ confidence. Not everyone is brilliant at math or reading, and that’s okay. Some students are artistic, or good at hands-on activities, especially at the elementary school level. If a young student fails the math Common Core it could seriously hurt their confidence as they move
informational reading have their place, because of their preeminence in testing, they will be unfairly emphasized in the curriculum. English education, for example, needs literature, stories and plays. Since the common core doesn’t care about these media, however, neither do schools. In short, Common Core’s expectations are too high, and its testing material is too narrow. Schools will cut vital parts of children’s curriculum in order to get a higher number on yet another standardized test—a test that was, in part, designed by testing companies making profits from the new Common Core. Hopefully the nation will realize the faults of Common Core and make changes before education spirals deeper and becomes an unforgivable mess.
Fallin budget fails Okla. education Mary Fallin’s proposed cuts to higher education will hurt Okla. universities while giving very little back to taxpayers.
Giselle Willis
Staff Writer
Graphic by Sarah Power
forward in school. Such specialized testing subjects are having adverse effects on schools too. Schools want higher test scores, so they may change their curriculum to focus more heavily on math and informational reading. Schools may improve their results by cutting out sciences, art and other areas that are important to students. Because they are not tested, such subjects are being whittled away. One charter school, University Charter School, used to learn science every day. Now, since science is not tested, it only provides a science lesson once a week. Alaska, Nebraska, Texas and Virginia all opted out of Common Core. Minnesota only adopted the English Common Core standards but rejected the new math standards. While it’s true that math and
Last week’s issue of The Collegian covered how Gov. Mary Fallin’s proposed budget cuts will deprive the Oklahoma Arts Council of funding, but that’s not all she’s cutting, folks. Fallin is also under the impression that a $49.4 million decrease to higher education funds would be beneficial, according to the Tulsa World. And she’s right. The Oklahoma Policy Institute stated that with
cuts to higher education, the resulting tax cuts would allow the “top 1 percent of taxpayers…(to) gain about $2,000.” With such a fantastic advantage for that one percent, apparently it doesn’t matter that, according to the institute, “41 percent of Oklahoma households will receive no benefit from the reduction in the top income tax rate, and the median household would gain about $30 a year,” adding that the proposed budget “takes a bad situation and makes it worse” by not reigning in “unnecessary and increasingly unaffordable tax breaks, (especially) for horizontal drilling.” Now, let’s see exactly what “no benefit” means here. Not only will most households not even get a tax cut out of this proposal, but it will also be harder for them to send their children to higher education. According to the Tulsa World, “in the 1970s, the state funded half of OU’s budget … that had dropped
Barricade of the Week: Sevastopol, Ukraine
Photo courtesy Associated Press
Protestors have taken to the streets of Sevastopol, Ukraine in Crimea. Movements have arisen supporting both sides, with some applauding the arrival of additional Russian troops and others decrying it as an invasion. The photo above features pro-Russian Crimeans.
to 32 percent … in November 1994 and now has fallen to 17 percent.” University of Oklahoma President and former U.S. senator David Boren added that if the current budget proposal is accepted, that state support “will drop to 15 percent.” In the end, wrote Tulsa World, “state funding for Oklahoma higher education has dropped by $106 million” since just 2008. According to Boren, “It’s getting so we don’t have public education anymore. We’re privatizing, and it’s more expensive to get a private education.” He went on to implore Oklahomans, tax cut beneficiaries or not, to think about the state’s identity. “We should start asking, ‘what kind of state do we want to be? Who are we as a people?’ I don’t think we want ignorance and lack of opportunity to be our legacy,” he said. Of course, Fallin’s spokesman Alex Weintz made some attempts at defense. He said, “The governor
See Budget page 8
Here at the Collegian, we try to focus on issues that are relevant to students at the University of Tulsa, particularly with our cover story. It was therefore with some deliberation that we chose to put Russia’s invasion of Ukraine on the cover. First of all, the invasion of Ukraine has the potential to become a huge event in world history, particularly if the U.S. or Western European countries become involved. Secondly, as remote as Ukraine may seem, it would not take much for the events transpiring there to touch the lives of the TU Community. Should the U.S. become involved in Ukraine, it will be predominantly people our age that will go off to fight. We at the Collegian believe that the student body should be informed about the conflicts that will shape our lives as students, as U.S. citizens and as citizens of the world, and we hope that you found our summary and analysis of the conflict in Ukraine accessible and informative.
Commentary
3 March 2014
the Collegian : 8
Despite lack of support, commuting not bad Even though the university lacks parking and institutional support for commuters, being a commuter is doable. Kyranna Gilstrap Student Writer
Nothing feels better than coming home from a long day of classes to a home-cooked meal and your own comfy bed. This is an everyday luxury for many students at TU who make the drive every morning and evening between campus and their homes. Commuting has some benefits: no meal plan for your first two years, owning as many pets as you’d like and saving money by
From Budget page 7
believes the cut will make the state more competitive for businesses and spurt economic growth.” Yet something else that attracts businesses are well-educated populations. Boren claimed that the state government recently asked Oklahoma businessmen and women what would bring “higher
not paying for housing every semester. However, there are a lot of things that make being a commuter rather inconvenient. Setting aside the fact that you have to wake up earlier and deal with morning traffic and construction, TU contributes by doing many things that make it seem like they don’t welcome the ideas of people living off campus. This all starts first semester when you have to come up with official documentation that you live within a 20-mile radius of the university and automatically get housing and dining added into your bill if you don’t get that paperwork in on time. Next is the pain of getting a parking permit. This is a problem
for all students at this university, but it is especially difficult for people that use their cars multiple times a day and have to have somewhere to put it while in class. Non-resident students get last pick of the limited amount of parking permits available to faculty and students, and, in my experience, this means that the only lot available is the Harvard shuttle lot, classified as an overflow lot. Overflow means it is open to all permits and during game days is the main lot used for non-student parking. Being a commuter is sounding lovely at this point, right? Even with all these other difficulties, one of the hardest parts of being a commuter is not getting the chance to be involved on cam-
paying jobs and more investment to Oklahoma,” and the collective answer was to invest more in education. In the end, the $49.4 million loss for higher education would be “the largest for any area of government.” According to Jim Palmer, the editor of a report on college fund-
ing from Illinois State University, states across the country find it easier to cut from the budgets of higher education because they “have another revenue stream to fall back on: tuition.” Nevertheless, increases in tuition aren’t worth nonexistent to minimal tax cuts for most of Oklahoma.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Christ! Seven years of college down the drain!
Graphic by Sarah Power
Ever thought the classics were irrelevant? John Belushi (and Socrates) disagree! By studying the Western ancients, this clueless Greek has learned about his life and the institutions that surround him.
pus as much as TU residents. Events are open to every student, but many are late in the day, hours after most classes are over, and usually start or end when traffic is at its worst. Also, emails about lecture series and class offerings never cease to make it to my inbox, yet I’ve rarely gotten an email about fun events happening on campus after class time. There are constantly posters for these events in residential halls, but not in the academic buildings, so they are never seen by commuters. Many commuters feel like there is a social gap between them and
residential students. They feel like making friends is harder than it should be because there isn’t enough interaction between student groups. Luckily, there is a commuter organization, know as CARS, that is working on fixing these problems sometime in the future. Right now, this organization is finding its footing and only starting to work to make commuting a better experience, but even with all these inconveniences and issues, being a commuter can be a nice experience and ultimately save students a lot of money in the long run.
justify your major: classics We’ve all been in that conversation. An engineering major complains that liberal arts majors are not putting in “real work,” or a liberal arts major assumes that a business or engineering student must be in it for the money. By no means do these views represent all or even the majority of the University of Tulsa’s student body, but they are present and painfully visible. It is for this reason that I am introducing the Justify Your Major column, a chance to show the student body why you love your major. If you want to justify your major, e-mail me at patrick-creedon@utulsa.edu.
As the University of Tulsa’s only classics major, I am often asked what I plan to do with my major after college. My response is simply that I do not plan to do anything with it. This is because I do not study classics in preparation for anything but to broaden my mind here and now. It is about being educated, not merely ready. There is no other discipline which imparts so much to its students. The appeal is really best explained by the first paragraph of the classics page at the University of Oxford’s website: “Classics is the study of the languages, culture, history and thought of the civilisations of ancient Greece and Rome. It is one of the most varied and interdisciplinary of all subjects.”
phy’, ‘geometry’, ‘mathematics’, ‘physics’, ‘biology,’” and the list goes on. In other words, pretty much everything you do in life comes from the classics, including pretty much every other major. So by studying classics I’m basically learning the prerequisites for life. America is only the way it is because of the classics. Our founding fathers read classical philosophy and literature. According to classics department head Dr. Jon Arnold, the founders considered the American Republic to be the heir of the Roman Republic. He further informed me that Washington was even referred to as Fabius Maximus and Cincinnatus. America’s greatness is owed to thinkers like Cicero and Livy, the Greeks and the Romans. Those philosophers are the ones who developed all the basics. Beyond just understanding politics and philosophy, the classics major teaches the idea that despite the passage of centuries, Western cultures do not change much. Read a comedy by Plautus, and then go watch a sitcom. The situ-
Since classics offers so much to potential students, is it any wonder that classics has produced some of the world’s greatest thinkers? Our society is derived in large part from those of Greece and Rome. Our language, values, politics and even our very way of thinking come from those classical cultures. So in studying them, classicists study not peoples long dead but those who are very much alive. According to the classics department of the University of Dallas’ website “The reason why nearly all words for the fields of activity are Latinized Greek is that Greeks and Romans actually invented ‘philosophy’, ‘politics’ and its main concepts, …‘geogra-
ations may be updated to include cell phones, and people may be wearing pants. However, the way they interact with each other hasn’t changed much on the whole. There are comic loves, social disparities, and plenty of sexual innuendo. At the end of the day we all still laugh at fart jokes. Classics may not get me a job, but I have another major to do that. I study classics for myself, because ignoring classics is the cultural equivalent of ignoring everything you learned as a child. The fundamental characteristics of our society were born in the classical age, and to truly understand the society and culture we live in, they are something we should all study.
Mike Smith Student Writer
“The Classics major teaches the idea that despite the passage of centuries, Western cultures do not change much”
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editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Morgan Krueger sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice editor of the barricade—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Sarah Power copy editors—Kalen Petersen, Will Boogert, Amy Bunselmeyer business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Kalen Petersen web manager—Alex White
the Collegian : 9
3 March 2014
♥ HOUSING SELECTION FOR 2014-15
Housing lottery is approaching.
Are you ready? n Get together with your future roommates. (Roommate finder is available at canelink.utulsa.edu)
E. 11TH STREET
STUDENT ACTIVITY CENTER
Selection is here!
It’s so easy to make friends on campus, either through Greek life or campus events. Hurricane Thursdays are really good for that.
. k n i l e n a c / / : s p t t h u d e . a s l utu
- Clarissa Dunn
It is not too late: You can log on to complete a license.
♥
TUCKER DRIVE
TUCKER DRIVE
MAYO VILLAGE
S. DELAWARE
n Go or send a proxy on your earliest selection date to the Student Activity Center in Mayo Village.
S. COLUMBIA
n Determine who has the best lottery date and time.
E. 8TH STREET
For more information, visit canelink.utulsa.edu or call the housing office at 918-631-2516.
3 March 2014
the
The State-Run Media
State-Run media A big ball of newsy-woozy, silly-willy stuff.
Uncle Stead elected president of Ukraine TU’s gentle giant gives running an Eastern European country a try. Conor Fellin
Reportedly a Reporter
Graphic by Anna Bennett
Earlier this week, in what analysts have unanimously considered a promising sign for the troubled country, President Upham took a brief leave of absence from TU to become the President of Ukraine. “He may not talk about it much, but one of Dr. Upham’s lifelong ambitions has been to make Ukraine a Top 50 Country,” extrapolated interim University of Tulsa President Kevan Buck. “Late at night, when there’s no one else around, you can see him in his office, scribbling away at lists of Ukraine’s Peer and Aspirant Countries,” Buck then whispered after looking around
to make sure no one was listening. By the middle of the week, Ukraine’s citizens had already fallen in love with their new president, with previously entrenched partisans from both sides praising the man’s height and general adorableness. “I mean, sure, economic inequality and political instability suck,” admitted resistance leader Dmitri Hanashov. “But who really cares when you have the tallest world leader on the books?” A pertinent question indeed. Others however offered more caution than optimism about the new leader. Kiev resident Vlad Yanovonbitch said he was “interested to see how things go” under Stead’s rule, but cautioned that if things went too well the country could face a debilitating wave of statue building. “I mean, come on, the guy’s a million feet tall. We’ve got power lines and things to watch out for!” he warned. “This is going to be a huge mess”. Ukrainian Member of Parliament Yulia Kilyanskyy spoke strongly in favor of
Uphamn. “I don’t know what he will do for our country, but he just seems so friendly,” she said. “He stands in the lunch line with the rest of us, and you always see him running around the capitol in his golf cart meeting people and shaking hands.” Still, questions remain about the longevity of the new president. “At this point, given the instability of Ukraine, it’s hard to tell how long Upham will be able to remain in power,” policy analyst Jamie Vladislav pondered earlier this week. “Fives years? One year? Months? One thing’s for sure; it’ll be longer than seventy-two days.” The situation grew more complicated when Russian troops entered Ukraine on Friday, prompting President Upham to send a snapshot of Ukraine’s new global ambassador, a Siberian husky named Scruffy, to Vladimir Putin via text message. Putin was unable to comment at press time on whether Upham’s text would influence his policy regarding Ukraine, though this reporter believes he heard sighs of admiration over the phone. Upham has yet to officially appoint any of his ministers, but insiders have speculated that Kevan Buck is currently being considered for appointment as Minister of Interior, Minsiter of War, Minister of the Economy, Minister of Keeping an Eye on Russia, Minister of Kleptocracy, Minister of Silly Walks, Minister of Dolphin Training, Minister of Fashion, Minister of Sports and Minister of Sugary Drinks.
Graphic by Anna Bennett
An unsuspecting Presidential Scholar opens an email from SACTAPS. This photo was captured a split second before the student started giggling like a middle schooler.
Student keeps straight face while reading the word “SACTAPS” Stalwart freshman remains momentarily immune to the sexual innuendos implied by the ill-conceived acronym. Kalen Petersen
Previous Record Holder After receiving an e-mail from the TU’s Student Advisory Committee for TURC and Presidential Scholars (SACTAPS) a student kept a straight face for a record 0.23 seconds today. Alex Davidson, freshman, reportedly shattered the previous record of 0.14 seconds without cracking a smile or bursting into laughter upon seeing the word “SACTAPS” in his inbox. Experts called the iron-willed stu-
dent’s feat “superhuman,” noting that SACTAPS was designed as the most intense and brutal test of self-composure. Official rules state that SACTAPS endurance competitors can be disqualified for giggling, snickering, rolling their eyes, chuckling, smirking, grinning, guffawing or snorting. “Alex’s self-control is incredible,” said one Presidential scholar. “Every time I read a message about SACTAPS—hehehehe— sorry, I can’t not laugh. Think about it: SACTAPS—hahahahaha—SACTAPS. SACTAPS! Bwahahaha! SACTAPS!” At press time, the university administration was still unaware there was anything even vaguely funny about the word SACTAPS.
TU Security boxes make strange noise Inexplicable sonic event causes contention among experts on time, history and mad men in blue boxes. Kimberly Poff Time Lord
“Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze!” Simultaneously all across campus, the blue emergency phone boxes flashed their lights and emitted sounds reminiscent of a British science fiction show. The sound continued for fifteen seconds before silence fell over campus again. “I was just walking back from the library,” said freshman Tyler Rose, “and then the phone boxes went off. I’d never heard that sound before. It was really creepy.” Rose also reported that he didn’t see another security box for the rest of the night, but was unsure if they had “turned invisible” or if he just “didn’t notice them.” The event has sparked a flurry of conspiracy theories. Foremost among the theorists is Dr. Dexter Minate of the history department. “You see,” he explained, “these types of things have been happening for ages; they usually signify big historical events.” There is just one point of contention between the theorists. According to Dr. Minate, “Generally it’s just one box, and it’s quite a bit bigger, even on the outside.” Professor of anthropology Harmony Lake has no qualms about the seeming incongruities
Graphic by Anna Bennett
Taken on the night of the incident, this photo captures a mysterious individual who was magically able produce a valid student ID upon questioning. He proceeded to break into a building using a flashy screwdriver before disappearing. He has not been seen on campus since.
between the different boxes. “Generally, on Earth, there has been just one box but, there have been quite a lot of surprises in my archeological career—there is no reason to doubt this evidence because it’s just a little different.” “I mean, the universe being a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timeywimey stuff? It’s not really that
much of a stretch,” touted Lake. “Look at Campo: set off an alarm at a blue box, and you’ll be waiting there for two thousand years; park in the wrong spot, and you’ll be ticketed before you can shout, ‘Spoiler!’” The blue phone boxes scattered about campus have been used for pranks before—once they were
used to rick roll the entire campus. “I’m sure it’s someone just messing with us,” said senior Alonzo Gerard, “it’s just part of living on a college campus—you don’t see anyone saying we have gnomes living in the little spraypainted mushrooms. It could be just a coincidence, and I’m busy, so I always ignore coincidence.”
In an apparently unrelated story, adventurous young co-ed Connie Panyon has not been seen since the night of the incident, though she reportedly told her roommate that she would “be right back.” At press time neither campus security nor the administration were available to comment.